Nerd Poker - The Unstable Stable - Part Two

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

The early first three trials of the stable complete, it's time to descend into a purple portal and go hunting for trayzure! Paul F. Tompkins returns as Mister Evelyn, and we can only hope that he will finally get a chance to use his special animal summoning hat.

Hey, it's Brian. Here's our second bonus episode with Paul F. Tompkins. We hope you enjoy this mini-adventure from our Patreon bonus episode vault. And please stay safe out there. Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin. Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Clay, Chris.

Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 3. Hey, everybody. NerdPoker Season 3 Hey everybody. I'm Brian Poussain and you're listening to Brian Poussain's NerdPoker. It's a special, our second bonus episode for September. My friends are here. Hello, Sarah. Hi.

Hi. Ken. Hello. Dan. Hi, buddy. Blaine. Hola. Chris. Hi. Hi. Ken. Hello. Dan. Hi, buddy. Blaine. Hola. Chris.

Hi. And at the end of the table, Sam. And now is time for our special guest. Second time. He was so funny on the first episode of September, just minutes ago. We recorded it. Old friend from comedy and friendship and podcasting. Keep this intro going.

Paula Tompkins. Yes! Photographs being taken. I felt like I needed to stretch. Nobody told me to stretch But I started sweating Like the MC was like The headliner's not here Thank God

Have you ever had to do that? It's the worst When the headliner's just Getting stoned in the parking lot Yes I did Yeah yeah yeah I know you're a professional You've been MCing lately

Down at the Melrose Improv Not lately no Alright Hey I want to thank some of our Patreon supporters they go by names like Joshua Paul Joubert thank you Joshua Paul Joubert thank you John Lloyd thank you Professor Frockbucket

thank you Ian Buckley thank you Richard Humphrey thank you James Gilly Rhodes my spreadsheet got messed up will you tell us what this episode has brought to us by Rhodes Richard Humphrey. My hamburgers. Thank you, James Gilley. Hey, Rhodes. Mr. My spreadsheet got messed up. Will you tell us what this episode is brought to us by, Rhodes? Yeah.

Who's sponsoring this episode? Oh, there. Okay. Mr. Incredible and the Incredibles family. Oh, wow. Watch out. Very generous. Thank you.

Thank you. And Syrupist. They're also cleaning up a stretch of highway right on the other side of the floor and just for closure thank you with two fingers

and Spongebob Spiderman Batman everything okay cool all the things you like and Patreon supporter with two fingers

which I think is supposed to be little fingers and Roblox and Minecraft alright no I think it's supposed to be with two fingers Roblox and Minecraft oh is it

oh I thought it was like little fingers. So did I. So did I. But there's a running gag. There's a running, gross running gag that you just said. Sarah, would you like to explain to Paul what the gross running gag is? Well, I think Rhodes is still within earshot.

You know what? I feel like I got it. Right? Thank you. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for getting that joke and not needing the explanation. I also want to thank God through whom all things are possible.

This is that kind of podcast. We usually do that when somebody talks about Congress, but I figured, oh yeah, Congress. Amen. Wait, no, we don't applaud Congress. We applaud their...

Well, there's something, yeah. God is something Congress can use. We don't applaud Congress. We do not applaud Congress. You know, God is something Congress can use we don't applaud Congress we do not applaud Congress you know God it's just Congress with two fingers up his ass hey

oh lightning strike lightning strike down on this table why do you gotta work blue so now I'm gonna do a little quick recap

everybody Rhodes is way previously on Brighton State so purple yeah don't worry well I'm going to play this music.

Oh, God. You can't hear, but everyone with headphones on here is it spooky music, Paul? How spooky is it? Last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes.

Well, they're more in the bonus episodes are more like mercenaries and heroes too spooky. Yeah, I know. This is when they play in the bathrooms

and Hank Williams Jr.'s house. The group of monster slayer mercenary types went into the abandoned mirror bank stables, encountered some demons, murdered a bone naga, and tricked a weird little spiny devil guy into opening a portal.

There is now a swirling purple portal on the floor of this stable. What will they do? All right. There is a. Hey, Sam, thanks for getting here six hours early to set up a sound for that. Yeah, Sam. Sup, Ninja.

All right. Are we going through it? I'm going to throw something through it. To see if it shreds it up or whatever. Yeah. Oh, you think it's a trap? I think he opened the portal. Wait, is the guy still here?

The little devil? Yeah. Sorry, I missed that. He goes back to throw in horseshoes after he opens the portal. I mean, you intimidated him, so he's feeling a little put off. He's sad about the nice relationship

that he had going with Mr. Evelyn a second ago. What happens if he goes through the portal? Yeah. Can we take him with us or can we just throw him in there you're at you're asking the dungeon master what happens no i guess i'll ask him hey what so do you yeah why you said you don't want to be bound to this anymore right not especially no what happens if you go through the portal i mean i'm kind of leaving my post i'm kind of stuck alone in the nine hells i don't know uh i gotta start from scratch i guess but i got kind of a thing going here where if i do my post i'm kind of stuck alone in the nine hells i don't know uh i gotta start from scratch i guess but i got kind of a thing going here where if i do my job i get promoted

into a larger devil oh okay so you wouldn't want to like come with us for to get treasure and maybe if you could introduce me to a greater devil and get another pact going for me i could rank up or something i feel like we're not on the same page about what we want out of this day. Nope. Okay. So, uh, we'll see you later,

I guess. Maybe on our way out. Here we go. You're going to head through the portal. All right. So, um, uh,

you go through the portal, uh, all of you. Yes. Just, you're going, all of you. Yes. Just you're going to kind of go zoop. I'm going to go back to the hotel. I don't feel... Okay.

Are you still invisible? You can stay invisible. Yeah, I can stay invisible. All right. I'm also flying. La-dee-da. We know. I still kind of look like a gnoll.

That's true. Yeah, he's got his weird magical hyena face. You head through this opening in the ground, and as each of you go through, your ears ring for a second, and everything goes white, and then you thud into some sand. Years of playing the lute.

There is a howling wind. There is no longer. Dan's going to do some crowd work. Solid ground. Hey, everybody, where are you from? Celebrating something. Yeah. Any birthdays in the house today?

Anybody from Madison, Wisconsin? You have cheese farts. All right. So this is just like, how did he know? It's brightly. Come here for this. Hey, man. Brightly lit. farts all right. So this is just like I know I'd like to write this right later coming for this. Hey man, brightly lit, you guys all land close to

each other in a pile like the hair bear bunch pretty much except blacky green who is flying and invisible. So you can just say you're kind of up here. In fact, I did finally bring a little pedestal, so we can sit out in a second, but you're all kind of gathered bright red sand howling. Wind is blowing sand everywhere, and there

seems to be a hot ambient light above you. So we're in San Diego. Yeah, is it like sunny? Yeah, but not like during comic-con. So like everyone is accepting the tour. So there's parking presenting them. Yeah, there's parking. Presenting them, yeah. There's parking.

