Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Icks & D*cks

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Girls, we are back for another weekly dose of Nip Tuck with our Bonus episode. This is all about you and your issues, because we are here to help! Even if it is that you're having rubbish sex with your fella or your husband's being a b*ll end abroad.You can send us a DM, we’re on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

good morning sweetheart and happy friday welcome to it's friday then it's sunday sunday what welcome to nip tuck and not giving a flying fuck so this podcast is all about being unapologetically yourself and our bonus episodes are all about you guys but first things first how are you lauren I'm hot okay I'm sick of being hot

yeah shit isn't it my tits are sweating do you have a fan no because that's weird what like hand fan

no like a Dyson no we've got three I've got one from Argos that plugs in and goes all night

I haven't got a Dyson one you've got three oh nice for you isn't it darling I'll be next to your Jo Malone candles right next to your white company wedding

Jo Malone's tacky now oh shit oh I didn't know that for fuck's sake anyway I'm hot

and I love the sunshine as we know I love a holiday but sunshine in this country I find really difficult I'm not getting anything done

are you getting like I'm literally as soon as it's sunny I'm like I'll do a few bits of tidy tidy oh it's sunny we can't miss out on that and I'm in the garden

having a wine I've never been in the garden I'm always in the garden drinking wine and I feel like you know people in Spain do they get any housework done are they the same

do they start like doing a bit and then go fuck it it's sunny or are they just used to it but do you like lie out and tan

have you seen the colour of me no have you seen the colour of me which one would you rather shag I say this one however I agree however my face

isn't brown I don't tan that I put factor whatever on and I put my face I'm just not that into it like it's been like it's been that hot

it's too hot Question. What? Me and my mum had an argument about this because I was at her house and I was sunbathing in the garden, topless. Now,

other gardens can see into my garden. I don't give a fuck because I've got good tips. So I'm not arsed anyway. And she was like, Lauren, that's ridiculous. Put your top on. I was like,

no, it's my garden. If I want to sunbathe with no top on, it's not over. If you were a man with your cock out, you'd get arrested. No, you wouldn't. Oh my God, you absolutely would.

Only if you were, like, looking at people and touching it. I wasn't tweaking my nips, I was just sunbathing. Can I tell you something? So, when we were younger, we used to... There was a man who clearly had something really, like, wrong with him. It's quite sad, actually, but his mum... But anyway, let's laugh. It was his house...

Because we're going to. It was his house in Hale Village, like, right in the centre. Yeah. And we called it Wanky Man's House, right? And if you pulled your car up outside and beat the horn, he'd come to the window wanking. but the funny thing was how did she discover

his mum was sat watching telly downstairs and had no idea had no idea and kept hearing heaps like big Victorian house like with the wind

yeah and every time you beat the horn and then me and my friend went home to my mum and she was like where have you been and we were like

we've been to Wanky Man and she was like no that's really fucked up like please don't go there again and you've been sat outside teaching her oh my god I've just had a thought

do you think my neighbours call me like titty woman yeah definitely like oh my god I didn't think of that No, I'm not doing anything. I'm not tweaking the nips. I'm not shaking.

I'm just sunbathing with my breasts out. Someone that's a bit of a prude would probably find that like... Don't look in my garden then. Don't look out the window and into my garden where I do what I want. Look in someone else. Look in Margaret's garden where she's doing the fucking gardening. Is it legal to be naked in your garden?

Don't look in my garden where I'm sunbathing topless. It's private property. What, are you allowed to? It's my garden. So what if someone was having a shag in the garden? It's private property. if I want to shag in the garden I will

but what if the kids were watching out of the window then it turns into something that's different to what you're talking about well tell the kids to look out the other window I don't know

all I'm asking is is it okay guys please write in and let me know what you think about this is it okay in your own garden to sunbathe topless

I don't think it is I do maybe your tits aren't as nice as mine don't know speaking of tits do you get tit sweat yeah

really bad and it's embarrassing so I don't have I got it now no you've just got a dribble you've dribbled there already yeah oh no um the tit sweat thing at my breasts as you can see they're perky yeah and they still sweat and i get a full band underneath and they're like mine like volavance they're like like a little meringue dotted on on my chest so there's no sag yeah i get tit sweat same

