Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Steroids & Stool

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

The Nip Tuck Whatsapp is active and you guys have been sending some gems in. We LOVE the weird and wonderful, especially if it's a voice note! Oh and brace yourselves for more poo talk.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] NOW you can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck and not giving a fuck bonus episode baby oh no baby this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women sexy amazing lovely women so this is all about being unapologetically yourself ashley yes you've got an update because i feel like i'm fully invested in this long thing right i will i'll make it brief because yeah but basically someone from selfridges rang me and apologized and said that i can take my top in to return it so they yeah great and what else they said that i can have a glass of champagne and a shopping experience what's a shopping experience i don't know but i'm taking it back and getting the money yeah yeah you should but i feel like they should give you more for how rude

they were they were so rude a glass of champagne a shopping experience which basically means go and spend more money there no no so we we got what we wanted from selfridges you wanted to take the top back and you took it back but now i'm next time don't be excessive with your use of wearing top i'm too embarrassed to take it back now after the first step everybody check ashley's depop you will find a stained top okay so as you know on nip talk we want to get your voice heard this episode is about you because there's only so many embarrassing i mean i could really write a book but there's only so many things we can tell you we need your stories so you can dm us we're both on instagram and tiktok you can find us at nip tuck pod you can email us as well at hello

at nip tuck pod.com you know you can send us voice notes you can send your itch your dilemmas via whatsapp that's really coming underway now so keep doing that and you can find those details at the bottom of this episode's description so we just want to know everything like we want life updates we want to know what's annoying story a sex story we like to talk about men we like everything your disasters make us feel better okay so anyway send it all to us whatever you want because we don't give a fuck right we've got a voice note oh they're my faves i like no no no friends are ready no it's titled poo story oh our absolute fave we have a wank over poo story yeah we sit down tonight and let's play the poo story hi girls i just want to say um absolutely love

your podcast thank you i have a really funny poo story it is this girl that we went to school with um she started going out with this guy and she went to his house for the first time um but this occasion was like a family occasion so he was introducing her to his like grandparents and aunties and uncles and all of that stuff anyway she really needed a poo and um she didn't really know the house that well she'd actually never been to the house um and there was different bathrooms blah blah blah and all the family were downstairs and it was like a nice day they were in the conservatory um it was just like yeah they were all busy downstairs so she thought oh i'm gonna sneak off upstairs and go and do a poo for the sound and

smell so she went upstairs and did the poo and obviously it didn't flush now you know what it's like like you've got one chance to flush you have one chance she flushed once didn't didn't go down because everyone knows quite big so she was panicking panicking she was up there for ages she didn't know what to do so in her panic she grabbed the poo out of the toilet with a hand toilet roll and chucked it out the window right but she didn't know the house so she chucked it out the window in her panic but the poo landed on the glass ceiling of the conservatory that all the family are at like they're all in that big pigeon so they're down there and this poo just splats on the roof and they're all like what the fuck and then so then she comes down from the

toilet and i was looking at this poo on the ceiling she walks into the conservatory everyone just stares at her and it's absolutely silent like it's you'd move awkward thing in the world i don't even know what to say with a knife and she looks up at the glass and sees her poo splattered on the on the roof and she's just literally obviously absolutely dying and her boyfriend's just looking at her like what you've pooed and she just literally turned around grabbed her bag and just walked out the door i agree and i just block him i don't care how good the sex is i don't care how rich he is you turn around embarrassment then obviously he went and told everyone so he did yeah i just that story just mortifies me like to this day so she went to the toilet threw the

poo out the window at london the conservatory where the family were okay so has anyone else ever thrown the poo anywhere odd let us know we've also got a message from one of our listeners oh again it's another poo one i love this why we've become like the poo podcast poo poo poo the podcast okay so after listening to all the poop talk on the pod recently you girls need to get on this shit do you think people listen while they have a poo no no you wouldn't poo in the car people listen in the car at the gym anyway i have once weed in the car onto a towel when i was stuck in traffic i just got a towel underneath me you have as well katie has as well oh i can't say that because katie's not here okay um yeah i have once weed in the car because i was stuck in traffic so

i put a towel underneath my bottom and just urinated but i had tights on and you imagine the itch after that i remember it you had a bladder infection and you were on your way to work oh my god yeah that's right i remember do you remember yeah and i just pissed myself well I shit myself, didn't I? Yeah. So, let's go again. You girls need to get on this shit. When I first got married,

I was so embarrassed to poo in my shared bathroom with my husband. Get it? I get it. I don't. It would smell really bad, as I was suffering from IBS at the time. A friend told me about poo puree. What?

