Nip Tuck - How Filtered Are You?

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Ashley & Lauren have a few bones to pick today... Lauren's had a messy weekend in Rochdale's finest establishments and Ashley's asking how filtered are you on socials?To sign up for Patreon for more exclusive content and full video episodes, click this link: https://patreon.com/niptuckpodTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks, dilemma's and Slutty Susan confessionals via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome, are you joking? Lucas needs to take his gay tabs. If you stop taking them he goes straight. Time to be gay again. I sent Lucas a meme the other day and what did it say? It was like, do gay guys talk like that all the time or when they get home do they change their voice? they go home with that oh fucking hell it's been a hard day today don't twat anyway take your tablets hun

you're going a bit straight right okay this is the podcast where we absolutely rinse Lucas and each other and each other

and we also celebrate being positive aspirational women and gay men this is all about being unapologetically yourself on Nip Tuck

we want you to get your voice heard you can email us hello at nip tuck pod.com or alternatively you can whatsapp us if you go on our socials as in at nip tuck pod on insta gram then tap um get in touch you can get in touch believe it or not you can then get in touch basically we would make it really easy and say how do i book believe it or not if you go on the website and press book here oh my god link in bio there you go okay we want to know everything from you guys we want to know your sexy stories what's getting on your tits your dilemmas your funny stuff

pegging stories not that yeah i'm really yeah ashley's interested in pegging stories and i'm interested in gangbangs yeah so if you can not make this into a video clip that'd be great if you can um just send us stuff like that because i'm actually genuinely really interested in that shit right how's your weekend been hun time of recording i uh it's bangkok basically oh my god me so please excuse us if anything we're talking about is a bit behind yeah but it's all interesting right right i've had just the shittiest weekend right not really shit compared to some people but um it's not honestly it's just been i've been a moody bitch with james all weekend because basically right it's not our weekend to have the children okay so it's our weekend off oh my god

you get weekends yeah i know so um it was james's son's birthday so we went on our kid free weekend how dare how dare he and we went to an arcade okay because he's a little boy that's what he wants to do so we met up with his mum oh did you want to hand sanitize everything no listen to this And she will, right, so we met up with his mum, a few of his mates. Yeah. We took fear, and the kids enjoyed it. I have never. Made that traffic centre one.

No, no, no, this is. Pongy. I have never. Theo's got a rash this morning, I'm convinced it's from that. No, it will be. No, I am. Did you take that off? Did I fuck?

I carry my little bath and body works hand sanitizers everywhere. Did I fuck? I ate five packets of Monster Munch. That's disgusting. I had two Cokes and pizza. Right, let me tell you. We got there. I bet you feel like ass today.

No, right. So it's in Bury. Okay, I don't know what it's called. Right, you go in and it has got three... Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. No, I have three or four floors. It is an old warehouse. I stood on chewing gum the second I walked in.

So that was, I was fucking raging. Did it smell of like, just like ass? It fucking stunk of ass. Kids' ass. And weird older men, right? Listen. There was weird old men in there. Mate, there were loads of kids.

do you know how many males that's weird that over me and the boy's mum were chatting about it and I was like there's a lot of men in here

there were men on their own on slot machines yes that had chosen to go the floor was built to a kids arcade well it's just an arcade

it's not a kids it's a whatever I have never the people at my mouth and you know me my face like tells the picture

I was sat like this had they ended up in there like after a sesh or something no they were weird there was honestly do you know what

I find weird Vegas for the slot machine. I just think it's weird vibes. There were sofas that were all cracked leather. And then, listen, we went up. Theo was like, I'm hungry. So we went up to this floor that Ashley. Lauren. There were tables.

They hadn't been wiped properly. There was like sauce smeared all over them. They hadn't changed everything. Honestly. And I sat there and I didn't want to be that person. And I'm not that person. Like if I found it disgusting. I am that person.

No, but I'm not. So if I found it disgusting, then you can only imagine how disgusting it was. I sat like this I couldn't touch anything I was holding Thea's hand

it was fucking and I was looking at these men like you fucking weirdos they had chosen on their Sunday to go to this arcade

and listen to this for worse there were people on dates there you can buy alcohol there were people on dates it was filthy

I hope you had some alcohol I actually didn't I very much considered it but I thought I want to look good in front of the boys mum

so I was just like no absolutely I wouldn't get a copperberg would you oh well if you would i would it'd be wrong at a kid's party to drink a copper because i'm a great stepmom um so no i did when you go to kids parties and there's no alcohol honestly they the kids loved it it was nice for that but i it was the most disgusting thing to soften the blow i've ever been in my fucking life that sounds horrible so that was my um kid free weekend then on the way back to make it better we went for a sunday roast

it was fucking horrible shall I say where no I feel it's unkind to say where I put it on my Instagram but we went to because they messaged you I know

we went to for a Sunday roast somewhere that is always really busy it's actually always full of wrong-uns yeah I thought why are you going there

it's full of wrong-uns always just for people watching it was just it was on the way back and you could you imagine how angry I was when it came out

and it was shit and then I ate a roast potato and it broke my brace and was it really yeah Oh, fuck off, it's not Rochdale. It was the Rochdale Tavern. It was the Wetherspoons in Rochdale.

