Nip Tuck - Guest Special: Charlotte Dawson

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

In today's guest special, Ashley and Lauren welcome Charlotte Dawson to the studio.  Charlotte spills all the goss on the trolling nightmare she faced and what she's doing to combat it, as well as new family life, wedding plans and what's on the horizon for Dawsylicious.Oh and naturally as always we ask what was the fart that haunted her and what 3 items would she replace if her handbag was stolen.  Only the exclusives on Nip Tuck XxTo sign up for Patreon for full video episodes every week and more exclusive content, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guys, hi, and welcome to Nip Tuck. Not giving a... Say the word fuck. Jumping fuck! Jumping, jumping fuck! Am I allowed to say fuck? Yes! Yeah, we can, can't we?

Just don't say, just don't say see you next Tuesday. Everything else is absolutely fine. Yeah, amazing. Oh, because I love this job, then. I love being in it. Right. Just talk shite. Can you guess who it is?

Can anybody guess who it is yet? We have got Charlotte Dawson on. I would say that Charlotte is the epitome of not giving a fuck. A chuff. A chuff. Should we call it that today? A chuff. She is, you know, this podcast is celebrating being unapologetic,

being who you are, being confident and being a nice girl. And Charlotte is that. Absolutely. Her energy is just on point. Top tier. Thank you, girl. And actually, and we're not just saying this because you're sat here because we just wouldn't have her here

if we didn't want to, would we? Aw, look at you. Thanks. And she's just, she's amazing and you're going to love her. Oh, you're not post-patrim hormones

are bloody everywhere. You're going to sit trying. Post-patrim. You've also done it. Post-patrim. So anyway, we've got Charlotte Dawson here. Yeah, Shazadee.

And we are going to have a really, really fun episode. Charlotte, is this your first podcast? Yes. Shut up. Oh no, I've done one,

but not like this. Was it a rubbish one? Yeah, not in person just on like you know on the phone they're not the same are they

it's not the same the signal's not right it's all a bit fuzzy yeah you don't know what you're saying I am a bit fuzzy but this is fabulous yeah

and we've got baby Jude with us today baby Jude you're watching mummy he's so cute he's so well behaved he's very staring we've not even heard him cry

he's so content he's such a good boy mummy's mummy's she's doing it all she's coming she's breastfed the baby and then ready to go

and now we're ready to go ready to go She has gone fully back to work now. So you were doing a shoot yesterday, weren't you, Charlotte? Today, shoot today. Yeah, shoot today, just before this. And then I was working with a brand yesterday on a swamp. Yeah.

What were you doing? Did Baby Jude go with you? Baby Jude was with me because that's the way it is. He's got to come to work with Mummy. Yeah. Because he's got to get his udders, hasn't he? He's got to get his milk from the udders. Yeah.

So, yeah, he's with me. Do you do any expressing of the udders? Yeah, I do express the udders, but he loves the City Bangers. He likes the genuine udders. He loves the City Bangers, yeah. They all do. They all do, don't they? It's like father, like son.

Yeah. They like the titties, don't they, the boys? I did just ask Charlotte, though, if Matt has tasted her breast milk, and she said, he pretends he doesn't like it, but I think he's just trying to play like, oh, to get like weird,

do you know what I mean? To get like, oh no, do you want a bit, oh no, I don't know, possibly. Have another sip. Oh God, no, it's bloody awful, that.

I'm not having any more, Charlotte. Have you had sex yet, Charlotte? Oh, have we? Have you? How long did you... Did Jude come out the vag? Yeah, he came out the fangita. Actually, I watched the video.

I don't know why I'm saying that because I watched it. No, you were meant... I saw you, like, the week before you had the baby and you were like, how was your section? Because I'm going to book him for one.

So what happened? So I booked the section because obviously I had a traumatic birth with Noah. It was like a forceps, ripped him out. It wasn't great. So I was like,

I want to see his section. Obviously, I know a section's not, you know, I know it's not the easy way out. Oh, it is. It fucking is if you actually stay a while. Jesus.

that's why i'm having another baby to go back to the portland i mean that's like a hotel in itself isn't it it's like a five-star hotel um i mean the rest of us just squat down and poo at the same time and get them out well that's exactly what happened to me lozza right yeah well i didn't squat but because i thought i was having a section so obviously i bought this section the day before my due date it was all a bit risky 39 weeks yeah so it was literally the day before because they come get me in because it was so busy oh god because it was really late when i kept like i was like i'm in an r in like what do i do anyway i wasn't embracing the natural birth i was like i'm having a c-section i had it in my head when you've got it in your head that's it

so obviously i was like if i go natural i go natural started colestrum collecting colostrum sorry she post patrimon colostrum dictionary we know what you mean dictionary so colostrum for all you girls that aren't on the baby hype aren't interested is called liquid gold and it's when your boobs before your breast milk fully comes in you can start doing it from like 34 weeks can't you yeah so you sit in the bath and you massage your boobie and you get the colostrum it comes out it's like um yellow and you put it in the syringes and this stuff honestly if the baby's ever poorly you keep it in the freezer give it the baby it's like medicine any rashes it is amazing it's liquid gold use it as a lube literally everything they say to hold a golden lube

but you know they say to hold off doing it because it can trigger so i kept so it's my breastfeeding and did you get some colostrum so i've got some but i started i've never been able to get it off because i was like i've got this section but i can't go into labour naturally anyway i started because I thought, right, I'm nearly there. I'm going to start now. A couple of days later, so these backwaters went. So I literally got up. I've just done tanning Thursdays, by the way.

