Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Danger In Dingle Dangle Land

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

In todays Bonus Babes, Ashley and Lauren hear a dramatic story involving a Dingle Dangle, a nightmare holiday that gets off to a rocky start and try to answer a Dilemma that puts the girls emotions to the test.To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck bonus baby the bonus bonus one the bonus is my favorite is it yeah are you a main or a bonus i they all roll into one for me like i feel like i just talk on i don't know what i feel like the bonus we can be more like unstructured not that i feel like none of it's i feel like it's a blur the whole thing i don't know the difference anyway this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women and men and men whenever i do like q and a's and i go hey girls morning girls girls girls girls i always have at least five or six guys that go i'm here i'm here so i'm sorry okay guys girls both of you guys and girls on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com

you can also send your ics and dilemmas via whatsapp funny sex stories bargains hacks dupes recommendations we want it all basically we don't give a fuck and we love getting your shit sent in we do it is nothing without you guys honestly and like lauren always says we are one big girls group chat and boys and boys and boys and boys and anything in between vagina a penis anything in between anything so basically we don't give a fuck and neither do you neither do you that's why you're here right we've got some listener messages okay um shall i begin yeah yeah okay hey guys love the podcast it helped me get through a huge renovation project so thank you i always am so impressed with renovation projects i could never no i don't get it but

they look amazing more of a story time but i thought you'd find this hilarious a few years ago when i was living with my parents i went through a phase of epilating the hair on my legs yeah it's like a big tweezer device that pulls the hair but doesn't it damage the follicle too yeah like it fucking hurts i've done it before um and down there when is she gonna bumhole with that because that's oh it must take you wouldn't be able to do bumhole they're very wide they're more for legs the thing we do things we do to be smooth anyway one evening my mum and dad were out for tea my younger brother was brother my younger brother was home but on his xbox so i knew no one would come into my room so i decided to epilate i put the tv on and cracked on going straight in

for the kill on the vagina hair everything was going really well until i looked up at the tv within milliseconds of doing so i instantly regretted my decision my trusty phillips had moved slightly too close to my dingle dangle and began to drag me into it a dingle dangle got stuck in the epilator that's awful my instinct was to pull what is an epilator it's like tweezers loads of little tweezers that roll but it rolls and like um and he pulled her dingle dangle in sadly i didn't pull hard or long enough as it came partly out but then the epilator was still on so it got dragged back oh my god luckily dingle dangles aren't that sensitive are they listen by this point i'm in full-blown panic the phillips are stopped because it can't physically turn

around anymore because my dingle dangle is entangled in it i turned the fucker off and i just sat there not knowing what to do sweating from every pore in my body i couldn't ask my 14 year old brother to help me because he'd be mentally scarred and my mum wasn't home so i basically had to unravel my flap from this thing on my own can you imagine me sat there with the Machine dangling off a vagina. Safe to say I've never been near the epilator again. All the best, Steph. Thank you, Steph.

Do you know that could like, if it had taken some of the dingle dangle off, that could have been so dangerous. So dangerous. You need to, when you're epilating, you need to tuck your dingle dangle in. That's like when guys get their foreskin trapped in their zip. And it drags up.

Oh my fucking God. Is that painful? You have no idea. How, do you have to have a big foreskin for this to happen? And you could defo do that when you're drunk. Oh my God, yeah. Absolutely. does it hurt that bad how bad is ball pain so when i was in high school i bet it's not that bad i

don't think it's that bad whacked a tennis ball and i just honestly slow-mo just saw it coming i hit you in the end of my knock lucas do you know when you had your chemo did you have to freeze your sperm i didn't i had the option why didn't you i'm only asking this because i find it interesting because i can't get assholes pregnant he's just sick because i can't get an asshole pregnant but what if one day i don't know i think at the time i just wasn't a thing i just i was in a bad place at the time yeah he wasn't a concern yeah you were you thinking like i don't care i just want to live i don't care about my fucking sperm you know they make you know they make girls freeze their eggs

