Nip Tuck - Argumentative Abroad

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Lauren's back from her holiday and it seems drama followed her wherever she ventured. She got grief at the gate and there was panic by the pool. Ashley's been without her Nanny and tensions are high. However, Ashley's got an affordable but effective hack for any parent with a child.To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hello and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck old habits die hard and here you fucking are again and you can't get away and here you are again did you know it takes 22 days to break a habit no one's breaking it no one's fucking breaking it you dirty addicts this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women it's about being unapologetically yourself and allowing other people yeah judging them if we want live and let live baby live and let live they are judged if we want to 100 now guys on nip tuck it's all about you so you can get in touch and we always read everything always we do yeah and the best bits will go in the podcast won't they they will so you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com but as you will know

if you're a loyal listener um we've got whatsapp as well so you can voice note us you can send us a text message we can keep you anonymous if you want or if you're really proud of the dirty thing you did we'll shout it off the fucking rooftops for you basically we don't give a fuck do we no no right so we've not seen each other for two weeks so we've got loads to catch up on much nicer to each other when we've not seen each other for a couple of weeks aren't we like i actually miss you a bit when it's every week or have you noticed that when it's every week we're a bit like when it's been a gap like oh hi um so you look very radiant and relaxed and rested it's nice that you went on holiday for a week i did go on holiday for a week a week is a long time i don't know do

you remember when you were younger people did two weeks no one does i don't think anyone does two week holidays anyway i think that's fucking long i think that is so long and people have four weeks annual leave don't they so that's half of your year gone i think if you were doing like florida you'd do two weeks yeah with loads to do and it's a long way away and the jet lag takes you a few days to get over i think it's rare a two week holiday right so yeah two weeks i think is good because the first five days you're getting over the trauma at the airport which is fucking i've got some stories to tell you about traumatic especially if you were in terminal two in manchester airport um and you have to go that's disgusting disgusting and then the kids get in

their routine and you settle in so i get the 10 day two week thing they are um there's behavior is quite quite bad for the first four days so she's not very good with anything that involves change like it takes a bit to get used to stuff um and we like me and we went um we went with me me james his three thea his mum and dad my mum his sister and his sister's little boy and it was it was amazing yeah but you had a lot of adults on hand to help we did and they did help that's the key but fear was like people don't realize that oh you look at the instagram and you think you know she was so naughty at times she made me cry one night don't be mean mean she made me cry this is what she kept doing and i think there'll be a reason behind it but so say i would walk

around the corner in the morning and my mum had already taken her down to the pool i would come around the corner with don't know james's mum and i'd be like good morning darling i'd obviously seen her earlier on and she'd go hi joyce and ignore me right and then she was playing in the pool and she was going james watch me watch me watch me james couldn't hear her so he wasn't ignoring he was doing something else and i felt really sorry for her because she was going james watch me so i went oh my god darling that's amazing and she went i wasn't asking you and i literally just like slowly went okay i was bullied she bullied me um after a few days she got into doing kids from hanging around all the kids getting a bit of bad yes get it showing off

and james's boys are a little bit older but honestly i noticed that when sasuke has been around the attitude and that's when you have to just not give them a reaction as well so james's three as a whole are much better behaved than just the on her own she was hard so that was difficult but it was nice like it was nice to go on holiday my pigmentation's disgusting why the fuck

would you take Trat on holiday I don't know no guys no it's not she was like showing off

she thought she was like dead good like this is my skincare routine I was like no because it does sensitise your skin

to the sun but I tried not to keep my face in the sun I had 50 on it doesn't we don't Tratanoin on holiday or in summer

no no thank you um so i'm having this laser done do you know the olivia atwood photo fabulous yes so i can't wait as soon as you've done with baby yeah um because you the lady you went to francesca facial yeah she does it i'll either go to her or skin a dress where i go there they get the machine i want to get my whole chest yeah so what she's doing for me for the wedding she's doing my full face my full chest and my arms yeah and hands is a good one everything and i'm gonna do like a course of

it now and then just top it up just before the wedding she's doing the full full everything so it's a photo fabulous what's the machine but now remember if you're yeah it's called photo fabulous yeah um it's a form of ipl yes it the amount of things it does as well like she can do everything with it it tightens your pores insane so i'll be having that done where next month so i'll report back on that good um but yeah so holiday i need to tell you a story go i i'm coming across as a real bitch but this wasn't my fault i had an argument in the airport you're turning into me had an argument the airport with i would say a 60 odd year old woman and i will tell you what happened um so on the way there on the way home so on the way home we're in turkey getting ready

