Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Iggle Piggle PTSD

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

The girls have got a bursting bonus for you all today! Ashley & Lauren share their wit & wisdom for your daily problems like what to do if you've got a smelly friend, how to deal with those pre-surgery nerves and worries, how to deal with a postnatal lack of confidence and is it ever ok to have a bit on the side?To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello welcome welcome this is the nip tuck not giving a fuck bonus didn't it bony eye baby lucas called it for a bone eye bone eye so if we record two bonuses in one day then it's a bone eyes because that's two one bonus is a bonus two is a bone eye love it bone idol that's you this is the podcast where excuse me this is the shh this is the podcast

where we celebrate being positive aspirational women and this is all about being unapologetically yourself once you start saying that you can say loads of really bad stuff

and be like I don't know I'm just being me yeah I'm just this is just me this is just me I don't know

take it or leave it baby anyhow have you ever told someone their breath smells does my breath smell no but like I know mine smells no but I mean

have you ever told someone No, never. Yeah. I think that's quite an offensive thing. Because I'm always on a diet. I'm always drinking coffee. But I would want people to tell me if my breath smelt. I'd want my friend to tell me, but no way.

Everyone knows someone that smells a BO. Oh my God, I would tell my friend if she smelled a BO. And I've been told I smell a BO. We had a maths teacher who was sound, but his breath was like, imagine you've got a blender and you put in like 20 Bensons. That's my breath. Of a coffee, and that was it.

Oh my God, that's my breath. Fags and coffee. I don't smoke that much now, actually. But yeah, fags and coffee. and I never used to eat so I used to have diet breath coffee breath

and fag breath and it took I remember once I remember once I had a tuna sandwich at work and do you remember Joe were you there when Joe was there

oh you're so fucking and I went over to get something yeah one of my contact we were going on a night out and one of my contact lenses fell out just before our night out

and I'm blind I couldn't see out of one eye and he was so cute he went right have mine I went what do you mean and he literally pulled it out of his eye

passed it to me and I put it in mine and he went home with one eye and I went out and I went across him to do something and i had a tuna sandwich and he just got his chewing he just got the chewing gum and just

went like that put it in my hand um yes but yo oh my god yeah my friends will tell me like you fucking stink sometimes it happens i don't think i'm a smelly person i am my i'm not a smelly person in my armpits oh my god they can go like if i don't like they can just fucking smell like a really like man like really yeah i don't think i've got the capacity you're a much harder grafter than me yeah i if i start smelling something's gone wrong i can i can smell and james will say to me jeez like sometimes i don't have a shower every day i don't always do you change your knickers every day every single like twice a day oh no you turn yours around no but so what do you think about this so last night i had a shower and

put some fresh knickers on i slept in them you always have to put fresh knickers on after a shower yeah yeah i slept in them and then this morning i put them back on again is that okay that's no no no why don't they have them on at night i wasn't doing anything i don't wear knickers at night no i can't do that the discharge don't get discharge at night i don't get loads but it can be a bit like wet down there no I don't want to do that I have to wear no knickers no I hate no knickers and then trumps slip out as well I think when you have no knickers on anyway right let's get back into it where were we um I'm confused rescue me I've said too much again help it's quick say something on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at

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we want to know what's getting on your tips what's giving you the ick any other bits and bobbins bits and bobs that was that was that was a peppa pig character you know is it beats and bobs oh yeah what's her name what's she called it's ms ms it's the teacher and saskia always calls me madame madame and she goes madame madame gazelle um yes do you know peppa's quite funny on the on the dl if you actually listen to it there's some funny bits in there she's a rude twat yeah she is rude she's a naughty little she's a naughty piggy bitch she's a naughty pig anyway your questions your embarrassing stories send them all in basically we don't give a flying do you know

what gives me fuck ptsd in the night garden yes horrible so when i was on my own with theater when a dad what's out the door i remember holding her and rocking it's like yes my name is Eagle Piggle my name is

