Nip Tuck - Halloween Special: GHOST STORIES

Episode Date: October 26, 2021

Coca cola on the night stand, long nails, creepy pet names... it's Halloween ladies, so get ready to hear some of the scariest tales from the dating world.Ashley and Lauren are back for the spooky season, with a special episode full of spooky stories of ghosting and getting the ick. Plus, we've obviously got updates to get you excited for season 2!Don't forget to follow the podcast @ntngaf, Ashley @thecosmeticconsult and Lauren @laurenelizabeth_xx!Thank you to our sponsors GFN Clothing (@gfnclothing) for a HUGE 30% off all items use the discount code - NIPTUCK30. Hurry though, it’s only live til Midnight Friday on Friday the 27th October 2021! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

welcome to the halloween episode bitches i'm ashley and i'm lauren and welcome to nip tuck and not giving a fuck okay guys so this week's episode is sponsored by good for nothing good for nothing is a Manchester based clothing brand we are wearing them today absolutely love their stuff it's such good quality also we've got a 30% off discount code they've got some amazing new track suits in gorgeous chocolate colours I also wear the men's t-shirts sometimes with leggings there's some stunning puffer jackets in for winter you can head over to their Instagram which is gfnclothing and their website is also gfnclothing.com guys you're gonna have to act fast because the discount

code of a massive 30 percent that we've got is only running from today until friday this friday at midnight the code is nip tuck 30 that's nip tuck 30 off all of the gfn or good for nothing clothing okay so before we get going and do anything right we need it we need to talk we need to oh my god we've just got so much to say no no you're not escaping this i mean i need to talk to you like literally we've walked in the studio and i've made sure i've not said anything to lauren because you can share it with everyone i wanted to get it recorded you're not allowed to delete this either i've got hank first of all guys ashley is fresh i have got a hangover a rotten rotten hangover um because i'm the naughty one right lauren you've broken all the rules

what a surprise lauren what i actually don't know what you're about to say a picture with a man on your story i've deleted it though yeah don't give a fuck you still did it you're cock blocking yourself do you know like who does that shit to themselves um i was so pissed okay right lauren but the thing is if you're doing these things when you're pissed you know what you do don't hide your phone you just hide maybe i don't mind have you thought about that okay right we're saying this now in two years time we'll be doing a good episode i might be married in two years time right yeah i did do that last night i was so pissed last night um so what talk i'm not no i don't want to talk what was going through your head um i'm not i don't i just love it no it's

funny because everyone's like she meets these men and she gets all involved i'm like no i don't we talk on one episode she's like i'm not gonna do that again next time it'll be different and then it's like 10 minutes later whoopsie do it again no but this is why i love you so much because you're so cute and endearing like you every time you think it's gonna work you cute little bastard and every time you get fucked over and you never learn that's so cute um i'm not discussing it because i don't want to and i'm keeping a little bit of that private and i'm not i don't want to talk about it however who knows if it was 10 minutes before i did the post i might have known that person for ages and just nobody knows about it so okay i might talk

about it listen we're doing a new season well i will talk about it then right because i'll it'll be we're not recording just yet i'll i'll be a bit more comfortable i'm keeping some things private now well obviously i wasn't can i just give you some advice no more instagram stuff do you know what i barely post on there anymore either i'm so shit and then when i do it's fucking clanger anyway clunger it's Halloween bitches in this episode

we are the Ghostbusters that was good wasn't it that was not cool okay so we've been asking you all to send in your stories

about da da da ghosting we wanted to know from you guys whether you've been a victim of this ghoulish

crime or if you're the person that's seemingly a long-lost soul. For some extra creepiness, we're also going in on the ick. We're finding out what sends shivers down your spine. Mwah! I wanted to do it. I know it's the sound of it, but I wanted to do it. Mwah!

Okay, guys. So, boys, hope you're listening. because you are fucking disgusting the shit that we have heard has literally put me off men for life my vagina has shriveled up into the size of one of saskia's snack raisins such a dry pruney badge god um yeah these are like literally disgusting okay so like i'm just gonna rattle through do you know what have you ever heard of a lad um described sex is rattle or when they go i flew through her i've never heard that i love that one i flew through her yeah wow i've never heard what someone said the other day that i really like one she's laid more

pipe than british gas oh i like that we're talking about you i was waiting for you to say it i like that one right okay so the icky ick ick so guys like we've all been there before when you are in the early stages of someone but some of these people were like you know i just all of a sudden wow went off someone it all comes back to ghosting so someone can literally do one thing yeah they can do one thing and you can just all of a sudden be like oh get the fuck out of my house now and do you know what i think though i think it's when it's not meant to be if you liked that person they could do anything do you know and it wouldn't put you off like do you know a sign of like family or when you like someone when you can sit in the morning and hear

