Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Madea's Witness Protection (w/ Langston Kerman)

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

Nicole and Lauren are joined by Langston Kerman (Insecure, The Boys) to examine another movie within the Madea Cinematic Universe–Madea's Witness Protection (2012).Follow Langston on Instagram and Twitter and check out his podcast My Momma Told Me from Big Money Player's Network and iHeartRadio.Next week's watchlist: A Madea Family Funeral (2019)Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what Tyler Perry hit they should check out next.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. What's going on? You've been laundering money, dude. I knew nothing about this. When a crime family wants a witness dead... That can't go into one of our regular safe houses. ...there's only one person who can keep them safe. That's a flat-out no, and I'm not changing my mind.

$4,000 a month. It would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do to help somebody in need. I got soul! Where your family? They're sleeping still. They got to get out! If I come back after you're still in this bed, I'm gonna get completely naked and get up in there with you and spoon.

I'm up. On June 29th, we can get this money back. Better go up to New York. You look like a big bottle of Pepto Bismol. Medea's going further. Just look like a big bottle of Pepto-Bismol. Madea's going further. Just gonna do a quick pat down. You gonna find a road map to heaven, you better come on from up there now. Than ever before.

I'm in New York! Madea's Witness Protection. How you doing? You're chocolate. That's a new way of saying black. I'm chocolate, yes. African-American. Rated PG-13. In theaters June 29th. Oh, wow. Okay, this is the 12th episode of our third season of Newcomers. We're working our way through Tyler Perry's body of work for the first time

with the help of Perry scholars, super fans, and sometimes people who've contributed. This season is 15 episodes, so there's literally no way we can get to everything. Just no way. It's too much. I mean, we would literally be doing this for 24 hours a day. It would take us much longer than the combination of time it's taken Tyler Perry to make all of these things, to watch all of them. of time it's taken Tyler Perry to make all of these things to watch.

So today we can say that we have experienced another film within the Madea cinematic universe. It's Madea's Witness Protection from 2012. And we'll be watching more movies and TV shows in the weeks to come. Before we jump into that, any final thoughts on the Ruthless pilot from last week that we watched? I still stand by it was not as exciting as, say, The Oval or the other Madea movies we've watched. But I did watch a second episode to see who the high one was. When you sent me the picture, yeah, the like whatever guy, the head of the cult. It was so disappointing.

You were like, he lives in a world market like it was like it was truly like they went to world market and they were like we're not gonna buy this stuff we just want to shoot in world market please oh it made me laugh so hard i don't want to watch that show ever again but i do oh yeah the highest is what the highest i do need to watch um the. And I know you're watching the oval and I'm really jealous. You posted in your Instagram story that there was a beheading on the oval, which is an unsolved beheading. The first daughter throws herself out of a moving car that's going two miles an hour. And then the first lady goes, this bitch

really jumped out of that car. Oh, no,, this bitch really jumped out of that car. Oh, no, this dumb bitch really jumped out of the car. And I was like, that's your response to your daughter jumping out of a moving car. The first lady is so evil. It's perfect. I love it so much. And then the way they clean up this beheading, they flip the mattress. And I was like, that's not it. You can't do that. You got to get a brand new mattress. Well, because he comes in and it's like, it's like the woman from the pilot, right? That he's like, she's like, your whore is here. Yes.

Like they said, I get a plus one. And then her head is just sitting in the bed and he picks it up. Like, why did he pick it up? Like, did he think it was connected to her body and he was going to like hold her? Like what was happening? He thought he was going to kiss her. to her body and he was gonna like hold her like what is happening he thought he was going to kiss her and i guess in the world that we've created like you pick people up to kiss but he like picks her up and he's like no and then blood squirts out everywhere he's covered in blood and then uh

kyle who's trying to become like the head of the secret service i guess he comes in he's like i i gotta i'll clean this up what did you take and he's like, I'll clean this up. What did you take? And he's like, some molly. And then he throws away this huge plate of cocaine and I guess molly. And I was like, you got to save that for another time. And then the president is walking like a zombie

because he picked up a dead woman's head. And then they toss her head in this laundry basket. And I was like, Tyler, you, what? But see, this is what this is what pisses me off, because I knew that happened in the oval from your stories. And then I was excited for this movie. And this movie just does not deliver in any of those ways, which we you know, we've been getting used to how crazy all of these movies are and shows. So well, before we get into it, so Medea's Witness Protection is available on HBO Max. You can record it on Philo and you can also watch it for a fee on Apple TV, Google Pay and Vudu.

Obviously, we're going to spoil it. So, you know, watch it first if you care about that. But I think we are both disappointed by Medea's Witness Protection. And we've been loving everything. So I'm really excited to talk to our guest because I want to hear what he thinks about this. We have been so into this season so far and I was feeling pretty excited to watch this movie. And my friend even was like, oh, that's a good one.

And I don't know how I feel. I don't know. That's Big Dipper saying he likes this one. We can't trust Dipper. Him saying that this is good, I truly now am questioning questioning anytime he said anything has been good well his taste is questionable which i would love to discuss with him at a further point um we he he likes to watch bad stuff too so i mean he fits right in but let's bring our guest

out i want to hear what our guest thinks about this show we're so excited it's langston kerman langston is a comedian writer actor who has appeared on series including insecure and south side he currently hosts the podcast my mama told me for big money players network and i heart radio so welcome langston all right this is exciting yes langston thank you so much for being here let's get into it have you watched any tyler perry before uh i i had and i actually vowed never to do it again up until you all uh forced me to i would not go so far as to say force me to for this podcast i had made a a firm stance in my life that like i'm gonna get that toxic man out of here y'all are like nope you're gonna do it for a bit a long-running bit that

we're doing over the course of a season so wait what had you seen before if you remember uh i believe my my last straw was daddy's little girls that's where i where i finally put my foot down i was like if this is the best he can do, I'm out. We kind of like that one. Yeah, we like that one. I was going to say, I think it's actually his most, I think, at least critically acclaimed film. It certainly is the one that I think stands on the firmest ground as far as being considered a film. Yes, that's true.

