Nip Tuck - Begging For A Pegging

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Sickness has hit the Stobart household and Ashley's little boy might be to blame.  Lauren and her fella weren't much better after a big sesh on fight night and Ashley's Christmas has come early as today's Slutty Susan gets to live her wildest fantasy!To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys hi and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women and men we need to change this up so on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard guys you can email us at hello hello hello hello it's me i think i can do that really well i've been no i'm not gonna hello at nipped up pod.com and you can message us on whatsapp emails voice notes essays anything you want head to this episode's description for more info on how to get in touch with us your sex stories your jeeps your hacks your tips just just your mind dump yeah any mind dumps send over our way i'm not gonna lie i went on the our instagram this morning and a lady has sent a picture of her son's rash to me no please don't

send them i'm not a doctor don't send rash where was the rash on his face bless him oh no no your eye flicks interesting this morning is one over here okay yeah one is massive that one this is me mine are never right so this is why i feel i can say it to you because mine one of them is coming from almost the corner of your eye i can't do my own makeup i'm really no your makeup's good but one flick it's the left eye the flicks just and that one's way wider than mine i have one up there and one down there so i look like i've got something like in my eye anyway um we're back in surgery here we are ashley's got a funny flick anyway so i have had a weekend from hell and we've had two very opposite weekends lauren haven't we you were out on the piss and i was

no we've had a full switch so you were at home with ill kids doing like kiddie shit i have been to a spa stunning then overnight with no kids and then i went out out so we've had an afternoon tea and we've had a complete gorgeous switch up and it's not oh god your life's nice It's nice, isn't it? Right, I have saved this story for Lucas. So yesterday, me and Ed, like my whole house has been hit by this bug. And anyone, like when I used to manage staff

and they'd text me saying, I've got a bug, I'd think, do you fuck have a bug? Or I'd be like, what, a bug? Is a bug even a thing? I don't get bugs. Mate, when you get a bug. Don't get them. Wait till you've got a new baby.

Wait, just you wait. I don't get them. i i did not used to get them but then nursery happens i didn't even get them then honestly my immune system well you don't wash your hands the germs the germs run away from me right so anyway the bug life okay chose me and you know it's gonna take you when it's taken one person you know it's only a matter of time yeah yeah and like ed is never off work and it's so bad that ed has been off work all weekend and he's not gone in today as well yeah he's bad so um i managed to get child care for teddy for a few hours yesterday so christine oh so you gave christine

the bug well no because teddy was the one that gave us all the bug first originally okay it's always from him okay he is he's a little bug spreader little boys are bug spreaders yeah and he's always got those two candles a snot down his nose why do boys have that they're just gross girls don't no saskia rarely they never has a snotty nose but then when i see boys and he goes into the mouth i'd honestly these boys are horrible yeah so anyway um he started with it on like tuesday long story short we gave him to christine and she brought him back at like three o'clock and this was like when ed had literally like was hallucinating like in bed like shivering like with the bucket oh disgusting then um sasuke is really good girl like we'll just go off and sit on her

ipad or put a film on or like she's a girl and that's what they are so they're so good like i can honestly leave her downstairs and know that she's not gonna like set the house on fire they're touch knives they just they're just so much easier boys you go down and your house everything is trashed when you can't leave them on their own no well listen to this so um teddy got brought back hey me and ed were like sat in bed and um he was like just shut the bedroom door and we can listen saskia and him were like playing yeah you know in my wardrobe but in my bedroom and then i heard a noise and i knew what the noise was straight away it was little fox that's like and i went fuck it's the toilet brush

teddy and he's that age as well like runs out waving the toilet around flicking flicking into my carpeted bedroom and they're like everyone's had a bug the brush has been used i just went he's got the toilet i can imagine you all like running around chasing ted and then ed just like jumps out of bed oh my god because i started screaming he turned around like mummy like and he threw the toilet brush oh my god yeah there was bits of shit actual shit and it was warm still because everyone's had the book all over the house so i had to get it's the run the way

toddlers run as well i can just imagine it so then it was like i start heaving then yeah because i'm like there's the shit everywhere and so i have to put them both in the bath like change all like the bedding their pajamas i had to get so flora just pure so flora in a spray bottle and get it everywhere i hope it's worked and i had to spray everywhere clean up the little bits of poo and you're already ill that's just not what you want so excuse my eyeliner we were talking yesterday weren't we because james was incredibly so tell us about your you went to see the boxing Did you see Molly May? No.

So. Fuck. Lauren. I didn't really watch that much of it. But you just started to get pissed. I was just there for the fun of lols. Right. So we were in a box.

So we went with WeShop and they had a box there. So we were in, there was, I think it was 14 of us. Don't do any name dropping now. Okay. So I was just chatting to Colleen and, you know, Colleen, I don't know, Rooney. No, so in the box, I met some, I did meet some celebrities. let me give you the low down guys on who i'm there okay so colleen and wayne were there with

their children love honestly she's tiny tiny and lovely looks exactly what i thought she'd look like beautiful skin just go love like a normal almost she was lovely i love her we were chatting for ages about kids because she's got the four boys the kids were there and she was like you know just normally get your feet down really well behaved but they're still boys so we were laughing because they're still fighting and messing because the boys and we were talking we were basically slagging boys off um she was a lovely lovely woman wayne was really nice i didn't speak to really but james did said he was lovely uh paddy mcginnis was in there oh lovely lovely lovely man you know sometimes you meet someone you think are you going to be that funny yeah lovely now

also there was sam fair's partner paul why was sam not there she was ill right what a lovely man really now do you remember the first ever series of mummy diaries or whatever when he kissed his mom yeah he did kiss his mom but that is i'm sorry that is the first thing that we all saw and he got the most horrific big paul he got the worst backlash you remember like he was bullied it was everyone thought he was controlling he came across awful and i think as the series has gone on do you not remember he looked he seemed very controlling and everyone was like this is really odd well they've been together for years they must have a really good relationship and you saw as the series because i watched it as the series go on he actually comes across much

He was so nice, really funny, really genuine, absolutely lovely man. My new best friend is Jill Scott. Okay. What an amazing woman. What does she do? She's the football, she's a lioness. She's like the most, the best female footballer in the UK. Amazing.