them eat cereal what mate that really when i can hear people because i'm so grumpy in the morning when i can hear people really oh my god i know you so much because i sit here next to you where we're recording with my ham and cheese toasty minging right so things that have like put you off people okay we got this one a lot long nails completely unacceptable yeah gross gross this is a good one he had a flaccid in quotation marks hard on that i had to thumb into my vagina oh my god there's nothing worse than thumbing is there oh we've all done it at some point at the end of night because normally it's like when they've been like drinking all night or whatever yeah and then you have to thumb the thing and then and it flops out yeah but also do you know that's like

a sign of a really unhealthy man if they can't get a stonk on a really strong solid hard on yeah and like also like it's like yeah it's a sign of like youth and fertility and healthiness if they can get a proper boner a bit hard strong like so like could hit you on the head and knock you out with it i'm really sorry like you might have like problems so guys you might have problems but like we don't we don't want them to thumb it in and she says it every time like that's not you'll accept it now and again you are in the bin okay um syringing his own ears to save money just even why would you tell anyone that like even just syringing your own fucking ears i quite like to do that to be fair yeah i like yeah um his mum buys him the same chicken nuggets to eat every

week and he doesn't live at home do you know what that is um that comes back down to that and one of the things i read on there was his own mum fancies him one of my exes i used to say mate your mum would breastfeed you still if she could like she put the nipple in his mouth she would fully because i was obsessed with him which we've spoke about before the mother thing is really fucking gross weird oh no we had a few of these ones like names that they called you he messaged me saying good morning little panda oh the panda one do you know that girl actually sent us a message separately at the end and she was like and the thing is i'm the furthest fucking thing from a panda like five foot eight and i'm not a panda person oh no this is one like this is the one like what i had first

date to san carlo and he ordered a jaeger bomb with his meal do you remember when in one of our first episodes that guy ordered a double vod ball. Yeah but I feel like he called it a double vod ball. A double vod ball? Yeah like because he was a student like a quad vod. What's the one that everyone used to have? What's that

drink that everyone used to have? Like the Hulk. I'll have the Hulk please. A snake bite. Venom. Please can we make it a thing? Like going to really like posh restaurants and asking for hanging drinks. Oh my god. Shall we do it Ash?

when we next go somewhere let's record right I bet it's me that has to do it but you'd look better you doing let's go to the IV and I'll record you and you can be like

hi I've been in LA recently and I tried this drink I think honestly let's try and do that oh I need to tell you I went to Bagatelle when I went to London

yeah and I tried to order a Jagerbomb and I'm so sorry I was so pissed did they not have it of course they didn't it was really embarrassing well no

they've got their own version Cafe Patron well not anymore because that's over now it's not over it's a marketing thing like becca did it's fucking i i trust no one after that anyway posting selfies every day ex rings him crying daily and he woke up with sweaty hair i mean that's three in one um waking up with sweaty hair is fucking disgusting and not on to be honest

um his ex ringing him he should just block her that's a red flag like no one should have their ex on their phone if they can't have a grown-up relationship with them and posting selfies boys stop stop when you go to take a selfie i will give you a phone in the bin as far away as possible don't do it it's disgusting and you shouldn't be allowed why they're still allowed social media is beyond me okay i like yeah i like that the no social media thing is good isn't it oh my god but also like ask the busy men me and one of my clients were talking the other day and we were like in the day

when they post like why are you not making money like why are you not like progressing in life

why are you not at the gym especially when they're older yeah yeah oh I've got body

um body shots in the mirror yeah that's quite bad on holiday and stuff no

not okay oh oh accepted me paying when I offered to on the first

date would you would you even offer Not on the first date, no. I sometimes do offer. Who was it? Someone else said that...

Yeah, one of my clients again said that she offered and he let her and that was it. She just ghosted him straight away. Whatever. Oh my God. I'm sorry, I'm just looking as well. Gymshark or Six Silk Shirts. That's disgusting.

Ew, he had TikTok. What? Yeah, fuck that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Someone's got any form of baby mum. i agree with that driven insignia i know who that is i know who sent that one and she's fucking funny that's really um glow in the dark pajamas no maybe so she could find the dick easier yeah that's funny his table manners were horrific yeah i don't like that wearing an apple watch

wearing an apple watch i don't mind that no that's a big no not at all disgusting oh mate this one was a good'un he had a massive bottle of coca-cola next to his bed as his bedtime drink that's awful you know what that's a sign of a thumber yes an unhealthy thumber and it's because he's been drinking too much coke that his penis is flaccid also the vapor that's a sign of a thumber the vapor yeah smoking smoking taking drinks drinking it's not gonna give you a big hard-on guys and You're not going to get a girlfriend. When we're out next time and we see you pissed off, we'll think, mm-mm.

Thumber. Thumber. Let's make that a thing. Also, someone said, he wore ripped jeans. No. Ripped jeans are not. Oh, men drinking from a straw. Men ordering cocktails.

Not okay. Because they look like their hands look all feminine. Feminine and girly touching it. Also, do you know what is a big thing? when you first hold a lad's hand for the first time and if his hand feels feminine, then I have to say no. Then you don't like that.