So I've just done my bloody tan, right? So I'm all too tanned to give a shuffling down. I'm getting to bed. I've woke up for a piss, right? It's gone zoom! And I went, I had a feeling. My waters have never broken before. Oh, God.

How much water is it? Oh, it was a gush. But this was a proper gush, right? Just one gush. but usually it's gushes and gushes and gushes and it kills squirts

yeah it was horrible it was yeah this wasn't a squirt this was a gush but I've never squirted either I've never I've never squirted it's a load of shit though

I think it's a load of shit Matt said he's had a squirt so I'm like well fucking squirt on he would have then honest to god a squirty girty I'm not

we're not squirty girty she probably did a piss we're clapping our trashy over it but yeah so anyway so the water went yeah so obviously in the middle of the night

yeah so then Matthew's one of them people he goes shaz get back into bed you'll be re i'm like well what what if i wake up with a baby like literally fantastic i know so i put loads of tissue there because i thought it's not hurting it's not gushing anymore there's only one gush were you like is it way i just didn't feel like it was really happening you know yourself no contractions no contractions that's how i knew it so anyway woke in the morning there's no baby thank god right so i mean it would have been a weird i was

just like was that even real last night yeah anyway and everyone kept saying on tanning thursdays i just feel like it's going to be tonight everyone was like i just knew it anyway got into hospital because i went to go and get checked and they were like you're in slow labor and i was like what and she was like it was your back waters i said what we've got back water yeah yeah front and back i had my side knitting needle oh yeah oh it's bloody awful why do i have so many waters not for squirting them oh definitely not for squirting so then anyway i went home and then the next day I was just chilled

all day for once chilling in the garden it was a lovely hot day watched a film got an Italian takeaway Italian takeaway full of garlic right

next minute these contractions came in I'm halfway through my bloody creamy penne pasta my garlic bloody margarita bread right

oh god honestly I was like I could feel the contractions I had this contraction app on my phone I kept pressing it it was like

you need to go to hospital now that you're a second child obviously I said to Matthew again I said to Matthew again I need to go to hospital I went just get in the bath so I was like

oh my god so I got in the bath like any period when you're pregnant the answer to everything is get in the bath that's my answer to everything anyway

get in the bath I did feel better I thought yours was wine wine and a bath yeah wine and a bath together and a fag yeah together

together you know what I mean perfect so I got in the bath and it actually went away so I was like right it's a false alarm so obviously Matt's like

false alarm again false alarm like you're doing it for fun yeah so anyway got out the bath watched Sing with Noah because he obviously

doesn't go to bed at a normal time not a routine child well he is but not anyway so 11pm watching Sing next minute

the actual waters went gush of the waters I thought oh my god this is the actual ones the contractions were coming in bloody fast

and thick and strong and I was like oh my god we need to get to hospital now Matthew was just doing he's learnt a new comb over on the other side

he's like Ken he is 23 Ken he's very groomed isn't he very very groomed what's his pubic hair like He's completely shaved. I thought so.

Oh, completely shaved. Is there a question? If he's having a bit of a chill for a couple of weeks, it might get a little bit... Yeah, he's got a little bit of a... And imagine him being very trimmed. Oh, completely.

Everything is... Immaculate. He shaves his legs, his arms, everything. Yeah, I've got that feeling. That's what they used to do, don't they? All shave everywhere.

So he's more shaving than me. So I'm in bed with him and he can feel my legs and stuff and I've got a big, hairy bush down there. Yeah, I have a bush. Oh, God. It's an angry place

still a little bit down there. You know, it's a bit of an angry place mine is too baby it's right yeah mine's nice yours is a happy place

right so back to the burst yeah back to the burst so tell us how tell us how we came out so obviously got to hospital and I got there at 1am and I got there

she said right you four send to me as I said I'm still having a C-section I'm having a C-section you're not allowed after you're five yeah so she said

she got me all ready for theatre right okay we'll be ready got Matthew and his scrubs by the way everyone's left the room

and left me to my own device I'm pushing the baby out naturally and when I'm in pain I don't speak can you believe it I'm speechless when I'm in pain

so I was actually speechless didn't say a word and this no one checked me so you just secretly went and pushed him out yeah right

so I thought I was having a poo that's the feeling yeah and you want to push don't you because I've never obviously pushed a baby out because he was a forceps

so I was like I didn't know what it was it was just this water gushing gushing gushing felt like I was having the biggest shit of my life oh it was horrendous

next minute I'm getting pushed to labour the theatre thing zoomed out zoomed out and pushing this baby out pushing this baby out

got to the actual theatre table and my mouth wide open and what yeah got to the theatre table and then she's trying to put the epidural

in for the section when you have to lean over the pillow and then I just went I can feel her head and he was bloody there and she went I thought she was

pushing her baby out no shit Sherlock do you know what I mean so they were going to give you the epidural and his head was coming out yeah his head was there so they had to

scream for Matt said you're going to miss the birth of your baby but I love guess what I did someone get my phone and film it but how come I couldn't

tell them I was actually like pushing a baby out but you managed to get I managed to get someone to film and have you got it all on film my niece filmed

the full thing it was amazing she filmed the filmed vagina and I watched it and I've never been silent like that the vagina opened

so big and the head I've never seen something like it incredible people cry watching this video I mean everyone wants to watch it

you need to watch it you do see a couple of like poo little rabbit poo so when does the poo come out when they push him yeah because they're

pushing so aggressive innit I've never pushed. I had an emergency section in the end, so I've never done the push. I would poo. I'd be at the pool. But guess what now?