just before they have it and literally you've got to do it straight it's really traumatic i bet it is but i can see why yeah yeah yeah the whole thing's just a big traumatic piece of shit sorry thanks for that ashley so then the tennis ball hits him on the end of his dick anyway right hi girls i'm lucas i love love love the podcast and i always look forward to new episodes you both literally have me crying with laughter i can't wait try being us try being in our lives like it's not funny it's a fucking joke it's not even that funny when it's you it's not that funny um i can't wait for you both to announce the next brunch and i'm so hoping i can get tickets soon and there will be a ticket for everyone we promise what's that then well they

won't well they won't really i guess i guess there will be a ticket for everyone a front row seat for everyone in fact i like what you did there i'm selling tickets to my birth i'm doing a katie price i would pay i like births i love to watch births did you like that one i sent you of the woman in the bath how amazing was that that's not what my labor looked like like how did she do that so she she looked incredible actually honestly the shit you fucking send me like do you have nothing i'll send it you lucas explain what it was it was It was a woman giving birth and so she was in the bath and she looked amazing.

She wasn't in a, it was a small hotel bath looking thing. And she just pushed and the baby came out. But she was like all like, and she pulled it out. I'm going to ask, how is that allowed? Surely the baby could drown. Yeah, it could. No, the baby doesn't take its first breath until it comes out of the water.

Because it's in water now. It's in water now. So in her stomach. And it's connected to the placenta, isn't it? So it's breathing through the placenta. yeah so when the baby when you have a water birth and the baby comes out into the water like its head it's even the body for a minute it's still until it comes out it didn't cry straight away that baby i didn't watch it i was reading the comment it was not lauren no i just meant i'm

sat there in the morning like chilling and i didn't want to see in the comments though it said that babies shouldn't really cry as soon as they come out because they should be just chill yeah they should have a minute well surely you know it said that doctors squeeze their feet as soon as they come out to make them cry oh yeah they need a minute like it must be quite traumatic yeah she literally pushed and the head was just coming out and she was just pulling it out anyway when i gave birth that is not what happened like it was no there was nothing like that but it like good for fucking her yeah i would have loved that she'd be dancing on a table by next week she'd be fine she literally shelled it like a pea lucky girl um okay anyway where were we with this

okay i have a really icky story to tell you and i can guarantee that this will most probably put you off your dinner trigger warning a friend of mine who works in a doctor's surgery told me this story and i literally can't stop thinking about it anyway a woman phoned up to say that her partner was recently fingering her and he had to stop when he noticed that he had maggots on his fingers the woman phoned the doctors and explained what happened and to cut a long story short the woman had forgotten to take and her take her tampon out and must have been up there for quite some time during that time a fly had flown up her vagina and laid eggs and it turned into maggots do you think this is true absolutely not well this woman obviously i've seen a lot of people

having worms in the bum recently oh my god i've had bum worms what i've had absolutely i remember i was in year two i was they come out of your arsehole at night to lay eggs i've only ever had it once but i this is one of my very few childhood memories i was in year two i was at primary school went to toilet did a poo and i looked in the in the toilet it was the most scary moment of my life little white tiny little white everywhere and i went to the teacher and i was like and she was like go home and then my dad was fuming because everyone in the house had to drink this green shit yeah i've had worms about five times yeah because you're you don't fucking wash your hands probably yeah when i was younger and i mean this is so disgusting um

but i have had worms they're called thread worms there's a difference so tapeworm lives in your stomach and eats your food and they're long thin and they're long thread worms are tiny and if you open your bottom hole and have a look you will see them in the evening they come out at night and lay eggs on your anus no no if you've got it and they lay eggs on your anus how did you know you had them i had an itchy arsehole how old were you most recently oh god i i think teenager fuck off lauren do you know you get them my mum told me from touching animals and then and then not washing yeah um so yeah i had to and everyone had you have to change all the towels like it's quite common in kids but literally you can see

