Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Nappies & Carrier Bags

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Incase the title hasn't given it away, the girls have received more crazy stories about the lengths us girls will go when we get caught short. Ashley & Lauren tackle the tricky subject of how to ...deal with hormones and what to do when you've lied to a partner and the guilt is killing you.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email hello@niptuckpod.comYou can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on +447457402965 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 hello and welcome to nip talk not giving a fuck bonus baby bonus baby this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive apart from when i'm negative aspirational women and men and men and women women and this is all about being unapologetically whoever you are whoever you Choose to be whatever your opinion is. Whoever the fuck you feel like being today. Just be that person. I'm like 10 different people. I'm five.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Does your back ever crack? Don't have enough sex. Mine constantly cracks. My neck. On Nip Top, we want to get your voice heard. You can email us at hello at niptoppod.com. Send us your icks. Send us your dilemmas.
Starting point is 00:00:51 You can do it on WhatsApp. You can do it on email. Just head over to this episode's description. We will keep you anonymous. so send the saucy shit in baby basically we don't give a your fringe has gone so long fuck we don't give a fuck we basically don't give a fuck oh my god i can't stay focused i was just looking at your fringe what is the adhd medication called i really feel like you need to give it a go i was thinking about potentially trying um mushroom you know the
Starting point is 00:01:24 You want the legal dosage. I take it every day. Because that's meant to be good for that. I am not even diagnosed with ADHD. You've diagnosed me with ADHD. Okay, anyway. And everyone know, I just struggle to focus on one thing at a time.
Starting point is 00:01:39 You need the mushroom stuff. So you need to make the matcha in the morning. I saw a thing, and it was basically like, one way, if you've got ADHD, when you're brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Don't try and do something else. And that's what I do. So while I'm brushing my teeth, I cannot just stand and brush my teeth. I walk around the house. I will start texting someone back or I'll start tidying up. I can never do just one thing at a time. I try and do as many things at once as possible
Starting point is 00:02:04 because I feel like I'm being effective. But actually I'm not. They've brought these headphones in that cancel all noise out for people with ADHD. So you can just focus on one thing. So you can just focus on one thing. And they've brought these apps out where it's like you put in it what you want to get out of each day.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Oh, I like that. Empty the dishwasher. Brush my teeth. Write a list kind of thing. Yeah. And you go through the app and it goes from morning to evening and you have to tick each one off. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:02:31 It's like a list. Productivity. It's basically a list. Right. We've got a message. We've got a message. Please, please keep me anonymous. That means it's a naughty one.
Starting point is 00:02:42 I absolutely love the podcast and I wait for Wednesdays. I'm currently listening to this week's episode with Lauren nearly shitting in her car. Well, everyone else is as well because the idiots here that make the video clips made it into a social video clip which means it went everywhere so it wasn't between just us lot add to the agenda lauren going on about the lighting uh yeah um well this week i had to actually have a poo in my car i was on the way to an appointment and i knew there were no toilets there i had the shakes i was sweating so i had to get in the back of my car and shit myself into my son's nappy good idea babe wrap it up and bring it home after my appointment to bin it so she did the poo wrapped
Starting point is 00:03:23 it up and left it i bet the car stunk it was after a coffee so you can imagine i needed to tell someone as i couldn't exactly come home and announce it to my husband oh i would um a girl that i know is a makeup artist and she was driving into a big city very very early in the morning again after a coffee same thing happened to her and there was like yeah and she had to get into the back of her car have a shit in a tesco carrier bag um it was on one of the hottest days of the year she had to like leave it in the car she said when she opened the car door she could see the man standing next to her go who's that i thought it might be very funny girl yeah very funny girl That's really funny.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Right. That's really, really funny. We've got another message here. Okay, go on then. Hi, girls. You two are fucking hilarious. Do you know what? There's one thing.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Don't want to be called beautiful. But we don't get called that. Don't want to be called thin. Don't want to be called clever. Nice. Fucking hilarious. I'll take that. Taking that.
