Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - The Lord of the Rings Fanfiction (w/ Preeti Chhibber)

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

Having just finished their first watch through of the acclaimed Peter Jackson trilogy, Lauren and Nicole are joined this week by author, speaker and writer, Preeti Chhibber, to spend some time exploring the world of The Lord of the Rings fanfiction.The trio navigate stories of varying excitement and severity, discovering their limits in both directions, from too tame to WAY too much. And, of course, they've written a few stories of their own. It's time to make things weird all over again with this new franchise! You knew this was coming...Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what LOTR media you'd like the series to cover.Sources for this episode:Orlando Bloom interviewPreeti's article on (and picture of) Sidharth Malhotra, Indian ElfFan Fics:The Steward's SonsA Little CareMy Birthday PresentAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Oh boy, it's a new episode of Newcomers! Oh my god, we're... Help me! We're doing Lord of the Rings, and I gotta say, maybe I don't care about it because I literally didn't know anything about it. And then there's so much to learn. I feel like I'm in school again. Honestly, it's so much. We are we're doing our best. You know, at this point, we've watched three of the movies. The the thing I think for both of us

is knowing that there's so much ahead at this point. You know, we did 20 episodes on Star Wars and when we got to the end it was like, oh my God,

we don't have to keep watching Star Wars. But like, we're on episode four here. So like, we have a while to go. And I mean, we're taking a break

from the movies today because we have to do a little bit of fan fiction. It was really popular in our Star Wars episodes. We write it masterfully. It feels like a gift that we have to give. Yes, and we should warn listeners that it might be explicit.

It might not be. I don't know. Mine, you'll see. Yeah, so if you've never heard of fan fiction this is what the genre is is stories written by fans featuring characters from a particular series so as i mentioned we did it on the star wars uh season and you can listen to those first if you want context those are really horny very very very horny i do sort of feel like since lord of the rings is like a lot newer to me than star wars i have less like automatic like writing ability with it where i'm like i have to like think and be like who would do what yeah it was harder to make connections yeah with star wars

you're like c-3po bends r2d2 over and they fuck like it's like really simple yeah clear so simple it's so clear you know you know what's supposed to happen it writes itself you know yes you know r2 is at the perfect height to suck off the gold basically anyone we're already embarrassing our guest. Yes. Well, our guest today is an author, speaker, freelance writer who has written for SyFy, Book Riot, The Nerds of Color, and more. And you can also find her co-hosting the podcast Desi Geek Girls and Strong Female Characters. And as a Star Wars author, she guided us through the Clone Wars

on the last season of Newcomers which was no small feat honestly so joining us again to get in some Lord of the Rings fan fiction is Preeti Chhabur hi thank you so much for doing this honestly surprised that you came back we were

so mean about Clone Wars and you were like I cried at parts and we were like how because you wanted to end You were so mean about Clone Wars and you were like, I cried at parts. And we were like, how? Because you wanted to end? Oh, I love it. I just love to laugh. And so I decided, why not? No, it's great.

And you're a fan of Lord of the Rings. I am. Right? So how did that start for you? Elijah Wood was my big crush when I was a kid. Like he was the first boy I ever had a crush on in like Huckleberry Finn. Oh, okay. Yeah.

In like 1990 something. Who else was in Huckleberry Finn? Was that Jonathan Taylor Thomas? No, that's Huck and Finn featuring Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Brad Renfro that was a hot movie if memory serves you know what I was 11 I was super into it

so have you do you watch the we hear there's director's cuts which are even longer oh the extended editions I'm sorry the Oh, the extended editions. Oh, I'm sorry. The extended editions. The extended editions. Are you a purist? Do you like those?

Do you prefer those over the theatrical releases? I prefer the extended of Fellowship, for sure. And the extended of Two Towers, but not necessarily Return of the King. Interesting. People don't seem to like return of the king and that was my favorite one yeah we liked that one if i'm not confused it's still great i just love fellowship so much so when you what you like about like uh about the extended version is like if it's a story you like you're like i just want more of it and since you don't care

about the return of the king as much like I don't really need more of it. Is that kind of the vibe? I think Return of the King was already so long. It's been a long time since I've watched the extended of Return of the King. I watched the extended of Two Towers and Fellowship like a couple months ago, although could have been six months ago at this point. I'm not entirely sure. But yeah, I think Return return of the king from what i can remember was just it didn't need to be longer and you you aragorn's aragorn's so like clean in that one and he's so much like dirtier and down to earth than two towers and fellowship i just looked up how long the extended cut of return of the king is and it it's 4.2 hours. So what is that?

Wait, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be illegal. You can't release a movie that's four hours long. It's 252 minutes. That's insane. Who does that? Okay, but here's the thing.

Bollywood. I grew up in the tradition of Bollywood where every movie was like four and a half hours long when I was a kid. Oh, wow. Coming into like Lord of the Rings, I'm like, this is so easy. That's hilarious. That's wild. I didn't know those movies were really long.

Me either. Yeah, the ones, they've gotten shorter, I think, nowadays. But like peak 80s and 90s Bollywood, super long movies. Wow. You got to get every genre in there. I've only watcheds Bollywood. Super long movies. Wow. You got to get every genre in there. I've only watched one Bollywood movie. It was on a plane and it was about like a stuntman and it was very funny. I could be describing anything, but I really liked it.

I'm like, what? Which one could that be? I gave you literally zero information. It's about a man. There's some romance, maybe? Some comedy, some drama. There was romance. There was a lady.

Dang, I really wish I could remember it. You know, I shouldn't have brought it up, but here we are. Should we do the Shire Wire? Yes, let's do that. So this is the Shire Wire. Production began on Amazon's Lord of the Rings TV show earlier this year, but was suspended back in March due to COVID.

After speaking with a producer on the subject, Orlando Bloom has recently confirmed. Oh, is he in it? It will not be a remake. So it's not a remake. It's actually not based on Fellowship or any of that. So I think it could be really, really interesting from that perspective. I remember being on set with Peter Jackson and him saying, can you imagine one day when they remake when when they do a remake of this movie? And I was like, oh, it looks flabbergasted. And then of course, here we are 20 years later, but it's not a remake. Wow. That actually is

crazy to think about making something and then going, someday they'll probably do a remake of this. And then you're actually alive long enough to get to the point where that makes sense. I mean, that's kind of crazy. Yeah. But also how full of yourself are you that you're like, this is going to be so good that they're going to have to remake this. I've never once thought that I've like made things. I've been like, I hope a single person watches it. It's standard. Like if anyone looks at this,'ll be happy yeah just real happy yeah imagine just like writing a book and being like when they make the eventual movie of this yeah i couldn't even fathom being like ah yes more ip will be made on this singular subject

that i created i mean that was probably tolkien right tolkien was sitting there writing like i can't wait till they make a movie out of this. Well, he did so much. I didn't realize. So I had to do a little bit of research for my fan fiction. I didn't know there was two Elfish languages. Two. So much.