them in your arsehole how disgusting and it's at night that they come out and lay their eggs for itches at night anyhow i don't know if the maggot story's true but whatever you go next hi girls and lucas i love the pod i just wanted to say i discovered a new ick the other day and i'm fully aware that it's absolutely unreasonable but i just can't help it my hick is when he goes to petrol station and only puts a tenner in oh no apart from being a nick it's pointless and i used to do it though not a tenner i know i'm a dick for saying it but i'm just being unapologetic myself that's what we can start saying for non um yeah that is absolutely disgusting so a 10 yeah i agree however i was that person i was like a fiver even sometimes and it's not

it's just because it's silly it doesn't make sense because in the month you are going to have to put the same amount of petrol in yeah whether you do it in 10 goes or 100 pound go it's stupid but i i never fill mine up i would rather go every week and put a bit in but a 10 now that's disgusting i've got a nick for you that one of our old guests that's been on told me which really made me laugh she said she went on a date with a guy and they ended up going to walton towers which i find bizarre anyway and he screamed on the ride oh that's disgusting she said they were going up looked to the side and he went and she was like and she said that second it was done he screamed at the ride do you feel like a slag filling your car up um you know when you're in

like a going out outfit yes yeah and then you walk into the petrol station and everyone's like And you feel, I feel like I've done something really disgusting. And your heels are on and your hair's flicking. Yeah. Have you got your Tesco club card? Yeah. Where did you come from? It's not okay.

I feel like that, yeah. Or like, even when you're driving because you're not drinking and you get out in your short skirt. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I agree with that. I would rather do it in pyjamas than in my going out outfit. And everyone stares at you. Stares.

Yeah. Hi, girls. Not so much of a question, but more of a thank you to you both. i've been really conscious about my vagina area as i had a large labia dingle dangle in dingle dangle out i literally hated going on holiday and wearing a bikini in case one of my flaps was peeking out for a bit of vitamin d i think she meant you mean the d get it i didn't get no because the sun is vitamin d lauren why she said vitamin c i don't know basically i was really conscious of wearing anything short or revealing as my labia may hang out i have just

plucked up the courage to get a labiaplasty i'm now 12 weeks post-op and my fanny looks like it's been carved by angels i have a new lease of life and so much more confidence in myself also the best sex i've ever had since the op and i get it out at any given opportunity go on i have to say the only reason i got it done was after listening to both of you talk really openly about procedures you've had done and realizing that there's absolutely no shame in enhancing your body to be the best version of yourself that you made me do it that is insane you gave me the shove i needed to do it and i'm very very bloody happy i did although my savings account took a major hit lol i know there will be girls listening that are in the same possession as i was girls

just get it love you both a loyal listener right away from glasgow thank you we won't see she's put a name but i'm not going to say it do you know what that is what this is about not telling you to have surgery or not have surgery telling you if you want to have surgery don't care go and fucking men aren't asked but if you're asked and it's bothering you like you can go and do it if you want to do it this poor girl was worrying about like wearing a bikini that is the most normal thing in the world if that is you know and now she's done it she feels amazing a labiaplasty is a life-changing operation absolutely it's very very straightforward operation it's just removing it's like bluffs really isn't it it's literally and do you know what people get it done every day

so you know you go in and you think oh my god i'm having to take my clothes off that person's seen 15 already today and like we and the thing is i think you have to remember if you can't afford to do it or don't want to do the surgery the other thing to remember is we spoke about penis amnesia yeah i feel like men are the same they don't give a fuck they want to shag you no they're not asked but if it's bothering you to the point you can do something about it then fucking chop it off mate whatever you want to do guys we're gonna be back after the break with some dilemmas and lauren i've heard we've got some juicy ones oh okay now are you are you oh my god how weird is that dilemma after i just asked you that how weird is that oh my god that's really weird i'm psychic right

okie dokie wokey pokey smokey lokey are you a loyal listener of nip talk do you set an alarm on a Wednesday and a Friday? Do you get so excited to hear our stunning voices? If so, spread it. Spread them. Tell everyone. Tell everyone about Nip Talk. Spread the love. Spread the podcast. Send in your WhatsApp group a little clip or a little link and help us to get this show even bigger. okay guys i've got a dilemma this is so weird because i lucas do you mind us saying that you had chemo right okay this is really weird i've just glanced at this dilemma lauren and it's talking about what we were just talking about then so basically lucas had um cancer a few years ago and he had to have chemo and i was asking him if he froze his sperm before he had the chemo because

