Nip Tuck - Burnt My Cli*

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Ok girls, where do we start? Ashley has finally met Lauren's fella, Lauren has had some wisdom from a psychic and someone has burn't their cli* off! Just another standard Wednesday for the girls!To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] can send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women i like to add words in each week but then sometimes i run out spicy spicy that's quite nice saucy yeah or why why is everything with an s are you taking the piss like have you done that on purpose no it's just like so we've just basically had i've had a meltdown haven't i ash so we were finding that when we were listening back to the audio the because we're a bit like all over the show ashley keeps knocking a microphone i keep like wandering off to my voice because i keep moving so we've just tried to do it with headphones on and i literally lost my shit all i could hear was every swallow i made it's sat lauren's syndrome

off yeah i could literally and i lost my head yeah and i was literally like the guy out of um there's something about mary it was my ears felt weird so i've took it off yeah so i'm going to try not to move as much so sorry about that okay so on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also send us your ics and dilemmas via whatsapp we've had loads this weekend loads like you've made lucas's weekend to be fair i think you've been really funny this weekend guys so thank you that means you can send your voice notes too now which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are so simply head over to this episode's description

for more information we want to know everything what's getting on your tits what's giving you the ache it doesn't have to be about men it can just be life like what's annoying you we love your sex stories but actually i wouldn't mind some just embarrassing stories like yeah i fell over in front of everyone like that would make me feel a lot better about the shit yeah like the other day I waved at someone and um it wasn't who I thought it was and I died do you know what the worst is the worst when someone waves you wave back and it's the person behind you that they're waving at and you know them a little bit and it's just so embarrassing or if you call someone the wrong name that's embarrassing I find it worse when they call you the wrong name when you're like

I just take it I take it yeah absolutely take it do you correct it do you say anything I never pull people up if they've done something wrong I just let it go I'm too embarrassed I'm just like yeah that's me my name's Sandra so yeah just any embarrassing stories that you've got to tell us but yeah basically we don't give a

flying fuck we don't give a fuck tell us what you want so we are back in surgery baby you've got us back guys it's Wednesday so it's like a midweek treat it's like a midweek pick me up isn't it

I like a Wednesday because you know that you're getting closer to the weekend don't you it's like and if you've had a really bad hangover

from the weekend it's now starting to recover and you're now considering when you're next going to have another drink I think

you're like I think I could possibly do that again you're literally like never never never and then when do you I just got to that point from Ibiza

still like it took a few months to recover was it it was ages ago oh my god and you're only just recovering from that

I think you are too probably no do you know what I get really anxious when I've got a lot of social activity coming up. I panic about it. And we have got a busy social calendar. We do.

And I'm actually pretty tired right now. And then it's only a few weeks till the brunch. Shit. I forgot about that. We need to get our outfits. We need to get our arses in to gear. Yeah. Sorry, girls.

It's going to be great, isn't it? Outfits, what are we going to wear? We're going to have to go shopping together. I don't know about that. I'm not going to Selfridges with you. They fucking hate you. I'm not going in there with you or I'll be blacklisted. absolutely no way

but no I feel like there's a lot going on at the minute and I'm tired I went out last night so I'm not hungover you went to monkey house how was it

so I've been three times now I went to the opening I went to an event there we've got another event there as well yeah and everyone's having their events there at the minute

and then I went last night really enjoyed it the food was incredible the Wagyu sliders I know jizzy pants they were so fucking good

so nice and the heritage potatoes because you know I love a potato though i bet you didn't eat what what that's so weird i ate mine and everyone else's like i went around and everyone's bowls of it and the broccoli was fucking insane the sea bass i didn't eat that was amazing apparently and the lamb didn't eat that either oh i had the lamb it was apparently really nice yeah um yeah really good and it changes into like a club later on but i went

home i didn't there's loads of young people there no there's quite a lot of footballers there yeah yeah there was loads of footballers but there wasn't anyone young actually when i first went there was loads of young people was it full yeah it was busy it was really busy it was good i enjoyed it i think i've been enough now yeah like i've killed it i'm going on saturday for my sister's birthday um and supposedly they're opening sexy fish where armani is oh really yeah that'll be good i went to sexy fish once in london how expensive i don't know i was so drunk i threw up in the plant pot yeah the girls had to like prop me up at the table and like and like pretend you're like a mummy

like set me out like yeah and I was sick in there like a puppet like literally like and I was like this I was literally slumped like this and they had to

yeah I was sick in the plant pot and then I vaguely remember a little bit of it and do you know I'll tell you where else I went to Monkey House in London and don't remember that either