Yeah. And they're full languages. Yes. And there is a website where you can translate into Elfish. What? It's crazy. It's like Google Translate? Yes, for Elfish.

Because it's like a real thing, right? He like made like the whole real language. Yeah, it's nuts. Oh my God, what if we tried to write fan fiction in Elfish? Well, the pronunciation is so hard. It would sound horrible. Truly. So speaking of this Amazon series, P preethi a few weeks ago you tweeted

put siddharth mahotra in the amazon lord of the rings show 2k21 and followed that up in an article you wrote stating i've been mad for five years that we didn't get a single elf that looked like this in lord of the rings and i'll be mad forever now there's a picture attached and it's of a man who is fully in like an elf i I mean, what's the background here? I guess I don't know anything about this. So Siddhartha Malhotra is a Bollywood star. I like how thematically this episode is becoming. It's great.

So authentic. So Siddhartha Malhotra is a Bollywood star and he was the, he became like the New Zealand tourism something or the other in India. And so they brought him the New Zealand tourism something or the other in India. And so they brought him to New Zealand and he did a photo shoot dressed up as an elf from Lord of the Rings. And he looks real good. Yeah. And it just, you know, that's the biggest issue.

I think the biggest easy issue to have with Lord of the Rings is to watch it and be like, there is some severe color coding happening in these movies. Yeah, it's kind of wild. Wait, is there like a Bollywood version of like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings? Um, not exactly. We've got some sci-fi stuff, but it's not the best. At least I haven't seen anything that i've been like oh man this is so good and totally up to par with the sci-fi stuff that's coming out you know over here no there's krish i think i want to say there are like multiple krish movies which priyanka

chopra's in the first one oh i like, there's a tie connecting. But no, we don't have like a Star Wars or like a Lord of the Rings, unfortunately. I wish we did. Me too. Do you feel like Siddharth or Legolas is hotter as an elf? Siddharth. Yeah, I agree. I'm not attracted to Legolas.

I don't like him with that look. I don't like it either. I think he looks too much like a piece of paper. You know, just like white on white. Just a lot of white. It's like kind of flat too. I agree.

He's no Gandalf the White. That's for sure. Oh my God. Are you horny for Gandalf the White? No, I'm not. I'm not. white because i am i'm not i'm not i'm not i am i love gandalf the white oh man i'm really regretting something already about my fan fiction that i didn't explore me too i should have written about candle yeah you could have that like keratin treatment going on?

So have you ever written fan fiction before for anything? Oh, yeah. I grew up on it. I like cut my teeth on fanfic. And thank God GeoCities is defunct. And unfuncted. Like bless whoever deleted GeoCities off the internet. Yeah. Wait, what's GeoCities?

It's like an old blogging site. You can make your own website, right? Yeah, you can build your own sites through GeoCities. And I think there's like an entire generation of women who learned how to code to create fandom site. Like I had a Batsy Boys website. Amazing. This is, I guess I like found the internet late or like couldn't figure out the internet so i was like i'll never learn i don't know anything about coding people will mention

websites and i'm like i don't never heard of it one time it's because you were a cool child yeah i think you weren't wasting your life like the rest of us i was like on aol i fully like i had created a website at one point, but I don't know how I did it. It probably was GeoCities or something because I don't know how I made it. But I made a website that was like a blog, but it was a unique website.

It wasn't through like a blogging thing. And I loved it so much. And I kept it for like six years, I think. But I think, I mean, yeah, it's completely deleted. I don't even know what I could search to try to piece it together because I never put any like real information on it so I'm sure it's gone and I pray that it's gone because it was horrible someone will find it now that you're putting this information out into the internet they're like oh we'll whip that up for

you Lauren your website maybe it's changed now but this is like maybe three or four years ago I like reached out and I was like well how much did you pay for this website who did it you're like i did it and i was like what and you're like you can do it too i still did it yeah i i update it regularly because i'll go on it and be like oh it says like i'm currently doing something i did like two years ago or whatever so i like i try to keep it updated but i I really enjoy that activity. I like going in and editing it and messing with it and then having the result. I found it so hard and people regularly email me and go, this website is so hard to navigate and read. Now I want to see yours.

I know, me too. It's bad. I did a bad job. Preeti, I feel like you have a good one. I feel like I went to your website at one point when we were having you on. Oh, that's because my sister's a designer and she did it for me. Oh, yeah. Yours is really good.

That's nice. And then every time I need to do anything, I'm like, Hiro, how do I do this? Yeah, that's an amazing. Oh, my God. Yeah, yours is really good. And you have like pre-order links for each book. It's very clear.

Wow. I love it. It's great. It was my love it. It's great. Please make it was my Christmas present. That's great. Like I need this, but I don't know how to do it. So did you ever write fan fiction for the Backstreet Boys? I did.

Really? It's like so my face is so red. It's so embarrassing because it was I like can kind of remember it. It was very self insert, like where you're like, yes, he met a girl named something. That's clearly you. Right. Oh, God. So embarrassing.

I love that. You can't find it, though. Wait, which Backstreet Boy is your favorite? When I was younger, it was Nick. OK, now he was. Okay, now. Because he was the youngest. Now, I feel like Howie has really gotten up to the leader of the pack. Right?

I think Howie's underrated. He's a solid man. He sings well. And he seems the most stable. I liked, I think his name's Kevin. Kevin, the oldest one? I loved, yes, I liked Kevin. With that black hair?

I feel like the name Howie doesn't really work for like a backstreet boy. Like maybe that's half of the problem for a 14-year-old. You're like, Howie? You're like, I find it hard to be attracted to Howie. It is a tough name. It's like a specific name. Oh, Howie. It feels really like 50s or something. It's going to be attracted to Howie. It is a tough name. It's like a specific name.

Oh, Howie. It feels really like 50s or something. It's going to be in like Death of a Salesman or something. So wait, Preeti, did you mention that she believes that this trilogy is a romance at the end of the day? Yes. Specifically about

Sam and Frodo. Can you speak on that? Well, because if you read, so when I was rewatching the movies, it's just such a, the two of them, it's just they have such a deep connection. And Sam is so devoted to him and Frodo is so devoted to Sam. It's such like a beautiful relationship

that they build throughout the entire thing. And then at the end, you know, they're like, oh, yeah. And Rosie. Who's Rosie? Sam's wife. Oh, she has a name. We were like, uh-huh. Pretty sure.

