Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Pokey Bum Wank

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

It's Friday and the girls have got a strong list of your icks and dilemmas to share with you. From boys farting, to weird bedroom stories like pegging and pokey bum fun. Let's hope you enjoy it as much as the girls admit they do...To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the bonus we love a boner baby so this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also send your ics and your dilemmas via whatsapp that means your voice notes too we love a voice note we really do we can play them out in future episodes don't worry if you prefer to remain anonymous that is absolutely cool we will never reveal who you are head over to this episode's description for more information we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick and any other bits we want to know everything about you

because you know everything about us you do okay let's go straight in with it x x okay i have an ick for you girls boys that wear abercrombie and fit right it's funny so it's funny you say this so i was looking for some pajamas for james they're actually nice yeah so just about to say this so i agree with you that it's cringe and there's lyle and something that's also fucking awful yeah but um i was looking for pajamas for james just like nice like nice material good sets and why are you laughing does he ever have clothes on in bed well not with me around honey uh but more like when the kids are there and he's got his willy out and he's like you know and it's fit i romp around the house 24 7 in jamas i'm naked all the time at home yeah i'm a naked mummy

I'm a naked mum my kids will be like fucked from that my tits are always out was your mum a naked mummy I don't remember I don't remember but I'm always naked

always and just that's how I am I'm just rushing around all the time yeah so I wanted him to have

some things for the house so I did look for pyjamas and they were all coming up Abercrombie & Fitch and I thought oh no but then I thought oh

their perfume's nice what fierce stunning what honestly their men's perfume is fucking gorgeous

Abercrombie & Fitch it lasts it smells dead strong when you go in the store that's what hits you are you joking no it's stunning have you not smelt it

no I've not babe smell it I'm telling you I'm a perfume Abercrombie & Fitch is a good perfume it's stunning right

and I think the jarmas are nice the one with the men's chest on the bottle see me and Lucas I actually used to wear it I can smell a guy wearing it yeah

your pants are off you get hard on you're gonna pound him I'm gonna lick your arse tonight right okay well there you go and do you know what

I got a hat from there quite recently a fedora a hat I hate fedora why I hate hats well you're not classy

enough to wear one no I'm not and do you know what let me tell you my ick and I bet this is a lot of our listeners so I feel awful but it is

it's not for me I would look a twat in a fur coat with a fedora going shopping around Manchester that's me I'd look a silly bastard

that's me I am a cargo off-white trainer we're the opposite we're the opposite but you're the wife and I'm the side piece maybe

whatever anyway next one hi girls love love love the pod thank you for making me laugh out loud

on my way to work massive ick for you here please keep this anonymous I see okay I've been with my boyfriend

for seven years now and the sex is still great every time yes love that until last night I love right

that this happened last night and straight away in the morning she's thought I need to sell the girls. I was on top of him and, sorry, I was on top of him and he pulled the covers over my shoulders. Oh my God, yes. And pulled me down towards him.

So I shook them off like, oh, you're ruining my vibe. I'm trying to be a sexy fucking goddess here. And he pulled them around my back. I need to speak what is yes. I do that because I get cold. And folded each corner into his chest and did what only I can describe as folded me like a cardigan. And he said, I'm cold. I get it.

I climbed off. Couldn't even look at him So I just turned away And he went to sleep No I get it No that's so unsexy I like So she's sitting on top

And she's trying to give it The big ones And he's wrapping her And she's like No get off And she's on top again And he's like Wrapping her down again

With the covers If you're cold You're cold I'm always cold So the thing with guys Is I believe Lucas back me up If this is true

When you're cold Your penis really goes Quite small Yeah and your balls As well But even if If you've got a hard on And you're having sex