Eagle Piggle and whenever I hear it I go like this but honestly I literally jump because it's given me PTSD of lying there with her thinking

oh my god my life is over my husband just fucking left me I don't want this baby anymore what the fuck am I going to do

and it literally hello Eagle Piggle green green grass that song is played from Thea's bedroom and tell you what else tell you what else what we were just saying before

thank you for sunshine thank you for rain thank you for joy thank you for pain it's a beautiful day all I've heard is the kids all singing that

oh my god do you know what Thea's found and I think it's one of her new family editions that's introduced to it this is a problem with having older siblings or step siblings scottish pepper pig what is that a thing it's a pretend thing it's really funny rude and they go no no no hello listen you

fucking fat bitch lauren that's really naughty why she can't be oh my god i know i know but you're saying it's like i made it i didn't make the scottish pepper and you go on and it's pepper pig and she goes pepper you fucking dick get out your room it's honestly and i heard this fuck i went in i ran in i was like where have you seen this and all you do they search your scottish pepper pig and it comes on their kids youtube yeah have you put all the settings on the youtube no i don't know anyway he has been really naughty i don't know why and then she's your fat bitch get up pepper yeah that's really naughty no wonder she's going mental so you want to check your kids phones it's really funny though you should watch it i swear put it on when you get home you'll

lafayette oh anyway we've got a listener we've got a message we've got a text does anyone watch that shit no one watches love island anymore used to be decent i think they should be i always there is they planned an older people yeah i got a message right i always thought i did um i was offended yeah i was offended um i always thought i would always want to go in it right go in this is for my james and then not tell them where to kid meet someone they think and then all of a and imagine what good TV it would be for me to then drop the bomb like, I've got a child. But then you have to leave your kid for months

and I think that's frowned upon. But what about the celebrities that go on Celebrity Big Brother? Oh, yeah. They don't do it for as long, do they? The celebrity ones are always shorter. Oh, that's why the celebrity ones are shorter. I know I'm not a celebrity,

but do you think we could go on Celebrity Big Brother? We would get cancelled. We'd be great. We'd get absolutely cancelled. Right, does anybody do? I know we're not celebs though, so how do we do, how do we... You feel like that one,

what was the one fingering herself in the box with a bottle what was her name Magali no Magali got pregnant in the hot tub

or said she did it wasn't it was Riga something yeah and she was shagging herself with a bottle of wine that would be us

yeah if anyone like I would love to go on Celebrity or is there like a Zed list of Big Brother or like a slightly I think that's just

Big Brother in general or maybe like a Kinga Kinga or maybe like a TikTok famous for young children teenagers TikTok

do you remember when that Roxanne Pallett said that she'd been abused by Ryan Thomas and literally he'd like played her

oh my god yeah that went massive didn't it I think that's when it started getting a bit getting a bit weird yeah it all gets a bit weird

but yeah I'd love to do that I don't think they're allowed to drink as much anymore now and in Love Island they're only allowed like one drink a night because people get shit phased

people get shit phased and then they say stuff and then after the like can you imagine like being on a session then like the next everyone's seen it the anxiety's already big

but everyone's seen it Everyone's seen what you did in the kitchen. But they used to drink so much they were sick and everything. That's bad, that. That's funny, though. That's more reality. And do you remember Nasty Nick?

I didn't watch it then. They found out that he'd written down. I worked on Big Brother. I used to interview people to go on it. Do you know, James apparently got through to some of them and he said that he was going to go on it. No way. Anyway, hi, girls.

I love you both on your podcast. You're both so real and hilarious. Unapologetic, honey. I wanted some advice. i'm booked into not listening anymore i'm booked into a breast augmentation i've really done my research and i found a fantastic surgeon to do my op my question is is it normal to feel nervous about the outcome i'm so sure that i want to go ahead because my boobs have changed so much since losing three stone in weight and they look like deflated balloons