I don't I truly was like, I don't know. This lady came and I didn't think she had a name. I was just calling her that big woman because she's like kind of bigger than the rest of the Hobbits. She's dirty. In my fan fiction, I really wish that I had played more with size because that's been the thing that I've been so obsessed with throughout

watching these movies is how like the proportions and the sort of perspective is really fascinating to me and like how they shot it and that like Gandalf, the character is five, six, but the actor is five, 11. And I find that really interesting. Also, the levels change or the heights change. The hobbits in the first movie are bigger and they get smaller as time goes on.

Like by the third movie, I was like, they're thimbles. I don't remember. They're so tiny. They do. But Nicole, wait, did we talk about this on the show or did someone send this to us on Twitter?

Someone showed us like a picture of all the stand-ins they had. Someone sent it on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. So that was really interesting to see. Like they had for Frodo, like multiple people of various heights who are playing the, his character,

depending on who he was next to. And I thought that was really interesting, like that they would do it that way. I thought that was cool. I mean, logistically making this movie seems like a true nightmare, truly just the hardest thing. How wild you have to keep track of three different Frodo's and like four different Gandalf's.

You're like, I need medium Gandalf. No, no, tall Gandalf. I need medium Gandalf. It's too much. I will lose my mind. Did Peter Jackson, has he made more movies? That's a bad question. He probably has. Is he like

a legend? And I just don't know. I'm going to go to his IMDB because we just need facts. Well, he started as like a horror director, which is why you see some of the pieces of Lord of the Rings are quite scary. And so he brought some of that to it. But I just like the idea they had 8,000 people in this movie and like no brown or black people. I know. Well, that's insane do you

think that the new one will be more diverse i'm like praying that it is it'd be insane if it wasn't yeah i think it would be rude you know at that point it's like you're making a statement downright offensive yes i mean they haven't i don't know that they've released any there's amazon is also doing a series called the wheel of time which i'm very excited about it's like american fantasy like this massive series that was like 15 books or something and every casting announcement is better than the one before it like daniel henney's in it like it's it's awesome but i don't think the lord of the rings show has done any casting announcements i could be wrong but i don't know that they've

been like and this is who this is right well i'm looking at peter jackson's imdb and his main stuff is lord of the rings and the hobbit which we haven't gotten to yet and he also wrote the lovely bones do you remember that movie oh yeah Is that about a man whose wife dies? No, it's about it's based on a book. And it's about it's about it's about a girl who's like taken by this creepy guy and like killed. Oh, no. If I'm remembering correctly. That sounds correct.

Oh, he directed that. He didn't write that. This one's two hours and 15 minutes. This man loves a long movie. He worked on the script as well. Apparently he's got a credit on there. Well, OK, so I guess. Yeah. So his whole deal is Lord of the Rings.

So it's kind of. But I mean, that'll take him enough time in your life, honestly, to keep you busy. I mean, 20 years. I would assume like pre-production production because they shot it for like a year and then post-production this man probably spent five years on these movies yeah it's interesting to like take a break and do the lovely bones and then be like all right back to the hobbit shire he's like i need i need a palate cleanser he's like let's do something where a little girl gets killed and then back to the men movies oh boy should we get into some fan

fiction all right um shall we read a one from a stranger first just to kind of set the scene a little bit okay now do we want to force pre-theater read us uh some fan fiction written by a stranger or you'd rather we do it would you mind I don't mind I think I picked the I do think I picked the safest one based on the summary that's great okay I will admit to getting the first page of the google doc and being like nope I think it's good to start out with something really tame so that what we do is not because, you know, actually, sometimes like we think we're disgusting and then we'll read one from like a stranger.

We're like, yeah, this is actually sick and be like, this is horrific. Yeah, like it's like terrifying. And there's something to about it being faceless. Like, you know, if we're writing it, we know we're kind of being silly. But like then it's just somebody in the world. And we're like, I think they really want this to happen. And it's just like, so there's reading M.

I assume that's mature. There's reading T for what? Terrorize. Oh, team. Yeah. Rated K plus. What is that?

I don't know. I read it as like general. Like it's like not to, cause then they're at the other end, there's E for explicit. Oh. Which I don't tend to go down that road because it gets a little,

it's a little bit a lot. Yeah. All right. Well, do you have it in front of you or do you want to? I do. Okay, great. Okay, so.

The Steward's Sons by, oh, this this is gonna be fun by musical tb2 it's rated t and the description is uh family slash fantasy styles fic with boromir faramir and denethor i hate denethor wait who's denethor which one is their dad played by john noble Which one is that? Their dad, played by John Noble. Oh, yes, yes. He's the one who is engulfed in flames and jumps. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is the part where Pippin sings in the extended edition or in the original one?

Oh, no, they put it in the theatrical. I love it! They paused for a music video in the middle of a movie. I love it so much! And for some reason, by the next day, I forgot that I saw that. I don't know what to tell you. I actually didn't realize Denethor

was played by John Noble until like a year ago. I've seen these movies eight million times. But there's a scene, John Noble is also on a show called Legends of Tomorrow, and there's a scene where they have to also on a show called Legends of Tomorrow. And there is a scene where they have to go visit him as Denethor on the set of Lord of the Rings. And I was like, what?

You watch so much stuff that I don't know. Legends of Tomorrow, what is that? It's a DC show about time traveling superheroes. Okay. We're happy for you. Yes. Yes, yes for you. Yes. I don't sleep a lot and I'm inside all the time.

I'm inside all the time. Don't get us wrong. We watch TV all the time too. It's just we have, it's all reality shows. We're watching 90 Day Fiance. I remember. Which honestly I would watch the director's cut of 90 Day Fiance. They release it. They go extended edition. They go 90 Day Fiance. They release it. They go, they go extended edition.

They go more to love. They go, I mean, they have, they will release it. You're right. Cause sometimes you'll get like a little snippet, but then they'll put it in like a season. You get a little bit more. Then you're like, wait, what? They have first look. They have more to love.

They have extended. They have pillow talk. And that's just about one episode. You're right. So like you could watch the episode or you could watch all of those versions. I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere for yourself and for me i only watch the the raw cut the original what they want i don't watch the extended i don't watch pillow talk anymore i can't i don't watch pillow talk that's where i drew the line i was like i cannot watch cast members watch the show and talk about the show. I was like, I do that on a podcast. Why would I ever watch a podcast?