That is true. I think that's true. That is true. I think that's true. But I, but I also think that movie had like a lot of weird, like there's always like a surprise rape or that wasn't a rape or, you know, accusation. Like that one was our first,

like you dip into that sort of thing. I feel like from that point on. It'd be very dramatic. No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No ha-ha funnies. No tee-hee-hee. Yeah. There were like two laughs. It went from Idris Elba in a tank top to Idris Elba in a very serious tank top. And that's the shift that Tyler Perry sort of creates in his universe. So had you seen this Witness Protection movie before? I had not. Yeah, I was not going to see it. I, in fact, was devastated to find out how many people consented to be a part of this project. What are your initial thoughts on Medea witness protection? Well, I think there's a part of me that wants to believe he tried his best.

And then I know that's not true. You know what I mean? Like, I know he didn't put his best foot forward um i i was excited that romeo miller is finally getting his his just due uh it was heartbreaking to see what uh at what point eugene levy had sort of uh sunk to in his career that was so confusing to me because i i thought eugene lovey would definitely elevate this movie whatever it was gonna be i was like it'll be really funny when he's doing his thing and him interacting with medea i thought would be funny we tend to like medea on the show but but i was like i feel like he didn't even get a chance even in the bloopers i was like there's not enough silliness happening there's no time there's no it doesn't feel like there's like the freedom to play really it felt like you know

one thing we've learned by doing this show is that like tyler perry works extremely fast like so fast shooting full movies in eight days like yeah it's unbelievable he has made a full series of television which is insane a full movie in eight days you all have been in plenty of films you know that films are months months at a time it takes to shoot an entire film and he's doing it in eight days and he did acrimony in eight days and that one is like there's wild shit that happens it's not just people talking at a table it's like everything is nuts and it's what eight days so then you're just people talking at a table. It's like everything is nuts. And it's what, eight days.

So then you're just thinking like the amount of pressure everyone's under, the amount of time constraints, like you don't get the time to even, you know, we've talked about how we feel like the hair could be better. Like there's all these things really. Wait, why is that wig so bad? It's like this is like a high budget. Like what's happening? And then you're like, well, they're doing it in eight days. Like, go, go, go. So like nobody has a chance to like be their best, you know, like the hair department, the makeup department, everyone's rushing. Well, here's what I'll say is that this,

and remember this is 2012. So this was before he figured out that he could expedite things even faster than he currently is doing. This was him taking his time with the project. is doing this was him taking his time with the project that's fucking nuts well i will say our we have some trivia and one of the trivia facts is this is one of the few medea movies not adapted from a play which i was like oh he didn't get to test run the material before he shot it that's so it was it was just, who knows what this will be? That feels really important actually, because the plot was really lacking. Yes. And then at the end, they showed you a scene from Ghost and they're like, this is what we're doing.

And I was like, oh, I don't know if we need it. Just do it. Yeah. Just, yeah. I think we know the movie. I think, I think we're all familiar with uh ghost like i felt like the whole thing with the witness protection like they don't have any experience like nothing happens at the house that is like like being undercover or you know hiding from

the law whatever it is like nothing happens besides like just like weird yoga and like i don't know like even when they go to do the the scam or whatever at the end like when eugene levy has that costume out i'm like i thought that was going to happen earlier like there'd be more stuff like that or something more hijinks i think they he really put a lot of stock in uh black people and white people figuring each other out for two hours and then and the comedy does not come like it's like you think you like it seems like right off the bat that's kind of like okay we're gonna like medea's like they're white and then like nothing happens from them yeah barbara the mom keeps calling them colored well and that was that was what was she

saying negroes and then she'd be like spiritual and then they go, okay, she's talking about the church. That was another thing that, that bugged me quite a bit was, was he clearly had some bits in his head, right? Where he's like, okay, we'll have her say Negro, but she'll be referring to the spirituals. And then he would do that bit for a solid three and a half minutes. And it's like, dog dog you landed that plane baby let them get off you ain't gonna you ain't gonna keep them on to keep letting the flight attendant talk to them more like give them off the fucking plane yeah i agree the bits went on for too long they weren't funny enough and then i felt like it was a lot of like rehashing like

medea driving crazy we all know medea drives crazy and it wasn't crazy enough for me no and then i didn't really like little romeo's storyline no me neither okay so he took the church's money i don't i don't care i don't care about the stakes were not there no and like with the other medea movies we've seen the stuff that happens is so crazy that like you can't have like a more chill version of Madea where like it's nothing really happened. You need her to be doing crazy shit the entire time. And the funniest thing to me was like a blooper where Madea was like dancing on the porch. I don't know if you saw that at the end because I watched all the way to the end.

I was worried that this would come up and I didn't want anybody to bring up some shit I wasn't familiar with. So I watched through the fucking thing, the credits. Okay, so the part where Medea's tits were bouncing around on the front porch was funny to me. But I was like, but this wasn't in the movie. It wasn't. And it was like, give me that. Give me Medea moving her titties around. Give me Medea crashing through buildings, dropping cars, yelling at people.

We didn't have any of that. Although it was funny when she was driving away from her nosy neighbor and closed her dress in the door and drove away like that. I was like, they had no time to reshoot it. Oh, they had time. They had plenty of time. They opted against it, but they had time. Yeah, you never know what is like the choice at that point. Like if Tyler Perry, the director, is going like, that's a mistake, but we'll keep it because we don't want to move on. Or like like him just, okay, you'll be my setup and I'll be both setup and punchline somehow.

Like you're just a face to bounce off of. So you picked Eugene Levy, but you didn't mean for it to be Eugene Levy. You just meant for it to be a dorky white guy. And it just so happened that Eugene Levy was in a bad place enough in his life that he consented to be a part of this thing. Well, I wondered about that. Cause I mean,

it seems, you know, Nicole and I both want to be in a Medea feature. So bad. Oh my gosh. But it's so bad. It's like, it would be really fun.

