Nick DiGiovanni - I Cooked Every Food From SpongeBob

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

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Depos Minimimmonin' of $1 $0. Responsible, the conditions apply. Crusty Crab! Did you say Cresty Crab? That's right! Crusty Crabb!

Home of the world famous! Cravy Pettie! You might know what says Nick and Babish, but today, consider us Spongebob and Squidward. And as you can see, from our beautiful surroundings, we are in Bikini Bottom and we're working at the one and only, Krusty Crab. This is the entire Krusty Crab menu,

and in this video we'll be cooking all of the most popular items on this menu, plus a few fun specials. First up, Cravy Patty. Mm-hmm. One crabby Patty, extra onions. One crying Johnny coming up. First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and fun.

In that order. Whatever. Skillful. All right, so Crappy Patty famously secret formula. Luckily, we got it right here. Zwogvichil. Guggazg. Shuggovufu.

Yeah, this is not going to be any help. Luckily, Nickelodeon posted a recipe on their website, so we're gonna try that. We have all the ingredients right here. Most alarmingly, crab, which I highly doubt Mr. Crabs would be putting in his burgers. Imitation crab. There it is.

If you watch the show carefully, it's clear there's no meat in the crabby patty. And the creator, Stephen Hillenberg, vegan. He passed away, sadly, but before he did, he said that the crabby paddy is vegan. All begins with some of this beautiful imitation crab stick. Which is just so creepy to look at. It's like mozzarella sticks, but the crab.

It's like string chival. That's what I meant. Not mozzarella sticks, string cheese. On top of that, we're going to go in with some seasoned bread crumbs. Next. Two eggs. One, two. Just a little bit of time.

I feel like they were like, we gotta put something in there. Yeah. Let's just put time in. And there's never enough of it, am I right? In the day, time. Next up some chopped white onion. And I will follow that with a bit of chopped celery. One of the cool things about this video is that since we're

in Bikini Bottom. We also have all of the condiments that come from Bikini Bottom. Here I have Krusty Ketchup, secret formula. Sea mustard and crabby mayo. Table Spooning. Sea mustard and mayo, a little bit more than a tablespoon. And then to finish it off, a nice, generous sprinkle of salt, easy to find sea salt in Bikini Bottom. Ocean. Humor. And then we have pepper. Much harder to find the Bikini Bottom.

You're telling me. I am telling you. Whoa. It smells really good. There's a pickle smell to it even though no pickle. Oh my gosh, it smells amazing. Yeah. Let's see.

This patty. Whoa. Yeah, patties. Who would have thought? And it smells incredible. It's safety right now, isn't it? There's egg, but... Yeah. It's good.

It's good. It smells amazing. I like it. You know what maybe help is a little bit of oil. You know what? We forgot the oil. We are professionals. Yeah.

That was right. And it smells great. Smells fantastic. It smells like a really good crab cake to me, to be honest. Oh no, true. That's what we're making here. It's like a good crab cake. Quite literally we're making crab cakes, yeah.

It just dawned on me. Yep. So since the crabby paddy is quite tall, we actually made some specially prepared buns that'll hopefully give us that iconic crappy paddy look. They look like cartoons in real life. It's fantastic. Now that we've got our patties perfectly shaped out,

we can place them down on this parchment. You remember any other crabby paddy fun facts? One time Mr. Crabs, faked out plankton by convincing him that the secret ingredient was indeed plankton. But it was just a ploy. Just a brilliant ploy. Oh, these buns we made? Oh, look how airy that is.

Ooh, I've never seen bread like that. Maybe it bakes different at the bottom of the ocean. Bubbles. Oh, god, that's good. And this is the most perfect-looking set of buns I've ever seen. Well, you haven't seen mine. You slice the buns? I'm gonna try a viral food hack.

These patties are super delicate. They fall apart if I look. look at them wrong. So I've seen a lot of videos of people frying on parchment, just parchment right in the pan. This might not be safe or good for you, so maybe you don't do it at home. But we're professionals, remember? Okay, it's frying. There's sizzle. This is working. I am done cutting our buns, so I'm going to go and get some of our nice red onion. As we can see from the clip, they don't use white onion, they use red onions, so we need to make sure everything is exactly as it is on the roofing. And they slice it hilariously thick.

