Nip Tuck - Christmas at Ashley's

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

What a year it has been! The girls have moved into new studio's, have hosted a festive brunch and exposed some pretty wild stuff! Then again, so have you lot... In this special festive episode, the girls discuss their gift suggestions, plans for the Christmas day and plough through as many of your messages as possible. This little beauty will be the last of 2022, but don't you worry! The girls will be back in 2023 and they have some HUGE surprises in store. Keep your messages coming in and have an amazing festive period!To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello and welcome to the final the final not ever not ever everyone panicked then everyone shit it they're not the final ever oh fuck you now we've got a lot to get through the final of 2022 welcome to nip talk not giving a fuck lucas hated that nip talk and not giving a fuck welcome to Nip Tuck not giving a fuck not giving a fuck Nip Tuck

not giving a fuck oh that was brilliant that was sexy okay welcome to Nip Tuck not giving a fuck loved it fucking good that wasn't it

she only like a boy Londoner anyway anyway jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way this is the podcast where we celebrate

being positive aspirational women two bottles of Bailey's Down two bottles of Bailey's Down it's all getting a bit weird in here

but here we go the weird ones are always the best ones so today this is our last show of this year we are literally planning to go through

everything tiny little bit left in the tank we're going to go through everything that you've sent us so that we can have a fresh start with your new things

in 2023 23 so on Nip Talk we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptalkpod.com

you can also get in touch via WhatsApp app so voice notes too we can play them out in future episodes and we will keep you anon if you want to be just go to this episode's description if you want more info on how to get in touch but we want to know everything what's getting in your tits what's giving you the ick any questions you have for us any dilemmas anything embarrassing just anything you want to share with us and our anything because basically we don't give a fuck we don't give a fuck we do give a flying fucking fuck we are back in surgery and it is nearly christmas but before that we're not doing

christmas first we needed to share this with you a really fit man got arrested read the comments right okay and he was in manchester and we know him we know him so he went out with someone did you not listen to the whatsapp right okay so basically my two different girl groups sent this it's like gone viral this story so there's a guy do you remember the really fit american that was with chloe green top shop um fit felon fit felon yeah jeremy something and it's kind of like that so basically the the papers have done i think it was mbn have done a story about a guy that is wanted um for drug charges obviously and his mugshot has gone viral because he is fit now when i looked at him i thought i know that guy and he actually used to go out with someone that

we know and i actually know who he is yeah he must be on the run anyway is he on the run yeah and it's very serious they're searching for him so this really serious police article is like this man is wanted for drug offences

blah blah blah anyway us women he's fit he's fit us women have done the dirty on his comments

I was crying I sent it into our group because I was like this is really funny so basically the headline is wanted felon if you've seen him you know

contact this number makes Lauren wet anyway not anymore if you I'm reading it now I'm legit no more

So if you've seen him, don't approach him. You want to hear the fucking comments. So the women have then gone on there and they have gone wild. New headline. It's so funny, mate. Manchester police see a major rise in women applying to the force and offering assistance in the church. There are definitely two types of people on this post.

One, the Rimmer jokes. and two the women haha because his name was Rimmer his surname was Rimmer I'll help you look for him and if I find him I get to keep him

honestly they're fucking brilliant and then someone's put oh here we go again honestly men couldn't get away with doing this to a woman no no

if there was a fit woman all the men were like I'll hide her wouldn't mind cuffing this bad boy going by the comments on this I hope the police get to this guy for his own safety

before the women do there's some brilliant women and there's one that's like finders keepers and then it says do not approach and someone's put oh I will be

approaching this one they are absolutely brilliant some of the comments he's keeping warm in one of these women's beds oh my god

brilliant brilliant I think he's probably in Dubai he needs to be more worried about dropping his soap when he hits the bridge

he literally does he does he does anyway oh my god so women you did us proud however if that was a fit woman and men were making

those jokes if I see him I will not let you know Women using Please most wanted As Tinder Honestly They're brilliant

They're brilliant So yeah Even though it's a Christmas one We couldn't not Share that with you Because I thought it was Really really really funny Anyway

I'm still reading this I was like Right let me put my phone down Anyway Christmas is approaching Christmas I'll hear those sleigh bells Ring-a-ling

Jing-jing-jing-a-ling Not a Christmas fan Apart from Do you know what This year is like The first year Where Saskia is Really fucking cute

about Christmas is the I love Christmas every morning elf where oh have you got that silly elf

have you got that stupid elf yeah yeah I've not got it my nanny does the elf for me oh of course she does and then someone does your tree as well it's already pointing

Christmas feet yeah so the nanny does the elf you know the elf on the shelf elf on the shelf so every morning Saskia runs downstairs

and the elf has done a different trick do you not know what the elf on the shelf is oh see this is a gay guy he's just got no fucking clue so basically if you're a

if you're into this motherhood thing you have to get the elf the kids love it you have to move it every day for 30 fucking days no 25

okay 25 days you have to put it in different places you have to try and be creative and funny now I've got enough to do just keeping

my child alive why have you got legs hanging out of mummy's skirt it's a good one honestly it's so bad but I love Christmas so as you probably know

I love going on holiday fucking love it whenever whenever wherever whenever whenever when to be together