And it's cold Would that potentially happen It's more when you're flaccid okay so interesting you said that because I was giving James a blowjob the other night and his penis was hard but not as hard as usual semi and um he said but he said that it was because he was cold and he was like honestly Lauren I'm freezing and that does have an effect so that could be why however I totally agree do you know what I don't like when they pull the cover over your head like they want undercover sex I'm like I can't breathe and it stinks under

there with all the breath oh does James do farts under the cover and then lock you in yeah do you know a woman died off that not even i'm not even right you know the other thing a woman in in this country i will find the article lucas is shaking his head she did find it then so what about a cup of trump do you know what that is oh you mean a cupcake you can you cup it in your hand and then throw it in the face and the other thing that he does is he farts into a cup and then he goes oh my god smell the cup it's not cleaned properly why are they disgusting that's very very funny it's a normal thing it's this chumpy thing

and do you know what else he does in the morning he lets out the biggest fart ever oh yeah Ed does honky honk

literally in the morning we're all sitting there and he goes and it wakes you up I've started doing a few rip roars rip roarer look

what I don't believe you Ashley's now googling fart killed woman husband convicted manslaughter after dutch oven

goes horribly wrong fuck off just tell us more Man sentenced to... Look at the... I would die off a fart of him. Man sentenced... It happened in 2016.

Oh, my God, he's got a full-on tash. Is he 39? He's not 39, he's 75. I would die off a fart of him. Yeah, no, he got sentenced to manslaughter. Wow. Anyway. He still doesn't believe me.

Next one, proper ick for me. I was seeing this guy on and off for nearly a year. Really toxic thing. I love it, baby. I love it. I love it. Just out of it now, but whenever we went out for dinner

no matter where it was he would ask to sit next to me right yes James does this instead of opposite me like imagine me and Ed always do that because it's the comfy seat I find it really weird

instead of imagine seeing two people sat at a table eating dinner at a restaurant he later revealed it was because he didn't want other men to see me as available oh I heard that

no I don't fair enough if it's a booth but not at the table for God's sake oh my God so say there's a table with four he would sit next to her i think that's where james sometimes i don't like boys watching me eat um i used to be like that i

remember when one of my earlier boyfriends i got so thin because i wouldn't eat in front of him and i'm not really hungry you know you're looking at them like yeah i want that pie yeah you know you're in love with someone when you will eat what you want and then i finish mine and then i start picking at his plate like that's me um anyway he says she says love love love the podcast by the now a regular listener and you're a narcissist episode really well it sounds like it

but I actually agree I also don't like sitting next to someone I think it's odd even at a booth I can find it weird I think when it's got you know the comfy seats

and then the hard ones then me and Ed always fight over the comfy ones so we go fuck it we'll just sit next to each other he should let you

have the comfy one it's ten long years he's probably paid for my whole shopping trip that day let the guy have a comfy seat on his arse and you just

arse tandy you just pegged him pegged his credit card oh my god I can't like literally I'm obsessed with pegging and no one's ever

let me do it to them that's my end goal in life to peg someone I am I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I have you pegged someone oh god er

she's a well yeah what a full on strap on yeah you have no did it make you feel no i haven't full-on strap on pegged someone i haven't however i have got it yeah vigorously do you know one of my friends has one of those um they're like a pyramid that vibrates

and it's this new sex toy no no no it's like a cone right and she says can we do the wanky thing and she gets it out the wardrobe and she puts that on his bum and then wanks him off at the same time and she said he absolutely loves it does he love it yeah so it's a bit peggy vibes It's like a pokey bum wank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said to James, have you? And he said,

every guy has had a pokey bum wank. Like, straight ass guys. What, on themselves? Yeah, I've done it. I've had a pokey bum wank. Do you do that, Lucas? He's gay, of course he does. No, he doesn't need to pokey.

He just said that. No, he doesn't need to pokey bum wank. But I mean, straight men pokey bum wank. So, I have had a pokey bum wank. Have you ever done that? On myself, yeah. I've had a straight housemate admit to it.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Everyone has. No, do you know what? I've only done a stool all I've done is a stool wank I want to sit on a stool

have you never masturbated with a small finger inside your bottom no well let me tell you something try it so when you're doing those things that you do

because Ash has nothing to do sometimes she sits in bed all day watching TV and wanking so when you have a day like that