All right, and it's just sand as far as we can see? Is there anything interesting in the landscape? Why don't you do, well, everybody do a perception check. Sure. We will not do the hourglass like I was about to do. What's the light situation here? It affects my perception is why I ask. For black and green.

21. I have ay green. 21. I have a good perception. 18. 25. 6. 12. All right. Well, those of you who got a 20 or above, you notice a few things.

A. A, that Mr. Rogers never went into the land of make-believe because he was the man voicing the puppets he was always there oh they were all the voices in his head is what you're saying so you are

going to be on top of this black and green oh whoa this is intense you are going to be on top of this black and green. Oh. Whoa. Intense. Queen to king's level four. It looks like a parasol. So you're kind of like up here.

I don't think that's up there. It's a little unstable. It's like 3D chess on Star Trek. Right? On what? Star Trek? Star Trek. Star Trek. On what? There's only two of these. Star Trek? Star Trek. Star Trek.

Star Trek. Star Trek. So, you're all waiting around, and those of you who rolled a 20 or higher, notice off in this direction a very handsome treasure chest. So you see there's actually

like a that just hanging out in the sand not too far away. Is it open like that? I can pay off my A-max with that. What did you roll on your perception check? Not good. You wouldn't know this, but everyone who rolled over a 20 would notice

that it is open inside of it. It looks like there is some sort of thing sticking out, but also there is gold. There are shining objects. It's hard to see what through the blowing sand sort of thing sticking out. Yeah, what did you roll on your perception

check? Not not good. I got a thing is the best you get. All right. I can't see the gold. Huh? I can't see the gold. You can't see it. Once your buddy's pointed at it.

Can I tell what the thing is? It's like 25. If you get closer, you think you could. I see the gold. What's that thing? You'd have to get closer to tell. There's too much wind and sand. Before we get closer can i do

that eyes of the grave again it's a detect undead in six a 60 foot radius yes you may i'd like to play you cast detect on that with an eotg you do not see any undead i saw eyes of the grave open for danzig once you think if you get closer you might be able to see what's in the chest. I don't want to get too close. I feel like an open treasure chest in the middle of a desert is a little bit suspicious. The worst trap ever. You were also told by the devil that you're in the nine hells. He just opened a portal to the nine hells.

You were told by the devil. We told Paul this game wasn't satanic, and now... The devil. We were told by the devil that Goody Proctor was dancing. Which one is it? One of the goodies is dancing. For clarity, did we tell you this wasn't satanic? At the beginning of the game.

Did we? I remember I asked. I don't think anyone told me that it wasn't. Paul, now's a good time for us to ask you where your parents keep their expensive jewelry. You know, you gotta remember, Paul, do what thou wilt shall be the all of

the law. Just like they say. It's as true today as it was back then. That's what my tramp stamp says. You gotta read it in the mirror, though. Let's go check out that chest. But cautiously.

Yes. Would somebody like to go cautiously take the lead on checking out the chest, or would you all like to go as a group? Can I float over there? Oh, yes. Yeah, float. Still invisible,

and kind of hit it cautiously with my quarterstaff. It's actually a bucket of quarter quarterstaff. Do an investigation check, Blackie Green. No. So you fly over. Seven. And it's really hard to see.

It's almost like you're blocking out whatever light source is overhead, so you're just casting shadows at it, and as you go to poke it with your quarterstaff, you hear the sound of a war horn blow in the distance, and you look over your shoulder, and farther this way, you see a shape approaching. Uh-oh. It's the shape of a thing?

It's larger than humanoid But it's obscured by the sand at the moment It's moving fast That's good It's getting closer So we can just stand here You now see there is What looks like a demon

On the back of a horse A demon on a horse? Is it a demon horse? back of a horse, a demon on a horse, on a horse, riding towards you. Uh, it, it, it looks gross. It's not a side of a giant van.

Is it? That would be bad-ass. It would be fucking bad. No, unfortunately it looks like some sort of demon or devil or fiend on the back of a skinless horse. Riding towards you. Oh, so it's probably healthy. Skinless horse.

Should we shoot it with our crossbows? Do what with our crossbows? Shoot it with our crossbows? It did sound like you said shit it. Guys, I have a new tactic. Hit it or shit it. Should I have not poked the thing with my quarterstaff?

I feel like maybe, but you know what? Sounds like a bad thing. We're all here to do stuff way to go suzy quattro that is headed towards you blackie so we're all over here still uh-huh okay blackie oh hey can we can we shoot at it uh would you like to? I'd destroy it without rolling. You can see it coming towards everybody for sure, but it's a shape. So with the sort of visual problem, you would be rolling with disadvantage.

So we're like, is there a problem? That's what we're saying to the demon? To the guy. Do a charisma. He might just be the uh do a charisma just he might just be the manager so okay the manager he doesn't want to do that of the seven hills you should have it's too late i've done it now um 13 he doesn't want to be here 15 uh he continues to move towards blackie green okay i did what i could blackie what if you come back towards us I'm gonna go

up and over him and see if he's tracking me okay you do so and he indeed so put your guy where you want him to be we'll scoot everyone off of this why don't you just keep using this where you want to go I'm gonna ask him which hand I'm in

he kind of rides around and if you're up here he is now circling back. He's now circling back towards you that way. Okay. You guys get a much better look at him at this point. He's ignoring you for the most part and going after Blackie Green.

What is he? Do an insight check. What are any of us? I mean, is he a poet is he a lover he's a bitch 24 he is some sort of lesser demon on some sort of evil steed I'm gonna cast you're guessing the maybe a nightmare okay I'm gonna cast detect thoughts okay which will tell me what he's thinking. Is that a saving throw? Intrusive. I like it. Baby back, baby back, baby back.

No, I just got that out of my head. I want my baby back. Wisdom saving throw, DC 14? Yes. Okay. I had a dream where I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. 20. Shit.

So natural, he's, yeah, you cannot hear any thoughts. Damn it. I thought, anyway anyway i had a dream that i uh i wasn't sure if i was dreaming or not and i said would this happen if i was dreaming and a door opened and a bunch of strangers came in and sang that the baby back rib song completely and then they like leave like they're the boys of chorus and the door shuts and i'm like i still don't know if i'm dreaming or not but it was just they did the whole fucking song and i was like that was awkward you know if you ever want to see if you're dreaming a good thing to do is to try to look at a clock because you

can't read a clock in a dream yeah there was an episode of like batman the animated series where he tries to read a newspaper and it's all a bunch of jumbledy words because you can't use that part of your brain when you're in REM sleep that sounds like an episode of black mirror but can't use that part of your brain when you're in REM sleep. That sounds like an episode of Black Mirror. But can't your brain fool you into thinking you're reading it? Maybe. It's how you can like lose your mind. He was trapped inside his cow because Matt Hatter put a brain circuit in his brain.