oh dear i guess i'm just nervous because i don't know what they look like until they've done this thing with surgery i love the look of breast implants and i can't wait to feel feminine again but it's the fear of the unknown i mean i wouldn't go on a night out without trying my outfit on beforehand so i'm about to completely change my body without knowing how i'll look after is it a normal way to feel and what's your best advice you go first i don't want to okay right so i personally think unless you're 110 percent she is no she is 110 percent but what she's saying is it's scary because she doesn't know what they're going to look like that's cosmetic surgery yeah and that's the risk you take and i the way i having said i didn't want to go first what a surprise here i am

um here i am going first knock having about me um who can talk the loudest and fastest me how i think you need to be in a position where you dislike your breasts enough to take the risk of not liking them after does that make sense yeah like no you know when someone's like you you always go like i i'd like one and i'm like but do you know if it went wrong or you have to hate your you have to be that unhappy with what you've got that you will also be happy with any that sounds awful but it is kind of true just remember this okay we've worked with hundreds of different surgeons hundreds there is no definition of it going wrong unless your tip

falls off you get an infection your scarring is like absolutely horrific actually ash that's wrong it not being exactly how you expected does not mean you can't say this is my perfect pair of and i want them and if it doesn't and if it isn't that it's wrong exactly so there is no definition of wrong unless you get like an encapsulation yeah on paper it is something else gone wrong so just remember you know you need to make sure that you're psychologically prepared for this it could go wrong because especially she's saying she's got i thought that deflated breast not flaccid penis she's not mentioned that one deflated breast you wonder is she having a lift or not hopefully she's having a lift and don't get too big an implant either if you're having a lift

yeah there's a few things to consider if you've got a really good surgeon that's amazing if you're happy with your surgeon i think it is normal to get nerves um what i always used to say to my patients is this when they get really nervous about it i used to how in mind this is the person that said she's a good saleswoman she likes and i used to and i used to invoice like a million pounds a year for the company carry on um no the way i used to say to them is if somebody rang you now and told you your op was cancelled how would you feel oh that psychology isn't it um because would that devastate you in that case you're just having normal nerves if you'd be a bit relieved then maybe you don't go ahead and do it like if i rang you and said i'm sorry it's been

cancelled would you think or would you think oh my god have you ever bought something and cancelled it no i'm all for it when i'm booking it i'm booking it and even if i don't want to do it anymore i've fucking made the decision and i will stick to that decision that's just me though isn't it even if i'm sat there thinking don't know if i should be doing this i'm like nah do it i remember when we worked there i had two or three girls who got to the hospital and decided not to do it i wonder how they feel now about that and if they ever got it in the end and i remember one um girl got there and burst into tears and had this massive tantrum in the hospital and all the other patients could hear her from their rooms before they went in for surgery and the nurses

said to her get out yeah we're just not doing it you need to be in the right because she was acting like as if she's going in for some kind of like life-saving it's cosmetic surgery unless you're going in with a smile on your face you've prepped your body for it you know it's planned surgery you don't need it don't make anyone feel sorry for you about it you're having it don't do it or don't do it yeah i'm a bit like that with it i hope that answers your question yeah it is normal and there's nothing you can do about it um best of luck maybe have a little therapy session or something before you need therapy um no it is normal and you just have to think if you're so unhappy then you could walk out with fantastic tits yeah hey girls sorry this is more of a review

than a dilemma or funny poo story a review oh my god ash i've got a text that i've just got on my dms i need to read you in a minute um but i literally live for wednesdays and the new pod coming out i'm recently a new mum too and the way you normalize so many things which the majority of mums look down on really helps me I love that the mum community needs a really stern word with itself because we are causing problems for each other yeah I felt so anxious at first when I became a mum and I also hated my boyfriend yeah that's another I think that's quite normal that's another story and your podcast helped me so much in my relationship normalizing things and gave me the confidence I needed in motherhood because sometimes you get the imposter syndrome you think

