Nip Tuck - Ashley's Gender Reveal

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

We’re having a proper catch-up this week, and honestly… we’re on a bit of a rant. Life with partners and parenting has been a lot lately. From disappearing acts at home to trying to hold it all together (even while dealing with a UTI… because of course).With Easter weekend just gone and the cost of holidays getting a bit ridiculous, we’re really feeling it and we know you probably are too. It’s one of those episodes where we’re just saying it how it is.Ashley shares all the goss from her trip to Rome, we chat through the bits we’ve been loving (and buying) this week, and then… we get to a very special moment.In true Nip Tuck style, Ashley reveals the gender of her baby and let’s just say, it involves a Fendi purse...Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Susie's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

Someone in my group chat this morning showed me underneath their bed they've got like a a stove a torch like all this shit but we're laughing it's not even funny but I'm just working how long it'd take me to walk to Manchester to record the pod I mean I've got that many supplements in my cupboard you'd be fine for ages but you can't have a c-section no one could push it out you You might have to push the baby out. No, I'm too posh. No! No!

Come on. I'll come home. I think I could do a section. I'd come back and, like, Teddy would be there, like, and be like, what's he eating today? And I'd, like, left everything out. Yeah. Just milk.

I mean, like... He's been weaned for six months. Like, he's 18 months old. And he'd just... Milk. Every time he cried, he'd be, bop, bop, ain't got him. called golf on tv yeah golf on tv scratching balls

come on son milky but i bet you it's just full of milk you're squeezing hello everyone and welcome to nip talk the fully unfiltered podcast It really is. It really, really is. It gets us in trouble sometimes. It does, but I think that's why people are here. So we're just going to continue that.

Exactly. Okay. So, Lauren, what have we got going on today? You're going to tell us about Rome, which I'm dying to know about, because that was a ooh-la-la trip, so I want to know about that. We're going to have a little bitch about men and Easter. Yeah. Because we're just done.

They're annoying. But then there is something else we're going to do. Yeah. we are gonna find out what's in your belly what's in my belly looks like a custard cream what's in that belly we're doing a little gender we're gonna do a gender reveal and it's not gonna you know gender reveal we said where one where the girl was really disappointed i'm what if i'm really disappointed and then we do the gender reveal and i'm like oh that's great oh my god lauren right anyway as always we will be releasing our main episode

every wednesday plus our exclusive bonus all the unfiltered chat on patreon on a friday that's video as well it is now you can watch the full episodes head over to youtube hit the subscribe button it really makes such a difference for us everybody can watch our wednesday episode if you sign up to patreon though you will get the wednesday and the bonus which sat on a friday and you get the main episode on tuesday at five ish p.m before everybody else so if we're talking about now we've got our section on buying stuff a lot of it sells out It does sell out. It does sell out.

We sold Fit Flops out. If you'd listened to it on Tuesday, you would have got your hands on the Fit Flops, which are still in my car. Don't let me forget to give them back. And we've got something really exciting coming for Patreon. Have we? So, yes, we really do.

So, basically, everyone on Patreon... Don't make Lucas like, have we? I always give them first access. Oh. Yeah, and there's something coming. Something's coming. Something's coming. Right.

this morning my um operations manager rang me and she went who is actually who is and said a man's name and i was like i don't know yeah and she was like well you paid him 1600 pounds on um thursday and i was like but like a dead normal name and i was like i i'm not i'm not and she was like well you have it's with your credit card and i was like i've not but it reminded me of that time and have you no not i've searched my emails i've searched him on google this person and you've not you you've not i think you must have i've not well they're gonna do some digging and now i'm going under like being scared like what have i done yeah and what if you do that what time was it done like 2am or um because i do weird shit in my sleep remind me i need to tell

you we need to book a meeting with them someone oh we'll do that at the end i get scared of meetings right so i have been poorly on monday night literally it was just about living life getting about your fabulous day as you are having the best time and then all of a sudden i went for a wee and it was tiny trickle and the burn the burn oh it's that you sit down and it's towards the end of the week and it's like and you think and you could scream and you think it's happening and you think no oh yeah a uti so what happened so basically um they're not good when pregnant no my house well it can make early labor happen well i didn't want to say that but yeah i didn't know that i did but i thought not much help me so basically girls if we can give you some advice if

you have a any burning when pregnant go to the doctor seriously um so i was like fuck and this doesn't happen to me very often does it lauren so i was like ed was literally walking out of the house to go for dinner nice yeah prick and we'll get on to that um sarah was still there and i was just like i have got to go to hospital because it was like getting to seven o'clock and i just thought it's so it only gets worse it's worse in the night as well in the night everything's worse in the night yeah and i just knew i needed the antibiotics to start straight away so i got in my car put my heat seat on because my back started going yeah and took some paracetamol didn't even touch the sides it won't got to withenshaw hospital where they were absolutely

fabulous they saw me within like five ten minutes i don't like they don't want to be there was no one else there that's very unusual there was no one else at the moment they gave me a dihydrocodine which was lovely then um a lady came around and had to put a speculum inside my fanny and it hurts so like usually they just fly up there and also though your fanny is different to your wee hole so you wouldn't think your fanny would hurt no but i think the whole area was going off like party in your pants yeah and i was like and she was like do you want me to stop because i was like really oh god that's never i've always wished for that yeah but it's always flown and i was like yeah you're gonna have to stop and she was like i need to see your cervix so i'm gonna

have to try again and the lady on the cervix is so it's when you try and get to use and she was like holding my hand and it hurt so much and they were like well you don't have thrush and i was like could have fucking yeah for free uh but they gave me some thrush stuff anyway because i had to go on really strong antibiotics and they were like yeah you're gonna get thrush now yeah but it didn't show up that i had a lot of white blood cells infection something but then um they said that it only shows up half the time you're in right uti testing is only like it's not that reliable so just that makes sense girls like just make sure you go to hospital because i fully it's all kicked in now i used to get utis like we're talking about this horrifically you had an

