Nip Tuck - 3 Signs Men Want Sex & Not A Relationship

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Lauren's had a wild night out (which she claims is a rarity) and things got messy and super spenny... Ashley's had enough of super opinionated people regarding pregnancy and what 3 signs should you watch out for that show men only want sex?Plus Slutty Susan get's festive and frisky at the office Christmas party!And we are back with an exclusive Lovehoney discount on the Womanizer Liberty Two! Code: NIPTUCKLIBERTY gets you 10% off this beauty and the entire site! It’s at the top of our Christmas list! Try it out you’ll know why. www.lovehoney.co/niptucklibertyTo sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys hi welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational men and women i've been listening to the britney spears book i was going to say if you listen to that that's something that somebody with lots of time on the hand would do wait till i tell you oh can you tell us some tidbits so we don't have to listen to it so basically the book is not that long i've obviously i've been listening to it on audible can i just say guys like audible is such a vibe you know when you're just like pottering well lauren listens to music i don't listen to anything do you know what no do you make phone calls make phone calls yeah um anyway um the book is not that long to say what all she's been

through it's like hey guys and then all of a sudden i shaved my head and then one two skip a few and and and like she like bless her oh no it's fucking horrendous so at the beginning it's her and she's like i can't even read this book out because i'm so fucking traumatized really so basically the is it about her dad because her dad was a bit of a dick the standout bits for me yeah are she's actually like the sweetest soul like she's very paris hilton vibe yeah i feel like she's almost childlike yes maybe because she was a child star she's very like justin tim blake is a arsehole really he made you know but back then he he was a lot younger than like let me go on my britney bit he made her have an abortion okay an illegal one at home what and they wouldn't

ring the doctor because they didn't want any press to find out she wanted to keep the baby no and then he broke up with her on text like a few weeks after an abortion at home he cheated on her all the time oh that's allegedly allegedly then kevin fedeline was an absolute really so does she slack him off oh because he's the father of a child he's two children yeah two children in two years with him and he wanted to be a celebrity and she didn't know but when she got married to him she found out that he had a woman with an eight months pregnant so does she still speak to it like no no no then she explains all of those things that we saw like the head shaving yeah for example god i forgot that was weird the head shaving she was uh carrying her son she said the paparazzi were

the bane of her life and wouldn't leave her alone and um it was when kevin took her sons off her yes that like there was really bad people around her that were advising her really really badly on things like they were like right kevin wants to get divorced so it's less embarrassing for you you file right so she was like okay and then when she filed she found out that means she has to pay for all of his fucking legal fees so anyway she was going through all this then he just took her sons off her oh my god and wouldn't let her see them and she's honestly you can tell she's obsessed with the sons and then she was like um i got put under the conservatorship yes i remember so you're saying i'm inept to do anything but you're gonna make me go on a world tour you're gonna make me

go on all these talk shows while you're controlling all my money wasn't it at her dad and her old agent or something and her mum or everyone was in on it friends with them all now on no no no what a sister no not friends with the sister she talks about that in the book anyway the head shaving what she said was that she was like do you know what i was thinking can i break a leg to not do things can i do this to not do things i don't want to be this sexy person anymore so she went in and shaved her head and i kind of like it made me really sad and then she said as well when she hit the man's car with the umbrella she was telling the story of that time um i don't blame her for doing that where i'm up to the bit now where she had that paparazzi boy yes yeah and she said that

he was like the love of her life oh i think he was nice was he yeah and then um she's up to the bit where the conservatorship has started she has been taken on this tour with everyone and if she ever wanted to go on a date they would ring the guy who has asked her out yeah and they would tell him her full medical what history her like all the ins and outs of anything that's ever been wrong with her has she got do you like a full um background check on it to to stop her from dating because there was the free britney movement wasn't there oh i'm with it i'm with it so is she free now i've not finished i've got an hour and has she got a boyfriend now do we know that no no she's divorced isn't she i don't know she's getting divorced at the minute from that sam guy well

so that's that's there's an introduction for you guys this is a podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational men and women just like britney um this is about oh bless her unapologetically yourself which i suppose she is now being that person so it's a good leading well done on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard so you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod dot com you can also get in touch whatsapp you can voice note us you can email us just go to the episode's description for all the ways in which to get in touch ashley is just drinking something that looks like custard in out of a glass milk bottle what is it om love it's a fruit-based smoothie it's pineapple banana avocado apple lemon ginger turmeric and baobab baobab okay um and i'm drinking

black coffee anyway we're back in surgery and smoking a fag out of my bum and smoking yeah do you know um this coffee doesn't taste as good as it would have done if i wasn't on a two-day bender um hangover doesn't sticky vicky smoke fags out of a fanny have you seen it lukey no but one of our other podcasts uh went and met her and she fully smokes a fag out of a fanny that's really tasty i told i said to you do you want me to know but i just feel my thing with smoothies is there's so many calories in them i know but you're fine you're like very pregnant why would i waste calories on that i'll have a packet of crisps if i'm gonna waste 200 calories i'm i'm wasting it on like a grab bag of monster munch not a smoothie yeah would you do flaming