to go on the plane there was two queues going up to the bit where the final bit before you get on the plane where you just show them your boarding pass and they said that if you had a pram or children you came in the middle of the two queues you basically q jumped because you had the pram whatever so we got in the middle we q jumped and she was at the front it was about to be her turn but it happened to be ours because we were going through the middle and she just looked at me and she was a scouser and i'm sad about that scouse women are usually like the best especially when you've got kids with you and she went they're very like motherly what's going on here then and i went and obviously honestly i've become like don't give me shit because i will just

especially when it's my kids my kids yeah that's what i got my don't talk about my kids so i went to her i went you are and i actually said you what and she went who do you think you are pushing in there i said pushing in i said whoa hang on a minute was yet did the air hostess hear this everyone heard it so i went we've just been told to get in this queue and she listened to what she said she went well you shouldn't be and then she said you should have been you should have gone through with the wheelchairs at the beginning but you were too busy putting your makeup on over there and she went listen and she went with your lips and that now number one she was jealous number one i wasn't putting makeup on because i had none on she clearly got no dick on holiday i had none

on i had no makeup on and then i went are you joking i said i've just been studying with my children um and i started getting really really irate and i said lips what do you mean by my lips anyway it's going on and everyone's there and then she went uh walk on walk on like that to me and i said i'll tell you what i'll do you a swap i said i'll go take your place and you take my four kids and she went do you not think i've had them i said well if you've had them you should understand shouldn't you and she she didn't want the fight then she was backing down and i thought i know i'm not leaving and i said you need to change your attitude and anyway she went like this to me with a hand walk on what did she look and you know what i did older yes and you know

what i did i did something mean i went right in her face and i went you need to put some sun cream on i'm ripped off i'll tell you why i don't care i'm sorry but that's a bit no i'm not bothered no because one right can i don't think no i'm not bothered i'll take that right can i tell you a line that changed my life okay you don't fight with a pig because a pig gets dirty and then you both get dirty and the pig fucking loves it well i got dirty i like it do you agree no i agree but in that moment it's something like don't fight with a pig because then you'll both get dirty and the pig loves being dirty and i agree i shouldn't do that you go wow insulting looks we're in 2023 yeah no i agree like i left it at that she was really burned her face was so burned i'm sorry

i said it and i'm i did because she was she was insulting matt does james get really like oh when you start arguing ed's the same and i wouldn't normally argue and then anyway get on the plane and ed just goes like this you literally yeah so i got on the plane and then all these scouse women were coming up to me going one woman came up to me she went i nearly chinned her for years and i went thank you and then a man came up to me i was coming the wrong way down the island he went have you gone looking for her and then another woman came over and said that was bang out of order we actually i was about to jump in if but you look like you had it so yeah i had an argument so that's interesting and i've got another story what but it it's a quite a good one

um yes i've got another story do you want to maybe talk for a minute no tell me okay so i want to see what you think about this because i think this is quite a good debate i'm sat sunbathing minding my own business starts kicking off in the pool with two mums they're going at it so look this is what happened so mum a yeah was an english lady and her child was about five or six little boy and it was a little kids pool with a slide and stuff and he'd been running around mum b i think was from holland i would guess yeah and her little one was probably about two yeah mum a's little boy had banged into the other little girl he had been going down the slide i think potentially not looking and i'd taken out this two-year-old taking her out right so mom of the two-year-old

starts shouting at him i didn't see this and saying you know watch what you're doing you've just knocked him out to the so she's telling the little boy off mom sees her little boy being told off runs over english lady and says don't fucking tell my son off and the mom says well you should have been watching his son i agree because he's just taken my two-year-old out and she said i was but i can't watch every second i'm stood around yeah but i can't and i agree with that you can't watch every second and she so her argument was don't ever shout at my child you shouldn't shout at someone else's child and the other shout was it shout no it was it tell off it was i don't think it was it was it depends on the delivery and also where what are you going to gain by telling

someone else's kid off fuck all so the argument here should who was right like should she have been telling someone took my child out yeah this is what i'm doing i'm putting myself in the situation sasky is little too and a big boy comes and does something oh i a soft play i tell other people's kids off and stuff like and i don't do it because i think i'm going to change their behavior i do it because i'm mad with them yes because that's my baby but i don't shout yeah you would just say don't do that again but i think she was i told you that thing that i did at that party a few months ago hopefully no one's listening to this that was there um me and ed were a family party um a few months back and saskia is the youngest so she's running around after the

older girls and one of the older girls slammed the door in her face of to the playroom and they didn't know but i was stood watching in the kitchen and i went over and saskia's like oh no i know and i knocked on the door i went open the door it's saskia's mummy and they opened the door and one of the little girls was like it wasn't me it was her so they knew they'd done they knew they'd done something and i said guys come on if you're gonna play play nice play together she's only little and don't leave anyone out anyway then i walked which i think's fair um left them because she was fine after that and the kid had run off crying and told its mum that i was shouting at it when i walked back into the room with all the other adults a woman was like whose kids have

