Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: 'Sex Is Like A Game Of Bop It!'

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

In todays Bonus Babes, Ashley and Lauren find out that men really do listen to you when you least expect it, resulting in a rather bizarre Shmean Shmaffney roleplay incident... The girls have got some stunning Advent Calendar ideas (as it's never too early) and they face one of the toughest dilemmas to date, which has the girls divided.To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys hi guys welcome to nip tuck not giving a bonus baby this is the podcast where we celebrate being wonderful positive aspirational women be who we want to be do what we want to do did you just hear me sigh why did you sigh no because i'm so hot it is hot do you know your body temperature raises something two degrees or something when you're pregnant that's genuinely which sounds like not a lot but it is myself being a hot hot mess yeah this podcast is all about being you unapologetically you and on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard so you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com we want you to send your ics your dilemmas your stories your problems everything into this mega group chat that we've got going on just head to this episode's description

for more information we just want to know everything embarrassing stories bits and bobs yeah dingle dongles we don't give a fuck basically no are you okay no she's not okay can you understand now why i can't do doubles anymore it starts like i start getting eyes have gone all hazy my eyes are getting bleary i think it's like you have to actually like eat drink and not be a million degrees when you're pregnant it's hot right it's your episode i think this next message might be a nice little bit of medicine for you oh right so this is the podcast episode where we what am i talking about right guys it's you you've caught it off me right guys this is the bonus it's all about you first massage we're back

in the room we're back hi girls and lucas a quick funny story for you all so i work on my own and don't speak to anyone all day but i have your podcast on every day so basically you're my work mates i literally have no work goss to tell my boyfriend at the end of the day even though he hates gossip they lie they love it all men like gossip um you got any gas i got any goss yeah even though he hates gossip and doesn't listen to me 99.9 percent of the time isn't that funny when they switch off and you know they've stopped listening ages ago until you go boobs i've been i've been telling him about how you say shmeesh mathney all the time and how funny i think it is but again in all honesty

don't think he listens to a fucking word I say that was until the other night set the scene if you will he's booked an apartment for my birthday I bought sexy new underwear the lights are off the breathing is heavy we're going for gold

doggy style that noise you can hear the and I don't know what possessed me but arse out in the air I said in a sexy voice to him smack me and he instantly replied in the sleaziest voice ever shmeen shmack me oh shmeen shmack me the both of us could not breathe for laughing so the moral of the story girls he does listen to my work they do thanks for keeping me company every day love from a true scout oh so it was more like

this shmeen shmack me yeah i love that i like that you've got the bants as well that's funny Me and James, sometimes I'll do something and I'll think why, like I'll say something sexy and we both laugh because I think it's really weird that I've just said that. It's not okay. Right, go on, Ashley.

What was I going to say? Yeah, so with boys, when they don't listen to your gossip, they actually 100% do and they listen to your phone calls. Ed does this. And then like, I'll be like, oh, I was with Dada and Dada today

and he'll go like, thought you weren't talking to Dada. I thought you said that such and such said that Dada is a bitch. but he i every day i come in it's we've got to go she got to go like both do a little exchange yeah then i'll find out like it'll go oh well you know dada got divorced and you're like what and you're like at what point were you going when we had a glass of wine and had a chat that is when you tell me that oh i forgot to tell you dada's been having an affair yeah what with the cleaner

what you didn't or he goes forgot oh blah blah had their baby two months ago yeah yeah and i'm like for fuck's sake it's so true me and james can tell like if i've been in the house on my own all day which is very rare when he comes home i am literally like and he said you've been on your own all day yeah i love i love a goss i think a good relationship is where your boyfriend's your best mate you have a little goss yeah love that do you know what i hate though when they are on the lads group chat and you see them go yeah you got your laughing nothing yeah nothing nothing you wouldn't understand you wouldn't understand the other day what i won't say who it was but he just went hey such and such as nudes were in the chat what you didn't mention that it happened

