Nip Tuck - Brits Prep, The Queen Of Truckers & Getting Trolled

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

The girls are glamming up for The BRITs and giving you the full behind-the-scenes scoop — from last-minute prep chaos to the outfit details you need to hear about. A listener's sent in a mortifying confession about accidentally shoplifting in front of their students… with a basket full of booze. Ashley finds herself in an unexpected showdown over a truck driver (and somehow forgets to mention she’s basically the Queen of Logistics), while poor Lauren is getting thoroughly trolled for being a little too honest about her diet.Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Susie's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

Before we jump into today's episode, we wanted to mention that this episode was pre-recorded. We know things feel heavy right now and there's a lot happening in the world. If you're carrying that in any way, we see you. We're really glad that you're here. And if this episode can be a small pocket of comfort, distraction or just company, that means a lot to us. guys hello and welcome to nip tuck it's wednesday it's your favorite podcast and we're here to chat absolute bollocks for 40 minutes so let's crack on we have got the brit awards yeah we're going to talk about the brit awards we're going to update on the sketchers saga and what we're also doing because it's coming into spring we are going to do a little bit of a spring reset

i've done a little bit of a clothing thing you've done a bit of a makeup reset and that is what we're going to get you in the mood to yeah for spring which is love a little judge we've got some dilemmas as always um so yeah should we get started let's get going okay now as you know you can listen to the podcast every wednesday wherever you listen to your podcasts and a bonus episode is available on patreon on a friday or apple subs however if you want to watch us we have a youtube channel which is all listed in our link tree on instagram which is all listed in our link tree on instagram so you can watch us or listen to us basically just head over to at nip tuck pod if you tap the link in the bio there it will direct you to all the fun things that we've got

going on we've got youtube we've got patreon where you can literally hook up with other nip tuckers you can chat to us events early access to things all the gossip everything you need on there stay up to date on instagram share like comment leave a five star level love you bye right let's talk about life to start off with first of all sketches what's going on um so i've emailed them and I've still not paid. So they never called you? No. Have you had a lash lift?

No. Your lashes look different. I've used a different mascara. They look more separated. Yeah. More kind of bitty, but in a nice way. Is that the intention? So.

I can't explain it. More wide-eyed? I have used, I've gone back to my old Giorgio Armani one, the one that you didn't like. Right. it looks really really nice it's quite like dry isn't it you know when you put it on the brush it doesn't it's not very wet it's like dry they look more like curled back yes i will link it guys it's one of my favorite mascaras ever and i forgot how good it was however it does transfer

onto the under eye i've got um obviously i have lashes on my top so i only put mascara on the bottoms and i've been using the hourglass the gold one i think you told me yes i really really like it the only thing is it's a bit wet wet that's the thing i was using as well the lancome one um and i've been using that l'oreal extend one oh the silver one that we got sent but they're quite wet and because my eyelashes don't mean sound like an absolute pick me but because they're so long they're just so long and curly i'm sorry and basically um i always have to have dry spoolies i never probably use one or two a day really yeah because i have to i have to comb through them um but yeah lashes are like my pubes i use finish lash serums i do yeah on the bottom ones i use

religiously and just is what it is they have grown though since they have grown using but like i always say i think you have a level of what they're going to grow to yeah that you've got the have you seen this korean lash lift yes how good do they really nice i've not got enough lashes for it but you have mine are too long i don't how have we got into this from sketchers sorry everyone loves this chat mine no they actually are do they touch your eyebrow yeah because they grow so fast oh god you must snip them with scissors same as my hair on my head have them thinned oh i i have had to cut them before wow yeah sorry anyway we are going to the brit awards it the countdown's on so anyway we've been speaking about eyelashes can we now

talk again i brushed over the fact my child's a shoplifter yes yes age two right so we asked you if you had any shoplifting stories i mean just really pc really very nip tuck and lucas has just sent us a couple we haven't read them yet so i'm gonna read the first one and did you say there was two lucas yeah and then ashley's gonna read the second is that both of them joined in there no oh yeah sorry go on lauren hello girls please keep me in on because i'm a shoplifter in regards to the sketch situation i once worked in retail at flannels and we had a security system called face watch it's basically a system to upload known thieves on so once someone has stolen something their face is uploaded wow onto the system so that any other retailers that have the system

will be alerted when they enter the shop oh my god snowy's little face like this oh my god um we used to have a spare iphone that would ring wow that's exciting so we knew when someone had entered the shop that's really cool i will be on face watch now you can report criminal or antisocial behavior too when those individuals re-enter a participating location the staff can decide what action to take they can make them pay they can call the police or just watch them to make sure they don't steal again if i were ashley i would hand the sketches back just for ease of mine no i want to keep the sketches i've said i'll pay for them i want the sketches i've emailed them i've rang it's they don't fit her though why do you want them no but they're too big but she loves

