Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Bull Durham (Livestream Finale!) w/ Rob Huebel & Paul Scheer

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

It’s the extra special livestream finale of Newcomers: Sports! Lauren and Nicole are called up to the show to discuss Bull Durham with very special guests Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer. Along with celebrating the alluring powerhouse that is Susan Sarandon, the group also gets into the range of Tim Robbins, the strangeness of A Big Romantic Speech, and improvise the plot to Bull Durham 2. Follow Rob: Twitter, InstagramFollow Paul: Twitter, InstagramYou can hear six seasons of Newcomers theme music composed by Newcomer’s editor/composer extraordinaire Faris Monshi now streaming everywhere: bit.ly/ThemesFromNewcomersGet tickets for the VOD version of the Newcomers: Sports Fan Choice Finale Livestream with special guests Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel here! Available until Sunday, September 15th at 11:59 PM PT. Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum Original. songs I've produced thus far, appropriately called Themes from Newcomers. There will be a link in the episode description that will take you to it on your listening platform of choice. Your comments, DMs, and emails over the years have not gone unnoticed, so thank you so much for inspiring us to release these tracks as a collection. Enjoy the music and enjoy the Season 8 finale livestream. Hey guys, Nicole here. Hey, okay, just a heads up. If you'd rather watch this special livestream episode, the VOD Video On Demand link is up until Sunday,

September 15th at 11.59 PM Pacific Standard Time. Head on over to moment.co slash newcomers to buy access today. See you there. ["Poisonous Wings of the Sun"] Hello. Hello. Hello! Hello! Welcome to our newcomers! Playing for the home team, it's me, Lauren Lobkis. And me, Nicole Byer.

And of course, we have Coach Anya and Coach Ali watching along from the sidelines cheering us on. And this season, we have officially covered 10 of the sports movies we feel that are so good, they would definitely get called upon to the show. And we have a special guest, Lauren Lobkis, who's going to be playing for the home team. Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! sidelines turn us on. This season, we have officially covered 10 of the sports movies we feel that are so good, they would definitely get called upon to the show. Called up to the show. Which is a phrase we learned yesterday when we watched Bull Durham. We're talking about the 1988 film

starring Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbinsbins and Kevin Costner, Bull Durham. And the title actually bothered me because they were the Durham Bulls. We'll get into that later. I was calling it Bill Durr. I thought it was a guy's name before I saw it. Yeah. And then it wasn't.

No. And that, there was never a really reveal of why it was called Bull Durham. No, not at all. And I was looking up Bill Durr while I was trying to find it, and that's not a thing. No, but I wish it was.

If you want to watch it right now while you're watching this, it's streaming on Tubi, Pluto TV, and the Roku Channel. And I paid a fee because I was getting really annoyed by the commercials on Tubi. I also was getting annoyed by the commercials on Tubi. Tubi is fun, but full of commercials. It was breaking up my flow.

We're gonna spoil the film, obviously, and we're so excited because we have two of the best here to do it with us. Playing for the visiting team today, we have Rob, Hubel, and Paul Sheehy. Hello. Yes. And I'm gonna read your credits. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so Rob is known for his role on Adult Swim's award-winning series, Children's Hospital, which he earned an Emmy nomination. Woo! He can be seen on the spin-off series, Medical Police, on Netflix, and Max's hit comedy, Sex Lives of College Girls, as well as Goosebumps on Disney+. Oh, Goosebumps.

Yeah. And he was on Transparent. And is a regular on Fox's hit animated series, Bob's Burgh hours. That's amazing. You're gonna read all these credits? And Paul Scheer is a regular on Fox's hit animated series, Bob's Burgh Hours. That's amazing. You're gonna have to read all these credits. Paul Scheer is a comedian, screen actor,

skilled award-winning actor, filmmaker, and podcaster, and author, who wrote a great book that I love. That's so great. Say the title of your book. Joyful Recollections of Trauma. It's really fantastic. Thank you so much. You are known for your roles in film and television,

including Black Monday, 30 Rock, Veep, and The League. He co-hosts the podcast, How Did This Get Made, alongside his wife, actor June Diane Riefveil, and actor Jason Manzoukis, as well as the podcast, Unspoiled, with film critic Amy Nicholson, who we had on in a previous episode. His memoir, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, was released by HarperCollins

and is a New York Times bestseller. Boom! Boom! That was so exciting for you! That's nice! That really was. That was so cool! It was a very exciting moment. I'm not gonna seller. That was so exciting for you. That was so cool. It was a very exciting moment. I'm not gonna lie about it. I'm not gonna be like, oh, that was great.

It was exciting and it was a huge moment. That's a really big deal. The book is so good. I loved it so much. I cried and laughed. You are the best. I'm trying to be spending more time on Paul. Hey, come on.

Have you written a book? Bestseller. Did you write a book? I have a book. I've written a book. Hey, hey, come on. Have you written a book? New York Times bestseller. Have you written a book? I have not written a book. Yeah, okay, so come back when you have. I've read some books. What's your favorite book? I do wanna say, favorite book.

Paul's book? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also thought that Bull Durham was his name. Yeah. Yeah. I thought Bull Durham was his name. Bill Dyr? Bill Dyr, even as an idea of what a movie could be called.

Builder, you'd be like, it wouldn't go past. What if it's Bob the Builder? Oh my god. That's better, I would go with Builder. Well, I kept being like, Builder, Builder. And the person I was talking to was like, what are you saying to people like this movie, Builder? We have to watch Builder.

What is the, do we know the story? Like, why is it called that? I Googled this because I wanted to understand and I guess there was a tobacco, so Durham is the town. And then it's also the team. And then, but there's a tobacco company called the Bull Durham or something. And there was that bull when they were playing.

I thought it was just the team's mascot and the team was in Durham. But so it was like a phrase for tobacco? Somebody, I don't know if that's real. Here's the thing. In this period of time, movies were weird because if you saw Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice's name is different on the poster

than it is everywhere in the movie. Like in the movie, it's Beetle and it's G-U-E-U-S-E. But they're like, ah, for the poster, it'll be Beetlejuice. That's weird, because it's Beetlejuice. I've never seen that. Is this podcast about Beetlejuice? Halloween time.

Never seen that. It's a bold move to be like, ah, bold Durham. Yeah, it's never said. Crash in the sack or something like that. Crash in the sack. Yeah, because it got crash, you know? or something like that. Crash in the sack. Yeah, crash in the sack. I kinda like that. Crash in the sack.

No, but that sounds too silly. This sounds like it has some gravitas and I don't know why, but I liked it. And this movie has a lot of fucking. This movie was so sexy. We were so glad. I thought this was like an adult. Like I never saw this movie until just last night.

That's incredible to me. You told me that yesterday. I was like, what? And then I realized, I think I had seen it one time. And here's the bad, in my brain, I thought this was Major League. Like the whole, like building up to this, I was like, oh, this is the one,

this is Major League with Tom Berenger and Charlie Sheen. Wesley Snipes. And then I was like, oh wait, oh, this is the one, this is Major League with Tom Berenger and, you know, Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Wesley Snipes. And then I was like, oh wait, no, this is, cause in my brain, here's what I can't wrap my head around. Why did Kevin Costner make two baseball movies back to back? I wondered that too, but I was like, well, in one, like this movie actually could be a prequel to Field of Dreams,

cause he could have walked into the field as a player. He's wearing the same jacket, isn't he? And that's what the field is, Susan Sarandon fucking. Yeah. She's, this is these- If you build it, they wake up.

What's your guess? There's a ton of ghosts riding her. I just feel like there was this, I grew up in this time where it was like, oh, we just make baseball movies. It was like, Eight Men Out, Major League, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham. There's a movie with-

Rookie of the Year, Angels in the Elves. Yes. The fan with Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes again, where Robert De Niro's like obsessed with Wesley Snipes. Is he a baseball player and he's upset? Yeah, he's like a fan. He's the fan. I love-

Wesley Snipes is the fan? No, Robert De Niro's the fan. And he's like, come on, I never saw, but he is like- I was really confused, I was like, that casting was bad. Yeah, it seems weird. All right, he's obsessed with- His life is a very-

He's obsessed with Robert De Niro. That would be really weird. I just feel like baseball is all over the place. And as a kid, I didn't love baseball. I did feel a little left out of the base. It feels like they really wanted us to like it, and it was important that we cover this. Yeah.

I also wonder, yeah, I wonder if like there was something going on. I was trying to remember like where the country was. Like, was that like Reagan-y? Or maybe that was after Reagan, but it felt like a very like pro-America period of time where it's like, we gotta beat the Russians at hockey and we gotta, Rocky's gotta knock out the Russian guy

and then we gotta, baseball is the best, and we're the best country, and like, you know. Yeah, you just called back multiple movies we covered, which I love. I gotta say that my big issue, and I'm not gonna go too far into it, but I just, what was confusing about this movie,

and I wonder if this is why it worked in a way, because there are moments where I'm like, is this in the 1950s, or is this now? The fucking time period was so hard, and I Googled it, and it was 19, it was like, it takes place in 1987. Well, my brain is supposed to be 1987. Yeah.

No, I have no idea. She says at one point, this is when my brain short-circuited, because she, they're at the, they're at like, they're having a beer at the bar. Yeah. And it's a modern song, or a modern like, 80s song. I was like, wait a second, that's weird.

But these are doing like a sock hop. And they had like rock around the clock and stuff. And I was like, that's, as if that was special or something. And then she says, does you think that like Doc Gooden fucks with his socks on? I was like, wait a second, Doc Gooden is like an 80s net. I was like, what? And then it stopped.

Cause the style was so weird. She's in like, she's driving a 1950s car. She's like, I was like, how do you? Her sort of wardrobe and- Her room was like an old grandmother's room. They fucked in a doily like eight times. She puts perfume on the light bulbs the way you would. Yeah, that was an insane thing.

I was like, is she trying to burn her house down? Is that a thing people do? I don't know. The amount of candles. No, you should not do that. Yeah. Well, maybe now you could do it because the light bulbs are

less intense. But wouldn't be that hot to burn the... Is it burning the smell? I guess it might have been. I think it's just a little drop will do. I mean, I put lavender on my kid's pillow. We're gonna burn, don't do it if you don't want you to spray it.

Don't let that get burnt over. He sprays his kid's pillows with lavender. That's the sweetest daddy in the world. My mom used to spray my bed with perfume when she changed my shoes. Really? It's a little like her. That's so sweet.

Isn't that really nice? Yeah. It's really sweet. Well, here's the other thing that I was trying to figure out watching this. Is this a comedy movie? Yes, it's a comedy. It's definitely a comedy.

Isn't it? Yeah. There's a lot of funny stuff, but it's not like Major League, which It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. and like almost romantic. Maybe I'm just remembering the- That's Ron Shelton, like the director, writer of this, like Ron Shelton had a run. I think it was about young Shelton and I was like. Oh, young Shelton also loves to fuss. Young Shelton? That's why they had the cancel show.

He was always like, he's got that tie, he's like gonna go down on somebody. Yeah. But, butzinga. But if it's a comedy movie, there are big stretches where there is no comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um, Bazinga. But if it's a comedy movie, there are big stretches where there is no comedy. Yeah, that's true.

I'm saying, like, Ron Shelton made this, it was like, there was a TV show on when I was growing up that I hated because it felt so like this, called 30-something, which was like, it's a bad adult. I love that show. I've tried to find it. Timothy Busfield from Field of Dreams last week on this show. Oh, he's the main, he's been in it. Timothy Only. From Field of Dreams, last week on this show,

Timothy Busfield is one of the main guys on 30s. Which I love, because I don't know, I'm older than you guys, but that hit me. How old? I'm real old. But that hit me at a time where I was like, oh, this is interesting. No, and I wanted to watch it in my 30s,

I was like, oh, I always remember that show 30 something. I don't think it holds up. Yeah, it's probably not good. But I think it's like this idea of, there was an era where it was like, now it's time for adult movies and we can have some fun, we can also have some sex. It was like, this is not like, you couldn't just also bring your kids to it.

