Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Bull Durham (Livestream Finale!) w/ Rob Huebel & Paul Scheer

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

It’s the extra special livestream finale of Newcomers: Sports! Lauren and Nicole are called up to the show to discuss Bull Durham with very special guests Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer. Along with celebrating the alluring powerhouse that is Susan Sarandon, the group also gets into the range of Tim Robbins, the strangeness of A Big Romantic Speech, and improvise the plot to Bull Durham 2. Follow Rob: Twitter, InstagramFollow Paul: Twitter, InstagramYou can hear six seasons of Newcomers theme music composed by Newcomer’s editor/composer extraordinaire Faris Monshi now streaming everywhere: bit.ly/ThemesFromNewcomersGet tickets for the VOD version of the Newcomers: Sports Fan Choice Finale Livestream with special guests Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel here! Available until Sunday, September 15th at 11:59 PM PT. Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgum original. Hi everyone, this is Ferris Monchi, editor, mix engineer, and composer for newcomers. In celebration of Newcomers' season 8 finale, Headgum and I have collaborated to release an album containing all of the newcomers' theme songs I've produced thus far, appropriately called Themes from Newcomers. There will be a link in the episode description that will take you to it on your listening platform of choice. Your comments, DMs, and emails over the years have not gone unnoticed. So thank you so much for inspiring us to release these tracks as a collection.

Enjoy the music and enjoy the season 8 finale live stream. Hello! Hello! Hello! Welcome to newcomers! Playing for the home team, it's me, Lauren Lopquez. And me, Nicole Byer! And of course, we have coach on, Yan Coach Alley, watching along from the sidelines, turn us on.

And this season, we have officially covered ten of the sports movies we feel that are so good they would definitely get called upon to the show. Called up to the show. Which is a phrase we learned yesterday when we watched Bull Durham. We're talking about the 1888 film starring Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and Kevin Costner, Bull Durham. And the title actually bothered me because they were the Durham Bulls. We'll get into that.

I was calling it Bill Dur. I thought it was a guy's name before I saw it. Yeah. And then it wasn't. No. And that, there was never a really reveal of why it was. called. No, not at all. And I was looking up Bill Durr while I was trying to find it and that's not

a thing. No, but I wish it was. If you want to watch it right now while you're watching this, it's streaming on 2B, Pluto TV, and the Roku channel and I paid a fee because I was getting really annoyed by the commercials on I also was getting enjoyed by the commercials on 2B. 2B is fun but full of commercials. It was breaking up my flow. We're going to spoil the film obviously and we're so excited because we have two of the best here to Do it with us. Playing for the visiting team today,

we have Rob, Heubel, and Paul Shee. Hello. Yes. And I'm going to read your credits. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, so Rob is known for his role on Adult Swims' award-winning series Children's Hospital,

which he earned an Emmy nomination. He could be seen on the spin-off series Medical Police on Netflix and Max's hit comedy of Sex Lives of College Girls as well as goosebumps on Disney Plus. Yeah. What about that? And he was on Transparent.

And is a regular, on Fox's hit animated series, Bob's Burghars. You're going to read all these credits. And Paul Shear is a comedian, Screen Actors Guild Award-winning actor, filmmaker, and podcaster, and author who wrote a great book that I love. Yes, it's great. Say the title of your book.

Joyful Recollections of Trauma. It's really fantastic. Thank you so much. You are known for your roles in film and television, including Black Monday, 30 Rock, Veep, and the League. He co-hosts the podcast, How Did This Get Made, alongside his wife, actor June, Diane Raphael, and actor Jason Manzuchas,

as well as the podcast, spooled with film critic Amy Knuckleston, who we had on in a previous episode. His memoir, Joyful Recollegesis of Trauma, was released by Harper Collins, and is a New York Times bestseller. Boom. That was so excited for you.

That's nice. That really was. It was a very exciting moment. I'm not going to lie about. I'm not going to be like, oh, that was great. It was exciting. It was huge. Yeah, it was a huge moment.

That's a really big deal. The book is so good. I loved it so much. I cried and laughed. You are the best time. I'm spending more time on polls. Hey, hey, come on. Have you written a book?

Did you write a book? Yeah, okay, so come back when you have. I read some books. What's your favorite book? Favorite book? Paul's book? Yeah. I also thought that Bull Durham was his name.

Yeah. I thought Bull Durham was his name. Builder? Even as an idea of what a movie could be called, Builder, you'd be like, it wouldn't go past. Well, what if it's Bob the Builder? Oh, my God. That's better, I would go on, Bill Dyer.

Well, I kept being like, Bill Dirt, Bill Dirk. And the person I was talking to was like, what are you saying to people's like this movie, Bill Dirk? We have to watch Bill Dirk. What is the, do we know the story? Like, why is it called that? I googled this because I wanted to understand, and I guess there was a tobacco, so Durham in the town.

And then it's also the team. And then, but there's a tobacco company called the Bull, Bull Durham or something. And there was that bull when they were playing. It was just the team's mascot and the team was in German. So it was like a phrase for tobacco. Somebody. Here's the thing.

In this period of time, movies were weird because if you saw Beetlejuice, Beatlejuice's name is different on the poster than it is everywhere in the movie. Like in the movie, it's Beetle and it's G-U-E-U-S-E. Old-timey, yeah. But they're like, for the poster, it'll be Beetlejuice. Really? That is weird because it's Beetle-G-U. I've never seen that.

Is this podcast about Halloween time? But it's a bold move to be like Beardrum. It's like it's just called Crash in the sack or something like that. Crash in the sack! Yeah, I could have crashed.

You know? I kind of like that. Yeah. Crash in the sack. No, but that sounds too silly. This sounds like it has some gravitas and I don't know why, but I liked it. And this movie has a lot of fucking... This movie was so much.

We were so glad. I thought this is like an adult. Like, I never saw this movie until just last night. That's incredible to me. You told me that yesterday. I was like, what? And then I realized, I think I had seen it one time. And here's the bad, in my brain, I thought this was Major League.

Like, the whole, like, building up to this, I was like, oh, this is the one, this is major league with Tom Barringer and, you know, Charlie Sheen. And then I was like, oh, wait, no, this is, because in my brain, here's what I'm. can't wrap my head around. Why did Kevin Kossner make two baseball movies back to back? I wondered that too but I was like, well in one, like this movie actually could be a prequel to Field of Dreams because he could have walked into the

field as a player. He's like wearing the same jacket, isn't he? And that's what the field is, Susan Sarandon fucking. This is these... If you build it, there was a ton of ghosts, Ridener. I just feel like there was this, like I grew up in this

time where it was like, oh, we just make baseball movies. It was like eight men out, Major League, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham. There's a movie with... The Year, Angels and the Elton. Yes.

Yeah. The fan with Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes, again, where Robert DeNaro is, like, obsessed with Wesley Snipes. Is he a baseball player, and he's upset? Yeah, he's, like, oh, he's the fan. Wait.

Wesley Snipes is the fan? No, Robert DeNero's the fan. And he's like, come on, I never saw it. I was really confused. I was like, oh, my casting was bad. Yeah, it seems weird. All right, he's obsessed with things. his life is obsessed with

Robert Jr.? That would be really weird. Baseball was like all over the place and as a kid he didn't like love baseball. I did feel a little like left out of the base. It feels like they really wanted us to like it and it was important that we cover this. Big baseball.

Yeah. I also wonder yeah, I wonder if like there was something going on. I was trying to remember like where the country was. Like was that like Reagan-y or maybe that was after Reagan, but it felt like a very like pro-america period of time where it's like to beat the Russians at hockey, and we got a Rockies got to knock out

the Russian guy, and then we got to, baseball is the best, and we're the best country, and, like, you know. You just called back multiple movies we covered, which I love. I got to say that my big issue, and I'm not going to go too far into it, but I just, what was confusing about this movie,

and I wonder if this is why it worked in a way. It was, there are moments where I'm like, is this in the 1950s? Or is this nap? The fucking time period was so weird. I googled it, and it was 19. It was like, it takes place in 19, 87.

When my brain It's supposed to be my time? Yes. No, I have no idea. She says at one point, this is when my brain short-circuited because they're at the they're having a beer at the bar.

And it's a modern song or a modern like 80s and I was like, wait a second, that's weird. But these are doing like a sock hut. And they had like rock around the clock and stuff and I was like that's as if that was special or something. And then she says,

does you think that like Doc Gooden fucks with his socks on? I was like, wait a second. Doc Gooden is like an 80. met, and I was like, what, and then I stopped. Because the style was so weird. She's in, like,

she's driving a 1950s car. She's, like, I was like, how do you? Her sort of wardrobe. Her room was like an old grandmother's and they fucking enjoy it like eight times. She puts perfume on the like light bulbs the way you would. Yeah, that's an insane thing.

I was like, is she trying to burn her house down? Is that the thing people do? The amount of candles. No, that you should not do that. Yeah. Well, maybe now you could do it because the light bulbs are less intense. Yeah.

To burn the. But is it burning the smell? I guess it might have like that. I think it just like a little drop of a drop will do you. I mean I put I put lavender on my kids pillows before they go to bed. Don't do it if you're watching a spray. Wait, don't let that get run over. Yeah, he sprays his kids pillows

with lavender. Yeah. That's the sweetest daddy. My mom used to spray my bed with perfume and she changed my shoes. Really? Oh, I see. That's so sweet. That's not really nice. Okay. Yeah. Well, here's the other thing that I was trying to figure out watching this. Like, is this

a comedy movie? Yes. It's It's definitely a comedy. Yeah. Because there's a lot of, there's a lot of funny stuff, but it's not like Major League, which, you know, and there aren't, like, huge set pieces. No, it's mostly sex. And there's a lot of, like, really sweet. Sex pieces. But even, like, but the sex has played, like, I was going to say it's played pretty real and, like, almost romantic.

Maybe I'm just remembering. That's Ron Shelton. Like, the director, writer of this, like, Ron Shelton had a run. I think you were talking about Young Shelton. Oh, Young Shelton also. Loves to fuss. This is young Sheldon? That's why they had the cancelous show.

He was always like, he got that tie. He's like, gonna go down on somebody. But, bazinga. But if it's a comedy movie, there are big stretches where there is no comment. I'm saying like Ron Shelton made this.

It was like, there was a TV show on when I was growing up that I hated because it felt so like this called 30-something, which is like, it's a bad adult. I love that show. Timothy Busfield from Field of Dreams last week on this show.

Timothy Busfield is one of the main guys on 30s. Which I love because I don't know. I'm older than you guys, but that hit me. How old? I'm real old. But that hit me at a time where I was like, oh, this is interesting. And I wanted to watch it like in my 30s. I was like, oh, I always remember that show 30 something. I don't think it holds up.

