Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Hamster Up The Butt

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

It's the bonus and you've been sending in your weird and the wonderful messages and we love you for it. From a loving husband asking for gift advice for his wife who's just given birth, to a nurse who tells us some of the items surgeons have had to remove from people bottoms...To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck bonus baby this is the bonus edition boner the boner edition come on you bastard the podcast where we if you didn't understand that then you need to listen to wednesdays because that makes me sound really weird come on you come on you bastard the podcast where we celebrate this come sit on your dad's knee come sit on daddy's knee I've got a surprise for you this is the podcast I don't know

it's all going weird we do this every time this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women and this is about being unapologetically

yourself yourself on Nip Tuck we want you to get your voice heard so you can email us at hello shit I've not put

my retainer in fit fit you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also send your ics and dilemmas

via whatsapp your voice notes your messages we can play them out in future episodes but if you want to remain anonymous then we promise to do so

you just need to head to the episodes description for more information but yeah tell us everything what's been getting on your tits giving you the ick

any other bits any questions you've got because the DMs are slowly slowly we can't keep I can't even I can't keep up with the DMs anymore

I'm not logged into the account no my own my own I even I used to reply to everyone I can't see

I can't I've always got loads I've just got less time now so just yeah i can't any like a few months backlog with dilemmas yeah okay so we're a few months backlog with dilemmas so i just can't keep up but your questions and embarrassing stories just send them and we will get through them we promise tell us what you want tell us the worst thing that's ever happened because basically we don't give a fuck we're not bothered we are still looking for a name

guys so the ones that we've had three what have we had we had nip teas i quite like that because it sounds like striptease nippers don't like nippers mother fuckers no we're not that we're not mumsy

er n-tease nip fam no nip my best out of them all is nip nip

nip tease because it sounds like striptease that's the best one I like nip tease sounds like a band yeah the nip tease I like that

and it's not tease as in tease it's tea t nip tease yeah oh yeah so it's kind of like

striptease nipple tease it's like a lovely play on words nip tease i like that i'm not keen i like to nippers personally but it reminds me people nipping people and like nipples i don't know anyway anything else you can think of so the girl that actually made when we first did our podcast um and we did one episode we said we need a name for it and someone that i know what a good name she messaged us and said what about nip tuck not giving a fuck what a good name and she we did we did not make that up ourselves like shout out

abby she did this thanks babes thanks so yeah we're still looking for a name any suggestions welcome until then i like nip tease i like it right this message right this is a listener's message hi girls i'm sat listening to international women's day and i can't stop laughing that's what we like i want dick um oh when lauren mentioned the hamster up the vag comments yeah it's a thing i literally burst out laughing i work in a medical agency oh my favorites with all the ex nurses and midwives and when we do medical and we do medical negligence anyway this reminded me of one day in work when we had a patient's records who had a large not a small one a large yankee candle stuck up their bumhole wow and we all started the usual conversation about being in theater and that what's

the worst thing that you've seen i bet that's quite common with nurses and stuff anyway one of my colleagues first week in theater she had this man rushed in and they'd found a dead hamster in a bag stuck up his arse the poor fucker had been put in a bag and then got stuck up there and died so it is a common thing i knew it was maybe it feels nice when the hamster's wriggling around this is a common thing that people do i hope this story makes you laugh so what had happened is they put yeah they like the moving hamster up the boat i'm telling you i can't think what it's called but thank you for comfort yes but i'm sure it's called felt um i mean you would lucas i I believe Lucas probably knows more about this stuff than me,

so I'm going to trust him. Let's not make him out. I was wrong. Felching is where you eat semen out of the vagina. Ah, so felching is where you eat semen out of the vagina. Your own semen, would you say? Or just, is that not really clarified? So it's not out the butthole.

It's how flexible you are, I guess. No, I meant your own semen, as in like the same guy or there's a new guy. Or if it's a gangbang. Yeah, would you suck someone else's? Don't know. Lauren's biggest fantasy is getting gangbanged. It's not.

It's not. I know it is it's not I don't feel like I've got a fantasy I keep toying with the idea of would I like another woman

that's with me and James but I don't think I would like we spoke about this loads but not a gangbang I don't want to be like attacked from every angle with penis in every hole

that's not I couldn't breathe anyway couldn't think of anything just dick everywhere like which one the ADHD in me would just be like

whoa which one I'd start one job not finish it move on to the next the gangbang with ADHD be like oh let's start oh what's this one then

and then I'd be like I like the curtains in this room and that's it, I'd be gone. Anyway, hi girls, been listening for a while as, actually you read this. Hi girls, been listening for a while as a fella. Oh, he's a fella.

It's a man. Hello, welcome to the safe space. The hints and tips have really made me a better man for my partner. That's not the first time we've heard that, you know. I think guys could learn a lot from listening to this. Not everything we want to know. Maybe they don't need to know it all.