hot or roast beef isn't there those um new is it monster munch that are out or twiglets or something they're like really spicy ones and those spicy noodles that everyone's getting at the minute oh yeah everyone's getting them oh they're good um so here we are here we're back right so lauren went on a bender this weekend honestly this is is this you like you're going out a lot i am not i've only drank twice in like a month maybe it's because i'm not going out but i love like i love when lauren goes out because i love hearing about it and i felt really smoky yesterday honestly i felt she was like i feel like hell yesterday was really a bad day for me um tell us what no i don't you know what and the past few times i've gone out i've been really good like

i've managed to get like drunk but not ridiculous like still all right in the morning something really bad happened to me on saturday night were you drinking cocktails shots that's it yeah so listen to this right this is how i mean i want you all to put yourself in this these shoes because most of us have been there on sunday morning i was just coming around and i could hear james like lauren lauren i was like ah james in bed and then all of a sudden i was like and i sat up literally bolt upright and i was like the last memory i have was eating at sexy fish that's the last memory and i literally bolted upright and i was like what have i done you could have done anything well thank god james and i was like and i was like how have i got here i was literally panicking and

i was like it was the weirdest thing about like at what point do our brains just go like then like people say that you sat there having like no i was it was literally like somebody honestly could you walk and stuff i remember nothing after having there's a video that james took and i'm like this around one of the guys one of the other girls boyfriend yeah and i'm like that and that's it it was like someone's got the lampshade and went lights out right so i'm sat there so in fact if james had said to you like lauren you know that last night um you started telling everyone what you thought of them you'd be like yeah we're all right i did yeah no bye moving to australia absolutely nothing right look thank god he was going it's all right you're all

right and i was going how did i get here the last memory i've got i'm sat in sexy fish how did i get here and he was like all of a sudden you just went blank like he said i looked at you and i thought like vacant legit he said like the exorcist yeah and he said i was like she's going home thank god he left us he left early he's like you need to leave now i was home for one so he was like and it takes like an hour to get back to rochester so they were literally well the taxi i've been barred from any taxi drivers let's just say go on um so um he said that he saw me and thought she and i'm so grateful to him like that person that says you need to leave right now not oh i'm having a really good time you'll be fine just sit there it was like get her out for you and the other

thing which i was telling you this morning and thank you to everybody and if i did see you and don't remember thank you um every time i went to the bathroom anywhere we i was getting stopped left right and center by people who listen and it was just absolutely lovely but james said it got to the end of the night and a girl kind of came over like can i have a picture with her and he was like i'm so sorry but no look at the state of her and he said he was like were you like and he said he said that quite a few people were coming over and like talking to me or trying to get a picture and he said i just he said i wasn't rude i just said guys did he try like feeding you water yeah so then he got me in the taxi i was violently sick you're that's oh actually you are

sicky you were now and again violently sick violently sick from what i don't know and then he said he got me in he said i i don't know you said you drank eight shots eight shots well he did say there was a lot of shots and it was why so because i'm not caught it was one of those like i was catching up with the girls meeting new fellas i was like and i just remembered this just oh shots lauren you're 33 i know it's james that did that so anyway um he said do you know that lovely dress i had on yeah stunning where was that from it's sold out asos um really it was expensive didn't it's 40 quid and i ripped it off me the mesh ripped it off me um and i was looking for it today you didn't want to say where it is from because she didn't want no i'll tell

you no because you want to buy it again yeah and it's going to be sold out you're exactly right and i was thinking yeah you can't re-wear it anyway it's all right um so i was looking for for a photo shoot later and i was looking around i rang james where's my dress from saturday night he's like in the bin you ripped it off you because it was full of sick and i was like right okay he said he had to get my llamas on me and he said it was like my legs how much did the uber charge you 120 pounds oh my god um and girls send us in your funny uber stories like and i feel like i don't feel good about it it's not nice at all like i didn't mean to i'm sorry francesca my sister did that once and she said she had full-on blackout but woke up to all these alerts on her uber

and he'd taken like photos of it and she was like fuck and she had like charges to a credit card and everything no he did pay a lot and so sexy fish let's talk about yeah i was so anyone that i saw i'm really sorry like i don't know what happened blackout and that's your first time in sexy yeah um i liked it i have been a few times i've not been obviously like drinking was it like a vibe yeah i only remember until one certain point i was having a vibe um yeah and at one point i don't remember this but my friend was like dancing on the chair and the waiter was did you see now the waiter was dancing on the chair with her like quite vibing music you had a really good table guys if you go our table was next to the dj to sit near the aquarium yes we were right on the

aquarium because i've sat on both like when you walk in not a vibe it was a bit yeah a bit busy down there so i took saskia and rainbow and oh my god i was with them the other day and they kept like being like so mummy you know when we went to sexy fish and i was like and i was like why do you keep saying it and they went because they think it's a naughty word because it's a fashion stylish word oh it's a fashion it's a very very fashion stylish word and they do you know what they keep talking about it and saying how much they really enjoyed it yeah you can look at a different like that side of it it was expensive oh so it's so expensive no like don't go expecting less than 100 quid bill each it was expensive how much each it's a lot of money do you not want to

