Nip Tuck - "Can I get those 10 BJs back?"

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

Get those joggers off and wash your hair because in this episode we're telling you how to deal with break-ups!When do you block your ex? What about the holiday you booked? And the most IMPORTANT question... when can you start dating again? Ashley and Lauren are bringing you the essential etiquette on how to recover from a break-up and come out on top.Don't forget it's @ntngaf @laurenelizabeth_xx and @thecosmeticconsult on Insta! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to your weekly fix of nip tuck and not giving a fuck okay here we go so this week one of your favorite topics break up it happens to every every single one of us so what we're going to talk about today because breakups it has helped a lot of people like the messages that we get from people when we did the breakup episode it helped so much um so many people messaged us because it is it's one of those where you're like that what do i do now my world is ending and once you have got honestly i cannot tell you how much my perspective has changed and how strong and like empowered i feel because i've realized okay that every breakup even though you feel like it's the end of the world it never is once you've got that under your belt

you're fucking invincible because you're not scared anymore you're like all right then we'll break up yeah i'll feel shit for a few days back on the horse if you can get your head around this even split up with people we've had kids with yes we're gonna be fine i'm fine like trust me if you're going through a breakup right now stop thinking it's the end of the world you're 20 you're 30 you're 40 you've got millions of years left come on put your heels on get your wonder bra on yeah go to the pub yourself like not at the pub and the thing well i don't know if you want to and the thing is right you have to it's a breakup is a mental control process and if you're gonna let yourself you have to take control if you're gonna let yourself then it will stay yeah

and like if you're eating ice cream in bed then you're gonna be fat and heartbroken no honey we don't know so if you split up with someone it's a process don't do that they go out there with the dick out they throw the dick around the street they want in the pub they'll take anything so you know what we need to do is get bigger and better yeah feel it though i'm not saying don't feel it i know you're like oh boring boring feelings yeah i do believe you have to feel it if you want to cry it out you have to but you have to go into your own brain and work out what you're upset about and then move the fuck deal with it deal with it then move and don't go out and drinking if you can't hack it yet if you are still depressed do not go out drinking because

the next morning the pain you will feel in that little heart of yours and the text messages that you will send yeah it's horrible don't do that until you're ready always do in a breakup go and see a psychic because it gives you like hope yeah what if your psychic's like i sense that you lost the love of your life and that was the biggest thing in the world and you are never going to be happy again oh well then it'd be a lie because that's not true yeah exactly but i honestly think seeing a psychic reevaluate it might all be bullshit do you not think okay so how you approach a breakup is down to you yeah everything so i know this is quite no it's not lauren and this is what we're talking about today so today all we're covering is breakup etiquette so we've

pulled some stuff together and it's like how to act in a situation and this is where it comes into it it's not just down to you no because some people can act like absolute cunts i agree when you split i agree you can't change what happens to you you can't change what happens to you but you can 100 change how you deal with that yeah if you get control all our episodes we're always talking about control you need to control your mind yes and control your own thoughts yeah and you can choose whether this is a breakup where you cry for ages feel depressed get fat or is it a breakup i sometimes get quite excited about breakups when you look at them this way it's a new start it's like right what have i not been happy with new image new me let's go but also

like don't forget that people might be like throwing all these rumors out there about you and we've had that and you know doing really horrible negative things to you but really when you actually break it down if they don't get into your head then it doesn't if you get they've not won put your shield up they bounce off yeah like don't let it affect you if you let it affect you that is your choice one is your choice in your head i agree and there's certain ways that you can stop that from happening yeah um and you have to get your shield up yeah get the people around you that you love as your shield yeah fucking crack on like come on now let's do a little catch-up first before we dive into this breakup thing um we saw this fact the other day and it's

fact a fact actual fact did you know that men under five foot ten are all the men that have started a war so in the in the history of history every man that began a war was under five foot ten and i bet his dick was small tiny yeah so really like we go on all the time about you're fine accept yourself oh my god your vagina is perfect oh my god men sorry but small men syndrome is a fucking thing yeah you need to respect yourself enjoy yourself buy some cuban heels do whatever there's some insults on amazon do whatever you want own it but don't be small don't go being a small dick guy you can tell yeah they're like small dick small people that that just proves our point of the small man syndrome agree agree that they need to go doing

shit like that and like when you actually think about all the men in your life that have been horrible have they all been small there's nothing wrong with being small like it is what it is it stop looking at me like that it is what it is but where's the person i'm small it's the personality that comes with it that has to be stopped but yeah we're not saying anything about small we're just reading that quote also another thing um those tampons what right so girls we all have periods every single one of us i mean most of us yeah and if you're a boy you don't but there's these new tampons out right and basically i don't have a heavy flow you know anyway i know you always tell me that you bitch so these tampons come in little packets okay okay and they're a tiny pink

