Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: My Ex Is Besties With My Boyf!

Episode Date: October 20, 2023

Lauren's been dress shopping following her recent engagement, much to the amusement of Ashley.  The girls talk labiaplasty, baby showers, Truffle Pigs and are put to the test when a listener asks: what would you do if your fella became best mates with a guy you've slept with?To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

right guys we've just been talking about what we're watching on telly aren't we but hello hello and welcome and welcome to nip talk not giving a fuck bonus this is the bonus baby it's friday right guys we're here we're here and we're queer like a cripple we're here and we're queer and my swelling in the face the edema in my face is going down edema edema it's edema edema edema i don't want me beating um this morning ashley was like wow you're puffy and it's because i drunk alcohol at the weekend honestly everything puffed up it's it's not good it's not good i didn't get that puff i've never had that puff before but this morning i was like wow my lips everything i was like puffy under my eyes the lot maybe i'm good maybe i'm coming down with

something maybe the bug's got me the bug's got that's what i kept saying i'd love a day off it's got me it's got me it's got me i would like um do you know what i'm never ill and actually sometimes i think i wouldn't mind being ill one day where physically i can't i can't go out i reckon when you're pregnant next time it's going to be one thing it's going to be a shocker you're going i have gone off the idea of having another baby don't blame you i've honestly gone off it as the further that time's going and the older our children are getting and the easier they're getting i'm thinking really do i want to do this again we have four children in that house do i need five maybe do it in your 40s no i don't want to then i want to be done by then personally

i get if you why don't people put for me i've already got what i don't i don't really i don't want to go that far like i feel like the older all these kids are getting if i start all over again yeah do you know what i mean well that's why well not why but part of the reason why i got pregnant quite quickly after teddy because i'm still in baby mode yeah just keep going whereas i feel like we're coming right out of that now right out yeah like my house is full of prams yeah there's nothing it's plastic shit we're even getting to the point like there's not there's none of that paraphernalia anymore and i just paraphernalia anyhow it's a while off yet i'm getting married first um wedding update wedding update um oh it's quite stressful not i'm not gonna allow it to be

i'm not even letting you fucking no i'm not gonna allow it to be stressful but what you've not talked about when you tried on your big red dresses i don't mean it's stressful i mean it's busy it's a lot there's a lot i'm not letting it stress me out but there's a lot that you have to do isn't there because we're getting married abroad and we've just had a quote for the music for the day but you you're doing it to yourself i don't feel one bit i don't want sympathy because i'm loving i'm i'm excited and i love it but wow it's expensive man i was meant to have my baby shower this week and i thought both of you were going to plan a surprise one why did you think that and you didn't so i'll remember did you ever did you ever i'm joking i'm joking lucas is

actually scared do you ever remember giving that vibe off i wouldn't think that i would be the friend that anyone would ever think would do that mine would be like i don't know it'd be pop world or it'd be like yeah that's you can't do that for a baby shower someone who's having their baby on same day as me had theirs yesterday are you are you having a no i didn't think so i didn't um anyway we've kind of missed a big chunk off but yeah your dresses yes so dresses okay so i'm working with a brand called monreal and they are wedding dress makers okay they have so you're designing it yourself yeah so they have gorgeous dresses like have a look they're very very nice um i wanted a burter who doesn't want a burter even however however

even having looked at it and having spoken to like 40 grand oh yeah but having spoken to a lot of people that are in that industry said that actually if you have big breasts yeah they're more for like model figures aren't they if you've got breasts it's not great they don't have any support in the cup a few other things like yeah don't get me wrong they're stunning but actually they probably wouldn't look as good on me as i think they might look they're more for like your 18 year old bride no tits yeah um so basically um monreal i'm working with them and phoebe who is their account manager i've known for years so i'm working with them and i went to um wedding dress shop j and j bridals in don't know again where that was but it was about an hour and a

half from the house and i tried dresses on the big ones it was cringing me out so much when you We're posting pictures of yourself in those dresses. No, don't care. Some of the stuff she posts cringes me, but I don't tell her. She replied to my wedding story where I'm there in my dress. I got the most nicest replies.

