New Rory & MAL - Episode 345 | Por qué, My Valentine?

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Happy Valentine’s Day! While the guys have nothing planned (1:00), Baby D is ready to live up to her “Damp February” (4:00), Mal picks a winner from 2 contestants in our Valentine’s Day Voicemail competition (33:20), Rory has flashbacks to Summer 2009 when survived Newark chlamydia while mourning Michael Jackson’s death in a Harlem Red Lobster. Plus, comedian Felipe Esparza joins the show to talk about how he slept his way to the bottom (1:12:11), avoided being kidnapped, and more!For MORE Rory & Mal, make sure you subscribe to our Patreon community, for exclusive episodes, first access to tickets and merch sales, private live chats with the team, + more! https://www.patreon.com/newrorynmalFollow Rory: @ThisIsRoryFollow MAL: @MAL_ByTheWayFollow Demaris: https://linktr.ee/demarisg To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/NewRoryAndMALYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/NewRoryAndMAL Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. My name is Cupid Valentino, the modern day of Cupid, and I just want to say one thing. Happy Valentine's Day. That hurt me, I just want to say, Happy Valentine's Day.

Can y'all dig that? Now, when arrows don't penetrate, see, here he shoots straight for your heart. Now, that you won't miss you But that's all right Y'all won't believe in me anyway But

Happy Valentine's Day Well, this must be a tough day for you Why is that? Because you got them I have nothing This is the easiest day You got him got them This is the easiest

This is vacation for me Got them got them This is vacation This is when my vacation Oh, because they pamper you Nah man This is the time You the Valentine's

I'm alone You know what I mean? chilling. I ain't got to worry about phone calls, expectations. I'm chilling. De Maris, how long are we going to let this? I was about to curse, but it's the beginning. How much are we going to let this malarkey continue?

Of what? You ain't got them. I don't have. You're not talking to nobody tomorrow. No one's expecting anything from you. Nobody's expecting nothing. I don't believe that for a second. I think Maher started phasing them out

around Christmas because you got to start phasing them out around Christmas so you don't got to buy him a gift. Valentine's Day is right after. forgetting one thing, I'm much older than y'all. I don't have to play this. I don't have to forget that. When I tell you, if I've never thought that once, I don't have to play those games. Is that you old as fuck. I don't have to play those games. I'm not old as fuck. But I, you don't have to play those games. I don't have to play those games. Those are young boy games that y'all talk about. Faze them out. Faze them out. Who said you got a phase amount

to not buy a gift? What you mean? I got on and off relationships for 20 years. I never bought a gift around Christmas. Okay. They still there? So it's, yeah. So why are you like what I'm saying is foreign to you? Because you've wrong. Because you've really got them. I don't have them at all. No, but at one point you had them, right? I mean, I did a little something. I was a little something. So if you had them, I had them, then you know what I'm talking about. You know how I go? No, I don't do that. If I love you, I love you every day of the year. Okay, but there's not one that you want to like maybe just do a matinee movie with something. I do that. If I want to do that, I'd do that on any day of the year.

That doesn't matter. But today is a special day, special weekend for the lovers. So shout out to all of the lovers, all of the thuggers. A special Patreon. playlist available now. We put together a lot of... Just absolute love songs. It's some interesting... It's for the lovers. The people are really in relationships.

It's for the lovers on there. Available now, Patreon.com. That shit freaked out. Y'all so freaked out. I mean, this is just some good listens. Some good... So we try to set the vibe, the mood, you know, for the weekend for anybody

that may be doing something special for their significant others. So, yeah, listen to that playlist and let Rory and myself kind of guide the night and guide the weekend for you. I got a moral life. like all these Paul Patrol Valentine's Day stickers. Because, you know, I'm just terrified that any move I make is going to ruin, like, her livelihood for life.

Yeah. And, like, maybe if I don't do something now, her Valentine's Day, when she's 22, will just stir back up and expectations. Yeah, yeah. So, dedicating my Valentine's Day to Amara tomorrow. I make sure she ends up being an astronaut. Baby, well, speaking of astronaut, Baby, Dee, you got them astronaut boots on today, which must mean one thing which must mean one thing

you're stepping out I am indeed stepping out it's my one night that I could drink this month uh oh yeah this is your this is your damp damp February

yeah so you're about to be damp real damn up top and under the bottom under the hood I don't know if you're allowed to what hey that's baby D man

that's fair somebody wrote in the community somebody wrote in the community like DeMaris is going to get millions in her lawsuit one day when you told me to make I say, yo, listen. That's Baby Dee, man.

Come on, man. Come on. You would just sue him, though, right? No, we're a LLP. That shit says, Rory M. Yeah, that's rare. I lost the credit card. I don't even know what you're talking about.

Where are you going tonight, baby D? Where are you stepping out to? I'm just going to run over to, well, me and my home girl are going to go to Chaconis and get some drinks. Galantzons. And then we're going to go to some, I guess, Dumbo House is having some suarez. Sware. You know what they have.

And it ain't a sware. It's a swaray. You knew what you was wearing Monday? No. I actually, I was on live on YouTube today and they picked this out for me. I had no idea what I was wearing. Okay, so you let the fans put the fit together. Yeah, they put the fit together.

Shut off. Ow, I hear that. I was a little tight because Kea was hitting me just now that I got to hurry up so I can pick Amar up because she's doing her Galentine's Day shit with all her friends today. And I was like, you didn't think to ask me if I wasn't doing Malentine's Day? Like maybe me and Maul had something planned on 13th. I didn't like that at all. No, the ladies hit me in a DM and they said our Malentine's is Super Bowl.

that's that's how that I don't know how they came up with that and you and you malls so how could they do malentine's day without you well I thought it was just my day so you know what I'm saying I thought that's what that's what I didn't know baby D you didn't tell us that there's a there's a gailentines oh a whom galantines I saw like people hashtag and I'm sorry there's like they're gay besties like out this week eating like I don't have a gay besties like I do you all are gay bestie no y'all are the gay besties but I don't know I don't know I didn't know about that why didn't you I thought that happened in June I thought that's what you I thought that's what you I thought that you would know, baby. I thought we were late to the part. I didn't know about Galentine. That's kind of fire. I mean, you know, the gay's got to be in love to. What? What?

We love the gays. The gays love us. They can just do like Valentine's Day, though. No, they can, but you know. No, but I think it's like a girl and her gay besties. That's what I'm about saying. So, wouldn't homie just be a Galentine's Day? Nah, that's for the ladies only.

He's not the lady. Oh, my bad. Trump is president again, remember? So we are back this way. That's why when y'all had Valentine's Day on the start of this list, I was like, this isn't going to go anywhere healthy. I don't know why y'all think is about to be 30 minutes. We love, love.

We spread love. We show love. Have you? Have you? Yeah. Oh, man. Have I? Yeah.

Absolutely. Wait, how many decades ago? No, it was a few years ago, but I've definitely laid it out. I've laid it out on Valentine's Day for. He killing time to try to think of something that he could say right now. You've never done anything for anyone on Valentine's Day. Yes, I have. What did you talk about?

Let me get to it. Shut up. Trying to buy more time. I did was, I just, you know, I had the whole spot, the whole, because I was out of town, so I had the whole hotel room. I had the housekeeper go by like 10 boxes of rose petals. She threw them all around the room. I had bought a couple of gifts.

Yeah, but I didn't feel like going to where. So you can kind of pay for those. She ain't have to clean the rest of the floor? Yeah. I mean, the next day, yeah, she had to come in and vacuum everything. But you had rose petals all around the room and everything. I bought her a couple gifts. We went to dinner first.

And then came back to the room and, you know, we had a good night and everything. Yeah. Has anybody ever done anything for you for Valentine's Day? Complained? Yeah, they like to complain on Valentine's Day. They do that a lot. You know, you know how y'all do, baby. I start going through the Rolodex.

Remembering something he said in January? That's only for niggas I don't like. That don't add up. No, you do that for niggas you like to. Not on Valentine's Day. I want my shit. I'm not causing no argument. What do you want on Valentine's Day?

What do you mean? What do I want? Like, if why? Yeah, yeah. Like my ideal Valentine's Day? Yeah, what's a perfect Valentine's Day for Baby D? For our homie in Kansas City, Mr. Rod my tongue. He want to know.

I'm just, I'm not asking for me. He's in New York now. Yeah, he wants to know. He's been hitting me all week. And our special guests, come on out. Yeah, yeah, he's been hit me all week. He want to know what you like on Valentine's Day. If we are newly dating, I don't know, something creative, something like, if we're newly

dating, like, we haven't slept together newly dating. then I guess like dinner. I don't like celebrating Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day because there's so many fucking people outside, especially in New York, the restaurant. Can't get a reservation nowhere. It's a whole thing. Yeah.

Yeah. People do stuff for people on Valentine's Day that they haven't slept with. Yeah. Of course. You can send somebody flowers, somebody. If you're in the process of trying to court somebody and then Valentine's Day comes around, you don't ignore the holiday. Like you can send like a card, flowers, chocolate.

Like, yeah, there's things you can do. Oh, no. Yeah, see, you ain't know how they was giving it up. Not a real romantic. Yeah, see? He don't even know, baby. Every day is Valentine's Day with me. I don't know what the fuck you're talking.

Yo, love is in your heart. Yeah. Love is love, ref, run. So when I came in here, Malta, finish answering your question, if we're in a relationship, let's do something in the house, something fun. But you don't want to go out for Valentine's Day? Not. Relationship or not?

You don't want to be out. Not if we're in New York City. Okay. Not if we're in New York City. If we're somewhere else, sure. with more space, but in New York City, no. I mean, if you go to any major city, it's going to be busy on Valentine's Day.

So if you go to L.A., it's going to be busy. If you go to Houston, it's going to be busy. If you go to Miami, it's going to be busy. If you go, you know what I'm saying? Atlanta, it's going to be busy. You would have to go to, like, you know what I mean? Like the Jackson Hole, Wyoming to be like, we can go anywhere right now and get a table.

Or you can rent, like, a cabin or something like that. Or, like, I'm cool with if we get, like, a hotel suite and we order whatever food we want and we're in there in comfy pajamas, was like in the hotel suite, having fun talking, kicking, laugh. Like, I love the have drinks with your significant other, like, in the house. Like, I like that setting. Just y'all too? Yeah, you know how much information you could get out of a nigga when you get him comfortable and drunk?

What? Why do you got to fix the licks for the-oh? Oh, man. Those you get the most information. So you rather be in the house, just y'all too. That's like mind rapy. What, to get him drunk and then get all the truth out? To try to get info out.

Yeah, but that only works on the rookie. Remember when Dead Press put out mind? sex? That's mine rape. What the fuck? You're trying to just fill him up with liquids. Yeah. But why do you want to, but baby, that's a dangerous game because you don't want the truth on Valentine. That'll fuck up your whole day. If you get the truth. No, because there's only so many truths. If it's a truth that's going to hurt me bad enough that it'll ruin the Valentine's Day, then we'll need to be together. And I'm happy that I got that truth. So baby, the leading up to Valentine's Day with just a significant other, do you make sure that the week

leading up, like you don't upset him? You don't cause no arguments. I'm so agree. I'm so agreeable. everything i have no nothing why y'all do that y'all that's a game i like to play y'all get real nice around february christmas valentine's day my birthday i am shut up i'm old 40's housewife i shut the fuck up i don't need nothing why that can't be every day nah eat more of them right the every day's what's wrong with america yeah but when it's valentine's day quiet february first you knew on your best behavior no you got to start jean from listen this what i'm telling you you can't you can't fuck up from like Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day. Oh shit, y'all ain't never, y'all not capable of doing that.