I'm here she's in hot shit Shakira anyway one time of year I will never go away it's Christmas because I think

I don't get that because I think in this country there's one time of year where we all get together we all get pissed we're all fuck it it's Christmas

we not it can be a bad time for some but we all kind of get together we meet our families we all get pissed

it's a nice time of year I think in this country I really do so yeah I really like Christmas and the snowiness but what I don't like is every year

I feel like as a mother yeah the pressure of Christmas not just as a mother but more so gets heavier every year

so the elf thing is only in the last five years we didn't used to do that and now if you don't do it you're a prick and you're a shit mum and Thea came home

and was like where's my elf I was like up your arse mate I was literally like ask your dad where the elf is but your dad's not done it

no because I have to do it and I feel like every year we're expected to do more so it started with just the odd trip to Santa really shitty

where you've got a selection box now you go to Lap Land UK £100 No, it's more than that, darling. Now you go to abroad.

You go to that land abroad. And that land sells out. Yeah, right? And now you have to go to Santa, but it's not just like sitting on some old bastard's knee. Well, I hope not. Now it's like seriously, like the full effect, the full thing. Well, you're not paying for that.

You're coming to my house. Exactly. Ashley has got Santa at his house and I will be there with my four children. Thank you. We will all be there, darling. But yeah, I just think the pressure's getting more and more and I feel like

so I've not got a very big family but James was telling me that his the grandchildren there's loads of them they buy everyone a present

no no so I was like what do you buy all your brothers kids presents I'd rather all of us just turn around

and go can we not can we not oh my god no the anxiety of when you're coming home on Christmas day with a car full of shit and where are you

going to put it back to your house and then the whole come down of Christmas and you're like where the fuck is this shit going and that sounds

really ungrateful it's ungrateful do you know where half the stuff from the year before goes either to a try shop or in the bin

right I actually need to appeal to someone on this so I put on that I've got an immaculate egg high chair and I could sell it

I don't want to sell it no no you're not having it why I'm giving it to someone why can't I have it because I'm in need

no you don't need an egg high chair I will soon no you're not having it so I've got an egg high chair I've got like a

little butterfly table and chairs I've got a full like plate set that I didn't want anymore I've actually got a travel cot as well

a brand new really good i've got um baby clothes i've like well i've not but they're all pressed and they're like no i'm being deadly serious i might need them well i was speaking to a girl on instagram before it got deleted and she gave me her details for a domestic abuse charity in trafford and she said they'll come and pick them up and she's got three families that she's housing at the minute that really need it and um i can't find any of the contact details i've emailed a few they've not got back to me so whichever girl it is she listens to the pod please will you get in touch because i need to arrange getting this stuff picked up and again do you know what i'm going

to do with toys that she's not even bought i'm going to give them to charity so i normally take everything to a charity shop but i actually was thinking i've got a few things like that and like fear's clothes and stuff and what i'm going to do in future is i'm but then again i don't want to be that person that's like message me if you're struggling babes i'm going to tell you a story Posting to someone that's struggling a little bit And I want to get your view I did that a few months ago I did a massive clear out of Saskia's stuff

Hopefully this person doesn't listen Okay I had to make sure I was like In for this person to pick the stuff up That's absolutely fine That's the whole point of it I made sure everything was pressed Everything really nice

Came, didn't even get a thank you afterwards Text So she just came What Lucas? oh so lucas is now saying he's just had a really nice email what do you think of that because then i said it to my sister and she went actually you've done it for all the wrong reasons you shouldn't be doing it to get a thank you i agree but i also think manners are manners and i've always been taught to say thank you yeah when someone doesn't say thank you to me i've got a

massive massive thing of it that it really upsets me no i agree i think manners are manners and i just think i i think you should always have manners you know like even when you go for lunch with someone and you get the bill yeah you say thank you oh my god yes and text me when you get home

and say thank you for lunch I probably forget to do that thank you so much yeah no I agree I think you should have manners but we don't know the full situation but I do

I wanted to put a thing out and I wanted to be like right I've got a load of summer clothes I was thinking of doing it next year if anyone's struggling but then I felt like that was a bit like

looking down if you're struggling message me give me a sob story this is why I want to get this so I'd rather give it to a charity charities please can we get this

charities details and you know i don't donate money regularly to charity i don't i go to like functions and stuff like that but i don't i don't have a charity i do but you know what i do do i do give um the kids stuff to charity shops yes oh my god i do absolutely i give all my stuff to charity shops yeah if you've got to bake up charity shop i sell bits on depop but it's only like worth it stuff that i'm thinking oh i'm not sure whether i should get rid yeah i agree i know that people get slagged off for doing that i think at christmas though at christmas like it's a time where people the pressure like we just talked about people do really struggle and you're supposed to do everything you're supposed to make everyone happy and even a christmas dinner and it's such

it's a shit time for like so many people what do you like what's your what's your christmas routine do you have the same one yeah um i just love being a slob at christmas um so on christmas eve we're doing a really nice thing aren't we do you know what genuinely for that i so i went It's a good group of people. Who else is coming? Katie's coming. Oh, lovely. My sister will be there.

