Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Rocky Relationship Revenge

Episode Date: October 7, 2022

It's the bonus babes! The episode dedicated to your dilemmas, icks and craziness. We asked you guys to send us your best ex revenge story's and you did not disappoint! You girls are crazy and we love it!Want to share your issues and stories with the girls? You can send us a DM, we’re on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

okay guys sorry sorry okay guys okay guys hi welcome to nip tuck on a friday i'm pissing ashley off what's everyone else doing today it's the bonus episode and this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself did i sound good them. Very good. So, how's it going, Gloria? Good. I'm in an irritating mood today, you can tell, can't you? I feel like annoying people

today. I've got it on me, I've got a cob on. You've heard anyone say that? She's got her own cob on her. I must say, your makeup looks shit. Oh, fuck you! So, Ashley, as we all know, always has an MEA. I look like a clown! She's coming today and she's done her own makeup

and it makes me feel good, but you still look really good, so now my excuse is slowly you've got false lashes on as well fucking hell you've really gone to town well bitch like someone's got to bring it someone's got to bring the effort yeah exactly um yeah you look all right you don't look that much different without an mua i don't think you need one what a waste of money i really don't think you need one i'm being deadly serious i don't think you look any different i will reassess i prefer it when you do so i can be like the reason i look ugly is ashley has an mua and now you've not had one and i still look ugly so can you just i don't know what to do about

was oh gosh anywho on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram and tiktok find us at nip tuck pod alternatively you can email hello at nip tuck pod.com hello we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick and any other bits your questions your embarrassing sex stories basically we don't give a fuck okay so guys guys guys guys on the script it says 10 minutes

max that's not gonna happen with this one baby is it this is a long one it's not just long it's long

and it's juicy it's good it's so fucking good guys you are all absolutely mental like

toffee okay I'm gonna this is never gonna end this toffee thing Lauren we need to get you seen by an ADHD specialist

yeah so we've just had a meeting um on skype i must say under a breath ashley went i'm hungry i need a sausage roll so i don't know but i had the urge all the way through it to shout toffee and i did at the end didn't i just had this urge like i feel like i'm either high i'm really hyper or i'm in a real mood yeah like you're very like disconnected when something's not interesting you've gone yeah you've gone honestly at school i used to be gone i'd you would not if i have a meeting you know when i'm not interested in my head i look over people's heads so one of the things that has really popped off

is the toffee video toffee toffee guys did you enjoy that because i'm gonna say that's one of the funniest things we've done a lot of people said the same thing has happened do you know that on tiktok we got over a thousand comments really have you seen that actual people over a thousand it's because people fucking love cats all these people that love cats went on cat hashtag cats of instagram to see cute cats and saw me burying one but didn't somebody write in and say that it happened to them yes they did they did someone wrote in and said that it happened to them and the cat walked in like three days later it's like when you go in a bender and everyone sends a missing thing and then you come back three days later and you're like i'm fine i'm just

kitchen it's on instagram at what point do you post what point do you say someone's missing has been missing in the cheshire area for three hours you'd probably find me getting m sculpt or something yeah yeah and then you then they come back in they're like you've been literally just out all night and everyone's looking for you oh that would be a bad hangover

wouldn't it yeah your mum's rang the police so speaking of your messages last episode we were talking

about little snippets of things we maybe have done maybe haven't maybe haven't maybe someone else has so Lauren said

that she's hidden someone's birth certificate I've still got it yeah and I've got I get a boner over it even though I can't

do anything with it I've got a hard on over the fact that I've got someone's birth certificate against the will why don't you just wipe your ass with yeah oh my god the straw that brought me to wiping my ass with your birth

certificate have you seen that meme and it's like when you wake up at 3am like where's my birth certificate oh my god i do this all the time yeah you do that yeah i wake up and i don't know where mine is i don't know where my kids are either i wake up and think like that like i haven't paid for sky like just like the most random things especially when you've got hangover i sit there I think I don't need to go anymore I can't afford it the shit that goes through your brain it's not okay

