Nip Tuck - Christenings, Cappucinos & Chat-Up Lines

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Ashley’s survived the Christening… just about. Between no-show guests, feral kids, a very badly timed smell in church and trying to enjoy a glass of champagne while chasing children around the garden, we’re getting the full debrief.Lauren’s been down to London for a Stranger Things-filled trip with the kids, but somehow comes home with more than she bargained for after getting chatted up in a coffee shop and of course, the kids waste absolutely no time telling James.We’re also talking the absolute STRESS of getting the kids back to school, whether we’d ever consider homeschooling, the Ibiza cheating scandal that’s taken over TikTok and why, in 2026, you’re probably not getting away with anything on a lads’ holiday.Plus, the dilemmas are back and we’re dishing out some tough love on careers, relationships and what to do when you still fancy your husband… but can’t stop thinking about sleeping with other men.Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Sue's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail] sure to subscribe, follow, rate and review!

Hi guys, welcome to Nip, Tuck, Not Giving her. Fuck. Ashley's got a bit of a cold. She got a colder throat, would you call it a cold? It's not a cold, it's just this throat thing. And do you know what, I went to Tesco last night to buy ye old knightess? Yeah. Someone told me about that the other day.

Probably drink. It was literally, I didn't realise, and that's unusual for me, how potent and good that stuff is. I've not got it yet. You've never had night. No. I kind of thought that's small fry for me. Wait, before we get into this, Lucas is staring at me because we haven't done the intro. Right, let me tell you what's coming up on today's episode. We're going to talk about Ashley's Baby Girls christening. We're going to have a chat about that. I went to London. I'm going to give you the lowdown on that as well. And then we've got

some of your dilemmas that we're going to jump into. And then a few little public current affairs we want to chat about, haven't we? So you can listen to this podcast. every single Wednesday without fail, but if you need more of us, then you can listen to our Friday bonus, either as an Apple sub, or if you're a member of our gorgeous community over on Patreon. You can watch us on YouTube

that goes out at 5 o'clock on a Wednesday. If you're part of Patreon, you get the episode early, and you get the video bonus as well. I think I did that quite well. A mirror with you. Oh, do I need one? You've got, no, it's just mascara under your eyes.

Have you tried any mascara? I don't even know what I've put on this morning. Just go and look in the mirror to get it all off. Sorry, can we just keep this? Sorry, one. Can we just keep this game? I've done the entrance and she goes, No, I looked in the mirror.

Would you rather, I told you or not? Because then on all the clips, I'd be like, why did no one tell me that I'm scar. Sorry, guys, I had to go then because I had some under-eye transfer. No, it's the, I did, I did. It's the one we always wear. The same.

Maybelline Skyhye? Yeah, but what I did do first is put a little bit of an under-eye brightener, wondering if it was moist and I didn't wait long enough. The beauty pie one. No, what was it? Although everyone's saying that's really good and it's a bit like the... Becca.

And then there's another one that's all over for Instagram but I can't remember the name. Well, you must remember the name and put it on Patreon. Right, head over to our socials at NipTuckPod if you want more information on how to get in touch of us. Right, let us begin. Chris Nym. Yeah. Let's do start to finish. I know you don't like to go over things that have already happened, but that's what we have a podcast for.

Oh, okay. Yeah, and people like to, they want to know what, people love, and everyone loves anything you do because they're like, we want the backstory. Yeah, yeah. So let's talk about the christening. Let's start at the very beginning. You had your hair and makeup done.

It looks sensational. Yeah, so Amelia Hunt did my makeup and Lewis did my hair. Both amazing. Go and check them out. You'll love them. And I've put them on my vlog as well, so you see that on YouTube, because I've got my own vlog on YouTube.

you. My dress was from Netta Porter and everyone when I linked it was pissing themselves how much? How much was it? It's like 1500 quid. Oh, well, the thing is. I couldn't find anything. You know I was trying. If you ask for the link, you gave them. No, I know. I don't know what people want. And it's like, oh, I love it, but it's so expensive. Well, I didn't, you ask for the link. I'm just giving you the link. Those shoes are iconic. So those shoes, we got them when we were looking for Brit's outfit. I was with me when I bought them. And you were even like, you have to get them.

Yeah, and I'm not really a shit. No. I looked at them and I was like, they are. They're like guys like lace. And they were like, these are the last in the country. Yeah. Do you remember? And then she was like,

give me them now. Any brides that need a shoe, they do them in white. Oh, do they? They are also sold out everywhere. And do you know what guys are comfy? They don't look comfy. They are.

the fact that they are, because they're very... Because the lace they've got, give. Jimmy Chus would like a... I'll post a picture of them here for anyone watching on YouTube because guys, we are on YouTube Nicked Up Pod, okay? Now, got to church on time. I was there early. You were.

Tommy was so cute. Tommy shot in the church. Did he? Yeah. I didn't notice. Everyone else. He stunk. Oh my God.

So we got there. And I... Who were you sat next to? I was sat with Charlie. Lovely, lovely. She's lovely. And then Tom was behind me. And we got there.

Tom Grant? Yeah, Tom was behind me. Alex wasn't there. Alex didn't bother to tell us that he wasn't coming in. Alex didn't turn it up. So many people did that, you know, and I had to pay per head.

We need to talk about that as well in a minute. People are rude. Rude. And they won't be getting invited to anything ever again. So tell me how... The amount of people that bailed within 24 hours. So what were the, like what? Do you think it was just banked home?

Some didn't either bother messaging me. And just didn't turn up. Yeah, just didn't come. Some did. Like in the morning or? The day before and the morning. And I just ignored the messages. And do you think it was because it was a bank holiday so they were going like having,

doing something else? Do you know. Didn't know. Did they make good excuses or was there so many? I just think like you know that someone's paying for paid. It happens at. Every single event that I do, though, every single one that I do. And there's not really much way around it, is there?

Because, like, what are you meant to do? You just have to, but they just don't get an invite again. No. And that's that. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, yeah, we got to the church and we set off quite, the morning was frantic. Of course it was.

