Nip Tuck - Bonus Babes: 'Your Vagina Is More Important Than The Turtles!'

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

This week the girls are served with a slightly disgusting, but also essential public service announcement that ends with a rather bold statement. Ashley and Lauren share their wisdom when one listeners partner has suddenly become way more adventurous after a short split and would you be annoyed if your fella wanted to take his ex on a holiday with the kids?To sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello guys and welcome to i feel weird you normally do this nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the bonus baby this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational men and women and this particular one the bonus is all about you guys so on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard. You can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com. You can send us your icks, your dilemmas, your voice notes via WhatsApp. Tell us dirty stories. Tell us what's going on. Give us some gossip. Basically, we don't give a fuck. Okay, listener's message. Hi, ladies. I adore your podcast. Please keep up the good work. You help me get through the work. Sorry, you help me get through work twice a week. Anyway, myself, and I'm sure a lot of others, would love a segment

about innies and outies you know we talk about this all the time i'm so self-conscious of my outie to the point when no man has gone down on me ever i've got a new man on the go and i don't want it to hold me back anymore please help me mentally normalize it fucking get over it love your lots from your loyal anonymous listener babes we talk about this all the time yeah dangle this is something we always talk about you've not been listening we always talk about this it's literally 50 50 some are in some are out men don't give a shit and as i said like a couple of episodes ago i actually asked james about this and he said he can't really remember and nobody cares no like so do your aura needs to radiate at my fanny is my fanny and i love it and i love it

and you're gonna love it bitch yeah like and if you're confident you're gonna lick it yeah are they gonna care if you're giving it like all that and you're really good and you're confident and you're sexy have you watched porn recently because yeah honestly i think you're getting way too worked up like no one's arse but i get it i get it maybe she has been watching the type of porn that's like that where they've all tucked in the other thing is look we all have something that we're not that keen on maybe someone's made a joke to her maybe but you have to think i would rather be a girl with a dangly vag and a stunning face and a stunning face do you know like it's one of those things we all have something that we're not happy with and at least it's in your knickers

okay yeah and we're moving on go on hi girls loyal listener here i love listening to the pod as part of my morning routine and just recently you've made me laugh on mornings where i just wanted to cry you've really changed the direction of my day and it could have gone in a very different direction so thank you and thank you to the other girls who have all written in with their stories about being unapologetically yourself now i'm not sure what category this story fits into it's a bit of a silly suit kind of a dilemma and a bit of a psa i guess so you're welcome recently i've been trying to be a more conscious consumer for my health the planet girl i've switched up so many products to chemical free organic eco-friendly options including toiletries

tampons pads and until recently condoms yeah because they're plastic aren't they not using for many many years don't know lauren please we should condone the use of condoms i don't need to i've got a partner many many years lauren right okay i've got a partner i'm okay i don't need to wear a condom but you should you should all be wearing femdoms and condoms that's something else anyway a few weeks who the fuck uses them by the way a diaphragm a few weeks ago me and my fiance went on holiday to france he booked the hotel and may i say boy did good so of course we had to make the most out of it shortly after arriving at the hotel we were going at it i love how people say going at it this sex was amazing until we realized the fucking stupid eco-friendly

condom had not only split it had completely disintegrated after some mild panic and working out that we were getting married in exactly nine months not ideal i decided i was going to have to be brave not ideal i can search in emergency contraception as you can imagine learning the french for this was interesting to say the least luckily i came across the nicest pharmacist lady in france what a babe who sorted me right out we enjoyed the rest of our holiday but it gets worse over a week later i went for a wee and when i stood up i looked down to see something strange in the toilet i fished it out and realized it was part of a condom i was so confused yeah it must have been the eco-friendly condom had come back to haunt us and had been hiding in my vagina

for over a week i panicked but after an embarrassing but reassuring with the doctor all is well and i'm not dying moral of the story your vagina is more important than saving the turtles do not use eco-friendly condoms girls i mean i get it like stick to what works stick to what works yeah that was that was a traumatic like the the tampons i personally can't tell the difference between the organic and non you could though about three years ago but now now they are on the same level condoms i am the same as you lauren i've not used one for a long it's very clear it's very clear right next one hi girls and lucas i've just found out i'm pregnant at literally two to three weeks and i don't want to share it beyond me and my partner but i could