Honestly, when the head comes out, the pain actually instantly goes. It's weird. I thought the shoulders are the worst bit. For some reason, it was the head for me. He's got a big head, though. Jude's got baby shoes, got a big head. He has, yeah.

He's got a big head. He's only fixing like six to nine months' hats. So you've got, all of a sudden, you've then gone to two kids. Yeah, two kids. How does, I mean, I went from one to four, but how does wanting to, how does it, like, is it worse? Is it as bad as you thought, is it?

No, I actually think it's easier in a way. Than going from none to one. Yeah, you don't get that anxiety. Yeah, like, I feel like I'm so much more confident as a mum. I feel like I just love seeing Noah with Jude, with baby Shud. Noah, he calls him baby Shud and he says he's his best friend every day. Oh, does he? Yeah, he goes, wait, morning, baby Shud.

You're my best friend, baby Shud. kisses him cuddles him obviously I have got to be careful he does do an odd laugh the odd grab yeah he's a baby I want mummy

he goes put baby Shud down I want mummy cuddles does he think you're having so much fun with baby Shud at home well obviously I've been away I haven't had two nights so he's not really

understanding he'll be in a mood with you yeah and they do go in a mood they do go in a mood obviously they won't answer the phone when I ring she says no I'm not answering

it really gets to you doesn't it it can be they know what they're doing when I first had baby Shud and he didn't he really didn't take it well he came to hospital

I had my phone out ready for Instagram. Ready for the video. Oh, my God, I can't wait for the first initial meeting. He went, ah, I don't want baby shoes to come home. I was like, oh, my God. I was crying. I bet you felt awful. I bet, like, the mum guilt.

It was awful. And then I got home, and he just wouldn't do it. And then we managed to, like, get things, obviously, and he just fell in love with him from then. I think that's probably normal. I think you look at these boys, and that's probably not what happens. But no one talks to you about the mum guilt, though. No.

I got it really bad. like when people come in to visit and see like the baby and stuff it was like amazing they're catching up it's draining though

isn't it it is draining and then when everyone leaves I just went like that and I just Noah I felt like Noah wasn't the same

because he was sleeping in bed with Matt because me Matt so me Matt and Noah all sleep together with baby Shud

on the end but now obviously we've had to change the arrangement Matthew obviously took Noah I have baby Jude and it's all a bit like

I just got so upset because I'm so used to having Noah next to me like he's like my safety blanket he's a spider or I feel safe because I know that Noah's there.

Like, it's so weird. I would be that mum. I need him as much as he needs me. Do you know what I mean? I get that. It's codependency. I've got a bit of that. So I really struggled.

So do you feel now, though, like you're getting there? Yes. I feel like I'm really getting myself into a good routine with them both. I'm not really a routine person, but I feel like I'm getting a bit more organised with it. I feel like I'm doing well with it. We were asking you before. You've not got a nanny, have you?

No, we've not got a nanny. tell us what help you've got I don't want a nanny because I want them to just love me I don't want them I get jealous jealous

I kept jealous I had a nanny because my dad died so obviously my mum my mum was heartbroken obviously it was such a shock my dad just died suddenly so she needed that

how old were you Charlotte when your dad died you were a baby weren't you eight months old yeah when I told my mum you were on I bet everyone will say this

she was like Charlotte or not she was like she's 60 and nearly 70 and then I went there's Dawson oh I loved him

and I thought oh it's so lovely everyone everyone says that don't they yeah he's just

he's just a comedy hero he's amazing and it's just he's just talked about so much like his comedy is so up to date

though that's what I love like we all find him funny but he's just still now it's timeless isn't it

that kind of humour so your mum was on her own so she must have needed that help yes she did and I loved my nanny she was like because I didn't have

any grandparents because obviously my mum and dad are old so my mum's 70 my mum's 72 now my dad would have been 19

oh my god yeah so he would have been obviously in his 90s so obviously I had no grand parents so she was like my nan

she was my proper nana so and it was we had an amazing relationship but I just I just don't think you're still close to your mum though I tell you what

my mum's oh my mum's amazing my mum's there every day so she's basically like she's like nanny well she's nanny so my mum's there all the time so all I need

is a housekeeper I need someone to look after me I agree I need looking after I need looking after that's the problem Lauren said to me the other day

because I've got I've got all the help you can get basically I think fair enough but Lauren said to me like what do you do like and I'm like

but it's more like you do the activity with the kids and then I can just walk out of the room and come back in it's tidy yeah

do you know what I mean that's what I need or like make breakfast do the fun bit where you make the pancakes and then you don't have to worry about that's what I need

I just need someone a housekeeper I need a housekeeper please housekeepers get in touch but please don't be a weirdo Yeah, no, because you've got so many weirdos, wouldn't you? Don't be an obsessed weirdo.

You know what I mean? I just want someone that's nice, normal. And that can be part of your family almost. I don't want anyone really sexy, because Matthew would end up shagging her. Oh, you can't have someone sexy. Absolutely not. No, I can't.

Yeah, but look at Jude Law. Well, Matthew wouldn't be, and she wasn't as fit as Sam. No, no, no, absolutely not. You can't risk it, can you? No, they need to be old and ugly. Danny McPhee's getting touch. With the nanny side of things and running the family and all that, kind of stuff you share which we love about you the good and the bad yes which i appreciate that

because there's it's high it's fucking hard on social media now we need to speak to you about this because this is something that i well personally both of us saw unfold on your instagram and we were both like what the fuck like heart like as a mother as well i well i was with you Do you remember when I saw you at that party at Rosso and the first incident had just happened to you? And I don't think anyone knew and you spoke to me about it and I was like, what the fuck? And then it happened again.

