Nip Tuck - Fresh New Flaps

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

It's been a few weeks since Ashley's debut on Real Housewives of Cheshire, so she's got all the gossip about shooting for the show and what it's been like with the stars of the show. Lauren tells us some more embarrassing stories from her past and even calls her Mum to grill her on a few things she 'let' her get away with. Oh and Lauren has had a procedure on a special area that she's going to get her boyfriend to review... To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM. We’re on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome back to your main episode of nip tuck and not giving a flying fuck now this is a podcast where we celebrate what lauren we celebrate being original genuine no fucks given yeah strong independent happy sometimes go getters go getters fuck shitter up as women great ass um good tits good sex yeah yeah anyway we're here to talk to you about the things that you talk to your friends about but um no one says out loud basically oh my god that's such a good description of the podcast right i should do this more on nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram and tiktok find us at nip tuck pod Or alternatively, you can email hello at nictutpod.com.

We want to know what's been getting on your tits. What is giving you the ick? Yeah, what's making you feel gross? Basically, any other bits. Your questions and embarrassing sex stories. Basically, we don't give a fuck. Now we're back in surgery. Ashley.

Yeah. Tell me about Housewives. Everyone wants to know. I watched you on the ad and got dead excited when you were swishing that big fake hair around. Tell us the drama. tell us what's going on tell me just tell us about it

so I'm not watching it myself personally I couldn't think of anything worse than like watching myself on TV

yeah watching these little clips of the pod is traumatic yeah I'm not I'm not watching it so I'm gonna see how the how it goes

if there's any benefit of me doing it yeah what kind of benefit we're thinking well like just more engagement for the pod obviously

that's why I've done it yeah I can be transparent about saying that like it was it was hard fucking work like you were a lot so it's not scripted or anything like that is it's not scripted you kind of know you're on camera still because you know you're on well i don't know do you forget you forget you're on camera this is why i'm going clean under you really

actually forget i didn't get drunk i didn't get drunk filming i had a few drinks but i didn't do you know like sometimes you wake up after a night out and like there's bits missing and you're Like, fuck. Like, if I'd have done that, I probably would have got severe anxiety and not turned up to the next time. Because basically, once you're in, wherever you're filming,

they put your microphone on and they put you in and you're filming. And there was moments where there's probably like eight, nine cameras in the room. But you didn't remember that you were on. I can't. They're not just filming you. Right.

So is there a lot going on at the same time? They're hiding over there and filming and you've got the mic on. so there's lots of different conversations because i kind of have in my mind that you're sat there like we are now hello because that doesn't feel real there was some things like that that we filmed like at people's houses or in shops yeah that it's like or a restaurant where the camera guy is there and it is just you but the scenes basically every week there's a finale where you all meet up.

Every week? Every week. Okay. And there's that many people there and all the crew and all the cast are there that they film. So that's why you can kind of forget you've been filmed because there's a lot of people there.

Lauren, like, you'd be surprised. I'd be shocking, wouldn't I? Oh, dear God, imagine. I'd be cancelled. Imagine. Yeah, but we do that here. We talk anyway, yeah. That is true, yeah.

So that's why I kind of thought, like, well... Yeah, you say yourself on the podcast anyway. everyone knows you're unfiltered anyway so yeah can you what could possibly go wrong exactly but i just and did you get on with everyone i didn't are you allowed to say i love uh katie obviously is one of my best friends i saw katie hannah's really really nice she's lovely you know what she's actually like very very funny very funny she's not what i thought she would be no do you know I think she's one of us yeah she is she's a she's a nip tuck girl yeah she's really funny Lystra is so kind and nice because she comes across I would say quite boisterous but she's

actually really a nice lady yeah and you can tell she's like a hard worker and stuff yeah um Sheena is so nice and I would actually say she's probably one of the most beautiful like her body and everything she's stunning Seema is lovely I've never met Seema

she seems quite genuine she looks amazing for her age she's fit she's a milf she's so nice she's lovely and I knew her sons

from before they're both I think I know they're so nice yeah and Lauren is nice really