And if your penis is small, honestly, it really doesn't matter. so I'm sorry I said that we are due to have a baby boy in March 2023 congrats and I just wanted to ask a few pointers okay we're ready we're ready obviously I'll be there for her waiting hand and foot but what more could I do that would make her life a little bit better what would you recommend I'd like to make a feel-good pamper for her beauty products etc what would you recommend no this man is so cute also later on after some healing time she spoke to me before about not feeling her usual sexy beautiful confident self and worried about mum bod being a curse what could

i do by talk about that would help her feel better about herself sorry for the long message loved the pod love the attitude and vibes keep not giving a fuck this isn't this isn't i'm really thank you for writing it in like i feel quite honored do you that he's coming to us right okay so regarding the hamper i think that is an absolutely stunning idea you give this you give this but girls only want the girls are habitual with their favorite products and smells and everything right so i would honestly go and have a look in the bathroom cupboard at like what is there what she already got because she'll want stuff like really like you know a nice bath oil i love the aromatherapy associates bath oils are stunning speak to a sister or a mom about or a friend yeah if she

gets facials like regular facials um go to the place where she gets them done because they'll probably sell like the skin vouchers as well so when you've just had a baby she may feel a bit guilty about i don't know what the situation is but about spending money so one thing that i think is really important vouchers so that she can do it when she chooses maybe not book it in but make sure she uses them and i would make sure that especially like a blow dry yes so what about weekly blow dry for her book her in for a month of weekly blow dries you'll have the baby for every time and then she can keep her hair looking nice girls that is always the first time you leave the house after having your babies to get your hair or nails done um because that is really important

and i think when you've had a baby you're knackered and drying your hair just comes to the bottom of the list if your hair is good you do feel better nails also also do you know what i would buy for a silk pillow case and a silk eye mask because whenever I go to hospital I always take my own pillow with me I don't know why it just makes me feel like so much better and then in hospital well it wasn't like this at the Portland sorry I sound like a twat but in the NHS with Saskia I was on a ward of 12 people and they kept the lights on all the time so the silk eye mask was really good that's a good idea Ash but um when I wanted to fall asleep I'd put it on and it kind of like blocks what about also if she's a little bit bigger or her body's not quite what she might

want to be at the moment what about does she wear and we were laughing at this but like they had an older tracksuit a really nice tracksuit find out what a nice track yeah you need a friend to be involved in this really because you want to buy her a size a nice dressing gown a nice dressing gown a nice track suit that she can chill in socks to pull over some what we want here well i think when you've had a baby is the main thing that you're you're bothered about and i remember this so well is that baby nothing else matters you've got this thing you have to keep it alive everything else falls to the backside and the wayside sorry and then you find out that's it comes out the back side then you find out you start getting you groove again and you feel disgusting so if you can

keep up the blow dries for her get her some nice tracksuits that she can wear afterwards so that even though she's chilling she feels the best that she can and then with regards to kind of her body afterwards so one thing i will say is tell her all the time that she's fit still fancier still grab her ass make time for each other on your own yeah even even if she's been up all night grab her ass when you go past the still i think one of the things that that i love about my relationship is james is always saying like fucking you're fit you constantly and i think if you're looking at me i think she's fit honestly it grabs my ass every opportunity cool cool and it makes you feel sexy so keep telling her how amazing her body is like just keep telling her how good you

fucking hell you look amazing and it will get into her head yeah like daily affirmations all the time whenever you whenever she takes clothes off be like boy fit bitch just give her that yeah and that will make a huge huge difference to her but you sound like you're gonna always make she feel better doesn't it make sure she's got spray tan send her for a spray tan oh my god if she's breastfeeding then she gets on the tip just just like that get it you know who does really nice the filter by molly may they do a dressing gown a pair of slippers and the fake tan and you can buy it as like a set thing that's a nice that kind of thing i would speak to a friend get loads of stuff ready so that when she gets home but one of the main things is preparing for when you get home

with the baby loads of food in the freezer loads of pre-cooked meals so if you're a good cook or your mom or whoever nice coffee cook all your meals get them all in tupperwares so that's easier for you and um just be as organized as you possibly can that's that's one of the main things i would say and when you go and visit her in hospital like take like her favorite drink yeah and some nice fresh fruit and stuff like that i agree um because little things like that makes such a difference you sound like you're gonna have absolutely no problems with this because i can tell by your message that you're gonna be so attentive what a lovely man honestly they're not all dickheads are they no they're not they're not lovely man and i would like to know