But I, so I'm like, what is Eugene Levy's perspective at that point? Like he's totally established. It's 2012. It's like, there's a, he can do whatever he wants

so like there must have been i mean i'm sure money obviously but like there must have been some incentive in terms of just like thinking it would be funny or good right or like yeah well i don't know like if tyler perry asks you to be in a movie you say yes like i would just say yes no matter what it was wow this is a very different response than I think I would have. We have been brainwashed. Wait, Langston, if Tyler Perry reached out, Langston, and was like, I want you to star in Daddy's New Girls, you would say no? Wait, so Daddy's replaced his old girls. He's tired of those old bitches, and now he's getting a new set of girls to raise okay

you wouldn't you would do it i would say sir you have some things that you're wrestling with in your own personal life and you need to put down that pen and call your family that's what i would say to tyler perry i'm not gonna out you not on this forum but i will say call your family tyler and get off my phone leave me i mean you do have to wonder because we've seen you know there's so much domestic violence there's so much crazy stuff in these movies and shows like something's happening like it's his first instinct is that like a woman gets hit and then she punches back but it's like there's something happening there yeah i don't know it's interesting there's something happening there. Yeah. I don't know. It's interesting. Out of context, this will sound terrible.

So hopefully no one just takes this little tidbit. I miss the domestic violence, the kidnaps, and the abuse. In this movie, we are lacking all of this. If you guys don't put this on your websites, I don't know what you even recorded this for. This is fantastic. Just a nice quote. Denise Richards is like one of my favorite housewives. I don't know if either of you have watched Housewives at all.

She is fantastic on the show. She has a full-on sexual affair with Brandi Glanville in the season where she is accused of eating Brandi's pussy. And she does not say whether she denies it but it it seems like it really happened wow contextual proof um she's a fascinating person on the show I think she's like stunning and I also think like she's a great mom she's like you see her kids on the show and she's like really sweet I think she's a great person this movie was not the right movie for her I love to watch her but I wanted I wanted something funnier happening and it just was not the right movie for her i would i love to watch her but i wanted i wanted something funnier happening and it just was not there it wasn't there and then she does an

impression of medea and i was like huh this i don't feel good i didn't feel good about that i'll say this i there was a part of me that wondered is this just 2012 shit that like we used to think was a funnier bit and now in retrospect we're like nah not really but 2012 ain't far enough away that i feel confident in in sitting in that you know what i mean i agree and i felt like if anything she should have gone way harder like it was like yes it's if you're gonna do it and medea's telling you to do it and there's all this stuff it's like it felt like it was you're going to do it and Madea is telling you to do it and there's all this stuff, it's like, it felt like it was kind of a half impression. Like, I don't want to get in trouble. And then that makes it awkward.

Yeah, it was just weird. So, I mean, I wouldn't say to do it now, but if it was one of those 2012. Denise, if you're listening, please do an Instagram video of you doing an impression of Madea. We all want it. Yeah, it's like if she would have done wild things and only pulled one titty out you know what i mean like you gotta give us both titties i bring up wild things all the time because you see kevin bacon's dick in it and i was in like eighth grade and i was like oh my god and it's truly it stuck with me so much um i barely remember her tits burned in permanently.

Should we get into our news media? Yes. Tyler Perry film production transforms downtown Macon, Georgia into 1950s Chicago. Oh. And he could just shoot in Chicago. Okay. No, no, no. The crews are taking over downtown Macon this week for Tyler Perry. This week.

Where Tyler Perry is going to shoot his whole fashion project. Netflix is a jazz man's blues. During the filming, the area will be closed off to the public. The film is scheduled to be released on Netflix later this year. Holy shit. The turnaround. The turnaround is unmatched. Imagine shooting an entire period piece in an hour and a half just costumes sets

everything's covered in an hour and fucking 45 minutes and then you just upload it yeah you just truly upload it to upload to netflix click it will be it will complete shooting and post-production everything everything post pre-production shooting it less than six months for a full-blown movie. That's unreal. Wow. And then, so, Jazzman's Blues expands Netflix's relationship with Perry, whose 2020 film, A Fall from Grace,

was seen by 39 million households in its first month on Netflix. I'll tell you, I was one of them. I did watch this movie for Yamanika Saunders' podcast or live show, and it was truly nuts. Like, this woman beats this man with a baseball bat to kill him in a way where I was like, that's a pillow. That's not a person. That's a pillow you're hitting.

I don't think I've heard of that one. They're just feathers popping out of the baseball bat as he swings. Yeah, there was no Madea. It bummed me out a little bit. Oh, my God. Okay, well, let's take a quick break, and we'll come back, and we'll jump into Medea's witness protection.

Woo! If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and online privacy. A VPN creates an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP address, and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. I'm using a Nord VPN myself.

And honestly, it's very easy to use. You connect with one click to enable auto-connect for zero-click protection. It has amazing speed. Nord VPN is one of the fastest VPNs out there, and it supports every major platform, Windows, Android, iOS, Linux, even Android TV. You can switch your virtual location to access apps and websites in other countries. Get an exclusive NordVPN deal here at nordvpn.com slash newcomers, N-O-R-D-V-P-N.com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day day money back guarantee. Link is in the episode description.

And we're back. OK, my ideas, but as protection written by Tyler Perry, directed by Tyler Perry, released on June 29th, 2012. So after watching this movie, has anyone's thoughts changed on Tyler Perry? I mean, we'll launch into our summary but before we do i mean langston it doesn't seem like this was a good one for you to watch to get you on board no i i think that's fair to say i don't i did not become more of a tyler perry fan from this experience in any way shape or form i understand that me too i will say i did enjoy uh we were speaking of the bloopers i did enjoy enjoy him talking to the person on the phone about the bidet and whether or not the bidet, making them explain a bidet. And that made me feel sad that I was laughing at it because I do think that his entire gimmick is, what if a black lady didn't know what stuff is?

And it's like, oh boy, I hate that I'm laughing. That is the joke. Doesn't make know what stuff is and it's like oh boy i hate that i'm laughing that doesn't make me feel good but it's pretty there's always something when when medea though drops in the tyler perry voice it's like really jarring yeah like she's like i don't get it where do i go poo or whatever and then she's like oh i'm just kidding i'm actually i'm not i'm like oh my god can't imagine what that person was thinking on the other side of the call. Okay, so here's the plot of this movie. Now, George Needleman promises his son Howie that he will take him to his baseball game after he gets home from work. When he arrives at his Wall Street office, he is shocked to hear his boss, Walter, inform him that the company is a Ponzi scheme run by the mob.