Yeah, it's probably not good. But I think it's like this idea of like there was an era where it was like, no, it's time for adult movies. And we can have some fun. and we can also have some sex. Like, it was like, this is not like, you couldn't just also bring your kids to it. It was like, and I feel like there was thrillers like this at this time too.

It was like, we're gonna fuck and it's a thriller. Like, it was like, there was a lot of sex. And like, do we have, is there? No, yeah. Yeah, everyone is a little serious. You see Tim Robbins' butt at the beginning. Do you know he's six foot seven? He looks at.

I was Googling this night. I think she was on Amazon. Oh, yeah, sure. So the woman, who is Susan Sarandon's friend that's kind of sleeping? Oh, yeah, Millie. That is, that actress is Tom Lennon's wife in real life. And that's Jenny Lennon, yeah. And I was watching it and I was like, wait, is that Tom Lennon's wife?

Because, I mean, I know her just through Tom. Yeah. But so great performance, like, great interesting. Oh, she was great. And I liked her storyline too. Yeah. But like the time frame of this confuses me so much because it also made me feel like it was made a long time ago? That felt, yeah. It was weird.

Well, that was the thing. It was like, is sex puritanical or is it not? Because the religious guy actually felt like of the period. Yeah. But then everyone else, like, he's like wearing a fishbone shirt at the end, Tim Robbins. Like, you know, which Yeah. Oh yeah, all of his shirts are like

ACDC and Molly Critter and stuff like that, yeah. And it, but yet the townfield, like the town was like locked in amber. Maybe that town like was just from the 1950. I thought it was like, time period aside, I thought the fucking was like, baseball, we

fuck. Yeah, so the religious person was like, they're like, come on, baseball, fuck. It was like, fucking, fucking was an integral part of playing baseball. Because Susan Saranan and picked one person a season to fuck them so they had a good season. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Yeah. It's like, if you

learn to fuck me the right way, you will also be good at baseball. But I think what it is, is like, it was about, like, what she imparted on these men was patience and performance and finesse. So, you know, like, the best baseball is

done by a woman that, like, is not teaching you about, it's like Yoda, but, like, was sex. Right, because she would, like, give them tips on, and they would, like, how to be better at actual baseball. Yeah, because she also did do that, though, too. Yeah. So she is teaching him actual baseball,

and she's also fucking him, and she's reading him poetry. And I also feel like this is like a guy's like like this guy from whatever this guy's thing is like I'm writing this girl teaches a guy to fuck that's a good part for her and by way she's great and it's great and it's a great part but knowing that it's written it was written

is the movie who wrote the movie Ron Shelton this guy he wrote it right every he wrote white men can't go oh I didn't know that he's different knowing he wrote sports movies like this kind of adult sports movies yeah but that's it's such because it is such a modern character for it to have like, she's like, when

she made this movie, I think she was like 40. She was 42. I looked that up because I was also like, how old? Tim Robbins was 30. And Kevin Connolly was 33. Tim Robbins is a 30 year old coming into the major leagues. Yeah. Yeah.

That is right. That is right. Yeah. And I was surprised by everyone's age. I just like to. I couldn't. How old is Kevin Costa? He was 33. So, yeah. Yeah. But this is like the old dog. Fielder Dreams is like, you look at Kevin Cosner,

you're like, oh, that is a movie star. Yeah, yes. Say what you want about Kevin. He's really interesting, because I actually really, I think I only have seen, I mean, maybe some movies have crossed my path, but. The Bodyguard? I've never seen that. And then Bill Durr.

Builder. But he's so great, but he's got a really interesting style. He's kind of subdued and like subtle and like, got a little, but he's very handsome. Very laid back. He's very chill. I used to show Cubeau. I'm pretty, like, I don't have remember. remember this, but he used to have, you know, when celebrities were getting websites, right?

They would, like, you have to book content on your website. And, you know, Kevin Kosterner would always be, like, sitting on, like, the balcony of his whatever hotel is shooting in with, like, drinking glass of wine, he's like, music. Music is interesting to me because he just gives these, like, monologues about, like, bullshit, because he has a band, of course. He does? Oh, yeah. And it's very, like, I feel this type of actor is very much, like, and I think it's

very successful, but I think why it works on Yellowstone. And it's like, it looks like a lot's going on. It almost feels like the best version of a Broadway show acting. It's like, but it is a little like, you know what I care about? I care about slow kisses and fastball. When he said that I was like, barf,

it was kind of gross. He was like, I like, I like what it snows on Christmas? And he was like, what? It was just all over the place. I believe in Santa. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, none of me this was thought of before.

It's just like, I also think the novels of so-and-so are overrated. I like pasta. I believe in the pussy. Pizza without pineapple. The way they talked about pussy, I was like, this is kind of like, I don't know. I was into it.

She's so taken. I like the scene. It was always shocked me when they would bring up pussy. Because it would come out of literally no way. You're sitting in a Victorian home. I'm just like confused. But great.

And pictures, she's dressed in a, like, it is visually hard to reconcile this movie. Yeah. To understand, like, and I guess maybe because they live in this tent, it is that's what made me feel like it's it's like a play it just feels like you know it has like a thing about like what well what's the theme of it yeah i was trying to like i was like like what are you trying to say and i'm like it's not about love it's not about baseball it's not

it's like because at the end like he comes back to her i'm like yeah i know that was weird too it was bizarre i was not like i was like this makes zero sense and i actually didn't even really need it no yeah this was like why didn't he want i guess he didn't want to be embarrassed that he did break the record, but then he broke the record to be like, now that I did that, now I can be with you. Right. Did they go off as a coaching duo, and then did she just start fucking guys, he's like, hey, look, I got a pitcher here, and you got

something. Yeah, yeah. They're not going to like get married. So, yeah, I didn't need the ending for them to be the guy. Well, should we, let's take a quick break. Or do you want to do the shot clock before we go. Let's sum up the movie really fast. Let's do the shot clock. Okay. Wow. All right, I'll go first. Okay.

Okay. Ready? Okay, you're going to sum up the movie in 10 seconds. Okay, Tim Robinson. Is that, no, Robbins. Uh-oh. I was in Sir, Tim. Time is running. Oh, no.

Baseball. Fuck. Kevin Costner. Sexy. I'm done. That was it. That's 10 seconds. Oh, my God.

I really wasted. Tim Robinson in this movie would be so good. Tim Robinson playing Kevin Costner's part, not Tim Robbins part. He should be like the guy who's, I don't know. If Tim Robinson was in it, he'd be the guy who's dancing on the field. He was like, Oh, that guy was a child. I know.

I was like, what's up with this guy? And then you see him in the bar after that. He's like kind of a nice older guy. You're like, wait, what? Why is he hanging out now in the bar? He was just the clown. I just want Tim Robinson's dad to be more in the movie. When he brought her.

We keep saying Tim Robertson. I know. Sorry. No, Tim Robbins' dad, when he comes over, he wanted to introduce this woman to his father. That was so weird. I was like, I'm glad you didn't say anything. untoward. She was about to like, you know, untoward. That's good.

Thanks. I'll never. I hope it was right. Let's do, who wants to go next? 10 seconds. Okay, I'm going to try to watch it. Oh, oh. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, hold on. There it goes. Okay, a super talented pitcher with very little control is mentored by

a down on his luck minor league catcher and a slut. Wow. And the slut. Slid into home base with that one. Okay, Paul, you or me. Okay, I'll go. Before you can get into the big show, you have to go to the bone zone.

Wow. Oh, time to swear. Yeah, time left. Okay. Sorry, here we go. Okay, yeah, I'll go reset it. This far end. Okay, got it.

Reset, I'll make sure I reset. Oh, sorry. Ready? Okay. Susan Sarandon fucks the guys, makes them win, and she has a roomance, but does she really want it? I don't know.

I don't know if she really wants it. Time. Time. It's time. I don't know. I bring you a good point. Does she want it? Because I'm like, does she really want him to come back?

I think she was kind of fine when he left. But it's so committed to her own thing. She's like, I like you, Kevin Costner, but I can't fuck you because my thing is I only fuck one guy in a season. So I can't break my thing. But then he gets traded and the other guy gets brought up to the big show. And then she's like, all right, well, now we can. Like, her morals seem to not be about like what she wanted, but what, like, she was.

It was living against a code. The baseball rules. Because everybody in the house of movies are like Rudy. They're all obsessed with their sports shit. And she was like, the sport, I fuck the baseball. Right. Because she wasn't even interested in Tim Robbins. She obviously liked Kevin Costner.

But she was like, I have to help him get to the big leagues. And since I did it, now, and maybe the season was over. Now she can fuck somebody else. But what is her reward? Like the team does well? Yeah. What does she care? She loves baseball.

She's a baseball grouping. That's her church. Yeah, it starts off. But then there's another part of it where when the team is doing well, she's kind of upset because she's not getting fucked. Right. But Kevin Coxner, like, you can't fuck

with the winning street. The fucking as like, it's currency and it's like you can only have it for certain things. I'm like, can't she just go fuck somebody she likes, like, on the side? No, because it's against her rules. Her life is a joke. It is such, it is like, when you try to, like,

really break it down, it's like, again, like, what is the story? It's like, it's like, if you, like, what's crash, like, what it crashes, like, arc? If, like, if he's, like, his arc is, he gets traded here to mentor this guy, and he likes this girl, and then he fucks her. Like, there's no, like, he doesn't grow,

he doesn't grow, change, nothing. Well, his thing is really about, well, I don't, do we, do we need to do you, well, let's jump into the plot so we can, like, really talk it out, we'll hash out every little moment. This movie came out June 15th, 1988, and it took place in 1987. It literally, that's what I found.

The year it was shot is when it took place. It was written by Ron Shelton and directed by him. And, okay, so we jump in. The single-A minor league baseball team, the Durham Bulls, are dealing with another sparsely attended losing season with one thing working for them. Ebby Calvin La Lush, Tim Robin. Terrible name. That is terrible. It's a horrific.

Calvin La Looche. Watch his movie last night, and if I gave me multiple choice, I'd be like, I had to pause the movie. I had to pause it and look at it. I was like, what's his name? I had it on captions because I was like, what's going on? Ebby.

He's a hot shot rookie pitcher who has potential to become a major league talent. Crash Davis, Kevin Costner, a 12-year veteran in minor league baseball. It's a long time, right? A long time. Yes. Is sent down from AAA as the team's catcher

to teach La Lush to control his haphazard pitching. And Crash immediately begins calling Abby by the nickname Meat, and they get off to a rocky start. I didn't really understand why meat was such a bad, like, why was he so mad about that? And also, why couldn't he control his pitches? They were wild. And also, like, the other part of this. It's so fast.

