Nip Tuck - Cauliflower Ears Give Me A Wide On!

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

There's a strange smell in the studio today according to Ashley and for once it's not Lauren trumping. France have made a bold new law regarding posting kids on socials and the girls have very different views on it. Lauren's fuming at some recent comments on her socials, but admits to getting a 'wide-on' over it...To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks & dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to nip tuck not giving gay fuck oh you did it this time that's the first time guys we've just made history that is the first time that we've done it that way around the first fuck that ashley has ever ever given coming up on today's show cauliflower is a giving lauren a wide on but not giving me a wide on that's not the whole point one country has made some bold moves regarding kids on socials and one listener had an absolute nightmare with a noisy festival and we are not talking about the music this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself and one thing that i'm very happy about is that they have sorted the lighting out in the studio so we no longer i mean

i don't look as good as i expected i'll be honest but maybe it's not the lighting um i look better because we at some point like i look like a big massive your lips look huge today i haven't touched my lips for fucking years i haven't touched them i don't believe you i haven't what did you get permanent filler put in it or something I swear I haven't touched them I'm just letting them

naturally go down now the more they go down okay Leslie Ash the more they go down the more you can see my teeth it might be my liner I've over lined yeah yeah yeah

it's the liner I also had lip blush again on Sunday last Sunday oh well that makes them like swell up a bit doesn't it no

mine swell up after it no it depends who's doing it a couple of hours maybe that should be it really so on Nip Talk we want you to get your voices heard

you can email us at hello hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch on what's that baby that means voice notes and all that good stuff we just love playing them out in future episodes but don't worry if you want to be anonymous we won't reveal who you are so girls if you head over to this episode's description for more information you can get in touch with us and we want to know what's been getting on your tits your beauty questions we want to know those any questions that you've got men they're not in our dms um and of course your stories your sex stories your embarrassing stories your problems just the girl chat anything you want to know just get in touch with us because really we just don't give a fuck can they just say it again

so we're back in surgery it's never gonna end that i can never say it without a scottish accent we're back in surgery there's been a murder there's been another murder okay so we've not spoken for a little bit have we

you stink I have got the nicest perfume I've ever had on it's fucking disgusting it's not so not you are the only person that has

every person that has smelt me since I got this perfume which was gifted by a friend by the way has said how unreal I smell people were coming into my room at work

and taking a picture of the bottle because she gave it me at work James has actually put it on today I think you're making a mistake It's an oud It's by what they call

It starts with a Mason Nope Margiel Martella Dunno Montella Come here

Come and smell me Not for me that Really You smell like An incense stick I smell like Dubai mall Anyway I usually like an oud

You are the only person That hasn't liked it Even James has started wearing it And taking it off me It's really nice Montello Montella monster it's called tonka something tonka i've really um tonka something tonka i've really gone

off ed's perfume as well the louis vuitton on brain amad babe honestly he stinks of it and it's that strong and he puts so much even after i've taken his stuff to the dry cleaner i can still smell it and i'm glad i've not smelled it on him because i would have jumped him it gives me um a wide on well he smells of it so maybe i should stop yeah it's the night you that smell oh i love it i absolutely love it i was gonna get james some it's a bit overdone the way everyone has it but i just really really yeah they've done a lot of dupes what do you think of perfume dupes the effort to constantly spray them is too much for me i agree like you get that immediate hit and you know what girls if you can't afford the real thing why not absolutely you have to constantly respray and i

can't even remember where i've put my teeth never mind to constantly good to have in the car i reckon yeah when you need like a little freshen up or a gym bag or something yeah but what i must say about the dupes the perfume dupes i had a puffer jacket on last winter and i was in a shop that was selling the perfume dupes and i was spraying the baccarat 540 and i sprayed it on me there must have been some toxic shit in there it ruined my monclerco it burnt it burnt it like yeah like as if it had like a toxin in it yeah like literally melted it oh so just just be careful if your skin begins to melt then uh stop using it anyway my perfume is really nice and it's um i i'm not asked what you think because it's really nice you also i forgot to mention last week um said