So talk to us about what happened. So when I first had Noah, it was a couple of months after, I got this phone call off social services saying... How would they have your number? Don't know, that's what people say to me. That's so weird, isn't it? I don't know. It was an unknown number.

GP or something, wasn't it? No, actually, it was an actual number, this one. Right. So I actually saved it and I rang her back and it actually was, like, because she had, like, a... It was, like, it must have been a private work number or something.

We just need to speak to you at social services. We obviously... We're not... Like, she was lovely on the phone. She was like, I'm not... I'm not saying that it's true, but we've had somebody ring up saying that Noah's always injured in your care,

you and Matthew are always drunk and they fear for him, basically. And I have never, ever experienced anything like that. in my life obviously with my family I'd be sick I was just like what and then anyway they were like right we need to ring the nursery and I was like what

oh my god that's so embarrassing so I obviously rang the nursery straight away and obviously told them what had gone on they were like bring it on tell them to ring me now so obviously they rang the nursery and then everything was absolutely fine did they not come round like face to face

so I'm sorry but me personally do you not find that absolutely bizarre that you can put a phone call in stating those serious things but you can't come and knock on my door and check exactly exactly that's bizarre so then the next one this is what i mean and everybody something's not adding up so i that's what people say to me and then then the next ones were so the when i had the miscarriage yeah so it's always when something's happening when i had the miscarriage and was it that you'd posted about the miscarriage on your Instagram

so it's like they want to kick you while you're down and obviously that really really got to me and they're basically saying sorry

we're ringing you again I know we rang you a while ago but we're ringing you again we've had the same complaint but they've actually gone to the NSPCC

this time which is child abuse so can you imagine hearing like it just honestly I feel like crying now it absolutely

broke my heart like I just don't understand how people on what basis were these claims stuff that you'd posted on Instagram

yeah so what they say they say all you need to do is look at her Instagram it's so negative I'm thinking what like look at Noah

how happy he is you show how much all your Instagram is about how much you adore him wasn't it no I know wasn't it that he

he had bumped his head or something hadn't he yeah no so that was that was around the miscarriage time so yes we got to it went basically

that was the day I actually had the miscarriage at my friend's Christmas because obviously he just started walking he was a bit wobbly oh my god they all bumped their heads

and he bloody fell on this like it was like a table like this and it had like a really hard leg to it and he fell under the table

Well you weren't drinking anyway if you were pregnant I wasn't drinking exactly and then I actually had the miscarriage that day so I took him so he had to get rushed

to hospital in an ambulance because obviously in case of concussion because he was sick everywhere and obviously because I'm so open on Instagram I put the good

and the bad on Because you're open as well to try and help people to say look don't worry these things happen and you're doing that

to make people feel better and all you're getting done is fucked for it I know and then actually i was in hospital and i ended up losing the baby so it was just an awful awful time so they said obviously about um nspcc um so obviously that just absolutely broke my heart then obviously they didn't bring the nursery of anything this time then the next time i was i think when i saw you

yes um so that was another time and then it started when i was heavily heavily pregnant again with baby jude yes so this one with baby shooed i was heavily heavily pregnant and it absolutely that broke me because i just was so hormonal already feeling guilty knowing you're bringing another baby and i didn't know how i didn't even know how i was gonna i really struggled with this pregnancy like i loved being pregnant the first time i was in lockdown but after pregnancy after loss is horrendous yes i know it really is like i've been through that as well and my first pregnancy you didn't think anything could go wrong you were like blissfully unaware yeah that's why i feel sorry for anyone whose first pregnancy is a loss because you never you never experience that

i know so maybe that's what it was yeah i think it was just everything all together and after that these calls exactly so then this what this social um services woman was actually a little bit like nasty as well she wasn't like nasty but she was a bit like frosty and then i started getting angry like with them saying like i can't believe you're ringing me when i'm heavily pregnant why are you ringing me like it's i'm literally like 36 weeks pregnant i'm ready to drop i don't need this stress um and they were just like i'm so sorry but we've got to do this it's our job i said i completely understand so they wanted to ring the new nursery so they just keep ringing you up and saying i've heard you've been doing this and how is that getting to the bottom of anything yeah so

what this one was is uh matthew had basically put on instagram like his friend showing his bum on holiday right and um he basically screenshot he was drunk and he was just basically whatever he put it on for like 20 minutes this weirdo's obviously screenshotted it and put it everywhere why is that anything to do what's that got to do i've literally spoke to the police about this and the police said literally that it's his instagram he can do what he wants exactly saying that noah was there and all it oh so sorry like come on like are we still it's true it wasn't they actually were asleep but anyway it just doesn't matter it's it's it's irrelevant it's completely irrelevant Also, when these people make these claims,

if they're making such a serious claim, do they not have to put their name down? They should, if they're going to make such a serious allegation. Yeah, so all this is anonymous, which I hate. I'm like, how can it all be anonymous? But do they know who the person is? No, they're saying they don't. So then also, they've got a picture of Noah with them, a beer.

Right, I'm not being funny. Everyone's done that. A silly picture. He was literally about, he was about six months old or something. It was just like a joke. A silly picture. Yeah, a silly picture. Everyone does it.

