Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Star Wars Day & Star Wars Toys! (w/ Connor Ratliff)

Episode Date: May 5, 2020

May the 4th be with you! Okay, we're a day late but we still want to celebrate. To retrospect the Skywalker Saga and break down the significance of Star Wars Day, George Lucas impersonator Connor Ratliff (from The George Lucas Talk Show, & the Dead Eyes podcast) joins us! Connor explains why the movies are great but don't make sense, gives insightful advice how everyone can enjoy the series, and pop quizzes the girls on their newfound Star Wars knowledge.Later, we explore the Star Wars media even bigger than the films.... the toys! We talk about how Star Wars toys revolutionized the toy industry, the 'holy grail' of Star Wars toys, and the drama associated with licensing them.Plus, the girls are really, really, excited that Oprah Magazine named Newcomers one of their top 25 comedy podcasts to binge, so expect a lot of hot Oprah talk.Check out Connor's Headgum podcast Dead Eyes - where he investigates why Tom Hanks fired him from a small role in Band of Brothers.Stick around for the post-roll for a clip of Nicole being quizzed about Star Wars on The George Lucas Talk Show from 2015. We're off next week - see you the following Tuesday!Sources for this episode:The Toys That Made Us - Star WarsVintage Kenner Star Wars Toys CommercialsR2-D2 AbilitiesStar Wars Merch RevenueHistory of Star Wars ToysJar Jar Binks LollipopAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. likely i'm gonna be the first one to see them all truly wonderful the mind of a child is come on when you find people who need your help you help them no matter what we have hope hope that things can get better and they will stand up together because that's when we're strongest as one you won't be going alone you'll have a friend with you no i'll have a jedi with me you might want to buckle up baby rise rise in the fall take care of this little one it'll take care of you Yahoo! Rise, Reign. Rise in the Force. Take care of this little one. It'll take care of you.

We had each other. That's how we won. The Force is strong in my family. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. What is it they've sent us? Hope. Oh boy! It's another episode of Newcomers.

I'm Nicole Byer. And I'm Lauren Lapkus. And we've never seen Star Wars. Well, that's not true. We've now seen all of it. Yep. We've seen almost all of the content. We've seen all nine movies.

We've seen the holiday special. We've seen more things I can't think of. content. We've seen all nine movies. We've seen the holiday special. We've seen more things I can't think of. Solo. Rogue One. Rogue One. Rise of Skywalker. I guess that's part of the canon. Look, we know it all, baby. We know everything.

I mean, so we have been breaking down Star Wars media for months now. We often have on a fun friend. We are what we always do. We're so excited because this week is the time where we can finally say, may the fourth be with you. Yes, because I mean, it comes out after May 4th, but tomorrow is May. May the fourth be with you.

Yes. And, you know know it's star wars week so we're celebrating by retrospecting our experiences completing the series and we're also going to explore a huge part of the star wars franchise the toys yes but first we have some huff goss so oprah magazine named newcomers one of their top 25 comedy podcasts to binge right now. OK, how excited were you? First of all, I have to brag for both of us because we were both on the list multiple times. Yes. Which was amazing. I was like, somebody cool is working at Oprah because they seem to really get it.

This was thrilling for me. Were you freaking out? I was so excited and so happy, but then devastated because oprah and gail passed on doing best friends my podcast with satire like they didn't not answer they flat out were like no and we were like that's worse than just not doing it no i actually think getting a no is more respectful you think than not responding okay fair i guess that's my belief because that to me that means they actually saw it they like got the message they like thought about it and then they okay our guest is saying shaking his head i actually really want to hear what he has to say about this because

i i i've had this debate with myself because i have as a podcast host i've gotten like no response from people sometimes and it makes me feel bad. And then if I get a no, I'm like, okay, like I don't care. I feel like it's better to hear back so I don't have the lingering feeling of would they have done it if I asked them again? Like I don't like to be asked twice. So I'll say no if I don't want to do it,

but I'll say yes if I do want to do it. I don't know. I just think responding is good. Fair. Connor, what do you think? We got it. Well, let's introduce our guest. Our guest today is a very funny actor and comedian. fair connor what do you think we got it well let's introduce our guest our guest our guest

today is a very funny actor and comedian he's he's been seen on the marvelous mrs mazel search party and orange is the new black he's the creator of the george lucas talk show where he interviews real guests pretending to be george lucas and he now hosts the podcast dead eyes where he investigates why tom hanks fired him from a role in Band of Brothers, which is so funny to me. The podcast is great. And he's the subject of an upcoming documentary. I'm George Lucas, a Conor Ratliff story. Welcome to the show.

Conor Ratliff. This is the funniest intro. Oh, my God. This is hilarious. Please tell me what you were thinking when I was saying that a response, a no is better than no response. I think there's some relief in a no because it is an answer and uh yet there's hope in a non-answer because you can always think maybe they didn't see it and maybe they would love to be on it it's true but that can be dangerous too sometimes you just got to get on with your life

and you know my whole my whole Dead Eyes podcast is about looking for an answer and so That's the thing like you think you would want the no. Yeah there is the no puts you out of your misery but it's sometimes nice to cling to that hope that it's like well maybe Oprah and Gail

they would have loved to do the podcast but their people never got it to them you know. Yeah. But that's a dangerous thing too you know hope is a dangerous thing but see my feeling with like with your podcast Nicole is like Oprah and Gail saying no is is not like disrespectful to your podcast because it's probably more about their fear that they're gonna like share too much like they have they have really curated like how they their relationship, and it's edited by their teams. Anytime they're on a show together, they have control about what is shown,

and you would be getting crazy shit out of them that they would end up saying. But have you ever heard the intro to Gayle's old radio show? No, I don't think so. She describes, I don't know if you can still find it, I heard it truly one time, she describes her first slumber party with Oprah. She was like, it was raining so hard.

I don't, I didn't think I could drive. Oh yes, I've heard this story. She was like, but I can't stay. I don't have any panties. And Oprah was like, where am I? Okay, I didn't know that part. I'm 100% sure this is true and I haven't made it up okay wait I love that so much because you can just wear your underwear for like an extra day like yes it made me laugh so hard I was like

why every time you sleep at someone's home you have a fresh pair of underwear that's hilarious that really speaks to their relationship though i think so have you ever shared underwear with a friend i haven't never i don't well maybe i have once no i don't think so though i can confidently say my whole life i've been wearing my own i think once yeah but it was like a fresh pair it was brand new yeah yeah that's the only way for that to work really i don't think i'd feel like i really needed to change mine that bad i'd rather just not have any underwear at all yeah imagine the mess you made that you're like i need a new pair and i don't care who it belongs to that's so weird

i'm so obsessed i got to go see op Oprah at her big tour. I'm so jealous. It was the best day ever. And it was right before the quarantine, actually. It was only like a week or two before this all happened. So I feel so lucky that it didn't get shut down because it was the best. Wait, did you go? You guys have really moved on from Star Wars. You guys.

You can tell you guys, you got to the end of the saga. This is not normal. This is not normal. We typically only talk about Star Wars. Wait, before we talk about Star Wars, did you go the day that Oprah fell? Yes, I was there. And it was truly-

You saw that in person? It was the most terrifying Connor. She was talking, okay, she's speaking on stage what will be five hours of the day. She really talks at great length during her tour. She, okay, so she's on stage what will be five hours of the day. She really talks at great length during her tour. Okay, so she's on stage. She's in front of this projector that says the word balance. She's about to talk about finding balance in her life.