I was like, oh my God, this is so insane. She replied, I'd seen dead in a wedding dress. And I was like, and do you know what I replied? Do you know what I said back? I just said, no one's out there. You don't have to. This is me. Do you know, I really enjoyed it.

I really enjoyed it. I didn't think I would, but I actually really enjoyed it. And have you said yes to the dress? No. I said, da-da-da-da. No, we are... No, we are designing it.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. We are designing it. Did you drink some fizz while you were... I had a fizz, yeah. I had a fizz and we made a big deal of it and I stood on the square. Did anyone cry? No, no.

I stood on, like, a little square thing, do you know, that you stand on, so you're higher in front of the mirror. Like a Barbie. Yeah. The big dresses, I wouldn't... It's not my style, but i just wanted to wear them out of like i just wanted to put them on yeah i just wanted to put

them on just to see what i looked like yeah and it was oh my god i felt silly in the big ones i was watching that um program a clip of it came up on tiktok that pageant do you remember the little kids and they did the pageants and they were like oh that's wild what was it called honey boo-boo yeah and they've got all the makeup on and they look and they're like yeah and and it It came up on my phone when I was on TikTok and Saskia was like, Mummy, what was that? I bet she was desperate.

And I was like, oh, it's like... And she was like, well, for my birthday, would Thea do the same? No, she's not like that. Oh, Saskia's a girly girl. Not a girly girl. She's a girly, but no, she's really funny. She's dry.

Do you know our friend Sophia Bailey? Yes. She got her friend to do drag on her, drag makeup on her. and she got a full wig and full drag makeup done i think it took six hours why just to like i'm not i don't like a lot of makeup so i wouldn't yeah but like you're a whole like different shit i think i'd love to do that yeah you'd like that no i'm not not we're gonna go and see doll though aren't we they're gonna do our makeup danny said she's gonna do it because

she's gonna restore my faith in makeup because i'm a bit like i don't really like it she's gonna she was like i'm gonna put quite a lot on you and i promise you're gonna like it so that's quite exciting but yeah dress all good i'm designing it um it's i don't really know yeah i'm in the process i've got to go back in december shoes i've said you can borrow mine if you want ashley said i can borrow hers i love a jimmy choo shoe yeah um james's suits i've not sorted out you've got ages no would you think that it comes the fuck around how many months have we got nine 10 i'm coming with luki and steph yes and we're gonna get fucked because i'm leaving the kids at home for two or three nights i'm almost jealous that i'm not a guest at the wedding and we're

gonna be so drunk on the plane and stuff it's gonna be really fun oh my god can i quickly tell you something sorry i know this is a bonus and we've been chatting loads of shit today i was also on tiktok yeah and this like got me so there was this girl and she was like um i was in soho house in amsterdam at the weekend and we there was like she said the pool is quite small like have you ever been in soho house no i haven't farmhouse looks stunning um are you gonna become a member of the Manchester one no and I'll tell you why

my friend did and you can only use oh what did she tell me I can't remember but it's something that I was like what it was something

that you can't use it in all of them there was a clause let me find out no there was a clause it depends which membership which membership there was something

let me find out they're going to have a gym in the one in Manchester but we're not Manchesterie girlies I don't go out I'll definitely come if someone wants

to invite me yeah I'll go well the whole concept of it is that it attracts celebrities they don't like football by the way. They weren't like footballers being members. No, it's meant for creatives. It's for our industry.

Yeah, it's for our industry. Which really means that we should like get invited, but they don't. Oh my god, I think I'm gonna be sick. Not even joking, I've got sick coming up my mouth. Are you serious? It's gone, it's gone. Do you want some Diet Coke?