you didn't like my necklace do you know how many dms i've had about this fucking necklace not for me that i think katie's got it as well i love it i mean you wear the weirdest shit anyway what like dime pink diamonds and stuff so like i'm a gold i'm like um i'm cooler you're more like you're more like tacky tacky yeah i think so i said it you said it um yeah you're tacky and i'm more like you like to think you're cool and you're fucking not mate i am right anyway so you found your wedding venue right so i don't know no don't want to get married there and you know what i'm going to be honest right i've not updated don't think about that it was really good absolutely amazing like gorgeous hotel and everything yeah you did update us and you met the girl that yeah

it's so expensive right so it must have cost us probably nearly a grand more than grantley hall Yeah. Granting Hall's way better. So you had to pay for the spa separately, which was something like £150 or something like that. For a massage? No, just to go in on top of your room. That's ridiculous.

I think that's ridiculous. And did they make you aware of that? I don't know. I didn't book it. But when you added it up, right, I bet it came to £800 maybe, maybe even nearly a grand, right, for one night in the Lake District.

Now, me and James have literally just booked, which I'm really sorry about and I'm going to get in trouble for because I've done it over a podcast recording day. But we've just booked a weekend in Spain. Stunning. £800. Stunning.

I'd rather go to Spain for the weekend than a hotel for one. In the UK, it's so expensive. We were looking at centre parks, weren't we, Lauren? It's expensive, but it looks good. It does look good. We want to take the girls and we want to take them to Disneyland Paris as well.

Yes, so Disneyland. I do want to get the Eurostar there. Yeah, but mate, you want to see how hard work that is. Honestly, I looked at it all. you have to oh it looks but it says it goes right to Disneyland

it does but we've got to get to London first it's effort with two kids two annoying little girls they love getting on the train there I know if anyone's got any

tips on that let us know but I'll tell you the other thing so do you know the big castle I was going to speak to you about this

do you know the massive castle the big princess castle that's closed till next year personally I think maybe we wait I think and then Teddy

will be old enough you're like don't bring him don't bring him no no no I thought you liked him I do really love him but he's not coming

so the nearest hotel that we can get like the nicest one is the Marvel Hotel oh yeah Megan went recently but it was good for her because she's got a boy

so I think we wait until next year no the girls need the yeah I agree I think we wait until next year and then we take them

so you're going to Spain cute I'm going to Spain I'm going to Estepona Estepona have been it's Marbella like just after Marbella yeah so you can get a cab

to Marbella yeah if you want but I don't want to Romana's dad has got a house there there's some really stunning restaurants

and beach clubs there's a pub right you have to go in it okay go on called the Robin Hood oh god

no no do people go for a Sunday dinner in Spain at the Robin Hood who does that it's Estepona's like where all the people from England live just after Mabit

yeah yeah but it looks really like nice oh my god babe stunning so we're gonna go very far from the airport just a warning

really I thought it was like half an hour no okay so I found some stunning beach clubs and somewhere that's called

Al-Kabaz Lagoon or something it's like a fucking lagoon it's beautiful so yeah we're going for a few days there oh that's so nice for you I thought that would

be very nice I've had an expensive weekend same I've just bought a sofa as well I just bought garden furniture

oh it's so expensive but I did sell my old one on Facebook did you? yeah oh I hate that shit it's so embarrassing someone has to come

and pick it up and it makes me cringe you're like oh you're right yeah oh no me and Frankie did it there the whole interaction

makes me die we sold stuff I'm always selling stuff on Facebook because I say to... I haven't got a Facebook. Frankie, like, you can keep, like, 10% of it or whatever. If you do it for me. Anyway, we'd, like, had some absolute weirdos,

like, turning up at the house. And I'm funny about who's allowed to come to my house. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. What if it's a robber that's just pretending so you can come and check your house? This guy came in... Fit.