It was like, we're, and I felt like there was thrillers like this at this time too, it was like, we're gonna fuck and it's a thriller. Like it was like, it was an energy of dislike. There was a lot of sex and like, do we have? But no nudity. Is there?

No nudity? Yeah, everyone has a little bit. I we have to be? No, no. Is there? Yeah, everyone is a little bit. I think you see his butt. You see Tim Robbins' butt at the beginning. Did you know he's six foot seven? He looks it. I was wiggling this night.

Should I say the thing? Oh yeah, sure. So the woman, who is Susan Sarandon's friend that's kind of sleeping? Oh yeah, Millie. Millie. That is, that actress is Tom Lennon's wife in real life. And that's Jenny Lennon.

Yeah. Wow. And I was watching it and I was like, wait, is that Tom Lennon's wife? Cause I mean, I know her just through Tom. Yeah. But so great performance. Well it feels like, I feel like the, oh she was great.

And I liked her storyline too. Yeah. But like the timeframe of this confuses me so much because it also made me feel like it was made a long time ago. I mean, it was weird. Well, that was the thing. Is sex puritanical or is it not? Because the religious guy actually felt like of the period.

But then everyone else, he's like wearing a fishbone shirt at the end, Tim Robbins. Oh, right, right, right. You know, which, yeah. Oh yeah, all of his shirts are like ACDC and Molly Krueger and stuff like that, yeah. And yet the town field, like the town was like locked in amber.

Maybe that town was just from the 1950s. I thought it was like, time period aside, I thought the fucking was like, baseball, we fuck. Yeah, so the religious person was like, they're like, come on, baseball, fuck. It was like fucking, fucking was, come on, baseball, fuck. Because fucking wasn't an integral, integral part of playing baseball.

Like you need to fuck. Because Susan Sarandon picked one person a season to fuck them so they had a good season. And that was like a known thing. That's the whole thing. It's like if you learn to fuck me the right way, you will also be good at baseball. I think what it is is like,

it was about like, what she imparted on these men was patience and performance. And finesse, yeah. You know, like the best baseball is done by a woman that like is not teaching you about, it's like Yoda, but like with sex. Right, because she would like give them tips on, and they would like how to be better at actual baseball.

But like. Because she also did do that though too. Yeah. So she is teaching him actual baseball. And she's also fucking him. And she's reading him up poetry. I also just feel like this is like a guy's, like this is like this guy from whatever this guy is doing.

He's like, I'm writing this. That girl teaches a guy a fault. It's so that. That's a good part for her. And by the way, she's great in it. What is this? She's great and it's a great part, but knowing that it's written, it was written, is the movie, who wrote the movie?

Ron Shelton, this is this guy. He wrote it in great effort. He wrote, white men can't jump. Oh, I didn't know that. He's different, knowing he wrote sports movies. Like these kind of adult sports movies. But that's, it's such, cause it is such a modern character for,

to have like, she's like, when she made this movie, I think she was like 40. She was 42, I looked that up because I was also like, how old? Tim Robbins was 30, and Kevin Poulson was 33. Tim Robbins is a 30 year old coming into the major leagues. It's like, kind of, holding things back at the right time. Yeah, like, kind of. Yeah. Yeah.

That is right. Yeah. Yeah. And I was surprised by everyone's age. I just looked at it. Wait, how old is Kevin Costner? He was 33. So.

Yeah. Yeah. The old DoS in Field of Dreams is like, you look at Kevin Costner like, oh, that is a movie star. Yeah, yes. Say what you want about Kevin Costner. He's really interesting, because I actually really,

I think I only have seen, I mean, maybe some movies have crossed my path, but. The Bodyguard, Field of Dreams. And then, Builder. Builder. Builder. But he's so great, but he's got a really interesting style. He's kind of subdued and subtle, and got a little, but he's very handsome.

Very laid back. He's very chill. Not worried about his future. He showed a few bowl, I don't even remember this, but he used to have, you know, when celebrities were getting websites, right? They would like, you have the book content on your website. And you know, Kevin Costner would always be like, sitting on the balcony of his, wherever he would tell you he was shooting in

with a drink of glass of wine, he's like, music. Music is interesting to me because, he would just give these like, monologues about like, like bullshit, because he has a these monologues about like bullshit. Because he has a band, of course. He does? Oh yeah. And it's very like, I feel like this type of actor

is very much like, and I think it's very successful, but I think why it works on Yellowstone is like, it looks like a lot's going on. It almost feels like the best version of a Broadway show acting. It's like, but it is a little like, know what I care about? I care about slow kisses and fast balls.

When he said that I was like, barf. It was kind of gross. He was like, I like when it snows on Christmas. And he was like, what? It was just all over the place. I believe in Santa. Yeah. None of this was thought of before.

It's just like, I also think the novels of so and so are overrated. I like pasta. You guys are like, oh, okay. I believe in the pussy. Pizza without pineapple. So when they talked about pussy, I was like, this is kind of like, cringy.

I don't know. I was into it. She's so taken aback. I like the scene, the cereal scene. It was just always, it always shocked me when they would bring up pussy. Because it would come out of literally no way. And you're sitting in a Victorian home,

I'm just like confused, but great. Well, like, picture, you're sitting in a Victorian home, I'm just confused, but great. Well, in pictures she's dressed in a, it is visually hard to reconcile this movie to understand, and I guess maybe because they live in this town, that's what made me feel like it's a play. It just feels like, it has a thing about it. Well, what's the theme of it? I was trying to, I was like, what are you trying to say? And I'm like, what's the theme of it? I was trying to like, what are you trying to say?

And I'm like, it's not about love, it's not about baseball, it's not, it's like, cause at the end, he comes back to her. I'm like. Yeah, I know, that was weird too. It was bizarre, I was like, this makes zero sense. And I actually didn't even really need it. No.

I guess he didn't wanna be embarrassed that he did break the record, but then he broke the record and be like, now that I did that, now I can be with you. Right. Did they go off as a coaching duo and then did she just start fucking guys, he's like, hey, look, I got a picture here.

And you guys fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna like get married. That's good news. Yeah, it's funny. I didn't need the ending for them to be together. Well, should we, let's take a quick break. Or do you wanna do the shot clock before we go?

Let's sum up the movie really fast. Let's do the shot clock. Okay. Wow. All right, I'll go first. Okay. Okay. Ready?

Okay, you're gonna sum up the movie in 10 seconds. In 10 seconds. Okay, Tim Robinson, is that, no, Robbins. Uh-oh. Time is running out. Time is running out. Time is running out. Oh no, baseball, fuck, Kevin Costner, sexy, I'm done.

That was it? That's 10 seconds. Oh my God. I really wasted it. Tim Robinson in this movie would be so good. Tim Robinson playing Kevin Costner's part, not Tim Robinson's part. He should be like the guy who's-

I don't know. If Tim Robinson was in it, he'd be the guy who's dancing on the field, he's like. Oh, that guy was upset. That guy was like so upset. I know. I was like, what's up with this guy?

And then you see him in the bar, and then he's like kind of a nice older guy, and you're like, wait, what? Why is he hanging out now in the bar? He was just like, wow. I just want Tim Robinson's dad to be more in the movie. When he brought her. Oh yeah.

We'll keep seeing Tim Robinson. I know. Sorry. So Tim Robinson's dad, when he brought her. We keep seeing Tim Robertson. I know. Sorry. Tim Robbins' dad, when he comes up, he wanted to introduce this woman to his father. That was so weird. I was like, I'm glad she didn't say anything untoward. She was about to like, you know.

What was that word? Untoward. That's good. Thanks. Hope it was right. Let's do, who wants to go next? 10 seconds. I'll go next.

Okay, I'm gonna try to watch it. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, there it goes. Let's do, who wants to go next? 10 seconds. I'll go next. Okay, I'm gonna try to watch it. Uh oh. Hold on, hold on. Uh oh. Oh, hold on, there it goes. Okay, a super talented pitcher with very little control is mentored by a down on his luck minor league catcher and a slut. And a slut! And the slut slid into home base with that one.

Okay, Paul, you or me, who wants to go? Okay, I'll go. Before you can get into the big show, you have to go to the Bone Zone. Wow. Time to spare. Time for my clock. You got time left.

Okay, you wanna dream. Yeah, sorry, here we go. I gotta go reset it. This far in. Okay, got it. Reset, oh, make sure I reset. Oh, sorry. Ready?

Okay. Susan Sarandon fucks the guys, makes them win, and she has a romance, but does she really want it? I don't know. I don't know if she really wants it. Time out. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. That brings up a good point. Does she want it? Because I'm like, does she really want him to come back? I think she was kind of fine when he left. But it's so much she was so committed to her own thing.

She's like, I like you, Kevin Costner, but I can't fuck you because my thing is I only fuck one guy a season. So I can't break my thing. But then he gets traded, and the other guy gets brought up to the big show. And then she's like, all right, well now we can. Like her morals seem to not be about like what she wanted,

but what like she was living against the code. It was the baseball rules. Cause everybody in the house is in these are like Rudy. Seemed to not be about like what she wanted. No what like she was living against the code baseball rules cuz everybody Are like Rudy they're all obsessed with their sports. Yes, and she was like the sport I fucked the baseball right She wasn't even interested in Tim Robbins I obviously liked Kevin Costner, but she was like I have to help him get to the big leagues and since I did it Now and maybe the season was over over, now she can fuck somebody else. But what is her reward?

Like, that the team does well? Yeah, what is she, because she loves baseball. She's a baseball groupie. That's her church. Yeah, it starts off like that. But then there's another part of it where, when the team is doing well, she's kind of upset because she's not getting fucked.

Right. But Kevin Costner, you can't fuck because it's weird. The fucking as like, it's currency and it's like you can only have it for certain things. I mean, can't she just go fuck somebody she likes on the side? No. No, because it's against her rules.

These are the rules. Her life is a joke. It is such, it is like when you try to really break it down, it's like, again, what is the story? It's like, if you go, what is Crash's arc? If he's like, his arc is, he gets traded here to mentor this guy, and he likes this girl, and then he fucks her.

There's no, he doesn't grow, change, nothing. No. Well, his thing is really about, well, I don't, do we need to take a break? Well, let's jump into the plot so we can really talk it out. We'll hash out every little moment. Can you name every single subscription you have? I know I can't name all of mine, and I'm not alone in this.

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The year it was shot is when it took place. Exactly. It was written by Ron Shelton and directed by him. And okay, so we jump in. The single A minor league baseball team, the Durham Bulls, are dealing with another sparsely attended losing season with one thing working for them. Eby Calvin LaLouche, Tim Robbins.

Terrible name. That's a terrible name. Eby Calvin LaLouche. Eby Calvin LaLouche. LaLouche. Last night, and if I gave me multiple choice, I'd be like. I had to pause the movie. I had to pause and look at it.

I was like, what's his name? I had it on captions because I was like, what's going on? Eby. He's a hot shot rookie pitcher who has potential to become a major league talent. Crash Davis, Kevin Costner, a 12-year veteran in minor league baseball, it's a long time, right? A long time. Yes. Is sent down from AAA as the team's catcher

to teach Laloosh to control his haphazard pitching. And Crash immediately begins calling Ebby by the nickname Meat, and they get off to a rocky start. I didn't really understand why Meat was such a bad, why was he so mad about that? And also, why couldn't he control his pitches? They were wild. And also, like the other part of this.

They're so fast. They are crazy. It's like, why would you bring in a pitcher to help a pitcher? And also, like the other part of this. They're so fast. They're crazy. Why wouldn't you bring in a pitcher to help a pitcher? Yeah, why would they bring in a catcher? Yeah, like, we need you to control him. It's like, I guess it's because he would call the pitches. He's calling the pitches, yeah.

