Nip Tuck - Guess Who's Back... Back Again

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

We're back baby! Fresh for 2026 and oh have we got some big updates for you!Not only can we finally announce that we're joining the HUGE force that is Bauer Media AND we'll now be releasing full video episodes on YouTube, BUT we're welcoming a new member to the Nip Tuck family... Well, not technically new...We're sharing our Christmas and New Years drama, the gifts we now can't live without, exposing secrets we've had to keep until now and apparently exposing some rumours about people in care homes...Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Susie's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

He kept saying, Lauren, I need to go upstairs for half an hour. You can't ask me what for, but I've got shit to do. And I was like, oh, having another shit, are we? Or a wank. Or a wank, a half an hour shit. Or a shank. A shank. A shank.

A shank. But having a shank, are we? Now I'm making pictures of your dead dad. Your dead dad. I bet he felt like saying, you miserable bitch. And I was like, oh, leave me downstairs again. Why don't you? Anyway.

With the baby. With the baby. So, I rang the doctor, but at the same time, my car broke. So, never buy a Range Rover. They are. What have I done? What's your next car? Well, it will be another Range Rover.

They fucking look good, though. They look good. They're sexy as fuck. They are hard. They're like a toxic man. They're a toxic man. You know they're not good for you. Literally.

And you think, never again. Something quite sexy about those pubes. Pubes are back. Yeah. supposedly so i don't know where i'm going with this but yeah saskia brushed past mine with her guys hi welcome back we know how much you have missed us we have been getting how oh everyone's ready for us to come back now we're not just back we're fucking back back with a capital b so we're on youtube now full episodes are on youtube we've listened to you

we have un techie phobed ourselves yeah and we've got some we've got a lot to unpack we've got a lot to unpack okay let me give you a little insight on what we've got coming up so we're going to catch up on the christmas gossip we're going to catch up on just any bits we've not seen each other for ages have we we've got a new member of the team not new we'll talk about that we'll talk about that in a little bit right so as always we have our main episode on wednesday that you can listen to but now you can watch us on youtube as well we also have our bonus episode on friday which you can catch on apple subs or on our patreon if you want to watch it you've got to sign up to patreon and you can listen watch and just be part of the amazing patreon community on

there as well blogs dilemmas chats competitions events spicy stuff spicy that is the place to be to be honest surgeon list the lot but yeah youtube on a wednesday if you want to watch us as well right let's get cracking right christmas okay by the way guys it's fucking freezing today and that's why we're wearing you're more warmer you've you're more dressed i don't wear coats ever hate them i find them bulky annoying no no that's more of a jacquette jacquette uh christmas right so bloody hell i just think right christmas is meant to be a time where everyone goes oh you got the christmas break the christmas break there was nothing there was nothing breaky about it like i literally honest to god spent every fucking day running up and down the stairs tidying cleaning

feeding putting away tidying cleaning bin bags the bin can we talk about the bin men it's all changed and it's not good so at christmas you've got more shit right you've got more food cardboard everything everything that you've binned but the bin men aren't coming no so there's an overflow i mean i'm surprised i've not got rats and foxes and shit so they probably have probably have um so the bin men aren't going so then well like there's nothing to put that stress me out in itself i i've got mark rubbish what's that mark rubbish mark rubbish yeah so you know amy bruce that owns the interior design gray rose interiors so one of my best best friends i literally had the rubbish meltdown when i was moving out of my apartment into my house yeah and she was like oh

Honey, Mark Rubbish. Mark Rubbish? So I WhatsApp Mark Rubbish a picture. Is his surname Rubbish? On my phone, his name is Mark Rubbish and his WhatsApp picture is of a border collie. So I don't know who he is. So we don't know who he is.

You would think his WhatsApp picture would be like of a skip or a bin. A bin? Or some waste. But anyway, so Mark Rubbish. So I send him a picture on WhatsApp of what I've got and he'll go, yeah, 40 quid. And Mark Rubbish comes and gets it. And he can clean my bins.