Really? Thanks, Billy. He's trapped inside a cow? His cowl of his cowl. Oh, his back cowl. Cowl, back cowl. It's hard to tell when people are saying cowl at this voice. So this guy's going around and he blows his war horn a second.

Oh, no. How rude. You guys, not Blackie Green. Blackie Green's a little too high up in the sky. Will you five please do a perception check? Yes. 10. 17.

12. Plus 1. 13. 15. 15. All right. Just see a dark shape

heading if you got a 15 from this. Another one. Good. I think every time he blows that horn, we're going to have another one. Okay. That's going to be the four horsemen of the apocalypse, I'm guessing. Let's start killing him. Yep.

You want to kill? Kill, kill, kill. Yes. Let's all roll initiati-ogs. Don't yell your number out Please I will go around the table 13

Plus what do I add Initiative Oh dexterity Yes Plus 6 So I got 19 Alright? Yes. What you got there, Trevlyn? So I got 19. Black and green, what you got?

I got 11. All right. Chet, what you got? 23. Oh my goodness. Is that Chet's voice? We haven't really heard Chet's voice. It is now. Verdunfell, what do you got? I got a 10. That sucks. You blew it. Hey, Grima, what do you got i got a 10 that sucks you blew it hey grima what do you got 20

sorry it's funny if i get like aggressive once for two hours uh bode what'd you get nine but it's an extreme nine oh it's so nice i got a rock uh cool chet you are up first. Oh, great. I will cast... Come on, Chet. Come on, Chet. I will cast... Thunderwave. Where are you going to cast it? At the guy on the horse.

At the Mel's on Ventura. Great. So, that's a saving throw, too, right? To try to avoid being... That's a good question. Let's look. Thunderwave, a wave of thunderous force, sweeps out from under you. Ivory creature in a 15-foot cube,

originating in you, must make a constitution saving throw. All right. So he is going to get a bonus on this. So do we all have to do one? Well, he's aiming it over there, so it's far enough away that there's some space. So, he

makes it. But that means, I think, half. On a successful save, a creature takes half as much damage, so go ahead and roll. What spell level is this? Oh, I just lost it. This app thing.

It's 2d8 thunder damage and then if it's a higher level, you get in another d8. I think I was at 4d8. Alright, roll that 4d8. Paul, did you have something you noticed? Well, it actually says on my thing that I went to Bard College. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to Bard. Yeah, you could be on this mission to pay

off that student loan. Did you go to Bard Bazan school You have my damn dice Is this going to be halved Blame 15 Oh I'm sorry I was really distracted You know I took my kid out For some breakfast

Oh yeah A kid is a bottomless pit Really You don't say I shouldn't have taken them To soup plantation Cause the food there All tastes like

Shaving cream Bees and clean Shave every day And you'll always look good Alright so you rattle This guy with a thunder wave. He takes a little bit of damage, but for the most part, you feel like maybe the sand is keeping him from taking as much damage. He is riding strong towards black and green.

That'll take us to Grima. Hi. Yo. Yeah. And that'll take us to Grima. Hi. Yo. Yeah. And that'll take us to Grima. So can I see the other shape? Is he close? He's,

what was your, do you remember? I don't remember. I want to say it was 12. Maybe. It's over here. Okay. I mean,

you don't have a clear line of sight, but you think it's about 60 feet away. Okay. So, but can I attack this guy? You may. All right. I'm going to with your melee weapon.

Yeah. Is that all right? Yep. Scoot your mini up in his face, please. Scooty scoot. Here I come guy. So cute.

Is that what you say when you charge him? Scooty scoot. Scooty scoot. Oh, well that wasn't great So that was a 13 14 Oh that is a miss

Alright well I just keep on swinging Oh no That was the same Woof and whiff yeah I don't like it What's happening to me It's embarrassing for number one Okay I'm doing one more time

I mean 16 What's happening to me? It's embarrassing for number one. Okay, I'm doing one more time. I mean, 16? Her body language is telling me that those weren't good rolls. That is a hit. 16 is a hit. Yes. Okay. He's not as powerful as the snake.

He's easier to hit than the snake, perhaps. Although, I don't remember what the snake's AC was i put that away so seemed like it was higher um i do um 15 points of damage three slashing get him cool so you uh finally after a couple of swings take a big hack are you aiming for him or his horsey uh that's a good question um i'm gonna aim for yeah i guess i'm swinging at the legs the horse legs oh well so uh you hack at a horse leg and you just see yeah you know tissue fly off of the leg and it's a rough blow okay fun for everyone hey uh mr evelyn yeah you've begun to see the carnage yeah i'm gonna i got a sword i got a long sword uh i'm gonna step in and take a hack at the guy closest to us cool all

right you move up for it i thought about reaching into my magic hat and sending a bunch of little animals over there oh my god please do it before the episode is over i i i'm assuming there will be another time another opportunity you got to have like a ricky tiki tabby in there or something 13. uh and then where do i uh that's the mongoose this thing right Yes. So you get a plus six. A plus six. Fight a cobra. So then 19. That's a hit. That's a great hit.

Should I go again? For your damage. I think you only get one melee swing, unlike Sarah. Oh, sorry, eight? Sarah's specialty is swinging a sword, so she gets to do it three times in a round of combat. But you're a bard. You're a man of song.

True. One. You're a man of song. True. One. You do one point of damage? Plus two piercing. Oh, okay. Plus two piercing. Not as gross when your sword collides. Yeah, you hit this guy for sure.

Okay. You all see this shape start barreling in. Oh, I hate that shape. What is that? Why wouldn't it be the same kind of guy? Going right for Bodhi, the biggest target he can see. Jeez. What is it?

Oh, sorry, Sam. These taste like a candle in a good way. Hell yeah. We're eating pumpkin JoJo's. I love that. I will eat anything pumpkin flavored including Stretch Armstrong's. So he is going to try

to lower his claw and just rake you up across the jaw. I'm gonna rake you up. Oh, and he botched. Yay! Make him roll percentage damage.

He looks troubling. Does he step on the rake and it hits him in the face like Sideshow Bob? Did you guys ever see that episode? This tastes pumpkin, Nanny. All right, so he misses and it looks like he throws his back out. He just overcompensates. However so he misses, and it looks like he throws his back out. He just overcompensates.