Starting point is 00:04:32 Get me a bash. I'll take that any day. Any day. Because if you're funny, everything's fine. because through my life I've learnt one thing. Humour. Humour.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Ash is to hang on one today. Yeah, just shut the fuck up and let me carry on. Anyway, you two are fucking hilarious and I look forward to your pod every week, especially a bonus babes Friday. Well, bitch, you've made it.
Starting point is 00:04:58 I just want to have a bit of advice on hormones and my relationship. I feel like you two normalise the ups and downs of a relationship. i feel like i ask my friends what their relationships like behind closed doors not like that full-on but you know i'll try and wedge it into the combo yeah when you go like so test the waters so how many times do you hit your fellow with like a frying pan however they just sugarcoat things which makes me feel like i'm an awful girlfriend as my hormones do take
Starting point is 00:05:29 control sometimes i'm very irritable and then i'll regret it and have really bad anxiety over the next week or so i keep replaying in my head the argument or what i may have said to my boyfriend don't get me wrong i'm not a bitch 24 7 but when my hormones are there they are there and i don't know if it's normal we never have major bust-ups but i will worry for days about it and it's only minor and it takes over everything i really need that big sister advice on anxiety and hormones right okay can i say something before you start women assume that they should have hormones and it's okay and that you should all of a sudden for one week of a month be a bitch that's not normal it is normal well it shouldn't be it you shouldn't have to put up with that
Starting point is 00:06:19 no i know but it does happen no sorry it's normal right let me rephrase that let me rephrase that it happens yes but we shouldn't be putting up with it because there must be a solution women shouldn't have to feel like a psycho I've got so many friends like this where for a week of the month
Starting point is 00:06:36 they're a psycho they're horrible they're upsetting and something takes over I'm not that person but something takes over the body where they are nasty
Starting point is 00:06:44 they are irritable do irrational things irrational things but do you know what it isn't fair on the partner and I'm not saying it's not normal it's very normal
Starting point is 00:06:52 but something can be done about it and there is actually a condition I know you're going to say that there is actually a condition where it is actually a thing where it's full
Starting point is 00:07:01 what's it called pms it's not the syndrome it's it's like it's a serious thing and we shouldn't just be oh it's women women are like that no one should have to live like that so actually tell us how we make that better lauren what you've just said like totally resonates with me the other day i was lying in bed and i thought do you know what this is getting a bit shit now like menopause we've got infertility problems we've got do you know trying to conceive it all starts from the beginning How many of my friends recently have had really late miscarriages, actually, and I'm sorry if that's triggering for anyone that's listening,
Starting point is 00:07:40 but I feel like quite a lot recently. Maybe it's because I'm entering into my mid-30s. A certain age, yeah, and maybe people talk to you about it more. I don't know. But if we were men with these problems... They'd be fixed. There'd be a solution for it. Just like.
Starting point is 00:07:54 And it'd be talked about more. Just like. And it'd be taken seriously. My mum always says, when, like back in the whatever day, if you got your leg cut off, you'd have a bottle of vodka and have to put up with it. Now, if you get your leg cut off, you get put to sleep and all the rest of it because things have changed and time has changed and medicines come on and how we treat people. However, childbirth is still just as barbaric as it was thousands of years ago. There's been nothing really other than an epidural to change childbirth because it's like, it's what women do. It's what your bodies are for.