say it was just really expensive the the bill was over like 1500 pounds for how many of you it was a lot of money we drank a lot of shots um but we don't go out that much me and james like we don't do it that much so it's fine it was extortionate but i think the alcohol was the extortionate side of it to be fair the food was pretty expensive it was expensive no the food is yeah it was expensive and it's not a lot of food no um i mean i i don't know but you sicked it all i sicked it all back up your sick was probably worth 300 quid so listen to this so in the morning yeah you could have like saved 300 quid out of my sick so in the morning i like got up and i went to take my knickers off and i thought oh my god i've got something there's an infection like

i was looking at it thinking i have got something and then i picked my knickers up you pooed your pants sick i've been sick into my knickers into my knickers and we don't know how it got there james i was sick into james's shirt he was holding he had like an over shirt and he was holding it like a kind of like a like um a canopy canopy what did you say is it kind of like a bag vibe yeah and then he was like bagging it up um and yeah he was i was sick into my under a hammock a hammock of sick yeah but he really looked after me so thank you james said that once like i got so twisted that i was being sick into my hands and then putting the sick in my pocket i was going like

i remember one of my friends kimberly i've been sick into handbags before she had a pat it was when we were a lot younger and it was fancy dress and she was dressed like a leopard and she was on a high stool and we were about 20 and she was slumped like this right and she was drinking cheeky vimta out of a pint glass and when she'd finished it she just went like this filled the pint glass up with sick put it on the windowsill and walked off and i can see her like this like a tiger oh my god um but yeah i'm i don't go out a lot and i didn't i didn't pace myself i went to dear sailor as well first which is what's that like so it's over the road from sexy fish really nice i wasn't in there for long um is it food and drink just bar

just a bar it's like a nice quiet vibe like it feels quite exclusive in there we still need to go in that scofields yes and i need to we need to go in that phoenix that looks really nice that looks really good i would like to go there a lot of people have said that they we were invited to the opening yeah there's loads of places we need to go the thought of going out gives me anxiety i today we were laughing about this in the car on the way here like i don't feel hung over in my body but when you get to this age actually it's like it's your mental health yeah i'm struggling struggling i'm struggling with my mental health today yeah i feel overwhelmed um i feel like everything's very doom and gloom not like i feel frightened yeah like everything's frightening me

yeah yeah it's not good i'm not going out again i've got no plans to go out again so i'm done and it's thea's birthday this week as well which is just what i fucking need wow six six years ago what have you bought her for a birthday a scooter um this thing called mama surprise have you seen it the guinea pig oh that's what i got christmas did you get it last yeah so she's only just wanting that now it drops out of the ceiling have you tried setting the bastard up oh no oh mate good luck james can do that as well they play with it for one minute and then they get bored and then she just went it's a guinea pig that gives birth to baby guinea pigs in its hutch and um and then they drop out so you put the babies in the ceiling and then they drop out

and the mum that you can hear when the mum's giving birth it goes like i know it's really weird and then she played with it for like one day and now it's but she wants she asked for it i have to fucking get it um and then i got her she's into squish mellows yeah yeah which are the most annoying thing they're big they're so ugly they're disgusting and they're fucking expensive one of those 40 pounds for a big stupid pillow that looks like they're actually really comfy though i use one i use one as my pregnancy pillow the other day um and then what she's had she had a pamper party yeah that was quite horrific um i just don't really like kids so that wasn't fun for me we did a pizza party for saskia were the kids good there was only five

they only had four and it was way enough for me um way enough i don't yeah do you know what like naomi helped me a lot did she my mom helped me to be fair um and then like did they all cry all of these cried it was a lot of mess there's every single one cried and when a friend had a party a few weeks before similar pamper one they all cried there as well i feel like they just can't take their emotions and they get all work i was just like um like when the kids i was like why are you crying and that because i wanted a purple one i was like well well i don't really think you need to cry about that um do you want to go home so yeah what do you do when they like cry at your house when they're having a sleepover i think you have to ring the mum and

be like go home yeah but then what if like we're out and then yeah what if you're out drinking and you get the phone it happened to me so i was at brownie camp and it felt like they dragged me to another country yeah there's nothing more and it was down the road actually um for one night and i got really homesick because the lady who ran it put me on the pigs group and i took it really personally that i was a pig and then i had a full-blown mental breakdown and you actually ready to hear what happened to me she gave me a blue smarty and told me it was a homesick tablet and locked me in a room of teddies my mum went fucking mental wow and i was sat in this room with loads of weird teddies and a blue smart and i was like this is not normal that's like a very

session thing that's something that happens at six in the morning in an apartment in salford lucas's apartment i'm only joking yeah it's just like really weird isn't it yeah well that's how we haven't done sleepovers and i don't want to i'm not interested in entertaining those no i think it's good if they've got one little best mate that they just run off with and go and you can hear them like just chattering i'm so lucky because of james's kids thea is best friends with his little boy so she's got that they run off they play and they live there that's that's the best thing about having siblings like it's amazing like yeah they go away um anyway right we've been blubbering on blubbering and blubbering blah slobbering on um tell us about