you been shouting at in front of everyone i was like none um the other side of it though however how would you feel if saskia was being told if you were around the pool and you were just drinking your drink no you weren't watching her implicitly because the water was that high and also how can you stop them when they're coming off a slide yeah and you just looked and someone was shouting at saskia because i would also then run over and say don't speak to my child like that so it's a very i think it's just one of those things a tough one but everyone around the pool made everyone's literally the lifeguard got involved the dads came over there was pushing shoving the lifeguard comes around oh it was so exciting like if you don't want to be in that situation pay for a

private villa where there's no other kids around because you are going to be in that situation yeah there was loads of kids there was that's what i'm saying like if you're gonna take your kid to soft play your kid might get hurt yeah yeah maybe just don't leave the house yeah you say sorry you say about the village yeah the highlight of my holiday was playing with other kids yeah making friends around and and i do actually have oh my god this is one of my vivid childhood memories i was in because half my family live in los angeles so we used to go out for like sick the whole six week holiday and my cousins are a little bit older than me so any like parties that they were going to um because they're a massive armenian family there was parties like

every weekend and the parties were like crazy we went to one spider-man party and i remember i was about four are you ready to hear what happens to me a boy bit my back and i had to go to hospital and have a tetanus injection and my uncle's a lawyer and he was like we can actually sue them for this i got bit at a park once no but like that's fully bitten yeah and i had to get a tetanus injection i've got a story for you and my dad had a fight with the dad good i would i digress but listen to this one when my dad used to live in georgia yeah i lived there for a short period of time when i was about seven and i got bit by a dog a street dog but we we we looked after the dog it was like our dog explains a lot um and i got bit by this

dog and if the dog dies within a week of biting you then you are considered to potentially have rabies yeah so i had to go and have rabies injections yeah you always do if you thought i had rabies yeah but they actually were going to keep me in because i started foaming yeah and they thought i had rabies and you foam at the mouth and everything if anyone does get bit ever by a cat or a dog or a child gets bitten by them i was uh watching this thing on that tiny heart and basically what is in like an animal's saliva even if it's a tiny tiny cut on the child it can be really like they can get rabies so that's the educational piece there you can tell we've been away because we digress i've spoken enough about my life you haven't had a nanny i've not had a

nanny you've been yesterday you oh you were a twat in the morning my nanny's been on holiday in ibiza and she got back today how dare she has fun um so i've been on my own for a week when you say on your own like literally no i had christine i was gonna say christine was there on sunday yeah but only for a few hours i need to ask you this so she came at like seven she came at eight what for though i was going to ask you this like what on a hell but on a sunday i was actually thinking about this on a sunday even if i've got the kids yeah we're sat around we're eating toast we're not doing anything got an 18 month old boy lauren and you're not seven months pregnant no but that's what i was going to ask is it not a bit awks because like are you not

just sat on the sofa and she's sat on this like is it not a bit like yeah i'm in my pajama no no know like so basically she came around 8 a.m it's like the aftermath of breakfast tidy up with me right does all of that and then because ed goes into work most he works a lot doesn't he um or plays golf and whatever so anyway she comes in and she just like helps because you need that extra help like if your mum came around i had the grace kelly photo shoot thing yeah so she came with me Because I can't, Teddy's getting big now. I can't be picking him up. So she kind of like did what your mum would do,

like came around tidy. Yeah, that's what she does. She just helps like for three or four hours and then like puts a wash on for me. Bits and bobs. Empties the dishwasher because, oh my God, the laundry in my house is not normal. Because Teddy's at that age where it's like dribbling on everything.

They wear everything for an hour. I counted three pairs of pyjamas he wore on Sunday. Yeah, no, I agree. The towels. you want to see since we got back six people's washing i've had to do six people's washing well to be fair my new cleaner does take laundry um off me she takes the bits that need like extra care and attention so i do my mom does that the pajamas the baby grows and the gym stuff and she does the more hair and i do the towels and she does the bedding and the shirts and the bits that

the kids dresses yeah so you've not had you've not had your nanny for a week so has that meant like literally i've been doing school pick oh i've changed saskia's school yes i've been doing school pick up and drop off do you want to discuss that yeah yeah um i won't go into loads of detail but basically um she started at this school and this school is an amazing school it was really hard to get into somewhere that you would send your child yeah and it's like the feeder school from her nursery and oh my god the school drop off like it was not okay hun it was not okay it's right in the center of a village right so in the morning you can only drop there's no breakfast club you could only drop them off at 20 to 9 that is it everyone is arriving so everyone arrives in