He takes all my rubbish, all my rubbish. How did he get into that? Like, at what point? I don't know, but wow, he must be wrecking it. Right, so hang on. The issue that I had was, like, waste, as in the green bin. Oh, you've got a different bin to me, Joshua. What colour are they there?

Yeah, green. Yeah, green, grey and black. Okay, I thought they might be different over there. No, that's Liverpool's got purple. Oh, of course they have. So, no, like, the bin, you know, your food bin. Does he take food bin stuff? yeah like any stuff i wonder like i've done like a clear out of the kids playroom and he'll even

take he'll take anything right guys google mark rubbish we don't know if that's his name maybe google mark rubbish border collie we're not sure how legal we don't know if he is have you seen him is he a border collie could he be a border collie that does the elusive mark we don't know anyway so yeah that was pissing me off the rubbish thing um the kids were off for ages which yeah great lovely love not doing the school run but i just found it incredibly over stimulating and obviously there's five children so there's a lot of presence there's a lot of back and forth as well i think when you have a blended family or your co-parent which you do as well it's the organization of where they're going at what time and i find it really difficult at christmas because obviously

everyone wants to see the kids on christmas day fine so everyone's got to be included but the Kids don't want to go in the middle of Christmas day to drive to somewhere else. Absolutely not. So I have put a thing in place where, because I've got three young ones that literally just want to potter. They want to play.

They want to play. They want to potter. They want to eat whatever they want all day. They want to wear the pyjamas. And I remember like that feeling of your mum being like, right, we're going out on Christmas day. We're going to your grandma's. Yeah.

And it spoiled that magic. because you then get in the car and you've got to go and see your grandma and you're like I don't want to grandmas and granddads wanted to see all the kids

so we'd have to get them all in the car and then go to my mum's and go to Etta's and I said if anyone wants to come and see the kids come here

you come to us and don't expect the house to be tidy don't expect to be you're not going to get a drink no like it is what it is

I agree with that the problem is we weren't sharing do you know what it's hard to do that at first because people thought I was being a dick but when you know i think it's fair and also like older family members and stuff what are you doing

anyway i'm fucking doing anything anyway so they can come but we had to like half i don't know i'd be like if i was a nana or whatever i'd be like shooting up like some whiskey yeah getting pissed up because what else is there to do have a cheeky christmas day spliff with whoever a name yeah like grandmas smoke loads of weed now don't they for like joint pain well they take that stuff that you took that time oh that was an accident yeah but they do for joint pain and stuff like when you're old and ill it's like a big black market thing in care homes what you are making such accusations here so this has gone from grandmas smoke weed and have a spliff to actually grandmas take something for joint pain and now you're saying that stuff that you took is used for

spliff though yeah spliffs help with like joint pain i've heard can you imagine them all in their homes with a spliff you've made such you make such wild accusations also can i just say i'm listening to some this podcast at the minute did you know that spice is up to 10 000 times more potent than cannabis yeah of course it is it's spice in my 10 000 i'd be like oh yeah of course spice is like um well i watched a program where they made it really interesting spices it's not even on the same level i was on christmas to spice and i was at home trying to make it oh i've got an idea no but cannabis is just a totally different drug spice is like oh lula i would not i thought it is like a lower form of heroin is it i've made that up again it's made in china spices everything's

made in china if you can get it on amazon let's look for spice on amazon anyway christmas yet busy annoying i didn't really get dressed um presents presents oh my god james made me um what did he get you so what did he get me he got me some skims knickers i was impressed by that he he on on he doesn't have a pa on his own fucking back got me some skims knickers the right side well um i don't know but they're on the right size he got me um so what he did get me which is really thoughtful and actually like really fucking thoughtful number one for a man and number two for a man that can't even do anything and i replied to his emails for him he literally went so i'd said to him over the past few months i'd mentioned my dad a couple of times and he