No. And you always look at their fingers and you're like, you want a... Because you're imagining... Like, hands, men's hands turn me on. Like, so much. No, I understand that. I quite like...

I like, like, if the knuckles are a little bit, like, you know, a little bit like... Yeah, like, they have to... Also, you can tell that their dick is going to look, like, 100% from the hands. From the hands. Yes, if it's a skinny white hand, then it's a skinny white penis isn't it but if it's like a quite a strong like a bricky hand

also did you know that your hand when you do that with it when you close your fist is the actual size of your heart no yeah so actually we're right then you know with the thummers because if you've got a massive hand then your heart can pump pump more blood into your dick right so it All ties in. Small skinny hands, unhealthy, drinking coke, tiny thumbing dick. Right, so now it's time we go out. So when you're on a night out now, we can make a lot of your bad sex experiences go away now. He uses the hashtag OOTD.

Oh no! Any hashtag from a man, he's not okay. He went wild when Mr Brightside came on. Lauren would do that. I'd do that. coming out of my cage and I'll be doing just fine

see see doesn't it give you Charlie do you get like a little fist pumping I'm like fist pumping Charlie do you love it though when it comes on

destiny I love it but it's just the price I pay and everyone shouts it I love it this one's funny so he crawled up

the stairs on all fours right you run up them as if a ghost like you do you ever go up the stairs if someone's chasing you does anyone still do that um and you like run up them like well yeah i don't you clearly do i wouldn't like a guy doing it but i'd do it um someone said that she went off a guy where in the night he went into her bathroom to use the toilet and she heard him hit the shower door this is related to that you need to say it when a guy trips over that that's so embarrassing i was

out with this guy and i think he was actually my boyfriend and um he was quite a big guy and he was behind me and i was walking down the stairs in front in sankis you know like going downstairs and he tripped out and he like took me and my sister out on the way down you know when you're falling down the stairs but you're holding on to the rail i was like and i was like i literally i just walked off and got with someone else that really made me laugh because that's you in the bin there looking down at him like yeah don't text me again while he's on the floor do you know people falling over makes me laugh like nothing else what about when people on ice the ice videos and people slipping on ice and like i cry so yeah tripping's not cool leather jackets

make it illegal please ripped jeans and leather jacket he made ladylike moans during sex no this is a good one wait he said he had tummy ache oh that one killed me i've just got a bit if tummy ache he's mum breastfeeds him without a doubt so it can't just be lads that we should slag off yeah that's not fair do you know what i did get a few messages off same some men and they were kind of a bit like this isn't fair and yeah i did and i agreed do you know what we're not boy haters like i i love men but what we're doing here is it's our just little space to feel safe to slag them off now and again um yeah one of one of my friends messaged me like lauren this is not this isn't fair like is nip talk all about hating on men and i thought it does sound like it but

it's not no no i mean they are annoying they are definitely so we asked what gives guys the ick and also this will be helpful for you girls because then hopefully you know we put a poll out there asking if ghosting makes you sad and if you've been affected by ghosting and a lot of people yes i have and have you been ghosted yeah oh my god you need to tell us later on um so yeah we asked about that and a lot of you have been ghosted and a lot of you said that ghosting makes you sad and you think it's unacceptable so let's read through the girls ones i had such bad anxiety about us getting these because i i was like oh no what do i do on these i was like shit i'd probably do them all yeah so um here we go these are the ones that men

found irritating about us women hairy bum hole we've all had one everybody's had one but they're hard to get to get it's hard to get hairy you mean to get with the razor you have to squat i think what do you think yeah and then when it grows back it's a bit itchy and it's like spiky yeah it's difficult and i think that's unfair as well because i'm like what you can have a big bushy dick yeah they never look after that have you ever seen a man's arsehole how hairy it is it's like clumps together so i feel like that's so unfair but whatever i i understand guys next time you're in the shower get your squat on check your arsehole lauren will come and do it for you i'm so good at doing stuff like that um nagging well tough shit that's what we're here that's

what we're fucking we're women like what this is stupid they're all stupid this is men are stupid again they're stupid and these don't not all these aches i'm like no no um okay keeps asking my whereabouts duh where are you no that is icky yeah you need to neediness neediness like what you're doing what you're doing nobody would like don't do that girls um okay another one posting quotes online no we all know a chick that does you can tell where they're at with the fella by the quote you can tell exactly like when someone's going through something and it's like don't give someone all your heart if you're not getting the love yeah girls if you feel like you're gonna post a quote do you know what you need to do fucking don't just don't send it to us yeah and say i'm

about to post this and we'll be like no the best thing that you can do is stay silent silent so in my past when i have had shit going on i've always stayed really silent on on in on that kind of thing like don't do that oh no wait do you know what some people put it on their whatsapp statuses oh whatsapp statuses who has those right we're putting that as a no one has a line of ick for male and female and human why would you have a whatsapp no no no and that's purely to so that whoever you're aiming your quote at no no no no um too theatrical in bed we've all done that oh my god um yeah yeah more at that right so this is something what do you think is too theatrical what are you meant to do