maybe you could message us hopefully we'll see it there's millions but how it went like what did you do how is she and if that's your boyfriend please can you tell us because that's cute i like him lucky girl hi ashley and lauren absolutely love listening to the pod it gets me through the week i have a health question for you by the way we're not doctors i don't know anything i just say things that come out i'm a very stressy person and become stressed out at any minor inconvenience this results in my skin breaking out my hair falling out and even miss periods i've looked into it and i think my cortisol levels are what is causing this what supplements and vitamins would you recommend to reduce cortisol levels and do you think that

these would help also would you suggest taking these supplements daily or only when i'm feeling stressed right okay so firstly i think you know the things that she's saying the falling out the hair let's not deal with the skin and the hair let's deal with the problem that's causing it the stress the stress go on um i'd go first for a blood test though definitely just to check yeah any insufficiencies that you have an iron or something i had one recently um and i was by mistake doubling up on my iron supplements that can actually have a negative effect really high um but yeah go for a little blood test just explain to your doctor that you're not feeling the best and that you just want a generic blood test and so that we can start from there

um some people like those b12 injections but i have heard quite conflicting things about them yeah i think they're a bit of a i think b12 is good if you need b12 if you don't you're wasting your money so again get the blood test yeah so blood test first uh ashwagandha we've talked about that is a magical supplement the mushrooms yeah do you know my friend is really legal legal yeah yeah they're all legal my friend is really raving about this it makes them all switched on makes honestly there's so many now like teas coffees with mushroom complex in and the one that you're looking for is char uh my lion's mane lion's mane yes so i um have the droppers and i put it in my in the morning i make my biohacking matcha so we need to do um we need to learn more about

biohacking i'm actually slightly i'm obsessed with biohacking so anyway i get up and i don't have any caffeine for the first few hours so i put in it the mushroom the mushroom complex um some organic matcha and i put in there as well the ashwagandha powder yeah and then i put some oat or almond milk in it that really helps me focus for the day not for the day in the morning and then i'll have another one later on but complexes for stress there's one called stabilium stabilium tablets and they're a french tablet and they have actually been used over anti-depressant really and um they stop your hair from falling out so i what i would say to you here is i know that the thing that's prompted you to do something about it is actually because of your hair falling

out and missed periods and skin breaking out but it should never have got to that point why would you want to feel stress all the time be stressed at any minor inconvenience stress is horrible some kind of like cognitive therapy something needs to fix that because you should not be going through life feeling like this you shouldn't and there's something whether that's whether you've got an imbalance a chemical imbalance whether it's stress whether it's from past trauma i don't know but you can't carry on living like this because you should not feel like this you need to go to the doctors and tell them how you feel maybe even go private look at therapy therapy will help give you an idea and then all these supplements amazing as well fully agree but you should not be going

through your life being stressed constantly to the point where your hair's where your hair's falling out you've got to sort this out that's not normal so i think you need to spend some time really looking into this and changing whatever it is that you need to change but go to the doctor first do you know what is really good for stress journaling yeah working out when working out what triggers you into the stress and i've done that before um when i had to go for cognitive therapy and i had to write everything down and it was always related to like certain things yeah there was a trigger that got you i had um i had some after my dad died i had some form of that i was all a blur now i mean i just crack on now but yeah um maybe it may be a private therapist

i think with this one it's worth paying for that one that everyone's talking about that better help one's meant to be good it's worth paying for i think really really is rather than paying for all this money for your head sort the problem out you should not be stressed like that it's horrible darling sending love okay we're gonna have a quick breaky breaky wakey wines now wakey wines abdul come closer abdul go back what was that um what did he say when he slapped your bastard or something come on you bastard welcome back everyone so we have some little icks well this one starts off by saying hey massive it a massive it um okay hey massive gigantic huge ick for me and i don't know if

it's just me i've got Tourette's haven't i sorry um and i don't know if it's just me that finds it odd but a man being full bollock naked in front of their mom and having a completely normal conversation is awful mothers and daughters completely different situation fair enough yeah or if you're showing your mom an issue but a grown ass man in your 20s being stark as in front of your mum i find fucking strange does anyone else think this anyway love love love you guys i think the opposite i think if you're showing your mum any of your issues naked that's weird i think having a combo yeah my my willy saw mummy i think that's weird um no i have no i don't i don't think that's weird no because it depends what family you're from i'm a naked family yeah i'm naked

all the time i just can't i'm always naked my mum was the same no i'd find it with i'd got naked yeah but what's their relationship like because so all i can think of is like friends of mine boyfriends friends if their family have got a load of lads and there's lots lots lads they're always running around naked their mom's like oh for fuck's sake rugby lads you know i just don't think no i don't think it's that big a deal personally depends on the relationship if they've got like a weird like mummy relationship then that's weird yeah yeah yeah hi girls can i just say i love the podcast and i need to know when the next brunch is so do we um it's we're it it's because i missed the one in manchester but i'm praying for a liverpool one okay so

something happened this week midst cleaning my kitchen and i thought oh i must write into the pod that i just that makes me so happy oh it was a bottle of red prime how weird on the kitchen just talking about there's one in my kitchen but it's not mine it's one of the kids not long after i seen the green bottle upstairs at the side of our bed i mean fine if you're collecting them and you're 12, but my 28-year-old boyfriend treating himself to one to get down with the kids

has killed me. I feel as though I would feel like he was collecting Pokemon cards. I agree. Just a bottle of Fanta, will ya? Leave the Prime for the mums queuing up for the high school kids.