them right she keeps getting around the house with them like flopping around yes right i think you might have to go into the store mate and just no i will but not out of my way no when you're going anyway yeah yeah fine right next one hey girls listening to your podcast chuckling to myself at the sketches incident i went to my local tesco to grab some food and alcohol for a small gathering i love the word gathering she's definitely from like uni cheshire i think i think that gathering's quite we used to say having a gathering yeah okay um sorry annoying me my local tesco annoyingly also very close to where a lot of students live i'm a high school teacher i'm at the self-checkout with a large amount of alcohol to see two students from my school i'm stood there

at self-checkout waiting for the checkout assistant to verify my id i'm shitting myself that much not wanting to see the students to see me with all this alcohol basically i packed my bags and ran out i'm then waiting for my monzo apple pay to ping up with how much it all was i got all the way home and i've realized i've nicked about 100 quid worth of food and alcohol so not only will the two students think that i'm an alcoholic they now think that i'm a thief i then called my friend who's a police officer and asked her what i should do i walked back into the store with my free full bags had to go back to customer service tell them the story i had to go back to till and pay for it all then walk out again again i i wouldn't have done that lauren but it's your local tesco you're

gonna be in there all the time like i tried obviously like you've walked out the watch you on the cctv you've done your dingle you've sauntered out you've not like you've done I love that word. Dingle. Saunted. Oh, saunted. I thought you meant dingle. I was like, dingle.

You've saunted out. You don't look like your arse. Do you know what I mean? It must happen sometimes. It's like when you, you know, like you've gone through security. It's like when something ends up in your bag by mistake. Fucking hell not.

I just wouldn't be going back to Tesco. I just wouldn't. Right. Would you, if you really needed, like, a tampon or chewing gum, like really needed would you rob it yeah fully yeah and you wouldn't give a shit no you'd go in with intent to rob it i don't if i i don't i'd have to really need one because i don't think i've got that i'd be all agitated if i i wouldn't feel that bad about robbing is that why you got

your cap on just pull it down over your eyes um no i wouldn't feel that bad about it it's like when i was younger um lucas is probably gonna be okay no maybe maybe not when i was younger people i know when we were younger used to wear clothes and send them back and that's what they used to do i think people still do that right yeah um however one of my friends did it that much that she got no she got noticed so on asos now yeah you have i don't know if you you don't shop that much do you and plt yeah is it on plt you have a percentage so when you go on your account it tells you how many percent of the things you bought you returned and like that's the whole fucking point of online shopping i know that you can do that but green is like good but

if you get into the red they start monitoring your returns i'm sorry i understand okay but you're not paying for a store or stuff no i agree so you need to take that on the chin yeah because sometimes you need to buy 10 different sizes or 40 colors whatever you don't know that's the whole point shopping in your own home yeah and i'm out of pocket anyway for a few days while it's in their bank account there was some um i remember quite quite a while back a few years ago there was some drama because influencers were um the holes so they were doing holes so what they were doing is they were doing a huge zara order for example or you know whatever it might be and they were doing the reels and they were doing the try-ons and they're showing our showing it they

might have kept some things that they loved but then they were sending it all back but they were obviously featuring some of it as they were trying it on on their instagram and there was a big thing about whether that was right or wrong now my thought on it was free advertising well yeah and also i'm trying it on what what does it matter to you whether i'm trying it on and then filming it or whether i'm trying it on in my bathroom in my bedroom and showing my partner then showing my mom and then putting it back in the bag i'm not keeping it i'm not staining it i didn't think it was that big a deal really and also it's free advertisement but people were going nuts and apparently they were working out the names of influencers um like big ones and then they were

going on and looking at their because imagine if you do a haul every few days imagine the return rate but i don't think it's that big a deal but people were fuming about it so influencers when they do outfit hauls return the stuff you're telling me they keep every single thing no they don't what so you think they probably do no they don't oh they don't guys do you know what i saw a tiktok the other day this again fits in with what you're saying lauren and it was a tiktok of this girl and she was like things i found influencers posting on vinted this week what could you be asked well influencers really make people oh yeah they do i get it like we make people so mad like we're awful yeah so we're allowed to get abused right okay you know we have to

like take it so this girl was like i found this pr box on there and like these are like pr boxes that you know we get sent which we've had conversations about by the way they are quite excessive sometimes yeah we've had conversations about this haven't we because you can get sent like a pr box and what a pr box means is you don't have any obligation to post it normally i've not asked for it i've not asked for it so they'll send it and what they want you to do is try it out and if you like it they hope that you'll then post about it um but there's no i i do it well no i don't send them like cold i ask if someone wants to try something yeah yeah so there's that's how it works basically and bigger influencers get honestly i get a lot so i can't even imagine