But at the same time. But his pitches were either to the player or away, right? Or not, yeah. So like, it's just, yeah, always to the player. Yeah, why don't you do it over in that direction? It blew me away, I was like, come on, then I can play baseball. All of this said though, I did really like that.

I don't mean to jump ahead, but like, I liked the movie and I enjoyed the experience of it. It was great. I'm gonna say that because we're all in. Really, because we're all shh. No, no, that's not how we talk. You know, it's how we talk. But it's fun.

It was like, I really like, I let it just wash over me and I was like, oh, this is like a great movie from that time period. I feel like there's like two types of movies. One that you watch like this and you're like, oh, wow, I just watched a movie. And then you think that I'm like, and then they like five minutes pass, right?

What the fuck did I just watch? And that's successful to me. As long as you're not pass, what the fuck did I just watch? And that's successful to me. As long as you're not thinking, what the fuck am I watching while you're watching it? Like, that's what I think it is, it's like, it's movie stars. I'm watching. This is movie stars. It's like, I'm just comfortable, like, you got it.

This is a special time. Do you think it's that we're nostalgic for that period, because that's like when we cared more for. I think so, I think so, yes. Because to me, it feels like that was movie stars. But that doesn't seem true. I think if you showed that movie to a kid in college now, they'd be like, eh.

Yeah. I don't know. I think they'd be into it. Really? I think it's too slow. I think it is a bit slow. And I do think the Victorian look of it feels so dusty. It is a very dusty, dweily movie.

I liked the story. I just had so many. I'm sitting there going, it feels so dusty. It is a very dusty, dweily movie. I liked the story, I had so many, I'm sitting there going, why does it look like this? I think that putting it in that Victorian look, that 50s look, makes the sex go down easier for a more puritanical audience. They're like, oh, okay, sexism? We're not totally comfortable with it.

It's just her thing. Well, they're also trying to sort of set this in the South. You know, like you don't really get that much of flavor of the South, but like everyone's accents are all over the place. Like the baseball announcer guy is like from New Orleans. Like his accent's crazy. Everybody else is like sort of South Carolina,

North Carolina, but like. That explains the style more though. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Like those sort of like older, like Victorian houses, or at least her house. Some of the like slow feel of it feels like kind of a hot summer, Southern day.

I think you're right. I'm very happy that if in every movie that comes out where there are accents, people just don't do them. This be you, like we don't need that. We don't. Come on down, Tim. I think we're getting to a point of not caring about that as much.

I feel like it's kind of going away. There are things where people don't all have the same accent from the same place. If you got it, great. But if you don't got it, you don't have to force it. It doesn't matter. I don't know. But it's kind of fun. She's just kind of doing it.

And I kind of like that. She's got an energy there. I feel like- She can pull it off. Yeah. I will say, this is, to me, peak Susan Sarnett. Like, she's got an energy there. I feel like. She can pull it off. Yeah, she was good. I will say, she is, this is to me, peak Susan Sarnat. Like she is gorgeous. She's so beautiful. She's so mesmerizing.

You know, obviously her eyeballs are gigantic. Her eyes, from the side, her eyeballs are like. So big. Did she get an Academy Award for this or nominated for it? We'll find out, we'll find out. We'll find out. The goods are in here and I simply don't know yet. I do believe that this is the movie

that really launched her. I don't even know if she had a first wave, but I think this is the movie that really, like, Susan Sarandon, this poster is something I remember seeing. It's like, this performance is, I think, my thought as her career takes off after this. My favorite is Stepmom.

Stepmom is so sad. Wait, I think everyone should do accents. I think you're wrong about that. Have you seen True Blood? Everybody has a different accent. Oh yeah. And it's a good job. Also Storm and X-Men, Halle Berry,

tries in the first movie and someone told her, don't do that. And then she stops it and I was like, come on. It was a nice time. Maybe the idea is you guys take a big fucking swing or none because I think that people who try to hide it and like be like Channing Tatum in Deadpool versus Wolverine.

It's so funny. It's so good. And it's, I mean, I think that's a joke choice. It's a Creole New Orleans accent. And it's supposed to be funny. Yeah, and that's what he sounds like in the cartoon. And I was like, I can't believe they were gonna make a two hour movie about that.

Oh, I would be 100% And I'd be on board. On board. I was like, why didn't we do it? And his face is all squished up in the costume. It's very funny. Do we think that this is Susan Sarandon's movie? Yes.

It definitely is. I feel like you care the most about her. You wanna see her the most. But it should be, but I feel like they kind of get away from that almost. Like it should be. Well yeah, cause I mean, when he comes in, well here, why don't you catch us up to where.

So thrown into the mix is Annie Susan Sarandon a baseball group B and lifelong Spiritual seeker who has latched on to the Church of baseball every year Annie chooses one player on the Bulls to be her lover and Student which kind of wild Because like why would you want to fuck your student and well, it's also you know, we're all adults But like I'm gonna fuck someone I have to teach? I was curious about her, like, what, how people feel about her. You never take any of her class.

So true. So true. Get ready, get ready. I got a lot of losses to show you. So many losses. I just don't get it. I would be frustrated all the time. It's like, you don't get it?

You don't get game? Don't get in my bed. I'm gonna fuck all the time. It's like, you don't get it? You don't get game? Don't get it in my bed. I'm gonna fuck it into you. I think that like, it's like, she's a coach who understands that, like I don't even think she's fucking him as much as she's teaching him how to fuck for the future. Well yeah.

Right, so she's like. Because she kind of says he's like, he's not, what did she call him at the end? I don't know, there was something about how she described him where she was kind of like, he's just inexperienced, or something where she said it where he was like, she was gonna just teach him how to be. Because all these other women are throwing themselves at him.

Yeah. She doesn't care about him. And he fucks all crazy it's described. Yes, just the way he pitches. He fucks the way he pitches, yeah. Which honestly makes me upset, because that means he's missing the whole. Yeah, yeah. Hitting thighs, missing the hole. Yeah

That's my butt He's It's an odd it's an odd choice because it's like she's so passionate about the game that she's her goal is I need to Make a good all-around baseball player and like we don't hear, oh yeah, she was behind Ken Griffey Jr. Right. Ken Griffey Sr. Well, she does have a weird altar in her house. Yeah, like pictures and myths and stuff. Yeah, and at the end, there's a weird thing.

The last shot of the movie is this slow push into some famous baseball player that died. Yeah. But he died in a plane crash. I forgot who it is, people will tell us on the thing. Okay, somebody will tell us. But there's just like a weird push into this guy

that is a real person that died in a plane crash. Wait, he's a real person? And so they're like, and she fucked him too. Well anyway, but so. So weird. Wait, maybe, okay, you know how like coaches, those who can't teach or whatever, and coaches are like living vicariously through players to like do what they couldn't do maybe since she's a woman and she couldn't be in the major leagues

Yeah, she's like I will fuck right then To where I want to be yeah It would be like in my mind it would be like she would Lure them in with the idea of fucking but never fuck them and just actually teach them baseball Yeah, yeah, we'll fuck like fucking, but never fuck them and just actually teach them baseball. And be like, if you get good at baseball, then we'll fuck. But she's doing both simultaneously. But couldn't you also make the argument

that this is not her movie, that this is Kevin Costner's movie? I mean, it's really a- I think they almost make it seem like it's going to be when he comes into the office and has that talk where it's like, we're gonna bring you in to do this stuff. And it seems like, oh, okay, we're going to the sports part now.

Can I ask, the first time you see him, he walks in and he says, I'm the player to be named later. Was that a joke? Like that to me felt like a script joke. That I think is a... He's just like, that's the first draft. And they were like, what is his name gonna be? That's totally what I thought.

There's a guy in Lake Placid reads his stage, Brendan Gleeson, five times in Lake Placid, reads his own stage directions. Yeah. It's hilarious. On purpose? Yes, you'll find it on the- Oh my God. It's truly- Said sarcastically.

Like, yeah. Wait, really? Wait, why? I love him. I think he was just like, from what I understand, that movie was a real nightmare to shoot. So then I think, this is what, if I'm putting a little bit of my own spin on it,

that the writer was David E. Kelly. I think it was a, just say the fucking words. And he was like, well, yeah, I'll say the words sarcastically. Like, you know, I'll read all your words. That's very funny. That's kind of what I thought was when he first walked in. I didn't get the joke.

That's a sports thing because like, sometimes what you'll do is you'll make a trade and you'll be like, we don't know why we're trading. Like we don't know for who yet. We'll have a PD name later. So it's sort of like a, we're gonna trade because on this level, it's like, it's just like, we'll give you a catcher,

we'll give you a thing. Like we don't have that actual person yet. So it's like, it's just a, it's just a, it's just a, I think it's like, oh. It's a sports joke. Yeah. For all the sports heads. Yeah. Ah. It's a movie... It's a sports joke. For all the sports heads. Yeah.

Ah. It's a movie that makes you go, oh God, I'm not watching a fucking romcom. No. I'm a dude, I like fucking baseball. So they stay in it. You don't train me into watching some movie about fucking. Well, and I do think it's a good guy movie for that reason

because it's like, and there's fucking. So it's like, you get a little bit of everything. Yeah. I thought it was a movie for everyone. So Annie was for everyone as well. I thought it was a movie for everyone as well. I think it's reason, because it's like, and there's fucking. So it's like, you get a little bit of everything. Yeah, I thought it was a movie for everyone. So Annie was for everyone as well. I think it's a movie where it's like, bring your wife, you're gonna have a fun time. The guys wanna see a good baseball, and it's fucking.

And it felt dusty at times. So Annie flirts with both Crash and Eddie, and invites them to her house. This was wild, at the bar she was just like, who's coming home with me? And they're like, which one? She's like, both. And nobody- Was this when she danced with Sam

or whatever, the guy from the clown? Yes. This is when Tim was like, I don't dance. And then they go outside. Wait. Yeah, this is a good scene. I like this scene. When they have-

We don't talk about when they go outside and he's like, throw the ball at my chest. Or is that after? Oh, this I think is, that's- That's before- I think we're skipping that here, but we should talk about that. Cause that's like, they go to have a brawl cause they're fighting over her. Yeah. And he's gonna, throw the ball at my chest, or is that after? Oh, this I think is, that's, I think we're skipping that here, but we should talk about that, because that's like, they go to have a brawl

because they're fighting over her, and he's gonna dance with her, and then he's like, I don't hit a guy first, and he's like, I don't hit a guy first, and then he's like, throw the ball at me. He just has a ball. I think Casner gives that to him. Why are you carrying a baseball to a bar?

It's like he's balling. He's a catcher, he's always got a ball. He's like, keep that baseball. He's like, leave that shit at home, a big old honkin' ball in your pocket. In case he gets hungry. But he's like, throw it at me. Oh my God, have you ever caught a baseball open? I did that as a kid, and it was very exciting.

My dad sliced it for hours and hours and hours. Lauren, you sound un-inched. My dad sliced it up for hours and hours. We were doing an experiment, like what's inside? What's inside? What's inside? It's this bouncy ball with all these little strings all around it and yeah, that's what it was. A bouncy ball.

Yeah, it was really weird. Anyways. That fight seems really interesting because. I love that scene. I also feel like, or so Susan Sarandon's teaching him how to fuck and giving him baseball tips. But Crash is also teaching him how to be a baseball player.

In every way, like here's how you do interviews. And at the end of the movie, he's taking more of Crash's stuff than all of Crash's stuff. It's a weird, like if you were pitching this movie in a room, it wouldn't make sense. Because you'd be like, okay, so here's this hotshot pitcher, he can't control himself, this woman is gonna teach him in the ways of of love and sex,

but really how to control his body for the sport. And then also there's a major, major celebrity, Kevin Costner, who's gonna do the exact same thing. Not with the fucking. Right, and then the two people on the poster are Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon. Not Tim Robbins. Not Tim Robbins.