Starting point is 00:08:24 so you're meant to be in agony for 24 hours and rip your vagina in half if it was a man there'd be another alternative by now and everyone would be on a section yeah i just think the the hormone thing and we are going to get very passionate about it feeling that it's five ten years me and you about this we're going to enter our menopause do you know you get severe anxiety from uh being perimenopausal so we're going to be absolutely so quite a few women that i know have said that the perimenopausal and I've been like I'm well too young to be even having this conversation but apparently it's a thing but at what point do we just enjoy life because we're either starting our periods and navigating our way around that or we're trying for a baby and
Starting point is 00:09:06 it's taking too long and that's difficult or we're having a miscarriage or we're having a pregnancy that's not going well or we're having a difficult birth or we're having problems after birth or a menopausal yeah and we just get a break yeah okay so what i would start by doing is um i would go to your gp or pay i think private self-pay whatever she can afford okay so um a gynecologist will cost you about 200 pounds to go and see which i would say is absolutely well worth it to get the most out of that appointment i would sit down and i would write down your cycle exactly make a diary of the days that you go crazy on make a diary of your bleeding make a diary of your breast tenderness and the good thing about the natural cycles app is actually when you input
Starting point is 00:09:52 all of that data you can send your doctor a graph oh can you yeah i didn't know that honestly it's amazing um i would take ovulation tests as well but just adding the extra data exactly okay on day x that's when i tend to go crazy then they are so i'm going anxious rush into the appointment like take as much as you can with you if you can only afford that one appointment and then i would say to him listen i can't afford the private blood test but tell me what i need to get then go to your gp and say i've been to see a private gynecologist i have this i need a blood test and they will eight out of ten times prefer you down the road for a blood test free which would have cost you And I think also during this process, I think you should speak to your partner
Starting point is 00:10:35 and say, I know that I'm difficult on some days and I am sorry. Yeah, and maybe go to the gym those nights. I'm owning it. Like, I know there's a problem. Please stick by me. And I'm going to do this about it. Maybe even take him to the doctor's appointment. Help him, get him to help you write the thing.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Just let him know that you're not just... It's a mental thing. Yeah, and let him know that you're dealing with it. So I'm going to give you some things that you can do now, which i found helped me balance my hormones because i would do some crazy like was not even myself i would cry in meetings like no i just don't have any no honestly it's so bad right so ashwagandha we always talk about i've been using that ashwagandha is absolutely amazing um then pomegranate juice is unreal for balancing male and female hormones you should have a cup of
Starting point is 00:11:25 pomegranate juice every morning um also just checking that like your iron levels are okay because if you're losing blood um during your period and then you're not gaining the iron back it can make you feel very tired and that might spike your mood um your sugar intake your dairy intake look at all of those things and also just immerse yourself into research so um i've spoken about this book before but it's called dr julian brighton beyond the pill and honestly reading that book it's not like one of those books that you have to start at page one and finish at page 200 it's like it's got diagrams and graphs and honestly reading that book really educated me actually said what contraception she's on i don't think she's on any she's having these mood swings
Starting point is 00:12:15 yeah but do you not think i've heard a lot of my friends said the pill made them mental yeah yeah so we need to you need to look at what you're on and whether whatever you're on is the wrong thing
Starting point is 00:12:24 if you're on nothing then yeah but if you're on a pill at the minute you may need to be on nothing or be on a different one shit hard work
Starting point is 00:12:31 hard work but you're not on you're not on your own with it there's some advice for you there's your advice darling start going okay we love a Nick here we go
Starting point is 00:12:40 hello she put hello when people hello Ashley and Lauren I hope you guys are okay I'm good lauren's not i know i'm fine i'm a little i'm a little slow today absolutely love i love it
Starting point is 00:12:55 absolutely lovey lovey the pod anyways she always listens while she cooks her dinner i love that and it always makes me smile i feel like i'm sitting down and catching up with my besties my ick is to do with my actual boyfriend oh hell he is the ultimate mummy's boy we're both 22 and have been together less than a year and i've never experienced this before for example it was his grandma's birthday so i was invited around for a family meal together nothing too special however being in a new relationship i always think that these are so important and it comes naturally to me to be more aware of how i am my manners my etiquette absolutely agree i mean yeah at the beginning it's all gone out the window now uh to give off a good impression beginning you have to