this tiny place at 20 to 9 there's two parking wardens going around giving everyone tickets the gate is a normal size door that is it right so it's 20 to 9 there's a queue yeah that's what and they open the gate and everyone's like and everyone then goes in and you have to leave your car there for like 15 minutes so i have to take teddy out of the car with me if i've not managed to get him into nursery yet then i have to park the car miles away because you can't park near or you get a ticket yeah um there was no after school club at the school it was off site so what did that what does that mean so she had to walk to after school club with like a teacher whoever was yeah yeah yeah i'm just checking because that's um and it just wasn't working but don't

it wasn't just that though was no it was some other things but then um she ed did drop off for me uh one morning and he literally ed is not a complainer not a complainer and he rang me he's lovely isn't he babe that was just horrible crazy and i was like i know i can't do it anymore and i'm gonna have a newborn soon and i have got help like the nanny in the morning as well but even if both of us went it was still like it was really stressful yeah um and it just wasn't working for us so i moved schools and the new one is like in its own grounds you can drop off from quarter past eight in the morning so it's just easier but it's half an hour away from in the opposite direction of nursery so our house is there her new school is there and i think that's

quite common you and people have to go both directions but it is the best for them both of those places so i'm gonna have to roll with it yeah and actually the time that you save the time that i've saved doing that you could have been in the car like it makes no difference exactly and she's it was the first day isn't it today today so we'll see how she gets so she'll be fine won't she she was ready she won't got pony club at school they've got ponies oh how the other half live oh pony club the ponies sold it they've got a swimming pool in the school let's see if you can send your children to place it actually is a boarding school oh did you consider well from what do you think about boarding schools out of interest depends on the child ed went to

boarding school and he said it was the best experience of his life i personally could not send my children to boarding school at this moment in time and how they are but maybe when they're about 13 supposedly they absolutely thrive at boarding school especially like if they're into the sport rugby because he's nodding no honestly like and they meet friends for life yeah like literally ed says that the best years of his life were at boarding school wow do you know the only thing that i think right is kids when they lose the front two teeth aren't cute anymore yeah at that point you can go to boarding school for me i think they can start from like i wouldn't send them like at eight but it's mainly international students do you know what and

they make connections they learn they're around people one of the main things i think's really important is your child not being in the town that they were born and only being around the people that they were so you know little towns like i grew up in a small town and a lot of people had never left it very close-minded then when i started working at maya yeah that's when my life changed i met people like you i met people from i went to uni you didn't do that so different walks of life like i was in manchester like my world broadened so much and i realized i look back at where i live and i thought oh i don't think we can judge it because we've never been we've not we don't know what it's like so it's like i feel like boarding school what you think in your head

and what it actually is is probably like really different but one of my um good friends has just sent her daughter to boarding school because her daughter begged her to go really and um she's really sweet actually she's like i give her my clothes and she sells them for me when she comes home and stuff and she came around to my house i was asking her about it and it sounds really really fun yeah i've got quite a few mates who do it yeah yeah all loved it and they also they learn because i have life skills you learn about the world and different people yeah yeah i agree actually i've always thought of it as something that something that mums do when they don't love the kids i'll be honest that's what i always thought like kind of fuck

them off but i don't think it is that then is it it's actually giving your child the best chance and giving them the best experiences i mean everyone's different it just depends on what kind of kid you have doesn't it can you send them at five right oh my god the santa camera what is that what you sent me i didn't get it right i'll show lucas it's basically you know how you get like a cctv camera that looks like almost like a glow like a dome yeah yeah so i saw it on amazon it came up because you know i'm on amazon all the time and it's got a flashing light in it and a camera and it's like a black dome and it says elf cam i've put it in the playroom and i was like he came he's dropped the camera off and they are both like so that makes

your children think santa's watching how much of a good idea is that thea would not she wouldn't she'd just be like yeah whatever but that is i'll share it guys it was three pounds fifty and i'm hoping that this is the best three pounds fifty i've ever well if your kids have behaved then absolutely yeah I might buy one for every room why not

why not right we chatted shitey shite shite what was the story what was it when you thought it was like well I'm gonna go

and move somewhere else oh my god yeah when I this is the thing with Thea right I can't explain unless you know her she is an adult

in a mini body you can't she's so funny and she just has an answer she is gorgeous when I said to her right then

you can go and live with your dad and then then I went upstairs and she packed everything they said well you said i'm going so i've packed my stuff like what wait for the taxi and that's the kind of person she is do you remember that kid off wife swap with the chicken nuggets no just google wife swap chicken nuggets

oh right okay now we're gonna end on this because we've talked too much we have now lauren big brother's coming back i think it's coming back this week right by the way guys we'll talk about it in a future episode but there's a program on amazon that we've started watching lucas you're gonna love it it's called the fake shake fake shake it's really interesting actually i fell asleep i fall asleep all the time i'm at the talisa bit and it's really bad it's awful i won't tell you what happens in the end but so anyway big brother's coming back and when we were growing up i fucking loved big brother didn't everyone do this today in the big brother house everyone tried to do it didn't they do you remember helen the hairdresser from the first one she did well

didn't she did really well and then there was that guy the tool man that lee francis took the piss out of loads that was in the cupboard craig was his name craig right oh my god there was loads so i've got here an article kinga she's on there kinga's on there i know king is gonna be on there here are the top 20 most iconic big brother and i know my cozy will be on there just to bring your memory back and see david oh no that's number one for my entire how has that happened Me and Anne rewatched it like five times. How that happened, and it wasn't fake. Jennifer Collins.