last week and then i was like well how many nudes going there he's like oh loads not really and i was like right you didn't mention that such and such as nudes are in the chat that's what boys group chats are just nudes and memes i'd like to look that i like show me i would not i'd like to see some no i lose faith in men yeah yeah right go on read the next one anyway hi ladies i love the part of just in response to you both discussing squirting i have to say when you squirt it's the most intense orgasm ever i've been with my husband for 15 long years we don't have sex that often these days you know kids yeah life knackered but a couple of years ago whilst he was doing the old licky the old licky licky oh licky licky oh what's that song i lick your bum what is it

okay um what is it marion this episode is brought to you by shazam anyway when he was doing the old licky licky i lick your bum bum down that's it sorry carry on well that was an anti-fucking climax wasn't it wasn't for her the feeling is off the scale now it's happened once it's happened every single time we do it but only when he's going down on me it's defo not we either as my bladder's empty i've never got the whole squirting thing till it happened to me and now i can't stop it anyway love you girls and lucas big love keep me in on right funny you should say this because i also got a sharon i oh thanks for that one shaz shaz from um shaz from burnley works in my m&s we're joking um so funny you should say that i got a message complete opposite

of that from a girl saying i can squirt but never it's not the same as an orgasm and i don't do it when i orgasm it's just a sensation that happens a bit of water comes out but it's not in line with an orgasm and orgasm for me is a totally separate thing to squirting so god who fucking knows where women and we don't know if we don't know how are men meant to know like i don't even know is it calm what is it is it juice is it lies i'd we if we don't know then how's a man meant to do do you know i have to say i think as sexually it's much harder to be a man than a woman as a woman it's pretty clear what we do you know it's a back and forth it's not hard is it like it's not a difficult thing to do to make a man right as in what they have to do to us yeah it's

it's one stick and you it's there's one thing it's not that difficult whereas i think for a man to have sex with a woman we've spoken about this before it's like the man playing the how yeah and how do they know what's it called like it's a hard it's a hard thing to do they've got to get the click right they've got to get the motion right and everyone's clit's different

it's all in a different place every woman likes it different and the finger like how I would rather and for a woman it's literally this it's not difficult

so I'm sorry guys we do give you a hard time about like your techers but if I had to do that to a woman I wouldn't know where to begin either I'd be like right let's let's take a different that's not working either oh and then she pisses and you're like ah brilliant

she does a wing she does a sex wing you're like ah i did it we're right there guys checkers oh fantastic something's come out uh yeah anyway we're very too too hot in here to be doing all this silliness um okay you know when i was on when i lost my virginity i literally like i was on the holiday i rang like she barely walked out the door and i rang yeah i've only just gone and done it yeah no i was the same i told everyone right hi ladies and lucas love your pod please keep doing what you're doing and make my long journey to work on a wednesday and friday more enjoyable i've got a question i've been getting botox from the same injector for years he's a medical professional and someone you've both spoken about on the pod

before however i went in july and he left me with a droopy lid i look disgusting it's made me so self-conscious and not want to leave the house do you know if anyone else has had this reaction and can you suggest anything to help that those eye drops i never thought i'd say this but i'm now waiting for the botox to wear off yeah do you know what it's unusual you can't undo bowie you can't undo it um and i think i have to say no matter how good your practitioner it is i think no matter how good your practitioner is it can happen can't it actually like there is a small chance obviously the better the practitioner you would hope it doesn't as much but even a good practitioner it's just because they've caught or done too much or caught a muscle and it's then done the opposite

thing my friend whenever she gets botox they call it ptosis which is the last step it's a drop of your lid and do you remember at my when the girl yeah that was having the yeah affair and hers dropped hers dropped significantly like that like literally cyclops there's nothing you can do it's like when i had it done to my chin and one i was like this um what they do say is you can use those eye drops vibrating massagey things try and break it up but i don't think it's a waiting game home yeah um ashley tell us the eye drop names that we spoke about last week or unique unique up neat up neat last week and they apparently help with ptosis of the brow so that could help you yeah next hi girls firstly i absolutely love the podcast you two are breath