We set off really early because I was like, I'm not being late. I will get told off. I will, we leave it 12, we leave it 12. And he's like, we'll be there 15 minutes early. I was like, well, I'm not being the one that's late. So, anyway, we've got. early. Went in.

The church is gorgeous. The church is beautiful. And all fine. And then as the ceremony? No? Service. Service. I began.

I started to smell shit. And I thought it's either me, because sometimes it is. But I don't remember farting. Sorry everyone. So then I looked. I was like, Charlie doesn't look like

the kind of girl that would fart in a church. So I thought I... Well, you farted in Nelson Mandela's house. So you would fart anywhere. If I needed to fart, I would fart. And then I just blame someone else. So I look around and James was like looking at it like,

and I was like, he's shit. Yeah. And then more and more people could smell the shit. So I had to get James to go and sort him out. But part of the church, there was a bit where they could play a little bit, which was good. And then the ceremony, oh my God, Snowy was. No, the vicar went. She was...

Something, something hell. And Snowy started going, what the hell screw but then I was putting my hand over her mouth and she was going what the hell she kept seeing it

could you hear her and then everyone was going I didn't actually hear her what the hell I was too busy panicking because Tommy was running around she won't let me brush her hair at the minute does not it's a no

no no and then if I put a clip or a bobbling straight out there's nothing there's nothing you can do guys does anyone have any tips of that because she looks like Boris Johnson. Yeah, she's got like blonde hair. Blonde cotton wool. Tommy's his cotton wool. Candy floss. The back of his head is candy floss and it sticks straight up like a cockatoo. Then they eat food and put it in, the hair and it's just disgusting and she looks feral.

Could you do it? Could like, what if you were doing Saskia's hair and she was like a bit jealous? It just doesn't. It just doesn't well, you just got to leave her to it then. She's a free spirit. She was so cute with Tommy, you know. She loves babies. Tommy was, it's a hair. It's a bit. It's terrorising her at one point. Like when we got back to yours, he was... She would have just been laughing then. She wasn't. You can tell she's got siblings because she was on her iPad, just chilling,

and he was literally climbing. And he's massive. He's bigger than her. And he was like climbing on top of the hand on the face to get past her. And I was like, oh, Tom it. And she was just going like this, something. It's his head, the bruised tooth. I didn't even notice it to be fair. It'll come out. But yeah, she was really cute.

And then when it got to the wetting of the head, she went... Mental. Sweetheart. Fine. A's like the whole way. A sleep. Lovely.

That's why guys tip. Do it young. Yeah. Do it really young. It was, it was out. No one, I think the good thing is. She was like, no. And the lady was like, let me just put this on your head.

She's like, no. She keeps talking about it now. She's like traumatized. She put the water on my head. But you'd prep to though, hadn't you? She was looking forward to it and everything. She knew what was going to happen. But the good thing was, I think, especially at the,

the church, you know, it was very close friends and family. Yeah, yeah. So it wasn't, like, whatever. Everyone just thought it was funny. Like, no one was asked. Tommy kept going, mom! No, it was Teddy. Mom. Can I have a snack?

Yeah. Can I have a snack? Oh my God. It was, it kept going to have. How are these people going to fit in my house? At one point, they were all stood like around the basin, basin, water, sink. And then everyone was like quiet and he was like,

you know, do you welcome them into the hands of the Lord? for that and then Teddy went, everyone's coming back to my house and party! It was just like, and he kept being like, I want a snack. It's just kids, isn't it? Like, what can you do?

What can you do? But Saskia loved running around with like a little outfit on, her little hair and she was like swishing. Yeah, your dress, but it destroyed. No, it was when me and Frankie were crying when you put,

it felt that you'd had an episiotomy the next morning. So I got this dress. So I did an order from Revolve. First of all, I did a mango. I don't know if it's... So you're like you could wear that dress again, you know. I think you need to keep it.

In like a dark red. But would you not get a tailor to extend that... The crotch. Oh yeah. Croatch extend this. I know. For people with long fannies. Off Amazon, can't you?

But I... Yeah, and I will get one next time. But what I did is I did... First of all, I got girls... Oh, the red would be nice at Christmas with... It's a dark red. Go on to Mango at the minute. They have got a couple of...

of um outfits that are like a chain print design blues sounds a bit random but they look designer so i got this halter neck top like a satiny kind of thing that i'm going to wear on holiday and i got the dress as well yeah and i put it on and it was all right but james was just like looks a bit front piece not not you so i was like right okay so i did a revolve order last minute and then we've been so busy that i only had time to try things on the day before so the crotch was the crotch like we were just going to live with it. And I ordered three dresses. One was 80 pounds. One was 300 pounds. No, 150 and one was 350. And I couldn't remember which one was which. So I just tried them on and I thought the black one is nice. The one that was 350 quid was a red dress. Mate, it could have been Clubbell London. Not

there's anything wrong with that, but it's a lot cheaper. Do you know what I mean? No, no, no. I just mean like a normal or house of city. It could have just been, it was revolve and it was 350 quid. And it looked like a high street dress. I don't want to say, no, it's the way that the revolved stuff comes in like a PLT parcel. It makes me fuel. 350 pounds and it was in a plastic bag. I get it. And I just put it on and I thought, I'm not, that it was all right.

Then I tried the black on and I thought, oh, unusual different, nice. Anyway, didn't know which cost which. Turned out the black one was the 80 quid one. Perfect. Fucking winning, you sent the others back. Nice little chiching. Oh, little shout out. Yeah.

Atelier 95. Yeah. Wow. So another dress I ordered, but I didn't wear it, but I've kept it. Well, it's actually a co-award. Really nice. It would be nice for a registry office wedding. Or a hen if people are doing like...

Or a baby shower. White lace, shoulder pads, the quality sensational. Go and check it out. I actually need... I can't remember the bloody name. I'm going to have to find it. I'll tell you the name of this dress that I got because they do it in a brown.

They do it in a dark red. and they do some really nice other stuff and I'd never heard of the brand before. You've linked it on your Instagram. I've linked it actually to be fair so it's on there. But yeah, the crotch issue was because my boobs it was like a boob tube, like a leotard.