I'm fucking disgusting oh they've got those caves they're cool don't remember being there yeah it was it was Monkey House it was expensive

it's not cheap no at all but I mean you check the menu before you go if you don't want to go yeah and it's busy and it's busy and it's good so so i'm a little bit i don't feel hung over i just feel a bit cloudy i'm a bit tired i'm not hung over because i wasn't just a bit yeah i'm

like i i feel like i really want to fry up well we can do that listen what so guys i don't know i've not mentioned this yet ashley's just met james yes yes so um i've just brought him into the studio because he's not seen this place and what we do so i've brought him in what do you tell what go on he's fit so fit he seems really nice yeah oh lucas were you not lucas also do you think he's fit isn't he yeah he is and he seems really nice he really loves me as well doesn't he i know i know he doesn't know yet um yeah he's lovely so he just came and had a little look so ashley's just met him for the first time oh first of many i am sure yeah frankie's here today isn't she yes she is she's filming also it's we've got a full house she won't let me tell any of her

stories could she say oh my god poor frankie gets absolutely we do say that she's got a sick body though don't we yeah we're nice about her but right lauren yeah after our conversation in previous episodes i've talked about my love of psychics and you and lucas always say like you've never really thought it was a thing so you went to see a psychic this weekend okay and the funny thing is i put it on my insta and everyone that listens to the pod was like thought you didn't like these yeah okay so i decided my friend went and it was amazing so how did they find this person don't know so i think he's word of mouth a lot of the time so i said right i'm gonna go it was in fleetwood so it was a good hour's drive did you have to like wait for your appointment

quite long no red flag no no well wait then all right then wait listen so i first of all it was quite traumatic i'm driving down there and i thought shit i don't know how much this is and i'm on my way to fleetwood i was like 45 minutes there i had no cash on me i thought i'm gonna have stop so i texted my friend and i was like right how much is it she texted me back saying 250 pounds yeah that's how much mine was so i was like you fucking what i was like is she a drug dealer or is she a psychic because that's ridiculous anyway she left me waiting for ages and then she just put haha she's 30 mine was like 30 years old 30 i hope 30 pounds i rang my friend who was also traveling down i was like it's fucking 250 quid she had to put the air con on because she

was sweating that much she's like well we can't turn back now so i've spent 100 pounds i thought put a spell on you honestly i thought when i get there though she'll probably know i'm skin yeah so she'll probably be like why do you look skin i don't know how would she well she is a psychic so she'll probably know 250 pounds a lot she'll probably charge me a bit less but the funniest thing is that morning right listen to this that morning i was um i wasn't looking my best um i'd put some tan on my hair was very greasy um and i went down then i rang my friend i was like i'm really panicked about this and she was like what's wrong and i said what if by my appearance she gets the total wrong idea and she thinks i'm someone else because i look that bad so i was sat with

her and i thought she's gonna start saying now like okay i can see you have no access to running water no fix you have no fixed address uh you live between door you live in door shop doorways are you and i was literally she was fine so let me tell you how it went i went in lovely little lady she was quite old yeah she was and she was really really nice and she basically seems to sat down she was like you've got a little girl should i want to say she's a boy but i know she's a girl but she's a tomboy isn't she so i was like yeah yeah okay yeah because i wasn't playing that game where you have to tell her your name before you booked in no she didn't even know i was going she didn't know i was going because danielle booked it for three friends and that's it

right okay yeah you're interested now aren't you she did no social media stalking um she had no honestly she was literally she had no phone she had no facebook she was a little old lady i swear so i sat down and she didn't even know my name no she still doesn't know my name um and she was just like okay so you're not with the dad though are you and i went no no you have got a partner haven't you and i said yeah and she was like he's lovely isn't he it's good it's really good and i was like yeah yeah it's all good and then she proceeded to be like basically the reading was about fucking james she went i've got some names that are like popping in my head i've written it down i can prove it i've got it recorded she said his dad's name first and i was like okay that's

his dad's name then she told me three of his brother's names one after the other written down i'm writing as she's talking writing and i've recorded it and then she was like um there's also somebody called blah blah and she said loads of names then she was like i can't later on she went it was like they like throw things at you randomly and she was like he's starts is it james is his name james i was like yeah so he's got children hasn't he she knew how many children he had she knew that the what the situation was with the children she knew whether they were boys or girls she then said to me listen to this i'm not going to go into it because obviously we're recording but she told me quite a few things about stuff that she wouldn't know about the

children about relationships with the children and the parents and stuff like that some of the stuff i can't actually say she said he's really good with your daughter isn't he um she said i can't really say much has she predicted anything for the future that's the bit that i love yeah so as soon as she sat down she was like there's some money coming in i was like fucking brilliant She said You're going to have Oh this is what she said She said