that Lauren she actually like because there was beef and then I turned up and she was actually really nice she was very funny

really oh very funny was she good friends with Romana of course she's going to be funny oh is she yeah

okay I'll give her a chance then because she was on my list they didn't really speak to the others so she doesn't like anyone else

except those but she can't say that and I agree there's oh what about fucking oh I mean

yeah there was minimal contact there yeah yeah she's a twat we'll see what happens next series so how did you end up actually going on the show so why don't they want me

oh don't laugh in the i got a laugh in the face okay tell me how you went on it you'd be gold um so i've been like toying with it for a while and there was never like a right time to do it also i wouldn't want the kids like you know my stance on kids on tv and social media wouldn't want the house wouldn't definitely wouldn't like not for me so i just have gone on as a guest alongside katie it's katie katie's a full time yeah so she started filming in april and i think i went on in june okay may june um as her friend and obviously you know i'm friends with katie through the vaginal tightening because i was her patient yeah we've talked about that before well you've had yours done

I don't know if anyone saw the insta pic of Katie looking up my flu looking up the hole did you see that picture it's just my legs wide open

and Katie's like do you know what's really funny so once upon a time I would never never have number one

admitted that I was going having that done yeah number two put a picture like that on Instagram the funniest thing is

this podcast has totally it's just made me we put stuff on and we don't care anymore care anymore and there's a few reasons i was thinking about this and i was saying to my friends they were like oh my god lauren you're so open with putting that and it is like 30 000 people i've seen that you know it is quite a big thing but something i've learned is trying to

impress men is not going to pay my bills no men fancying me i mean to a degree it's not it's not going to pay my bills what's going to pay my bills is and what what people are interested in the following the engagement is women that want to see real life things and what is a real life thing yeah person not personally having a vagina yeah is a real life thing is having a fanny yeah the other thing is having a baby complicated things and then pissing yourself when you sneeze yeah now i had a section so my i've not actually had those problems but how many women do yeah and you still come from the pressure on your pelvis so i thought i'm gonna do this now and i'm gonna be so open because we are women and i've got past that stage now of trying to be stush and trying to

be impressive and be the fit one like i'm over it now i just want to be honest um and i think this can help a load of women which is one of the reasons that i did it partly to be a guinea pig for everyone so i had my vagina hole so it's called ultra femme 360 it's three treatments we've mentioned it before you've had it done as well and one of my best friends has had it as well you have it um once a week for three weeks no once every two weeks for three weeks So it's a six-week period. Yeah, and you have it three times. Okay, so basically what it is, it uses...

Radio frequency. Radio frequency. And that increases the collagen production. It's non-surgical. It's non-surgical. So what happens is this. You sit there as if you're going for a smear or something like that. Yeah.

And Katie gets what I can only describe as a stonker. A big dildo. A big stonky. A dildo with loads of KY jelly, loads and loads of jelly, and inserts it into your vagina. and pulls it in and out. It is the funniest fucking thing. So she literally goes like this.

But she's so professional. She's so professional. Obviously, I know her. She's Ashley's friend and we've been on a few meals and stuff. So I know her on a different level. And I'm just like, okay. And her social media girl was there

because I was like, yeah, they can film it, whatever. So the social media, she was lovely. The girl's there. And she's like, can I have a look? I'm like, yeah, I mean, okay. So everyone's literally... She fully watched it. Oh, she watched my whole.

And so she's slowly in-out probing it. And it's warm. It's like having... Did you have your outside done as well? Yeah, it's like putting a dildo in the microwave and then having a go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slowly in and out.

Now, it didn't feel not nice. It was all right. We were chatting away while she did it. It didn't hurt or anything like that. And it wasn't embarrassing, to be perfectly honest. And then she did the outside, so she basically goes around it. Yeah, I didn't like the outside bit.