when you can go over so basically yeah revenge you guys are crazy mental and we threw it out there like what are your best revenge stories honestly we need to do a full episode

well we've done we've done we've touched on it before haven't we but we got some new ones in yes right so do you want me to whiz through whiz through

speaking of whizzing someone pissed in their ex's aftershave fucking brilliant that's good isn't it my question have you ever tried to piss on something and not miss it

how did she get it into that tiny hole maybe you could discount it from like a jug and then pour it in I actually

with an ex put bleach in his aftershave because I thought he'll be going he'll use this expensive one

that's like GBH that's like that's a bodily harm you can get done for that yeah but he sprayed it on his clothes okay

so he sprayed bleach all over his clothes should I be admitting I feel like The police are going to take you away. Yeah, so did he, like, stain all his clothes? No, she didn't do it. She didn't bring them back.

I don't know. It's an X. It's an X. But I put it in, like, his posh one that he wore when he was going out. So he probably put one of his crew necks on. Oh, God. One of his crew necks. Let's spray it.

Yeah. It is the little things, isn't it? Yeah. Drank half his drink and filled it with strong laxatives. I've done that. Yeah, I've not done that. But this isn't an uncommon thing. I think the laxatives are quite kind of...

But I put it in, like, his sesh cupboard. So he had, like, a cupboard. A sesh cupboard? Well, like, you know when you get back off a night out and you bring girls back? He had, like, a cupboard of, like, spirits. So I put laxative in all of the spirits. Oh, my God.

And I thought he'd be bringing all these sexy girls back and they'd all be, like, start shitting themselves. And they'd all start pooing everywhere. Or they'll get down to business. And they'll shit everywhere. It's a good one, that girl's old bug gold. Do you know, I know a story. baby one of my guy friends said that he was fingering a girl's bum hole and as he and this

is not the first time i've heard this and as he removed his fingers she splurted poo up the wall and now they all call the tar macker you don't want to be you don't want to be the tar macker um yeah true story you can imagine them all sat in the pub here comes that's a few people i know that's had doing what it is it's the pressure that you kind of do it going in and out and then you let go it's like a vacuum and it pulls the poop out and it sprays everywhere that's why no one goes near the bomb exactly um right i good one cut up his passport the morning he was meant to be going to ibiza that's a bit psycho there's a better there's a

better one with a passport go on tell you tell them so if you report someone's passport as lost yeah then basically at the airport they like pull you in and question you because they think that you're using like a stolen passport so imagine you with the lads and you're like wait you just got off the minibus wait then you get taken into a room and all your mates like yeah i know and if the airport security cues are like they are at the minute you're not going on holiday you're not going i think that's a really good one i think that's quite clever and quite inventive bagged up all of his belongings put them outside his side chick's house just as the bin man was coming around the corner okay so the problem i have with this one is this he would never have

known she did that because the bin men would have turned up and taken the rubbish yeah i feel like and why did it have to be outside her maybe it's just like she would just want she just felt good about it yeah yeah um grasped him up to hmrc that's very common karma is a bitch yeah and i just feel like anything to do with like losing your job or like work stuff you feel like that's too far but then at what point did he go too far exactly we don't what did he do to deserve that i feel like i'm much pettier with stuff yeah like like i told you like the the email yeah you signed up your ex to emails from for small men and small penis and small pieces that's good yeah yeah and And, like, any time I had one ex,

any time a new guy, like a creep, would ask for my number, I... You'd give theirs. Yeah, I think that kind of thing. Yeah. I like that. But I think some of these are... But you don't know what the boys did first. No.

