Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Rochdale's Next Top Model

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

We are back for another weekly dose of Nip Tuck with our Bonus episode. The girls are jet-setting again and discussing holiday plans, plus Lauren tells us how she 'almost' got a modelling career in her teens. But more importantly, you've all been sending in your dilemmas and dodgy stories, which we LOVE! Today we're talking about the crazy stuff we've all done after a rough break up with a partner.Our Bonus is all about you, so please get in touch.You can send us a DM, we’re on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys and welcome to Nip, Tuck and Not Giving Gay. It is the bonus baby. It's Friday and this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive, aspirational, wonderful, women, lovely, all of it. This is all about being unapologetically yourself. Okay, lozzyloo89 at gmail.com. you've now first of all that isn't right luckily because you would have just told everyone my fucking email just you prick it's not that uh but it's similar to that lozzy loo how are you i'm fine i am going to paris i'm going to paris you're literally copying everywhere i go have you ever been yeah how was it so i went about just before lockdown lockdown was in march i went in

february with my friend i got so fucking fucked up um i we went back to this guy's house and he thought he was on a promise why have i always got these weird stories what does that mean on a promise it means he thought that he was getting getting the pussy oh um so we went back to this apartment oh well that's not like taken is it anything so we went back right and then he's like okay i'm just going to go and prepare a pizza in the oven so off he went well at least he's going to feed us first yeah and then i was like they need fuel they need fuel so they can go all night baby so i was literally like as soon as he went in i was like nah i want to leave like he thinks we're gonna shag him i've not come for that i just wanted an after party like nah get me out of here

so she was like right we need to get out without him knowing now he lived in an apartment and there was like a door and then big stairs really like old school old school and the stairs went down there wasn't a lift or anything so we were like right okay quick fucking get out of here and i'm going to prepare the pizza um so off he goes to make the fucking pizza and i was like right let's get out of here but i was absolutely steaming so we kind of staggered out really quietly we got to the top of the stairs and i fell top to bottom of the stairs arse over tit made a huge fucking massive noise i landed at the bottom like this and he came out like with his pizza like where are you going and i was like my friend was like um we're gonna go and i was like no way and he

came out this pizza dead offended like how are you going that's so french yeah so anyway yeah that's when i last went but i'm going i'm taking my fella for birthday what you're paying for his trip it's his birthday taking him for paris why would you not what would you what do you get ed for his birthday something with his own credit card his own credit card and like look at this extra that's what i'm taking him for look at this extra we're staying in this stunning hotel i've a week in front yes I'm taking him for his birthday

you keep copying everywhere I go so why don't you stop doing that I sent you the list of places to go I'd already booked it have you booked

an appointment at Hermes no I fucking haven't actually no because I haven't got a security guard either believe it or not

so yeah I'm taking him for his boyfriend whoopsie just let a secret slip so have you booked the show that I told you to book so we've decided

to book Crazy Horse because apparently it's a bit sexier so it was like a sexy show we were looking at Moulin Rouge as well but I think we're going to go with that one

we asked Sam which one he'd prefer and obviously he wants the tits and fanny so if you've got some nice underwear why what's your fucking

obsession with dressing up well it's like a Paris treat for your boyfriend the treat's Paris he gets the rest of it all the time I don't get this

no I might do but one of my concerns is what if I take a load of like sexy crotchless gear and then I get my bag searched because that's the thing

when you're going on a romantic trip it is always hand luggage only so it's not even like you miss the embarrassment if it's in your big case so well it's in your little case so i'm actually taking a big case but because not because i've got so many clothes and dildos but because i was just thinking like do you know what it is it's the toiletry thing oh yeah how can you fit a hot 10 100 mil into a little pezzy now the airport makes me feel ill yeah and like they make you get like your hair straighteners out your laptop your phone your charger all separate and i told you didn't i about the time when my makeup no i was going to amsterdam with this guy that i was newly seeing yeah and i had one of those big clear makeup bags and this woman in security just

hated me yeah and every time it went through there was something else there was something else so I had like you know one of those tail comb yeah they are quite dangerous to be fair yeah if you stab someone with it

yeah she took that off me and then she was like no bitch you are not sectioning your fucking hair she took like my like everything anyway I just get all flustered

I'm like whatever so then I go through go to Amsterdam what? go back to the room no contact lenses no no makeup

what did you do? did you have to quickly no jewellery oh dear It never turned up, someone must have robbed it. So did you have to go to a shop and get all the random bits? I had to go to a shop. I bet you smell nice.