But for a long time, that was doing something for me. But then I think there's something weird about the pandemic where like, I, I know I have time to watch more things, but then it kind of makes me not want to watch something like that. Like I'm like, okay,

wait, let's dig into like this new series that I want to see or whatever. Yeah. So, and by that i mean i'm re-watching entourage okay jeremy piven i was once on a plane with him he was the rudest person i have ever seen on a plane i'm not surprised he was wearing headphones and the flight attendant tapped him on the shoulder because he wouldn't make eye contact with her

to ask him if he wanted something to drink and he said to her don't speak to me. And I was like, Nicole? I was shook. I have confessed this in various platforms but I that's my crush.

And so it's kind of confusing. I would never have thought that. I can't explain it. We're both from the same hometown. There's that. There's a lot of connection there. All right. But I think he's an amazing actor.

So, and I'm just like, I just love watching him. So anyways, but I'm really sad to hear that he was rude once. Lauren, this is now my favorite fact about you. I'm almost in tears. I can't pull with you. I just love that his entourage led us here. I know. And I just started following him on Instagram.

And I was like, why have I not been doing this before? And then it's hard because when you, you know, when you like, it's not the same as meeting your heroes. But when you like start to follow someone you like, it's almost like you get too much information. Like I'm like, oh, I don't want to know what your dog looks like. I like you just being in the show. And then, you know, so we'll see if I keep doing that. But I was hoping he would notice and keep doing that but i was hoping he would notice and follow me back i was hoping i like that you said it as a joke but like there's truth in

comedy i'm not kidding i am not kidding i was like maybe he'll notice and then i was like oh he follows some other people i know he's like he does stand up now he does do stand up and i can tell you some more rude stories about him well hey i'd love to hear them um later because i don't want to defame the man but i um i know someone who opens for him and i was like i gotta go see this and it but it was in san diego and i was like too far yeah yeah it's too far it's like there's a crush like there's a crush, but there's a limit. I love that two hours is the limit. You were like, that'd have been an hour 45. Maybe.

We got to get into this fanfic. Okay, sorry. Well, maybe we should take a break first, and then we'll come back and we'll read all our stories. Okay, we'll be right back. If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and online privacy. A VPN creates an encrypted tunnel for your data,

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We're back. And it's time for some fan fiction. Now, Preeti was about to really entertain us here with this. The Steward's Sons by musical TB2. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Okay2 okay okay i'm realizing i'm gonna have that reader problem where i've only read some of these words in my head and never spoken them out loud here's the thing i have butchered almost every location and character in these movies yes i call l ron l ron hubbard so like whatever you say will be a hundred times better than what I've ever said.

All right, here we go. The Pelennor fields were quiet. The sun was coming over the silent hill when suddenly the ground was disturbed by the loud pounding of horse hooves. Come on, Rosenhain, or we'll never catch that stag. Faramir called to his horse, spurring him forward. The dark stag in front darted left and right. Faramir pulled his bow back and shot. The arrow soared past the stag's head, and then to his disbelief, a captain from the city rode alongside him.

Master Faramir, your father grows impatient. You're supposed to be at your studies, not hunting, especially at this time of day. Captain Mains, you made me lose my stag. All right, I wish my father knew how much I hate studies, Faramir grumbled and turned his horse around. Okay. He reached the stables and dismounted. In the great hall, Boromir was bent over a large book.

He looked up and smirked as Faramir walked in. Father is so angry at you, Faramir. He's always angry at me. Let's face it. Has he ever given me a compliment? Faramir sighed and sat down at the table. Denethor came in and grimaced. Faramir, where have you been? I was hunting, father, out on the fields. I lost track of time. Boromir is the hunter, Faramir. He shouldn't have to be here studying. If he wants to become the next leader of this city, he needs to be the one fighting and taking his own paths. You have much to learn, which is why you must study.

Denethor rested his hand on Boromir's shoulder. Why must you always give me grief, father? I only try to please you always. Faramir looked down at the table. Don't take that tone with me, son. Boromir, leave us. I want a word with your brother. Boromir stood up and looked sorrowfully at his younger brother, then with a sigh, walked out, leaving Faramir sitting silently, waiting for his father's wrath. One day, Faramir, your brother will be the next steward and you will look up to him as a lord. With you off exploring all the time, you're not here for him.

He depends on you more than I. Father, you never depend on me and you never have, even as a child. Faramir, step. You didn't depend on me when I was a child? Yeah, wild. I like that this is just a slice of life Faramir story. You don't even care about me.

A lot of teenage angst. But he's like 30. Oh, that's hilarious. Right. He's like a grown up because this is right before he goes. I want to say, OK, you don't even care about me. If something was to happen to one of us who would you save first what you can't ask that okay you can't ask me questions like that

fair mayor seriously just answer me fair mayor paused it would be boromir wouldn't it you would go to boromir first and leave me in pain fair mayor turned and ran out of the room he headed upstairs to his room and bumped into boromir fair mare what's wrong he asked comfortingly wait is this like an incest story oh god i hope not i don't know no i think it would have to be mature if're not fine it's father isn't it he doesn't have any faith in me at all he even admitted earlier that if something happened to both of us he'd go to your need first uh he didn't say that you said that and then you just kept talking like boromir bit his lip. He doesn't mean it.

I'm sure Faramir. He loves us equally. Well, he's got a very odd way of showing it. Do you want to come for a ride? No, I promise it doesn't turn it. I read ahead. It doesn't. Okay.

It was like, this is all leading up to something. No, we can't handle that. I can only handle that when it's Leia and Luke. Oh, no. We love that. That's fine. I can't. I have to study, don't I?

Come on. You can't get in trouble if I take you out with me. We'll get that stag you went after earlier. Boromir smiled and stood up. All right, but if you get me in trouble, Faramir laughed and followed his brother out. Denethor watched from afar. He loved both his sons equally.

Okay. Boromir was going to be the next leader after himself. Faramir had more to learn before taking his part in sharing the lead. He turned away when went back to the Great Hall. Meanwhile, Boromir and Faramir were chasing down a young doe. Their bows sang as arrows tried to direct themselves into the firm body of the doe. Okay. That's the sexy part.

It's literally the only sexy part in this story. Faramir, at your pace, you'll never catch that doe. Keep up, Boromir laughs, spurring his horse Nianfur forward. Oh, really? Who spends their time chasing deer and dragons while the other studies fairmere winked catching up with his brother touche you think i do french and middle earth you think i don't know how to hunt watch this formir grinned and set nyan fur into a firm gallop until he was dead behind the doe. Then pulling his bow back, shot. The arrow flew straight into the doe's neck. It

buckled and collapsed into the dusty field. Nice shot, Faramir said, skidding alongside and dismounting. Boromir joined him. That's how to do it, little brother. Next time, that'll be my doe. Master Boromir, you're wanted in the Great Hall. Lord Denethor has received important news and he wishes to see you. A young soldier bowed and turned his horse back towards the city. What does he want now? Boromir sighed. You should go. Leave me.