Ain't no woman on the planet cable would have been for three months. Come on. Cut the shit. You can't do the big stuff. You can do a little small one but not the big stuff. Like I'm not bick and really because if the week of it doesn't matter because if you really loved me, you bought the gift two weeks ago. Yeah.

So. Okay. And you're not going to cancel. So I can argue which on the 13th. You're not going to cancel the reservation and everything that you had playing the night before. So you'd be in the house, you'd rather be in the house cut it up one-on-one, just y'all too have a good time.

Yeah. Okay. You know. Playing them car games where you get to know each other and that stuff. That would be my ideal Valentine's. Which your ideal Valentine's day, Rory? Left alone. Sleep.

Man's man. Far, fuck away from me. Let's express our love from distance. I'll send like a text, though. In the same house? No, no, no. Like, I'm thinking like opposite sides of the country. Rory, be serious.

I don't know. I'm not. Valentine's Day person. I am romantic, but all right. So last year, which is why I think Mall's a little full of shit, because we were all out in L.A. during Valentine's Day, we were shooting all of My Karma's beautiful shit. Mall magically got a stomach bug, didn't stay with us, and was ghost all of Valentine's Day, when we were shooting and everything.

When I was fucking coughing up a lung and sick as fuck. Marcy's son, I know. In my hotel room? Just conveniently on Valentine's. Valentine's Day. I wish I wasn't. I got a chef to come to the crib I was staying in, got a masseuse and did that. I'm romantic on Valentine's Day. I just never, I've never had a woman do anything for me on Valentine's Day because I just don't got it like that. I've always been the person giving. Yeah. Rather than receiving. What do you do for your, your guy on Valentine's Day? Things that I've had done. I've bought flowers. I decorated a hotel room. That wasn't Valentine's Day. That was his birthday. Valentine's Day is, I don't know, I'm not going to lie, Valentine's Day is kind of my day. Like, I'll buy you flowers. I'll buy you things that you're into.

So, like, little, like, kind of like stock and stuffers, I'm not going to go all out for you. That's, let's be real. That's for girls. Like, that's for men to do for girls, which I have done, you know, I think my last Valentine's Day, I flew my ex-girlfriend out, I think possibly. I can't remember. But for men, yeah, I'll get you like, if you like a certain, like, video game or you like a certain cologne, like little stock and stuff or like things like that. a card. I'm a big car person. Hold on. Don't roll over that. You can't. You can't remember if you flew your ex-girlfriend out last

Valentine's day? I can't remember. I'm quiet, man. I can't remember if it was last year, year before. No, time is a construct. Exactly. It can't put a date on it. But, um, no, it's February 14th. They put a date on it, actually. It's February 14th every year. I lead a busy life. But no, like, yeah, I like little things and I like cards. I'm my love, like, language is words of affirmation. So I'm going to tell you how much I love you in a card or like expressing it to your face. So what is that? It's tough being single on Valentine's Day.

Is it? Is it? It's just another day. No. The people really take Valentine's Day that seriously. I'm just saying like for not for me, speaking for myself, but for people, it is. Because some people, you know, they get that depressive state where they see people in love and nobody's loving them and you know how that shit.

To me, Valentine's Day was not really that big of a deal until Instagram. Well, I mean, you talk my language. That's when I feel like shit completely shifted. Yeah. Of course you did nice things, but like it became a fucking show. Yeah. The same way prom became a thing when these kids got Instagram. Now it's like, damn, you're doing all that.

Getting the family and getting married and shit. To go to your school. Valentine's Day to me, Instagram is the reason all that shit is happening. Yeah, just so you can be able to show everyone that this happened for you and all that. You got. You have to compare what you got and what you're doing and what, you know. But then it's also the part we don't talk about is how people get jammed up and posting shit and showing shit.

And it's like, hold up. Like, you got to. since when you had a girl that's how you get jammed up well you shouldn't be but yes that's how that is how people get jammed up yeah but if the girl is posting what you're gonna do you can't you're gonna be hiding

not trying to jump in picture you're gonna be like yo why you acting funny like that you know y'all do shit like that women y'all play y'all know when a nigga acting uneasy and he's a little nervous on Valentine's Day like why are you acting on nervous why are you acting on jittery why are you trying to hurry up and get back to the hotel like a crackhead and an airport yeah he don't want to be seen he can't be seen outside and I get that

But in that guy's defense, I did this for you, not for the rest of the world. The fuck you want to show everyone. Nah, man, don't count if she don't show it. Yes, it do. It's tangible. It's in front of my face. I can touch these balloons. To you, yeah, but the girl got to show it all.

And it's cool. Women are supposed to show that they're being showered with love and things. No. I mean, if you're in a healthy relationship, yes. If you're creeping around, then no. I'm saying in the healthy relationship, why would you need to show everyone that? I don't need to, but I want to. I show people the smoothie that I had.

Like the fucking, I burp on camera. I can't show people the flowers that my love one got me. I can post my avocado toast, but not the flowers you got me. Yeah. Actually. That doesn't make a lick of sense. Well, prepare to see a bunch of arms and Rolexes tonight, Rory, all up and down your timeline. You hate it.

You're looking for yours because I, you know, I'll click. I'm hating that motherfucking story like looking. Not me. Bitch, where are you at? Not me. But y'all do that. Women, y'all got each other's location. Y'all know where y'all go.

Everybody going to see where you're. y'all at tomorrow. Like y'all got women's share locations. Do you share locations with guys? No. You peach? Yeah. I'm in the other. Kea was one that put me on like her whole friend group. They all have was like, wow, you have everyone's location, which I guess for safety reasons I get, but she's like, you don't have that? I was like, no. Yeah. My homeboy accidentally started sharing his location one day and I texted me one day and I said, yo, you're all right. Why is it is just saying it's now sharing location. I don't care where you at. And it's fucked up because he could have really been in some trouble.

But I saw the alert come through and it said, now sharing location. And I was like, I texted, I said, yo, why are you sharing your location? He was like, huh? I said, yo, you sharing your location? Oh, my bad. Like, that's just, as men, it's just like, yo, what are you doing? I don't care where you at. But women, I do understand because y'all move around, your travel, so y'all should know where.

Especially if you're going on like a date or something like that. Like, girl, you got to know everything. Yeah, that definitely makes sense. But I still, I don't know. There's plenty of, like, male friend groups I know that do that. Share location? We're old, man. It's like a regular thing for the younger generation.

Men sharing location? Yes. Though, I'm not sharing my location with no man, dog. I'm just not. I'm not letting the girl know when you got in the house. No, I'm not letting you know when I got in the house. Like, I'm not letting the girl know when I got. I'm right.

I'm safe. I don't like that. Let me know when you got in? Yeah. I don't like that. What's wrong with that? I'm not going to fight you over it, but it's a little thing. Like, it's a chivalry thing.

let me know when you got in like you're good. Shit be happening out here. No, I'm saying what's wrong with someone's asking that? Let me know when you get in. Nothing. Okay. Mall is over here. Oh, you think that's weird?

You'd be letting girls know when you got in? Yeah. What's what's up? Wait, what's wrong with that? Nothing. If she asked me when we part, yo, let me know when you get home. I'm gonna let her know when I got it.

Yeah. How do you tell you say I'm home? Yeah. I'm in. You look like you say I'm in. Here. This niggas say I'm in. Arrived.

Or you can just share you. Uber a low, you know, when you went to share it with me. Nah, we not. Have you ever shared your location with a woman? Like, have you ever had that relationship? I've definitely had that. One of my, one of my close female friends

when she was going to L.A., she shared her location with me because I wanted to make sure she was saying. A girl that you know that you come up. A girl that you are intimate with, have you ever shared a location? Have I ever shared my location with her? Yeah, you heard me the first three times? I don't know.

I don't think so. Cap? No, I never have, honestly. Yeah, right. Why would I be sharing my location with her? Why not? No, that's not a real answer. That's like when kids, you tell some kid

don't do something in a day. Why? No, no. For safety purposes. If I'm dating a woman, I don't mind sharing my location where for safety. For your safety? Oh, everyone's safety.

Well, why you acting like nothing happens to minutes? If she could see you in Queens right now, she's going to know something that's happening to you. She just know you in Queens. I mean, if she can't. You don't know niggas is beating you up in Queens just because she got your location. But if that's outside of his realm.

Why is that scenario? being queen he from queens but why did you have to add and got beat up there too like that's crazy no because you said safety she said safety reasons I don't get beat up there is you my girl I see my location with you you see I'm in Harlem niggas would be beating my ass you

you got my location you won't know I got my ass beat until I call you and be like you're trying to put the fuck are we talking about you're trying to put logic on to it what the matter say where you're at let me see and then pull up she ain't pull it up for some reason she can't reach me my phone goes dead whatever

something happens to me. No. Maybe something happened. I got a car accident. She can see the last location of where the fuck I was at. Oh, you watched too much first 48. So you're thinking if you You only have 48 hours to solve a murder. Yeah, that's it. After 48, they don't know what happened to you. No, they're just like, yo, that's ocean, man. We're not even on that. We got some other shit going on right now. Which is the craziest law. So you shared a location. And so if your girl doesn't hear from you in a few hours, she's like, oh, damn, like, where is he at? That's what you're saying. I also prefer it too

If we're working all day And she's trying to get a hold of me Trying to see what the fuck I'm at I'm not looking at my phone Oh he's at work Bet now I know to not blow his phone up It's helpful in certain situations You also when I've had it on

And my relationship is If you're leaving my house And driving somewhere If I go to check your location An hour and you ain't home When you said that I know something's wrong Not like I think you're cheating I mean like I know something's wrong

It takes you 20 minutes to get home. It's been an hour. You're not home yet. Baby D. I call Cap. And Baby Dee, if you share locations with your man and he leave your house and you know it take him 20 minutes to get home and you check that location, it's been an hour. He ain't home yet.

You are not thinking something happened to him. You're going to call him and be like a way you at. I don't get in relationships with men that I think would cheat on me. I don't do that. So nobody gets in a relationship. All right. Well, some women are dumb. So that's not going to be my first thing.

Like immediately it's going to be a safety thing. Like immediately. It's going to be, yo, what's like, are you? Are you okay? So if I'm calling and calling and calling and you're not answering, I know that something is wrong. Yeah, if you call and he's not answering, yes, of course. I know that something is wrong. So that's going to be, you know.

Maul, I just want to be clear. We have been gaslighting you this entire time. All location sharing is to make sure your significant other is not cheating. Oh, I know that. I want to be honest with you. I know that. We have been gaslighting. I know that.

That's not true. Which is why I don't share locations. That's not true. Fuck you me. She's my location. Get out of here. That is not true at all. Yo, I seen somebody that said,

don't text me saying or why I didn't answer the phone, you thought something happened to me. No, you didn't. You thought I was with a bitch. And that shit, I've been laughing at that shit. Because it's true. That's why you laughing.

That's why you laughing, baby. They cut this shit. You laughing because you know that's what y'all be thinking. No, once I found out, because I thought that that's really what the share location shit was, once a girl put me on that she had her iPad and her phone connected

and left her iPad location on, that's what somebody was viewing. I was like, I'm not even going to play this location. game because you guys are now even gaslighting in that. You know how to throw it off. Like she was like, no, I just switch it over to my iPad so it looks like my location is there. It's sharing on that.

