Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Aspirational & Relatable

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

The girls are put to the test with tales of cheating, 3sum's and a hint of pegging just to finish this tasty trio off. And when is it acceptable to give your bestie advice, even if they haven't asked for it?To sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome. You are rustling your croissant. One sec. No, you're rustling your food. I get told off all the time. You rustle your food. I'll do this without you. Hello and welcome to Nip, Tuck, Not Giving a Fuck. And it's the bonus episode. This is the podcast where we celebrate being positive, aspirational. Oh, there she is. Aspiration. She's stuffed a fat face. go on get yourself comfortable

I'm actually not that fat she's getting herself comfort there you're less fat than you were with Ted she's just saying it's a compliment

yeah oh that's good thank god but Saskia was another level of you were big you were big I was big big

you were big baby but I actually weigh more this time you don't look it maybe it's because your arse balances we said this before didn't we

yeah you look good anyway this is about being unapologetically yourself dingle dangle in dingle dangle out

whatever day you're listening on whether it be a straight up listening straight away or you've saved us we've had a lot recently people who have just discovered us and they're going from the beginning a marathon

I had a DM the other day and it was like you're probably not going to see this or reply to it however please help me I am just catching up and so on for really the last time I listened to the pod

Ash was pregnant with Teddy I'm very very confused i've looked at your instagram who are you engaged to and is she pregnant again and i normally wouldn't have time to follow that i thought i'm gonna reply and i was like yes i'm now engaged and she's now on another baby teddy's been out for a while and she's pregnant again she was like what i must catch up and i was like oh my god there's these things on tiktok you really need to go on tiktok babe no honestly like it's another world out there is so funny um and it's about these women that think they've been pregnant for like two years and they go in for ultrasounds and the man's like there's

nothing here and they're like i know i'm pregnant it's a fantasy in america yeah it's called a fantasy pregnancy dogs have them and phantom not fantasy that's something else that's something weird just a little program recommendation for you guys because it is the bonus encounters on netflix it's about people we're in spooky season now right and it's documentaries of different encounters with aliens that people have had um and the first one was in wales oh it's hilarious and it's a group of school boys are on their break every single once or the same alien have you ever seen a ghost i don't want to talk about it i've seen a ghost i don't want to talk about it i won't sleep i can't speak about things like that i can't have you ever seen a ghost

lucas i can't discuss it i can't even yeah i've i've fully listen guys go go some real i've seen one my mom and dad saw it as well all three of us saw i don't want to know that okay yeah i won't tell my ghost story don't i don't want to know it everyone else does i don't care i will never sleep again don't want to know okay so you believe and then i start thinking my dad's watching me shagging so i don't want to know yeah because if i next i'm going to be having sex with my head under the covers if there's ghosts are not a thing and that's that okay anyway on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard but not if it's a ghost story you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com ics dilemmas stories funny things information whatever what's been getting on your tits we

don't give a fuck send it in but not ghost stories don't do them oh we've got a message lauren we've got a message hi girls and lucas i recently started is that me or did the lights just go brighter shut up no i'm not even joking go stop it now i won't i won't sleep right okay hi girls do you remember goosebumps goosebumps and do you remember the demon headmaster yeah and the queen's nose i love the princess she rubbed the nose i loved the queen's nose that was fantastic i used to come home and have my food in front of it and sit there

and I'd have my tea in front of it and I'm like Bernard's watch Bernard's watch that sounds like a porno around the twist

have you ever ever felt like this yeah everyone's definitely far too young to remember all of that shit did you see to be fair

that all saints dress and those top shop shoes that I put on those top shop shoes I had in navy and gold and I got them off ebay and I thought