operation i had two operations so this boring conversation for you but i think uti is a thing that a lot of women struggle with so i used to get them horrifically we were saying yesterday it is debilitating it's it's not like a cold you can crack on it's not a sickness a headache it is literally i'm in agony my only way that i've had it for years since i was a teenager in fact maybe younger yeah um so i remember as a kid saying to my mom something is hurting and we never knew what and i think it was that my kids has had that before they has had it yeah um and it's just the worst thing i wouldn't wish it on anyone and i used to got it all the time so in the end some little girls are prone yeah yeah so in the and that's this is why so your wee hole which is

technically your urethra i always think of urethra urethra franklin is that someone else urethra franklin it's not so it's not that so when you look at your franklin hole um what can happen if it doesn't clear out fully so when you've when you're weeing if you don't push to get the last piss out a little bit of wee can stay in the urethra urethra the franklin hole and what can happen then is it can start to build an infection also some people can have a very small one it's the only part of my fanny that is small and very tight so it doesn't clear infection and that doesn't flush out yeah and that's what i had okay so i twice in my life have been for a urethral dilation where they basically yeah while you're asleep thank god lovely little general

they sent you i remember them saying even back then would you like a local much quicker recovery very nervous put me to sleep and then i made such a fuss of it like took a picture of myself checked in on facebook rochdale rochdale infirmary and while you're asleep they actually put something up your hole and stretch it so i've only done twice weirdly when you're pregnant it can either get rid of it or make it worse and when i got pregnant with thea after that yeah you've been very rarely get them but they are horrific and my advice if you have a uti here's my advice as soon as you feel that burn and if you've never had it how i would describe it you've got the burn when you're doing the wee but i think it feels like someone has wrapped some string around the

base of your bladder and they're tugging up it's like yeah like a twitch shot in your lower stomach there's that and that's your bladder so as soon as you feel that get yourself some sachets because that will neutralize the woos it's not as painful and you meant to stop sugar as well anything sugary stop then you are on the biggest water downing thing you ever can you are drinking drinking as much i always sit in the bath i get in the bath because you can just wee in the bath and i get a hot bath so it's nice right i just piss myself and i'm down water but i think once that zip is sending me i'm not taking it off it's too cold i'm not taking it off you made me take my clothes off last time i'm not doing it but i know in my experience there's no

stopping it i need the antibiotic yes so that's your first point of call and then you get your antibiotics has yours ever gone away from just sachets mine has never no no i always and i am not that into taking what can happen quite often you can go and these test results come back that you haven't got one that's happened to me and the doctor said well that's why that makes sense sometimes and i was like oh well what's going on and they were like no it will be but what can also happen if you get them fairly regularly it can actually damage the lining of your we hole so you might not have an infection you can have a flare-up of pain yes so there's some information d manos you told me about those tablets you can get them for kids i have kids ones the kids ones

i think mine were from amazon amazon and they're chewable always have them in the cupboard fear has them quite a lot yeah as soon as they get a tingle they know to take my mom has them because she gets them really good and you just take them they can you can take them all the time and it will reduce the chance of getting them so if you're prone to them start taking it heat is amazing on your back and that's why i get in the bath yeah and baths are amazing the sachets oh my god just the taste of it the nostalgia you get the ptsd of yeah like that i agree the um always have the antibiotics though to hand if you're a regular you're a regular because the doctor sometimes is a little bit they don't want to give you them about giving them but i um had because on this

occasion i don't know what i can and can't take yeah pregnant either um and i'm gonna tell you about a gp thing yeah in a bit it's on my list but i had a couple of tablets i think it was like a day's worth yeah of the tablets and um if i was ever going abroad or traveling on holiday i always get it for my makeup bag because on holiday and like my uh megan um lauren just said so we've been in rome this weekend and you are more prone to it after travel or being on a plane and definitely and you've been to a spa that that kind of thing can do it as well my addiction to codeine is the wet and yeah the wet on your that because one of my friends said as soon as she has been in a pool or the seat or in a spa she has to take the wet bikini bottoms off because it's dry on because

it's not good as well as wet on your none it's true my addiction to codeine started lucas stop this i just said my addiction to codeine is looking like i don't know if you should say that but my love like my enjoyment started with bladder infections because that's when i started taking them one thing i will say it does help so you can take painkillers but that particular painkiller i don't know why because remember jemma at maya she suffered with them that particular painkiller because it relaxes your muscle it relaxes the bladder and that yeah honestly even if you need to get over the counter like i was literally like in it helps years and she gave it me and she was like calm down this will kick in in 15 minutes

and it does i was still like having to get up down up down yeah but that yeah yeah coding something in it don't know what it is muscle relax i don't know something works so hopefully you've learned a lot about uti yeah like i feel like that was really educational no i do and i've seen in patreon lots of girls talking about i've got them i'm getting one also another quick one before we move on from vagina i think we should do a quick cold sore bam bam bam yes really quickly inbox yeah with the uti another way that i would get it is from drinking alcohol because it dehydrates you and shagging

so I don't know what age we're all at and they go hand in hand well they do what stage of life we're at but when I was younger and I did a lot Mary Kay and Ashley

I did a lot more shagging and if I'd been on the sauce and then had a night of rumpy pumping obviously with somebody I shouldn't have been shagging probably

I would get I'd wake up the next morning can you get it in your arse Lucas well or a coke saw no if you put it in the arse or even if the tip

of the penis has been around the bum hole you and then in your vagina not only can you get e coli but you can also transfer the germs into your fanny that causes a uterine yeah so just girls can i get your antibiotics i can't say who i can't um a friend of mine um who rimmed a guy yeah and ended up in hospital with e coli awesome i can't remember it very serious with a bottom illness yeah because the germs that come out of your ass are like not very good because your ass is not yes because lucas your ass is not meant to be played with it's for pooping oh here we go here we go you standing up and giving her sermon i know i'm gonna get something at home she obviously doesn't mean it no i absolutely addressed that the fact that you guys got some stick for being

homophobic no we didn't let's do it now which is the most hilarious thing i couldn't give a Fuck what you shag? Who you fancy? But neither could you. As commander of the gays, I give you approval. We say stuff all the time like, oh, you're such a stray white male to other people and we're taking the piss. So tell us, just because we haven't actually spoken about this, tell us what happened. I was on a YouTube introducing Lucas and I was like, he's gay, but he's not very gay.

I said something like that, didn't I? Spot on. Which is so true. Well, you probably, if you were to be politically correct, it would probably be he's gay, but his outward mannerisms and appearance would not make you think that he was from the homophobic.