Fit. Really? Not the garden furniture one. A few times, me and Frankie were both like... And what did he want to buy? And then we were, like, shouting, Naomi no he could have

what was he buying a marble table and did he have a girlfriend well I didn't ask him if he had a girlfriend why I would have it was two lads

I would have said and he was really tall who's going to be sitting at the table then how many chairs do you need how many people's in your house because Frankie

not for you for Frankie yeah it was really and then we tried locking him up and we couldn't so then well we made this

thing up in our heads that he must be an ex-convict and now what he does is buy and sells furniture on Facebook book that sounds about right so that's if you're out there let us know who you are i think i've got the name friends just bought a marble table from somebody in knoxford he's really fit um so this

weekend you've had you bought a sofa yes so i went to stunning oh my god delilah grace interior so do you know what sofas are just so expensive and i'm not weeks to come i'm not paying i'm sorry i'm not paying it sofa club for example and that's like one of the you know main ones dfs they're so expensive and the kids are going to ruin it and i'm just not paying it so i found somewhere that does really nice ones and i can't say what because i don't think she's kind of releasing it but i sent you the pictures she's about to do a range everyone's going to want it without a doubt it's affordable i sent you the pictures you did yeah so um i definitely definitely think it's going to be a good one so yeah sofas were really really good liked them ordered one stunning well i this

weekend to shit on um i've uh been in watching and listening to crime podcasts and tv programs i didn't like that um murdered in mayfair didn't like it oh thought it means but that's not fair that that man's got away with murdering no but i wanted the ending there was no ending there was no ending he had he'd murdered he just said that he was on sniff horrible yeah so it was a thing where there was a girl i think she was called martine martina murdered in mayfair yeah um and she'd gone on a night out and a guy basically who was obviously

in love with her had raped and killed her left her in his apartment and then he'd fled like murdered her and then he'd fled to Yemen yeah

and his dad was one of the most influential people out there a billionaire so he protected him he's been there now for 14 years he's pretty much

he spoke to a journalist he basically said he did it it was off his sits and he doesn't remember and we can't get him home to send anything and she seemed like such a lovely girl

I know and the dad he wasn't arse mate it was weird and then so from that I went into this downward rabbit hole

downward dog and I got listening to this thing called The Murder of Charlene something The kebab Yeah

I've watched that one Did they put her in the kebab? Yeah She was in the kebab Yeah People were eating her So this young girl

was out in Blackpool Can we just say that none of this is factual just in case we get it wrong Yeah and

you can listen to it out there i'll like share it anyway she was 14 and she was abducted allegedly murdered wasn't she going to the house or something yeah something happened and she got um they to get rid of the body put her in kebabs in blackpool so if you've had a kebab and i've been listening to the lucy letby thing as well what's that it's at the um countess of chester hospital it happened two years ago 17 babies what the you need to listen to it is that the one that killed the babies well why did she do it well we don't know it's this this court um what's it called like trial this trial's gonna go on for six months so every day the daily mail are bringing out a podcast of

what happened that day in court interesting if you've got i find stuff like that so they're like 20 minutes each one every day but i find it i think once you've had kids i don't know i don't know i put a thing up on my profile saying like this is really good listen if anyone's into it and someone did message me that worked at that hospital what yeah and do they think she did it they just said it uh the hospital's not got like the best reputation okay and they were like i'm intently listening to see but um someone did something because there was like poison in the baby's blood what i just when they that you know how they get like bags like intravenous trip like there was something like the harold chipman thing why i don't know who knows but very interesting

so have a listen to that babies on social media this ties nicely in so ash constantly stop sending me those things just stop it because it's too late now so stop sending it me so she sends me right um i'm just gonna read this i'll read it then by the way i'm just minding my own business at home and then she sends me this shit constantly can i just read you these facts so france have banned parents from showing their kids on social media really officially is that 100 they've banned them it's been passed the law's been passed so i'm not sure where no children on social media without their consent and they're not they can't consent till they're like 18 i guess there's some facts and figures here okay by the time a child is 10 years old there will be

approximately 2 000 photos of them online shared over 80 000 websites are we talking not that the mother shared these have been taken that is alarming it is i agree kind of too late for me now so i might as well carry on and then this this it's this post this lady's put on and she's like unfortunately i can't go back in time and not post them so she's saying yeah exactly why don't i have this like i don't feel the need to stop posting there and i don't know why i'm guys like i just think please reconsider it and then it's there's all this stuff about narcissism parenting that I've gone into.