Starting point is 00:13:44 now on this particular occasion we were eating homemade chicken pie the chicken pie was on the table and placed right in front of me my boyfriend is sat next to me on his left on my left and his mum was at the head of the table to the right of me so she was piggy in the middle yeah we all had our pie and portions and began eating chicken pie i love chicken i make a really good one my boy friend eats quite quickly don't they all pigs about halfway through my meal i noticed he had eaten all of his pie his knife and fork aren't together suggesting he wants more i don't offer to get him more in case i spill it on the white tablecloth or interrupt the conversation and bearing in mind the pie is still within reaching distance of him i just thought if he wanted more
Starting point is 00:14:37 pie could help himself absolutely so i'm a bit concerned about what's gonna happen oh no it's all gonna go off anyway i finished my meal sometime after and his knife and fork is still exactly the same so at this point i asked him do you want a bit more and gestured to take his plate off him to help he looked at me shook his head and said no it's okay mummy can do it at which point her ears pricked up she stood up he passed the plate to me which i passed on to the mum she put another slice of pie which was right in front of me and closer to him than his mum on his plate and said is that okay my darling or do you want a bit more she then passed it back to me so i could pass it back to him we then had to sit and watch him finish eating that has given me the
Starting point is 00:15:30 ick ever since anything he does regarding his mom gives me that is that's icky she said not to mention one time she put a plaster on his toe because he had a blister she put it on his toe anyway it feels good to me to get it off my chest if any of my friends knew this they'd terrorize me keep what you're doing get doing what you're doing girls your podcast is a breath of fresh air so can i say the first thing in all of this what really annoys me is when people don't put the knife and fork together yeah it means you're done yeah that means you're done and you're happy with your meal yeah if you leave them out it means either you didn't enjoy your meal and like it's a route it's quite rude or it means that you're not finished and i just find a lot of people just
Starting point is 00:16:05 leave the knife and fork like that and i don't want restaurant hack number two people that don't close their menus when they've decided what they want to eat oh my god i didn't i don't think i do that right no i do i close it and put it to the side so they know i'm ready to order yeah i do but some people don't get that and i'm there like ready to eat and then i go around the table Closing everyone's menu Because you're thinking They're not going to know Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:29 Yeah you're right Okay with this I once Had a partner And when we were on holidays Mum buttered And jammed his croissant No
Starting point is 00:16:38 That's disgusting So we sat round And she actually picked it up Buttered it for him Jammed it Whatever you want to call that And put it down next to him And I remember sitting there thinking
Starting point is 00:16:48 And did he love it? It was the norm She used to check That he had enough change Before he went anywhere Change Right so say he was going to um a certain place she would google where it was so for work for example she would google where it
Starting point is 00:17:01 was um she would say right you go in there the car park's there it's just around the corner it's five pound for the day so i've left you five pound coins so you've got the change that was seriously how it went and it was disgusting um this is giving mummy boiler yeah i'll tell you the yeah mummy boiler let's make that a thing mummy boiler i'll tell you the truth on this one he is probably going to drive you wild and you're only 22 but if you get a house together let me tell you now it's gonna end up mothering him you're gonna mother him i personally would make a joke to him about it and be like your mom like breastfeed you i'd make a joke up with him after the chicken pie incident i'd throw the chicken and his mom sounds a bit of a i don't know what
Starting point is 00:17:41 to say because i can't say this yeah she sounds a bit like so if you two ever have an argument let me tell you she's gonna be the mother-in-law from hell you can already tell because if you ever have an argument say you have a baby she'll come home she'll come around and say you're not doing the right things with the baby or she'll say you're not letting him she'll say
Starting point is 00:17:56 you're not letting him sleep enough he's got work in the morning he needs to sleep through the night doesn't it on about the boyfriend she'll be saying things like
Starting point is 00:18:03 no he can't get up in the night this is what used to happen to me he can't get up in the night with the baby he's got work in the morning that kind of thing that's the kind
Starting point is 00:18:09 rather than the mother that just goes let him get on with it you look after her that's what you're gonna get she's been at home with the baby all day yeah that's what
Starting point is 00:18:16 yeah you're gonna hear him for a tough one here and he said the chicken pies really shook me up I'd sack him off over that pie incident. And I'd say to him... Pie gate.
Starting point is 00:18:26 And I'd say, I'm going to tell you why I'm sacking you off. That pie thing was vile. What you did to me with that pie... What you did to me with that pie was no one should ever, ever have to go through that. You tormented me with that. That will scar me for life. And on your way out, leave 500 quid for the therapy
Starting point is 00:18:42 that I'm going to have to have for that pie. And I can never eat a chicken pie again. And I love chicken pie. And I love chicken pie. Especially the fucking, what's his name? Joe. Who? Joe.