So it's like the two teachers, but they also aren't teaching different sides of the equation, because she's like, here, throw the ball, and he's like, here, throw the ball. Like, they're both, maybe one, and he, like, you could say, well, Kevin Costner's helping him with his mind,

but so is she. The only thing that Kevin Costner's not doing is giving him hand jobs, but maybe he is on the road. Maybe he is. He takes that guitar and he's like, you're gonna get a hand job later. But also, it's wild to me that this mediocre man who can throw a ball good one time out of 10, everyone is like, we gotta get him to the Major League!

His personality was so amazing or something. Everyone just thought he was such a charming, weird, crazy, loose cannon. I feel like he was like rock star vibes. I gotta say too, and I don't know Tim Robbins, but like this, his performance, I kind of felt like he was in a different movie a little bit. Like, I mean maybe that's just his vibe, but like, he's a really good actor. I know he's a really good, but everybody else seemed like they were like blowing him away.

He seemed like, I thought like, oh maybe he's just trying to be like dumb, broke, jock. That's what I think, I felt like it was kind of like, he's a bit daffy or something. Yeah. This is like this era of Tim Robbins where he was the goofball. Oh. Oh. There was a movie called like Tapeheads, I think,

where he's like, hey, he was that guy. He was pompadour, like, he was a little bit like Sean Penn, Spicoli, like that, even though Sean Penn only really did that once. He, it's like Nicholas Cage was a little bit more like, hey, I'm this guy. And then it became like, I mean, he's still like, those are two examples of people who are very different,

but there was something about like Tim Robbins definitely leaned into that a little bit more early on, like the Frank, because I think this is really relatively early on in his career too. Yeah, I think so, he was only 30, so I mean, it feels like it had to be. Yeah, I mean, probably the actors. I don't know, all I know is he's big, he's tall he's hot yeah, and I love the Shawshank Redemption

Anytime and they've met on this film Susan Sarandon and Tim Ross together for a very long time And that's great wait is he single now wait did they break up wait hold on I didn't know they break I think they weren't married, right? They were never married. They were just partnered. All the homes and man. About their divorce, and it's one of my favorite elements of it is like-

Well, they weren't married, it's all about their divorce. Their breakup is that- Their conscious uncoupling? I mean, if you're together for like 40 years and have a bunch of kids and stuff, I feel like it's basically married. What are we talking about? It's not a breakup again.

Yeah, they're still, but Susan Sarandon got really good at ping pong and she was showing up in New York at all these ping pong clubs, playing ping pong, like all the time, it was like, that was her rebirth after her seduction. I love that. And she was like fucking all these young ping pong dudes. Just like Bull Durham.

Whoa, oh my God! There it is. Ping-durum. Ping-durum. Ping-durum. Ping-durum. Ping-durum. Pong-durum.

Pong-durum. Pong-durum. Okay, so Annie, back to the summary, Annie flirts, okay, so she invites him to her house, but Crash walks out saying he's too much of a veteran to try out for anything. Before he leaves. Can I ask one question on this?

If the idea is she picks one player per year to tutor, she wouldn't be picking the old guy whose career's over. I didn't get why he was even an option. Because I thought he was coming. Yeah, I guess she was kind of like, she's just kind of like, I wanna flirt with you. I don't know, but if she has a code of ethics, so I guess my thought was she picks a guy

to make a better baseball player, but in here, she's basically saying, oh no, no, I just pick a guy, I just pick a guy. I think she was like, I'm picking Tim, but I really want Kevin. Okay, so her part. That's what it was, she's like, I kinda already committed to this guy,

and he was like, why I wanna be with somebody who wants to be with that guy, which I loved that. Right, that's a great line. I don't wanna be with a woman who's interested in that boy. Yeah, yeah. He goes, who you calling a boy? Yeah, it was great. Yeah, that's a great diss.

By the way, that relationship's uncomfortability disappeared within 10 minutes maybe of the movie. Like, you thought, oh, this might be an interesting dynamic. It's like kinda lethal weapon, like, hey, they're from different sides of the tracks. You thought, oh, this might be an interesting dynamic. It's like kind of lethal weapon, like hey, they're from different sides of the tracks but they get the job done. Nope, they just become good friends. Yeah, yeah.

Like immediately. Like after that scene outside the bar, like man, and nothing, no, no. Well he does. Okay, wait, so in that scene, he tells them, in case people haven't watched, he goes to like, he's like throw a ball at me if you're not gonna hit me,

and then you'll be a loser in front of everyone because you won't be able to hit me with the ball. And he throws it and it goes right through the window. I'm like, I could hit him with the ball. I could definitely throw it and hit him. Yeah, right like that. Well this goes to Nicole's problem, Nicole's issue, which is like,

if he can't even throw a ball at somebody two feet away, like who's like, I do think he's got talent though. It's wild. Why are we investing so much in him? I think it's because he's hot. I think it is too. I think it's because he's six, seven. it is too. I think it's because he's 6'7". You never see him really kick ass playing baseball.

Like, he threw, I mean, maybe it's just because Tim Robbins, I don't know that I could throw a great pitch either, but you just don't get that satisfaction. I'm like, oh, he's also a great, like, Kevin Costner, you see him playing, I was kind of like, oh, I think he probably played baseball. Like, he did. He did. I went on the internet, he did play baseball. Like he did. He did. Oh, of course he did.

I went on the internet. He did play baseball and he hit two home runs in that movie. Is that gonna be in here later? That's amazing. By the way, when they shoot his scenes, it looks like the Nashville with Robert Redford. It's like, all of a sudden it's like really cool. You know so many movies I've never heard of.

I love it. You could truly be making shit up. That's a good one. Oh, the Nashville. I just never know. But they do an interesting thing. When he's at bat, they do his inner monologue. He's like, come on, meet.

Bring that heat, bring that heat. And he's like, slow bat, or quick bat, quick bat, quick bat, and I was like, wait, we're doing his voiceover and Susan Sarandon's voiceover? That was a weird part. They kind of just do that in there randomly, where suddenly we can hear what everyone's thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This movie is like a tossed salad, you know? You're just getting a lot of different things. It's the Frasier of movies. It's exactly Frasier. It's a Frasier. Have you ever, when they do, oh, maybe I'm jumping ahead, I was gonna get to this first part.

Well, I really just wanna say this one part where he leaves her house with his long speech of the things he believes in, and it ends with, I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days, goodnight. Yeah. I was like. I loved it. He also was like the small of the mask, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days, goodnight. I was like. I loved it.

He also was like the small of the past. Well, no, it was kind of hot, but it was also kind of like, what are you saying? Because it was so random. So that's interesting that you both had such different reactions to that. If a guy had said that to you, you would be totally on board.

If someone said that to you, you would. If I was attracted to him, I'd be into it. I mean, Lauren's married, and I'm out here being like, give me a couple, couple. But if I thought he was hot, he could say that, and I would like it. If I was already not attracted, I'd be like, you believe in slow, long kisses that last four days?

Like, fuck yourself. It seems like a terrible person to kiss. I feel like the other thing about it too is like, Ziff, you're kissing me so slow. Oh, that's so bad. It's so wet, how slow is this? This is weird. I feel like there's an issue here too, where it's just like, this is like a guy going,

this is what a woman wants to hear. Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about it. I mean her character now, like knowing that a man wrote this, like that's a character that a guy would write. Yes. Like, this is, ugh, fucks everybody, but she makes them good at baseball. She doesn't even need anything else.

She doesn't even wanna hang out. She doesn't wanna hang out. Yeah. So what Wolf Cola is saying is that she mixes sexual, social manipulation in a particular and intentional way to affect and affect sports psychology. Coaching with that puss. Wow.

Wow. That's a translation for us, again. Sounds like a therapist. Way to bring in the chat. Way to bring in the chat. Okay, so Annie and Crash work in their own ways to shape Abby into a big league pitcher. Annie plays mild bondage games.

So she has him wearing her garter. Which I was- No, when she ties him up to the bed. Oh yeah. And then reads poetry to that man. I couldn't believe it. He's exhausted. I could believe it.

He's like, who said what? But yet he comes back. Yeah, he wants more. Well she's so beautiful. I wish I had that. If I tied a man up and read to him. I think you'd get beautiful. I wish I had that. If I tied a man up and ran to him, I would. I think you'd get arrested.

I would. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, page one. Harry always knew he was a special boy. No. No. Yeah, so she reads poetry, she gets him to try different mental. Is that how it starts? I really wondered, it's so real.

I was like, he memorized the beginning. No, I should add said that's my mom. By the way, can I just say that every theater person that had to listen to Kevin Costner's monologue from Bulldog, I'm like, you know that every actor of a certain age, you're like, that's my monologue. I'm going over that monologue. Like, I felt like everybody was like transcribing that

at their house, renting it from the Blockbuster video going like, this is it, this is what I'm gonna show them. Slow wet kisses to last three days. It's funny but sexy. And I'd also believe in. Would you have liked it better if he was like, I like slow wet kisses, takes out chapstick. I would have loved it.

I don't know, I was really into it. No, no, I also enjoyed it, because it's also just like fun movie moment. It was very movie. There's a great shot of Tim Robbins, where it ends up being a dream, but he is fully oiled up in the garters and just a jockstrap.

I loved it. That part was wild. But I was like, this guy is in shape. He looks great. I mean, this guy is like six, how tall is that guy? He's at six, seven. He's at six, seven. Oiled up, I was like, this guy. Oiled up in a garter, I was like, doing, doing, doing, how tall is that guy? He's a six, seven, you said? He's a six, seven.

Oiled up, I was like, this guy. Oiled up in a garter, I was like doi-oi-oi. Wait, is he single? Yeah. So he got remarried and divorced after Susan Sarandon. Who was the remarriage? Who or what? Who. Yeah, who?

He just married a baseball. Yeah, who or what, it wasn't baseball. But do you think he was single at the timing of this movie? And that's when he met her. Oh yeah, but you're asking now. I'm asking for right now. Right now she has a director girlfriend. Is she young?

You said young, yeah. Great. She's 12. That means when that wraps up, I'll jump in. Yeah. What I'm saying is you have a clear... I gotta get into directing. Yeah.

And this is when she gives him the nickname Nuke. The nickname thing, I was thing, Nuke and Crash. I didn't like it, I was like, why? I thought the nickname, watching this not knowing, I thought, oh well his nickname will be Bull. Like that's why the movie's called. It absolutely should have been that. And then she's like, oh, you're,

because at one point he says, when they're both in her house, he's like, is somebody gonna fuck somebody or what? And she's like, oh, you're like a nuclear meltdown. And then that's how he gets nuked. But I was like, okay. Chip and, yeah. Bull would've been good.

I would take anything that makes me connected to the title of the film. But this is a question I just have. Like, is this a movie thing or a real thing? Like, when people are fucking, do they call out somebody else's name? Like, I feel like that's something that's a trope that I've seen. Like, is that a movie thing or a real thing? Like when people are fucking, do they call out somebody else's name? Like I feel like that's something that's a trope that I've seen, like is that a thing like?

I do, I do it all the time. I've done it a hundred times. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Because it feels like, you know, that's something that happens in a lot of movies. It is, and she's saying like a specific, it's like crash. Yeah. Yeah.

That one just slip out. Oh crash. Oh crash. So imagine wouldn't just slip out. Oh, crash. Oh, crash. So imagine how lost you must be in sex. Be like, okay, I'm so out of my body. I envision this other man fucking me so hard that I'm like, crash. It's definitely crash doing this right now.

We could be thinking crash maybe, maybe, I don't know. She convinced him, she's like, would you rather me be saying your name and sleeping with him or sleeping with you? Yes, I enjoyed that. I was like, wow. That's a pretty good way to work this. Spin that around.

