Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: Too Close To Home?

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

Is it normal for men to sit down when they wee, or is it an ick? Should you cough if you trump in a cubicle, or just own it? Is it ok to date someone if both your Nans are cousins? Ashley & Lauren are here to support you as always and help answer those difficult questions, plus they've got a whole new list of treats in Bargain Bucket!To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks & dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to nip she's still fuming i'm gonna tell you why in a minute hello and welcome to me i'm not even doing it i'm fuming you do it no we've started but it's not my fault lauren i'm not saying it's your fault i'm upset at the situation she's going under she's i couldn't even eat my i couldn't i couldn't eat my lunch i could only have a packet of crisps for my lunch hi guys welcome no i'm gonna have to do this right hi guys and welcome to nip talk not giving a fuck this is the bonus episode it's the podcast where we celebrate being positive individual aspirational women and this is all about being unapologetically yourself so here we go here we are here we are here we fucking are here we

fucking are we're laughing because me and ashley have got a problem well i've got a problem it's not really ashley's so ashley's baby name we've now revealed the gender um and no one's copied here that's not what i'm saying but ashley's baby name happens to be my only baby name that i've ever had for a girl for many years it's not the same name it's not the same name you knew that i wanted that name i thought that was a joke no i told you i thought the full thing was a joke i you think my baby's name anyway so basically we're not saying the name no we're not gonna say like lucas beep the name out of anything yeah we're not saying it so basically i said to ash oh my god it's a thingy what are you gonna call oh we know what it is now don't we oh my god it's

a girl i said what are you gonna call it and she said no no no and i was like what she cried i honestly we went for lunch then i couldn't eat any lunch i had to get a packet of crisps because i couldn't eat my lunch and i had serene james i was like james you're not gonna believe what she's calling and he was like it's some stupid ones first i was like no our name for the girl and he was like said it and i was like yeah and he was like oh fucking hell and then that was it Boys aren't asked about stuff. And then he was like, but you're not pregnant. And I was like, doesn't matter.

That's my only name. But do you know what? I've just been thinking, and I probably would just call it that anyway. No, it's fine. They're not going to be in the same school or anything. So yeah, we've just been laughing about it, basically. And it just could only happen to us.

She's so mad with me. I'm not mad. I'm sad because this has been my, you know, when you've got a name, girls, right? Girls will get it. Boys won't get it, will they? where you've got a name

and that's been your name and that's just it that's the baby's name you told me it wasn't that big of a deal when that person called me my baby

no but we're like that's different if it was another random I wouldn't care but anyway it is what it is and I probably will have a boy anyway

so there we go anyway so me and Ash have gone back and forth and I'm still I'm quite shook up so if anyone feels a vibe today

that's why I'm a bit shook up I'm trying not to be bothered but like all my hopes and dreams and like shut up Lauren it's fine

the little girl that i've dreamed of name it's not even the same the little girl that i've dreamed of all my life after in fact it was an option for thea um well so i'm a bit hurt but here we are she might change your mind yeah yeah i might i've still got ages um i was reading out my other names and she was going yeah that one's nice that one that was a lovely much better much nice i hate that other one right anyway on nip talk we want you to get your voice heard if anyone's got a name idea send it in please don't please send some names in please i really don't have any other no honestly i'm open or you can pay me to not call it that name how much money have you got honestly how

i feel right now i'd give you my house i'd give you my house yeah i'll take the house it's like a crackdown yeah that's right right anyway anyway if you've got any names please good girl names yeah okay anyway you can send your ics and dilemmas your names your girl names your voice notes really good really yeah if anyone's been in this position the same position as me or ashley just let us know um i mean i'm considering going home getting pregnant really really quickly just seeing what i can do seeing if i can get it out first um just head to this episode's description if you want to know how to get in contact with us we want to know what's getting on your tits what's giving you the ache anything you know we like a chat embarrassing

stories questions basically we don't give a fuck sometimes we do right let's go listeners messages hi girls i always think of questions or little stories to send you scouts and juice but never do it out of nerves i thought i'd share an ick that i didn't realize was an ick until recently that always happens my last relationship was my first proper relationship as he's the first guy that i had spent a lot of time with he practically lived with me and the first boy that i'd ever slept with okay oh god the first cut is the deepest anyway the ick is that he used to sit down when he was going for a week i thought that it was strange and i questioned it but he assured me that it was completely normal which it may be but since i've never met any other man who does