I was like, all right, man. Yeah, but you're going to know where she was at when you don't do Valentine's Day. Yeah, but you're going to know what she was at when you start pissing oatmeal. It's all good. Mm-hmm. That's how that's a, that tells all.

You go to the bathroom. As a, as a chlamydia survivor, it wasn't oatmeal. It just, it just. You should get a hoodie that says, it was like little flamedia survivor. and then put the year on the back because you know people like dates. I think you corny for never getting Clementia. Honestly.

That's corny? Yeah, that corny. Yeah, that's corny. Because you don't get no pussy. I get a lot of pussy. I get clean pussy. I thought you said you're going to be pussy. How much?

What's your body count? No, my life? Oh, okay. You think of my life. I never. No, but you said I get pussy. I'm like, now I got pussy. Not past 10.

You say you get pussy, but you just said that you ain't got them. I'm just trying to figure out. I mean, I get pussy though. I mean, come on baby. Don't do that. Don't do that. We're not going to do that. You know, you can look at me and tell I gets to it now.

Mal turned in the guy you clowning on the block and the only response is I get pussy, though, right? Don't I get pussy? No, because, you know, you're trying to make it seem like I don't catch chlamydia. No, it's just clean pussy you get. Sometimes you need a round of applause. Sometimes you got to get clapped up. That nasty woman. That nasty hollid.

She's not. She's very beautiful. We don't do that. What? We don't STD shame. We don't shame the people who have STDD. Me. I'm shaming.

I'm at her door. Bitch. Who are you out here fucking? No, because it just is... Well, if you're on a relationship, yes. But if you're both single, just as easy as you got burnt, she probably got burnt, just as easy. It doesn't make you dirty because you caught a STD.

It's 19. Somebody's dirty if you got a STD. No, it doesn't make you dirty. My saying is you, but whoever you slept with is dirty. And whoever he slept with is dirty. Whoever she slept with is dirty. But you have to take accountability. I shouldn't have been 19 years old in those Newark streets.

It was my phone. New York, Clemia? You survived Newark, Clemenia? I've talked about this on the pod playing a time. I didn't know. You said it was my team. Yeah, newer chlamydia is like Wuhan COVID. That's like...

And you guys have clowned me when I was like, nah, really felt like she was only fucking me. That is how you would catch chlamydia. He thought he had a good girl. No, that's where I was really hurt. I thought it was locked in. Damn.

We weren't in a relationship, but I thought we was talking. We was going to the mall and shit together. I thought it was just me or her. The homies is hitting that. For sure, the homies just hit. And then you clown me because I said,

you know, later on. Roy, what's your worst Valentine's Day, though? Can you remember a worst Valentine's Day? I don't know. Knew a Chlamydia? No, that was in the summer. Okay, my bad. Yeah.

Oh, nine, I was going crazy. Ew. Oh, man, shout out to Sanford Avenue. Anyways, I don't know if I've had a bad, I don't know if I've had like a really good Valentine's Day or a bad one. That's why when you guys put those points up, I was like, I don't know if I have much to contribute here. It's never really been a huge holiday for me.

And maybe that's probably my issue. When I hear people have like these crazy dates, like these stories, sometimes I think they just making shit up. I'm like, yo, somebody really, you really went through that? Like, what type of people do y'all be meeting? Like what? It's like just insane shit happening like, yo, his baby moms found out what a restaurant we was at and she showed up.

I'm like, this is real life this happened? Like, that just sounds like a movie. Like, wait, you were sitting at dinner. Homies baby moms pulled up with the kids and said you just left the house. Oof, that's right. That don't sound real. I'm sorry, that does not sound like a real thing. It happens, though. It happens.

Not to me. Because he was sharing his location. That's exactly why. His dumb ass, he had motherfucking outback to take out. He had outback with his side bitch. He got his location on Tomah, I'm picking up butter rolls. No, the fuck you ain't, diggy. Outback for the V day?

Outback, yeah. No shame in them. Now, you know, you got to take the side chick to the low spot. You got to go to it. Outback is not low. I mean, on Valentine's Day, nobody. That's where the family's in. That's where the older people go for Valentine's.

Bro, no, that's where you're going to run into one of her aunts. Nobody on social media is going to Outback Steak House on Valentine's Day. That is embarrassing. Younger people, they're not posting it, but younger people definitely. I used to work at a Red Lobster, baby. Valentine's Day, I used to make a... First of all, let's not act like Outback and Red Lobster are the same. Red Lobster for Valentine's Day is totally fun.

That's like premium. That's the same shit. That's like the gap in Old Navy. It's the same shit. No, because Red Lobster's Banana Republic. Those Venics are a little more expensive. It's like universal. It's like universal.

Red Lops. The Red Lops or Harlem, you had to, like, get a reservation a week in advance. Your own to Red Lops at Harlem is crazy. You also had to get a gun to go to that motherfucker. You go to the Red Lopsdale, nigger. You better be strapped because them niggins from the East Side is in here tonight. You crazy. You better have your shit on you.

Matter of fact, that's Central Harlem. That's where the East and West meet. Yeah. You bugging going to Red Lobster for fucking Valentine's Day. Not. By Apollo? Yeah. Nigger, you crazy going to that Red Lopster on Valentine's Day.

You crazy on that Red Lobster. Valatized Day? The bloodstink, that's their meeting grounds. Like, yo, we didn't here tonight. We tried to go there the night on Michael Jackson died. You went to Red Lobster the night, Michael Jackson died. How did you have an appetite? This thing I had an appetite the night Michael Jackson died.

I didn't eat for four days when we lost Mike. With the Red Lobster. When Michael Jackson died almost threw up. We was at Fordham, running track. We saw it on Little TV. Went back to what, went to Grand Concourse. Concourse Village and was like, I mean, we got to do like something from Mike tonight. And everyone's like, yo, everyone's going to the Apollo.

You ate? I cried for Mike. No, we all stood up. It was a block party outside the Apollo when Mike died. Yeah. And then, you know, naturally you work up appetite. Right next door. And it was like, might as well just go to Red Lobster.

No, that is crazy. Fair. I think they threw someone through that first glass window. Do that Red Lobster. Didn't Nicky Minaj work at that Red Lobster? In Harlem? Where? I know.

Maybe he was in the Bronx. She talked about that one time. Nah, that's no way, Nikki. That opened up way later. I think it was in the Bronx. Nikki worked at that Red Lobster. We got to talk to the label because there's no reason. Because that shit opened when Nikki was already a start.

She worked at one in the Bronx or some shit that she talked about. And I was like, oh, that's the wild Red Lobster. That's funny as fuck. This nigga had an appetite with Mike Dock. That's crazy. I cried four nights. I couldn't cry at first because I was out with like some old friends and a friend of mine at the time. That was draft night.

He got drafted that night. So I was like, it was like a happy moment But then I was like I can't wait to go home and just like be alone and cry Like I remember thinking that like I can't even really be happy like Yeah yo you got drafted Congrats at soon as I got home

I was crying like a baby Like a baby when Michael Jackson died You know This nigga with the red lobster How could you break bread? We just lost Mike Like he's breaking bread And complaining about the cheddar biscuits

Yo toast them Actually I don't even know was the red lobster though Because was the red lobster even there Because that was 2009 Nine. Nine, yeah. Yeah. No, I was clapped up that day.

Yeah. Hell you. Ew. This thing was outside. Both y'all smelled like fish. Yo, he was outside. He had clamped chowler in his underwear. He had clamped chowder in his underwear.

Summer 09, I'm telling you shit was wild. Yo, you're a wild boy. I never. You had a chlamydia with Michael Jackson. I'll never forget walking in 790 Concourse Village West when I was leaving the hospital clapped up. all my homies stood up in unison and did a round of applause. Gave you to clap. Why would you tell them that, though?

Because I was nervous and they had all had to clap too. It was kind of like a right. Yeah, somebody had to walk him to it. Somebody had to walk him to it. Dirty Dick, right of passage. Oh, my God. That is hilarious. I hear it.

That is not Concourse Village. Is that what they did to it? No, that's not the, that's the, that's the building on the Concord's. That's not Concord's. Flavent grew up in that building. He lived in that building. I don't know if it's doing it. Right there is Concourse Village.

Yeah. Well, since we're talking about Valentine's Day, do you guys want to do the Valentine's Day voice moves before we get into music? Let's do it. Because I need to figure out who we're going to put you on a date with, make sure you say.

But you know that the contest wasn't just open to just me. It was open to anybody on the party. I mean, it was common to you, though. Like, who are we going to go on a date with? What's you mean? What you mean? You have admitted to fucking a fan before.

You said you never go back, but we have attractive. Never again. We'll never do it. She was the one, too. No, she was not. What? What you mean? I told you I was hating.

Oh, okay. Yeah, she was, she was. But I mean, I don't know, Ma. We did get a couple of submissions for you. Josh, Josh informed me that we got a couple submissions for you. And let's make it clear. Maul did agree that he would go on this day as well. He did.

So you can't go back on your word that is recorded too. Okay, so I got to, we're going to play something for me today too or just? We're going to play something for you. Oh, shit. I thought we just playing something. And you know, I'm the driver, right? Yo, this is crazy. No, we agree, Joel.

It's in the fine print. It's recorded. I'm driving both y'all. dates around. Oh my God. I'm going to rent because y'all not get in my car. Why? Your car got mad back seat room. Amara threw up on that shit like yesterday. Yeah, it's not. Let him bring something because if the day goes well, I might want to do something

in that backseat. So yeah, you can't do that extra. Wait, with me driving? Yeah, why not? You're my man. I can't get some head in the backseat while you driving. So you ain't a good friend, dog. No. He hate it. He hates her. What happens when I have to check my mirrors? For safety. He got a check mirrors. This nigga check mirrors when he dropped. Check mirrors. Nick, drive. fucking check your mirror's for. What you parallel parking? And he,

and you know, he got a camera, so he don't even need to look in the mirror. He got a camera right there to see when he back and he reverses it. What's you looking in the mirror for? It was funny. Starting Summer 09 going wild, getting chlamydia,

Michael Jackson, all that shit. I had a 1993 Chevy Malibu with no power steering and no rearview mirror. When I got another car, I forgot that people had rearview mirrors. Yeah. Like, I was like, oh shit,

I forgot that was a thing. I could use this thing. I could use this thing. Don't need that. I never checked a mirror. in my fucking life. You don't need no rearview mirror. Fuck that mirror.

And even when I'm switching lanes, it's a feeling. Is there a car or not? No, no, no. No, no. Let's be clear. You need the outside. It's a feeling.

No, no, it's a feeling. You need the outside mirrors. The mirror inside, I don't need that shit. When you, when you dom, Torreto for real, it's a feeling. Yeah, yeah, you got to feel it. The only thing you need the rearview mirror for is to make sure that that black car behind you ain't a cop.

Like when you try to figure, is that a cop or not a cop. Yeah, crack them windows. Wait, but also we agreed that there would be a GoPro right where the rearview is. So, I mean, can we monetize your sex date? No, I didn't know we was recording shit and all of that. Yeah, it's content. What you thought? We were just going to send you on a date and just hope you get some pussy.

And then talk about it. No, we're going to put the sex date. He's really an eight. That's going to be the title. Oh, my God. No, let's do. We can listen to some of the voicemails. First voicemail, okay.

I didn't order hot chocolate. I didn't order hot chocolate in a fish. She's going to be hot chocolate. Hello? Can I speak to Mom? Oh, hey, how are you doing? I feel kind of silly doing this, but this is the nurse from Toronto. Yeah, I'm living in NY now. You know, I'm a big fan of the pot.