sometimes it can kill your sperm and it shrinks your pituitary gland in your brain did you know which um it's all linked but we were naturally you were just like i've just glanced over this dilemma and it mentions that so that's really interesting um by the way we do need to do a fertility episode because the amount of questions that i've got is immense um okay so this is a bit of a serious one but i want to say thank you so much i love listening to the pod so my husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago before starting treatment we froze his sperm as chemo can impact it he signed all the forms and he said oh wow okay if anything happens oh i can't read this okay i'll read it so basically wow

oh my god this is really serious so her husband this young lady's husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago before starting his treatment they discussed how chemo can impact his fertility and his sperm so he had to sign some forms and give his sperm sample over before he started the chemo and he said babe this is totally up to you what you do with my sperm so whatever happens it's her sperm that is all in the consent form so i um i know with regards like fertility if you freeze embryos you both have to sign to release it but if you're obviously having chemo there's a chance she could die isn't there so okay so what happened unfortunately you passed away at the end of july he was my soulmate and i'm beyond devastated i'm trying to not to

make any big decisions just yet so she's only two months post her husband dying um i'm 32 we were really ready to start a family and we couldn't because of his treatment it's taken such a long time for my hormones to right themselves after coming off the pill and my periods are now regular right now obviously i can't imagine meeting anyone i'm not naive enough to think that i never will though i've always wanted to be a mum i'm considering giving myself six to twelve months to travel and find myself again but then using his frozen sperm to have a child he was concerned that the longer i leave doing this the weirder it could become and i'd love to hear what you think about oh my god that is so sad sam that is horrendous we're so sorry to hear that like

imagine losing your husband ever but at the age of 32 it just doesn't i can't even read that that's horrific so i think it's amazing that we have the technology to be able to do all of these things how fucking lucky are we like the world really is your oyster and when i got told um that you know had like something a less than three percent chance of conceiving naturally then they discussed with me donor eggs so they said to me have you got a sister because you she could give you an egg and i know i've got friends that have done that who have had like um what are they called the cells scraped yeah but this is amazing because you don't need to make a decision now you can that sperm's frozen okay so i personally think not to do it now

she's doing all the right things like traveling for six to twelve months travel for six to twelve months work out who you are without your partner because that's probably and parenthood at this this time it's just not a good idea and i think find yourself first and then think about it i know what you're saying the the longer it gets the weirder it gets but if it does feel weird then don't do it i don't think it would feel i think it might i don't think i don't because what's she gonna do would go to the sperm bank and get a random as sperm or use her ex-husbands i don't think it's weird because he's dead so he's not ever gonna be like why would you bring a child into the world that's not going to have a father it's fucking the kid up already no it's absolutely

not lauren because i've got loads of friends who have used sperm banks to have babies whether they're lesbians whether they're gay or whether they're straight women on their own my issue with this isn't that i'll tell you my issue with this she's only just lost him she could go traveling for six to twelve months two years meet the the man of her dreams that she never expected and have a family with him yeah but that's what i'm saying there is no time limit on this yeah as in why don't you freeze your eggs because you it sounds like you're putting pressure on yourself you're right after 32 your fertility is declining girls i'm sorry to say this i was listening to um paris hilton's autobiography the other day this lady's got all the money in the world and she said

as your big sister i'm telling you all after the age of 30 do whatever you can in your power to freeze your eggs because she said i wish i had yeah and she's got all the money in the world to do whatever she wants she didn't so what you're doing then is you could even freeze some fresh eggs and some embryos yeah and then you've got them there and then you've got them there and you've got the option my thing is i don't want her while she's to rush and think and i understand that you've lost your partner you think i want his baby i want a part of him which i completely understand but life is mental and things change freeze your eggs and wait and then if you want to do it in the future and there's nobody else out there then yeah it's the same why do that