I want to look after this fucking thing I started the podcast only about three weeks ago and I'm now up to date with the new season so I started from the beginning as she's now pregnant and talking about a champagne video incident oh she was such a miserable bitch when she was pregnant that champagne video was bad i hope you girls are okay and thank you for helping me so much through such a hard time in a woman's life oh i love yous that is just amazing you know we get a lot of mums like that and i feel like although we're not mumsy mumsy i am a bit mumsy to be fair like in my own way um you're not are you lying you just said you're mumsy i had my kids all weekend oh honey um are you okay um yeah i'm a little bit mumsy but in general not really and i think one of the

main things about this podcast i think we do get a lot of mums that listen and a lot of mums that are on their own and we're just like so what get on with it like it's fine and we talk so much shit we just blend it all in there to bing everywhere let me read this dm i've got a dm i got it like a second ago um i'm scared oh my god i've got about five since i looked then christ christ christ right ready and this is from i'm not gonna say who it's from in case she doesn't want me to but i think she probably doesn't care hi lauren i love the pod i wouldn't usually message but i'm listening to last week's episode about ashley's fertility appointment and the woman who messaged her and the woman who messaged her do you remember you got a message of a woman saying

that you'd triggered her she was gonna unfollow you because she couldn't afford whatever um as a woman lol makes me sound grown up he was made in oh okay he was made infertile at 28 from cancer treatment oh i'm sorry about that the post didn't trigger me at all she's sharing her life and is entitled to do what she wants if it's that important to karen fucking work harder save up and stop moaning at the people who can't afford it fair point not everyone can do that plus they are only moaning through jealousy of her lifestyle they wouldn't say the same to me if i had to pay to use a surrogate because of the treatment i'd had yeah that's true they wouldn't they'd let her off because she can't have children now,

but they don't want you to do it. Anyway, that's my two pence. Have a gorgeous Monday. That's lovely. So that's nice. I'm going to reply to her. So that's nice that she's saying to you that in a position that could have triggered it,

it didn't. And she's like, look, it's your life. You're in a different place to me. You're just sharing your life. That's what Instagram is. It was only an appointment, which like I was having my AMH retested and you can, I've always said this,

you can buy the test kits online for £50. That eye's squinting. This one? Yeah. you've got one eye that's literally doing this oh it's these fucking contact lenses

how are you getting on with those contacts so you've been wearing the contacts that you wear all day no you wear oh yeah smaller

you wear all night and then you take them out I'm having my kids all weekend yeah one of her eyes is like no

not very good I'm giving them another week not enjoying it why they're glass lenses you have to put on your eye with a sucker

they really hurt and then so today i've got lenses in because i'm not correcting my vision properly throughout the night because i didn't wear them for long enough well it's your own fault then no so you're not slagging them off you're just saying it's a bit of a commitment kind of thing yeah i've got my invisalign and i'm now on week five or six i've lost every pair every set and you it's really good though every week you do a scan of your teeth yeah like you do it through

your phone you scan it you send it off so you don't have to keep going in and they say yeah move on to your next thing and you get the full box of them so i know i've done it you've done it yeah so anyone who hasn't um we did it with beer i'm gonna say it wrong again i'll be clear orthodontics orthodontics and they have been bloody amazing but i keep taking them out to eat something and losing them i told you you need to get like a little case that you carry around i've got one it's in my bag i just don't use it listen to this that happened yesterday i went to the school fair and one of the mums found my teeth on the floor i'd taken them out to have a portion of chips you were about to say a cig weren't you no i didn't have a cig and one of the one of the

mums one of the really funny mums came over to me she's like are these your teeth and i was like yes i just saw them shine on the floor somebody nearly ran over them with a pram i was like oh thanks and i just keep leaving my teeth everywhere but i think they're moving already but it's it's an upkeep to look good fuck me it's hard and have you ever snogged with these in no i have to take them out before i make love make love i said that on purpose right hi ashley just wanted to ask which zeta west products you recommended please we're just about to start trying right guys so you know how i went for that um appointment to see my amh obviously you can't change the number of eggs that you've got but you can raise your amh like the quality of the eggs okay only very

slightly so it should be between 11 and 16 and when i went in for my test mine was 0.6 0.7 and it should be between 11 and 16 and is that the sorry is that the amount or the quality i'm a bit confused but a mixture a mixture gives you a gives you a level yeah right so a mixture of how many and what how good 0.7 you've got some splattered eggs yeah and then so i took the z to west for um it's not easter for you sorry i took i've got loads of puns coming out sorry fucking hell sorry sorry you could be triggering me i know i'm sorry i can't help it um they come So anyway, I took the Z to West, and I've got highlights on my thing because there's loads of different stuff that you can take from there.