men can notice sometimes if you say to someone oh you dick's so big and they're like it's really average so be true but then you can't be like oh my god your dick's so average no but you need to say other words let's get creative let's do an episode

actually on how to I can't talk I'm the most like obviously I've got the worst potty mouth but I don't do it I'm not a filthy you i've not got a filthy mouth like that i'll make the noises yeah absolutely but if i actually i'd burst out laughing so if i was like trying i'd be like oh my god when someone talks dirty to you

it freaks me out no i don't mind it to me i just can't do it i'm like please stop no i don't you're making me feel funny um no i don't i don't want it to me but i don't like doing it back um okay where's foundation to orange we all do we all do these are stupid i hate that today i'm just looking at his orange face these um these are stupid i don't want to do them anymore we've got no there's no x because they're all wrong and boys are stupid um nails nails that was one oh yeah somebody said about um chip nails actually look down look at my nails you're fucking disgusting i know so basically i had some nails put on just like shellac and i can't keep up with them so i don't know why i put them on i'm taking them off charlie's holding her hand up and

she's got like disgusting like flaccid penis hands guys can i just say like even if you can't afford to go to the nail salon just paint them just paint them keep them nicely filed no i do do that normally i like i said i've had my nails on um i cannot keep it up i cannot do these appointments so i'm gonna have to take them off because you can't have shit ones you better have none he texts me saying wakey wakey eggs and bakey no not into that that'd be an immediate ejection okay so to round up the ick list one of our listeners sent us her ick list that's on the notes on a phone that her and her mates have which i absolutely love so thank you you know who you are i'm gonna quickly scan through it because i think

it's really really funny okay men that are stingy men that don't smell nice name droppers men that don't drive men that have no career drive bad hairlines men that fly economy men that wear skinny jeans or ralph lauren shirts men that have an eight pack men that ask for attention men that start the conversation with hey you yeah i agree hey stranger men that put their watch in every picture men that like having their picture taken men that take pictures men that have instagram men that wear dior savage men that are men that don't smell nice men that don't open car doors men that can't last more than one round men that are silent when you're fucking them don't do moan groan nothing just stay completely silent while you're doing your best um wait wait because

it's a screen grab that she sent me like it like scrolls down like the full list wait wait she's scrolling she's scrolling men that use lv wash bags as a man bag oh my men would drive chat yeah name there's loads there's a million i've just flicked through them but yeah i absolutely love those so thank you for sending us those because they're just they're so funny and they But obviously, as men have pissed them off, they've added to this list. Men that take smolder selfies. You know where they're like, ooh.

And use a filter. Yeah. No. Thank you, babe. We love that. What was that meme? And it was like, your fella texts the next day soon.

How's the head? Yes! And do you know what? I'm the dickhead that replies like, not too bad. How's yours? Not other people's fellas. Just anyone.

Okay. Okay. Okay, guys. That was the ick. Take the notes away. Digest them, read them again if you have to, but just don't fucking do them anymore. Okay, so ghosting, here it is. Our producer Charlie has written some notes about the definition of ghosting. We define the ghoulish act of ghosting as a person who is involved

romantically with another person at the early stages of dating or a relationship. They then decide for whatever reason that they no longer want contact with the other person and so therefore they go about limiting all contact without any prior notice the act of ghosting can be done by both men and women and the name derives from a person imitating the behaviors of a ghost by purposely making themselves invisible or otherwise non-existent so dead yeah they've died the risks involved of being a ghost is that dependent on the circumstance you may be reported as missing by the police you may need to buy a new phone if the victim proceeds to track you down and calls you in the early hours after too many drinks to try and tell you how they feel about you

and you may need to be ready to backdoor at any given moment if you see your victim in public right so basically ghosting is when you're speaking to someone when you're shagging someone when you're with someone like we've heard stories of just like a one-time ghoster you know where you go on one date and then they get the ick or you get the ick and they go ghost and we've heard stories of like full-blown relationship ghosting one girl said and i was like oh wow okay was ghosted by her baby daddy when she was four months pregnant like that's more than ghosting and then never spoke again i don't know i just don't know what how bad's that yeah so ghosting is just like where they fall through a trap door but they block you on everything i don't think the i think

blocking would i think it's when they just do nothing like when you're at least blocking someone you're giving them an idea that you don't want to speak to them again but it's just when there's silence radio silence yeah no exactly so have you ever yeah right so i can't even say it's so cringe oh no you have yeah right and i this is so embarrassing actually because it's not something i would ever but yeah right once you don't think it happened to you and then and then when it happens to you so um when was this was it this time last year or the year before this so it's two years ago i know when it was because i've just come out of a relationship and i was in a bit of oh what a surprise in a bit of a shit place what a surprise again um and i went out and i needed it

I just want attention. So this young lad, I started chatting to this young lad. He was 22. Anyway, because I had no... Ashley's just shrugging like whatever is legal. Because I had no one else to take my mind off and I just split with my fella, I got a bit obsessive with him.