And it was just TV gold. TV gold was just rolling in front. I bet the producers were like, this is gold. David looked dead. He is dead now, God bless him. But the way she went, David's dead. David's dead? And then she started screaming and going, David's dead!

Oh my God. And the funniest thing is, the woman, I've forgotten who she was, had her hair in bunches in the pigtails. She was like in a sevensie. and she really thought that this woman was reacting to her ex-husband that no one knew she's like yeah david's dead that that and he was just lying there that he was having a nap and then they found him that forever will be right okay um i'm gonna whiz through them i can't remember some of these perez hilton returning to the house after everyone thought he'd been

evicted and caught everyone bitching about him no megan mckenna had a meltdown over mashed potato yes she did she smashed it from yeah brian wet the bed brian do you remember brian no you do remember brian oh my god and he's from essex yeah yeah oh he was nice um allison broke the table when she was trying to spy on the security don't remember that cameron's coming out story i don't remember that nikki graham must be on there um oh she's died as well when chantal pretending to be famous oh my and she was with preston the romance that they had i used to love really fancy preston yeah really fancy they had a child together didn't they they did yeah no did they yeah they got married and they've got a child um shit was called chanel or chantelle chanel's the

different one chanel's a different one chantelle and she pretended to be famous jade goody and shilpa shetty that was that was really bad i was watching do you know how well shilpa shetty handled herself in that situation but like how wild how much the world has changed since then since then and how they didn't like what about when they told jay goody that she had um cancer on wow like it's a no now jemma telling jillian mckee to fuck off she was a right crank wasn't she um but do you remember when that girl said that uh ryan thomas punched her it was roxanne palette yeah and he fucking didn't he didn't um the roxanne palette punch yeah he didn't at all denise welsh in the hot tub with that frankie

denise god bless her oh my god do you remember her kim was it kim you chicken livered shit david's dead david's dead came out number three that's number one that is number one What about McCosey? That's got to be in there. I am claustrophobic, Darren. Gemma. And then the number one, guys. It's got to be McCosey.

No, McCosey wasn't on there. McCosey wasn't on there. McCosey and Anthony. Anthony. Didn't they have sex in the hot tub? No, they didn't have sex. He fingered her and she said, I think I'm pregnant.

She thought she was pregnant from the hot tub. Do you not remember? You didn't even share, I don't think. And she was going like this. Do you remember? It was on her face. Do you remember Nasty Nick? No, I never watched that one.

Guys, I can't wait. yeah i'm excited for that i hope it's a good one as well anyway we need a little break for you guys now that's a lot of talking after the break we'll be back with bargain bouquet and your slutty sues but first are you a loyal listener of nip tuck do you get a wide on or a hard on on a wednesday and a friday are you are you coughing in the background are you ready for every new release do we make you laugh do we get you through your life are we your work mates are we your best mates tell your nearest and dearest and spread the podcast i have to say this past week we have been at our all-time high listeners we have thank you guys like you must all have been sharing it's

working the sharing's working like it's getting big and we've got when can we announce the surprise that we've got yeah we've got this oh we've got a few surprises we've got a few surprises we've got some incredible guests which you're gonna die and we've also got some exciting news so yeah share the episode on whatsapp it really helps just also putting it on your story really helps so thank you girls we see girls and boys we see when you do it as well so thank you right welcome back so we're here for what we're here we're queer i was like what um we're here with my favorite section we're here lucas is queer this section is getting bigger and fucking bigger yeah every week baby uh jupes have strips you know what it

is i've got the eye drops do you know how many messages i got about these eye drops the openic drops tell us again for anyone who didn't listen what this does meant to do and actually the pitch has proved it gives you like an a lift and widens and whitens your eye so we're gonna put them in lauren's eye on one side okay i'm gonna look around and we're gonna run through so patreons so they come in these little sachets all right come and do it then just one eye and then we'll see how it develops over the course of the rest of the episode all right do it in like i've got one eye smaller than the other so I do it in my bad eye.

That one's smaller because of my blephs. Mommy, I don't want the eye drops, mommy. Make sure it goes all in. Okay. Oh, we always need to make sure it goes all in. You get a few treatments out of one. It says to throw it away after one, but I can't see out of that eye now.

