New Rory & MAL - Episode 532 | Obsession

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Happy Friday gang! Demaris is back in town and anxious to discuss ‘Obsession’ and ‘The Drama’ (maad spoilers ahead, btw) We discuss Lionel Richie throwing shots (?) at CB and Usher, as well as Larry June + Jhene Aiko, Russell Westbrook retiring + more! Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or https://www.boostmobile.com/promo/25-forever Go to https://baskandlatherco.com and use code RORYANDMAL for 20% offSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, A.O. rewatch, our brand new podcast, where we revisit. every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined

by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin,

legendary musician, Amy Man, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song about it. Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that.

Listen to Podlandia. AEO rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Tuturo. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lease Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, delivering happiness with Nick Tatourl, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing, my belt? To Bill Burr.

I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up. including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free High Heart Radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Totoro. And listen now.

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier. And Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men.

Do better or do less, so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Demaris is back. Well, technically I was in today's episode or yesterday's episode. Oh, yeah, I guess.

All right, well. But I'm back in office, yes. Now you let everyone know it was pre-recorded. Oh, sorry. Tamaris comes running back as soon as Meg the Stallion post her she's put a new album. Oh, yeah. That's what it takes. Act three. Charging my ass cheeks now.

May I got a new album coming? Yeah. Do we think Beyonce's upset about the title? No. They're the same camp. They could have talked about it. She would have been upset earlier because she already released Act 1 and Act 2. I need them both to drop Act 3, actually. Listen, man, I mean, no matter what the music sounds like, me and Pete, we're talking, we get new Megastalian videos. So I'm always here. That's why I'm mad. I'm here for a new rollout.

I don't care about the music no more. I love the images she posted. I don't care about the news. What your videos look like? That's what I'm going to see. What's the video looking like? Maul, did you hear that? He's a visual learner.

Yeah. You hear that doja cats going on tour Rolato? Yes, they'll be here in December. I'm going. Oh, my bet. He had a phone. Oh, shit. My bet.

That's his last year. She announced her tour. She was on a European run, I think. But I think she just announced that Lotto is joining her. I don't think she's about it. You know, yeah, Lotto was just announced recently. Yeah. When I saw that, I was like, I was like,

in December to see Doja Cat. That's happening. God, no, I hear you. Yeah, I'm a fan of the arts. Yeah, you know, I love Doja. I'm a Doja stand. Okay. I think I'm going to buy tickets.

I really need to see Tia Tamera live. I've never seen it live before, so. Tia and Tamara? It's a Doge Cat song. Oh, I'm about to say. No, they're not doing like Tia Tamera. Yeah, I thought my sister sister is going live, like on Broadway. About me like, okay.

Remember a rapper you should have like comedians open for them? Yeah. Now they're just doing reboots of sitcoms before the show. Yeah. And Doja, you know she got the girls now. They're called, that's what the song is about. My twins, my twins, big like Tia Tamara. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So got to go see the twin. You know that. I'm a twin. Got to support the twins. Come on. Yeah. No happy left-handed day from anyone today?

Appreciate you guys. Who do you even know that? Left-handed day? Yeah. Left-hand appreciation day. So what do you do everything with your right hand today? No. Just you salute with your left.

Okay. To everyone. Why are you right? I keep forgetting you a lefty. Because it marks up your whole hand and arm. How would I know you're a lefty? We don't even write no more. That's true.

What the last time? He eats with his left hand too. Eat my left hand. Oh, he eats sandwiches. He eats both and he's double fisting. There you go. You've never seen me with a fork before? He smoked his hookah with his left hand too.

I've never seen, I've never seen Rory smoke with him. Oh. You ain't, it seemed like you ain't never seen Rory do shit. Like, goddamn. No, not with his hand. She's seen me sign a check a bunch of times. She's seen me right before. Yeah.

You know what? And I meant to address that misogyny that you just throw in. It's just being the only girl in an all-male podcast, it's just a bunch of misogyny jokes that just get thrown in the group chat. Love massage.

And you threw that Twitter and me, and they're like, oh, look, it was an all-girl dinner and no one thought to, no one reached for the check. Oh, that was fun.

Bitches eat, women eat better than y'all. Well, you're not selling the joke properly. It was about the WMBA meeting for lunch. When women go out to eat, like, we throw down, like, when it comes to, like,

we eat more than y'all. Like y'all go out to dinner with your home boys and get like some french fries and a drink women will go out and get 50 things bill'll be seven hundred dollars it'll be four of them and they break it down no problem so i just hate that rhetoric no no no but that's what but that's what we're saying when it's y'all together like you have no problem paying when you're on date with a guy that you've been dating for a while like you're not picking up no well yeah no but that was in the context he was talking about was a group of women there was no man you don't think there's any woman at that table that maybe texted a guy she was speaking to and said babe can you send me money for my portion of the before you You're so, it's just, I'm asking. The misogyny just rains out of you. No, I don't think any of the, I don't think any of the people who, I don't think any of the people who run the WNBA are sent up there thinking like, oh, nah, let me text a man for like the money for dinner. I wasn't suggesting that happened with all the GMs at the WMBA. They texted their girlfriend. So you set yourself up for that one.

But you don't think that's happened before. And to me, that's being a gentleman. I thought that was good. We believe in double standards. You're doing that like your thing. Your underhanded like compliment thing. Like it's your insults to people. Is it Uchi Wally or one Mike?

You're insulting people. It's shade. Just when you're shady, just be shady. Like you know me when I throw all my shade. When Ma thought all his shade, we just throw that shit. What am I being shady about? Saying you don't think anybody like text a man to like pay for the check? No.

I was asking. No, I don't think they did. I think they. That's never happened. Women, no, I'm not saying it's never happened. But women regularly go out and just pay for shit. Like the men pay for shit thing rhetoric that you throw out all the time. I don't throw out all the time.

And I've actually agreed with you when we've had this terrible Twitter debate. When you and Malden had it, I've agreed and batched you up and said, yes, I know women to pay for their own meals. Yeah. Listen, you'll never shine in the shade, sis. I'm not on that type of time.

It'll be you, it'd be you, but you'll be too pussy to just throw the shade. It's the only place I can live in. You flick the shade like a booger when nobody's looking. You don't really throw the shade for real. Me and Ma'amaw cut the motherfucker tree down and throw that bitch.

You don't do that. I'm too busy paying the check. Any whom with my left hand. Is it misogyny if it's true, though? It is misogyny to assume that women need men to pay for everything. Yes, I think that that is. Where did I say that? But I'm not, I'm referring to what I'm saying.

That's not always true. It's not even mostly true. No, I'm not saying women always need, but there are some women that always want a man to pay for everything. Yeah, there is some women that always want a man to pay for everything. But like the average woman, you have mad women in your life. mad of them. You don't mad, talented, get money women that just go out to eat all the time, spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars and don't ask a nigga for nothing.

And I know mad women on the other side of that too. I'm sure you do. That's all I'm saying. I definitely know women that pay for their own shit, for sure. But there's a lot of women that prefer not to pay for their own shit. No, I would prefer not to pay for my own shit. But I just dropped $120 on lunch for myself. Like, we do that regularly. Yeah.

That's just not physically responsible. Bring back $20 lunches. Yo, nah, dead ass. Dead ass. Oh, you guys don't watch Fox News or CNN. The $20 burrito debate is going crazy. EJNOSR algorithm. This whole world is losing their fucking mind over the $20 burrito.

What side are you on? You're saying they shouldn't be $20? I'm saying burritos should be cheaper than $20, yes. But one side. What a burrito look like? Listen, man, put on your bootstraps and whatever the fuck they say. Go shit, pull up. Just pay whatever they say.

Pull up the picture of the $20. Oh, it's my job. No, fuck that. Pull up the picture from the 90s at a McDonald's menu. My mom used to tell me we got McDonald's at the house. I used to ask for McDonald's, the

value mail was $369. Yeah. Dollar menu really used to $4? Back then $4 was worth a lot more or $4 back then was like $11. That's crazy. I just, I don't know where that's. That's wild as fuck.

And you see, we're still paying the bills and nothing changing on the other side. Pussy inflation didn't go up. I had to talk with one of my friends. She was like, she was talking about the whole one. Drake said he hates tricking.

Did he say that? The word tricking because it gets like a negative connotation. Yeah, he was kind of wrong in that though. I had a conversation with a friend of mine. She was like, yeah, see, take notes. She sent it to me and said take notes. She sent you something that Drake, the billionaire, said, and told you to take notes?

And then said, we need more Drake. Women, I just love like women. Women's delusion sometimes is just so like, it's just adorable to watch sometimes. Well, how did you feel about his sentiments there? Because you've been very vocal, very anti-tricking for your entire podcast career. No, fuck my podcast, my entire life. I'm just saying what that people have heard. Not everyone has heard, you know, you on the soapbox about tricking prior to.

Yeah, I'm not paying a woman for her time and her attention. No, I'm not doing that. Never doing that. But now, do I spend money on women that I know that absolutely? Like a bunch of women in my life that I have dated, not dated, friends of mine, like, they'll tell you, I have no problem. Well, I mean, T.I tried to change the game. It ain't tricking if you got it and we didn't buy it.

It works for a summer. But then we got back on track. Is Drake trying to do what T.I. did but on steroids? Like, no, it's, it's tricking. You're just fine with it, is I guess, what he's saying. But people don't, what people don't understand about Drake is that. part of his aesthetic is that he's he's a lover boy certified lover boy right like it's the whole he goes out like I'm not going to just buy you a bag I'm gonna buy you the most expensive bag

that is on the market right I'm if you call it tricking then I'm fine with it as long as you don't call it tricking like if you try to manipulate us and insults our intelligence that it's not tricking it's tricking I'm not mad at it see I'm not mad at tricking I get mad on the other side when women say they're not hoeing. Because you can't be tricking without hoeing. It's a fact. It's like, it just goes hand in hand. So if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if fish without a rod.

If, if pussy is not attached to it, then it's not tricking. Oh, pussy's attached to it. I might not cash in today. Mm-hmm. But if I buy you a burking bag today, DeMaris, two summers from now, if I want that pussy, I can have it. No. It don't always work like that. No, it always works like that.

No, because you might not have burking bag money to, two summers from now. If I have burking bag money today, I have Birkenbag money to someone from now. Me? Do my me. Oh, you yourself. Yes. But you also wouldn't buy a Birkenbag or require pussy from it. You wouldn't cash in on a pussy two years later.

So all of this even being relative to you is just... But I might buy you. But see, the thing, and this is what people don't understand about the whole Drake thing. He'll give you a Birkenbag, but it's just for his persona. We obviously know Drake has money. That's money is not an issue to him, right? But it's part of it. You go to a Drake party.

Girls know, they'll probably be. be gifted Chanel. They'll be gifted a Bergen. They might get $25,000. Like, it's part of the allure. I'm not mad at that. My only thing is women have to understand when, okay, it's hoeing too, though, because you would definitely

sleep with him. But that's not hoeing. Hoeing requires the act. Sometimes hoeing just requires a thought. You would murder a nigga. Are you a murderer? Just because you would murder a nigga? That don't make you a murderer. You ain't ever fucking murder nobody. It's different. But if I did take the money to murder someone, now I'm in a conspiracy, whether I do the murder or not.