sit down for a wee or thinks it's the norm it doesn't give me the ick ick but i do like to have a little giggle about it from time to time is it the norm lucas will probably know right let's james sits down for a wee uh yeah ed does and then a poo usually comes out so when i was brushing my teeth this morning he was sat down i went is it a wee like that before i started and he went yeah yeah it's just a wee and then I heard this and I thought no no

and I was like you and ran out with my toothbrush they know what they're doing they know what they're doing it just pops out Lucas do you stand up

or sit down right so Lucas just said why do men stand in general like why don't they sit down because they've got a dick they can because like why don't they just sit down

well Lucas just said if he's hungover or tired and he can't be arsed then he sits down but if not he stands up okay there you go when I had my bum done

I couldn't sit down on the toilet and i had to use a shiwi and stand up did you get we everywhere or not was it no the shiwi is really good honestly like girls because i feel like it would we everywhere i'm not just saying this like do you know when we go down to london sometimes in the car yeah and you probably can add another half an hour onto your journey by stopping at the service station use a shiwi like i'm not even joking where would you put it into so it it comes by itself it's like a little tube like that

and then the bit there like a petrol can okay with a holder and a screw on lid so you just screw the lid off and wee into it

and then screw the lid back on where do you put the does it go inside your vagina no you hold it like it goes

covers your fanny ah right a circle and then you wee into it so it doesn't go everywhere no it doesn't go anywhere go and buy a shiwi guys

go and buy a shiwi guys hi girls on my way home from my night out and I thought oh I like that she's messaging us on the way home

and I thought of lauren earlier oh god went to the toilet lauren's worst nightmare the toilet was dead silent oh god was listening to other girls we oh i hate that until i heard a fart fall out from another girl absolutely fine happens to us all but then she started to blow her nose to blend it too late girl i heard it all love the pod keep up the good work so she's literally sat there and she's done a trump and they're gone oh it's cold in here yes Oh, the brass bands. Stolen.

Yeah, I love it. Have you ever done that where someone has done a shameful, like, massive shit or fart, and you've hung around a little bit longer to see, like, if they come out of the toilet? Never. It's really weird. Really weird.

No, I wouldn't. Because you stand around in the toilet longer than needed. No. It's normally me in the toilet. And you wouldn't give a fuck. You'd fly straight out. Not anymore. And not wash your hands.

I don't care anymore, honestly. it takes so much for me to give a fucking shit nowadays right we've got a question here from the listener can you read it out please lozza please help my sex life hi girlies i'm a huge fan of the pod you girls have me howling during my hot girl walks i've never written into a podcast before but i trust your advice and i feel welcome into the group chat good good darling in september 2021 i was diagnosed with pcos which is polycystic ovary syndrome for anyone who doesn't know this was a fluke in finding it as they were looking for other things i'm fucking looking for up there submarine however sorry however plonked me with the diagnosis and left me high

and dry for reference i'm now 21 since then i've done extensive research and from academic articles which led me to believe that i have post pill yeah that's pcos what since i've been on the pill for four years consistently recently my boyfriend of four years and i've had lots of conversations about how my sex drive is really low this is really common this and now at least for him to feel demoralized and like i have fallen out of love with him which is so far from the truth he's the best thing that ever happened to me following these two situations i've decided i want to come off the pill although i fear that my body will react how my body will react after four years ashley please can you remind me of the book that you recommended for coming off the pill

although i'm not wanting to get pregnant straight away i do want to help further improve my chances of pregnancy in the future please can you also provide any further information regarding hormone control cycle tracking and improving sex drive thank you so much love from a loyal listener first things first on this do you know how common it is for women to have low sex drives well it seems to be really common it's really really common um can i just say i know a lady that's a sex therapist and i have said this before i'm really keen to get her on and get and maybe we could put a thing on and get everyone to email us their sex questions and she can answer them because this is a question that we're getting asked a lot it is so the book is called beyond the