It's like, why did you bring in a pitcher to help a pitcher? Yeah, why did they bring in a catcher? Yeah, like, it's like, we need you to control him. It's like, I guess it because he would call the pitches, yeah. But at the same time. But his pitches were either to the point. player or away, right? So, like, it's just, yeah, always

to the player. Yeah, why did you do it over in that direction? It blew me away. I was like, come, then I can play baseball. All of this said, though, I did really like that. I don't mean to jump ahead, but like, I liked the movie and I enjoyed the experience of it. It was great. I want to say that because we're all in.

Really? Because we're all, no, that's how we talk. No, no, that's how we talk. But it's not bad. It was like, I really like, I let it just wash over me. And I was like, oh, this is like a great movie from that time period. It is fine. I feel like there's like two types of movies.

One that you watch like this. And you're like, oh, wow, I just watched a movie. And then you think that I'm like, and then they're like five minutes past, right? What the fuck did I just watch? Yeah. And that's successful to me. As long as you're not thinking,

what the fuck am I watching while you're watching it. Right, right. It's like it's movie stars. It's movie stars. It's like I'm just comfortable. Like you've got it. This is a special time. Do you think it's the movie stars?

that we're nostalgic for that period because that's like when we cared more. I think so. Yeah. I think so. Because to me it feels like that was movie stars, but that doesn't seem true. I think if you showed that movie to like a kid in college now,

they'd be like, yeah. Yeah, I know. I think they'd be into it. Really? I think. I think it's too slow. I think it is a bit slow. And I do think the Victorian look of it feels so dusty.

It is a very dusty, jolly movie. I liked the story. I just was, I had so many, I'm sitting there going, why does it look like this? I think that putting it, like, in that Victorian look, that 50s, that kind of, like, look, like, makes the sex go down easier for a more puritanical audience. Like, they're like, oh, okay, sex isn't, like, we're not totally comfortable with it.

It's just her thing. Well, they're also trying to sort of set this in the South, you know, like, you don't really get that much of flavor of the South, but, like, everyone's accents are all over the place. Like, the baseball announcer guy is, like, from New Orleans or, like, his accent's crazy. Everybody else is, like, sort of. of South Carolina and North Carolina but like that explains the style more though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm

saying that there's sort of like older like Victorian house or at least her house some of the like slow feel of it feels like kind of a hot summer Southern New Orleans. I think you're right. I'm very happy that if in every movie that comes out where there are our accents, people just

don't do them. Just be you like we don't need to go. Come on down. I think we're getting to a point of not caring about that as much. I feel like kind of going away. There are things where people don't all have the same accent. If you've got it great. But if you don't got it, you don't have the force. It's not. I don't know.

But it's kind of fun. She's just kind of doing it. And I kind of... Yeah. I like... She's got an energy that I feel like... She can pull it off. Yeah. I will say she is, to me, peak Susan Serrent. Like, she is gorgeous. She's so beautiful. So mesmerizing. You know, obviously

her eyeballs are gigantic. From the side, her eyeballs are like... So big. Did she in an Academy Award? for this or nominated for you? We'll find that. We'll find out. The goods are in here, and I simply don't know yet. I do believe that this is like the movie that really launched her.

Like, I don't even know if she had a first wave, but I think this is the movie that really, like, Susan Saran, like, this poster, it was something I remember seeing. It's like, this performance is like the, I think it really, my thought is her career takes off after this. My favorite is stepmom. Stepmom is so sad. Wait, I think everyone should do accents. I think you're wrong about that. Have you seen true blood?

Everybody has a different accent. And it's a good time. Also, Storm and X-Men, Halliberry tries in the first movie, and someone told her, don't do that. And then she stops it, and I was like, come on. It was, it was a nice time. Maybe the idea is, like, maybe the idea is you guys take a big fucking swing or none. Because I think that people who try to hide it,

be like Channing Tatum and Deadpool versus Wolverine. It's so funny. It's so good. I mean I think that there's a joke choice. It's a Creole Norland's accent. And it's supposed to be funny. Yeah. And that's what he sounds like in the cartoon and I was like

I can't believe they were going to make a two-hour movie about that. Oh, I would be 100%. And I'd be on board. On board. I was like why didn't we do it? And his face is all squished up in the costume. It's very funny. That's funny. Do we think that this is Susan Sarandon's movie?

Yes. It definitely is. I feel like you care the most about her and you want to see her the most. But it should be, but I feel like they kind of get away from that almost. Like it should be. When he comes in, well, here, why don't you catch us up to where? So thrown into the mix is Annie, Susan Sarandon, a baseball groupie and lifelong spiritual seeker who has latched on to the church of baseball.

Every year, Annie chooses one player on the Bulls to be her lover and student. Which, kind of wild. Because, like, why would you want to fuck your student? And, well, it's also just, like... And I know we're all adults, but, like, I'm going to fuck someone I have to teach. I was curious about her, like, what... You never take any... You never take any...

Brod Paul. So true. Get ready, get ready, yeah. I got a lot of lawsuits to show you. So many losses. I just don't get it. So many losses. I would be frustrated all the time.

It's like, you don't get it? You don't get in my bed. I'm gonna fucking... I think that, like, it's like, she's a coach who understands that, like, I don't even think she's fucking him as much as she's teaching him how to fuck for the future. Well, yeah. Right? Because she kind of says he's like, he's not, what did she call him at the end?

I don't know, there was something about how she described him where she was kind of like, he's just inexperienced or something where she said it where he was like, she was going to just teach him how to be. Because all these other women are throwing themselves at him. Yeah. She doesn't care about him. And he fucks all crazy. it's described.

He's like, he's like, he fucks the way he pitches. Yeah. Which honestly makes me upset because that means he's missing the hole. Yeah.

Hitting thighs. Hitting the butt. I mean, I just don't put on the whole time. That's my butt. That's my butt. He's really, it's an odd choice

because it's like, she's so passionate about the game that she's, her goal is, I need to make a good all-around baseball player. And like, and we don't hear like,

oh yeah, was behind Ken Griffey Jr. Right. Ken Griffey Sr. Well, she does have a weird altar in her house. Yeah, like pictures and mitts. Yeah, and at the end, there's a weird thing. The last shot of the movie is this slow push-in to some famous baseball player that died.

Yeah. But it's like, but he died in a plane crash. I forgot who it is. People tell us on the thing. Okay. Tell us. But there's just like a weird push into this guy that was a real person that died in a plane crash. Wait, is a real person? And so, they're like, and she fucked him too.

Well, anyway, but so... So weird. Wait, maybe. Okay, you know how, like, coaches, those who can't teach or whatever, and coaches are, like, living vicariously through players to, like, do what they couldn't do? Maybe since she's a woman, and she couldn't be in the major leagues, she's like, I will fuck them to where I want to be.

Yeah. To be, like, yeah. There would be, like, a thing where it would be, like, in my mind, it would be like, she would lure them in with the idea of fucking, but never fuck them and just actually teach them baseball, and be like, and you get good of baseball, then we'll fuck. but she's doing both simultaneously. But couldn't you also make the argument that this is not her movie,

that this is Kevin Kozner's movie? I mean, it's really... I think they almost make it seem like it's going to be when he comes into the office and has that talk where it's like, we're bringing you in to do this stuff. And it seems like, oh, okay, we're going to like the sports part now. Can I ask, when he, the first time you see him, he walks in and he says, I'm the player to be named later.

Was that a joke, like that to me... I did not get that. He felt like a script joke. That, I think, is a... He's just like... It's a first draft, and they were like, what is his name going to be? What was that?

Was it the guy in Lake Placid reads his stage... Brendan Gleason, five times in Lake Placid reads his own stage directions. It's hilarious. Yes, you'll find out... Oh, my gosh. Said sarcastically. Like, yeah. Wait, really?

Why? I love him. I think he was just like, from what I understand, that movie was a real nightmare to shoot. So I think, this is what... If I'm putting him a little bit of my own spin on it, that the writer was like David E. Kelly I think it was a just say the fucking words and he was like well yeah

I'll say the words sarcastically like you know like I'll read all your words That's kind of what I thought was When he first walked in I didn't get the joke That's a other sports thing Because like like sometimes what you'll do Is you'll make a trade and you'll be like We don't know why we're trading that

Like we don't know for who yet Or the PD name later So it's sort of like a we're gonna trade Because on this level it's like it's It's like, we'll give you a catcher, we'll give you a thing. Like, we don't have that actual person yet. So it's like, it's, it's a, like, it's just a, I think it's like, oh. It's a sports joke.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a movie that makes you go, oh, God, I'm not watching a fucking rom-com. And I'm like, dude, I like fucking baseball. You don't try me into watching some movie about fucking. Well, and I do think it's a good, it's a good guy movie for that reason because it's like, and there's fucking. So it's like, you get a little bit of everything.

Yeah. I thought it was a movie for everyone. I think it's a movie where it's like, Bring your wife. You're going to have a fun time. The guys want to see it because baseball is fucking. And it felt dusty at times. So Annie flirts with both Crash and Eddie and invites them to her house.

This was wild. At the bar, she's just like, who's coming home with me? And they're like, which one? She's like, both. And was this when she danced with Sam or whatever, the guy from the clown? Yes. This is when Tim was like, I don't dance. and then they go outside, wait.

Yeah, this is a good scene. I like the scene. We don't talk about when they go outside and he's like, throw the ball at my chest, or is that after? Oh, this I think is, that's, I think we're skipping that here, but we should talk about that because that's like, they go to have a brawl because they're fighting over her

and he's going to dance with her. And then he's like, I don't hit a guy first. And then he's like, I don't hit a guy first. And then he's like, throw the ball at me. Yeah. He just has a ball. He carries a baseball. He says that to him.

He's like, he's carrying a baseball to a bar. It's like his wallet. He's a catcher. He's like, fall in, like, leave that shit at home, a big old hunk and ball in your pocket? In case he gets hungry. But he's, like, throw it at me.

Oh, my God, have you ever cut a baseball open? I did that as a kid, and it was very exciting. My dad, like, sliced it for, like, hours and hours and hours. And it was, it was. Oh, Warren, you sound unhinged. My dad sliced it up for hours and out of the house. We were, like, doing an experiment, like, what's inside? What's inside?

It's this, like, bouncy ball with all these little strings all around it. Yeah, that's what it was. A bouncy ball. Yeah. It was really weird. Anyways, um. But that fights seems really interesting. because I love that scene.

I also feel like that... All right, so Susan Sarandon's teaching him how to fuck and giving him baseball tips. But Crash is also teaching him how to be a baseball player in every way. Like, here's how you do interviews here. And at the end of the movie, he's taking more of Crash's stuff.