Walter tells George he's handing him over to the FBI as a scapegoat since George is the company's CFO. And that whole explanation was so wild because it was like they hired him or they promoted him so he could take the fall and Tom Arnold was having a great time. Oh my God. Oh, Tom Arnold killed it.

And then there's a very funny part where he's like still trying to talk to him and the chair is spinning because he moved so fast like a cartoon. Okay. Meanwhile, in Atlanta, Brian. Okay. Maybe we did like this movie. Well, I will say that I felt extremely frustrated with him walking in and being confused by everyone running for their lives. Yes.

And burning documents. And he's like, what's going on, Tom? And it's like, dog, read the room. It's happening. Like, catch up. Yes. Like, even the security guard knew what was happening. He's like, quiet day.

And she's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, not for me. You're not going to lie to me. Quiet days like this? I wouldn't say that. Yeah. Meanwhile, in Atlanta, Brian tells his boss that he thinks that the Malone crime family is running a Ponzi scheme

and his boss tells him to investigate. After Brian tells his boss he knows George's company is running a Ponzi scheme, his boss tells him to take George into custody. Medea gets into her car after grocery shopping and is unfazed when she finds a man in the backseat trying to rob her.

Now, this is what I thought we were going to get more of. Like, she drives the car frantically, jolting him around until she is able to unmask him, and she realizes it's her pastor's son, Jake. Jake later confesses he's trying to recover church funds that he has invested in George's company without his father's knowledge by robbing elderly women. I mean, what a bad plan.

So back in New York, the FBI takes George into custody and tells him that they'll be putting his family in witness protection because the mob has already threatened George. Brian's boss tells him that he'll need to find a safe place in Atlanta to house the Needleman family. Brian goes to Medea and asks if they

can stay with her, which is not, I don't think, how witness protection works. No, you don't just move in with which is not, I don't think, how witness protection works. No, you don't just move in with a random person. You don't just get to pick a person. And furthermore, you don't get to pay them $4,000 a month for five people. That was wildly disrespectful. How little Tyler Perry, like, even thinks poor people value things. Like, poor people don't know what five people are

working yep four thousand dollars less than a thousand dollars per person crazy um medea changes her mind because she's like oh four thousand dollars brian arrives with the needleman family and they start to settle in and even that like nothing happens. No. You want, like there's room for comedy. The idea is good in that like you bring this family to live with Medea. It's like there's enough that could go wrong. It doesn't feel like anything really does. Like the kids are annoying. What?

Like the daughter hates Denise, which we haven't heard about yet. Who's her stepmom. And she's like always screaming at her and like their relationship is awful but then there's kind of no payoff to that no i think the better option would be like instead of having your b storyline with uh the church or whatever have the crime family try to get them in the house like have them find them yes like hijinks in the house well there is that one moment where a man with dark hair drops off a, what I thought was going to be a bomb.

Same. Then just ended up being a firm, a sternly written letter being like, we'll kill you. And there's a rat in here. And then nobody understood what it meant. So they moved on. Yeah.

So this summary has not mentioned that there's like the uh Eugene Levy's mom is a woman with like dementia or like Alzheimer's or which is hilarious I mean undeniably a funny disease can we all agree on that we need to stop with that like I like yes I I can't keep watching this character happen in things over and over again where it's like funny that they don't know who anyone is or what's going on. It's not it's not funny. And there's a point where she's like, a man gave me this letter or whatever. And they're like, yeah, right, grandma.

You know, everyone's like, because even the kid was like, she doesn't even know who I am. She doesn't know where we are. Yeah, right, you brain dead bitch. It's so mean. It's so mean. It is so mean. There actually was a man in the yard and then that wasn't anything where it could have been something.

It could have been a home alone. But then they saw the man in the yard and they sort of waved him off and then proceeded to not follow up on the fact that a mob is trying to kill them uh-huh yeah it was like the danger and like the good idea was at the front door and they're like we're not answering it we don't we don't want we don't want action none of that so the next day george tells the prosecutor's office that he had no knowledge of what was happening at the company brian offers

to help george and tells him to look through all of the documents that were not shredded at his company to find where the numbers are off i gotta say brian is confusing because i know he's a lawyer but i was like do lawyers arrange witness protection i don't i don't think so it's he's like so involved with this family to a point where i'm like no also like isn't it that's what i didn't understand i think there wasn't enough explanation about what witness protection is but maybe they didn't even know when they were like doing this but like i thought like so is he he is officially innocent and isn't it where like the government helps you hide yes it is yes so in the movie it's a lawyer being like go live with medea which isn't really protection. It's just like running from the law. It also,

it also involves a name change. It involves document changes, none of which were ever addressed in this. They literally just were like, all right, you're going to stay at a different house now. And guess what? Black people.

And they still found you and brought the letter to your house or whatever. It's like, you are not hiding well yeah it didn't work so then you'd have to move yeah literally the first day is when they showed up with the letter it's like we got you yeah the dead rat oh my god so george's mother barbara mistakes medea for a maid named sadie and claims she recognizes Joe as a man she slept with years ago the man on the boat Joe doesn't believe her at first but then he realizes they actually

slept together while he was in the army he also realizes that he might be George's father when Barbara tells him they slept together 53 years ago and George is 52 I can't I can't okay there's so much about this that's insane he was so so, for anyone who's listening and hasn't watched this, is Tyler Perry as a character, Joe, who we have seen, Uncle Joe. What if I was surprised? You're like, what? I thought that was an old man. And he has yellow teeth that are the color of butter.

Like they are, which is kind of funny. But he fights her on this over and over i don't have a boat i don't know what you're talking about cut to yeah you did go on a boat like it's like if you had any experience being on a boat you can't say you don't know what they're talking about with a boat like it's just it was that was rude and kind of dragged out the whole thing forever then he starts calling the grandchild his son or something or yeah or saying you're my grandson yeah it gets complicated for sure it was very confusing um and then also i was like there's no way eugene levy is your son you know this yeah and i didn't realize that joe was brian's dad okay i'm so glad you're saying that.