Because my boobs were obviously big it then pulled it right up. What size do you get a six? Just extra small so I don't know what that was. It was tiny. It was tiny, right? Anyway, so there was nothing I could do. So whatever.

And my labia was hanging on either side like hanging out. and I just thought it's just going to have to be what it is and then I got home and honestly I said on Instagram I felt like I'd had an episiotomy it literally ripped my vagina in half could you not undo it?

No because when you did it it all bounced up yeah so all I will say is if you're tall or you've got big boobs maybe get an extender yeah because my fanny I dread to think would it actually look like or if you've got a dick if you've got a dick it's not going to fit in it's not unless you've got a tiny dick

imagine with my ass your ass would not. Yeah. Speaking of Dick, right, on Patreon the other day, a girl, I fucking love Patreon by the way, like it is sick. A girl put a thing in that there was a man caught in Nutsford.

It must have been over the weekend. Running ground. I've got a picture, nude with his cock out and the police were chasing in circles. Near my house. I'm going to find it for you now to show you. So I screenshot it. She was like, girls,

it's one of the girls that posts quite a lot and she's very funny she's like girls don't know how you like your bank holiday weekends going but there's a man running around completely nude running around Nutsford with the police chasing him and then she put this screenshot that's near my old apartment you know near the cinema so guys we can't show this but we can't show this because like obviously it's got someone's face on but it's a man yeah so he's basically fully nude with a big belly he's got trainers on at least

he's got trainers on and socks and he's been arrested by a police man totally nude. So that's what was going on in Nutsford at the home. So we used to get detention when I was at school and you had to go and run round this like field like however many times this you're on detention by the way that would not be allowed now. No. In any weather. Is this the same is this the Knickers and fucking PE place? This was um this was at grammar school yeah. You used to run around a field. Nothing would make me run around a field. Yeah so they'd make you go and run around this field a few times like on detention.

Yeah. And one time there was a man, we were all running. I think there was like four of us. Starts running towards us with just a pair of opaque tights on. What? What did you do? He carried on running. I think we started chasing him or something bad.

I was chasing the man in the open tight. No, he was prolific like he kept coming. And then one time, I don't know if it was him or another. guy chained themselves naked outside the school so that when all the girls came out of the school disgusting um he was just saying like chained naked imagine that the police station they're all having a cup of tea they're just having the break and then they get the thing through not again yeah yeah he's got his cock out again he's changed himself right come on let's sort him out wow that's disgusting so christening really good really enjoyed it do you want to tell you who we do

i don't know who even they are but you had a bar and you had wait-to-service. Yeah, they were incredible. They were there at the... The I launch as well, the girls from... Fantastic. They're like three girls that are unreal. They're lovely...

When I was running around chasing after Tommy, I nearly... There was a point where I really nearly lost my fucking shit. I had... He wouldn't sleep, like would not have a nap. So I thought, I'm going to try. James was pushing him around your drive for 40 minutes. came back in wide awake.

I was like, I'm going to try. I did 40 minutes in my dress and heels in circles. Louisa came out and was like, babe, gave me a Prosecco. So I was swigging it while I was pushing it. Proseco, champagne. Champagne, sorry. I was swigging it. And then once someone came out with a fag,

I'm like, do you want a fag? I was like, I'm actually don't really smoke anymore, but I would have done. I would have gone around with the fag, the fucking champagne, pushing it, wouldn't sleep. And she saw all this going on. Yeah. One of the waitresses.

Yeah. And I went in and she went, spicy marg, strong one. I was like, yes, please, if you don't mind. Yeah. It's so hard with kids that age, isn't it? Yeah. Like, I didn't speak to James the entire day.

We didn't speak. You know what? Like, when they're that age, you just have to kind of like not leave the house. I know that sounds all. It was so hard. We had such a good time. But they don't make things enjoyable. We had such a good time.

They don't really want to be there and you don't really want them to be there. To be fair, he really enjoyed himself. He did. Everyone was so nice with him. Everyone was playing with him. All of our friends have got kids. That age. so supportive and they were like taking him off me for a bit. Tom was like passing him here.

But we, I honestly didn't speak to James the whole day because one was always. So I did the pushing. Then he wouldn't sleep. I thought. And the rocking of the pram was getting more frustrated. So I just got him, went over to James, dumped him. I was like, I'm done. And walked off. Your turn. Your turn. But we had such a good time and the rain was raining, but we were all right. The rain was bad guys. It ruined a few things. It didn't. You had a bouncy castle and I would have liked to thrown Tommy on that and walked away at points. The kids still found their way onto there. It was feral. The kids, we got home,

the kids had no tops on. Yeah. They were like, Teddy had a Spider-Man outfit on. They were running around with no clothes on. But I have to say, me and James said this, what a good bunch of lovely people. No, we do have such good friends. Really good. Everyone. You know the ones that turned up.

Yeah. Yeah. Lucas and Alex did. Those trainers are gorgeous. Are you taking this off? No. You like them? Yeah.

They are the viral. One minute, guys. I'm going to pick it up. I've got them last year. They were viral. They were very hard to get hold of. And they are really a very nice autumn shoe. They'll be back again, I think.

You can get them on vintage as well. But yeah, I'm holding it up now if you're not watching on YouTube. New Balance brown. But with like a suede in them as well. I feel like the elevator and outfit. Stunning. So tell us about London. Okay, so we went to London.

I took Thea. Your hair looks nice as well. Have you had it lighter? I've done nothing. Just washed it. I've washed it. I've washed it this morning. I'm not washed it.

Yes. Took Thea and Teddy and my mum to London. So they're obsessed with Stranger Things. So we went for the day and night and I made it a Stranger Things themed today. Cute. Cute. So we did things that I would rather honestly eat dog shit than do.

Was it really busy? Not that bad. So we went to you, because I know a lot of people message me about this because their kids are into Stranger Things, which I didn't realize it was that. actually an adult show and they really shouldn't be watching it, but whatever. Is that true?

Yeah. It's quite scary. It's quite scary. Oh. But I don't know. She loves it anyway. So we went to like an 80s arcade. We went to a diner.