I was the doll and my river island skinny jeans and my river island like blouse yeah if you didn't have them you weren't that ho no no okay so hi girls and lucas i've recently started

listening but i've been on a marathon on my way to work listening and i'm almost up to date how funny we were just talking about that i absolutely love the podcast lauren you are so lauren read it out you are so hilarious and relatable and then oh no nothing about you maybe i keep getting trolled you do on our on our reviews oh well anyway i'm currently listening to the pegging story didn't want to be fucking relatable anyway no you're not but listen that's why it works because one of us has to be a prick it is what it is and but the thing is you're aspirational and i'm relatable i'd rather be aspirational hun like who knows what we are but you're still listening you twat

i'm joking i'm joking now you're gonna get even more negativity okay yeah i think you're aspirational as well am i really not relatable one bit not really no why why do we begin my tire popped this morning that was relatable okay i'll keep doing little small little normal person thing yeah you bought toilet roll that's quite relatable i went on she went on a course to learn how to make sourdough bread i replied to her and i was like you've got too much fucking time it was fantastic no you're not relatable you're aspirational and we need a mixture of those and that's what we bring okay where were we if someone wants to say nice things

about me because I'm feeling very low they're like we need to do one of those please for you, Ashley's feeling really low at the moment and if there's anything you could do to help then this is where we could accept a message from you, any donations

it's not my fault I'm not relatable listen, it is what it is anyway I'm listening to the pegging story and you've asked for threesome gone wrong stories. Go on, Ashley, read it. Are you in there?

I am, yeah. So here's one for you. Oh, I love how she's written threesome. Number three. Some. Threesome. That's Rapsdale. She's from Namely, isn't she?

Right, okay, go on, Ashley, read it. Here's one for you. I worked in a nursery... Oh, poor you. Oh, God, where's this going? Years ago. And one of my colleagues... That I'd rather...

Is it next to the pie factory? Yeah, the nursery next to the pie factory. i'd actually rather um be a waste disposal person than a nursery worker same yeah just saying but i'd rather what did you say about something the other day and it really made me laugh you'd rather staple your fingers together yeah i don't know i can't remember what we're talking about something there was always a kid at school that used to do that something that we can't say but she said i'd rather staple my fingers together did you used to stick your fingers together with glue and then peel them open oh my god that's literally felt nice anyway anyway we got talking and she started

to tell me she'd had a threesome at the weekend with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend she said it had been planned for a while because the couple's sex life was shit and it needed spicing up so she said i'll help they'd been together for 10 plus years i don't need jesus hold down the drain anyway she went on to say that before they started the threesome she made it clear she did not want to lose a best friend and it better not make things awkward between i don't know what they expected but they had the threesome and the boyfriend has been non-stop texting her saying he loves her and he's leaving the girlfriend for her she's been best friends with this girl for as long as they've been in the relationship so 10 plus years that

lauren so she felt awkward shouldn't have done it cutting the story short the best friend now hates them both and my friend thinks she's pregnant because they didn't use protection and the boyfriend cummed in her right so they've done a threesome he's fallen in love with the friend and the girl's probably now pregnant oh wait my head has fallen off because then she also went on to tell me that in the same weekend she slept with one of the dads that had just dropped his kid off with his wife to nursery i don't work there anymore but i used to love her stories i never knew what she would do next that girl sounds wild that girl sounds like i want to be a friend same so first of all she had the threesome which you should never have a threesome in my

opinion with your best friend and your boyfriend you are asking for trouble um so i'm listening to demi moore's autobiography at the minute she's reading it and wow it's amazing what a woman and she is currently at the bit where she's married to ashton kutcher that was that was wild wasn't it wild wild did you know that they were going to have a baby no she lost the baby when she was six months pregnant um and basically they'd been together for like a few years and they started having threesomes she she talks about all of this in the book and she said that that was the beginning of the end really because it made him feel like it was acceptable to not be committed anymore i think that's it i think that's the problem when she explains it you're