However, although he is going to lose two of his actions, he still has one more attack he's going to try to do. So he is going to try to hit you with his tail, Bodhi, as he flails off to the side. Oh, that doesn't look good at all. Wow. Did he notch again? No, he got a two, though. So it's a

ten with his plus to hit. He moves and swings his tail trying to hit you and it fails, Bodhi. Because he jacked up his back. He could have done a couple more attacks. Now when you hurt your back, every move he makes, he's just feeling it.

It's kind of like he's in two hells. Guess who else is in hell? Blackie Green. I rolled a wake up in bed. Okay. Roll your Saint Elsewhere modifier. I'm going to... I'm sorry, Bob Newhart modifier.

I'm going to sleep down and wake up. I'm going to wake up after being hit in the head with a golf ball. Okay. In bed with Suzanne Plachette. What are you going to do? I'm going to swoop down and I'm going to web the horse's legs together. All right.

He fails his saving throw. Amazing spider plan. You web his legs and he just wet his leg web. Oh, sorry. Please black and green to squirt her. Let me pause my little

narrative. So yeah, what did you think that meant in that in that tiny moment when you thought Dan was implying Blaine's character wanted to moisten up the legs of this horse guess. I thought it was a bad idea. No, what did you think visually was happening?

You had your pain like a was a pee pee, a pail of water, a pail water, throw on there like did you think he summoned it or he was been carrying it the whole time. I thought maybe found it like maybe like laying around in like the stables. You know,

you are shaming the guest. You can see how uncomfortable you're making him it's theater of the mind uh okay so yeah you web his legs blind backs he beefs it so you get you hit his front legs and he topples forward uh-huh and i feel bad because i didn't want to hurt an animal it feels like we got to hurt horses a lot in this game, actually. Huh? Sam, did we ever hurt a horse before, do you think? I don't think it felt any pain. It wasn't alive. It fell from the sky.

It's a skinless horse. I mean, it's not like... This one, yes. We didn't do it. One of our guests did it. He stunned. Does he roll into some eggs and then into some crumbs? He's skinless and delicious

Oh, like a scotch egg Oh man, tell me Put little cracklings on him Verdant failure at point I'm gonna cast a guiding bolt At the scorpion man Okay Dark energy flies from my staff

Now does he have a signature? Denergy, I call it This is an attack I saw the scorpion man open for high on fire in Austin Texas I saw them open for Angeline weirdly 16 I went to scorpion man

last year here I am thought you'd like some sugar cane that was what I would sing in high school to get a laugh and it didn't work then either. It's 12 points of radiant damage to the Scorpio Man and he's now lit up by my black energy. So whoever attacks him next...

Black energy. Thank you. Whoever attacks him next gets advantage. Great. Black energy. Bodhi, you're up. I am going to frenzy on this guy.

The one who came at you? Yeah. Bro. And slash at him with my halberd of the dwarven prince. In 3D. For the makers

of The Destruction of Jared Sin. That first one is 16. Is that a hit? You get it with advantage, Brian, because I just lit him up. So if you want to roll and see if you get a 20. That's right. Roll a second time, Brian, if you want to get that sweet-ass crit. No. Sweet-ass crit doesn't sound good. That's right. Roll a second time, Brian, if you want to get that sweet-ass crit. No. Sweet-ass crit doesn't sound good.

That's still some sweet-ass crit. Alright, roll your damage for the fish tech. Fish tech. Oh, shit. Super low. Six on that first one. Okay, roll your second attack. Are you frenzying?

Yes. Okay. Uh, that's a hit on the next one. All right. Oh, nice. Uh, 23. Damn. All right.

You're wailing on this guy. Okay. And I get one more. Yep. Damn. All right, you're wailing on this guy. Okay, and I get one more, right? That's a hit. All right, roll your damage. Roll your damage. Jeez. Oh, my God.

I roll my damage and never lose. 21. Blackjack the house. 21. Black Jack. Sweet. Jeez. Hit me. All right, so you take three swings and just hack at this guy. He's definitely got his eyes on you now,

and he is going to take a turn getting you back if he can. But not yet. Right now, this guy's going to try and wiggle, but he can. But not yet. Right now, this guy's going to try and wiggle, but he can't, and it's stunned. Is he going to try to wiggle? He tries to use his turn to get his horse up. He's pinned under the horse. Are the horse's buns just

stopping? It's just pulling? Yeah, he's doing the Ned Flanders goddamn you sexy Flanders ass cheek rise on each side, ski pants thing. Not at all. Hey, Chet, do a perception check. Okay.

That's probably not good. Nope. Yeah, that's an 11. Cool. Whoops. You don't realize what is happening when suddenly the ground shakes violently at your feet. Oh, dear. And a large black worm-like creature with skin that looks like it's made of steel bites at your legs.

Ow. Not a metal worm. Oh, look at that guy. He's adorable. He's too shiny. He's like a pool floatie. 13's adorable. He's too shiny. He's like a pool floatie. 13 to hit. What's your AC?

14. Oh, so he just barely misses. Yeah, he misses. Not my favorite. I don't like him. You're up, Chet. He looks like he comes free with your subscription to Sports Illustrated. Worms biting at your legs.

I don't like most of the things that attack. He's very strange. Agonazar's scorcher at him. Oh, shit. It's on now. Agonazar's scorcher, a line of roaring flame 30 feet long and 5 feet wide emanates from you in the direction

you choose. Each creature in the line must make a dexterity saving throw. Creature takes 3d8 fire damage on a failed save or half as much damage on a successful one. Seems fair. His saving throw is a 13. 14. Block. He's getting hit. Alright, 3d8.

3. A 3d8 would be a snowman. I thought it was the robot. The little robot who runs around. He's got a crack pipe lighter. The beach ball. 26. Why does he have that crack pipe lighter?

I think it's a nervous thing. Snort. Why did I snort? Beep bop boop. Would you like some crap oh my god droid please all right so uh yeah you hit this guy with the flame and he's just screeching in agony good for him even in helliz. Grima, you're up. Oh, okay. I'm going to... Oh, this thing's

on the ground, huh? Show is. I'm gonna stab it. Okay. The dude or the horse? You know what? I got three attacks. Let's start with the dude. We'll do a little horse. We'll come back to the dude. Let's do it. I mean, is the horse really a threat to us? I mean, I don't know, man.

Are any horses really friendly or are they just being domesticated against their will? Oh, shit. That's a natural 20. I'm going to ask you to roll a percentile with that, please. Please. Paul, the higher the better for this. This is like the opposite of a botch. The opposite of Bosch?