No, come with me. He can see both of us. Boromir smiled and remounted. They galloped back together and rejoined their father. Faramir, would you wait outside? I need to talk to Boromir privately. Please? Faramir nodded and half closed the door

to listen in on the conversation. Word has reached my ear of the one ring of power being found. Lord Elrond of Rivendale has summoned a council and I want you to go along and join it. I don't want to go to Rivendale. My place is here to help you and the city, Boromir grimaced.

Wait, this is in the movie, I think. You will do this for me. The ring cannot stay there. We will have it here and you will get it, Denethor persisted. Faramir took his chance. If there's need to go to Rivendell, send me. Oh, I see a chance for Faramir to regain honor. No, I trust your brother will not fail on this task.

Father, you're doing it again. Boromir shook his head and turned away. He loves you, father, as I do. Give him a chance. I trust you will not fail me, Boromir. You've never failed me before. Now I will say no more about this. Get your horse ready and go tonight. All right, father, but I won't go back on my word. Later that evening, Boromir was looking up at the flag as he adjusted the stirrups. Faramir came to say goodbye. Remember this day,

little brother. I hope father sees you as a son and not a stranger. Good luck, Boromir. I hope we will see each other again soon. Aw, but you won't. So do I, Boromir. Sorry. So do I. Boromir hugged his brother goodbye and mounted his horse. Till then, Boromir nudged the sides of his horse and rode out of Minas Tirith.

I mean, truly, this could have been in the movie. What's the fiction part? Well, I love a good slice of life. I love a good like, and then they ate breakfast together and had a nice time. Like, I don't mind, I don't mind that fanfic for things, so maybe

that's this. Like, this person loves Faramir and Boromir and, weirdly weirdly enough gives credit way more credit to denethor than he's due but like all right i'm glad it wasn't incest well i can tell you that mine won't feel like it's called the deep cave oh no yes oh no not again frodo cried from deep within the dark cave i can't take it anymore sam the gam heard him and knew he had to do something. But what? He had no idea where his friend was,

where this voice was echoing from, but he was determined to find his blue-eyed dreamboat of a friend. As Sam Gam wove his way through the elaborate series of twists and turns within this cave, it became clear to him that this was going to be harder than pinning Gollum in a pile of orc slime. Frodo's cries continued to echo and haunt Samwise Gamwise. Oh God, oh God, it's too

much, Frodo yelped. Sam Yee raced down one hole of the cave and found himself face to knee with his hero and father figure, Gandalf. Get the hell out of here, Samwise. Gandalf shouted angrily. I'm so sorry. I'm lost. I don't know where I am. And wait, what are you doing here? Just as Sam's eyes were adjusting to the darkness, Saruman walked up from behind Gandalf and wrapped his arms around the wizard's waist. He's in the middle of something. Gandalf gave Sam a look that could only mean one thing. Get the fuck out of here. Sam stammered out an apology and took off running back the way he came. Oh, God, don't do that to me.

Frodo screams, continue to bounce off the gate. The stakes were high. Sam needed to find his friend and save him from whatever was trying to kill him. Frodo screamed again. Eee! Sam could tell where his voice was coming from this time. He took off down another pathway and found himself at another dead end.

Frustrated, he turned around to make his way back, but he only got two steps in before he was stopped by Gothmog, the thing with the hideous, chewed up bubblegum face reminiscent of Darth Vader's real face when he took off his mask that one time. Where do you think you're going? He grumbled. To save my friend, Sam squeaked out. Your friend?

Is that all he is to you? Friend, brother. He's everything. Everything? Well, not everything. Okay, so you're not in love with him then what no i'm not in love with him and what do you care you barely know us there are rumors so that's really nobody's business and anyway i'm not into him i'm going to marry a hobbit lady which one i don't yet. I just think that will happen. Okay, well, life can move in many unexpected directions. Do you, like, want me to date Frodo?

Do I? No, I'm just holding up a mirror and seeing if anything jumps out at you. I trust you to follow whatever path you think is best. Okay, just to be clear, you're, like, my enemy, basically, and I don't really give a shit what you think of my life. Just then, Sam heard yet another photo scream ah i gotta go butt face he kicked goth

in the foot and he ran off as goth mock jumped up and down holding onto his big toe i'm not done Sam ran off down another dark cave passageway as he ran faces of beautiful hobbit women lined the halls

of his imagination coming forth one by one to beckon him back to the shire he began to run faster than his hairy feet

could carry him brushing the images of the woman away as he flew finally Frodo's screams started to get louder and louder

and he rounded a bend and saw his blushing friend tangled up in that fat spider's web juices. Smiling and laughing as he screamed, No! You gotta let me go! Frodo, are you okay? Sam asked, confused.

Oh, God. Hey, dude. This is awkward. What's going on? Sam asked, following up unnecessarily as he could clearly see Frodo and the spider were having raw spider-hobbit intercourse. Dude, want to give us a minute? Sam started to cry. I've spent

all day trying to save you and it turns out you didn't need saving at all. The spider stopped gyrating for a moment. They were still fucking. Frodo looked lovingly at Sam. Well, we could use a snack. Sam smiled and took out his leaf-wrapped lamba spread. I've got a little bread left.

The spider dropped Frodo from its web and Frodo scampered towards Sam. You're my hero. They smiled at each other lovingly and reached for the leaf wrapped package together. As they tore through the leaves, they realized there was nothing inside after all. They looked at each other. They looked each other in the eye and said on the count of three, two, one. Gollum, fuck that guy. They burst into a fit of laughter. The spider got really jealous and left but frodo didn't mind nothing could bother him now that he had his best friend there with him plus he was properly fucked by the spider and could use a break

that was very funny and also like so many specifics lauren thank Thank you. You've retained so much. I did have to Google the names of the characters and the name of the bread, but beyond that, yes. The imagery was there. It was very, very funny. Yes, and it was what? I think the spider web and juices is going to stick with me for a long time. Oh, thank you so much.

It was also long. It was surprisingly long. It was, you know, and when I was writing it, I just had to give you some author's background. Like I felt like it was challenging to write in a sense because I felt like with Star Wars, it really poured out of me. This one I did have to work a little harder for. But then once I was there, I really wanted there to be three points where he went down

two wrong pathways and then found his friend. So that's why I became long. I see. I see. You had a goal that you needed to achieve. Yes. Mine is truly wild. I can't wait.