sponge right so you put the sponge in the vag you're none yeah and then you pull the sponge out at the end of the day so it's like a an internal sponge yeah you can have sex with it in shut the fuck up i swear you can have sex with it and everyone says they don't even notice they're wearing it stop yeah and it sucks the blood basically yeah i i am sure sorry that was disgusting but it's yeah i'm sure though if you have sex the penis will push it and there'll be some blood it's well it's better than all it says is you can have sex with it in yeah and that yeah yeah wow that's revolutionary so can you next time you have a period can you try them and tell me what they're like yeah the only thing is that i only use all natural tampons so you know i hate

when you pull a dry tampon oh my god even when it's not dry that feeling it's like and it catches on one bit oh yeah i like i don't know what it is and then like you have to drag it out it's like giving birth on the toilet to a tampon yeah it's horrible it is gross so i don't use any unnatural you shouldn't use tampons i don't really use tampons i don't use tampons to be honest what do you do right well my flow is really not bad so i just like put some tissue in my knickers lauren what well i don't like seeing any of the blood it has to all stay inside no i don't care i'd wear a pant i'd wear what they called a sanitary towel if i wanted to a sani pad yeah i've not won they shuffle when you walk they do shuffle when you're not they're not like

there's different ones but i'm not that heavy honestly so i will wear a tampon if like i'm going somewhere yeah i'm really not like i'm lucky there like i have to change my tampon quite a lot how many people have lost tampons during nights out sex loads well those sponges sound a bit lethal to me so girls can you feed back on these sponge things i will use them i'll buy some i'll use but i just don't know if you can get ones without chemicals um okay that's what i'm saying so you know the reason why i was saying before that i don't use the tampons with um like tampons and all of them is because they've been bleached so much why then you put to make them white so you put bleach up your fanny and it can cause cancer jesus sounds like a weird sex i know the ones that

i use are called flow and totem as well totem like a totem pole oh i don't like that name yeah they're great um just popping my totem in yeah but like we need to educate yeah we need to talk can we do that at the same time as the pill episode episode yeah 100 we've got so much to tell you so much right so let's crack on with um we've written a little rule book it's not a rule book actually we're gonna throw these things out scenarios i can guarantee you at least half of these are gonna happen to you at the end of a breakup yeah and if you haven't and you're in a lovely relationship probably gonna come soon they're all gonna happen i think so we're gonna run through them and then we're gonna have like a little debate yeah yeah i like it right you ready

for the first one go social fucking media okay this is so hard with a breakup so you've split up with someone remember that who deletes the pictures first who the one that's more arsed unfollows who first it depends how it how it works out i guess how do you do it i mean i normally get dumped so no i'm joking um i didn't delete at thea's dad i didn't delete the pictures of us for a very long time and it was purely because it happened it was my baby dad I didn't need to do that and I sometimes think when people go on a rampage of deleting pictures it shows your arse as fuck um so I don't always think you need to do that do you disagree go on what do you think get rid straight away block each other oh yeah yeah no I understand that you don't want that

constant contact I do get that and you would block each other I do agree I think it depends who did the dumping um but I think social media is so difficult and one thing you absolutely must do and again it's it's what i referred to before you choose how this goes your choice mate you want to cry you you choose if you want to sit on a fake account and see who he's following and watch his lights going up and down and go on his lights girls do that please i've done this and i have done it even recently and then i'll think whoa whoa whoa playing with fire you're playing with fire honey stop yeah throw my phone away from me yeah um if you start doing that kills the cat it did so guys stop i just think that the best way is obviously like girls stop

with these fucking burner accounts it's sad as fuck yeah but did you actually know though that you can view anyone's story oh i thought it was just profiled via the website you can view stories you can view the stories so you don't need a burner anyway but just don't do it um what what you're gonna achieve so basically my tip on social media is you've split up it's final delete all the pictures and block you want to know why i didn't delete thea's dad's pictures for ages the wedding pictures were so good yeah because i look so fit in the wedding pictures and also because i didn't want people to think that i didn't have a baby daddy so i kept it there i know i don't know at the time i think it's because of what i was going through at the time and i was embarrassed i'm like

fuck you you're not allowed on my page but i wanted it to be like we should have left that on mine yeah because he came back i was married like we had a baby it wasn't an accident and now i don't care but at the time that's why i kept it on as well so i was seeing a guy for quite a while and he still had pictures of his ex-girlfriend my ex kelsey he has got all his exes still on there i'm still on there anyone you've seen after still on there and when i ask him he's like no it's not okay he's like it was a part of my life we were together then we weren't i don't need to fucking delete it no that's such a narcissist thing to say you think yeah maybe that's why then i was just i don't like whatever do you know why i think he did it right so that people like