He's like, well, hold on, okay, yeah, guess your way. You could do whatever you want. But no, I've never said somebody else's name. That's insane. It would have to be, it's so incredibly narcissistic because you're so out of your own, you're so out of the experience. You're not connecting with this person at all, yeah.

So you couldn't even be having the, like, oh, I'm coming so much, crash, because it's like, how can you even be there? Like, you're not even there, you're not even looking. You can't be locked in enough to have an orgasm that good that you'll be spilling out. There's a shot later where, I think it's at the end, where she and Kevin Kozner are fucking for a long time,

sorry to jump ahead, but they roll off the bed together. And I had to rewind and I was like, wait, this is dangerous. They're completely burritoed in the doily comforters. But then it's them, they did, I mean, you know, whatever. It's a few feet off the thing. It's just rolled out. It's them, they did, I mean, you know, whatever. It's a few feet off the thing, but like. It's like, if your penis is in there and you're going, ka-chunk, onto the ground.

You might break it. Yeah, it's bad. A couple of the sex scenes were a little dangerous. When he whips that milk on the floor and they're fucking on the island, I was like. Oh, yeah, yeah, so many knives. It feels so uncomfortable. Like, he breaks the bowl.

I was like, let's just chill out. She's gotta clean all that shit. And they're like, someone's gotta clean this up. The cat was like, licking up the milk later. I was like, this is chaos. It's not the thing to like overly get into, but they fuck so much in that, it seems like maybe a six hour period.

They're in the tub. They're like, let's go to the tub now. Let's go eat breakfast now. Let's go on the bed. Let's go over here. I'm like, like it was like, but what's so funny is it seems like there was defined stops to it. Well, they're like, we're, like it was like, but what's so funny is it seems like there's defined stops.

Well, they're like, we're gonna light a thousand candles. And then the water's gonna go over, like I remember that shot from being a teenager, like I remember seeing that, like the water in the tub. Yeah, I was waiting for it to happen because I was like, there's too many candles. They're all burnt to stubs. So by the way, Crash Davis was the name of an actual player

that played for the Durham Bulls in the 50s, and there's a statue of him at the stadium. That's weird because that could have been in here. Yeah. So is he a ghost? Is he like a ghost from Field of Dreams? He's a ghost. Maybe this is actually Field of Dreams.

Field of Dreams, Field of Bull Durham. It's a ghost? But I think, because was the dude who wrote this a baseball player, or it's like based on shit I guess it's based on this guy But like I think athletes fuck more than normal people, okay So we still players definitely fall out that Olympic Village They have to hand out they like an insane amount of condoms and they also give them those paper beds

So they they make beds out of cardboard Somebody told me Robin I talked about that and they said that that is a- Can't have a good night's sleep? I think they, the parent of the cardboard beds are- It's like the most important night of your life. Like, do not fuck here. Do not fuck.

Do not. You just sleep on cardboard. LeBron James is not sleeping on a cardboard bed. Like, that is like for the people who are doing like archery. Yeah. And they're like, I'll still be fucking on this. Smombiles not on a fucking cardboard bed. Like, yeah, they're like archery. Yeah. And they're like, and I'll still be fucking on this. Mobile's not a fucking cardboard bed.

Like, yeah, they're like, yeah. I'd be like, that is for the low tier. That's wrong. I don't like it. They should have a cot at least. They should at least have a cot. But apparently Tinder breaks. Every Olympics. Tinder breaks. We basically know what happens in this movie. We need to

wrap it up. We know they fuck, they fuck, they fuck. They fuck, they fuck, they fuck. I mean, the thing is, does much happen in this movie? We kinda nailed it. I mean, it's like they fuck, they play baseball, they fuck again, he leaves. He gets on a winning streak.

He leaves her a note. That's the big thing, is he goes on a winning streak, so then he realizes, and Kevin Costner tells him, which by the way, is Kevin Costner trying to drive a wedge in there. He's saying, don't, you never fuck with a winning streak. Like you can't fuck her anymore. Which is a theme in all sports movies.

Rocky couldn't fuck. We can never come, we figured this out. And then Raging Bull, the boxing thing. And Creed II, and Creed I or II, I guess like Creed II they fuck because he's like, oh, that's great, because I couldn't fuck you before the fight. Like, I'm fine with that,

but I don't even think it's like a wedge because he goes on this winning streak and I thought, oh, because he's wearing the garter, but he's not because of the first time he seems to be putting on the garter is after they're back at home and then the encounter costumer fixed it. So I'm like- Oh, but I liked that part. I liked that too. back at home, and then Kevin Costner fixed it. I liked that part where Tim Robbins didn't know

how to undo it, so she was like, let me show you, and then when Kevin Costner came in, he was like clickety clack. Clickety clack. He's like, oh yeah, I do long wet kisses and undo garters. They made a big deal about that. There was like a close, they were like,

we gotta reset for this and light this. I remember. This is again a movie for everyone. Straight men, women, gay men, why you ask gay women? No, Susan Strayer isn't in there. Yeah. She's from everybody. I remember like as a kid that it felt like it was like,

you need to know how to unclasp a woman's bra like that. But then they fucking put the thing in the front now. So now it's all harder, it's not as sexy, you can't go behind it. I like that you think they just came up with that. They're putting the the thing in the front now. So now it's all harder, it's not as sexy, you can't go behind it. You think they just came up with that. They're putting a clasp in the front. Just what we learned. You can switch it up to keep it on our toes.

It's primarily in the back and then someone's like, we're putting it in the front. Sometimes it's in the front, sometimes it's in the back. How did you learn? Did you have to learn on a person? Or did you guys buy bras and put them on pillows? I remember that I lived in an apartment and so there was one time a rogue bra that was not,

because it was an apartment, it was a laundry room, it was out on top of the dryer and I was like, this will be the bra that I learned how to do this on. And I was like, and I get it between my two fingers. That is so funny. That's really, was this true? 100%. I love that. I think I just figured it out on the fly.

I hope my wife doesn't listen to this. She'll be so jealous. That first time that you could steal a bra from your neighbor. But is the baby in all the married sex like, has your husband ever gone like. You're already in pajamas with no bra. Yeah. You're both in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

I don't know that one. Okay, well, I call that sad. Okay, this whole day with 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. Huge hit. I agree. It's a hit and I think it's great. 2003 Sports Illustrated ranked it the greatest sports movie. It's number 10 on Rotten Tomatoes top 10 sports movies list.

I would argue that this is not a sports movie. But there's enough baseball that I avoided watching it my whole life. Right. Right, but I guess why I don't consider it a sports movie is because there's no, most sports movies follow some sort of linear progression of like, we're gonna win, we did win something,

we're an underdog, we're gonna win. Well, is Field of Dreams a sports movie to you? Well, Field of Dreams kind of is, because it's sort of like, it is all about building this field of baseball. But there's no game actually played. There's no, but does he watch him play a game? No, he watches him do a practice.

Oh wow, I forgot about that. It's really more like a poem about the idea of baseball. Yeah, right, right. I guess really more like a poem about the idea of baseball. I guess I feel like this movie almost, I guess that's the thing I also felt like I was missing. Yes, he gets brought up to the majors, but we didn't even build to a big game or anything. We didn't build to any climax in the sports.

Even in Feel the Dreams, the climax is like, again, I haven't seen Feel the Dreams in a long time because I was boring as shit. But the, as a child. Oh, for sure, as a kid that'd be so boring. Yeah, so is the practice the end? Yeah. The end is he sees Ghost Daddy. Yeah.

And he's like, wanna play a kid? No, and that's really sweet, it's a really sweet, it's a good idea. I can't even think about that without crying. I love it. Like I'm almost crying thinking about that. No, no, really? When even think about that without crying. Like I'm almost crying thinking about that. When you said that. I could cry. I'm almost crying thinking about that.

Thinking about Ghost Daddy? I keep talking. Stop it! Wait. I keep talking about Ghost. It's so sweet to play catch with your dead dad. No. I would give anything to play catch with my dead dad. I'm gonna give you a minute to watch on YouTube.

To play catch? I mean, I don't know. This is gonna make you cry. I would do anything else with my dead dad. Yes. Really? A minute to watch on YouTube? To play catch? I mean, I don't know. This is gonna make you cry. I would do anything else with my dead dad. I need you to play catch though. Wait, I need you to watch this one minute on YouTube. It's the last minute of Wonder Years,

which I bring up way too much, but I love it so much. I was watching it earlier this summer, and crying nonstop. It's a heart to heart with main kid, Kevin, and his dad, and they're like, it's the 4th of July. And there's a voiceover, of course, and it's so beautiful. And he's like, it was a really great 4th of July. He's like, yeah, it was.

And he's like, Kevin's like, you're gonna be a grandpa. Cause like his sister's pregnant. He's like, yeah, I am. He's like, gonna be going gray soon. They had this like little moment and it zooms out and then you're seeing his street. And then the voiceover, which is like the best voice ever, is like, I remember a place, I remember the people.

And most of all, I remember a feeling. And when I look back, it all fills me with wonder. And then you hear the kids say, I'm about to cry, Dad, you wanna play baseball? And the narrator, the voiceover, Kevin, is now a dad. He's like, I'll be there in a minute. Oh! Oh!

He's like, I'll be there in a minute. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! that one that whistles when you throw it. Now I go into, I go into Michael's the other day with my daughter, it's around Halloween and they have skeletons everywhere. It's not around Halloween. It's not around Halloween. It's September.

Go into Michael's. September one is Halloween now though. Well no, keep that putting up decorations. Into July. Okay, okay. Because I love Michael's. It's where I get my fake flowers from. I steal them.

So I take my daughter there. I feel like you confess to stealing something every time we do one of these. Here's the thing, kind of like capitalism. You can't just drop that in the middle of a fun. Steal the fake flowers. Okay, I don't work at Michael's, but I do this on Checkout.

It's very easy to steal flowers. So I scan one, don't scan one. Scan one, don't scan two. I leave with so many flowers. Well, anyway, my thing about this, It's so easy to scan. Don't scan one, don't scan one. Scan one, don't scan two. And I leave with so many flowers. Well anyway, my thing about this battle point was that I'm getting emotional about thinking about my dad dying and playing baseball.

Now I go into Michael's with my daughter and there's my daughter, and she's like, Dad, look, there's your dad. Like pointing at a skeleton. Like she's trying to be funny. She's funny. That's wild. I know she is. There's your dad. Like pointing at a skeleton. Like she's trying to be funny. I know she is. That's wild.

There's your dad. That's wild. First time she did it, I almost started crying. She goes, dad, it's your dad. And I look, and it was a fucking skeleton. And I was like, oh, oh. It was so funny, but so mean. So not when, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's funny, both my parents are dead. So to me, she'd be like, oh, then when she saw a ghost, she'd go, and your mom. Whoa. She hasn't done that yet. She will. She's coming. She's coming.

That's tough. That's what it's like. Wow, she's funny. That's wild. That's wild. That is crazy. How much, does anyone know how much this, how much money? It just had to be a giant hit. I don't know, tell us. Yeah, we don't know how much this? This had to be a giant hit.

I don't know, tell us. Yeah, we don't know how much it means. But we can say that, we saw that person comment that there was a real Crash Davis. So Ron Shelton found his name in a baseball listing. His real name was Lawrence Columbus Davis, and he spent three years, 1940 to 42, in the major leagues as an infielder

for the Philadelphia Athletics before being drafted during World War II. He later enrolled at Duke and ironically played ball for the real Durham Bulls and other teams until 1952. Realizing that he would have to have the permission of the real Davis to use his name, Shelton approached Davis who asked, "'Do I,' meaning Kevin Costner,

"'get the girl in the end?' Shelton told him he does and Davis signed off his permission." Wow. That's cute. Do I get the girl? Even in fiction. Yeah. He's like, get the girl.