they just get thing after thing after thing and sometimes they've got your address whoever buys my old house oh he's gonna get some room by the way it's going up for sale this week if anyone's interested in looking at it do you want people smooching on right move and it's got absolutely nothing in it okay then yeah well people can go and buy it they could buy it if they're a huge you know like people used to buy katie price's old implants they could buy your house to be like in your house like my knickers yeah and they could sniff around your house and stuff no we've had like it's all been painted had a new carpet and you know when you've like moved out i went back in the other day you kind of check and everything and i was like it's quite nice i do you know what

when i was annoying you know because it's all fresh when i was leaving mine and then didn't in the end i showed around this lovely couple that were going to buy my house we didn't end up doing it and as i was showing them around i was selling it that much that i was like oh um and i was like and there's a part you can walk up there with the dog the neighbors are lovely and from this view and i was thinking i want to keep it now yeah it's like when you why don't we just do a raffle on patreon you know yeah it's like when you um when you lend your friends some clothes right yeah and you're like i don't really like this and then your friends are oh my god no i know So I give my stuff to my housekeeper

and then she comes in wearing it and it looks nice. And I'm like, I wish I'd not given you that. Where were we? So what do we think about the PR box? Well, yes. So anyway, my old house people, you'll be inheriting a fucking shit ton of PR every week. Do you know what?

How do I feel about it going on Vinted? Right. So anyway, this girl on Vinted basically was saying, these are the things that influencers have been gifted and are selling on Vinted. and she was like one of them was like the full louis vuitton lipstick pr box oh that is a lot i was thinking more like a face mask um then there was like outfits that they'd done collabs with and stuff like that i don't think i'm really sorry but a wee delusional for saying like do you know

what would be bad i know what would be bad if a brand message me hi we'd love to gift you some stuff then i if i do think i actually was going to buy that anyway i will go back and say yeah i'd love to try and the specific thing that i wanted and then if they sent me stuff i didn't post and i put it on vinted yeah i'd say that's really not like disrespectful but i do think if you've done an outfit haul and you've worked with a company um say you've done a deal with plt they've sent you the clothes you've done the haul you've you've fulfilled you know you've got the free clothes or they paid you whatever you've done your bit for the clothes so the thing people forget is you may have been gifted the clothes but you're giving something back by posting yeah a monetary

value that probably would be the clothes yeah so you've done your bit they are your clothes well also if you want to sell them i feel like you should i have done that before where like i got sent and i did a collab with some like party outfits i don't really go out to party yeah that much and you gave your deliverable for those yeah yeah and then and i thought you know what someone else can buy these at a quarter of the price they're all brand new with the tags on they're really lovely but i'm just not good they were like i'm gonna wear them i think it's with like trend clothes as well you think you need to wear them in the next few weeks or you sell sell like i will literally and i'm so bad i keep tags in most of my jackets you know i do i don't

know why yeah just in case yeah and then like i will put stuff on vintage i don't think it's that bad um i do pr boxes if you've not asked for it to be sent to you all cosmetics have an expiry date on them and what if like i've been sent stuff before for like acne prone skin and that's not your skin type that's not my skin type or i think the most majority what we do is we gift it don't we yeah so i have a cupboard um and i use loads of it love it we this is how we find out what's good what's not good but if there's things like you've just said for curly hair my hair's poker straight then i will keep it all and then i use it for say like the presence yeah not even presence say like so i share the school room with one of the mums and she was really good to me and amazing

so i just got my stuff and made a little box of stuff that's how i will tend to do it or james's mum gets a load of it my mum a lot of it i just use but i think re-gifting it is nicer but i think clothes i think you should be able to sell girls that work with me usually get a lot of um yeah and i listen to their feedback and they'll go like ashley do you know i use that was really good and it was so good because if i used all the stuff that i got sent my skin barrier would be non-existent you have to pick and choose don't you and not every color suits you yeah makeup wise that's the other thing and i don't want to open it use it once and then it's a waste and you don't want to waste it it's very hard but people hate influencers anyway so whatever you're damned

if you do and you're bloody well damned if you don't now speaking of selling so i am working with vinted and i'm going to we love vinted no i we do we love i buy a lot of shit yeah i just bought some trains off vinted um which ones for the babies the kids stuff i always get trainers They're so finted, amazing. You can get them brand new. They wear them for, no, anyway, so, I've just done a thing with them.

I will always knock it by a couple of pounds because it feels good. Yeah? Yeah, same. Yeah. Like, say it's 33, I'll always go in at 30.

It's the hit. It's the hit. Feels good. But then when you put an offer in and it goes and you're like, yeah, I should have just bought it. So, I am going to sell my Brits dress.

By the way, guys, it's stunning. So, let's tell, we need to tell you the story actually about this. So after the last record, we went straight over to your house, didn't we? So we're going to the Brits and we are going with the official... Yes, sorry, we've not told you everything.