Thicker than I would ever want on any sort of burger, but we have to do it like they do. Yeah. Right? Accuracy is paramount. What's happening underneath here? Oh. I burned it.

Oh, that was good. Yeah. Mr. Crabs would fire me for any reason he could find. I'll just wrap one more here. How's that grill marks? I don't know. I have no idea how you got the grill marks on that, but congratulations. I have no idea either, and thank you.

Can you do a good SpongeBob voice or no? Not SpongeBob at all, but I can do, maybe I could do it, crabs. It's, um. Mr. Squidward! No, that's... You're burning the other side. Oh, okay, well. I am proud to say I have prepped out

all of our ingredients for our crabby patties. That looks fantastic. That looks like a, as if we're shooting a cooking show or something. Now for the assembly, first bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, onion, lettuce, cheese, tomato, bun. Ah. That's a crabby patty.

That's a crabby patty. Now that we've successfully made a crabby patty, Let's try out the jelly patty. Hey, buddy, what the heck is that? Why, this is a whole good sir. You see, I am a sponge, and we typically... Not that, that! It's just a little old crabby paddy smothered in jellyfish jelly.

I call it a crabby paddy with jellyfish jelly. Could I try some? Sure! Amazing! I've got to tell someone about this! Hey, all you people. Hey, all you people. Hey, all you people.

Sorry. Lucky for us, we've actually got a live jellyfish tank right here that we can use to make these jelly patties. Let's see you can get one first. Here we go. Oh, that was easier than I thought. You got to catch them all. It's like Pokemon.

I got one. Got two. Got one. Drop one. These jellyfish are actually beautiful, now that I'm looking carefully at them. Majestic creatures. Ah, it got me.

I know what to do. No. The thing I'm nervous about with these jelly patties is the texture. Yeah. Jellyfish is kind of nasty. The texture's very important. Not as much flavor. Let's see how this works. Oh, poor jellyfish.

The sad part is that SpongeBob just tickles the jellyfish until they goo. But we're just crushing these poor... Yeah, these guys weren't gonna be tickled. And with the bun back on, just like that, we have our jelly patty. I dare you to take a bite of that. At the end. Okay. All right, so we've made the crabby patty.

We've made the jelly patty. Time for pretty patties. Pretty patties, available in six designer colors. Ah! Aye, right, right, right, whiw. Mr. Squidward, come look. Don't that look appetizing? Mm-mm, good, sir.

Pretty patties, pretty patties. Stop this. They made him cry. Yeah, no, they're mean. They're bad people. I didn't want us to have to make these pretty patties from scratch, given we have so many exciting things coming up, like the Krusty Pizza, or the Kemp.

Helpshake. Triple Goober Berry Sunrise Sunday? So I followed your recipe. Oh, thank you. And I made these Pretty Paddies. Well, pretty is about all they are, if I remember correctly from my recipe, because they're very vegetal.

The cheese is vegan, the patties are vegan. And they're mostly natural colors. Like, definitely food coloring into buns, but like, we have peas and spinach, carrots, beets, corn, potatoes and cabbage, and sun-dried tomatoes. I mean, these are really incredible. They're very pretty. Yeah.

They don't taste awesome, but they're pretty. Let's save these for later to taste with all the rest of this stuff, but I'm excited to taste them. That's nice of you to say. You remember that time they turned a crabby paddy into a pizza? Oh yeah.

We're gonna try that. All right. Pizza? Of course we have pizza. Ah, Mr. Crass. Our deliveries quit, we'll bring it right over. Mr. Crap, we don't serve pizza. I don't know if we can do that.

Defies the laws of thermodynamics, I think. We're off to a good start with this one here. We have the pizza box. We just need the pizza. Let's make one. The key that we have to remember with this Krusty Krab pizza, of course, is that it only has

crabby-patti ingredients in it. The only two ingredients that we're going to be using that are not crabby-pad ingredients, though, are this pepperoni and this mushroom. Which are visible on the Krusty Grab pizza. We have no other recourse. Let's first appreciate the cutter you're using here, the Mr. Crabs cutter. I don't even know where you found all this stuff. I mean, we're in bikini bottom, remember? Oh, yeah, duh. I'm sorry, we found it right around the corner. So we're starting off with this incredible burger bun or pizza dough. Nice. That looks like a pizza. Let's toss this baby onto our tray. All right, go ahead. So next up, we're going to press on a crabby-patti-Berry burger. It's pretty kind of gross looking.