And it's about people that aren't that present with their kids and they feel the need to always post. Yeah, it's like the fucking Insta dads. That they're with them all the time. No, I totally get that. Because what are you going to gain out of being like, I'm at the park with my kid, here's a picture of it. Nothing, fuck all.

You're just doing it to show off. Sometimes I put Thea at the park because I think she looks cute. Right, so let me tell you how I see it. i don't post there as much now um as i used to when she was a baby and it's not it's not a conscious shift it's because when she was a baby she did more cute stuff i'll be honest like she was like blah blah blah and i was constantly yeah now she's a bit older she runs away like she didn't want to do it anymore um and what i will say about the park thing for example that to me i document most of my day so it's just part of my day so like if i am shopping i will take

a picture of my shopping bag it's not like for me it's just like that's what i'm doing in the day i post the full day and if i'm at the park then she'll get a picture of the park but i do get why people don't share it but i just haven't had that i think in me to stop sharing i don't share as much definitely not i think it's not going to be a thing soon i think people are gonna do you know what if that was a law i'd be happy with that fine i can't then do you know but i like to share her because she's part of my life as well like i feel like i share everything else and she's mine i just don't think it's fair when children don't have like i'm gonna say it's celebrities posting their kids and stuff like that like i think that's a little bit they're

gonna get recognized yeah i think that's a little bit different if someone's a celebrity and everybody wants to know about them no one gives a shit about me and my kids if you really give a shit like a brand wanted to work with me uh recently and i said to them no i don't show my kids on social media like their face and stuff and they said that's absolutely fine we actually really respect that really it means you really do give a shit about your kids yeah yeah i do get that i i get it if you love them please protect them and just read some of those statistics about like they do where there's i know it you we don't get it because we're not weirdos but there's fucking yeah that's why i'm weird i don't get it because i'm not a weirdo supposedly you put a

picture of your child licking a lollipop they'll change the picture of the lolly to a penis to a dick stuff like that yeah yeah yeah i get it i just maybe i've just not thought about i'm one of those people where things like that bother me that much that i will just and there's that whole dark web thing where like I just will blank that shit out no but you don't think of it

because those thoughts don't weigh my head and also I don't want to think about it so I'm not going to no I get it and everyone can do whatever the hell they want

but I get it I get it if I had another baby would I show the other baby yeah you would yeah because it'd be with James and it'd be cute

yeah true if it was ugly I wouldn't show it so you wouldn't Lauren sorry mine aren't ugly no but do you know

what's really funny I look at pictures when Theo was like a baby and I used to think oh my god she's so fucking cute and I look back at her now and I'm like

she looks like a gremlin but I thought she looked so fucking cute on that picture and she definitely didn't but my friends have said the same on that so yeah friends

yeah go for it if that's what you want to do show your kids don't show your kids whatever dingle dangle it dingle dangle dingle dangle

dingle dangle anyway tomato tomato kids no kids dingle or dongle we'll be back after the break with what's on our text I've got a few things

that are pissing me off pissing me right off pissing me right off and your slutty Susan Confessionals, our favourite. Welcome back. Hi, bitch. Hi, babies.

Are you a loyal listener of Nook Talk? But are you actually? Are you really? Do you set an alarm on a Wednesday and a Friday, ready for the new release? Does it pop up on your phone as soon as you wake up? Do you laugh out loud and wee your pants at the gym? Well, if so, why not tell your nearest and dearest about Nip Tuck?