Yeah, exactly. So that saying that he's always drunk, it's always drunk the baby no way oh my god and then then obviously

that one that one went away they rang the new nurse because we've moved house and they rang the new one and they were like just honestly obviously the nurse

we were like it's an absolute joke it's so unfair when you're so heavily pregnant so that really really broke me this time and then I thought so obviously

I've been in touch with the police and stuff there is stuff going on which I can't obviously say too much on do you think there's one or two

individuals particular bullying individuals that are doing this because like as a vendetta yeah is that what we're thinking yeah i think that there's definitely what i think one of them that's doing the social services but i think the the one that's behind the instagram is a different person right we're doing all this so basically they make instagram so they make all these accounts wasn't it that they put something about your dad's grave or

something yeah so they put a gravestone on the display picture and put r.i.p noah dawson oh my god do the police when you ring the police do they take any of this seriously i mean obviously they can take a long time to get back to you but this time they actually have been on the ball um they've got all the screenshots everything they've got all the ip addresses um and we've managed to locate one of them which is the main one um would you confront the person if you could love to knock on the door yeah what is your why like look how happy my boys are like how content Jude is how happy Noah is he's so advanced is you're speaking all the time all do we speak to them you know and we have such a fun amazing life like you know I make everything

fun and and why are you going to be allowed to find out who the person is Charlotte well I do know but obviously okay I can't say anything just right now okay is it someone you know it's someone close to home which is a bit shocking apparently that's quite when that's like that I always I think that's likewise i went to um yeah i went to me you always find that don't you yeah a specialist social media troll finder lawyer person and he told me about yes and he like specializes in all of this and he said to me 90 of the time it's gonna be someone that you know like as in not like he he said this time so it's been like someone's sister someone's brother yeah yeah yeah like um someone you've worked with previously wow i know i know but at least you're getting

somewhere we're getting there we're getting and have they stopped it's actually stopped it has stopped i've not heard anything recently but obviously i don't even want to give i want to say it i don't know i don't even want to give that website no no no we don't that will be that's something that just fuck off whatever do you know what

well obviously that troll's unmasked on Instagram yes I'm interested in that I follow is it real yeah

she's amazing I speak to her all the time so she's found all mine I don't want to know they're all like they're all like old people aren't they weird

old people have you seen the one in Cyprus the one in Cyprus did you see the woman did you see what she was saying about me yes

she's happily retired you spoke about this on the podcast she's like someone's grandma she's like someone's grandma and you don't even know

this woman right we've got to right okay so a bit if that was a bit you know we have to talk about that but we're getting right no no i'm gonna play devil's advocate here and i've got to okay right i don't show my kids yeah you've got to say this no you don't and that is because i overshare of what happened right does any of this charlotte not make you want to stop doing that because it wouldn't happen if you hadn't shown them a part of me does a part of me does but i i'm just i'm just so open i've always been the same it's you it's me and my life is noah and jude and what would you be

without showing them exactly exactly because i think she's working video no but you see such a big side of a life that you that's part of your like brand of charlotte yeah that's me I mean obviously I do all my funny videos without them but I just feel like they make me and I make them

do you feel like it has made you more conscious of what you're posting like all my friends say to me like one of you know Amanda

yeah Harrington she always says to me Charlotte please I think you should just not show them because I get that upset yeah

she's obviously why are you doing this she's worried about me she's like you know I really I think you should just not show them and Matthew agrees

and I'm like but then Matthew will put a picture on of Noah and Jude and I'm like well I know I want to do and you're proud of them we always have this

because it's such a hard one. And I agree, it's hard. And all my followers wouldn't, I think they'd be like, where's Noah? Because every time, if I don't post Noah for like a day, it's like, where's Noah, where's Noah? And you've got a small fraction of knobs, but a lot of people are genuine

and they love you and the kids. We've talked quite serious. So when we're going to come back, we're going to be not serious. We're not being serious. The serious is finished. Okay, so we're back after the break. Can we just say, we've just chatted,

shite for like over half an hour and the baby's not even cried one. That's a happy baby that Guys, guys, guys We are back, back, back Amazing Still got here We're back ready

We're back in the chubbing room So we're over all of that trolling shite Trolling Trolling We're getting trolled Trollers Chop off trollers Chop off

we're not interested small clear energy what I want to talk about is you're engaged you've been engaged for ages haven't you

ages because I keep bloody popping babies out are we getting married when are we what are you doing I mean can we come to the wedding

please of course you can come to the wedding we've invited ourselves oh my god why don't you two actually give us away oh yes imagine

you could actually do it where are you getting married so you can't I can't say too much I feel like I'm going to put that as social service

I can't sell you wedding the day before go on so when are you doing it oh my god don't right so I'm thinking of doing an Ibiza

studying an Ibiza wedding I love Ibiza yeah it's magical so I used to go all the time I used to lose my passport every time I went

but that's not talking how on purpose yeah yeah on purpose it's just that place isn't it yeah oh yeah so literally the embassy

actually know my name Ibiza embassy know my name so yeah That is a claim to fame. I know, Charlotte, you're right. Yeah, me again. Lost it again.

So I actually got one of them yearly passports because obviously I lost it that many times. Oh, my God. So I've finally actually got a real passport now, guys. Well done. So we're going to Ibiza. My mum of two and I finally got a real passport. Lovely.

Wow. Yeah, I think Ibiza wedding. What year are we thinking? I'm thinking not next year, the year after. Yeah. Because I need to get... I think you'll have another baby. I think you're gonna end up

I'd love a girl would you whack them out all in one gender selection would you do gender selection Matthew won't let me so he's not trusting Faye not testing

not trusting not testing Faye fair enough I was gonna do it and I just think if you can you can nowadays one of my friends in LA

I did a post about it it was something someone had said something really mean about it and she went oh my god in Los Angeles it's literally like

changing your knickers yeah it's just not Yeah, she was just like, it's just what you do. But do you know what is really good if you want a girl? Read Louisa Zussman's blog. Yes, all her things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, there you go. And it's all about how to... So what I want, I want the boys to be a really good age as well at the wedding. They will be by then. I want a big, big, fabulous wedding. Of course you do. Because I am that type of person. But Matthew wants a really...