You train people don't you And obviously I teach lip brush She said But you've got another job as well She was like It's in media isn't it It's media But the way it's said

It isn't all in one go like this It's throughout half an hour Like little bits She went It's in media isn't it And I said yeah She said I can see TV On my life

I can see TV And we've been talking to people She said TV's coming It's going to be massive She said what you do now And she said what do you do So I told her the truth And she said

What's a podcast She had no Honestly she was such a cute She went what is that and she was like anyway it's going to be massive so the next 12 months

are big James she went you're going to get married there was no straight way she was like you're going to get married I thought

oh here we go again and then and then she said are you pregnant so like when you said before about that

I was like no she said are you pregnant I said no and she said are you trying I said absolutely not

she said well you need to be very careful then she said because there's babies coming fuck I thought if you can get pregnant

with the arse then maybe that's why you've been having bum sex all weekend um yeah so she said this baby's coming at least she can't get pregnant on pre-cum me that honestly so yeah that's what she's i can't tell you how good she was she was fantastic did she say anything about me i'm really sorry no she didn't but what she did say so my friend went in straight after me and the psychic said

both James' boys' names to my friend whose little boy hangs around with us. She said the names one then the other and then she said they're going to be

good friends with your son. It was madness. She also said a name of someone that is going to be around James a lot and then last night we had met somebody

who may end up working with him and his name was that. It was mental. But what I will say is this. I'm really impressed and I believe it now.

I can't not how much she said. You were so against it. I know. She mentioned my dad. She said, your dad's around. She knew he'd died. Is he okay with you?

She didn't say much about it. I think he's fuming, but she didn't fucking say. She also said, I'm going to come into money. So what I did is I texted my mum and I was like, I'm going to come into money. And she was like, oh my God, amazing. How? And I said, it's my inheritance. She was like, fuck off.

So she was like, you're not getting any of it. I'm spending it all. And I said, well, you've only got a few days left. So enjoy your next few days on. She was like, you're horrible. But no, she mentioned my mum. She was really good. But what I have to say is this.

Yeah, great. She told me loads of stuff about my life. Okay, I believe you're psychic. How's that helped me? Yeah, great. No, that's what you said last time. How has that helped me? What was really nice?

I think you go at a time in your life like, you know. Yes, when you need guidance. We had a chat. When was it? Like, was it on Friday? And we were both so. Oh my God, we were in such a mood. We were both literally like, like, and this is us getting quite serious now.

We were not okay last week. like and i still don't feel like i've got my sparkle it's funny and i think it's good as being honest because i felt really like low low no i mean just flat yeah like there's no point in anything like i just feel a bit i've got no creative like instagram have you seen me post on that i've got nothing to say and it's hard when you do that job sometimes like the social media stuff is really getting to us i'm enjoying not being like i've got nothing to say right now and it sounds bad and it's not my full on job

but I just I don't have anything to post I don't look very good at the minute I don't feel very good I don't want to take pictures do you know it's just how I feel

I don't want to take pictures I think it's because we're comparing ourselves to other people I went to monkey house last night and I had a really good time and in the back of my head

I kept thinking I need to get a picture I need to get a picture I need to get a picture there was no good lighting I was getting really stressed and I thought why do you need to take a picture

but I thought because I've not posted for ages and that's just I'm fed up with that it's sad though isn't it it's gonna do well yeah she said you're gonna have amazing time it was nice she was literally about james she was like you're gonna marry him absolutely she said he's amazing it was right was really nice but i knew all this so i'm a bit like you me and you're not gonna tell me that i'm gonna

drop dead i think it's when she said like when i went like i said to you it was more like when she was like be wary of a person yes and she did and she gave me some really good advice on how to deal with certain pete so there was two people that she mentioned and she was like this person is going to be a problem so don't don't be this react and did it and that always is in the back of my mind both my friends that went a single and i feel like they got quite a lot from it because she was like kind of saying things like your ex don't go there that kind of thing you need reassurance i feel like i'm quite pretty settled at the minute so it was fine but i i thought it was really good and i would recommend it absolutely yeah well i hope i'm not fucking pregnant man