the cosmo interview so i've just done an interview with cosmo i haven't spoken to you about that because my week's just been a big blur um it'll probably be out by now i think i don't know don't know don't know um i got offered this interview and we don't often do interviews that we get anymore because we've fucked up so bad we ended up at the front of the daily star in a bikini and it said mums spend 60 000 pounds on surgery and there's a picture of me in a bikini and then that was not a proud moment that was not a good or when it was the daily woman spends 30 grand on birth and it's a picture of me ed and teddy in fendi outfits oh i remember that was really we've done a few probably not great things yeah but like this is how misogynistic the press is

like fuck off anyone that listens to this yeah we've all had a bit of fucking work done oh no but do you know what who gives a fuck nobody so we don't tend to do these but when i heard it was for cosmo because i grew up reading that and i love it um i was like do you know what fuck it cosmo's good and also i quite enjoy winding the journalists up yeah so i was like these are my rules i told our um our pure our publicist i was like these are my rules i don't talk about my kids or my husband but i'll talk about my nose yeah so i got asked questions about my nose job and at first she was trying to guide it into the like so did you think it was going to change your life i don't know and i was like no yeah she was trying to yeah and then she realized that's not gonna

work oh okay um so hopefully it'll come out okay and what did you was it just like advice what was it she was asking towards the end it was like she was asking really good questions she was just like you know what do you think of people um who have work done and um advertise surgeons on social media and stuff like that um so we had a good chat about that and then we were talking about um some procedures on tiktok that's a big thing what they do there's a trend and it's like new nose check it's called and it's you face the camera and you go day one day two right okay day three well i mean it's good to see the healing process but you only ever see positive ones yeah no one's like day one the nose is like on the other side of the face well we've seen that before

we've seen some bad stuff so in 10 years in that industry so we'll see how that turns out okay okay right parking embarrassment that's all this says i thought you're quite a good driver yeah i just wanted to just see if i'm the only one that gets in a really big anxious fluster when i'm parallel and other people are there it just i don't know why i've got to put it on there it's just it's getting on my tics because it panics me i think take your time honey but why can't i do it so i can reverse in no problem i cannot so on the school run and then all the cars are beeping then i start sweating yeah but like don't beep they're parking i know but then sometimes does anyone else like go into it and then think i can't do this and just go off

and do you acknowledge that you've done it or do you just keep your head or do you say sorry i couldn't get in that space i go like this yeah do you do like a silly like it is what it is because i was trying to get in and there was a car next to me of work men and they were like looking as if you know what i do when men do that what i wind the window down and i go honey can i give you my keys that's a good idea actually i mean it was on the main road well yeah like no but like oh you're gonna make such a yeah can you help i bet you're better than me yeah and just get the help yeah you're right and instead i went backwards and forwards backwards and forwards and then i just darted out of the space and flew down the road i fight with people if they if they

start beeping i'll get out of the car and i'll go to the window i'll go hi i do that is there an issue i'm um i'm quite bad for that for road rage and i will get out of the car and i will walk to you can't i mean i don't know but like as in i don't get the road rage if people start getting wound up with me i'll be like yeah come the fuck on yeah yeah no i agree no that's what i do i'll go over and i'm like really is this a big deal really anyway yeah so i don't really know what i'm saying about that other than oh my god refi refi refi i've been using their makeup i you weren't sure were you i loved it you can have all the ones that i kind of the lip thing lip thing was a bit drying for me was drying and the packaging all broke oh because i was just going

to say i ordered the cheek stuff the oh the cheek stuff's nice and i use the brush like every day is this the first time i've never used it i don't use it you know i know but i don't buy new makeup ever and i just happen to buy some do you know what lauren i bought it on the first release when it first like they might have had a few so i feel like it's improved yeah no i've got the the cream blush is lovely um their cream bronzer is really nice the brush is really nice the lip i'll be honest yeah not as amazing as i thought it might be a bit drying but everything else and i love her brand the highlighter and the body strobe cream not tried the body glow is stunning it's not glittery good for wedding yeah it's very nice i just just thought about that then i have got the

hayley bieber road oh you were telling me about that and no like it's got bits in it one of them and it's not meant to have bits in it and i was watching a tiktok again the other day and it was like what the fuck's happened here and they're like 25 quid i got the jamie v v whatever it is yeah highlighter the primer the highlighter i've got the primer it's really nice yeah nice anyway sorry i just like interjected oh and also can i just apologize as you know i love slagging things off and then saying they're good but do you know what it fucking happens it's fine the elemis cleansing balm the rose one is actually really nice really but maybe it's because my skin is different because i'm pregnant so i got a message not long ago off a girl it's saying that her

dermatologist said never go near that stuff yeah it's really bad for you no but like when you've had makeup on yeah it melts it off but that pericone no rinse um cleanser have you tried it yeah and the eye makeup is fantastic fucking amazing and um i was wrong about something else oh okay i enjoy this the house labs foundation yeah so everyone's been talking about this and i kept thinking i thought oh what's that i'm gonna buy it and then it said house and i thought Oh, no, Ash said it was shit. It was shit, but my makeup artist told me a different way to put it on. It's actually...

So, do you know the Westman Atelier? Atelier. You thought it was shit. I hate it. Can I have yours? Yes. I hate it. I love it.