Amazing. Your mum and dad are coming? Your mum and dad are coming. There's quite a lot of people coming. I'm actually, genuinely, and I'm going to get all the kids looking nice, us looking, I'm really excited for that, you know. So we've got that, and then,

and I think that's quite nice, now that we're older, to do, like, friend things. Because we used to do nights out, pissed up, and now we've got a load of fucking kids. And then I wake up on Christmas morning, and I like having just, like, two hours, at least, of just the family.

just us that's it what's it like you Ed the kids so I cook Ed a really nice full English and I take it up

to him in bed with the kids do you have a books first of course oh I drink from as soon as I get out same

and Ed's driving so he'll only have one I'm never the driver because last year I was pregnant so I couldn't have anything oh well it's your turn then so it's my turn

yeah I agree so then the kids all come downstairs do presents and then get everyone ready and then Ed's mum's next door

so we'll go and say hi to her then we'll go to my mum's house then Saskia's dad will pick her up so Saskia's dad will get her like lunch time

two o'clock and then I will go to Ed's dad's house in the evening on the way home so will you eat at your mum's

eat at mum's grandma's there because I've only got one grandma and then go to Ed's dad's and see his little sister

and I love giving her her presents as well I just love giving the kids their presents do you not think though that one of the things about Christmas is we want to be

around our family but I feel like the pressure of going to their house their house their house you end up being frantic as fuck

last year I drove so that Ed could have a few drinks well why not if you're pregnant and well I hate driving at night in winter anyway

but I drove last year but then this year Ed's not going to be able to have a drink or relax you can't win it's a bit like a job isn't it

it is and do you know what I think is really difficult and I think that's why people go away though Lauren yeah it's not for me honestly I love Christmas

I know but that's why they go away So one thing I find quite difficult is trying to please everyone on Christmas Day. What do you do on Christmas Day? Okay, so I have an arrangement with Thea's dad whereby he will never have her on Christmas Eve. Never, never, ever, ever. And that is the rule. I do the shit.

Well, we have them the majority of the time. I take the days off when she's ill. I do this, I do that. I take everything on my shoulders. And she wants to make it in her home. The one thing I'm going to take back from that is you ain't ever getting her on Christmas Eve. And he's fine with that. And I think he appreciates that I deserve it.

so Christmas Eve she will always forever and a day be with me and a birthday so Christmas Eve for me is more of a big deal than Christmas Day like on Christmas Eve

I like a nice walk I like a pub lunch we're going to come and see you family friends couple of drinks I just I love that side of Christmas

and then and the kids are so excited they're so excited I prefer that to actually Christmas Day really and you all get your pyjamas on you can have a glass of wine exactly

watch TV with James as soon as we've been to yours we'll all because you know this year we're not in the same house next year we will be in fact next year we will be but this year

it's going to be a difficult one he's got some of his children I've got mine so we won't see each other after yours he'll go his way I'll go mine but I will always be with my mum

on Christmas Eve she's on her own my dad's not around so no matter what she will always come wherever I am when I move again she'll come and sleep with me

and then Christmas morning wake up I eat chocolate for breakfast Bucks Fizz fry up or bacon bottie open all the presents with Thea and then we're going out

for Christmas dinner which I've done twice now now the food is never good on Christmas Day when you go out to eat it's never good but I love the idea

of getting a little bit dressed up you don't do the washing who wants to wash up and I think it's really mean and then I always end up helping my mum and then all the men

sit there yeah are like big fat bloated pricks and I think the thing is farting doing Christmas farts and throwing like celebrations around the room

yeah and I think as well it's unfair on Christmas yes it's all great but the mother of the family it will never be me because I can't cook so it will always be my mum

or his I get fully involved why should we be doing that is it enjoyable no no so we go out we eat

the food's shit by the way just go to M&S and buy the prepped veg yeah don't try and be like mum for a century can I am I going to be a confession

there's a shop in Hayham and they sell this stuff in all waitrose and booths as well called Cook and it's frozen food a bitch bought the dish

that fits the frozen food in ed fully is convinced that i did it yeah no i go to cook i open it i put it in there no put it in the oven it smells amazing take it out i do it with the m&s curries i put them in a pan so he thinks that you fully made it all day i've done that i've been panting wanking watching 24 hours watching interceptors wanking and then you just stick it in that's a good idea i'm down make your life easy great i'm down for that i mean i don't do it all the time so yeah we'll have christmas dinner i'll get pretty pissed and that's why i said chicken on christmas yeah and

then we'll go home and i'll have a really chill time i'll eat loads of christ you know i'm addicted to you're way too rich and posh for this um cheesy footballs do you know what i got the other week so do you know the footballs chip sticks as well from m&s and they're like chips but they're crisps ready salted ready salted no salt and vinegar for me have you guys ever had our best ever macaroni and cheese yes no with the truffle in it

no do you know it's expensive it's about eight pounds and it's a big one it's a big one yeah but I could probably eat a big one

no me you fucking could Lucas has a big one straight from that Lucas has absolutely eaten a big one I put the big our best ever mac

in the tray as well it is and then I sprinkle cheese on it myself so I'm next year me and James are moving in together

so I'm gonna have to do housewife shit you haven't mentioned it I've not mentioned that I'm just saying so I'm going to have to do housewife shit again so all these tips

are really good so that best by the way so best it's like the expensive Ocado Ocado comes in handy I mean I don't know

if they do it in I don't know if Ocado go into if they go into the arse end of nowhere no I'm joking they will do I'm sure

but Ocado it's so expensive but for like the ready meal things and bits what is Ocado Ocado is M&S and Waitrose

together didn't know that So you get all your meals. So you go online almost like a Tesco shop, but it's an Ocado shop. And it comes the next day. And it's M&S stuff. Yeah.