And then she literally takes a couple steps. You can tell she's falling. She's going down. There's no one on stage. It's a huge stage. There's no one there's no one on stage it's a huge stage there's no one there she has nothing to hold on to she just falls and my friend lauren ashley smith and i we turned to each other and we're like oh my god it was like she's gonna die like it was like you just didn't know what was gonna happen like there was like no one running up to save her it

was like a long time while she was like laying there oh no it felt like so it felt like forever and then she stood up and she was like jesus you're funny you make me fall when i'm talking about balance and it was like the funniest thing she's like so cool about it then everyone's like take off your shoes and then she like did and she's like i should have been like this the whole time it was like the cutest i just love her i love that and then after the show story sound like dreams to me yes and then after the show she posted on her Instagram that she was icing her leg. And I was like, see, she was in pain the whole show. And she didn't even let us know.

She just spoke like an amazing speaker for five hours. And I was like, this is the best day of my life. But anyway. She's legendary. I love her so much. She's perfect. She's the best. That story transitions nicely because star wars is

all about bringing balance to the force i love that what is your relationship to star wars well it's interesting because listening to you guys and i love this podcast and i loved following you on your journey through all of this um i one of my first memories is of seeing the very first Star Wars when I was three years old in a theater. And it was the year after it came out, so they had re-released it in 1978. And I remember seeing it in the theater. And I remember being confused by, I loved it,

but I remember being confused by why Obi-Wan let Darth Vader kill him. That's my first clear memory. I remember as a kid being like, why'd he do that? So your first clear memory is about Star Wars, like fully. Yeah. Wow. And the interesting thing is, I was thinking about this recently that, you know, I'm three years old and there's one Star Wars movie. And I had no idea about the holiday special at the time. I didn't learn about that until decades later when it became like a cult thing.

So then a couple years later, Empire Strikes Back comes out. So now I'm five and there's two movies. But you basically you see the movie in the theater and then you just have the memory of it. You don't see it. You don't. There's no VCA. There's no VHS tapes that you can watch at home. It doesn't like, if it airs on, I don't know when it first aired on TV. So, and then by the time Return of the Jedi comes out, it's like 1983, you know, years have gone by.

And you really only have these three movies. And I spent so much time as a kid just imagining and thinking about them. And maybe they're, you know, like books and comics and toys. But you look more they like sort of circulated in your mind as these mysterious experiences that you'd have maybe once, maybe twice. If your parents let you go see the movie a second time in the theater compared to now where if you're a kid and you like Star Wars you know you got your work cut out for you you got to watch nine movies and they're video games and books like there's just so much uh to get invested in it whereas most of my time as a kid my relationship to Star Wars was playing Star Wars see I think that's so important

because like I I feel like that's like really wholesome. And also like your approach to it is just it's so imagination based. Yeah. Like you're you experience it once and then you like live in the world of it in your mind, which. And also that's just what being a kid is where when we're talking about these things now and the way the adults respond to to these films now it's like so aggressive and so negative yes yeah there's also a thing that happens which is so you cut to the late 90s or cut to the mid 90s when lucas started doing all the special editions and changing them and that's when my relationship to star star wars sort of shift a little because i didn't really like i like the news polished up effects but i didn't like any

of the new content that was added. Like when they add the extra scenes and change things in ways that I got the sense that like maybe I'm not going to like it when they make a new Star Wars movie. Like maybe it's not for me anymore. And then when the prequels came out, by the time they came out, I had already started doing a George Lucas character with my friends for fun. out i had already started doing a george lucas character with my friends for fun and it was sort of a way of inoculating ourselves against disappointment because we built this thing up we've been waiting for such a long time for the new movies to come out and then i realized like they maybe not they won't be good you know they might not be what we want them to be and so by the time the prequels came out, I wasn't angry. I thought it was fun and funny.

Like, the parts I didn't like, I was like, this is crazy. Because, like, Jar Jar Binks is the biggest swing in the world. Like, George Lucas, when he made Phantom Menace, it was a guaranteed home run movie. All he had to make,

if he'd made a movie like Force Awakens and released it in the late 90s, people would have lost their minds. Oh, it's another Star Wars movie. Instead, he gave up so much of that movie to like, I have this idea for this like bonkers comedy character. He's going to like step in shit. He's going to say, squeeze me. And, you know, like it's just, this is a guy who's doing what he wanted to do and he doesn't care what anybody like.

And he also says these are kids movies. So like guys in their 20s or 30s or 40s who don't like the prequels, you know, like a lot of a lot of them got very angry. Just like a lot of people when the Disney movies came out, a lot of the people who are angriest about those. It really has to do with where you are in your life and whether you can handle not liking a kid's movie that you liked when you were a kid. Yeah. Also, you said this a while ago, the Star Wars holiday special is the second movie, theoretically? Yeah. That's truly insane of George Lucas to be like, everyone loved this.

Now let me make this. It's just such a weird move. I think it was sort of like the story of Lucas is the story of not having control and then gaining control. And then the perils of having complete control. With the holiday special, did he get his name taken off of it or something? I feel like there was something like that that we found out. That was sort of the last thing where he didn't have control over it. Like they had signed a deal and they had to do this holiday special.

And he sort of washed his hands of it. It was not he has he hates the holiday special. He didn't have really anything to do with it or very little to do with it. And and then by the time the prequels came out he had complete control but he also didn't have anyone saying like don't do this or don't do that you know because like he made a movie called american graffiti in the 70s which is a great great movie it's nothing like star wars even though harrison ford has a little part in it and it's such a good movie and the head of universal hated it and he didn't

want to release it and he only released it like grudgingly because francis ford coppola like threatened it he was like i'll buy it and i'll release it and then it was this monster hit and lucas you could see like he was like i never want to be in that position again where i make a really good movie and then i'm at the mercy of some studio everything after that is sort of like about him like trying to get up to a position where he can like make the movies he wants to make without having like some executive give him notes and tell him like no you can't we don't like this you gotta change it can i ask a question okay so i heard that george lucas's wife helped with a lot of the editing and just making of the first three movies or six through wait no four five six yeah yeah we're trying that one is very

hard for us i think the number is so hard because it's the first ones we watched but uh did his wife was he still with his wife during the prequels? No. Because the prequels are so different. Well she was a great editor and I think one of the Oscar nominations that their first Star Wars A New Hope got was for editing and I think they got divorced around the time

maybe around the time of Return of the Jedi so the third movie they made and it was an example of like she was very I think crucial to certain things that worked in in a lot of his early movies was like she was an extra voice of like well you know how about this part or how about that part you know by the time you get to attack of the clones i don't know that you have a lot of people saying like wait a second like what's the what's the engine of this story you know it's just they're so tonally

different it's so wild to me yeah did you like the the last three movies i like most of the disney star wars movies they feel like star wars movies to me and if there's parts of them that i don't like it's like water off a duck's back it's just like okay you know i've gotten enough pleasure out of star wars that i don't need it all to be perfect. I'm happy with them making tons of Star Wars movies because some of them will be good and some of them will be bad. And it's no big deal to me. Like I hear some people who like,

it's very, they take it very seriously. To me, I think you guys have the right approach, which is that Star Wars is supposed to be fun. And I think anyone who's getting really upset about Star Wars movies that they don't like one or the other, I think needs to find other things. I have good news. There are other things to be upset about. Especially now more than ever. You know, a few months ago, everyone was really mad about Rise of Skywalker.

I don't hear very many people who are still angry about it because. Yeah, there's definitely a lot of bigger stuff to be mad about. Also, I liked that one. So. Yeah. I liked it too. Yeah.