What foundation have you got on now? Armani and CC... It's CC cream mixed together. Well, it looks nice. Thanks. Anyway. Anyway, sorry about that. What's getting on my tits this week is people's opinions when you're pregnant.

everybody's got an opinion when you're pregnant or a birth story a horrific one a horrific one um so first of all like i've started to look very pregnant yeah which i personally hate like when you're out and about everyone stares at you when you're heavily heavily yeah and then that's all they go is like how long have you got what about the bump touching how do you feel about people touching your bump that don't know you oh i'm fine you're okay with that some people hate that i'm not arsed but the first thing they do is is it your first and i go third stop stop the conversation it just stops that is so true and when it's your first everyone's excited and when you say second or third it's like really boring no one's arsed anymore yeah so like i've been

doing instagram q and a's and it's all pregnancy questions which i'm so bored of i'm sorry guys um but like i did one yesterday and i put on about listen like i'm on the third kid i want it as fucking easy as humanly yeah possible and i instead of i've not had to buy a new buggy yet i've not had to buy did you get loads of comments about the milk the milk i knew you would yeah i knew you would so i put on saying because do you know what i am gonna do i'm not even using a prep machine i'm using the mini pre-made bottles for the first two weeks what you want to do and it's no one's up to any it's up to nobody if you can afford that and you want to do that then yeah you can so you fucking so do you know what i bought for the first week 10 boxes of milk which cost

me 100 quid in the grand scheme of things yeah so 60 mini bottles yeah 100 i would pay 100 pound for sanity me too and i'm telling you now girls those mini pre-made sterilized bottles if you're gonna use them use them for the first two weeks yeah when things are hard oh a hundred they only take a tiny bit and you don't know what you're doing lauren said you know when someone goes to you like what do you want for the baby just say can you get me two packets of the milk yeah so anyway i put a thing on and i was like this is what i'm doing i'm using the ready-made pre-sterilized because there's no fucking around with bottles sterilizing or making no i completely agree and i would be doing the same so i said i'm using that then i'm going to use the ready-made milk

yeah till three months right because this is why the ready-made milk has no bubbles in it and if you get a gassy baby a colicky colicky baby then because when you make the milk even in the prep machine it comes out and when they mix it it gets bubbles in it then the baby gets bubbles in their tiny little tummy anyway i put that on go on what was it what was the uh and she probably didn't mean anything by it but this girl was like i'm an nicu nurse oh here we go um and she was like just to let you know all formula is the same doesn't matter the brand and to be fair to i've heard this that the ingredient is the packaging i have heard this i watched a watchdog yeah on the same it's just the packaging yeah they did

actually like say that formula is one of the biggest scams yeah and that's really fucking sad so couldn't someone tell us this because that's a life hack and to be fair all of my friends recently have been using the aldi mammia milk yeah which i think is seven pounds a tin opposed to aptamil is 14 13 14 pounds so you can when she was telling you this why was she telling you this right so she was like you need to tell everyone that like on this post and i was like not really so i just said what aldi don't make the ready-made milk yeah and that's what you want and it's not the brand of milk they just don't make it ready made yeah okay so fuck off um i think what i think is really really unfair right is people want us and in this occasion you to be

honest they want your hacks they want to know so then when you are honest yeah then it's like sniping at you and it's just like well how do we do right by wrong why are you having a c-section why are you not breastfeeding i just don't think that's because i want to because i just don't get it oh yeah a little gay boy there did a wiggle to that billy billy she's so gorgeous you actually look a bit like her have you watched secret diary of a call girl she's so good anyway so yeah so their opinions on absolutely everything then you go to them like well i'm doing this and they go well i did i didn't ask for it fuck off and the baby name why what's happening i've i know what it is no i know but i mean what's when you tell people the

baby like they have opinions i unless it was my close friend if someone told me their baby now i'd be like oh that's not i would never but i knew someone at school like that and then it's not he knows i just wouldn't unless he's my close friend then i'd be like oh if she had like a list of names i'd be like knock it but the otherwise i just don't think it's anyone's business yeah yeah like better off not telling people and then the horrific birth stories yeah i wonder why people feel they need to why i ripped people say it as if they want a badge i ripped from front to back great here's your medal for having a ripped fanny it's not helpful when you're nervous already very odd very odd very odd speaking of unsolicited opinions now i've got to talk about this because

it is it did happen but this girl's lovely and she didn't mean it like that um and an injector sent me a picture and then face tuned it to how she thought i would look better i sent it you yeah and said i think you should have this dissolved and this would look better and actually face tuned my face and sent me the after picture of how she thought i would look better it's a nice projection of how she felt so what i did is i replied i wasn't going to reply and i said look i know i really believe that you did not mean this in a bad way i believe you were trying to you know and you're part of nip tuck and you think oh but i'm not fair game like don't do that please don't do this please don't do this to anyone else and i just said if i you know if i'd

have gone to somebody for advice you'd have been having a really low day and see me i know if i'd have gone to someone and said what would you do with my face you've seen that today i'm fine yeah but and i just said i'm fine i'm actually not one bit offended like it's it's fine but please don't ever do that to anyone else please do not facetune someone's face and then send it them and say you should do this to your face please don't do that and she was really apologetic and she fully got it she was like after i sent it i thought why the fuck have i just done that so yeah if anyone's planning to do anything weird like that don't send it to me just don't send me anything i stare at my face all the time i know what's wrong with it already you know yeah wow wow but yeah it wasn't