The one near the shoe factory and opposite the mine. So if I left at the mine? You go left at the mine, right at the pie factory, and then you get to Rochdale Tavern. And they've got really hard roast potatoes. It was actually, it is full of wrongans where it was, but it's a nice establishment. I don't know why anyone was there.

And was it so expensive as well? and as i left it's like 25 quid each as i left i wanted to shout to everyone why are you in here like i went by mistake these other people frequent it i was like why would you come here me and ed um had a date night a few um weekends i bet you went to peter street kitchen i knew and i sat on my favorite comfy chair and the food was not good really bad and the bill was like a lot 300 you rave about that place yeah i know for the first time the food was bad why do you think that is when the food's bad somewhere do you think it's like a different chef or do you think you're just bored and they think do you know when we turn up to work

sometimes like when we were younger you're rough as fuck and you can't be arsed do you think a chef comes to work and think do you know what i can't be fucking maybe they're just having a bad day they can't be i've been on the sesh do you think that's what it is maybe okay anyway right what do you know what do you want to talk about okay so can I just say Colleen Rooney

everyone she's on the front cover of fucking Vogue I was screaming when that picture she's on the front cover of Vogue of her on the cover of Vogue

like looking like an absolute in front of the whole of Liverpool like the phoenix rising from the ashes and I was like to Ed like oh my god

what a boss bitch she's made it what a boss bitch and Ed was like I just can't believe like it all just started from an argument on Instagram

yeah but that is the world we're living in it is um this we would just talk about this before we started we don't we talk about it a little bit but we didn't talk too much one of the things i have what has made my weekend made my fucking weekend after all that shit tyson tyson fury program we were texting each other because our friend steph was on it but steph was really funny because she's lost a shit ton of weight since that and how funny is it like she she's lost loads of weight but now forever on tv she is featured it's number one on netflix and she's like fuck's sake everyone's sending me screenshots i'm half a size now um i love it i was sad when

it ended i i've not finished it i love it more than the kardashians i loved it needs to be a permanent fixture absolutely now paris is a fucking saint yeah that woman love her is a saint she looked i didn't see any nannies did you there must be they must have some help don't her mom and dad live with them i don't know but she there's help because they go they do their own thing yeah but i was like how are you look they were feral i was like how are you looking after all this they were everywhere which they would be you've got six kids the only thing i noticed she did was she had an ironing lady and i was like if that was me and i had all that money and i think it's because of her traveler heritage that she perhaps doesn't get as much help googled um how much he

earned last year and it was something ridiculous like something something million quid and i was like and he was like look at ashley she's shopping at next and i was like well i wouldn't be shopping yeah no well what i didn't understand is i would have personally a chef yeah i would have two living nannies i would i fucking would i'd still see my kids probably need three maybe two you would have a clean actually she's got older kids yeah two living nannies i'd have a chef i'd have a chef um i'm not making six bowls of cocoa pops no i mean to be honest i make four at the minute but i thought you know i watched that and i thought i am paris i am the modern day paris and i just thought she's amazing but one of the things we spoke about very briefly before

so basically uh colleen we love you and rebecca had a little tantrum when colleen did the vogue interview of course she did shmardy mardy mardy vardy um no shade we're not being mean but she did have a tantrum did you have a tantrum yeah and she did a post um about well at least my husband doesn't cheat on me oh did she is she still not stopping with this she's still not ending now come on girls just don't say anything when court finished it finished yeah exactly and yeah so anyway she said that and what i said to lauren this morning was i don't understand how colleen rooney and uh paris fiori actually are very similar they've both got top sportsmen husbands they've both got a lot of kids yeah their husbands are both controversially there's

been things about being in the press um drugs drinking all that about both of them yeah about women both of them it's very controversial the press seemed to be a lot meaner to colleen than Paris, I agree. Paris gets no shit. And I'm not saying she should. We're not saying Paris should. We're saying Colleen shouldn't. And do you know what really pisses me off?

Whenever Colleen goes on holiday, they get pictures of her in a bikini and they focus, focus, focus on that. I think she looks absolutely incredible for having four kids. And even without the four kids, she looks incredible. I agree.