Does she fuck me? That's really funny. That's nice. I gotta tell my friends that I'm gonna fuck Susan Sarandon. Imagine this old man going to this movie, being like, oh, I'm in this movie, it's a baseball movie. Oh God, what are they fucking? Yeah.

No, no, no. They're gonna touch. They're gonna touch. Not on the counter. I think he's an old no, no. No, no, no. They're gonna touch, they're gonna touch. No, no, no, no. Not on the counter. I think he's an old man, he was like, that's me. But that was like in Rudy when the guy who was the real coach was like, okay, you can use my name if I'm not mean in the movie.

And then he like was a villain. They made him so mean. And he was so mad with her. And none of it was true. I haven't seen Rudy. None of it really happened. None of it really happened. None of it really happened. Yeah, but yet that man goes on a tour

making speeches all the time. But then he got sued. No, he didn't. Because he was scamming and stuff. He was scamming about juice. This is like the blindside people. The blindside people are terrible people that said that they adopted this kid

and they didn't and they just fucked up. I don't know if Rudy is a bad person, but I think he wanted more going on in his story, so it's very embellished. Well, I mean, it's like, because every one of these sports stories, it's like they have to, like it's, you know, there's like that other one with like,

what's his name, where it's like a guy, he was like, he was never anything, and then they call him up to the majors, and then he like wins the World Series. Like, did that really happen? I don't think it does. No, it's not. No.

The rookie it was called, I think. And it was like, he was an old rookie. That was a joke of the movie, not rookie. I mean, did it really happen in rookie of the year where his arm got stuck and then he could make a really fast throw? All I know is that King Arthur's, I think that one.

Kennedy and Yankee in King Arthur's Court, whatever. That did happen. That did happen. That kid was playing baseball, he was transported to meet a couple times, and that's it. So many movies I haven't seen. It's like, what have I ever seen? Well, you didn't have a brother, though.

I feel like I had a brother, and so growing up, it's like you watch those, you just end up watching those kid sports movies I definitely had to watch. I heard it, I can talk out of school because I don't think it's gonna happen, but Bad Boys 4 just came out, and it's very successful, I loved it. And they're like think it's gonna happen, but Bad Boys 4 just came out and it's very successful.

I loved it. And they're like, Martin's back. We need to do a sequel to Black Knight. And Black Knight is Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court. It's like Martin Lawrence gets transported back to medieval times and he's wearing a Philadelphia Eagles jersey and he has a sword.

It seems like immediately he'd be killed. Well, like, the guy on that thing, he's like, what, you do that? Get shit in that? Like it's like, it's all that whole movie. It's like, no, I gotta get on the horse. And I was like, how do you bring back that? Like it's a one-time deal. He goes to medieval times.

He's like, yeah, we gotta go back that way. Well, that's very funny. Black Knight, Black Knight, bring it on. Ugh. You guys see the poster for Black Knight? It's pretty, it is an amazing poster. It is. That's crazy. Again. Can't pull up the poster?

I can't believe that's a movie. Yeah, that's so weird. Never heard of it. I've never heard of it either. You gotta do some time traveling series. Maybe that's the next series. You gotta get a bronze. I haven't seen very much time travel.

Except for Back to the Future. This is, yeah. That's one of the best. Which I saw the musical. That's a true story. That's a true story. What? except for Back to the Future. That's one of the best. Which I saw the musical. That's a true story. Not good. Back to the Future is true. The musical's not good. Okay, yeah, not good at all.

They did a wild thing. Well. We're going back in time, eight miles an hour. I mean, kind of. Kind of. And when they're, have you seen it? No. Well, when they're in the 80s,

they don't do 80s songs. They just do regular Broadway songs. And then the 50s are just doing regular Broadway songs. Because 80s is like present. Oh well, it doesn't matter. All I knew is that musical was doomed because the only time they talk about it is like, well have you seen the car?

Yeah, apparently the best moment's the last moment. But I left it intermission. Guys, this is not sports. This is not sports, guys. But he skateboards... On stage or down the aisle? No, no, in the movie. I have no idea what they did in the musical. The other little bit of trivia is that the bowl billboard offering a free steak if it gets tagged by a home run was created for the film.

The real life team kept it even after moving to a newer, bigger stadium, Durham Bowls Athletic Park. Even today, if a player hits the bowl on the fly with a home run, he wins a free steak from a local restaurant. He wins, not the crowd. And if the player. Just the player? If the player, he's just playing his own carnival game. And if the player hits the grass,

but the bull stands up, he wins a free salad. Oh my. You're playing, is this major league? You're playing a game, you win a steak, keep going. You're so savvy, at Clippers games, if in the fourth quarter, if the opposing team misses two free throws, the entire stadium gets Chick-fil-A. Oh!

And they just have it at the ready? Or they give you a coupon. You get a thing, you get a phone. It pops up. I thought people were bringing it out. Oh yeah, a wheelbarrow. They airdrop you a coupon? Yeah, you're going thought people were bringing it out. Oh yeah. A wheelbarrow. They airdrop you a coupon? Yeah, you're going,

oh, they're shooting out of this cannon. You just get a chicken sandwich in your lap. And if they don't, they just. And then they're at Wi-Fi. They just destroy all the chicken sandwiches if they don't make. They just throw them at everyone. But imagine if it was like,

if the other team doesn't make two free throws, the Clippers all get free chips away to Mark. It's like, yeah. Like, oh, good. There we go. You get a free sandwich. You don't get a free sandwich. I'm so happy my favorite player got a steak.

Yeah, that's so weird. That's so weird. Chick-fil-A makes too much money. He's the one person to give it to. That's a lot of chicken to just give away. Oh yeah, Steve Ballmer gives a lot away. At that point. He gave away Keds to everybody in the stadium one time.

I think they know that most people aren't gonna go there. Right, like most people aren't gonna go there. Yeah, it's just like a coupon. You can only use it for the next day. You have to go immediately. You have to go the next day? Why are we plugging Chick-fil-A? Honestly, if I got a coupon though.

And so every Saturday, they always do it on Saturdays. And then you can't even go on a Sunday. They're closed. I don't like Chick-fil-A, I don do it on Saturdays. And then you can't even go on a Sunday. They're closed. I don't like Chick-fil-A, I don't really get the hype. It makes me feel kind of cracked out. I like it, but I hate that. It makes you feel salty or something, like I don't know. Oh, it is very salty.

Like I get very like, buzzy after it, yeah. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. Can I say something about the end of this movie? Did we, are we done with this movie? We're, we are done. Okay, okay. You said we're done, I went for it. I was just gonna say, there's a beautiful, there was a shot with this movie? We're not done. Okay, okay. You said we're done, I went, we're not done.

There was a shot in this movie that I thought was so beautiful at the end, where I was like, where is this Ben? It's raining, it's pouring down rain, and she's wearing a pink thing, she's got a pink umbrella. With her parasol, yeah. Yeah, she's walking in and then he's on the porch,

but it was just a beautiful, hazy shot. I was like, where did this cinematography come from? Oh yeah, so she comes back from the rainy game and then he's sitting on our porch. Because he already got all the home runs that he needed to get to get his record. And she's like, huh? And then they go inside and fuck.

But I think there's something also weird. There's a weird thing about this movie too, where it's like, I feel like these movies are like, the parts are better than the sum of total. Like it's like, I don't know if I love the movie, but I'm like, I enjoyed every part. I'm like Kevin Costner looks good, she's amazing. Tim Robbins is like, yes, I'm in.

Then there's like a moment like that. And it's like, and there's like, I think the breakfast sex scene is actually really great. Like when they're in the kitchen and like, but it's like all together, I'm like looking at it. I'm like, yeah. It's kind of like if you're going through a buffet and you're like, oh, I want this, I want this.

And when you sit down and you're like, eww. It's like, the buffet isn't like, I don't wanna eat the buffet, but I wanna eat a lot of the things in the buffet. It's wild to me. Buffets, I'm so excited. I love a buffet. I love a buffet.

I love a chain down with donuts. But you're not forced to have soup, you got pasta, you got brownie. You're not forced to have anything. We could all go to a buffet and get our own thing. And that's what I think. I'll load it up. I'll sit down and I'm like, whoa, look at all this weird shit. It's funny because I love a buffet and there's very few, there's soup plantation.

I remember when I found soup plantation, we went, I was like, my improv team went to soup plantation as like an outing. And I was like, what is this magical place? And it was like a buffet, you can get lots of soup. It's a soup buffet? Yeah, but they shut down. Sizzler was like.

Honestly, I'm glad. What a terrible name. It was bad, they changed it to sweet tomato. They changed it to sweet tomato? Yeah, because I guess they had plantation and it wasn't that great. There aren't many buffets. It's a while, but it lasted that long. And why soup plantation?

It's like soup doesn't grow on a plantation anyway. Yes it does. We were brought over to pick soup. There aren't any really buffet restaurants anymore. No I didn't. This is where I guess. This is where. Most people don't, well especially with COVID,

we don't want this. Yeah I feel like there's like a salad bar. But I remember when I was a kid that there was a dessert buffet bar. And that was like, ooh. When people have that at a wedding, I love that. I went to a wedding in Howard Beach. We have gone so far.

Now we're talking about weddings. Yeah, yeah, what's love? Yeah, I went to a wedding. I don't know if love was present in the film. There was a wedding where it was like, it was in Howard Beach, and it was one of the craziest weddings I've ever been to, and this is the end of it, where it was like,

ladies and gentlemen, Russo's on the Bay would like to introduce you to your dessert. And then we've been in this whole room, and we didn't know there was another room. And then all the wall that was there opened like, kush-kush-kush-kush-kush-kush-kush-kush, and then it revealed the whole other room.

And in the center of the room was a chocolate fountain bubbling over and there's a guy making mini donuts. Like what? And I said, look. Is there a soft serve machine? Yes, and what they would do is they gave you a box, a bakery box. That's nice.

And you went around and you filled it up for the next morning. That's nice. Oh my god. Whose wedding was that? Wow, money. That's a rich person. Somebody that I don't reme-

I think it was like a girlfriend. Someone I do not keep in touch with. It was like a girlfriend that I dated. I had a blast at their dessert buffet and then I went there and cut them out of my life. I would not forget that. What a dream. Yeah.

Oh my god. I also know that Taylor Swift went to that same place because she was like spotted for her friend getting, I think Jack Antonoff got married at Rooses on the Bay. Oh. And cause they were, I was like, is that Rooses, cause I will never forget Rooses on the Bay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There were a lot of paparazzi shops. So is Rooses on the Bay, is that a hotel or a restaurant? I think it's like a wedding factory. Like it's like, it's like one of those places that's like, we will do the reception there. People in the chat are like, I miss sweet potatoes. They want you to be a shark tank judge.

Oh, why? Yeah. I don't know. Why? Why do they want me to be a judge? I don't know, but I would like that too. I think the soft serve ice cream machine apparently is like the dirtiest thing in any place.

Yes, I don't care. I love soft serve. I love soft serve. All I want is soft serve. And in LA, it is so hard to find soft serve. Magpies. Magpies. Magpies. It you know at Albertsons now they're selling soft serve in the freezer section?

What? All right, so soft serve in the freezer section. So they basically have created, like it's again a plastic pouch. It don't get too hard. It, I don't know. And you've done it, you've had it? And it's at Albertsons?

The one right by Magpies. Well then just go to Magpies. No, you're talking about Gelsons. Go to Magpies. Don't you dare. Of course it's Gelsons and not Albertsons. I was like Albertsons has soft serve? Wait, it comes, tell me more, I'm sorry.

It's in a clear plastic case. What do you mean? Sorry, sorry, I'm gonna miss my memory. It's not in a case, it's in a, it's almost like a A pouch. A pouch. Like a packet, like an apple sauce packet and it's called soft serve, so then you Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you had it? Yeah, it was good. packet, and it called soft serve, so then you, fshh, and you had it?