girls that are looking at his profile can see how fit some of his exes were i me and they can then be like oh my god he pulls fit birds there must be a reason that's why i think i'm on i just think social media now and like girls if you think it's acceptable to honestly you've split up with someone both parties not together anymore done okay if you honestly think it's acceptable to continue to stalk him and any other girls and even message those girls okay we're not gonna get on and you need to stop yeah and i think people your friends will start to avoid you in social situations because doing that is wrong and you're a weirdo no actually you've been like i'm sorry i'm not you are when you first split up with someone we all do it you do start you want to

know like who we see like it hurts you do however i'm all right with it for a little bit then if you're gonna cry like i can't get over it and you are still doing that then i've got no sympathy anymore do it stop and then fully stop okay okay right friends and family oh this is do you know i fuck everyone over with this right so everyone's mom loves me exactly all my exes i end up friends with the family because i'm just nice and i stay for honestly there isn't an ex that i don't get on with their family still like the sister will message me or the mom honestly the poor bastard boys because i know that when people go around for dinner they'll be like you should have got with that lauren she was lovely and that is an issue for some people well there's a lot of

different circumstances that this could come into so first one is friends whose team are you on we've all been there with those couple friends who gets who the girls get the girls the boys get the boys no but sometimes the girls stay with the boys and also do you know what the problem is when the boys are friends with the boys and you split up and they're still doing things with your right that's my tip honestly and i'm not a normal person i'm clearly a psychopath yeah it is cut every time you've only got one friend with that person that you can because as well do you know what really fucks me off what fucks you off when i'm sat in a social situation and someone goes i saw your ex last week i don't want to hear it i don't give a fuck my friend seeing your ex

i don't care okay but this doesn't really have anything to do with the friends being friends that's just a dick it does no because what i'm saying is you're gonna when you just take your eyelashes off uh yesterday you've fully picked them off yeah sorry um so basically what i'm saying is with the friends and friends is obviously you had that person in common yeah yeah your ex and you're gonna sit down at a table with them that's the only thing you've got to talk about okay yeah does that make sense but sometimes like it's more intertwined than that and it's not the only thing you have wedding invites well if it's it depends whose side the invite was from okay events that you know they'll be at go and look really fucking see i'm toxic i'm like don't

know i'm quite toxic so i would be like go look absolutely stunning don't even make eye contact and make i think it looks like you care it depends whose event is if it's your best friend's event and you don't go then you look like you're scared me me and ed were friends with a couple um he was friends with them before me so i let him have them uh do you know what i mean though but like i went on her hen do to ibiza and then um they were getting married i think we split up in the october and they got getting married on new year's eve and i was really quite raw really close with them i've been on the hen do everything and you were still pretty fucked and i just said i'm really sorry i'm not coming fair enough but i think in that in that occasion you were it was it was a

bad one when you and ed first broke up so i think i think like you weren't in the right place and you knew mentally that if you were to turn up to that venue and see him your head would fall off yeah i either would have shagged him or punched him yeah shagged him or swirled him probably both yeah at the same time yeah um so i think i think know yourself if you are raw and you can't deal with it then don't put yourself through it okay this is a good one when your friends like your excess stuff on social media okay i think it depends on the breakup type of breakup first of all because if it wasn't that bad or if you did something wrong let's remember sometimes we do the wrong thing we do the cheating and shit and then i think it's fine um if they were friends

before and they haven't done anything shit i think it's fine if they've shat all over you then that's not disrespectful it's disrespectful i'm sorry girls need to stick with girls and i think it's unacceptable and if and i've got friends who have actually said to me before blah blah blah i've broken up with xyz can we all break up with them too and i've gone yep yeah so when i split up with my most recent proper boyfriend that was absolutely heartbroken over i messaged my friends and i was like right i wouldn't normally ask you to do this i need you all to unfollow him and he was a big social media user so i was like i need you all to unfollow him um keep him following you if you want but i need i need a i need a break like i agree i can't not that they were telling me but just the

fact that they knew what and that you can go on their phone and i could go on so yeah good so i could go on the phone look and i said we all need to do it yeah i have to do this for myself i think and again it's taking control and knowing what you need to do even if you want to look on your friends it's saying something really quick now so i can't do it anymore and also like i've done it you've probably done it where like you'll be like you know a few glasses of wine in with your girly chat and you'll go like oh did you see baba was with baba the other day and then you and then one of your group members his heart is just shattered

and like even though like I'll be there and I'll be like I don't care about that I'll be thinking about it for 10 days afterwards exactly so we don't want to do that

and I think that is I actually do think that's really important and there's another thing as well so social media when you split up with somebody I have done this I once

got completely ready yeah as if going on a night out to take pictures so yes so it looked like I was going somewhere I stood in the mirror