We did all the like stranger things stuff. Was it all like near the stranger things stuff? Well, what I did is I put it all into chat GPT. I was like, I want to do a stranger things theme day. Can you put make me an itinerary of what's nearer. So I'm not going back and forth on myself. Nice. Which by the way, guys, if you ever going to like New York or something, I wish I'd known that when I went.

and we stayed in the Mayfair It didn't We stayed in the Mayfair I have to say We talk about the Mayfair now and again Just know what you're getting Yeah It's not

It used to be like Top Top End It sounds like yeah And it sounds like it's gonna be Don't get me wrong It's a nice hotel Like it really is But it's not your Corinthian

It's not like You're top top But For how central it is That's what you need When you're in and out of London You don't want to be sat In a New York

but the whole tie. And for what you get... For the money. It's not... The money is... It's good value for money. So we got a family room, which we've saved it.

It's like the two double bed. Two big double beds. It's perfect. And two bathrooms, one on the other side. It's... It's honestly, if you're going with your family... And the kids loved it.

And also, they just wanted, like... You want to put a film on an order room so we saw a delivery. They don't mind you doing that in the house. And there's loads of space. So really enjoyed that. The show, though, I have to say. Was it amazing?

No. What? Oh, I feel bad to saying this. Where was it? Right. So the show was at the Phoenix Theatre, which I've never been to before. It was so highly acclaimed and all the rest of it. And don't get wrong, certain parts.

Were the tickets hard to get? No, but so my tickets were about 90 pounds each, right? 400 pounds. Yeah, so I spent 400 pounds to take the kids. She better fucking, when I'm old, she better fucking not put me in her home because, like, I do the most for her. I took my mum as well, so it was like a family thing,

400 pounds. and they were the average not the best but not the worst seats. Right. Some of the tickets guys were £200. I would have spent nearly £1,000 on that show. It went on for three hours. Too long. Too long.

After... A full day in London, 7pm, now the worst part of it was, we were in the dress circle and I got like I said... So you can't get up to leave. I got like I say, like not the best but not the worst tickets. Thier and Teddy couldn't see the stage. At all. At all.

Why? I don't know. So I went to them and I was like, the lovely woman in front of me was like, shit, like they were literally like this. They could see half the stage. I was like, 400 quid, 400 quirk.

I'm fucking glad. Did you not get a booster seat? So I went up to the ladies and I was like, hi, my kids can't see anything. Nothing. Have you got booster seats? She went,

we've sold them all out. No, we've not got any. And I was like, this shows a lot of kids here. If you're not thought, and she was like, we've got none. I said, do you have any cushions or? No. And I was like, thank you.

I look forward to the next three hours. And then I stormed off. And nothing. So we had to... So we had to get my handbag. But then my coat and try and make these seats. Then Thea ended up on my knee. So I think that spoilted it a bit.

And I think some parts of it were fantastic, like really, really good. But some of it, it was long. We left 20 minutes early. Thea didn't want to go, so I had to stay there. And it was to the point where I was just sat there going, but I didn't want her to know. So she, every time she looked to. at me, I was like, thumbs up. Good, darling, yeah?

Then she'd turn around, I'd be looking at my mum, like, do you have a wine? I didn't even have a wine, no. So, anyway, the show was good if you're an adult. I think for a child, it was a little bit too long. Make sure you get good seats. Was there breaks? There was a break, one break.

If I'd have paid, if I'd have paid 800 pounds for that, I wouldn't have slept that night, because I would have been so frustrated. But people think it's great, so maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just me. I don't know, but Theo wants to go again next year. and do the same. She was like, can we go again next year?

They loved every second of it. And I was like, course we can. No. But I don't know what we're going to watch. Not that. Not that. So we will do it again. I think we're going to make it a thing.

Do you not think shows like that, they should put an extra break in because I don't about you guys, but if I go and see a theatre show, I like a few drinks. Yeah. And I cannot, my bladder does not. Oh. You like a few drinks at a theatre show? Absolutely. What for?

Like, because you're going to watch a show. Like, that's the thing. Yeah. Especially like I would never coordinate those things. Like Book of Mormon like I went until recently and that's... Same. I went to see Book of Mormon and I had a few drinks. Oh, absolutely.

Right, for me though, I'd then get all itchy to go and do something naughty as in like, you know, be feral. Then you go for food before or after as well. Never thought of drinking at a show. I mean, I don't really go to show. Also, do you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. How much do I? How much new remorgage job? Yeah. Fuck it. Guys, any ideas for Christmas, by the way? I'm sorry, I know it's ages off,

but I do need to start planning for the kids. But yeah, I just thought it was pretty expensive, but we had the best time. And while you're looking at that, I got chatted up. I never get chatted up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got chatted up. By a real mayor? A real man.

A real man, yeah. We went into Caféero to get a drink and the guy. Not in Caféero. And the way, it was the staff. The barista. It was the barista. And he was like, the kids were near me, but not that near. And he was like, what are you doing here in London?

You know that. And I said, I've brought the kids. You're not working in a mine today. Did you get a permit? Have you brought a pie? I was like, I've brought the kids to watch your show. And he was like, they're yours. And obviously I wasn't going to say just one of them because this was working in my favour.

So I was like, yeah, they're mine. And he's like, I honestly thought you were in your 20s. I was like, don't. Don't be silly. Anyway, then I was like, thank you. And I started walking out, he went, you could come back late. Then it got a bit weird. No.

Got a bit weird. As I was working out, he went, maybe you should come back in and get a drink later. And I just went, oh, I'm married. And he went, that's fine. What did he say? That's fine. You can always get married again. Yeah.

And my mum was a bit like, now the best part of this, the fucking best part is the kids witnessed it all. Oh, God. So I. James. Yes. So I didn't even have to tell James. We got on FaceTime trying to steal our moment. Yep, we got on FaceTime.

Straight away, I'm like, they were like, oh, my God. And I was like, yeah. So I was like, no, nothing really. Not much has happened. And I was thinking, come on, come on. And then Theo pops in. A man tried to marry, mum. I was like, oh, don't.