I liked them too. I really liked the last three movies because I think you're right. They did feel more like Star Wars movies than the first three. Yeah. And what's crazy is people get mad about stuff because they'll be like, how does Ray get her powers? And they'll be furious. And I'll be like, how does Rey get her powers? And they'll be furious. And I'll be like, she gets her powers from magic the way every other fucking character in this movie.

The first thing I remember from a Star Wars movie still makes no sense to me. Because Obi-Wan Kenobi, who has magical Jedi powers, he's fighting with Darth Vader. And he says, if you struck me down, I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. And I remember thinking, like, why did he give up? He could have, like, killed Darth Vader. Darth Vader kills him and then we never see him become more powerful than he can. Like, all we see him do is his ghost hangs out in the swamp and lies and tells gossip.

It's really, that's all he does. He never becomes powerful again in a way that pays that off. And one thing that nobody, I never hear anybody talk about this. Okay. In that first, in the first Star Wars movie, A New Hope, they have Luke and Leia and Han and Obi-Wan, they're all in the Death Star. And they let them go. They have a tractor beam. They could just keep them in the Death Star and kill them. But they let them go.

And Grand Moff Tarkin says to Darth Vader, this plan of yours better work. And his plan basically being we'll follow them back to their secret headquarters and we'll kill them. But instead what happens is they go back to the secret headquarters, get their rebel army together and blow up the Death Star. And the only person who doesn't die is Darth Vader because he's flying around in his little ship. So Darth Vader, who everyone says is the ultimate bad guy, if you follow the arc of his character, he's a screw up when he's Anakin. It's his fault the Death Star blows up. He gets all of his co-workers killed and then he gets promoted, which that is realistic. That is what happens in companies

in the real world. But then he basically he like cuts his son's hand off and then in the last movie his son cries so hard that he kills his boss. And that's Darth Vader's arc as a villain. He's kind of

a screw up. I like that. These movies don't make sense. These movies are great. They make no sense. And they're not worth getting angry about. They're just for fun. But see, that is the kind of perspective I really appreciate. Because I think when we started this, we were so afraid that people were going to jump down on our throats for having any negative opinions or just not understanding it.

But I think you're right. It's just so much more fun to just go this doesn't make sense it's just a good time like let's just talk about how it doesn't make sense or enjoy the parts that are weird and and you guys said so many things in this podcast that didn't occur to me at the time where i'd be like oh right that is weird they only talk about that once or like it's weird that like yoda always talks like that you know like I'd never, when he doesn't have to. And I'll tell you what I think the weirdest and worst thing that a character does in Star Wars that makes no sense to me. Is I don't understand why Obi- There's that scene where Anakin says, he jumps up and Obi-Wan in one swoop chops off all his arms and legs.

Which I think is ridiculous. I think that's so silly. He's like, don't jump at me. He goes, I'm going to jump at you. And then he chops off all his arms and legs. And then he's still, he's like madder than ever. And Obi-Wan, after everything they've been through, Obi-Wan doesn't mercy kill him. He just walks away

yeah he leaves his friend there to just fall into the lava and I'm like does he ever what I want to see is I have an idea for what they were talking about making an Obi-Wan series with Ewan McGregor and

I think it should just be a series where he's trying to, people are asking him about what happened to Anakin. And like, I picture like, it would be great if it was someone like Jason Manzoukas just sitting on a bench next to Obi-Wan, like saying like, wait, so wait, so you left him? He cut off all his arms and legs and then you left him there.

I think that would be a great series. Just people like trying to get him to explain like why would you leave him why wouldn't you just kill him yeah it's crazy oh my god okay can you tell us a little bit about the significance of may the fourth is it just because it's sounds like may the force yes um it's it is entirely a fan, like it's a grassroots holiday. And I think the first time that there's a record, this is what Wikipedia says about it. It's the first time someone made that like pun in a public way was when Margaret Thatcher became prime minister of the United Kingdom. The Tories took out an ad that was like, may the fourth be with you, Maggie, because I guess the election had just happened.

Oh, my God. Someone must have thought they were so clever when they made that up. Yeah. But the holiday itself is, I think, like it's roughly a decade old. And it started like there was some group in Canada that just had a big Star Wars party on May the 4th. And then it caught on. And by a couple years later when Disney bought Star Wars they sort of embraced it and now it's like a real like it didn't start with Star Wars

was built by the marketing and the toys like that that was what made people that's what made them more than just movies to like my generation and and then it just like snowballed from there but the holiday wasn't it's not like snowballed from there. But the holiday wasn't, it's not like one of these things like where the greeting card company invents a holiday to make money. Fans started it. And then the, the, the moneymakers like embraced it because they're like, Oh, we can use this as a big, because when I was doing my George Lucas talk show at UCB, uh, our two big holidays every year would be May the 4th for Star Wars Day, and then Life Day in December would be our Christmas Hanukkah.

I was like, that's great to have two big Star Wars holidays. Wait, what day is Life Day? Did they actually say a date? I don't think there's a – I mean, as you guys recently learned, these things took place a long time ago. So I don't know that we know. Connor, it rocked my world. We were so confused.

I love that the first thing they told you was the last thing you learned. Yeah, I truly, I have read aloud. Like when I watch the movies, I read The Crawl. And I do not think i have registered that it was in the past no yeah i truly thought it was in the future because because it looks futuristic yeah it looks futuristic and then like my dumb ass was like well we don't have lightsabers now yeah so you know yeah well now we're learning that like societies crumble and then they rebuild so now we're learning that yeah okay um i actually i have some trivia questions because i do think that and these are

these are basic this i don't think there's anything super tricky here but i think uh i think i'm fascinated to see which things you've retained and which things meant nothing to you. Okay, I'm nervous. Me too. I don't think there, you know what? Here's the thing. I don't think there are wrong answers. It might seem like there are, but this is all made up anyway.

And is it multiple choice? Nope, nope. These are basic. I ask a question. You tell me your answer. Okay. Who are the masters of the dark side who want to rule the galaxy oh um darth vader palpatine that's correct again no wrong answers but what what

kind what there's a name for that kind of bad guy what are the bad guys yes your answer was even better than the answer that was on this which is just just the Sith. Oh my God, Sith Lord. You got it. I would not have gotten that. Well, I was really impressed with how you took off just naming people. I was like, oh, I'm out. Yeah. You know more than you need to know.

Yeah. What color is Yoda's lightsaber in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith? Green. Nicole? Nicole, do you think it's green? Blue. Is that your final answer? Maybe green.

It's green. It's green. You both, you knew it. You knew it was green. You knew it was green. Oh my God, this is hilarious. You should layer in the who wants to be a millionaire type music under that to make it really tense. What's the name of the bounty hunter who captures han solo who can't boba no lando calrissian or boba wait who's

no boba fett died um who captures han solo what was the the name of the what who does what what bounty hunter captures han What bounty hunter captures Han Solo? Bounty hunter. Okay. Oh, wait. Bounty hunter. I remember someone. I think it's Boba Fett.

Is it Boba Fett? It is. But you know, your journey to the answer is what's really fascinating. Oh, my God. Why was it fascinating? I don't know. Because we're hearing you do the math. You're kind of like, I can picture you sort of going through the story and you're like,

well, Lando betrayed him and Boba died. And what does that mean? And like, these stories live inside you now, you know? God, this is crazy. It is so wild that I know any of this. We know stuff. Yeah. Who was also known as Darth Sidious?

See, this is hard. Yeah. Darth Sidious? Is it Palpatine? I think it's Palpatine, but I feel like people have told us it's not Palpatine. It's Palpatine. Oh, it is Palpatine. It's Palpatine.