That is true. So you were in a conspiracy to hoe. But if somebody who... I'm not saying that you... That's murder one. No, that's not sure. But you are in a conspiracy to ho. If somebody who has money is frivolous and generous with their money, just because they're of the opposite sex and they're attractive and I'm attractive, that does not make me a whole for taking what they're offering.

You don't think Oprah expected some... Dick any time she gave away a Toyota at her job. No, I don't. See, I'm fighting your point. Yeah. You did. You made my point. I know.

I'm helping. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, but that's a write-off. We know what that is. You don't think Drake writes that shit? Absolutely about to say it's the same thing. You don't think the stronger, winning, stronger drinks was, was not written off?

Oh, yeah, for sure. As he should write that off. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a, that's a marketing thing. Yeah. But that's all. Tricking.

Just got to accept how on. That's all. It's all part of it. And I'm not mad at it. I just hate when people try to say, no, it's not slay. Come on, stop, man. But if you're just giving, all right, if I just, pause, if I'm a woman and go to a Drake party without the.

That's different, though. We know what that is. And he just be having to give away party favors, like, and I accept it. Right. That doesn't make me a hope. No, no, no. In that case is different because we know what that is with Drake. Like I said, him in particular, that's part of just his.

But there are also our other men who operate like that, obviously on a smaller scale, because they don't have the same amount of money. But there are. are some men who want that same name attached to them and that same aura. They want to look like the guy that, oh, he's just so generous and he's just so Is that oral farming, P? Is that oral farming? It's called socialism. Okay. Got it.

There's a lot of, I know men like that. Like, obviously not to that. They don't have drink money, but that are well off and they like to give away things. And you can guess for whatever reason they decide to do that and whatever that does to their ego or whether it's manipulation, whatever. the gentleman you're talking about that's not a right off. No. That's not a right off for them, though. At the end of the year.

Okay, so is it just for write-off purposes or is it? In Drake's case? Yeah. So that's the only reason why that Drake is giving women stuff is for write-offs. I'm not saying that's the only reason he's giving it to them, but he's writing that shit off for sure. Yeah. I mean, I can't tell you every billionaire that has a charity what their true intentions are,

but I can tell you that they're writing it off or there is some 5013C. Like, Basil gives a lot of money away. I don't, I'm not going to say his intentions, but it does behoove him to get some of that shit out of his account. Philanthropy, that's all. That makes sense. Philanthropic. He's a philanthropic person. He's, you know, he's into the arts.

Well, I'm not a trick. And by definition of trick, I mean, spending money on a woman to spend time with me that wouldn't otherwise. If I had the level of money that somebody like a Drake had, I would, I'd buy Demaris's mom a house. Like, yeah. I would 100% do that stuff. I don't know just random, like. Like all the chicks that come to my crib, I don't know how far I'd go that. But I don't know.

One good deed leads to another. Who knows? Absolutely. They can't work hard enough for me peas. Like, oh. No, you said that me a piece. Look at me. I'm like, I need a nigga, get in the booth.

Like, what you got to do? I can say, where you're moving? I didn't make best I ever had in 2009. Like, fuck. Oh my God. You guys are funny. Well, did you, I saw that you, I watched the movies. I told you all to watch.

I finally, like, listen to me for once. Oh, you were two for two. I didn't see the drama yet I did see obsession two for two for sure we'll tell you about the drama because the drama is like it's not a big surprise like the surprise is at the top of the movie

and then the rest of the movie is about the surprise so whatever can we talk about obsession first we can talk about obsession first yes now I said in the chat I said this bitch is crazy and Demaris said is she though Dumaris yes that bitch was crazy now I get it

he wished that a woman that she was obsessed with him and all that, I get that part. But, wait, you think she was the obsessed one? What do you mean? He wished that she loved her. His exact wish was that she loved him more than anything else in the world. Yeah. That was his wish, right?

So he liked her. He had a crush on her. Okay. She gave an opportunity to say if he liked her. She asked him like, do you like me? And he was like, what? Why would you ask me something like that? Like, he played it left.

And then he had his little willow stick. Mm-hmm. and he made his wish and then she became a fucking cook. Okay. Well, let me ask both of you, who do you think the title is about? I think it's so, him.

It's him. Yo, Bear might be the top three sickest movie character I've ever seen. But why, though? Maul, he took the duct tape off his door and went to work and came home after he ate his own cat. Who's obsessed here?

Him. Bro, they told him what to do, to get, like, to heal her. Like, anything. He had to kill her so, right? He had to die. Yeah. I'm not kill him.

I'm not, but he did. Well, eventually, like, at the end of the fucking movie. Yeah, he killed herself. My point with him is, even when she was doing all that crazy shit, not at one point, did that nigger leave and not come back? He wanted to be with her. He was sent him here reasoning her like, babe, you just can't do this. You can't do that.

You're fucking crazy. Like, you're crazy. That shit is in, no, he was insane. That whole town is. one flew over the cuckoo's nest. The friends, after Shorty just starts hitting her head at game night with a bottle, she'd be like, yo, I'm at the park.

How's our friend doing? So casually. Now, all of you need to put the cuckoo back in the cuckoo clock. Well, they thought she was going through something. They thought that she was just going through something. They thought that she was just going through something. But yeah, he would do anything to be with her, even deal with her acting like that.

He would have still been with her. He wasn't just guilty. He was still in love with her. If he felt guilty, he could have killed himself. What's the real name? Not Freaky Nikki. Just regular Nikki.

Yeah. Said when Freaky Necky was asleep, I've never been with you. This is not me. And then he said, do you want to be with me? She said, I've never been with you. And then he steps back into the darkness, not making the decision of ending this. No. The only way to end it was.

He liked that she was obsessed and he was hurt when he found out that she wasn't really obsessed with him. So he kept playing this game. He's the sickest movie character I've ever seen. Yeah, but the thing is the only way to get her out of that was to kill himself. But I mean, he was like trying to figure out like, damn, I don't want to kill myself. Nikki just said kill me. I've never been with him.

Yeah, he didn't want to kill her either. Like, obviously he's like, I'm not, he's not a killer. Like, he didn't want to do that. He went to go get the willow stick, try to reverse it. He did all kinds of shit. He gave him to his homeboy. His homeboy wished for a billion dollars. He was like, it started raining money on me.

Like, my dog. He didn't do that until she killed home girl. Yeah. It got so extreme. That's when he finally wanted to do something. But no, bro, when he called and was like, is there any way to reverse the wish? in the beginning. And he could hear the real Nikki.

He was like, you want to talk to Nikki? He was like, what? And he could hear her in the depths of hell screaming for bloody murder trying to get the fuck out of that body. And he just kept going on and petting her and playing with her and having sex with her.

Nah. But the crazy shit, I didn't know what the movie was about before I watched it. So when I first started watching it, I'm like, no, I'd be like that when I'm in love. She took it a little bit too far. Now, when my bitch was standing in the corner

watching him sleeping was like, you don't love me. I was like, been there. When they was laying in a bed. Been there. And he had his arm wrapped around. You stood in a dark corner while a nigga was in the bed sleep and yelled, you don't love me? I'm glad you brought that up.

What? Because I was rolling for a while, you're like a lie. You're freaky Maris. Freaky Marys. Yo, what the fuck? Freaky D. That's freaky D over there, man. The best part of the writing and genius of that movie is those small details that they put of

chicks that are just regularly obsessed with you. Like, oh, I have on your sweater because it smells like you. watching you sleep. That's a level of obsession. I've been in a relationship where a girl liked to watch me sleep. Not in she, I cracked a willow stick and she was going to murder all you guys if you ever said anything bad about me. But yeah, she liked, if she was awake, she was just watching sleep.

That's a level of obsession. That's what, taking guys' hoodies and wanting to like wear it and smell like them and being their skin, that's a level of obsession. Like, we can, we can admit that. We've all watched obsession. That's a healthy level of this obsession. That's a healthy level. But it's a, it's a level of obsession.

Like, you want to wear my clothes because you want to smell like me. Like you want to be in my skin. Like, we love. The counter of that, though, is as men, women will show us every reason not to be with them. On a smaller scale than putting our cat, our dead cat in the kitchen and then cooking it up and packing our lunch. He had every reason to leave that girl every morning and still stayed with her. That's an obsession. We should leave chicks we date all the time and they show us why and we stay.

we can't explain why we stay but that's a form of obsession no we know why we stay that cat too good that they didn't really like that's what that was that cat was too good no that was he was obsessed with her before he even got any ass now when she yeah he liked her and she wasn't even freaking Nikki they was in missionary for one scene for like a second that no he was weird and obsessed if she was throwing that shit back I'd hear you when she wrapped her arm around him like when he was like he went to go get up and she started screaming to the top of her lungs when he went to get out of the bed.

I said, I'm rolling with Nikki. You know what I'm saying? I'm rolling with Nick. You move the chair too. If kissed the person here. A nigga can't get out the bed. Like, what if I got to pee? I had an ex.

I used to do that. My ex used to sleep like this. And when I would go to get up out of bed, like he would tighten his grip. He's like I'm going to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. That nigga was cheating. So he was cheating. So when they do that, when they try to act like they don't even want you to get out the bed,

that nigga cheated. they do that to four of the girls he's cheating a nigga he ain't slick he got four in the line for sure well not that that the Asian chick what was her name the friend the goth Asian I forgot Pinky Chu

Sarah I think Sarah she was she Asian I think you just put an Asian I heard My bad not that she like deserved to die but y'all were playing some things the signs are there like hours before she's slamming a bottle on her head even the hospital was like nah we're cool they didn't even clean the blood off each other

they got in bed and then he went outside like I know I'm driving off you two are insane leave me alone yo didn't he found out his man was hitting it that was crazy but I'm saying you see at the end he ended up killing us over like I can't like I got a guy I'm done

like she's a whole like that's why do I tell him all to watch movies why do I tell him why to watch movies it was kind of like a Roman and Juliet ending though like with the suicide and like I thought that was a cool callback to Romino Julia, no?

And then it was too late. Like he got obsessed like five minutes too late. Then the drugs gave in. Yo, when my bitch snapped that when I heard that shit snap when he was in the bathroom, I was like, oh shit. The willowick. That's why he was going to kill himself. And then he, the wish happened to him. She said I want him to love and be obsessed with me.

So then he became that. That's why he walked out so happy. made it. Like, they could have been a happy, crazy couple together for the rest of their lives. They would have murdered everyone. But he was so pussy. Like, how would even start? Was him be a pussy? And then, like, he couldn't even, uh, shoot himself like, like a noble man. Yeah. Like, you went and took a bunch of pills because you couldn't. And also, who tries to shoot themselves like this for suicide? Like, he was, he was pussy. What type of? I'm like, you're like, you're sitting up there swallowing a bunch of pills? What are you? A depressed housewife?

Do the honorable thing and blow your fucking brains out. Right. Like, you know, do you? One of your friends has no face and she's butt-ass naked in the kitchen. Your man's just got a billion dollars, got his head blown off. You don't even know what was in his will. He's a fucking idiot. Let me tell you something. If I would have witnessed everything that I witnessed and then that happened, I would have been like, hey, dog. You know what?