Love you girls loads and I can't wait for today's ep. I agree. No, have you seen what she's put? Oh! P.S. I forgot to mention

the worst part is he refills them with water and keeps them. so it is purely for the bottle that is no no

you need to need to dump him that's really weird we've got two no we've got two prime bottles in the house

but the child's they're not that is weird right so this prime shite yeah okay

it tastes like shit wakey wines is selling prime for like a hundred quid a bottle or something

no it's not but at one point it is expensive expensive but like how much is it a tenner a bottle

stuff like that the other podcast the other day they went to Asda and they were two pounds a bottle oh yeah but they sell out

Lucas yeah so it just depends I think oh I think I think I think it's calming down now but there was a point

where you could not get them for love or money I told you didn't I when I came back from New York the flight attendant listened to the pod and we're chatting

you should have brought she said our girls bring boxes of Prime back and I think it's just one of these things that just like went viral with the kids but at 28

you should not be buying them and refilling them with water minging that that is a no that's minging oh how long have you been with him

can you leave him or have you got kids and stuff i don't know she's anyway okay welcome back guys we've got a listener dilemma people need to spell your name right hi ashley and lauren i'm a massive fan of nip tuck you guys have me in hysterics people must think i'm a right weirdo because i'm laughing out to myself on the train when i'm at work in the morning but this is a bit of a different one okay we can do this so i've been in a relationship with my other half for nine years engaged eight and getting married this year in a few months finally my other half has a brother a few years younger who has been with

girlfriend eight years so similar then we were like best friends at the beginning and we were inseparable so these are sister-in-laws as soon as she found out she was pregnant she turned out into a right bitch she accused me of being jealous because she was pregnant first and our relationship became non-existent she always tries to be better than me and has now become like a competition with everything they now have two kids in a house together apart from being engaged and she hates the fact that we're engaged so november last year we eventually booked our wedding she said well we're getting married we have two kids together

in a house what the fuck I just can't get my head around why she has to be like this she keeps messaging me places to get married decor and dress etc and then she says

ooh this is where we like we would do this we would do that do you know why she's doing that to tell you first so you can't use it she even bought two flower girl dresses

for my flower girls and said they'd be nice I told her the dresses weren't the style or colour we're after that's because she wanted you to use them because she didn't like them

and the sizes weren't correct were correct so she couldn't take them back she still has them hanging up in her house wrapped up her birthday was in January and guess what she's now engaged such a coincidence as we're getting married in a few months now i

feel like she needs to get married before us just to say we did it first i just don't understand some people and why they have to be like this we're meant to be family not competitors what are your thoughts right the whole wedding thing is such bullshit don't get asked if she gets married before you don't fall into it at all it's just like this wedding shit i was just this morning i came into lucas and i was telling him that i watched these tiktoks i'll send them to you and it was Hayley and, what's his name, Nicola Peltz and Brooklyn Beckham are suing their wedding planner.

Why? But the wedding planner is suing them back. And honestly, the messages about the roses aren't white enough, the floor needs to have water on it for the first dance. Does it slip on your arse? No, weddings just give me the ick anyway. Don't get bothered about it. So I would say it's really sad this

because you were really close and you probably really loved her and loved that relationship and for some reason she's changed and all I can say to you is that is life and people do change and it is sad

but you can't hang on for the person that she used to be she's not like that anymore and all I would say is absolutely because what you can find in these situations

is you get dragged into it and you start playing the game all I can say is hold your head high if she wants to get married first let her don't lose sight of what's important here

we're not those likey girls like them we're better than them I don't know why she's like that but let her rise above and do not get dragged

into this entertain it wish her the best and just keep going and I'm sad for you but and her poor husband she sounds like a right crank

yeah she does sound like a crank just carry on play in the game and laugh it off smiley smiley main thing I would say is get home

have a drink of wine and laugh about it yeah yeah yeah wish I I'm glad I'm not you hun that kind of thing call her a nickname yeah call her something

do something peevish that makes you feel better yeah okay girls thank you so much for your dilemmas and thank you for all your I don't know what I'm talking about

just remember i'm trying to be a really good presenter remember on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us and hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes but don't worry if you want to be anonymous we will always keep your secrets for you head to this episode's description for more information how to get in touch and please don't forget to give us a five star review we're going to be back with the next episode of nip talk on wednesday see you later guys have a lovely weekend

oi say bye