Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Squirty Girty

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

The squirt saga continues in this week's Bonus Babes. There's also a letter from an eight weeks postpartum mum who's struggling with her skin and a dilemma from a listener who's father's family are causing her all sorts of problems. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

okay guys hello and welcome back to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the bonus baby lucas loves it when i do that bonus baby we celebrate everything what's positive inspiration what the fuck positive aspirational woman this is all about being unapologetically yourself I'm good at it dingle dangle in do you know what it reminds me of dingle dangle out it reminds me

Forrest Gump nah Teen Mom Teen Mom we used to watch Teen Mom my hair fucked again no just give a brush give it a brush

at the front did you used to watch did you used to watch Teen Mom yeah no I was obsessed with it depressing TV that mate no I was obsessed with it and Sweet Sixt

no not Sweet Sixteen Sixteen and Pregnant I was obsessed with those programs Teen Mom's back out again for anyone else who's addicted to it like me the American one's amazing I love watching

90 Day Fiancé UK. Chicken baby! Can we discuss the maths thing? So everyone's saying to me that I look like Ella off Married at First Sight. I think it's the nose job. I think it's the nose. And the blonde hair and the teeth.

And the cheekbones. Yeah, it says, hi girls, are you watching Married at First Sight? I've just started watching it. Can't stop thinking Ella looks like Ashley on her wedding day. Certain angles are just Ashley. Definitely your wannabe lookalike.

There you go. maybe she took a picture of me in and said can you make me look like this let us begin so welcome to the bonus this is all about you you right nip tuck that's us we want your voice to be heard you are you make the podcast it's a community thing like it's not just us two we ride off the back of you guys actually um please send us everything you can and email us hello ride the back out ride the back smash the back doors in hang out the back door but can you do us a favor in future and i've said this before in the subject tell us what the email is may it be slitty susan maybe cottage cheese fanny yes or reply to like what we've asked for so it might be

you asked the other day for good leather leggings can you put that in the subject tell us what it is so that we can be relevant and then we because we get so many winter home sense yes so lucas can pick through in black okay relevant relevant relevant um and slutty season of course so voice notes everything please send it over to us we've got a whatsapp number you can text it if it's easier always a non just tell us everything but please make it more clear what it is that you're talking about before the story starts thank you so settling i get your bottom what if you've got but if you're lucky enough to drive a car with a bottom warmer i am i am you're not allowed to use bottom warmers when you're pregnant why no swear why i'm sorry but some of it is too far

it's a bottom warmer so you can't use a hot water bottle on your bottom either you can't no you wouldn't use a hot water but i'm sorry but i think sometimes the pregnancy shit is too far there are women doing fine all over the country oh lauren i thought you were about to say that there's people doing crack that pregnant no i wasn't i was just gonna say there's people in conditions and they're fine right but you're not allowed to use bottom walk if your bottom is warmer now and you are pregnant you better jump okay so i've got a list of messages would you like to hear this message lauren okay gonna tell you anyway hey girls and lucas i've been listening to the pod which my sister recommended a few months back thanks sis it's all she kept talking

about and after listening to the episode where lauren and her friend had to hitch a ride from the naked one day we need to revisit that for anyone who didn't know because that's probably one of the funniest things in my entire 33 years that has ever that was not okay that's one of the most shocking things that has ever happened to me my 33 years of life you could have died no i know but it that day i will never i we need to discuss that again one day maybe on a highlights episode i remember the story that i can tell you after this okay i recently moved and your episodes have helped me through all the boring tasks of unpacking and sorting the house that is boring boring you guys have me in stitches along the way and i've soon caught up so much so i've even got my best

friend good girls on the pod hype and we've sent each other oh we've sent one or two drunk voice notes sorry lucas that you had to listen to us lucas said there's loads of funny pissed pissed i love that yeah like something happens and you're like voice noting us we were always discussing each episode afterwards and what we thought and how much you guys have helped with your advice my favorite being the natural cycles app lifesaver also you can just say that can connect to your apple watch now there you go back to the nitty gritty through my time listening i've heard you guys mention quite a few times about squirts now we're on the squirt everyone's everyone is squirty and the big mystery behind it all and if it's a thing and i can tell you it most definitely

bragging gloating about your squirting i must admit the first time i did it i did a little cry because i thought i genuinely pissed myself it was all very embarrassing and i was sure i went for a week before getting down to business i hadn't done it before with anyone previous only my current boyfriend and if i'm honest it happens more often than not even when it's just me i was gonna say that even when it's just me going solo it happens i don't know maybe i'm broken as i've heard some people only do it once or the feeling is always there and it just never happens just let go and it will flow oh i love that let go and the squirt will flow yeah it may possibly scientifically be we i'm not sure but it doesn't smell like we doesn't have a smell at all but who

