Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: The F***ing Easter Bunny

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

Ashley & Lauren recap the Easter Weekend & Lauren's not a happy bunny. Easter Egg hunts, chocolates galore and who gets all the gratitude? The Easter f***ing Bunny!As always the girls are here to answer your dilemmas like what to do if your partners ex tells their kids to be mean to you and one listener helps clear up the question: do the elderly still... ya know.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via Whatsapp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys! Hi! Oh, don't, that really hurt my ears. I was in the car and I was going to be fuming. Welcome to Nip Talk, not giving a fuck. Bonus. Fuck. Baby.

Fach. Fach. This is the podcast where we celebrate being positive, aspirational women. I mean, I don't know who we are aspirational to, but that doesn't matter. We can say it if we want. We can call ourselves whatever we want. You're aspirational to me and I'm to you. So there we go.

We are aspirational. I didn't say who to. This is all about being unapologetically yourself. And on Nip Tuck, we want your voice to get heard. You can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com. You can also send your ics and dilemmas via WhatsApp. We often describe the pod as a big group chat, don't we? We do.

So voice notes too. Then we can play them out in future episodes. We love it when you send them in like in the moment. Yeah, when it's just happened and straight away you think, need to tell the girls that and you're still a bit pissed honestly as soon as I fell over

at the petrol station I thought need to tell the girls that don't worry though if you want to remain anonymous with your naughty stories we're not going to reveal who you are

just head over to this just head over to this episode's description for more information we want to know what's been getting on your tits

what's giving you that and any other your questions your embarrassing sex stories anything because basically we just really don't give a fuck and i really don't anymore honestly every month of my life that passes by i give less fucks we're gonna end up like literally like lying on the pavement yeah because i give that little i just don't care anymore i really don't right easter weekend thank fuck that's over is all i have to say about i was on a retreat they were good for you i was being wholesome i love so glad that the easter weekend's over what i have to say is this and i i'm not i'm preaching to the choir

if that's the right word i don't really know what the word is but i'm as bad as all right is that the right word you preach into the choir i'm the worst for it so i'm not saying it's not me but i hate how easter has become this massive competition i saw a picture of an easter morning and they bought a table for an easter table they'd put the thing and then they bought clothes and like it's christmas and put clothes there and gifts and everything and i was screenshotting them all sending them to my friend and don't get me wrong i made baskets once upon a time i would have just got a few eggs but i felt the need to buy a basket put that stupid fucking hay stuff in it put a bunny in it put three eggs in it i was like going around different as doesn't test goes

whatever to try and get the right eggs then i organized an easter egg hunt thea cried all day it was just i just feel like the i got crumpets that look like fucking bunnies i do and tasted like shit and i only did and i made a platter let me tell you right so oh mate platters not a platter like that let's talk about the platter i made a breakfast for all the kids right i decorated the table with fake grass you know like the little you're that person that you're bitching about i know i am and i and i'm only like this because everyone else is so then i waste of time and money even i wouldn't waste my fucking money on that and then i love wasting my money i spent a fortune and not one of them not appreciated no not because of bad kids because the kids

they didn't say thank you because do you think they still i mean first of all this is what really makes me angry they thought it was the easter bunny so of course i didn't get a thanks because it wasn't me it was the fucking easter bunny right so i was thinking these boys got a lot of effort today and then we went on easter egg hunt and they got them all straight away was like where are the rest i was like no that's it like they just it was just and i'm just so glad the weekend's over i enjoyed it with the kids but the pressure the pressure it's too much easter is over indulgence in a weekend it's too much the kids have too much chocolate like i i'm just i'm glad it's done don't do it again next year we'll be sat here in a year's time and you'll be saying

the same thing i know because i want to be i don't i don't want to be a good mom and i want to do i don't being a good mom is not buying fake fucking grass i agree but i don't want to Fake fucking grass While Lauren sits and cries The Easter Bunny is a big fat... Is bleeding from his eyes Fake, fake grass While Lauren sits and cries