It wasn't that bigger deal. And I was like, but yeah, I did get, I did get chatted up. So I liked my outfit, though. I'm sorry, I felt really cool. Can we talk about the Prada shoe, the angle of the Prada shoe? No, can I just tell you how much these tickets are?

Go on. Go on. Lapland, go on. Price for five of you. Go on, go on. 2,999 pounds for the day. Fuck. Lapland, UK.

For what? No. Magical, magical. In Macclesfield. For what? What are the gifts? Cartier-brain-bye. A few of my friends got invited by this.

then we're not high-end enough, though. Are we not? Well, we won't get invited now. Well, though. 2,900. I'm sure you could go. Maybe not for five of you, but you could go to fucking actual Lutland

for not that dissimilar. Sure, 2,900 pounds. I'm not lying. Look at that message. You do exaggerate. Are you sure? She's not like... Actually, it's 2999, it's 3 grand.

Yeah, 3,000. For one day? Yeah. right I'm sure it's magical my friends have been and said it was absolutely amazing like it is meant to be amazing but how would you Ed said fuck that I'll make Lapland in the garden Agree literally he replied back saying that and you could make Lapland in your big garden for less you could spend like even if you spent something silly like 1500 quid it's half the price and just think at the end of the day right this is what would kill me when the day is all over and the kids have been you probably hated every second you've been annoying as fuck and over stimulated. Or they might have had a magical time. My friends have said that.

But then you go home, you get in bed, and your bank balance is three grand down from them. My friends that did go said it was incredible. Oh no, it's meant to be incredible, but I could do. She said it was so good. And she was the same. She was like, oh, because I think she went to the one in Ascot on a normal ticket. And then this one, she went on a VIP ticket there.

And she was like, it was like, you watch a full show when you go in there. It's not crowded. If you think the stranger things was 400 quid for three hours. So I guess if you start and it was still like, who can afford that? But the Disneyland Chronic Frush thing. Guys, Disneyland Paris is not all that. I'm really sorry. No, my friend went though.

To be fair, I have friends that have been and felt differently and thought it was wonderful and magical. I went when it was cold and raining, which was probably a problem. But I didn't find it magical. I did not. For if you want like the full works to actually go to lap. planned. For a weekend with five,

you're looking at nine to 12,000 pounds. For the reindeer Santa experience, snowmobiles, Husky Safari, three nights in a hotel or a cabin, return flights. I'd rather go to the Maldives.

What? Do you know what's such a shame, right? Some people can't afford that. Fine. So many can't. And then you feel shit because... And when they put it all,

over Instagram and then you're looking and you're like I can just imagine it would make some parents feel really fucking shit just absolutely can you do I've had a guys I've had a really good idea make an activity in my garden and everyone can go yeah so what we're gonna do is Ashley Ed said it is going to make her whole house one pound a ticket into Lapland and the people that cannot afford to go to that can queue and it will be a one in one out system and everyone is going to have a month thank you Yeah. Thank you.

What are you going to be? I will dress up as an elf. Yeah, same probably. If it's going to save me three grand to go to like and I can bring my kids, I'll dress up as a fuck. I'll be a reindeer. I'm not asked. If I'm going to save three grand,

I'll go and buy a bag with that. And I'll turn up. Not a bag of that. Who the fuck's doing activities upstairs? I know we want a white Christmas, Lauren. I'll get a bag. Imagine for three grand what a bag you'd get. Can I have a BVL into it for that.

I mean, like, either go to LackRang UK or have a fat ass. Yeah. Forever. Forever. Right, guys, we're going to go into the break. We have blabbed and blobbed. And then we're going to be back with a little bit more information. We're going to talk about Ashley and Harrods and a little bit of business stuff that's been going on.

And we're going to talk about the kids fucking back off to school. See you in a minute. Now, as always, we will be releasing our main episode every Wednesday. Plus our exclusive bonus on Patreon on a Friday. However, you can now watch full episodes. Head over to YouTube where everyone can... Head over to YouTube where everyone can watch our Wednesday episodes or sign up to Patreon for a Friday bonus.

Welcome back, my darlings. Right, you were going to London today? Yes. What happened? I've not actually... I cancelled it. Lola's not very well. So we have to cancel it. So I'm going to do it.

I might actually do it, you know, when we go down to London, and get you to film me. Yeah, so what, what are you doing? So I'm launching in Harrods. Well, I have launched today in Harrods. Oh my God. That's unreal. In store and H Beauty.

Harrod's, that's so cool. I thought that's the coolest one. That's fun, right? So when we go down, maybe we nip in. Oh, so we're going to London, aren't we? We think so, yeah. James said, if you decide you don't want to go, he'll go with me. So I am, we are going.

Do we say what it? No, we're not allowed to you yet. So we're going for like a premiere thing, of a show. Really looking forward to it actually. I think we really struggle because we don't like things that are out of our routine

and we get a bit funny and I get very funny about doing it like on Monday because it was bank holiday but it was Monday but it was Monday but it whoa my head went. I know. Thank God that's it now guys kids are back to school and the bank holidays are over.

They are. So Theo went into year four. Oh my God. That's really early. What's the date today? Early? The second. Yeah. When do you also go back?

Like the eight. What? Yeah. No, that's late, I would say. Yeah, my mum started back today. Yeah, I'd say that's pretty normal. So, yeah, so she goes swimming now. And I always remember going swimming at primary school,

but that feels so grown up. Couldn't she fully swim? Yeah, she's, I mean, we'll see. Do you know, can I just talk about, like, how fucking hard it is to get your kids swimming lessons? It's not okay. It's really not okay. It's hard. Honestly, there's so many things that it's really hard to get your kids into.

and the biggest one I know is swimming lessons. Like there's only a handful of decent venues that you would want your kid not to go and get like pneumonia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or rabies or. Yeah. And they're all booked up. No, I agree. So Theo used to go to a private one.

And I was on a waiting list for like a year for it to go. At least. It's like somewhere that they have like four at a time and she has a private pool. So she did that. But there is a local one, but I don't mean to be rude. But it's a no. And there's also too many kids to that.