That made me feel a bit like... Yeah, did you feel like it was a bit sexual? I don't know. There was something that wasn't... Yeah, so the in and out thing, i felt was more like a gynae procedure and it gets quite hot on the outside but the outside yeah i was a bit like okay i felt a bit like foreplay soprano ice where just before the end of the 30 seconds laser hair removal they're like it gets dead hot and you're like oh get off like it's not

it doesn't hurt no it was i i thought it felt quite nice and maybe that's why i found it a little bit awkward so foreplay so then when she'd finished um nothing you can't have sex for like four days but my boyfriend's just come back off holiday he's been away um so that was fine it was perfect timing yeah so i wasn't at it anyway yeah um i haven't um he hasn't had a had a go yet so shall i tell you after um shall we ring him when we've done it because we rang ed didn't we yeah i'll ring i'm gonna ring him actually and ask what it was like yeah i'll ask him and we'll find out for everyone. I'm just doing pelvic floors now.

So I've done one. Now I am. So I've done one. I've got two more to do. So I will let you all know how it went. But yeah. In my opinion, it works. I need a refresh.

It's really good for people that have any problems after babies, for sure. So producer Lucas has just asked if you can get your arsehole done. Because he's got a gaping arsehole. Because his arsehole is flapping in the wind. Just your arsehole go like looser the more you have sex. if you've been at it all weekend your vagina goes baggy

does your bum hole does it does it and did you know that poppers make a bum hole yeah I nearly pooed myself what it does I nearly pooed myself

on them once what happened and I fell down a hill and nearly pooed when I was when I was a lot younger I did oh god

what stuff came out outside nightclub everyone was doing it so I had a little sniff and then I fell down a hill and nearly pooed right no no no

guys guys like duh Well, it must be your fanny bigger as well then. Why? Because it's all the same. It's a muscle like... Maybe that's why I fell down the fucking hill.

That is a... The poppers bumble. Because my legs... Yeah. I trumped and blew myself down the... The sails. The sails open. And I swam down the hill.

Anyway, enough of that. Mary Poppins! Right. Anyway. where are we going with this what's going on your tits oh oh anyway what's going on your tits um someone's told me they're using my baby name what they outright came up to me was like guess what someone wants to message me on instagram i love the name i'm calling it my baby next month and i was like oh we've had this conversation before because one of my friends uh used a baby

name of someone else and she messaged her saying i hope you don't mind i'm using the name and then the girl message back like i do mind no you can't come on there's a million names i don't own a name i'm not saying that but can i just say when it actually happens to you it's quite hurtful oh yeah i so do you want to know this i remember when i was pregnant with fear there was another couple i don't know them very well but in my area also pregnant we were within weeks of each other i got wind not the kind of wind from poppers i got i got wind that they were going to call her baby fear my heart broke into what did you do no listen so this is what happened they were due before me so like no everyone's gonna think i've copied them so this is what i did and it's really

did you put it on instagram yeah it's really fucking pathetic and really fucking challenging i don't know i still would have done that i i had like a muriel thing above her bed yeah i didn't take a picture of the full name but just some of it so that they would know and i also hoped i'd go into a little bit early labor so i could have the baby before then so you were wishing a premature child and now i'm sat here saying i don't see the big deal yes it did hurt a bit however you don't own did they use the name yeah they were always gonna and they're probably listening yeah but the name saskia is quite like fear is well unusual yeah it is yeah yeah so who i think the thing is is it someone you know closely no is it someone that you get on with no ah this is where

the beef begins but like i'm asking these questions i already know but why why why would you use the name of someone that you don't really like that much i don't get it i don't get it because she just must really like the baby name and doesn't not like you enough to make it stop stop using the name it's not upset me but it's been on my mind what are you going to do about it why don't you dm her and tell her she can't um well guys basically if anyone uses the name saskia within in the next six months just know that they copied off me and just oh okay we're putting it out there anybody you can call your kid whatever you want she doesn't mean that she's fucking no what i'm saying is i had an opinion of it when that happened to my friend and i was on team my

other friend who and now yeah and now it's me i'm like because the person that's doing it isn't a fan of yours so it's kind of like why would you call your child something after someone you're not that keen on i think that's it's a bit like a dagger it's like i don't like you but i'm gonna take your baby name because i like that but i get it what's the worst thing if someone's ever copied off you do you remember at school like when you'd get no i'm gonna tell you go a tattoo no a boyfriend well a few times uh no so when i was at school when i was 15 i was obsessed with playboy do you remember that when everyone started getting playboy bags to school and didn't you used to bite it from all the gossels yeah fucking weird i had a playboy belly bar now i don't understand