The TV show Bosch. This is the opposite of the TV show Bosch. Yeah, this is on terrestrial radio rather than a streaming network um i literally was like this is four right yes i got a four show called mrs bosh so no bonus on this but the standard crit rules apply you know what she's doing when he's not home right it's fine so it is both sides of a marriage after we've heard about her for such a long time from Bosh and then to see her on her own. It really is.

Linda Lavin's great in everything. So that's 23? Not in this though. How would you like to see this guy die? Yes. What does he look like again? He's a smaller devil. Is he skinless? Yes. Oh, okay.

Were you going to take his skin off? I just thought I would filet him into tenders. You can still do that. I'm going to make him into tenders. Like chicken satay strips or something? Yeah, making him into little tenders. Okay. So you just kind of cut him up.

I just dice him straight down. Paul, that's your nickname for most of the things that live in your hat, right? Little tenders. Little tenders. Little tenders. You still have more attacks. Yeah, I do. I'm going to attack the horse now.

Fuck it up. Oh, well, that one was just a nine, but he's on the ground and he's a horse. You have advantage. That horse must have really fucked up in life. I didn't let you roll last time because you already got a crit. So 26. What do you think that horse did to get a hell? Probably stole from its mom's purse.

I bet it trampled some kids in a parade. Uh oh. 12. six what do you think that horse did to get a hell probably stole from its mom's purse i bet it trampled some kids in a parade 12 uh how would you like to see this horse i just want to put the horse out of its misery okay so just like a very like surgical just kind of like um you just let it start i don't feel like that's that's super surgical I mean can I just put I just can put it straight through its brain right oh yeah yeah okay you know sword the brain much more surgical yeah I don't want to bleed out like slowly over the next we got to put this thing out of its skinless demon

horse you got to go right for the brain stem is it a demon horse or just a horse with no skin mr. Evelyn do an insight check okay what do I roll the 20 what does AR stand for? Assault rifle or is it a... Jesus Christ.

And then what do I add to that? That's porous. Insight. Insight? Plus one. So 12. I mean, it's probably a demon horse. Good.

Okay. Now it's a dead. Guys, I'm pretty sure this is a demon horse. And you see Grima just kind of... I knew it. All right. So I have one more attack. Do I have room to get to one of these other guys? Yes, you can get to either of them. Okay.

I'm gonna get to this shiny guy. I don't like his shine. Whoa. You know what I mean? He's too he's too glistening. Like he's wet. Honestly. He's wet. Honestly.

He looks wet. Like someone got him wet. Like someone with pee pee on him. Or a sex doll. He's got a lot of moisture. I like it. All right. It's probably Vitalis.

11, 18. That smells great, though. Is it Pat Riley? That's a hit. That is a hit. Crazy kid stuff. It's probably just mucus, Sarah. Probably a protective layer of mucus.

Mucus. Mucus. 13, 17. Probably a protective layer of mucus. Mucus. 17. Ooh, all right. So you hack into its hide. It's already kind of like burning it, but it's tough. So it just sort of like howls at you when you do it. It's very noisy.

This guy's not nice. He's not polite. He doesn't have manners. Shiny and noisy. Pee-hoo. It's like a Lamborghini. Mr. Evelyn. You know what? I'm worried about this

scorpion dude taunt them and well I have this I could make him blind or deaf oh which might help

my more fighty compatriots to fight him can you make him deef now which would you like to do just a mite I can make him legally blind

so they have to take his license away he can still read with yeah I a might. I can make him legally blind, so they have to take his license away. He can still read with. Yeah, I want to make him blind, I think. And hopefully that will give. All right, so he has got a constitution saving throw to not be blind. I mean, that's fair. That'll be a 20. So unfortunately, he resists your spell.

Unfortunately, he's not blind. Well, that's too bad. It is. Isn't he like blinking hard and going, whoa? It's true. His eyes got goopy. Guys, I'm sorry. I really tried to make that guy blind.

I'm just warning you. If I don't see a chipmunk come out of your hat next time, I'm going to fucking freak. I don't think make that guy blind. I'm just warning you. If I don't see a chipmunk come out of your hat next time, I'm going to fucking freak. I don't think this is the time. I really feel like the Billy voice has taken over Verdon Feld's Vincent Price voice. I think maybe I'll just play Billy next time. Yeah, you should roll up Billy. Roll up Billy. He needs to be his own character.

Billy deserves his own entire physical form. I mean, he could be summoning the spirit of Billy as a necromancer right now. Oh, no, Billy's dead? Zom-Billy. That got really complicated, narratively speaking. This demon is dead. His horse is dead. Blackie Green,

it is your turn. I'm going to fly over to the scorpion guy. I don't like this guy. It's got to be done. First of all, I'm going to ask him what it was like working with Klaus Meiner. Then I'm going to hit him with a

lightning bolt. I just want to hit something with a lightning bolt. I wish you would, please. Lightning bolt. Can you read us the flavor text on that one? Well, it starts with a paprika, some butter. Interesting combo. Would you like me to do the swimbling?

Sorry, I don't have a clue. A stroke of lightning forming a line 100 feet long, 5 feet wide, blasts out from you in a direction you choose. Each creature in the line, which you can try to hit both of these guys. They are in a bit of a line must make a dexterity um but it comes out from you so like you would if you wanted to try

to hit both you could angle yourself like off to the side over here a little more yeah like that yeah uh that's a good angle they'll both do a dexterity saving throw and um they'll take a different amount of lightning damage it's a lot of damage, depending on it. All right, that first one is a 15. And that second one was a 19. What's your spell save, DC? I do not know for Blackie. Okay, I'll pull that up.

Sorry, Dan, looking this up for me. It's brought to you by Impossible Captain Crunch Tastes just like Regular Captain Crunch Impossible Captain Crunch And there's There's like no meat in it Is that what it is

No but it bleeds No but it tastes It tastes just like pork It's made out of Different stuff Than regular Captain Crunch But it tastes just like Captain Crunch

It's plant based Captain Crunch Can't taste the difference I see I can't believe It's not Captain Crunch. It's plant-based Captain Crunch. Can't taste the difference. I see. I can't believe it's not Captain Crunch, but it is. That stuff doesn't taste like Captain Crunch. I have two successes. They're both going to take half damage,

but roll your lightning damage. It is a significant amount of damage. I believe it is 8d6 lightning damage. Ooh. I had one of those. You also get to add a d6 for what this... 4, 4, 4, 1. So 12, 13. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it.

What level spell is it, though? Didn't you get six? You get eight of those, too. Yeah, you get to roll four more. You get to roll that again. Oh, okay. It's for the lesson. Oh, and half of that I'm getting.

Hey, if you're listening to this, I love you. Sweet Paul, I just love you. And what level spell is it? This is a third level spell. Roll two more. Hey, if you're listening to this, I love you. Sweet Paul, I just love you guys. And what level spell is it? This is a third level spell. Roll two more. Seven. All right, so what's the total there?