Wait, who's Brian? Brian is Tyler Perry as Tyler Perry. Stop. Okay. So that's his dad and Madea is his aunt. Now, I will say that throughout the film, I felt a weird sexual tension between Madea and Joe the entire time. Madea and Joe do have sexual tension but it's so weird because they're siblings i think they're siblings that's right okay but that has not been

made clear i think in any movie that we i swear i don't i don't know no this is the first time where he was like dad and i was like oh but that's why you're always around and that's why you're always defending medea because medea's your aunt oh wait so this wasn't the introduction of Tyler Perry as Tyler Perry no well this character is different than the characters he's played in other

movies I think he plays he plays like a person without a costume on but I think he's always Brian like if Medea goes to jail he's Brian as the lawyer. Is he Brian? This is so funny. You guys have dedicated a season to this and you're 12 in.

And if you're just now discovering this. Dude, you don't understand. We don't understand this family tree at all. We have tried to make sense. There are points where you go, wait, oh, that person's that person's dad. Like this dad like this happens every time mr brown who's a character who appears in many things apparently is the mom i mean the dad of the woman who's always with him whose name i can't think of cora or something yeah and then she in real life is married to him uh-huh and he's the same age as her but he just has a gray beard they put gray on him to make him look older because that's her dad.

And then made her husband her dad? Yes. Yes. Yeah, Tyler's a sick fuck. This is gross. But then we thought Cora was Medea's daughter, but then... Oh, wait, no, no. Cora is Medea's daughter, but then her dad isn't her dad because of the

bit at the end of and that was like a gag though that's like a gag like but the end is it not part of the cinematic universe like it is it is like true but it's like it feels like it was just to be funny but then it's like well now we have to go with that as being true so okay, okay. Um, Ferris, our producer is telling us that Brian is a supporting male character throughout various films played by Tyler Perry himself, maybe his nephew and Joe's son. He's a lawyer and is usually getting Medea out of jail. Wow. This is fascinating.

Now the, this is part of the thing. Like it's like, it's things move so fast. There's so many things happening and you can't keep track of basic facts. Like I did not get that at all. And I mean, cause it's literally one line where he's like, things move so fast. There's so many things happening. And you can't keep track of basic facts. Like, I did not get that at all. And I mean, I'm trying to pay attention. Because it's literally one line where he's like, dad.

And I was like, oh, that's his dad. So Medea and Joe, because I thought in previous things that they were a couple. Medea and Joe? There is that moment where Joe first wakes up in the morning and Denise Richards is doing yoga in the living room. And Joe is sort of what appears to be gawking at her very sexually. And then she goes, are you staring at me? And he's like, no, I see something else. And he looks and you look past her.

Yes. And he's staring literally down Medea's butthole. Just into the. He's like, I see some big hippo ass or like something. He's something like really offensive. And then she's like, that's mean. But it's like, why are you staring at her ass? At your sister's butt?

What are you doing? What's wrong with you? It is very confusing because for a very long time I thought Joe and Medea were together and then I was like, oh no,

they're brother and sister and then they each have a kid. Well, and the idea now that Brian, because Brian, I think was also in, was he in Daddy's Little Girls? No,

Brian was in Why Did I Get Married but not as brian as a doctor see that's what i'm saying so it's like we have tyler perry as basically tyler perry playing different characters but sometimes he's brian uh-huh but there's no like nuance to that i want them to put that in the credits sometimes he's brian like directed by tyler perry written by tyler perry and sometimes it's a lot to keep track of i think there must be a family tree somewhere online that we could be looking at like someone's gotta have made this i hope so can i ask where where in terms of your, your preferences, does this like, what is the best of the Tyler Perry films or the Madea films? Let's be more specific.

What is the, the quintessential, this is the one you got to see Madea film? I think Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Yeah. That was the best one. Yeah. It's truly incredible. There is a scene that I've shown to several people where it's Medea typing on a calculator. And I've seen it so many times that like there's a like just like a split second where Medea is about to break, but then keeps going with it.

And it's so funny. Yeah. Medea has a lot of bits in that one. I feel like that like Tyler Perry was the most confident because that one was one was a play right and that's kind of how he got his start i feel like was like that one was really huge that was his big one yeah that was so there's like maker yeah so then there's that confidence with this medea like because medea does a lot of like bits in that movie that are just like straight up he's probably improvising for 30 minutes like i feel like with like he's just going and he's so confident.

Like when he's in the closet and he's like cutting up all the clothes and stuff, that one is, that is the funniest one. And the one that got us the most on board. And Tyler Perry had something to prove because people hadn't let him, you know, make a movie.

And he was like, I can make money back. So I think he like threw his all into it. And he's really just doing a lot as medea and it's delightful sure but then it's like that that is what got us excited like the type of craziness that happens in that movie because there's also like huge drama like medea is funny but from time to time you know and for the most part it's like there's a man dragging his wife across a marble floor you know like just like crazy horrible stuff or like a woman pushing a man in a wheelchair in a way where you're like, I don't think there was a stunt coordinator.

Doesn't she? She at one point after she finally almost gets redemption, let him like drown in a bathtub because his legs don't work and arms don't work anymore. Yep. Yes. Yep. Yes. And then and then she like nurses him back to health but then dumps him it's truly just it yeah it makes no sense that's why we like it kicks in

a door with a with a gun in her purse and goes uh who's drowning up in here and like okay i guess what is this film yeah and then that sets up things like the oval where it's like, okay, Tyler Perry believes anything is possible. I'm like, anything is possible. And I like this, but like,

then you, then it's like, I need that from every single project. I can't have some of these be like phoning it in a little bit. And this one just feels like it did feel like it was phoning it in. I got to say on the oval, two women catch up on like a stoop and she's like, I have had a day. She's like, tell me about it.

She's like, well, you know, a girl up in my house shot herself. Yes. And then they found the knife on my son. You don't say. A knife? Yes. Well, the president. Oh, he's sleeping with somebody.