um okay so yeah you were messaging us at the weekend saying that you'd done something right how funny is this so our group chat like if you think the podcast we've been told off numerous times for our group chat so then we've set one up so we've set our own because we were being a bit like inappropriate yeah um so we've set one up and it is literally to the point so Me and Jayme, I don't want to go mega detentions, but we're doing bits at the weekend. Doing bits! When we finished, I went and got my phone and started texting. And Jayme was like, you're texting the fucking group, aren't you?

And I was. I was texting Ashley and Lucas saying, hey, guess what? Blah, blah, blah. And I also, what was I sending you? Like, who does this? She was watching porn with her boyfriend. So what were you doing? But you were watching Fake Taxi.

So when that video came through, what were you doing? Why is Fake Taxi so popular, by the way? so what happened like why do you not know what fake taxi is what you know what

fake taxi is you know what Lucas has got Lucas has got someone shadowing him today and he's seen it

do you know what fake taxi is Frankie yeah yeah she doesn't even do anything and she knows

Lucas it mustn't be a gay fake taxi okay so right okay so fake taxi let's do it let's do it

right okay I'll be the taxi driver okay you're right love come here a lot come in my taxi today darling you've got a nice bulge on you hello darling yeah i'm just so lonely in this taxi by myself bloody hell you've got a nice bulge there what's in there then do you want to get in the back of the taxi where are you going and then they fuck in the back of the taxi so the taxi driver is like oh this is the one i sent you she was like it was a woman yeah so she's like you're gonna get your dick out then and then he goes and then he gets it out in the taxi and he's stroking it and

he's like do you like that and she's going yeah but i'd like to see your balls as well and then he's getting out and he's going should we do this often she's like no but my husband's at home and he don't fuck me so then she goes then he's like well get in the back then and then she gets on but i could i was we were watching it not even in you're disgusting stop coughing sorry we were watching it but not even in a sexual way we were laughing yeah um and they were banging in the taxi it looks so uncomfortable like who wants to shag in a taxi but no but it's fake taxi and did you know step brother and sister porn so step mum shags step son oh yeah that's really all of that all of that jazz so basically ashley sat with ed what were you doing having a wine just chilling

yeah um i think having a takeaway yeah and then she gets some videos of me watching fake watching fake taxi lucas as well um and then i sent another one as well and it was two lesbians and they had this wand oh yeah and it's basically you plug it in at these mains fucking huge did you see that one lucas where they're holding the vibrator vibrator lucas was out he was having far too much fun and you plug it in the wall it's a massive literally massive why does it have to be so big it's like a microphone that's the kind of bigger it's a vibrator but yeah it looks like a microphone and you plug it in at the wall and it's massive and it's just vibrates you don't put inside you know you put it just like on your clit but one of our friends bought this

vibrator and in covid she used it so much she burnt her clit off she burnt her clit off with the vibrator and she was like texting me like because i was like the closest to medical person she'd heard i was like pop some germaline on it germaline clit through covid must she have had to use that to burn her glitter she said she had to throw the wand away because she was addicted it got so addictive and she was like after you've used that wand you will never ever have that type of orgasm again so my friends but nothing just throw them away yeah my friends had it as well and she was like it's insane but what i don't get is you plug it in the wall it's not very sexy oh my god so we were watching that weren't we i sent you one of two girls using it um but yeah

I don't know why we did that. Were you watching like funny porn and then did at any point it start to be like... It started to go a bit... Yeah. So we started watching it not even for the sexual side.

We were just flicking through and we were like, oh my God. And we were laughing really. There was one called Big Willy's. He didn't go on that one. He went on like the lesbians. He didn't go on Big Willy XXX.

I was like, put that one on. He's like, oh, it doesn't load that one. That was funny. The lesbian one's loading though. So we watched it but we were pretty...

We were laughing. There was no erections happening. They did lead to more but there were... As you know, because as soon as we'd finished, I got on the phone and texted you with my exploits. Yes, you did. But we're still at, we're like six months in.

Oh, we need to tell this story. I'm not kidding. Okay, so Lucas has just asked us if we've ever had VR sets. Headsets. Which is a headset that you put on when you're gaming. It's like when you see people like twats doing that Nintendo thing in the lounge. And he's just told us that he had a friend that got one and then took a week off work. Because there's porn you can watch on it.