They probably deserved it. I actually did this with a friend at her ex-husband's house. Emptied cartons of milk behind the radiators and cranked them up. And we knew he was away for a few days. Oh, my God. And we went in and we bought, like, proper whole milk. milk like really fatty

like proper milk and we poured it all over the cot and we were there like me and her like way with the milk chucking it round

and then no that was like one of those hangover things like the next every time we'd have a drink

we were like he's gonna be getting home in a few days and he's gonna know and we put the milk in his trainers and all of his trainers I've done the milk

in the club he didn't ever notice no maybe he stinks maybe his new girlfriend out for a meal

with him left for the toilet went to a strip club around the corner and spent 400 quid on strippers and booze bitch i love you okay i can't understand this i've got a story for you so one of um my ex is the footballer that used to cheat on me all the time yeah um he literally all of them yeah um fuck off so he had cheated on me again okay and it was like a random tuesday night when i was a student so i rang up one of my friends and i was like bitch get round we're going out yeah so i got in a taxi i got his debit card which i need the pin number for and um at every cash machine yeah i said to the taxi man

you stop at every single cash machine on the way into manchester to draw money out so we went down washway road there's fucking loads right yeah every cash machine i think it was 300 quid limit at the time i ended up with about two and a half three grand yeah put it all in my clutch bag went to um silks oh so walk down the stairs and they're like oh two girls coming to take the piss out of us and i was like no bitches we're having fun i ordered everyone drinks i spent all the money that was when i got fingered by the stripper where was that so it was my friend's birthday so i was like to her pick which one you want yeah yeah and she was like i want that blonde one over there so i walked over to her and i was like babe it's my friend's 21st so you need to give her

a really really well i wouldn't want a dancer don't want a woman to dance oh i love it anyway anyway listen okay so and my friend tootles off with this lady yeah and um she has the dance and she comes back shaking yeah and i'm like you okay hun and she was like i'll only be okay if you go have a dance with her too so i was like oh all right then so she was like come here yeah you fingered her no she fingered you me and then she was saying stuff to me like you can touch me anywhere you want but no no the worst thing about it was it was a mirrored room so looking at myself in the eyes like what does your life come to and like my head was fucked because i've just been cheated on and then i was like yeah i'm gonna get arrested for stealing

this money oh my god um yeah so i had like one of the wildest nights of my life on like a random and he never even asked me about the money notice it would he yeah he never asked me about the money but i had a great time you should do that again yeah yeah we should yeah i'm scared um right okay next one wow threesome with my fella's mates and accidentally pocket dialed him why did she have trousers on no hun like she will have left the phone on the side and rang him so she can't have accidentally pocketed him because she accidentally so she rang him so he could listen yeah oh i was like why she got pants on i was thinking how did your pocket dining you should have been nude what kind of threesome was this with her crotchless chaps did she have a little pocket in her

underwear anyway um i like that one that's it depends what you did but yeah we could go on and on and on and on we are here for it guys send in your get creative like we want to yeah why don't you video yourself doing the revenge if anyone's about to commit revenge show us show us show us yeah hopefully we've not given you too many ideas right dilemma off you go sing your song Dilemma of the week Dilemma of the week I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years We lived together

That's a dilemma enough I'm so sorry for you Can you imagine living with someone for 12 years 12 years, wow Same dick for 12 years Day 5000 I'm being a slave to a man

Same dick day Whatever, no thank you Today I had the same dick again now um we live together we have no relationship problems maybe the odd bicker when he doesn't clean up after himself normal but the problem is in the bedroom is he very messy in there i've recently just come off contraception and as everyone knows your sex drive is basically in your boots when you take contraception absolutely true it used to be a quick one to keep him happy

basically and that's shit by the way no one should have to do that no but now I feel like I've got my mojo back oh okay

let's go girls the sex is boring it's very same same each time haven't had an orgasm in so long guys don't give a shit if you have one or not

the majority is so annoying 12 long years right anyway she needs to spice it up okay so I feel like you need to just have this conversation with her

just be like babe can i just say you're making me horny like send him a text at work babe you're making me yeah send him a text at work and just be like i want to fuck you tonight gonna fuck you into next week oh okay right so they've got two problems here i think with this though she hasn't had an orgasm so my question is after 12 years he still doesn't know how to do that no but she was just doing it like she got him like we said we train men yeah she's got him into that routine of just getting on hopping on and off because she doesn't really want to do it whereas now she's like no i want to do it like yeah i need more than five minutes can you tell what song i'm doing wow wow no my pony