Yeah, well, I see you on my screen all the time then. Well, I want to win this day and see you in person. And my man be tripping, not acting right, talking about him, sorry, babe. Truth is, I would have mind seeing you on the other side of that dinner table. And I bet a hug from you feel like jumping in a pile of fresh laundry. Can't imagine how the... Hey, let me stop. Anyways, you always got some flashing on.

But I think you look fire next to me. So go on now and just pick me. If not, I hope y'all enjoy the creative tape. I'll stay blessed. That was very creative. She got me giggled. I'm over here blushing. I'm hard.

All right, man. All right, man. All right. You want to bring that back? She went crazy. That was very, very creative. I like that. All right.

I mean, out the gate, is that not the winner? It sounded, it's, she might be the strongest one. That might be the best one so far that we've lived. You don't know my name. She said the nurse from Toronto, though. I feel like, is that something that maybe only you two would understand that we wouldn't? Like she started with a little subliminal I think she was trying to like

Like you saw a nurse in Toronto No I think she was playing off For the whole you know Alicia Keys thing The waitress from the Yeah no I get that I've never been to a hospital I get that but Alicia Keys was telling most deaf

He had been to that spot I'm the waitress at the diner you go to Right did you go to a hospital in Toronto Maybe she worked Okay No I didn't go to a hospital in Toronto Well we have another one for you Oh yeah?

Yeah All right well let's hear the next one You gotta pick your favorite one And then the other one, it will go against the ones that we've already done. I bet. Yeah, this message is from all. I just have a question. Why are we strangers in this life?

Your spirit is familiar so I can tell that in our past lives, we meant something to each other. So why not in this one? We need to fix that because I hate when things I meant to be, but aren't. This isn't any secret admiration. You know who I am. Let me know when you're ready. Here's the thing. I like the nurse a lot.

She's going to rock your fucking world. But here's the thing. You got to be careful of bitches that are into the moon because that will backfire eventually. Yeah, she said, energy. It'll be the greatest thing on earth. Yeah.

But once the tide start shifting, that's a liability. Yeah, she said the energy feels familiar, but she said we know each other in another life. Yeah. The nurse is going to give you a beautiful, like, make-out session in the rain.

It's going to be great. She's talking about kids. That's a longevity one. The nurse is going to rock your world first night. Change your diaper, everything. Yeah, I agree. I think her energy was very, let's cut the shit. Let's get straight to it.

The nurse sounds like the wife, the second lady. I don't know what she did. What did she even have a job? No. She just reads crystals. She sells crystals on Amazon. That's a job. I'm not saying it's not.

That's a job. I bet it is. Her and Alex Jones sell vitamins. Yeah, damn. The first one was very creative. The first one was very, very creative. The second one was very like, stop playing with me. I want you.

Let's do this right to it. I don't know. I feel like, damn, let me think on it. Let me think on it. By the end of the episode, I'll choose who to be. Who do you think would give you the handy in the backseat? because the nurse might be the sleeper there. She acts like the good girl.

Yeah. But she might try to get, like, right to it even before dinner. Like, we can- The nurse, we could kind of play like I'm sick a little bit until I have a headache and then, like, pull my pants down. Like, my head hurts. Ooh, wrong. Okay.

You know, mom-tondra. Don't you ask you how? You know, most, I'll put a thermometer in my ass, like, take my temperature. Oh, okay. I took two-for-in-law. Yeah, she's not put a tumor in my ass. Put a thermometer in my ass. Take my turn.

I have a fever and bend the temperature. over. I'll cool you down. I'll cool you down. I have a fever. Okay, well, while you think on that, do we have some for Baby D? All right, but while wait, because we do have one more. Okay. There was three. I messed up. There's one more we're going to play. He got them. While you think on the other two, okay, and try to figure out if you know them, because one says she's the nurse from Toronto. One says you already know who I am. So let's play the third one and see what the third one says. Greetings,

roaring, Maugh, baby Dean. Is this my guy? This is Eric from Casey again. I want to give you a call and thank you for featuring me first in the Valentine's Day challenge.

I do realize the rules only permit one entry per a cast member, but I felt away because Paul had gotten a voicemail yet. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause, Going back to the last. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is this the tongue tyrant going after mall two? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Time about, time, about, time, about, time. I'm a little jealous. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Fame, I don't want to ride your tongue. Wait, no, no, no, no, no. We can save some money.

I'll take him out with both y'all. Fam, I don't want to be nowhere near me to ride my tongue. The three y'all is who sit in middle? Nah, fan. I'm going to go who's in middle. No, I'm like, y'all playing. I'm mad. How are you going to, like, call for mall to?

No, baby, you ain't got nothing to me. You can have this nigga all you want. He ain't talking to me. That's all he's about to talk to you. No, I'm cool. I'm totally cool. With Clay, metaphorically speaking, and sculpted a unique Valentine's Day piece

just for Mr. Y'all know the last thing. So let me know if I can call back and share this wonderful. forget what the world. Oh, wait, so he just... He's just asking permission to shoot at mall? No, that's Gallant. That's like... Yeah, no.

Well, he missed a deadline. You know what? We'll have him reach out to Mall's pops, get permission before he... He better not call my dad. My dad is an old son. He called my dad. My dad go get canceled.

What kind of botan business is this? What's funny is is sending a poem to demerits? And it's even gayer that he asked permission to do. He's like, I didn't want to leave him out. I don't want to be disrespectful. Yeah, now leave me out, fan. Like, he really trying to court you.

Yeah, leaving me, like, you just, so you just wanted me to get next to my homeboy. Like, that's like, you're breaking bisexual rules. And then me being a homeboy, he trying to get next to is even crazy. Do he not listen to the show? Maybe he'd think you're the one. Nah, I'm definitely not, fam. But that was dead. Isn't that a gay community trying to, like, make straight people?

gay? Like some take it as a challenge that's maybe what he's thinking. No, this ain't no challenge like you're the final boss. No, I'm cool. But how are he going? I thought I liked him for Baby Day. I thought his poem was dope. No, you literally told him, Ted that he was going to put me in the trunk. Now you thought the poem was dope. I mean,

listen, man, it's a little poetic. He's a little special, but you know, it's poetic. It's okay. I think that was the okay for him to send the poem, no. To who me? No, no, definitely not me. You just said you liked his work and he's going to say.

Well, to his work to Baby D, not to me. Or if Baby D ends up picking him, we could then drive after the date to your date and he could do his poem in person to you. No, I'm cool. But he didn't win now. You got bad fans in that. I'm cool. One of them girls that called Mall definitely won the challenge. I think that both of them were better.

I have my winner, but, you know, it's not my decision. Who are you thinking? What do you say, Peach? Nurse or Crystal Lady? Nurse. Say nurse? All right, man. So we got to go with nurse.

Nursing. You just asked P's. You didn't ask anybody else? I'm sorry. Who do you say, baby, Dee? I would say Crystal Lady. Crystal Lady? Mm-hmm.

I think you should go nurse because Crystal Lady's going to show up anyways. Whether we like it or not. You don't need to pick her. She going to be there. So you can make that decision if it doesn't work out with a nurse. I thought I told you that. I knew you in another life. She got your location in her brain.

Josh, what about you? Who you pick him? Josh said, waded out, let Eric woo you sweep you off your feet. This guy out. Like, what he has to say? So cool. I mean, I'm not sure if Crystal Lady is on planet Earth.

She didn't say her location. But we know the nurses in New York, so we can pick her up. I'm deadly serious about this entire date. I already ordered the cap and everything. So we pick up nurse. We do a nurse? Final answer? Yeah, I guess nurse it is.

Okay. Well, I'm going to come out and admit that the other one was me. So I'm mad I lost. Wait, what? That was me. Yes. And I'm mad at lost. Wait, did you change your voice in AI?

No, that was my voice. That's my voice. Y'all don't know that voice because y'all don't see me in that light. Wait, baby, that was you? I swear to go. Play that again, man. Yeah, this is much as just from all. I just have a question.

Why are we strangers in this life? See, now I hear it. Your spirit is familiar so I can sell that in our past lives. we meant something to each other. So why not in this one? We need to fix that because I hate when things I meant to be, but aren't. This is any secret adulation.

I heard it right there, art. I should have heard the art. It was the art. They don't kill us in the comments because they probably listen to AirPods. Air pods, I could hear that shit. This distinct fucking beats fill, I didn't catch you.

I would have never caught that baby. First of all, y'all don't call me all types of horrors to my face. I'm just kidding. It's like, stupid, all-cores. this bitch probably Aries Like y'all was eating me up

When he was like What'd you think her job is We're like she ain't got no job I'm like yo Damaris defended herself And say yo Nah that's a job Yeah that's a job

Like I said to know She said no that's a job Like Hey fuck out So I was right She gonna show up either way Yeah she'll be there either way You know that is hilarious

Baby D you are stupid for that man What's roll Where do you want to take the nurse Where are we setting this this date up. And are we doing a double date? Or are we just doing separate? To me, it's just her. It's him and a nurse. Yeah, but you got to pick one eventually too.

No, it's just, he, that's the winner. There was one overall winner. All right. Well, nah, baby, Dee, we got to get you on a date with somebody. You tripping. I can find my own date. I'm cool. No, that's not the contest. She, it was only one entry per person. She won the contest. Yo, that is hilarious, baby Dee. I would have never guessed that that was you. But the aren't, I should be like, she sound like she from somewhere with Baby Dee from. aren't. And you tried to record it away from the mic so we wouldn't really hear it. Yeah, you put the

filter on it. No, it wasn't. I was in the bathroom. Y'all were all here. I did that. Oh, that's what that echo is. Earlier, yeah, the echo was, I was in the bathroom. And oh, yeah, Josh knew I was going to do it. So when I was on my YouTube live live live earlier, they were like, who won the contest or who are you going to pick? And I was like, well, mall has a good submission. And then they were like, yo, you should leave mall one. And I'm like, I should leave mall one. Oh, no. I was saying I had mad game. That's why men don't approach me. I said I got mad game. That's why men don't approach me. They said, you should leave them all the voicemail.

So that's what I did. Okay. Yeah. But Josh knew what was happening. She just put herself in a bad position, right? Because when she does sue you for sexual harassment, we could play that and be like, yo, your honor. Yeah.

She wanted it. She was throwing it. It's recorded. It's recorded. Thank you, baby, dude. Just got yourself out of that settlement. There you go. Walk out to court.

All right. So we will reach out to Toronto nurse. I cannot wait. Who the Toronto nurse has been? What a binner was in a path from leaving a message? Over the you don't know my name. Instrumental is even crazier. We'll get her schedule, but I'd imagine a Thursday, right?

Why Thursday? See, you don't even know the song. That's crazy. Oh, okay, I see what you did. But you got a-you-got-you-got-a-Riz back to. Yeah, I got it. I got it. Thank you.

Yeah, no, whatever day works for her, works for me. What if she ugly, though, ma? It's just one-day. She didn't sound ugly, though. I've been fooled. plenty of time with voice notes yeah

type of nasty catfish shit you're doing out here the party line no some people's voice really doesn't sound because I'm not ugly but my voice doesn't sound it doesn't match how I look

because I've definitely like I remember when I was voice babe remember when I was like on mic but I wasn't on camera and nobody knew what I looked like when I finally got on camera all the comments were like oh she didn't look

how I thought she would look from her voice I was like damn I voice fished yeah that's fucked up well will you come with me me on the date with them? Yeah.