But the idea is we want to press it out really thin on the bottom of our pizza so that it really is made up of a lot of crappy paddy. We're trying to be accurate here, folks. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all. It's a serious business. This is our job.

This is our job. I was gonna say that. Yeah. Now, for a special trick. Boom. Obviously, we're using all crabby patty ingredients, so in comes the crusty ketchup instead of pizza sauce. I'm hypnotized right now.

I actually think this pizza's gonna taste pretty good. I bet it's gonna taste. taste like a crab burger. Cheese time. Chease it up. They have cheese at the bottom of the sea. I mean, they have squirrels, they have campfires, and everything's in there.

And now there's a trick I want to do. We need to make this just like a burger. Yeah. And if we leave the crust naked, it doesn't make any sense. So I'm going to go around the crust first with some oil. And then we're gonna cover that all up with sesame seeds. All the folks at home, if you wanna actually try this, this is a genuinely brilliant move

that that came up with. It's the perfect, perfect way to make your crust like a burger. which is what I'm looking for in a pizza. And now the toppings are very specific. It has seven pieces of pepperoni. And eight mushrooms, no more, no less. There's a good spot for you.

How about there? I mean, shall we bake it? I wanna eat it. So yeah, let's put it in the oven. Pisa's coming out. It looks beautiful. Here we go. Slide it right in.

Box it up. Wow. That's the Krusty Krab pizza. Delivery time. No, I'm just kidding. We're eating this ourselves, so. They watch... It's thick.

And this plastic cutter doesn't like it very much. There we go. Come on now. Almost. Oh, that looks good. Yeah, this looks fantastic. But let's save it until we finish the rest. Feast. Yeah.

It'll stay nice and warm in this box. Not only that they turn the crabby patting into a pizza, they turned into a hot dog. I have them to the menu. I'm not impressed. I made it with like that ingredients. Now I'm impressed. That reads fecal to me. We'll see how it tastes.

The Krusty Dog looks kind of disgusting. Really disgusting. So we need to make it look really disgusting. That's gonna be easy. This is actually a bunch of those fake meat patties. Again, everything in SpongeBob is meatless and vegan, even though it seems like they're eating burgers and crab all the time.

In SpongeBob, it's actually sort of shaped like a banana. It's got a weird curve to it. Happens to last a guy. Shape it like, what? Hmm? It looks terrible, and that's what we want. Let's put it in the oven and see what happens. All right, here we go.

And just like that, it's the last. It's done. That's unfortunate. Oh. We nailed it. Yeah, we really knocked it out of the park with this one. It's crusty. It's a dog.

It looks like poop. This looks like poop. Goes into a top split bun. And that's it. They don't put anything on this thing. That's the Krusty dog. It doesn't need anything. Look at it.

It's perfect. All this food's got me pretty thirsty. I need something to drink. What about a kelpshake? I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. This one looks dangerous. We gotta be careful. We're gonna make a kelp shake.

we might as well make some kelp rings. That makes perfect sense. So to make the kelp rings and kelp shake, we're gonna need a little bit of kelp. And that's why we literally had to send a team out into the middle of the ocean in Alaska, the only place in the world where you can get kelp like this that you can get rings from.

My only question is, did you get enough? What we have here is a special type of kelp called bullwip kelp. Lives up to its name. Apparently it makes a cool sound when you cut it. Whoa! Oh, God. Didn't make a sound.

Ow, hit me right in the face. This is how we're gonna. to make our kelp rings. And this transparent part of the kelp will be used to make the kelp shake. This is the most satisfying thing I think I've ever cut in my entire life. I wish you guys could cut this with us.

Go subscribe and maybe we'll let somebody come and cut some kelp with us. Maybe if you're cool. All jokes aside though, did you know I'm on a mission to catch Gordon? How far away are you? We're clock. Well then subscribe already.

What are you doing? Wait, hold up your finger. Oh, dude perfect. Get at me. I don't know how else to describe these rings, other than the fact that they look and feel really cool. Do you think this is gonna work? I think he's gonna look, it's sticking.

I mean, this is exactly how they make them in the show. It's almost as if nature designed these to be bredded and deep fried. Woohoo! How they look? They're frying. Oh my god, that's really hot oil. That cooked in zero seconds.