Oh my God. That was a weird thing because, you know, when I was watching the movies, like Return of the Jedi came out and you see the Emperor and you've seen him before on the little Zoom or whatever in the Empire Strikes Back. The scooters. No, you see him in the little video conferencing hologram. Oh. But then you meet him full on in Return of the Jedi. And then, you know, 15 years later, they do another Star Wars movie and you see a guy in a hood whose front of his face looks exactly like the Emperor.

And they're like, that's Darth Sidious. And you're like, well, it also looks like the Senator Palpatine. And like, yeah. And then they act like that's a big surprise. Yeah. Two movies later. But it's like, this is just the emperor, right? Like you're not, he's not dressed differently.

What is the name of the First Order's base in The Force Awakens? The Death Star? No, in The Force Awakens. Force Awakens is more recent. They have a thing that's bigger than the Death Star, and it has a specific name. Oh.

Evil Base Camp. I honestly don't know. Hold on. Hold on. Does it start with an M? No. Okay. Then I don't think I know. What do you think the M word would have been?

Like, like the word that's kind of like mitochondria, but it's not. You're thinking of midichlorians, which is a blood disease that makes you a Jedi. No, Starkiller base. Oh, you were kind of close, actually. Evil Base, whatever you said. It sounds like the same. Evil Base Camp. Yeah.

Honestly, though, here's the weird thing about Star Wars. If you accidentally, like, guess a dumb name, it's not going to be that much dumber than the real name. That's true. Starkiller Base is the name of the thing that blows up planets. You know, it's not, that's not really more sophisticated than Evil Base Camp. You have two more questions in this quiz. One of them I think is going to be really fun. And one of them I think you'll ace it.

So don't, you can stop being nervous at all. How many R2-D2 gadgets or abilities can you name? Oh, okay. Oh, I have nine of them listed here. I bet you're going to come up with one. I bet you're going to come up with ones that either don't exist where I

hadn't occurred to anyone. The ability to like project a holographic image. Yes. Holo projector. That's one. The ability to sit on the outside of a spaceship and not completely fall apart, but also fix it. I'm sure that's covered under several of these. Maybe translation.

That's not one of them listed, but that's also, even if R2-D2 can do that, that's really like C-3PO's gig. He's a translator. What about storage? Yeah, can you pop that top? Throw some shit in there? That's not listed, but it has to be. Storage. Storage is amazing.

That it's just like, yeah, I keep my CDs in there. Um, oh, it flies. Rocket booster, yes. Oh, good job. Thank you. The ability to roll on sand or any type of terrain. Yes. Motorized all-terrain treads.

Here's one that you guys can use in your fan fiction. Retractable third legs. Whoa. He's a tripod. That's a dick. Yeah. Okay. He put that dick right away.

Save it for later. I'll read through. These are the listings. Okay. Buzzsaw, electric pike, fusion welder data probe power recharged coupler and that's it i don't even know what that is interesting me either but i feel impressed by our abilities you know he just does a lot of things he's like a swiss army knife you know and he never gets plugged in none of them ever get plugged in. He might be either solar powered or maybe space

powered. Maybe just the atmosphere of space powers him. R2-D2 to me always seems like he's a built in plot device that whenever they need to get out of trouble they can always plug him into something and he can change everything.

Yeah. Did we just get an A on that? Well, not until you answer this final question. Okay. Who played Mace Windu? Oh, Samuel L. Jackson. Lauren? Same.

100%. And his lightsaber was purple. That's right. For bonus points. That brings you up to 100%. Oh, my God. And his lightsaber was purple. That's right. For bonus points. That does. That brings you that. That brings you up to 100 percent. Oh, my God.

We just crushed that. That was actually really exciting. Yeah. Yes. I was excited to know things. Yeah. You know, you know, as much as any healthy person knows about Star Wars. That's amazing.

I feel like I never would have even thought that by the end of this I would retain anything. Same. Because I do spend a lot of time looking at the movies being like, wait, what is happening? Yeah. John Millhiser, my roommate John Millhiser, will all the time have to explain things to me. Oh, yeah. Mike's always explaining stuff to me and I feel like I, even

if I'm paying very close attention, I'm still like, like what and if I look at my phone it's over yeah yeah then I have to like rewind it it's a whole thing I get yelled at Nicole it's not phone time yet well I feel really good about that all right let's go to a break and we'll be right back and we're going to talk about Star Wars toys. If you're wondering what a Nord VPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your Internet connection and online privacy. A VPN creates an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP address,

and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. I'm using a Nord VPN myself. And honestly, it's very easy to use. You connect with one click to enable auto-connect for zero-click protection. It has amazing speed. Nord VPN is one of the fastest VPNs out there, and it supports every major platform. Windows, Android, iOS, Linux, even Android TV. You can switch your virtual location to access apps and websites in other countries.

Get an exclusive NordVPN deal here at nordvpn.com slash newcomers. N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash newcomers. N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. Link is in the episode description. It's Darth Vader, watch out! And he's got a lightsaber! It's Kenner's new Star Wars action figures, each sold separately. I got you now, Ben Kenobi. With R2-D2 and C-3PO. There's even Chewbacca and Han Solo. Someone's coming, Chewie.

Who's there? It's Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker. Now I know the Force is with us. Darth Vader, R2-D2, C-3PO, and other Kenner Star Wars action figures each sold separately. We're back and we're going to talk about toys now. To get us up to speed on the history of Star Wars toys, we watched this fantastic documentary on Netflix called

The Toys That Made Us and we're going to link it in the episode description. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so great. Okay, so Connor, we're going to list some facts and you can kind of fill us in with stuff you know as well. But a new Star Wars film can gross over $1 billion in the worldwide box office. According to analyst estimates, a Star Wars film can gross over $1 billion in the worldwide box office.

According to analyst estimates, a Star Wars movie year is worth $5 to $7 billion in merchandising revenue. Yeah. That's crazy. It's so wild how much money these little toys make. Also, I liked in the documentary that they asked the CEO of Kenner how big the toy should be. And he just arbitrarily was like, big and held out his fingers and it turned out to be like three and a quarter inches or whatever and i was like his arbitrary throwing out a hand literally changed action figures for the like the rest of time i know and i actually really like how small they are compared like when

they show them compared to like barbies and gi joes like how small they are compared like when they show them compared to like barbies and gi joes and stuff like it's really cute that they're so little i feel like later gi joes became small is that true i think so i think that's why gi joes became smaller and then like you got the little green army men which maybe came out before star i don't know i think it's in the same world yeah here's another fact with the original star wars being an overnight sensation toys could not be manufactured in time for christmas to avoid losing out on millions of dollars kerner the toy company sold people the early bird certificate package an empty box containing a cardboard display of the toys with a certificate for kids to redeem the toys later

on in the year how genius yeah it's so smart and also i noticed when they said like the star war the original stars they said came out in may yeah which i also thought was kind of good with may the fourth like oh it's kind of is tied to the original movie yeah um but this is such a like an act of faith that this is gonna work out for you to like just be like we'll just give the kids a certificate like and we're kids excited i really wonder what it was like to receive that early bird certificate package on christmas day certificate connor no because i would have been two at that point so i wouldn't have understood star wars um so by the time i saw it toys existed it was 1978 was when i got into it and i was three i mean one of the things that that documentary talks about is just the fact that, you know, Lucas, no one could, after Lucas, nobody else ever got the same deal he got.