Yeah, my mouth, please keep that there. My mouth has just... Have you caught it off me? You can't have got it that quick. do you want um a refresher sweet yeah please that's what they're the only thing stopping me being sick my mouth has just absolutely thank you lucas my mouth has just filled with like i don't think this alarm's gonna stop stopped lukey do you want a sweetie guys you need to watch patreon because you've just missed lucas which probably is recorded me saying i'm gonna

be sick and lucas running with absolute fear in his eyes and the bin is now next to me so anyway this girl was like i was in um soho house amsterdam this weekend she was american and she was like and the pool is like pretty small and there was these british girls and they were getting kind of crazy and she was like but whatever like it's fine so she said there was this group of british girls this weekend in amsterdam soho house who was it oh which it was one of ours it was wait till it was one of ours and they said that long story short all day they were quite like it gets to like 4 p.m this girl has taken her swimming costume top off and she's in the pool with the boobs no you can't do that and um some of her friends came over and they're like did you

see the girl with the boobs out and she was like guys come on like if she wants to get her boobs out we're in soho house no phones like let the girl get her boobs out it's fun it's wild whatever and they were like no did you not see what she was doing with her boobs what was she doing squirting milk out of them it's her friends like across the pool she was getting her nipples and squirting her milk squirting out of her tits wow that is that is um thank you so much lucas i actually then they said that they went downstairs to get their taxi and it was only 4 p.m and um she was like lying on the floor like gone is and then i went straight to the comments section like you do and it didn't even dawn on me and people were like wow postpartum drinks really hit hard

oh my god yes that's her first drink and then like people started commenting on it like i remember my first night out after i had my child and it was like all these wild stories of girls like i did this i did that um but like and then i was like shit yeah that's that's because you've not like you're not like and you go wild you're free your hormones everything's everything um and like of course they were british um oh of course anyway whatever brits and broad british abroad i love it we have got a message i'll read it because lauren's about to be sick i know i don't know what's right if i've got this bug when i've just been sat here like you can't have got the bug no not off you everyone like my mum's friend she was meant to go for

dinner today's cancelled because she's got bernie she's got i think you know do you think everyone's got this bug i think that was just a bit of a hangover loads of people have got the bug my mouth is so full of like um saliva pre-sick yeah okay sorry carry on we're very we are professionals and we work through yeah hi ladies i was listening to the pod and you were talking about people not liking others and it reminded me of the saying which i love we love a saying if someone has a problem with you then that's their problem there's something similar that i like and it's something like if you don't like me that's none of my business i love that i love that and do you know what one of my other favorite quotes is if you do something to me that i would

never do to you there's nothing left to talk about yeah because that's like your own that's what that's the same as don't fight with a pig yeah yeah yeah and ed always says that to me he's like why are you getting hung up on it just ghost and move on so there you go girls there's some more quotes anyway she says she's listened to the pod for seven weeks now no she's listened to the pod for a while and she's got a baby lauren let me do this fuck's sake i was trying to help i really don't feel very well right you guys keep me sane twice a week while the baby naps and i do my mountains of ironing and wonder at what point my life choices led me to such an exciting life i'll tell you when it's all right we've heard them you can go to soho house amsterdam

all jokes aside you ladies are so inspiring and relatable what me too i love listening it reminds week that i am so much more than someone's mom and i needed it while finding my feet as a first time mom as well as all your advice on things like compression garments skincare my newborn is a milk guzzler and snorts i have nipped name her trough because of some trouble so when i called you a truffle pig when you were you are a pug though still yeah lauren lauren looks like a and she does this thing where she rubs it's fucking disgusting and thea does it as well and she rubs her nose up like that like a fucking i do this lauren that's to say does it i don't know why it's disgusting i don't do it as much as i used to yeah i see you in the winter

i do it because i have a runny nose anyway i love you still it's fine um congratulations congratulations on your engagement and pregnancy and please never let the pod end wonder what will happen when the pod ends at what point are we gonna be like right bye you're not gonna hand it down to your kids oh imagine you know what we said we want to get them in we did and get them to answer some questions that'd be funny we also wouldn't mind getting our mums in our mums and finding out like the worst things that we've ever done that's made them embarrassed and stuff like that mine oh well um do you know what though i do think this is quite of thing when you have a baby you lose your identity you the first one you really do and