I'm busy actually tell us about you were telling me and Lucas before what would a day come on what would a day you know a chill day

a wanky day non-admin day just like a wanky day go like for you yeah just like a couple of wanks and then just

eat a cheese string then watch another police intercept there's pant on the bed like honestly go and have a diet coke eat another cheese string

have another wank have another wank and then would you watch maybe Border Force yeah Border Force the joy the life of Ashley

wow but yes so pokey bum wanks everyone's had one I believe and Ashley do it for me and then in our next podcast tell me what you thought

just literally about that much I swear you won't look back and it's your own finger so you don't mind if you shit on it really I swear

on my life I wouldn't just recommend these things oh fucking hell anywho next ick go on Ash I just asked my husband

what gives him the ick and he said people who use the phrase the ick true brilliant by the way my ick is base face

base face pack it in is it when they do that oh yes it's when they do this isn't it when it's a dirty big stonking dirty beat big stonking dirty beat it's that one and the face is that i agree i agree if it's that yeah it is it's that look yeah i agree yeah but i do that in the car do you know what i do that too recently when that beyonce song goes we're gonna fuck up tonight that is not a bass face i love it that's not a bass face song

at all get all aggressive a bass face song is like what was it Wig and Pear Wig and Pear we are the children

of the night and fight for the future no no happy hardcore happy hardcore can we try a dance on a new

and lovely stage I've been dancing in the dark Dilemma oh wow you're boring then okay

Dilemma song do your bass Wig and Pear Dilemma of the week dilemma of the week. Hi.

I have a dilemma. I've been with my current partner for nine long years. We have one gorgeous girl and I have had several miscarriages. Safe to say

we've been through a lot. He won't propose. He knows I want this and have for the last six years but he doesn't want to. His family don't like me and don't approve. Am I done?

Oh, you're asking the right person. So, tell us what you thought. Don't have another baby with him until he proposes. Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare. You don't rip your vagina for this man.

We don't do these things until we get commitment from their side. Because to tell you what commitment it is, girls, carrying a kid for 10 months, then also these miscarriages, you could carry them for four, five, six months, then you lose the baby. Then you lose the baby. Then your body's still, you know, I've had miscarriages before. Your body's still going through all of that.

Your hair still falls out. You feel like shit. And that's, you know, it's months of, like, hell. And he can't even propose. To you. He can't even get you a ring. So, what I'm interested in, his family don't like me and don't approve. Now, I'm interested a little bit more.

When are you going to be good enough? But I'm interested a little bit more about this. Like, is it, why don't they approve? Sounds like a mum of something. Like, why don't, yeah, why don't they approve? Is that why he's not doing it? Or is there another reason? If it's because of his family, then he's a pussyhole.

child with you is the biggest commitment i agree sometimes people are like oh my god as if you got married what that is a piece of paper that can be dissolved you have a child with someone you are you are tied forever so my next question is has he got money is this to do with a financial situation where his family don't want her to be involved in it because i can't see if you've got a kid together you are together for forever never it's never gonna go i'm the family and the family so marriage is neither here nor there when you've got a child let's be honest i think it's financial they could just have like a promise no no no he needs to propose if that's what you want so my next question is why do you want to propose so the only reason i can see for wanting to get

married because in my opinion it means fuck all to men let me tell you having been on the receiving end of an affair whilst married it's a piece of paper to them okay so unless it's financially okay where you feel like you need some stability whereby if it goes tits up you have some cover for yourself i think it's to do with that if it isn't for that mate don't even push a marriage because if they want to cheat and get divorced they just will anyway i'm not into marriage that much unless it's for financial reasons and you need some stability as she's gone very quiet as she's very quiet in the room so i'm interested why you want to he needs to grow up he needs to grow the fuck up and if you need to be a family you are already a family and i feel like it does

just finish it off like it's nice having the same surname as the child don't get me wrong i would i would get married again don't get me wrong i would get married again but i'm just saying if it's in a way that you feel like if you're married he's going to be any different and you love each other in like a really different way when you're like oh this is my husband and like it's it's lovely oh i know yeah i remember until it goes wrong no it is nice i just don't want you to think that getting married is going to fix anything because it absolutely isn't and it sounds here like why is he not if he really loved you he'd be like she wants it i'm going to give it to her i think it's something financial going on here personally and i think someone's in his