a fresh uh i'm sorry i'm gonna have to take my slippers off i'm so well who wears slippers in this heat you will have them on have you seen my trainers by the way you've not commented on i really like them before yeah hi girls firstly i absolutely love the podcast you two are a breath of fresh air daring to say what most of us are thinking exactly keep it up you make my commute to work so much better and yes i left a five star god make another account and do another just following on from what ashley said on fluoride free toothpaste and the dentist saying he could tell etc you need to replace the fluoride with hydroxypotate which does the same okay fluoride without the nasty bit i use a brand called splat from amazon ofs

splat it's the same price as normal toothpaste i got comments about how white my teeth are i bought my little girl fluoride free with hoxy hydroxyapatite yeah called bio repair kids also off amazon okay so there's an account she follows on instagram called at biological underscore dentist who she took the recommendations from he's fit oh um so we have never had as many angry messages in apart from what i said to not use fluoride so do your own research on it guys why is everyone saying that we should use fluoride oh really did you get a load of dentists in and start messaging oh well look do your own research do your own research and i think it's good that when people do messaging because that's what this is about you know we're giving we're not

we're not we're not we're telling you and now we're saying this is an this is a way around it and the fact that so many people message mean we can give you opinions from everyone i like that luckily i didn't change mine anyway because couldn't be asked and home bargains don't do a floor ride free no especially not in rochdale no hi love no stop hi love listening to you and your honest straight to the point views and recommendations i've never been a girl they don't even have holland and barrett in rochdale they do they do they do in the precinct or they when i was so i bet iceland they've got a big iceland oh the big queue when i was about 15 what we used to do me and chris my pal we used to get on the 464 it was called the bus it was 53p

the buzz on the buzz um and we'd get the buzz into rochdale and we would go we would go in the precinct get a few bits and bobs and then come back on the bus that was like a few fireworks off in some bins yeah we'd go to mcdonald's and drink some lamb breathing yeah no that was a bit later that was an evening we did that in the evening um and we did and i have not been to for many years other than passing through to see my family um but yeah there is a holland it was in the precinct so i don't even know if the precinct's still there anymore there's always bomb scares anyway okay anyway where were we i love your straightforward point of view recommendations i've never been a girly girl i don't have many girly friends especially having my three little

boys oh i felt less feminine don't spend any time on my appearance you girls fill that gap for me and give me a boost to spend some time on myself thank you you're welcome i need help with big pores on my nose they're so visible and on my chin i'm gonna say yeah any not too expensive a bargy pore therapy um also pericone have got a really good resurfacing toner yes they have have you tried it yes um probably a little bit cheaper it's cheaper and more accessible yeah and it's actually gentle to use every day where you get poor therapy from you will need to go to somewhere that provides it so like a facialist place that actually has a bargy don't just buy it offline because it'll be fake um what do you think about those i've seen them

those it's like a back it's like a little vacuum oh no they'd make your pores bigger because you're opening them i do have that's quite good i can't think what it's called when i go to skin adjust for my facials it's like um it feels it goes and it's like um a metal yeah i used to do that on people it's um it's like a radio frequency metal device and it sucks the shit out yeah but then you have to close the pores back up yeah yeah so you'd have to do it in a facial where they knew what they were doing but that would um the pore therapy and that and tret tret tret makes your pores smaller it does tret and retinol does make your pores smaller james's are because james is a builder they get full of your dust i heard that ashley's bringing out a product who's ashley

um ashley's got a product coming out that will do all of this thing in one like i'll bring you one in Lucas like people my friends my friends have all used it recently and have all sent me a text like I can't fucking believe it there you go so okay we're going for a break now guys but then we've got dilemmas and I know it feels like a long time away but it's actually not we're going to look at some advent calendars because actually Christmas or no Christmas these are like discounted so it's even worth getting just for the discount so we're going to tell you what we think and what's out there exactly that right okay welcome back guys here it is honestly i have been getting messages for the last few weeks actually and like lauren said it's only september at the minute

but the beauty advent calendars i feel like in the last five years these have got huge yeah haven't they and like lauren said it's not about you don't sit and open one a day like come on you get it and you open everyone you're not going to sit there and go oh i can't wait like a kid with a little piece of shitty chocolate like you're getting it for discount for the disc and and to try mini products let us tell you there are some discounts so i'm gonna we're gonna talk about it um briefly now but we have put requests in for some so we're going to actually show we're going to be really open and honest yeah we're going to get them as soon as we can so you've got time to pick which ones you like now you can get fun ones lauren okay we love fun the one that