I'm going to give you whatever wish you want. This dumb ass neck I wish for a billion dollars. That's just starting from the sky. He's like, oh. Because he didn't think it was real. And then he got excited. Now you know it's real. Why are you going to the murder scenes?

bro but he didn't know they was murdered I would have took that I would have never went to that house once okay everything he told me and then I wished for a million dollars and I got this I would have took that million dollars

and been out of there bro they never saw me again you know what where my brain went with the movie at the end what how did all these people

that were part time at a record store afford these beautiful houses oh they're looking like Gain night homie lived in a crazy crib. No parents in sight. They all worked part-time in a record store in 2026.

Everybody's got a house. Middle America. Anywhere outside of New York City is the American dream. Nick even tried to warn them with the cat meal. Like, this isn't me. There was different notes. No, he was selfish. He was a terrible unit. Oh, that's what that was. I didn't even pick that up.

Not me. Not me with their polarized. This is not, I'm not with you. This psycho demon is. That's fucking. He ignored everything because he was obsessed in a piece of shit. He's one of the worst movie characters I've ever seen. That's why I asked y'all, that's why I originally asked y'all was like, I want y'all to tell me who y'all think the villain in this movie is. Him for sure.

That shit's fucking insane. No, I think the villain is the home, the friend, the dude that was familiar. No, ho. Hyping your man's up. Because he knew he did. Hyping your man's up and you knew you was hitting that. That's what I'm saying. That's the real villain.

Y'all skipping over that. No, he was foul. It starts there. It starts here. Because if he'd be like, yo, don't like her. Like, I'm being hitting that, bro. You can't like that.

No, no, that's what ever happened. He's the biggest villain. The diner scene and credits. When he's trying to. He's the biggest villain. I'm hitting that. Yeah, like, you know, I'm hitting that. You shouldn't like that girl.

She's, she's a floozy. Okay, don't make her a floozy because he's, I'm just hitting it and I got a girlfriend. Who was his girlfriend? He didn't have a girlfriend? I don't know. He was fucking somebody else. He wasn't just hitting that.

Clearly, he'd a man. That wasn't his. Don't call her a floosy because you only know of one person she voluntarily slept with. That don't make her a flusy. She only volunteer. She ain't want. You know, this is how I know she was. She knew that nigga liked her and she was talking about him like a dog by his back

because everybody else was like, nah, something wrong with her if she fucking you. They knew. Something wrong with her if she fucking with you. What's going on? You take an advantage. You know that girl don't want you. That's crazy. Yeah, but all right.

That's foul but not at the same time. Let's use Ryan because he's not here. for example. If you and I have had a million calls that you see Ryan as a friend that's like nothing whatsoever but like, oh, like you're like a little brother friend. And then next week, you and Ryan are on this couch during recording making out. I'm going to be like, yo, we got to take Damaris to the looney bin. Like there's something right.

I would say that. No, women always do that. Women do that all the time. Claim they don't like a nigga. Not Ryan didn't give her a burkin. It just switched. I didn't give her a burking. I've seen that.

I've seen women talk about dudes like, I'm like, I thought you, I thought he was cony. I don't think it was that. I don't think it was that they were sleeping together. I don't think that's what made people say she's crazy. What made people say she's crazy is they moved in together and she was madly obsessed with him. And that's why they're like, something's wrong. She didn't go from not caring like, just looking at you like a little brother to the very next day. Care they live with my life and I can't live without you.

It doesn't work like that. So I can understand. No, women do that. I've been in a situation like, yo, I've been in a situation where I was having sex with a girl that my home boy was having sex with. Gay. And I didn't tell him at first, but then I ended up telling him. And he couldn't believe.

He was like, he was like, yo, for real? I was like, yeah. He said, yo, bro, she'll be talking mad shit about you. Well, she's talking mad shit about you because she's don't want him to figure out that she likes you. That's different. That's different. That's different.

So that's what I'm saying. Women do shit like that, though. For whatever the reason, women will kick somebody to talk shit about somebody and be laying down with him. she was saying that to her home girl, not just a homeboy. The home girl was like, nah, I know my friend don't like you like that. Like her best friend in the world like, that girl, something going on. She don't like you.

She knew that man liked her. She knew he liked her. And women have to stop doing that too. And I've been guilty of it. Knowing somebody likes you and you know you don't like them, but because it feels good to your ego to have somebody be obsessed with you, you stir apart a little bit, just a little bit. You might bat your eyelashes one time or smile and do, but you know that that person is madly in love with you and you know you don't want them, but it feels good to you. That's like,

women do that even. I just saw me. I just saw me and a girl post and she was like, yo, like, I ain't going to lie. She was like, fellas, y'all need to cheat on y'all girl just a little bit for her to really like you. Like, not, don't go crazy. You and her birds. No, but, but listen, I think she, I think she low-key was cooking though. She wasn't. I think she was cooking. Like, let's... Cooking the cat. Let's...

I'm just saying, like, you might need to get attention from other women, maybe flirt. She said, don't go crazy. Like, don't do too much. But, like, you need to, like, you know, let your woman... Like, I got... Logic. You know what I mean? That's a very young, stupid girl logic.

No, I think that's great. Women are aware and men are aware. Now, if you've been married, once y'all hit 40 and you've gotten... Or 50 and you've gotten used to looking at your wife or you still looking at your husband for a while, people can lose appreciation for a while. people can lose appreciation for what they have. But we all know that we're wanted by other people. Like, people don't forget that.

People don't forget that. Women think every woman wants their man. And most of the time, we'd be like, bitch, nobody wants that nigga, but shoe. But women thinks every woman wants their man. That kind of did happen in obsession, too, because Sarah started throwing rhythm, come meet me at the park at 3 a.m. Sarah, for show, she was throwing rhythm before that. I know, but she really, like, leaned into it once Nikki moved in.

Now she's like, I got to get my man. Oh, so, I know. I was right. She's Asian. I know my Asians. What was sick was when Nikki started putting the tattoos of Sarah on her after like crazy. My bitch was crazy.

Women do that too, though. What woman does that? Not literally, but they try to become the girl that they think that you want slightly and very less obvious way. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. But some crazy girls do that. That happens.

That might, we might be in the era where that happens the most now with Instagram, social media. wrong at all. All girls do is go look at all the chicks that they man liking their photos and all of that. And they go polls like that and they post. They go get that same outfit. You ain't like my shit when you liked hers. We're in the same bathing suit and the same pose. Same bathing suit. Same body suit. Same shirt. Same sweater. Same heels. And they just be wrong. That's not even really what you like. You just like it on Instagram. You don't even really like that in real life. I don't like your shit, man. I just scroll past it. All right. That's a note. Those are obnoxious, titty. Ha. Ha. And now your girl think that's

what you really like and you don't even really like that. Yeah. Like if I sit on the game playing 2K all night, like you're not going to walk in the room with a fucking LeBron James Jersey, all right? I just like playing the game. Like, it's just the game. It's just the game.

Instagram is a game. She got the Jalen, uh. Yeah, like you got the, you got the Jalen Brunton head twist now. I'm just, I'm just playing 2K, baby. I'm just in the room. You're cooking breakfast like this. Yeah, like, what you doing?

Love that nigga, you love that nigga. You love that nigga. I know, I don't. Like, I'm just playing the game. Just, that's all it is playing the game. That's all I'm doing. Playing the fucking. After she made you come and she do this would be the wildest thing.

Yeah, now she got to get out if she do that too. Fingers and a thumb. Shout out of the gang. Yo, did you see the series finale of Raising Canaan? Did you follow Raising Canaan? I did, but I haven't seen the series. Oh, my God. Great ending.

Great ending. Okay. It all makes sense now, like, where the story goes, like, in power. Okay. Well, yeah, no. They did a thing with that one. I ain't going to lie. I enjoy Raising Canaan.

The other series I kind of was, like, off of it. It was the superior one out of it. Yeah, but Raising Canaan, they definitely got it right with that one. That's fine. Okay, so obsession rated one out of ten. I give it an eight. High eight's eight. You get that an eight eight eight?

I give it an eight point five. If my ten is the conjuring, I give it eight point five. Because this was more comedy to me than horror. I had some jumpy moments, but this was funny. No, because you were only laughing because you could relate. Oh, for sure. Half the movie I really was like, now I'm rolling with her. She'll look extreme.

I'm rolling with her. I'm like, I bitch, you wilding. Like, what's the scary movie with the hand where, like, you could see other. 824 did it as well. It was shot just like Obsession. So good. To me, that's my 9-5, almost 10. Really?

I've never seen that. I heard it was a movie. A scary movie with the hand. Why can't I remember? He's looked up the hand. It's not the hand. Talk to me. Talk to me.

Yeah. Which I heard they were making part two to that. But to me that, like, it wasn't as good as talk to me, but it's right there. Like, I really. This was supposed to be a horror? Yes, it's a horror movie. This shit was not horror. Harrow, I think, has changed a bit from, like, jumpy, supernatural shit to, like, more creepy than anything.

Yeah, I was, I didn't get horror. It was, like, weird. That should be a genre, too, of movies. Yeah. Weird. Like, this is some weird shit you want. Just some genre up for, yeah. Swag.

You were scared? No, they could such clearly advantage of. Oh, yeah, yeah. But look, the budget was. only what, 700,000? What you thought you was going to get? The intro to casino, which is a classic, it turns into a mannequin right before the car blows up in the intro scene.

But you couldn't see that like that clear when you have VHS though. Yeah, now you can see. Yeah, now when that shit is on Netflix, you can see that shit. Like, yo, that's a man. Yeah, like, what the fuck? The scariest part is when that bitch started walking in reverse. Like, when she reversed herself, I said, oh, I. Yeah.

And when she was standing in the corner, that was scary. What's her name that played Nikki? She's an incredible actress. She's amazing. She smoked that role Let me see She did a good job Homeboy was one of the worst

Actors ever though Bear? I don't think No no no no no Bear was great His front Oh Like at the end

When he goes to the house And he's like What's going on man What's going on man I was like This is the worst acting I'm ever fucking Nade

She's great She's actually going to be I was seeing I'm trying to figure out If this is true or not But I think it is Multiple reports said That she's gonna

Her character is going to be Like in part of like The Haunted House of like Disney for like when they do their haunted Halloween thing. Okay. Like when the characters they have walking around. I saw someone,

I saw someone parry that and said Joe Jackson. I think that was fake. No, it's definitely fake. Yeah, y'all got to chill, man. Yo, this Halloween, you're going through a haunted house and running to Joe Jackson. Yeah, Halloween horror at Disney, I want the Disney parks.

Then they got to put Joe Jackson in there. I don't know. I'm not going to be scared because she's not obsessed with me. Yeah, that's still going to be scary. That bitch walking around, like, coming up to me like, you don't love me. That shit can be scary. Oh, I'll be turned on.

Really? Need me a Nikki. Okay. Everybody want a Nikki today, get a Nicki for a room. But again, back to my I Am Legend theory of just join the fucking psychos. Nikki, crack that stick and let's just be a psychotic couple till the end of time. We don't even leave this house. We found our purpose in life.

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auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chick. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process.

How did any of this get made? Why do you think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you're all going to write a song.

I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on.

We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller. The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology. Danny McBride. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great.

I call him Terro Reed. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie. Yeah. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. Yeah. I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up.

She was prominent around the same time. Yeah. Then Mary Steenbergin. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me? me that you think I don't understand your little play game.

I just really, I get it. I'm trying to set you up for success here. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Totoro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. But I'm also from Queens, which means I know pizza. And on my new podcast, delivering happiness with Nick Totoro, I deliver pizza from Prince Street pizza to a new guest.

deliver pizza now? Then we sit down for a real conversation. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing, my belt? To Alex Rodriguez. Just to let you people know, we're talking to one of the goats here. To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.