Oh, really? And the way they catch up, I was like, this is not. Nope. Just like silly gossip everything you've said is life-altering stuff and it just happened today yeah like yeah no what a thursday someone killed themselves in my house okay we gotta get through this let's keep going yeah summary okay so george arrives and medea is to find katie fighting with his teenage daughter cindy later when medea grows tired of cindy's disrespect he tell or she tells cindy that her whole family died to make her feel regretful about her behavior

towards them george katie and howie arrive home to find cindy crying hysterically this is wild that part was so ridiculous and it wasn't it still wasn't ridiculous in the way that i wanted like basically the teenage daughter who's annoying comes home and then Medea is like, who's your dad again? He died or whatever. Like, I don't know.

It was like said in like a really crazy way. And then she's like crying and freaking out. And then he walks through the door and she's like, dad, and it's over. And that was supposed to like make her a nice person. Yeah. It was her redemption song was finding out that her entire family had been

murdered on a highway accident. And then for some reason, the chubby little boy who really didn't do anything bad to anybody in the entire film was, I believe mauled to death by animals. I think that was a story that Medea had cooked up for the dead child and uh it was enough for her to now be like i love my stepmom and stepbrother or half brother or whatever this is yeah and he was a sweet character he basically had nothing that was

even making him annoying he just was like uh trying to be related to that person. He just wanted to play baseball. Yeah, he was very bad at baseball, but also tried his best. And like, who's mad at that kid? Yeah. So during a sermon at the church, Pastor Nelson inspires George to recognize a pattern in his company's records that explains where 10% of the stolen funds have been stashed. that explains where 10% of the stolen funds have been stashed. He decides to involve Medea in a plan to re-divert funds from these stashed accounts back to the charities whose investments were stolen in the Ponzi scheme. When George and Jake share their plan with Brian,

he advises them it's illegal. Yeah, he's like, I didn't hear that. I'm a lawyer and I didn't hear that. And they're like, we're going to do it anyway. And like, why? Like, why even talk to brian i don't know also in this plan they are undercover in a way where like eugene levy is wearing this like little mustache and a beret and i was like nobody knows who you people are so who are you high what

that is such a good point like there's no need to wear that and also you look more suspicious because you have a fake mustache and a beret on and you're coming in and out of a french accent you guys haven't even decided what your names are so you you rarely refer to each other as anything but your actual names that would be triggering for somebody looking for you and medea like uses her so medea is supposed to be this character what what was the precious jackson yeah and when they when they get to the hotel she like is saying she's related to the jacksons like she's like if tito calls i'm busy or whatever i'm like okay that was i felt like medea just running loose yes that one for a while um but when she then she says she has her id and here it is like she offers it up to the guy

and i was confused about that because i was like she has a real id that says precious jackson well i think that's from them watching ghost and then being like oh we can do a fake id but it's like how does medea know how to do fake ids That's not been established yet. I did not understand that. Yeah. They literally just did everything that was in the scene in ghost, but without explaining how they did this stuff. Right. Like ghost does the leg work and like helps us understand it. And they were like, no,

they already did that. We'll just show the movie and then do the same. That's so funny too because that's definitely tyler perry writing it and going like oh it should just be like how they do it in ghost okay um we'll just show ghosts we'll show ghosts like it's so lazy to just jump to that without explaining anything i think that's hilarious okay so here the plan requires george jake and media to travel to new york media assumes the identity of a rich woman named Precious Jackson, meets with a bank manager, transfers funds from the laundered accounts

to legitimate charities, and also transfers some money to her real bank account, unbeknownst to George and Jake. And I gotta say, this was, like, unfulfilling, not as fun as Ghost. No! So we had to watch a little scene from Ghost, but then I was like, but then you didn't put any jokes. Why didn't you just recreate the scene from Ghost? The scene from Ghost is so good.

The idea that you're going to recreate that and not have it be funny or like parody it in some way. Like there was no, it's mostly just like, oh yeah, remember how they did that? We'll do that. Like there's no like creative license to it, which would be fun. But it's also funny that he decided to do that like there's no like creative license to it which would be fun but it's also

funny that he decided to do that but then there's a ghosting ghost and that's the humor of the scene it's not just switching accounts and stuff it's not just you get sit down and lie it's that there's someone in your body making you say and do shit it's like like, that is what makes it funny. Like, it's not funny to just sit there and go like, and put some in my account too. Gotcha. Like it's like. What's even more fascinating is you brought Eugene Levy all the way to New York. And so in theory,

he could be a part of this. Yes. But instead you left him in the car to like riff with little Romeo while you go in and do the least medea thing that exists in all of medea land the fact no she plays it straight for once yep yep she's as serious as can be the fact that eugene levy is wearing that get up but we don't see him do anything in it he could be sitting there improvising with her and making it seem obviously like it's fake, but they get away with it. Like they're a married couple or something. Anything.

But yeah, Medea just truly walks in and is like, we need to transfer accounts. Yes, I'm precious, Jackson. Okay. Thumbs up. It worked. She literally thumbs ups as she leaves the bank. And the man is trying to fuck her as they're like walking out. He's like, couldn't be harder for Madea or Precious Jackson as they're leaving because she was that charming in the bank.

It's like, this is crazy. You're not even following the rules. Well, after they pull off their plan, Brian informs George that his cooperation with the authorities and successful efforts to return charity funds have given Brian leverage to dismiss the charges. Before returning to New York, the Needlemans visit Pastor Nelson's church for the last time. Pastor Nelson and Jake burn the mortgage papers and the entire congregation celebrates the mortgage being paid off medea also celebrates her new wealth what a lackluster ending it really was and also it made me think like why do churches have a mortgage doesn't that seem wrong yeah but they're they're taxed they're not taxed i know that so but you someone still has to own it i guess it should be like you

personally can own the the building you're not being taxed for i guess whatever work that you're doing an income that you bring in but the building is not necessarily like granted to you by the government yeah i guess i mean i guess it makes sense that religion is not connected to the government in that way, but it still seemed weird that they were like so happy there was no more mortgage. I was like, I've never thought about a church being like owned by the bank. Well, let's I think the important thing is that we remember the key to writing a good film is ending on the B story. You really want to go out right, right on the B story. You really want to go out right on the B story. It is so wild. Like the mob doesn't say,

where's our money? Nobody cares. The mob doesn't come through. They're just like, oh, I guess we don't have money anymore. They literally go, the boss decided he's going to snitch on the mob.