And get contact lenses. I had to pay the optician off because they were like, you need to get your sight test redone. Wow. Oh my God. Speaking of sight test. Oh yeah. Right, so listen to this.

I put it on my Instagram and actually loads of people said that they'd have the same thing. So there is something called an astigmatism. Yeah. And it's where your eyeball is shaped like a rugby ball, not a football and what it means is at night time especially i notice it instead of like normal lights you literally see streaks of fucking blurs it's like you've had a load of lsd yeah it's literally so when i'm driving i'm scared i can't fucking see so if you ever see me at night park

your car get out move away from me i can't see um but apparently it's called astigmatism so i've Look at my eyes now, mate. How fine do you? Minus 4.5 and minus 3.5. We're the same, aren't we? Because you borrowed my contact lenses. Contact lenses in London when mine split. So apparently it's a different thing.

Now, listen to this. I've always looked in the mirror because you know I pick myself to fucking pieces. And I've always noticed that one eye is different to the other. And I now know why. One is a rugby ball shape and one's a football. Look. Hello.

I don't know if you can tell. Just look. that's the rugby ball see you fucking bitch we could have pretended I've probably got to say

mine very unsymmetrical so one's a rugby ball now I have started trying these contact lenses for astigmatism hard to say does it work

I've not driven at night yet but they're a bit drying so yeah I've got dry eyes from the fan from that fucking guy the bastard is giving me dry eyes

so I've just got to tell everyone if you are struggling at night with like blurred vision it could be that also when i put it on my instagram quite a lot of people message me about laser eye surgery what do you think about this absolutely not absolutely not so when i worked on harley street i worked on number 10 harley street which was opposite the head office of a big laser eye surgery company and every morning noon and night that i would turn up and walk out of work there were blind people protesting with signs outside saying x ruined my life i am

blind from the surgery they had like banners there was at least five to ten every single day morning night we need to research this because i got loads of messages like it's the best thing i've ever done it cleared my stigmatism my sister had hers done and um she had it done at a place near I don't know if I can say this she had it done somewhere and something went a little bit wrong in the first few days and when we took her back in they were a bit like oh god really like it was like blood what was coming it was like a red eye and I think right guys it's your eye like how hard is it to put your glasses and your lenses agree agree no I do agree and it isn't the big deal but my main thing glasses in the shower to shave because I'm not blind wow and

like getting up in the night with the kids um it's like you know i do that now you're like this like looking for your thing you're looking for things you're hurting yourself on yeah drawers and it looks like i'm a mental i can't leave the house without like literally can't step foot outside the house without contacts or glasses because i am like i'm not safe to be outside the house and do you not think that your eyes rely on drops a lot i don't use any eye drops maybe i should but i get when i get tired my contacts hurt but anyway please tell us your experience on laser eye surgery because i am i know you've just said that ash but i'm not totally discounting that scared the shit out of me i'm quite interested in looking into it so if

anyone's got any kind of opinion on that i'd be really interested to hear about it i'm really interested in it however one thing it costs for a really good one like five grand listen honey i can think of a million things i'd rather spend five grand on my tits my fanny my face than my eyes would you not though five grand i can just wear contacts do you know what i mean i'd rather have like a perfect vagina and it's all right now anyway so here we are let's see some icks lauren what did we get sent in babe okay so this lady has messaged in and said she was sitting in standstead spoons god that is hard with the with the speech um yesterday and she had a message from a big blogger and she was like oh my god what the fuck a blogger's message me like someone that she