Poo-pourri. Poo-pourri? Poo-pourri. You put a couple of drops in the toilet before you go, and it's odourless. Yeah. I didn't know about this. asop do a poo one as well really yeah poo drops stop that it's like some kind of drop and they've

got that spray the spray there's a spray with a name and it's really funny poo poo away awesome yeah yeah yeah um so yeah if anyone can anyone tell us if they've used it it does it works could we be sent if anyone out there knows any poo product companies right basically they say as well if you light a match in the bathroom it gets rid of any poo smell so then they think that you're having a joint in the bathroom no she's like you're having a doobie in the bathroom and so then you're a stoner it's a full thing imagine that your boyfriend hears you lighting a match in the bathroom those poo things basically what i think is it's like it puts like an oil i feel sick i can't imagine the poo on the oil and then the poo goes under the oil and then it locks the

the thought of oil and poo is really I don't want to talk about this anymore do you remember those weight loss tablets that we took oh my god so there was some weight loss tablets

and what they would do is basically if you were anything naughty they would just oil would come out of your arsehole do you remember those and your bum used to like

leak oil like you'd think I'll have a cheeky maccies and then oil would leak out of your bum hole I mean that's enough to stop you did anyone else take them

do you remember the laxative tea we used to take yeah I'm not going to say the name because I don't know if we can but you got it from like a health shop and it was a chinese tea it was all like a chinese tea it was herbal like nothing illegal and you would take it and i can't believe i even used to do this

it would give you the most horrific cramps you would be like screaming agony and then you would absolutely shit yourself and it was like a laxative but you'd feel amazing oh my god yeah you did but it wouldn't have lost you any weight it's just so i took it before holiday once and then i needed a shirt on the plane it is totally pointless but yeah the things we've done um right So this girl, basically, she is scared to go for a shit. So she got poo parade. Should we order some off Amazon and see what it's like? So as you know, we love your poo stories.

We love your icks and your dilemmas. And we've got one of each. So ick. Ready? Go. This is my friend's sister-in-law. So she's from America. She's American.

Do you want me to do it in American voice? Go on. Our office get cookies every week. And this jackass. I'm good, aren't I? chose the fucking pink donut cookie i died laughing and he didn't get why that was not great and so basically that was when i got the ick of yeah so that's why she sent in so ash made a joke about how she got the ick of someone in ibiza airport buying a pink donut so this girl has

sent in a boyfriend he's got no idea he's got his mouth wide open he's like and he's eating a fucking pink donut and she got the ick and he had no idea why that's disgusting we also have a dilemma dilemma here we go dilemma of the week dilemma of the week do you want to read it on me so i've been with my now husband for six years i've been married for 18 months his gym bod and love of his appearance are what dream don't blame you but as time has gone on the gym seems to have taken over every oh i thought she was gonna say as time's gone on he's turned fat okay it comes before me and our children i get left at home almost every night for him to go to the gym with his friends i do train myself but i always make it work around because women have to do that exactly anyway

beside this main issue is his steroid juice not myself besides this the main issue is actually steroid juice i've been there it's like a cult when they get into these gyms isn't it it's very very strange his mood swings are uncontrollable it's spilling over into how he treats me and other members of the family wow right okay so she's asking for our advice on this now steroids are horrific like horrific yeah do you know what i don't think they even make men look particularly good can i just say water there's different things here what we're talking about here is steroid abuse yeah so i don't know i'm not i'm not a body i don't know about fucking steroids but i know what steroid abuse is and that's where you take it to an extreme and you

can see it in these men they have those necks that are like thick and the face goes fat and they have those and the shoulders are trapped things it looks disgusting they get acne they have mood swings and the sex um testosterone either goes sky high or really low so they either don't want to shag you or they want to shag you and everyone else in the neighborhood so you can't win with this and it makes them really really aggressive yeah it does the abuse of it does absolutely i've had a boyfriend who took steroids um and there's a lot of things you know side doesn't it make your dick shrivel up it makes you really go smaller and it makes you lose your hair as well so you know you see a lot of men now going to turkey for the for the if you look have

you never noticed they're all bodybuilder men having these transplants have you noticed that if you think about it now it gives you gynecomastia as well it also gives you gynecomastia so what that is is male is man boobs it's male breast tissue now you can be we used to do this when we worked in cosmetic surgery you can be born with that gene and it's like a gland of your behind your nipple however you can also create it through the use of steroids weed smoking and weed smoking and you get little mantids yeah um so puffy nipples and what they then have to do is have it removed via lipo basically gynecomastia we call it it's lipo removal of gland so basically she already knows the bad stuff though we've told her the bad stuff she already

knows i think this situation he does sound like a twat however she's been with him i don't know how she's gonna get him out of this okay it's i think personally she needs to make a huge stand right now yeah and it needs to be i'm leaving nip it in the bud in the nipple in the bud of the tit and in the bud of his man boobs i think now she needs to be like we'll leave i am leaving with the children we are not doing this anymore you make a choice i will be there to support you and help you if you've got an addiction because it's an addiction i think he needs to get a new front circle well i think the thing is though going to the gym people are like it's only the gym it's healthy but it's like nothing's healthy so weird nothing's healthy when it becomes an obsession

and you're using drugs for it because i know that he's going to turn around to her and be like oh i can't even go to the fucking gym i just want to keep in shape this is what he'll say this is what he'll say because i've been there what do you rather got pissed with the lads every weekend i'm going to the gym no it doesn't matter if there's an issue there's an issue so she needs to sit with him discuss it with him if he has got a serious problem

say she'll support him whatever it is also tell him that he looks like a big fat spotty twat because they don't look nice these men with steroids no

it needs to be dealt with right now don't let it go any further don't let it don't excuse him because of the steroids don't excuse his behaviour if he doesn't change