So you're safe. And then nothing. It's just all clear from there. That's so funny. It's so funny it's so true oh my god okay well we have a little trivia so this movie is the first tyler perry film nominated for a razzie now i don't know if that's because it was the first one of the earlier films or if it was just because i feel like he's got we've read about other razzies uh one of the few media movies not adapted from play and with a total box office gross of 66.9 million

god damn medea's witness protection is the third most successful tyler perry movie after boo a medea halloween and medea goes to jail can i tell you guys a funny story about boo a medea halloween yeah so i uh years ago wrote for Chris Rock for the Oscars. And when we did that, we did a parody of Tyler Perry called Boo. That was just us making fun of Boo. Like we're not making fun of Boo, but making fun of Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry saw that and then made Boo off of us making fun of Tyler Perry. You gave me money?

Tyler Perry cut you a check? He did not. He did not bring it up once. There was never a phone call. And I've talked to Chris. It wasn't like he was like, yo, I saw that. I'm going to do it. It just truly was him being like, I don't know.

That's a pretty good idea. And then went and did it. Were you shocked when you saw like the ad for Boo? Like, were you like, what the fuck? You know what? It was so dumb as a pitch that it never even crossed my mind. For a second, I started to question like, yo, did we just redo his shit? Like, did we do his version of Ghost to Medea's witness protection?

Like, it blew my mind that that's how he does business. So, no, it was spectacular. I love that you were involved with that. We've mentioned that before on the show, and we learned that Chris Rock was given, like, he was given the opportunity to direct like a saw movie as like payment for that from the studio yeah um which is really interesting it's so wild what a wild just series of events to truly see someone making fun of you and be like fuck it i'm gonna make that a feature film is it's a flex i'll give them that it's so confident it's so confident it really is

so petty it's like oh you're gonna make fun of me great i'm gonna make so much fucking money off of that idea yes it's more money than than any chris rock film more money than any saw film is ever gonna make he's gonna do it in with boo amadia halloween oh I love it so much. He's got it figured out somehow. So this movie was nominated for awards. Like the Razzie. Madea's Witness Protection received five Razzie nominations. Tyler Perry was nominated for Worst Actress as Madea. I mean, this was Madea's worst movie, I think,

and worst director. But it's just silly to say worst actress. But I mean, obviously it's a silly award but yeah i like that they don't know that that's tyler perry under there yeah right imagine some people's bad they're like man this lady's big um it was also the film was also nominated for worst screen ensemble and worst prequel, remake, rip-off, or sequel. That's so mean. But it didn't win.

It didn't win, so there was something worse that year. That's true. So it's considered a sequel? I guess. It's part of the universe, so I guess it's like a sequel to... Or maybe they're saying worst rip-off because it's ripping off Ghost. Oh, maybe. I don't know.

The film currently has a 19% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. And you know what? A lot of his movies do, but I would argue that they're better than that rating. But this one, it's not good. No. A critic from Entertainment Weekly wrote, George's son asks for Wi-Fi and Madea says, sure, I can make you a waffle. That's one of the good jokes.

Audiences like the film for the most part. It has a Rotten Tomatoes audience score of 66%. Its budget was $20 million. It landed at number four in the box office opening weekend with a final domestic gross of $66.9 million.

I mean, with a final domestic gross of 66.9 million dollars damn i mean he had he this is this is he's a billionaire and i mean i think at a certain point that he's churning stuff out so fast we're gonna have stuff we don't like i i'm i'm honestly surprised because i feel like we've given him so much leeway like every week we come on here and we say, Tyler Perry might be a good billionaire. He's got some funny stuff happening. We like some of these movies. And then I feel like I'm so disappointed when I should have expected this to happen. Yeah, I truly don't see how you could be walking away with any of those conclusions

based off of the person, the choices. None of this feels like a... I'm just saying, watch The Oval. Watch Diary of a Mad Black Woman. You only have to watch a dinner scene in Why Did I Get Married? That's incredible. That's the best fucking scene I've ever seen. Oh, and the airplane scene in the beginning, which is also incredible. Oh, that one's insane.

Oh, wow. But I mean, this is... We get brainwashed by this podcast. Like, you have to understand, like, we did all of Star Wars and then we did all of lord of the rings and there were points where like i think i liked that one like you know you just start saying like you like things because like it's like compared to the other thing that was really good i guess or like whatever this and this has been such a like nice release like from all of those like you know really boring sort of categories of movies like we're watching like something that's just crazy and fun so we're we our bar is low but then like

you know he's got i mean like you know also that that show we watched last week was not it was the same ruthless we did not like ruthless too much it just because he it's almost like it's there's too many he's done too many things like it's like have fewer things that are as crazy as they are and it'll there's more success i mean i don't know i think he just starts to throw things at the wall at a certain point and it doesn't always work well yeah i mean he he literally was i believe uh they were saying that he shot some television show like 19 episodes in three days or four days something like that well. Well, he did. I think it's ruthless. He did ruthless in,

I think it's 14 days or no 13 days. And it's 24 episodes. If I'm remembering correctly, which is not possible. No, but, but it is if you, and it's not the work of a good billionaire,

I guess is what I'm saying. You're that's a really great point because it is, if you are a billionaire, you have all the time in the world because money is no object. He owns the largest studio in the world. Yeah. Oh, wait. It's the largest studio in the world? Yes.

I think the physical space is the largest physical studio. It's larger than any of the others. And yet. You know what it is though i think part of it is that because he wants to direct and write everything he needs it to happen quickly because he wants to be doing the next project if he were to delegate and hire people he could have these projects take longer and be of higher quality but he's like I only have 365 days this year. So 14 are for ruthless. It's like, we just have to go. But I'll tell you this. I don't want him to spend any more time on the oval. I love it.