And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness. Delivering Happiness. Mariano Rivera. Oh, my God. And many, many more. Open your free high heart radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Duturo.

And listen now. For the drama, the drama is a movie about Zendaya and Robert Pattinson. Okay. And they are together. Zendaya's deaf in one ear. They meet each other, meet cute, fall in love, blah, blah, blah, blah. They're getting married. They're at the tasting, trying to figure out what they want at their wedding.

And they're with his best friend and his best friend's wife who is now, like, they're like a close friend couple. So she's like, before we got married. Yeah. She's like, before we got married, we told each other, you know, the, worst thing that we ever did in our entire life, like, so that we fully felt like we knew each other. So they were like, oh, share, share, share. So the couple, the other couple, not the main couple, they shared, the guy shared that

one time he was mad at his girlfriend when they were on vacation. So when a dog ran up on them, he, like, used her as a shield for the dog, Mexican dog on the resort, right? Dog was fucking her up. The woman, who's his wife, said her worst secret is that there was a mentally ill boy. who used to always want to play with her and shit like that. One time she was bored. She went out into the woods with him.

They found an RV. And he was showing her around the RV. And she locked him in the closet of the RV. And he started screaming. She freaked out and she left. Which is the plot to radio. So she left him in the RV. And she said his parents were looking for him.

Like they came to her and said, did you see him? She was like, no, blah, blah. They were like, oh, my God, you're so horrible. She was like, I mean, they found him. We don't know whether she was telling the truth or not. So then Robert Pattinson goes, okay, well, my worst secret is that, that I cyber bullied a kid so bad that he had to move. He moved out of the city.

So then Zendaya comes and was like, no, mine's really, really bad guys. Mine's really bad. They're like, what? No, shit. blah, blah, blah. And Zendaya goes, I planned a school shooting. I just never went through with it. I never went through with it.

But I planned a school shooting because she was lonely and didn't have any friends and was getting bullied. The movie then becomes about the friend who's played by Alana Hayne. Alana Haim. She says like this is the worst shit ever. My cousin, like, lost, lost her ability to walk from a school shooting, like, and then makes her out to be, like, a horrible person. Her husband is, like, trying to figure out if she's still, like, violent. He's afraid of her. He goes and tries to confide in his coworker ends up trying to fuck the coworker. Then the coworker comes to the wedding and all of that unravels and all types of shit. So I wanted to ask you, out of all four of those

secrets, which one do you think is the worst? I want to note that I thought I was watching a rom-com until that left the old term when they were doing the wine taste. I did not read a single thing. DeMaris knocked it out the park with obsession. I texted her, said how much I loved it. She's like, all right, now watch the drama. And I was like, bet.

And I saw the movie poster. I was like, oh, this is like jumping the broom. But like more HBO-ish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That took a left term. Now all of a sudden, everyone has a rifle. And I'm like, where the fuck did this plot just come from? But it still was funny, though.

It was funny, but in a, yeah, it was not a wrong. Rom-com. Is it, what is it categorized as? I can look that up. I don't know. Yeah, the drama. I think it would be a comedy drama. I mean, was there a lot of comedy of it?

Dark romantic comedy. Dark romantic comedy. Okay. I guess there's romance there. It's a rom-com. It's just dark. It's a dark romantic. It'd be in the weird category.

Out of all of those four secrets, I just told you, which one do you think is the worst one? Locking the mentally challenging. boy in a room and then then the whole town wondering where the kid is and you have the answer and you don't tell anyone yeah yeah that's that's automatically i would go to planning the school shooting but not going through with it but like shorty went through she actually locked somebody like here's the thing in the beginning i had that in my head i was like well this chick is she's nuts what she did was way worse because I think there was probably a lot of kids growing up that were bullied and that thought

entered their brain. I think it was probably more common than we think it was for kids that were lonely and bullied that they cross it crossed their mind that they maybe want to shoot up school. I think it's more common than we thought. But as the movie went on, Zendaya took it like, no, she didn't go through with it, but she was this fucking close. Like she was making videos like, Pam, you're dead first. Like, no, she bought the clothes. Like she got into the character. But she got into the aesthetic, which I actually, if you want to be real, I think happens with a lot of young kids these days. They lean into the aesthetic of the school shooting. Yeah. Like she leaned into the attention of these are a bunch of people on the internet who are hyping me up to do this and

were all lonely with no friends. She like leaned into that community. It ended up, she didn't end up doing the shooting because one, I think one of her classmates, like gave her a hug and started playing with her at one point. And in the other one, there was another school shooting like two days before she was supposed to do hers. And everybody was like, like, like so heartbroken and crying and shit that she ended up not going through with it. So her reasonings are not good. But at the end of the day, she turned her life around. Like, she went and, like, immediately joined, like, an anti-gun group.

She threw all her dad's guns away. Like, and she became a big anti-gun, like, advocate. So she, like, changed her life around. The friend, like, that locked the boy in the room is, like, still a bitch. Like, she, like, she came to Zendaya and Robert Pattinson's wedding and was like a bitch the entire time. Her version of that is caring more about her disabled. Cousin. Oh, yeah.

That was the whole full circle of it of now she cares this much. Remember when Zendaya's husband asked how close are y'all really to her cousin in the wheelchair? And it's like, well, she's family. It didn't appear that they were as close as the friend made it seem. So to me, I was like, oh, she's overcompensating the same way the school shooter did in this. Now you're this big advocate for special needs. Yeah. That's all it was.

I got to watch this one. Yeah, you got to watch it. It's funny. Like, obviously Zendaya and Robert Pattinson can act. but it's just funny watching Zendaya watch her husband be afraid of her like he's like afraid of her like at one point like she holds like up a butter knife towards him

and he's like he like jumps well steak knife. Well stick knife. But he like jumps up so high and it's just like he was afraid of her. So he went and like confided and it like he it was a lot it was a lot but it's a funny it's a funny movie to watch. Good excuse to cheat. That's not a good excuse to cheat. I was just scared

of my girl. She was 12. She was trying to confine to his coworker. If your girl, if you found out of that the person you had already, like, y'all were, the wedding was three, three, four days away. Like, y'all were about to pay the DJ. I have another question. Well, that, I mean, well, that's, the reason this all started is because they thought they were superior to the DJ. Do you, um, would you get, would you change, like, would you cancel the wedding? If you found out your wife had at one point planned a school shooting and she never went through with it? Would I cancel the wedding?

Mm-hmm. No. You would stand up for your wife and you wouldn't let anybody talk shit about her, right? Yeah. A real fucking man. No, I definitely, would, I wouldn't stand up. I wouldn't stand up. for school shootings, but I would stand up for my wife and I record. Yeah, I would be like, I mean, it's a bigger conversation. Yeah. Like, yo, like, why would like, I would like, I would probably laugh, like, because she was, like, 12 when she's planned out. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like you was a kid. It's like, you know, it's a lot of things we thought about as kids as, as an adult. It's like you laugh at. Yeah. But I would not marry my wife because I found out at 12, she thought about planning a school shooting and it's like. She's fucking 12. Her brain isn't even developed.

Like, yeah. It was definitely virtual signaling from, again, the one white, the white woman in the room because her, the white woman's husband was black and Zendaya is obviously mixed. But in the show, I think they played her as just black. I don't even think they played her as. I think they only showed her father. Did they show her mother? I don't think they should. Yeah.

So she was, you have the virtue signaling white woman in the room. Like, I can't believe you did that. And oh my God, you're a horrible person. You need to leave her. And that kind of thing. So, yeah. I mean, the message of the movie is stop judging everyone for the terrible decision they make. You're probably not any better than anyone else.

No. Yeah. Because this all started because they saw, they possibly saw. No, they saw her. Okay. She was smoking heroin. But you don't know. But you don't know.

Their DJ, they were walking home and their DJ for their wedding was smoking heroin in front of an apartment building. And my thing is, would he DJed already? No, she had a DJ yet. She was the DJ for the wedding in a few days. Mm-hmm. And my thing is, wouldn't you, like, I would want my DJ to be on heroin. Oh, man.

Like, some of the greats are on heroin. The only thing I will be afraid is that they wouldn't show up day of. That's it. But it's like, if you are reliable heroin user, yeah, come DJ. She showed up to sound check for the firing. Like, right on, they, she beat them there. You know how many DJs have been hired to DJ Club and they turned out 50,000 people, like, and they was probably on heroin when they did it?

Well, I mean, what would you say would be the most iconic festival that's started this entire festival thing you say Woodstock right say Woodstock I challenge you to find me the person that wasn't on heroin yeah and who's that's the way they were all backstage like you know that person's not on heroin everybody they're weird you know that person's not on heroin you can't trust that person this person is not on heroin right Janice Jimmy get them out yeah like come on why they're here the spies the American spies I will say I give a Zendaya's character a lot of credit for not killing herself because while she was shooting her video suicide note, remember the old blue screen that used to come up when your desktop used to be completely fucked? In the middle of her,

hey, if you're seeing this, the deed is done. Everybody's dead, including me. And then she gets the blue screen. I would have off myself right then of there. The middle of my suicide note, I get the blue screen on my desktop. That's a sign. Like, Joe, just do it. Just get it over. Yeah. Am I sick for when they had the real Zendaya, not the young Zendaya, when they had that one scene of her on the bed with the rifle half naked that I didn't find that a little bit attractive. Yo, what's up with you, man? All right. See, no, no, no, no.

This goes back to judging people. She wasn't that young. See the scene first. Before you judge me, see the scene first. No, I'm judging you without seeing the scene. Like, yo, you just extra horny these days. I thought she looked beautiful. That's all.

He do be a little horny, don't you? Yeah. David, they was on you because you said you would sniff me, Mitch and Major Seat. You would pay to sniff me Mitch and Major seat. I mean, it was a great joke, but there's truth in every joke. I think the paying part is what's crazy. Oh, yeah, because you don't find an issue with sniffing seats. So, of course, you don't find anything with that.

No, I'm just saying if it's a girl, if I want to know, like. Me, Mitch and Major. It ain't if it's a girl. He said, me, Mitch and Major. Maris Mitch Major, to triple him. Maybe he want to know who Butch thinking I. Why would he want to know that? Or the opposite.

He wouldn't know how your butt smell. You want to know your pheromones. I'm just saying, like, maybe these spent the night at your crib. Like, you could have just smelled the sheets. You wouldn't have known. I'm not saying he should have, but I'm saying if he really wanted to know. You're saying I slept in my guest bed the next day. His mom and his dad sleep in that bed too.

So it's like smelling me, your mom and your dad all mixed in one is. No, I'm not the sheets. Not the mattress. The sheets. You don't wash the sheets after somebody leaves? I do. But mid-stroke. or post-stroke, rather.

Okay, that was crazy. Yeah, mid-stroke was crazy. Post-stroke, my mom and dad came at separate times, and I could see the disdain of my mom because she could smell my dad. I said, did you not watch these? I said, no. I have not had time.

Like, she got into what she calls her room. Yeah. She's like, and you know she's still smart. Do you not watch these? And you know she knows your dad. Like, she knows the smell. She knows her hormones. Yeah, she was pissed off.