Should I read it? Yeah. Give it a title too okay I guess the title is um the lost one hold on let me pull it up real quick what is it rated?

well I don't think it's rated super M I would say a little M a little M I would say the back half of it say a little M. A little M. I would say the back half of it is a little M-y. Okay. What would you rate mine? Was that M

completely? I feel like it was not completely M. No, I would say that would be like a hard M. I felt like it was like a little M. But fair. Alright. She thought mine was little M, so she said hers was little M. We're fair. All right. Okay, so just so you know, she thought mine was little M, so she said hers was little M and he was M.

I'm ready. So, all right. Okay. It's a balmy summer day and there are dragons in the air, potatoes in hobbits' mouths, and they're drinking and having fun. The dwarves frolic near the ocean, but never get in. The elves are walking around slowly,

whispering elvish to each other, or elvish to each other, but also talking to each other in English, kind of like Spanglish, when Spanish people speak in Spanish and English. But there's one elf who isn't outside. She's in her room. And that room is very sad and stripped of any character.

That elf sits on the edge of her bed with her head in the palm of her hands. She inhales deeply and says, well, I guess I should cheer myself up. She dances around the room singing, I'm Etsy. I'm Adam Melon. Ah, cool. yet see i'm adam melon cool which which reflects to i wish i had a friend and a life okay so you did do some translating you didn't want to spoil it i appreciate that yeah i didn't want to be like i was there's elvish and my story also i like tried to write a better version of like i want a better life and friend but all they each had melon in it and i was like i guess i gotta sing melon whatever

so she dances bigger she dances harder brushing her curls out of her face elrond violently bursts through the door darkwin i thought i told you you must be quiet so no one can know of you. But father, she says, I've been silent for so long. Why must I stay here? The snow glows white on the mountain tonight. Not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation. And it looks like I'm a queen. I hear such wondrous adventures.

Those hobbits and the wizards and the dwarf in Orlando Bloom came, and I didn't even get to meet them. I'm sick of this. The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside. I can't keep it in. Heaven knows I tried. Dar, Elrond interjects. No, father, she replies. No, Arwen gets to have a life. She gets to have love. I want that. Goodbye, Father. He tries to stop her, but it seems as if isolation has made Darkwyn powerful. Elrond couldn't move if he tried, and Darwin storms past him into

her new life. After she leaves, Elrond whispers, She had to let it go. The other elves gasp as she passes. No one has seen such beauty or darkness. Darwin's the only black person in Middle Earth. They don't know what to do.

Darwin, Darkwing looks around and realizes nobody looks anything like her, so she runs. She runs as fast as she can and she ends up in the woods. She sits under a tree and again she cries. Is this what father was protecting her from? Just then she hears a rustling then a voice. Pretty are you, precious? It's Gollum. Darkwing is repulsed by this nasty

ass little creature with eight hairs and big eyes. But then she gazes into his eyes. Are they the same? Shunned by society for being different? Wait, is he cute? She gazes into his big eyes as he eats a whole fish raw precious he says dark one's overcome with horniness that she's only dreamed about sex but now she can have it gollum's loincl pops up. This horrific thing is packing heat.

The loincloth falls back and reviews a huge, nasty, bulbous dick that kind of looks like a bop-it. Darkwing snaps out of her gaze. This bitch is too nasty to fuck. So she straight up runs away and Gollum sadly says, precious. Darkwing is running and running and running and an arrow whizzes by her head and she turns around and there's orlando bloom he stares at her and turns and she turns to run but he says stop she does he walks up to her they gaze at each other she looks down he's rock hard everyone in middle earth is down to fuck so they fuck real nice and real good and they laugh about how she almost fucked gollum and the orlando bloom, we should go back to the elves.

Darkman says it would make her uncomfortable. Orlando Bloom reveals that the elves are just like totally cool with black people. They just never had seen one before. And then her dad was wrong to keep her a secret. And he's like, real sorry about it. So then they fuck again. And then Gandalf comes and they all fuck. I added that last part because I realized when we were talking that I didn't have Gandalf in there and I love Gandalf. So the end.

Wow. I love that. Thank you. That was really that was a really unique tale. I thought that was really interesting and a great angle and something that the franchise really needs. Yeah. I was like, oh, what do I write about? I was like, oh, maybe I'll just like make up a black person and put them in middle earth.

Yeah. Cause I was like, it might be too easy to do or no, not too easy. I was like, I think you'll do Sam and, uh, right,

right, right. Oh no. I thought that was too easy. And I also thought I would do it, but honestly, fucking the spider was a nice. Yeah.

I tried to turn on its head a little bit and not go fully for them being in love and actually i had them argue that they're not in love yeah they're not in love but i yeah i liked where you went with yours no i loved yours that was great thank you really well done and really beautiful rhyming and um i loved the elvish that was really amazing i liked the homage in in the middle that was a nice like i felt like i was in on it i felt like really connected thank you i was like hopefully people will know that i'm just doing the lyrics to let it go i i got that when you said she had to let it go I was like uh-huh uh-huh and I like that you let us be afraid for a moment at the end that we were gonna read a golem sex scene and I'm I'm very thankful that that was just you manipulating

me as a reader well I was gonna have them fuck but then I was like oh what am I saying that black people are like different and gross like golem right and I was like that's not the statement I want to make and then I did have her steal a cloak from an elf and then another elf was like a criminal and then I was like as an aside not all crimes are committed because they want to be committed sometimes they're committed at a necessity and then I was like Nicole you know like it's Le it's lee miss i was like this is getting far too deep like what is happening welcome to fanfic i would love to hear the author of the one that preethe read uh explain to us how they cat to the all of those um he the person's like, I copied the dialogue from the movie and then I thought about spicing it up, but I said,

no, I've got to stay true. Who wins? Yeah. Tweeted us. Who wins? Who wins? No,

don't tweet it. That was wonderful. We mean, everybody wins. Everyone wins because No, don't tweet at us. That was wonderful. Be very mean. Everybody wins. Everyone wins because they got to hear the stories. Yeah, I think we all win because I mean, me personally was dreading this, dreading it. And then I was like, oh, I got to do some research. But then I started writing it.