Sit in the front seat. Yeah. But baby, she got to have a date. No, I don't. She won the contest. I don't have to have a date. All right.

I'm there to film content. I thought that's what we, I thought that's what we agreed on that baby. No, no. I thought so too. Right? It was one winner. I thought it was a winner between each.

One winner. All right. Yeah. It's going to be you. Me and Rory be swerving and stunting in the front seat, though. It's all good. I'm going to be swerving and stunting in the backseat. Just don't turn around.

Do you have a restaurant on mine? Nah, boy, you can think of something. Red Lobster. You should take her like, we should take her your old block, like so she really gets to know you. My old block? Yeah. I would never take no girl to my old block.

She's crazy. She's like, like, this is where you grew up at? I'll see if your sister can come in town, like, so she can meet the family. Nah, hell no. What if y'all get, like, Nathan's hot dogs, it's like when it starts getting warmer, Nathan's hot dogs sit outside Yankee Stadium and, like, kick it. I got some cool shit.

Why not just go inside Yankee Stadium? Because they don't serve anything. She's going to sit outside Yankee Stadium and listen to the game. Like, y'all think somebody here to double. Just go to the fucking game. Sit outside Yankee Stadium is crazy. You know a part of the Bronx? You know what Jerome Avenue going on?

You're crazy. Hell. Not sitting on Jerome Avenue. Speaking of Nathan, you go to Coney Island, maybe do like some of the rides. We could set up the GoPro. It could look like he got game. Y'all can fuck her the pier. Yeah, no. Yeah, I'm not going to do that.

Oh, no. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. No, Rory's album release party. Bring her. When is the album release party? No, we're doing this shit next week. June? Yeah, we can do it?

I can take a Roy's album release party. No, no, actually no. No, by that point, there'll be an item by June the way she give it up. She's going to woo them all immediately. Just off that voicemail, I know he's going to be at his knees after Coney Island. We should do this next week. I don't know, Ma, she might be the one. You don't like girls with Reds?

She might be the one. You don't like girls with Red? She was very creative. That was a very creative submission. I will say that. I took Amara to the big snow shit in Jersey. What could be a fun first date is the two of them going skiing. Yeah, nah, we ain't going to do that either.

We ain't going to skin. Ma'all, like too many clothes. Nah, I mean, we could go just dinner. Talk, it's not loud, you know, get to, you know what I mean? Kick it, have some fun, have some laugh. you know what I mean something simple nothing too heavy can we I mean can we be at the table right next to you nah that'd be

that's like weird that's weird that's weird right next a couple table over y'all can be outside in the car waiting first of all I think I'm hungry I'm gonna get some food baby you just told me to sit outside Yankee Stadium now you want to come in the restaurant yeah I would have food outside that motherfucker too but you're not about to have me waiting in the car while you eating the full steak dinner

all right so yeah we can do dinner I just want to be clear is the apocalypse is I am legend happening right now I've never heard a helicopter that fucking loud over Yeah, that helicopter. It sounds like it landed on the building. Yeah, probably. Now are we going to walk outside after like, oh, all right. Yeah.

It's over. So good. Hopefully the nurse is still good. Yeah. All right. We have a music Friday, big music Friday. Valentine's. Big music Friday.

Big tune. I don't know if this is the case whatsoever, but I did see rumblings on the internet that we're getting a clips album. We're recording this on the 13th. So when you're hearing this, I could be completely right or completely wrong. But I did hear we may. we may be getting a clips album tonight yeah okay interesting which is just going to be stepping on more shit i don't want to talk about on the spot but the one we do know is some sexy songs for you

some sexy songs for you uh the long awaited and a long anticipated uh collaborative album from drake and party next door is officially releasing tonight well if you're hearing this it's already out um in your phone um a lot of people have been waiting to hear this they dropped a few snippets a few videos that Drake and party have posted. People like what they're hearing. And again, this is something that I think people want it for a while and we're finally getting it. I'm going to put more on a compromising situation

because I know he loves Freddie Gibbs. Did they steal Freddie Gibbs' entire creative with the rabbits and the S-Money shit through the whole thing? All the art direction look like Freddie Gibbs to me. I'm not going to say they stole Fred's... I'm not really jacking it. Okay.

Have you seen the artwork? What, for some sexy songs for you? Yeah. Yeah. So it's not sold separately, not the rabbit. All right, cool. Y'all got it, my bad. Listen.

The dollar sign, well, the dollar sign stands for the S's. No, no, I know. But it was the same thing. There was S's and sold sold separately. No, I get that part, but I don't think that they stole that from Freddie. The rabbit, I know Freddie calls herself Big Rabbit, things like that. Big Rabbit? I don't, that's, yeah, y'all think that's a cool, like, rap nickname?

I'm Big Rabbit. I said, no, that's what Freddy calls. I know, but I'm saying. There was B rabbit. He won a few battles. I wouldn't call myself that. It's big rabbit, right? Oh, it is.

Big, big bunny. They don't say rabbit. It's not big bunny. See, baby D-making shit weird. How? Big bunny. It's not big bunny. Where do you see Big Bunny at?

That's a bunny. It's a rabbit. Tomato tomato. No, it's not the same. Mice and mouse is different. Listen. I don't know, man. Drake took that from Gibbs.

He took the Scorpion shit from West Side. I feel like Drake be paying attention to the underground and stealing their sauce. That's all. You are never going to Toronto again. Like, I've just going to know. Yeah, I know. You are never.

You know me. You are never going to Toronto. Wait, I have been at your side for this whole thing. I better get a fucking citizenship to Canada after this. It's over. You got to wear outside. Yo, not being able to go to L.A. or Toronto is fucked up. That's what's fucked up where I just would love that reality.

could set in with everyone that I have been the most objective because both sides hate me. TDE and OVO. How could you be more objective? No, no fuck with you either. I think you all fucked up. Or I'm actually the most objective person on the internet. Yeah. I agree.

You think you're the most objective person on the internet? Yeah. Okay. That's what's up. Some sexy songs for you available now. Drake and Party Next door. Have you heard any of this? No.

Okay. That was a yes. All right. I'm excited to hear it. I really don't have much to this until we actually cover it on Monday. But I am excited for it. I love party. Some good, Valentine's Day weekend, some R&B.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to this project. Roy, did you hear Tudit? Did I? You Tuted it? All right. I'm sorry. Calm down. Sorry.

Sorry. I will say I was excited that New Music Friday is that my song was above Cardium Party. but as soon as I was doing the streaming farm shit from my record and went right to the new Coil-Leray song, which is Fire, by the way, and then right to Tute it, that was my three. It was, who are you anyways? To Coil-Lay, and I had toot it on repeat. Even though it's like, it's about 45 seconds, the entire song, it was easy to keep up repeat. I miss old Cardi's tone.

Like you could really tell that that was recorded eight years ago. I thought that was kind of like a marketing plan. That shit was definitely on the hard drive from 10 years ago. No, it sounds like it's from 10 years ago. Well, you like that record? Hell yeah. Ma don't like it. What don't you like about it?

I just don't like it. It's like, you know what it is? I think it sounds very, the bar sounds very like captiony, very like, I've read this on social media before. So the shit that party writes for God. Huh? Not all of them. But I get what he's saying, but it's, the song is called Tudit. We know what it's for.

No, we know what to expect. But even if it's called Tudat, I just. Just the lyrics just felt like I read them somewhere before. Like as they're saying them, I'm like, these are just quotes from social media. Whatever girl puts as her caption, A Sucking Dick gets me wet. Point me to her,

I've never seen girls tweet that before. I've heard a girl say it. If you hit refresh right now, girls tweeted that. Like, are you kidding me? Valentine's Day week and they definitely tweet that way. I thought Zuckerberg suppressed all of that. Hell no. Yeah, that's that.

I mean, I don't know. I just don't. It's cool. And then it's not for me. It's cool. Yeah, it's cool. I could hear myself twerking to it. I did.

I put it on when I was in the gym. De Maris, I'm going to just going to go ahead to say this. I think you will twerk to anything. I twerk to at a J. Cole concert to love yours. Exactly. So you will twerk to anything.

So when you say I twerk to it, that's like saying, yo, I went to shower when I got wet. Like it's like, duh. Absolutely. That's what's supposed to happen.

You can tell that it is a partisan Fontaine record that Cardi promised she would like put a verse on. Like, that's a party record. But I think that's why I don't like it because I, because I like, partisan so much, and I respect this pen so much, that I think I was expecting

toot it. I know what they're going for with toot it. But I just was expecting a little more slick and clever wordplay out of it. Do you fuck with parties music, though? Party, yeah. Yeah, I think parties underrated. I don't like to say party because people think we're talking about P&D. Partisan.

But I fuck with partisan. Like, yeah, I think his album was underrated. And that's one of my favorite joints on the album. But yeah, not. Absolutely. I like him a lot. I think he's super dope. But I just, this record just was like, it was from him and Cardi, I expected just a little.

I thought they would have just threw it out there. When they filmed a video for it, I was like, well, that's why I will say I was wrong. When they had did the video and doing that announcement shit, I was like, well, this has to be part of Cardi's rollout. I don't think that at all now. Like, that's just dead ass, like a minute record that was on a hard drive. Yeah, that's a part of your car. I don't really know why they did that. Yeah.

They could have kept it, but I fuck with it. I just don't know if it's going to catch because it does sound like eight years ago. Yeah. And I think people are looking. Maybe that's exactly what it is, but it sounds very captioning. I know that's part of the writing process now. You want to have those lines that people get easily and that they'll post and that girls will take that part of the song and TikTok it.

I get that, but I just, it's just too obvious, I think, with this record for me. That's what it is. I like if you a ballplayer, toot-toot-that-ass, too-toot-that-ass. If you're a ball-player, I'm trying to recruit that ass. That was cool. That was, I'm mad at that. That was a little slick line. I ain't mad at that.

I like that bar. But then that was it for me that I heard. And I was like, okay, you know what I mean? That line was cool, but I'm more on the side. I'm a freak sucking dick gets me wet. That was the bar that I was like, oh, okay. That's the one that really stuck with you yet. You post bikini picks and they be fucking up than that?

Yeah. I get it. Now they just ass naked. That's how you could tell it was eight years ago. Yeah. Bikini pick does nothing. Bikini pick does she's wearing too much. Get this fucking nun out of here.

She's wearing too much. What is Muslim? Yeah. Oh, man. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. We can hurry up tomorrow. We didn't talk about this album when it dropped. But I do like the album.

At this point, I think it's hard for a weekend to put out a bad album or a bad project. But this Hurry Up Tomorrow album is dope. The one song that I wish he fucking had a longer version of, I think it's called Opening Night, opening nights. I think that record is dope. But The Weekend is, you know, he's the weekend, man. There's nothing bad you can say about an artist like The Week. And with the album is dope. I enjoyed it.

So yeah, I don't know about you, Rory. Did you hear it? Yeah, no, I did. The second half of it picked up the most to me. The intro is hard, too. I like the intro a lot. Yeah. What do you guys think is going to stick from this project?

That's kind of been my thing. The other thing, the thing that I'm kind of like, damn, but I understand it because the weekend is one of those artists where he's not going to cut his art short. Which is, like, I fucked with Dawn FM. It's a wrong album, though. It just wasn't a lot that stuck. I liked it, but if their goal now is shit sticking, or maybe it's not. I'm just not sure what record is going to do it.