I would treat this like any drug addiction see ya bye who wants to be with a man with an addiction men do it with gambling too gambling is huge

so many of my friends have had to bar their husbands from the casino really you'd actually rather them end up in the strip club because I think

they lose more money in the casino definitely right we've got another one here hi girls I need your help with some mum

hash hashtag slash slash life advice okay I have two kids six and one

to put it why did you have the last one you're six years out of it sorry oh to put it bluntly i'm drowning oh how can i be a great mom great wife great worker great friend happy go lucky easy going girl when my brain is so buddy this is me and on top of that look half

decent and have time for a bit of self-care i get it i can't seem to manage this very well at all basically like yeah i totally feel you babe this so since day one um oh my god what the hell wow sorry i've just read the rest of this i was about to give advice and it says p.s love your podcast it's my escape and the only thing i genuinely laugh at at the minute oh god p.p.s random bit for you lauren you once said to me on a night out in queens that was our local like dodgy sticky flawed club about 14 years ago god that means i'm old that i was the most beautiful girl you've ever seen who is it i don't know there's not that no careful i say yeah um there can't be that many in the queens so i'm trying to think who it was who are you i'm going to put

this on i can't wait any longer for this i'm going to have to say i'm sorry whoever sent us the message okay so this is something if you've listened to the podcast since day dot that i've always going on about do you remember i used to come in like a tasmanian devil i'm a bit more chilled now but she's got two kids she's got two yeah and i struggle with one and i i don't have the answer but what i can say to you is you are not the only one and what you will do is you will look at us for example maybe probably not me right now and you'll think well you're doing it like you look all right you're managing to look good i had a mental breakdown this weekend you've been horrible so i think i can't tell you how to fix it all i can tell you is you're not on your own

and i was talking about this to one of my friends the other day how genuinely how do you do this so i saw um i think it was like a reel or something and there was a woman and she had a jug of water like a liter of water she had five glasses in front of her and it's such a good analogy one of them was good mother one of them was be fit one of them was good wife one of them was good career one was look after the house she had a liter of water right so what she was doing is trying to fill each one to a level of acceptance like good yeah every time she filled one to good yeah i'm a good mom i'm a good wife there's no water left for anything else so she was like picking up a bit of water and tipping it into the other and basically the point of the matter was

there wasn't enough water to go around you cannot be that so i think one of the big things here is stop putting pressure on yourself yeah stop because no stop looking on instagram and thinking that people have got the shit together we are all struggling at the minute with thea being at school i'm i'm struggling i've got school disco this that the other i actually can't go to a parents evening this week because i've got to work and i feel horrific but i can't fucking be everything if you want me to earn money so i can give her a good life i've got to go to work which means i'm going to miss parents evening when no other fucker's missing it like it's how it goes and with regards to how you look i'm going to be honest here and i'm going to say get up an hour earlier

i'm sorry you do feel better when you've got your face on get up and even if the kids get up at five get up at half four it sounds ridiculous this and you've probably been up in the night but i think if you have a little bit of time to yourself have a quick shower or when the kids are in bed you're tired and you don't want to force yourself get in the bath get in the bath do wash your hair dry it ready for the next day whatever you need to do get up have your clothes ready fake tan just make time makes you feel better you can't sit and whinge about it and do nothing i'm all about like saving time and stuff like that but you want to look good and you all of this stuff do you know what really really really helps me acupuncture how's she gonna have

time to do that she can't even go out she's too busy could she do it herself no um i think the other thing is clothing so you can wear adenola sets yeah you can wear fairly even zara sets get yourself a load of joggers a load of vest tops not joggers once you get into the jogger no but you can make them cute i always wear joggers like you what i'm saying is get yourself some outfits that are easy to throw i think i look cute that are easy to throw on fashionable fashion now isn't what it used to be fashion is now gym wear yeah gym sets joggers and little mini top you can still do that go and get some new bits throw on clothes that all match each other get one color palette so mine this year is gray and black all my things are going to be similar everything matches you

don't have to think about in the morning i'm sorry but that's practical advice from me love it loads of nice trainers remember on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram and tiktok find us at nip tuck pod you can also email us hello at nip tuck pod dot com and now as you know you can send us your voice notes your ics your dilemmas via whatsapp when you're all like having a drink with the girls on a saturday night do it simply head to this episode's description for more information and we will be back next wednesday bye Thank you.