It was 13 and 20. It was 24 and 31. Okay, so they're going to both take half of that, but you do smack both these guys with a giant bolt of lightning that arcs across the ground. Blaine, are those tiny dice to make your hands look bigger? No, it's

they got into some crazy stuff in my lab. Verdant Fel, you're up. I am going to A bunch of them died Oh shit Not so funny anymore, is it?

It got really heavy Either of these count as humanoids? No Neither one? Never mind then I'll do Toll the Dead again Are they avoidanoids? I will slam my cane on the ground. I'll do this against the...

Which one's looking rougher? Scorpion? No, the worm is definitely looking rougher. Alright, then I'll do it against the worm. It's got a... Do the worm? Oh, watch this. The sand gets in everything. Then do the floss. So it's got to make a... Wisdom saving throw?

17. 9 to 17. Nine. Cool. I would love to see you actually do. I absolutely have to get that. So that's after Brian did the flaws. That's bad. Only seven.

And then five. So 12 points of necrotic damage. Damage. All right. He does have a pretty erotic neck. I think I would also maybe get some distance from that scorpion. So maybe I would just maybe head over towards Mr. Fabulous. Yeah, over here.

Lovely. Bodhi, you're up. All right. I throw my necrotic rope around its... Well, I make a lasso first and I throw it around its neck athletics check so more like a necro

uh oh does somebody want to should I have advantage it's all in my book what do you mean does somebody want to believe in me I don't think you can get assistance on doing a lasso. Sam believes in you.

There's no rodeo clowns present. That's a shame. They may be hiding in those barrels. Is it 14 here? No. The ones with the fuses are bombs. That's how poor people close with infinity. Multiple actions, right?

I'll try it again. Okay. Let's see. Now that's 12. I'm going to try it one more time. Okay. Damn it. No.

So despite your best rodeo efforts, he is... Fuck. Maybe I should have just slashed at him three times. To the heavens. Your dreams of making this as cinematic as possible were admirable. However, he is pissed at you. Yeah. It's hard to believe this is your first rodeo.

Uh-huh. All right. He is first going to attempt to claw you. I'll be a 13, Bodhi. What's your AC? Oh, is that the first time anyone's taken any damage tonight?

Nope, he didn't take. He missed him. He's going to now try to stomp you with his hooves. That's a 16. Okay. So here comes. 15 AC. You take 16 points of bludgeoning damage and are knocked to the ground.

Uh-huh. Oh, no. Prone. And he is now going to try to stab his tail into you. Oh, God. You're going to have advantage because you're on the ground. Yuck. I don't care for this. It's bad.

Bad news. 23 and a lower one so he's going to take that 23 you're now going to take what was the first one 14 you're going to take 25 points of

slashing damage in addition to that okay we're talking about you guys 25 points of slashing damage in addition to that. Okay. We're talking about you guys. He's got a lot of hit points. That said, up next, we have the worm who does not

like Chet or Grima. He's a little more pissed at Grima. Is that me? Is that because she's a woman? He's going to try to bite you. Glad I have four hearts. Guys, whatever you do, don't cut them

in half. A nine. That's a miss. That's a try again. Fuck you, worm. Another miss. So he tries to bite you twice. Nice. We're br rolls like me. We're like sand dancers, guys. These guys can't touch us.

Chet, you're up. What? What are you talking about? Oh, it's me. I will. I will send. You know what? I am going to just attack with my quarterstaff. Do it.

Roll. Roll. Roll. Okay. 17. 20. Okay, that's a hit. 20 is pretty high. Do you remember how many sides these guys have?

Yeah. Do you remember the biggest number? Oh my god. Three. yeah do you remember like yeah three ah christ I guess I should have done something harder I mean it's it's you did what you're not a fighter you're yeah I know

what are you you're a swore swear I'm a swore swear yeah okay what's a swore swear we all know there's no question we know what that is hey green, Grima, you're up. Do schwarzworms work? I'm just going to go ahead and do all that Grima can do, which is swing things, the myths. This die.

Maybe you shouldn't announce your failure before you roll. That might be unlucky. 13. On the worm? Speaking of unlucky. That is a myth. Okay. Yeah.

Boo. Uh-oh yeah uh-oh nope nope okay okay that was a lucy take now say something really optimistic just about how great the world is before you roll this dice dan what's the worst thing that'll happen hubris wow can't even fake it 16 that is a hit so you're just thinking about doing something positive i don't i don't think when i taunted her she was thinking like the number of horrific imagery all the kinds of things in my head it was really bad um okay Four, six, four, seven, 13. Oh, my. All right. It looks like it's on its last scales, this worm. It's starting to kind of like shake and twitch.

Mr. Evelyn. Yeah, hi. Hey, would you like to do something? Yes. Now, this thing, does it have eyes? Ooh. Uh, no. Oh, okay. That's not helpful. Maybe you could deafen it. Maybe you

could send a small rat down its esophagus. I mean, maybe I'll just take a literal stab at him. Okay. And stab him. Roll to attack. I will. And stab him. Roll to attack. I will. Here I go.

Well, a three is not the... Plus what's your... Plus your to hit with that sword. Oh, let me check that. So what do I look at? Next to your sword down here. Next to my sword. It should say...

Thank you for pronouncing sword. Thank you. Plus six. So it's not great, but it's a nine. And you're coming over to the worm or this guy. I think that's me. Excuse me. Edelweiss. What's your name again? It's now Edelweiss. You going for the big demon guy or you going for the worm?

I'll go for the worm. We were talking about the worm. All right. We were talking about the worm. It makes sense. I know that is a miss. Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys,

sorry. I tried to stab at that worm and I missed him. It's okay. All we can do is try. Yeah. He doesn't have eyes or ears. Cut to me

taking a shirt with a picture of you and the words early bird on it and just throwing it away. Blackie Green, you're up. I'm using that round to throw the shirt away. Just take it down off the azzle. No one's going to buy it now.

I'm going to... Now the scorpion guy's gone. No, he's still there. And Bodhi's on his way. I'm on my bottom. Try your bottom. Bodhi's. I'm going to hit this guy with a...

What do I have? Everything I've got spell. Oh. I'm going to hit him with a... I guess just a witch bolt from now. All right. It's a spell attack, if I'm not mistaken. Baseball players have unusual names these days.

Who are you fighting? You're fighting? 18. I'm going to hit this guy. Yeah, the scorpion guy with a couple of beam of crackling blue energy lances out towards the creature. It's really pretty. Yep. That is a hit.