We're going with the official electrolyte partner of the Brits. The Brits is in partnership with Mastercard. So we're going with Liquid IV. Yes. How exciting. Really nice electrolytes. Oh, really nice. The peach one.

Yes, they are very nice. Sugar-free, I like. And do you know what I like about them? They're not ridiculously expensive. Yes. So the thing with electrolytes, you want to be taking quite a lot of them, really, don't you, if you can. so they can get spinny

whereas I think the price point is very fair do you know how I got onto the liquid IV ones because I think they're American aren't they

no no don't quote me on that but I saw Kimmy K a while and you thought if it's good for the goose it's good for the gander is that what you say

I don't know anyway we're going to the Brits with liquid IV so after record last week we went over to Ashley's house

and Danny our stylist met us there so you can follow her on instagram get her instagram it's such a mad feeling like like we've spoken about stylists before and i've never really done it she like came with a load of different dresses we tried them all and so her insta is oh very simple danny double n i so d a double n i stylist it's pretty simple she's styled some really famous people yeah she has and she's just a lovely lovely girl

so she came right load of dresses we tried them all on the good thing about ashley and i is we're really really honest with each other so like if so oh no no no so if one of us put something on And it just wasn't the one we'd be like, no, no, doesn't do anything for your cankles or whatever. Like, we were quite honest. And also, if it's really good, like, that's definitely a runner. And I'd already bought this Moogler dress. Have you sent it back?

I've sent it back now. The quality wasn't great on it. I just have a thing for it. No, I mean, when I looked at it. Of the actual craftsmanship. Yeah, no, to look at stunning. But when I was looking at it, it had, like, tufts of... Did it? I wonder if other people tried it on.

so it was expensive and i did was going to sell it anyway i was either going to sell it or rent it out because i just couldn't otherwise it would but i didn't know about renting they would that very delicate yeah so i got it and i tried it on and it was nice but the top it was nude and it didn't i didn't have any tan on but it was really nice but i then tried on another dress that danny brought yeah i didn't even really look in the mirror for this but danny and ashley both said to me that one's nicer yeah and like i say we've got that relationship where if ashley says to me that one's nice i don't even need to look in the mirror i'm like right trust you so i was like right i'm not wearing that one then i didn't even really look at it i was like you've said that one's

nicer i believe you it was nicer so it's a black it's one it's long um got a slit in it it's like a bass like a top but it's a little bit big so danny's gonna pin me in i don't know what that means but means i don't know i'm gonna have to be i don't know what that means but she says she's gonna pin me in and then you you're sticking with the original dress i've tried a few on but none of them were as nice as the original no um mine is from a brand called mage no it's not a marge i will put the link for it on patreon but it's a very versatile dress anyone going to the races do you know why don't you sell it on vinted after i think i'll wear it again it is a wearer it's a mine is a wearer again yours is a ball gown vibe whereas mine you could wear for a christening or

the races yeah yeah so i just think it's a very it's called are you showing it we'll show it yeah well you will have seen it all over instagram probably by now we'll be milking the content so we we did that oh do you know what right shoes i haven't got any i'm going to the top shop fashion show tomorrow night with her so i should be going to that so there's a top shop you're really silly for not i know i just i i can't i cannot i don't want to okay i really want to but i cannot okay um the kids come on a thursday it gets heavy we've got the brits on saturday and i just know that for my mental health i'll lose it it's too much it's too much and i've started just learning and Tommy's still not sleeping guys so I'm tired and I've just started to learn I

really want to enjoy the bricks and I know that if I've got something else there I'll be all over you know I've just started to learn that like you're like going out out as well yeah I've just started to kind of think some things you can't do everything you and Lola are staying over aren't you are you not no so what are you doing so I am going to get ready in the room I'm gonna actually book a massage for in the morning i saw that text forgot to reply um no i won't do that no no i'm gonna book i don't like them they annoy me it's not a massage it's like a sports one because my back's so bad that's quite interesting i don't want a sports one and yeah she's like does anyone else get annoyed by massages by the way i don't just annoy me i think a physio i can deal with

yeah um so i'm gonna cause then it'll make me um like lymphatic drainage yeah so i'm going for that um in the morning in the hotel room we had to book the hotel room yes that's why i said more interested now i would even if she just does half an hour each for us right okay let's discuss yeah she's what time do you want to get to the hotel room early i think early james was like When are you going? He wants to go and play paddle. We can... Fine, let him go.

Go at six. Because then we can have like... I don't want to be rushed. I want to enjoy the day. So this is why I'm going to book the massage girl. Okay. And then maybe have a little Becky. Even if she does 40 minutes each for us.