in my outfit i then got my friend who was out to take a picture of a glass of champagne so i made it on my social media look like i was going out getting pissed looking fit i then purposely didn't post until one o'clock the next day so it looked like i'd been on a bender and shag someone i was in bed with fear i took all the makeup off and got in bed okay that is weird and not okay and it's where i was at that time so all i have to say to you is we've all done weird shit what i have to say to is this it's not just their social media it's yours if you find that you are constantly posting things for their reaction yeah and that is in your headspace more than anything and also everyone's

gonna notice they're gonna think oh this is weird yeah she's on one she's on one again with the naked pictures quotes quotes let's not do that um and i did quotes as well so i just think it works both ways you have to stop trying to get the attention from them and if you find yourself doing it delete your social media i agree delete it i think coming back to like that whose team are you on thing i honestly think if little things are eating you away girls where you're thinking like blah blahs liked his picture um she's still got him on socials have the confidence to say to your friends i'm not comfortable with this and you know what if someone turns around and has a go at you they weren't your fucking friend anyway and they can fuck off fuck off right next one this is

a big one sharing your shit let's get petty what if you live together giving back gifts how do you share the pets money booked holidays bank accounts bills what the fuck do you do what do you do i've never had this problem i've not because i make men pay for everything well i'm the opposite everything was mine so when i split with one of my long-term like proper whatever husband partner long term i it was all mine so yeah that's easy i've never been with someone where i've had a joint mortgage or a joint fucking anything so that's never that happens to a lot of people it happens to most people i honestly feel like you need to advise on this because i've not really been in this situation tackle that straight away oh and while you've still got

contact while the iron is hot and if they've cheated on you strike where they're feeling guilty yeah so the thing is that i would strongly advise you to do is literally get legal help and get a friend round and sit i agree with a laptop get a spreadsheet up i fully agree and just think right before i lose the plot how do we do this how do we don't bury head in the sand and i think how to be a good friend to someone going through this is be that friend give that advice i'm gonna turn up now i know you don't want to hear this you want to cry and hide under a pillow the shit to sort out we are going to sort it we're making a spreadsheet because you feel worried it's so i remember when i split with his dad not money wise but everything else

everything was so overwhelming my house my baby how am i gonna go to work and my friend was like right we write this down bit by bit and i didn't want to but once i was forced to i felt so much calmer so be the friend that turns up with a laptop and a glass of wine a little one and says right we fucking tackle this right now yeah yeah make a plan and we go and get legal advice my mom when i split with his dad literally frog marched me to a lawyer yeah i was like i don't want to i'm still loving i can't do this i'm not ready and she was like get in the car yeah she made the appointment and she frog marched me into that place and she said she needs a divorce let's go and that's how it went because i was like and it was done i i honestly and as well if you've got

kids together then you need to like work out how much the kids cost okay so this is the other thing that i think is really important and as i've mentioned before my co-parenting i have been well he has been lucky yeah we deal with it well i was very fair he's okay we're good that is unbelievably rare and i think one of the problems that people find is they don't want to go down the legal route so they try and do it together you can't do that now as i say i did most of the time isn't going to happen and the problem is when you're so far down the line to then seek legal advice becomes like you're agitating each other so i would suggest unless you 100 are sure this is going to be you know you're good people you get on you're still best friends it just didn't work

if you think there's a chance that this could be difficult you get the legal advice and you get the division of the kids immediately while you're still feeling guilty i agree because i've got some friends who um have got baby dads and they've got arrangements with them where they'll send them an x amount of month a month yeah and at some point that x amount changes changes or gets withheld from them or well you seem to be doing well now you've got a new partner who's really rich you know what paying my bit in an ideal world a man would turn around and go here's 500 quid a month but that's not happening to either of us in covid and stuff obviously we didn't work i struggled that would be you would hope that your partner would be like i'm gonna

help you out with more it doesn't happen it doesn't happen so really like how i work it is i don't get any money but saskia gets what she needs paid for yeah you can do it both ways there's two ways personally in all honesty i think it's best to have a set amount every month i agree because i think then if you're dealing with a man that's not going to do that she's spending it on this yeah yeah there has to be trust honey there's none left yeah there has to be trust but i think if you every month like she needs this she needs that it becomes uncomfortable and it's a bit like you don't want to be that you don't want you want to get the money i mean if you have the trust between each other then it's fine but otherwise it is a tough one but i think a set amount every

month is fair enough for the rest of their lives till they're 18 till they're dead yeah exactly um even when they're married with kids themselves i want the fucking money because i had to get them out of my body giving back gifts no i don't think you should give gifts back no but we've all been asked to yeah i did didn't i recently i had to give everything back once wow i i've had that's such small dick energy i had to give a car back do you remember that but one of my boyfriends for my 21st bought me a mercedes yes um scott i sound like a whore um and i actually traded he said trade your car in he bought me a new car it was all his idea we split up and the car got got taken yeah only did the cargo but you also had your bit of car in there as well yeah exactly