Wow, I bet that's pricey. Oh, it is. I spend a lot on there. That's good for you. Mm-hmm. Great. I, however, will go to Aldi. I still go to Aldi.

We like Aldi, don't we? No, but I go to Ocado for my pomegranate juice. I know, I agree, for the good stuff. And my bone broth soup. Ooh, bone broth. I go to Aldi for my dupes as well. Bone broth, mate. hello it's the most potent form of collagen potent form of bone okay fine see you in 10 years baby

anyway so we're gonna be back after the break while me and ashley argue over bone broth which is fucking hanging it's stunning but so many organic right well i'm saying this now i'm gonna be drinking the bone broth straight from the bone uh yeah we'll be back after a break and we are gonna do your slutty susans we are back baby and we have got some listener messages as you know we are packing it all in for you today packing it all in for you guys today so let's listen to what you've all got to say i've been going through a hard time lately and your podcast has properly cheered me up so girls you're doing a great job and you know what's even better about this guess who that was from

who matthew it's a guy thanks matthew oh oh bloody hell i love lauren's lisp it's so sexy i think on a woman i don't fucking laugh on a woman james thinks it is i've even tried putting a lisp on when i talk listen to this for funny that's like put your finger in your bum when you wank so listen to this for funny me and ashley whenever we've had a drink our friend amy does it as well so when we're drinking together ashley begins to copy me so the more drunk she gets she gets a lisp and our friend amy does it as well so i'll be talking to them and she'll be like yes and i'll think you've not got a list why are you doing that she copies me the more piss she gets so maybe ash thinks it's sexy too next one hi girls love the pod i listen religiously every wednesday and

friday and you girls make me howl with laughter thank you lauren i'm not sure how or why i started following you nobody is um you know why you still do years ago but mate i feel like a proud pal seeing how far you've come and how happy you are now that's lovely i also had no idea how vulgar oh how vulgar you could be right then but it's refreshing to hear such a tidy bird talk like you do fucking hell is this just blow no no i wrote them all in because it's real and we all have it in us thank you my darling it's true it's true ashley honestly i hadn't oh no what i hadn't heard your name before the pod just me she knew then but you are a huge influence of mine now like my number one beauty girl i'm 32 with a two-year-old and all your

beauty and aging tips and advice are gold to me that's so nice notes in my screen screenshots and shares between my friends so thank you for constantly sharing your knowledge and also making me laugh you have the funniest goofiest laugh on the pod do i um and you both make the perfect duo that's so cute anyway that's really nice the reason for this message is i would love if you could share some christmas gift ideas this good this good what are your absolute makeup bag must haves what is your number one product when it comes to aging jesus she wants to get money's worth here what are you what are you buying the men in your life what are the best and the worst wow this is wow she's asking too much i need inspo okay so let's start with best makeup bag

bits okay you do three i'll do three number one a makeup bag every girl needs a new makeup bag and a clear one my makeup bag is from amazon it's got two tiers to it so just use it it's good so the top it was literally i don't know like six quid maybe maybe ten so the top zips off and then there's a a weightier bottom section so the top section i put all my brushes the best i put all my brushes in the top section and the bottom section is for everything else yeah so when i'm somewhere and i'm doing my makeup i know my brushes are in the top and my products from the bottom that is really important or have a separate brush bag if possible the my kitko ones are good um and the the mac ones i think are quite nice and that doll beauty travel brush yes the doll

beauty travel brush set such good value and it's pink and it's cute so have that separate as well that is number one i've got a louis vuitton uh well i've got three louis vuitton makeup lights i've got the mini one which has got like you know when you're in a grab situate push and grab and it's got like my concealer my lip gloss my powder essentials your essentials then i've got a little bit bigger one which i would take on holiday and then the massive one yeah i've got has got like everything in it so if girls like if you think oh i don't know if i want a pair of shoes and i don't know if i wanted this i can honestly say get a good quality leather makeup bag on my list on your um on my vanity unit you know when you're running out and you're in a rush

all i do with the massive louis vuitton you can just grab it i just go whoosh and throw it all into there and then you can leave the door so i would say um i have a louis vuitton um toiletry bag and like um almost like an envelope bag that put you in i've had that years years so if you're in a position where you want something nice i don't think you can get a better investment than that no or you could get a cheaper one but yeah makeup bag is one okay next what else is your essentials um beauty essentials obviously everyone like perfumes are expensive and you know you're gonna like it so i would always ask for my favorite perfume and it lasts for ages and you know what i've learned recently um mixing perfumes i never thought of