Yeah, this is why you always have to be talking to more than one person at a time. Yeah, just in case. Men have this thing where they've got a sixth sense and if you're giving all... Yeah, they can tell. If you're giving all of your energy to that, then they feel like

the challenge is gone trapped into a corner by you and suffocated whereas if they think like where is she today why has she not messaged me this is the thing

that you've got to remember girls if you're like constantly around he knows where you are he knows what you're doing he knows exactly there's no question no question

no game his mind doesn't begin to wander whereas if you are absent he'll be thinking well that one where's that one I wonder if she's talking to anyone else then

anyway and then and then it goes back to like caveman mine mine hit hit woman on head and drag not yours mine yeah not yours so that that's the thing so i wasn't doing that and he must have known all my energy was in him mate we only met once what on the night out yeah and we were texting real thing man no yeah and we were texting um this is such a you thing to do have a text relationship i know i do that a lot because i'm just so busy um so yeah we were texting and stuff and then all of a sudden like we were even like you know we were gonna meet all of a sudden and he's really good looking but he's like 21 he followed me on insta as well and stuff he just

never texted me back ever again and did you send multiple messages no i'm not that bad oh no no and he never and guess what i did what so he unfollowed me on instagram as well yeah he must have had a bird and i cried no you fucking i did i cried my eyes out why were you questioning like why did he yes so i ran with me yes so i rang my friend sam who we've had on the show he'll remember this and i was like he's just not texting me back is there something wrong with me do you think i'm ugly and i did right i swear to god he never if you're out there you little prick what was his name um what was his name i don't even remember his name now and i cried over it what was his name declan he was called declan you fucker and

he's from like sheffield or somewhere like that so if you've got a boyfriend from that way then he was talking to me behind your back i think you might have had a girlfriend because it was just like that don't even follow me everything like where i've been seeing people and i've like got drunk and forgot that i am and then i've given my number out to like 10 million people and then i've got the fear the next day yeah and they all start texting me and i just block them straight yeah but this was like it was a couple of weeks anyway i cried my eyes out over over this guy that i'd met once and didn't even speak to him that much texted loads and i was so upset probably because you ever ghosted someone yeah i do it all the time yeah same because i just don't can't be

bothered well how do you go so the way i go because there's different techniques okay so the way i ghost um i actually i i feel mean so i tend to like give the odd reply like haha or do you know that kind of thing yeah um and then i won't reply for days and be like shit sorry i've been like so busy and i have but i think if you want to speak to someone then you do don't you and this is the other thing actually that if any guys are listening and girls will fully get this i put a quote about it the other day something like when they when certain guys keep trying right and and i feel like they deserve to be ghosted you know when it gets to a point where you've made it so clear that you're not interested but i'm i don't like to be rude so i'll be like they'll say like do you want

to go out oh god i'm so busy sorry there's this one guy it annoys me it makes me irritated and i think can you not have you got no sense sense of like social awareness that this person is not interested in you but they keep trying one guy right serial fucking offender of this and i'm still nice because i'm not a nasty person so i don't ignore ignore no this is what happened so i put a quote about it the other day i don't know if anyone saw it and it said something like it's something basically like when you you ignore you know when he still messages after you've ignored a thousand dms yeah right this this offender listen to this saw it right didn't respond to it then responded to my next fucking one so he saw that and he didn't think it applied

to him and then he replied to my next one like stunning or something i was like are you he didn't know it was him have you ever been ghosted no oh never been ghosted i don't remember it i don't think i have right well i have i've had like the the slow fade or the fizzle oh the fizzle that's like a normal yeah yeah the fizzle so you can i call it what tell us the different like you said there's different types of yeah there's different types of tell us so there's like just like the savage straight up like you you're gone you're down a hole like blocked on everything goodbye that's never i've never been a clean cut clean cut okay so that's a non-white poo ghosty they're called ghosts

yeah the non-wipe then you have the i call it the fizzle then awol okay so you fizzle out so like the responses between text messages will get longer immediate to an hour to three hours to three days and then you just stop yeah but i think that's a mutual thing sometimes yeah yeah definitely the person knows like you know don't you do they like coming back to what you said i've had it where i've been giving people the slow fade for a bit like yeah i'm like i've been giving you the slow fade for a few weeks now and i can't cope so now i'm going to do a ghosty don't make me do a trapdoor yeah that's the thing sometimes i feel like don't make me do this like they make us do it i agree because like i'm only gonna ignore your calls

surely three times in a row yeah before you don't ring again i'm not ringing you back and then when they send you a text like we need to talk like we don't fucking need to talk i don't owe you anything stop getting in your feelings and go away i'm sorry i'm savage that's just me maybe it's different like star signs what do you believe in that shut the fuck up i don't know no i believe in different people because like that yeah i believe in different people and i think that people deserve that sometimes i do i do i do believe that if they carry on then you fucking deserve it and also can i just say if you feel like you're getting the slow fade like take control take control and back the fuck off yeah you trapped all them before actually very good point