Because he was like, I want the merchandising and the sequel rights. And they were like, fine, you know. And nobody thought the toys were going to be big. were going to be big. And they ended up changing the way that kids related to movies and just the whole way that you would play with an action figure that was from a movie that you saw. It was such a huge thing. And that was what enabled him to basically build his Lucasfilm empire

that allowed him to make the movies he wanted to make. It's so innovative he didn't have the merchandising rights star wars might not still be a thing yeah like it's i i just i i think it's so cool when people are like take creative business risks like that like it's it's such an interesting move to to put the merchandising like so i said that's such a high priority yeah and it paid off so well but like it makes total sense but i feel like he had like a very childlike mind because not every filmmaker is thinking about the toys that are going to be made it's more like an afterthought yeah in the documentary

it he had a shitty deal at first right where what was the ten thousand dollars i think they brought that up a few times did kenner just locked in they were like locked into that company i think were like locked into that company. I think they were locked into that company for a long time. Yeah. But it was still him, not the studio that was making the money. Yes, it was him, not the studio. And it was, he got, I think it was a percentage of annual sales or a $10,000 check. But the toys were making like billions, millions of dollars at that point. So it was like a shitty deal.

And then I thought it was really interesting in the documentary he stopped he didn't make another star wars movie for a very long time so there was six years where they should have been cutting him a ten thousand dollar check but they didn't do that so that voided the contract so then when it came time to renegotiation he was like no this will be the best deal in my interest yeah and i think it's a good lesson it's like don't fuck over the creative yeah because they're the person who's making your content for you to make the toys yeah it's also fascinating the way that when the phantom menace came out they over licensed it yes everybody wanted to license buy the license to make Phantom Menace merch dollar store a year after the force awakens came out you just see like oh man they just did they they were like dental floss pics with like kylo

wren's picture on the bag and stuff you know because everybody wanted to put star wars merch on their you know uh stuff with star wars on the logo or the label but do you feel like people interact with that differently now than they did in the 70s like i feel like people don't need it as badly now no it's sort of like there's a i mean you have all the star wars stuff you could ever want now but it was precious in the late 70s early 80s like every star Wars thing felt like it was like an event. You know, when they came out with new toys and it's still a big deal, but you couldn't possibly keep up with all of it now.

You know, it would ruin you. If you tried to buy every Star Wars toy, you know, you'd have to be a billionaire to keep track of it and it would be exhausting. How about that guy? Oh, wait. I loved that guy. Connor, what were you going to say? I cut i cut you off oh i'm actually at the moment because i'm i'm in missouri and i'm self-quarantining with my parents in the house uh that i you know was in

when i was in high school i was looking for this thing i'm gonna do on star wars day um all of my old Star Wars toys are in this house. And they're so damaged. It's all been so heavily played with, which makes me feel really good. I'm glad I don't have a longing to wish that I'd kept them in mint condition like a collector. I look at these things and I'm like, I have Luke Skywalker's X-Wing fighter and it is just beaten to death.

Will you take some pictures of it? Yeah. Yeah. I'll send you pictures of it. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like something that I, you know, exploded something around. It really is.

Everything is beat up. And I'm like, that is a well played with toy. That was like worth, worth having. And I think it would be well played with toy that was like worth worth having and I think it would be really sad if I had it like oh and it's in its original box and it's I never played with it you know as an aside I mentioned puppy surprise in a previous episode with mono that which is the toy that my aunt got me by sticking her hand in every puppy in toys r us to find the one with five puppies inside and And that was in this documentary. They just randomly showed it along with like what other toys were selling in the 90s.

But how about the guy who has the pristine collection in his house? It's like he has like a warehouse full of these toys. And then he pulled out the, I think it was the Boba Fett toy that was worth $20,000. And that didn't seem like enough to me. Like I know that I would ever pay that much for that but like it just seemed like it's the boba fett is the holy grail of star wars toys the original action figure had a firing

missile it was briefly produced but never actually sold because of choking concerns after a three-year-old choked on a similar missile from a battlestar Galactica toy. The toy can fetch over $150,000. But also, what child is launching a toy rocket into their mouth? What a dumb kid. I can picture a lot of kids doing that. I would return that child. I'd keep the toy, return the child. Yeah, I mean, it's insane.

I mean, all the toys he had. I actually really wanted to walk through that guy's warehouse or wherever that was. It seemed really interesting. And there is like, some people get a pleasure more from like, that guy's basically the curator of a little museum, you know,

and that's a different thing. But I think the, the, the intention of those things is, you know, for a little kid to, you know, throw them around in the mud,

you know, really play with them. That to me, I wouldn't trade that experience for any amount of pristine merchandise as a collector you know totally and then what happens if you like are collecting all that stuff and then like he dies and then what like if his family sold it all would that be crazy and then also like sure he has a will where he's like so and so like you have to take care of this or but it's really interesting with a will you can't force people to do things in a will but i think if you if he put this like if he

made it a museum put it in an estate then you can have an executor for your uh your estate and then they kind of have to do what you want i'm sure there are things he's i'm sure that person has taken steps to make sure that people don't play with those toys yeah right i mean his family's probably very aware that his ghost would haunt them i wonder if he makes money like doing tour like does he just have this insane collection well that's what i wonder too because i'm like how do you how is this sustainable you can't buy new ones unless you're giving tours and charging people to see it, right? We got to get in there.

I don't know what his job is, but. Yeah. And, you know, it's also like there are things that the value of them is, you know, as long as people still care about this world and these movies, you know, which, you know, that goes in cycles. You know, they were going to put out a Star Wars movie every year and it was working because Disney was putting them out every Christmas. And so it kind of became that thing where it's like, oh, at Christmas we see a Star Wars movie. And it was too much. It was like too soon. We just saw a Star Wars movie. And then there was no Star Wars movie that Christmas.

And it's just one of those things where like the popularity of Star Wars, it's always been big. But, you know, when I was in junior high, Star Wars had sort of gone away. It was sort of like there weren't new toys. It wasn't a thing that was, you know, popular with new kids that were coming up. And then it became popular again. I'm sure it will go away and come back, you know, various points. Nicole, there's a toy for you on this document. It is the Jar Jar Binks push pop lollipop, which basically means you deep French Jar Jar to eat this thing. His mouth is wide open. You suck on his tongue. You suck his tongue.

I've never had my tongue sucked and I don't think I'd like it. Yeah. I mean, I don't think I have either. Connor, have you had your tongue sucked? I don't recall. If I have, I've forgotten it. It doesn't seem like something one would forget. First we ask if you shared underwear and then we ask if anyone sucked your tongue.

Is this a normal podcast? We're asking the hard hitting questions. Wait, Nicole, I also had like I had another thought about Oprah and Gail, which is that I actually I assume they have so many like people that let screen emails before they get to them that I bet they never saw it. But I bet that there's like some sort of criteria they're working off where they go. No, they just don't do podcasts Lauren thank you that brings me joy to think that they never that they themselves don't even know we asked I think that really is the answer though I was thinking

like oh no for sure they just don't they get a million requests so there's someone who has to field them and so they don't tell them about every single thing and yeah they just don't know thank you yeah that makes me feel good but you still got the no so it's like you kind of get the best of both worlds how would you feel if you knew that they got into a fight over it that one of them wanted to do it and the other one didn't and they were like wait but we're best friends i would love it i would really love it because sashira and i will fight over things a lot we just got into a fight because she said she would leave me behind in a zombie apocalypse. And I really took offense to that.

Yeah, that's no good. Right? I'll tell you a thing that I used to do as a kid with Star Wars toys. One of my favorite things when I was little is when I would play with the toys, there were all these characters that didn't do a lot in the movies.