follows for fashion halls and stuff and it turns out she's trying to flog some fucking stupid products to all the followers um she's put no thanks on you can't be doing that well if you have to hound your followers to buy some stupid pyramid scheme not cool or respect lost okay now two things here number one i think people get really angry when they think influencers are making any money out of them however if you're happy to sit and watch their fashion reels i don't mean this isn't in reply to this particular incident because i agree with her but i think a lot of the time people are oh she's trying to flog things now if you're happy to sit and watch their reels if you're happy to sit and take their recommendations if you're happy to sit and watch

their fashion whatever the reason they give you that content is because they have time the reason they have time is because they don't have a job that is their job so when if you put ad on anything everyone's like oh she's trying to fucking sell anything well no that is their job as long as they are only recommending and promoting things that are genuine and a lot of the time they're not so agree with that then you can't you can't take someone's content and enjoy all their outfit ideas enjoy oh put this with that and then they've had they've spent their own they spent their own time so my point is you find that as soon as you wouldn't have time to do any of that no and the reason the reason they do it is because it's their job but it's like as soon as anyone starts putting

links up to follow or if anyone any followers think that this person's making any money on it or how do you think they make a living it's their job take what they give you then expect them to need to make money somehow if it's genuine i've started doing this a tiny bit more but when i work with a brand like i've been approached i would say nine times out of ten i say no yeah one in ten i say yes and if i say yes it's to someone that i already tag because i already love their product yeah yeah and it's like a joint collaboration or i have a look at what they're offering and i think i look at the ingredients i look at the reviews and i think let me try it for a few months and then i'll see but i'm not like desperate for money and didn't

need to give my job up so i can understand both sides yeah this is what i mean i just feel like you need to be fair that if you're enjoying all their content and it's helping you out then you have to understand it's their job but they are trying to get a coin yeah like so that annoys me however what i wouldn't it be great if we could all just sit and do that what i hate and this is what this message from the girl is i digressed before is when you get these messages okay so someone will follow me and then i'll get a message this is fraud i'll get a message and it'll say hi babes um oh my god what hotel did you stay in so they try and get you the clever the fucking clever i'll give them that right you can't kid a fucking kidder

i worked in sales for 10 years you don't fucking kid me so they message and they'll say hi babe what hotel did you stay in so as a nice person which i reply to most nearly everyone if i almost i forgot i reply and i'm like hi babe it was the such and such and such in mallorca and then they get in with oh my god it looks stunning seems like you're always on holiday so then i think right you've got one more reply and then i'm fucking out i don't need a conversation i've got a reply yeah i've got you've got one more reply from me and then fuck off so then i'll reply and be like oh yeah love it like yeah i'm always away and then they'll say boom they hit you with you should come into my travel business copy and paste big paragraph follow this link join up to

my chart you should make money also now i'm taking the piss because some travel businesses are all right but i'm just saying in general it might like you look like what's that product that you use right explain because these girls seem to be getting dough off it no i believe they are i'm laughing at the travel one because that's what i get all the time um but to be honest it's all of those types of things and what annoys me is i know they've got to make a coin like you said and that's their way in but it just fucking pisses me off and i think i know what you're doing you silly bitch i watched a documentary on it i'll send you the link if you've ever got time never it was on the bbc i'm not gonna read any of the books and it was about um oh what is it they call them it's

a different word for pyramid skiing you'll know it's called like collaborative so there's like a word for it i'm the owner of my own business my own worldwide business anyway there was these lovely lovely women on there that were like literally on their arse they just had kids like they were trying to find a way of making money and it was this stupid like buy this makeup set for a grand yeah and then yeah try it what's it called or what scheme ponzi scheme try it out and then um show all your neighbors and your friends how amazing this make like abon in the day and then you can sell it and like these girls were like they were just getting saddled with like this okay so there's a kind there's a difference here i'm just talking about annoying people that