I want to have a bath and a shower. Oh, it's going to be nice. What time's Hair Lady coming? We're not starting getting ready till about like... What? We need to do a call sheet. We need to do a call sheet. We digress.

you've still not told us this is mental why a call sheet no you do it's very you need a call sheet you need to tell me now

who's the videographer right so we've got a group chat with me Ashley and Lola we've spoken about Lola Lolita and

Lola is out tonight that girl is well she's about 10 yeah she's out tomorrow night she's going to the Dorchester with Tom

and team yeah for Kamani Living right I've got adverts in London Callum's going as well I've got adverts in London

on the boards so she's going to take pictures of it and while she's there Tom's doing an event for Kamani Living and like Leona Lewis is singing or something so they're all going to that

then she's going to come back and then we've got the Brits it's a good job she's literally 10 years old oh she can power through so yes we've got a video group chat and then lola's getting our content and everything because listen if you're going to the bridge you were making the fucking most of it we are getting the content we're getting the tiktok we're getting everything we're gonna do a behind the scenes on patreon everything

so then i saw you mention in the chat that we've got a videographer when did that happen yeah who what i missed that entire conversation yeah for while we get ready oh stunning stunning right well listen we don't do this much we don't go out much do we so anyway we what are you doing for you prep so i am when does it start so straight after this i'm going to get my fingers and toes done we know the toe story so my toes are now so long that they're touching the front of my nails that we both had a dress sorry the prep has begun so i went to skin a dress and i had a red carpet facial which was green power which if you've not had that is so good isn't it i know so what it is i don't really know what it is you'll have to ask gonna just micro spicules it feels like you know

when you feels like afterwards like your face has been glass um has got glass on it like ouch so that's the micro spit makes tiny little holes it's needling without the needling yeah um so your product goes in and it like it's lovely so i had that then she did she stamped me with glutathione botox or anti-wrinkling injection i don't think you say botox unless it is and peptide something things like that stamped my face then she did the led and then she got that little oxygen thing and pushed oxygen into my face hyaluronic yeah so she did that then i've got nails when i leave here i'm gonna have french obviously i only have two colors nude and french uh and my toenails then tomorrow i've got a spray what day is it tomorrow i've got my harriet westmoreland colors in my bag if you

want to borrow i'm gonna go um french no i know but they're that color i've got two i like milky in this one but are they Biab I think I have Biab oh maybe I will yeah

so I'm doing that and then it's Thursday tomorrow I'm not doing anything on Thursday Friday I've got a spray tan in the morning

with my lovely Barbara what is Barbara Boutique oh she's I've heard she's the best Barb's

Barb's is the and she's an absolute love can we go and take Lucas for a spray tan one day fuck

oh my god that would be really dark absolutely not have you ever had one oh my god Laura

I mean you go in a spray tan booth one day and put a GoPro yes that would be really would you not

I want to do some funny shit to Lucas we need to talk about vein men I've got a lot to say right we need to wrap we need to wrap this up

because I'm listening to this and this sounds like utter hell to me yeah you're such a shit gay I might as well I'll go and get my hair cut

and I'll get my hair cut and I'll get my beard done but other than that shave my chest shave my balls shave my arsehole you know maybe that

out of interest would you shave your arsehole and pubes with like a a bick like a razor or would you shave it with like a trimmer

I use my beard trimmer a beard trimmer to get rid of most of the bush yeah but then my balls and my arse I use my Gillette the best a man can get

so James once shaved his arsehole so it's a close shave and it was the worst thing he's ever done yeah because when it grows back the hair his face was always like this his face was like this all the time

right for weeks and it was growing back and he was itching his bum hole no so I've got loads of straight mates that do it

if you think about it when you poo you were pooing through a bush no I agree we shouldn't have hair on our arseholes you shave with a razor

I shave my arsehole do you Lauren if he keeps doing it yeah but it's not hair it's like my eyelashes if he keeps doing it trust me mine does not itch

doesn't get prickly nothing James is like he's told me off for this but so he do you know

have you come on right so do you know does Ed ever just like randomly bend over not looking where you are and then you turn and just see

an entire arsehole and a dangly set of balls he's been doing that by mistake and i went down to he was he was so he was low putting something i saw and i saw so he was putting something in the washing basket as well and it's horrible he literally was getting the stuff naked after his shower and he was putting it in the washing basket and he was bending down to get the clothes good man i happen to be behind him picking something else up at the same time and i swear i literally went like this i looked up and here was a fully spread dangly chicken balls bum hole and it was i was like that is vile number one and he went like this like oh and jumped so i didn't know you were there and his bum was so hairy like yeah the hairy

bush in his hole see i i just if you're a straight man right well you're getting fucked in your ass as well lucas yeah that's that that's okay yeah they're not depends not always depends what position you enjoy but i would say if you've got if you've got a bird yeah yeah she don't want to be you know getting the machete out and whacking through the forest to get to the to lick the bum hole well no i mean even just it's just not nice even just to look at it is not nice you feel cleaner yes i do shave my bum hole but i don't have much hair there so just give it like a little on my once a month list

yeah every every other when I shave my toes I shave my bum shave your eyelashes shave my toes I was going to say you shave the top

of your toes don't you I don't I do not oh mine grow long I have no hairs on my toe well look

speaking of spreading them shall we spread this episode in half yeah ooh I love that link let's just finish no there's so much

that we've not gone through let's finish prep next week I'm going to do my spring one then I can't do it this week we'll do it next week