like yeah that makes sense so and then she shagged one of the dads at nursery god what a girl what a hoot what a hoot if that's you and you're listening tell us more yeah tell us more about threesomes like have you had threesomes that have gone right have you had yeah do you know what i think uh and i'm not planning on doing one but my ideal like threesome i'm not planning one yet i've not got to that point i'm not but would be i've gone for a kinky weekend away and um you know maybe we're doing a bit of role play in the hotel bar and we've hired some help yeah and i've chosen the help on based on what i would want out of yeah um a woman i would say it's a woman then maybe i'd go for curvy something different to you could go for slim or curvy

something that's not a square yes um and then i think um i would guide the way like decide what's going on so you'd be the boss of this situation and maybe they'd just watch okay who'd watch either or either they so they don't i don't know but basically i would choose the girl and we would pay for her drinks and

no and it would be a transaction where we don't know them no feelings were involved and when you get home no one's going to be

talking about it yeah that's my threesome okay I'd never see them again and never talk about it again so in your dream scenario you're not picking someone

oh that could be thrown in there that would be a one-on-one situation yeah yeah go on i don't really have one um okay let me think i agree that it would be somebody um it would be somebody that we didn't know i would never do it with someone that we knew i kind of think maybe we go on a night out and find a girl um but somewhere abroad as well she's got to be a bit unhinged to just be like yeah go on then like i like unhinged people and then you're asking for it lauren okay and then okay then we get help and then they come

in and they're not attracted i don't want to fancy them yeah but then you wouldn't feel turned i don't feel turned on by women anyway i just don't i don't so she could be megan fox who to me is and i still wouldn't fancy you in any way i can appreciate no james i can i would rather snog someone less better less i'm gonna be honest less looking than me no i'd want to be like a dream no i don't want him looking at no that's why i like going to strip clubs though and i always pick like the hot girl for me maybe but if james is involved then no she can be less good looking than me um but still fine but because i'm not attracted to women anyway it doesn't matter to me whether she's stunning or not i'm still not that but in this scenario i am um i'm not planning

on a threesome by the way i don't ever want to do one i don't think no it's not in me it's not i'm too jealous so i would need to be quite intoxicated far too jealous but then is that a good thing being drunk and waking up there's a small part of me that thinks i might get a little intra aroused by watching the two of them i know that's quite shocking i don't know whether that's one of those if it really happened i'd be like get off now i don't know but i feel like i don't know i feel like what what the one thing that about threesomes that would get me going if anything wouldn't be the woman because i'm not like that but it would be the naughtiness it would be something that is so wrong because it's wrong yeah it's supposedly wrong and it's so against

the grain them two doing something is against the grain but imagine if it ruined your whole relationship but i feel quite secure in that i don't know but everyone thinks that you don't know i agree i agree there's always one in a threesome i'm sorry but there's always one person that wants to do it more than the other one two's company three's a crowd so this particular one like we could have celebrities messaging whatever but this one because we've been obsessed with this program i ran out of the um recording she just screaming when ashley arrived to tell her we'd got this hi there my daughter put me onto your podcast it's so good yes thank you thank you and you mentioned the fake shake program so you guys might remember we discussed was on prime we watched

it actually someone's watching we got really into it and it was basically about a man who was a journalist and he put celebrities in positions that they couldn't get out of doing drugs really bad really awful what he did and then he recorded it all you couldn't do it now but it was news of the world i think anyway i was sadly one of his victims and i was interviewed on episode one and episode three emma morgan she's written a name she hasn't said anonymous there was a lot left unsaid on that program so if you want a little more gossip i'm your girl now this is when i forget about the podcast like i watched it i watched her interview me and james sat oh my god oh my god and she's listened to us she seemed so sound as well and she's still stunning stunning

so yeah emma please do tell us a little bit more about that and if you haven't watched the fake shake it's really interesting it's quite shocking that that could even happen they got to lisa didn't they yeah yeah it's wow watch that okay next one that we got go on ashley okay it's a chunky monkey like a chunky one this is a response to the cheating scandal sorry it took me a while to catch up so this is a real life point of view i was with my partner for five years we had everything the house two perfect dogs the lot four years there's no such thing as a perfect dog four years in he started having an affair with a married woman at his workplace so four years into the relationship right okay she was 15 years older than me the affair had