asked me some questions i saw them and i was like i can't remember much and i said it's really sad because it's been so long now that i'm starting to like forget stuff because he said something like did your dad do this and i was like fuck i can't remember and i must have just mentioned it in passing and god bless his soul went to my mum's house went in the attic brought down all our old photo albums which i've never looked in he then had them put into like a book i saw it but it wasn't that straightforward he kept right i feel really bad because he kept saying lauren i need to go upstairs for half an hour you can't ask me what for but i've got shit to do and i was like oh having another shit are we or a wank or a wank a half an hour shit or a shank

and I was like oh leave me downstairs again why don't you anyway with the baby no he'd gone upstairs and because the pictures were so old he couldn't he had to really funny he had to take pictures of them put them on an app that like restores them could have fucking took a bit of weight off me while they were doing it some of those pictures very funny um anyway no my like no shall i share you look older at 13 so i'm gonna share i'm gonna do it there's a picture of me and my dad and i i don't know who was feeding me so they're trying to get me to share this picture on youtube for everyone see absolutely not i'll put it in patreon i am not showing everyone this picture um and yeah it's a shocker you will be shocked but yeah he made me this this book and

i don't really cry do i and i actually did a small cry and do you know what the cutest thing is he put a picture he put a baby picture of my dad on the front of the book so you couldn't tell who it was it looks like tommy yeah so i opened it and i was like it's this black and white picture of this chubby baby and i was like looking at him like what are you pregnant i was like we're having another are you is this a weird fucking book about babies and i was like looking like do you know that is and i was like no it's a fat baby and he's like she died and i was like look and then thea was watching because she was so excited anyway it was lovely and i looked through pictures that i've never had and now i've got a book of pictures that i some of them i've never seen so i was like

looking through them i was like those memories like in disneyland i was like i thought he was a shit dad fucking hell he did loads i was like we went to disneyland oh dear he's picking me up in the pool anyway yeah so he got me that which was lovely my mum got me honestly 500 pairs of knickers um because god bless her she knows you shit yourself because i shit myself i've shit and pissed myself a lot that was smelly ass smelly bottom um what else did i get james got me more than that but i can't remember now i got him some scales that start with an h team health yes i bought ed them well call them out they're not even working so that's another thing but who's gonna have to sort that out so you stand on them there's like um the pulley yeah i can't even pull

like a rower and you stand like that and it connects to your app and it's him the biohacker said it's good so what it's meant to do is not only measure your weight but also like your muscle mass your your water i mean he's gonna piss me off with it because he'd be constantly saying oh my water levels are low today i must eat more and i'm like i'm not eating in a fucking week shut up but we got in that and then we went to poland so that's what i got what did you get oh you got the chanel the chanel a chanel uh coco neige ski jacket coco neige um and then he got me some makeup bits that i'd asked for and well he got you makeup bit well that i needed i told joe what i wanted right and then he got me a surprise he got me blue light glasses what are they you

know the ones the blockers blocking out the haters at the night at night time they're like orange lens so it blocks the blue light from my phone so i can sleep better what then yeah really i don't know about this meant to be really good stuff and then um he got me that face ice bath that you can breathe while you're in there so i how long do you go in there i can yeah i i can't do um ice baths like the head to toe ones i can't i can't horrific i can't i can do cryo though and i love cryo me and you love yes you need to get back in i know i know this i for i love cryo i go to cryo revive in wilmslow and they've actually just opened one in manchester city center so but i can do the face ice bath and honestly the benefits that i see because i'm quite a puffy

a puffy girl yeah and so usually i would get just like a glass bowl fill it with ice and then ed would come down in the morning and just see me in and out and he'd be like is she dead tea towel but this one that he's bought me you put like a tube in your mouth and then you can stay in there for as long as you want then he bought me no no no no no it doesn't end here right the tube in your mouth i think it might even be a nose thing wait so is this like a scuba mask where it comes up and you're like yeah so you can still breathe in there yeah tell us just because people will be interested it looks like a bit like a potty so you put your face in the piss potty with a thing right okay here it is here is the yeah piss potty face thing so how