meant like that so i think we all just need to be a little bit careful when we're messaging people with what we're saying yeah right yeah where's that the cafe the woman at the cafe that's that kind of yes all right then all right mate so that's what i do right so i've got a little life hack for you guys because we're getting into the new year now so we're gonna get a bit um what's the word like reflective oh my god what was it do you have 10 days left oh and then your new year comes to an end oh fuck off fuck off fuck off and are you now sick finally of i'm vanilla baby yet no oh my god it's the worst guys if it if it's still going on at this point this goes out just no i'm not sick of it i've not heard it really but i don't go on tiktok

and i'm wondering if that's the main place of it i go on it once a month so tell us your life hack this is my life hack okay i saw this and i just thought the girls need to hear it okay so read out the title let's go three signs that men want sex and not a relationship tell us you ready yeah right first one is inconsistent communication so basically you'll hear from them one day not from the other and there's no pattern in their communication it's not like it's built around work you're not getting a good morning text a lunchtime text an evening text then phone call it's inconsistent it's here there and when they feel like it and you know why that is why so that they can build a barrier so you can't say you can't get the feels or make it like they gave you the

feels in any way and then if they want to go off and do their own thing they're not tied and expected okay to send a text the next one so they only see you like really really low-key in the house like evenings they're not taking you out and about in public really really take away and chill take away and chill on a wednesday but not involving you in the fair social life with others no because they don't want to be seen showing you off because then it's a thing and they want to make it very clear that it is not a thing and also don't forget guys if a guy's inviting you round to his he's gonna try it on with you yeah absolutely so if you don't want to do that then you need to be making sure that they are taking you somewhere out in public be it the cinema be

it a meal but something that does not involve any sexual intercourse and won't involve any and let's see if they still want to take you out and see you exactly right the last one is that he never shares anything with you emotional so he doesn't give you too much detail on things so no feelings no doesn't tell you about his past his family his mom and dad ongoing struggles what's going on in his deep dark thoughts it's just very yeah it's not like i've got this thing coming off at the minute and i'm nervous about it yeah again inconsistency creating a barrier so you're not getting in there enough and it's putting you in your place yeah right what do you think i agree i completely agree i agree with all of those i think it's very very clear and i think also

not wanting to see you at the weekend or take you out i think for me that's the big one yes you're not getting the gold you're not getting the golden time you're getting the weekday evenings when he's got nothing else to do and it's absolutely fine girls because some of you might just want to shag and that at least you know no shade that's fine but girls these are three signs if we run through them again really quickly inconsistent communication only seeing you low-key and never sharing with you or rarely sharing with you emotionally or in detail if he's doing those things he's just wanting your pussy up to you whether you give it him or not lauren we are here aren't we to show our new purchases off from our favorite website love honey love

honey is the number one online retailer for all things pleasure it's always going to be love honey isn't it they are absolutely amazing so we have got here the womanizer liberty 2 so it's back and it is better than ever look how aesthetically pleasing this is it's stunning and it's compact it's really good for travel it's very inconspicuous but it's still got the full force of the pleasure air technology which is what i love about the womanizer guys try it now you're obsessed with it aren't you you absolutely love it it does the job let's just say it is well worth it comes in four different colors and it is absolutely stunning now as always we've got a little code for you so if you want it to do the job for you as well nip tuck liberty is going to get you 10 off the

womanizer liberty too we always give you the goods so you need to try it out you need to try it out love honey have come through again with this exclusive discount code on the womanizer it's everyone's favorite basically you're not going to be disappointed guys so like lauren said the code is nip tuck liberty right guys we're going to be back after the break with bargain bucket and slatty and as we draw to an end of this half um but first are you a loyal listener of nip talk do you set an alarm on a wednesday on a friday do you talk to makes white do you come up to me and sexy fish while i'm bog eyed and tell me that you love it if you do tell your nearest and dearest about us share it tell them send it in whatsapp groups put a little story on good it's pretty

douche that would be a douche lucas that's that's perfect yeah yeah that's a gorgeous douche look it's got the plasticky bit inside yeah that's a portable douche that's why the lucas a bottle is so good because of that end nozzle that you can slip into the anus it's like a little schvinked yeah look because it's got look that plastic the way you just said if anyone wants a really streamlined douche aqua carpatia it looks like an expensive douche to me i would say also handbag friendly yeah so handbag friendly it looks like a hand sanitizer only somebody rich like you would have that kind of fucking bottle of water thank you a car now right then welcome back welcome back welcome back welcome back welcome back welcome back

bargain bucket bargain bargain bargain bargain right so i feel like this outfit i'm wearing is very you where's that jumper from it's like a full set oh yeah this is the kind of thing you'd like to wear around the house h&m i just think this is the kind of thing that you'd wear do you know our intimacy cashmere top they bought leggings out that go with it what for like around the house oh and i've ordered ed some t-shirts off there because they're meant to be really nice do you know what i got on black friday sale good american i got some stuff from there it's very expensive how did you get stuff off that the jumper that i want 40 off not everything very expensive the jumper that i want oh no very expensive american vintage no no good