And then I was like truly teeheehing to myself in my living room. I was like, actually, this is very fun. This is the problem with doing this podcast i get tricked into having fun watching and learning about these movies i don't care about it's so true so much fanfic and we're gonna find it on ao3 and it's gonna be great i i truly do feel like every every episode we're like i didn't want to watch this movie it was really long

and boring and then someone's like here's a good part and we're like I love it yeah I like that like we truly get like convinced so easily

but they're just so cute everything is like high quality in this franchise so I mean it's nice it's a nice place

to start from where you're like hey they put a lot of work into this and you know there's a ton of details. You guys haven't watched The Hobbit yet, though. No, but we hear that people don't like The Hobbit, which means we will probably love The Hobbit. There's one really, really, really, really great part in the first movie.

Oh, are these starring Elijah Wood? No. Oh. The Hobbit takes place before Lord of the Rings. Oh, with Bilbo. Yes. It's Martin Freeman, isn't it? Yeah, Martin Freeman.

Oh, I like him. I love him. Okay, I'm excited. I'm excited to watch those. Preeti, has there ever been an opportunity to write like Lord of the Rings YA? I don't even know who, like,

I think the Tolkien estate still owns don't, I don't even know who, like, I think the Tolkien estate still owns the rights, I think. Oh, so with Star Wars, it's all because Disney took over that, like, now there can be all these other things.

Yeah, so like, I don't know who has the rights to Lord of the Rings, but I would love for them, the minute it goes public domain, for someone to be like,

boom, Frodo, Sam, Roman, published, million dollars i mean if it's public is is there like a year where things become public domain like with songs i think there is right i feel like yes and no i know that public domain is like a little funky and i am not sure how long it takes it's i'm trying to disney keeps um going back to courts to get it extended because they don't want to lose mickey and i think right i want to say it's like 67 years right now from the copyright i could be

wrong but i think it's something like that. Wait, doesn't that feel terrifying that Mickey could just become like fucking. Yep. Yeah. Anybody could do whatever they wanted with Mickey and they're trying to. I don't think that's a good idea. The Tolkien estate is the legal body that manages the property of J.R.R. Tolkien. Yeah, I can't imagine they're like, hey, you know what we got to do. Sell all of this. I i mean they could though they could they could are you guys gonna watch that like really trippy 70s cartoon yeah i think we are

yeah i think so yeah did you like it i it's scary do you like you like animation right because you loved Clone Wars. I loved Clone Wars. And we were not about Clone Wars. It was hard, but you know, we have to remember that we only watched

the first and last release. Yes. And that was like, very hard. I was like, who the fuck is anybody? I hate this. I got no character development.

Why did it skip so much to the end? We just like, don't understand at all. Who are you? But yes. Well, I feel that that was very successful. I think so.

I honestly, what a treat, Lauren. I really liked your story. I loved yours. I want to say, Priti, thank you so much for reading it, but it was like so long and boring. That one was long. It's like you got to throw some fucking in somewhere if you really want us to be paying attention.

Just a little. The one I skipped was A Little Care by the Mad Catter, 13. Yes, yes, yes. Top Sam slash bottom Frodo. It's exactly what it sounds like romance yeah it's romance gollum he's sleeping nearby i'm i'm honestly just like like letting my eyes flow over it and it's shocking it's like not okay oh goodness i wouldn't have been able to get through this we have like a very specific line

in the sand that like we're not willing to cross with our fan fiction and like I think when it becomes pure porn I know like it has to wild I'm really glad we didn't read this one out loud like I'm a nasty little girl but for whatever reason this is making

me so upset. I think it's because like thinking about like Hobbit sex, it's like their big hairy feet. Like I don't want it. No, but you know what it is for me? It really is the anonymity of the author that makes me the most uncomfortable because it feels like I'm playing into their sick fantasy by reading it out loud. Yes. Also, can I just read one line from it yeah sam mr photo laughed trying to wave away sam's quick wipes of cloth over seed coated skin no that is disgusting no no just that phrasing that is like who are It's like, who are you? There's, What's Wild is like, there is, there is some very, I have not dipped my toe into the fanfic of Lord of the Rings.

Like, that is not the route I tend to go if I'm going to read fanfic. And there's like super well written fanfic, like beautifully written fic. But then sometimes there's fiction where you're like, I'm just very uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable with how you decided to describe this moment in time. Yeah, you would be so upset to read any more. Like, that was... That one's too much. Yeah, it's a lot.

And then the other story in that that was pulled for us here... Wait, I just want to read one more line. in that that was pulled for us here wait i just want to read one more line exposing this stretched out whole leaking sam seed stop stop stop stop i saw that i saw that like my whole body is in like a crin okay i'm done I won't read anymore. That was so wild. I hate that it's categorized as romance because I'm like, it's not romantic in the slightest. It's not romance. The third story was the more general,

like rated K plus, My Birthday Present by Noctis Fury. And it's drama, fantasy style fic with Smeagol and Gollum. And I'll give you a little, just a little taste just so we, cause it's very long and I'm like, we know. Okay. Um, Gollum caresses the ring tenderly talking to it as one would a person

eyes glazed and wanton obsession. My precious, he purred stroking the ring, the object of his love and desire, my own, my love, my own, my birthday present,

Gollum, Gollum. And during these years that seemed to stretch eternal, Gollum used the ring to help him trek through the caves unseen for unsuspecting prey, such as bats or goblins or other morsels. He would tuck the ring into a secret place as a mother tucking in her child. This is one sentence.

And he would bask in its aura as he continuously spoke to it or to himself in a possessive chant, caressing the cool alloy of his most precious birthday present. Okay. I feel like we get that one. Yeah.

Yeah, that's it. Just about the love of the ring. Yeah. And, you know, sometimes you get enough from just one paragraph. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, I feel like we're wrapping it up here. We've explored this world

pretty deeply for today I'm sure we'll get into more Preeti is there anything you would like to plug before we end the show I would speaking of Clone Wars on August 25th Clone Wars the stories of light and dark

hit bookshelves and so you can buy it and it's really beautiful. And I wrote an Anakin story and it's sad and I love it. That's amazing. Congratulations. It's so exciting. It's so exciting. And you have a few books.

One already came out and another one's coming out in the fall, right? Yeah. And they're on your website. They're all on my website. Thank you. Promotion. PreetiChber.com. You can buy Avengers Assembly, which came out in early August.

And then a Jedi you will be will be out in October. And yeah, you can preorder them or order them right now. I'm on your website. Gotta say. Wow. It's my website. It's really nice. If you're looking for website design, my sister, Hero Chibber, did it.

Hero.org. Amazing. That's, I mean, you're looking for website design, my sister, Hiral Chibber, did it. Hiral.org. Amazing. That's, I mean, you know, I love it. Spread the promotional wealth. Maybe I'll hit her up. My website is so horrible. Oh, boy. I just clicked on my show dates.