Starting point is 00:18:55 Joe? That does the star jumps. Oh, do you remember him? Do you remember what he farted on telly? He turned his thing on to start recording. Leaning 15! He didn't know and he did this massive fart and it went live and then he had to discuss it after.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Me and my mum could watch that. It's funny, isn't it? Leaning 15. No, his chicken pie. Was it good? I just don't like chicken pie. No, it's filo pastry scrunched up on the... honey if you want a broken vine for you you start making that chicken pie
Starting point is 00:19:26 stop feeding your man like that mama we are going to be back after the break with your dilemmas I don't sing the song anymore, do I? Welcome back. Welcome back. I'm going to sing the song. Dilemma of the week, dilemma of the week. Right. Are you going to read it?
Starting point is 00:20:01 Yes. I'm much more focused than you today. I've had my ashwagandha. I've had my ashwagandha. I obviously need a lot more of them. And I've had my magnesium. I'm not having zinc, though. I got pregnant really quick on that and I'm too scared.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Babe, you've not taken magnesium in the morning, have you? Yeah. Are you dumb? I just take it all in the morning. I'm never going to remember to take two sets of pills morning and night. Sweetheart, magnesium sent you to sleep. No wonder I'm like...
Starting point is 00:20:25 You don't take magnesium in the morning ever. Ever. It sent you to sleep. I've been really tired lately. People use it as a sleeping tablet. Lauren! I cannot remember to take... Who told you to take these things?
Starting point is 00:20:41 I just did and I've lost my teeth again. I don't remember my Invisaligners. Oh my God, by the way, they're straightened up already. Oh yeah! Look. Jealous. that one was just back a bit
Starting point is 00:20:48 but how well done right I've only had them in eight weeks not even that hi girls go firstly
Starting point is 00:20:59 let me just say I love the pod I love the pod and the community that you're creating from women of all walks of life
Starting point is 00:21:08 love that that's the goal that is the goal so I really would love some advice and your thoughts on my absolute
Starting point is 00:21:16 balls up on Thursday night Oh, what did you do, hon? We've all been there, honey. I'm in the absolute best relationship with my husband. We have the most amazing life and he is just the best in so many ways. Shit, what did you do?
Starting point is 00:21:30 You've really fucked up to be able to talk about your husband like that. Yeah, you've been very nice. You're clearly still feeling good. So give it a few days, you'll have forgotten it. It's like Tuesday, Wednesday, I always say to my friends on a Sunday, you know, when they're hanging and they're like, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:21:41 I'm always like, I promise you by Thursday, we'll be laughing about it. And you always are. I went out with my friend the other night we got really really drunk and she suggested that we ring a guy that we know that fancies you that's a bad friend oh no my husband has commented in the past that this man really fancies me also suggested that so anyway we were fucked we did ring him we did ring him and he did pick us up and he did take us home.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Absolutely nothing happened other than I left home. However, in the morning... Oh, she's giving me anxiety. I panicked and lied and said that I got a taxi. We've all done it. I'm terrified he's going to find out. I feel like a total fraud and liar. We have the best relationship and he trusts me implicitly
Starting point is 00:22:37 and now I feel like I don't deserve this. What the fuck was I thinking? if it was the other way around i'd be absolutely fucking fuming and thinking all kinds of things going through my head my head is going absolutely crazy i keep thinking should i just tell him shall i be honest then i think don't be stupid he's not going to find out and it'll ruin the trust but then i'm thinking months away what if he finds out i talked to my husband about absolutely everything nothing is off the cards he is my absolute best mate but clearly i can't Ask his advice on this.
Starting point is 00:23:13 After him, I talked to my mum, who I can't ask either as she'd go absolutely mental. Girls, help. We're going to have a difference on opinion here. Right. Keep it secret. I think tell him. Do you have a ring doorbell?