I mean, you should have done already if you're a real, real fan. But yeah, spread the love, spread the podcast. If you share this episode on WhatsApp, it's nice for us and we'll do a happy dance. Yeah. And then more people will see it. Put it in your group chat now. I reckon you've probably already done it,

but if you haven't then you need to do it now just for us just for us or we'll go away we'll be sorry never come back and we'll never come back

right right okay what's getting on your tits right I'll tell you what's getting on my tits okay so James has got cauliflower ears

do you know what they are when boxers get hit in the ear boxers rugby players MMA it's cartilage cartilage expands and it pops

so you'll have seen it boxers have it rugby players have it google cauliflower ears it's from sport or constantly bashing your ear and it basically means that your ear kind of puffs,

your cartilage puffs out. Normally when you see someone like that, you know they're a fighter or there's something like that, it gives me the fucking horn. Cauliflower ears give Laura a horn. Yeah, they do, because normally it means like a rough guy,

like who fights or... Rough and ready. Yeah, he can take a bash to the fucking ear. Anyway, James used to play rugby and then he did MMA fighting for many years. God, it really turns me on. Anyway, so he's got cauliflower ears, okay? Fine, I've seen millions of them.

I wouldn't really think anything of it. I just know what it is straight away Yeah and even if I didn't I wouldn't think much of it When I post pictures of him People have started replying about his ears Honestly it makes me so fucking furious That Lucas has just had to cut a little bit of the podcast out

Because it wasn't appropriate to say It makes me really angry and protective But in general I just think it's out of order So they will reply Some people and say What's wrong with his ear Right I'm sorry but in what world do you think

that that is okay what if he was born like that if he had a big scar down his face would you say what's wrong with his face on a birthmark

what the fuck he's wrong with you even if someone was walking around with like one eye what the fuck he's wrong that you think

that you have got the right just because I share things to say to me what's wrong with his ear no and somebody once put like a weird emoji

like ooh are you fucking okay how many times do you get these this has happened so it's happened more and more now some of them

aren't too bad one person put oh has he ever done mma or rugby so it's like a roundabout way and i've just said yeah he did mma but i honestly really winds me up and i just think would you go up to someone's face and say what's wrong with your ear what's wrong with your eye why have you got a birthmark no so why just because i'm on social media do you think you can be rude as fuck what's wrong with your fucking face sorry it's just i just really don't like that and it's not just because it's james i just think who why are you speaking to people like that it's really wound me up as you can tell and sometimes people will say things to me i can't think what now that i just usually like

when you've had like filler or something and they go oh what happened to you and yeah and i'm such a polite person that gets caught off guard i always go like oh and then afterwards i kind of think no do you know what i should have said yes what the fuck happened to you yes so listen to this i had a bruise on my head from botox the other week and do you know how many people said to me i did as soon yeah well yeah but you can but as soon as i walked in a room they'd go what's that on your head okay well what if it was something really really upsetting my partner had hit me or like i'd um i don't know like i'd had some some surgery like serious medical things don't just say what's that on your head i might not want to tell you um so i had this outfit on

and it was like just after i'd had the baby and i personally thought it was a really nice outfit it It was from that, oh, what's it called? Vita Grace. Really nice website. Right, okay. And it was like a pyjama set, you know, like a big linen shirt and linen shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

Love that. And I went to this party and people were like, hi, you're in your pyjamas! Older people that don't, not from around here. That don't understand the fashion. Ah, yes, of course, that kind of people. That kind of people. And I felt like saying to them,

what the fuck are you wearing? What are you wearing? What's your fucking excuse? I don't like it, but I've not said anything to you. Do you know what I've just bought from Zara? Stunning. I'll show you after. Silk, like pyjama pant almost.

Stunning. And a little vest top for on holiday. It's gorgeous. Comfortable. How? Don't be so fucking rude. No, but it's people like that. And do you know what?

It's when they've got their own problems. Rips in your jeans. Have you done that? Have you ever in your pyjamas? I just think. I would never say that. Do you know what I'm all about? Complimenting people.