often should tell us because i don't know this how many times do you plunge and how often every day really if you can and how many insertions of plunge you know when i discovered the face ice bath and properly got into it when i had that epidural headache right okay and you need to get with the face ice bath your temples in because it really helps with um all of your nerve endings so what about your hair though your fucking hair gets wet not like i wear my hair slip back quite okay just shove it back but yeah i love a face ice bath and how long does it take to do five minutes and you just in out in in in out well just in with mine well yeah and then what will you do just like and then just dry my face and then go about whatever right you can link

that for us then are you enjoying your juices guys no you know you don't like it it's stunning so this is kale spinach kiwi kiwi is incredible for anti-aging right collagen um lime coconut water dog shit celery bogeys and um a cucumber right no i wouldn't i can taste the ginger and so i got a nama juicer for christmas which is like a cold press juicer so it makes the healthiest juice right and honestly green juice is so good for you i keep at our age at our age of an age of ours ages i keep thinking what i really need to do is the celery thing the nama juicer i haven't got space on my worktops although i've just got rid of some baby shit the philips juicer i'll mob it up here this one often goes in the sale for 50 60 quid and it's a compact juicer so it's

only this big i can do but you can do one juice for yourself but with that i made like i'm not making anybody else one juice right so but i make the kids fresh orange in it and they love it okay fresh orange is so good in winter i won't be doing that i'm not gonna lie but everyone's been so ill tell us about tommy so um so we went to poland for a couple of nights and while we were away james's mum and dad had him he normally sleeps all right rang him in the morning they were like he has not i think i was messaging you i was like he has not slept like they were like he's been up all night he's been screaming and we were like is it because he's been at someone else's house yeah he's a baby but he just and and obviously i wanted them to tell me the truth but same time i

was like oh fucking hell anyway got back went straight what was james's mum knackered yeah they were funny really like the the kind of people were if i say has he slept they're not going to be like yes yes they were like no when naka nearly chucked him out the window in the middle of the night but they love him but yeah went and got him and i thought he's not well he's not well well did he have that ill look yes like this like a puppy with red eyes i thought he's not well so got home and thought he was teething because he's got a little bottom tooth just showing and he was doing the usual teething stuff the dribbling the mine had full sets snotty like all the rest of it um and then it just didn't get any better i've actually not

left the house since new year's eve i think i left the house for two hours um because he wasn't well so we're looking after him and then yeah not yesterday the day before he just seemed a bit lethargic so james was like i think he's getting loads better lauren he's sleeping loads i was like no honey this isn't good so rang the doctor never listen to me never listen to men i was like no this isn't good he's lethargic james he's like yeah he must be feeling much better he's not crying i was like no he's not crying he's sleeping because he's not good um so i rang the doctor but at the same time my car broke so never buy a ranger over they are what have i that car next car well it will be another ranger what they fucking look good they look good

they're sexy as fuck they are like a toxic man they're a toxic man you know not good for you literally and you think never again and then you look at one you think this one will be different this one will be different yeah have you seen the new all black one is it nice because i've got a sport one you've got you've got like a you've got a businessman one i don't know what they're called like it's my big daddy like is it a vote i don't know it's like a autobiography yeah yeah gorgeous um so anyway my car i'm just about to pull onto the drive on New Year's Eve and the car breaks

half on the drive half on the road and it was New Year's Eve at least it was half on the drive it was New Year's Eve so there's no mechanics working on New Year's Day

on the Friday nothing so I've had I would have downed a bottle of I had no car for four days the baby was ill

it was just one of those so I rang in the morning on Monday morning it snowed as well because that just really fucks everything up then it snows you think

and it's fucking snowing everyone's car will break because it's snowing so I ring the doctors in the morning and i was number 20 in the queue number 20 in the queue and i thought fuck this so i have a private doctor nearby rang them straight in 100 pounds uh whatever that's how much i pay whatever you needed seeing so me and james my car's like i said dead there's someone comes to tow it that morning so my car's getting towed away it's snowing we're bundling a baby in