Take them right out. When I close my eyes and think kelp rings, that's what I'd like. That's awesome. You're doing a good job today manning the Fry Station SpongeBob. Thanks, Mr. Crap. Nope. I can't do it.

I'm Squidward. Thanks, it's what it worked. Yeah. This is probably the thing I'm most excited to taste so far. I can't say I've ever had deep fried breaded kelp. We crushed those. Nice, dude. Kelpshake.

We got the bottles. They're bottles. Let's make the actual shakes. Do it. If you blanch it in a little bit of boiling water, it turns much greener. Wow. Really cool, right? It's so much better looking than this yellowy nightmare over here. The powers of blanching.

Yeah. So there are only two ingredients in a kelp shake. It's 99% kelp. kelp, then 1% some radioactive ingredient that gives the user green hair. I have that radioactive ingredient right here. Would you get that? I'm worried about it. I can't say I've ever blended kelp before.

It's the first time for everything. This is really kind of nasty. I'm gonna add just a little bit of sea water from our fish tank. And of course, probably the most important part. This little vial of radioactive material. Do we have protection on or something? It's too late for that. Okay.

Smoothie. Look, Air Canada does a Worldial. Super, an offer for the assort,

station thermal, volcano. You've seen the price for the Japan? M, it's not really

a lot of things. It's a lot to do you see, and money money money money,

reserved to RKanada P.com or to your agent of voyage. Oh, yeah, that's, that's great. It looks horrible. It smells like high tide.

Wow, wow, that smells terrible. Looks awful in the best way possible. And we made just enough. Is that one serving? No, should we try it? Take a sip. I'll see what happens. Oh, my God.

Oh, it tastes like... Uh... What? Is everything okay? Am I okay? You're good, you're good. Okay. I feel hotter.

You know one of my favorite drinks in the summer is actually pink lemonade. You ever tried ink lemonade? No. What are you doing? Oh, I ran out of lemons, so I'm squeezing this. They won't work. Hmm.

It could use more fire hose. I don't know if I want to try, it seems unpleasant. So now we're gonna make lemonade and then what, add squid ink to it? Yeah, so right here is a special jar of Squidward's My ink. You made that with your body? I didn't think about that when I said it. Brandon, cut that. No, come on, Brandon.

I think I'm gonna have to phone a friend. Do you think I should listen to Nick or Babish? Just do what I do when I have problems. Scream! We know how to make lemonade? We're professionals. I mean, how do you, how do you do? A lot of fresh lemon.

Lots of fresh lemon. Just a little bit of water. Perfect. I got my Squidward special simple syrup. Did you make that with your body as well? My meat. Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Gorgeous! Jet-black lemonade.

Could I pour you a glass? Yes, please, thank you. Parched. That was an interesting way to pour it. Thank you, fun job. Here you go, Squitty, old squidster. And with that, there's only one thing left to make before we feast.

The triple gooberberry sunrise ice cream thing? Hmm. Yeah. And here's your triple gooberberry sunrise, sir. Yum. Oh, triple gooberberry sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those. Now you're talkin! Hey, waiter!

We need another one over here. There you go. Woo! Ah, nah, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ugh. So we got a mountain of ice cream here, and now we just got to make it into a triple gooberberry sunrise Sunday. Put these arms on? We're using marzipan bananas because I am deathly allergic to bananas.

So we're using fake bananas so you don't die. Thank you. And then the cherries. Cherry time. Wow, this is cool. Now, a little smile with this licorice. Put that baby on there. Yeah, okay.

Okay, and then the eyes glue, and then green, and then pink. Last part. Just a little touch of hair. Hair is overrated. And there it is. The Triple Guberberry, Sunrise. Sunday.

Sunday. Sunday. I got it. I helped you. One more thing before we feast. We can't make a video of the entire crusty crab and not make one thing from the chum bucket. No. Let's make a chumstick.

Sounds good. There you are. I'm sure I've made a satisfied customer of you already. Oh, shit was appalling. What was in that? Oh, just the usual ingredients, some jellyfish squeezing, whale blubber, sea horse snout, and a sprinkle of anchorous.