And Z to West, personally, I think is the best. Follow her on Instagram, the fertility advice she gives. It's absolutely amazing. And it's gone up to 1.8. And he said, I've never known it's got to go up. Hallelujah. Well, it's still not 11, but it's nearly 2 from 0.7. Why have I got all these egg puns?

I've got this thing where somebody tells me something. somebody tells me something either sad or bad or whatever and honestly my brain immediately thinks of the most inappropriate thing to say and i like honestly like you could say to me don't say it don't say it don't say it you could say to me now like um my grandma's falling off a chair and something and i would immediately think of the most awful thing to say and i don't mean to and is that a condition yes like a joke comes out immediately it's really bad it's really bad um inappropriate titus oh yeah i've got that anyway i'm happy that your eggs are going up are you gonna what you can do with all that shit um so i'm going on that retreat soon

it's just said scramble do you like them poached um scramble how do you like your Eggs in the morning. Sorry. I'm going on a retreat. She's not laughing. I'm seeing a psychic tomorrow, so I'm going to ask that question. What, ask them to give you more eggs?

No, because I can't decide what to do about the IVF. So your psychic's going to tell you? Well, I'm going to ask the question, what does she think? Because three of my friends have just done IVF. I don't believe in that shit. I didn't ask a psychic something about that. Do you not think?

And then what? How can she tell you whether you... Yeah, but I don't know if I should do it or not. I've had three friends recently that have put themselves through the IVF and it costs about £6,000 and it's not worked. Do you want another baby? Yeah, but I'm putting my eggs away. But why?

Because I need to, because every year my count is going down. Yeah, but do you want another baby? I might do soon. But do you? Not sure yet, but I want the option. I get that, but when you say, should I put myself through it? Well, then, yes, you've got no option. If you want another child or you think you might,

then you're going to have to do it yeah so it's not really a yes or a no um yeah well then i yeah i'll be doing it when i get back from that we're all going to be really fucking fun i'm going to be horrible wait till i get pregnant you're going to be the podcast will die i know no because i'll be going through ivf and you're on all those medications yeah you're going to be horrible brilliant um i don't want to baby anyway voice note hi girls just wanted to drop you guys a message because every time i think of this uh i get secondhand embarrassment and also a major ick from my husband so probably need to stay anonymous because he does actually listen to this so change my voice or something anyway yeah so big followers of you girls and like you say

everyone needs to get on the nip tuck train because if we get cancelled it's not gonna be good we need our wednesdays and our friday fun to you know get us through anyway so my ick is we were living with uh my in-laws um for a short period of time in between um house sales and contracts etc or that boring shit that comes along with you know adult life anyway my mother-in-law made dinner and i ate it with um mother-in-law and father-in-law and my husband was coming home from work anyway she'd made this food and there was what looked like a pepper on it um so a bit into it turns out it was a chili blew my head off my ears hurt my eyes hurt the lot anyway i didn't say anything um because i didn't want to be a pussy um anyway my husband came in after and i

said oh um you've got to eat one of those peppers there and by the way it's not a pepper i did tell him it's a chili um so because i've done it so we you know if i'm going down you need to go down with me and this is where the ick comes his response was what about my little body hole I literally looked at him And I just went I've actually just been sick of my mouth That's disgusting My little body hole

You should put your fist up his body hole I don't know whether it was pictures of it in my head Or it was just the way he said it And I was just like No, anyway, bye Yeah, that's horrible, my little body hole That's disgusting You should put something up it

Just for him saying that That's poorly tummy isn't it That's poorly told me. Poorly told me and a little body hole. Sure, Willie. Poorly told me. I've got to saw Willie. My Willie saw my balls achieving.