Starting point is 00:23:27 Hopefully you don't have a ring doorbell. If you do, you're fucked anyway. If you do, delete all evidence. Don't tell him. Why would you tell him? I think she should tell him. No, absolutely not tell him. No way.
Starting point is 00:23:37 What if he finds out? No way. Everyone finds everything out. To be fair, do you know what? I've got a story about this. He fancies her, he's going to tell his mate, he's going to say, imagine someone like one of us, such and such, the mate's going to tell someone else. She's out of you and I suck at home because he's trying to be the big lad. Yes, and he wants her to split up with a partner because he fancies her.
Starting point is 00:23:58 He's going to come out. One thing. Shit, you're right. He's going to come out, everything comes out. Can I give you an example of this? This will haunt her forever otherwise. my friend I'm not naming any names
Starting point is 00:24:11 and I will tell the story a little bit differently she had an inkling that something had happened on a night out when her husband went out and he got in very late and then five weeks later finds out he'd been at a house party
Starting point is 00:24:27 and had slept in bed with another girl nothing had happened or well who will ever know but she had to find out and it's always worse like that okay i personally think i think it's amazing that you've got this kind of relationship where you're best friends and you trust each other and i think that's gonna break the trust i think it is it is a little bit but she's done it now and i think who's your mate by the way your mate's a
Starting point is 00:24:50 shit mate i usually am the one talking people down from doing stuff like that i go you'll be a knob in the morning i'm ordering you an uber okay so you need to get your story straight why did he pick you up why nobody else so when you tell your husband it needs to be listen i'm gonna have to tell you something i've been panicking today sounds well sound i've been panicking to death about it you need to speak to your mate first blame it on your mate say it was her because it was really no evidence in text no evidence in text um do it face to face you need to find a reason why you need to find a reason why that person it was your mate's fault it was i believe it was your mate's fault you need to say why what a silly move so anyway she's done it now and then you
Starting point is 00:25:30 speak to your mate take some ashwagandha you'll feel better not magnesium though because you'll fall asleep so what you do is you say to him i've done something silly the reason i'm telling you is because i don't want a single lie to ever be told between us and i think it's nice you know when you can say i've never lied to them really and we've always been so i think you're gonna have to say he took us home i was smashed absolutely nothing happened but i should have said it in the morning and also i'd love to know was your friend still in the car were you the first to be dropped off For the second. Because if you were the first to be dropped off,
Starting point is 00:26:03 I feel like it's less bad. You could even say, I reckon they were getting it on. Yeah, you could even say she fancies him. Do you know what? I think they were going to get it on. You need to question your friendship with this person. Why did she do that? Yeah, but to be fair, Ash, when we're pissed,
Starting point is 00:26:16 the friend can make a mistake pissed up. She's probably thinking, I shouldn't have done that either. I need to tell you the dream that I had last night about you. What? It was a really vivid dream and I couldn't get back to sleep. So do you think it's going to happen? We have got another dilemma to read out, but I'm going to pocket it for next week
Starting point is 00:26:35 because I need to tell you about this dream. So it felt fully, do you know when you have a dream and it feels real? Yeah, like you wake up and you still think that you've been cheated on or whatever. So I was, it was in the moment, like I'd just got back off my holiday um so i didn't get home last night till 1am no well done for coming in i was gonna pull a
Starting point is 00:27:00 sickie today um well you've taken magnesium because i was literally in bed um and i fell asleep and then i had this dream where you rang me and you went you need to meet me now at hospital i'm doing something so i was like right okay no questions asked i was there and i was there and james was there and you were there and a midwife was there what and i was like right what's going on and you were like basically i've been trying to have a baby for the last six months and it's not happening so i'm doing this thing called iui now iui is a type of um uh ivf but it's not intrauterous some insemination yeah by the way you can do that at home now a few of my friends have done it recently um so i was there and you were like and you know i'm getting really stressed