why i did this why my mother in fact i might ring her and say why did you let me can i ring her now and say why did you let me do that i had a playboy bunny on the wall she let me have an why were we obsessed with playboy i don't know she let me have an artist come around and do my full wall black and red black background like a brothel like a fucking i'm gonna ring her let's ring my mum and say have you got a picture of it have you got a picture of it i've literally just thought oh how i'm doing lauren will be ringing i was just ringing right so we were talking on the podcast before about um do you remember that playboy room i had that wall yeah what on god's earth made you think i could have a playboy bunny on my wall at 15

Oh, well, I don't know. And do you not remember I had a round bed? I do remember that. You had a round bed here. It was like a brothel. And it was black and red. What? You didn't have it there.

I did. I had it there, did I not? No, you didn't. I had it here when we moved. Right, okay. But I just wondered... That was Bernie's bright idea. I just wondered why I had a Playboy bunny on my wall.

Why you let me do that? It must have been some kind of fad. And also, you let me have a tattoo when I was 15. I've just thought of that as well. I didn't let you. You did. You went off. Did I?

Yeah. What, and just came back with it? I can't remember. Yeah, I think so. Right. All right, then. Well, thanks. Well, it's not as if you stopped at one.

I wish I had right alright mum I'll ring you in a bit where are you recording bye you were defo getting fingered in the AMC cinema

at 14 weren't you with my playboy knickers on so anyway Tammy girl so anyway anyway

anyway I got this wall done and then one of the girls at school who probably listens to this and she's my friend now whatever

her mum rang the artist who did it and she got the same thing done on that wall she didn't no out of order that out of order that wasn't it

oh my god yeah she did she got the full playboy body and I'll never forget it and I was raging at my mother for giving the details out of the artist that did it you can imagine that

I was like mum the playboy wall is my thing I'm gonna try my best and get a picture of it and put it on the pod and stuff that is disgusting

remind me did you have a Paul Frank bag no the monkey face oh that was monkey did you have a huge coat oh my god yeah yeah I had a huge coat

and I had a necklace that said Loz in it I was a chav so I wore like Rock ports. Yeah, I wore rock ports. Did you? Yeah.

And I wore Fred Perry tops. And kickers. Yeah, I wore Fred Perry jumpers and I had big gold earrings and stuff like that. Did you have groovy chick bedding? No, but I used to wear the Tammy Girl, E-Tam was it called, Tammy Girl, where the sleeves were long and a different colour or netted and then there was a little girl like this in the middle. Juicy Couture.

Juicy Couture's right back in. It's back now. They sell it in Selfridges. I would fully wear a Juicy Tracksuit. I like it. I still think they're alright. This isn't good enough to wear a juicy tracksuit. Yeah, you need a banging ass.

My mum said to me the other day, Lauren, and I was like, she went, have you had something put in your bottom? I thought a lot of times, mum, let's not talk about that. No, she went, have you had something injected into your bottom? Like recently, and I was like, no, nothing. She went, looks like one of those, like a big bottom. And it's just because I put weight on,

so maybe I could wear a tracksuit now. Can I just talk about bum fillers? Yeah. Are you still upset about yours? Well, do not get that Lanluma. What's that? It's like, they market it as... As you grow your own arse?

Yeah. I've had it. No. Where they inject you and they say... Someone I know has just had it done and wow, the lumps. So I had it done, how many years ago? Oh my God, so many years ago. You grow your own arse.

And they injected it in and what they said is... Grow your own arse at home. What they said is it sticks, like, so you produce your own collagen. It's collagen. It's bullshit. Nothing happened. And they were marketing that at five grand. And it really hurts.