And is it like real soft serve? I, I mean, look, I love, like soft serve is my thing, and I love it so much, and it's my favorite thing. I thought it was the best approximation that you were gonna get without getting to a machine. Well then why do you have to get it from there? Because if you love soft serve. See, magpies is okay, but it's not price room.

I want vanilla chocolate. That's true, they don't have milk to swirl. I want Dairy Queen. They don't have milk. I want like. Oh, a Blizzard is the best. A Blizzard's delicious. I like Pink Fairy.

I love a peanut buster parfait. See, I like Pink Fairy as well, but I want. No, I want ice cream. I want ice cream. I want classic East Coast ice cream. McDonald's always did it well. Well, McDonald's does do it well. Well McDonald's does do it well, their machine's always broken.

I've heard Weiner Schnitzel has soft serve, so I gotta get over there. I just want to. I think I'm a food podcast. This is Joe Boys. There is a great, like whatever the Blizzard is, I went to a place in Maine and they're like, this is where the Blizzard was invented,

and that was amazing. But what's the name? It's like a local place in Maine that was outside of Portland that I drove to because I'm like, I need to get the original. And they took the original, it took the idea from them. Yeah, I guess like a blizzard is not a unique to Dairy Queen. No, Andy's also makes it like a concrete.

And a concrete city is sometimes too hard. But you know what I remember though, is a Frosty's a pretty. People are high listening to this podcast. I'm gonna be like. And concrete city is sometimes too hard. But you know what I remember though, the Frosties are pretty, that's it. I listened to this podcast and I'm gonna be like. Frosties is like, I never go back to a Frosties. I used to go to Frosties at Wendy's,

to have your Wendy's meal and this, Frosty was pretty. No, Wendy's Frosty dipped the fries in. Yeah, that's so nice. I would drive 30 minutes to get that in high school. Because Wendy's was far away, but it was a good outing. Yeah. Yeah.

Shall we improvise Bull Durham 2? We should improvise Bull Durham 2. Okay, well do we want to think about what's important about Bull Durham 2, or do we want to just make up some scenes? I was gonna say, like, there's a couple things that you can think about with Boulder Room 2, right? Because it could be, you know, Kevin Costner and her

and... They're just married now. They're married. And they have a son. Her name is Annie. And the son's not getting baseball. And then she's gotta fuck her own son. Mm-hmm. Obviously.

But I mean, it's gotta be, what are we taking into Bull Durham too? What is the- What's important? I do think we need to see them as a couple because they obviously get married. Oh, you guys are thinking the same character. See, I was thinking you would do a totally different- Okay, let's do a reboot.

I'll be Angela Bassett playing the role of Jenny. So it's a completely new film. I mean, I'm just saying you could. No, I think we need to have. It could be a sexy older dude who's fucking a young high school gymnast. Yeah, this seems bad. It's hard.

Yeah, I think that's bad. The two of them being all like, I guess the thing that I think you would probably do is this. You cameo eyes Costner because cost is busy making those nine hour movies. So you can realize his own money in that movie Horizon like he Hours no Six hours. Yes, they made him cut into two

J Lo's movie. she paid for her movie. Oh, absolutely. Don't ever pay for your own movie. But have you seen the documentary? No, not yet, I need to watch it because I loved the movie. Because of the documentary? Well, apparently, what I'm understanding is

that J.Lo was, that Ben Affleck was upset that J.Lo was sharing his love notes. Well, that was weird. Yes! There's this clip because he titled them. What are you talking about? Okay so J.Lo did this movie. Does this have anything to do with Soft-Serve? It has to do with Soft-Serve.

No, okay. It does have to do with Soft-Serve because it's delicious. Okay so Ben Affleck gave her a bunch of love letters and titled it The Greatest Love Story Never Told. When They Got Back Together. All from their relationship 20 years ago. He printed out emails and all the letters.

Oh my gosh. She then shows them to a producer to then do this movie. Like based on these letters. And then they start calling him Peniflec because like he's always writing. And like she would leave it open in the producers or like wherever they would like work together to collaborate on her movie. And say, just it open in the producers or wherever they would work together

to collaborate on her movie and say, just flip through it, I think we can look at it. And we can look at it, and she's like, yeah. And then he says in the movie, in the documentary, he's like, I see the irony that it's called The Greatest Love Story Never Told and then you're telling it, but she wasn't in the room when he said that.

So they didn't have a conversation about that. But the movie is about a woman who works in a heart factory that's a mechanical about that. But the movie is about a woman who works in a heart factory that's a mechanical heart that is inside of her. And it stops, and she has to feed it flowers. So then. I gotta watch this too night. You should watch the documentary

because they actually show the making of, and she gets all these big celebrities. Yes, but they all shoot at different times. And Jane Fonda, not the best. She clearly knows her from Monster in Law, and she's like, I think it's maybe weird that you're showing so much of your relationship. She calls out.

Jane Fonda, ahead of the game in every way. I love Jane Fonda. And I was like, it's the most like, she just says it. Don't you think it's kind of like, you're just protesting too much by doing this? Like it's just. Wow. But then they go through all the relationships

that she's gone through. You see a P-ditty type, because he walks into the house with a gun going, pop-a-dip-pop, and he drops it. And all her friends are like, oh no. That's not in the documentary. What are you doing? This is in the movie. No, I know.

I'm saying I haven't seen that part. Did you watch the whole movie? Yeah. Oh yeah, I watched the whole movie. It's amazing. It's great. Wow. Does it make sense?

No. Is Ben Affleck in it? Yes, but you'll have to guess where. And he's clearly helping her behind the scenes in the documentary making the movie and he should because it's like he's a great filmmaker or whatever, he knows all about this stuff. So it's like you would want to mine him for his expertise

but then you just kind of start to see the relationship like dealing with that. And the movie seems to be sponsored by Gucci. Everybody's wearing Gucci in the movie. But that's, whenever you see something like that, you know that J.Lo called the head of Gucci, he's like, I'm making a movie. And they're like, oh yeah, of course he'll give you this.

They didn't go through any proper channel. It was just like the two. He spent $20 million to make the movie, though. Wow. Don't ever spend your own money on a movie. And people didn't want her to do it. They were telling her. Everybody told her no, it seems.

But then that gave her the person. But then you see, for every story like that, there's one movie that comes out and it's like, and that movie was, you know, whatever, 2001. It's like, and that changed the world. And everyone thinks, oh, we have that movie. Yeah. But it really is like one out of 20 are that movie.

It's like, breaking bad. Everyone told me no. And then it's breaking bad. And it's like, but. Or like White Lotus. Like I loved his speech when he was like, all you people out here told me this is a bad idea. Like you all rejected me.

Wow. He was winning. It was so good. In my mind, you take Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon and you put them, they cameo throughout. You maybe see them three times. They're happy. They're doing something.

Maybe she's the first female coach in the MLB, whatever they are, co-coach. You do some fun with them. Yeah. And then it's Tim Robbins' son is like. Tim Robinson? Oh, Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robinson.

Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robinson's son. Yeah. Is Tim Robinson. Yes. Is having trouble. And then it's funny. Yeah.

Is having trouble in the major leagues. And then he's like, he's gotta try to go to his mom. For a hot second, I was like, are we still talking about J.Lo? This isn't tracking for me in there. Wouldn't it be funny, so he goes to Susan Sarandon, he goes to Susan Sarandon, he's like, hey look, my kid's having trouble,

and then you get a joke out of it, she's like, well I'm not gonna fuck this guy, he's, you know, that's, you know, whatever, that's Timothee Chalamet, I can't fuck him, I'm too old to fucking him. So is Timothee Chalamet. We love Timothee Chalamet. We cast him in every movie.

We got Chalamet. So then Chalamet, then they gotta find the next. The next bull Durham. Which is maybe describing the challengers, I guess on some level. I mean a little bit, but we really like that one though. But for me, could have been sexier. This movie was a bit sexier.

I agree. Do you think this was sexier? I gave challengers a thumb down because it was like, you want me to believe this is a sexy movie and it's not. What challengers? Challengers is that tennis one that came out like last year with Zendaya. And it's, I loved it.

It was very horny. I liked it. It could have been hornier. Yes. So much horny. It's not even hornier. Oh yeah, I could always use more. Why not?

But I mean, I liked it. I mean, there was elements of that. Do you see full frontal nudity? Do you see a dick flopping? Do you see a random guy? A random guy. Do you see the dick in this movie? In the guy. Did you see the dick in this movie? I didn't spot the dick.

I think it's Danny Gans' dick. I didn't spot the dick. There's a part where... I saw a butt in the locker room. I think it's in the locker room. That Tim Rappen ran into the shower with a sweater on. That was... When him going into the shower with a sweater on was...

I was like, why... That's... no. the sweater on. That was, that when him going into the shower with his sweater on was, I'm engaged. I was like, why, that's, no. And then he stood in the back. Wait, what did you see? Maybe it was my own dick. I thought Rob has a 10K TV. So 10K TV is everyone's dick. I always watch movies and videos like this.

No, I thought when the coach went in there to yell at them, Kevin Costner tells the coach, you gotta go in there and scare them. The coach goes in there and throws all the bats. Yeah. And they're all in the shower. I thought somebody jumped. There's gotta be one. And there was a dick. That was the same in Challengers.

It was a shower pastor. Yes. It was a sauna dick. You don't see Kevin Costner nude at all. I was like, what's the most dicks you've seen in a movie? Or what's a movie with a lot of dicks? Well, actually a John C. Reilly movie. You do in Gone Girl. You see Bruce Willis' dick in Color of Night.

Yeah. Color of Night, that sounds like a fake movie. That movie is fucking crazy. Like another one of those super, my parents brought me to that because they were like, oh, it's a movie about therapists. And I was like, well, this is a movie about like a therapist fucking their patient

and a lot of fucking weird shit. The therapist's office, he has a big giant baseball mitt as like the chair that like the patient's in. That you sit in? Yep. So goofy. That is funny. Yeah.

But you see Bruce Willis' dick. Okay. Um. That was a big deal. That is a big deal. Wait, have you seen Trap? It was a big deal. You don't see dick, but you get to see

Josh Hart in it shirtless. I heard that's good. It was his choice. I liked, I liked. It was his choice. It was his choice. Is that a good movie? That's the best movie you'll ever see.

You know, June was talking about Deep Dark. I liked it. I got intrigued by this. I couldn't tell if M. Night Shyamalan is trolling us. Yes. I finally got M. Night. I'm like, this is a game. We're all in his elaborate game.

He's like, 20, what do you think about this? And then you're like, oh, I used to be like, this is a game. We're all in his elaborate game. He's like, 20, what do you think about this? And you're like, oh, and I used to be like, fuck you. And now I'm like, more, I'm in. I'm on the other end. There is a scene. Where's Josh Harden had been? In Europe with his wife. In Europe, how great.

Uh-huh. He didn't love the hullabaloo around his stardom. He wanted to be an actor. He did it right, because he got to go be in Europe for, like, what, the last 10, 15 years? And now he's coming back, and we're all like, yes. I have a friend. I love the hullabaloo around his stardom. He wanted to be an actor. He did it right, because he got to go be in Europe for like what, the last 10, 15 years, and then now he's like coming back and we're all like, yes. I have a friend.

Who threw away her whole relationship for one night with Josh Hartman. What? I would do that. Who did that? I would absolutely. Who did it? You're gonna say the name. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's like, yeah, he's at this bar, he's a big crush on her. Just say it. And I was like, what's up? I absolutely would. We destroyed a really, like a long relationship to be,

but. Wow. If I was married and Joe Pesci knocked on my door, I would leave my husband. Nicole wants Joe now. I can set that, I might be able to arrange it. Wait, really? This era, like this Pete Davis TV show era, Joe Pesci. Wow.