not write in i'm so glad that she's told us i need your girls help ashley i'm on your amazon and it's a godsend but also a bit overwhelming i've ordered my z to west supplements first and foremost but i know it's still so early i don't want to go crazy i just need advice on some early essentials lifestyle changes thanks in advance gorgeous girls congrats oh congratulations right z to west supplements for early pregnancy i personally found that the pregnant care ones made me want to die same what's that about very sick yeah and they make you wee bright you know um the morning sickness that you get i discovered after a little bit that it wasn't morning sickness it was those and if when i stopped taking them i stopped being sick so i didn't and i wouldn't

this time to be fair they say that like from your diet if you're eating well you should really be getting like all the stuff including like folic acid folic acid broccoli i would always i would always have more folic acid if i got pregnant again you need folic i would take that but that's it i wouldn't do pregnant care again no way the z2s ones are really really good the dha basically if you go online they'll tell you which ones to get in your first trimester but it lauren's right sometimes i've had friends that can't even hold down like a brew and have just been violently sick so just just try and make conscious decisions where possible if you can take your supplements take supplements don't kill yourself if you can't there's also another one for if you're feeling

very very sick and they're called rituals supplements but they're expensive and they're from america they're worth it though they're lemon flavor and they're one tablet a day lemon or mint lovely so when you take it you don't get that yeah but yeah there's there's loads of stuff on my fertility highlight have a look at that i honestly babe what i would invest in in the early pregnancy would be acupuncture and reflexology they i had to go for them every single week when i was in early pregnancy or i would have just been bed bound you feel like my heart goes out to anyone who is between zero and 16 weeks pregnant it's not a nice time and you feel like you want to die i can't remember it i remember it not being good and especially like at arid it saps your

energy i remember it not being good you look horrendous i remember a lot of sleeping a lot of crying and a lot of salt and salt and chips and chips and beans and cheese it's like a chicken nuggets like a hangover you literally feel like the day after you hung over like even worse and then in the back of your mind you've got all these like hidden anxiety so honestly just things to avoid lifestyle changes obviously alcohol coffee that was whenever i'm pregnant i know i'm pregnant because the smell of coffee makes me want to vomit. I didn't drink coffee once when I was pregnant. What's that? And we love coffee.

Yeah, I didn't drink it once. Isn't that wild? Other things, you should not be having hot baths. I love a hot bath. No, you shouldn't be having a hot bath. No excessive training. My acupuncturist, this is really controversial. She said to me, because I was trying to get pregnant for quite a while.

When was it? after no it was after i had that miscarriage she said ashley in early pregnancy till you get to about 16 weeks you shouldn't be doing any excessive training or like work or anything because your body is working so hard to get that going to get the foundations the foundations of the baby and the cells and everything they're multiplying every single day that's when you need to give it its time so if you distract your body with a weight session where your body then needs to go somewhere else yeah then you're distracting your body from building the baby she just said rest so babe that's all you need to take time out and rest and milk it with your

partner next one here hi girls and lukey firstly i've been following ashley for years now nothing about you lauren and i feel like a low-key stalker i'm not listening to this i love the pod i actually messaged ashley the other day oh did she reply probably not oh she'd have messaged me i might have which she probably regrets opening because it was a link to a penis enlargement page clinic please can we talk about how horrendous the results were i can't remember seeing this we must have a look at this side note what are your opinions on fat transfer to the breasts i saw chloe kardash tag a few american girls and their clinic on instagram and it was the first i'd seen of this treatments but the results look so natural i've got loads

of stories to tell you and i've where i've cracked up in public when i've been listening to the pod but i've never taken the plunge to write in love you keep what you're doing thank you can we find find them for next time the penis result um yeah penis enlargement's never gonna really take off is it it's hot poor men like if they've got a small dick they're fucked well i guess it's the dingle dangle again you gotta own it and it's big dick energy even if you've got what's the smallest dick you've ever had i would say this big oh was it the one yeah oh we're not allowed to do that um yeah i know the other person who has got something in common with them with them we can't we're not allowed we're not allowed right okay um right okay fact did you did you

come no i know i haven't on mo no not that's not to do the penis size like i have faked orgasms hundreds and hundreds of times when you do a one night stand i never come no who does no one does you never mind the penis size you fake it because they don't know your body and all you care about is making it look good so you're like and when you're doing that and concentrating on the rhythm you're not bothered are you no nobody does i don't believe that chewing gum in a wig right anyway um right so transfer right fat transfer to boobs so it's okay for if you want to cover up some rippling for example but think of it like the bbl theory okay you've all seen that picture of kim kardashian stood on