Right, so she's put it in one side. So we'll run through this. So we're just gonna see, it's in my left hand. because this is our test. Right, Lauren. Yeah. People keep messaging me about where can I buy mid-level jewelry that doesn't tarnish?

And I don't really wear it. She only wears that. No, no. No, you don't wear jewelry that much, do you? I'm not a jewelry gal, really. Do you know what? I'm gonna tell you where I get mine from, but I really don't want to,

because I actually met, so what happened? I'll tell you the truth. Let me tell you the truth about how this job works as well so if we use something genuinely we really love something genuinely um and we share it we'll sometimes contact them we'll be like listen i genuinely generally wear this i really love it and then we can try more yeah i post about it loads you want to send me some free want to do a little ad with me you want to share treats yeah like treats studio well done treats well done treats um i really like their phone cover i'm gonna buy

show you everyone's got these camera they're really good he's got it treat studio so sometimes we'll message them and we'll just be like also we might want to work with them so our agents will message them like lauren absolutely loves this genuinely wears it she's posting about it and loads of people are getting it do you want to give her a bit of money also you get a code then and we get a code you get a code so that's how it works no shit no lying there's no lying about this influencing stuff that's how it works yeah so i contacted this brand because i get questions constantly about where my jewelry no response they ignored me so then i thought do you know what i ain't telling nobody nothing for you okay but can we yeah but at the end of the day

my listeners my listeners uh our listeners are more important than my ego monica venida ah okay this is quite expensive isn't it not for something so when theo was born i got a necklace and i haven't got it onto actually i've only just replaced it with a little thing on it and it was engraved i've got none on today with a name and a little thingamabob and i only replaced that when she was five five years and i wore it you know which one i mean i wore it day in day out and if you replace it within five years if it tarnishes they will replace it for free that's fabulous i like the stuff i wish i didn't but lion yeah i've listen they've sent me a few bits and i'll be honest i've worn them like once or twice i can't tell you if they last

okay but Monica Vendor do and I've just got another new one from them so yeah and if anyone works for them tell them that they're ignorant I've bought jewellery

off that boho moon before I've never heard of them oh my god babe unreal store but is it plated I don't I think I wear gold

I think they've got options so I wear gold and I wear gold plated normally yeah because then you can you know use if you're gonna wear something forever

I can't wear gold because I'm so pale yeah see all i ever wear unless i've got my tan on you're a silver gal aren't you i'm a silver gal i'm a gold gal so yeah there's the answer that people were asking okay yeah okay did you know lauren that when you buy a designer bag abroad you can claim the tax back and they've made it really easy to do one of the airports paris airport you go you buy the bag and you go and get straight away yeah so um we did it to be fair i bought a louis vuitton jacket in paris and the guy was like

guys they take your passport with you when you go shopping i don't understand what they mean by you get the tax back i don't quite get it so 20 percent yeah yeah yeah what do you mean get it back who gives it you back you get they right so let me explain what they did i don't really understand tax i did it in marbella with a handbag and i did it in paris with a coat and basically if you take your passport shopping with you when you buy like a high price item then they give you this uh barcode right and you they put the money back on your credit card what so you go into the airport and you scan the receipt barcode and you fill it in and put it in the machine it's a machine and there's like no queue and then you get the money back so basically like one of my friends

recently went to paris because you know the chanel bags now are like 10 grand what the fuck she got two grand back which paid for the parish trip and she went to paris exactly that's what i mean perfect um so there is a little tip for you guys but as always i love buying pre-loved can i just tell you i'm really worried that my eye's gonna start doing this has anything happened yet not quite i'm scared that it's gonna like anyway okay okay winter is coming guys have you seen the duvet dressing gowns they would make me sweat so bad who needs that how cozy no but i just from the white company i don't think i'd be very hot oh no i want to give one a go i love it um so that i got also these slippers off amazon and they're called snoozies they're proper oa pieces

but like i can't wait no honestly they're like they're like socks with grips on but you slip them on your foot so they're a slipper slipper sock they're a snoozy lauren and i really enjoy it okay can any snoozy do you want to sponsor actually i'd love it um white company also i didn't get the duvet dressing gown because i bet it was about 200 quid as well um they only do it and white and i'm a tan gal as you know i'm a fake tan gal um so i avoided that but i did get a sherpa hoodie which is massive so it's very snug so it's like a blankie from white company i just love white company love it i like white company it's just expensive the winter candle has arrived can you send in your winter scenting dupes yes girls like you know i can't do anything

like aldi yeah they're okay but they don't smell like you know like your joe malone and your white company candles your s-bar you can smell it when you walk in the house do you know i can't use any of that why because right now james's asthma is so bad i can't have a candle lit or a diffuser in the house so i can have them for show so they can look amazing but i can't turn any of the shit on genuine true i won't buy you a candle then don't get me a candle because he would need a defibrillator i honestly love the white company winter candle i think it's the epitome of cozy smell i love the smell i love you know what winter i love mulled wine yeah i love the mulled wine don't they don't white company do a mulled yeah i love the smell of mulled wine yeah i think they

do a candle and that's very me i think tk maxx often have lovely candles oh my god yes i did get a pumpkin spice one from tk maxx a few weeks ago that's really nice but girls send in any winter candle dupes because like lauren said i think the white company one the three wick one's about 55 quid that's not that bad it's a lot yeah it's quite a lot lasts all season they do often have 10 off as well um the best thing that white company does is the vervain reed diffuser Oh, I've not tried that. Vervain reed diffuser. Really?