I love Joe Pesci. We have the same golf instructor. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my god. The world just got so small. Rondell Mario. Oh my god.

Rondell Mario. He's the best. I gotta go to Rondell. He's the best. I think we could get, there's a lot of great characters that come back, Robert Wool's character, the dumbass. Oh, we get to talk about Arliss, yeah. Arliss. Was he Arliss? Yeah.

Was he a manager or was he just like? He was the old guy? No, he was the assistant coach, maybe. He was like, I worked at Sears, it was the worst job of my life, yeah. Maybe they're putting up a statue of, is his name Ennis? Eby. Eby.

Eby. Eby LaLouche. Let's do it, let's put up a statue of Eby LaLouche. Okay. Okay. Wow, hot day out. We're putting out a statue of Abby Laloosh. Laloosh. Yeah, listen, I don't read good,

and I don't appreciate you commenting on that. I'm so sorry. Look, I'm actually just forming out of clay a little bit more of his head right now, because we didn't quite finish. He's 6'7", you know? And there was a lot of him to make. Ladies, ladies, I'm gonna have to ask you

to step away from the statue. We're about to have the news crews in here and this is gonna be a big moment here for her. Y'all on mind before we go live on the news, I'd just like to rub some baby oil all over this statue and get them all lubed up. Get those garters on him. Yeah, we need to get the garter on.

That's before anyone can see him. He needs his garter and he needs his veil! You keep on defacing this statue, okay? We're trying to unveil it for the people We need to get the garter on. That's before anyone can see him. He needs his garter and he needs his veil. He needs his veil. You keep on defacing the statue, okay? We're trying to unveil it for the people and you put on all this pornographic stuff on here. He likes it. He likes it.

It's not pornographic. It's part of his legacy. Oh, I don't know what to do. You know what? Let me go get my boss. I talked to him. This is ridiculous. You know, I also just want to tell y'all

that Eby also slept with my wife one time. He did me the great privilege and service of sleeping with my wife and he really knew how to treat her right. So what did he, why was that good? Because he could breathe through his eyelids. Oh wow. He learned how to breathe through his eyelids.

What? And. I had sex with Ebby once as well. Oh, you did? Yeah, I'm 89 years old. I didn't realize, what moisturizer do you use? Oil of Olay. Oh my.

It's just dub bar soap and oil of Olay. Wow. You look fantastic. You really do. I'm so sorry, I again, I did talk to my boss. You do have to take off that clay around his crotch. No, he likes it. You gotta take off the guard. He likes it. He likes it.

You gotta do everything. And whoever cut those holes under his eyes, I don't know what's coming in. He did. He did. He's breathing through his eyelids. He does not have fish gill eyes. Now look, this is our community of frowning. Ebby's coming back after 15 years of being there.

He's coming back? He's coming back? Yeah. I gotta get my wife ready. What? When I fucked him, I was 70. Oh. I just wanna make sense of how old I am.

No, no, it's all right. It's all right. That's what happened. Has he gotten taller? I have. Because he's six, seven. He's so tall. He's so tall.

He's so tall. Such a handsome. I only see him in those reverse mortgage commercials that he does. That's all I see him in. When we had sex, I sat in a cabinet and he stood. And he was so tall. I like that.

I was in like, where you keep cups. I had to put- Yeah, I got it. I had to put my wife- It'd be insane if you were at the bottom. Exactly, I was gonna say, can you still go low? Where were his zippies? That's what it is, exactly. Sorry, a man was talking.

When he made love to my wife, when he made love to my wife, when he made love to my wife, I had to put her on top of a horse. Yeah. Oh. So he could, cause he's so tall. Yeah. But that horse, I remember hearing the story,

that horse went blind cause he kept on kind of missing where his penis is going. Well his aim is historically very bad. Very bad. Like his pitching. Yeah. I just want to just get you together here and we're gonna have a big unveiling.

It's gonna be a wonderful day and and then Ebi will be back. Is he gonna be here? Ebi will be back. Ebi's gonna be here? Yeah, I can't believe this. I hope he thinks I'm beautiful. I hope I could climb. I see his limo, his limo's pulling up right now.

Oh my gosh, Ebi! Here it comes! It's the longest limo I've ever seen. Oh shit, all right. He must be laying down in it. No! No! No!

Here he comes, Here he comes. Oh, they're opening 10 doors. Oh, wow. So many doors. And there's little parts of him, like a magician's box. Oh, he's got the... Look at his cowboy boots.

Wow, he's got spars. This is like a fable. He's actually taller than the statue. He's taller than any man I've ever seen. Where's the sun? Where did he ever get such a giant fishbone t-shirt? He's taller than any man I've ever seen. Where's the sun? Where'd he ever get such a giant fishbone t-shirt? Don't call me Eby.

Whoa! Whoa! We didn't even say your name. You've been saying it. Oh, you overheard us. My name's Nuke. Nuke! Nuke!

Nuke! Nuke! Nuke! Nuke! Wow! The echoing blew me back. Oh no! He's gonna make a speech before they dedicate the statue to him.

I'm not speaking until that garter gets put on. I knew it. What, you want the garter? I told you. I knew it. I'm just listening to my boss. Or let me just wear it right now. What?

To make the speech. Someone's gotta have it on. Here you go. You put it right now. What? To make the speech. Someone's got to have it on. Here you go. You put it on your heart. He doesn't know which way it goes. Oh, no. I could climb up your legs. The rose goes in front, as we learned in the film.

He's putting on his garter. Oh, my gosh. Coach, the Durham Bulls is here. It's a crash. This is going to be awkward. Oh, wow. the Durham Bulls is here. It's Crash. This is gonna be awkward. Oh wow. Oh, I feel good now. Who is that down there?

Is that Crash? It's Crash. Hey, hey there, Ebby. Hey, howdy there. Hey there, Ebby. I'm doing good, but wait, are you still married to old Annie? Crash got real southern.

He did get very southern. Never. I think it's because he lived here for so long, sorry. Never done, never done got married to that woman. Nah, nah, nah. He got dumber too. He did. He sounds so dumb.

He sounds slow as hell. He said nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I just been drinking some more. Wait, is he singing that song. Sha na na na na na na na na. Some lemonade and just been mixing with some iced tea.

It's good to have you back. It's called a Harle Palmer, right? Even I knew that one and I'm fucking stupid. Yeah, I'm just a local hasty that came here to the statue dedication. Pick me up. Pick me up and bring me up to high level. I'll pick you up with my pinky. Whoa!

What are you doing here, what are you doing here? What's going on, buddy? You gotta get out of here. Do I? You gotta get out of here. Are they gonna kill me and tie me down in like a giant situation? What are they talking about up there?

I can't hear them. Like Gulliver's Travels or something? You have impregnated and you have fucked too many people in this tent. It's gonna cause a riot Oh, no, you think all the babies are gonna all the babies are these boys and girls that are that they're He killed him My neck. My neck. I gotta run. My neck. Oh no, the ground is shaking. He's on the run. No.

Like Frankenstein. No. Oh my god. He's a monster. Let's get him. Come back. Let's get him. It's me, that woman.

You had sex with one day. Hey, get back here. You had sex with me too. My baby looks just like you. Yeah, my baby ripped me in half. Because it was big. Marines, we have an issue. Apparently there is a giant loose

in the Carolina somewhere. Can you just tell me what he looks like, sir? He looks just like this gentleman right here. Oh my gosh, he looks exactly like Tim Hommons. The way you phrased that confused me, sir. You said we have a giant loose, and I was like, well, what's loose? A giant. And then I was like,

oh, a giant. Loose. It is loose. It's not a big loose that's giant? It's like when Beetlegeist, it's like when Beetlegeist gets loose. You know when they call somebody, oh, you are a loose. Oh, a louse. A louse.

A louse. A louse or a louse? I think I'm thinking of a louse. Isn't that an old timey way of talking? Sir, give us our mission, sir. All right. I'm done too. My character's also done. The mission, sir. All right. I'm done too. My character's also done.

The mission is this. We gotta take down this giant at any cost. Yeah, sure, he was a great pitcher, but he keeps on growing exponentially every year. How are we gonna kill something that's so big? I got a bunch of arrows, and I've got rocks. We should, you should be using the military weapons that we have provided. No!

Wait a second, sir, I have an idea. I have a gigantic pocket pussy I've been building in my backyard. That'll catch him. I think that will catch him. What if we lure him with a gigantic pocket pussy and while he's having sex with that, we kill him? I like this idea.

I think it's a great idea. Go set it up. All right. I'm just walking now. Gong, gong. Go, go. Ah! Ah! Oh my god!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a giant! Sorry. Oh, jeez. Ah! He's scanning. We're we're we're. Something smells good to me.

He's the Terminator! He's a giant Terminator! Donk, donk, donk, donk. Sir, I think he's coming. I sprayed the pocket pussy with a meat scent. Good idea. I like what I'm smelling. His nickname was Meat, so he'll love that.

Smells like meat. Mm, turkey. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Okay, everybody get into position. Soldiers, get into position. All right, I'm gonna position. I'm gonna walk into that big hole. Oh no, he's headed towards the pocket pussy.

I don't know if he knows it's a, I think he thinks it's a cave. I'm gonna go in here. Oh! Oh! No, we want him. Oh! I'm falling like Alison Wonderland.

Falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. Welcome to medieval times. I also wonder that falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. Hey, welcome to Medieval Times. What? Yes, King Arthur's in that court right over there, tall man. You must be the tall person that Merlin brought to us to help save us from Sauron. Maybe I am, maybe I am. I can't believe another person fell in.

It's me, Martin Lawrence. You're new here too? Yeah, I fell in. I'm wearing a jersey. I have a fire maiden shirt on. And look at me, it's Jack Stellington from Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm here too.

Whoa. All right, well, all of you must get together. You must help us defeat this evil wizard who's torturing our entire kingdom. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, this doesn't sound good. I was hoping I would fuck something down here. And I've got to find Christmas Town. But if you want-

What do you want? Oh, to keep acting. All right, well, look. I think that if we could all get what we want, if you just help me, if you just help me, we have to all band together. Okay. We have to all band together and sing a song, a very big song, right?

A very big song? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, it is. So it goes like this. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Corinne. Happy birthday to you.

How nice! That made sense. We don't have the rights to that song. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, this was so fun. That makes so much sense. Thank you, thank you so much. Oh, this was so fun, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being with us. I had such a nice time. We learned a lot.

We did. We learned a lot. I love discussing this with you guys. Thank you so much for coming here and blessing us. I'm glad I finally watched this movie. I really am glad that I watched the movie. It was a fun movie. Also, I know what Martin Lawrence actually wants.

It's Blue Streak 2. Oh yeah. Have we seen that what Martin Lawrence actually wants. It's Blue Streak 2. Oh yeah. Have you seen that movie? It's great. It's great. Owen Wilson? No, other Wilson. Luke. Luke. Yeah. Luke.

Luke. Luke. Oh, he's in a new movie with Greg Kinnear and it's a baseball movie. Really? And it's like, play with us. That's what it's called. I don't know. Play with us. Play with our balls.

It's play with our balls, right? I don't know what it's called, but it looks fake. I thought it was. Play with our balls. It's play with our balls, right? I don't know what it's called. But that makes sense. But it looks fake. Anyway, this was fun. Thank you all. See you. Bye.

Bye. Bye. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] Newcomers is a Headgum original hosted by us, Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus. Our executive producer is Anya Kenovskaya and our producer is Ali Khan. Our theme music, editing, sound mixing and mastering is done by Ferris Manchi. Listen to new episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday. That was a Hidgum Original.

Hi guys, I'm Ego Wodim. Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on Headgum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad and, spoiler, I don't think I'm ever going to have one with him's he's dead but but I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen and many many more I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one or how can I change the

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