that i've never done it before but my friend emma used to work as a spritzer girl she called it herself not me um and she's told me like different scents you can layer together so you're never going to smell like someone else yeah so i've got today tom ford rose prick and what's it called mancera mancera roses vanilla so that's a really good one so mancera are really nice they're from south ridges you get your little bag and everything but they're not as ridiculously expensive they're like yeah 70 pounds or 120 so a perfume for somebody is a good gift yes i wear the Mancera one and I can't remember

the name but my sister will be like for fuck's sake Ashley don't tell everyone and it's incredible mine's Rose Vanille or something like that so now

this gift is a good one it's what I've got you for Christmas I was telling you before yes and I forgot it thank you the LED anti-aging mask

expensive though for a woman for a man well Aldi have done a dupe as well but for your face for your arse I've researched

and that current body one is amazing yeah no I totally agree i think that is an amazing present so i'm quite excited to get that right i've got you a bag of coal now this present i'm going to talk to you about is good for a man good for a woman it's anti-aging and can i just say it works so i use an acid on my skin the night before then the next morning i will put my face mask on and i've got the current body one it's what i've got you for

christmas it's absolutely amazing and i've got a code for it it is ashley 20 and you will get 20 off every that's a lot when it's expensive they do the led device which is just the glasses i was gonna get you the eye one but then i thought i'd get you the full face you thought my face is not just my eyes no it's not but the eye one fully works yes my eyes are so crinkly at the minute um a good thing that you can buy someone my mum this year has asked for the zany skin fusion again the collagen drink honestly my nails grow at a rate my hair grows at a rate i can tell a difference when i've been using it my mom collagen supplement so i've bought my mom a gorgeous pair of pajamas like um like a not the silk ones because i think silk makes you sweaty like a

really gorgeous cotton with her initials i think that's always nice slippers i got some i get um pajamas from ha designs or the napka ha designs is nice um nice the other thing i've got her I've got her designer handbag which just thinks a nice little treat for her um candles are always nice joe malone always I don't think I'm a white company fan really shells white company the vein reed diffuser oh okay he's giving out never mind us lucas he's giving out the fucking info for ed for christmas standard boxers socks um I always get him the crest teeth whitening strips and the zetto oil control pads because he's addicted to them he uses so many of them and then i got him a louis vuitton jumper nice i've got james a prada um backpack

because i think as a man especially if you're a dad a backpack you know what i wish i hadn't got a designer baby bag i got um sent a backpack from stalk sack yeah and it's fucking incredible it's like a backpack where you just zip it open and you throw everything it's got different compartments for the kids on holiday you can take the straps off you can wrap it around the buggy much better than a designer one baby bags i got him that backpack partly for new york because he's gonna need one partly for like nappies and stuff like that i think it's always good that men have one as well um i have got him a coat because i think fucking hell you need like a hot wish my name was james you need like a warm coat i've got him some tom ford tobacco vanilla aftershave because i wear

that and he ran out and he wore mine and it is stunning on men like it's really beautiful so i think a really good aftershave is really nice um what else have i got him what have you asked for i'm going to new york pal i know he's got me more he's got me more but go go on ashley what have you got what is it i'm not allowed to say till christmas day i'm getting a fucking north face raincoat no you're getting more than that well you've got your present um i've known what i I wanted all year and I got shocked about it. Do you know, I don't ask for anything for Christmas. Because I'm not asked.

If I want it, I buy it myself. And if I can't afford it, neither can you, so. I have to spell it out for him. Really? Like, his PA and my PA both have been messaging me. Have you got separate PAs? Yeah. What do you need a PA for?

Are you joking? Sally. She does everything for me. Yeah, but why do you need a PA? No, because she gets all the discount off the stuff for me. Then she books all my restaurants. she does all my travel stuff i couldn't live without her but what you want you sat in bed wanking sorry it's a different topic anyway um yes she's amazing and there we go so that's that's

our thing we've rambled about christmas gifts so next let's move to slutty susan okay here we have it small office of around 30 people some people had worked together for 20 plus years so it's one of those offices where they know each other very well the one lady who was prim and proper and snooty looked down her nose at everyone was having an affair with the always them with the alpha male in the office always she was married he was in a long-term relationship they'd stay late every friday for their fun in the office and no one wanted to get stuck on a call or the last in the office after the for the pure awkwardness of knowing that you were holding them up so everyone knew that

so they were shagging and everyone knew she was once caught with her feet sticking out of a toilet cubicle on her knees on the Christmas

no thank you fur coat no knickers you dirty cow dirty cow do you know what though everyone knows about it as well

I was watching a TikTok the other day and it was this guy was in this gym I don't know if anyone's ever been to Hale Country Club before but

I'm not allowed there again that's another story and it's like blacked out you know when you're on the treadmill but you can see out of the window yeah and he filmed this uh couple and they're both there in their business outfits they're not a couple clearly they pull up in in the cars they get out and get in the back of his car for half an hour on the drive three mornings a week at the same time and he was filming it like yeah yeah they

shag in the car middle-aged people just getting about they must have a big blacked out range i know someone who um i mean i don't want to give too much away but was having this affair for years yeah years and her husband knew and um his wife knew so it was an open like affair like and they were trying to keep them away from each other they couldn't they changed their phone numbers everything but they still like lived locally and they met in like the sainsbury's car park again like after the phone numbers had been deleted yeah she was like uh 12 o'clock here every tuesday and every Tuesday they would check in the car

there was no contact on the phone nothing she'd stand there sometimes he wasn't there sometimes she wasn't there but most of the time they were there

and they would just do it in the car yeah so it was purely sex yeah I just don't get that I don't get that well

your husband's not giving well yeah I just think no I'm joking I'm joking I just think just have sex with your husband

the amount of people that have affairs Lauren is massive oh I know and do you know what it's more women than men well probably because I'm a woman

I think this Now, I might be totally wrong. I think until the age of about 35, it's mainly men that do the affairs. Then they settle and calm. Then it's the women at 35 on. That's what I think. No shade.