Is it wintry though, Lukey? Well, it smells of oranges, and to me oranges are- That's quite wintry. Oh, I've changed the baby's name, by the way. Remind me to tell you in a second. Oh my God, have you? Yeah. Bailey's.

It's arrived! For after I've had the baby, I'm buying one of these for us to have in the studio to put a tiny bit in our coffee. You ready? I love a Bailey's coffee. One litre of Baileys in Tesco is £13. Guys.

Get it in, get it in and get it ready. But remember your club card. Okay. Lauren, you've got some now. So at the minute, Revolution is coming up. I love Makeup Revolution. Is it Makeup Revolution or Revolution? I don't know.

I feel like it might have used to be Makeup Revolution. And now it's Revolution. It is coming up high. Danny bought us those drops. That are like the Charlotte Tilbury. Stunning. so the revolution thank you glow listen i don't have many dupes and then i come with it she burps through the middle of it it's my one let me have this revolution glow fix fixing spray do i need

it makeup no movie after really has it got a shimmer in it or not no slight but not like so this morning i put the charlotte tilbury on and i looked greasy straight away and it's too much of a sheen for me that you know yeah um i mean i do like that one it does hit it does but i think it gives you almost like a um but you know what i've got on today though the urban decay oh my god guys i've got a new foundation i keep meaning to say it but we've not stopped for air your skin looks fantastic today either your skin or your makeup i don't know what it is it's this thing that i've got guys stop what you're doing westman altilia where did you hear about this shit i watched this tiktok of this woman who i follow and i love her and she said

right throw everything out in your makeup bag these are the things you need so she said these two armani i'm gonna buy you all these things as your christmas present and you're gonna be like then i have to get you can get it off look fantastic the armani eyeshadow um and they're like liquid okay two colors you need only two yeah one is a light brown one is a dark brown and the dark brown goes on like a oh like a flicker yeah then the armani highlighter in peach okay westman i'll tell you it's not a foundation it's a skin care glow or something whatever it's good today 64 pounds and it's like that big but guys guys it hits it works it works um so shout out to all of those things and then i sprayed that um all night around and obviously i've got

my trusty doll beauty the doll beauty contour stick i'm very doll beauty today do you know what i've just ordered um the mario makeup by mario palette palette oh it's fantastic yeah i need that did you get it on sephora yes yeah um and it's never on offer no never i've waited a bit but um i've had mine for a while and i use it i use it for contour so today i've got loads of doll beauty on i have got the gimme sun cream bronzer and i've got it down my nose and i've got it on my eyes and then i like darkened it down my nose and i've got the made by mitchell drops that's nice i love i love both of those at the minute you need to get lip liner at my favorite color ever is it's the doll beauty run the world yeah and yeah i think it's called run the world

and then we've got this on as well which is the hourglass phantom gloss that's lovely it feels really refreshing yeah stunning um and nip tuck for doll beauty discount nip tuck will get you a massive discount is it 15% or is it more 35% oh I don't know

it's a lot and I've heard that if you like the Makeup by Mario palette but you don't want to spend what was it 70 quid no it was 50

still a lot isn't it the P. Louise bridal palette there you go meant to be really nice you've got some more for us Loz yes

one of our listeners sent me a picture of flow organic tampons in boots they've been in there for ages no no no but they were really stocked up

they had loads of different ones as well they've got onto it finally yes they've got onto it finally she said they need to bring their own brand out because they're so expensive yeah and there was bamboo pads um brilliant there was loads of different things she just said yeah they stocked up she had a good selection of it so they're getting onto it anyway i had some really good postpartum bamboo pads last time and they were by a brand uh called it was like green packaging expensive i've linked it on my amazon it's just expensive it's so expensive and it's ridiculous because if it was men no they wouldn't be paying that tampons should be free and they should be organic

fucking piss take um henna brow dye what's this yeah if you're gonna dye your brows get a henna dye sticks to your skin much because i've always tinted my brows especially now i've lasered off my tattoo i've barely got any tattoo now and mine go really white and you can get just your normal i think what's it starts with an r that reflect to seal that's what most people use you get it and you mix it in your little tip get henna dye it dyes your skin more have you seen the new maybelline product they don't work for me they come off no the one that you stick on yeah it stays on does it but it's henna you have to be very careful when you do it you go out the lines and do a patch test yeah um you go out the lines and you are fucked but it's fantastic it lasts