why get a donor when you've got that i'm not saying that i just think right now she still has the chance to have a happy ending with a full family which really everyone wants don't they if possible i think that now though it's we we're not that stereotypical anymore like i've got friends but you'd like to bring up a baby with someone if you could a hundred percent so she can do that there's still a chance for that but this is what it all is about technology and ensuring ourselves and having the options that's why give yourself the option do the egg freezing before you go traveling so that you can really relax when you're traveling and enjoy and immerse yourself in the whole living free i agree and all of that i agree and then if it gets to that point

that backup is always there it only takes about three weeks to freeze your eggs so go and do it and then go and go and find yourself yeah and make some embryos with the sperm yes yeah um anyway i'm sorry to hear that sam and hopefully we can help you and give you some lols along the way can you update us please okay next dilemma we've got here so i planned a holiday with my best friend to ibiza last week we booked and paid i was so excited however she went out the night before and pulled 6 a.m comes i'm banging on her door the taxi's waiting it was so stressful belling out her phone fuck all nothing i went home three hours later she calls me finding it absolutely hilarious i just wanted to get away i booked my annual leave the hotel was non-refundable

and my fanny was shaved to perfection gotta do it we booked another flight that day and it cost bloody 500 quid each i thought she'd offer at least something as compensation but no nothing what do i do she should she should have paid you fuck up you pay for it what do you think lucas the mate should have paid the mate should pay for whatever whatever the other friend lost should be reimbursed absolutely and she said she's not mentioned anything so what does she do if it was me i'd take it on the chin i just probably would carry on yes same because to be fair as well like she's bought the holiday she they're back from the holiday she's just not mentioned paying anything but that girl's not your friend no that girl is not your friend

she is not respective of you your time your time your money she your stress a shag what she pulled a shag yeah which she could have done in a beef up exactly could have held it off a day or two

laundry room not a great not a great friend not a good friend get rid of her she'll end up at least just distance and know

now maybe the friend doesn't have the money to offer but she could have then said to you look I would love to pay I know I should be paying but I haven't got it

I'll pay when I can I'll pay when I can or I'll pay you a bit she should the elephant in the room shouldn't be there she should have said I know I should be paying

for this but just bear with me do you know what Lauren i've had a similar situation to this whereby i have been in hendoos or this is why i hate them all shite pieces of shite hendoos or girls holidays and someone has dropped out has dropped out and expected you all to fucking cover their bit yeah they've dropped out so everyone else is absolutely no if you're dropping out you pay i've been the girl that has dropped out when i found i'm pregnant or i've had something going on and i have took it on the chin and said girls i'm out

now i'll pay the difference what do i owe at this stage how much has this have gone up by and you take it i'll pay the difference unless it's early early early not booked and then there's time but if it's booked no not fair not absolutely not fair and even like meals and stuff where you know that they're gonna have to pay the deposit at the end i will always say what do i owe yeah oh my god it's just absolutely honestly people also girls just remember this people fucking know what they're doing yeah they might give off like i'm so laid back i didn't have a clue they fucking know what they're doing i hadn't thought about it they've thought about it they knew when it comes to money people know do you know what um so my friends bought me a really nice wedding present and the

girl that organized it sent a group message like hi girls i'm doing actually a wedding present it's £100 each or whatever it was. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. All the names went in the card. She told me two people never paid. No. That's bad, that. And let the name go in the card as well.

I'd have been crossing that name right out. I'd have been like, and she didn't pay, so take her off the... Tight. Tight. Anyway, that's enough for this week. We hope you enjoyed it. Please leave us a review.

Get in touch on our Instagram, email, WhatsApp, basically. we don't give a fuck and we will be back with the next episode of nip tuck next wednesday don't forget guys you can watch full video episodes on patreon yeah if you want to see the real expressions we give each other of disgust here and there or the secrets that some people the eye raises and rolls you find a lot out if you could see i've not had botox for seven months lift eyes decent it's because i've had an eyebrow yeah yeah looks good um yeah so we will see you next wednesday we love you loads love you bye