Because there's porn you can watch. So what is it, Lucas? Are you like shagging someone? Are you wanking and it's like they're on top of you? But imagine lying there with it on and having to like masturbate. Yeah, that seems quite a sound idea. I could try if any companies want to give us one. I don't know.

Something that plugs in at the mains, perhaps. So yeah, I'm going to get one and I'm going to report back. Have you not got one? No. I think we're the only ones who haven't. Let's get one. So, Lauren, I wanted to get your thoughts on this because it did, when I read the article,

it made me think of you. Oh, God, what is it now? Fat, skin and unhappy. Oh, this cough. Sorry, guys. You're so coughing. It's the nursery cough that's going round everyone. At least it's not a bark.

Oh, oh. Croop. Croop. So, Ellie Goulding is on Raya. Fine, yeah. and she's married oh so she said she's on it just to meet friends so i just wanted to get your perspective on that because i've never had raya so um i mean okay i find it quite odd but maybe that's because i don't understand do you find it odd because if right okay so my first question is

why do you need any friends why are you looking on social media for friends oh my god it's like the um when like mums ask you if you want to do a play date and i'm like no i've got friends but bless them it's really nice because i've got enough friends yeah no no no and as well you want to be mum friends with people that you know are on your level like that drink wine with you yeah and make you and don't make you feel like coffee cups in the park yeah no i'm not even joking and don't make you feel like shit whereas some mums are just not me and they make me feel really some of the play centers and parks that i go to they they sell wine there and i'm always like should we go and get a wine and then some people will be like it's 11 o'clock on a tuesday and i'm

like i don't need that energy in my life no no you need someone that's gonna be like absolutely let's get two yeah right back to the ellie gold so if you're looking for friends why is she looking for friends like why is she looking for friends i don't understand um do you still have it yeah but it's paused i've got it for you guys so i haven't can we go on it again and see if there's anyone it's for lols like i will reactivate it i had to reactivate the other day actually to let my friend uh to refer my friend onto it then i paused did she get put on not yet not yet how do they decide they know she's fit as well i could never get on it so um i reactivated for that and i've got it there literally for the podcast so that i can always yeah if we want

a nosy in fact i could reactivate it now so he was on there if you want we'll do that another time yeah so we are now gonna have a break while me and ashley google plug in the wall vibrators and we'll let you we'll put a link up for you to click our girls and then we will be back very shortly

bye okay guys we are back with our new feature Dear Slutty Susan which I've just really loved

but I feel like I haven't got a song for it again we're not slut shaming oh no no quite the opposite we're gonna make you feel better more like dirt yeah tell us and we will make you feel better

the sluttier the better and then yeah we're gonna make you feel better and we're gonna make everything okay but i do feel like we need some sort of song it's a confessional so maybe like a hymn yeah like that kind of vibe okay let me think about it slutty susan yeah come and confess your sins okay guys we've had absolutely loads of messages so many so many and we have trolled through them we've waded through your slutty stories we have swam through your loved semen stories we loved um and here oh god i've gone really filthy there and here we are here is what we've got anyway anyway now this is not so much of a slutty susan confessional it's more of an incitive message

that we've had off a sexual health nurse. Oh, okay. Oh my God, please don't tell me she's grassing me up. The other week... The other week...

It's private! You said it was private! Anyway. You said you'd never tell anyone. The other week we talked about how men like,

you know, caught chlamydia off the hot tub and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll let you read it because I've already read it and I am shook.

Okay. here we go one male proceeded to tell me he had got genital herpes at a stag do that was held an eco resort he said ah i know how i've got this they had what they had a compost toilet and my cock kept touching the how big is his cock where is he um they had a compost toilet my cock kept touching the compost down the well not not how you get herpes had another who claimed again on a stag do that he got chlamydia from drinking the piss

of one of his pals that he's definitely a rugby guy definitely plays rugby read the next bit oh my god you know what rugby lads are like