He wants me and him to go off and get married and have a big party. I was like, absolutely not. When me and James talk about it, I always say, my wedding. Yes. My wedding. Oh, it's not our big day, it's my big day. It's my big day, and it's my wedding. And I think, I'm sorry, that's how it is.

Are you going to have a big dress, Charlotte? Oh, I don't know. I feel like I want something very... I can't imagine you in a big dress. No, I can't. I want a big slit. Yeah. Oh, sexy.

Like a sexy dress. I want gloves. Yeah. I want it all soot-rattly. Yeah, yeah. I want this all soot-rattly. Yeah. I want it all embellished, diamonds.

I want it all encrusted, everything. and I want like something really like just a big long tail bear in mind you're going to be very sweaty in Ibiza you need to think about this

oh god yeah I'm not good with so will it be a big one September, October yeah I might have to do it for my birthday October the 3rd yeah

October 3rd most iconic day will it be a lot of people there then do you think oh god big do it'd be a busy big do

you'll be planning that all next year then I know no time for another baby what if I have another baby when people say what if it means they're going to yeah she will

nobody says what if I can't be engaged for 10 years Can you not just go to a registry office and get married anyway? No, why would you do that? No, I don't know.

I feel like it's got to be all prepared. I agree. I actually did want to do a chateau in South of France. Oh, yeah. I'd like that. I fancy going to that one. So basically, I'm going to tell you, oh, you can come to my wedding.

Can I come to that one? Can we do the chateau then? Should we do the chateau? I won't go home if we go to Ibiza. Don't get your bum out. No, I won't go home if we go to Ibiza. And I thought I could do my hen doing Ibiza. I actually wouldn't make it out alive.

No, no, no. And actually, Matthew wouldn't either. So I think it's maybe best to be chateau. But then the south of France is quite wild, isn't it? It is very. And they say if you're a wild person, you can get married in Rochdale and it's going to be wild. That's what I mean.

Do you know? Married in Rochdale. Exactly. That's what I mean. We could be anywhere in the world. And it's going to be a wild one. And still be wild. So, yeah, the chateau.

I want a three-day wedding. So I don't want it to end. A bender. I don't like people leaving me. I don't like people leaving my house. Separation anxiety. Separation anxiety. I like things going on for days.

It's the death, that. Yeah, it's all death, right? Yeah, it does that to you. Yeah, so I'm the last one to get there, last one to leave every time. Yeah, because you don't want it to end. I don't want it to end. So I want a three-day wedding, basically.

Okay, amazing. We can do that. We'll come to that. Oh, I want you there. Amazing. We'll come. We'll give you away. So now if you're going to be paying for this wedding,

you need to be doing a lot of work. And you are working a lot. Charlotte. Back full on working now. I was watching something the other day, and I feel like, Lauren, you're going to know what I'm going to say. i was watching a chat show the other day and i thought loose women why is charlotte not on this

you should be on that like have they never approached you charlotte no they've not and i'd be a fabulously you know honestly you were made you are a real you're real and i just think that the one problem with that is you need somebody more like your i don't want to say average because average isn't the right word but your normal person with normal feelings I don't think they need a bit of northern. Northern, yeah. A bit of form. Maybe you're not allowed to go on it if you...

Actually, Denise Welsh, she's northern. Is she not on it anymore? I think Denise is on it. I like Denise. I just think we need a bit more form. A bit more serious. We just need a little bit more relatable. Because obviously there's loads of mums at home

watching loose women. Yeah, that's what you're doing. And there's not really a lot of... And they're our age. You know, like young mums, with obviously talking about real life young problems. But young normal mums rather than... Normal, like real, like talking about the actual good and the bad

and also just being real, really. Yeah, I agree. I think we need her on there. And just a bit of Northern. If you're listening, loose women. I mean, if they were, we'd probably be on it. So, what TV have you got coming up? We need a reality show as well.

I would love that. I would love that. I love a reality show. Would you not start? At home with the Dorsey Sarsies. Oh, I'd love that. What about a blog or like a vlog? Have you ever done one?

It's a lot of effort, that, isn't it? It's just a lot. I'd love to do YouTube. We once did one episode. We tried doing it and we were like, honestly. It's hard, isn't it? But I know we'd be really good at it. I basically do it on Instagram, though.

Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like... It's quite intense, yeah. Very intense. So I would absolutely love to do this. I would love to do Blankety Blank because obviously my dad used to host Blankety Blank. And I just think it's such a fun show.

They do crap prizes, you know. It's just full of fun. and I would feel really close to my dad by doing that show you know I feel like he'd be dead proud of me

hosting it and I'm good at presenting you know I used to host something on MTV Love Squad and I loved it I felt like Cilla it was like

I mean obviously I love Cilla that would be amazing to be like Cilla but I actually just felt like she was in that because I'm northern it was fun

just fun and light yeah that's and I just feel like Blankety Blank would be the best thing for me can you not deal with it all then

yeah well Blankety Blank I think if you're watching, if you're watching, it makes sense. It's like a full circle. That's what I'm saying. Imagine Les Dawson's daughter doing it.