Yeah. Be nice. Be nice to someone. Your hair looks nice. In your head you can think you're out for it. You're like you're in your fucking bed. but you could go your hair looks nice

just don't say it no I think like you said they're projecting onto you and I mean if you want when I've walked past say to your mate

what's wrong with his ear she's like why is she wearing her jammers fine we all do that but just be a bit more thoughtful with your comments

it's not very kind or nice is it no it's not and you can all fuck off that have sent me that all of you yeah fuck you

fucking think what you're doing before you do it and then it makes me think you know actual celebrities yeah what shit do they

get sent mate tight isn't it like what can you imagine it's like when people do you know our friend asha yeah people were commenting oh i saw those messages about not having a kid and yeah so there's two things the first thing she put a bikini picture up she looked like a rake she looked gorgeous like she was so slim and somebody put pregnant question mark they get that a lot celebrities don't and then she put things in she probably you know she might not want to have children fine and people started like messaging her about this like yeah it's social media and i guess you

take it we put ourselves out we put ourselves out there but not in person i've been um i keep saying this toying about blogging again i've literally written a blog ready to go out and i just can't press the button because the more you let people in i mean the podcast i let them in a lot but i feel like that's an extra level the more they think they can own you yeah and they have got right to then comment on your choices and things so it's a bit like i'm actually like quite like i hold quite a bit of stuff back yeah you do because you're if you did a blog for example it would be about your skincare finds and stuff like mine would be about life but the other i have so much i feel like i've got advice to give i've experienced loads of different random shit so i

kind of want to do it because of that but then i think the more you let people in the more they like we've thought of a really good platform to do that yeah a safe space yeah it's safe space we'll we'll be talking about that soon yeah where the people there you can trust something's getting on my toes is it me is it my perfume right there's this thing that's around us at the minute guys okay the aesthetic girlies what's that i'm gonna do it it's where you live in an all cream house and everything's tidy and everything is perfect and everything matches and everything is a different shade of nude it's called being an aesthetic girl i've never heard of it because it's like aesthetically pleasing i'm not and i'm a fucking hoarder and you are a massive hoarder

my house is full of shit you're a whore um and then they do these videos that are like this is a day in the life of me and they do no no right i'm not throwing shade i respect the hustle yeah because me and you are shit at doing this oh i hate it content creation i'm so we can't call We can't call ourselves content creators. No, we can't. We can't. I've not got that eye. We've not.

Our friend Lauren. We're not aesthetic girlies. Our friend Lauren. Lauren Watson. She's an aesthetic girly. But she doesn't give it up your arse, does she? No. She doesn't shove it in your arse.

No. She, her feed, I wish, why am I not like that? That's called an aesthetic girly. But she doesn't annoy me. No. But where do they think of these? I look at pictures and I think, where did you think? So then I try and take a picture of my dinner and it looks like, you know when you push

dogs dinner rate my plate on Facebook where it's horrific and I think that was a lovely Sunday dinner why does it look like I've thrown it up

on my pictures yeah I'm not an aesthetic girly and then it makes me feel shit they do these

they the aesthetic girlies they do these videos at the perfect girls and they like set at what point do you set

a tripod up and this is how all influencers wake up in the morning let me stretch their arms out and they take the silk eye mask but it's just silly and then we saw one the other day and i had to send it you because i've never watched a more boring she's quite well known and

quite famous we can't say we can't i've never watched a more boring person and more boring people seem to love it i've never and it was like i'm rushing around now but you've managed to get the tripod you've put it in set the tripod up press record this is I'm basically