ear someone's in i think this is a total guess i think he's got a bit of money and his mum's like don't you be signing anything over that's my guess you've only got one life to live and if you love this girl you've got don't you dare have another child with him until you propose absolutely not absolutely not no really not right next dilemma hey girls i love listening to your show and i was looking for some advice so my best friend of years is with this guy who is verbally abusive to her to the point that she's fled the situation a couple of times it's even at the point where he's been pushing her around like physically however she's now bought a house with him she's got engaged and now she's pregnant i'm trying my best to be supportive but he's a massive prick

and she seems so blinded by the once in a blue moon kind of gestures from him also the house is paid for by her and she pays all the bills and he is a sponge i can't help being even in the same room as him and now she's going to be stuck with him forever help thanks nothing you can do angel nothing you can do me and Ash have a slightly different view on this you get really angry

about this don't you like if your friend keeps going on about the same problem you're like fuck off I'm not talking about it I think there's absolutely nothing

you can do but what I will tell you is the worst thing you can do is now isolate yourself and leave her on her own because these kinds of men they kind of thrive

because it sounds like it's verbally abusive and the rest of it they thrive off her having nobody so even if you can't stand him even if it's awful

you can't leave her because if you fuck off and she thinks she can't tell you anything he will get her even more so the only thing you can do is suck it up i know you don't want to be in the same room as him but she's your best friend it'll all come crashing down anyway it will let's be honest and you know what like she's having a kid with him so this is not going to go away so all you have to do is suck it up avoid being in the same room when you can but hopefully you won't get half the house yeah this is the other thing you do you know

what happened with you and your house when you got it was all mine so there was nothing but isn't it we'd only been married for a year because isn't there a rule like even when you're not married to be fair yeah and if he'd wanted to go for the jugular he probably could have but he's not really like it was just it was all mine

everything was mine there was no real questions about it I bet she's worrying about all of this for her friend though like of course but at the same time you cannot make someone think a certain way and we have to make he sounds like a narcissist yeah he does but we have to make these mistakes in order to learn at the end of the day it's not your life it's hers so you can support her but don't get too

invested that's my advice don't drag yourself and get too invested into this bitch about him on message or oh my god be careful because he will read it and then he will make sure that you're isolated yes be very careful there and one thing i would say as well to you and this is from personal experience i don't know how bad he is but this is just to any girls if you've got a feeling that your girls your girlfriend's partner is a bit of a prick do not put any secrets in text messages because i have known a man listen to this went through his girlfriend's phone found out the read the group chat where we all talk our slutty susans listen went on it read it contacted all of the boyfriends or partners or whatever and told all the tea from the group

chat to all these men and fucked all the girls up be careful so this is why do you know when people are like oh he went on my phone it's never okay to go on someone else's because it's someone out you you're reading other people's issues and i've got a lot on my phone i have we clear ours quite a lot don't we i me and my group chat every time someone's dropped a secret bomb we'll like clear chats and then we will all screenshot and we'll all show that we've cleared the chat because you never know when you're going to lose your phone who's who your phone hands your phone recordings yeah of katie price and firm mccann what oh the firm mccann ones that's weird both Give them a word.

I've not seen the Katie Price ones. It's just odd. No, Katie Price is, you know, that guy she was going out with. Yeah. He fully used to record her when she was drunk. A horrible bastard. What a horrible bastard.

With Katie Price, all I will say is that is a sad situation. Really sad. Anyone that is laughing at that, making money on that, that is trolling her, that is somebody that is not... I really hope she never talks to him again.

Yeah, that's someone in not a great place. Again, this is this situation. Yeah. Same type, maybe it is Katie Price. So watch what you're doing. Careful what you say in messages. Don't trust him. take a step back she will do her own thing and you will be there when it falls apart

and that's that so guys remember on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp this means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are guys next week will be our final episode of this series for 2022 so we're going to do lots of festive bits and it's going to be very fun so tune in next week for like i said our last one of 2022 we wish you a merry christmas bye