His typical, stereotypical types. That he's very stereotypical and we have no types. That would have been better. So basically I said that like, yeah, and then I got caught like, you're mocking him and all this. I mean, we do mock him.

Absolutely. He mocks us. He mocks us. That's so fucking loony. We mock each other. But like, Lucas would tell us as well if we were upsetting him.

You never have and you never will. cry in a corner and then pretend everything was okay right now right quick one on cold sauce before we move on because i feel like we need to educate you all on bv utis and now cold sauce so anything else that you want to know about like tip wise trust me on this one of us will have had it will have had it and we will have done it and we will have found the best way of fixing it quick any sti like right okay so cold sauce there is this um lucas google there is this thing called herpo therm right molly may actually put me onto it right not like she's my best mate i mean i was

watching her vlogs ah herpo therm herpo therm neo heat pen neo heat pen so this is new to the game and i've been a cold sore sufferer now for about 20 years basically it's off amazon what is it 40 quid yeah about 40 quid yeah 40 quid so it's an investment but you put it on your cold sore and you turn it on and it literally attacks it with heat so it's like an like an led type thing it's like it's hot hot it's almost like you can get those for when you get insect bites yeah yeah yeah so it does something to the inflammation amazing and it kills the germs fantastic so i put the herpo therm on then herpo therm herpes yeah i wonder if you could put it on any because a lot of our listeners have had i wouldn't recommend doing that google it right no no

don't put it on your fanny okay the ice a cycle of air tablets yes you can get them now from behind the counter you can get them online next day delivery whenever i did lip blush people would start taking them beforehand they make me feel really weird though do they oh maybe i'll try them what kind of weird like depressed like oh don't need that um so the acyclobate tablets if you prolifically suffer you can ask your gp or you can get a private prescription on them you have to take a couple a day and basically they're more for like speeding up the process so herpo phone them then i love the clear i think they're competed patches so what i do is i clean the cold saw with iso triple alcohol is that what how you say it iso trip it's not something i've ever would

ever use right so basically you know like iso clean makeup brush spray that is pure alcohol right so it's called rubbing alcohol i've heard of that on amazon and you can buy like a big thing of it or i have it in a spray bottle really much easier and i get it on a cotton pad and put the pure alcohol on the cold sore just keep putting alcohol on the cold right it's like do you remember when your nan used to say put perfume on a cold sore and it dries it out that it's the alcohol in the perfume alcohol yeah so i put the alcohol on then i put the herpo thing alcohol then i get before bed my compede it's like a little you know the pimple patches is it a bit like a blister thing but tiny teeny teeny like the clear yeah and you just whack it on the cold sore and i

personally think social etiquette if you've got a stinker just whack a compy dom i've never ever thought about that because i don't have it i've never thought yeah you are as well lucas aren't you no no who is it that used to get them i mean my ex did no i've never had them funnily enough which you would think i would have that snogged a lot of people it's never had one either which is weird isn't it stop um yeah because yeah and i always say to him like you can't just i mean what a great excuse maybe i'll get a fake one and be like no snogging tonight right so basically i because obviously i used to work in aesthetics facials all those things it can make you feel like you don't want to go to work because really it's all you know when you've got a big spot and

you think everyone's staring at everyone's staring at they're probably not they probably are a little bit they are so i used to put the compete on and i just say to my clients like i'm just saying you know i've sanitized everything right okay it's like a condom vibe because it is contagious so yeah exactly and then basically just leave it the fuck alone and alternate those things and then also l lysine supplements are really really good and then there's also another basically acyclovir is the ingredient that's in Zavairox. Yes. But there's another one.

The girls on Patreon know what it is. And we order it off eBay. And it's a different ingredient to the acyclovir. Fenovir. Fenovir. And you can buy it in Portugal and Spain. And fenovir has a different ingredient to acyclovir. So again, add that into the mix and your cultural world will be gone.

also don't pick it your red light don't pick it and in fact while we're on this while we're giving the girlies the advice we know it already but genuinely genuinely don't pick your spots whatever happens or scabs i got a spot the two days after the brits that's how long ago it was i got a right stinker on my cheek which i very rarely get and i messed and i squeezed i have still now what are we a month later more i have now got a red dot there that is now turned into post-inflammatory pigmentation and it is a red mark that will need a laser ring off if i'd have left that fucking spot fine and i've now got a literally a red dot so don't pick your face i feel like that was so informative yeah i do maybe we should clip that up so people don't think we just

now i went to rome at the weekend it was so gorgeous we stayed in the six senses hotel now the six senses god that's hard with a lisp that's so expensive that is one that pops into my head as an absolute

ridiculous like not ridiculous but as in like yeah the price everywhere I've looked because I you know me

I love my travel the six senses though that's the one that is just all the four seasons to me they're the ones that

they're just expensive but top notch yeah so I'm excited that you stayed there I've never stayed in one, I don't think.

I think it was like, it was underground each night. That's a lot. However, no, having said that, it is a lot, but you can get bloody places in the Lake District that are a grander night. It was right in the centre of Rome. Yeah, so no travel costs. And so it was for Megan's 30th.

We had a lovely time. We went on a boat ride, which Kylie Jenner had been on that boat. Is that the one I remember her going? And what was it? just like went on like it was like it just went round and you just well you didn't but you just drink i had some nibbles of some crisps is it not cold no because that's would worry me it was really nice and then we went to some really nice restaurants what restaurants can you remember

le jardin le jardin very nice that was like outside stunning is that the one when you sent me a picture and you were sat outside yeah yeah that looked nice um we did a bit of shopping we did anyone buy anything you don't have to name names but was there anything exciting did you not go to i thought you were going to we got nothing no no no nothing a load of wags like well i say a load of wags you know what i mean go in and nothing even if we we wanted we couldn't have had are you joking like wish list only i thought given the caliber you know no i think paris is the only real like place she can do that now wow okay so you had a little look but couldn't buy anything they wouldn't let us know i still can't get my head around um the food i'm not allowing you to buy from my shop what