It really hurts. It fucking killed. It did nothing. Where did you go for that? John Ryan did it. It's his new thing. oh my god while we're on the topic penis enlargement is now becoming a real thing with the filler i know people do it anyway but i've seen a load of it now

penis enlargement is going to be absolutely huge my boyfriend my boyfriend's friend's had it so but it's only when the cock is flaccid which is pointless to everybody what is the point i think it's for when men are in like gym changing rooms and yeah it is tracky bottoms Oh, there's nothing better than a bulge in a tracky bottom. Oh my God, did you watch Sex Life? Did you ever actually get round to watching it? Do you want to know what I did? What?

Watched it and fast-forwarded to the rude bits to see how rude it was. Did you see the dick? Didn't think it was rude enough for me. Did you see the dick? Yeah. The massive dick. Massive, dappy dick.

Did you see the dick? Did you see the dick, Lucas? No. Wow. It was a big, dappy dick. And supposedly, that's that man's dick. Maybe he's like a dick model. He must have been.

No, but think about it. If you inject filler into the penis, right, obviously when it gets hard, it's still gonna have filler in it so i don't i don't think it adds girth yeah it adds girth if i was a lad and i had a mediocre cock i'd be getting filler in my car i would i'd have like a big coke can how much do they put in i don't know and also do you know how they add on for women like with clothes like loads more money let's start adding on loads more money to cosmetic surgery for men yeah because it's such a faux pas and they don't have to do it yeah let's do that

but then they're all going to have small dicks and then we're going to be sad yeah true so you're actually looking surprisingly well to say that you've done a sesh in Ibiza how many days were you there I was there for three nights and how long is it taking to recover

I'm still in recovery at the minute because I've seen how many of those brownies that we've got on the table you've eaten I've been watching you eat in like five I have eaten so fucking much so what I've learned about my three nights in Ibiza is number one I've still got it which is good

because how you know that well we ended up on like owners tables of everywhere did you see the video of uh us at black coffee we stood right behind him that's what you want yeah that's we were behind the martinez brothers are you even bother going anywhere unless you're in the best place well exactly and also i was kind of thinking like oh i'm old with two kids now and then i was like halfway through the night we'd turn around and all go oh god and we had like wristbands coming up ours what I also learnt is I think I've got narcolepsy

alright okay every night I'd be like we were staying in Destino did you go there oh my god it looks beautiful it was stunning

the rooms are shit though oh really absolutely shit what about the stairs for the pictures though I didn't even get one picture I thought we'll go back to that

so I didn't even get one picture I never do on holiday it's so hard I took so many outfits and you never wear them I wore one bikini and no make up

all holiday you wore a bikini and denim shorts the whole time I didn't wear an ounce of makeup. Stunning outfits and you just don't wear them. And my hair tied back. There was no point in carrying all that shite around with me.

Anyway, Destino, amazing hotel. Parties there all day at this second bit of the pool. And then the rooms were like a prison cell. Really? Yeah, but clean and okay, but for what you pay and everything. Yeah, it's a lot of money. I stayed with me and Ibiza and that was really nice. It's a bit out of it that.

A bit out of the way. Destino in the middle of everywhere. so I would definitely stay in the prison cell again. But maybe a better room. Also, it's that small that there was a vanity unit about this big and you lift the mirror up and it fell on my sister's head. Oh my God.

Oh, is that where the lump on her head was from? Wow, I've always seen that. And you can imagine what she was like. So in the day, they'd all be around the pool, all my friends, and then I'd be like, right, I'm going back to the room to have a shower and then I'll start getting ready and we'll go out. Yeah, I'd go and I'd get narcolepsy.

I'd sit on the bed and I'd fall asleep. Do you think you're just getting a bit old for it? But then at 2am, I'd wake up and be like, right, I'm going back out. Do you think you're just getting a bit old for it? Oh, I'm far too old for it. Yeah, I feel like I wish I wasn't. I would love not to be.