yes i agree because as well you don't want your feelings to get hurt you end it first yeah and then you're in control you ended it we've all been there when we've been on the slow fade don't don't beg and then they come in to you and you're like i'm being suffocated get out yeah yeah but they always come back so the ones that slow that slow fade you or you so they always come back if you just trapped off so if a guy then it's very like um cut off yeah a guy texted me yesterday from maybe a year ago and i thought i thought like hey you oh and it was like hey how are you and i thought wow are you going through your phone thinking like who i'm bored oh my god and i thought wow that was a year ago quarantine quarantine yeah they come back they always come

back yeah well but that's good though because if you actually really like someone then you can be like it's clearly not the time for us so i'll let i'll do this it's still not the time for me and him a fire picture in about three weeks time and they might come back so you you know you're leaving always best if you feel like you're getting ghosted then girls some advice like we got someone asking a question in and they said um i've been ghosted i really like the person what do i do there's nothing you can do you've been ghosted what it is that you whether you like them or not and you shouldn't like them because they're a prick yeah so i've ghosted move on darling like quite badly have you tell i feel bad for it you still feel bad now do you want to publicly

apologize what was the name i can't go into it i'll tell you like off like oh okay but it's um was it someone famous no no um it was well come on was it a slow fade yeah no i've done some really bad horrible anyway moving on okay so there are stories of ghosting i'm sorry we were so um that well i was very vague but it's not something that i'm proud of so we've heard from you guys we heard some like ew creepy ick long date stories which are absolutely vile um so we'll read some of them out but we've got our first voice clip from wow man patty um shout out hun here we go i love her by the way and i think we should get her on the show we need to yeah i think she will i hope so right well here you go okay so i'm sending a voice note um of a time that uh i that

I actually ghosted someone and it came back to haunt me later. So just before lockdown, my best friend started seeing this guy. And then because of lockdown, everything was going really well. They decided to move in with each other. And again, because we were in lockdown, I hadn't met him yet. I'd seen a couple of pictures of him, but not really sort of paid that much attention to them. But after a few more pictures got sent through, I started to think, oh dear, I think I recognize this guy so messaged my best friend and said what's this person's name like I knew his first name but what's his last name they told me his last name was like shit basically about six or seven years ago um I was supposed to go on a date with said new boyfriend and I massively

chickened out I don't know what it was but I just at the time I was a bit too busy and I just couldn't kind of commit to it and I wasn't too sure about it so I thought the most responsible thing to do which looking back on was very very irresponsible would be ghost him and I've never done it before in my life and I haven't done it since but I blocked him on whatsapp I blocked him on the app that I'd spoken to him to originally I even went to the extent of blocking him on facebook because I was that ashamed of myself for the fact that I'd done it that I was scared that he would then find me and have a go at me so I blocked him of everything and I was haunted for ages by the memory of having blocked this poor kid who I sort of think like probably was really upset about it

at the time anyway I told my best friend about the fact that he was dating someone that I'd ghosted the cheeky bug it didn't remember me at all he couldn't remember it didn't remember being ghosted and um i've spent the past seven years in turmoil over this and he didn't even remember the fact that i ghosted him turns out that he's lovely and i got on really really well with him so we laugh about it sometimes and say now that actually had had i um we've gone on a date with each other we probably would have got on really well it probably would have gone quite well um but hey life has a funny way of turning out doesn't it lauren what would you have done i would have done exactly what she did yeah i would have walked in i wouldn't have made a thing of it i wouldn't

have brought it up i wouldn't even have given like i wouldn't have put that person in an uncomfortable position and it's my friend as well don't you hate people that do that like when i've like because obviously the industry that we work in we see women every day and when they come in and they go no no when they go like i was with your ex and you're like all right hon like yeah great cool snoring my mate's shagging your ex yeah that's what they say and it's like fab also like the industry that we work in we hear a lot of stuff still thumbing it we hear a lot of stuff and you just keep your mouth shut and also don't care like we see a lot of of people that have had work done as well don't we we don't we don't just don't say anything i

would unless they let on to me and say oh my god you're friends like you don't know i don't know yeah because we see them when we're out and about and we're not allowed to let on to them no and i wouldn't anyway because then it could put them in a position where they're like how do you know her and people don't know you've had surgery so just shut up so basically just shut up like we've all been in those scenarios like even like i've i've been in this a couple of times and you look at someone you think how do i know oh fuck yeah yeah and then you just have to smile it out yeah and just start like you don't know each other yes i'm good at that yeah very good and as you get older you get better at that actually okay so someone sent in this story date stories date stories here

you go this will put you off ever going on a date again girls gonna read you two stories gonna fire through them okay so I went on a second date after he did really well on the first date he told me to come to his and that he would cook I usually don't do this on a second date but it wasn't a tinder so i thought why the hell not i got to his and the house was fairly empty but he said i've just moved in he had a sofa and a tv so i just went with it when i went into the kitchen i noticed no fridge now for me that was weird surely that's the first thing you would buy could have been a hidden one stupidly i ignored it off i went sat on the sofa on the floor was an On the floor was an old red bath towel.