I need cream on my body. Ew, disgusting. Vile, vile. Right. Next thing from you listeners. Hi, guys. I just wanted to ask your opinion about a recently discovered ick. Please keep me anonymous purely because if it gets to him,

I don't want to go to the gym being awkward and there are no other gyms nearby. We don't want to be stopping people from working out here. one of the pts at my gym who does classes had an accident where he had two fingers cut off a few years ago no he did i've got a funny story about this every time he does a class and he does quite a lot he will mention his fingers at least two to three times during the class including when we're stretching point your fingers to the wall behind you if you still have them at all got to be inclusive these days that's me that's what i do that is exactly what i've got he'll say this

every class at every stretching without fail i don't know if this is so bad of me to find this very icky because it's about a disability but i also think you don't need to mention it every five minutes i have cancer a few years ago and i don't mention it to every single person i meet and i don't bring it into every conversation which i just did to prove a point uh right i'll tell you why he's doing it because he's embarrassed yeah he's got an insecurity so the thing with your cancer is no one can see it so you don't like if you can why why was the size of a leg no you idiot we only found out that lucas had had cancer like after about eight months of knowing it no but what i mean is you can see his fingers she has and is now not got cancer there's nothing to show on her

body whereas he's got two fingers missing so he needs to mention it's like me if you've got a spot i'll meet someone i'll be like hi yeah i know i've got a massive spot on my face it's almost like a way of deflecting i've not washed my hair today yeah ignore my hair we all do it so i think his and you might get new people in his class so he's like oh yeah and he'll think shit there's a new person and they've noticed i've got no fingers do you know the best thing would be just stop pointing at the wall like yeah why doesn't he make a fist and date him what so my old housemate had half his like that taken away yeah when he was at school he jumped over a fence and his teacher said to him don't worry lad when you're older that'll be a weapon

oh yeah fingering weapon a gun a gun like right we're gonna go for a break and then we shall be back welcome back ready for a dilemma hi i'm a massive fan of the show and i really need help girls i've been with my boyfriend for 10 years 10 long years in general in general we're happy i'm great and we have a gorgeous child together i've recently started having an affair oh how casual how casual was that we've got gorgeous i've been together 10 years i've recently started having an affair well you're not that happy then are you with my boss oh since last year there has always been something between us but we've always tried to ignore it we have meet up have sex a few times

outside work in hotels and we have the most mind-blowing sex always the way isn't it the way we are together is just amazing we've told each other we love each other but neither of us want to hurt our partners or kids he's so affectionate and caring towards me and sometimes i miss so much with my partner something sorry something i miss so much with my partner i have no plans to break up my family and neither does he like we need to speak about this in a minute we're happy just getting from each other what we're lacking at home we've both spoken to our partners about what we need but nothing really changes but i've said we're not going to break up our families we just wish we'd met years ago am i crazy to carry this on or not i'd like to remain anonymous please p.s

you are so funny and my girl crush don't know how because right so when i did um when i did a q a the other day the other week somebody sent me a message saying she wasn't happy at home she wanted the strength to leave but she was scared to be on her own and she didn't want to she said something like overlap no she said something like i don't want to hurt my child and my answer was hurt your child by what by staying with a man you don't want to be with by showing her putting shut up and put up is the right way like how are you how what we need to be careful is she said a few times breaking up a family but she said she's got no plans to do that no because she keeps saying breaking up a family but i think there needs to be less taboo on this this is a taboo subject

it's like everyone thinks you should stay together to keep a family together but do you really want to teach your children to stay in a relationship that you're not happy with just because you should keep your family together clearly not happy she's not happy and if he's not giving you what you need then no you're not happy and i wouldn't just like if you are thinking of leaving your partner because clearly it's not right at home if you're having to go out of your way because you're potentially putting everything you have on the line yeah you don't know if he's gonna find out and then you will get it taken off you anyway so what i would say is be careful of if you do split up with your she's not gonna but i think she should but if you do don't just jump into it with your boss go on