They went out every day and night for three nights. I only managed one. I normally go wild on the first night. And spoil the whole holiday Yeah I did that My sister had to put me to bed She was like I knew that there was something wrong with you When you turned around to me and went

You're really kind You're really kind Guys take Ashley to bed Something wrong with Ashley Back door You're really kind You're so kind I had a great time

Why no outfit pics or anything There was some really good outfits do you know what i find the pressure to do it it ruins your fucking well i'm not anymore it ruins your fucking holiday but you got a picture with your new boyfriend he's on the gram i've dropped him i've dropped him did you did you get any messages um like i did at the forehead one by mistake yeah one's like oh another man that this is the love of her life did you get any no i got none my world part 2.057 the one i got um i got lovely lovely feedback good i got a minute i got more likes than i've ever had in my life i got loads of everyone was so nice about it just

no like you've done the couple picture now what do you mean it doesn't all have to be and also like let's not ruin things let's not put everything on social media no i was with one of my friends in ibiza who was married and she's divorced now i'm not like i'm just this is her take on it and they were like um they were influencers together and they'd been married for like i think they were married for about eight years yeah and the relationship just completely broke down and she said i am never having a boyfriend put on instagram ever again but they're both influencers the difference that i've got here is number one i'm not an influencer yeah um and number two he is so fucking uninterested in that shit yeah he's private yeah by the way guys you

nosy bastards how many requests now listen when i first put his picture on 7 000 sticker taps 7 000 people clicked on his name to have a nosy at him seven i've got screenshots 7 000 i'll show you um and then i put him on the other day every time i post anything with him on there and i don't put that much his requests bam bam bam so I'll look through fit fit fit

nope nope nope picture of woman and loads of kids and husband yes you can accept her but why would you accept someone who doesn't

but some men do he accepts none of them he's private he's so the guy went to Turkey on holiday took his boys on holiday and you've seen his hair

gorgeous slicked back not many men can have that hair he felt hot on holiday he got it cut off he just cut it

he went to a Turkish barber aren't Turkish barbers meant to be good though and he cut it I think they are yeah Turkish barbers are like number one at like

I thought they were they trim it all like well it's not good and he literally said he felt hot so he went and chopped all his hair such a man thing

to do isn't it not ours and I was like oh okay and then I sent him a voice note in fact I wish I could find it because

it's really funny and I was like I've just been thinking you've had your hair cut off we're going to Paris at the weekend if you ruin my fucking pictures

I'll kill you can you get him a hat I hate hats on men unless they're like beanie hats uh yeah a hat oh no no caps are fine actually caps are fine um no even in the house it's so weird no i actually think caps are fucking fit but when you said the word hat i had a vision of a flat cap you've not worn those after the fucking flat caps no the flat cap a flat cap

like a thomas shelby hat that's not okay can you imagine right okay guys everyone close their eyes right okay guys set the scene if you want to turn yourself off a man that fuck boy's been in your head okay yeah imagine him walking in to a hat shop picking up a tweed saying the words Baker boy I'll have your finest tweed hat Trying the hair out Hey this looks good I'm buying the hat

In his little bag with his receipt You've got the ick now yeah I've got the ick Do you know what else gives me the ick Skin fades So have you ever had a boyfriend and when he gets his hair cut They have a skin fade Which means it's literally like bicked

And the head feels fucking disgusting I said to him you better not come home with one of them um at ibiza airport i was stood in the queue for food and everyone's like absolutely peppered yeah and it was lying on the floor aren't they like literally you could make a documentary yeah yeah um oh my god we should oh i've just had a great idea oh no you can't unless you're flying we go there with a and we go around everyone and be like and everyone will be crying because they've gone and everyone's cheating on the fellas everything let's do it so um there was a guy stood in the queue and me and this girl were just like making eye contact and um he bought an ice

pink donut and we both just turned around to each other and I was like an iced pink donut yeah a straight guy that's it okay guys we're gonna take a break while I eat some brownies to hide my Ibiza blues but when we're back we've got a question you're gonna want to know the answer to welcome back guys now we love getting answers to questions so this part of the podcast is all about answering questions from you from us and from anyone else so i've got um a dilemma so i'm so horrible song dilemma of the week dilemma of the week so the other day i was doing something on my phone i was buying something outfits for paris which by the way it is so stressful

and I couldn't find my card anywhere I'm literally looking everywhere my credit card I'm going obviously credit card everything else is maxed out

so I'm looking through everything I'm I'm skin I'm going under the sofa can't find it it's a really good idea to go to Paris

anyway and then I didn't ask you to judge me and then I found in the bin in the bin my credit card you've thrown it away