knows but for some reason my boyfriend thinks it's sexy and he loves it so much he calls me squirtle the pokemon for reference to you 90s 2000s kids i remember squirtle love you guys keep doing what you're doing p.s lauren congratulations on your engagement and ashley on another little one another one to love i can't wait another one to love what's that pregnancy another one to love what's that pregnancy announcement people do another one to love is that what it is something like that another one to drive me fucking mad can't wait for the next brunch announcement we're hoping to get tickets much well you can get tickets for our live show ho ho for the live show squirtle squirtle you'll be there you'll be front row squirty girty anyway next message thank you for

that i'm so sorry lauren oh go on i cannot hear the word rochdale without thinking why did this happened to me by the pie factory left at the shoe factory right by the mine and that's lauren's house but actually gets knoxford and hail when i get rochdale i bet you have i can't wait to see who's doing the rochdale christmas night i've just got this horrible feeling that we're not really doing a live show on the 26th and you're gonna get me in the car and i'm gonna get out the car and i'm gonna get out in rochdale right okie doke don't you're freaking me out rochdale should be proud to have you lauren they're clearly not can i not switch on rossendale lights it's so much nicer what installs beautiful

where i live oh good game right hi girls love the pod i've been trying to find the best way to treat keratosis polaris yes but not yet we will tell you i thought you might be able to help i get it really bad on my arms um i've googled tried amiga tablets but nothing's worked right we have got this shit for you honey boo there's a brand that sorts that out we've been using this brand for didn't i put you on to it of course you did yeah we've been using it for years it's when i the first time i read about it about four or five years ago um was when i read what is jlo's favorite body cream i was like fucking have my money take my money and it said olive oil we're working with them at the minute because ashley

recommended it years ago yeah and we've both used it and it literally gets transformed it works so like we've explained how these things work we genuinely use it and we're gonna get to work with them and we're gonna hopefully get a big dizzy yeah i'm hoping for a dizzy code so just Tang fire, it's coming, girl. This month. Yeah, this month it will come. So we'll give you a dissy code on it. Right.

Hi, girls and Lucas. No cringe here, but I absolutely love the content and I'm such a podcast whore. I am too. Yeah. I feel like you're a big sister that I never had with the advice. I normally go through Ashley's highlights for good product advice, etc. But I can't find anything.

I'm eight weeks postpartum and my skin is having a huge fucking purge. Normal. Is there anything recommended to help? or do i have to ride the hormonal wave also any advice for losing belly and baby weight post c section if either of you have ever had one come on have you not been listening i know you both have amazing figures but i'm curvy size 14 and my body is looking horrific mate you're only eight weeks postpartum come on give yourself a break okay so we'll start with the skin don't do anything drastic because literally like your hormones are fucking all over the place when you've just had a

baby it's the highest spike in your life ever and crash of your hormones that's why you have your up and your down days baby blues you honestly like i only had teddy quite recently so i can remember it there was nights where i would wake up in sweat because the hormones literally sweat out of you it's fucking mental it's been six years all over the place your mental health is not good not good so what i would say about the skin is if you're having a purge then stop whatever you changed or you're doing because i also say don't invest in like loads of brand new skincare in pregnancy because what works one week won't work the next your skin is up and down um and that's why we love like the cera v and just the pericone hyaluronic serum you can't go wrong with

that can you lauren their vitamin c cleanser lovely all very gentle products that you shouldn't really get a purge off now if you are having spots a salicylic wash is always going to help always anything with benzoyl peroxide in is always going to help that is all i would recommend but if you are breastfeeding you need to check i think she should see it through you know what we're going to say led safe in postpartum doesn't matter what your hormones are doing or you're underneath your skin doesn't matter what condition it will help it will help and do you know what it'll be good for your c-section score yeah you can start using it after eight weeks once it's healed pop it down there stunning we'll get lovely results what's that discount very gentle nip talk off the

current body website we recommend either the dermalux if you're absolutely wanting to splurge absolutely loaded or the lovely little mask that we have the um i've been using that i took it on holiday oh it's amazing your skin looks amazing it's not i've been caning it it's hot i've done my best we need to get lukey one okay now with regards to the baby weight like lauren said you're only eight weeks postpartum really you need to be eating healing foods and not focusing on diet just yet yeah i think i usually start my diet about week six though yeah to be fair i gave myself because i always think if i don't start now then when the fuck will i um your uterus and everything still has got to go back compression yeah are you wearing compression are you wearing

a girdle we love the macom stuff and i think our code still works for that nip tuck try it should do try it um and what i would also recommend is if you're starting to get the pooch the foam insert it's really uncomfortable but if you get a few hours in a day of that and also after you've had a section your posture's not great it's terrible you're so hunched forward after a section so the the girdle thing really helps and what i also um was looking at actually the other day that comes very very very highly rated um there's a brand called bump suit oh yes i've seen them so i have got a few body suits from them i've seen them babe for this end last three months they are fantastic advertised um i've just ordered the pajamas the pajamas look so comfy and they do a