okay so on nip tuck pod we want you to get your voices heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram and we're on tiktok find us at nip tuck pod or alternatively you can email us hello at nip tuck pod.com we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick anything embarrassing any other bits basically we love embarrassing questions embarrassing sex stories basically we don't give a fuck okay so i am gonna kick off the ick pics oh okay tell me tell me tell me what have you got i actually when you were in the bathroom took a picture not of you in the bathroom that dick keeps coming up on my face you took you took a picture of me in the bathroom no we said we wouldn't talk about what i've got what happens in the bathroom

that's my handbag why have you taken a picture of my fucking hold all so okay that's not on visage this guy's not on purpose lauren's hold all gucci by the way of course seven pound sweets right yeah well use your money in a sensible way how many uses are you going to get out of sweet so you're gonna regurgitate no she has got an emirates business tag and a grantley hall your luggage tag so she's screaming i am a well-traveled i'm so embarrassed right i swear that wasn't on purpose get them off right now i just don't pull things off have you seen my tie i keep like i've not honestly i swear i haven't used it since grantley hall

then i must have gone somewhere business maybe one of my clients flew me out i don't remember um and i've just forgotten i've not used it for weeks but that's really embarrassed me and i can't believe i've come out the house like that i agree that's really icky okay so that is an ick pic while i was at it i took one of you earlier what just being you oh no i didn't um okay show me what you've got okay so we got sent in this one which really actually made me feel fucking sick violently sick okay um i don't know where i show it to but it looks like a bowl of poo okay so what this is it's the chocolate in the bowl why is that that much of an ick i can't even say i fully agree with this so basically what this girl has said is that the guy that she was seeing was like right

let's get a film and let's put a film on imagine a manly man let's get a film on let's sit and watch you get your bag of sweets haribos seven pound ones you get your chocolate and you sit your share and whatever he got a dairy milk bar in the kitchen he got a bowl and he cut he snapped chopped it up and put it in one bowl that's awful and sat with a little bowl and five pieces of five squares that's so unmanly and absolutely horrible do you not agree aren't ics like weird like once you see one thing yeah yeah not as bad like it offends me yeah i think it's the um ritual of doing that more it's the ocd side of it and it's the fact that if you're doing that like are you the kind of guy that's gonna want like minimal contact during sex like are you like

oh like don't kiss white down look like are you gonna be that guy i just think that really gave me the ick that i fully agree with that yeah um anymore yeah so the other ick that we've got which i also agree with but not as much i think this will pick you more so um one of our listeners sent in a picture of her boyfriend which i really like when they do that and he's right actually it is pretty gross so he's driving with no shoes on and he's disgusting he's driving with his toe that's absolutely that's a big toe isn't that a big time it's disgusting it's a dick pic toe pic thing um he's literally driving and he's got his fucking toe on the is it the clutch on the clutch and he's moving it with his big fat toe no gross yeah you don't like that ick i drive with

no shoes on if i've got heels like yeah i probably have a guy doing it you know it's illegal to drive with no shoes on really yeah i've never done it lauren gets carted off please god halfway through the next episode i'm gonna get taken out by the police for for having a naked toe driver. Do you think it's illegal to drive naked? If you're saying it's illegal to be in your own garden with your tits out.

It's illegal to drive with no top on. What? I'm sure it is. You make such shit up. You talk crap. I promise. I'm going to Google it. Heard it here first.

Ashley talks crap. I don't think you're allowed to drive with no top on. What, like tits out or a man? A man. You're talking shit. Carry on. Oh, my God. I've been, like, flashed a lot of times.

I just remember once, I think I was in work with you I was driving around Princess Parkway and this man was going like this like pulling his face apart and it was really extreme and I was in my little Fiat 500 by the way girls

if you have got a Fiat 500 and blonde hair shit happens to you every day my boyfriend said that his biggest dick in the world isn't like snot in your nose food in your teeth, it's a Fiat 500 a girl in a Fiat 500 that was my favourite car

I said Ashley used to have one of them that was my favourite car and also you get perved on luckily it doesn't matter because you don't want to shag him

all the time do you in them yeah so anyway so this man was doing this face he was getting

like really angry like like trying to turn into a monster and he had this big cock out what's he was going like this

and wanking like as if he wanted me my face to just be as terrified as possible yeah really what did you do i bet you were like i think i cried when i got your glasses on yeah you probably did or your green parka that you used to wear do you remember she used to come in with the glasses and her old nose and that green parka zipped up in her log boots and she'd