No, fuck it. If you've been doing what you want to do, mate, I don't really care. I honestly don't care what anyone's doing. We don't give a fuck. Next one is a mixture of a dilemma and a slutty Susan question. She wants to keep it anonymous.

So my boyfriend and I have officially been together since April. we have an extremely healthy sex life and recently I was giving him a blowjob as I do most days. Oh, good girl. However, this time it hit different. As in, his cum hit different.

What? And ended up coming out of my nose. Oh my goodness. Luckily, we both found it funny, but we also had no idea how this happened. It can. And it's since happened twice more. Either of you ever had this happen?

Yeah, so I... I understand nose and throats are connected, but it's just a first for the both of us thanks for your help and I love your podcast have you not seen those videos of people where they put

a condom down their nose and then they right so we know that it's connected have you not seen it yeah you've seen it it went round like at school

didn't it and then sometimes if I'm eating a Chinese you know with rice and Ed makes me laugh rice comes out of my nose what full on grains of rice

come out of my nose and that's why like after you've been on a night out and you know you've got like black eyeliner and you blow your nose and you're like

no that's not why it's eyeliner it fucking is no it's not I know it is it's not it's just from the club that you've been to

it's not it's eyeliner I once used to do I once used to do spray tans and I did like loads in one day and my snot was

absolutely brown and it was from that and if I've ever been to Warehouse Project my snot is black in the morning and that's from the dust and stuff

not from your fucking eyeliner mate no it's not you idiot lady you idiot lady are you an idiot lady you're silly silly woman

I don't think I mean I don't know it's never happened to me no and then I had a really bad do you know how we've spoken about

like there's one type of alcohol that you can just if you smell it you're like what like it's usually Malibu but mine's Sambuca and I remember

I was at uni and everyone was ordered these shots I didn't know what it was I did it and it came straight out my nose all over everyone

and it was like a fountain like really I laughed out my nose but when you when you're having a blowjob and they come

you just swallow it how does that come out of her nose do you know what you need to get that shit gone quick like straight down the hatch because otherwise

the longer you leave it in your gob you've got to I think she's got it down and she's gone like and it's kind of come through her nose yeah she must have

just swallow it straight down best thing to do is get the penis as far back to your throat as possible so when it happens it straight down

yeah you don't even have to taste it you just go like an oyster I don't eat oysters neither do I I'm allergic to... Oh, I'm going to start saying...

Oh, my God. I'm going to start saying I'm allergic to fish because some of the restaurants I've been to recently I've had to pretend to eat that raw shit. Wow. Oh, yeah, it's not for me, that. Have you had a McCrispy? McDonald's.

No, what's that? Have you had a McCrispy? No. Have you? They're fucking amazing. What is it? McDonald's McCrispy. Is it like chicken?

Yeah. Have you had the chicken... The cheese bites? Yeah, the mozzarella... No, not the mozzarella dippers. They're shit. The best thing about Christmas every year is McDonald's mozzarella cheese melts

and they're a little... And there's that Greg's festive... Yeah, that's not for me. Do you eat that? The baguette with the chicken and stuffing hot is the best thing they do. Really? I feel like a festive bake for me is an ick.

If me and Lauren permanently worked in Media City, we would be the size of this room. Yeah, I agree. You can't walk past Greg's and not go in. Can I just say a bit of an ick I've got? It's not like an ick, but it's like a... So I recently, and for the whole time I've been on Instagram, I've had these messages, but recently I've had quite a lot.

And it's people asking me what I eat in a day. I hate that. Some days it's great and some days it's shy. So I had this message and it basically, and do you know what? I'm not slating the person because I understand like they just, they just misinformed and they don't know. So I'm going to tell you all now. And it basically said something like, hi, you know, like the podcast,

I really admire your body, your figure. Can you tell me how many times a day you eat, what you eat, and how many times you work out. Sorry, Ashley's doing an impression here of me smoking and drinking. And she wanted to know what I ate in a day. I'm working out. I'm working out on the day.

And being serious here. So she wanted to know. So my reply to her, which I'm going to tell you all right now, is this. Don't try and copy someone else. Don't think if you eat what I eat in a day. But if you do find out what Kim Kardashian ate,

it's out of my way. we all have different metabolisms we all have different body shapes we all have different body types if you eat exactly what I eat you're not going to look like me I haven't got a fast metabolism particularly but I'm busy

and some days I might not eat all day and some days I will eat shite all day shite I've seen you you've seen it happen you've seen me yeah and some days I won't eat because I'm busy so I won't eat all day

so my only thing is don't look at other people and think if I eat what they eat unless they've got a food blog yeah I'm not into it I'm not an expert I can't help you there

gym as well if you do what I do in the gym will you look like me? No. Will I look like the next girl? No. Because you just look, it's your own body.