american the jeans are fantastic and you can get them off that website that um that i did a collab with and for like loads cheaper and it's all this season oh i'm gonna have a look because i just think the good jeans they are really good jeans sorry i ordered a few um bodies i'll tell you i'll tell you no but like 70 quid for a body that's stupid yeah but they're on sale i'll tell you if i think they're good and if not i'll send them back um anyway so aldi's come through again um they bought out a dupe of the elemis cleanser i know we don't like love it that much but some people everyone fucking loves that shit fine absolutely fine and also it is really expensive you know the aldi one's not okay it's like 40 quid for a thing and you use up loads when you

use it like um charlotte tilbury spray they bought out a dupe of our favorite i don't know if i like it i thought you were telling me that it's the best no you said that no you and was it mitchell did mitchell yeah yeah no i'd i've not found a setting spray that i like what about the all-nighter by what's it called oh that shit if someone jizzes on your makeup that that spray holds it in place um also did you get a message from stealer yeah and they never sent the stuff i got asked if i want anything um their lip gloss i really like but they never they really pisses me off when people message me like hi can i send you this and i give them my address and they never said yeah because then you think you're just gonna steal my thing what the fuck

so i think i'm gonna stop i never give my address like if someone else is because i don't want someone to come to my house it scares me oh for fuck's sake um anyway right okay aldi dupes the candles the candles are so good right so they how are they getting away i just think they look exactly like the tom ford candles which to be fair are super cute in the house and like i feel like they'd be cute in an office i love the color of like the nice so they've got rose prick cherry and peach are the three yeah i only saw the rose the one that i like from tom ford they didn't do i love the tobacco vanilla that's the perfume i wear tobacco vanilla it's so stunning i love tobacco very sexy but it reminds me of the time in my life they didn't do that one which was i

was upset about yeah i love do you know what um tk maxx did a tobacco vanilla last year and it was gorgeous so it's worth really tk max always comes through with the candles it was home center but um yeah these were like four pounds 99 even if you just have them as an ornament and don't like them yeah exactly and then i was like oh but there's others and they had copies of the dip teak christmas ones okay um the pine one is really nice i bought all of them and smart them all if you're gonna buy them guys and you can get hold of them get the cherry candle yeah i love cherry from the tom ford one and get the pine nut diptyque one it's in a green box and get they did a black opium one nice okay that reminds me of a very very long time ago so basically on

the subject of aldi lauren they have got booze dupes like of course they are really really really good booze dupes i i absolutely begrudge i keep moving spending money on booze because i don't the whole line i absolutely begrudge spending money on booze anywhere ever because all it does is getting expensive like it just gets you pissed the end is the same the blackout the sick in the knickers is the same it's so whether it costs and i wish the sick in the knickers had cost me 40 quid not hundreds so i just don't like it so i'm all here for this right okay so they've bought out au vodka it literally looks the exact same does it they've done it in like the metallic the cheeky buggers aren't they tequila rose i love tequila rose and it's so good i think it's

like nine ten pounds a bottle i love it i love to like 40 we love tequila rose um then they bought back so last year you'll remember that i spoke about and at the time it was only 6.99 it's gone up to 8.99 inflation hits hard yeah but that's a lot like an extra two quid i agree um they did a copy of lauren perrier champagne and they bought the rose one out because i know that you like so if you're going into aldi girls stock up on this they do a white and a rose version don't spend out that silly money on it it's 8.99 and it's called cromant du jour yes i remember that from last year and the bottle is long at the top and then it goes wide at the bottom when we managed to get hold of some i will share a picture so you can all see um unfortunately aldi have

stopped doing the home delivery on the alcohol i don't even know they did it yeah they did oh you could get a crate of six yeah i didn't know that bottles of wine i don't drink in the house um so that's about you i fucking know i don't mulled wine is all i'll drink in the house at christmas i love mulled wine i love mulled i'm getting my teeth done in january so you can really i can really brown them up now so i'm really gonna get them nice and brown with lots of coffee and red wine and fags and eating chocolate pudding so yeah there you go so yeah aldi like it's really coming through but lidl is coming through too i've heard a little a few times you know what it's the aesthetics of lidl that same aldi used to be the same though babe i know

it just makes me feel funny when i go i know but it is a lot nicer inside now honestly like there's one near um when i used to go to the gym near there and in the middle bit there's like the fruit and veg is very morrison's vibe yeah you know like that yeah because i went in and i just felt really weird no i really really like it and anyway when i went in the other day to aldi to pick those candles up they'd started getting the christmas bits out and it was very m&s oh it was very they have like trays of like the cheese boards all laid out they had the crudités they had like the meat i love that about christmas you know it's the it's the picky bits oh they have the picky bits i love picky bits and i love m&s and i always feel like it's a real treat when i go to

m&s aldi felt like that really yeah and the toys were toying really i've not even thought about what they're all getting for christmas i booked my ocado delivery slot oh i used to make it i'm too hungover for this right now lauren i'm gonna give you a few quick fire questions just because we are coming up to christmas but my brain is so slow we keep getting asked um like gifting ideas so i've got a real mixed bag here for you actually and my brain is so slow can i'll help can i quick fire you right okay secret santa yeah 20 quid for a 20 year old girl what would you consider lip liners the doll the doll lip liners did you see they did that five no it wasn't five it was like eight of them for 20 quid um yeah lip liners everyone loves lip liners and lip gosses like a