She's incredible. Her partner was there with her and she won the jungle. She won I'm a Celebrity last year. She was one of the nicest people ever. And we're friends. we're friends but wait for it jill scott i mean you might not know she is but everyone else does ask me for my picture why does she listen so listen to this for odd you might know lucas where this has come from so basically she was like oh my god lauren it's so because she does

things with we shop she knew who i was but not really yeah like pictures on instagram yeah and she was like wait a minute you do the podcast and i was like yeah and she was like this is really weird so she was doing some work with absolute radio i want to say and while they were there with her mark with her team a management team they somebody was editing our podcast or doing something with it and they so basically the management team like is that nip tuck is that are you editing nip tuck and they were like yeah we're doing and they're like oh my god we love these girls so jill said to me i need to get a picture with you and send it because our my team is obsessed with the podcast oh my god we've made it and all i kept saying the more and more pissed

i got jill scott asked for my picture the more i drank the more what a great time though and then we went out afterwards we went down so we had a box but then we also had like ringside seats so what's the point in that because you get pissed in the box and then you walk down where was it at the MEN

yes bad vibes is it called the AO now bad vibes of that place I can't I've not been I think I've been once before

so we went down do you not get vertigo when you stand so I had heels on and honestly I feel like I'm gonna go ass over tit

I'm gonna stack it do you know what I feel like it gives me anxiety being in there that's why whenever I've been in there I get really really

really pissed yeah i was pissed um and listen to this that also happened guys um i'm sat at the thing and i didn't hear them but i got a message on my instagram and they were like we've been shouting you we're listeners we can see you were from up there honestly and i watched a bit of fighting um not that much tommy won tommy won i don't know anything about boxing but everyone says it wasn't good but i wouldn't know they just i mean i wasn't looking at how i was there to see molly may's outfit didn't see molly may um but i saw you had one job lauren i had one fucking job and i got steamy then we went out after yeah and we went to monkey house of course um i'm not a club girl anymore did you go in the club no you didn't it was one in the morning yeah and we went

did you have a table yeah so we went in and i got mobbed on my life right so listen to this for funny no you'll laugh at this right and this is this it's mad do we think this is true or do we think it's lauren being i've got a video i've got a video because james took a video of it right so we're going in with your biggest fan we're going in with jill scott so we're trying there's paps and everything and she's so famous actually so we're trying to like hide her almost because she's really nice and she was like i don't want all the and everyone was worried about jill and jill getting mobbed and jill mate we go in in the end jill stayed for a minute she went home we go in we sit at the table girls were straight over straight over and everyone that i was with

were going looking at you like james was like what's going on what and they everyone was coming it was really nice all listeners and all wanting pictures and stuff but i haven't i swear to god your pictures are like i thought this i thought who's got those because i bet i'm like um yeah i don't like the clubs the music no why what music was it it's like rap music that i've never heard and you just stand there and you're like and it was like and i didn't know any of that i what if it had been dancy dancy calvin where can we go for that you know just like chart song pop world do you know i would have been there all night um but yeah so that's what happened and yeah we're famous i find everyone really intimidating in nightclubs so when i'm

like the toilet situation is not okay i had to walk through the club at some point and i did feel a bit wow it was a lot a lot tell you he was there um i forgot her name anyway it was good it was good how did you get tickets to this we shot we shot for the to the box you mean yeah so we were because i work with them loads and i'm really good friends like we're just part of the team they had a box and they had the famous people in there that are also gonna i don't know so yeah i was there i'm very lucky i felt it was it was a lovely night and yeah so james the next day i have never seen anything it's alcohol poisoning i think he poisoned himself like what were you drinking only vodka that's all i can drink vodka's quite like a few too many in

you and you've had it so i was hung over but no i haven't i think he poisoned himself i have i heard him crying i have never seen anything like that picture you sent me of him in the shower he fell he tried to get was he like doing the fainting thing oh my god yeah yeah like the staggering that was like Ed the breathing the breathing oh my god right so I'm messaging Ashley

like this is fucking disgusting he's a right show and then she was like Ed's ill he's giving me the ick so we were sending she texted me saying

Ed's got a blanket over his head and I was like no sent a picture next to me James had a towel over his and we were both just like they are disgusting