for days and days they look nice your eyebrows yeah they're really really nice so there you go my Space NK Advent calendars come

you've got your look fantastic one as well do we have time today or should we talk about that next week I think next week yeah let's talk about

it next week we've talked a lot today and we've got a slutty so let's go straight into it oh wait your eye Lucas

has anything happened can you tell the difference which eye looks better on the right that one yeah this one

really and that's my smaller eye which means it must have got bigger and bigger still right look i feel like i'm gonna like a cyclops oh god yeah yeah do you want to do you want to put a few in the other eye to balance it out looks nice doesn't it i think we should leave it oh my god it's really good isn't it i feel like this yeah i feel like i've had a facelift

it's giving you a lift 100 do you want some more drops in the other one or not no okay right here you read that because i've talked a lot today same hiya well that's why we've got a podcast hiya love the podcast only find you got only found you guys a couple months ago but i've quickly become a very loyal listener i've got slutty susan for you i was listening to the podcast this week when you guys started talking about penis amnesia it unlocked a memory that had been hidden deep deep down in my brain sometimes that happens to me do you ever you're doing your own thing and then you get this memory you think i did a tiktok a few months ago where i was like pretending to clean the house and then i was like fuck yeah and you remember something

horrific that you once did i do that now and again anyway hidden deep deep down in the brain which was never supposed to love it love it yeah give us anyone else that's whoever this is triggered this is a trigger warning if anyone else has been triggered and remembered something deep deep that they're trying to hide tell us a fart you did in front of someone like anything that you've hidden because it's that bad tell us yeah um anywho when i was in my early 20s i went traveling and working for two years in australia i stayed mostly in which i'd have done same same so do i girls in your early 20s travel see the world and everyone staying in hostels were like myself young and single during those two years i had more sex i've heard this before more sex than

i've ever ever had i believe in the hostels they get to the shagging there was one night i was shag fair so it's one night i was out with a few people i've met in my hostel me and my friend started talking to these two dutch brothers oh baby well me and ashley well we've been discussing blonde hair big dicks this is the part i have completely rubbed from my memory you wouldn't think that a blonde man would have no but apparently according to my friends and several no they do the two biggest dick wow i'm not gonna say it but you know what i'm gonna say well it's the blondies but they don't get enough recognition for the dick size the blonde men i think it's like vikings they're very big yeah viking oh i love we're not letting this woman

speak sorry uh sorry the guy's penis okay sorry long story short i ended up going back with one of the brothers and my friend goes back with another perfect two one each this is the part i completely rubbed from my memory the guy's penis when erect curved downwards is that a thing i've never seen a downward curving cock jink it was broken yeah we've had we've all had a curvature or like a left to right but not a down or an up even a little so the guy's penis when erect curved downwards i just remember being confused it made you do a poo i thought this anyway i never knew this was a thing and overall the sex was strange it felt like he was trying to break through to my bum canal yeah yeah have you ever been fingered and they've gone the wrong way with

the fingers and it's literally like it's they've not done the come hither they've done it the wrong way and it is literally like somebody's pushing out your probably blocked that out of my brain anyway i left there in the early morning as it was awkward i met my friend who'd gone home with the brother it took me a while to build up the guts to ask if the brother's dick was the same so how was eventually i just came out with it and i said was his dick upside down and she knew immediately what i meant and she was like yes i didn't know what to do with it not a dutch thing maybe not sure if i should thank you or ask you for compensation for bringing this memory back please keep me anonymous so has anyone else had a curved anyone else had a curved peony i

have you had a curve downwards not downwards yeah everyone's had a curved have you had an excessive curve upwards i've had an excessive curve to the side do you know it's a condition yeah what's it called i can't remember but it's a condition where it excessively curves to one side or the other so guys we've just had to cut a huge section where ashley shouted names of people i slept with and i told her what i remembered from it and we decided it was completely inappropriate unfair as i'm newly engaged james she didn't remember a lot i didn't remember anything really and one i've been with a long time to remember so yeah that game has been cut out completely by lucas so thank you lucas for always having us so we love that slutty so

you keep them coming in basically your slutty sews or your confessions your deepest darkest secrets it doesn't have to necessarily be slutty it can just be the confession that you that you can't tell anyone that you've done once like really dark dark yeah i love that not involving death i don't think but anything else is fine so basically keep in touch with us leave us a five star review if you tap on the episode and scroll down to the bottom there are all of our contact details and you can leave a review share like do all the stuff that we love you doing we will be back with a bonus episode this friday so it is all about you and i think we'll have a surprise to tell you about bye bye girls boys

Thanks for watching!