The Easter Bunny is bleeding from his eyes Woo! Aren't we good at that? Anyway, yeah, I'm more looking forward to next weekend because it's my birthday so you know you're gonna get back on it again absolutely not um so we i've told you we're going away we've got no kids it's just me and james where are you going the door falls where's that judge all you like it sounds it's how i say it it's lovely so i've got a gorgeous weekend coming up and i'm just glad that i did the wholesome thing tick it off

have a few wines a few cheese boards pitta patta around maybe a easter bunny crumpet that's still hanging around in the thing i just yeah easter um but this time last easter i was heavily pregnant and i ate that many mini eggs over the weekend by the way all my pregnant bitches over easter can feel me on this i'm glad that those eggs are being taken off the shelves yeah and they best not be half price everywhere well i tried to get some this morning and they sold out and then i went to the nurse for my last like blood test because teddy's one next week oh my god he is yeah and i went to the nurse for my blood test i have to buy him something she went i think you've got um gestational diabetes and i was like and she was like but you're very small so we can't

work it out and she was like have you eaten something like excessive and i was like do the four pockets of mini eggs she was like yeah don't do that blood sugars literally through the room yeah Easter all these things

no you don't need to buy anything it's fine no I can't I'll be honest and I've just remembered that you were about to go I can't afford it

and I've just heard about you buying fake grass from your table you fucking twat I owe you a hundred quid by the way oh my god you do if that's what you said

I actually so also it's my friend's little girl's christening she's one as well so I've bought her a little dress for her birthday only because we're going somewhere on a birthday so i have to but um do i i don't know what do you buy kids for christening so i'm just gonna put some money in a card do you remember sasky's i

just gave you the money in a card that'll be fine yeah and then they put it in the bank yeah because all the mum spends it on herself yeah that's what i do do you remember when i just gave it you in your hand sasky's i was just like have that i do remember that i forgot so i was just like here you go here's some money but yeah um girls you will all be on like suicide wednesday i'd say if you've done a full easter weekend um it's heavy and but a lot of people went out and drank all weekend it's lovely and sunny as well the reason why they call it and by the way no disrespect to like mental health and all that stuff but there is a saying which is suicide tuesdays have you heard of it no yeah so that is when you've had a full-blown bender weekend yeah it's not monday

that hurts it's tuesday when your brain gets absolutely peppered with like that's why you feel horrific today i've i drank on one evening one and i was in bed for two i didn't do an all night bent i was not bad at all and i only i drank wine which is the devil but i didn't drink shots and i've suffered because i can't it's not for me and it's when you mix your drinks horrible but yeah if you are in that mood honestly the best thing that i can tell you to do is an infrared sauna if you've got access to one because you sweat all the shit out and just drink loads of water. Yes, if anyone's got an infrared sauna

just, you know, on the doorstep, let me just ring up my local pool, Marl Pits, and just see when the swimming lessons are on for the kids and also if they have an infrared in there. Something tells me no. But there are these other things.

They're on my Amazon. And we've had them, those blue Revive, the little sachets. The sachets, yeah. It could have a sachet. Sachet ain't doing shit for me. It's too far.

Do you know what mine was? it was a combination with having a couple of drinks but also running around with bunny ears on my estate looking for eggs. That really,

on fear, fell off a bike as well. So sad when they do that. So sad. She really hurt herself. And they scrape the knee. All the hands and knees are scraped.

I know. Germaline's the best thing for that. He's really mean, isn't he? But germaline, buy germaline. Is it?

Yeah, because it's antiseptic. There you go. Okay, listeners, messages. Let's move to these. Hi girls,

please keep me anonymous. no one needs to know that this is my family i bet that's what everyone says about me all my family just listening to this week's pod about sex when you're old my grandparents 76 years old once answered the phone to my mom on a sunday and said you know not to ring us at this time on a sunday they still have sex and it's clearly rooted into their busy retired lives love a sunday sesh are you i'll miss that from when i before i had kids what sunday sex all day in bed yeah i had quite a good good girl this week rattling someone pulled your tail do you know what do you know what serious my natural cycles has run out i need to resubscribe for the next year use my code no no genuine i've

not got a cold i don't think anymore and i need to speak to him because it's ran out and now i don't know when i'm fertile anymore my head's gone my head's gone because i don't know what i need you need to start doing ovulation tests i know i know well you do know when you're fertile because day 14 is your most fertile day hang on then so but is it day 14 from when your period started or when it ended period first full day of period is day one can we just work this out then because we could have a nipped up baby so sperm lives for five days always remember that so if the first day of my period was on the 26th of march that was the first day of my last period yeah you're in your fertile window now and then we've got one week is the second so exactly 14 days is yesterday

oh shit see you at the chemist oh my god my life is over can i just say how else i think you know your discharge goes really quite sticky and you get a lot more of it you love talking about your discharge no but I'm just saying right okay sorry we've got another message Lauren your turn hi girls I hope

you're both good you both are doing amazing with the pod and you should be so proud thank you I absolutely adore it you make me laugh every single episode just a question I know Ashley had answered a similar a question similar on her old Instagram but we won't even go there