I left the house for a few hours he couldn't get to the toilet so he vomited in the shower and I've sent Ashley a picture and he has collapsed on the floor in sick in the shower

it was disgusting I just don't think we're built for this drinking life he was genuinely going help help lauren but like that's what ed always does when he's sick and then i walk in the toilet and i'm like okay i've witnessed the sick yeah what do you want me to do like he was like laura laura do you know what though i'm the same yeah i do so then i remembered i got a bug once and i'm like i need to prove that i've been sick yeah everyone in the house come and look at my vomit yeah and it's when you're going to be sick and you want

everyone to know where you are so you go like this for ages and you put your hand over your mouth and you're looking for the bathroom yeah yeah and then you're sick and like i don't want to flush it until someone's seen it yeah they need to see what i've done yeah he was sick on the floor we've had to throw the bath mat honestly it was vile he really gave me the ick so the pair of them disgust gave me the fucking ick um so you've not been drinky drinky but you've been out i went out i went to the new sexy fish you did invite me didn't you but i was working yeah so i went the first night that it was officially open okay why didn't you go to the pre i wasn't invited we're not cool enough well let me tell you there was some not cool

i'm fucking out bitch sorry um there was though um right okay guys like you know i am so hard to please yeah you are hard to please but your picker oh the toilet wasn't right right unbelievable really unbelievable it looks great when you walk in from the minute you walk in there's staff everywhere can't do enough for you then like there's waterfalls coming down the wall then the cocktail menu each cocktail has got a page where it's a picture of what the cocktails looks like then on the other page like all the ingredients a description yeah and then um so you could go in just for drinks or you could go in for food the food was impeccable really and it's not just fish and sushi i had a stunning steak because obviously i can't eat like fish so you can it's

not just sexy fish and really sexy steak i think it was called like spicy steak oh um i had that with some noodles and rice oh i love noodles and rice honestly um and i got if you're gonna go girls what my recommendation is is to book a table um and ask for a booth everyone so there's like tables in the middle and then there's booths but if you're going on a saucy date ask for one of the high tables at the back so they're where the aquarium is how big is it absolutely huge and who did you go with me and his business partner and his wife and i went at half six okay so it was early but then it kicks off into like is there a club i don't think there's a i don't quote me on I don't think

there's a club I think there is a private dining area there will be but they do like the shows with the champagne so does it go off

yeah like is it standing up dancing at your table going off we need that in Manchester and honestly

like I love Rohan at the Ivy whenever Rohan's there the food is unreal he did the food at my wedding he did

and he did the food at Teddy's Sip and Sip I thought he did how unreal was that I vaguely remember so if you're ever going to the ivy always make sure is rohan working you can follow him on instagram um and if you go in when he's working the food is really good but like in comparison

to the ivy like did it shit all over girls if you've got a birthday coming up just make sure you book it and like i said you do you know what would be a nice thing for girls to do i feel on like a saturday or a sunday evening book a booth yeah and get the desserts because they do a massive dessert thing and then cocktails so you're not spending loads of money is it spending really expensive oh really like can you remember but you know what like i didn't see the bill at the end but i think the cocktails were about 17 pounds each spending them but like for i could warrant the 17 because it was so good yeah in comparison to like somewhere else that might be that and not yeah so i think it's gonna hopefully make everywhere up their game but um i said to

lauren i wanted to book for our christmas day oh my god just listen to this lucas so she said like i want to go on the christmas do great fine i was like you're having a baby at the beginning i won't say the exact date just in case i don't know um you're having a baby at the very beginning of december when do you want to go she's like about a week after i was like oh fuck off mate we're not going a week after she's given birth i'm not you won't want to go no but then i thought like what you'll be bleeding and you won't want to go i think we go like first week of january to k2 karaoke i went there for my friend's hand great laugh oh now he's interested sexy fish he was glazed over now we heard the karaoke we go to sexy fish for a cocktail and then we go to k2

But do you not think, right, you said about the cocktail performances or the champagne. Yeah. That just reminds me of like Manahatta and stuff. You know, with the sparklers, is that what you mean? Oh, like cheesy. I hate that. I've never been in there, so I don't know. No, it's not that kind of thing.

Not like that, Lucas. It's more like a cabaret. No, not like that. I've only seen it on Instagram, so I don't know. No, not like that. You're thinking of like a bottle show, almost, like a cringy bottle show. Not, it's more, well, when I went in London, i went to the london one and had oh that was the night you were god you can't drink can i um i

drank i ate the fish and vomited it into the plant pot next to me yeah yeah i did do that it's better than the one in london i vaguely remember it anyway so that's what we did yeah um what else have we done spa um i went to spa as well so i went to ye olde sorry i can't say without laughing ye olde ye olde bell ye olde bell end all the way through me my mum kept calling it that where so it i don't know where it was i got in the car and i drove an hour and a half in the car not bad it was down away oh my god was it up yorkshire maybe i don't know where it was ye olde bell spa and hotel so there was a hotel and then they've done a spa like next to it so the spa gorgeous really did you get a treatment yeah i had a massage um and i don't like them normally

i get bored it was really nice me and my mum had such a laugh so we went to we were quite naughty actually we went to the spa bit and this lady's showing us around and and then there was like an area where you can have treatments and there was a long corridor with doors and obviously people were having massages in them and they sorry guys i'm having to undo my leg that's fine it's all hanging out that's lovely and they had um they had like the way to show if a therapist was with someone is they put a flower outside the door so i guess it's so that the other staff and you don't go in that room you moved it we moved everything that's really not i know and then there was a pair of boots and we were crying we were crying so there were a pair of boots and it must have

been the lady having the massager taking it for some reason they were outside the door they were like a cowboy boot almost and like we walked past and i looked at my mom and we were just naughty we weren't pissed and she looked at me and i was like i'm moving the boots she was like lauren you and i was like i'm moving the fucking boots we were crying with these boots hot footing it and we moved them so that when they came out they couldn't find the boots it's so naughty and then we were like i bet they saw it on cctv yeah it's not funny i think it's funny we were lucas thinks i mean we only moved them a few doors down she was gonna get her boobs back it's like knock a door run i got a thrill when you were younger and your mom and dad left you in hotel rooms

did you used to prank other my mom never left what are you okay um right then i think that's maybe we don't look into that um no but funnily enough when we went to turkey with the boys yeah i caught them doing it they were ringing ringing rooms and i was just like i'm so boring i was like It's not funny. Whereas I'm running down a hallway hiding people's shoes. Spa was lovely. We stayed in the hotel. It was like a lodge.