pill um it's really good and the author of the book has done some podcasts so you can search her and then me and lauren love natural cycles yes if you go on our instagrams we've got little highlights there of why we love the natural cycles and you know if you are coming off the pill then it's really good to be in tune with your body you can figure out how many days your cycle is and usually you know like we would be on the pill for something like an event or a holiday I plan around that now you know my holiday can fit in with my body not my body fitting in with my holiday like absolutely absolutely I think I first of all you need to just put the data in so I've been using it I can't remember how long yeah something like properly properly and now it tells

me my average cycle length so I know roughly how long my cycle is and it'll take you a while if you've just come off your cycles might be all over so you just keep putting the data in when you come in when you come off your temperature and you'll start to build a thing where you know your own body now it's a huge part of your body your cycle it's part of being a woman it's part of your body so you should really know it 100 you know you're everything else about you know your skin you know you're this that the other that's a huge part you know what foods make you bloat this is a big part of your body definitely like dairy for me and wheat and gluten and stuff like that um especially like when i'm g1 and all i want to do is eat chocolate and sugar and you can manage the

symptoms more and as well what i used to find is i'd try and lower my caffeine intake just before my period otherwise i'd have a horrendous period yeah so that kind of thing's actually so helpful just to your life in general yeah so um natural cycles and then regarding like hormone balancing for pcos and there's this stuff called infolic alpha and it's i think it's like a sachet and it for women with pcos it did something like the statistics are all on the website um i discuss impril which is a partner of that brand but this infolic alpha um like made people's pcos like go away really it's expensive but have a look at it and also drinking nettle tea is really good for your hormones with the sex drive thing i actually think you will find that that isn't

related to your pcs so it's probably more the pill that you could be it could be more related so you're still on it now come off the pill and wait with your sex drive because when i came off the pill yeah yeah i think that's more related to that that your sex drive's low as opposed to that yeah so come off that first give it a good six months yeah and then have a look at your sex drive again because that may well even out right right lauren do the song i've forgotten it i'll do a new one bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain bargain bucket bargain bucket let's go let's go girls okay so bargain bucket super drug vitamin e facial spray swear all over tiktok everyone's saying you put it on under or over makeup makes you really glowy

okay um next one we discussed revolution a few weeks ago didn't we makeup revolution and people just call it revolution yeah um their under eye under eye brightener so the becca used to do the under eye i miss becca so much babe do you want one i've got like six at home i just miss becca i know everything everything from becca i think they've got one at john lewis and cheetah i really loved becca um so i've got one at home i'll bring it in for you basically this under eye cream and it was like pink like yes yeah and it was just stunning my friends opposite has still got a little bit left yeah i've got some at home i'll bring it in um they have done a dupe of the under eye right now okay is it it's good yeah yeah um the fence what is this i've seen that

you've written the fence what's shmeesh mate gate shmeesh mate gate yeah the fence why the fence gate people put it on tiktok fence finds oh is that what they call it instead of gate right so a lot of people when we asked for your letter after c yeah and then something that isn't the letter after f something keeping but we're not but it's supposedly you can get some good shit on there yeah i'm gonna say no more other than you can get good stuff on there okay currently uh now we have a thrush one thrushy thrush thrush thrush thrush we've all been there if you i have actually done this so someone wrote this in but i've done this before if you're suffering with bad thrush um you can dip the a tampon in organic tampon into natural yogurt

not the one that you then anyone else don't double dip and then put it into your vagina and it will really help to soothe and does it work yes it does work yeah do you know what natural yogurt absolutely works for even when you've been at it a bit too much and it's getting a bit red you know when it gets a bit aggravated pop a bit of that up and it honestly I've done it loads of times actually works

and how long do you leave the tampon in there? I don't know like an hour? a week or so thrush is a massive thing and I used to get it when I changed like laundry I've not had it for ages

I've not had thrush for so long I take prebiotics to help with that honestly I've not had it I can't even tell I couldn't even remember that's good when I've last had it that's good

it's a good thing isn't it? cafe drink cafe that's always good you know like pre and post op When you're having an op and you're going to get antibiotics, I'd always take kefir because that antibiotic thrush. Yeah, antibiotics do give you thrush quite a lot of the time, don't they? Horrendous. And those Alison Max tablets are really good for thrush as well.