you kind of don't know who you are anymore you've spent nine months not knowing how to dress because your body's changed preparing for this baby then it comes and you're not you anymore your ex ex is your thingy's mum and really hard you don't know how to dress you don't know who you are you don't i remember thinking i don't know what music i like anymore because i've not listened to the radio because you listen to baby shark like and you everyone goes through that and all i can say if in that newborn phase is just wait it out and once you've got the hang of being a mum you'll then learn how to be just get the girls round get the girls round for like takeaway keep being around people where possible but it does pass it absolutely does pass and you learn to be you again

but the mum version of you like i remember like whenever i've just had a baby i'm always like the person that my friends come to see like when like they're like i've been dating and this has gone wrong or they're like oh and it's like you can just do that instead yeah just be the mature one yeah right said lauren says me on baby shower slash wedding renewal catch up i was invited to a baby shower where in order to attend they told you to bring a book oh i've had that before yeah bring a book of what like your favorite first book so the baby's got a book bookshelf of books go buy your own books i swear it's a thing bring a book bring a book yeah and you have to write in the first page of the book oh i quite like the idea of it but at what point thea at no point

has checked the front of anybody any books i said oh thank you so basically there's like a list of like classic books isn't there like the gruffalo the snowman spot the dog the that fish the glittery one harry potter no mate we'll be buying fucking la la la let me explain them why men love bitches that's the book that i would take anyway yeah um i was invited to a baby shower where in order to attend they told you to bring a book to attend and play the games you had to provide a pack of nappies no nappies no involvement is this a baby shower between friends to celebrate is this their mum trying to get loads of free shit and then for the gifts yeah that was the book as the gift there was a list like a wedding say to say i didn't go and nor buy a lot of people nor did a

lot of people buy the lots of things on the pictures a baby shower is meant to be everyone celebrating the baby whatever but i actually what it is is to try and get free shit out of everyone clearly by this one bring nappies bring a book i want to pick the shit myself yeah if i have to buy you a present do you know what honestly the best i've got ashley's baby's presence which is very unlikely the best bit of being pregnant i think it's like now i've got seven weeks left now i can start the buying enjoying the buying enjoying the bank you do you but we don't they're not nit tuckers no no right you do question are you ready to read yet no i'll do it bargain bargain right hi love you guys thank you sweetheart i'm listening to

one of your old pods the other day regarding candle jupes you have to check out a brand called glass and wick we've done we've said this no no sog soggy soggy sand something weird um anyway glass and wick their candles wax melts and diffusers are next level expensive vibes but reasonable um i got messaged a lady sent me a message and i'm not going to tell you yet and she was like right girls i have gate kept this for years because i'm so scared it's going to sell out it's a dupe of a perfume and she was like it's that good that i haven't told my friends everyone asked me she sent it mate and i'm gonna buy it and try it first but she was like i'm gonna to let you guys shut up so i'm gonna find i've not done it yet it's on my to-do list i'll buy it

i'll try it if i like it i'll tell you all and she said wherever she goes she gets asked and it's a dupe you know those dupe perfumes like oh yeah yeah yeah um and those dupe perfumes my only experience with them and i'll tell you i'm wary of them because they are they do the inspired perfume do smell like them but they don't last i'm fucking fuming i was in a shop where they had a jupiter baccarat and you know why not every hoe loves a bit of fucking baccarat um oh yeah not not so i bought luki the creed aldi do you know ed wears that most days it's stunning they've sold out of that now you have to buy it um off ebay and i think it's like 30 quid um by the way there's a really nice perfume called nishane and another one called don't ask

my permission i'll take you to a perfume shop in knutsford next time you're in knutsford come with me and i'll book as an appointment they've got it's like harrods vibes do you know like all the best perfume and you can get it someone how nice does that smell everyone asks me where mine's from the one you don't like and i'm not it's only when i was pregnant i don't like it so anyway i went in a shop and they had the inspired perfume and i was wearing a black moncler puffer jacket and i sprayed it and it melted my jacket the oil yeah because i think it must be that they must get the fragrance put into an oil and then the oil is put into the mixed with the spray yeah so literally guys like i never have had that i wear a lot of perfume and