The hotel was like weird. It was like really old fashioned, but really nice. Anyway, we had a really lovely time. Better than Grantley Hall? No. No, nothing is better. No. Have you been to the spa in the Corinthia?

No, is it nice? Have you been to the spa in the Bulgari? No, no, no, no, no. I don't go to London. I never go to London. have you been to the new one in king street townhouse yes it's owned by the hook group yeah what yeah that's interesting because i think me and james when we do our uk wedding we're gonna do like a little registry in manchester and we're gonna stay over at king street i think overnight

i like it i think it's lovely and then spa the next day last year at their christmas party for look fun i think i was with pericone or look fantastic i can't remember when i was with just teds yes we they rented out the whole hotel and spa for all of us and we all had treatments amazing and then lunch on the terrace and it was absolutely gorgeous she won't mind us saying that she got really pissed didn't she and then they thought it was me because it was in my room anyone listening from look fantastic it was just heads that were there she won't care she's got a podcast actually it's really funny she's lovely so that was our weekends rounded up now girls it's a special time of year and we know we've got a lot of younger listeners as in not younger

younger but in their early 20s some would say prime because we're we're a little bit older now so these are things and obviously there'll be girls our age doing it as well which oh my god absolutely if i had the figure i would but you could go as a pumpkin i could it's halloween right lauren tell us your halloween stories have you had a good halloween night out before yeah i once went out i mean it's not really a story it's just you know like one of those memories that so i think it's almost scarred me i went out as a school girl of course i went out yeah oh my god i loved that you could just be such a slut yeah and i had um a red tartan skirt on the shirt and i was obviously all you do is throw blood on yourself and then you're a you're a

bleeding you're a bleeding slut at this point um but it's fine because it's halloween and i just remember being at a party i went home with the guy i was seeing at the time it all gets a bit weird then and then then on the way home my friend picked me up and we were both vomiting at the side of the road in the in the unit in the uniform at the side of the road and cars were going past and we were there in the full school uniform throwing up at the side of the road and i'll never forget i had work um in liverpool on the morning after halloween really really really really early a few years ago so i was driving down that long you know that road where there's like mcdonald's and stuff like that i know exactly which one you mean yeah because i used to work there as well fuck me

it was like what you just said it was like all these girls like just like swaying you know yeah just incredible so basically i do you know what i was meant to be going actually to killing kittens yes you were halloween um that i feel like you could really go oh my god you could go nude like you could nearly go nude for that um so i'm gonna definitely be doing that next year if i'm not pregnant again um and i feel like girls we've put together a list of like this year what you could be for halloween the theme this year i honestly think is cowgirl heavy really yeah like a lot of people are going as cowgirls i loved the pamela anderson that is sexy it's on the list as fuck i loved pamela anderson i feel like that is a anything latex anything latex i mean i don't

think you can go wrong you know what i'm gonna say cat woman yeah like you can't you sexy latex with it i don't think you can go wrong um i love the girls and huge respect who don't go sexy they go funny what like lindsey lohan and me yeah you literally go as what you're meant to go as something really unset do you know what else i've always loved yeah you could have a fucking proper night out couldn't you i've always loved um a mummy because you can then you can make yourself show your best bits you can basically wrap yourself say you've got a great stomach you hide your like you show you a bit of the stomach that you like you can wrap yourself in whatever i love that but the only the thing that annoys me about halloween when you're a mom

is the pressure again uh what the kids are wearing just go to sainsbury's sainsbury's have got the best kids guess how much i've just spent on on thea's halloween outfit 40 quid that's disgusting why because i am it's guilt it's guilt saskia's was 14 it's from sainsbury's it was a wit but she wanted to be scary did she so i have to get everything online because i just feel like i never have time to nip anywhere so i did it online and i got it on amazon so that i'd get it the next day it's just easy isn't it yeah fucking whack it so i said what do you want to be she wants to be wednesday adams right it's just cute that's quite on trend it's on trend um and that's how much they were the good ones so i just thought fuck it i've not taken a pumpkin picking

i felt guilty i threw money i went pumpkin can we talk about like no shade guys if you want to do that if you want to and you enjoy it but i've never gone and enjoyed it but me and ed took the kids and they did actually did they love like it was a nice dry october day so it meant that we left the house for a bit so that's fine it's fine but me and edla looking at each other and there's a group of girls there with no kids for the content isn't it it's for the it's for the content like there was people there with like six month old babies yeah and it's like it's a way like you do that with your first you oh my god i did it listen i'm laughing i did me i'm saying this i there is a picture of you saskia isn't or teddy one of them and you're in a pumpkin field i