Roll your lightning damage, sir. Nice. What did you say there? And, of course, I saw wits pulled open for lightning damage, actually. Okay. I'm sorry. Brian, your elbow. Is your elbow okay?

Brian, you're awake again. Brian, you're awake again. Was I riffing in my sleep? You're awake again. 11. All right, yep. He's looking, he's starting to look about as rough as that worm. These guys are starting to take a lot of damage. The tide has certainly turned in your favor.

I like us. I think hell's going to be all right. Verdon, fell you're up. I'm going to do Toll the Dead again against our... I'll do it against the Scorpion this time. Wisdom 17 saving throw.

Tonight on the stake. Great. Big death bell sounds. God, the worst rolls on that damage. Seven points, sorry, 12 points of necrotic damage on the scorpion. Oh, he rattles and just somehow doesn't plop over. You feel like you're so close.

Guys, just somebody blow on him. I'm going to flick him on the nose. Bodhi, you're up, but not literally. It's your turn. You would need an action to get him on the nose. Bodhi, you're up, but not literally. It's your turn. You would need an action to get up. All right. I'll get up. All right.

Can he try to swing at him from down there? Lying down, he will have disadvantage. But if that's the only way he could attack. No, but he can get up. It's just going to take one of his three actions to do it. He's got three. Cool. I didn't understand that. I was trying to help.

That's a 25. That's certainly a hit. Alright. 19 on the first. Alright. 19 on the first. All right. That's 28. That's another hit.

All right. Yeah. Oh. Guess if nerd poker stay in a tent in front of Brian's. For more information on tents in front of Brian's, go to 1-800-TENTS. Oh, sorry,.com. Okay.

Yeah, he spits up some blood as you slash your halberd across his gullet. Ooh. Still up, huh? Yeah, not only is he up, but he's pissed at Bodhi. Oh dear. Because of the blood taste? Yeah, you know. So here comes that.

Alright, that is a 26 to hit. Gee. So he rakes his claws against you for 10 points of slashing damage. So he rakes his claws against you for... Meow. Ten points of slashing damage.

Then he botches as he tries to stomp on you again. Oh, did he knock me prone again? Yep, and then... He's knocked me prone! No, no, no. He tried to. He botched and now he is prone. Yay! He takes a swing with his tail, does a full 360 and slips in the

sand. And it is a real farce. The worm... The worm is gonna go after Mr. Evelyn. The worm has turned? The worm has turned to you after Mr. Evelyn. The worm has turned. The worm has turned to you. Towards me?

Towards you. Here he comes. What are my other bardic spells that are available to me? Great question. It's not quite your turn turn yet. You're being attacked. I'm just curious. But while he is attacking you, I will tell you.

What creature would attack worms? Could you have birds come out of you? Yeah! Oh, man. Shine! Let's table this discussion. We'll get to all this on your turn. But first, I want to tell you, you have...

You want attacks, is what you're saying, right? Yes. You have Thunder Wave. That's a good one. You do have your animal friendships. You could get your little animal to do something. You have... wave that's a good one you do have your animal friendships you could get your little animal to do something uh you have uh vicious mockery not a lot of attack spells you mostly have support spells thunder what under wave oh thunder wave yes i can look that up for you and tell you what will happen if you cast it everybody in the stadium it looks like they're like a ripple

they make a constitution saving throw. A wave of thunderous force sweeps out from you. If they fail, they take thunder damage. I gave him the card. Wonderful. They take thunder damage? Yes, thunder damage, Paul. It's not funny.

It's a thing. It's very serious. You end up under the bed. Oh my God, you're all wearing thunder shirts. But I feel safe I roll I thought they were just like uniforms This giant worm latches its mouth onto you Oh no

I'm going to need you to do a dexterity saving throw To see if you can break free before it's too late That's a 20? Yep I got a 9 Break free before it's too late. That's a 20? Yep. I got a 9. You get to add to that dexterity save. Plus 6, so that's 15.

Ooh, you just barely dodged to the side as the worm tries to bite your stomach. No, don't! Ooh, your stomach. Chet, you're up. It's very essential. I'm going to cast a Ray of Frost at the scorpion. Oh, your stomach. Chet, you're up. It's very essential. I'm going to cast a Ray of Frost at the scorpion. Changing targets.

Okay. And I don't think there's any save against it. It is make a ranged spell attack. So roll your ranged spell with your spell attack bonus. Oh, that's a hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So 3d8. Two.

One. Jesus Christ. Wow. Seven. So you nail him with this ray of frost, and it doesn't do much. Oh. It just kind of goes, whoo kind of goes like a little shiver. Uh,

Grima, you're up. All right, let's get serious. Whoa. I'm, I guess the worm is in front of me and trying to bite people's stomachs. So I'm going to,

I don't know. I just was picking something. I don't feel great about my choice. Well, I mean, it was definitely evocative. So I, I'm not the kind of evocative that I was expecting.

Um, that's a 21 to hit. Oh, that's a hit. On that worm. Yippee. So, six, 10, 13. 17 points of damage on that worm. If you could pick a way for a worm to die, how would it go? Please say giant tuna.

How would it go? Please say giant tuna. Can I let Mr. Evelyn make the cold shot finally? Oh, sure. Since that worm tried to bite his stomach. Hey, Mr. Evelyn. Yeah, what's going on? Did you see how that worm almost bit my stomach? Yeah, and then I got some vengeance on your behalf

and now the worm is dying. So how would you like him to be chopped up by this large sword? I mean, you know what we all want to happen, right? I don't even know. Yes, of course I do. I'm just trying to be exaggeration evocative.

I would like you to slice him like he's one of those cream roll cakes vienna yeah like a vienna is that what they're called all right uh no i was sure that's what i was thinking okay like a little debbie swiss roll yes okay uh we please if you don't talk about will you tell us what that would look like what would it look like if you carved up a little swiss roll if you carved up if you if you sliced it you know like into little sections um what would it look like yeah yeah yeah can you describe just sort of the sequence of events what what are you asking me I certainly didn't think this would get as weird as it did I see

I was just trying to get him to describe like this the knife hitting the Swiss roll and the layers kind of flopping to the side of the Swiss roll oh well what I was thinking was it's like it's like a cake so it's like you would have a bunch of cylindrical pieces I thought it'd be funny if you said that

and then what prompt ended up being was strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's similar. It's like a tiramisu. Yes. It was an ice cream cake. It was an adult ice cream cake. Or like adult ice cream cake. So now I got a party sub once and I cut it

lengthwise and it fucked everything up. It took a couple of years, but you did finally kill that worm. Okay, well, I still have two more attacks. You do. So that guy's sliced and diced. Yes. Ready to serve. Let's go on to the next guy.