It is crazy. I watched two episodes since this woman's head got chopped off and we haven't addressed it really. I like the idea that you're like you're gonna be watching season two of the oval and be like i don't know this felt like it took longer i'm not i'm not into this thought went into this i don't like it boo uh there's a headline that reads tyler perry's movie studio is bigger than disney warner, and Paramount combined. Wow. It's a goddamn compound where he keeps people there like slaves for 14 days, churning out episodes, and then releases them for $150. I mean, it's truly so wild. I wonder what it's like to work on like a Tyler Perry series.

We need to interview someone who's, who's done it. But here's the thing. We'll never get the truth. We'll never get the truth because no one's going to say if it was bad and if it was great, we won't believe them. You know, it's just like a hard,

we, I want someone to come on like anonymously and we'll like distort their voice. And they'll tell us like all the things. You gotta get a labor law. You break Goldberg to just come on and like all the things that happened you gotta get all the labor laws you break goldberg to just come on and like do the sound modification and just really pretend like that's not her that's in you know snitching on everything that she's been a part of i would love it oh my god boy i

i am excited to watch the next one though what is What is our next one? I don't know. Well, that's the thing. I'm still excited. And this is where I don't know if I'm brainwashed or I just like the stuff. But it's like, I'm ready for the next one. Okay, I didn't like that one. It felt so long. That movie was like an hour and 45 minutes.

I think it took me all night to watch it just mentally. It was tough to watch. I had to do it in i think four separate parts yeah i had to break it up like the snyder cut to be able to to just take all of that in at once i took like a long shower in the middle just to like reset and i came back i'm like okay yeah I just woke up rather early and then had to keep pausing it because I was like this is so boring no one's doing anything fun no not at all

like in the one we watched what was the one where there's like incest and like what was that that was Medea's family reunion that one was good look how I just plugged it the oneea's family reunion. That one was good. Yeah. Look how I just plugged it.

The one where there was incest. That one was good. Like, I don't know. I mean, I cried at the end of it. In a Medea film you cried? Yes. There was a funeral that was so heartbreaking. Yeah.

And then they cut to like ridiculous stuff right after that with Dr. Phil or something. It was like truly nuts. Wow. Wait, Dr. Phil makes an actual cameo in a Madea film? In Madea Goes to Jail, it's the best improv I've ever seen in a film. Okay. Yes. I made them all up.

Really good. I keep asking y'all for sort of, I guess, honest interpretations of what's happening. And then you keep using this hyperbolic language that makes it really hard for me as a person talking to you to understand what's real and what isn't. I'm telling you, it's the best improv. Like, I'm not kidding. You're both wonderful improvisers. You're both very capable performers. I watched it with my mouth open.

I was like, this is so, and I rewound it because I was like, this is so good. It's really impressive. But, you know, but then you think like Dr. Phil, what he does on his show is basically improv because he's talking to like lunatics and like trying to kind of make them say crazier things. I mean, he is kind of naturally built for this. But yeah, I mean, there's really good stuff in these movies and we're not kidding i mean do you think dr phil feels bad about some of the stuff he's put out into the world i hope so because did you see that bad baby came out was like the place they sent her to was not okay i saw that yeah she was like it's not okay the way they treated the kids was abuse and i was like yikes

dr phil you gotta you i don't even know if he said sorry yeah but i i will say that if you watch the video of her explaining it it's mostly just that her being like yeah they told me when i could go to bed and that i couldn't leave and it's like yeah bitch that's kind of what you signed up for like i don't know if that's abuse as much as you not getting your way plus she's made millions off of her appearance on dr phil which is disturbing to say it is very funny that she has a whole music career that is very like wildly successful she got some bops there's like one song i can't remember what it is right now that I was like, Oh, this is pretty good. And it all comes from catch me outside. How about that?

And I've quoted that a million times. I mean, it's a good catchphrase. I guess it's really, it's funny. Well, I think we're coming to the end of our show. Langston,

thank you so much for watching that film. Thank you. I think thank you for, for having me and having me do that. I'm grateful to have spent time with you ladies. I don't know.

Well, do you have anything you'd like to plug while you're here? Yeah, you can listen to my podcast. It's called My Mama Told Me. It's about black people and conspiracy theories. Nicole has an episode. Lauren, unfortunately, you're not welcome on the podcast.

That's perfectly acceptable. But I've heard it's really good and I want to listen to it. Someone was just tweeting about it that day. It's funny and it's silly and super problematic. So you can listen to that. And it's with the Big Money Players Network. And they want me to say that. They're real emphatic about me telling you it's with the Big Money Players Network. And they want me to say that. They're real emphatic about me telling you

it's with the network and with, yeah, there you go. And so I did it. There we go. It's plugged. You did what you were supposed to do. I love how you plug things. Ooh, so Farrah says next week, our episode is looking to be Family Funeral with Sashir.

I mean, I don't even know what that is. So many medea movies okay well of course it's time for our five hallelujahs segment which everyone loves to hear me say um so she says it every week and i laugh every single it's like i always think i should pass it off to you and then i go i'm i'm in it. 15 times now and it's going to keep happening. God, I love it. So this one comes from aka Big Dogs 907. Bad wigs and good times.

I've been listening since Star Wars but the real MCU, Madea Cinematic Universe, is my favorite season so far. Nicole and Lauren's reactions to these crazy, hilarious and melodramatic movies

are perfect in every way. You don't have to watch the movies to enjoy the show. If you aren't listening, you should be. Thank you. And this one comes from Lord Jesus. One, two, three.

Dinner date. I have listened to this from the beginning, but this season got my girlfriend into it, too. And it's just brought us together. So if you ever want to have a giant lesbian and a tiny lesbian cook you a home cooked meal and talk about the Tyler Perry empire, please let me know. We will pay you for your friendship. Wow. What an offer. You guys, please write more reviews.

We'll pick more to read. They have to be five stars, so don't waste our time. Wait, what a funny way to describe themselves. As if someone would look in your kitchen and be like, is that a big lesbian and a tiny lesbian? And they're cooking? If they pay me, I'll talk to them. I want to know what they're going to cook.

That's my main concern. Well, give us five stars and we'll read you next time. Thanks so much for everyone who has been doing that. And we'll be back next week with what? Family funeral. Going to be good. Okay. Bye.

Going to be good. Thank you. That was a Hiddem Original.