remember it because i thought the output was really lovely saskia and she was about three okay because i was pregnant with teddy at the time i um i took three when she was a baby like in a in a carrier what the fucking point like do you know what it's when it's muddy and sludgy and then your car needs valeting afterwards do you know what you do though you get the pumpkin and then what do you do when you take it home i put mine started going moldy in the bin because i can't carve them so i felt really guilty about not doing all this halloween stuff that's a nanny job so i threw too much i threw money at the situation and bought her an expensive costume always what i do just threw money at it and she'll look really cute then this year i'm actually going

to make an effort to dress her up because normally i don't give a shit i'm gonna try really hard this year our estate does like a big full thing so it's really nice um but yeah i just feel like it's another time of year that my to-do lists long with things i have to do for them it's too much it's too much pressure yeah it's a lot so anyway girls we want to hear your halloween slutty susan yes and go out go for it if you've got two options you've got one option a corset and a thong the other option a corset and leggings go for the thong girls because you are only young once i am telling you all this now when i was 22 10 years ago 11 years ago okay i wish i'd have gone out wearing the thong wearing the hooker heels agree wearing the nipple tassels because now i can't do

it take all the fucking pictures take all day getting ready enjoy go and get your glam done go and get your outfit on tight body enjoy your tight body and make sure you put aside an hour to get content with your girls before you go out because girls you will cherish those slutty pictures you will look back at those slutty pictures and be like remember when i had a waist or even if you haven't got a waist remember when I didn't have wrinkles yes you know you look back and you think oh I didn't do you know one thing that I wish I don't give a fuck what anyone else says no fucking go for it I feel like one of the things I wish I'd done is when I was in my early 20s stopped giving myself a hard time because now I look back at that and think mate why did you give

yourself that anxiety who gives a fuck yeah what they thought of you don't even know those people anymore do you know like so just go out and don't give a fuck and dress how you want yeah shag who you want and get shit faced if you want do what i'll don't do whatever you want it's basically the point here i still feel hungover we don't give a fork okay we're gonna have a little breaky wakey woo woo and we will be back with bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain and and so so and so so but first are you a loyal listener of nip tuck because there's a lot of you there's a lot of yes and you're all in monkey house at the weekend do you shout out to the girls that i don't remember what i said to but i hope i was kind do you set an alarm i would have been

i'm sure do you set an alarm on a wednesday and friday are you excited to listen are we your bible do you laugh out loud do you love us do we make your day if so tell your nearest and dearest spread the news tell everyone about us tell all your friends start spreading the news share the episode on whatsapp share the quotes just get immersed immersed into this hello we're back again it's us can't believe you're here again still here right okay advent calendar update have you used any of your bits from your look fantastic one or have you not opened it still i've had a little cheeky weeky look and there's a few things i've spotted in there cheeky weeky peak i've had a cheeky weeky peaky um it's good the main thing there was a

nars blusher in there which i thought was good it wasn't full full size it was like half full but i feel like that's all you need that's all you need like blushes like i've got blushes from 10 years ago saint germain's lipstick i've got like mac fucking bright pink from about 10 years ago i did a big clear out of all my makeup i feel like there's yeah i feel like there's nothing wrong with that you don't go off do they no no and there was loads of little minis in there i haven't looked at absolutely everything yet though right so i got the space nk1 ah premium premium and i am going to do a video where i'm going to go through it but what i'm going to do guys there's two things i want to go through i got the cosmetics molly may everyone is dying

over that no but like cosmetics in general amazing concept yeah is this brand whereby they do beauty creations and edits so if you sign up to by the way none of this is an ad no no we have to state that but basically if you sign up you'll get notified of like different drops that come out yeah and they must i don't know how they manage how they do it i don't know how but this molly may one that i got sent it was worth so like 500 and 580 quid around that mark and it was like if you bought it was like 120 quid it's just so worth it and like this the cordially spray i saw that in it a full size one so with regards to like the calendars and these boxes they're becoming a lot more common absolutely um and i work with look fantastic on theirs and some months

you can get it for nine quid a box like it's it's a no-brainer and like they have it all and every month they've had something in it that i would buy anyway for 20 quid anyway so i feel like that it's you can get a real bargain girls and especially and you can team up with a friend yeah that's what i said team up with a friend especially on like the fragrance ones absolutely um the advent calendar that i chose to go and buy myself this year is the sunday times wine one so you can pick from red or white oh okay i like that because i was thinking what if it's got red in it and i don't really like red every day you get a mini i love that okay that's good isn't that and i ordered um one of my friends that who's just how much is it um 80 quid oh that's not bad

and on christmas day you get a full bottle of wine oh fucking hell yes absolutely um so have you done the kids one the smiggle one i've ordered the smiggle one because there's four of them i can't the barbie one oh the barbie one was on offer on smiths the other day for like 14 quid right i'm gonna look at that um we're going off topic and also at the minute sainsbury's has got 50 off all the toys now is the time to be buying really really good um so yes so what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna do a video where i'm gonna open up the cosmo tips box and the space nk box and i'm gonna be really critical and be like right what would i have actually bought yep with my money from these things and then i'm gonna add up how much it would have cost i like that that's very

helpful i like that so um yeah that is our you know i'd love what a skims one where you get a pair of knickers a day oh yeah that'd be good wouldn't it like a bra but it would cost about a thousand pounds what other there's like some really extra ones the love honey one's really no that is really good loads of people have messaged saying they've really good do you know what i was gonna ask and see if you know or any of our listeners know what are we what underwear is comparable to skims so i love it however isn't it i hate the fact that you have to get it you can't when i go anywhere like say self-reducing mansions there's not that much stock there's none of it is my size so i have to order it online i want to look at it i want to try it on like