yeah the food in italy is so gorgeous did you eat loads of pasta yeah like so much and the girls went to nobu right and we went to gg's but i stayed in when they went to no what was the night out like in rome what kind of is it good i didn't stay out did they was it like a good not a good yeah it was a vibe like ggs was fun you know like ggs in paris yes um so it was like the same kind of thing like roof terrace thing um but the hotel was just absolutely spectacular you don't leave the hotel do you and it's really nice the spa was sensational it had like a biohacking center in the spa oh did you go am i used pregnant there's so much i know can't do anything um you did did you make some bath bombs no it was herbal tea but megan thought it was bath very nice she's so cute

um so yeah but we had a really nice time and now i'm back and i think that's it i'm not gonna be using my passport now to go away so i need to get it renewed are you have you got anything booked are you planning are you well you're having a baby like it's i've just got a house you're fucking yeah and you've just had no more holidays i keep thinking that so you've just had a bit you you just think like i want a new bathroom or i want a new like you know what i started doing everything everything i do now because i think when you move it depends what phase of life you're in but at the minute my comparison is that's a bathroom that's a sofa so like you think i could go on holiday okay it's x amount of thousand pounds that's my dining table and chairs because

when you're in that frame of mind you think that's the joinery in the kids room so then you think well i can't because you start comparing it to what you can't do instead but we were saying weren't we was it i don't know what day the cost of holidays in general right so basically with fuel we're not going to get political no because i can't fuck that i'm going to say it's because i don't want to get offended but really it's because i don't know anything we know there's a lot going on and you know we're not undermining that in any way by having this conversation but basically fuel prices are affecting fucking everything james said something to me last night i just turn it i turn my ears off yeah ed does he was like we're moving but you know if the fuel

you won't be able to get anyone to come to the house with all that and i was just like and i turned off my ears what because you live in the arson well just because he said if nobody has any fuel then no one can go anywhere so how are we going to get the bricks and i was just like ears turned it off and he was like you need to understand it's so bad i don't want to know did you see that video of that lady filling up petrol into sainsbury's shopping bags and putting them in the back of a car no yeah listen whatever will happen will happen and um someone in my group chat this morning showed me underneath their bed they've got like a a stove a torch like all this shit

but we're laughing it's not even funny I'm just working at how long it'd take me to walk to Manchester to record the pod I mean I've got that many

supplements in my cupboard that I would you'd be fine you'd be fine for ages but you can't have a C-section because no one you have to push it out you might have to

push the baby out no I'm too posh no no come on I'll come I could I think I could do a section

with a really with a kitchen knife we're fine we're good anyway but then I won't be able to get to your house to do it

so you're gonna have to yeah no you can start working now fuel and by the time I get to yours the baby will be due

my sister's coming home fantastic so my sister is working with us now amazing has she started 20th

lovely so that's fun so she's coming home for two weeks oh is that it i don't know maybe a bit longer i'm going to that lunch that you can't come to well can you come well so basically the moving stuff is really i'm not talking about on here evil eye evil eye but

there's i might not be moving on that day i went through all of that so maybe that won't be happening and yeah that did happen to me it's all changed about four times and it's that's why there's no point booking anything until literally five days before so i actually on the phone i will actually yeah what suggested that somebody go and fuck themselves on the phone what you said it to them about someone else yeah wasn't professional of me yeah i just so i might be able to borrow a van as well don't forget you can borrow a van but no fuel for it um so basically we've been invited like if you know me and lauren you know we are og real housewives fans we can tell you pretty much anything about real housewives so we're obsessed with the real housewives of

beverly hills and we were obsessed with like the old ones the original and the new york one as well oh basically adrian adrian um paul nasif is hosting this fucking lunch in manchester and we got hard on and we've been invited to it so i'm going i'm gonna text sister i'm gonna text now and say i think i can come i'll text julie now well not now because then i'll be on my phone please remind me when we're done and i'll text and say i'm pretty sure i can come now and then we're having a day out together and they've changed the location i haven't got a babysitter but we'll work on that um yes where's the location uh harvey nichols right yes must go must go must go and divinia taylor's there she's cool she's so cool yeah she gets a lot of shit

you know why about how i mean health stuff i think any health people whatever you say there's an opposite opinion but people really like the user videos and like don't listen to this so that's why i think everything in moderation take the bits that the advice that are given take bits of it research the internet's a really mad place at the minute yeah so we're going well potentially going there then right let's sort that this was there was some holidays yeah we started with holidays right so basically flights are really fucking expensive now like lucas have a look how much a flight to paris next week is from i can tell you or ish because i am taking there to paris for the night why because it's cute we're doing paris just me and her so we're going have

you booked it yeah okay because we i said to her because she's been such a good it will have gone up since she booked it well when i booked it it was 300 pounds per person for an hour and a half flight it's usually i'd already told her so i said to her she's been such a good big sister and you know you feel guilty i've not spent as much time because it's always about tommy so i was like what do you want to do we already go wherever she's like Paris so I was like say no more and then I realized how expensive it was and it was too late 300 quid yeah 300 quid each for one night then there's the hotel but I'd already said yeah which hotel are you staying in I couldn't even tell you it wasn't an expensive one have you seen that Barbie experience in Amsterdam no I really

want to take Saskia to it it's a Barbie experience an actual Barbie dream house wow yeah I feel like that as well maybe yeah it's not well anyway flights are disgusting why don't you just get the eurostar too stressful because then you have to go to london and i'm only going for one night oh okay it's we're going in the morning we're spending the day there we're having a cute night in the hotel spa who's having tummy is daddy um so flights are expensive i actually looked in the summer for i mean our amount of people is excessive i appreciate that but i looked for us and to spain spain two-hour flight spain which used to be cheap nip to it was something like five thousand pounds for flights for like no for everything but it was like a cheap shit hotel

four nights i think we looked at and i was just like nah that's a bit of a bathroom that's my toilet it's really not fucking fair on everyone like literally you cannot go on holiday and if you are you stretching yourself yeah massively with the cost of how much that was out of term time i mean out of the holiday that was not in that was in term time so if i'd have taken them in the holidays it would have been even right so they were meant to be looking into this at how um like the inflation of cost of hotels around school holidays and stuff like that because it's literally taking the piss it's not it's mean it's really mean and you now get penalized for taking your child out of school in term time i was gonna say don't you get fined for it yes