been going on for around six months he was coming home and also trying for a baby with me unprotected fast forward a few months it was his lifelong best friend who was the one to tell me the whole his best friend this obviously broke their friendship but he said he couldn't live knowing what was happening behind my back i went and got tested and found out i had chlamydia this has been passed on from my cheating ex having unprotected affair with the married woman so someone somewhere was shagging some as well i now have met the love of my life two years on and we're expecting our first baby as far as i'm aware my ex and his best friend have rekindled their relationship as men usually do i'm grateful for the risk that his best friend took to tell me

i was i would never have met my future baby daddy and she would have wasted more time as for the lady with the dilemma as to you know girls it's that one where um she found the videos on a partner's phone of him having that weird sexual thing in marbella and she didn't know what to do what may cause unnerving tension for a short while could help her avoid any more heartache in the future love you guys that's really interesting to hear it from that point of view right ashley i do still think though like if you were having an affair i wouldn't tell ed i'm sorry i wouldn't tell james sorry i just wouldn't would you no you'd say listen this has to absolutely stop and we would maybe speak but you wouldn't go do you know what i'd actually

for like i'd fall out with someone by making myself clear on what i thought like i'd had that conversation privately where i'd say like i can't be around this this has happened to me before one of my friends was having um an affair and basically i said to her i don't want to hear about this please don't talk about this subject to me because i can't be involved and i don't want your partner finding out that i knew i think and then i never spoke about it again i've got a really close circle um the six of us that are all really really good best friends and we are good friends with each other's partners as well i would class their boyfriends and husbands as some of my best friends and i actually think in that situation i that i wouldn't tell on my friend

but i think that's tough if you're friends with the partner as well yeah it's not nice um could you be asked having an affair not really no effort that what and every time your phone goes that the sheer panic anyway right guys we've got some beauty treatments product questions all about that type of stuff hi girls and lucas candle recommendation for you sand and fog i've had this sounds awful from tk maxx home sense a quarter of the price of white company joe malone etc and smells incredible i've got the christmas one it's lasted me ages and it makes the whole downstairs of my house smell insane so we sand and fog the um the brand i thought it was the smell i was like they're really they're really aesthetically pleasing as well they've got

like wooden lids oh okay yeah they're stunning love that hi girls i just bought the led mask from current body after your recommendation i went for a skin consultation and they told me that light therapy would be good for my eczema that is true very true and psoriasis however i'm really unsure on how often to use it i'm literally so clueless i get everyone's skin is different but basically how often do i use it use it once a day if you can use it once a day and remember to then do but at the absolute minimum three times a week um my mum has asked for this for her christmas present yeah and you know what i saw a hack did you did you open it or not no a girl that i follow on tiktok who's really into her beauty treatments after she's done her face she puts it up and does

her head and it makes her hair grow current body have a headset one and i want that i want to try that but this one put it on your head just put it on the front of your head and you should have seen her hair was all growing totally makes sense how good is that we have got a discount code nip tuck nip tuck and it'll get you dizzy that is a good mum christmas present it is actually do you know james's mum keeps speaking to me about things like this i feel like yeah it's a nice maybe we can do some kind of black friday oh okay let's see what we can do for you all nice present nice present for mum and dad well i mean i haven't got a dad okay lauren awkward um okay would your dad wear it yeah would he you could put it on his head

right okay go on ashley hi girls congrats on the um i can't talk i'm thinking about how i'm gonna get home that uber was absolutely disgusting there was hand marks on the seat oh god hi girls congrats on the engagement lauren you are glowing it's sweat i have a question more so for ashley i'm 19 weeks pregnant with my second and i'm feeling a bit rubbish this time around i've got no energy my diet is shocking which i suspect is not helping and giving me the most uncomfortable stomach and i'm generally feeling meh i need to glow up inside and out please tell me what i need to be doing more and less of and any top pregnancy essentials that might help me feel better you are pregnancy goals babe honestly like when you've got a kid and then you're pregnant