Starting point is 00:27:54 about it so i need you here so i was like lauren you do know that if you'd have asked me about this before i would have like given you advice on it and i would have said this is typical me to be fair i was like no i've woken up today i'm having iui come with me it felt right and i don't want to take the tablets you're recommending i just want the surgery yeah that is what you said and i was like so really you should have taken those tablets maybe for a few months and maybe cleared up your act a little bit with your with your eating and your yeah no wonder i've not fallen i mean thank god and i was like and i was just like right okay well i'm not questioning it whatever um and you were like so how does this work then and i was like james there's a pot
Starting point is 00:28:32 go and he comes you did it you syringed his sperm out you put it in my fanny and then you were pregnant so I was like is it my child or is it James' child what was the fanny like
Starting point is 00:28:54 I can't remember but I remember that there was enough sperm for me to pull it out twice and put it in twice and you put it up me and you squirted the sperm in twice for me
Starting point is 00:29:02 and then I got pregnant yes and you were concerned it was your baby yes so basically you played the role of the penis
Starting point is 00:29:09 you were the penis you carried the sperm and squirted it out you were the penis and then I remember like the midwife being like oh they're such a lovely couple i really want this to work and i was like i know and i was like don't worry guys i'll step in and i put my scrubs on what no i need sectioning maybe you need to go and see someone about your hormones what what the hell it fell
Starting point is 00:29:33 lauren it felt real imagine if i got pregnant last night and i got you pregnant and it was your fertile day yeah and in my dream and imagine i mean hope to dear god that didn't happen but imagine say just for example i got pregnant last night and last night you dreamt that you got me pregnant and i did and you knew that i was getting how connected we are anyway um so that iui thing is um that basically if you so when the sperm goes in sometimes because think it's got about four inches to travel up a lot and then it gets to the surface
Starting point is 00:30:12 and then it's I was thinking about this because if you go straight to the toilet after and do a little squeeze which we all do a very big portion of it falls out
Starting point is 00:30:18 two things that are really hot at the minute to use one's called a fertility cup a fertility cup fertility cup it's called
Starting point is 00:30:26 and you put it in it's like a little plastic you know like the period cups yeah yeah so straight after you have sex you don't move you put it in and you leave it in
Starting point is 00:30:36 so the sperm can't come back out great idea then the other one i think it's called truva also i'll find the name um and um one of my friends use this as well and they well if your partner's like working away or so you can't do it can't do it on demand whatever they do it into a cup the cum then the sperm sorry um so they put the sperm in the cup and then you get this applicator which you how does the Does sperm stay alive? It can for a full 24 hours.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Just in a hot... Room temperature. Really? And you can freeze it and stuff. Wow. Yeah. Don't quote me on all of this. I got into like a black hole.
Starting point is 00:31:22 I'm going to sit in the garden with a sperm lolly in the summer. And you pump it out with the injection. Yeah. And then it's got an applicator bit on the front, so you push it right into your cervix. As far into your vagina as you can. And then you leave the cup bit to hold it in. and the reviews on it are like romance is dead romance is dead so there was loads of women
Starting point is 00:31:45 paying men for sperm and doing that uh-huh or like getting their friends sperm i'm just trying not to get pregnant right now but i think a lot of people are trying to i've never i don't know i've i got pregnant immediately immediately with fear so i've never had that experience where every month you come on your period i can imagine it's so disheartening every month like fuck again and i can imagine that's a lot of people are going through it yeah i can imagine that's a lot because i've never had that i literally thought shall i maybe stop using and then that was it pregnant i'm excited that'll be so scary just straight away done done dusted bada boom bada bing remember on nip talk we want you to get your voice heard that's the whole reason we keep going you
Starting point is 00:32:26 can email us at hello at nip talk pod.com and you can also get in touch via whatsapp so that means voice notes messages you can email us we can play out your voice notes in future episodes if you're happy with us doing that but don't worry if you want to be anonymous we will never reveal who you are just head to this episode's description for more information on how you can get in touch with us and please while you are there don't forget to give us a five star rating and review it's no good just telling us put it on there and we'll be back with the next episode of nip talk next wednesday have a lovely weekend girls see you guys and boys we need to say guys see you later

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