The album is almost two hours, an hour and 45 minutes. Yeah. Probably a little less than that. But opening nights is, I love that. Open the night, I love that joint. Also, timeless, well, timeless, obviously. Niagara Falls I like. I think that's something that could stick.

Just the music. It's a dope project. I like this album. I like this album a lot. Don't mind me. I didn't hear you, so I can't mind you. I didn't hear anything you said. West Sidegun is putting out 12.

Of course, the 12th edition of, what's the name? Hitler, Wiz Armesz? What? That's what you mean? I didn't fucking, I didn't say hell, Hitler. I just said, Hitler. I have the giggles today. I just said, Hitler with Irmez.

No, 10 is my favorite. I was mad that he had to call it 10. Yeah, like 12. Come on, man. It ain't 12? Yeah, no, it's not. No, 12 came in and said, you can't call it. Yeah, 12 went up to the label.

To all my Jewish friends, I apologize for those jokes. This is my favorite West Side Gunn series of everything that he does, so I am excited for this. Not because of what the name was originally, just based off the music. I feel like he goes a little extra with this series.

So I'm very much excited for it. I think there was, what, like 10 stove god features? Yeah. That's a beautiful. First thing I put on at midnight. Yeah. DeMaris, you gonna put that on or now? No, I'm kind of cool.

I'm cool. I'm cool. You like Stovito, right? No, he's really good at rapping, but I don't listen to that kind of. Where I'm gonna be there? Really? I thought you would listen to that. I would listen to that.

I would listen to it to say, oh, whether it's a good album or bad. I'm like on a day-to-day, I'm not playing that. You don't go back to it. Yeah, I'm not going to go back to that. Do you think you can get me a stove-god feature? I have the song already Yes Okay

I'll pay cash too Like he ain't even got to No wires No taxes I mean I'll drive with you up to Cuse I don't even think He doesn't even live there But yeah I can reach out

Try to get you one Okay Because I got the joint You do Okay Is there anything else that's coming out I always hate doing like the Friday shit Because I'd like to just cover this once

It's actually out Yeah because you never know What's officially really gonna drop So I hope that, you know, I want to hear what the clips do. I mean, all right, if we get a clips album tomorrow and it's as good as we think it already is, where am I at with my 2025 predictions? Yeah, we do got to run that back and see, see how you're doing.

You getting up there. Because I said clips going to have rap album of the year. Mm-hmm. You said Bruno Myers was coming back to take his throne. Which that might be the only. when I'm wrong about. I don't think that you're wrong about that at all. He's number one on. He got a Grammy and he's number one. He was number one on Billboard. So how you

were actually pretty right about that. You're talking about the record with Lady Gaga? Yeah. That's a dope record. Leangelo Balls A record. Got that one. Peach said Sabrina Carpenter's coming out tonight too, right? And I said her and Dochey going to do a song. If Dochey on that shit tomorrow, like I better come

with the Valentine's Day flowers when I walk in on Monday. Rihanna tests the water to trick us already batting a thousand Bruno Mars, Cardi B says she's going She's on the Smurf project Oh okay But you can't But rock nation is doing that right?

I don't know am I allowed Yeah okay You can't pat yourself on the back Until until it's official There's a Rihanna song on that project You think she's just posting the Smurf But you don't know if she's teasing you yet That was my prediction though

Oh okay I saw a billboard on the way to work today that was interesting. Disney has a movie coming out called Harlem Ice. No, I didn't see. Yeah, I haven't heard of that. Yeah, I was like, what, this is a nice? It's a bill. I was like, Harlem Ice. I was like, I didn't even hear about this. Is you skating? I think it's about a black girl that's a figure skater. Young skaters from Harlem face challenges and triumphs. This is season two. Season two. So when was season one? Yo, I'm crying.

I got to watch this. I said Harlem Ice? I've never even heard that. Oh, it's a five-part documentary series, and the first episode came out February 12, 2025. So when is season two coming out? If the first episode came out. That's not true. It comes out. The first episode came out the other day yesterday. I got to watch that, Harlem Ice, Disney.

You got to check that out. What was that pond that's in Sugar Hill? Was that Park? In Sugar Hill? What park is that right there? Oh, shit, shit, shit. Is that where it shot? It might be.

I just want to know where the figure skaters. Yeah. That was interesting to see figure skaters and how I didn't even know that. That was dope. I got to watch that. It said it's a documentary. Yeah, a five-part documentary series. I got to watch that.

I saw the billboard and it was like Disney Harlem Ice. So then I automatically thought of like a black girl who's a figure skater from Harlem. Like, and what do you know? It's figure skaters in Harlem. Maul, I sent it to the group chat. I don't know if they showed it to you. When we were all in here when Sean was plastering us with liquor and weed. there was this thing going on, I guess, this Temptation Island.

I don't know what country they're in. Does anybody know what country they're in? Spain. So there was, did you see that? Yes. Montoya! Porque! Yo, don't act like y'all haven't been sitting there just screaming porque in your head.

Not porque. Forke. You got to roll hard. It's not pork. Pork. Pork. You're saying pork. Pork.

K. Yeah, no, porque. Forke. That nigga ran across. You know how hard it is. the run in sand. Wet sand. Like he ran in the wet part of the sand.

You got a train for that. Yeah. That's like running in mud. Like he was... For those that don't know, there's this show that I'm sure Nick Lachay has... Yeah, Nicklachie has looked at his wife and said, why the fuck didn't we do this? No, Nicklachie's behind this. He's definitely behind this. He's a ghost producer?

100%. Absolutely. Which I don't even fully understand what this show is. I just saw the clip as well. It appears that Montoya is watching his girl get fucking mollywapped by another dude in a bed on camera, knowing where the hotel even is. The fact that you would put me that close where I could run, knowing that was about happening.

It looks like they're all living in the same house, right? That type of thing. They're all in the same house, different couples or different people that were in relationships. And obviously his ex-girl or his, you know, whoever is sleeping with another castmate or another guy on the show. And they took him to a remote part of the island thinking that he, Montoya, wasn't going to run back.

He'd been running distance. Yeah, run back to the villa. Like, he was showing his girl having sex. to him and the girl is telling him like, yo, calm down. Calm down. So, watching my girl get fucked. The purpose of this show, right? Obviously, it's Temptation Islands.

They put a bunch of couples in a villa with a bunch of attractive singles. Yeah. To watch chaos ensue. Yeah. Now, the backstory between Montoya and Anita is that she watched him get a lap dance. Mm. And she figured that that was like cheating. So that's why she said you were the first one to mess things up.

That's girl math. Listen, I'm all my. I hate women empowerment. He get a lap dance. Only a woman to see that shit. I really going to fuck somebody. Getting dug out because your nigga got a lap dance is, on national TV is crazy.

Yeah, she's wild for that. That's absolutely insane. A lap dance does not equate to me having sex with a woman. She was currently cheating before that show. There's no way that she was that comfortable on camera getting drilled like that over a lap dance. No, she's been fucking. And the rules are you're not supposed to see or like you're not supposed to like be

physical with your partner that you're there with, you're not supposed to hug them, kiss them, no, nothing. So she broke the rules. If you saw on the clip, the second clip, the lady kept saying, you're breaking the rules, you're breaking the rules, because she ran up to him and she hugged him, like, please, please don't leave, like, yeah. She ran up to Montoya?

Mm-hmm. No, Montoya ran up to her. I mean. No, afterwards. Like, first of what she was like, can you imagine she's a girl after being fucked on camera by someone else trying to hug you? That is crazy. Yeah, she's.

That show needs more secure What is what these social experiments Why would they put people through this type of shit? Why would you volunteer to go through that? And it seems like every year They find a whole new group of people That's willing to go through the shit They just watched that home the year before

Like, oh yeah, let's go do that. No, if Clay can start speaking Spanish, he's gonna be on season two for sure. Speaking of Clay, he got a, Clay got a fucking, hold on me, let me get my phone. Clay got a fucking... The fact you got to get your other phone is crazy.

To get the Clay phone is nuts. Yeah, no, this the social media phone. Clay got, he's doing something with Boost Mobile, I think. And he posted it. Shout to my guy getting bags. I guess we could put the clip somewhere, Peach. So Clay is all here talking about, like, people are hitting him up. He's like this relationship guru, love guru now.

It's a boost. It's a boost mobile ad. Shout out to our guy, Clay. I laughed at this fucking clip. Get your money, King. For about 10 minutes last night, left a comment. Clay responded back laughing. I'm like, dog.

Clay, it's hard not to love Clay. bro. He's leaning into this whole shit, but it is dope that he was able to land this deal in his partnership with Boots Mobile. So shout out to Clay. That's what I have, Roy. Clay admitting that he likes promiscuous women. Mm-hmm. Do you think he would have a Montoya moment if he ended up in this situation, though? Like, you like one, you like those type of girls.

No, no, Clay, which is cool. I appreciate that you were honest about it. But if you wife one of them, there's a high chance that you could get Montoyaed. Yeah, but I think in this scenario, Clay would be the one doing the fucking. For sure. No, I don't know, man. Sometimes that karma creep up. Yeah, but I don't think it would happen on the show. That would happen in like away from the show to Clay.

On, with the cameras on, Clay is going to make sure. Any man that will leave a woman at the fucking altar in a dress. He's fucking on camera. He's fucking in the house for sure. Absolutely. Shout out to Clay, man. I really need to tune into that full show though, because I only saw that clip. I have to know what else is going on.

And the fact you got to read the subtitles because it's in Spanish. Love it. No, he was so hurt. He said he was fucking someone that can't even read. He called him a Muppet He was like, that Muppet, that's who you want No, the dude called him a Muppet When he was fucking his girl

Right before he fucked this girl He called him a Muppet That's why I feel like this has to be fake I don't know There's no fucking way that that could be real Because everyone's dying That look like real emotions bro Pam the producer next

Everyone's dying Like the fact that that TV even stayed up Is fucking crazy to me He dropped to his knee Fuck that whole run. Everyone's dying. Yeah, that got to be fake. That shit got to be fake.

I think it's real. You think they was really in there having sex? Yeah, fuck yeah. I think they was in there pounding. Really? Mm-hmm. I think that's fake. I'm sorry.

I think that shit is all for the cameras. There's no way that's a real... Back to what I said earlier. People do not... This does not happen. It does. I think people in other countries are wilder than us

when it comes to stuff like that. Oh, for sure. Especially passion country, Spanish-speaking countries. Yeah. Would you call them? Passion countries I got nothing

Oh y'all gonna act like y'all never Like y'all don't see No I'm passionate about them too A group up town like that's a that's a I'm passionate country Dikman is a passion country Broadway in itself Them niggas let you sell dope on their block

You fuck one of their girls And I order passion hookah When I get to do You go get killed fucking one of them girls up there That's for sure No they're uh I think they have more lenience with like cheating And other partners than we do over here

But that type of shit no everyone everyone is dying oh man shout out to montoya shout out to our people shout out to monta shout out to shout out the porque how do you go back to thanksgiving after that after we gave clay a lot of shit and like he was on tv and i understand reputation his mother's super religious that's got to be a tough thing to go back for holidays after you on tv what is the pre-conversation with all family members

when christmas comes around like all right everyone has to be very gentle with montoya no one bring up and you know there's always one uncle or two that's going to have to throw one shot in it. Yeah, absolutely. I don't think you gotta just lean into it, man.

We're on TV, we're stars now, obviously the shit is viral everybody knows us. While it does look crazy, again, I'm on the side that a lot of this shit is scripted and fake, but if it is real,

I mean, families have crazier stories. One of his uncles. Can you pass the Mac, Porque? Speaking of Porte, we are going to be joined by a very, very funny guest, Mr. Felipe Esperaza.