I knew he'd be rugby this was a real tragic tale as his partner had difficulties conceiving and had a miscarriage and it turned out that she'd had untreated chlamydia

from him shit and it only came to light when she went for fertility tests so girls get fucking tested because you don't know

you can order a test in the post now it's so easy and you don't always know you've got chlamydia and this particular woman effectively fertility so chlamydia only um has like shows symptoms and i think one in three people it's

not common it's not common to show symptoms i once had to take medication for that because my and then listen don't look at me like that we're not you know um because my partner said that he had it off a girl so you didn't even get tested you just took the tablets yeah but he didn't have it in the end he was trying to wind me up it was a horrible ex but yeah anyway it was quite heartbreaking women usually own their fuck-ups and cry but men tend to spin a web and when you look at them and say i don't care how you got it i just care who else you could have given it to and how we stop a cycle of reinfection and make sure that we treat you they usually crack and tell me the truth and wow we've had some weird and wonderful so what she's saying is when women

have something they're like start crying they're like oh my god i did this it was this one guy whereas men spin a web about dangling the cock in compost yeah what i think that pretty much Stacey, oh, doesn't it, ladies? Anyway, trust your gut instinct and always get a sexual health test two weeks. Two weeks. This is interesting, because I feel like you'd go out on the weekend,

you'd sleep with someone, you'd be like, oh, fuck, fuck, and then Monday you'd be there queuing up with a cap on, like, test me, test me. She's saying, wait two weeks after, any new oral or vaginal or anal. Clean your sex toys. I've never done that.

And also, don't forget. I don't put my sex tie in the shower and no and some of us sell those wipes I don't really have any sex ties

clean your sex ties and don't forget James is my sex tie wash your hands I don't even wash my hands so I've got no chance of me washing my fucking dildos

have we Jesus and let me tell you something I'm never ill never have I ever been does anyone know me

to ever be ill no because I've built up a great immune system from not washing my hands that much and Thea doesn't wash hers and she's never ill either

so i don't wash my hands and i don't wash my dildos but my skin on my face is always absolutely squeaky clean and really well looked after anyway let me carry on clean your sex toys and don't forget you can get stis in your eyes and mouth i know someone who got chlamydia in their eye teddy had thrush in his mouth wow this is the wrong time to mention your son's thrush in his mouth that's a normal thing for babies very normal yeah um wow anyway lots of young girls don't know you can get it from oral and you absolutely can. What I want to know

is why the eye, why the penis is going in their eye. No, pink eye. Sperm in the eye. Oh my God, that fucking kills.

I know, but people don't realise, it hurts. You can get herpes in your eyes. Yes, you can. So girls,

just be careful. because your eyes are whole. So it's any bodily fluid going in. That's true. So you could get anything, right? Because you're getting

your snot in your nose. Yeah. Anyway, girls, be careful. Do what you want to do. Sleep with who you want to sleep with. Have the best time,

but just be careful because like nobody wants herpes in your fucking eye mate there's some compost dick rubbing there's a lot of men rubbing their dick

in compost right now don't let them rub it in you after right then so other thing we've got our very favourite voice notes voice note

can we make a little jingle for that no it's a voice note ooh it's a voice note come on when we get voice notes we don't hear them first

Lucas plays them in the episode so you see our real reactions so we have got a voice note today and we're going to listen to it now guys

yep hi darlings so i've been listening to the podcast for a super long time now and i was like do you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna send them in a dilemma of mine it's not necessarily a dilemma it's just quite a funny story which i'm sure you'd love to hear so um i a couple of months ago i went out liverpool for the first time with my friend she lives in liverpool and she was like come on let's go have a nice time and i was like yeah and she was like should we go into pop world and i was like we went in paid attendance to get in which pained me so went in the music was shocking they were playing the macarena and i was like oh god this is horrid get me out now um but i was like

do you know i'll just have a little sing and dance and let's make the most of it while i'm in liverpool so the next thing this man grabbed me from behind and i was like oh hello i bet you're thinking i'm glad we came in now um he was relatively attractive i was like oh that's a bit of me so i was dancing with him was singing we had a little snog long story short that snog turned um we'll say a fumble in the facilities we'll keep it we'll keep it classy a fumble in the facilities resulting in me um running away and this man hadn't listened when i told him that i was transgender because he asked to see my vagina and i looked at him and went pardon and i was like fuck this i've got to go so i ran away left this man dick out in the facilities

no anyway thought nothing of it we laughed all the way home a couple of weeks ago i was at work and somebody goes to me um oh would you just mind making this person remain nameless this person a tea no i'm just meeting with them i was like yeah yeah of course like i love making tea absolutely fucking love it who doesn't i love this bitch i love her looked at this man and thought he's the cock out fuck i know you where do i know this man from this man had a look of horror on his face and then it clocked i went oh my god you're the pop wilcox fuck me i've never ran out of a room as quick i ran and hid i ran and hid and i rang the girl that i work with i went darling you're gonna need to go make this man a tea because i can't i can't come back

