Nip Tuck - From Dogs to Divorce

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

We go from annoying toys for your kids, pooing on nights out, men and small dogs, DIVORCE and then to white vest tops! Don’t say we don’t cover it all! But mostly we do chat about divorce - is there a right way of doing it, what our best advise is and of course we share some of your stories. We also recommend our favourite white vest tops in this week’s Bargain Bucket. AND - what are your thoughts on men with small dogs? This week’s episode is sponsored by LOVE HONEY…If you want to be part of their giveaway you need to sign up via the following link  lovehoney.co/niptuckgiveawayYou will then receive your first gift voucher via email shortly after! You then visit Lovehoney via the link the email, the gift voucher will automatically be applied to your cart! You will then be added to our weekly giveaways where we plan to gift toys and vouchers throughout the year. Sex toy winners will be contacted privately via DM by @lovehoneyofficialIt’s that easy! And everyone’s a winner! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys hi welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women now lauren we've not had a little catch-up yet have we for a bit no and the concern about that is when that happens we end up having an episode that's a lot of word vomit and word yeah mouth diarrhea because we have so much to catch up on but i think you guys like that so we'll just do that we will now so we had a week off because we record as you guys know on a monday and that fell on easter weekend so that was so delightful that four-day unexpected um break that creeps up on us every year which i always forget about don't you lauren yeah and also you realize that you've got the kids like it's it's a lot isn't it it's an extra two days

to look after children as well as well as well no because you have them at the weekend anyway don't you but like they're not at school on the friday or the monday so all of a sudden it's like yeah and then and then it is bang half term isn't it yeah thing is into week two now um i had her all last week and fail she's gone into school club today she's yeah i'm done i'm done um and i did actually say to her which is probably really bad parenting i was like because she's been a little you know she's getting to that age testing the boundaries and i said to her listen you can either stay with me or you can go to the school club i have no problem with you going to school club the nicer you are to me the less chance of that there is anyway we did a week you shouldn't say

that though lauren because then she won't want to go to school club no she knows she's not asked listen she's a clever she's a manipulative clever child she's a girl she knows the score anyway she's gone in today and tomorrow um but other than that I've had her with me so she's just been like coming everywhere with me she's been good to be fair but it's hard like I'm quite lucky in the sense as a you that we work from home we can kind of flex stuff um but if you have got a full-on nine to five you know what i would call a proper job it's like 30 pounds a day to put them in these clubs minus 40 so what's that then 40 times five 180 pounds i think i had to pay for baking club this week and then again for the second week

it's a lot isn't it like there's yeah it's it's hard to juggle so these holidays but then at the same time lauren have you seen the difference in prices of going on holiday during that so i kind of just take the 400 quid here and think whatever yeah yeah to go away in that time would be so expensive and also even just to take like her to costa and the traffic center you've then spent way more than 40 quid oh my god do you know when you take a child out for the day like a trampoline play so they pull your pants down and spank your ass don't they yeah they do even like the um the play centers are at least seven pounds a kid yeah and when you've got a million like we have it's it adds up it's your life savings it's crazy one trip you're like what's gonna go on holiday

or buy a house with that money spent it in the trampoline place it's not great is it so we miss so we i think we need to catch up firstly on bank holiday weekend oh my gosh our patreon gang we all had each other in absolute stitches because we were like we all feel like shit mums because everyone had bought their kid like these easter balloons yeah the full monty yeah like an m&s bunny themed breakfast was spread out on the table like homemade bits and bobbins then they had like a dressed up man as easter bunny and a full garden egg hunt and everything like oh my god can we stop all these days we've just had like a flurry of like valentine's day back to school book day fucking easter like no guys why are we doing this to each other and why

do you need to put it on fucking instagram honestly if i'd have had a man dressed up as a bunny in my garden and he strike on it would have taken them two minutes to find all the eggs like why have these people got such big gardens what what where are you getting your gardens from because mine would take five minutes and you've found all the eggs i just it's mental to me and i'm not saying i always say this i'm not saying i don't love it because actually i really like it but it just unless I've done it that particular year and I go up and down last year I made a full basket with the eggs in they all had a bunny each I did a breakfast an Easter breakfast and I actually made the effort um and I didn't feel guilty because you were still trying to impress

James Lauren probably yeah and we had the kids we didn't have them this I actually didn't have the kids this this year so that was fine um but for me it's just if I've got time I'll do it if i haven't and that year i must have had more time and this year i didn't so what happened to when you would just get a buttons easter egg a crunchy easter egg and like a dairy milk one they're about that big what honestly like it's teddy's birthday coming up next week god that comes around every year really fast so he's gonna be two and someone um rang me mill the other day and um she said ashley what does teddy want for his birthday and i said please no toys no chocolate please i've got no space no space everywhere like literally i have a room in my house that has