Yes, he's taking out. All of Crash's stuff. It's a weird, like if you were pitching this movie in a room, it wouldn't make sense. Right. Because you'd be like, okay, so here's this hot shot pitcher. You can't control himself. This woman is going to teach him

in the ways of, of like love and sex, but really how to control his body for the sport. And then also there's a major, major celebrity, Kevin Costner, who's gonna do the exact same thing. Yeah. But not with the fucking, right? And then the two people on the poster

are Kevin Custer and this is a random. Not Tim Robbins, yeah. So it's like the two teachers, but they also aren't teaching different sides of the equation because she's like, here, throw the ball. And he's like, here, throw the ball. Like they're both, maybe one.

And he, like, you could say, well, Kevin Coster's help. him with his mind, but so is she. The only thing that Kevin Costler's not doing is giving him hand jobs, but maybe he is on the road. Maybe he is. He takes that guitar and he's like, you're going to get a hand job later. But also, it's wild to me that this mediocre man who can throw a ball good one time out of ten, everyone is like, we gotta get him to the major league.

It was like his personality was so amazing or something. Like everyone just thought he was such a charming, weird, like crazy loose canon. I thought that was, he was like rock star vibes. I gotta say, too, and I don't know Tim Robbins, but like this, his performance, I kind of felt like he was in a different movie a little bit. Like, I mean, maybe that's just his vibe, but like, he's a really good actor. I know he's a really good, but everybody else seemed like they were like blowing him away. He seemed like, I thought like, oh, maybe he's just trying to be like dumb, bro, job. That's what I think, I felt like it was kind of like he's a bit daffy or something.

Yeah. This is like this era of Tim Robbins where he was the goofball. Oh. Oh, there was a movie called, like, tape heads, I think, where he's like, hey, he was that guy. He was pompadour, like, he was a little bit, like, Sean Penn Spacoli, like that. Even though Sean Penn only really did that once, he, it's like, Nicholas Cage was a little bit more like, hey, I'm this guy. And then it became like, I mean, he's still, I guess, those are two examples of people who are very different. But there was something about, like, Tim Robbins definitely leaned into that a little bit more early on, like the, because I think this is really relatively early on in his career, too.

Yeah, I think so. who's only 30, so I mean, it feels like it had to be. Yeah, I mean, it's probably a active game. All I know is, he's big, he's tall, he's hot. Yeah. And I love the Shawshake Redemption. Shoshayette, which is great. Anytime.

And they've met on this film, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robb. And they ran together for a very long time. And that's great. Wait, is he single now? Wait, did they break up? Wait, hold on. I didn't know they broke up. Yeah, I think they weren't married, right?

They were never married. They were just partnered. Like, they were like that. It was like men's men. about their divorce. And it's one of my favorite elements of it is like... Well, they weren't married. It's long as divorce.

Their breakup is that... They're conscious uncoupling. I mean, if you're together for like 40 years to have a bunch of kids and stuff, I feel like it's... Yeah, it's like, what are we talking about? It's not a breakup. Yeah, they're still... But, like, Susan Saranan got, like, really good at ping pong,

and she was, like, showing up in New York at all these ping pong clubs playing ping pong, like, all the time. It was like, that was her, like, rebirth after her celebration. I love that. And she was, like, fucking... all these young ping pong dudes. Just like Bill Durr. Oh my God.

Oh, there it is. Ping Durr. Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping, Dure. Pong Durham. Okay, so Annie, back to the summary. Annie flirts, okay, so she invites him to her house, but Crash walks out saying he's too much of a veteran to try out for anything. Before he leaves.

Can I ask one question on this? If the idea is she picks one player per year to tutor, she wouldn't be picking the old guy whose career is over I didn't get why he was even an option because I thought he was coming yeah I guess she was kind of like she's just kind of like

I want to flirt with you and whatever I don't know but if she has a code of ethics that so I guess my thought was she picks a guy to make a better baseball player but in here she's basically saying oh no no I just pick a guy I just pick a guy I think she was like

I'm picking Tim but I really want Kevin Okay, so her part She's like, I kind of already committed to this guy And he was like, well, I don't want to be with somebody who wants to be with that guy Which I loved that. Right, that's a great line. I don't want to be with a woman who's interested in that boy.

Yeah, yeah. He goes, who you call it a boy? Yeah, it was great. Yeah, that's a great diss. And by the way, that relationships, like uncomfortability disappeared with in 10 minutes maybe of the movie. You thought, oh, this might be an interesting dynamic. It's like kind of lethal weapon like, hey, they're from different sides of the tracks, but they get the job done. nope they just become good friends

immediately like after that scene outside the bar like man then nothing no well he does in that scene he tells him in case people haven't watched he goes to like he's like throw a ball at me if you're not going to hit me

and then you'll be a loser in front of everyone because you won't be able to hit me with the ball and he throws and it goes right through the window I'm like I could hit him with the ball I could definitely throw it and hit him right like that well this goes to Nicole's problem Nicole's issue which is like

if if you can't even throw a ball at somebody to beat away like Who's like, I do think he's got talent, though. It's wild. Why are we investing so much in him? I think it's because he's hot. I think it's too. I think it's because he's six, seven.

You never see him like really kick-ass playing baseball. Like he throw, I mean, maybe it's just because Tim Robbins, like, I don't know that I could throw a great pitch either. But like, you just don't get that satisfaction. I'm like, oh, he's also a great. Like, Kevin Koster, you see him playing. I was kind of like, oh, I think he probably played baseball. He did. I went on the internet.

He did play baseball. and he hit two home runs in that movie. Is that going to be in here later? That's amazing. By the way, when they shoot his scenes, it looks like the natural with Robert Redford. It's like, all of a sudden it's like real...

You know so many movies I've never heard. I love it. You could truly be making shit up. That's a good one. But they do an interesting thing when he's at bat. They do his inner monologue. He's like, come on, meet.

Bring that heat. Bring that heat. And he's like slow bat. Or quick bat, quick bat, quick bat. And like, I was like, wait, we're doing his voiceover and Susan Sarananan's voiceover. That was a weird part.

They kind of just threw that in there randomly where suddenly we can hear what everyone's thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is like a toss salad, you know? Yeah, it's the Frasier of the movie. It's exactly Frazier. It's a Frasier. Have you ever, when they do,

oh, maybe I'm jumping ahead of what I was going to get to the first point. I really just want to say this one part where he leaves her house with his long speech of the things he believes in, and it ends with, I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Good night. Yeah. I was like.

I love that. He also was like the small of the baths, like, ugh. It was kind of hot, but it was also kind of like, what do you say? Because it was so random. So that's interesting that you both had such different reactions to that. If a guy had said that to you, you would be totally on board. If I was attracted to him, I'd be into it. I mean, Lauren's married, and I'm out here being like,

get a gobble, gobble, but if I thought he was hot, he could say that and I would like it. If I was already not attracted, I'd be like, you believe in slow, long kisses that last four. It seems like a terrible person to kiss. Like, I feel like the other thing about it, too, is like, this. You're kissing me so slow. It's so wet. It's so wet.

How slow is this? This is weird. I feel like there's an issue here, too, where it's like, it's just like, this is like a guy going, this is what a woman wants to hear. Yes. Yeah, yeah, we'll tell you. There's a lot. I mean, her character now, like, knowing that a man wrote this, like, that's a character

that a guy would write. You know, like, there and this is a girl that fucks everybody, but she makes some good at baseball. She doesn't even need anything else. She doesn't even want to hang out. So what Wolf Cola is saying is that she mixes sexual, social, manipulation in a particular and intentional way to affect an effect sports psychology. Coaching with that puss.

Wow. That's a translation for us again. Sounds like a therapist. Way to bring in the chat. Way to bring in the chat. Okay, so Annie and Crash work in their own ways to shape Abby into a big league pitcher. Annie plays mild bondage games.

This was wild. Her garter, which I was... Wait, no, when she ties them up to the bed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then reads poetry to that man. I couldn't believe it. And he's exhausted. She's like, I can't believe it.

He's like, who said what? But yet he calms back. Yeah, he wants more. Well, she's so beautiful. I wish I had that. If I tied a man up and read to him, I don't think you get arrested. I would.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Page one. Harry always knew he was a special boy. Yes, when she reads poetry, she gets him to try different mental. I really wondered. It's like, he memorized the beginning. I should have that. That's my mom.

By the way, can I just say that every theater person that had to listen to Kevin Costner's monologue from Bulldorf, you know that every actor of a certain age, you were like, that's my monologue. I'm going on with that monologue. Like, I feel like I felt like everybody was like transcribing that at their house, renting it from the blockbuster video going, like, this is it.

This is not going to show them. Slow wet kisses to last three days. Because it's funny but sexy. And I'd also believe in me. Would you have liked it better if you was like, I like slow wet kisses. It takes out chapstick. Is that?

I would have loved it. I don't know. I was really into it. No, no. I also enjoyed it because it's also just like fun movie moment. It was very movie. There's a great shot of Tim Robbins where it ends up being a dream,

but he is fully oiled up in the garters and just a jockstrap pitching. But I was like, this guy is in shape. He looks great. I mean, this guy's like six, how tall is that guy? Oiled up. I was like, this guy. He was like, do you, wing, winged up in a garter. I was like, do you, wing, yeah.

So he got remarried and divorced after Susan Strandon. Who was the remarried? Who or what? Who? Yeah, who? He just married a baseball. Yeah, who or what? But he was single at the timing of this movie.

And that's when he met her. Oh, yeah. And then he... I'm asking for right now. Yeah, she's interested. She's a director girlfriend. She's young. Yeah.

Great. She's twice. That means when that wraps up. I'll jump in. Yeah. What I'm saying is you have a clear... I got to get into directing. Yeah.

And this is when she gives them the nickname Newk. The nickname thing, I... I was, like, a nuke and crash. I didn't like it. I was like, why? I thought the nickname, watching this not knowing, I thought, oh, well, his nickname will be Bull. Like, that's why the movie's called. And then she's like, oh, you're, because at one point, he says, like, when they're both in her house, he's like, is somebody going to fuck somebody or what?

And she's like, oh, you're like a nuclear meltdown. And then that's how he gets nuke. But I was like, okay. Yeah, Bull would have been good. I would take anything that could, that makes me connected to the, that makes me connected to the, and that's, and then. the title of the film. But this is a question I just have, like, is this a movie thing or a

real thing? Like, when people are fucking, do they call it somebody else's name? Like, I feel like that's something like a trope that I've seen. Like, is that a thing like... I will ask. I'll go, I've done it 100. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. Because it's like, it feels like...