I just was a bit like, yeah. So I think Thia's learned to swim with James really on holiday. That's where, like, when they do that intense. But yeah, she's going with school. Because I didn't want it to start school and not be able to swim at all. And you don't think of that, guys. But like, literally when someone said it to me, they were like, well, they don't want to be the only one in arm bands

at swimming glasses. And I was like, oh. Do you know what? So true. So listen to this, which is really sad, actually. And it's just coming to my head. And it's such a fucking shame. But if you were at full time,

how the fuck you meant to be able to take them to swimming glasses? It's impossible. So I've just remembered swimming as a kid, right? And I was of a slightly bigger build. And I can remember, I can remember it now, the dread I would have

that I had to get in a swimming costume and I would fake illnesses every single week. And when we went to, is it called PGL, where you go for the weekend in year six? I flat out point blank refused to do the swimming stuff

because I was that self-conscious about putting her swimming costume on. At what, nine, ten? I can remember it so well. Maybe that's where my issues started. But I can remember really, really well being so like this, like nervous about what... And I wasn't like, you know,

I was a bit bigger than that. It was awful. And that just reminded me with you saying about the armbands, like when they get to this age now, I think you start getting flashbacks of when you're, were at primary school. Before that, you didn't give the shit, did you were a kid? It's like nine,

10 when these like insecurities start coming through. And like you've just said that now about not wanting it to be the one with the armands. And then it just reminded me shit, that's all to come. And it's horrible. That isn't. And then girls being mean to each, oh, I don't want any of that to come. But at least they're going back to school. Yeah, thank God. It's just a long time. And as well, if you're working full time, it's a lot. Yeah. Um, um, And we've not really, like, it's not been consistently nice weather. It's either been a heat wave or pissing it down. I think we've had a good summer.

Do you not? There was points where it was too hot. It was hot. I was pregnant. I didn't have had a newborn. I think we've had a decent summer. Do you know what? I actually, I have noticed a lot of people lately homeschooling the children.

Like, a lot. A lot of people that are choosing that route. And me and James are actually talking about it. And he said, if... Do they get a private... tutoring or do they do it? So as far as I'm aware, you actually can kind of do what

it's not that regulated yet. So a lot of people get tutors. The girl that I saw that was, Cali Jane, she posted about it and she was saying that her little girl is going to Forest School three days a week to go and learn about outside these stuff and be outside and be exploring and be learning and it got

me and James onto the conversation of would we ever do that with the kids. And it's so sad, but the only reason that would stop me doing it It's simply not having the time you've got to go to work. Like, I know school's not for babysitting, but it means you can go to work. So we were talking about that. And I was actually saying, I prefer the holidays, apart from how stressful it is.

But now I've got... The time constrate. It's like... So then she's back in today. And I had that dread again of getting her to there on time. Three o'clock, right, got to pick her up or got to put her in after school club. Who's picking up? And I actually preferred her just hang her.

around the house with me all day and popping in here and there. So I think it's great. Everyone's moaning like, I want to get the kids back. But then you've got to be the same place twice a day. And I think that's really stressful, actually. I think the mornings are really fucking stressful. Are your holidays the same private school, that yours aren't at private, are they? No.

They're longer, aren't they? So when, do you remember when SAS was at that private school and she got nine weeks off in summer? And I was like, what the fuck? It's such a long time, isn't it? Do you know what I think's hard? well when it's the summer holidays I think a lot of it from what I've seen people on Instagram that follow me and like I chat to and stuff it's the guilt bit especially if you're

working nine to five five days a week and you see people going on days out and stuff and you feel that guilt I just think they need to they whoever the fuck there is needs to reconsider everything right because like you said there's this whole time constraint right and it's like intense intense intense and then there you go just don't do anything for six weeks. It's like what the fuck's going on? It doesn't make sense. Not to get deep, but I, me and James's mum and dad and my mum went for luncheon the other day and we had a really big chat about the school system and just how outdated it is now and how it's just... They don't learn anything about like real life. No, they don't and that's why I do. If I had the

maybe time, didn't have so many, I would, would think about homeschooling and teaching them shit. that's going to help them. You can do that in that extra time, Lauren. No. Anyway, right, moving on. Moving on from that. Right, one thing that you sent in the group chat the other day that has gone viral on TikTok,

tell us the story. Now, we're not going to mention anyone's names. We're protecting privacy, but there was a lovely young lady. Well, we say privacy. She put it on a TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not naming any names.

Okay. Lovely young lady, mother of two young girls. Are they twins? Yeah. And allegedly what had happened was her partner had gone to Ibiza with a group of friends who also all had girlfriends. And someone had followed someone on Instagram. There was digging done.

So she did about digging. There was videos resurfacing from other people because I think this girl's got quite a large social following anyway. And all the kids. girls, girls came out and they were like, yeah, I saw him at O Beach. And yeah, I've got a video where he's kissing someone in the background. You can't get away with shit anymore. And they've split up, I think. So basically, she, I actually watched it and I never normally watched stuff, but I actually watched that. And she, and it was how it was unfolding. It gave me such

by PTSD. So you know, when you get that first inkling and she was like, I got an inkling, I checked the phone. There'd been some following that didn't add up. And then the gut was like, she said, so I did a bit of research. I found Sedgkin. girl on TikTok. She was in Ibitha. Messaged, said girl, who, can we all start normalising this? Replied him, was like, yes.

He came up to me. He asked me for my details. I told him I've got a boyfriend, and I fucked him off. But then as she starts digging deeper and starts making these stories and they're going viral, girls are coming to her like,

I saw him. He's actually in the back of the video I took of my friends, dancing, snogging someone. there's another one and they all came forward and it all unfolded and what's mad to me

first of all is this day and age you can't get away with shit no you can't get away with it you're gonna be in the background of somewhere everyone knows everyone and because of social media you know people you might never know

somewhere where you're not allowed to film yeah but where does that exist most places you are and everyone knows everyone and because with social media now you end up following people that you might never have met

like different parts of the country everyone fucking knows everyone everyone now like I've got people in London. And then when you click on someone it's like these people are in common and within two minutes me and Lauren can find something out. Exactly you can work it all out. So the stupid first of all but then secondly what I thought was what really freaked me out is if that TikTok stuff hadn't happened if she hadn't got the inkling at that time. We couldn't have done that 10 years ago. She he would have come home. Did you have a nice holiday babe? Oh yeah I really missed you though, but we had a good time.