come in like dead skinny young cute and i used to roll in from the night before i'd have had a fry up over the road and rolled in now we love getting sent in your questions and dilemmas but first let us tell you about a competition that we have launched on instagram okay so the prizes up for grabs are a doctor can sell a skincare bundle worth over 100 pounds two pj sets from queens park sleepwear for you and your bestie three bottles of edison vodka a beautiful necklace from say it with diamonds worth over 150 pounds and a 100 pound selfridges voucher to top it all off all you have to do to enter is tag a friend on the post make sure that both of you are following at nip tuck pod and the instagram pages of the brands who are giving away these

amazing prizes entries close on the 18th of september at midnight we're gonna announce the winner on the 21st of september episode of the podcast all terms and conditions are in the caption so we're ready baby song cue go dilemma of the week dilemma of the week that was a good one wasn't it i've been listening to hip-hop in the car h you fancied him i don't fancy anyone no no one the only person i fancy is tom hardy he's small everyone's the same lying down honey dilemma oh yeah what a pervy fucking thing to say okay then they're all the same lying down hi girls i'm so glad that you're back me too um i need your advice on an embarrassing topic i've been with my boyfriend for four months and the sex is okay right just not amazing i keep

comparing it to my ex-boyfriend because that sex was wild other than that things are perfect he's perfect but it's in the back of my head all the time how do i make this better because i mean i think if you're good in bed you can make anyone good in bed okay so this is what i was thinking because we i've looked at this and i was kind of thinking what do i think about this and i actually agree for once in my life yeah i agree for once in my life that why are you saying the sex isn't amazing and blaming him like if it's not amazing it's a two-way grab his hand tango grab his so what you need to think everyone's well they're all the same lined up yeah that's gonna haunt me forever um so i think oh i'm so embarrassed that myself for saying that

i think that you need to know everyone's sex idea of good sex is different definitely so you need to know what you want from this sex why isn't it good do you like to be spat on dominated dominated or do you like to be the dominator is it not wild enough is if his dick's not big enough i can't help you here but anything else to be fair dick size isn't that much of a big thing i don't think i don't think so but everyone's different people might like a big massive piece and that's fine i was talking to one of my friends the other day and she was saying that she's got two boyfriends at the minute and one's got a tiny cock and one's got a massive cock okay and um she said the sex is way better with the guy with the tiny cock because she was like we can do everything whereas

the big one she's like oh not too deep yeah yeah there's nothing worse than the stomach cramp yeah or when when you're doing it from behind and it's just not okay and they can't see your face and you're like oh oh so they think it's amazing but actually your face is like this and you've got your hand on your stomach you're like but but they're like woo and you're like and literally like this so yeah i agree with that so anyway back to the point why don't you like it find out what you like and change it take the lead she's not the cock size no take the lead and wear an outfit why do you have to bring a fucking outfit into everything buy some butt plugs this is your answer to everything put on a sexy outfit yeah why is

that gonna help the quality of the sex because men just are so simple they love that stuff i just don't get that but if you want to buy a sexy outfit yeah just control it to how you want it to be what one thing you could do is say like we're gonna have a sex lesson now i'm gonna teach you then you're gonna teach me oh my god i sounded sexy is that a thing or was that just pervy have you ever done that a sex lesson i'm embarrassed you have haven't you no so what in what way like role play as a teacher not even role play just kind of like i don't know just kind of like as if you need to be drunk when you're having this conversation yeah oh my god yeah but just like a bit of a game like i'm gonna show you exactly what to do or you know just something

like that i don't know i don't know why it's not good but you need to work out why it's not good and then you need to fix this it's not his problem it's your problem if it's that you don't fancy me enough so one thing is if you don't fancy someone enough i think when you fancy someone the sex is good because you're like ah come here you sexy bastard yeah you know whereas if you don't really fancy them it's more like ah come over here pal yeah you know like come over and it sounds like she's getting into the moody stage and no one especially men they don't like that moody stage they don't like that and she's overthinking it and thinking about her ex my other question is is it just the sex is it just the sex or are you still into your ex be honest

with yourself um but yeah i think you need to mix it up and make it work for you you can't blame him because your sex isn't good no maybe your shit see said it so guys have an absolutely amazing weekend happy friday we're here again on wednesday we have absolutely loved going through all of your bits don't forget to get in touch via email hello at niptuckpod.com as well guys if you can share us on socials we would absolutely love that it's the nicest feeling when we get that little notification and we do appreciate it a lot and if you don't then i'm gonna block you the best feeling in the world so yeah please do that and thank you again oh my god your nails what they're horrible are they yeah i really like them why are they horrible the bright pink

yeah but i like that's really tacky hello i mean you've got the louver yeah okay and you have a lovely weekend don't paint your nails pink