and i was fucked yeah um and then i've had another partner that i had to give all my jewelry back to which i was fine with and it's fine i recently had to give a bit of joy back i thought i just was like you have it then small dick energy if you can't afford it shouldn't have given it me whatever um but i know some girls that literally have had to give their handbags back have oh come on that that again it's bitter little man energy what you're gonna do with them yeah i've never expected anything new bird yeah like whatever probably yeah i've never when i've gifted men which isn't that hard when I've given it

out with no but if I bought presents I bought many expensive stuff before I would never expect it back

come on no like what am I going to ask for those 10 blue jobs back exactly fucker

yeah you can't get that time back that you spent with dry mouth and a sore throat you'll never get that sore throat

feeling or the pink eye you'll never ever get that back so yeah I just think don't be fucking petty exactly

and also do you know what though all of this process is good it's good for your soul because if they do ask for that shit back like we've said this before fucking get over them quick are you fucking loser i agree loser what do you do about pets um don't really like i don't really care i love animals but i don't want one i really know someone who literally has had to get a lawyer involved about a dog stop and they they've been separated i guess he's moved on he's got a wife and kids and they still share the dog and they still share the dog and he's got the name dog's name tattooed on him he's not even got his kids names tattooed on ooh ooh ooh yeah do you know what with my shit

tattoos i'm surprised i haven't got a dog's name on booked holidays i would say you say to them someone buys the other out do you want to go on it someone buys the money whatever agree completely and then any outstanding money you're bad with this well it's all mine and i've normally given it to them so that man that's gone that took the 20 grand off me like tinder swindler i got tinder swindler didn't i um yeah i don't know you're gonna have to advise on this because i just end up with nothing i mean people have paid me to fuck off before yeah that happened once you meant that yeah yeah that actually has happened um i've never been paid to fuck off i do it so wrong i do it so wrong how much would you pay me to fuck off sometimes i bet you pay a lot to fuck

no i'm i'm the payer payee um i think with money again lawyer early days get it divided up sort your shit don't bury your head if you let months go by you're gonna lose out do you know some mad shit like do you know if you live with someone yes yes like what the fuck this is you get access to the mortgage or something don't you like part of the house if you've lived with someone don't quote us on this but for something like over two years i thought it was that you own half their maybe not heart but you own something i know a guy that did this but at the same time they have contributed i don't think he had oh yeah that you need a lawyer early days and also like if you are having a guy move into a house with you maybe get a little contract drawn up yeah i don't see

anything wrong i don't see anything wrong with that like we all need to protect ourselves i agree and you know if you're clever enough to do that then it says a lot about you and things don't last forever and people do do weird mad so many people break up so many people break up so it's fine it's fine it's advice on all of this right next one when can i start dating again what if he sees me on dating apps well if he sees you on dating apps tough shit you're single i think it depends on the break again it depends on the break right circumstance i'm gonna give you two and you're gonna tell me and i'm probably gonna do it wrong go he cheated on you oh yeah you were together for three years oh yeah yeah and you lived together oh yeah yeah yeah right what what

are your answers i'll do what the fuck i want yes i will be on the dating i'll shag your best mate good next one is okay you were together for three years lived together you split up because you just like you hadn't had sex for a while and it wasn't working and you still really like each other as friends you have mutual respect you do what you want but secretly yeah yeah so you still do it but you keep it on the down low you don't look in the face you don't go to places you don't go on hinge the week yeah don't fuck people that you know that are gonna they're gonna find out about let them maybe if they're the more heartbroken one let them move on first yeah um do you know there's a quote that i like would never post on instagram um if someone does something to you that you would

never do to them there's nothing left to talk about done and i like it's kind of also like the reciprocate your energy yeah if they're being respectful to you then you'd be respectful back yeah if they're not then then the fucking gloves are off pull your pants down and shag all his friends and his dad have you ever shagged anyone's dad have you ever said to someone old no how old is the oldest do you think um honestly like a year older than me wow your boy aren't i yeah but i've not done it with many people like said oh just because you're married you don't need to keep saying i know no but i've actually not um i have what's the oldest you've shagged producer charlie's turning around for a juicy bit of information she's like she's nodding like that meme of the pig

uh no not even that old but maybe 40 when i was a bit younger i was the surgeon can i say that oh my god i was in the room what you said about the watching sex thing last time i forgot about that i forgot i didn't watch it though no you were you were passed out okay anyway back to this right how do you act if you bump into them i think really fucking nice yeah i don't have a conversation with them though again it depends let me put some scenarios to you okay he cheated on you he has been really horrible to you he's been saying nasty things about you you bump into a venue just go

hi like mouth hi like the and the shrug shoulders while you're doing it and the tight mouth and do you know what