And they, you know, it's like, that's like something that happens in a lot of movies. It is. And she's saying like a specific... It's like, crash. Yeah. Yeah. Which is... Yeah. Oh, crash. Oh, crash. So you imagine how lost you must be in sex to be like, okay, I'm so out of my body.

I'm envisioning this other man fucking me so hard that I'm like, crash. It's definitely crash doing this right now. She's thinking crash, maybe, I don't know. She convinced him, she's like, would you rather me be saying your name and sleeping with him or sleeping with you? Yes, I enjoyed that. I was like, wow. It's a pretty good. It's pretty good.

It's been that around. He's like, well, hold on. Okay, yeah, I guess you're right. You could do whatever you want. But no, I've never said somebody else's name. That's insane. It would have to be, like, it's a very, it would have to be, it's so incredibly narcissistic because you, you're so out of your own.

Yeah, you're not connecting with this person at all, yeah. So you couldn't even be having the, like, oh, I'm coming so much, crash. Because it's like, how could you even be there? Like, you're not even there. You can't be locked in enough to have an orgasm that good that you'll be streaming up. There's a shot later where I think it's at the end where she and Kevin Kozner like are fucking for a long time. Sorry to jump ahead. But they roll off the bed together.

And I had to rewind and I was like, wait, this is like dangerous. They're completely burritoed in the doily comfort. Yeah. But then like it's them they did. I mean, you know, whatever. It's a few feet off the thing. It's like if your penis is in there and you're going, kachon, onto the ground. You might break it.

Yeah, it's bad. A couple of the sex scenes were a little dangerous. when he whips that milk on the floor and they're fucking on the island, I was like, oh yeah, yeah, so many minds. He breaks the bowl. I was like, just chill out.

She's got to clean all that shit. Someone's got to clean this up. The cat was like, looking up the milk later. I was like, this is chaos. It's not the thing to like overly get into, but they fuck so much in that, it seems like maybe a six hour period. They're in the tub.

They're like, let's get in the top now. Let's go eat breakfast now. Let's go on the bed. Let's go over here. I'm like, I, like, it was like, But what's so funny is it seems like there are the fine stops. Well, they're like, we're going to light a thousand candles. And then the water's going to go over.

I remember that shot from being a teenager. Like, I remember seeing that of, like, the water in the tub. Yeah. I was waiting for it to happen because I was like, there's too many candles. They're all burnt to stubs. So, by the way, Crash Davis was the name of an actual player that played for the Durham Bulls in the 50s. And there's a statue of an act. We don't know.

That's weird because that could have been in here. Yeah. So is he a ghost? Is he like a ghost, like for Field of Dreams? He's a ghost. Maybe this is actually Field of Dreams. It's Field of Dreams. It's a field of Bull Durham.

Wow. But I think, because was the dude who wrote this a baseball player, or it's like based on shit? I guess it's based on this guy. He played baseball. But like, I think athletes fuck more than normal people. Okay. I think baseball players definitely fuck out. Well, that's the Olympic Village.

They have to hand out, like, an insane amount of condoms. But didn't they also give them those paper beds so they couldn't have any sense? bed's out of cardboard, so you can't fuck. Somebody told me, Rob and I talked about that, and they said that that is a... Can't have a good night's sleep? I think they, the parents are the most important night of your life. Like, do not fuck here.

You're just sleep on cardboard. LeBron James is not sleeping on a cardboard bed. Like that is like for the people who are doing like archery. Yeah. And they're like, and I'll still be fucking on this. Simone Bile's not on a fucking cardboard bed. Like, yeah, there is like, you know, it's like, I'd be like, that is for the low tier.

That's wrong. I don't like it. They should have a cot at least. They should at least have a cop, but apparently Tinder breaks. Okay, well... Every Olympics. We, Tinder breaks.

We, okay, we basically know what happens in this movie. We need to, we need to wrap it up a bit. Okay. We know they fuck, they fuck, they fuck, they fuck. I mean, the thing is, is like, does much happen in this movie? We kind of nailed it. It's like, they fuck, they play baseball, they fuck again. He leaves...

He gets on a winning street. He leaves her a note. Oh, yeah. That's the big thing. It's like, he goes on a winning street. So then he realized, like, and Kevin Costner tells him, which, by the way, is Kevin Costner trying to drive a wedge in there? He's saying, don't, you never fuck with the winning streak. Like, you can't fuck her anymore.

Which is a theme in all sports movies. Rocky could never come. And then Raging Bull, the boxing thing got. And Creed 2. And Creed 1 or 2, I guess, like, Creed 2 they fuck because he's like, oh, that's great because I couldn't fuck you before the fight. Like, I'm fine with that. But I don't even think it's like a wed. because he goes on this winning streak.

And I thought, oh, because he's wearing the garter. But he's not, because the first time he seems to be putting on the garters after they're back at home. And then Kevin Cosner fixed it. Oh, but I liked that part where he, where Tim Robbins didn't know how to undo it. He was like, let me show you. And then when fucking Kevin Castro came, he was like, clickety-click-a-clat. He's like, oh, yeah, I do long wet kisses and undo guys. They made a big deal about that.

Like, there was like a close. So they're like, we've got to reset for this and light this. This is, again, a movie for everyone. Straight men, women, gay men. Like this gay women. No, Susan Saran is in there. Yeah. It's for everybody.

I remember, like, as a kid that it felt like it was like, you need to know how to unclasp a woman's bra like that. But then they fucking put the thing in the front now. So now it's all harder, it's not as sex, you can't go behind you have to be. I think they just came up with that. I know they felt like it. Clasp in the fuck. Just what we learned.

I thought it was primarily in the back, and I thought it was put in the front. Sometimes it's in the front. Sometimes it's in the back. How did you learn? Did you have to learn on a person? Did you guys buy bras and put them on pillows? I remember that I lived in an apartment,

and so there was one time a rogue bra that was not, because it was an apartment, it was a laundry room, it was out on top of the dryer, and I was like, this will be the bra that I learned how to do this on. And I was like, and I would get it between my two fingers. That is so funny. That's really, was this true? 100%.

I love that. I think I just figured it out on the fly. I hope my wife doesn't listen to this. She'll be so jealous. That first time that you didn't steal a bra from your neighbor. Married sex. Like, has your husband ever gone like, you're already in pajamas and no bra?

Yeah. You're both in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I don't know that one. Okay, what? Nicole got sad. Okay, this whole day 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. I agree.

It's it, and I think it's great. 2003 Sports Illustrated ranked it the greatest sports movie. It's number 10 on Rotten Tomatoes Top Ten Sports Movies list. I would argue that this is not a sports movie. But there's enough baseball that I avoided watching it my whole life. Right.

Right. But I guess why I don't consider it a sports movie is because there's no, there's no, Those sports movies follow some sort of linear progression of like, we're going to win, we did win something, we're an underdog, we're going to win. Well, is Field of Dreams a sports movie to you? Right. Well, Field of Dreams kind of is because it's sort of like, it is all about like building this field at baseball.

I mean, it- But there's no game actually played. There's no, but does he watch him play game? No, he watches him to do a practice. Oh wow. It's like a poem about the idea of baseball. Yeah, right. Where I guess I feel like this movie almost, like, I guess that's the thing I'm also felt like I was missing, like, oh, well, like, yes,

he gets brought up to the majors, but, like, we didn't even build to, like, a big game or anything. We didn't build to any, like, climax in the sports. Like, even in Phil of Dreams, like, the climax is like, again, I haven't seen Phil of Dreams in a long time because I thought it was boring and shit. But the, yeah, as a kid, as a child. Oh, for sure. As a kid, I'd be like, so. Yeah, like, so is the practice the end?

Yeah. The end is. He sees Ghost Daddy. Yeah. And he's like, want to play a kid? No, and that's really sweet. It's a good idea. I can't even think about that without crying.

Like, I'm almost crying thinking. No, no. I really? I could cry. I'm almost crying thinking about it. But wait. Thinking about Ghost Daddy? I keep talking.

I keep talking about ghosts. It's so sweet to play catch with your dead dad. No. I would give anything to play catch with my dead dad. I'm going to give you a minute to watch on YouTube. To play catch? I mean, I don't know. I would be.

Anything else with my dead dad. I need you to play catch with him. Wait, I need you to watch this one minute on YouTube. It's the last minute of Wonder Years, which I bring up way too much. But I love it so much. I was watching it like earlier this summer and like crying non-stop.

It's like, it's a heart to heart with Maine kid, Kevin and his dad. And they're like, it's the Fourth of July. And there's a voiceover, of course. And it's so beautiful. And he's like, it was a really great Fourth of July. He's like, yeah, it was. And he's like, Kevin's like, you're going to be a grandpa. Because like his sister's pregnant.

He's like, yeah, I am. He's going to be going gray soon. They had this little moment, and it zooms out, and then you're seeing his street, and then the voiceover, which is the best voice ever, is like, I remember a place, remember the people. And most of all, I remember a feeling. And when I look back, it all fills me with wonder.

And then you hear the kids say, I'm about to cry, Dad, you want to play baseball? And the narrator, the voiceover, Kevin, is now a dad. He's like, I'll be there. I'll be there in a minute. Oh! It's so good. Parents shouldn't die.

That's the thing. Parents really shouldn't die. If I come back, I'm gonna play Nerf. I'm gonna have a Nerf football, one that has whistles when you throw it. Now I go into Michaels the other day with my daughter, it's around Halloween and they have skeletons everywhere. It's not around Halloween. It's September. Go into Michael.

September 1 is Halloween now, though. Well, no, people are putting them decoration into July. Because I love Michaels. Yeah. It's where I get my fake flowers from. I steal them. So I take my daughter there. I feel like you confess to stealing something every time we do one of these.

Here's the thing. I don't like capitalism. Just drop that in the middle of our bunk. Steal the fake flowers. Okay, I don't work at Michaels, but I do this. It's very easy to steal for them. It's very easy to steal. So I scan one.

Don't scan. one. Scan one, don't scan two. And I leave with so many flowers. Well, anyway, my thing about, my whole point was that I'm getting emotional about thinking about, like, my dad died and played baseball. Now I go

into Michael's with my daughter, and there's my daughter's. Like, dad, look, there's your dad. Like, pointing at a skeleton. Like, she's funny. She's funny. I know she is. I know she is. There's your dad. That's wild. First time she did it.

I almost started crying. She goes, Dad, it's your dad. And I looked, and it was a fucking skeleton. And I was like, oh, it was so funny, but so mean. That's funny. Both my parents are dead. So to me, she'd be like, oh, then when she saw a ghost, do she go, and your mom.

Whoa. She hasn't done that yet. She will. She's coming. That's tough. Wow. She's funny. That's wild.