We're not qualified to answer that question. Don't come to me for nutrition or exercise advice. No one can come to me for anything anyway now. Bye.

See you. Yeah, she's got no Instagram. People come to me. Ashley recommended. I'm like, I don't know what it was. I've got no idea. But yeah.

Next. Can you tell us the email? Lucas has got an email and he hasn't told me what it is. So we're like, do you want us to do that? Will you tell us now or?

I'll tell you now. Okay. Are you going to read it? I'll tell you now. Come on, use my mic. Lucas is now in my mic. I'm scared. I've just seen your episode where you mentioned sex parties.

Have you been to one yet? No. Would you all like to attend a sex party? Happy to discuss. So and so from Killing Kittenhouse. We're going to a sex party! You're coming too! You're going to!

You're coming too! When I say sex, you say party! Sex! No, party. Sex! party sex party

Lucas I'm gay I can't come why there'll be gay people there they're for straights it's not just come and watch

they're for breeders yeah but you're no you're no just come and watch you're gonna be the cameraman yeah I don't think they allow that oh

no right we're going we're going we're going we're going to a party we're going to a sex party can you find out when when they are we're going

are we taking the boys yeah yeah should we take the boys I'm so fucking excited prize competition two people can join Okay, I'm going to bring James.

You decide later. I don't think I'd all be allowed. Okay, I'm going to go. Sex, party, sex, party, sex, party, sex, party. We're going to a sex... Oh, my God, what are we going to wear? Wear big time, you know. Killing kittens have got in touch.

Some lingerie. Some put your lingerie on. That's so fun. I'm so excited. Thank you, Lucas. Anyway, do they have a really big, like, New Year one, I think? I'll find out. Oh, this is fucking well good.

This is big time. This is a bucket list thing I've wanted to do. okay we are back with dilemmas now hey ladies i came across a pod on tiktok oh dilemma let's do a christmasy jingle one jingle bells dilemma dilemma of the week oh we were so insane i love that go hi ladies i came across your pod on tiktok and it's my guilty pleasure why guilty though like just let it out we're dirty i absolutely love it i feel like i shouldn't be listening and it's a secret see then i hear girls talking about poo and i know i'm listening to you i hear girls talking

about poo and i know i'm in the right place a bit of advice please i have female ah it's a male i have female friends who talk about that dildo or maybe it's not quite openly but my partner doesn't have one ah it's a male ah okay but my partner doesn't have one or has never even

mentioned one and to be honest isn't really confident in bed unless she's had a wine I think that's a lot of us sounds like me I think buying her own dildo

would heat up in the bedroom activities if your partner bought you one would you be happy about it or should I stay clear in case she gets upset keep up the good work ladies

right first of all thank you for writing in this is amazing if more men wrote in to us more girlfriends would be happy

so I think you're lovely and you're a lovely boyfriend for even doing this number one i don't particularly have a dildo either i actually don't i don't use one dildo i have a vibrator okay so i don't use one um on my own or with my partner particularly so it's not unusual that she hasn't but i'm assuming here that you just don't have many toys as such and you're saying she's not very confident in bed um okay how do we deal with this i don't think buying her own one is a problem i think there's a way way and means of kind of asking her about it so what you could say is oh my god one of the lads was talking about their

missus having a dildo or a vibrator would you ever have no because i feel like that might be a bit much for her she sounds like she's quite shy so i'd be like i remember what do you think about that and then have a little chat about it you just give it her in a box there's a dildo no i'd maybe be like oh my god i bought a selection of things and you pick or sit on the website together and pick together but wait this could make her feel quite uncomfortable like because she's not good enough as if she's not good enough so what i'm thinking is if he's like oh john's bird has been using vibrator why don't we oh and then it got me thinking we never do that should we have a look online i think that's a much nicer way of doing it like go on the website together instead of

saying like as if she's wrong you say you say the words we've never done that i never thought of that let's get me a cock ring exactly so you put it back on yourself and then she'll go i'm into big one there funny you've said that so yeah i think you should fire in my belly i think you should make it about both of you and be like i've never thought to get you a dildo what do you think and have that chat go online together have a laugh about it and just naturally bring it up and make sure she's full fueled by wine at this yeah and maybe she's steaming and then i think also i think with confidence in the bedroom i honestly believe that that comes with time i don't know how long you've been together but also encouraging us so if you're like oh my god that was amazing last

night like you were amazing that's going to give her more confidence yeah and like not even face face because it's a bit cringe like a text like you were fucking unreal last night yeah you looked amazing when you did that last night yeah love that like get oh my god how lucky is she to have this guy that's messaged in love that get her confidence going in that way and one thing i will say is the sex from my experience i mean it starts good because it's like exciting and new but as it goes on it gets better because you're like i like that and i don't like that and you can be more like honest yeah and more yourself if you like it you do it you're not asked what you're not like that guy before that just pulls out a dick extender on the first shag on the first

shag no that's a red flag right it yeah potentially yeah potentially so um good i like you boy you are a nice boy we like you and we slag men off but actually you are a nice man good 10 points for nice man i hope you marry her we give men a hard time but it's all tongue-in-cheek and we say this however you know how obsessed i am with james you know as she absolutely adores her husband it's tongue-in-cheek and this guy's nice i like him okay next one hi girls i just want to say i love your podcast it has been stitches and it's very relatable i'm looking for some advice me and my boyfriend have been together for three years and he did have social media at first but he never used to post photos of us together love that what protect it or you're shagging someone else

and you don't want birds no I don't believe that nah I really do believe that now he only has Snapchat oh my god exactly he's shagging someone else and he posts friends and family

but never posts me unless I ask you should never have to ask him to post your picture also lads with Snapchat are girls