huh what you mean i have several keloid scars over both of my shoulders i've had three years worth of steroid injections but nothing seems to be helping and of course my confidence is just going down as i never can show that area is there anything that you can recommend treatment wise i know you both are queens in the skincare world i'm not ashes any help would be much appreciated have a fab day love you guys keep being you she must maybe this is an old question it's when my instagram got deleted right okay so um keloid scarring is a big big thing and girls um i'm gonna and boys sorry um i'm gonna explain what a keloid scar is so it's a hypertrophic scar which means it looks a little bit like a worm it's raised isn't it but you can sometimes sometimes

thicker you can get hypertrophic that isn't keloid bumpy bumpy a bum just a scar that maybe the wound was smaller than the scar settled um and it's quite common especially with people with darker skin yes and whenever you go to have an operation and you think oh that scar's a bit dodgy promise me that you will show the doctor your scar and go i just for reference want to show you another scar another scar on my body because then the doctor can put things in place for that for um you know trying to stop the keloid but generally once you've keloided you're gonna keloid everywhere which is very annoying what i would recommend for this would be um a silicone scar gel which i love the biocornium it's very expensive so it's not in everyone's price range but it's got silicone in it

which means it will compress the scar itself the other one is the resume scar repair forte yes but she's had three years worth of steroid injections and that hasn't worked no i know so then i'm moving on now to the next option so obviously start topical we're not doing anything major then after that i would do the um silicone scar um patches but you've got to be persistent with them you've got to put them on alcohol wipe your skin put it on press it down you have to be and then do that and that you're not going to see results for probably 12 weeks if it's still not worked then i would go to a dermatologist plastic specialist surgeon so you want a plastic surgeon with a dermatologist degree as well and go to them for a scar revision consultation yes

because there are surgical options with that however lasers can help but they're expensive they're painful yeah you need somebody but the other thing i would say is i don't know how bad they are and my bad might not be your bad but the other thing i would say is start getting your scar let it so one of the things when because i just treat scars quite a lot at work with like um medical needling which isn't suitable for keloids but i got a girl in and she said she had some self-harm scars and she said the main thing that she has is she worries what to say if someone notices them so it's almost preparing yourself so i think let your shoulder out i don't know how you did the scars but have your answer prepared if someone was to say someone was to say what was

that straight away you've got a reply just own it why the fuck would someone ask no people do just own it we'll try and get rid of it but at the same time don't be never showing your shoulders just because of that come on we've all got things that we're not maybe like more flattering clothing yeah your first option yeah okay listeners x here we go love the podcast girls and i look forward to the drive to work on a wednesday and friday i wanted to share a massive ick we have shared sorry we have a shared kitchen at work and there's a hot tap for making your brew oh sounds like there's a fit guy in the office next to us okay and he's in the kitchen making a brew with a hot tap and he's using the hot tap all the steam goes in his face and he turns around and his glasses

are steamed up oh and he says oh it's a bit steamy in here i'd say that would you while wiping the steam from his glasses i can't even look him in the eye anymore he's literally not me sick i do agree but that's something i said oh bloody hell it's a bit steamy um me and lauren wear glasses and whenever i open the dishwasher i look over literally she'll open it she'll turn around i think he sounds fit and funny i think that's quite funny send him our way i don't know anyway we've done your ex we've done your listener messages and we're going to be back after the break with your dilemmas serious voice welcome back okay let's move in to our dilemmas hi girls and lucas

please help me with this dilemma i have which is absolutely ruining my relationship my fiancee has two children from a previous relationship okay they've always been good with me until a few months ago the past few months they've started really bad accusations saying that i'm hurting them i'm smacking them amongst other things they now also call their mum's new boyfriend dad which completely kills my partner and they come down to see us they will not stay with us it's a screaming match each week so they won't stay over we think a lot of this has come from a previous comment that their mum made to them to be naughty when they come to our house it is not getting between me and my fiancee anymore but i feel like there's definitely

some tension and sometimes it gets me thinking do i really need all this stress for the rest of my life even though i absolutely love this man with all my heart can you help me with this and then love you guys please keep please keep me anonymous well i've heard this i've heard this a few times obviously i am now in a relationship with children involved that aren't mine james has got three children um and it's not easy it's not easy you can't say it is you're bringing children it's not just you it's the dynamics between their parents it sounds to me like it's to do with their mum but this thing about them accusing you of hurting them and smacking them you've not said how old they are so that's a bit difficult because i don't know the age on them um i personally think that