That's wild. That is crazy. How much, does anyone, does anyone, How much this... This had to be a giant hit. I don't know. Tell us. Yeah, we don't know how much it means. But we can say that we saw that person comment that there was a real crash Davis.

So Ron Shelton found his name in a baseball listing. His real name was Lawrence Columbus Davis. And he spent three years, 1940 to 42, in the major leagues as an infielder for the Philadelphia Athletics before being drafted during World War II. He later enrolled in Duke and ironically played ball for the real Durham Bulls and other teams until 1952. realizing that he would have to have the permission of the real Davis to use his name Shelton approached Davis who asked

do I, meaning Kevin Costner, get the girl in the end? Shelton told him he does and Davis signed off his permission. Wow. Do I get the girl? Even in fiction. Yeah. He's like, does she fuck me? That's really funny. I got to tell

my friends that I'm going to fuck Susan Saranjian. Imagine this old man going to this movie. I'm in this movie it's a baseball movie. Oh God. They're like, fuck, I don't know. Not on the top. Not on the counter. I think he's an old man.

He was like, that's me. But that was, like, in Rudy when the guy who was the real coach was like, okay, you can use my name if you, if I'm like not mean. And the movie. And then he, like, was a villain. He was so mad with her. I got to see. I haven't seen Rudy. None of it really happened.

None of it really happened. Yeah. Yeah. But yet, yet there are, that man goes on a tour making. speeches all the time. No, he didn't. Because he was like scamming and stuff. He was scamming about juice. This is like the blind side people. The blind side people are like terrible people that like said that they adopted this kid and they didn't. Yeah. I think I think I don't know if Rudy is a bad person but I think he wanted more going on in his story. So it's very embellished. I mean it's like every one of these sports stories. It's like they have to like it's yeah. You know there's like that other one with like what's his name. Where it's like a guy is like he he was never anything. And And then they call him up to the majors, and then he, like, wins the World Series. Like, did that really happen?

I don't think it does. Yeah. No. The rookie, it was called, I think. And it was like, he was an old rookie. That was a joke of the movie. Not rookie. I mean, did it really happen in Rookie of the year where his arm got stuck and then he could make a really fast throw?

All I know is that King Arthur's, or Connecticut, Yankee, and King Arthur's Court, whatever. That did happen. That did happen. Yeah, yeah. That did happen. Yeah, yeah. He was playing baseball. Yeah.

And that's it. So many movies I haven't seen. It's like, what have I ever seen? Well, you didn't have a brother, though. I feel like I had a brother, and so, like, growing up, it's like you watch those. You just end up watching those kids sports movies I definitely had to watch. I was in, I heard it, I can talk out of school because they don't think it's going to happen, but, you know, Bad Boys 4 just came out and it's, you know, very successful. I loved it.

And they're like, Martin's back. We need to do a sequel to Black Knight. And Black Knight is Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's Court. It's like Martin Lawrence gets transported back to medieval times, and like he's wearing like a Philadelphia Eagles jersey. and like a, like, like, he has a sword. He's like, immediately he'd be killed. Well, like, you do that?

Get shit in that? Like, it's like, it's all, that whole movie is like, no! I got to get on the horse. I got a shit in a pot. And I was like, how do you bring back that?

Like, it's a one-time deal. He goes to medieval times. He's a free time. You can't be like, yeah, we got to go back that well. That's very funny. Black Knight, Black Knight, bring it on. You guys see the poster for Black Knight.

It's pretty. It is an amazing poster. It is, you can't pull up the poster. I can't believe that's a movie. Yeah, that's so weird. Never heard of it. You got to do some time traveling series. Maybe that's the next series.

I haven't seen very much time travel, except for Back to the Future. That's one of the best. That's a true story. That's a true story. Back to the future is true. The musical's not good. Okay, yeah, not good at all.

They did a wild thing. Well, we're going back at time. I mean, kind of. Kind of. Kind of. And when they're, have you seen it? No. Well, when they're in the 80s, they don't do 80s songs.

They just do regular Broadway songs. And then the 50s are just doing regular Broadway songs. Because 80s is like present. Oh, well, it doesn't know about it. All I knew is that musical was doomed because the only time they talk about is like, well, have you seen the car? It's like. Yeah, apparently the best moment's the last moment. But I left at intermission.

Guys, this is not sports. This is not sports, guys. You're right. On stage. On stage. No, no. in the movie. I have no idea what they did in the musical. The other little bit of trivia is that the bowl billboard

offering a free steak if it gets tagged by a home run was created for the film. The real-life team kept it even after moving to a newer, bigger stadium, Durham Bulls Athletic Park. Even today if a player hits the bull on the fly with a home run, he wins a free steak from a local restaurant. He wins, not the crowd. And if the player... He's just playing his own carnival game in the middle of them. And if a player hits the grass that the bull stands up,

he wins a free salad. You're like, You're playing, is this major league? You're like playing a game You win a steak, keep going. I got it's so savvy. I got Clippers games If in the fourth quarter

If the opposing team misses two free throws The entire stadium gets Chick-fil-A. Oh. And they just have it at the ready? Or do they give you a coupon? You get a thing. You get a phone.

It pops up. If I thought people were bringing it out. Oh, yeah. No, no. They air drop you a coupon? Yeah, you go. They're shooting out of those cannons. Just get a chicken sandwich in your lap.

And if they don't, they just destroy all the chicken sandwiches if they don't make. They just throw them on everyone. But imagine if it was like, if the other team doesn't make two free throws, the clippers all get free chit-fil-a-bara. It's like, yeah.

Like, oh, good. You get a free sandwich. You don't. I'm so happy. My favorite player got a stake. Yeah, that's so weird. He should pick one person to give it to. That's a lot of chicken to just give away.

Steve Bomber gives a lot of ways. He gave away kids to everybody in the stadium at one time. I think they know that most people aren't going to go there. Most people aren't going to go there. It's like, you can only use it for the next day. You have to go immediately. You have to go the next day. Why are we plugging chick flage?

Honestly, if I got a coupon though. Every Saturday, they always do it on Saturdays. And then you can't even go on a Sunday. They're closed. I don't like chickfish. I don't really get the height. It makes me feel kind of cracked out. I like it.

Like it's like you feel cracked out or something. Like I don't know. Like I get very like buzzy after it. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. Can I say something about the end of this movie? Are we done with this movie?

We're not done. Okay. Okay. I was just to say there's a, there's a shot in this movie that I thought was so beautiful at the end where I was like, where is this bend? Like, it's raining. It's pouring down raining. She's wearing like a pink thing. She's got like a pink of girl.

Yeah, she's like walking in, and then he's on the porch, but it was just like a beautiful, like, hazy shot. And I was like, where did this cinematography come from? Oh, yeah, so she comes back from the rainy game, and then he's, like, sitting on our porch and then... Because he already got all the home runs that he needed to get to, like, getting his record. And then they go inside and, fuck. But I think there's something also, like, weird. There's a weird thing about this movie, too, where it's like, I feel like these movies are, like, the parts are. better than the sum of total like it's like

I don't know if I love the movie but I'm like I enjoyed every part I'm like Kevin Costner looks good she's amazing Tim Robbins is like yes I'm in then there's like a moment like that and it's like and there's like I think the breakfast sex scene is actually really great like when they're in the kitchen but it's like all together

I'm like looking at it and I'm like it's kind of like if you're going through a buffet and you're like oh I want this I want this I want to sit down and you're like ugh it's like the buffet isn't like I don't want to eat the buffet but I want to eat a lot of the things in the buffet this is wild to me at buffets I'm so excited I love a buffet

I'm so I love it like but you're not you're not you're not forced to get soup you got pasta you got brown you're not forced to have anything

we could all go to a buffet and get our own thing and that's what I'm loaded up and I'll sit down and I'm like whoa look at all this weird shit yeah makes fun of me

because I love a buffet and there's very few the soup plantation I remember when I found soup plantation we went as like my improv team went to soup plantation

as like an outing and I was like what is this magical place and it was like a buffet you can get Lots of soup. It's a soup buffet? Yeah, but they shut down.

Cisor was. Honestly, I'm glad. What a terrible name. It was bad. They changed it to sweet tomato. They changed it to sweet tomato. Yeah. Because I guess it had been a plantation and it wasn't that great.

There aren't many buffets. It's a while, but it lasted that way. And why soup plantation? It's like soup doesn't grow in a plantation anyway. Yes, it does. We were brought over to pick soup. There aren't any really. No.

buffet restaurants anymore. The sizzler, I guess. Most people don't, especially with COVID, we don't want this. Yeah, I feel like there's like, buffets have gone. But I remember when I was a kid that there was a dessert buffet bar, and that sounds great. When people have that at a wedding, I love that's nice.

I went to a wedding in Howard Beach. We have gone so far. Now we're talking about weddings. Yeah, yeah, it's not love. Yeah, I went to a wedding. I don't know if love was present in the film. There was a wedding where it was like, it was like, It was in Howard Beach, and it was one of the craziest weddings I've ever been to, and this is the end of it,

where it was like, ladies and gentlemen, Rousseau on the Bay, would like to introduce you to your dessert. And then we've been in this whole room, and we didn't know there was another room. And then all the wall that was there opens a kushikukukuk, and then it revealed the whole other room. And in the center of a room was a chocolate fountain bubbling over, and there's a guy making mini donuts. What? Is there a soft-serve machine? Yes, and what they would do is they gave you a box, a bakery box. and you went around and you filled it up

for the next morning. Oh, my God. Whose wedding was that? Wow, money. That's a rich person. Somebody that I don't remember. I think it was like a girlfriend. Someone I do not keep in touch.

Like, it was like a girlfriend that was a glass. I had a blast of their dessert buffet and then I would not forget that. What a dream. Yeah. Oh, my God. I also know that Taylor Swift went to that same place

because she was like spotted like for her friends getting, I think Jack Antonoff got married at Rousse's on the Bay. Oh. And because they were, I was like, geez that Ruth's. Because I will never forget Ruses on there. Yeah, yeah, there are a paparazzi shops.

Is that a hotel or a restaurant? I think it's like a wedding factory. Like, it's like, it's like one of those places that's like, we will do the reception there. People that generally, I miss sweet potato.

They want you to be a sharp tank. Oh, why? I don't know. Why? Why do they want me to be? I don't know, but I would like that too. I think that soft serve ice cream machine

apparently is like the dirtiest thing in any place. I don't care. I love soft serve. And in L.A., it is so hard to find softs best. Magpies. Do you know at Albertsons now? They're selling softsers in the freezer section. What?

What? All right, so soft serve in the freezer section so they basically have created, like it's again a plastic pouch. It don't get too hard. No. And you've done it? You've had it?