I've put it in the bin I do the weirdest things and at the minute I've been doing some really weird shit so I was saying to my friend like why what's wrong with me

and she said Mercury's in retrograde and she said loads of things so what does that mean I don't know but what it does mean is that people will come back

to you from the past she said those words to me let me tell you in the past three weeks yeah four exes

four exes not necessarily full on exes it might be someone I've been on a date with flings have come back to me and wanted me back

my sister said that four of them yesterday she said isn't it funny when you post a picture on instagram and she went people that i've not spoke to for months have been in her yeah so i got a message saying i'm still in love with you wow i didn't know we were in it was everywhere

i thought do you not think it might be because you posted the picture with the guy yeah they get hard on the retrograde anyway and it was like you know you love a narcissist it was kind of like um here if you're waiting obviously no thank you but no did you block these people now yeah there's been quite a few that have literally been back in touch wanting me back obviously i told the fella like it's it's but i was really i was like is it because of the no one wants me and you know do you know how i've slept all month like this knowing that all my exes want me back this is how i sleep knowing my exes want me back yeah but like with my boyfriend next to me no um yeah so that's what's been going on have you had any of yours come back um i know because i'm married so

i don't think no they don't care these men don't give a fuck no no one's asked for me back oh it's a shame yeah anyway you want you're not sleeping like this then no i've got a child screaming next to me sleeping no no okay no i'm crying loads and being really annoying yeah they're really annoying sometimes i think i want another and then i'm like no wow yeah it's got to that stage of like are you like whoa yeah yeah there's such hard work aren't they because i'm so glad that i've left the house for a few hours wow ed can't look after them by himself look at this video that you sent me i left the house for an hour for a pt um are you still doing those well yes leave me alone and he sent me this video wait you're gonna die

so there's stuff everywhere let me describe this video the living room is a bomb site there is nappies and clothes everything's everywhere saskia is running around in a fancy dress outfit in heels spinning to frozen and the baby is in that chair bouncing around probably not clipped in right you can't you have to pick they can't look after the house and the kids is either the kids survive and then the house is a bombsite so it's real and like even like how annoying are men like when you get back off holiday the fridge is full of moldy food like what have you been doing you've been doing why would you not have clicked where were you like eating out oh 100 yeah exactly that's why i bet the washing up was done i bet the house looked all right when people came around

nobody went in the fridge hon oh fuck so i've got a question ash and that came up in my group chat the other day and it was about when you try and make your ex think you've moved on and do you know what's really funny

and it kind of relates to all these men coming out of the woodworks for me when they really know you've moved on that's when it works it's like

they have a sat-nav in the balls or some sort of radio frequency and as soon as you've genuinely you're genuinely not checking their Instagram

alert she's moved on it's like the balls go yeah slide in a DM slide in slide in it's like they know fuck with her head

fuck with her head no yeah fuck her shit up but actually they know do you know what it doesn't fuck with your head

because you moved on because you don't care right but this is what happens I saw this meme go on and it was so fucking accurate it was like

the top picture was women two weeks after a breakup yes crying and the woman's there like crying and then it was like

men two weeks after a breakup like shugging partying and then it was like women two months months yeah it was like two six months after a breakup like happy found someone new and then men

crying that is what they do so girls remember this so so accurate and i've just proven it with me just saying those things about exes coming back women are so different to men you cry your eyes out you deal with the horrible bit you think they don't care they don't love me and then you hear that they've been up to all shagging everyone they're on nights out you're looking at their insta and you're like you bastard you don't care as soon as you split out they delete all pictures and follow loads of thoughts yeah they don't give a fuck yeah and you're crying your eyes out however you then move on past it and you genuinely get over it well because they hurt you yeah so you think yeah and then you move on now they do all the partying they're just very slow slow beings

yeah they are they do all the party and then all of a sudden oh i'm done my miss rachel yeah and they get sad and they're like me drunk all the beer in the fridge now me drunk all the pussy on Instagram nothing left now