with this jacket it literally chemically melted the jacket not what you want to be putting on not what you want to be doing i'm going to check this one first then and if i think it's good then i'm going to share and apparently it's a cracker right we've got another one here lauren yeah hi girls love the pod i will listen until i'm old and wrinkly okay i know you spoke about this before but what is your opinion on labiaplasty have you heard any horror stories my main concern is losing all sensitivity i found an amazing surgeon in turkey would you travel to turkey for a surgery like that so interestingly enough one of our friends did she tell you at the same time she told me has had it has had it done so one of our friends in turkey has had it in turkey

she told us and said i'm gonna let you i'm happy she said i'm happy for you to talk about it on the pod but we can't say her name um and she said obviously not obviously not sure but i'm happy if you talk about it and she went because she she heard the pod where i was talking about that surgeon that you sent me and the barbie vagina she'd had it done so she told me she had the inside tightened and she hasn't had children and she said she didn't have a baggy fanny as such she said but she thought you know it could be tighter and she had all her outside done and she said she actually thought her vagina was okay and she went and and he said we can make this a lot better and apparently she said out of all the surgery she's had and she's had a fair bit this is

Her best surgery. Her best surgery. Her favourite surgery. She said the sex is a million times better now she's tighter. She said she didn't leave the bedroom for like three weeks. She said it's amazing. She said it looks incredible. She said it's given her whole aura like a new level of confidence.

Which is funny. Isn't it funny, right, that your vagina is in your pants and no one sees it? Yet having that done can give you everything like... Guys, I just want to caveat this, though. we are all about dingle dangle in dingle dangle out lauren and i have openly spoken before about men don't give a flying fuck what your fanny looks like and also if that bro is coming at you about what your fucking fanny looks like put him in the fucking bin what kind of person is he anyway like that's an absolute no we don't we don't do that and we don't give a flying fuck what you

think of our vaginas we're doing these things for us yes and that is it okay but i'm all about doing it safely as well yeah so there is a surgeon in london who does these surgeries because we've got another friend who has had it done with him in london i'm just gonna whisper lauren the name to bleep out ah 25 grand the guy in turkey two and a half that is a spenny fanny um i had my as we know and this girl went to turkey and had hers done and she said it was absolutely fantastic the care was second to none really happy so um i've got a consultation the day before i have the baby to get my next thing done is it the halo i heard you on the phone before and i meant to say something and forgot yeah right what the fuck so it's where they lower your forehead why because

i've got a really big forehead i do ashley i have looked at that me and one of my friends another friend have looked at my forehead he's so much bigger than ashley's so if you're getting it done however for me it's a step too far for me on my body i'm not saying it isn't for you yeah like what if the scar was bad too far i swear to you you have not your proportions actually you haven't got a big forehead i'd quite like a lip lift you could do with a lip yeah like a little you don't need it he's meant to be really good at lip lifts as well no ash if you were to measure your face so when i measured mine once my forehead takes over about two thirds of it yours it's well out of proportion well out of proportion yours isn't mate no no really no well let me go and see him

and see what i said lip lift yeah if you want but be careful the scarring is bad yeah if you want guys if you've heard of any good lip lift surgeons in the uk i've seen some really i've seen some really bad ones so let's just be careful uh so yeah and a roundup labiaplasty if you want to do it for you absolutely do it for you though anyway we'll be back after the break with your dilemmas but first are you a loyal listener if you are then fucking sure then prove it put your money where your mouth is put your bum where your seat is and go share share share whatsapp insta facebook put it on your instagram story put it on your instagram story because if you like some people are following you they'll be like oh i'll listen to that and then you know you know tell your mates