And it's at Albert's. The one right by magpies. Well, then just go to Macpies. No, you're talking about Gelson. Go to Malson. Of course it's Gelson. It's not Albertsons. And I was like,

Albertson has soft serve? Wait, it comes, tell me more. I'm sorry. It's in a clear plastic case. What do you mean? Sorry,

I'm misremembering. It's not in a case. It's in a, like, it's almost like a g, like a pouch. A pouch. A pouch.

A packet, like an apple sauce packet, and it called soft serve. So then you, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you had it? Yeah, and is it like real soft serve? I, I mean,

look, I love a soft serve is my thing and I love it so much, and it's my favorite thing. I thought it was the best approximation that you were going to get without getting to a machine. Well, then why do you have to get it from there? Go to mag pies. It's like your space.

It's like, see, MacPies is okay, but it's not... I don't like that. I want vanilla. Yeah, that's true. They don't want... I want dairy queen. They don't know. I want like...

Oh, a blizzard is the best. A blizzard's delicious. I love a peanut buster. See, I like... I like pink berry as well, but I want... No, I want the twist. I want ice cream. I want classic East Coast ice cream.

Well, McDonald's always did it well. Well, McDonald's... does do it well, the machine's always broken. I've heard Weenarsh-knitl has soft-serve, so I gotta get over there. This is a food pod. This is Joe Boys. Whatever the Blizzard is, I went to a place in Maine,

and they're like, this is where the Blizzard was invented. And that was amazing. But what's the name? It's like a local place in Maine that was like outside of Portland that I drove to because I'm like, I need to get like the original, it took the idea from them. Yeah, I guess like Blizzard is not,

like a unique to dairy queen. No, Andes also makes it like a concrete. And like a concrete seems sometimes too hard. But you know what I remember though? The Frosty's a pretty... People are high listening to this podcast. We're going to be like...

A Frosties is like a... Like, people don't ever go back to a Frosties. And like, I used to go like a Frosties at Wendy's. Like to have like your Wendy's meal and the shit. Like, a Frosty was pretty so nice. Wendy's Frosty would dip the fries in. Yeah, that's so much. I would drive 30 minutes to get that in high school.

Yeah, that's good. Because Wendy's was far away. but it was a good outing. Shall we improvise Bull Durham 2? We should improvise Bold Durham 2. Okay, well, do we want to think about what's important about Boulderham 2, or do you want to just make up some scenes?

I was going to say, like, there's a couple of things that you can think about with Bull Durham 2, right? Because it could be, you know, Kevin Costner and her and, and they're just married now. They're married. And they have a son.

and the son's not good at baseball and then she's got to fuck her own son. Obviously. But I mean, it's got to be like what are we taking into Bulldorm to? Like, what is the... What's important? I do think we need to see them as a couple because they obviously get married. Oh, you guys

are thinking the same character. See, I was thinking you would do a totally different... Okay, let's do a reboot. I'll be Angela Bassett and playing the role of Jenny. So it's a A completely new film. I mean, I'm just saying you could.

We need to have. What if it's a, it could be a sexy older dude who's fucking a young high school gymnast. Yeah, this seems bad. It's hard. Yeah, I think that's bad. But the two of them being all, like, I guess the thing that I think you would probably do is this. You cameoize Costner, because Costner's busy making those nine-hour movies. So you cameoize Cochner.

He put his own money in that movie. What would be? Horizon. Oh, I don't know about this. Six hours. No. Wait, one movie is six hours? Yes.

Have you seen the J-Lo? J-Lo's movie? She paid for her movie. Oh, absolutely. But have you seen the documentary? No, not yet. I need to watch it because I loved the movie. Because of the documentary.

Well, apparently, what I'm understanding is that J-Lo was, that Ben Affleck was upset, that J-Lo was sharing his love notes. Well, that was weird. Yes. This clip because he titled them. What are you talking about? Okay, so J-Lo did this movie. Does this have anything to do with soft serve? It has to do with...

No, Durha. No, okay. Yes, it does have to do with softsor because it's delicious. Okay, so Ben Affleck gave her a bunch of love letters and titled it, The Greatest Love Story Never Told. When they got back together, all from their relationship 20 years ago. He printed out emails, all the letters and letters. She then shows them to a producer to then do.

do this movie, like based on these letters. And then... We start calling him Pene Fleck, because, like, he's always writing. And, like, she would leave it open in the producers, or like, wherever they would, like, work together to collaborate on her movie, and say, just flip

through it. And I need we can look at it. And, like, we can look at it. And she's like, yeah. And then he says, in the movie, in the documentary, he's like, it's a little... I mean, I see the irony that it's called the greatest love story never told, and then you're telling it. But she wasn't in the room when he said that. So they didn't have, like, a conversation about that. But the movie is about a woman who works in a

heart factory that's a mechanical heart that is inside of her. And it stops and she has to feed it flowers. So then... I got to watch this too much. You should watch a documentary because they actually show the making of and she gets all these like big celebrities. Yes, but they

all shoot at different times. And Jane Fonda not the best. She clearly knows her from Monster-in-law and she's like I think it's maybe weird that you're showing so much of your relationship. She calls out Jane Fonda. She knows the game and every way

I love Jane Fonda and like it was like it's the most like she just says it's like it's kind of like you're just saying protesting too much like by doing this like it's just wow but then they go through all the relationships that she's gone through you see a peedity type because he walks into the house with a gun

going pop-de-pap and he drops it and all her friends are like oh that's not in the documentary this is in the movie no I know I'm saying I haven't seen that did you watch the whole movie yeah oh yeah I watched the whole movie It's amazing. It's great. Wow.

Does it make sense? No. Is Ben Affleck in it? Yes, but you'll have to guess where. And he's clearly helping her behind the scenes in the documentary making the movie. And he should because it's like he's a great filmmaker or whatever. He knows all about this stuff. So it's like you would want to like mine him for his expertise.

But like then you just kind of start to see the relationship like dealing with that. And the movie seems to be sponsored by Gucci. Everybody's wearing Gucci in the movie. But that's like, whenever you see something like that, you know that like J-Lo called like the head of Gucci he's like I'm making a movie and they're like oh yes of course I'll give you this

like they didn't go through any proper channel it was just like the two she spent 20 million dollars to make the movie though wow ever spend your own money yeah and people didn't want her to do it they were tired of everybody told her no it seems but then that gave her the perseverance but then for every story like that

there's one movie that comes out and it's like and that movie was you know whatever 2001 it's like and that changed the world and everyone thinks oh we have that movie Yeah. And, but it really is like one out of 20 are that movie. It's like, it was like, Breaking Bad. Everyone told me no.

And then it's breaking bad, right? And it's like, but. Or like White Lotus. Like, I loved his speech when he was like, all you people out here told me this is a bad idea. Like, you all rejected me. Wow. He was winning. It was so good.

The, in my mind, you take Kevin Costner and Susan's Randon and you see, you put them, they cameo throughout. You maybe see them three times. They're happy. They're doing something. Maybe she's the first female coach in the. MLB, whatever they're, co-coach, you do some fun with them. And then it's Tim Robbins' son is like... Tim Robinson?

Oh, Tim Robinson's son. Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins' son. Yeah. Is Tim Robinson is having trouble. And then it's funny. Yeah. It's having trouble in the major leagues.

And then he's like, he's got to try to go to his mom. For a hot second, I was like, am we still talking about J-Lo? This isn't tracking for me. Wouldn't it be funny? So he goes to Susan's Randon. He goes to Susan's Brandon. He's like, hey, look, my kid's having trouble. And then you get a joke at him.

She's like, well, I'm not going to fuck this guy. He's, you know, that's, you know, whatever. That's Timothy Shalami. I can't fuck him. I'm too old. So it was Timothy Shalami. We love Timmy. We cast him in every.

Yeah. So then, so then they got to find the next. The next bolder. Which is maybe just describing the challengers, I guess, on some level. I mean, a little bit. We loved that. But we really liked that one. That was nice.

But for me. Could have been sexier. This movie... I agree. Do you think this was sexier? I gave challengers a thumb down because it was like, you want me to believe this is a sexy movie, and it's not. What's challengers?

Challenges is that tennis one that came out, like, last year with Zendaya. And it's... I loved it. It was very horny. I liked it. It could have been hornyer. Yes. So much hornier.

Yeah, I could always use more. Why not? Yeah. But I mean, I liked it. Do you see full frontal nudity? Do you see... a random guy. A random guy.

Did you see the dick in this movie? I didn't spot the dick. I think it's Danny Gans's dick. Oh, really? I didn't spot the dick. I saw, you see Tim Robbins's his dick who was there. I saw a butt in the locker room. And then he got into the locker room.

That's him rabbit ran into the shower with a sweater on. Oh, that was. I was like, that when him going into the shower, the sweater on was. I was like, why that's no. And then he stood in the back. Wait, what did you see? Maybe it was my. own dick.

Rob has a 10K TV. So at 10KDV, I always watch movies like this. No, I thought when the coach went in there to yell at them, Kevin Costner tells the coach you got to go in there and scare them.

The coach goes in there and throws all the bats and they're all in the shower. I thought somebody jumped and there was a dick. That was the same in Challenger. It was a shower caster. Yes. It was a sonnet deck.

You don't see Kevin Costner nude at all. What's the most things in the movie? He's wearing a kimono when he saw. What's a movie? a lot of dicks. Well, actually, a John C. Riley movie. You do in Gone Girl.

You see Bruce Wilson's dick in color of night. Yeah. Color of Night. I've never seen that. That sounds like a fake movie. That movie is fucking crazy. Like, another one of those super sick. My parents brought me to that because they're like, oh, it's a movie about therapist. And it was like, whoa, this is a movie about like a therapist

fucking their patient and a lot of fucking weird shit. The therapist office, he has a big, giant baseball mitt as like the chair that like the patient's. Yep. So goofy. It is funny. Yeah.

You see Bruce Wilson's dick. Okay. That's a big deal. That is a big deal. You don't see a dick, but you get to see it, Josh Hartnett, shirtless. I heard that's good. It was his joke. Oh, great.

I liked, is that in Sherman's, it was his choice. Is that a good movie? That's the best movie you all of the stage. You know, June was talking about deep dive. I got it. I got it intrigued by this. Couldn't tell if M. Night Chalemelon is trolling us. Yes.

Okay. I finally got M. I'm like, this is a game. We're all in his elaborate game. He's like, 20, what do you think about this? And you're like, oh, I used to be like, fuck you. Now I'm like, more. I'm in.

I'm enjoying. There is a scene. Where's Josh Harden had been? In Europe with his wife. In Europe, how great. He didn't love the hullabaloo around his stardom. He wanted to be an actor. He did it right, because he got to go be in Europe for like, what, the last 10, 15 years.