I've got spring out for overhaul no just finish telling everyone what you're doing for the brits morning off we'll probably have a massage i may get some form of i might get skin addressed to do me a face lymphatic drainage just to tighten me up and i'm gonna use my zip yeah because i've got the 2.0 it's so much stronger i use like the medicube i've never used medicube but it's much stronger than the original yeah yeah so i'm gonna actually i did one of the things it was really good so i'm gonna do that um led mask of and then

what else yeah i'll tint my eyebrows a couple of days before so they're not really dark i have got a vitiligo bar to spray tan on friday lovely um then i will like marinate on friday with the tan yeah same and we need to ask alicia how we're turning up with our hair i'm guessing just blown out straight so that's all i can do that on the morning or the night i will need to do it on the morning yeah so need to do that and then my nails are pretty much done i need to do now your nails are lovely um i need to do my toes beforehand so also will you go and get them done yes i'm going to new skin limb for a facial on thursday yeah they're really good that's steph she's done my facial heard of them so i'm going to go and see steph and then what's she doing just like a red

carpet facial i'll ask for some lymph drain so on the morning get there we'll have a massage we'll have a shower wash our hair dry our hair have some breakfast yeah oh i'm really looking forward to it me too right guys we are now going to go into the break and then we're going to talk about the jamie lang and sophie habu tiktok that people have got loads of opinions on we are going to talk about a little bit of a feedback i have been trolled this week um and what else i don't remember a dilemma and ashley's got a story about a lorry um so we'll be back in a minute right we are back lorry story what is this so i was in nutsford and basically anyone that knows knutsford knows it's a historic town and the roads are very so by ashley's house they're small

like yeah it's quaint it's very hard to drive down top and bottom street sorry they're actually called they're called top and bottom yes so i was driving down bottom lucas loves to drive down bottom and then basically have you ever been down and you go down that hill and it's like that near the stolen lamb have me you and ed been for lunch there or is that a different bottom that's going up to top right okay so it's a downward so i was going downward dog then stolen lamb is there there's a car park there there's an interior shot there very tiny road big car right some stupid bastard lorry has pulled up and is delivering to the interior shop right so the whole of knutsford can't move right so everyone is stuck because

there is a gap and everyone's going like just drive up just trying and i'm like absolutely not because i'm shit at driving i know i am i've got a massive car and why would i risk that because this silly bastard's there yeah were you at the front of the queue it's nothing worse than being at the front and everyone's giving the pressure from and i to be fair they weren't pressurizing because they could all see no one could do anything. And this old lady comes up to my window. Are we allowed to say old lady? Don't say how old she was and anyone can guess what the age was.

An elderly, historic... A historical artefact. A historical person from historic Knutsford came up to the window. Some bones, some artefact. And I really don't like people touching me or my things when I don't know them. And she banged on my window. Okay, so even knocking on your window is a no.

I don't touch my thing. Right, okay. found that a bit okay i don't touch my window down what are you doing you you know you're going to have to uh just wait for this this gentleman to unload or you can drive around the back of the car park and then up and down and left and right and whatever and i went this idiot needs to move because no one can get past. And then she went, he is not an idiot. He has actually maneuvered his lorry very well

and he's, you know, doing a fantastic job. Why does she care? That needs to be done because he has a load to unload. I used to work in logistics. Ah. Wow. So that's what the problem was. So then did you, tell me you pulled the Ed Snowbark card.

Oh, I hope so. So I went, well, my husband works in logistics. And what I would say back to this is, what if an ambulance needed to come past? Yeah. Or how about he should have done it maybe at five o'clock in the morning? Yeah. Given the circumstances of what the road's like.