yeah okay so she wants to um i have got a problem i haven't had something wrong boom boom boom Lauren said the day that Lauren discovered something was wrong with her oh god I've got an issue okay so anyway

she wants to really go for it in the bedroom okay so just have the chat with him yeah I think firstly do the I want a shag

do that one and then if he still doesn't do a great job of it then maybe you sit down and go like oh my god or maybe just throw it

out there you don't have to make a big deal oh my god next time you have sex get up and slam the door and be really angry

with him all day and he'll go what's wrong and you go you don't fucking make me cum anymore and then explode oh god that's a terrible idea

walk around really angry slamming things no it's like that meme when it's like next time you go around to have sex with a man and he doesn't make you

come steal something on your way out steal because he's stolen something from you so you're going to steal something back for every time

he doesn't make you come get his wallet 20 here 10 of them yeah you should be paid for not having an orgasm yeah so

no anyway no I think next time you have sex just be like you know baby bit dirty talk

and whatever and then and then he won't make you come and then be really angry with him afterwards that could work I think you need to

try it first try and be more sexy and then you're gonna have to sit down I think that person I don't think shouting you don't make me come across the kitchen

is a good idea in front of his family I think what you probably we need to do is sit down and have a chat and be like oh my god you're not gonna believe how much my sex drive's going you're gonna have to up your game mate just like a bit of a jokey jokey jovial no yeah up your game i'm i want it more and then just see how he responds i want it more and i want to come yeah it's the orgasm bit that i don't know how she gets around because if she's been my concern is this what if for these this age she's been faking it that's the problem because

once you get into that now this is why you can't fake it guys yeah i think because then this is the issue she's she's he thinks he's great yeah so that's my concern about this one if that's the case i really can't help her no we can't help you anymore i think it's just the case that she just needs to take the fucking control okay go to the kitchen and make dinner she has a courgette yeah uh or or maybe what she does is like to give herself an orgasm you mean she just like Oh to turn him on Oh I thought you meant She should go and

Place herself with a courgette No She just needs to like Take control Take control Yeah like trench coat And suspenders Oh that's all you ever

Want to do Is dress up I took some sexy underwear Away And didn't even get a chance To wear it I bet you were too pissed Yeah

Didn't even get a chance To wear it I was like I've got this Argent provocateur Oh the stocking Right I

It was like So expensive I'm going to bring it in into the studio someone tell me how to put the bastard on really I can't

like it's like strapped here and I've spent I've done it sober I've done it drunk I've spent hours in the toilet can't get it on

I'm going to bring it in and you're oh yeah I know what you're thinking you bring it in and make me put it on and we'll laugh at me yeah what I find

all these crotchless things because men love that yeah but then it like it looks like a piece of hot ham like it's like hanging through

I just can't I don't understand it is so it's like a ham sandwich sandwich i don't understand why hello here's a ham sandwich come to the buffet table the butty van's open i just can't see why anything is attractive about like your vagina um tits being out oh yeah and nipple covers and stuff like that but like no i don't get it it's so that they can um fuck you with your underwear on what do you do about if you have it on in the day and you've got

a bit of discharge why would you have it on in the day crotchless underwear if you went for if you went for a date with some crotchless underwear on you'd leave like a snail trail on your chair do you know what i mean i'm thinking about the serious practical sides of this or do you just put the crotchless knickers on just before sex yeah well in that case why put them on lauren well my boyfriend said that he genuinely thinks yeah it's nice but i just want you to take it off just be naked yeah it's been 12 long years okay so on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram we're on tiktok find us at nip tuck pod don't read the comments or you can email write any comments or you can email unless it's nice

hello at nip tuck pod.com we'll be back with the next episode of nip tuck next wednesday see you guys please share share share on instagram we need you bitches we need you have a lovely weekend lots of do some naughty things and tell us next week Thanks for watching!