tell your mates right then right so lauren do you want to read this dilemma out that we've got here babes okay so this dilemma actually is it's a tough one i'd be really interested to see what people think of this okay hi girls i'm so obsessed with the podcast and the advice you give i'm really hoping you can help me i don't know what to do and this is a really tricky situation we've got you so i've been with my boyfriend for two years all amazing great relationship and i see us getting married and having children we live together and i adore him recently a new guy has joined his friendship group a new guy that i slept with about six months before i met my

boyfriend we slept together a couple of times after nights out nothing serious and it fizzled now they're getting closer as mates he keeps mentioning his name more they text each other outside of the group chat now they're talking about meeting up more he's becoming an actual friend what do i do do i tell him that i bonked him or do i leave it it's in the past and it meant nothing can't tell him tell him tell him absolutely not has to tell him why because you're not letting your boyfriend okay you're not letting your boyfriend look a mug knowing that his best makes pipe chew at least tell him and let him make his choice as to whether he wants to continue that friendship no no no no no this is like what sprinkle sprinkle lady always says she's like

why are you girls talking too much like like why are you saying too much do you think men are saying too much no they fuck say too much you say as little as humanly possible you're not lying you're just not saying I think if it comes out later which let's face it it will come out it won't come out

it comes out it will not come out if you say it at the start it's like I'm being up front if you don't later you'll be like why did you

shady I honestly think if this was me I'd want to know and I can make my own decision am I arsed so say I found out you'd slept with James

before we met and I found out if I'm arsed I'm not arsed I wouldn't be arsed if I was arsed that's my choice to make whether i continue this friendship and for men it's a pride thing and men would not like to feel like he's boned your missus at least no and if you're like yeah i know you did

funny like ages ago we're not arsed and you move on but that your boyfriend should make that choice as to whether he wants to continue the friendship and if you're with your boyfriend is your best mate no you can't do that to them you girls are talking too much what does everyone i think that he's a real die fucking die leather absolutely not absolutely why would she's already everything comes out she's already shit on her own doorstep there's no point in fucking picking it up and smearing it all around no absolutely not what do people think i don't know i i'm really strongly that i would tell him you've got a too big a gob oh you know that's why we've got a fucking podcast because of my big mouth no way no way and what happens when it comes out you just say look i

didn't think you know you say i thought i thought i told you ages ago or you say that wasn't me i didn't do that i told you that time when you were painting my nails and we were watching the kardashians were you not listening yeah it was just after i asked you if i could have some money um yeah no i'm really strong on that one but i would be really and also girls ask your boyfriends this dilemma ask them i want to know what boys are all saying what a hundred percent she should say something because if it comes out later he'll be like so why didn't you tell me before and then it seems dodgy and then he's gonna think in his head that something's still going on and he can say he might be like listen we all shag everyone i'm not asked but at least they know i would hate

to not know i would feel like a real i don't want to know you don't want to know i don't want to know like keep me if anyone keep me in the happy land like no i don't want to know okay that was a good one i think that's gonna fly and i fully believe no way i fully believe i'd have to tell him fully you're wrong but what if it came out what if it didn't everything comes out mate no it doesn't trust me not absolutely well there's still time oh this is what i mean the bigger we get me shit's coming out my nudes are going everywhere anyway right guys we've left you with a real you know what's the word dilemma there well yeah dilemma is the word not a predicament yeah pickle you we've left you in a pickle and i know you're

We're all going to be sat thinking about that in the car now, like, what would I do? Let us know what you think. But remember on Nip Tuck, we do want you to get your voice heard. This is what we're here for, to help you with your really difficult dilemmas. Email us at hello at niptuckpod.com. Get in touch via WhatsApp.

Tell us what you've got going on. Go to this episode's description for more information. And we want a five-star review. So if you've only just tuned in, you've not listened to us before, you're binging, go on there and give a five-star review. Say how amazing we are. If you've got anything else to say that isn't amazing, we don't want to know.

what are you doing nothing i was just thinking i've not checked the review your face then you look really like shifty um we're gonna be back next week have a lovely weekend bitches love you love you bye