She was like, oh, my God. You probably fucking traumatized her. That is hilarious. Yeah, she knew right away. But either way, I think the movie's great, and she looked great in that scene. Yo, Zendaya Zendaya and Robert Pattinson going crazy. They like, they're the modern day, like, Harry Tom Cruise.

I feel like if Demaris could, like, masturbating your shower. That's true. Why you speed? Everyone left that part out. I feel like he can smell your seat when you get up. You're like, not like, Patreon comments. Not like right, not like right after you get up, but like if you leave the room, And you leave for the day, like you leave the studio.

We have new fans that didn't know that. We have new listeners that didn't know that. Oh, well, welcome in. Welcome. Thank you for just. Yes. This is Baby Dee, and she's masturbated and Rory Showery Shower. Just to let everybody know he was not in town at the time.

And I've never used that shower before. It's okay. So right. So right, Baby D. It's a shower. You had to rub one out. He was in the rush. It's all good.

There's also been a lufa in that shower for almost a year. You haven't thrown it away? Because at first I thought it was either my moms or a family. family member and then like I you know you just tell a lufus not been used and then my mom would have a rag like that she would throw in the hamper after she would leave and i'd be like all right so it's not her lufa yeah no i throw all that shit out someone somebody come to the crisp man like all right oh you want it um get it out first if it's a lufa why always leave a towel and a you're not coming back like loophers is four dollars like that shit out of here throw that

that shit in the garbage yeah leave that shit hanging for months for months on there I don't use that shower going that bathroom like ever. I used to date a guy and every time I would come back, mind you, I was there pretty often. Every time I would come back, toothbrush gone. He handed me a new toothbrush. I said, what a fuck do you keep throwing my toothbrush away? That's a rookie move. And he was like, no, he was honest.

He said other women are here. Do you want them to have access to your toothbrush? You got that? Can't throw it away. Access to your toothbrush. They got access to his dick. Yes, of course. But it's different.

It's different. Bitches are weak. No, bitches are weird. He kind of just checked me. Hold on. Hold on. That's not check. That's not check me.

That's like, that's like, that's not check me. You said that and then you like lay down? No, what I'm saying. No. Respectfully. Probably what you're, what I'm saying is, bitches are weird. You don't know how weird bitches are. Yes, maybe we're dating.

You're fucking multiple people. Whatever. You're fucking more than one person. Whatever. Right. But bitches have an access to your toothbrush and they're jealous of you. Biches will do some very weird shit. Like, so yes.

So give me a new toothbrush. That's, that's perfectly fine. I don't want my toothbrush to be accessed. by no weird bitch that I sat up there and scrubbed her motherfucking cancels with it. I'm cool. Like, women do weird shit, nasty shit. So there was that girl that I went to jail for her roommate was, um, her roommate was like sticking her toothbrush like up like her ass and her vagina and then put in there

for her to use. Women are weird and nasty. But she. Her vagina, her vaginal juices, whatever. You fucking a bitch with a condom, whatever, or not, whatever. That's completely different. than having access to my fucking toothbrush and you being able to do weird shit like put bleach on my toothbrush or anything those are two completely different things i don't understand how you don't see

that difference you want to the sickest thing uh my mom did to somebody what her best friend was living in washington heights with her son and her son's girlfriend son's girlfriend had like the apartment under her name they moved in three bedroom broke up with her son and kicked out my mom's best friend and her son she was out of town while they had to move out my mother took all the spirit keys put them in the toilet pissed in the toilet and then left women are crazy man put the spare keys in the toilet their keys because they had to they had to get out leaving them without a place to stay and my mom took their keys put them in the toilet of the apartment pissed in the toilet and then they left okay well we're right back after word from the sponsors

i actually thought it was hilarious everyone else was like why would you know it's kind of funny Oh, man. But still watch the drama, even though. No, I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it. I'm just going to be a movie. I'm going to see Odyssey this weekend, and I'm going to go see Spider-Man as well. Oh, where did you find Odyssey tickets must be up by you?

Yeah. Yeah, I figure. I could have went last night, but it was like at 10.30. It's a three-hour movie. I was like, I'm not staying in the movie there until 1.30 in the morning. I'm not doing that. That's too much. I'm going to try to go see it after.

I watched Troy. You did? Because my boy told me to watch Troy before I go see Odyssey. So I watched Troy yesterday just to kind of remember. Like Brad Pitt, Troy? Yeah. Okay. That's a great movie.

No, great movie. But I would probably have to get a refresher to before. Yeah. So now that I watched Troy and remember everything in Troy and I can go see Odyssey. Pete, you said Odyssey was amazing. It was worth every, every single. Yeah, my own boy said the same thing. Actually, my homeboy wants to you like, yo, let me know when you're going because I want to go see it again.

And I'm like, it's like that. He was like 100%. Like, it's a movie. I definitely want to go see again. Pete, you saw it like with the moving chairs and the 4DX? I don't need all of that. I told you the first time I, I told you the first time. 40x, I didn't know.

Because, you know, you go to buy tickets. You thought it was RVX. I don't even see the little 40X in it. It's like, yo, 330s, movies playing. Bet. Went to see Fast and Furious, whatever number it was. I didn't know they had that. Oh, my God.

Fam. When that chair moved, when I, when the movie first started, I say, yo. Yeah, yeah, I don't understand. When you have no idea that that's about to happen, and like, just the first time you've, ever been in a movie there where the seat is moving? I was like, yo, what the fuck is this?

Yeah. So, like, the people in front of me turning around, it was like, oh, yeah, now the seats move with the, so this is fast and fury. So imagine how much the seats is moving. You got Don behind the wheel. I'm like, oh, come on, man. Doing it for the family. I'm nauseous and shit now.

Yeah. Spilling shit. Goobers everywhere. I'm like, all right, man. Goober's everywhere. Yeah, this is, this is crazy. I can't do. I don't, don't take me to no 40.

It depends on the movie. Like, I don't want to be that immersed in the experience. Right now. Um, Regal are, they're going to be showing all of the Harry Potter's in 40X. And I'm going to buy tickets to go see that. Like,

I would like seeing the Harry Potter movies in 40X, but I'm not going to go see the Odyssey in 40X. I'm okay. I feel like they should wait to do that with Harry Potter for like another 40 years when they really figure the shit out. And like when they do leviosa, like I want to, I want to like to leave my chair.

Yeah. Yo, is the water thing real? Would they spray water? Do you? At Lego Land where I took a moro they did. So I got to be wet Like in my seat for the rest of the movie

Like the whole It's not that amount It's like a misty Yeah We did look like a lame Yeah Oh okay I think I saw some AI shit

It was like water like splash I was like And you just got to sit there Through the whole movie now With your clothes soaking away There's a stick Yeah That's what I'm saying

I didn't know though Your seats start moving I'm thinking anything It's possible with the theater now One of the cutest At Universal Studios And it's an old ride So if you've gone

You know exactly what I'm talking about They have a Simpson Simulator that kind of simulates like you're on a roller coaster and like at one point you go into the baby's mouth and she like like when you go in her mouth you smell nothing but baby powder like they like kill baby powder it's so cute

and like realistic I love it I love simulators so I don't know for DXU that is crazy it's cute it's so fucking cute I don't know it's so cute though I don't know if I drank the Kool-Late or not but at the Jesus tour when he performed cold as winter and it has like all the snow flakes that fall from the ceiling in the set

it got fucking colder in the gar really i'd like maybe i thought that to myself but yeah i felt like a breeze come in where i felt like i was in the cold winter that was just your heart oh your emotions he cooking he was singing about his mom yeah you love that song so much you just i i do i am a fan of coldest winter by kaios it is a really good song you all the coldest winter no i do but it's like i don't he was laying like this on top of the mountain and the snow was falling in the garden No, I get it, but I don't think they turned the AC up in the garden. I think they did.

When that happened. Yeah. You know how long it would take the garden to get cold? It was a specific fan on my seat. Yeah. Okay. It would take the garden four hours. Like a temperature of change?

Nah, I felt it. Yo, I felt you crying. Oh, that was your heart, man. That was your heart. That's all. You just don't understand. You're not a true appreciator of art. No, I am.

I just don't think the garden temperature dropped like 10 degrees in like two seconds. I don't think that's possible Greatest show I've ever been to Yeah By far So are you guys gonna go see Spider I went when I left you guys I left Pige and Mall here

Yeah I know I saw you making plans You went online and got your tickets And then walked out of here Didn't tell nobody I did tell you about you I did tell everybody I was asking anybody to go with me Oh yeah I want to go this time I'm gonna go this time

And Pete was like I ain't a lie I ain't going And I was like I don't go by myself Like Oh yeah I remember I would have 5'3 The way was that last week right Yeah it was last Thursday

It was good Spider-Man brand new day was really good. Tom Holland, I know we all have our favorite. I did cry. Seriously? Because of where I am in life and what the movie was about. Cold is winter. Where the Spider-Man mean?

Baby, I'm not laughing at you, but it's just. Without context, yeah. Yeah, just how I'm saying, like, where I'm not, baby, I'm not laughing at what? you had in life emotionally. I'm not. But just like hearing that and then like knowing you went to see Spider-Bit by yourself. She's really anti-crime at this point in life. It did something.

Yo, I swear I'm not laughing. It's the city to be cleaned. Yeah, but it's just like, just hearing that. It's just like, I didn't expect you to say where I'm at. I'm like. But yes, was it worth it? Was it worth? The tears? Yes, it was. The reason why I cried is because brand new day is about, if you guys don't know, in the last Spider-Man, he had

to erase everybody's memory of him, of Peter Parker being Spider-Man. He had erased the image of Peter Parker, period, right? So MJ doesn't know he exists. His friends don't know he exists. Nobody knows he exists. So he's living alone. And because he's living alone, his, like, the cops that he's working for are like, or helping out. The cops are like, you can't, like, live life like this. Like, he's in his room and, like, he's, there's literal spider webs growing in his house. His eyes are turning darker. He's becoming more like a spider. He's just a, recluse like no he doesn't see anybody he doesn't talk to anybody other than when he's fighting crime so I think that it was and then toward the end of the movie is kind of like you do need

people like you need connection and I just connected with it because I feel like you know you get towards your 30s and you kind of seclude yourself you know you've been running around with your friends for fucking 15 years 20 years and it's like you start being very secluded and I literally text Rory the other day and I was like damn why anybody told me like adulthood was so like lonely like it's very mentally and emotionally lonely and the movie had it talked about that a lot so That is why I cried. I mean, yeah, I get it now. When you hit 30, they just swat your web.

Not only that. I haven't seen the movie. I'm going to see it. But when you, as you get older, like, you'll start to just realize, like, friends you thought that you would be friends with forever, lives go separate ways for whatever reasons, whether it's work, whether it's, you know, somebody has a kid now, family, they move. Like, there's different reasons why you become more secluded as an adult or not as your social circle is not as big as it once was.

Yeah. But I think it's supposed to be though. It fits your lifestyle at the point. It's supposed to be that way. But not even just like physically lonely because I wouldn't say that I'm a physically lonely person. Like I have a lot of people in my life. I feel like you get, it becomes a little bit more emotionally and mentally lonely because everybody is going through something at this point at the age that we're in everybody is always having an emergency. So it's just kind of you're, when you're an adult, like an adult dope where we are now, it's like you just have to deal with shit. There is no, no one's coming to save you. No one wants to hear you complain about it.