That's a wild transition and a racist one at that. I'm sure Felipe would love it, man. That's our guy. Shout out to Felipe Esperza. We'll be joining him soon, so let's get into that. All right, Rory, today we are joined by a very special guest, and I say special because not only is he funny, but he has a weird way of thinking because on my way home last night, we were talking about him.

And as soon as I got home and turned my TV on, he was the face on my screen. So I got a little scared. I'm like, okay, this guy's everywhere. But we are joined by the very funny, the legend. D'Aispaezza. Yes. What's up, everybody? What's up, fool?

Now, Felipe, you got your new special out, raging fool. Yes, correct. I wanted to watch it last night. I didn't get a chance to watch it, but I will watch it tonight. It just came out, I believe, Tuesday or Wednesday. So talk to us, man. How are you feeling being in New York? I'm good, man.

I like it out here. It's cool. It's not your first time, though. No, I've been here a long before. I came here the first time in 19... In 2000, that was my first time, 24 years ago. I was doing a part of a tour. We had a funny.

We had like Comedy Central had premium blend at the time, and HBO had Def Jam. So. You won last comic standing, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I want you know, it's funny, man. I won last comic standing and $250,000, a quarter of a million dollars.

And then my son's mom, she fought for, child support the next day. That was just convenient timing. Yeah. And she was going to file that day regardless. She was my biggest boulder. She was the last baby mama standing. White tennis shoes for everyone.

Did they say the amount when you won? Yeah. That's fucked up. See? They should have kept that to themselves. You could have said it was like, yo, it was like five grand. She had the county on hold.

Hold on. Yeah. Let me make sure he went. I saw on cable. So just check this out. The county was going to go straight to NBC and grab the whole check, right? But NBC talked to me before. Okay.

And I'm in front with everyone, but I'm the kind of guy that walks saying like, I'll roll somebody in the way. Hey, what's up? You know, what's all? What's all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I can never unsee this. Ready, bro. You know, what's up, Gary Owen?

You know, what's up easy? Fast, bro. And, yeah, man. And so I got to know everybody, bro. That's the guy who called me, Luke Ferigno, you know. Yeah, yeah. And so they walked up to me, go, hey, man, trial support could have come after you.

Yeah. Oh, they told you that. Yeah. And they goes, they gave me some, they gave me advice. They said, I want you to incorporate yourself. Mm-hmm. Or write the check to the corporation.

You're right. Then you could just cut a check of the right amount to the county. That's what I did. Yeah, that's how I got out of my child support. We did an LLC together. So now Mall is just as responsible for everything that. He got me tied into the bullshit. Yeah.

It's called co-parents and more. I have another son. Because I remember I wrote a body of the bid because I used to be a horrible person. I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. Horrible person. What about that is horrible? I would take his money and give it to her child support. It's keeping them to the family.

Yeah. My 420 pyramid scheme. To me, that's you being a mature co-parent. Getting along? Yeah, man, he came out to me. Felipe, I feel like quitting. mom, bro, think of your family. So talk to us about Raging Fool.

Raging Fool, a new comedy special, man. A special was like a lot of jokes, man. I hope it, a lot of jokes, man. More jokes than you ever seen, like the best jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the best jokes you've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I packed in a lot of jokes all into a special.

I remember reading an article about Ronnie Dangerfield, and he did like 54 minutes in Las Vegas. And I think he had, I'm guessing 76 punch lines in the joke in the like back to back one line and one line

His style was very quick hit Yeah So that's why I like to do it I like tell a little story But not too long You know I talk slow I'm I lose people

So I have a lot of jokes In the special Like back to back I think the first 15 minutes You have to put it on pause And turn on the subtitles So you go get it And then I'm go

laugh again When you're speaking in English, the English stuff, I don't go through. Talk to us about the comedy scene growing up in Mexico. I never knew that Mexico, I mean, obviously, it's great Mexican comedians, but what is the comedy scene like in Mexico? I don't know, bro. What is it a comedy scene in Africa? I don't know. Oh, shit.

I've never been to Africa. I never been to Mexico. I didn't start comedy in Mexico. You've been, but I'm just saying I've never heard about the comedy scene. I have never even. He started in Carson, California. What the Caled in the Cinnocin? It's not bad, actually.

But you wouldn't know about the college. How was the uprooted in 1916, bro? Listen. We still need Northern Irish. What was it like opening up for? What was it like selling merch for Bernie Mac? You walked into that one. You didn't really any email.

My bad, Felipe, I'm sorry. No, I'm not saying. Okay. I read the briefing from Netflix. No, I'm just. He, you saw. someone else's passport, got to Carson, California, and then ended up in East LA in the projects, and then Theodore Roosevelt showed up somewhere.

That was as fast as I read, that Netflix bio, and I was like, all right, man, he's vegan. You're vegan. We'll make this work somehow. But that doesn't mean. Bro, I'm in the right podcast. This podcast should be called, I already read the headlines. People in my neighborhood will be like, hey, bro, did you hear about the tariffs? And that's all they say because that's how they know.

No, we're pretty much like morning show DJs that have five minutes to read something and be like, is it, is comedy too controversial now? That's all we can do. That's all we got. Tell us about George Lopez. What's he like? Oh, he's cool with me, man. He's going to do a Dodger game. So that means he's cool.

I have to give him a kidney, but, you know. He already has, too. I like Felipe. He walked in and he saw my wife. weed roll up on the table. He was like, yeah, I'm in the right place. I liked that. I saw a no smoking sign and I got sad. No, you can smoke it. You can absolutely smoke it. Get it back to stand-up. I started a stand-up comedy, bro, before

internet, bro, before social media. So you might as well as I said, was in Mexico now. And there was no social media. So I had to really go to a library, bro, and look for a book. And that's for a librarian and go, I'm trying to find a book on comedy. I want to learn how to write. So she took me, like, upstairs. And there was like mountains of books, bro, like old ones, bro, like Shakespeare writing. And I finally found a good one. It was called Comedy Writing Step by Steps by Gene Perret.

And I just started reading it and started writing jokes. Okay. Went up on stage, bombed. But I got two jokes in, so everybody liked me. And I went back, kept going back. I met Jamie Kennedy the first time I did stand up. Oh, wow. Okay.

So I started hanging around with that crew for a while. And then I met another people and I started hanging around with them. So that's learning how to do stand-up This was Jamie Kennedy-Pree What was his punk show That Ashton Coucher stole? I can't remember the name You're older than me

Frank show Yeah, the prank show Yeah Did he involve you in that at all? No That's crazy That's wild that Jamie would do this I'm talking about my podcast

Okay And he voted for me At last comment stand He told everybody to vote for me This is inside of trading And we still have the same The friends that he had when he first started, they're still around, you know, and he takes them to open sometimes.

So that's nice of him. And those guys, you know, they've been around for a long time. What are some of the things on a raging fool that I can expect to be laughing at? I know you're going to cover a lot of the crazy shit that's going on now. It's dark. Some of the jokes are very dark. Dark humor is good. Yeah, man, it's very dark.

And, like, I have a joke where, I said I went to a, I talked about, I went to I went to a gender revealing party. A gender reveal party. Yeah, when I got to the woman's test, she got an abortion. Oh. Yeah. Then a balloon blew up and sprayed blood everywhere.

I got hit with a pancreas. I got hit with a uterus. So it's dark. You know, it's a dark humor. I mean, you could cut this off. No, no, no. It's fine. I want people to watch it live on my special

and get the real effect. So right now when you stay without no in a regular... I got the context. I don't tell my jokes on shows because people take it the wrong way. He really is like that. Because they don't know I'm a comedian.

But these are the jokes that I say. What gift did you bring to this gender review? A coat hanger? I brought a lot of people who are from Tennessee who can't have one in their states. Oh my God. A lot of...

I got to... A lot of endangered women who are enslaved in their states without a choice. You can see him at the San Diego Zoo. They're about going extinct. You can't even. So guys, what's it like being vegan? He's vegan too? Yeah, he's gay.

Wow, he's like me, bro. People don't believe me. They say, what do you eat crops? You're depleting our forest, fool? What are deep-friated lettuce? I get all that stuff. shit, bro. You're fucking fat, bro. You don't, you know, like, you know, like, Samaha'i, if I ordered on Timu. You can relate, though, because all of our listeners think Ma's the only fat vegan that exists.

Oh, no, bro. You just got the joke? He's not even fat. That's a double-up, though, hoodie, so he died in a little bit of it. Oh, man. All right. I'm back. I'm sorry. What, uh. Ralphie Mae, I don't know if you know Ralphie Mae. He'll stand up. He'll rest in peace. He was the first guy who stayed there. He's a vegetarian. Ever in history? Yeah, when we hanged out, he was big, and we thought, now what do you, we crops?

So we're just joking. Kevin Smith, you know, I think from the director of clerks, I think he might be vegan. And not Russell Simmons, but his partner from Def Jam. Oh, Rick Rubin. He's vegan. Yeah. But he got fat off eating Chinese food.

Yeah. Naturally. Would you guys do some type of conferences, vegans? Is there a group chat? Is there email? Let's do it. Oh, not me, man, because I do hang around a lot with nothing but meat eaters, bro. Yeah.

I'm the only vegan in the group. So, and then, man, like, I could watch people eat meat doesn't bother me. Right. Torn with him. I love the smell, man. Yeah. What made you go vegan? All right.

If you have kids watching this, tell him to leave the room. Our demo is 14 and under. Oh, man. I was talking like keto's diet. Okay. But before that guy decided to call it the keto diet, it was an actual diet that was invented by a guy named the Dr. Atkins diet. Yeah.

Dr. Atkins. So I went full hardcore, bro, two weeks with all the comics. We were on the road. Yeah. So we just, let's just try this shit two weeks. Yeah. We ate hamburger meat, like in and out with no letters. Yeah.

Just pure meat and cheese, bro, for two weeks to eat meat, cheese, diet Coke, no water. no water bro um no no vegetables no fruit just meat and cheese bro yeah i would like constipated bro for at least two days i had to go to a lamars class you don't have to take a shit right like a woman giving birth what was the breathing technique they told you it was bad bro like like i blew out my asshole bro like i felt like i got saddamized by a ghost like it was painful bro like and like it's and it's something you could talk comfortably now, but not something you could just pull your friends to the starting to go away.

No, therapy, I'm sure to help you get through it. Does your ass burn after eating two slices of pizza? That's a commercial. Why are you telling me this? Does your ass burn after eating pizza? But it took a while, man. I was just laying in bed, man, and I had to,

my butt was in pain, and then I couldn't tell my wife because I was embarrassed, you know, you're going to be a man. So, man, and then, like, she would be on top of me, and I'm, like, going, ah, But it felt like I was liking it, but I was in pain. I didn't just have an orgasm.

I'm bleeding out of my ass. You queefed. Yeah. It was painful, bro. So then I said, fuck this, bro. No more meat, no more cheese. Oh, my God, man. I lost a lot of weight.

You know, when it worked, right? And I don't know if anybody ever, like, cleanse himself. Yeah. But I had that cleansing poop. Yeah. Came out like a boot. Like oil, bro. like it was black

it was like liver brother and I had to like take a picture of it and Google it and they told me that it was normal it didn't say it was cancer the only time Google will tell you not dying it felt it looked like like like those things that you can go

swimming in the river and they get stuck you like a leech it felt like a leash it looked like a leech and blow it up is that what happens with you after your juice cleanser? That's never happened oh you do juice cleansing?