which then i don't have been fine i have been fined before because rightly or wrongly my stance on it is um i'm taking she's my child and if i i will take her on holiday when i want to take her on holiday and if she's getting to go away and make memories and look at different countries and eat different food and have experiences then i will be doing that and it's my child you you don't tell me when she goes on holiday i'm too much of a pussy and i wouldn't do that and i said and this isn't against the school figure school's amazing but it's not even them it's the government isn't it it's like they're above them but i will take her out when i want to because she's my child not yours so the private schools don't have rules like that you know because you're already paying

a fortune do you think that's why they think no we can't not and their holidays are a joke as well aren't they they're off do you remember in sasky was off like three months she was off for yeah like it was it was over two months in summer it was like eight weeks nine weeks yeah and then you add on the cost of child care during that time one of the private schools near me yeah has just closed really yeah older the edge school for girls right really loads of our friends have got kids in there basically and like kids that were due to be starting in september the school applications have already cut off right they were still showing people around the school till like the day before it closed no one had any inkling school's gonna close they told the teachers and the pupils on

the same day that the school was closing wow and so what about all these people that were gonna go holiday no it's just gone they closed it why because they couldn't afford to run it what do you not think people were going as like people will number one it's an all girls school so you've halved the amount of people that can go and number two after the 25 tax increase on the private was Is it 25%? Something like that. On the private schools, so many people pull their kids out.

So it's just not, they just can't keep it afloat. So, you know, to like run a business and, you know, you don't want to just break even. You don't want to be in debt. You want to be making a healthy profit

for it to be viable. It wasn't. I wonder if that's going to be a thing across the country. 20% back. 20% the school fees increased by. Lucas, just do me a favour just while we're chatting about it.

have a look the average yearly cost of private school just out of interest is it about nine in the northwest let's just see um there isn't i mean there isn't even one near me i don't i don't think there wouldn't be um i don't think there's one near me i don't really know seven and a half to 18 grand to 18 seven and a half to 18 i guess it depends which area mine would probably be a anyway right we're gonna go into a break um because we've just really babbled bing bong yeah and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about more things including what's in her belly my belly our new segment what's in your belly be nothing in mine coffee three aldi cherry sweets yay yay bye

ed okay welcome back welcome back ed welcome back so i was like oh um you know because i was away he then found out and was like well goodbye everyone yeah which he may as well fucking do because i have to set the whole infrastructure if he's not fucking there anyway yeah so then i was like where did he go oh where like yeah scotland guess what he flew there by himself oh to be a man so he didn't stay at home running the fort like we were and he fucked off and offering an extra hand with the children yeah he fucked off too yeah he fucked off so then i was like right okay all this weekend easter there's fucking country football on oh is there there must be a city game because my dad and ed are going on

saturday he hasn't dropped that on me yet well and my dad's just text me now saying just to let you know he hasn't dropped it on me he probably thinks it's been too dangerous to drop it at the minute no just fucks off then you better not fuck off and leave me with all the kids at easter to watch that football he's going to london on monday afternoon so he's gone and so saturday he's playing golf all day on friday on good friday good fight all day so who's doing this so he's not doing no hide well he is hide the fucking golf ball literally and then what pissed me off the most was obviously was in hospital on monday night i have to get myself there right because he was going oh you go to hospital i was like yeah oh do you want me to come and i was like no because

he was just like i don't make me make that decision for you totally agree do you know unless you're gonna go right babe come on there's no choice you've got no choice and you've made your mind up there by doing that so goodbye i agree because what they do what they do i remember saying they put it on you put it on you right i remember saying because of the type of women we are we're not going to ask for it and i wouldn't ask for help off anyone and i very rare that i'll ask for help i'll just do it i'll be dying i'll be dying before i say that i need help so this is what james does exactly the same i'll be like i'm absolutely exhausted um i could to do with maybe sleep in one of the kids beds tonight so that i can have a night if you want to right well now

you've said if you want to it's now my decision and that means i'm failing so no i won't whereas if he said i'm not even quite there's no question you are it's that if you want to so what ed she did there was make you put it on me so that you had to ask him whereas what he should have done he said

no questions actually get in the car I'm driving you to hospital yeah and then you would have been thinking like oh that's nice like he was going to

pick Lee down in Knutsford with a client or something that's naughty that's really naughty so we're not friends at the minute no I wouldn't so I got in the car

and drove myself to hospital not good right naughty and then I make my way in blah blah blah they give me all this stuff

what word can we use not a full shilling no you are i'm medicated okay right and i've had to go through this whole experience by myself spectrum shoved up your tight fanny yeah literally and then um i said to him you're gonna have to come and pick me up because i'm medicated yeah so then he was like all right so then he's fucking ringing me while i'm in hospital and the signal is shit in hospital don't like i've told you where i am i am in triage yeah find your way there hospital right uh where is it why is it you you silly bastard you run multiple businesses yeah you'd be able to find someone's fanny yes you hey and he'd be able to find yeah yeah like i agree fucking

i honestly i said you know i just started buttoning him yeah and then i heard him like James is exactly the same James do that too like no you know how to get here because what they do is we

and I've been saying to this James lately when he says where is it I go don't know where's Tommy's don't know don't know

does he need don't know why do I have to think about everything have we got any food in don't know like

use your brain why am I the boss of everyone in this house so for example um i said exactly the same to james so if it is something like booking a holiday or something admin to do with you know oh god no it's too much but yeah but he'll be like oh too much um oh i can't book this place since oh oh yeah that fucker can sit on the phone to city when his tickets aren't working oh yeah yeah oh he can find his way through to the call he can go online fred he can find it oh we can use the company i can't use

these apps oh but you can when you need a city ticket yeah it's honestly they are about to get someone's knickers off they'd be like oh yeah they've got they'd go they'd get a map they would be reading the map to find that fanny but can they work out whether tommy needs lunch in his box or not well i told you didn't i used to leave the children with ed for like a few hours right this guy like what the fuck right i'd come back and like teddy would be there like what's he eating today and i'd like left everything yeah uh just milk i mean he's been weaned for six months he's 18 months old like any joke every time he cried Bop, bop, in gob.

Called Golf on TV. Yeah, Golf on TV, scratching balls. Bop, bop, in now. Milk, bop. Come on, son. Milky, bop, bop. I bet Teddy was just full of milk. He'd squeeze him.