And I felt like if I was playing with like luke or leia or darth vader they had to behave the way the characters behaved but i could give like crazy personalities to like a droid that we saw like walk in the background of one scene so i could make those characters whatever i wanted that's fun so like i remember playing with you remember there's the guy who works for Lando Calrissian. He's the bald guy with like the weird headset. No. No. Lobot is his name.

Oh, I do remember the name Lobot. Or there was like the bounty hunter who's all covered in bandages. Hmm. Like a mummy? There's like these weird characters. I don't know. There's a character called Ponda Baba.

He's the one in A New Hope who picks a fight with Obi-Wan Kenobi in the creature cantina. He's the one who looks like he has a peach in his mouth. And he's like, and then he's like, my friend doesn't like you. And I always thought it looked like he had a butt coming out of his mouth. We watch these movies and truly have no idea who you're talking about. And that one's like right up our alley. Yes. Like someone with a butt peach coming out of their mouth.

Like, yeah, we would have talked about that. He's a butt peach coming out of his mouth, and he was like in the bar, and he's like, and then his friend says to Obiwan my friend doesn't like you and he's like i don't like you either and then obi-wan cuts his arm off hmm hey man that sounds exciting and i truly found a new hope not exciting but that character his his name on the toys originally was walrus man and that was just a name that the the toy company like some guy looked at him was like this guy looks like a walrus he's walrus man and then later lucasfilm renamed him panda baba and i do not acknowledge the name panda baba i'm like that's walrus man i think it's so great that somebody just like it's another thing of, like, Lucas and control, which is, like, he even lost control of the name of one of his characters. Where, like, he released the movie and some guy in the toy factory was like, this guy's named Walrus Man.

And it's, oh, I have a thing you guys will love. Oh. Google this. C3PO erection. Oh, we've seen that. We've seen that. You Googled this already? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But I'll Google it again. But I love that you knew we would love that. Yeah. I mean, truly, I like anything slightly sexual about Star Wars. Yeah. There's probably a lot of Star Wars porn, right?

I believe there was Star Wars pornography that was made pretty early on. And I remember reading that there was sort of like people who were working for Lucasfilm would kind of like, they thought it was really funny that there was Star Wars porn. But they were like, don't make sure you're not caught like talking about it or joking about it in front of George. caught like talking about it or joking about it in front of george because like george lucas famously like he loves spoofs and jokes and comedy about star wars but i don't he just doesn't like nasty sex stuff you know uh and by nasty sex stuff i mean like anything sexual yeah yeah yeah there's a fun story i read in the new york recently that was Mort Drucker, who was this amazing caricature artist who did all the spoofs for Mad Magazine, who died recently. And in his obituary, it talked about how when Empire Strikes Back came out, Mad Magazine did a parody of it. And then they got a letter from Lucasfilm's lawyers saying, you have to recall this issue.

You don't have the right to do this. You've crossed the line in the way you satirized Star Wars. And they responded by sending the Lucasfilm lawyers a letter that they had received a month earlier from George Lucas asking if he could buy the artwork because he loved the spoof so much. And he compared the artist to leonardo da vinci and so they just sent this letter back to laura saying like i think we're okay oh my god i like george lucas he seems pretty wild i love george what is he doing now he's just like living off his billions of dollars no he is making a museum in la thatA. that is the Lucas Museum of Narrative Art. If you go to lucasmuseum.org, it's basically like a museum of art that has to do with storytelling.

And I think he's going to like shove a bunch of his like collection of old Norman Rockwell paintings and cartoon and comic art and movie posters. And if you go to the website, the first painting that comes up is a concept painting of Gungan City where Jar Jar lives. Hmm? Which I think is, that is George Lucas trolling people. That is him like,

have the first thing be Jar Jar's hometown. Put that on the museum. Oh my God, Nicole, you need that as a Zoom background. Ooh, I haven't even looked at it. Wait, what is the... Remember when Jar Jar gets in trouble and they say, Jar Jar, you in big doo-doo.

I don't remember that, but I'm happy that happened. Yeah. Okay, wait, can we talk about like what toys... Is there any toy you wish you had, Connor, or something that you would want now? Because I personally want the Ewok tree village. I want that. I have it. And I looked on eBay and it's like hundreds. Oh my God, really? I have it. It's here in the house. I haven't been able to find it yet, but it's in

one of the boxes. I have the Ewok village. That's awesome. It's really fun. It's great. Was there any toy that you didn't get as a kid that you really wish you got? I'm sure there were Star Wars toys that I wanted and didn't get. But I'm trying to, I think there was a toy that came out of the Death Star. But it's really bad. It was like in the first wave of toys. So by the time I was like getting toys, it was already like unavailable. But if you Google it, it's so not fun in a way because it's basically like a cross section of like a slice of the Death Star. So if you look up a picture of this toy, you have to have a real good capacity for like abstract thought to think of this as the Death Star.

It's like if you took a slice of a piece of cake out and had to picture the whole cake. slice of a piece of cake out and had to picture the whole cake. But what about that one that he has in the documentary where the guy's like holding it by the base with his fist? It was like a huge... I think it was Death Star. No, no. It was

Hans' ship. The Millennium Falcon. Millennium Falcon. Good lord. What I really like about the way you guys have retained knowledge at different priority levels, like, you're struggling

to remember the name of the Millennium Falcon, which is in almost every Star Wars movie and talked about constantly. But, if someone's like, what color is

Mace Windu's lightsaber? You're like, purple. Well, purple's Nicole's favorite color. It is. Yeah. But it is just like, that's part of the fun of this is that you find what you like. I actually think that's one of the best parts of Last Jedi, which I think is one of the smartest Star Wars films in terms of truly understanding what Star Wars is about thematically. And I think at the end of that movie where Rose says this is about saving what you love,

not fighting what you hate, that it really is also a, and the end of that movie where you see the kids basically playing with Star Wars toys. It's thematically understanding what the value of Star Wars is to a person, particularly as you grow from a child to an adult. Or you guys are still in the child phase of experiencing Star Wars, even though you've experienced it as adults, where it's like new and fresh to you.

But I think the most important thing about Star Wars is like find what you like in it and hold onto that and try to find some humor in the things you don't like because there's no sense in getting upset about it. There's plenty of Star Wars. And if you don't like any of it, good news. There's the rest of human culture. You know, you don't have to. Nobody says you have to like Star Wars. I remember talking to someone. I think it was like Star Wars. I remember talking to someone.

I think it was Kevin Hines. I was talking to Kevin Hines after Force Awakens came out. And we were in the dressing room at the UCB Theater in Chelsea. And he was sort of saying like, yeah, I liked it, but I feel bad because I feel like I'm supposed to like it more. And I was like, Kevin, we are men in our 40s. It's OK. men in our 40s it's it's okay you don't need to feel guilty because you don't like the thing you liked when you were five as much as you liked it then yeah like you can grow up and move past these things and still like revere them and be happy yeah and you can still like some people are like

i liked them when i was a kid and i don't have any time for them now and then you just hold on to that fond warm little memory of it and some people like me I'm excited when when you guys watch the Mandalorian I'll tell you this I think the second episode of the Mandalorian without spoiling anything at all I reached a point where I was watching that episode where I realized I felt more like I did as a little kid watching Star Wars than I had felt in a long time, even having enjoyed all the Disney movies. It just felt like it took me to a place where they were telling the kind of weird story that I used to make up when I was six. Like, it's a funny, unpredictable, sort of, in some ways, goofy, crazy episode. And I'm like, this is what I used to do

with, like, the C-level characters. I would have them go through a thing like this. Well, I'm excited to watch The Mandalorian because we're going to watch The Mandalorian, The Clone Wars, The Ewok Movies, and then, hopefully, Disneyland. The Ewok movies, and then hopefully Disneyland. The Ewok movies, I think, are a special treat for you guys, hopefully, because here's the good news. Each of them is about 90 minutes long.