dates with other people yeah so what i would say here you've got to break this up to a few different things number one you're not happy with your partner so where you've written in general we're happy you're not because you're not you're lacking something i mean you might be might be ticking some boxes but it's enough that you are going you're having an affair that's not a happy relationship my love so no you're not that happy um and you both do and it's a both of you aren't happy but like ash just said what you don't want to do is end it with your partner just to be with this other guy i would seriously consider your life you live once which i always say why are you with someone that isn't right for you just to be just for the kids for what for

the kids though like nowadays people are have stepsisters stepbrothers they have mums stepdads like like you have kids it's all right now we're not in that age where you have to stay together when you have got kids you do have to fight for it like because you have got the children to think of and also what you got to use from going to therapy together for a few sessions and having some really open conversations so i would start with that she has tried and that he's still not coming around but maybe it is good sitting down like at like mediation for example and just making them realize like maybe even go and stay in a hotel for a few nights like take some time just you need to be like right but if you carry this on you are going to get caught

one person always likes the other more than the other yes and you should always be and it's usually the woman unfortunately my mum once said to me um she could see him when i was married she was like one person always likes the other person more she said i could see it was you and i thought i don't want it to be lauren that's that one it should all you should always try and be where they like you more because you're safer even when you're married or like with a long-term partner you always need that chase yeah i agree so i think um you're gonna get caught probably anyway so you're probably gonna fuck it all up anyway because you're probably gonna get caught affairs don't like like he might not catch it but your affair your boss's wife's gonna get onto it girl

women aren't stupid she'll find out so it's probably gonna come out and then you'll be bonking in a hotel and then someone'll someone's gonna walk in you're gonna you it's gonna happen by the way can we get more stories of when people have caught partners cheating in really funny ways i love them yeah i like that can we get more of that so my advice here is don't ever stay with someone that you don't want to be with just for the family give it your best i absolutely think that you should always give it your best and walk away thinking i tried everything but if he's not right for you never mind stay for the family you want to teach your children that if you're not happy with something then you'd be brave not that you stay with them and just protect them as much

as you can and protect them we're not in the 50s anymore you can you could meet someone who's amazing and your child could be much happier if you're not happy now how's it going to go down the years it might start getting a little bit bitter you're not happy with him you don't really like him your child will pick up on that much more shouting in the house yeah your child's going to pick on that up on that much more than you deciding do you know what we love you but it just didn't work between us i think you need to think about that a bit more you're having an affair and that affair is going to damage your child that's a serious thing your that affair if it comes out will damage your child much more than staying with with the child's dad will have you been

watching sex life no i don't watch it right you need to watch it right okay well i've been watching it in a new series yeah but it's like really cringe like the acting in it is absolutely because i watch it as a comedy not as a sexy program and there's points where me and ed have to be like really we get embarrassed for you sat next to each other when we watch it

I want to watch it we need a new series in sex life one of the kids walks in on the dad having an affair and the lady's strapped to the bed and it's with like

one of her best friends the other woman and when she speaks to her about it she was like well he's young enough to think that you were playing a game

thankfully what the fuck ridiculous anyway you go next one I'll try and read Lauren hi girls I love your pod

just needs some advice I'm heavily pregnant and I feel like I look like a different person you probably do do you see JLo her nose doubled in size your nose does go big

she's spread yeah I spread my fiance and I have been together for 15 long years she's actually written that yes

and our relationship is great we're like best friends and we've wanted a baby for a while so we're really happy to be pregnant and start a family together perfect

however since being pregnant i look and feel like a completely different person i no longer recognize a woman in the mirror none of my nice clothes for i can't have any facial tweakments i've lost all my confidence i am worried it started to affect our relationship i look like crap i feel like crap never want to have sex why would you my confidence is so low i don't want to go out i don't want to get dressed up i look like a whale when did you start to feel yourself again after pregnancy well i mean she's five and i'm still fat as soon as the baby came out i was like thank god it took me a year back yeah but it does um nine months so number one this is all normal it's your