You just have to deal with shit. And a lot of that is you dealing with shit at home and dealing with the emotions that come with it, like, alone or your own, unless you are, thank God, married to the right person. But other than that, no, it's like, you're dealing with this shit alone. So those memes are funny about your 30s and 40s, but they're accurate. You have one person that is married with three kids, one person that's just starting a new career,

one person that has health issues, one person that's supposed to be a grandparent somehow because they had a kid when you were teenagers. Like, yeah, everyone is in a different stage. of their life, whereas in your 20s, people tend to have more of a common thing going on, where your lifestyles match. Now I talk to somebody with a kid that my kid knows friend more than I talk to my regular friends, just because they're there.

They're at the playground every day. Yeah. So. I love it, though. But you do? Well, you like being alone. Absolutely. Well, years ago, you secluded yourself and moved seven hours north.

Yeah. Let's get away from all you. You know. I live in Vermont. Vermont is fucking frying me. you know, mall coming through. I'm like,

mall, I don't think, I'm not going to tell y'all where mall lives, but he, no, he's not coming. Mal's not coming through. I'm doing a host thing

for something. And they were like, you know, make sure you invite Rory and Maugh. I'm like, I'm going to tell you this right now, Maul ain't coming.

I'm like, if I can't promise you one thing in the world, I can promise you like, like, I probably could get Rory there, you know what I'm saying? And it's not because Maugh

don't want to come, but mall is just far. Like, if I lived where Mall lived, I wouldn't go down anything. No. There's no fucking way. I'm surprised he comes here.

Oh, man. That's funny. Yeah, there's no fucking way. Yeah. But I mean, you know, it's part of it, though. Being secluded as you get older is like, it's necessary too. Because you outgrow a lot of shit mentally. Spiritually, you're just like, you know, my nervous system don't even fit in those environments anymore.

I was joking with your sister after the J. Cole shit. And I was like, I didn't even believe. Maul was coming. Not even when we were outside the barcloth. It took us sitting in the seats and Jay Cole starting the show where I said, yeah, Maul gonna be here. Yo. I didn't even believe it when we were walking. I'm like, at some point, Mall's gonna leave.

We're like, you're like. Yeah, I was very surprised. When he started before, I was like, wow, I'm like out of all the things that we could get malls to you got, that's fucking, man. Y'all be thinking I'll just be like, see, I don't like that job. You live far. You live far.

And you don't be coming. Like, I don't. But it depends. on where y'all invite me like I would have went to burglars and bottles with you just to see that well I'm host burgers and bottles is having a food truck festival and I am hosting it are you going to come it's not this upcoming not next two weekends from now um I'm I don't think I'm here is it 28th yeah 29th but he did already put it on the calendar I'm out all right damn what is it at but where's it is it at it is in southern Brooklyn okay yeah I would have pulled up food truck they got vegan

options or it's just like course always always always always I would have pulled up see that's my bot Brooklyn food truck is it like a block party type of vibe yeah so yeah it's it's a little south of east flat bush okay a little south of east flat bush so damn we couldn't get like a new boring mall like merch then you get a new rory mall truck oh yeah I mean if y'all wanted to do that you yeah you won't be here and you wouldn't even confirm would be that you could come I won't be that you could come what you mean why you can't go oh Amar yeah sorry But I still want to do that idea of just wrapping a truck for the day and driving around with our merch. Yeah, that's fine.

And like food, though. Yeah. I'll sell plates like he should call. I was about to say the natural thing would be you selling the food because you're a great cook. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Guys, I roasted a chicken. How did it come out?

It was amazing. I haven't roasted the chicken in like two years. I still got it. Did you just put in the oven on roast? I spat on roast. No, I spatch. I spatch. No.

Oh. Spatch cooked. Usually I cook my chickens hole. I roast my chickens hole, but I spatch cocked. Spatch cocked. Sorry, Spatch cocked. What is spatch cock? So you remove the backbone so that the chicken lays flat and then you break the breastbone so that it's completely flat and it cooks evenly. So you don't have to keep basting it. Is it in the oven? Yes. You don't have to keep basing it and it doesn't take as long to cook. So, yeah. That sounds interesting. And you can get all the skin crispy instead of like usually when you're roasting a chicken or a turkey. is like, the bottom is not as crispy as the top. Yeah.

So when you flatten the laid out. That's why they started frying, deep frying turkeys and shit like that. Yeah, exactly. All of the skin is like, yeah. Yeah. I, uh, at Trader Joe's bought one of the vegan,

um, what's like the, the Korean beef that starts with a bee? Yeah. So I love that, but I was, but I can't eat red meat now. So I was like,

let me try the vegan version of that. So I threw it in the pan, put the sauce, you know, I almost threw up. Really? You can't cook, bro. I can. I can.

Roy's decent. He won't kill us. Yeah, but something he never cooked before. No, I've made the Trader Joe's version. I'm talking about Trader Joe's where it's like, it's pre-made, you throw in a pan and make it the way you want to make it. Quick meal types of shit. I've had their version of the real beef.

Yeah. So I got the vegan ones. because I can't eat red meat with my diet now. So I was like, let me see what the vegan one hitting for it. I'm not exaggerating or get. I literally almost, I ran to my trash can because I thought I was going to projectile vomit of how fucking bad it takes in. It was that bad.

It was so I don't even, I've never tasted anything like. Was it the texture? The texture, the, like the flavor. It's weird because I think it was the same fucking sauce as the other one. And, you know, it was like bad. ad bath. It didn't have any smell. That should I should have that should have been the biggest red flag. So you got to be vegan now. I got to take you to some spots then. No, I'm definitely dead. You've given me vegan food that I've liked before. Yeah, I got to take

to some food. And I love Trader Joe's. We're still available for an ad. Love that place. Just that one dish is not for me. Maul, you got to take Roy where you took me and Peach on our day. Oh, yeah. I got so many like new spots now. Oh, really? Oh my God. Like you used to be out here just exploring vegan. I. I know you'd be getting a bad bitch in the vegan spot. No, I just like, I like, I like finding, like, different, like,

vegan restaurants, you know what I mean? Like, that's like, where the food is, like, incredible. Like, it's not, like, no fast food vegan food. Yeah. It's like, no, this is like a restaurant. Like, this is a, you're gonna dine, like, all vegan food, like,

fire. I gotta put a row over you on. I'm put them on. I want to go to vegan restaurants, like, to eat more. Like, I can't, like, date no vegan. Why? A man asks me to fry him up some cauliflower.

It's gonna, you have to salt. But you ain't got to do that. You ain't got to, like, just go straight cauliflower on them. It can be other shit. Hi, Zip. The cauliflower wings are not that bad. I think if you make a good sauce, you can get away with the cauliflower wings.

They're not that bad. Why can't we just call it like deep-fried cauliflower wings? Why do we got to call it cauliflower wings? It don't taste like wings. Yeah. They don't call it ditto a dick. They call it a ditto. Like, it's not the same thing.

Right. It just looks like the same thing. Agreed. No. Well, as you know, I was at a very big R&B show over the weekend. There was thousands and thousands of women there that were there to see the people that were singing. But how I could compete and where I was getting my compliments was in the beard. Baskin-Lather kept me competitive with the beard oil.

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That's basque and lather co.com. Get Bell, Pure Fiber, Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus, from 94. a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO, rewatch, our brand new podcast. each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters,

revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysle, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin,

legendary musician Amy Mann and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stillard.

The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology. Danny McBride. He loves over. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great.

I call him tarot read. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie. Yeah. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachy Sobieski. Yeah, I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time.

Yeah. Then Mary Steenbergin. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play, play game? I just really. I get it.

trying to set you up for success here. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier. And Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. If you come over here to play games, I'm a check you. Okay?

If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'm going to play you. Join Yomeneka Saunders as she breaks down the week's most probably. problematic stories on our new podcast. You're the problem with Yamanika. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? New episodes weekly every Wednesday is part of my new network, the Dear Chelsea Network. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men.

Do better or do less, so I don't have to do so much. So join Yamanika each episode as she answers one question. Who's the problem? I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to you're the problem with Yamanica. on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Yo, what's up with Lionel? Lionel. Lionel is crazy.

Lionel out here tripping, ain't he? Lionel Richie. Lionel. We call him Lionel today. Lionel. So from what I saw Lionel Richie went viral, he took shots at Chris Brown. He said him and Earth went in fire and everybody was doing the same shit they doing, except back in the day they didn't go to prison. So why is it a shot? like Chris Brown. I didn't take it as a shot

of Chris Brown. I took the shot as like the justice system. Like, y'all could just get away with that shit back then. I don't think that made him look good when he said it. What exactly did he say? You know what? Let's pull up the clip and watch. He said, difference is we didn't go to jail. Because I interpreted that differently,

but you might be right. Hold on. He didn't say it like, he didn't admit to any crime, but he was saying they didn't go to jail back then. Okay. And it didn't sound great. I think people have misinterpreted what he was saying whereas he was saying we're not like this younger generation that does heinous things. I think he was straight up saying we just didn't go to jail for it.

I think you're miss hearing that, Roy. Okay. And on to Chris Brown. See, Dave, they try to do something new. Carpados with earthbound and found between then or not. So number one, he's missing form because, I mean, Chris, I think, Chris Brown is in some trouble for something he did. Yeah, with the, the UK assault situation.

He might have to go to jail from what I have heard about that. It's on the table, but it- Chris Brown is not going to jail. It's on the table, it appears he'll probably end up having some type of probation or not. I think it was in Manchester. Whatever it is, he ain't going to jail. I mean, it's not a great crime,

and especially when you're not a citizen, no matter what country. It makes things difficult for sure. But I think that's in Manchester, not in the UK. I'm sorry, not in London, but in Manchester. is where that is. So he was definitely referring to the tour. He wasn't referring to things they used to do.

Because he was like, you notice this. Chris Brown and Usher, like, tour, they're doing something. They think they're doing something new. We used to do that before. Yeah, of course. The only differences we didn't go to jail. I don't think he was comparing it to their, like, similar. I don't think that was in reference to anything like with the Rihanna situation.

I agree. I think it was the tour thing that was the Breezy Bowl, not really the Usher and Chris Brown thing. But yeah, I think he was saying that they got a shaking at clubs too. They just didn't go to jail for it. Yeah, that kind of sounds like what it was. That's what I thought he was getting that. Like nothing is new. When we was on tour, we was wilding too.

Yeah, nothing is new. This is all a rerun. We were doing this year 40 years ago. No, I think he was throwing shade. Like, y'all think y'all doing something with that tour. But we, we've been doing shit. Like, we've been doing like combination tours. Only differences we didn't go to jail.

I think it was shots. I don't think it was comparing likenesses. But we could agree to disagree. I hear you. and I feel why you're saying that, I just can't see Lionel taking shots like that. Like Lionel ain't taking it. Like, why would you?

You're being disrespectful. You being disrespectful. You know that nigga named Lionel. We call him Lionel today. Lionel not just taking shots at Chris Brown like that. Like I don't see him just, that's so random. I think he was fucking around. Like, I think he was just making the point.

I think that's what it more so is. We have created history. Like, yes, this is. We see what Chris Brown and us are doing. icons of their time. Yeah. We did this already with the Commodores. Except we weren't criminals.