I forgot this so I'm rushing around looking for my keys you've set a tripod how are you how do they film themselves in the car that's what I've not

figured out do they have a sticky thing that goes on the you know like a sat nav that sticks and then they put like at what point do you press film

you're right I'm driving like no one wants I haven't got time to get it I respect it 10 out of 10 I respect anyone who does what they need

to do to make money i don't think that that was making funny i think that was just pure self self boring bored if you've got time to do that i've got time to i wish i had time murder programs i mean i was just gonna say you've got time to watch you've got time to watch a day in the life of so you're just as fucking bad you should do actually you were the one that watched it first no you sent it me no i'm sure you i sent it to you saying something about something else and you said what we're horrible people but yeah i agree i'm not into a day in the life of um i wish i could and some people's are interesting but if your life is boring stop doing it unless you're gonna like

a day in the life of is you getting really pissed and falling over then or like dropping all your milk everywhere we did that one day in the life of the london one that was funny yeah that was fun that was fun that was fun um but yeah i haven't got time to do that um so speaking of tips what's going on with your tip oh my tip oh they've um so i've got i'm waiting for a scan they're clearly not asked i'm still waiting for a scan however did i tell you about the full body thing i'm gonna do yeah so i'm gonna go somewhere and with my mom and have a full body brain and body mri so do you do know that you're exposing yourself to unnecessary radiation yeah well it's only unnecessary if i'm fine if i'm not fine then it's very necessary yeah but how are you not fine

If I've got a tumour? No, for the boob, you mean? No. So they're going to do my whole body. How do I not know that I've got the beginning of lung cancer? Right, okay. Well, you probably have all those fags you've been smoking. You know, when you go to the airport as well,

legally you don't actually have to go through the body scan because that, again, is really bad for you. You can ask for a pat down. I love a fucking pat. Depends who it is. Right, so listen. I know what you're saying, but if I've got... Do you know, it's more for my mum because she's getting a bit older.

if there is the beginning of any sort of cancer the best thing to do is a blood test not a scan no but listen but your bloods would have to be out of range sometimes they're not out of range straight away that you can go for these genetic blood tests trust me i know i know you know what you're talking about i'm gonna have the scan anyway okay and then they can look at my breast while they're in there i've got do you know what i think i might have capsular contracture already do you know how to get rid of that or stop cracking it massage i've been massaging right now a very high dose of vitamin e in oil form tablet something that's how i managed to stop mine was getting really bad my shape has gone tight and like lifted there and it's gone tight and i'm

thinking have i got a bit of catfish if anyone doesn't know what that is it's where the scar tissue would naturally form around your implant that happens but excessive scar tissue forms around it so it goes hard it strangles it tight your breast almost lifts and tightens and it looks like it's been strangled and it actually hurts and it can be uncomfortable i think i might be starting with it but I'm not having my boobs redone unless I have another baby yet

so fuck that right slutty Susans I feel like we've got so much to talk about this has been quite serious and quite nasty and negative

let's get into something light hearted and slutty are you reading I'll read okay go oh is it squirtish

I just thought that it is hey girls girls that was brilliant hey girls I love the pod I saw you

on tiktok i saw you on tiktok and i've been bring binging you just do it let's just fuck that off hi girls love the pod i saw you on tiktok i know i want you to say i saw you i saw you okay on tiktok and i've been binging the pod ever since i'm loving the embarrassing sex stories and i decided i would share my fist with you please keep me anonymous i'm still ashamed of my life food for it i'm still ashamed of my life over it oh here we go it's a long one last year i went to my first festival as we missed a few due to covid bear in mind i was still quite young but i was absolutely loving it i was living my best life getting absolutely pissed kissing loads of boys

absolutely best time of life i was in a rave tent when some fella came along and short story i ended up in his campsite is that how we call it nowadays this guy was in his early 20s and i was younger and still quite innocent but still over the legal age there were loads of lads sitting in the campsite and these lads were sitting out doing cat oh like you do and selling it in the middle of the place where all the tents were set up okay so lots of people especially boys around coming and going which i used to go to school with purchasing be like hello how are you yes great uh just here to buy my cat please as the festival was quite local to me and this was my first time i was nervous around all these people that i didn't know so i just sat there quietly i also