Okay. I'm probably only going to have a couple more pieces. My die just went on an exciting adventure and then landed on a six again. One more piece with me. I don't want a whole one. That's a miss. One more. I hate it when people at work just take half a piece and then leave it there it's like crumbs a whole piece especially an end piece

14 uh you know you get advantage he is in the ground right uh so we'll call those first two rolls a miss even though you were rolling with advantage and you can roll two more times oh cool okay so then that one was a 19. That is a hit. Yeah. 17. Ooh. Where are you hitting him? You want to call the shot? I can't see his body.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's centaur-like with a scorpion tail. Let's try to cut his tail off. Gotta go for the stomach. Oh, you want to cut his tail off? Yeah. I'll say with as few hit points as he has left, he's not dead, but you kind of slam your sword into his tail and like drive it down just and it pops right

off. So he's not dead, but you... That's satisfying. I'm glad. Okay. Mr. Evelyn. evelyn yeah hi there is but one villain left that dude he just had his chail his tail chopped clean off got his chail topped all right i hate to do this do it it's time to take off my hat and i'm gonna have i'm gonna get my little animal friends to just okay gnaw his head off Do it. It's time to take off my hat. And I'm going to have, I'm going to get my little animal friends to just gnaw his head off. So Mr. Evelyn is wearing a magical item

called a Hat of Vermin. That's right. Oh. The hat has three charges. HOV. I can get in that lane. While holding the hat, you can use an action to expend one of its charges

and speak a command word that summons your choice of a bat, a frog, or a rat. What would you like to attack this demon? A bat, a frog, or a rat? I mean, I'd like to see the frogs try, but I think I'm going to go with rats. Okay. So a rat suddenly appears from under your hat. Hi. Everyone, this is Willard.

He's my friend. Listen, Willard. You see that dude over there I want you to just do what you do best and just gnaw on that head until it's just a skull roll a 20 sighted dice for the rat 19 holy shit

your rat has advantage roll a second time just in case 19. Holy shit. But you know what? Your rat has advantage. Roll a second time just in case. It probably won't be higher than a 19, but it's fun. 19. All right. It's a 19 either way. Go to town. The rat seasons the soup perfectly.

This is perhaps my favorite death that has ever happened at this table. That means the rat does an automatic one point of piercing damage. How would you like the rat to take the last hit point away from this team? I think he described it. He nodded his head.

Yeah. I just give one more chance to add some sauce or spice to it. I mean, I just want I just want it so that Willard ends up like Templeton at the fair. And he's just like a big fat rat rolling around. Yeah. So I just wanted to devour

that head. Cool. Well, just as you do that, you see a little spider put one great demon kill in a little spider web across the sky. It doesn't make sense because how would you anchor a spider web in the sky? But it doesn't matter because you have killed the things and there's now a treasure chest.

Yay. I'm still suspicious of this treasure chest. This treasure. I gotta go put my lip on it. He did it. He said it. That means he did it. I'm kidding. Now we can find out what the thing is. As you approach the treasure chest, you see there is a sword I'm getting a rip on it. Now we can find out what the thing is. Yeah, what are we getting our treasure?

As you approach the treasure chest, you see there is a sword stuck in it. Dang, that was the thing. It radiates with evil power. There are sort of chitinous exoskeletal spikes and chunks of armor coming off of just the hilt, and it grows out into the blade itself. It feels dangerous dangerous like you'd

have to tune yourself to it in addition there are little things that uh blacky green you recognize are spell shards so they are uh imbued with a uh work of literature in them but they're like little sparkling things is this our reward littered on top of a whole bunch of gold. So you find in there 550 gold that you could divvy up. Not bad. So those of you who would like these characters to retain some money in case they ever hit a shop, which does happen

from time to time. So you gotta go back to that tavern. It'll take a while, but Blackie Green can fly you guys back up through the portal and you can go meet that little demon guy again. Thanks, bro. I'll just head back to the hotel with this treasure chest and meet you guys back here sounds good uh that'll do it to be a mad corvette hey uh sam yep uh could someone hand my friend sam keifer a microphone and so he can tell us what do you

think happened on this episode i'd be happy happy to tell you guys here are my notes note number one. Okay, I'm from Madison, Wisconsin didn't need that burn at 11 p.m. Blaine's up on some sort of roof or he's not I don't get how the minis work. I got a rock is a Charlie Brown line.

I always see Blaine's shaving cream lines coming yet every time it's a baseball bat to the face. I wish someone would wet someone's legs. There's shaving cream lines coming yet. Every time it's a baseball bat to the face. I wish someone would wet someone's legs. There's a tipped over horse. There's a shiny worm. Sarah is not tolerating the shininess. Someone's a scorpion.

I think I'm really half ass in this one. I can't believe nobody said treasure crane. Even frost is a weapon. I love this game. A Vienta is an italian layered ice cream cake and oh hell yeah we're finally using rat hat oh yeah i just said in the last bonus episode but i'm in santa barbara seattle and portland check out my social medias and shit you'll see posters on them and i have all my dates brian persane.com uh paul thanks for doing this man i've been wanting to have you on here for a while.

Thank you. I know. I'm so fun. Thanks for having me. I was thrilled. Anything you want to play? Paul of Tompkins.com slash live for all live dates. Comedy.

Bang, bang. Coming to the West coast in October and the East coast in November. And check out the neighborhood. Listen on stitcher premium. New podcast. I have with Nicoleicole parker it is some silly ass shit how many raccoons have been on the podcast so far it's my favorite part

of next door is funny not that many coyotes come up a lot oh yeah and uh missing turtles have you thought about going to other cities with the next door too i can't even imagine like what other wildlife people we thought about that but i don't know how we can get them from people and know that they're real. Right. You know? It's hard to get a reliable scout in like Akron or whatever. Exactly.

Melanie's on it up here and there's a ton of coyotes up here. Oh, yeah. And there's missing dogs, which is very sad because we know what happened to them. The coyotes. Yeah, of course. And their stories never end well. No. I lost my tiny four-pound dog.

I know where it is. It's been three months, but yeah, if you could keep an eye out. We noticed a thing that people post about missing pets so much later than you would think that you should. Oh, right, right. Like they'll say, our cat went missing a month ago. It's like, well, goodbye to that cat forever. A month ago? The best is Mel answers things

in a jackass manner sometimes, but there's another guy that we don't know. Take down a melody. No, she'll be funny. She'll answer somebody's serious question and then fuck with them. But there was a guy that put up that he saw a coyote with a human's face.

And people were like, really? And Melody knew right away he was fucking around. A coyote with a human's face. Be on the lookout. That would be kind of terrifying, right? Yeah, no shit. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker.

You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. I'm going to cast Fago on these nerds. Fago is fucking disgusting. That's why they love it.