No other cars here. And then she was like, you don't know what it is. And I was like, I was so close to saying it. Did you not say it? I was so close to saying it. I would have absolutely said it. I would have been like. really oh yeah why not well you're never gonna see her again i definitely would have yeah with a pig

no you're never gonna see her again but she was such a twat so i would have done i would have made me really angry i would have been like i am the queen of logistics i am queen stobart and then i would have got out some stobart stuff like my my bank card and some bits to prove it i would have looked for like a mini stobart truck in there or maybe i need to get some kind of badge like a lanyard to do what i want because my husband works in logistics like a lanyard with like the stove but something well oh my god yeah something like that our um our car my car nearly got towed last week at recording that would have been really annoying because i'd parked on double yellows so the thing is my friend was telling me the other day you can't

park on double yellows in manchester if you park on i'm sure we told everyone recently to do that and then save themselves the money no you can park in a space for too long for too long that's okay but you can't park on double yellows or in a loading bay because then your car will get towed oh bugger i used to park on double yellows outside the ivy now and again my friend got towed from the ivy and she had nothing after a few cocktails nothing more annoying for brunch with her kids and then she had disney on ice and she was like i had to hold it all in how anxious i was but yeah that like i almost got towed as well on double yellows outside it is a dickhead thing to do to be honest we're not you're not no but you did used to be able to park on double yellows

but you can't now no you shouldn't anyway it is it is a bit naughty it's naughty um so you didn't do the lorry no well i would have done so you're a better person than me definitely and tell us about you trolling right so we did a as you know trolling trolling we did a an episode with live private parts and one of the things that we kind of i can't remember how we got onto it but live was basically saying i hate it when people ask me what i eat in a day because what am i meant to do tell them the truth which is 20 fags and some black coffees and i kind of joined in and we were making a joke of it and as clips are always clips so you don't hear the full story rage bait It's rage.

And listen, it weren't wonders. It's got like half a million views and Professor Green commented on it. Saying what? Laughing faces and James was so jealous because I went,

I love him. But I actually do love him. So anyway, we spoke about him on the pod the other day and he went, oh, did you? And I was like, he went,

did you say he was fit? And I did. James doesn't listen though, does he? No, but I'm making a, I've been doing it a lot lately. So anyway,

this clip, I'm going to have to read you some of the comments. so i got it because basically i was saying look what do you want me to say how have you lost your baby weight oh from smoking all day and having coffee no don't even smoke anymore yes i do babe but i i was just it was a bigger conversation and the point was more how real do you want influence this goes back to the influencer thing so people ask you a question like supermodels just sniff packet people and eat toilet roll people ask you a question

duh what what yeah supermodels eat toilet roll and cotton wool why once

right allegedly so people ask what you eat in a day on the bog roll and packet diet and what Liv's

what Liv's point was is like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't as an influencer okay so I'll be honest alright what do you eat in a day which I get asked all the time

and I just find that a really weird question it's when they put what you eat in a day I just find it a very odd question I just think why do you care

what I eat in a day you eat what you want to eat like yeah so i reply and i go today i haven't eaten a thing i've had three black coffees i've vaped all day so i'm honest i'm being true to myself but then you are then apparently influencing all these people that have clearly got no brain themselves yeah to then copy you and start doing coffee so you can't win okay i can lie so this morning i had a blueberry smoothie and then i took um i had a chicken breast protein and i do have the odd bit of protein but don't have it like in a chicken breast i haven't got time i have it in like a bar so that was the point oh my god i got fucking trolled mate right tell you what ladies i've just been to the

oncologist today who with my brother who smoked and he's got three months to live he's 63 let's see how cool you are at 63 it's like jesus that like that's don't put that on me who still smokes in 2026 wow i am so shocked how could you smoke after having a wee baby it says we trust me it'll bushy to wine and fags you should nourish your body and weight it will all be back to normal i am totally shocked that they think this is funny they're trying to rationalize it really really really shocked fags and coffee one of our followers has put boring and she's put maybe boring but it's the truth it's desperate to smoke all day and drink coffee love eat and enjoy a balanced diet boring is smoking all day yuck um and then we've got yuck um hang on we've also got

this absolute gremlin who pretty much every video we post he writes oh they really need to start taxing podcast oh my god it's not funny we already pay tax you fucking idiot no but i don't understand what that comment means luke is basically saying you shouldn't be allowed to do a podcast yeah he's just a hater but i like the comment and then and then it's hilarious the other comments that they love writing on today's list of things that didn't happen we should really start taxing podcast not everyone deserves a podcast take their microphones off them oh fuck off and they're just jealous aren't they oh this was a good one these three are idiots i don't know why you got dragged into it they have that bully boy school girl attitude making out they're too cool for good

health and of course if their comments are true let's see where they are sitting with their cigarettes and coffee in five years hopefully in spain yeah in my villa with my coffee on a yacht yeah now some of them were quite good one of them said i love this i love how honest you guys are i love it it's great um and there's a few that are basically that get it um the comments on these videos where i expected but i actually think this video is great and i'm so glad someone's finally coming out and saying it how it is they're calling influencers on bullshit what i eat in a day when they actually don't it's better that we don't talk about it so yeah it was it i honestly kept getting notification after notification and i thought i argued with a couple of them i didn't

really argue because lucas tells me off if i argue with them um but i kind of gave a bit of shit back but i was like i don't even smoke anymore i simply vape all day it doesn't matter even if you did oh she's got a baby she smoked this is one of the things and lucas you would have killed me you would have killed me so one of the women james was like do it and i went i can't lucas will kill me one of the women put that's absolutely disgusting think about all the second hand smoke your baby is getting and i was going to reply saying um he doesn't get my second hand smokey has one of his own and james was like do it do it and i said i can't lucas will kill me i was gonna put i give him half and i can't he'll kill me ends on that tommy

yeah that's what i was gonna write i was gonna put it's not a second hand he gets ends and i thought i can't yeah i know you're joking but if you do that you're gonna get a troll sending child services around i think then they come around to check on tommy and he's there i i'm gonna i love the troll comments i don't really mind them like it's just some I think sometimes when they're about image it's not nice yeah