the car and then we go to shut james's door to set off because we're on the minutes for this appointment and his door won't close and we're both like this each other no he fell down oh he fell down the stairs that was funny so we're having this really stressful morning and he was we're both really we normally laugh and joke all day like we're just dicks all day but it wasn't that kind of morning it was quiet we were both a bit agitated it was a somber morning and he goes we've got three floors so we have stairs going from my bedroom and he's carrying my dressing gown down big fluffy at least it wasn't tommy and he'd obviously what had happened they are very slippery those fluffy things we were both really somber

and i looked over the thing and you know when they're like this and he was trying to grab onto the other part of the stairs on the way down and he was under the and I was like and it was that much of a somber moment that neither of us laughed he just got up

and I was just like, so I texted Astrid like James is just falling down the fucking stairs anyway then he come up and he went I've actually really hurt my arm I've actually really hurt myself he was going like this, he went I've actually really hurt my arm it's like at school when you fell over and you'd be like

yeah I'm fine and you've broken the alarm and you're like so get in the car football hits you in the head get in the car

oh god how funny when the football used to hit you in the head and boys used to do it and you used to get in the car his car door

won't close and it's freezing and it's freezing and the baby's in the car the baby's unwell and like not good I've got no oh mate

so we get out and he's holding driving with the car door and I just thought this he couldn't write anyway finally fix it we go

and I thought they'd say it's viral go home no one's viral go home but they didn't the doctor was like you need to go straight to A&E I literally had nothing on me it was just one of those I didn't even have a nappy because we'd rushed out the house in the fucking snow so yeah I went to A&E James went home long story short won't bore you we were in hospital all day he had something called RSV which I actually had the jab for when I was pregnant clearly fucking didn't work and it's bronchitis um no bronchitis it's a different one because i was like james went he's got bronchitis and i went bronchitis and he went no bronchitis i'm sorry um so yeah it's it can be really really dangerous like really dangerous or it can be just like a fluey thing

he seems okay they checked his oxygen anyway he's all right he's got him today so james has got him James has had to take three days off work. Are you coming for lunch after this? No. So yeah, it's just been, it's been one of those. And the funniest thing is, right, on Instagram, I was such a fucking smarmy bitch, giving it all my organisation.

Oh yeah, you were. They love it. They love it, I swear. I know, but I don't love it when I'm sat there under my electric blanket having my wanks. I know, and I'm saying, right guys, and i'm organizing literally every room in that i know it's annoying but some people really enjoy it and it gave him a kick up the ass and i knew mrs hint and i really enjoy organizing so i'm like

so guys you want to start your year i'm tidying up la la la yeah it all went to shit everything's half tidied up everything's everywhere i've not been able to do anything and i thought throw it all I'll give him will Mark Rubbish take the baby yeah I've got something here

I'll take a picture of him it's snotty can you take it can we play a trick what should we play a trick on him and then be like we've got some bags

and then be like and this and this baby just like some white packets yeah let's send him a load of like white pound

pictures yeah something really dodgy right sorry okay we'll be back after the break guys

we're gonna have a short little break and i'm just gonna compose myself because i've stressed myself out we're gonna tell you we're gonna tell you what's going on guys welcome back now i'm gonna hand over to lauren again because she can fill you in in better detail yeah right there's been some big changes so you will have probably seen this morning a little video on our instagram and it's somebody returning okay if you're an og

you will have guessed who's back who the fuck is back you will have guessed if you're not an og shame on you go back and listen from the beginning you'll learn to love him you'll learn to be in with this okay where do we begin so first thing is really exciting year for nip talk like really really exciting year we've been working we need it we deserve it we've been grafting our arses off for five years we had years on every time it's been a while um we've been working on something probably what do you reckon eight months this has been going on for a year nearly yeah so we've signed with i don't know what the right correct terminology is for what they are with bauer media yeah okay now what bauer media are is is something it's like a global company for radio tv yes so

they have kiss they have hits yeah they have they have loads of podcasts i my mind has gone but basically they've got us now they've got us so basically we've been working behind it's a big fucking deal that's all we know it's just a big deal so we've been working as you know spreading we have been we have been carrying nip tuck on our shoulders for years and it's got bigger and better and but we there's only so much as two little girlies with no experience in anything other than talking crap there's only so much we can do um and we ended up getting chatting to bauer who are a huge company they were massively interested in the podcast shout out lucy cave who was like we love lucy obsessed i am a bit who was like we want you we we can do