I thought this was just a guy's version of a rug. But I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. The next minute, in he walks with the smallest fajita I have ever seen. In brackets, surely you're supposed to build your own, right? again me being fucking stupid i thought we were eating on the sofa i was wrong he said don't eat on the sofa he made me sit on the old red what the fuck is that about so she sat on the on the towel eating a tiny she just went with the whole she i would i just went with the whole thing i thought i would stay as he put a film on and plight but i heard a noise thinking he had a cat

her a dog when he when i asked what's that he said oh no that's my mum upstairs by this point he was already trying it on and trying to get his hands down my pants sorry but a mom locked in a room shit food and being sat on a bath towel no thanks it was memorable thank god she didn't that bitch lasted long she's yeah i would have stayed you know i'm i'd have been there i'd have slept over i would have said i'll go get in with your mom i stopped at small fajita a tiny fajita okay next story next story i'm gonna whiz through them just want to get as much content as we can okay went on a date with a boy that i knew from a while ago he lived half an hour away so i thought i'd stay at his you're making the excuses not me out in a bar and he tells me his parents and

their friends oh god they've got a limo for the night so we could get picked up in that in the limo can we talk about limos just for a quick second no there are no there are no they always smell of piss okay so he said we could get picked up in that cringe and go and meet his parents thought it was strange but i was a bit pissed at this point yeah we've all done that sometimes i've been a bit pissed so i've let things slide the limo picks us up and he's in the back acting like he owns the joint oh i'm dying after we've been with his parents and their friends in another bar off we go into the limo how embarrassing to come out of the bar into the limo again i'm dying they were like they were on one they thought they were big time so we all went

back to his for a party we were sat in the date and my date proceeded to sniff coke with his mom in front of me i went to bed and fell asleep i woke up in the morning at 7 a.m he was still up in the kitchen with his mom sniffing ching with his mom with house music blasting around the kitchen i snuck out and i never replied to him again so she ghosted him fair enough right the girls group chat the next day can you can you imagine what did you do last night imagine that i love girls group chats in the morning oh yeah they always make me send a voicemail especially like when you're with someone and you you live your life through your single mates and you and like that was like when you were in ibiza in london me and charlie was sending messages in the group like

tell us what happened now oh my god so i went to london um a few weeks ago and it was just so heavy so listen to what i did i don't even know if i should say this i went to sexy fish um and it had been organized for us because we couldn't get in and the bill was ridiculous and um i ate some really fucking expensive fish and then i threw up that's disgusting i know like you're 31 i know before i go anywhere i have i'm not judging you i've done fucking way worse i have a chat with myself in the car and i go okay you're 31 you're a mother you don't need to be silly you need to calm down and every time i go anywhere i go on holiday i have this chat with myself and it's kind of like you don't need to be the class clown you don't need to be the one that goes and then

she's 31 and then i get out and i'm like tits out right so one of the things that we think we're going to do in the next season see what you think of this is every episode at the end maybe we are going to answer your dilemma so we're going to give you some advice i mean we're not like the best at this shit but but we'll do it we'll try we both have different opinions yeah so you'll always get two so i think moving forward what i work that's what you're saying work emails moving forward i think we are going to do this so we're going to give it a little taste today see what you guys think and then we'll have like dilemma of the week i think that's quite a good idea dilemma of the week drama okay so this girl

oh my god can we sing it the same every time sorry i'm still thinking about that we need to think of a theme can you send them in girls yeah send us a send us a dilemma of the week jingle dilemma

oh my god of the week dilemma dilemma I always sing in like you know a Britney Spears nasal Disney voice

oh my god do the oh baby baby go on yeah she's always done that I still got it okay oh my god

no it's weird she's the you want to see the face I love I suppose you want to see her face it's really scary um okay let's go with this dilemma okay here's the dilemma so it's always going to be a non as well and i actually i actually know who this person is um but it's still none of my business so freak anyone out no she knows she knows i know her we know each other so here's what she's saying i go through phases that i

thought would die out but after 10 years they still don't every time i'm single i wish i was with my son's dad he is the most my type we ended because we were way too young and way too wild oh that's such a like a love that could be a lovely story um he's on to go for number three in three years and i just don't know whether to keep my mouth shut and not say anything or throw it out there and be like hey i'm pretty sure i've always loved you i really fancy you oh this stage of my life approaching halloween is labeled my head is mush so yeah that's my dilemma or do i broach it with a mutual friend or get a friend

to drop a hint I literally don't know how I could work this subtly or speak to one of his family without it being obvious basically I may go insane

if I don't hear advice from across the board of nip, tuck not giving a fuck as okay so my question is does he have a girlfriend