Yeah. So I think there's shade in it. But I think he was just, I think he thought he was doing a comedy bit. It just wasn't. Yeah. But that's like, yeah, that's that old school humor. Mm-hmm. Where it's like, yo, like, oh, head throwing shots.

Like, he ain't throwing shots. He's just saying like, y'all youngsters think y'all doing something. We've been doing that. Yeah. But it's not like he wasn't really like throwing a shot at Chris Brown. And not even, Chris Brown even. He responded yet? Chris Brown.

Yeah. commented underneath the post of it and he said, this I know it wasn't. He said, damn, we love you, Papa.

Yeah, yeah, that's all you can say to Lionel. What else you're going to say? If he thought it was real beef with Lionel, it would be a Paroo comment.

I don't, I don't think so. Not with fucking Lionel. You can't beef with Lionel. That's Lionel, Richie. Yeah. Didn't Chris Brown

getting to some transgender trouble or something where he misded something? He said, I don't even know genders. I only know Pairo. Like, that's his response to

everything if there's real tension out there in the news i think yeah that's all and i mean what tour would you rather go to between earthworth between usher and chris brown and lionel ritchie and earth winded fire and the commodores i know my answer yeah i agree with you but let's not just run like but that i have very old parents so that's why man i'm going to see lionel do hello i don't know what the fuck y'all talking about I need to see that. Yeah. And they can't do stings.

They have to do something with the ceiling so Lionel can. Yeah. He got to walk and crawl and shit up up there. How old is Lionel? Pleet. He's probably like 71 or something. 71? He's olden to 71.

Hallie Berry 60. Yo. 77. 77. Okay. And I mean, listen. That pure shit, he is. is part of what we were talking about with the Kardashians ushering this this new

version of music and his daughter did too what Sophia richie no who's the one that had the show with uh Paris Hilton Nicole Richie I mean I know she was adopted but that's still his bloodline and he's responsible for a lot of fuck shit in the world yeah uh Nicole Richie and Paris Hill and the good old times. That was your jam? Oh, what? I used to call myself Maris Hilton. I told you I loved all that shit.

Okay. I want to stop offering up opportunities for y'all to laugh at me and just being honest about who I was. It's like there's anything wrong with Maris Hill? No, it's just like when Zendaya said she almost shot up, but she thought about shooting up for school. It's the same thing. That's not the same thing.

If you called yourself Maris Hilton, that's the same is almost playing. During the Myspace days, yeah, when you used to put captions on your pictures and stuff. Okay, I probably wouldn't call the wedding off for the school shooting thing, but Maris Hilton, I don't know. Yeah, we got to have a talk. Can we get our deposit back? Like Maris Hilton? Okay. Whatever.

Nicole Ritchie's hilarious. I've heard her on podcast. She's actually way funnier and more charismatic than I thought. Like, she's generally hilarious. Yeah. Like, I was young when that show and I thought they just walked around and said, that's hot. Like, I didn't watch the show. That's hot.

Just like people don't know that Paris Hilton is a fucking genius. All of that is a, all of that is a person. She's not really like that. All of that is a persona. She's fucking genius. There's a million girls that flock into L.A. every single day that try to do what Paris and Kim did. And they don't because

there's a reason. They're not as smart as though, too. You know, Paris, of course, is a fucking genius for that whole thing. It's all marketing. Marketing the dumb blonde. Yeah. It works. Sure. Paris has had some records that are all right, too.

I'm only admitting that to young. Paris? She's like a celebrity DJ You know Just cashing in on whatever She got a record right now that's huge I had to look that up Parasot and current record

Yeah Hell yeah She had joints before Like Myspace Day She had joints She got one now That's a big record She's still on cash one

I don't think Panhand No that's Chanel West Coast It's still on Cassidy Yeah infinity Yeah Infinity. Then that's the name of it right It dropped Last year

Yeah that's when you Open your On Twitter You couldn't open Twitter without seeing this shit. That one I think I've heard. The other one I haven't heard. But yeah.

I love Parasolin. But that Lindsay Lohan rumor song that, you remember that? Yeah, I know you talk about. When she was on the rooftop with the dance break. Oh my God. That was great times.

Fuck you, Maul. Oh, my bad eye. Like, damn, yo, you can't even enjoy being 18 years for all these fucking days. Hey, Lionel, cool out, man. throwing shots at Chris C.B. like that, man. Lightskin, I light skin, crime. Do we think this is all Mark Ronson's fault?

What? Like, the fact that people like Lindsay Loanne, Paris Hilton, all have, like, amazing hit records. I don't even know if they produced it, but Mark Ronson is one of the best producers, as we know. He branched out into his kids and everything into that world with Paris and him. Like, he was handing out hit records that maybe should have went to

real artists. I mean, at this point, Paras Hill, got to be a real artist, though. I understand. And Samantha Ronson, where is she

in relation to the Ronson family? I don't know in relation, but she's on the tree. I think, yeah, daughter, sister, whatever.

Yeah, they're like the ghost writers. They're like the Quentin Miller of all reality star production. When they try to go into music

into the artists. They're definitely hitting the Ronsonsons for a beat. Yeah. Send them to the studio with them. They're going to get a hit. Definitely get a hit record.

But what else do we have on this list before we get out of here? You guys is one of your goals. Russell Westbrook is retiring after 18. Congratulations to Russell Westbrook on an amazing career. Russell Westbrook announced his retirement after 18 seasons in the NBA. To me, I think Russ is probably, I always say Vince Carter is the most underrated player. Okay. probably ever in NBA.

But Russell Westbrook, to me, is right there as well. I think he's underrated and I also think he's underappreciated. I mean, as far as point guards, when you retire, your first and points, first and rebounds, first and triple doubles, fourth, and assists. Yeah. First ballot, Hall of Fame or without a doubt. I would fucking hope so. But, I mean, you know, he's just, when you look at that, right, first and points is a point guard, first and rebounds, first and triple doubles, and fourth. nothing this is as a point guard.

Somebody like that with that resume with those numbers, you should be talked about more. I agree. And Russell Westbrook is not talked about enough. There's a lot of other guards that get, you know, talked about more than him. A lot of other players that get talked about more than Russell Westbrook. There's not many that have or will have a career like Russell Westbrook in the NBA. I don't think we'll ever see another point guard like this. this ever again.

Like, he's, to me, a hybrid. Him and Derek Rose single-handedly changed what a point guard looked like in NBA as far as explosiveness. Obviously, there was some before that Baron Davis was explosive when he came in. But, yeah, what Russ and Derek Rose were able to do at the point guard position, change the game. And then Steph came in and kind of was like, hold on, I ain't doing all this athletic. shit.

Yeah, let's, let's stay around the three point line. Yeah, but. Point cards want to be in the paint now. Yeah, yeah, I don't get on everybody. Like, I'm not doing all that shit. But, yeah, Russell Westbrook to me is definitely one of the most underrated players ever in league history. Yeah.

He had a hell of a career. You know, he's into fashion and a whole bunch of other things, doing a lot of things in the community out in California. So I'm pretty sure whatever this next chapter of his life holds. I'm sure that he'll be just as great as that because I think that's just the person that Russell Westbrook is. But, you know,

good to see him go on his own terms. Yeah. Don't want to keep getting bounced around. Like, they're not going to keep doing me like that. Yeah. I ain't going to just be a traveling circus at this point. Yeah. And I remember years and years ago when you came into one episode,

I was like, you know, he's been averaging like a double for three years. I was like, I did not know that. Like, people just didn't speak about him. Yeah. like yeah they talk about what lucas doing and yokech is doing Russell was averaging a triple double for almost five years yes I don't know it just and like people were not talking about it

the rings the way maybe those guys are the finals appearances and I get all that but a lot of people don't have finals appearances a lot of people don't have a ring a lot of people don't you know what I'm saying but like you said first in points first and rebounds first and triple doubles crazy and then fourth in assists like come on man that's just in That's an incredible resume right there. So congrats to Russ on an amazing, illustrious career. And, you know, we'll see what he does in this next chapter, his life.

Yeah. I caught myself being a little parasycial. That's the term, right? I felt a little parasycial. Why is that? Larry June just put out a great project with Janay on there. And they shot a video and put out. a video for a California Dream, which is a great record.

And it was already the whole their dating thing, but that's their personal business. I don't really care. But Janay and Larry June was dating? Yeah. The video of really confirmed it. Allegedly. The video pretty much confirmed it. Did they smack sugar in the video?

Tune in. Okay. Now, I'm happy. If everyone's happy, it's none of my business whatsoever. I just want to know where all the 288 Part 2 records like what happened like who gets them and then divorce and this fucked up because i i mean i'm not like friends with sean but i know sean and conversations i feel for anyone going through something and co-parenting and i'm sure they're all cool with whatever this isn't news to them the way it's news to us right but let's not act like for like the last 10 years there probably

isn't a vault of 288 records sitting on a hard drive that are incredible and i just want to know who gets what in the divorce and what happens to all these songs. It's a parissocial thing. It's insensitive to everyone involved. But I'm a fan of music and I love the first album. What is going to happen with all the 2088 part two records? You know when you get like mad, well, y'all don't know because you're not women, but when you get mad and you get real mad, you get over that nigga, you get a new nigga, you start deleting old pictures out your phone. Yeah. Yeah, but we're saying don't delete old music. Yeah, but we both got the balance. Yeah, we both got the stems. Like, I'm not deleting that.

Why not? If I'm Sean, I'm not deleting those records. No, but why are you not deleting the pictures either? Pictures? I'm not, we're not talking about pictures. Yeah, we're talking about art. Okay. No shit.

What they choose to do with that shit is their person. You have to understand that on those records, they weren't just talking like facetiously. They're talking about things that were currently going on in their relationship. It could be bad memories. Okay. True, but artists put out music. Shake ass to.

We've heard Jay-Z talk about it being tough to perform the record 444 on the 444 tour because they dealt with that in real life, but the song is so good and the fans want to hear that type of music, you got a power through that. And he's still got the girl. It triggers weird things and it's tough to perform even though you've gotten past it, but it's still the art and it still matters. Now I'm saying with those records, to your point, they're talking real shit. You can't just take my verse on this and then maybe get a new girl to sing a part.

It's just not going to hit the same. That's to be left the way it is. So what do you do with all that music? It's a lot of good music. It sits on a hard drive and you listen to it when you miss the sound of our voice. Like what if we split? What if we paid the producer from our family ago? We got to do something with them records.

Them records got to go out. Whether it's for us or another artist, those records got to go out. Okay, for another artist, sure. Yeah, no, we're not recording them together. Or what if we have some of them recorded? Don't put them out. because then the narrative then becomes about your past. When you're in a new happy relationship,

you just released a new song with your new boo. It sound good. You California dreaming. So sell the records? Can you sell them, though? Of course you can. Of course you can sell a record. Leave them in the past.

Well, someone going to rap Big Sean's verses? Yeah. No. Big Sean has one of the most unique. We would know right away that they are. I don't care about that. And Jenae is the genesis of a sound. That coconut water girl.

like that this is what it is two weeks ago she just sat there was like no this is what it is ma'all like it's no originality no more like this is it who's coconut girl? What's the girl's name? Trim.

Trim. Oh yeah. I say this is a Nikki like carbon copy you're like yo Ma this is where it is now this is where it's going so why nobody can't rap like Sean I don't think

Nikki and Nicky should sell their records on the hard drive Nobody want to hear somebody rap like Sean? No we love Well people have definitely stole from Sean's flow For sure How are they doing?