so i want to know but that's probably the way that we rush probably not meant to wash it like that so i want to know like has anyone got any skims kind of bras or any this intimacy brand so i've got this intimacy top i saw it on instagram and i was like i'm gonna give it a go i think it was like 40 quid but it's absolutely beautiful um it's called like the boat neck top or something it's really soft girls go and buy it in black and white it'll see through i got size medium i feel like it if it was a small might have been too see-through however you could wear that if you so i'm gonna get it in white yeah i'm gonna get a white kind of triangle bra yeah yeah yeah And I will probably wear it to like an evening,

like a meal with jeans and heels and that can be see-through then. So I might get smaller for that. Cute. So it's got a stretch, but yeah, I love it. I'm going to order a couple. I was looking at the underwear on there

and it seemed quite good. Yes, anything like that. I'm going to London, so I might go in the shop and tell you. What are you doing in London? Saskia wants to go for her birthday. She wants to go to Buckingham Palace. Don't, honestly.

Wow. I know. And I want to go. Fun. Very fun. You fucking take her then. what you can do like a little tour oh and what are you gonna what are you gonna do there i'm gonna go to offset i'm taking my mom so and i've booked um a nice hotel so i can chill yeah it's

fine um but yeah it's just like going for the day yeah and night and then coming home just one night yeah and that was all she wanted wanted to do for a birthday and i thought before i'm heavy heavy pregnant like i'm gonna take her i would rather that than a kid's party i'm gonna thea's birthday at the end of November and I've already begun to say look you can have a party but you'll get maybe

two hours yeah or you can have the full weekend can I just say all about you I hate kids parties they're awful

like we have to caveat everything we say no shade but why the fuck do dads go to kids parties yeah but you can't say that because then

I can say that because then we also say dads don't do enough no I mean with you as a mum and dad going together what's wrong with that

no yeah I don't think James would be that keen if it was a family one yeah but I don't think he'd be that keen to go and I'd be like listen there's no point

us both going yeah like one of us you go and I'll tidy the house you empty the dishwasher and I go and I'll go and do that no I do get what

you're saying there it's like almost like a day out but maybe it's like a thing of solidarity look this is shit no one wants to go let's do this together

yeah but then you're the host of the party and there's an extra big man in there like big scary man i haven't had to do a party for thea yet i'm sure i will at some point but the look on the mother's eyes the faces are in pain the ones that are hosting it do you know bring back mackie's parties from when we were younger i'd go to one now i would

i would sit with that rooms yeah with the fake ronald mcdonald i would i'd go now is it like an hour and also bring back fucking drop and go right this is a good point bring back drop and go why are we now wait i thought i remember when i was little right my mum dropped me off i'm sure when the supermarket yeah whereas now you can't do drop you have to stay all my mum and dad did like go for a pub lunch nearby and then come back no you have to stay now why do you have to or is that just what we do and shit yeah but like i know i know i i have a friend and she literally wrote on all the invites this party is drop and go only because like the capacity like i said they're turning up with sister brother mum i agree like let's bring back drop and go obviously

in a safe yeah if it was like um a kid's play center yeah is it because legally there has to be so many adults or is it just because it's a new thing i don't know listen i advocate drop and go drop and roll stop drop and roll out of there stop drop and roll home and shop stop champagne yeah right okay back to this so it's christmas soon family christmas pajamas where are you all buying them from tell me now because why are we doing that it is cute it's not it is cute i think it's cute for the children yeah a man in a it is not ed wouldn't do it james would do it but he wouldn't let me take a picture i don't think yeah he'd probably like if i'd convinced him but like for the kiddies especially i like the kids so much where the best ones supposedly are marx and

spencer do them i think m&s is smashing it at the minute i honestly think like we kind of you do think a little bit of m&s is something your grandma would not anymore like the leggings we mentioned the leggings thousands of you by the way loads of girls have bought them and have messaged me saying thank you for the leggings anytime hon the pajamas from m&s they're supposedly they've done a teddy bear christmas range and the they do like from baby grows to yes i like grown up and like dressing gowns and so i'm gonna go and have a look at them and matalana meant to you really nice christmas jar i rate matalana kids clothes you know you've got the girls like girl stuff there's nice they've just done some hello kitty pajamas i bet saskia would love

those yes she would yeah i like matalan i rate them so yeah tell us where you are getting your christmas charmers from and they sell out this is what annoys me they always sell out and on that christmas theme oh really it's fucking october i know i'm sorry you're preparing i'm gonna whiz through this because we're running out of time but basically secret santa you're all gonna have to do it whether it's at work girls day out for christmas whatever unless we get some merch that drops so that everyone could oh that's a good idea lauren buy it for each other yeah but the good stuff does sell out yes and i'm not just talking about gifting i would buy some of this shit myself because again it's like what we've just said it's a bargain a bargain

right basically these ones as well that i've listed come like in a little package so you don't even have to wrap it you shouldn't throw it at the head right look fantastic these are all from um revolution skincare hyaluronic acid collection 10 pounds worth 20 they're doing bits at the minute doing bits ameliorate exfoliating duo 11 quid worth 28 l'oreal professional absolute repair duo so they've got duos of like that metal detox one that we like shampoo and conditioner 20 pounds and it's meant to be 40 so that is a shampoo and conditioner we don't love this product but everyone else seems to the solda genero bomb set it smells amazing but i don't for me it isn't moisturizing enough it's tacky it's thick and sticky for it's

It's thin and sticky for me. Three products for 22 quid. The only person that likes thin and sticky things is Lucas. In a little bag. Real Techniques. Real Techniques brush set. I love their brushes. I think they're great to have as a base.