And now he's, like, coming back, and I'm all like, yeah. I have a friend. She threw away her whole relationship for one night with Josh Hartman. What? Who did that? I would have to be your wife. You're going to say the name.

I know a friend we were casually talking and she was telling me, she was like, yeah, when he was at this bar, I was big crush on us. And I was like, what's up? I absolutely would. She destroyed a really, like a long relationship to be back. If I was married and Joe Pesci knocked on my door, I would leave my husband.

Nicole wants Joe now. I can sweat off. I might be able to arrange. Wait, really? This era, like. A friend. We have the same TV show era of Joe Pesci.

Wow. I love Joe Pesci. We have the same golf instructor. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, the world just got so small. Rondo Mario. Oh, my God.

He's the best. I gotta go to Rhonda. He's the best. I think we could get, you know, there's a lot of great characters that come back Robert Wohl's character. Oh, yeah, we didn't talk about Arliss, yeah. Was he a manager or was he just like?

He was the old guy? No, he was like, He was like the assistant coach, maybe. He was like, I worked at Sears. It was the worst job of my life. Maybe they're putting up a statue of, is his name Ennis? Ebby. Abby La Louche.

Let's do it. Let's put up a statue of Abby L'Looch. Okay. Wow, hot day out. You're putting out a statue of Ebby La Looch. Yeah, listen, I don't read good. And I don't appreciate you commenting on that. I'm so sorry.

Look, I'm actually just forming out of clay. a little bit more of his head right now because we didn't quite finish. She's six, seven, you know? And there was a lot of him to make. Ladies, ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the statue. We're about to, you know, have the news crews in here,

and this would be a big moment here for her. And y'all on mine, before we go live on the news, I'd just like to rub some baby oil all over this statue and get them all looted up. Get those garters on him. Yeah, we need to get the garter on. That's before anyone can see him. He needs his garter, and he needs his veil.

You keep on defacing the statue, okay? We're trying to unveil it for the people, and you put on all this pornographic stuff on here. He likes it. It's not pornographic. It's probably his legacy. Oh, I don't know what to do. You know what?

Let me go get my boss. I've got to talk to him. This is ridiculous. You know, I also just want to tell y'all that Ebby also slept with my wife one time. He did me the great privilege and service of sleeping with my wife. And he really knew how to treat her right. So what did he? Why was that good?

Because he could breathe through his eyelids. Oh. He learned how to breathe through his eyelids. What? I had sex with Abby once as well. Oh, you did? Yeah, I'm 89 years old. I didn't realize what moisturizer do you use?

Oil of Olai. Oh, my. It's just dub bar soap and oil of Olai. Wow. You look fantastic. He really do. I'm so sorry. I again, I did talk to my boss.

You do have to take off that clay around his crotch. Oh, he likes it. He likes it. You got to do everything. And whoever cut those holes, under his eyes. I don't know what's coming in. He did. He's breathing through his eyelids. He does not have fish gill

eyes. Now look, this is our community. It's around. He's coming back after 15 years. He's coming back. He's coming back. Yeah. I got to get my wife ready. What? When I fucked him, I was 70. I just want to make sense of how old I? No, no, it's all right. It's all right. That's what happened.

Has he gotten taller? I have so. Because he's six, seven. He's so tall. He's so tall. Such a hate to see him in those reverse mortgage commercials that he does. That's all I see him in. When we had sex, I sat in a cabinet and he stood. And he was so tall.

I love that. I was in like where you keep cups. I had to put my wife. It would be insane if you were up the bottom. I was saying, because don't go alone. When he made. That's why. Exactly.

When he made love to my wife, when he made love to my wife, I had to put her on top of a horse. Yeah. Oh. So he, because he's so tall. Yeah. But that horse, I remember hearing the story, that horse went blind because he kept on kind of missing where his penis is going on.

His name is historically very bad. Very bad. Like his pitching. Yeah. Well, I just want to get you together here. We're going to have a big unveiling. It's going to be a wonderful day. Is he going to be here?

Abby will be back. I can't believe this. I hope he thinks how beautiful. I hope I could climb. I see his limo. His limo is pulling up right now. Oh, my gosh, Abby. It's the longest limo I've.

longest limb I've ever seen. He must be laying down in it. Here he comes. Oh, they're opening ten doors. Oh, wow, so many doors. And there's little parts of him, like a magician's box. Oh, he's out there. Look at his cowboy boots.

Wow, he's got spars. This is like a fable. He's actually taller than the stacks. He's taller than any man I've ever seen. Where's the sun? Where do he ever get such a job? giant fishbone t-shirt. Don't call me Ebby.

Whoa! We didn't even say your name. You've been saying it. Oh, you overheard us. My name's Nook. Noo! Noo! Nook!

Nook. Wow. The echoing blew me back. Oh, no. He's going to make a speech before they dedicate the statue to him. I'm not speaking until that garter gets put on.

Oh, I knew it. I told you. I'm just listening to my boss. Or let me just wear it right now. What? To make the speech. Someone's got to have it on. Here you go.

Put it on him. He doesn't know which way it goes. Oh, no. I could climb up your legs. The rose goes in front. As we learned in the film. He's putting on his garters. Oh, my gosh.

Coach of the Durham Bulls is here. It's crash. This is going to be awkward. Oh, wow. Oh, I feel good now. Who is that down there? Is that Crash? It's Crash.

Hey, hey there, Abby. Hey. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Hey, there, Ebby. I'm doing good, but wait. Are you still married to old Annie? Crash got real Southern.

He did get very Southern. Never. I think it's because he lived here for so long. Sorry. Never done. Never done. Got married to that woman. No, no, no.

He got dumber, too. He did. He sounds so dumb. He sounds slow as hell. He said, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, no, no, no. Is he singing that song? Yeah, nah, na, na, na, na, na, na. Some lemonade and just been mixing with an iced tea. It's good to have you back.

That's called a Harle Palmer, right? Even I knew that one, and I'm fucking stupid. Yeah, I'm just a local hayseeing that came into the statute dedication. Have you picked me here. Pick me up, pick me up to eye level. I'll pick you up on my pinky. What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? What's going on, buddy? You got to get out of here. Do I? You got to get out of here. Are they going to kill me and tie me down like a giant situation? What are they talking about up there? I can't hear of Gulliver's travels or something.

You have impregnated and you have fucked too many people in this town. It's going to cause a riot. Oh, no. You think all the babies are going to come get me? All the babies are, these boys and girls that are looking for the... They're all 18, 20. Whoa! He dropped crash!

Oh, I shouldn't have jestered. He killed him. He killed crash. My neck. I got to run. My neck. Oh, no. He's on the run.

Like Frankenstein. He's a monster. Let's get him. Hey, come back. Let's get him, no. It's me, that woman, you had sex with one dad. Hey, get back here. You had sex with me, too.

My baby looks just like you. Yeah, my baby ripped me in half because it was been. Marines, we have an issue. Apparently, there is a giant, loose in the Carolina somewhere. Can you just tell me what he looks like, sir? It looks just like this gentleman right here. The way you phrase that,

like two robins. The way you phrase that confused me, sir. You said we have a giant loose and I was like, well, what's loose? A giant. And then I was like, oh, a giant. Loose. It is loose. It's not a big loose that's giant. It's like when Beetle Geis, it's like when Bealgeist

gets loose. You know when they call somebody, oh, you are a loose. Oh, we got a giant. A loof. Allow. Allow I think I'm thinking of a louse. Isn't that an old-timey way? Sir, give us our mission, sir. All right.

I'm dumb, too. My character's also dumb. The mission is this. We've got to take down this giant at any cost. Yeah, sure, he was a great picture. But he keeps on growing exponentially every year. How are you going to kill something that's so big? I got a bunch of arrows, and I've got rocks.

You should be using the military and weapons that we have provided. Wait a second, sir. I have an idea. Yeah. I have a gigantic pocket pussy I've been building in my backyard. That'll catch him. I think that will catch him. What if we lure him with a gigantic pocket pussy?

And while he's having sex with that, we kill him. I like this idea. I think it's a great idea. Go send it up. All right. I'm just walking now. Go-gum. Oh, my God.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, geez. Yeah. He's scanning. Something smells good to me. He's the Terminator.

He's a giant Terminator. Don't, don't, don't. Sir, I think he's coming. I sprayed the pocket pussy with a meat scent. Good idea. His nickname was meat, so he'll love that. It smells like meat. Mmm, turkey.

Okay, everybody gets into position. soldiers get in position. All right. I'm going to walk into that big whore. Oh, no, he's headed towards the pocket pussy. I don't know if he knows it's a, I think he thinks it's a cave. I'm going to go in here. Oh!

No, we want him. I'm falling like Allison Wonderland. Falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. Hey, welcome to medieval times. Yes, King Hothel is in that court right over there, tall man. You must be the way, the tall person. that Merlin brought to us to help save us from Sauron. Maybe I am, maybe I am.

Whoa, I can't believe another person fell in. It's me, Martin Lawrence. You're new here, too? Yeah, I fell in, I'm wearing a jersey. It's a higher maiden shirt on. And look at me, it's Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm here too.

Whoa. All of you must, you must get together. You must help us defeat this evil wizard who's torturing our entire kingdom. Oh, wait, wait, wait. This doesn't sound good. I was hoping I would fuck something down here. And I've got to find Christmas town.

What do you want? To keep acting. All right, well, look, I think that if we could all get what we want, if you just help me, if you just help me, we have to all band together. We have to all band together and sing a song, a very big song, right? Okay, the very big song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, it is.

So it goes like this. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. That's so cute. Happy birthday, dear Nicoran. Happy birthday to you. That made sense. Wow.

That made sense. We don't have the rights to that song. We don't have the rights. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, this was so fun. Thank you so much for me. I had such a nice time.

We learned a lot. We did. I love discussing this with you guys. Thank you so much for coming here and blessing us. I'm glad I watched this movie. I really am glad that I watched a movie. Also, I'm a great idea. I know what Martin Lawrence actually wants.

It's Blue Streak 2. Oh, yeah. Have we seen that movie? It's great. It's great. Owen Wilson? No. Other Wilson.

Luke. Luke. Yeah. Luke. Luke. What happened? Luke. Oh, he's in a new movie with Greg Kinnear, and it's a baseball movie.

Really? It's like, play with us. That's not what it's called. I don't know. Play with our balls. It's play with our balls. But that makes sense. But it looks fake.

Anyway, this was fun. Thank you all. See. Bye. Newcomers is a headgum original hosted by us, Nicole Beyer and Lauren Lapkis. Our executive producer is Anya Kennevskia and our producer is Ali Khan. Our theme music, editing, sound mixing, and mastering is done by Ferris Monchi. Listen to new episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday.

That was a Hidgum original.