Okay. So it's like, that's been your consistent cry. That's been your consistent cry through these, even with the ones you where you're like i wish this was 90 minutes and every time i heard you say that i thought you got ewok movies coming up that are just ewoks wall-to-wall ewoks it's all practical because they're so low budget that's what i like i have a dvd of them that came with a sticker that said these are the star wars movies they don't want you to see oh my god and's funny. They're the only ones that you can't really see widely now. They were on Amazon Prime a few months ago. I don't know when they'll ever show up on Disney Plus.

But they're just goofy. One of them has the same narrator who narrates Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special. It's Burl Ives. The guy who sings like, the guy the snowman from Rudolph who's like, let me tell you a story about Rudolph. He's the The guy who sings like, the guy, the snowman from Rudolph, who's like, let me tell you a story about Rudolph.

He's, he's the same guy who's like, here's a story about the Ewoks. And then Wilford Brimley is in the second one. I'm really excited for those. I'm excited for it too. Wait, how many Ewok movies are there?

Yeah, wait, that's a good question. Two. Two. So it's also like, they quit while they're ahead. They don't even make you watch a trilogy of them. It's just like, we made two and now we're done.

And then how many episodes are in The Mandalorian? I think there's like eight, but I think that's going to go for a long time. I think that's so popular that that'll be the way that Star Wars exists for a while. Also, is there a Mandalorian? Because I was pretty disappointed in Rogue One that there was no actual Rogue One.

I love when you ask that. Who is the Rogue One? I was devastated to find out that it was no actual Rogue One. I love when you ask that. Who is the Rogue One? I was devastated to find out that it was just the ship. Yeah. I mean, she's the Rogue One, I think. I think Jyn is...

Oh, is that her name? I always forget the names too. Well, I was calling her Jyn, but then I think it's Jyn? Yeah. Now i'm doubting it because i've heard you doubt it i'm like wait what is her name i don't know i so bad with names i it's really hard everyone has an insane name or their names are like wong wong babaloo do yeah or like george yeah and it's very confusing and do you know that jabba the Hutt has a son no who's that and do you know what his name is his name is Stinky stop that is like that is like the the Wookiee the Life Day movie with like

everyone being like chubby and scratchy and itchy and lumpy or whatever yeah so fun I I'm with you guys I actually you know what I actually think? I know this is an illegal idea, but I know that there are people who have pitched making another holiday special, and I don't know that any corporation would approve the right kind of holiday special. I almost feel like a bunch of comedians should just go underground

and make a Star Wars holiday special. I would love it. Oh my God, I would love that. That'd be so fun. It's very peewee-esque. Like it has a lot of like weird elements that I just think are funny and great. I think we should just do it

because I think it should be crazy and weird and unexpected. And I think the beautiful thing about the holiday special is it's the second thing to come out. And what it tells you is like, don't be precious with this stuff. It's all nonsense. Sometimes it's great. I think there are moments in Star Wars that I find emotionally powerful.

Yeah. And there are lessons that are learned that that and there are characters we care about and stories that are compelling. And I think sometimes it's garbage. It makes no sense and those parts are also great because one thing you can say about the Star Wars prequels is they're not lacking in ambition the Attack of the Clones was shot using the best possible technology at the time and it was the most ambitious effects movie that had ever been made and you know what i found out recently apparently it was shot in like like you know how like your tv is like uh

one zero eight zero p or whatever it's like that's the setting that that movie was shot at so you could there were telephones that you could make a higher resolution movie on now than than that movie was made on because they were just pushing it to the max. And so, like, George Lucas may have, like, he may have, like, flopped a bunch of times. But it was always because he was trying something weird and cool. Yeah. I mean, I maintain Jar Jar is the most interesting character in the universe of Star Wars. I like Babu Frick.

Ugh. most interesting character in the universe of Star Wars? I like Babu Frick. Ugh. I like Babu Frick. Here was the problem that I have with the prequels, if I think back on it, is that to me,

what was great about the first three Star Wars movies is that you have to have a character who doesn't want to be in a Star Wars adventure. And that guy's got to make jokes through the whole movie. That's basically Han Solo. He spends the first three movies going like, this is nonsense. I don't want to do this. I got to get out of here. And he kind of takes the air out of it.

He sort of like undercuts everything and makes jokes. He makes fun of everybody. And you needed a character. Like, I always think that what the Phantom Menace was lacking. I think if I went back to the late 90s and someone was like, you can do one thing to change the Phantom Menace. I would say put Vince Vaughn in it as a guy who doesn't want to be in charge of anything. And I want to see Vince Vaughn interact with Jar Jar. I want to see him say of anything and yeah i want to see vince vaughn interact with jar jar i want to see him say stuff like jar jar shut up you need to stop talking jar jar please

i think you're right because like not that jar jar was chewbacca but like kind of or could have been like chewbacca and yeah i think that's that is what it was missing he just needed a he needed a straight man Jar Jar was this was this unusual character and all the people around him were kind of these stiffs who were just like Jar Jar stop talking that's like come on like play like return the serve like Jar Jar just stepped in some shit and he's talking about how bad it smells here. And he's like, we are. He's so over the top, yeah. You need a character who can hold his own against Jar Jar. And I wish, I think the worst thing in the prequels is that they backed off of Jar Jar. Because here's a fun little piece of trivia that when George Lucas wrote the script for Attack of the Clones, the first draft that he gave to

people to read, he called it Jar Jar's Big Adventure. Which is really funny because it shows an awareness and it's like, I know what people didn't like. That's so funny. It's really funny. I wish he had leaned into it and made Jar Jar a bigger part of it and figured it out instead of backing off from Jar Jar. I agree. Me too.

I want them to make another Jar Jar thing. I think that is the true challenge for both Disney and any artist who really wants to bring their A-game to Star Wars in this coming decade. Somebody, the person who cracks how to make a Jar Jar thing, and it should be with Ahmed Best because he is Jar Jar and he's the one who put in the time. So I'm not, I wouldn't be down to recast him with anybody. I want the voice to say the same and I want the character to say the same. But I think that if someone said, you get to make a Star Wars thing, I would be like, I want to do a Jar Jar movie and we're going to make it great. We're going to make people go back and watch Phantom Menace and be like, I like Jar Jar now.

Well, hopefully it happens in 2021. Connor, I think we've come to the end. Is there anything you'd like to promote? Well, the only project that I have that seemingly can continue in this new world that we're in is my podcast, Dead Eyes. You can find out about that. It's about me getting fired by Tom Hanks from Band of Brothers. It's so funny. And we're continuing with that on HeadGum. And actually, right now as we record this, I am getting ready to go to sleep for a few hours because I'm going to be doing a Star Wars Day George Lucas talk show watch-along, which will be at planetscum.live, which is the Chris Gethard Presents Twitch stream.

And Griffin Newman, who plays Watto in my George Lucas talk show, he and I are going to watch all 14 Star Wars movies in chronological story order, which means we start with the prequels and then we watch Rogue One, Solo, A New Hope, the Holiday Special, Empire Strikes Back, and then the two Ewok movies, which take place before Empire Strikes Back, and then the two Ewok movies,

which take place before Return of the Jedi, and then the Disney movies. And it's going to take 30 plus hours. Oh boy. This sounds so deadly. We're going to stay in character the whole time. Oh boy. I'm really excited for you.