And just cut out sugar as much as you can. But yeah, any other vag tips? I mean, we told you girls the balance active one. If you were going... They should pay us because we absolutely, we changed their life. It's this stuff that you put in your vagina in a squirty tube when you've got BV or any kind of not okay. Not okay down there.

You squirt it in and it cures everything. And if you're going on a hoey holiday this year, I would pack your balance active. I would absolutely. And use it as lube. Yeah, pop it up there and they think that you're really excited when you're protecting your pH. When you're protecting your pH.

There you go. Anyway, on that note. pH gate. There you go. there's the code word go on to PHgate funny finds funny finds

anyway let's have a little break and we'll be back with your dilemmas and some great advice and more great advice goodbye okay

right there are you a loyal listener of Nip Chalk my hearties my hearties do you set your alarm on a Wednesday and Friday are you buzzing

when there's a new episode do you run out of episodes and cry if you are that girl or that guy please please please share it with your mates put the link to this episode on your whatsapp because then it will make us go into some algorithm or other more people will listen to us we will become busier bigger and give you even more bye Right, Lauren, we've got some shmey shmey. Has anyone seen Shmeen, by the way?

Oh, my God, all I get on my Instagram is pictures of Shmeen in Ibiza. Has anyone? Is he still in Ibiza? Oh, my God, and also, beep this, Lucas, a girl that we know, I don't know if you know her, she sent me a screenshot the other day. He's messaged her. Hi, saw you on Raya. And then sent her another one saying, hi, are you OK?

How many people is he messaging in a day? He is not off his phone. how many people is he messaging and she is a stunning super like God love him for the balls

send us your Smeans we're getting loads of them okay right Ash are you reading it am I reading it what's going on

you're better than me bottom or top bottom help can I have this relationship or is it too close to home

please keep me in on so I really need advice and I can't ask anyone so I thought I'd ask you guys That's what we're here for. I've been single for around eight years. Honestly, love my life.

But obviously, don't want to be on my own forever. So me and my mate went for some lunch and ended up staying out. Fantastic. Drinking and dancing. That's what you do when you're single with little kids. Love it. It was such a good night. But here, the problem begins.

While dancing away, obviously pissed as a fart, this absolutely gorgeous man catches my eye. When he says hi, I remember him from school. We just clicked. We were like made for each other. fast forward a few drinks and i ended up going back to his house it was the best sparks flying everywhere honestly i feel like we're soulmates just like we were meant to be so when we so then we messaged back and forth for a few days and then i was talking i was talking to

my mom about who i'd seen on the night out and i mentioned his name turns out his nana and my nana are cousins like what the fuck are we related what have i done right his great way so his grandma and yeah i think that means you're related strange and quite right and gone what have i done i've questioned it but he assured me it's completely normal how many of his cousins is he shagging but since i've never met any other man i'm reading the wrong fucking page i thought that didn't sound right can we go out together and have a magical relationship can we go out together and have a magical relationship that i know we could have honestly i don't know what to do um okay one two three stay or leave one two three leave i think don't tell anyone carry on

what if your baby comes out genetically it right here's what i want to know is it cousins by marriage or blood i think that's quite important yeah if it's if it's not blood it's fine because if it's cousins by marriage can you think you need to ask like a doctor this question really yeah isn't incest illegal i don't think i think that's only first full incest is illegal but at any level lauren lucas all that would make they would be third fourth cousins is that illegal i'm googling it incest is illegal because the babies come out not okay i'm googling it a lot of the time i'm googling it that's why do you know what i wouldn't do this 23 and me shite because

knowing me I'd have sorry mum but maybe a different dad or something in England you can shag your cousin it says that on google well then you can definitely shag your fourth or fifth

I'm going to google this now if our grandmas are cousins what are we that's what I'm going to do if our I hope no one looks on my phone this is the good thing about me being an only child

my mum's an only child my dad's an only child Well, I'm not an only child, but... Wow. So it's not that bad. It's legal. If I count my cousins, what are we? Okay.