I think that's it's always women that can be a little bit hurtful now and again but I kind of think well I already know what my flaws are so you can say them

it's not something I've not noticed already but that can be a little bit but the ones that say we're idiots we're bimbos we're dickheads we're this we're that

I don't care about that no they don't listen oh they do listen and they know right anyway okay so from one debate

to another debate so Ashley sent in to our chat a video and it's basically sophie habu or she's sophie lang now isn't she and she's at the is it the baftas yeah yep and she's presented the red presented it and she's in this beautiful dress and she's having all the pat pictures stuck on the red carpet and jamie is filming her from the side and then it spins to him and he's like oh wow like amazing and then he wrote uh the comment was something like wait i'm getting it up right so the comment was something like my wife um

my wife presenting the BAFTAs or something like that at 11 weeks postpartum right and Ashley sent it in because the TikTok has gone really like two-sided and there's a lot of debate over it yeah so let's unpack it the first thing I thought when I looked at it was oh shut the fuck up all these comments were like I'm not I'm 11 weeks postpartum and I don't look like that I'm a year postpartum and I don't look like that I wish we could all have access to all the things that you have so i could look like that postpartum and there was a lot of that and my first thought was shut the fuck up if you don't look like that 11 weeks postpartum fine no problem that's on you you that's your situation whatever like that you shouldn't have to you don't need to not everybody

does but it's not about you he's showing his wife he's proud of his wife like fucking leave it like just because you don't it's like me posting a picture of long hair and someone being like that's triggering me because my hair is really short and it won't grow like stop making it about yourself like if you're bothered about something and they clearly are to be going getting angry like that yeah when your wife had our baby 11 weeks ago and hosts the bafta red carpet do you know what the way he's written that he hasn't said about her body about her looks it's about hosting yes so that was my second thought then i started looking into it a bit more and i thought hang on a minute he hasn't said a word about her body right let me read like the top comment yeah

be careful not to put this expectation on new mums it's hard to be sleepless tired no help and no motivation to do anything but cocoon yeah fine you do that then good but she obviously feels bad about it to be right in that and is he is he giving that expectation or is he proud of his why mamas please know that however you look after childbirth 11 weeks or less or more you are amazing you don't need to be looking like this 11 weeks after you're doing amazing whatever you look like shut up where's the baby oh when they comment that where's the baby i just there's just a part of me that thinks all these women are so desperate and i think at least her husband's celebrating yeah i think it's because they feel like shit which we do postpartum i totally get it

i mean and they feel so rubbish you know people say that if you feel bad you then put it onto other people yeah he hasn't once mentioned her body or her figure or her weight at all in that what he could work thing what she meant to do just say no he could be proud of her for like that woman said having sleepless nights having all that stuff and still turning up for work to them for make money this hasn't landed how you expected it to oh my god

I don't think there is anything wrong with it I really don't if he'd have written also people are allowed to post what they want if he'd written looking so slim

I kind of get why that could trigger he's not said that these people in the comments in their own head have chosen to take it like that because they

have a problem with their current situation and do you not think that's life in general when somebody's a dickhead to you it's because they are unhappy

themselves oh projection they're projecting that's what these women are doing they feel shit postpartum which i totally get and they're projecting it onto that he didn't say that yeah they just wind me up well let us know your thoughts on that yeah tell us your thoughts i'm interested um right we're gonna move over to the next episode we've got some dilemmas we've got some more chat um and we are gonna blab blab over there so if you're a member of patreon you can not only listen to the bonus episode you can watch it as well if you listen to it on apple subs great but you can't watch it and we do have a youtube as well you can find all the ways to watch us and listen to us if you go on our instagram and click on the link in the bio

get in touch we need your stories we need your opinions tell us what your thoughts were on what we've spoken about today because you are part of our gang and we will see you next week guys i have an announcement to make everybody prepare because we want to thank our true og followers that means you guys on patreon if you are a patreon subscriber listen up we've just made patreon better so you will get the podcast before anybody else 5 p.m tuesday nights the night before the podcast is released you will be able to access the full episode the night before 5 p.m on a tuesday we just wanted to add that in as one of your amazing patreon benefits we will see you soon we'll see you next week guys