I think is leave if they arrive somewhere leave yeah get the fuck out do you know what I do what

get trollied and embarrass myself and go over to them like yeah fuck it swill them yeah yeah no I no you need to leave if they enter a venue

or if I hear that they're near then I'll fuck off um okay I've got another scenario go on you get on well you split up

you don't really like him he makes you cringe a bit I get that I've got that situation and you bump into each other let him buy you a drink and say hi then he thinks he's going to shag you again

shag him again? depends how much dick you've got on the cards depends how dry you are how dry the week is okay okay I hear ya I mean you know you're not upping your head count

and familiar dicks always so dicks are my friend always swears by this if you've split up with someone and you're feeling a little bit like oh go back to a previous oh yeah right like a recycled dick yeah doesn't get your head count up so you don't feel guilty in the morning which by the way you shouldn't yeah because a head count is what do you count any people you snog no no you don't so what's the difference it's a body two bodily parts touching whether it's a tongue or a vagina and

dick yeah but men don't like that don't care about men no um so yeah her thing is you always recycle you go back because number one you're comfortable with them they know what you like you're not embarrassed in front of them yeah so you're kind of gonna get what you need and you don't get dick fright if you ever did yeah yeah yeah well you're like that's why i don't do those one night stand things oh the dick fright is terrible no no like i said i've done it once and it wasn't good yeah i always get like anxiety when um i've going by the way i am married i don't do this anymore but i get anxiety about two things number one how big or what the dick's gonna look like really and number two what their house is gonna look like because i've told you that story about when i

went back to someone's house and there was washing up in the sink yeah but can i just tell you something really funny that one of my friends told me the other day she went back to this guy's house and he's a known tinder swindler can i just smile at you his name oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i remember him he's changed his name to a full new name and moved countries he is the real life tinder swindler anyway she went around to his house and she like didn't know but obviously on instagram who's like Russian girlfriend loads of money

did it she probably felt like fucking crazy anyway she went back to his apartment and he was like excuse me and like all these

papers like flew around everywhere and he'd put like 10 million pound bank account like he'd made these fake bank accounts

and then he like as if they'd fallen everywhere she's picking them up like 10 million and this one oh my god and she was like

but the sums of money were like that ridiculous that it was just not it's not gonna happen but yeah I always get the fear so that's why i always like look at the fixtures and fittings in the back of their pictures to make sure that like they've got stainless steel and like um what would you call it like a youth hostel okay because you know have you ever had a dick pic and then the background's

something really weird like a public toilet yeah i saw that um okay so the next one what if they start talking shit about you our girls that so that i have got a friend at the moment and her kind of person she was seen as a toxic prick and he has made up all sorts about her like it's like they've been over for nearly a year and we keep getting wind like oh my god such and such has said this and it's not even like you're going out of your way no he's been making stuff up he said this she did this and it is so frustrating but she hasn't once contacted him and said stop talking shit which i think is the right thing to do because you're egging it on i've got someone that does this about me yes and we have had stuff given to us on a plate yeah on a platter like

literally and on a gossip platter like immediate stuff with a side of like with a side of oh my god bang on have i once said anything no you keep it keep quiet because also add fuel to the fire you are you are feeding this have you ever had someone in like situations we don't do it as much now but we did used to previously like have different friends in and out of groups and there's always that one girl that talks shit about a certain girl or boy and you think this stinks yeah well that's them yeah but if they do start talking shit about you do you know what you ask okay so it is so tempting to go on insta and do a little rant and be like i i've done it before i didn't do this i did that and do you know what it does it just puts you in

the group chats yeah it puts you in the group it entertains everyone on a sunday which i'm grateful for the people that still do it because you entertain me yeah but don't be that person let it go go in your own little group chat with the girls have a rant absolutely find ways to decapitate and kill him things you can do to ruin his life shit on his fucking door handle yeah but try your best to not react because every reaction is just fueling it like we said before it's all about what's going on in your own head control yeah i'm not letting this affect me think what you do you know what one of the things i've learned and that's since the tattle shit yeah and since this podcast came out we didn't used to be like that we didn't use the we

we're preaching now but we've been yeah um whereas now and i don't know if it's headspace or what but honestly one thing that i say all the time is i don't care i don't give a fuck yeah i don't care what a sad little life anymore and i don't care what anyone thinks and if people want to think that that's fine i'm not asked what you think as long as i can put my head on my silk pillow then knowing i've done the right thing throughout the day that's all that matters so basically if he starts talking shit about you then tell everyone that he's got a maggot cock yeah and egg his house and send cat shit to his mum's address hey and put pubic lice you know what guys should start doing more that i was thinking about do you know how we said someone had a massive cock