there needs to be a discussion here with the mother you need to speak to the mum um it says they call in the mum's new boyfriend dad it completely kills my partner there's what you have to remember is in life there's certain things that you can't do they must be quite young i reckon yeah i do i reckon they're about four three or four there's things that you can't change and i think don't put your energy into something that you cannot change you can't what goes on in that house and whether they call him dad whatever you can't change that all you can do is be supportive yeah yeah let's do the best one there at your house now this thing where they're saying that they're hurting them and smacking them i don't know how old they are stuff like that has she

i don't know how old they are so it's like she does it for a shock a shock because you'll see like when they go and she goes and the reaction um teddy hit me and it's like well he didn't did he like and it's just because she knows like hitting is bad yeah so she sees what reactions you get yeah it's hard for me without knowing how old they are um and the only thing you can do is stick with it now you're saying here you don't really need this stress and i completely agree that you don't however if he is if you love him and he is your soulmate and all the rest of it and you are happy other than that then it's something you have to stick through ash thinks fuck him off and fuck the kids off which i understand i couldn't cope with it i'm being

fucking briefly honest i could not i don't it's not for me being with someone that with kids from a previous relationship and i don't think i would be able to do it in the future difficult at times because i would need it's so complex and it is really difficult but nobody's perfect if she's found a really good guy here and she loves him enough then you take the kids on that's what i've had to do okay so let me tell you i've been with some absolute pricks that didn't have children and i would pick james with the kids over no no one in our ideal world no one would have kids or an or this or that and you know but we meet who we meet and we fall in love and it is amazing and it's good job that you're not arguing about it but what i will say is you can't control like

that advice that lauren's just given is amazing when she said you can't control what goes on at home so don't let it eat you away and you need to be try and beat this vicious cycle as much as possible if you react they're going to enjoy that and just say to the mum it's not working out them coming around they clearly you know don't want to anymore but can we have maybe one night a week that we take them for tea in the cinema you can't do that darling you can't say the kids it's not working out the kids coming well the kids it's not they don't want to be at the house i wouldn't want a child at my house that didn't want to be there yeah okay okay especially when they get to like five or six mom's probably got needs them to not be there no it sounds like the

mom doesn't want them to be there and then and then you start forming a relationship with them where they can tell it's independent of the mum and, you know, you're letting them guide you and just break that circle of negativity and just be a bigger person. Breaking that cycle, definitely. I think you need to speak to your fiancé about this and say, I'll always support you,

but we need to have an open conversation. Do not let it get between you and don't let the toxicity and the negativity from the mother come into your relationship. Kids will always end up realising, hopefully, when they're older. there's a saying right and it's actually from the bible no i'd like and it always sticks a bit i can't remember it's exactly but it's something like give me the strength to overcome the things

i can and the no the courage to overcome the things i can and the strength to accept the things i can't and what it means is what it means is you can't change them so you do what you can try and be nice to the kids carry on let it go over your head and hopefully over time it will get better if you need to speak to the mother make sure she knows that you're not hurting that must be hard though having a kid at your house that doesn't want to fucking be there and you know what i bet she's thinking fuck off then because i don't want you here either i bet that's what she's thinking but how do you deal with it be the bigger person speak to the mother if you can and let this ride out children go through phases bless you darling it sounds like hell

sounds like absolute hell but if they don't want to stay with you then stop forcing them like you've just said I said that first but actually like guys how do you want to work it because we still want to see you and we want to do

what you want so why don't we pick you up from school we go to the Trafford Centre have tea watch a film once a week or you send us a text

saying I want to do crazy golf tonight I want to do this there's a lot of stuff that you can do where they can get back home in their bed if that's what they want

and what else I will tell you is if the mum has made this comment to be naughty when they get to your house she's still in love with him and you then you then stop having them she ain't gonna get much time away from them is she so mums and i know this

is a single mom always need the dad's help you do because you need your time so if she has got to the point where she's ruined it and the kids aren't sleeping anymore then honey you're not going out on a bank holiday sunday either because you've made your kids not want to stay with the dad so give her time and she's gonna need you she's gonna need your help okay so we have nattered for a little bit of time um we hope you enjoyed that though and remember we want you to get your voices heard if you head over to this episode's description you will find out how you can get in touch we've got a whatsapp on there we've got an email and please guys don't forget to give us a glowing five star rating and review and we will be back with you on wednesday next week have the

best weekend and go get it love you guys enjoy your weekend bye ladies