me miss Rachel and then they go me sliding Rachel deal me love you still and this is what they do so I think you've got to remember that when you're going through that horrific time

where your heart is bleeding and you are breaking and they don't care they're gonna come back getting back for the next I mean Ashley got married to hers so sometimes it works but let's not promote that

because no no no very rare very very rare very rare and we're only a year and a half in so

sometimes what you do is you try and make them think you've moved on but unless you're when you're in it you don't see how fucking obvious it is

like getting a man's wrist with a watch in a picture I've done it I've done it I wanna know buying a pint and just putting it

in front of you so let me tell you some of the things I've done and something that one of my friends did wearing a boy's hoodie which really made me laugh so uh one of the things i have done is um when i split with thea's dad

i don't know if you're listening out there hun um when i split with his dad he came around to get fear one day so i went to the shop that morning and i bought a crate a crate of um bottles of beer i never drank a beer never drank a beer in my life i tipped all the beer in the sink i then got the empty bottles i got a bag of them for the outsiders if they were going into the recycling but i also put a clear bag a clear bag i also put a couple on the sides and then i put a few in the actual bin so that when i think you've been having a party with the kid well i don't know so i when he came i purposely put the bins out so it they rattled so i was like just putting the bin out and it went like rattle rattle rattle of all the beer and i left all the beer on

the side and did he say anything he didn't even look he didn't even notice i remember thinking this is gonna get him this is gone go on then have a look at my beer from my fella last night alcoholic fella by the looks of it what a drinker what a cat and he didn't i wouldn't i'm gonna ask him if he ever noticed um so i was telling my friend about this she told me that what she used to do is get aftershave and before the baby dad came to pick the baby up she would spray the house with aftershave but she said she didn't want him thinking it was like a cheap guy so she spent like 300 quid on an aftershave so that she thought it was an expensive guy and sprayed the aftershave round the house and all over herself and she said again he came in and these are called thirst traps

the other thing i did once is got myself and i'm telling you i'm not the only one that's done this i got myself completely dressed up for a night out completely and then took it all off and got in my pajamas made it like i was going out my friend was out and i made her take a picture of a bottle of champagne and i posted that and it worked as well so there's all these things i want to know more things that everyone's done to make the rest but they know it's so obvious so if you're thinking about doing that girls just don't because it's so you might think he's never gonna guess that i've done this he'll know that you're doing it but yeah like um actual catching out though is a thing as well so if you are seeing a guy open the dishwasher on a sunday if you're

sunday go around see if there's lipstick marks around the the men wash up they use dishwashers yeah of course they do so producer Lucas has just told us what on he got a guy friend to come round in the shorts and then took a picture

of sorry I've just got this vision now of them watching so did you take a picture of the film with your four feet oh

were the feet touching did you make your toes like kiss and cuddle so that it looked like that is so obvious mate that is so obvious that is so did it work

oh you got a rise did he believe that you had a fella there what listen it fucking worked so girls if you want to do that yeah you could get a guy around a guy friend round or a girl with a big pair of feet yeah they need to be good big feet yeah yeah yeah yeah big feet

big menly feet yeah but yeah i want to know what you've done to make your ex think you've moved on when you haven't thirst traps we need to know them so dm us email us whatever we're going to say some funny pictures yeah okay guys so we are going to share all of these stories on our bonus episode which is always out on a friday so you can hear us every wednesday and every friday friday is more the bits where we get your input isn't it like we'll read your stories we'll talk about you your ics everything so please send us stuff about thirst traps so we can talk about it next week you can send us a dm we're on instagram and tiktok find us at nip tuck pod or alternatively you can email hello at niptuckpod.com i like the way you say hello hello hello bye janice hello oh and don't

forget to rate subscribe review yeah right here's another thing i'm being deadly sick i do this all the time and i like get dead serious rate it put it in your whatsapp share it if you don't share this on instagram if you don't review it and we go away because it's just not worth it we're not gonna come back and then what you're gonna fucking do so yeah on your own head be it if you don't Please share on Instagram and tag us at Nip Tuck Pod.