again that's always i can imagine it's another level like that first pregnancy that you have and you rest and you rest and you're like and you fold the clothes about 10 times interested in like what's coming next and then when you get pregnant again then it's just not the same so just bear that in mind um but your diet i i could only eat like beige food for the first i think about 14 15 i think i was the same and i think that is really go with it go with it get that stage done two of my friends um found out they were pregnant about two weeks ago and they're both texting me look i'm showing already i'm like you're not showing you just blow the weight on and you've been eating beige no it's not like putting weight on even it just makes you feel like what she said um

simprove honestly it helps so much lauren please can you actually just give it a go please and lucas i'll bring some in for you the simprove is safe to take in pregnancy and that will help with like your bloat your digestion just get things moving so my morning routine is i wake up and i couldn't do my celery juice till a few weeks ago because it made me want to be sick um so this improve was a great replacement for that so with regards to your diet don't buy any crap in if you don't buy lauren always absolutely agree i have no crap in if you don't buy crap in you can't eat it um but then it's annoying when you have got kids husband who like the crap yeah what i do is i buy the crap that i don't like that's a good idea so i buy the treats that i don't like um making

yourself a priority as well so put that 10 minutes aside so that you can like make yourself an omelette or um you just don't feel like eating salad or anything like that uh just something like with vegetables basically and then a nice bath every day i love a bath i love a bath and like set that time aside for yourself also um supplement wise you really should be taking in winter a good vitamin c supplement and you might have an iron deficiency as well if you're feeling a bit that i just had my bloods done and all of mine were okay in this pregnancy and i honestly think that that comes down to taking the right supplements throughout because really you shouldn't have to you know it can take a few weeks for a supplement to work fix things um so i'll i'll send over some

supplement recommendations if you go on my amazon they're on there but ag1 have said it's up to you if you want to take it in pregnancy okay well make that what you will yeah okay and i like ag1 yeah okey-doke so we will be back after the break with your dilemmas but first are you a loyal listener of nip talk do you love us do we help you do we make your life so much better on a wednesday and on a friday what are you two doing you look shifty um if so tell your nearest and dearest all about nip talk so spread the love spread the podcast put it in your whatsapp group we are growing so so quickly which means we can bring you more of what you want the more you give us, the more we'll give back, darlings. Welcome back. We are back, my loves. So we've got some

dilemmas. Let's find out what's been bothering you guys and what you want to know from us. so the first one relationship advice we're all right at that aren't we yeah right lucas on the other hand you ready for this right let's begin hi girls please keep me in on i've got a question and i don't know if i'm being too harsh might have been the right place for that then we are quite harsh go on ashley you read it some backstory we love a bit of backstory my friend started dating this guy in the second week of july they've spent every single day together since she says this is how she got to

know him as well as she does he has a one and a half year old with his ex he broke up with her earlier in the year he met my friend met the baby yesterday so july august september october so they've known each other for two and a half months which i personally think is too early as they don't even know each other yet so why involve the baby am i being harsh i just think until you're out of the honeymoon stage is there any need to bring the baby into the situation his ex's friends are now trying to follow my friend on instagram and i'm not sure if i'm being dramatic or these are big red flags i'd love to know your thoughts on how to approach the subject with her she's a couple of years younger than me and i just don't think she understands what she's getting herself into

i'm literally just being a protective friend and i know that she does go for the wrong guy i'd love to know your thoughts on how i approach the subject with her she's a couple of years younger than me and i'm not sure if she fully understands what's happening or again if i'm being a dramatic cow because my ex was a bellend right thank you so much love the pod lauren you're a blended family well we're both blended families okay this is a tough one advice yes um first of all my advice as a friend is to say nothing stay out of it mate stay in your lane at the minute she's not asking for your advice do you imagine me giving you advice on that if i asked for your my mum's thing always is i give advice if i'm asked for it don't just give it for nothing