first pregnancy so you won't know this but if you've got any pregnant friends they will feel the same your partner you sound like your best friends he's gonna stick with you through this it's nine months it's gonna be over soon it's not like it's forever and you appreciate yourself when you come when you come back yeah it's just one of those things what you have to think of is and he you know he sounds like a good guy your best friends he's gonna get this you're making a baby for him it's fucking tough and why would you want to have sex when you feel like a blobby whale i was trying to explain to james the other day because i went through a little phase for a few days where i wasn't horny which isn't like me at the minute and i was trying to explain to him that

for women horniness is up here yeah it's in your mind so literally for me i don't know how you feel about this but if i'm not horny and somebody usually when you're tired yeah and you've got and somebody started rubbing my vagina i wouldn't feel it it would literally the house isn't clean i've not slept properly for a few days on your mind yeah and you could literally be rubbing my kneecap i was like i wouldn't feel it because my mind is not turned on down there whereas for a man you want them off they're all right i do i wouldn't worry about the sex thing i think that's really normal and he maybe feels the same yeah it's weird when you're yeah like it's just weird especially towards the end but do you know what i would say babe like this time you need to take

for really looking after yourself have some time off go for manual lymphatic drainage massages they really prep you before you have the baby do the facials that you can have while you're pregnant the water retention and all of that and try your best to go out and meet your friends baby free as much as you can it's a slog you know it's hard having a baby and i'll be honest with you please don't think that the baby's going to come out and you're going to be you again because you're not no it gets worse before it gets worse i'll be honest because when you're pregnant you've got the excuse of being pregnant when you've had the baby you're all excited yeah you're just fat yeah so it does get worse so prepare for that i'm going to be honest um but i think you have to it's

really hard with your first child you know if there's anyone listening now that's got like two months old or something you feel like it when it's your first it's never gonna get better you think to yourself what is this what have i done like what is this new world please i remember sitting there thinking and if anyone says it's absolutely amazing the lie no i remember thinking well I've fucked it here because this is awful it does get better once they start sleeping

through a bit more when they go on solids a bit more you will find yourself but it's going to take time so just give yourself a break just stop putting the pressure on yourself

after you've had the baby don't think about dieting for six weeks nothing did you see that thing I sent you about the women that go away to that place

for four months no the woman comes to them she comes to the house in China in China and she makes you a different tea every day for the nutrients

that you need it was said basically it's one of the ways that they do it in China for 30 days you don't leave the house a woman comes in helps you

takes care of you helps you with the baby it looks amazing cooks you meals so you bond with your baby it looks fucking unreal but it's not realistic no

so but I want you to think about that for the first six weeks you just enjoy being a mum don't put pressure on yourself then if you need to start dieting again by Christmas babe you will be back in your clothes

hopefully you'll start dieting you'll start feeling better yeah just stick with it and it's not even about dieting you just won't want to eat shit anymore but I feel like you also

don't know when you just had a baby and when you're pregnant you don't know what fashion is you don't know what your fashion is you don't know what

your style is you lose yourself so much get yourself some really nice track suits yeah get yourself some nice things and just stick with it

and if you've just had a baby and you listen to this and you think I don't even know who I am anymore all I am is such and such's mom

this you will find yourself again but you've just just ride it out for now it will get better I promise it will and then

they bite people and then they turn to five and they kick them by and you wonder what you've done wrong in this world when you thought you brought them up so well.

Basically, you're fucked for the rest of your life when you've had a baby. Remember it. Enjoy. Remember on Nip Tuck we want to get your voice heard.

So you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com You can get in touch via WhatsApp, voice notes, which we can play out in future episodes.

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for more information on how to get in touch with us and please please please please leave us a review leave us a review i mean if you've not then i say this every time if you've not then you shouldn't be listening um we'll be back with the next episode on wednesday for you ladies have an amazing weekend i've got no kids this weekend so i will be swinging from the lampshades or i'll just be doing the washing and catching up but yeah have a lovely weekend ladies what will you be doing i've got one kid this weekend that's why i'm not having another yeah right guys have a nice weekend love you bye