Yeah that's never happened oh he comes in here cranky as fuck that he's on his juice cleanses. My mom, when we were little, we didn't want to eat or something. I don't know why we'll do that, but they'll put it in a room. My dad, my dad would put it in a room, and he'll get like this tube like this. And it was like a bedpan on the floor. Yeah.

And then he just showed up her ass and then shoot water or something. I don't know what it in, but everything will come up, bro. Like an animal. Like you struck oil. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

I never talked about that to right now. I think that was torture. I didn't know why they did that. We don't king shame here, so, you know, whatever they were into. But what were the point of that? You guys know anybody? No. Is it the wrong show for that?

No, this is the right show. This is the absolute right show for that. Animal. Yeah. So my mom was my enema. Oh, shit, man. My dad was my anima. Public enema.

Maul is actually into a lot of that. He calls it getting his diaper change. He's really into like when a woman goes around that area. That's his thing. That's funny, bro, because I thought about that, you know, because, like, I got breath to I was later in life, you know, like, real late. Yeah. Embarrassing late.

But, like, my mom would breath, yeah, she was breast me until 4. Your mom breastfed you until 4, right? Very Mexican. Yeah, man. And it was embarrassing, bro, because they didn't leave my mom instead of the playground in my school. Yeah. So she had to put her boo ball, bro, behind the gate.

Like through the gate? Yeah, through the gate I'd be like this. Like a kid that's outside of Mexico in the mountain San Diego. I thought reduced lunch was embarrassing. And then it's funny because I knew that I was like you, bro, like,

before I was still doing baby stuff like playing with my hair and trying to touch my toes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe when it's been a feeling. Going like that. And I always thought it was sad, you know, like, because I'm not, I'm glad that I didn't take it to the next level and dressed up like a baby and want to be baby and want to be showered. Yeah, because that would have been weird.

Because you can't have hard. You can't find a, like, it would be, you would pay a prostitute to do that, man. You can't have a regular woman to do that. She didn't want to raise another baby, you know. She left to her with her mom's just to be with you. Well, she probably didn't have a mother. That's why she's in the line of work. She's in. But I'll be sad, dude. I think that would be the saddest thing. you're driving around just like a baby man you you follow to a product hey how much

$200 dollars too much do they do they allow your mom around like 200 feet within a school at this point or yeah man my mom got a job in the school as a nurse

at your school yeah she was like a stalker she wanted to keep an eye on us because you got a job they had to hire yeah and people would man

I would root rose battles because my mom worked there and they were just rose to me all the time man that's why I became a comedian because I had to get beat up all the time by people making fun of me you're fucking stupid at mom she's a nurse now motherfucker that bitch was stealing fucking bandages

I don't know what with those are your clothes I take a school district on them PES 187 So it's cancel culture killed comedy Oh my My mom would even take, my mom would bring, my mom make it bad for her because she would take like the leftover lunch food to our house.

So, man, we're having a birthday party and then like the kids could tell that my mom put frosting over the coffee cake from school. Yeah, yeah. Easy. So you're eating like a frosted cake and people are eating it. Wait a minute, man, this is the one from school. I mean, it was made with rest of them. you owe the ticket. Oh my.

Felipe is fucking crazy. Oh, shit. Anyways. Do I have to watch... Do you guys? I'm wearing my glasses. Louis and Kaye. Ari Spears.

You both have wide hips. Felipe, fuck you, man. I got... This is the first time I'm ever fucking silent. Yo, I can't... Do I have to watch... Richie Pee and yourself, sir? Oh, my God.

I mean... Is crazy. Listen. I mean... It's what Louis C.K. did. wrong. I met him. Louis C.K.? Bro, he gave me a phone call.

Well, his manager, Dave Becky, at the time, ex-manager now. He was trying to get a hold of me, and he called a laugh fact, he called the Comedy Store. Then Louis C.K. calls me up, and we're, like, talking in Spanish. He's from Mexico, man. He speaks better Spanish than me. And I'm messing up English, too.

And he goes, yeah, when we started talking, and he was turning at Airbnb. And I met him. Albert Brooks and Greg Daniels. Okay. Yeah, man. And then all of a sudden, bro, they all started masturbating on me.

Yeah. I heard that's the key to making it in comedy. And they get canceled, bro. Three months later and nothing happens, bro. Hair's still wet. Why are you telling you, man?

That story never happened that way. But that's the way I tell the fans when they want to hear a story. And I'm trying to get to my hotel room. Tell the story about Hollywood. And once I tell that story, that's it. They leave me alone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just say go to Louis C.K. I'd pull your dick out. They'd probably leave. Oh, my God. That's how he got away from fans. I hear when people say that, if people don't know, like Hollywood,

they say that you got to sleep your way to be famous. No, you don't. No, you don't, because I slept my way to the bottom. Yeah, it's the only way. Who did you sleep with that you thought was going to take you there? My uncle, bro. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Right podcast. Yeah. I thought that was going to get me from the kids' table at Thanksgiving to, like, I'm saying when I didn't wear. I've still the kid. I have a joke now where I say that because in California, anybody who get a handicapped sticker now. Yeah.

Because I remember when we were kids, if you had a handicapped sticker, you need it one, bro. You'll wait for him to come out of the car, you know, like a transformer. I saw a guy in a Tesla which I come out of a parking for handicapped people.

I go, ask him, bro, what happened to you, man? Oh, bro. My dad didn't give me enough hugs growing up. And my uncle, my leg, me, man. Yeah. And I'm allergic to dogs so I can't get a sensitive dog. Yeah.

And then I was thinking to my talk, I got molested by my uncle too. My mom just told me to not wear those shorts no more. Yeah. I mean, you were asking for it, what you were wearing. But it's funny, man, because when I remember, like, dancing, bro with no T-shirt on in front of the ice cream, man. And then my mom was, like, more afraid of me being gay than being sexually assaulted by that man. She said,

You're Hoto! You're putto! Instead of, What are you doing with my son? Why is he in the ice cream truck? Why is he dancing with no t-shirt on? But my mother didn't know, man, ever since then, I want to perform.

And he said, whoever takes his t-shirt first, it's an ice cream. Now, like, the fattest kid, right? So, that's all it takes. Because on Friday night, I want to dance.

So I dance. I dance. Dance, dance, dance, that. To the ice cream, man, instrumental. Oh, my God. Does that uncle still get tickets to the show? No, man. I remember that they were, like,

some kid in my neighborhood who got kidnapped, bro, and we're a little. And I remember, man, he was like the bully kid, but he was like a friend. Everybody had a friend, but he's your bully. Yeah.

You know, he hangs wrong, but he bullies you, you know? Yeah. He gives you a wedge or something, but he's still your buddy. Yeah. He don't have your back, but he's your buddy.

You know, he's your bully. Yeah. And I have a bit because I remember around. He was taking, they took this food in a truck. And I was trying to get on the truck too. He goes, get out, you fat ass. They don't watch you. Aw.

What a dick, bro. So they took his ass, dumb ass. Yeah. No, we had someone on my blog. He could have had a buddy. We had someone on my blog that was like that too. And we called him Chester the Molester. We had Pete, bro.

And I was kind of tight. He never, like, invited me over. He invited some of my older friends. We have peed to sleep. It was his man by my dad's best friend. And like, he's not alive anymore. And we already beat up half of his kids. So, um, but it's funny, man, how when that happens, you don't know what's happening, bro.

So it's happening. And if you're like, like, you just don't know, man. And. But anyways, I want to get too deep on there. But yeah, man. Yeah. Oh, now you don't want to tell the story. You'd have told us all that it's shitfully,

Bate, and now you want to stop. Well, that would be deflecting feelings, but now they got serious. I mean, did he give you the firecracker popsicle? No, man. He didn't ever got that way. Ice cream sandwich, but... This man, he put his hand in some of my stomach like this, and he'll rubbing my little chubby, little 12-year-old stomach.

And then he took out cash, and then he goes, he goes, you want those $10? And I said, and I grabbed them, bro, and he was trying to put his hand inside between my legs. But I ran, bro. I ran with the 10 bucks. Yeah, yeah. But nothing never happened.

But you still like, you still have that feeling, bro. Like the feeling, you know, like you're dirty, you know, you feel bad. Yeah. Because I never happened to you, man. And you want to tell somebody. Yeah. But you're also so, so like, you don't know, man, because you don't want to get that person in trouble. Now he's your dad friend.

You're going to be like the asshole, you know. You know, like you're going to embarrass a family. So I let it go, man. And then, bro, when I was 20 years old, we were at his house and we were all partying because my friends, they were natives and their mom was at home. And this was a neighbor that was their parents were always home. They were always home. They were always home. But this time they weren't home.

So it was a big party. We were all getting tattoos. I got my little three dots. And then my friend was passed out on the couch like this. On the periphery of my eye, I saw that same man that was trying to grab me like this eight years ago. He was rubbing my friend's pants like this. And then I said, oh, you want to do your ass?

And then my friend said, hell yeah! And then my other friend said, hell yeah! And one friend said, without quiet. So anyway, that dude that didn't say nothing, he went over there, bro. He beat the shit out of him. And they grabbed them and we talked to have walked the window, bro, and went after all his sons. That's a beautiful ending. Yeah.

No, that was poetic. Am I the only one that found that? Oh, my God. Felipe, win? Yeah, man. We all got tattoos. Like before, after the window scenario. After, man.

Can I ask what the tattoo was? No, I got the three dots and I got a. the baby mama that won the settlement deal in the back. And my friend, he got a little beautiful chick right here. But it was funny, man, because as soon as they got the tattoo, a pimple busted out where the eyeball is. And the tattoo guy was telling him,

don't pop that pimple, man. Don't pop that pimple. And now he popped it. Now the girl looked like the tattoo looked like she was shot in the face. It's art. It's art. Yo, Felipe, when can we get you on tour, man? I want to know, after he was thrown out the window,

did he say that? To come to the show, man. Oh, after you threw him out the window, man. Oh, man, he didn't stop, bro, man. He was a pinata, bro. Candy was coming out of him. After y'all beat the shit out of him, did anyone rub his belly after just for,

Just for good measure. I don't know, man. We all ran laughing. Like we just broke a window or something. Oh my God. This dude is crazy. Felipe's out of fucking control, man. Well, this was great.

Oh, my God. Felipe, when can we catch you on tour? Because I'm coming, man. At my leisure tour, I'm at Philippeisworld.com. I'm coming to the town hall. The town hall. March 7th. March 7th at the town hall, New York City.

But all my dates are at Philippe's World. dot com. I'm also on on the Eric Andre's show. I'm the co-host of the host, the most. Hannibal Burr's brought me in and then he quit and I stood there with Hannibal Burr's robot.

I remember. Yeah. And I'm also on soup on one episode of Shifting Gears with Tim Allen. Okay. And they don't know none of this. Well, I'm definitely coming to the town hall show. I got to come check you out a lot. Please go, bro. And check out

raging fool. Yeah, congrats. On Netflix, directed by my wife over there, Lisa O'Donnell. Lisa, how do you deal with this fucking maniac? But God bless you. God bless you. And don't let anyone know about the child support. That Netflix bag never even happened. Felipe Espadaza, Netflix, Raging Fool, available now, stream it. Support this fucking maniac so we don't have to see him again. What's up, fool? Can we wait to be back? This is what suppressed trauma looks like We'll talk to y'all soon Felipe Espadazaa

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