Bop, bop. Like, yeah. And I was like, what the? Honestly. He's not eating. Well, I didn't. He just wanted milk. No, we can't talk.

Honestly, do you know what I was going to say? That's so annoying. That winds me up. If James has the baby for the day, so he said the other day, well, I had the baby for the day on Saturday. The baby will have been feral. You didn't have the baby for the day

because you got up and went to the gym. I got the baby up. I gave the baby breakfast. I packed the baby's bag. I got the baby dressed. You took the baby at like 12 and then came back and then I did everything. You didn't take the baby for the day.

He's at work at the minute, right? Bear in mind, he leaves really early. yesterday he got he left for work at six i was up too so it's not like one of us goes i was also up with the baby had the baby all day whatever he came home i would say half six he made his tea mine as well we'll give him that he chucked the baby up and down after it had just eaten um threw him round up and down like they do layer of play and i was like he's just fucking eating please he's gonna be sick then said i'm gonna go to the gym went to the gym wind kids up at bed Came home and I'd put the baby to bed.

So I calculated that in 24 hours, the help that I'd had with that child was throwing it in the air after it's dinner. Not even five minutes, throwing it in its air while it had dinner. Today, again, I'm up. He's left the house. He will go and get the boys.

He will go to jujitsu tonight. He'll get home at 8 p.m. That's another full day where you've not even thrown the baby in the air. But they still think that they are really helpful. And they are not. Even a good dad, a good dad. because what a good dad is

just means that they've not left you at this point yeah they're a good dad if they just whereas what you know

a good mum means a lot of things a good dad means that you just didn't leave yeah it's really Easter if I hadn't

have bought the eggs what would you what would you have done what would the kids have done I think like by tomorrow there will be no eggs

left in the shops right if I hadn't have bought the eggs and the Easter baskets and the bonnets yes then the children

like Easter Bunny wouldn't have existed yeah I on Sunday with a hangover because I went out on Saturday and I got really

fucking pissed stormed round M&S hail demanding potatoes oh no why potatoes salty potato wanted like chips potatoes

so I got a variation of potato croquettes are they called croquettes cheesy ones I got chips triple something chips cruscut chips

were you on your own no with James and the baby he had the baby obviously and i just staggered around m&s pointing at crisps and stuff and i don't really remember much anyway i was a bit hungover on sunday i frog marched him to tesco and asda because i said to him i haven't got time this week i'm really busy i sat i spent an hour fucking hungover dry mouth heads pounding making easter hampers for the girls and tommy sat there putting all my team awards made this gorgeous hamper he didn't even give a fuck he wasn't like oh that's so nice for us and i said we need to go now and get the boys easter eggs because i haven't

done a hamper for them they're too old but we need to get some decent easter eggs and bits of chocolate yeah i'll get it in the week i'll get it in the week no you won't no you won't get it in the week and what happened is on thursday night he'd go and get him a dark chocolate dairy free that was left on the fucking side that no one wants and the poor boys would have that in the morning i had to frog march him to get the eggs why am i thinking about this why is it my thing do we just stop no but then if you stop

then the kids the kids I felt like saying do you know what don't then don't go and get the eggs on Sunday get them some

shitty arse little tiny egg that's left and let's see in the morning when they come to get their eggs let's look at

our little children's faces yeah and I said what about the weekend have you planned anything for Easter weekend I think there's no

I said Easter egg hunt do you want to and I feel like saying I'm not i want to go on strike and let's see how long you all survive but then if you do that someone might die someone might die and then it's my problem oh my god speaking of dying um guys recommendation for tv lamar odin program i've got a record two for tv i'm gonna watch that

is it good uh-huh did he fully die die dead gone he came back wow he's a big guy though i would have thought if anyone was going to come back they were saying about in the brothel two ambulances turned up to try and take him to hospital i won't tell you too much but he's seven foot tall how is that even an existing and um what they had to do was just pick him up pick the bed sheets up that he was on and like about five people had to like try and like lift him off the floor to like when i was in ibiza we did that in an afters do you remember i've told you there was a girl that was fucked in the hotel room not fucked as in dying

just like asleep like she was done we were in a hotel room in Ibiza and the lads carried her out on the bed sheet and put her on the landing

everyone carried her out she was just asleep that's not very safe no no I wasn't in a frame of mind to be I wouldn't be looking at safety

I wasn't safe myself at that point but TV you've just reminded me yeah love story have you not I'm so surprised

Wuthering Heights is out now on Netflix as well not a bit of me Saskia wants to watch it Is that appropriate? Mine watches Stranger Things, so. So, love story.

Everyone is obsessed with it at the minute, and it's about JFK Jr. Oh, yeah. Heard it's incredible. Carolyn Bessette. Jayani told me about this. So, basically, it's amazing. So, I kept seeing on Instagram,

everyone was doing the look, this is what Caroline or Carolyn, I can't remember, Bessette would wear. And they're wearing all these, and it's all over Instagram, her hairstyle, her outfit. now first of all i got really confused because i heard everyone talking about it and i thought it was carol baskin so i was really confused why everyone wants to look like carol baskin isn't

she i don't know no i don't think so so i didn't understand why like lauren watson who's a style icon was doing outfits for carol basket so it took me a long time to work out that it's a different carolyn anyway nope she's alive so love story is about their how they met calvin klein introduced them he was obviously jfk jr like fucking really famous her style is impeccable she was really cool they got together and then i'm gonna say it because everyone knows it anyway they actually he they died in a plane crash that he was flying them on a private you know he was flying the little car and a car plane car whatever it is and they were going to his families and they crashed and they died at like 30 something um honestly it's so good and because it's 90s

All the music is 90s music. So when you're watching it, you've got that nostalgia. It's honestly, guys, I even, yeah, I don't watch telly that much, but I'm really invested and so is James. So love story. It's on Hulu and Disney. Watch it. You will love it.