downstairs now this is awful so i had to hide in the kitchen and i was looking on the cameras because i've got them on my phone and i was like oh my god like i oh my god i was absolutely petrified how awful is that so what the hell is doing here that's actually like your worst nightmare yeah could you imagine oh that is really hard so i'm interested so they were having a fumble and she said no before that and she said to him i'm transgender he's obviously not heard it they've gone back to the toilet he has heard it and they've gone back to toilets for more and then said show me your vagina and then she's obviously said like you weren't listening she's done a runner and left him with his cock out and then he's turned up at work how fucking embarrassing

we need to go in pop world i'll take you on it's like just this bar that plays like um 90s music i'm not going if you get fondled in the toilets and stuff i actually don't think i've done anything in a toilet with anyone I've thrown up a lot in a toilet no why would you want to do so do you know what

I don't get when people say that about shagging on an aeroplane aeroplane toilets are the most disgusting thing ever

like that would just be like fake taxi vibes times ten yeah I've never done that I've never been in the mile have you no

really though no you just look so like no I've not I bet you've done it on a private jet whereas I've done it In a tiny Ryanair seat.

I've actually never done it. I've never done it in a toilet at a club and I've never done anything on a plane. How boring. Save it till you get home. Yeah, I agree. Right. We are playing another voice note that we've had in.

Don't forget, guys, you can send them over via our WhatsApp. Play it, Lukey boy. Hi, guys. I absolutely love your podcast. And me and my cousin listen to you all the time and she's messaged me saying I need to share some of my funny stories um so yeah so basically one time when I was seeing my boyfriend who I'm still with now um we was at the point where we was I've not even stayed at his house yet we was going on dates he took me for a fancy meal in town

and I'd got dressed up in this little dress and heels and we ended up getting really drunk and I ended up seeing it at his house for the first time right so the next day I woke up and I didn't want to do the walk of shame I don't know why for some reason I didn't want to put the dress and heels back on so I asked him if he's got any clothes he comes in and he gives me a full united kit top shorts and I just took it I didn't question it I didn't say have you got a jumper have you got anything else that's funny i just took the united kit put it on met his mum for the first time in a full united kit i can't i still can't believe i did this and just i don't know why i didn't go back on it um his mum the first thing she said to me was we've all been

there love i absolutely died inside i love his mom and then i told a little white lie because i still lived at home with my mum and dad that i'd stayed at friends i didn't want to really say I stayed at the lad's house before he'd met them so I absolutely darted it up the stairs and then a few hours go by I'm hungover in bed I go downstairs and my dad says I didn't know your friend Lucy was a United fan so he'd see me come in the United kit and I bet he saw I got like I absolutely died so one of my friends once when we were on holiday um we'd all gone out we'd all been a night out and we're all around the pool in the morning the next day i'd gone home and gone to bed for once in my fucking life i wasn't partying all night and i was sunbathing and my

friend next to me was like crying laughing so i sat up and i was like what's what's going on what's going on our friend was coming around the pool and it's a popular place with a lot of people in in his football kit and she had to get in the taxi from the guy's apartment she'd have to pull So the football kit thing is a thing. It's a thing. And she was walking through to us at the lounges in a football kit. I love this. We were crying.

It was oversized. And she was there in the football kit. Do you know what I don't like? When people dress their really, really, really young kids in football kit. Disgusting. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Disgusting.

James is dead into football and I just, no. I hate the football kit thing. There's one thing I hate as well. You're going to disagree. I hate piercing children's ears. well we've already had that discussion i'm just saying it again saskias have actually closed up fucking good that's what you deserve she asked for it well right anyway on that note we hope you enjoyed this week's episode remember on nip tuck pod we want you to get your voices heard

so you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com you can contact us on whatsapp as you know people are starting to use that a lot more which we love voice notes as you know you've had them today we'll keep them anonymous for you um anything you want to send over please do if you need the information you can go to today's episode description and it is on there and we are going to be back on friday with a bonus episode of nip tuck so it's all about your ics your dilemmas if you send something over now you might get to hear it on this friday's episode thank you so much bye bitches don't forget to share save subscribe buy the vibrator everything everything love you girls bye and boys