I wish you well. And Connor also- And it'll be archived, so you can, yeah. Oh no, I was going to say, you provided us with a clip of nicole's appearance on your george lucas talk show from 2015 where uh connor quizzes nicole on star wars so we're gonna put that at the end of the episode for your listening pleasure and did you have something else you wanted to say about your live stream yeah just that it'll be

archived unless it's a complete disaster and and then we'll and then we'll bury it like the holiday special but we'll get our little fingies on it i really love the holiday special yeah i do it's so good i honestly watched clips of it with friends recently and by friends i mean the two people who live in my fucking house because i haven't seen anybody yeah i actually feel like it'd be really cute to celebrate life day like as a fun holiday it seems like really um like a fun little tradition I like that and I want to I want to because I know you guys were really disturbed by Harvey Korman in the in the holiday special which one's that he's the one who played the robot the droid chef that was wild yeah then he was also the guy who was like

putting together that like malfunctioning equipment yeah I really think the next time you revisit those because I get the feeling this is going to be the one Star Wars thing that you guys keep returning to rewatch. I think when you watch those things, it sort of anticipates like Adult Swim. Oh, yeah. It's just a little clip. It's it's a little bit Tim and Eric, you know? Yeah. It's very ahead of its time. I have a question, Connor. Maybe you know the answer to this. Yeah. Diane Carroll, when she is singing to, I think to the grandpa, is this like his type of porn? Is he like jerking it in the living room? I don't think there's any other interpretation that makes sense. That's so sick. it in the living room i don't think there's any other interpretation that makes sense like i don't think i i don't think he's watching it because he likes like song and dance i don't think he's like i love this song i think he's like i remember when i was young

before my wife died yeah it's really weird that was honestly so disturbing. That's the part I showed to people. Yeah. That one's, it's fascinating that they did that, that someone's in that costume, like imagining the horniness and all. Yeah. Oh, Lord.

It's brazenly sexual for a Star Wars thing. I can only imagine that that sequence must have horrified George Lucas when he saw it. Yeah. That it's like Chewbacca's grandfather is horny. can only imagine that that sequence must have horrified george lucas when he saw it yeah that it's like chewbacca's grandfather is horny yeah that's a nightmare he's made one movie and he let one thing happen it's like yeah we got chewbacca's dirty grandpa is here it's brilliant yeah um okay now this is our segment we call the five star the five star wars segment i wanted to put the emphasis on the right word where we read five star reviews that you have given us nicole

would you like to read this one you want me to take it okay this is the podcast you're looking for this is from nascar geek on apple podcasts i consider myself to be in the upper echelon of ultimate star wars nerds i was just moved to a temporary essential position assembling covet 19 test kits and i discovered this podcast as an escape from depressing work i am absolutely addicted to lauren and nicole's childlike wonder of the movies their huff takes and all the obscure and odysseys of the universe are totally are accurate and 100% certifiably hysterical it has been wonderful to listen to you build from hating everything about star wars to slowly appreciating the lore and finding excitement in each chapter thank you for all the laughs oh that was so nice that was nice uh go leave us a review especially if you like this

give it five stars and tell us a little bit about ya that was kind of fun how personal that was that was very nice also you listened to the podcast

so thank you very much for assembling those test kits yes that's truly very important and Nicole mentioned this

but we have four episodes left so we're gonna cover the Ewok movies the Mandalorianorian series, the Clone Wars. And then we're going to hopefully go to Disneyland someday if we're ever allowed to. So that will be the last episode if it ever is possible again. And Nicole, do you have anything you want to plug before we go? Yes.

My other podcast, Best Friends. Why won't you date me? Drag her. other podcasts best friends why won't you date me uh drag her and then um 90 day bay where i'm recapping 90 day fiance with marcy jarrow that's on patreon and i have a book coming out june 2nd called hashtag very fat very brave the fat girl's guide to being brave and not a melancholy down in the dumps weeping fat girl in a bikini i'm so excited about your book it looks so amazing I will send you one oh my god yes oh I'm so excited I would like to plug

my movie coming to Netflix on May 13th called The Wrong Missy it stars me and David Spade check it out please give it a watch let it play the whole way through just do that and it helps everyone so you know every stream counts even if your eyeballs are

not on it exactly um and you really if you really like it then you should have it just play every day when you're doing other things you can leave and let it play and um you can follow my patreon patreon.com slash lauren lapkus i'm doing improv i'm also doing a lot of watch alongs to both star wars movies and uh reality tv so there's something for everyone mixed in there and uh you can sync it up with the tv and feel like you have friends over during this stay at home order that we're all living under and uh you can also follow my other podcast freedom and you know oprah listed it on on her list along with nicole's other podcast so you know you you know it's good and Oprah listens to them every day so that's a great thing uh and that's all I want to plug so thanks and we're very excited to kind of start wrapping this up it's been a amazing journey there's still we still have a lot to watch here so I'm not feeling this is near the end no I'm a little

I'm a little sad that you guys are like you you can see the end in sight, you know? I mean, when we first started A New Hope, we said it on the podcast. I was like, should I tell Lauren this is an awful idea and we did bad? I thought the same thing. Now, super deep into it, it felt like I was like, oh, I'm going to be watching these movies

for the rest of my life. And now it's like, oh, I guess it will end soon. I know, it's so crazy. We really did look at each other and confess that we both wanted to quit after watching the first movie but i'm glad we stuck with it and i feel like we've we clearly have learned a lot we aced that trivia quiz so i mean i'm i'm i'm enjoying this and i and i feel like it is coming into play like in ways that i don't expect in my life or I'm referencing Star Wars in improv scenes or in conversation I'm like I'm shocked but it's been interesting well thank you so much

Connor this was an amazing episode it's been such a pleasure to listen along to your journey and to hear the way you process it has it been in its own way as fun as re-watching the movies because your reactions are so personal to you you know well thank you for listening yes thank you so much all right that's it may the force be with you oh yes that's how we should end it may the force be with you With you. Tell me what you think Star Wars is about, roughly. That's a fun game, right? So the first one, so episode four was the first one. It's called, what's it called? What's it called?

No, I want to know what it's called... What's it called? What's it called? No, I wanna know what it's called. Tell me if you hate this and we'll talk about anything else. No, it's fine. It's, uh... Well, I know one is like Revenge of the Sith, so maybe it's like The Sith is Comin'. Star Wars, Episode 4, The Sith is Comin'. If I could do it, especially if I had the right to do it, I'd change on to that. The Sith is coming.

Well, yeah, because otherwise the revenge of him, or maybe the Sith, is going to fuck shit up. And MPAA won't allow you to use that title. So you just want to know what I think the title is. That's it. That's fun. So wait, Revenge of the Sith is... That's the third one. That's episode three.

Oh, shit. The sixth movie, but the third story. Okay, so I think the first one is called Get Ready. First one's called The Phantom Menace, so it's kind of almost like a parenthetical. Get ready for The Phantom Menace. And then the second one is, he came, that Phantom Menace. The Phantom Menace is gone at that point. I didn't explain what The Phantom Menace was.

No. Look for it. It's a funny string. The second one's called Attack of the... The Drones! Clones. So great! So clones! That's so great.

Uh, no. Wait, Nicole, I have a question. So, the first one, the four through six, there's a major twist. Do you know what this twist is? Spoiler alert. You should know. Is this where the bunhead lady's fucking her brother?

Is that part of it? It is part related to it. Or is that when the black man gave birth to white people and they're all okay with it? I think that's right. So wait, and the very first one is Luke, I am your father? No, that's the second movie, but the fifth story.

Jesus, why did you do this? That was a HeadGum Podcast.