or not at the minute at this moment she said no he does she's not he's on girlfriend number three of three years so I think he's

with someone now wait for them to split up because they obviously are gonna yeah but what if they don't and they have a kid and get married and it gets messy i maybe write him a love note don't do that i don't give shit advice so i think um she should speak to somebody but she says she can't do it

subtly maybe his mom wow what ring her up like hi i love your son no just be like oh how's it going with his girlfriend and then just be like i wish we had worked out yeah but we don't know if she speaks to the mom i think what she's saying is it's difficult for her to do that but i do think you're gonna have to put yourself out there and somehow get into one of his friends everyone knows someone who knows everyone you must know one of his friends yeah you mustn't or a friend must not like let's pass it down the grapevine but then this girl might like this girl could be one of those girls that's been ghosted and continues to ah so we're not sure we don't we don't we don't know we don't so i think i'm good i i know her a little bit so i'm gonna say i don't

think she is but i would say just stop and think about this situation for a minute like look at it from an outsider point of view is he giving you anything does he ever give you anything do you think he could possibly because if he did still like you surely he would have come to you by now or you would have shagged yeah and i don't know if you have if if you always take free absolutely if you are sure that he he isn't ghosting you and he isn't interested if you think he might be interested as well i think speak to a friend somehow test the ice put more kisses on the end of your text messages wear a low-cut top when you're dropping your son off flash him your nipple bake him a cake write a love letter to his mummy do you know what the way to a man's heart is

definitely through his stomach is that why i'm single because i can't fucking cook shit yeah but even if you order takeaway, like as long as you've got food. Food and shag. Yeah, food. Food and funny. So I feel like we've not given a definitive answer. I think you do need to tell him.

I'll tell you why else I think she needs to tell him. She needs to get it off her chest. And if it comes out that he's not interested, then a bit embarrassing, but move on. I think there's nothing worse than being in limbo and just wondering what if. I would rather be like, oh shit, I'm going to tit of myself there.

Throw it out there. Then always wonder what if. And it could be that romantic story that you were young and wild and now you're older. What's the worst that can happen? You get pied. You've already been pied once.

Yeah, and you've got a kid with him so he can't pie you that much. He can't ghost you forever. I think you need to tell him and I think only you know your situation well enough to assess how you do that. Can you tell us what happens? Yeah, tell us.

Tell us and we'll update, not give a fuckers. So guys, this has been amazing. I've actually really enjoyed recording again. We've missed you so much. When we do the Q&As and we get back the funny response, like I love you all.

you're just us so there's been 70 000 listens now so we've got a crew yeah and i've missed doing this so much we are going to come back for season two we're hoping to start recording sort of mid november i'm away twice 80 000 oh my god listen we've just got the stats up so since we stopped recording there's been another 10 000 listens shut the fuck i love you all so um we are coming back um no doubt about that we're just sorting out sponsorship and that type of thing we need a manager we need a manager or a pr like we need to we need to get our heads into this and we've been really we're so shit at it i'm so shit on instagram like literally do you know if we had our shit together we'd be we'd be flying oh my god i know like we'd be you know like honestly

like people like you should do a video on youtube about this i'm like where do i start i don't have time like we're shit we're shit we're gonna try we need someone to say to me lauren do this lauren do that or i'm not gonna do it so we're gonna do another season we're sorting sponsorship and stuff like that i think it's going to be like mid-november we start recording yeah um and we're just so excited we are coming back uh brunch let us just apologize for the brunch because we got everyone heavy what knobs we got everyone like all excited and we were excited we went we booked it but the thing is a few reasons why we can't do it and we can't tell you them all yet money is the first one like when we do our brunch and we will do you want we want it to be free drinks and free

food and we want it to be good drinks and good food in a fucking good place but to do that guys it's expensive and it takes so much time it takes so much time and like we put it out there and we were like to even like break even we were gonna have to charge 50 60 quid a ticket and it's like that's a lot i don't know i think 50 is all right for like a bottomless brunch type thing with us there and things going on it's just tell us what you think about us yeah yeah but the main reason we did fully plan to do it and we had the date as you all know

and life literally got in the way we've got loads of things to tell you next season that we're not going to yet yeah juicy juicy and it's good

it's good so we can't say why but there's another reason why we didn't do the brunch and yeah it just didn't fit right did it it just wasn't right

and we ran before we walked and we shouldn't have kind of been like we're doing it this is the day we need a manager yeah we need fucking help man or an agent

or something yeah and I will try really hard if i get one yeah i'll be so good i never do my homework i'll be different i'll change i'm so naughty i never do my homework i come in and i just yeah i'm the naughty i come in hungover and i don't know what we're talking about you mess i'm a dirty mess so give us a follow on instagram i can't say the alphabet in big letters lauren soon n t n g a f i can say that because it doesn't involve an s because my lisp is hidden can you say my username at the cosmetic consult

and at lauren elizabeth underscore x x bye