We didn't do that much. Oh, lovely. Should we go out for a nice dinner with the kids? She would never have known that he'd gone and done loads of snogging and I don't know what else. And she would have just... Loads of snogging and she would have just carried on. And she would never have known.

That freaks me out. Does it not freak you out? It's horrendous. She would never have known. But because of now, you can't get away with fuck all anymore. It's horrendous. Honestly, like you said it brought back PTSD. Yeah, of that like gut feeling

and then you start researching and then you've got like the wall with the power pot and you're connecting that person to that person and then you're like and it all starts adding open these boys holidays I swear like yuck do you think they're all doing that? You do don't you? You're quite like yes I think they're all doing it

I think girls and boys holidays are just two different worlds apart I'm a bit wet behind the ears when it comes to stuff like that I always think like oh no not everyone but you're like, I think everyone. Everyone and all of them. I don't know.

Lucas, do you think everything? What do you think? Yes, everyone. A thousand percent. You do? I think men, I think women.

You'd be stupid not to. Right. So, and I won't take offence at this. If, so do you think if James went on a lad's holiday to Abitha? And I will not take offence in neither way.

Do you think he would probably snog someone? No. Well, so he's not everyone. No, we'd talk to girls. I'm saying at some point. Has he done it? Right, so he, has he done it in the past? Yes, he admitted to him.

He admitted that he has done the past. No, would he now? No, but I think everyone at some point has done that. Has done that, right, okay, because James was really open with the fact that when he was in his 20s, he did do shit that he was not proud of and now he never would. When I was at uni, I was dating a girl at the time and I was doing bits. Oh, my word, look at all this candy and the candy. I'm going to get all the candy.

And do you think when they go to Bitha, they just see so much candy that they just cannot even see straight anymore because there's just candy everywhere? I think as well it's like the whole thing of like boys with all this competition with each other where like they all get in a group and they all egg each other on into it and they're all very nash big losers but yeah and they get quite um neanderthor is that the right word and they all get all like whereas i don't think girls really do that to each other do you i don't anyway right guys we're going to go into the break and then we've got some dilemmas from you you

Welcome back. Right, what are you lot struggling with this week? What's upsetting you? Let's have a look. Actually, I'm going to read this one because I think this is a you question. Hi, nip talk. I have recently taken a year out of uni after being accepted into a company as a marketing intern, which I was so happy about as they are really hard to get. Third weekend, and I am hating it. The office is the size of my room with about seven of us, all women, and the discussion. most days is judging people. And in general, just not my type of people. The money is amazing. I work from home Thursday and Friday and then Monday to Wednesday in the office. The commute is about an hour because of rush hour. I've asked to change my hours to half an hour early finish, half an hour later. It's up, but it was a no. I'm dreading the thought of everyone in my year at uni starting again and me being sat here for the next year and then having to go back with completely new people in the year below. I also suffer with anxiety around my relationship and finish at five is completely making it worse and stressing me out. Help. Do I stay for the money

and good experience to have on my CV or do I go back to uni and be broke? Thank you girls. I've been a podcast listener for years. You need to go and check yourself, babe. Like literally, you, like you said, have got this marketing intern job, which they are. They're really hard to get. I was the same. I did television production at uni and I managed to get work experience which then turned in the end into an actual job way above you know my like self at my age and if I could tell you the hours that I had to work there were no there was no HR there was no rules um in like TV fashion PR marketing back then like there were no hours like you just had to go and you had to work And if you already have asked the question of,

can I finish early and leave early, they probably already think that you're not cut out anyway. I wouldn't have done that. Whoever advised you to do that, I'm really sorry, is really shit advice. You need to, like the whole, you've got anxiety about your relationship, you won't even be with this person soon.

So remember this, the clip from the hills, where you've seen it, aren't you? Yeah. they both got the job at Vogue, Audrey and Lauren Conrad, right? And the lady at Vogue sits them down and she goes, how was your summer in Paris? And Audrey was like, I got to go in Chanel's apartment and I got showing all these different places

and Lauren had said no to the summer in Paris. She went, how was the summer with your boyfriend? Did that work out for you? And she went, No, guys, like you've got to go out and make it happen. Like, you know what you want to say. You've been a fucking snowflake. That's what you want to say.

And I agree. Guys, without being too hard on you, fucking come on. Like, you've got to work hard. You're not going to get anywhere without working hard. And do you know what? Also, finishing at five is quite interesting. Things don't always fit in to, you know, this perfect how I'd like it to be because life...

Get to work remote, too, days of me. Life isn't that easy. And my concern here is you suffer anxiety around my relationship and finishing at five is making it work. I'm being harsh here, but... First of all, why do you have a relationship... If you're in a relationship that's giving you anxiety, then fucking get out of it,

because you shouldn't be concerned about finishing at five causing a relationship issue. I think you need to work hard if you want to be somewhere and then eventually you will be in a position in a competitive industry where you can flex with things you'll get to a point where you can say no I'm not doing that

but babe you're at the very bottom sweetheart or go back to uni go and have a load of fun do that if you want but it depends what you want from your life and I just think you've been a bit of a bit of a bit of a pussy when I was in uni I did two summers at the BBC two weeks each I had to pay for hotel for two weeks in London. Yeah.

I spent all the money. I would work for free. No, I was. I was working for free. I spent all the money I'd earned working in restaurants to pay for those hotels. When I first moved to Manchester,

I worked Monday to Friday at Bauer Media for free. Yeah. Evenings, I worked in restaurants. Weekends, I worked in restaurants. And I did that for four months. To get where you needed to be. And I got a job.