something here so this has gone on for a long time behind the scenes you think we just turn up and be funny no honey we've had meetings we went to london our full-time job it's our full-time job so we have been speaking with them finally get it across the line we went to london which will fill you in and i think we'll talk about on the bonus because we were with pete wicks we need to fucking talk to you about pete wicks yeah um we'll talk about on the bonus there's not not we had to do a show oh my god it was so we it wasn't a show it was a presentation how much should we how many i'd had a few drinks before that we'll fill you anyway we'll fill you on the bonus so we're with bauer it's a huge huge deal for nip tuck it's the next step it's a big thing

now with that i've come some quite big changes so as you know we had the gorgeous amazing christina she produced us for 18 months yeah um absolutely love her you know she became one of ours and she who's fantastic. However, when we moved to Bauer, one of the things we needed was somebody more full-time. We needed, and Christina has an amazing job, she's a talent manager, and she couldn't give us the time that we needed.

So we were like, fuck, what we gonna fucking do? We need a new producer. Well, why would we ever go with anybody other than our Lucas? hello ladies we didn't want to leave lucas anyway like we've always stayed in touch with him like the basically there's loads of stuff like there's politics about shit you don't even know about and we we left a company that lucas worked for how do i always describe it oh go on let me say it no you say it you say it i lost the kids in the divorce yeah yeah and he was so upset and we were

so upset but we're all back together now we stayed in touch but we're back and we're gonna really make sure that now we've got lucas working on us and being dedicated we're gonna look at all of your messages we're gonna answer your dilemmas we want to talk about shit that you want us to talk about so we're here we're open we're here we're queer lucas is and lucas is queer and it's also i think it's really nice to have a man not only a gay man and male perspective just a lad that wakes up goes to lad brooks you know as a pie as a pie and chips for lunch just a lad um it's nice yeah we're happy to have him back and we're so comfortable around him like there's no Well, I was your bodyguard in London, wasn't I?

Yeah, we've always been. We've stayed friends. We need to talk about that. Like, we've stayed friends. We've always been, like, that's just how it's been. And when it was a time to change producer, the first person that it had to be was giving Lucas a call, like, hiya, mate, what you up to?

Back again. Yeah, take us back. Will you take me back? And that took a few months to, like, sort everything. Everything took a long time. But we're back. It's done now. We're bigger.

Lucas is here. We're YouTubing. We're Patreoning. We're videoing. we're answering emails we're answering whatsapps like we might not answer everything but we're seeing it all now so any funny stories any messages if you want us to look at something or you're down a rabbit hole you want our opinion on it send it in go to our instagram page at nip tuck pod and in the link tree there are all the ways that you can get in touch and i no longer

have the work phone i can't wait to get this back so obviously email as well hello messages on the work phone we've got a whatsapp right we've got we've got we've had how did you end up with the work phone like so basically your phone is broken and that's why you wanted a work phone so you made me buy a phone that's what you did i'm gonna tell you the truth for fuck's sake right lauren would never go out of her way to do anything there's always a reason behind it no and if anyone should have had the work phone it should have been me yeah but i needed it so basically um we do we had a work phone and then when we got divorced we when lucas lost the kids in the divorce the phone went with it whatever so we decided where's the fucking we needed a whatsapp again and at the

time i thought you know what it would be really good to have a work phone because my phone's so full of like my own content pre-recorded and i couldn't so you needed a phone i just thought it would be really good to have a work phone i could record my content on there you never would i never did um and i thought i can answer i can just have a work phone oh i felt really i can put it away at night and then i thought i'll have a work phone and then i'll turn it off at night this is ah and the work phone is has been in my drawer switched off for months was there messages on it i haven't turned it on yet because i thought lucas would love to do that yeah go back through fucking 18 months of messages yeah i can't wait so i'm gonna own that that was my fault and i had