And her style is simple, clean, really nice. Right. What did we buy this week, baby? We need to work on an intro song for this. what did we buy this week what did we buy this week what did we buy if anyone's got any ideas please let us know because we need a segment name we still got that person who offered us a theme tune no but i want us to sing it i just want a really short what did we buy this week so basically this segment is shit we've bought this week that we're loving right okay

got to be unglued now i love the got to be glued hairspray lauren do you use it look at look at this i clearly don't okay so basically that is how i do my low pony i need to do a tutorial on it for you all because i get asked so many times but it makes your hair hard like literally tap tap tap hard so got to be unglued you spray it on and it unglues what yeah it dissolves the hairspray do you know what if i was thinking about this today you can literally like wash your hair a few days ago and then you can still get up and your hair's still okay you can have a shower with it in a bun and your hair's still all right i can i have to wash my hair every morning decipher glow booster so basically decipher foundation just a heads up i do already work with

them but basically it's the world's first ai foundation you scan your face it color matches you this is like a tint version of that so it's not a foundation lorna looks posted it no i'm telling you now this shit is life-changing still not sent go on my instagram i've got a code you need to try it out still not sent a picture aviva health insurance so about two years ago a patreon member i was saying i really want private health care for me and the kids and a patreon member said my husband or partner i think his name is ross does brokers for health insurance so if you send him what you need he'll come back with quotes came back with quotes really competitive ones and he said actually i'd go with aviva because they've got this app so it's called

the my aviva app and if i have an issue or one of the kids has an issue i book a facetime appointment within like within the hour with a private gp like any time that's revolutionary that any time and then they'll either like give me advice a prescription or refer me to a specialist that's really which is covered by my insurance but especially with my issues with tommy's skin that's still ongoing you won't be covered now because no but i mean if i'd had that it would it would have saved me a lot of stress how much not yours particularly but in general i think it's about 280 pounds a month for the family so what i would say is the problem you've got is if you are both working and you have to go to the doctors it's going to cost you to go to the doctors then

the specialist so you know if i mean it's not the forefront of everyone's budgets but if you if it allows it makes sense 100 percent yeah lauren i really think you should look if you think how many times i've been to the doctors with tommy skin we're talking probably four times if i had your normal nine to five that would have added right up by now and i've still not got to the bottom of it and i'm still gonna have to pay 270 pounds to go and see the pediatric dermatologist no um no so i've got to go and see a peds dermatologist with him which is going to cost me 270 pounds and time off work so it kind of makes sense jackie clothing jackie yeah she's so basically have a look at it on instagram it's just like elevated basics it's sensational for

any age ladies have a look like satin pants nice jumpers nice little satin sets and it's pricey but it's not like overly priced and i like the fact that you can build your outfit and see it on on the website oh i like that really nice and it says like what we would wear with this i love it when they do that it's very helpful very neutral colors like navies blacks beiges um staple like stiff elevator staples the flat lay company makeup bags right so look fantastic my go-to for all things beauty i was doing my order this month and i was like what is this fun thing it's a flat lying makeup bag but you zip it up and it goes into your bag like like in the shape right and then when you unzip it it lays flat so none of it gets dirty and you're not rooting rooting

Yeah, like you're not rooting. All of your makeup is in front of you. And you know when you're getting ready, like this morning, I just shoved it all back on the thing. And then you can just get it out and it lays again. I love that. Stunning, life-changing.

Blue Bella underwear. So, so sexy. Such good quality. I got two 90s off there. A black one and a white one. Well, they're like chemises, like slips. Chemise! Like cami slips.

And when I was away with the girls getting ready, you know what like instead of walking around totally naked and just throw it on and they're really light so you can put your fake tan on and it won't like disturb it yeah so the straps anyway blue ballot really made me laugh the quality is absolutely sensational expensive yeah it's gorgeous though and i feel like everyone needs a black chemise nighty thing like a slip because especially for this time of year when you're getting ready and it's hot too hot for a gown you want just a little slip that you can throw on and on fake tendies a slip is just necessary my only concern is that if i got around the house in a slip james would try and shag me

more than he already does so a granny outfit is better boots 10 pound tuesdays i feel like it was a thing it went away and it's now back with a vengeance boots 10 pound tuesdays are like giving at the minute like sincerely like the best value ever and you just don't know what it's like a surprise every tuesday the email comes through the girls on patreon are like i always forget until go on patreon and the girls on patreon always remind me girls on patreon literally again it'll pay for itself for a couple of months on what you'd save they come through with the best things they'll go boots 10 pound tuesdays and they'll put a list of like the best things so just a quick shout out of some of the things that have been on there recently a fucking womanizer

for a tenner for a tenner uh humantra always good benefit minis all time i like minis i know like the hula bronzer the mascara elizabeth arden a our cream in the tube was on yesterday i love that for my lips so that's my list my list is i got my mum some black loafers from asos well i did it's boring but i did you know the slip-on slip-on that everyone's wearing yeah i got them i got finally the bugaboo stardust travel cot how long have i told you about that absolutely ages and as usual it took me ages it's the best travel cot guys the bugaboo stardust it folds into a stick a really small stick so you can carry it like in the boot of your car and basically it's padded as well so tommy keeps banging his head on the cot i can hear it in the night and i think oh i hear

like give i hear a bang and then i hear and he's just rooting around and banging his head so i'll do anything to try and get him to sleep and also when we move who knows like in the middle we might be travel car if you go to my mom's like what's going on travel cuts are really good so i got him i got that well what i did do is i tried to buy it off vinted because i was being you know careful with my money so i tried to get it on vintage economic queen yeah and i bought it made an offer was accepted great then they messaged me like are you good to pick up from somewhere in london i was like no otherwise i wouldn't have bought it it says postage 20 15 quid and like sorry and i thought you fucking fuckers so i got really angry so what i did is

i ended up getting one on amazon i had some gift vouchers so i got one on amazon um from zara it's quite funny actually from zara i got this dress that i still haven't tried on so ashley sent me this dress and was like this is hideous and i was like and i ordered that it came the other day i was literally that disgusted by it it looks like a shirt with another mini shirt tied around like i don't know if that thing i don't know if it's the same one but it's very similar so i think it's fucking lovely and loads of people have got it and yeah so maybe maybe i won't bother now but it's not nice it's a white and blue we'll get a picture not that i'm the top half is a shirt so it's like pinstripe i love a pinstripe shirt and it goes into like a skirt i'll make my mom do it