Yeah. Babe, no, you need a little shake of yourself. If you want to be successful, you've got to put the hard work in. You have to do it while you're early. We like when I worked at Maya, wow, the stress, the graph. Even like recently I was thinking about something. So when Lauren and I first started out,

so this was one of the first big events that I got invited to when I was pregnant with Teddy. So we will be what, about seven months into the podcast and our influencing kind of started to take off. So this was about four years ago. And I remember I got invited to an event. and it was unpaid so we literally a couple of weeks after joining our first agency and it was a yoga event for pregnant people for maternity yeah big big big company right and um i went to oh amazing yeah

i'd love to go like is it paid no it's not paid oh well will they pay my travel they won't pay you travel but you can save your receipt for your petrol the saxophones start getting louder. So I was like, right, well, it's near Strangeways Prison and there is no parking. Right, and I'm heavily pregnant. No. So I was like, can I not get an Uber?

No, she can't get an Uber, she'll have to, right, in the end, okay. My friend, who had more followers than me, they mustn't have realised that we knew each other. Got to the event, she got chaufford, there and back door to door in a branded car off them and got paid to go. Stuff like that, you just need to realize that you've got to build yourself up to get there.

And I could have let that make me really bitter. But in the end, I was like, right, there's more followers, that's what I need. Your place is your place. And you've got to, you've got to own that. I don't want to say this again, but I worked in a shoe factory at 14. Yeah.

Come on, babe. feel like you're being a pussy, sorry. Yeah, we're not going to work hard. And I know that you don't want to hear that, but we are your big sisters. Work hard. And then one day you'll be able to say to them, I don't start at that time, I start at this time and that's that.

Oh, you'll have your own business. Yeah. Next one. Hi, girls and Lucas are obsessed with the pod. Please keep me in on. I'm 30 and I've been with my husband for almost 10 years and I love him so much. I can totally imagine being with him for the rest of my life.

Really the only issue is over the years I've lost my sex drives. so we don't get at it much, but not for his lack of trying. Although I rarely feel in the mood to do it, I find myself fantasising over sleeping with other guys, and sometimes at parties where my husband isn't there, I do flirt with other guys. I don't feel like I would ever take it to a physical level and cheat, but I enjoy the thrill of the attention and knowing other men want me,

and I find myself imagining what could have happened for weeks after. Is this normal to have these fantasies, but they're not want to have sex with my husband? and I do fancy him and the sex is good. I just find myself imagining these scenarios with new men. I think that's probably quite normal. Yeah. The thing is, right, and everyone knows this,

when you first get into a relationship, anyone, there is a certain feeling and it's like a dopamine. I don't know what it is, that rush of the unknown, the excitement. It is with anything. Anything that you do for the first time is like that, do you know? And then, yeah, like literally, this is a really bad analogy, but the first time you buy a design hamburger, and then it's the...

A fratatina. A frapetina. And then the more you get them... Yeah. It's not as fun anymore. Like, my first happy meal slapped. That was, it's slapped. And now it's like, what?

Form of it? Not really. Yeah. So that is life, right? And that is how it goes. And I don't think you're unusual for feeling like this. I really, really don't.

Yeah. It's just how it goes, unfortunately. And I think with every relationship, most relationships, you miss that kind of, butterflies, however. Just need to like maybe like spice it up. So what you need to do is try and find the butterflies in another way.

Like maybe like new like change of scenery. Yeah, maybe just a dick grab on the way out of the door. Sometimes I think it's hard when you're in a marriage, especially if you have children because you do really become autopilot. You're trying to fucking survive. Like right now me and James are in absolute survival mode. So in my head do I think, oh, can't wait to be bent over tonight, Not really.

Yeah. Because there's that much other stuff going on. Yeah. So what you have to do is almost force yourself into that, and the feelings that you felt when you first got together. So if that's going on a date, if that's, like I say, grabbing the balls on the way out, whatever it might be.

It's silly, but you need to put some effort into the sexiness again. Little sexy text here and there. And I'll probably think, fucking all what's going on here. James Wood, if I text him now, like, bend me over tonight. He'd be like, Ashley, he on Lauren. phone. But I feel like relationships, you do have to put a lot of work into them. Some people have to put

work into things like how to deal with an argument, how to whatever, but what you need to put some work into is that keeping that sexual side alive. But I think it's really normal. I don't think it means you want to cheat. No. I think you're just missing the thrill, but don't act upon it because that thrill is short-lived with, and you might meet someone at work and think, oh, the thrill. Yeah. That goes as well. Yeah. And I think you just accept it and think, right, how can we, And if you want to fantasize, I always say the world is an art gallery, you can admire the artwork as long as you don't touch.

Yes. That is like a thing I live by. And if you want to go home and like have a little a little wank over what could have been. What? Fine. Last time we recorded, you told us you'd had a little delivery. Oh my lemon.

You used it. Fucking well good. Yeah. So get yourself a lemon and fancy. Do you know the other thing? This might be taking it a bit too far. But if you really are fancy. I wouldn't tell you.

your husband, you're thinking about other men. Absolutely not. But what you could do is you could pretend you've met for the first time. You could like bring that into the bedroom and just, I don't know your relationship. But yeah, I don't think it's weird at all. I think it's normal down. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Now, we need to hear from you.

We do. Questions, dilemmas, recommendations, basically anything. You can DM us. You can WhatsApp us or you can email us at hello at Nick. Noteputukpod.com. Don't forget, we're on Patreon, we're on YouTube, and we're on social media at NotetuckPod. There's a little link tree in there where you can find all of the links to everything we have spoken about today. And don't forget to leave a five-star review with your feedback. If you want more, we have a bonus episode on a Friday. You can get it on Apple subs or Patreon and it gets a bit more spicy over there. So this week we're talking about Katie Price. Apparently she's getting divorced. Who knows? Let's talk about that. I want to talk a bit about career. for surgery and baselifts apparently. And, you know, the status that Ashley did about the surgery

and everyone thought it was about her. We're going to just debunk that because some people didn't get the sarcasm. So we're going to talk about all that over on the bonus. Patreon or Apple Subs, we'll see you there. We love you lots and we will be back next week. Thank you.

Love you, bye!