Oh, barnacles, that's foul. There it is. Chumstick. chum stick. I am not excited to taste that. That looks good actually. What's in that? Chum. No, never mind. You ready to feast? I'm ready to feast. We just successfully made every single popular food from the crusty crab. It's incredible just looking down at all the different foods. I'm just a little scared. And you know what I'm even extra scared about? If you look really close on the corner of this menu, what does it say? It says money back guarantee. I'm just

nervous about the fact that money back guarantee is so hidden. Yeah, I think we're gonna get what we paid for. Well, luckily we made it all on our own. Yeah, we didn't pay a dime. Well, we did, but anyway, let's try it. Yep, here we go. So we're gonna be rating things on an S tier scale. So let's start with the kelp shake,

just because you've already tasted that. That's so gross. So you... Hard F. Next one, let's just start from the top. Good old crabby patty. I'm gonna do the jelly one. All right, you do jelly, I'll do crabby.

Cheers. Yeah. It's really solid, especially considering who's using imitation crap meat. It tastes good. It's pretty delicious. Almost can't believe I'm saying this, but this is an A tier for me.

So the jelly patty, it's just gross. It's cold and gelatinous and has a weird flavor. I don't care for it, not much at all. I think that knocks it down a few nodges. I'm gonna bring it down to a sea. This one here we didn't actually make, but this is canned bread. Which I can't believe is the thing.

Oh, what the hell? Oh, yeah. Bread in a can. It's jiggly. Look at that. You. Look at that crumb. It looks more like a cake than bread.

Dude, this smells only like molasses. Is this a cake? It's bread. I think it's cake. It looks okay. It looks like a good moist gingerbread and it's horrible. Worst of all, it's like it's spongy. I'm giving this one a solid detail.

Easily. One other item here that we made off camera are these coral bits. Four cups of coral, one teaspoon of salt, then you mix them up and... Coral bits. They're actually really cool. Well, coral is one of this world's most beautiful treasures.

How do we feel? It's pretty good. It reminds me of like temperate mushrooms or something. Yeah. It's so pretty too, that gets at some points. So I'm gonna give it a B, B tier. B tier? Yeah.

I have been dying to try the Calprings. What? I like it. Dislike, down vote. No, no, I really like it. You actually like it? Well, I got. Holy shit, what's happening here?

I really, really like it. I like it too. Let's both give it a rating since we disagree and we'll average them in the middle. I'm going to give it. this an A tier. A tier for this. Yeah, I'm giving it a C tier.

Then kelp rings get a beak. This guy's next. The Krusty Dog. I've had my eye on you all day. Oh my god, it's horrible. That's just awful. It's so hard. Oh, God, it's so salty.

It's so salty. Oh, why does it taste like that too? It's got a weird, aw, flavor. That is horrible. F tier. Listen to this. Let's have something a little better than all the we've just eaten. I have some burger pizza.

Looks fantastic. Let's give it a shot. Yeah, here we go. It looks amazing. actually. Are we gonna disagree again because I love this? Okay. It's growing on me. Okay, okay. The ketchup works as a sauce, let me just say. Which is fascinating. I mean, you know what? Am I gonna do it? Am I gonna rate this one? S tier? Are you gonna do that? Yeah, but we're split decision again, so you gotta give your rating now. Um, the crab's putting me off. And the ketchup

is a little too sweet for me? Yeah, my fair. I'm still gonna give it a B, so Nets in an A. A tier, still low S tier. Damn it. Sorry. There's not much left. We've got the ink lemonade, which it looks like you want to start on next. It's pretty bad. Yeah, that's good. It has a seafood essence to it. Metallic. Don't put your bodily fluids into drinks that you sell to others.

Throw this in E, because it's not making me physically sick, but it's pretty awful. That's fair. Let's dive into the chum stick and the Uber Berry Sunday. I'll let you do the honors with the nicer one. Is it great? It's brilliant. Perfectly composed. Excellent mouth feel.

I would put this in the S tier without question. S tier. We got a first thing. Test tier, beautiful to look at and evidently beautiful to eat. Yes. All right, I'm gonna have the chumstick, which looks absolutely terrible. Ooh, so gooey. It wasn't good.

Okay, so what are you rating it? Oh, are you okay, Nick? Chumstick definite F tier. And that just leaves us with one last incredible thing, probably the most beautiful thing of the entire video. The Pretty Pettys. Yeah. I think I'm gonna go for the blue one.

I'm not sure if I would eat that. Oh my God, Nick! Did you put a banana in your pants? I told you I'm allergic to bananas.