And they start at literally eight pounds. They're good to make up your bag. I love a Real Techniques brush set. They're good to have the basics in that. For me, the doll ones will always be the best. I prefer the doll, but I just think it's good to have the Real Techniques there. And I like how Real Techniques do those mini brushes

that you can fit in your handbag i also love that who needs a long but unless you're an mua you don't need the long handle they get in the way in the way um these ones here are from space nk and unfortunately i think a few of them have sold out already um the patchology mixed eye patches i love the patchology you love an eye patch don't you four of them for 12 quid like a selection so you can try them i like that's a lovely present i think that's a lovely because you wouldn't always buy it yourself you wouldn't would you and like you then that's a month of saturday night's eye patches i agree no i think that's a good idea um the cordially detox and glow duo worth 29 pounds for 15 so that's two you love that i love that that's spray

um then they've got like mini travel makeup bags which i must say the space and k makeup bags girls go and have a look like lauren was saying about makeup brushes being annoying they do this one that i've got and it's like black leather and then clear and you just put your makeup brushes in it i love all your brushes um they start at 16 pounds and then they've got like a rodeo leather some milk makeup bits just go and have a look girls and i must say actually i went to john lewis at the weekend and i tried the new laura mercier coconut almond perfume so they bought it out again in a smaller coconut lauren it smells gorgeous and they had this is going on my christmas list from my mum mum usually just spends 100 quid on me and she's like

what do you want so this is what i'm gonna ask her for it was the oil the bath and body oil i love the perfume for 90 quid love that and i think alone they're 70 quid that's a christmas present that's a christmas so go and smell it girls necessarily buy oh ashley i've just caught wind of that what the rings caught wind our rings oh how nice is it i've got mine on i went really i did really like i went for a coffee with my friend who had wears the most gorgeous jewelry like she is like full-on yeah and she was like darling where is that ring so i'll let's show them to the camera i don't know if you can really see um they're from boohoo moon so do you know i don't know um do you know when we asked about um good gold jewelry they sent us some stuff they

sent me gold it was in the sale for like a fiver this weekend it is and because i'm gonna buy it again i feel like with us we've got nice engagement rings which is lovely so it kind of you would assume that it was real diamond i've why not you have stacked it i love honestly i'm really but what is it yeah obsessed all right okay last last last one i promise lucas is looking at me like shut the fuck up lucas falls asleep in this section let's be honest lauren these interested you as well the colgate wisp now that if you are going on a night out lads as well can put them in the pocket and you know that you ain't going home alone they're that big so they are tell us what they are so it's called colgate wisp mini brushes and you buy them um i've bought a pack off amazon

of course you have um but good for you know when you're out and about with the kids and they've eaten sweets and they need to brush their teeth no i'd never do that oh i would you're not meant because I thought you brushed the sugar round. Really? Yes. Some dentist confirmed. You're not meant to brush your teeth after like say a Coca-Cola

because it pushes it round your enamel. I've been told this. Might not be true. Shut up. What about mouthwash? Mouthwash is okay because it's got the thingy in it. Yeah.

I don't know. I might be talking shit but I think I'm not. Anyway, what we were thinking of is if you're going to pull or if you're going on some mad sesh for a few days

then you can put one of these Colgate Wisp Mini Toothbrushes in your pocket and all you do is brush your teeth with it throw it away and it's tiny you wake up in the morning and you open your eyes and you and you think first of all you think where am i my mouth tastes of ass i've eaten shit and you look up and you look at the ceiling and you think i'm not at home and you slowly roll over and you see the back

of a man yeah hopefully not hairy and you think who the fuck is that yeah and then you think on that breath thing and then you smell sex so you run to the toilet because you know and you have this is a question now would you use someone else's toothbrush i 100% would if i fucked them or if they didn't oh you mean like a one night stands toothbrush yeah listen in that point of desperation i would use the toilet brush if i needed to brush my teeth like if you've had a one night stand and you quite like the guy the next morning i will brush my teeth of his mum's toothbrush i don't give a fuck i'm not waking up with smelly breath um i'd put his nan's dentures in i would put his nan's dentures in if i needed to like you know you've

got to do it like we know the time when i used the ambipure if anybody missed that episode many moons ago i stunk of bo when i woke up one morning at um somebody's house i hadn't done it but we'd been in bed and i've done something really fucking disgusting got an ambipure and put the ambipure on my armpits so i didn't smell so have you ever when you've been why the fuck do i do this you have to kind of around now you've started this can't be a social you've been at someone's house and that you go for a win there's no loo roll do you use the hand towel to wipe your i've wiped my fanny with the hand towel absolutely i've also used um socks at times if i needed to use a sock is better because at least someone's not going to wipe their face with a sock think

about it you're transferring foot your foot athlete's foot to your fanny um but yeah i have done that absolutely athlete's fanny nobody wants athlete's fanny we've all done it we've all done that so anyway the toothbrush you can go and brush your teeth basically yeah go for it okay but get a colgate with mini if possible and don't wipe your fanny with the colgate right girls girls and boys so you might remember i don't know if it was last episode the one before it all gets a bit confusing but we had somebody that sent us in a slutty susan and basically she'd been sleeping with this guy and she'd ended up going on with his dad the four foot vest wearing dad he was a four foot vest wearer and we were like are you rustling sweets now i've got to eat a sweetie one