Here we are. Third cousins. Third, no. Would you be okay with that? Depends if anyone was going to find out. Yeah, they would. I would ask what your mum thinks about it. She said no, the mum.

The mum said no? Yeah, the mum was like, that's your nan's cousin. Yeah, but she didn't say no. She just told the facts. She nans... Oh, fuck, I don't know what to do. But they're really in love. Do you know what?

Love has no boundaries. I think carry on. I think you carry on. Don't tell anyone. Move abroad. Yeah, maybe move abroad. Don't tell anyone. Just do seek medical advice before you breed.

No, I'm being serious It's just like breeding puppies No, but it's worse than puppies It's children True Right, okay Seek medical advice And then I would suggest you carry it on

Don't tell anyone Who knows any way Seek medical advice And I mean this in the nicest possible way I don't know whether your grandmas Are still around Or not But they won't be forever

So people aren't going to know soon When both your grandmas are dead No one's going to remember Whose cousins were what So Lucas says As third cousins it's 0.2 percent match of the dna so it's not a lot it's not bad come on carry it on it's probably more dna and your chicken nugget related to yeah and there's probably you've probably snogged people

on a night out without realizing that's got more dna close to you fucking hell right stay with it move abroad if you need to but seek legal advice right not legal medical and legal maybe okay guys so we want an update just like you so yeah we're not just throwing these men out there and getting no updates i've just messaged the girl who told me about um the last one and i've said steve lee and i've said i want an update on that please he was quite young so i'm not sure whether it was right demographic i've got an older one for you guys okay we need older it's really funny um we've just had a message through someone that is convinced we get this all the time that one of the stories that was written is about them and i'm like thousands of people think the same one

Do you remember when that person Wanted to call the police about a story And you made us take it off Call the fucking police on Nip took it off I was having an anxiety attack I should have told you to shove a cootie up your arse And get on with it Anyway

Fuck off Right But they said they're going to call the police Really annoying The man of the week Man of the week Here we go with your man of the week Right girls, we have Lonely Heart

We have Ben Kershaw And he's from Wakefield, Leeds So he's a Leeds lad Leeds lads are funny You like a Leeds lad, I knew So I'll show you him So let me just tell you a little bit about him first okay so he's 37 love love he's a sales director nice lovely lovely guy if they do sales their

chats usually good yeah yeah because we know that lovely lovely guy and this is what was said she said to him can i sign you up and he said absolutely go on then sign me up so he's up for it we're into it she said he'd be a really lovely boyfriend he's such a nice guy and he's an absolute catch do you want to see him he's tall looks tall anyway gorgeous yeah decent okay so his instagram name my darlings is ben kershaw you can't go wrong ben kershaw b-e-n-k-e-r-s-h-a-w ben kershaw um please though right if you're gonna do this they're gonna have to update us what i'm gonna do now with people is i'm gonna say we're only doing it if you update us after otherwise you're not being a man of the week we want a who message did you like anyone if not

like why that kind of thing yeah and we're going to get some updates for you next week on the ones that we've already done i might get dale to do as a voice now okay right guys darlings remember on nip tuck we want to get your voice heard you'll notice every segment of this involves you so we actually do need you um you can email us at hello pod.com please put in the what would be really helpful i think to lucas if in the subtitle you put what it was you might put slutty susan you might put urgent you might put reply to last week you know we want date update yeah date update put it on the so so that we know what part it's for yeah i think that'd be really helpful for him and you can get in touch via whatsapp as well as you know if you want to put that with a title

first that'd be helpful um your voice notes your messages your pictures if you want to be anonymous when you pretty much always are we always keep you anonymous anyway don't we we never really say your name even if you tell us we can and don't forget we want a five star review we do anyway have the most amazing weekend if you have this weekend found out or this week that you have been cheated on i want this weekend for you not to be crying and feeling sorry for yourself i want you to act like a man and what a man would do i want you to get the revenge i want you to be out and about happy not sit there like a little pussy bitch get out there out and piss him off well don't even think about it no you're not doing it to piss him off you do you boo you do you and make him

realize so if you're feeling now like a bit low pull yourself together bitch you're better than that we've all been there we've all been cheated on crack on have a lovely weekend my darlings i hope that helps someone bye