appealed to me the most is the sunday times wine one oh yes and you get a mini bottle of wine every day oh how smashed and then on christmas day you get a big bottle of wine do you save all the wines and drink them all i feel like that's one that i would open every day i'd have a glass today because it's december and you're all in your cozies oh my god i love that so i think that one's 80 quid that's um not bad the thing is as well the reason why we're talking about this now in september is all of these advent calendars that we're going to discuss there's like a waiting list that you have to register your interest and if you want to buy your friend or partner one now's the time to be thinking about it and ordering a lot of girls

message me saying my husband buys me one every year it's really cute that's so cute okay so the the one that appealed to me was the sunday times wine one um now there are sex toy ones love that as a fun game for couples how fun is that and the love honey one looks really fucking good try and get that we can talk about it so yeah there's sex toy ones love honey are doing one and summers are doing one personally like looking at a glance there was one from love honey and i know it's 150 pounds but it has the womanizer in which is worth 120 right let's see if we can get it in and look actually let's mess with it and look through it now for the kids as well um last year because you don't really want them eating fucking chocolate first thing in the

morning that's i'm a bit like it's only tiny i know but it's annoying it is annoying because then they have to brush it again yeah and it's just really annoying um last year i got saskia the smiggle advent calendar i remember you getting that i remember you getting it honestly i think i might get it there because yeah it's 35 quid i'll probably get a both because she'll go i want the chocolate though well then your nan always gets the chocolate one yeah pepper pig shit one but what i will not be doing is elf on the shelf just throwing it out there right now um so yeah the smiggle advent calendar or the lush one for kids and that's quite nice for your mum yeah yeah do you know what i mean or your mother-in-law if you're trying to get in good books other ones

like while we're on the soapy vibe the white company one came very highly recommended yes yeah um and the joe malone one people said they were a bit underwhelmed with the joe malone one and the tiniest you can't use them for show can you yeah and also you can use a bit of it but it's not good for show i always think with fragrance like harrods have bought a fragrance one out and the figures came out where it was like it was worth 1500 quid or something it was like 200 right but the whole point in scenting is that you're consistent with it yeah so that you smell of a certain scent not 25 every day i will but it kind of matches your personalities well if it's you if it's that who we're gonna get today so yeah harrods bought one um a scenting

one out and it does it looks fantastic like some of the perfumes were worth like 70 quid each okay worth it if you don't know your scent do you know what would be a really good idea with these split with a friend yeah but then what if you both like the same smell yeah but get all 20 whatever out and go you pick one now i pick one yeah and half it yeah i think that's quite a fun idea or your sister or something like that but nothing else to do okay so have a look at that picture there that is what is in the space nk1 oh that's sexy that how much that is the the numbers on that were absolutely huge saving like huge right let's try and get one in and see look through the products the space nk1 was worth over a thousand pounds yeah and it's 250 pounds right

let's try and get it in at a glance of what it's got in there it's got some fantastic stuff it's got a barbershop cleanser it's got the lenonge lip mask nice it's got a charlotte tilbury eyeshadow quad it's got my one one one skin eye patches it's got the color wow hair thing i love them um it's got olaplex it's got augustinus beta cream yeah i know crazy pause i think we should try and get a deal with them you know the lady let's try and get a one-off because we'll absolutely drum it in that'll sell easy as well ashley do you know who also came out lauren really really highly rated asos beauty advent calendar really really people went mad for it and well i guess you get a good collection then it's not just one brand top rated you ready yeah flannels

oh flannels how much do you know they're all around 250 well look it's a lot of money in fact you know what i'm saying oh i don't think that's that bad it's some people spend that on the christmas present so it is the highest rated the highest rated beauty advent calendar though that came out on top was the liberty london one okay i look fantastic do one as well that's always a good one yeah you normally get a good saving in there as well a lot of people mentioned the look yeah i've got one i've got one we'll talk through it um p louise is she doing one hers looks incredible really i wonder if doll are gonna do one i know let's ask them yeah m&s beauty oh cute came out really i'd like an m&s so there you go right there you go girl so what we're gonna do