really needed to wee but in my drunken state i never fully realized and thought nothing more of it once we were alone and we were getting down to business all was going well until we started doing doggy oh you got into it yeah the sound was unbearable it was like queefing but worse oh no as we were at it i was praying for the sound to stop this guy powered on through though probably because he was off his balls on cat when i heard someone i went to school with say oh my god that's disgusting how is he still going that's fucking sick then i tell you i wanted to curl up into a ball and die so someone could hear him they'd heard them all that time it was an understatement i refused to leave the tent and they were still there and i waited till 5 a.m with the dead phone

and nowhere else to sleep except outside my own tent i avoided the guy that i slept with for the whole weekend but i still see the fella from school regularly as we're from the same town and we go to the same pubs at the weekend so he was listening outside he was like how is he still going and he's knowing knowing that she's getting rattled do you know what i don't like doggy do you not really i find it really uncomfortable and i get a very bad lower pain you must have a um reverted uterus like tilted yeah so have i oh lovely so you know if you've got that that's an uncomfortable position for you yeah doggy really hurts like i guess because our uterus goes back not forward really is that why when i had the issue was back to back do you think no because

it resolves at about 16 weeks it pops forward oh really yeah but it's harder to get pregnant when you've got a reverted uterus no way yeah and um i get it hurts it hurts when i do it doggy it's not yeah because it hits the wall it doesn't go yeah it hits something i'm like oh can i just Talking of festivals, can I read a quote that Andrew Tate said? Oh, do say. I don't mind Andrew. Honestly, I don't. I don't think he's all bad.

What's his voice, Canadian? Avoid women. Yeah, he talks every now and again. He talks English. Oh, hello. Hello. Hello there. Are you ready?

Go. Avoid women who go to festivals. They're either on some loser's table who's feeding them cocaine or they're in a crowd of sweaty peasants because they are a sweaty peasant. Endless Instagram stories screaming and having fun to prove to the world that they are worthless. Hard pass fester hoes.

I don't disagree. Who hurt you? No, right, okay. So there's two parts to this. The reader on some loser's table who's feeding them cocaine. Right, can I just say? True. Yeah, can I just say, right, why are men so bothered if a girl is on a guy's table?

Is that not what life is? The boys buy the table, the girls drink the vodka on it. Like, is it that big a deal? It wouldn't work if the girls had to go and... We can't all have the table. Actually, let me tell you something. Me and my friends went to, in London, Bagatelle. It doesn't feel right when you buy a table.

We bought our own fucking table. and we spent our own fucking money and it hurt at the end of the night. No, but then you ended up somewhere else. Yes, it cost a lot of money, but then there were a load of guys and girls at another table and I ended up over there anyway, chatting. And we spent a fortune that night.

But I just think, so what? Are you jealous of the guys with the table? I don't think Andrew is, because I think he's one on their own. I think he must be to say that. Most men that say, oh, she's a table, are jealous because they can't afford the tables. The guys that say it are the ones that can't afford

to get the table, to get the girls on with them. my exes that ever had a problem with that was because they couldn't afford the fucking table they were jealous of the men on the fucking table that were paying three grand on a night out yeah um what's wrong with with with drinking free vodka like what's wrong with being a sweaty peasant in a crowd i don't you wouldn't do that i wouldn't i loved it do you remember i used to go on those like three days not for me not for me yeah i'm not believe it or not i'm i'm a one i'm a one one night wonder i get fucking hammered and then i can't have to cry the next day i'm that's just me drink this weekend or not nothing anyway remember guys on nip tuck we want you to

get your voice heard even if it's weird stuff like this i don't know just bits and bats you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp so you can voice note us as well which we will warp if you want us to to keep them anonymous um anything is anonymous us if you say so just head to this episode's description while you're there give us a five star review um and you can contact us through the link on there as well but we'll be back with a bonus baby episode on friday and that is all about you not just us talking crap you talking crap this time your dilemmas your beauty questions anything you want to ask us really we'll answer for you and if you send something in now you may be featured on friday's episode

so we will see you then girls bye bye please share like five star review please make us big