the beach with that dior bikini on the jamaican style one i've got something horrible to tell you what this is really mean girl thing that i did but james was perving on her like literally embarrassingly we were watching the kardashians i could see his eyes lighting up so i googled it and got it up and showed him what a horrible thing that that's from a bbl yeah so basically when you take fat from an area of the body especially the legs that fat is different different type of fat tummy fat or arm fat yeah so that will mean that you will get and then you can get it on your tits if you take it from there and who's to say when you lose weight where it comes back off again and also the fat cells die so say you get 300 mil of fat cells out 40 yeah

and then they die even further over time yeah but now in america they are doing this thing because i worked there for a bit when they were doing the trials and i think it's going to take off massively so if you are going to do it just hang fire a little bit they're mixing stem cells so continue to grow the um fat and then re-injecting it so it's like that supercharged i am i've had fat transfer to my breasts when i had them done last at the top at the top and it's fantastic yeah i've a surgeon that i worked with used to do that i don't know where i don't know where he took it from i didn't notice in it i can't remember but it was like not that much and he put it like over my implants and honestly you can't see my implant one bit can you really impressed with

that and it hasn't gone at all and i've got not one degree of rippling whatsoever and they were really rippled before it wouldn't make you have boobs though no no i wouldn't do it as no it's just i would do it as an addition if you've got thin skin right we'll be back after the break with dilemmas but first are you a loyal listener of nippity-tuckity do you set an alarm on a wednesday and a friday do you love us do you text your friends about us are we in your group chat all the time if so continue to spread the word you know that's all we ask from you we will tell you all our stories we'll make a lovely community and all we ask is share it share the episode on and get a few more listeners and we'll love you

welcome back guys so this episode's been a bit all over the place but we're pulling you back in with some of our advice and someone lauren has written to us because they've got a dilemma and they want our advice oh god i know they must be in a bad place right must really be desperate at this point if they're coming to us okay recently found your podcast god that's me and you the podcast this is the podcast legit we've both got massive forwards anyway she loves it and she wants our thoughts after four years from our big from our fods after four years my boyfriend and i went through a bit of a weird patch he moved out and we split the four year itch but couldn't quite stay away from each other

always a good sign we've started afresh and we've been dating for a while now and things seem to be going great until we've spoken about the short period we separated no no no no no no no and he openly told me he had a lot of women interested of course he did but never went there of course he didn't as he's still so confused about his feelings about us oh fuck off oh god however since he's come back he's been wanting to spice things up in the bedroom which is welcome of course but there's a part of me that's wondering where all this has come from in four years he's never been interested in bondage and i'm sat here like the only reason any of us know what we like in bed is because someone else has done it to us first uh why does he suddenly think he might like

a finger up the ass after four years for example am i overthinking it i mean we had separated but he was devil banging what do you think oh he was lucas thinks yes as well i'm sorry he's had a small gap and i will shout as many people as i can in that gap because then i'm not getting of course also men always get this guys like i've had it happen to me like everyone has had this okay men especially when they are of early 20s say they find a girl that they actually really really like and they panic panic and they're like no more pussy no no more random pussy i this isn't no i've got feelings i don't know so what they'll do is they'll say let's go on a break and then they'll fuck everyone that they possibly can to get out of the system brown they might even have

like some casual that where they try having a girlfriend in there but they then realize and they come back to you yeah and this it's fine that he's done this like it was probably a milf that he was with i'm envisioning be careful i think we're gonna upset her no i mean like as in like an older lady that like has tried different things we are making this up now i'm making it up making this you're making this worse okay so i think yes let's be honest girl he probably has had a bit of puss while you've been on the break and the answer is you should have done as well then like you should have got a bit of date um however what you need to think about now is where you go from here i'm not so ashley would be like never ask never discuss it we move on from this

not me i would need to know who when where no no it's just we're different i for me to genuinely move on i need to know it all process it why would you want i just i'm just like that and then i can move but then you just mentally talk for a bit but once i've got my head around it but for me what is more mentally torturous is thinking who was it did you what did you do i don't want to know you did and him being like i didn't and you thinking i know you did so i suggest you have a really frank if you can handle it frank conversation with him where you say what it is driving me mad i know you did let's both get it he's not gonna fucking admit it he's a man the only way he might admit is if you say you did and then go haha joking yeah you you say it first