message you're talking about people who are like swindling you're talking about the fucking makeup swindlers like there's different levels to it but it's really fucking annoying when you get the messages and the scams are really fucking annoying as well i agree with the message that she sent and i do think you lose credibility if you start selling stuff or discussing stuff that you would never normally do right price on it though on what you being the head of pencils a new pencil brand and i'm offering you 10 grand i'm taking it i am i love pencils this fucking pencil right here you can put it in your ass then you can write with it it's the nicest pencil have you ever seen a pencil like that oh my god have a feel of it touch it i know my mates have all got this pencil they

literally rave how fucking good am i yeah they literally rave about it but we're nearly running out like we're gonna run out soon so pop your deposit down now tell you what i'll do i'll write your name down now with my pencil and i'll make sure that you are one of the first to get the pencil yeah any pencil companies out there i'll sell it that's what they call it multi-level marketing multi-level marketing yeah multi-level marketing do you want to buy my pencil um and then there's those fake model agencies where you have to pay for your portfolio oh no that's tight that is tight that's really tight can i tell you something funny this is really cringe you did it yeah no no you're gonna die you're gonna die you're gonna die right you ready i share such

embarrassing these are like real awful things from my past okay so once when i was about 15 i wasn't attractive um there's just no denying that it just wasn't fuck off i've not got facebook anymore i got hacked so i was walking otherwise i would i was walking around and someone gave me a flyer and they were like something like rochdale's next top model and they were like you've been scouted why are you laughing you've been scouted and there's a fashion show okay and it's like whittling down and i i was literally like i've been fucking model scouted around my mom i've been fucking scouted shopping i literally was absolutely thrilled and then yeah of course i did can't believe moz can't current believe i've just i've just been out shopping in the market

and i've been scouted i think i did i'm now thinking about i think i rang my dad like i've been scouted it's finally happened guys someone's seen the potential that no one else did so anyway i go to this show i go to this show right and you have to take a ball down or something else and guess what right one of the things was you could get through on the judge's decision did you go out

and buy these yeah you could get through on the judge's decision to kind of win or you could get through as

points no Miss Charity okay so Miss Charity is where you raise enough money for charity

so I went on the night I did the fashion walk that's quite a nice ethical consent issue no it was at a pub right

with loads of rough people with like crisps and like a funny carpet there was a fake stage and i came out like walking down the catwalk and my boyfriend at the time was like and i won they were so proud of me and then um then i didn't win i didn't even get placed anywhere um but then at the end it was really embarrassing they went and miss charity is and i won miss charity at least you won something no it basically meant i was like the the whatever and i cried when i say i cried i cried all the way home and i didn't go to school the next day

because i was crying that much so anyway yeah that was my tech that was my modeling i am i was a model for a bit go on when i used to do the sofa adverts oh my god yeah you used to get paid shit loads for that i forgot that and then i was on emma dale once were you yeah my name was megan i was on someone's boyfriend was cheating on me i think i was in for like three episodes can we Did you sign the footage? Any chance? Absolutely not. I was once

Young Beautician of the Year. Oh, yeah, you were on TV, full on BBC, wasn't it? I was on full on TV, BBC3. George Lamb was the presenter. And it was like a skill thing. So it was called Something of the Year.

There was Young Butcher of the Year, Young Something of the Year. It was like X Factor for trades. So you went and there was like whittledown, whittledown. Didn't you win? Yeah, I fucking won. Of course I did.

So at least you've won something. Yeah, I've never won anything. And I got like a trophy. Do you still have it? Yeah, in fact, my boyfriend said the other day, it's not even got your name on it. Did you buy that? It was interesting.

Can anyone find that old footage? Because that would be a right laugh. If we could go through the archives and find the footage of that, I was like 18. Shit, my TV thing is starting right now. I only won because I had the sob story because my dad had just died. That's literally the only reason I won.