I know that obviously I don't want to be, like my career to be like Les Dawson's daughter. And I don't think it is. I have called my own name without my dad. I am very different to my dad, but obviously I am like my dad. I only know you for you, Charlotte. So I feel like it's like 50-50.

Would you even have time? Because obviously you've got the tanning range. And you're not meant to be on my tanning series. I am and I'm doing pantomime at Christmas. We're going to go. we're going to go with how do we get tickets darling I will get you some tickets

no I mean for everyone listening she's crap come on plug it how do you try again so on the Blackpool Pleasure Beach website

and use the code Shazza and you get £10 off there you go perfect it's just the most perfect panto it's only an hour

so there's no interval the kids aren't getting fed up it's perfect for the kids not fed up and it's just so much fun the outfits are so extra do you enjoy

do you enjoy it oh I love it have you started rehearsals We start in a few weeks. When does it run from, Charlotte? The 25th of November until Christmas Eve. Is it scary? Or do you feel at home?

I feel like I'm in my natural habitat. I really do. How many shows a day? I'm meant to be on stage. It's three shows a day sometimes. So you're doing a full month of that? Yes, and I'm going to have Jude on my udder, and then I'm going to have, obviously, Noah on my leg.

Matt on the other? And Matt on my other leg. No, actually, Matt on my other tit. have you got like your own dressing room there while you'll set up camp yeah I've got my

own dressing room Trace is going to be with me mum's going to be with me and obviously I'm going to set up loads of

things for Jude and it's just going to be like a creche in there slash dressing room but I'm so excited I'm playing a bad bitch because I'm

a bad bitch so I played a baddie last year I'm just I would love to play Belle because it's Beauty and the Beast but she's too wet

for me isn't she yeah I wouldn't want to be Belle she's Belle's boring isn't she oh bad bad boy you've done so well oh he's just

starting to stir now no tell me a little bit so ash you've tried charlotte's tan haven't you it's so really good good but you know what is the best out of everything charlotte does the tan remover is it does it just take it off do you know some tan removers have that weird smell yeah or like the grit and you feel like you've literally like um nail varnished yourself oh no No, Charlotte's, it's like, again, liquid gold. Liquid gold. It is. And it shimmers.

You put it on. And it smells insane. And you literally... Three minutes. Wipe it and it comes off. I've gone holiday that much, though. And do you know what I really liked as well from your range? The tanning, the drops.

Tanning drops, yeah. Because you can mix it in with your skincare. With anything. So you're good, Fem. You wake up with a tanned pee, Fem. But also, I loved your eyebrow soap. Yeah, the Belting Brown soap. It's so good.

I know. No, well, actually, obviously, it just keeps them laminated. Sticks them. It's cheaper. It doesn't damage your brows. And it lasts. I've still got it open. I've had it open for, like, a year.

It's so good. Oh, it's amazing. So, yeah. Is the tanning stuff going really well? Yes, really, really well. I mean, obviously, it's so hard to try. Obviously, I try and do tanning Thursdays every Thursday. Yeah.

You know, even if I've got Noah doing it with me. Do you know what? Faked tan makes you feel better. Yeah, like a new person. I think it just gives me a belt in boots. I just feel a million dollars. When you try clothes on, you just look better. Because I am that pale.

Are you pale? I'm like an undercut chicken slash pearl. I am, aren't I, Lauren? You're pale. Your ankles are the day. I see if Lauren the other day was looking at me and she was like... You're not blue, I'm blue. Yeah, I am.

I'm blue. It's disgusting. It's disgusting, yeah. But do you know what? I think, oh, can I be arsed spending 15 minutes doing this? But once I have, you feel better. Oh, God, you feel so much better. And you wake up in the morning confident.

I feel like I can bounce out of bed. Have we got a code? Can we have a code? Oh, yeah. Dorsey 30 for 30%. there we go so that's delicious tanning and it smells nice your tan doesn't it no sweating minging bickies oh that's the bicky smell it doesn't crack yes doesn't crack or streak right it's just it's a nice olive color beautiful bronze color okay charlotte we ask these two

questions to everyone amazing all right thinking hat on thinking hat okay right okay a fart that haunts you a fart that we've all done a fart or a follow-through it can be a follow-through but just a moment that still sticks in your mind when you think oh my god i am an embarrassment i think when i when i think this one maybe when i was getting my lashes done what the hell that is not a farty time no so when i fell asleep i was really relaxed I was really relaxed and it was that bad I woke myself up

did you know the girl right and I woke myself up and I knew her thank god and I said I'm so sorry don't worry

but it bloody stung it was loud and smelly that's unusual it wasn't an SVD that's unusual it wasn't a silent but deadly

right this was a loud but deadly right honest to god she honestly the woman was so lovely

she was just like laughing but she had a tiny little lash roof you hot boxed it there was no getting out of this like bloody fart it was like

and I was like I needed to finish my lashes it's when you fall asleep she only started I was on like a couple of lashes I just fell asleep

straight away I was that on go it was a beer fart yeah they're even worse they're the worst we've all done one a bingey fart

we've all done one next question Ashley Right. Your makeup bag's been stolen. Sorry. Three products. You're only allowed three. What are you replacing first? Right. Okay. Obviously, tan's going to be one, isn't it, Charlotte? But you'd already have it on, wouldn't you? Yeah. I'd say my Dorsey lip liner.

Right. I've not tried that yet. My Dorsey brow pencil. And I'd say my Dorsey lip gloss. I feel like them three things. So your brows and your lips are on. Yeah, my brows and my lips. And you've already got your eyelashes done, really, don't you? No, I don't get them done. Have you stopped now? No, I don't get them done.