unless it's something that you think really is quite important and i think on this one leave to it to be honest um in general okay so one and a half year old to an 18 month old the baby's not gonna have a fucking clue yeah so i'll be honest i fully would have been one of those people that i'd be like oh my god and it's introduced to the baby already that's what our friends are clearly doing if they're trying to follow her on exactly i mean i think that is a red flag it is quite soon like fuck getting involved in these instagram relationships and facebook and posting the fact kids and dads and so it's the baby mum it's the baby mum's friends that are now following the girl which shows to me that the baby there's a bit of a drama still going on here that's an issue

that's a bit red flaggy the actual child thing look i met james's children early on and he met mine and the reason we did this is because it is very it's such a fine line between how you do this at 18 months old that child is never going to remember again you could meet them as a friend you could go to the park it could be one of your mates it could be you know kids meet people all the time older than that i think you need to be careful because it could give out the wrong signal however plus at the same time how are you meant to know whether someone's good for you children are part of your life and if he's a good dad and he has the child a lot and you have your child a lot it's really hard to navigate what if he only has the kid every other weekend probably wasn't

necessary then no need probably wasn't necessary then but again at 18 months old she didn't even know what day it is and it could easily be one of his mates it could be one of his friends girlfriends i personally as well wouldn't mind if it was there a question that i would have is behind the scenes has there been a conversation of heads up mom she's meeting did this weekend has there been any of that involved what were the reasons behind it i personally if i was introducing saskia someone would tell her dad would let them know yeah the thing that i also think about this is if so if thea's dad came to me and when she was 18 months old and said i'm seeing such and such she's going to meet thea i'd be like yeah whatever i'm not really that bothered at 18 months

but also it's not up to you it's not up to me it's not when he's in her care you can kick and scream and everything it's not up to you now later down the line it's slightly different so when the child children are older than yeah i think the conversation should be had because the children are going to ask questions do you have friends that i feel really sorry for who's like they've met like three or four of the guy's girlfriends and you it's really sad that you do need to be careful but i also think it's how you put it across i know that when me and james met each other's children we didn't introduce each other as a girlfriend and boyfriend or anything like that it was like one of my friends um has got a little girl they're going to the cinema do

you want to go with them and it was kind of just like there was no kissing and it wasn't like that it was just kind of getting to know each other a little bit but it wasn't this is my new girlfriend it wasn't like that at all and i think it's how you introduce it but at 18 months old i don't think it's that big a deal i mean and i actually i'm gonna be straight up mate if i'm young and i've got no kids i'm not entertaining a guy with an 18 month old and the drama that is gonna come with that drama and i am good something they only split up at the beginning of the year so six months it's actually not dissimilar that's why what i respect ed so much for like literally like taking on like so that hard stuff like i couldn't no it's so hard and obviously i've taken

three on and one of them was really young when we met and let me tell you it's not easy it is not easy and i think i got asked this on the q a done that if you had no child i think i would have done it for james because i think he's worth it because he's very different to a lot of men however whether i could have kept it up i think it would have been very very difficult anywho here we are here we are four kids later and i'm still around get in touch remember right then on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us hello at knit top pod.com if anyone wants to leave a five-star complimentary review about me in particular i'd really i'm offering five pounds to every person at least oh darling send

me paypal cackling again sorry cackling stop having fun right simply head over seriously though simply head over to this episode's description for more information please don't hesitate to give those five star complimentary mainly me reviews or people put why i'm at no people are going to start putting why i'm annoying now and then it just balances it out i know why it's more annoying when they're only doing it to one of us yeah because both of us it's more right guys listen we'll be back on wednesday we love you loads and thank you for listening once again love you Thank you.