on the podcast yeah if guys rate my cock paid girls to start rumors that they've got massive dick yeah i think they should be rate my dick.com but then we wouldn't think it was cool if it of those right her fanny.com would we no not at all and i'd be zero but do you know what i mean like if someone said to you like lauren i'll start this room there's 50 quid we tell everyone that my cock split you in half and came out your mouth yeah okay that my penis gave you internal bleeding pierce an organ yeah um right blocking when to block right you only block and i'm listen carefully you only block if you are on 100 that you are never going to unblock because what you are not ever gonna do is unblock you cannot block and block and that's psycho behavior you can't so

you do the blocking when you are sure you are sure but you will never need them first i quite like being the blocked one because the controls are my hands and it's like even if i want to message him i can't fuck about me and if i want to message him i can't anyway when you're the block others i just block everyone for fun like i've got nobody i don't block i've got nobody if i hear that someone's taught shit about me i feel like that's so effective that i'm gonna block you i don't know i just don't want them looking at my shirt so i block them then they'll just look on a fake account this is how then i think how you're going out of your way true i don't really have anyone blocked i don't think on insta or my phone oh i've got thousands have you insta

like pedophiles and shit i'll block because you can title like the weird accounts i'll block that and then weird perverts but i don't have anyone because i just think you're gonna go and look on a fake account anyway so whatever like 100 my phone i've not got one person blocked apart from maybe numbers i've given out to guys and then in the morning and you save them as like question question mark and then you see the what's that picture and they've got like a family or something it's always a taxi driver yeah isn't it yes right so um i block i've got a few of those blocked but other than that no nothing i'm fine so yeah tell me about your holiday now we've done all that well we did we talked about a bit last episode i'm still kind of on it now okay so because it's

been another week now are you ready to actually tell us what happened in mexico yeah honestly not that bad like i didn't do anything in particularly bad right no dick no i didn't get any dick there was fumbles no okay jungle rumble in the jungle no nothing like that no there was nothing like that however i did i know what she's getting at you know you love toy boys right i told you about toy boys do you remember yeah yeah about 18 months yeah so this is the weird thing um i don't know what it is but you were like i was like oh my no right so there was this guy and i know what she's getting at because i told her about it yesterday um when i went to mexico i was in having a meal and a guy walks in and then you know when

you make the eye contact and he was oh god he was tanned um like latina yeah um and i we kind of looked at each other anyway then i went over to the bar and he was like can i get you a shot yeah so i was like yeah of course like and he he turned to the bartender and in spanish oh stop it was like panty dropper right and i was like right and then he was like where you know where are you from and you know as you're talking to when you touch their arm yeah it was rock solid have you been reading these erotic novels right and you know how we talk about veiny veiny glossy skin so tanned and smooth and glossy

and no pores no pores and the hand had like veins in it and it was really chubby like a fat hand like a worker man's hand like a fat hand

and yeah and then he says I bet his cock was nice I can't imagine but I'm sure right so then he turns

help I've not had sex for a long time and then he put his hand like on my neck a bit when we moved anyway I was bent over at the bar I needed my inhaler

at this point so there's this young guy he's like how old are you and i went for 30 i'm 31 why did i take a year off and then i was at how old are you and he's like 26 i was and at this point i'm bent over the bar needing an inhaler i'm like but it's the way that you catch yourself looking yes at things like youngest fresh and i'm only four years older but there's something

we've been doing it wrong yeah and i was just like um and then you can't stop thinking about it can you nothing happened like he's just a fit guy on a night out but like it's the young thing and and when i told ashley about yesterday i was like what is it what is this young blood yeah warm skin warm young skin and i bet and and the six pack but do reckon anyone like actually has a toy boy that like it works out no because the shit for anything else yeah like they're not gonna pay the bills they're not gonna so don't fall in love with one no no do you know anyone that's done that um no no i don't not long term maybe it's because like people just know not to yeah i thought it's great for a fling but don't fall in love with them

i'm sure i know someone that's married to someone like eight years younger we do we do i'm sure we do lauren that is when you get older you're then gonna feel like they're gonna leave you for somebody younger oh my god can you we've already got anxiety about that imagine anxiety just sleep with them and then marry someone else but have you ever been attracted to older guys i've not either i don't get it even like about five years older than me i'm like they get like dad like dad cringe i'm once met a guy you know who it is he's on telly we're not saying who it is and i um met up with him nothing ever happened um but i met up with him on a night out oh he's bankrupt now thank god you didn't go there really yes really he's

i've seen his cock you've seen his cock because there's a video of sucking him off i've seen it yeah yeah he's a fit like he's a fit dill but let me tell you so i met up with him and he was wearing bootleg jeans and when he danced i remember this yeah when he danced he kind of shimmied with his hands like this like like a man and he'd like point his finger to the music like yeah good one and i think he said tune once like this is a tune and my inside my vagina disappeared that was when he was like a really quite a famous still he was yeah yeah and even then you were like no not after that no after that i'd gone off him um anyway yeah so the older men i always find them really cringy yeah no they're not for me not for me i like a man that controls things and i like to