um it's like a waist trainer but you control how tight you want it so it's got like velcro bits on it and i was reading the reviews on that because i'm i was looking for what to buy for afterwards and obviously i will just wear my standard back on thing but this one was good because it said that at different times in the day you can like loosen it up give yourself a minute so have a look at that i think they've given me a code the cosmetic console um because i put a picture on wearing one of theirs bump suit and do you know what i'm wearing their bra today let's have a look wow you've got some big ass but like i like them the fabric breastfeeding so so soft so shower bump suit not a collab or anything and when um they do a really nice present for a mum

where it's like a compression garment a bra and a baby shower present in a box how cute so i would look at the compression but um diet wise i did keto after having baby and the weight dropped off there you go i found it just dropped anyway because i was so horrifically if you breastfeed it's amazing it drops off well you just split up with her dad so i other option not out of 10 would not recommend other option is to split up with dad at six weeks um pros lots of weight loss big fast with us cons depression mental depression and life i didn't hear from her i kept saying to her when could i come round i mean maybe she would just not respond never i was like have i done something wrong no it wasn't you anyway that's another option if lauren's drinking straight

vodka in the garden smoking wait dropped off dropped off i'll tell you i've never been a spin you lived in your dressing oh i just went outside and smoked and came back in again in this stinky dressing girl anyhow you know right ashley we've got a dialogue are you going to read it i am going to read it for you madam thank you hi guys love the pod wanted to ask your opinion on a sensitive oh we like a sensitive serious now serious now i'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with our little girl oh blessed hashtag blessed hashtag another one to love but my fiance's family haven't congratulate us apart from one snotty message saying congratulations well i don't know what's snotty about that but i even had two of his family members walk past me and bump into

me in the street and completely ignore me so then she says they don't like me for an unknown reason at this point i don't want them in my baby's life stuff like going down doing visits to them etc what's your opinion am i being over dramatic thanks girls so there is a quote you know i love it's not about pigs again is it and it's like be careful of people that don't clap for you when you win yeah i like that one yeah so that is honestly like trust your gut especially as women like we always have a vibe when someone's being a little bit sneaky a little bit jealous green-eyed monster or when you see someone else's reaction to something else i can spot it a mile off can't you yeah and like yeah i get that the whole congratulate not congratulating you but it's

their problem not yours you carry on you are in a you're in this is your first baby girl like you're in such a magical time in your life with your fiance it sounds like everything between you guys is working out they are wanting to drag you down in some way and it's not let it happen do you know what it's irrelevant like you want to know why it's not really that relevant as to why that is their problem as to why you've not gone in and shot on their living room floor unless she did and in that case and sometimes people that uh you know of a lower frequency operate on that level they love bitching about someone yeah and anything you do won't be right won't be right whether it's getting pregnant and having a baby or not getting pregnant and having a baby but the thing what yeah

one thing that i always think is if someone doesn't like you which lots of people don't like us do they actually don't um luckily lots of people seem to so we're fine and um our bills are being paid whether you like us or not i'm sure you're listening so those people that don't like us it's actually not our business it's not my business why you don't really care we used to really care yeah i really cared especially with like oh it's hard with men and families and stuff like that like we get a lot of these messages so don't ever think you're the only one girls because i would say a lot of you messages every week about mother-in-law sister-in-law um family dramas it's not your problem it's theirs so it's their business it's not really your business i

saw a quote once and i can't remember it but it was something like it was something like what if somebody doesn't like you live laugh love no i'm surprised i've not got that tattooed on me that's the kind of thing i would have got on my ass cheek um it was something like why somebody doesn't like you is that is not your business yeah yeah something like that basically it's not your business fuck them no fuck them fuck them and fuck their dad and go and do a poo in the living room like you might as well now yeah fuck it they don't like you anyway you might as well go and do it um right oh you could just go absolutely wild and put loads of quotes on instagram about families that you hate one serious thing though i do agree with not having your kids

around people that don't like you negative energy but you can't withhold from family and stuff like that so you get him to take them just no because that's even worse because then they really can be their wild yeah true you want them there you limit it yeah you go you show up you take the food and you leave don't eat the food it might be you might have a spat in it turn up tick the box smile and take the shirt and leave and also the more that you go make sure you say to your partner stay next to me so he can see because once he's seen when he's left the job's done then that's when they'll attack you yeah okay right guys we love it we love live laugh love live laugh love we love it remember on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard this is what

it's all about so you can email us hello at niptuckpod.com you know you can whatsapp us as well the drunk voice notes that lucas loves so much on a sunday morning um it's always anonymous if you want it to be like we don't look we don't care we just read it out um head to this episode's description for more information and please give us a five star review because we like that and share it and you know all that stuff we'll be back next wednesday with some more shit love you Love you. Bye.