then it goes into like a skirt and i just think in the summer with white and gold accent i just think it's really i love a shirt where the fuck are you going nowhere but if i was on holiday which i'm also not going on because of fuel i'll tell you what i have booked which you've just reminded me so we're not going well we probably will go abroad but i've not booked anything yet i'm going to wales for three days too do you know rio and paris love them so gimlet rock danny doll went so it's like caravan but it's you know static yeah and it's near abasok so it's like 15 minute drive to abasok it's on the beach the restaurant looks stunning and i just think for kids listen am i a caravan person i'm not through and through but we went to one of their other

sites and so clean and amazing clean lovely so um some of our listeners that have become our friends actually own it their family own it and honestly gimlet rock have a look at it so i've booked that we're going with some friends and where's our shirt dress that probably fits in there as soon as you're anyway i told her she couldn't borrow it even if she i said i'm going to try it on and it's going to look really nice you're going to be jealous you're going to want to try it on and i'm going to say no you're too fat and that's how our conversation went um so while i was there i i also got from zara um for some reason i haven't written it down so i did a zara oh this leather jacket that's really with the pad slightly thingy or what have i done on it

no probably shit or sick oh no it's a sticker um it's got like a slightly padded shoulder it's like very frankie shop yeah and it's cropped and i don't think it was silly money i think like 60 quid or something like that um and then i also got a really nice we'll get a picture of it thin knit um like set and it was it was too big but it was really really nice but the sizing are off sometimes things are fine that willie man's clothes are nice willie man yeah the willie pardon i'm sarah willie chadara or something and it's got a leather jacket i've been trying yeah but it's 300 quid that i know but really nice i want it it's really nice willie man the willy man okay then i got summer friday's almond lip stain is it like a felt tip pad yes

it's really good i got the road lazy girl blush which i've got on now teddy's gorgeous i'm gonna try that i got makeup by mario bronzing stick which is a stick on one side and then a little brush thing on the other oh a nubbin a nubbin and i like that for traveling i also like it because i never know what brush to put with what well it's there then i tried a brand called you'll know this but i don't know s-a-i-e-e say yeah so i got their cream bronzer it wasn't for me did you not like it i've got it on the wrong color i've got it on okay no i found it really good thanks i will um and then they also do some like glowy droppy things the glow drops are gorgeous something like that and i've not ordered those but i am gonna yeah then i got a shit ton of stranger

things memorabilia because like i was whinging about easter but thea did really really well in her um no parents evening he said she was amazing lovely great so what i'm gonna do she loves stranger things she's obsessed with i'm gonna make her a hamper and we're gonna have a stranger things night and i'm gonna fill it with like stranger things memorabilia and like books and um they do cups they do all that shit so i got a load from amazon and then primark i've got a little hoodie so yeah i got a load of stranger things stuff so when i've got time i'm gonna make her a hamper um and then these bershka jeans so they are whatever the waist's called what's that waist funny funny weird where they don't meet in the middle they cross like that

um oh my god look i've got a big cock there but when i'm stood up i like a wide leg jean but i always find that they're too baggy around the bum and waist so they just look these are tight they're a barrel no they're flat they're a wide leg but they're tight around the stomach like and bum and top of legs but then go into a wide leg so it doesn't look like you're wearing your dad's jeans um and they were like 30 quid and they did them in white as well um i got those i face tap water lucas has just given ashley some tap water so oh i got some applied nutrition sex bomb i haven't tried them yet they do a supplement called sex bomb it's a female arousal oh my god please i haven't used it yet i'll be honest but well no on the lamar rodom thing that he had all

this white stuff coming out of his nose and mouth and they're like what has he taken right and they were male enhancement supplements and you're only meant to take one and he'd taken about 12 because that could have given the problem well that can cause you fuck you up because of your blood overdose sex bomb my sex bomb well listen i've got a code somewhere go on my highlights but i've not tried it yet so let me try it first but yeah sex bomb oh that's me in my negligee what's it called Your negligee in your sex bomb In my negligee with my sex bomb I was going to do them last night

But then I thought What if they actually work I'm really tired What is it a tablet I'll do it tonight No he's at Jiu Jitsu And I'll be angry when he gets home He won't want to shag

Tomorrow I've got the kids Oh it's probably going to be next week guys I will take them Or I might just take them and furiously wank While he's at Jiu Jitsu Right sorted Right guys Right then

Guys it's here lucas are you gonna come and do the job of getting out the box i can do that if you like so i bought a handbag when i was in room and it's the color of what the baby is because obviously well the baby's hopefully not that color when it comes out so obviously i wanted you guys to know first what did i say it was do you use what do you think is what's your gut saying i think it's a girl okay okay i can't remember what i said so the bag is either pink or blue there is no right guys anywhere but nipped up that would do a gender reveal with a fendi bag a fendi baguette fendi baguette right this is what it is this is what's

in her belly oh it's crying you have to open it it's a premium bag of course it's in a in a well i don't know this right it's a really cute bike it's a girl how nipped up code is it's that bad Can I just say, though, that's purple. That's pink. It's not. It's purple. That's pink. Are you sure it's a girl?

Because this is purple. Because purple is a mix of blue and pink. Come here. It's purple. It's a purple baby. That's not purple. It's purple. That's pink.

It's purple. Two against one. It's purple. It's full on. It's not one bit pink. That is purple. Anyway. How nice is it?

Having a girl. how do you should we talk on the bonus but how you're feeling about it being a girl yeah and how you found out and all that kind of thing um another one another girl baby right girls can take over the podcast we're going actually thea was saying she was like can one day me and saskia do it instead i was like right so guys we are gonna go now maybe we'll plan that in the school holidays it would be like a bonus episode with no cameras it would be very funny to ask them like What's the funniest thing you're made of? I think so.

Right, we'd have to edit it heavily afterwards because I'd get embarrassed. Maybe we do a little questionnaire thing at home where you put it in an episode. Yeah. And we can record it. I think they'd be cute in the studio, though. They actually would be good.

I think they'd enjoy being in the studio. Yeah. They're not babies. They're old. They're old now. Right, we're going now. We're going to talk about the gender on and the bag, I think, in a little bit more detail.

Yeah. On the bonus, you can watch this episode on YouTube. And if you want to watch the bonus, you're going to have to go on Patreon. Love you. Love you, bye. I'll see you next time.