the best intentions but that's not sometimes what happens so i'm being honest i'm airing it i'm opening i'm telling you guys what happened lucas has got the work phone he's not mine anymore no leave me responsible and the funniest thing is ashley i'm responsible for our accounts so maybe you want to fucking rethink this so look i'm going to go back through stuff but definitely any new messages any dilemmas any slutty suzies which we're going to bring back yes we are email hello at nip tuck pod.com the whatsapp or you can dm us on socials or if obviously a patron you can direct message as well and i'm going to be i'm going to be looking at all that yeah well lucas he's now a Patreon member.

So having Lucas back means that you guys are more involved now. Yeah. So it's a win is a win. Now I have got one little story to...

Yay! Is it the London one? What? The spraying on the back? Yeah. We've explained that but Lucas was there so we couldn't tell you.

It was fucking bad that. Oh, you've done that, have you? Yeah, we did a TikTok about it. We walked out of Houston and someone sprayed shit up our back. We told them. We told you guys

but we didn't tell you that Lucas was actually there. i literally had to grab you girls and bundle you in a taxi we were gonna get robbed it was like a fake fake taxi scene like we're like where's this gonna go lucas grabs both girls and bundles and gets his cock out and it's a fake taxi so this morning i 6 a.m i got snowy out of a car and i was carrying her down the stairs and um my phone slipped out of my hand and it went down and it's gone it's smashed the screen it's just smashed i'm so surprised because i drop my phone okay it's just unlucky maybe we don't give her the work phone are you ready for this so then i go

downstairs and i'm like right everyone's okay like it's only a phone it's only a phone um and i've got next to my sink a daily affirmations thing that I turn the page every day. No? Are you ready to see what it was today? I had to,

I've got this one out of my safe and it's a, like a burner. It's not got anything on it, right? But. It's a posh burner.

It's very posh burner. Listen, the people that I've been out with the burners don't look like that. This was what today's was. Go on. Don't let your phone

rule your life. Stop it. I swear on the kids and I just went did you get your affirmation card and stuff fucking in the bin put your phone away for an hour a day get an old school

alarm clock and I was like what block posts on people who make you feel negative I was like nah well there was a sign after this me and Lucas are gonna go I've got something to return

um and we're gonna return him an unwanted christmas present oh um and then we're gonna have some lunch and then i'll say goodbye lucas and he'll leave me at the apple store the apple store i would never put you in an apple store i couldn't even imagine but you know what that's where i got um the last time i think my phone had been robbed and i had to go in and i was like i don't know if i've ever been in and this man was incredible there and i had a he was like sit down go and get a coffee would you like a wine you should have shots for your shots 100 or some spice like some spice what i think it should be there should be a cupboard right with different narcotics and like drink and then they get your phone and how the level of fucked

the level of fucked you are yeah and if it's like you use your phone all day and it's never come back they're like come this way and they open the spice cupboard yeah and they give you a hit of spice how about they get rid of this genius bar and they just have a nurse's station yeah just iv drip anesthetic yeah so they're like this is so bad that we're gonna put you to sleep until this is over i'd pay i'd pay to be put to sleep anyway well i do well that's what kenny west did yeah well i should be getting put to sleep so anyway the this man i was like i got chatting to him and i was like go on tell me your stories because you know what we're like we're always trying to i was trying to get content and he was like i swear this couple came in

and they must have had some kind of weird fetish right because they were like can you look at this phone and it was fully front picture of her nun what so they were like the woman's nun and he was like you could see her face so and then they were like and he was like what would you say well he was like well what's wrong with like i there's so i don't know what's going on with my instagram algorithm well you must be looking at it i looked once because i was so this was reborn dogs for a very long there's this woman and she has got these gorgeous but she's 40 she says she's 40 she's like milk yeah she's gorgeous big boobs and i looked at it because i saw some lovely boobs and thought oh but what she does is she's in a bikini and she goes like this so she'll like move like