I'm not arsed, I won anyway, so fuck it. We should have, you two. No, really good. I'm good at everything I do. Okay, someone has written in, Lauren, Dilemma of the Week. That's the worst backbeat thing ever Go again

Can I tell you I used to love emceeing when I was younger With your Lamborghini And spliff down Rochdale Park You can't catch me Because I'm a cheater And if you catch me I'll fucking eat you That was emceeing oh my god

okay best revenge tips for a guy who I now have a portfolio of lies and evidence of cheating

which I've had to bank for three months whilst I save up enough to leave his ass okay number one what do I always say don't splurge

good on you for building up you've done it you have to in these situations count your eggs what is it don't

something about ducks ducks in a row and something about chickens and eggs and hatching so basically what a good girl good girl for doing that you get all your evidence together you get your portfolio you get your fucking information and then you can't back out because you don't want to back her out i've just googled the best revenge tips right and as we were saying google you know very trusted uh source isn't it but we were saying for surgeons that we

don't trust it do we trust it for no i'm taking the piss right oh okay so they've missed that one there's there's three things they've listed method one of three revenge on an ex-boyfriend i've got something funny to tell you dead quick guess what i found in my boyfriend's kitchen in the drawer the other day i love itching powder he bought itching powder to put in my fucking knickers just to be funny that's naughty right okay so they've listed here three methods of getting back at your boyfriend send a text to another guy to him by accident oh i've just been sick in my mouth of you yeah so it says here make him think that you've already moved on to another guy by sending him sending him a carefully worded text and then immediately after you send it text him again saying

it's an accident no example thanks for taking me out last night this is awful no right no don't do that deleting your contact now no no no no no don't ever do that it's so fucking cringe it gets worse number two post an embarrassing photo of him online or in public oh please while you should never post private photos of your ex you can get away with posting unflattering photos oh this is awful all the pictures of my ex were unflattering his face was fucking unflattering so that's not difficult to be honest i'd rather someone post a picture of my nipple than my tensions yeah i would from a bad angle i would rather my vagina than unflattering wow revenge for me all you want we're laughing at it here we're laughing but fucking art is a bad one for me i wouldn't want

that right so basically it says then the third one is hide some i'll agree with this third one The first two, not so much. Hide something of his while collecting your things from his home. Do you know what I did? Go on. Hid the fobs for the gate. Something irritating. Something really...

Or those mini keys for the letterbox. Or what about his inhaler so that when he next has an asthma attack, he doesn't make it? I don't think you can do that. And then other little things like remote controls from tallies. Just annoying things that he's always like, damn it, damn it. like birth birth certificate passport they're always good ones i've still got i've still got thea's dad's birth certificate just in case you won't care you won't get but i still got it

because at the time don't know what i thought i was gonna do there i was like ha ha right then i'll be having this birth certificate i'll be keeping this ha ha and you can't do anything with a birth certificate no one really needs it anymore but i was like ha you fucker watch me keep your birth certificate um what other good revenge tips have got literally moving on with your life and just forgetting the fucker absolutely everything is moving on and being happy think about yourself right if you got a text off a guy saying great date tonight oops wrong number you think you boring sad bastard you are still absolutely arse over tit in love with me you fucking idiot however if you heard nothing nothing from him that's amazing i love it when people do

that to me and then yeah you've found in the grapevine totally natural that you're taking someone out harder baby that hurts so you hurt them by moving the best thing on that like happened to me in breakups was when we split up and i uncovered loads of really embarrassing lies that they told me or like do you remember the yeah we can't talk about that um yeah that and you just deep down and i was like oh my god nature is healing yeah i feel great you're finding things out about them that made you go off them and that is the biggest and can i just say like enjoy being single and also you seem like a very sound logical person you've got you've got this get on the apps go out you know forget the revenge yeah fuck it but if you do want to be petty we have got an

episode a few back which has got yeah yeah which episode is the cheating episode one right guys And that's got a load of revenge for you. We need to do another revenge breakup one. Yeah, everyone loves that. Everyone's revenge tips, like Give Me Life, the girl that sewed the grass seeds in the carpet. And the prawns. Prawns in the curtain.

Yeah, brilliant. Some of them are brilliant. The lice in the boxes. Yeah, there's some really good ones. So if you need to go back, we're not saying it's a good idea, but maybe just refresh yourself there. So, guys, you can get in touch with us at hello at niptuckpod.com. Our Instagram and TikTok handles are at niptuckpod.

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