Snapchat's dead if you are over about 23 also as soon as a guy goes not can I have your number and they go can I be Snapchat

they've got a wife or they've got a bird they have end of story Snapchat is Tinder territory yeah Snapchat is poff it wouldn't bother me if you never posted

anyone in Snapchat but it's starting to feel like I'm like he doesn't want people to know he's with me or that I'm not good enough this is what kills me right about the girl situation

this guy sounds pretty shady I'll be honest and the first thing us women do is assume it's us and I've done this before instead of thinking you're a prick

you think why am I not good enough stop that mentality straight away you are good enough you're better than him should I mention this three years later

or accept it do not accept it fuck him off I'm not keen we need to catch him red handed I'm not keen i'm honestly not keen and i don't like honey trap i'll do it there's a girl that you can pay to do

it i'm not keen on the fact that he isn't wanting to post you know as ashley at first was like yeah i love that no you love a private person on instagram he this guy is posting other people but not her to me it's fucking shady and it's not that she's not good enough there's something going on i don't like it you're either with me or you're not you should be proud i am proud posting pictures of my partner i'm gonna fuck shut up by saying this but i know guys that overpost their girlfriends and kids to make a point something wrong i used to have an ex and whenever he'd been on a bender the next morning he would post me and he'd be like love this girl she's the best in the world and everyone would think oh that's so cute and i'd be thinking no he was out all night and he's

posted that to try and keep me happy so there is a happy medium and we don't know but i'm not keen on this this situation's not okay this snapchat thing is a massive it's not okay he didn't post on his insta and he doesn't on his snapchat but he posts other people it's not okay i'm not also read the book why men don't love women like you and why men love bitches yeah and listen to the christine quinn book on audible yeah i i'm not keen on him babe don't like him you'll be fine i think you need to fuck him off okay so lucas has just brought up an interesting ick and it's Christmas underwear or Christmas socks. I thought you meant sexy red.

You don't. You mean my kid festive. I mean, why would you do that? Bad for the environment. Why? Because I would throw it away. You'd then throw it away. And then I'd buy it again.

If I ever saw a man or a woman in a Christmas underwear, who would buy it? But then when I was younger, I had the days of the week knickers. Oh, they're cute. And I felt very organised. And then it got to a point where Tuesday was Saturday and... And then it all got too much. Yeah.

I do agree with Lucas. Why? No, I'm not into festive things like that. Underwear, socks. No, no, no, no, no, no. Leave them in Primark. You're right, Lucas. You're right.

Guys, firstly and foremostly, thank you, thank you, thank you for the support that you've given us over the past, well, forever, but more since we moved and we've started our new studio. The last six months have been huge. The last six months have been amazing.

The girls that came to the brunch, the girls that wanted to and will come to the brunch. lucas for being unreal and i feel like you're all falling in love with him bit by bit as you get to know him um so thank you for that thank you for everything thank you for making loads of women yeah and making loads of women feel better about themselves i think what i said the other day when i was speaking to someone about the brunch and about the pod i said i feel like our podcast is part of a bigger movement it's not just this little podcast there's a bigger movement here

and that's where women are not judging each other anymore taking control taking the piss out of themselves and each other having a laugh about the things that are embarrassing being open not trying to be perfect and because we're all beginning to jump on this we're not slagging each other off fuck anymore no care and i think that is such a positive movement and i feel like next year we're going to grow and grow and grow more yeah and we're going to get a big bunch of amazing women i hope you all have an amazing christmas i know it's a really hard time for some people like really hard for some if you've lost someone recently like if you're going through shit time christmas amplifies that for a break yeah but just remember it is such a short period

of time and also i know we slag men off all the time but literally over the last few months as well we've gained a lot of man fans and i love that i feel like it's good for men to listen as well to kind of understand we sound very defensive at times but we we literally love everyone and thank you so much for the contributions we'd also love to hear what your favorite bits were um from the year what were your favorite you know episodes what was your favorite funny stories what bits have you forgotten like i always get mentioned like oh lauren you mentioned this in that episode can you remind me like just the surgery episode potentially whatever it was let us know any little bits that were your favorite bigger and better yeah next year for

you all and not physically bigger no not physically bigger well certain areas bigger dicks bigger dicks Bigger tits, maybe. Okay, well, I love you all. And please don't forget to rate and subscribe to the pod. Love you. Thank you for an amazing year. Should we sing a Christmas song? No.

No? I'm going to. Go on, then. Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day. Bye, then.