got suitcases and buggies and car seats and high chairs in a whole room like there is nothing i can do that makes my house not look like a junkyard so i do not want any shit anyway then um i was like please just like um trainers or a coat because you know kids wreck shoes and coats and they need more than one coat obviously yeah um because they're always like leaving a coat in a car you're in and out with them all that stuff so i just said coat or shoes and she's like oh well i'm gonna buy him a toy you're like are you listening to me and do you know what the toy is gonna be a bright plastic bright red plastic drum bang bang bang bang honestly do you know what i've

got a confession um i i don't know if i should say this i don't actually know who got it i binned uh i've been i've been everything and i just put it in the bin um and i do it really the sooner you do it the better the sooner you do it the better i do it really slyly because obviously there's like four kids and james because he won't let me bin stuff he does i don't be mean they play with that anyway so i got it like there like hidden went downstairs like under my sleeve look around open the bin then i covered it up and it was um not a flute what they call a recorder like a xylophone is that like oh yeah and all i could hear and i binned it and no one's noticed shit i mean i hope it wasn't expensive and hope whoever bought it isn't listening but

i've binned it because i'm just done they don't play with half the shit that they have no and honestly like as like if your friends have got kids please just put 20 pounds in a card i started pay for the play center so what i've started doing do you know how they get invited to loads of kids parties don't they i can't and i used to have to go to bnm or asda and buy some shit and i've stopped i just put a tenner in a card that's it yeah do what you want with it go and get a wine i don't really care what you do with it my job is done and i would prefer that for fear because then what do you do with all the crap and also then you can save the money and they can go shopping one day and buy what they want honestly if if people ask what she wants i say

pajamas because i feel like you can never have too many pajamas and i don't like do you know i begrudge spending money on the kids pajamas they're they're not cheap like next they're not and i feel like i'm always buying pajamas yeah so that or like you say some trainers some knickers like buys everyone ignores you and buys you a train set so yeah whatever please no right i've got something brilliant for everyone not one person can be annoyed or not enjoy this so not one person can be annoyed by me today love honey i've got a mega giveaway like it's absolutely amazing so on our episodes description there is a link you click it you put your details in and then you'll get your first gift voucher via email shortly after everyone every single

person will get this you will get a gift yeah i know and then when you go to love honey via the link all you need to do is put it in it'll automatically be added to your cart so you're gonna get a gift voucher for love honey regardless everybody oh my god free sex toys yeah whatever you want it's a gift voucher also you get added to the weekly giveaways so they do giveaways all through the year and you'll be added to that so you literally have got the chance to win loads of goodies but just by signing up you get a gift voucher it's incredible we're obsessed with love honey aren't we obsessed i'm in it to win it so i am tapping away at that link in our episode description now lauren you should have seen the bag of goodies we've got as well so this morning

in the coffee shop christina met us she turned up with these two big bags over spilling with sex toys we were like kids at christmas weren't we i am obsessed with it is called the wonder let me get it now one minute oh my god this is a piece of kit it's a wand wand massager so i'm gonna give it a go i've already plugged it in at the wall you've already put it on me she plugged it in at the wall and then chased me and put it on me and i my legs went numb and then i've got this this wow the womanizer original it says here lauren indulge in whole body or so yeah you can win um wow that's really interesting really looking at it now it like gets in your g-spot and your clit yeah and it says that it's smart silenced what that's what

you need that's when you're doing it all day exactly like me um but yeah like lauren said you will get a gift card when you go to the link in our bio give it a tap so you can save on your womanizer or your wonder wand or the mini strap on that i've just had on oh exactly you want to start with a touch of pegging there's a lovely purple penis i'll be chasing ed around the house i've already sent a picture to james and said we'll start small so thanks again love honey for supporting this episode but i had quite for me a really sociable bank holiday weekend you were on the booze weren't you i was on the booze all weekend so we didn't have the kids which um i felt a little bit bad on thea because i felt like i didn't have that control of is she

going to have a good easter like i she wasn't with me so i felt a little bit guilty that i couldn't do that bit um but other than that it was wonderful um friday i went to our local market so it's like ulti markets but rochdale oh my god wait did you see callum's story he's about ulti markets on his instagram i've never been is it not is it like what so our friend callum was really funny we speak about him before he is one of the funniest people i've ever met in my life and his stories were so funny he was basically saying that if you come you need armor you need to be like why what does he mean actually I've never been right so obviously I grew up like in Altrincham so Altrincham market for me is not novel and it's full of mum wankers oh is it

is it full of kids oh full of kids if you've not got kids like don't go to Altrincham markets because it's just mums that want to ditch their kid in this scruffy play area and drink wine or coffee sounds all right you can't blame them sounds pretty good but then if you've not got and also kind of guys guys guys lauren you know i am not a dog person no you're not can we there's dogs in there yeah dogs and kids that's a bit dangerous actually and you have to like sit yeah i think it is and then the dogs start barking at each other and like i stopped i used to love going in the garden inhale like i still it is one of my favorite places but as soon as a wet dog walks in there and i'm eating my 18 pound um sweet corn fritter and then it puts its little

hands on me i have to walk out his little hands like literally this man had this horrible pig dog