He just put out ice man Drake and Midland Oh boy You're about to take me there Don't take it now There's a fucking number one out right now Don't take me there Don't fucking take me there Rory

Boy No they can't do that Like I don't know I just love that 2088 album so much That's a great album It's a pariscial thing as a fan To feel that way And I'm sure that they have worked on so much music that is recorded for that project for part two that, you know.

But hey. You ain't never getting it, but you're going to lock into that Larry June and that Janae Aiko album that's coming. I mean, I like the record. I like the record, too. Yeah, I like it a lot. It's very Cali-iniania Iiko. Wow. I had no idea.

Somebody said, somebody had tweeted a while ago that Larry June was the, was the male Jena Aiko. and like people were like agreeing with them. So like now that they're together it's kind of like funny. Because it's like I get where he's coming from with that. It's like the toxic positivity. The positivity wrapped up in ego. Or ego wrapped up in positivity.

Both laid back. I mean, again. Layback California vibes. Yeah. I get that. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I definitely get that. I don't know, man.

I still think that Brent Fires is the male generical. If not Brent and Givian. Mm-hmm. I don't know, Janaya is her own category of R&B. If we one day have the who has the most kids, like we flush out that conversation and really do a chart, Janaya's first ballot Hall of Famer with the most kids if we're having that debate.

Not saying she's number one, but she is in that conversation with everybody else. She definitely created a wave of artists and inspired a whole different sound, Like the way it's very obvious that Nikki and female rap has so many kids. It's the same with Jeney and R&B. Yeah. So many kids. But I mean, listen.

Would Mariah the Sontz be considered a Jeney? Yes. Offspring? In my opinion. To an extent, yeah, definitely the, to an extent, the vulnerability of the music. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The Sonics, too, everything about that.

But I don't know. Very hippie. Very I'm high. I'm high music. Gotcha. Yeah. I'm high and in love and like I need to put the drugs down or else I'm going to kill me and this man vibes. Yes.

Mm. Okay. Freaky Nikki. Freaky Nikki. What would you wish for? What would I wish for? Yeah, circling back to obsession. If you had a wish in Willow, what would you?

I wish I would hit that power wall last name. Mm. Same. somebody hit that motherfucker I mean you could just wish for that amount I would wish that I never felt pain yeah he beat me to it like

if you don't have pain you really have no reference to any other feelings you can never feel love yeah okay well I wish I wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain right sunshine rain exactly Curtis Jackson oh you wouldn't understand surfs outside

you'd rather take a billion dollars or you rather be able to fly A billion dollars Shit Fuck I need to fly for you know You can smell like outside I'm cool Billion dollars

No She don't get it She don't know the power of flying I know the power of flying Do you? Nicky do you Can you fly? I can imagine

I can imagine being able to You know what I'm going to London And it just take off I can imagine me having a billion dollars And being able to just take off too Yeah but I mean If I could fly I could still a billion dollars

You niggas ain't catching me Okay Where are you going to get the billion dollars from? And a billionaire could fly to where you lend it. When I'm going to get the billion from? Yeah. I'm jacking niggas. You're going to jack a billion niggas?

Oh my God. Mind you, niggas, don't carry cash no more. Like, you know how long it's going to take you to jack a billion dollars worth of shit? It's all right. You niggas ain't going to find me. Yeah, I feel like the flying shit. You can make the billion, but like, how many air shows do you want to work at to, like, get your dollars up? If I could fly, I could make a billion dollars.

For sure. You could, but it's going to take to. long. I'd rather have the billion in my hand. I can make a billion dollars of one trip right now if I could fly. Okay. Describe to me how. I would bet a nigga that got a billion dollars. Like, yo, bet I can fly to London right now.

Take it from here right now. Bet it. You can't do that. Bet it. Do you think he'd ask about you? Because I do. I fucking ruin his life. You fly to him? You're going to be flying this as well. Grab that nigga. Grab that nigga take him up in the air with me. Like an eagle? You won't give me this billion dollars.

again. Keep act like you gonna drop them and shit? Take that nigga to the fucking top of the Mount Everest somewhere. I teleport over a billion dollars I would do. That's the same thing. Flying to teleport. How fast can I fly? Teleport as you snap your fingers.

You can fly as fast as Superman. All right, well, I need certain goggles. I don't like... Superman don't even no fucking goggle yet. It was a bang. Well, he's not Superman. Huh? He's not Superman.

Superman has Superman power. Yeah. All you said was I could fly. You know the elements between here and London? Over the Atlantic, that's going to do some damage to my face. No, but you got the banana boat. Who reached out? And now we're under contract.

Now you're in a 360. Have you ever seen the windshield of a plane after you land? Yeah. He's rough. Yeah. That'd be your face. No, he's got to put, you know, put one of those collagen. It's the collagen mask.

The college and man, so. Yeah, no, I don't get it done over the Atlantic. No, you see what all the girls doing first class. They sit down and they put the collagen mask on and they later. You really be watching lifestyle content. You're funny as it. No, I'll get on the fucking Delta One and they be sitting right next to me. I'm like, what did she do it?

No, it'd be me doing it. You put a college mask on? That shit don't hit when you were in. I was an economy doing that and shit. I was in the middle of the year. Nah, baby, dude. You can't put no college in masks. I have 100% put a mask on my face in economy before.

No, you got to put a COVID. From Sephora. Put a COVID mask on an economy. I put a lavendered Sephora mask on in. 32B before. You're tripping. You go and put a COVID mask on the counter. You know, that air is not good.

That's why you got to put the COVID mask on. You had Burger King clown in the condom? That's a reference to a very, Pige is an asshole. Pige is a fucking asshole. Peas is a fucking asshole. I had that note, let's go to Patreon, please. Pete, we got off tour before we could check off, pause our raw dog in a flight. list that

what road dog in a flight there was a trend on online where you raw dog like you can't read listen to music you just have to stare at your front seat for the whole flight oh I did that how long as a flight

I did that doing that on Adderall is insane by the way from LA to New York from LA to New York no TV no New York to London too no TV

no TV no TV no phone you literally have to stare at the seat in front of you like this the whole flight I would lose my mind why are they doing that to see if they can We're trending, bro.

Who's doing that? Yeah, you don't go to sleep, nothing? It's an aura, yeah. Get the fuck out of. You're gonna fly. Me and Pete, we're gonna try it. Nah, y'all trip. I thought y'all man, like, don't,

y'all not wearing like your COVID mask on the flight. No, you just straight up look at the seat in front of you for the entire time like this. No, that's psychotic. Well, I mean, you put your phone filming it so you could obviously post it because it doesn't matter if you don't post it. So you just put your phone there looking at yourself. And you don't go to sleep. No, you just stare at the seat in front of it. You can't look either way.

if the flight attendant comes, you want something to drink, you just stare at From LA to New York, that's six hours. Watching the map? It's mental discipline. Nah, y'all, y'all, y'all are crazy. You don't understand. The next level is the Buddhists that light themselves on fire to not feel it. Like, you don't understand where each and I are trying to take our mental.

That's, that's crazy. That's psychotic. Just say you don't have discipline, dog. If I, you know, listen, if I'm sitting next to somebody and they're doing that, I'm calling a captain. I'm calling the cockpit. I'm like, you're listening. This nigger.

he got a bomb. Like, it's no way. If I go to sleep and wake up and the person next to me is staring at the map, like, it's no way. That was always my first thought. It's no fucking. Because there's only a handful of people that did the threat. Like, you know, me and P.

You always find, like, very niche trend. Yeah. Just stupid and funny friends laugh at. So there was only a few people that did it. But I always thought, like, you could kind of see the people next to them. Not really. I'm like, what is the person to their left? There's no way.

They have their phone just like this. and they have not moved for six hours. There's no way. There's no way. I'm calling the cop. I'm calling the captain. No. A brick of ginger.

And raw eggs is sick. And raw eggs is sick. He's like... Discipline, no. Eat eggs like raw eggs with the shell and everything? No, you're too bored. I thought the cinnamon challenge was crazy. That's crazy than the cinnamon challenge.

Eating the egg with the shell? Yeah. No, that's crazy. Listen, man, Brad Pitt announced he's back on the wagon. Times are changing. That's a crazy announcement. Yo, I'm drunk again. Hey, man.

You back. We mean back outside. Yeah, why are you announcing that? We would have never known. Somebody said that's the best message to get in your guy's group chat that your man is back drinking again. Like, if Brad got in the group chat, it was like, yo, it's been eight years. Yeah, fellas, I'm back. Like, that's crazy.

Well, hopefully. You know, feel up the jet, Brad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are out. Hopefully he's not going too crazy, though, man. You don't want to see Brad, like, you know, off the bottle, like too much, though. I don't know enough of his sister. Was he, did he have, like, a problem?

And that's why he got sober. I mean, if he's announcing he's back drinking, I think he had a problem. Because you don't announce that unless you had a problem. He was like eight years sober, he said. Oh, so that he had a problem. Whenever you say sober, that means you had a problem. Yeah, that, yeah. So we're like, I'm eight years sober.

Whoa. Like, like, Marl, I'm 12 days sober. Hey. No, you're not. I swear to God, I'm 12. I don't care if you swear to God. I'm not one of them niggins that, like, if you put it on my mom up, I don't care about none of this. Ma, don't do that.

Because when I drink, I come in here and tell you I drink. I don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. I don't lie to you. I don't lie to you. That's the same thing. You hide shit from me.

You lie. You hide the truth from me. Yeah, but I'm not feeding you false truth. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I would just come in here and let you assume that I was so sober. I really, I haven't had a drink since Jay Cole. I'm 12 days sober.

That's cap. How is that cap? It's cap. Where have I been that you would have just thought I had a drink? You was just somewhere. I was in Syracuse for my mom's surgery. I wasn't like running the town. Like I wasn't running around.

Yeah. I've been at work and dealing with stuff like that. I literally, I have 12 days. I'm proud of myself. Huh? Burp. Did you tell me to burp? Yeah.

Let me smell your breath. You can smell my breath. I can smell like, I could smell that cosmopolitan from over here. No. I ordered a mocktail. Why the fuck are mocktails in New York City $17 fucking dollars? Might as well get the real thing. That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, damn, like $17 for a mocktail? Oh, yeah. Just taking out that other ingredient. Yeah, yeah. He's just giving you the juice and ice. Fuck that. It was good. Well, this is fun.

Let's get to Patreon. We got Zip here. All right. We'll talk to y'all soon. Be safe. Be blessed. I'm that nigga. We go on the Patriot.

No. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life.

Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mayer. and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that.

Listen to Podlandia. A.A.O. Rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier. And Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.

Do you know I just found out who's sitting? Sweeney was, if he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less, so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Nick Tuturo. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lease Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, delivering happiness with Nick Totoro, I deliver pizza to a new guest.

I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rowe. What are you doing my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free High Heart Radio app.

Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Tutorough. And listen now. Summer Blockbusters are back. The Odyssey and Spider-Man. Brand new day have taken over cinemas and Raiders of the Lost podcast. has all the coverage you need, including our interview with director Destin Daniel Cretton. What surprised you about Tom Holland? He shows up to every meeting early.

He's the first one on set. Aside from learning all of his lines, is also able to memorize everybody's name on set. Download the free IHeart Radio app. Search Raiders of The Lost Podcast and listen now. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.