selection a selection everyone loves that 20 year old girl you're lining your lips a lot what would you get the boyfriend that has everything a blow job a blow job how often do you give them out i do them like regularly anyway oh fuck off you pick me girl i don't and i suck dick all day i don't wear makeup and i throw up in my knickers um yeah just like no i would do a trip always a trip and then have sex with him on the trip and a trip a nice underwear yeah a trip like a nice a nice a lovely hotel a spa sexy underwear idea there's no point buying him something because he's got it all and what you he can't you probably can't afford what he would want so you go and take him a grantley hall so expensive gone more

expensive now i was gonna go um me and ed were gonna go before the baby and then we're like but then we could have it two grand it probably cost so i was yeah so not even joking for two two nights yeah 600 pounds a night then you've got all your food and drink it was 8.50 was it so it depends what day when you go to grant the hall the cheapest is 550 and it goes right on the weekend it's not 550 no no that's the cheapest room you can get like throughout the week you know if you were to look so you look at the month's calendar yeah the cheapest it ever ever is and it's on a tuesday it's like 550 and i saw it up to like glenn eagles was really nice but again it's expensive so we decided in the end we're gonna get a hotel in manchester do a little

bit of markets have some nice tapas because all together that would have been about 250 quid it was like 800 you're jealous i'm not jealous i do you could not be jealous because you're pregnant you could not pay me to go to the christmas market oh i do like a lot i don't like it when it's busy i like it in like a daytime like a monday day i like the mulled wine like a sausage i think i've got ptsd because when i worked um in the center of town i worked right on king street and there was a fucking frankfurter stall underneath my office yeah no i get that but i would never go in a busy time like on a sunday or an evening but like i like it i actually i enjoy anyway we've gone really off topic okay well it's not like us this is a

really good one first christmas with my new boyfriend's parents who i've met six times i think just turn up with a really really nice bottle of something and a candle i was just gonna say a little candle a white company or a joe malone for the mom so spend 50 quid on a three wick from the white company that's not too much or a hand wash and you know the nice the sets because that's for the house isn't it um and a nice bottle my mum always um likes to take a plant which is not something i would do like a wreath but it depends when you're seeing them before christmas you're gorgeous like i guess it's christmas day bro all right okay but can i just say as well like this is such a hack i have people around a lot at my house um over

christmas and i will be doing this year because i won't be leaving the house please turn up with a bottle of something or a tray of something because it's just manners yeah bring something yeah yeah i agree and like shit's expensive yeah and if you just go around and drink someone's alcohol and don't take anything like a present for the kids and also guys if you want to get brownie points with new partners parents family friends find out what their favorite drink is literally even if you go and get that nice bottle of fizz from aldi and taiba around it i agree and maybe like a little m&s or aldi platter like take something round but i think just stock up now on it candles and home sets you can't go wrong you can't go wrong can you right that's boring let's

do some slutty seasons now okay oh no we asked for some christmas party ones and here we have it are you reading or am i you're reading okay girls i was scrolling half asleep in bed and i sat bolt upright when i read the work christmas party stories call on ashley's instagram i went back to 2017 like it was yesterday and the ptsd is real that's like me when i woke up on sunday morning bolt upright i worked in a recruitment firm male god male dominated big dick energy 24 7 christmas party casual drinks and a meal wines flowing and it's getting silly the year before my boss brushed my hand as i worked from pub to pub and i was shook from then on i had the typical office office crush on him yes office crush not real life very different yeah it's two very

different things fast forward a whole 12 months to the christmas party 2017 it's been building it's been building the tension's been building all year my boss was local to me so the arrangement was that his girlfriend would drop off even naughty even naughty and my friend i was single and would pick us up it's getting late and it got rowdy he ended up getting thrown out and i was his lift home i left as well big mistake we walked towards the pickup point as i dropped my friend the we're ready message as we walked to said pickup point an alleyway presented itself no of course it did long story short i ended up with his dick in my mouth we went to my friend's car and he went home we never spoke about it again until three weeks later when we were on the train

platform doing it again how we didn't get arrested i'll never know i left the company six weeks later and he asked me to wrap his girlfriend's christmas presents wow p.s after he asked me to wrap his girlfriend's christmas oh sorry lauren would be farting in them yeah Yes, I'm wrapping it up. Enjoy that. Have a fingernail, have a fork, have a boogie. Anyway, remember on Nip Talk, we want to get your voice in. We're going to wrap up there because I can see things are slipping.

Things are getting a little bit NDA. I didn't do that, what I said I did. I'm only... Sometimes you have to say things to keep up with me. You do, yeah. I get it. I get it. It's like shocking things, don't we?

You can email us at hello at niptalkpod.com. You can WhatsApp us. You can send us a voice note. don't worry if you want to remain anonymous we're never going to tell anyone who you are it's only us that we embarrass only us that we ruin please head to this episode's description for more information we're going to be back on friday with your bonus babes which is all about you so if you want to hear anything no if you want to send us anything to hear on friday please do so and don't do anything embarrassing on instagram guys what just like those stupid montages and songs yeah

okay don't do that men don't like that do they not no because they think you're too emotional right love you all see you later