and then sit back down but if you stop looking at her boobs and look at her none she has pubic hair hanging out either side and the videos are just like this and the captions something like what caught your eye first and she's a pretty girl and she goes like this and then she moved and she's got all these pubes so then because i looked at it once every time I go on my explore page she's there and I can't stop looking and the other one was like pubes coming out the top and then she's like what did you spot first I'm like the beaver the beaver and I nearly comment now the beaver because you you're over the boobs you go straight to the beaver now I know the beaver's there so every video I look at it and I find the beaver

because I know there's going to be a secret pube and then I started thinking something quite sexy about those pubes pubes are back yeah supposedly so I don't know where I'm going with this

but yeah Saskia brushed past mine with her foot the other day no she went oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree

she went mummy your face is so pretty but your front bottom is not not so good do you know what

when I was on holiday when I was on holiday one of the girls don't leave me alone like when I'm

in the bath they stand yeah they talk to me and they want to look at everything oh but at men as well yeah oh god oh yeah they want to see the lot and i did when i was a kid i remember can i say this or not i'm gonna say it okay so when i was a kid my dad would obviously go we know that you used to shag sofa i did at different times these are two separate stories right okay so my dad would like walk past naked when i was younger or he'd go and do and i would be transfixed well You've never seen them, have you? I would stare at it. Yeah, and they're so weird.

Weird, aren't they? So, I'm still now, when James is naked, I've seen it. Oh, I could examine. I could examine and watch. All he does, especially when it's flaccid. I'm more interested when it's flaccid. Oh, yeah, because there's a lot. There's a lot to, and when he walks, the way it swings, I just stare.

Anyway, so I'm in the bath. They're not nice, really. I mean, Lucas would, I don't know, Lucas would disagree. Buffet for days. so i was in the bath and i think i was pregnant so i do have an excuse and i had a bush and the listen everyone's allowed whatever they when they won and the little one i've got had a look yeah and she was like what is all that oh my god so much hair i haven't seen one that's hairy like that and i thought i know exactly what's going to happen now you're gonna go home and

you're gonna tell your mom and dad don't worry we're not your dad but or anyone who listen about my bush and i was motivated i was like it's not normally like this it's just she just didn't care she was like it's really hairy and i thought that's it now that's it ever she's gonna go home and say lauren's got a hairy muff and i just thought it's not what i need right now like i'm pregnant but it's not what's oh my god we are on youtube now ladies uh laser hair after you've had babies laser hair doesn't it just it has reduced mine dramatically though yeah but like mine is do you have straight pubic hair or curly mine's poker straight this episode brought to you by venus poker straight no curl even if it got really long

it would do this like a mohican straight out poker straight what do you prefer curly or straight straight my lash lady showed me her pubes um fucking out and hers were really i mean hers were really curly but no straight like mine are curly no just totally straight like almost if i let them grow anyway anyway right pubes that conversation literally spiraled yeah as usual right we're going to go to the bonus what we're going to talk about in the bonus is let's unpick london a bit more because we went to london we met bow we met pete wicks we did we ended up doing this random panel with pete wicks that we didn't know we were going to do they were like right now you're going to do a panel in front of people with pete wicks and we were like yeah what

so we need to tell you all about that we've got some current affairs that we want to talk about there's a couple of viral tiktoks that you won't have seen because i am the tiktok queen and they're fucking hilarious and i want to talk to you about them okay so guys bonus can you west bucket list this one can you west bucket list wow shagging kim kardashian surely you're done then what more do you remember that diarrhea tweet that you did that she had bad diarrhea yeah It went Kim has diarrhea Not like a normal person

Like bad And he actually did put that Imagine Kim like No Doing that crying thing Mom I feel like That's gonna happen to me like

Lauren has pubes Not just a bit of pubes Like a full fucking bush Right We'll see you on the bonus Apple subs Our Patreon If you wanna watch the bonus

You're gonna have to go on Patreon But we'll get our pubes out and you can see straight or curly you can see straight or curly anyway

should we say bye to YouTube it's our first one love you guys love you bye bye