you say first one two three yeah um i think he probably has but look let's look at this he's never gonna admit it either guys he's come back to you yeah he wants yeah whatever the fingers up the bum he was getting it wasn't enough for him or he would be with finger up the bum girl and he's not also how fun that you get to do this is what i'm saying look at it like this now this is fun put your finger up his bum and move on maybe put a thumb up and get him back and be like you wanted a finger take a fun right then oh oh this is a big girthy one girthy chody one okay here we go passing your seatbelt honey hi girls and leave girls i loved the live sesh can we have more oh my god i'm so sorry i went under the table i tried it also ashley you are so relatable

i have to tell you what's the first everyone hides under the quilt with a vibrator for a midday masturbate everyone without a job excuse me lauren so i've been seeing this lad not long three months we started talking he briefly mentioned he's going on holiday next year with his son and daughter and if i if things had progressed to the point where i'd met his kids and there was a space i could easily jump on with him because his daughter didn't want to go right okay so basically his daughter didn't want to go on the holiday so there might be a space okay fast forward two or three weeks he's talking about the same holiday and mentions the some the mom's mom is now going i was like hang on you said your daughter didn't want to go

what you didn't say your mom's son was going didn't mention anything about him saying i could jump on but in my mind i've got in my mind i'm all set i'm having a holiday next summer oh you don't want a holiday with someone else's kids oh that's lauren about that oh no he proceeded to say that yeah she's coming we've not had a holiday as a family and i want my no you're not a family and i want my son to experience that and she's done a lot for me so i'm paying for us all she's always been booked on they've been split up two years but apparently they were still messing around for a while they're shagging still no i voiced my opinion on it and i said by the time the holiday came around i wouldn't be comfortable with the idea and i wouldn't stick around if you

did go he said it's for my son oh they do he's a narcissist i'm an adult i am 30 and i'm 100 not nuts or a girl who goes mad at lads having girlfriends girl friends etc i like an easy life i'm not stressing over stupid things like that i understand co-parenting but they really don't need to co-parent in my eyes as apparently they don't really talk and she drops the kid off with his grandma when it's when he's at his dad's i'm the one to drop him off at sporting events to watch his son at weekends and when and when i've said why don't you get his mum to give you a lift instead of driving he proceeds to say i don't want a lift off her hun you're going to be on a plane on holiday with her so why not don't overthink also my best friend is a lad and he doesn't want

to meet him because it makes him feel uncomfortable no i don't like this man he thinks if i have a lad friend something must be going on double standards i also said if i met her by the time the holiday came and i could see things were just for the benefit of the sun i'd feel a bit better about it but he followed it up with she wouldn't want to meet my new partner clearly she still has feelings though am i being stupid with the debate and cutting it off absolutely not cut it off i've met his family and i think why would he introduce no do you know what i'm not even reading any more of this cut him off he's a typical narcissist cut horrible man off trust me now number one something's going on there whether it's going on or not you don't need this drama you're 30

without children why would you involve yourself in a man and his children and his fucked up shit why would you want him going on holiday with his ex no no no i'm telling you now and don't be getting involved in the kids lives either no you've already started doing the dropping the picking all that kind of stuff let me tell you from personal experience not in this particular relationship but from the previous one um i did all that you know started doing the picking up that helping out and all that happened is i got sucked because i'm a nice person i just thought yeah this is okay you can see a gap and you think i'll help with that and i got sucked into it and i got absolutely abused through it and it was completely pointless and i would never do it

again obviously my situation now is different but at this early stage i wouldn't even be getting involved with the child that much um i would be getting rid of him he is i am promise you now bad news and you are gonna have serious stress and the fact he won't meet your lad friend but thinks he can go on no no you sound like such a lovely girl switched on and don't let him gaslight you and say you've been a paranoid girl you need to stand your ground on this and say do you know what my rules not for me bye-bye no i don't like him stay well away from him stay well away please if you don't then on your own head and if you send a dilemma after i'm not listening right you can get in touch with us we want to hear your voice we want to

hear your messages email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com get in touch via whatsapp send us your dilemmas your itch everything go to this episode's description for more information on how you can get in touch with us and please we're helping you we give our time to make your dilemmas better give us a five-star review and we will see you next wednesday on our main episode bye