call them daddy do you yeah not in the bedroom even just like daddy yeah like that they do everything yeah they are daddy i need daddy's help like i've had that before i mean like going out with someone older than me i just think it doesn't appeal but i can understand why and if it's the right guy i am attracted to power peter jones i fancy him lauren yeah who is we discussed this yesterday by the way who is your celebrity i haven't got one tom zanetti i haven't got that's disgusting i haven't got one she's obsessed with him i haven't got one she wanks to pictures of him he's her screensaver shut up this isn't true so i watched him on celebs go dating and he's such a nice guy and i think he is he looks fucking beautiful too pretty he's

beautiful no how tall is he let me google it i hope right this is the other thing everyone i've ever been with has been quite small um team ed's not i didn't know i had you in my heart wait let me just google it one didn't know i had you in my heart has he got a girlfriend at the minute no but if he does i bet she's really fit he's got a son hasn't he and it's yeah and he's really yeah yeah i like listen mate if you watch that you'd like him he's gorgeous good laugh he's he's a he's oh no sorry lauren he's five foot ten yeah i've done that before that's fine oh is that okay yeah because i think if you start trying to do over that you're just cutting all your men out and at my age now there's not much left dilemma of the week dilemma of the week oh

you like it now okay so this girl has sent one in it's quite like short but sweet and i picked it because it relates to breakups so basically she said that she split up with her partner and they lived together they were together for a few years about 18 months ago quite a while then she's only just realized he's still got her passport well number one why has she not been on holiday covid okay um sorry lauren we're not all like wait what was your uh raya stop it what is it i do all of the above with whilst trying to go on as many holidays as possible um well i do i'm sorry you just have to get a new passport but getting a new passport's a headache so what get a new passport don't you dare ask for him wait for him he's probably giving it to his new bird

to get into different clubs because she's about 17 um he's probably bought one he's probably yeah probably sold it to the black market yes he probably has your the problem everyone's after you now mfi m15 what's it called mi5 yeah they're probably after you now because they think you've committed a crime uh yeah get a new one pal it depends though like when she needs to use it because i got a new passport with my new name on i did that i wish i'd know it took me ages to get it back to my old name yeah and so i got obviously got married and divorced quite quickly so imagine how much stress that was and how embarrassing

I only got mine now it's been a year how embarrassing it was that I literally applied for a new passport with my new name sent my marriage certificate off like la la la

and then like however long later I sent another one I bet they were laughing like yay I didn't last long mate are you glad Thea's got your

not got your name or not I wish she had mine now same I did it because I feel like at the time I'm so amenable at the time I thought it was the right thing to do

take her dad's name he'd done I was like he's done nothing to her that is her father so you let her have the name after you knew all of the stuff yeah she was no she was born with the name birth certificate so yes i could have in that time been like fuck it right i'm gonna do this i'm gonna i'm changing her fucking name but my heart was broken and that was not a priority which is

why i said to you all before do the shit at the beginning because if you're like my heart's broken i can't it gets too long i wish i'd have been a bit more strong with things but i wasn't strong at the time my mom said to me you need to leave it and i didn't do some of it um do it early days because now it's been four years what am I going to do now remember when you did that well I'm taking her name

well like coming back to this if she'd have asked for it while it was fresh it would have been fine but it's not fine now it's not you can't ask for it love no sorry honey

anyway UK break for you some nice places in Cornwall I've heard fab Bournemouth Wales oh no

that was enough that's enough of us for one day I've had enough of us already basically remember block him block him

that's the answer to all your prayers block him what you don't know can't hurt you so stay away from all those situations tell your friends

you don't want to know tell your friends you don't want to know anything just send a message and say hi just letting you know don't tell anything

I split up with this person don't ever ask me about it again you have a tiny micro penis yeah that's my statement done

okay yeah so thanks for listening guys follow us on instagram our podcast pages at ntngaf our personal pages are at the cosmetic consult and at laurenelizabeth underscore xx please rate and subscribe you have to do that i have been embarrassing you have also embarrassed yourself a bit this season you've just said

something oh I shit myself yeah so why yeah so I just think we're doing this

for you guys to feel better about yourselves like don't make this like a pointless and unless we start getting paid soon we're not going to

do it anymore really because I'm caught blocking myself left right and centre Charlie

can we pull the episodes from being out there can we ever be like we don't want this to be out there anymore like can we be like just get rid of them take them off the internet

yeah we'll fucking do it do you know some twats rate us not on one star dickheads

imagine taking the time to do that right love yous hello get off the phone we've not even finished I bet it's a fucking

who is it it'll either be deliberate I don't have a communal post box right bye guys Thank you.