sec okay so this is what she said about it all so she said that whilst shagging the dad and before and after she kept quizzing him about the son and he said stop talking about him you're with his father tonight she said she was walking around naked she was sick um she said she was wandering around the whole time with no clothes on she said the sex is blurry but he lost his erection bear in mind he's mid to late 50s he got frustrated and started shaking his penis saying in a very strong welsh accent now what's welsh where yells come on for fuck's sake mon no that doesn't sound welsh that was to me so he was shaking the penis saying come on for fuck's sake because it would have worked on the in-betweeners why won't you work

and she said it was the complete opposite of his son who was fit and they had passionate dirty sex she said she sobered up around 5am and did the walk of shame home for two miles in his mate's hoodie if that's not bad enough she forgot her knickers um and they had to go back the next day to get them and the dad greeted her hello princess I would have left the knickers I'd have left the knickers

and she has slept with the son since she went back to the son after doing the dad love it so that's a little bit of information if anyone else

has any dirty stories and then we actually have a full on slutty season do you want to read it are we doing two today that was only a mini update I think so we actually have a full on

new fully fledged written in slutty season yeah that was just an update and i think this is right up your street ashley oh pegging oh yay did you see my eyes light up pegging pegging what do you want for christmas pegging peggy um peggy sue peggy eddie oh no for fuck's sake hi ashley lauren and luki i have so many slutty sues you could make a full series at them but this is a story that i thought may interest ashley just like ashley i've always wanted to peg someone girl it is a thing it's a thing yeah everyone like i get lucas a few years

ago i was going to peg my friend with benefits as he loved to send me videos of him putting dildos up his bum but we just never got around to it i can't decide if i found these videos a turn on or if i was just fascinated by fascination it doesn't turn me on yeah yeah then i got into a relationship so i stopped things with him my boyfriend always wanted anal with me and one night during sex i said you can do me if i can do you i think that's fantastic fair enough and i'd be like and you're going first oh tired now night night oh that looked like it hurt so he's fucking me up the school boy you should have got him to do it first he's fucking me up the arse and i'm online trying to buy a strap-on i texted him the next day at work saying i've bought it at this

point he backed out and he said he'd only agreed in the moment but i told him a deal's a deal she drives a hard bargain so he agreed i'd be making him sign a contract the next week i pegged him for the first time and he really enjoyed it when he was also close to coming I pulled my dick my dick out of him sat on top of him

and gave him the best three seconds of his life I've got a question a logistical question so she was putting the penis in and out of his bum hole why was he close to coming because he was probably wanking himself up was he wanking as well

you know you can come by him no I didn't know that so fuck's sake yeah well you listen you're in it with us twice in my life only twice

I've I've been biting the pillow yeah and I have ejaculated finished and not touched my penis

so you can have an orgasm you have a G-spot up your butt just from the bum and there is nothing like it really oh I'm so I'm so I'm gonna go home and get bummed

that's that's like when you know like I thought they wanked at the same time really like intrigued and you just put and they go

straight away and they're like I honestly thought that they had to wank at the same time as being receiving mainly but sometimes now and again

it is possible I saw sorry I just banged I saw a video oh god and how did you come across this video

a girl had the peg she's doing a full on you need to watch this on Patreon yeah and then the man she got the man to sit like that and she was going like that while wanking him off and he was loving it he was loving it he was on top of her he was sat he was on top no he was like lying down

on the bed like that yeah you need to be on patreon to see this shit and wanking him as well where was that i'll send me that um one thing just to met to know once my sister told me about I don't know how I got on it but it was just online and it popped up it was really fascinating I bet it did the job

it was narrated by David Attenborough on the last bit she said here is I'm now 20 weeks pregnant knowing our second child was conceived

on the night I bummed my boyfriend because what she said is when he was going to come she sat on it just a little sideline do you know Stephen Hawking

oh god yeah you know the man that does all the space shit steven hawking yeah and he talks on his computer yeah steven hawking yeah yeah yeah like isn't he like the most like intelligent man or something um so you know that sprinkle sprinkle lady that i love she was like did a video this weekend and it was like girl steven hawking can't even move or talk and he cheated on his wife i love that did you know that on his wife cheated on his

wife how a man will cheat they find a way they fucking that's right they could cheat in a coma girl if your if your man's gonna cheat yeah if he can cheat your man's gonna literally i hear her well he didn't die five years ago so i would say it's unlikely so now he's dead he died in 2018 did you know that no i didn't um do you remember on football as wives when frank was in the coma and the nurse shagged him. No. I didn't watch it. Football as well.

I didn't watch football as well. Fuck me. On that note. Anyway, get in touch. I shagged James in a coma. That's all. Hello at niptopod.com. You can also get in touch via WhatsApp.

That means voice notes too, which we will play out in future episodes. Don't worry if you want to be anonymous. We will never reveal who you are. Your secrets are safe with us. We know who's been shagging the dads and we're not telling anyone. Tell us your slutty soos for Halloween as well.

We can't wait to hear them. Because imagine you were sleeping with the guy and the guy was dressed up as a werewolf. You'd be shagging a werewolf. There's going to be some good stories, I think. Definitely. And there's times when you've used hand towels to... Wipe you.

Anyway. Clitty litter. Clitty litter, aye. Love you all. Love you. Bye. Bye. Thank you.