Not after that. Not after that trauma. Yeah, I think the fart has done me in, yeah. Help us out, Charlotte. We have a dilemma. I've not read this yet. What is this, a Dorsi dilemma? It's a Dora-Lemma.

Right. So actually, Charlotte, people send us dilemmas in where me and Lauren have to give our advice on things. Oh, my God. Right. Actually, the thing we get the most. We get hundreds of messages. That's amazing.

So, hi, girls. Love you both. I've got a big problem. and I need your help. So me and my boyfriend had been together for a year when I found out that he'd been cheating on me

twice with different girls. One was a night, sorry, one was a one night stand and one was someone he'd been speaking to on Instagram. He met up with her, they had sex,

didn't speak much after. Ew. It's the sex, it's the sex. It's just always the sex, isn't it? He couldn't deny it as I found everything out,

so I caught him red handed. He broke down in tears, he told me he thinks he's got a sex addiction. He loves me and only wants to be with me, but he finds he has sexual thoughts all the time

he masturbates a lot and watches porn a lot he said it'll never happen again and he's got a problem do I stay with him and try and help him through this

because I do love him therapy etc or do I move on and find someone without these problems our relationship is great otherwise I love him

and I know he'd be a great father and I can't see a future with him do you believe in sex addiction or is it just dirty men I'd say I've got

a handbag addiction oh shit do you believe it or do you think men say it because they're just dirty it's a funny one I think they're just dirty

yeah but I think do you think there is such a thing as a sex addiction I think there might be yeah I do but I wouldn't want to be sticking around for it

what do you think I've never had a sex addiction no and we definitely haven't it's hard work isn't it once you're in a relationship yeah

you get to that point I think then obviously men they just want to I think they just want more don't they and that's why when they get drunk

they just want to they just want to go and it holds a goal really yeah but if we did it there's there's an issue if we do it they're pride yeah but this is the thing it's called toxic masculinity and basically all of us have been programmed into sorry i'm getting really deep now into thinking like oh but they're a man and they're just dirty when actually

that behavior is fucking not exactly it's not acceptable for a man or a woman and i do really feel at the same time like that is it's so what would you what do you think because obviously she's saying her relationship's great you know she loves him and obviously she thinks it's gonna be a great father i feel like sometimes the grass isn't greener um but obviously i think maybe that she should i think she should have a bit of time away from him and maybe see you know and see what happens because that's not right because if he moves on straight away with someone else then yeah that's a good idea but then if he doesn't and he's like babe i'm actually really sorry time apart to really see if it's worth and if he's gonna learn a lesson from this she has to

teach him even if i sometimes think and i'll say to my friends in similar situations even if deep down you know you're gonna take him back don't let him know move out the house because obviously they can do therapy and stuff but i just i think have you ever been cheated on charlotte no i've not i don't think we've we've both been cheated on i've been cheated on so i think yeah i agree with you charlotte have a look at my off no oh don't start that don't start that now i mean before i get married i mean where you've actually like found out no no no no no i haven't there's nothing worse than when you're like fine oh actually yeah well i was just seeing this guy this is actually really bad i was seeing this guy and he got two girls pregnant behind my back

so sorry yeah so he was shagging yes he was really shagging obviously we weren't fully like we weren't like boyfriend and girlfriend

but like obviously he was bad how did you find out the girl rang me yeah it was a lot it was so toxic I was like I knew I didn't want to be with him

it wasn't for me thank god but I just couldn't believe it when I found out two girls though wow so obviously I think one of them

I think obviously something went on with the other one but he actually did have the other one as well really he didn't have two he had one

oh god a lot well rid a lot of drama well rid and now I've got my lovely family thank god

and you're fine and happy we say this all the time aren't you glad you just settled didn't you oh god you've got to

it's wild out there you've got to kiss a lot of frogs I need to find you you have right I'm very sad but it's rappy uppie time

it's rappy uppie time we have had the best oh rappy uppie time rappy uppie time we started getting Neither have you. We started getting all cringe at the end.

Frogs have fucking wrapped me up this time. Neither of you have been wrapping up Ian, have you? No. Right, guys. I wish we had some chicks and gravy now. I know. Well, we were going to try and get you some. And now we're open nearby.

We were going to get you some because I'd like some. We did try. We did try. Right, we've loved you. I don't want to leave. We have loved you. We could sit all day. We have loved you.

Thank you so much. We've loved you. This has been lovely. How lovely. We're going to get everyone to love this. We've not stopped laughing. Ching chuffing ching. Cheers.

Cheers, cheers, cheers, guys. Love you both. Love you all at home. Remember, on Nip Tuck, we want to hear about you guys. We want you to get your voice heard. Send your dilemmas and we'll give you odd piece together answers that don't really give you any idea of what to do. But, you know, you can get in touch via WhatsApp.

You can email us. Give us a five-star review. We've got Charlotte bloody Dawson on for you. Yes, yes. Dawson's dilemmas here. Like, we've just got Charlotte Dawson. Give us a five-star. Maybe we get a set.

I could be the Dawson's dilemmas. Fantastic. Baby Tude wants your tits now, Charlotte. He wants the udders now. And he has been. It's time to get milking. Right, we love you so much. Can we show him on Patreon?

Can we bring him over? Yeah, come here, bubba boy. If you're on Patreon, you're going to get to have a little nosy at it. This is Anthony. Charlotte comes with a team of two. Oh, he's like... Oh, get a picture of him with the mic. She's got a vagina around her.

He's honestly the cutest baby. Look at him. I love it. Gorgeous. Bye, guys. Love you. Bye. Love you.