like if we can we'll get some of them and we'll actually look through a bit more and then you know what you're spending your money on because you don't want to waste your money it's shit isn't it no really shit right okie doke dilemma of the week dilemma of the week okay we've we've got one in i've just glanced over it lauren oh it's a tough one yeah yeah really tough right okay are you ready yeah i did what we all do i checked my fella's phone after their annual bank holiday mob strip did you check his deleted photos though i wish i hadn't there was obviously the usual strippers saying girls are fit and how large they're gonna have it lol i luckily got away with it as mine appeared to have just been a spectator okay what does that mean he's watching

shame i can't say the same for my best friend's boyfriend he sent pics and videos in the group chat of him having a threesome no her best friend's boyfriend i'm guessing he does this type of thing a lot i'm in shock i feel sick my friend has no idea she's planning a wedding and family with him next year i can't even tell my fella that i've seen the messages because she's been on his phone or i'll be in really big trouble i have no one to confide in these things keep running through my mind he looked to have no condom on as well i'm so worried how close did she see i'm so worried about my innocent friend please help oh shit she can't say anything what she can't say anything i think she has to tell her she can't and that's not like me i wouldn't

normally say that she's good her friend is going to ruin her life maybe she needs to make a fake instagram account this is like i'm actually being serious i've done this before really i've done this before she needs to make a fake instagram and tell herself and tell herself and there's still no proof so the problem with this is yeah she makes fit i had a threesome with your fella he goes it's a fake account it's not true someone trying to split us up i my suggestion would be find a way that she needs to get on her boyfriend's phone babe let me borrow your phone for something and then be like look i shouldn't have gone no maybe not no because he will have deleted i bet he's deleted all of it she's gonna have to tell the truth i she cannot let her friend marry this

man she can't imagine she marries him has kids with him then down the line finds out he's a cheat and she's ruined years of her life and her friend is sat there normally i would say on most occasions keep your mouth shut and it's not your business but i on this one when this is the opposite advice to what we'd normally give you'd normally say tell why are you saying don't tell do you know what if someone went if ed went through my phone and saw messages off you that you'd done something and then can you understand now i'd be i'd be i'm ruined my relationship with you fuck i'd protect you to the death yeah and also this is why people shouldn't go on each other's phones you don't want to see but also it's not used to see what you don't want

to see that's someone else's private information that's fuck all to do with you so say i was cheating ed went through my phone found out i was cheating and then told james you'd then be like ed you've ruined my best friend's life so you'd fall i think i think don't tell don't tell your boyfriend you've been on his phone but we need to find a way make a fake instagram account and send a message throw the thing throw it out and run away back or keep an eye out now keep your spidey senses find out what's going on and start looking and also how fucking disgusting that he's done that unprotected that's actually disgusting i'm just interested how close the footage was that she knew it was unprotected um i don't know guys let us know what you think about this one because

i think this is tough has this happened to anyone before like do you tell the girl do you not what do you do we i think i'm i don't know for once i think i'm lost for words yeah let's let's put it out let's throw out to the board what would you do guys comment comment right well that was tough that's actually put me about a bit have you heard that saying put me about put me about a bit dinner it means like it's knocked me off center but it's put me out it's a bit of i think it's a bit of a sheffield thing it's put me about put me anyway it's made me feel a way made me feel a certain way yeah this is made me feel tap away away right guys get in touch not dilemmas like that though that was hard remember guys on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you will live in love

after love you can email us so good sorry i'll let you carry on i'm done no i'll let you carry on you set me off i can feel something right i've got really bad twitches today it's like my tourettes is on fire right get in touch via whatsapp voice notes all the rest of it um please give us a five-star review tell your mates about us put it in whatsapp and then we're going to see you next wednesday for more absolute adhd tourettes i'm bad today i know i am my double chin is chinning yeah you're chinning no you're actually not it's not chinning i'm going for air what's thanks bitch okay and on that note bye guys bye like share comment thank you for listening love you as every week