I haven't updated it in so long. All these dates passed and I didn't do a single one. Oh, boy. Lauren, what do you want to promote? I would like to promote my Patreon, patreon.com slash Lauren Lapkus. I'm doing a bunch of fun stuff on there. Preeti was recently on an episode. We talked about Babysitter's Club.

It was very, very fun. And I'm doing improv and conversations and blah blah blah you can go find it and join and then other than that um you know that's it for right now i don't know i don't know what's going on in my life i'm fine i'm i'm like right there with you. Life is very strange. I am working again. Feels like we shouldn't be working. But you know, you wear gloves. You don't touch people.

You run away from people you know and love. It's so weird to literally look at somebody you've worked with for years and then be like, I can't be near you. But you know, whatever. But yeah, you can watch Nailed It on Netflix. I have other podcasts, Why Won't You Date Me, Best Friends, Drag Her. I'm missing one. Oh, 90 Day Bae, where I talk about 90 Day Fiance. I love 90 Day Fiance.

And that's, yeah, that's about it for me. Oh, also, you can watch my episode of The Good Place. And I did two episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Just watch those. I want my residuals. Yeah. Because I want money. Nicole, I heard you on Tig's podcast, Don't Ask Tig.

Yes, that was fun. And it was a really great interview. And then I don't know if you listened to it back at all, but there is a part where you go on about how a small business like opening a restaurant works and they put they like put it with music under it. It's so funny. It's like they made it seem like you were like really making a speech. It was funny because I was like, oh, I mean, if this person is actually asking, here's how you would go about doing it, because I feel like people I mean if this person is actually asking here's how you would go about

doing it because I feel like people don't do research in a way that would help them yeah here's some stuff and Tate was just like were you waiting your whole life to answer that question you knew everything about it thank you for listening Lauren oh you're the best I feel like I'm listening to you on podcasts like almost every day because you're appearing on every podcast I listen to and I listen to your show. So I'm like, it's my Nicole content hour of the day. Maybe I'll subscribe to your Patreon because I

don't want to watch the Babysitter's Club, but I have questions about it. Well, see, I was thinking about subscribing to your Patreon because I'm like, I should probably listen to everyone talking about 90 Day Fiance because this is fucking hilarious. We should just have you on. Let's just, um, let's subscribe to each other and i'll cancel the five dollars out perfect i'll do it because like okay here's the reason why i don't want to watch babysitters club preethi every time

you're on we just like talk talk talk talk talk forever i love it i like you i think you're like so nice same but uh the babies i loved the scholastic series yes so much and when they did the movie with rachel lee cook who god bless i really hated it i was like this is not truthful these are not the girls i love so i'm like really scared to watch the netflix no the new series is even better than the scholastic series with like feeling feeling true to the books. Okay. And modern. And you like everyone. Yes, it's really modern.

Okay. I mean, I would highly recommend the whole thing. You'll love it. Okay. You know what I really want to come back? Sweet Valley High. We talked about this too. I loved.

That should be a show. They had that show in the 90s, right? They had the show with the twins. Yes. Now it should be a reboot. I think so. That feels like something that we really. It's like less messy in the way that it was 90s right the twins yes no it should be a reboot like that feels like something that was like less messy in the way that it was 90s messy but like still messy yeah there was did you ever

read there was like sweet sweet valley university and it got like real dark no i don't know if i know about their older brother i only remember this because I don't know why I liked this book so much, I think because it was so dramatic, but, like, their older brother got, like, paralyzed. Wow. And I think he, I can't remember if it was a car accident, like, a drunk driving accident, or he got shot. And then there's this scene where he's, like, he falls asleep

and, like, almost dies because of a gas leak. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's very dramatic. Wait, what was your favorite Babysitter's Club book? Just to jump back. Do you remember? Well, for me, I loved the white books,

the big fat white books. Yes. The specials, specials. Yes, the specials. The Blizzard one was my favorite because I was like, man, they don't have to go to school. Maybe a Blizzard will come here instead of Stony Brook and I won't have to go to school. Maybe a blizzard will come here instead of Stony Brook and I won't have to go to school.

Yeah, I really liked about reading that like, you know, kids not going to school because I was like, that's my fantasy. They both. No, the special editions were great. But I also basically any Claudia story because I wanted to be here so badly. We will not speak of that quiz, which I'm

still angry about. I gave her a quiz at the end to find out which Babysitter's Club member she was, and the results were incorrect. You'll have to sign up for the Patreon, too. You'll have to subscribe. But they were incorrect. Anyone would fight that.

That answer, basically. Did you guys see that tweet that was like, I realize that anyone would fight that that answer basically did you guys see that tweet that was like I realized that Steve Bannon got arrested where the babysitter's club went on vacation that's funny that's really funny like they could see him walking by as they're like

babysitting where they're like in front of the boat that's so funny It was like a special edition where they're like in front of the boat. That's so funny. That's like a weird fanfic to put Steve Bannon and Stony Brook. I could get behind that for sure. I honestly would be like, all right, I'll read that. All right.

Well, we have to read Battle of the Five Stars. We have to read a review. We still have to finish the podcast. Yes, we do. So if you want to leave us a five star review, please do. Also, you can tell us

what kind of fanfic styles you're enjoying because we're going to do another episode. So tell us what you want to hear, what kind of tones, whatever.

So this review is Gandalf Does It For Me by Rini Two Steps. I truly tee hee heed until I cried at this first episode of Hobbitville from Bobo Dildo to Dildo Biblo. It was absolutely hilarious. Y'all are amazing together. Please put Gandalf does it for me on some merch. I want to wear the funniest thing Nicole has ever said on my body.

Thanks a bunch. That's a great idea. It is a great idea. But also, selling merch is horrific. Yeah. I guess you do it on like TeePublic where you get like a penny

for every shirt. They do give you a cent. I've made like $8 on TeePublic. Same. Well, anyways, this was a blast. Thank you so much, Preeti, for being here with us

and discussing fan fiction. We'll be back next time with something else and I don't know what it is yet so I like how we end the episodes with we'll be back but truly don't know what it's going to be you know for me there's like a bliss in not knowing what's coming because right now I don't have to think

about The Hobbit anymore and then in a few days I'll be like oh I have to watch that movie or whatever and then I'll get a text from you and I'll be like fuck I have to slam to watch that movie or whatever. And then I'll get a text from you and I'll be like, fuck, I have to slam the Hobbit in before we record. Oh my God. Mainlining the Hobbit sounds so awful. I'm so sorry.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. bye bye bye bye that was a Hidgum original