But I find that the press, for some reason, horrible to Colleen Rooney. However, having said that, Molly May was also on the show, which I think she came across very well. yeah and i think she was very careful because they were discussing you know the traveler lifestyle and how hers is completely different and i think the way she came across with that was really good

she kind of said look i've got my own view my children will be going yeah yeah but i'm not saying that i don't agree with what yeah tommy's from and i thought she dealt with that really really well and i liked how she had her own opinion and she was happy to say no i decided this i really like that they get on really well don't they he is beautiful he's beautiful and she is and they are lovely yeah um but yeah my point with this was she gets a lot of shit pictures in her bikini the press are fucking horrible to her like it was a few weeks ago when she was on holiday and they got like a really wide lens on her and she's literally sat there in a bikini with a partner and a baby like minding her own business do you know what honestly we please girls stop

reading that shit and we need you read the daily mail every day mate but i honestly those things i get really angry and i do like try my best to call them out or whatever because it's always female journalists that are writing it as well you don't see them putting a picture of wayne with his dad i don't know if he has i've never looked but or his hairy chest and his belly hanging out they're not they're not interested in the men they're interested in the women honestly horrible to women but you have to think ashley the press do what's going to sell so to me it's actually not the press that's the problem it's us as a society of women because we want to see not we as in us but we want to see women not looking great because if it didn't we

didn't it wouldn't sell they do what sells so at some point there's a society problem here where women are wanting to see that yeah which is why they're producing it yeah i mean i don't know what we do about that guess maybe this podcast this leads on to something else that we were talking about picture editing right okay molly gets a lot of shit for does she people say when she there's a pat picture and then her instagram picture that she's edited a picture of her i actually don't think she edits her pictures that much i think she messes with the lighting this is what pisses me off though right and i had this conversation with ed because yeah i face up my pictures yeah a little bit

a touch I do it if needed yeah I don't do it all the time no no no if I look at a picture and think everything is bang on

but the lighting on my face is shit then I'll mess with it but I don't actually do it all the time but I do I do it I face up to them

I'm gonna say now though Ed was like why do you do it Ashley you shouldn't do it because you're all about the no I don't think that he was just like

you're all about the you shouldn't give a and I was like no but Ed every other bitch is doing it we've got to keep up so their picture

because when you do your face up it it's the light aspect for me I completely agree it's not just the changing of your face it's not just the changing of your face sometimes you do it so minute that it doesn't really change your face it just adds a light or brightens draws the attention to the face

I agree and actually it makes the overall quality of your picture better much nicer and more Instagrammable and then you get more from it more engagement and that's why I'm posting the picture I'm not posting a picture to show off do this show my outfit it's your business it's your i see what i mean so basically yeah i do do

it and he was like you should stop doing it i said i can't stop doing it because every other bitch does it and then we're all chasing this fucking unattainable thing and but then we did go on to the subject of and this is not molly make us actually do you think she looks like i don't because i think she does the light like you said and sharpens i think and i do all that with my pictures i will make them brighter change the saturation make them look more instagrammable it's instagrammable overall right but then we got onto the subject of he's been on dates with girls before where he was like it's actually terrifying okay whereby and we all know one and no shade this you've got to dig deep you've got to dig deep because they are all single like they i think

some of these girls have made a character in their head of who they are of who they are whether it's a hollywood four yeah with a smile a volume and this or that and in their head they actually think that's what they look like yeah yeah no i agree i agree that's the character that they and we've all got someone in our lives can i say that that look like they totally did and yeah and but where'd you stop when'd you stop i know i i completely agree and i think one of the things that really humbled me was doing this podcast because i had to get to a point where i thought okay there is no point i don't use filters do i really the i use filters in the day paris yeah but i don't use you know the like the i stopped for a bit and i said we shouldn't use them it's

really bad and then i started again i'll do what you want i'll tell you why i don't because this humbled me and seeing myself on a screen without the you know we've got good lighting but not you know perfect exotic talking yeah yeah yeah this is what i look like right yeah so although my pictures will always look the fucking best of me the best angle yeah i look like this and now it's out there for everyone to see so now i feel like i can't over edit i can't hollywood four i can't ridiculous because people then just go on my profile click nick tuck and here i am reality so i think this has humbled me a lot whereas a lot of people don't have this yeah so they can portray a certain thing and it make the hiding behind it because they feel better but what

happens is yes they get the men's attention from the get-go but unfortunately then if that's not what they are do you think men are clocking on to the face app stuff i don't think no i don't think they ever will james has told me that he's been on dates or spoken to people before and they have just looked totally different don't get me wrong we all look better yeah on instagram oh i do yeah i do absolutely yes i fucking do yeah but you gotta look a bit like i still won't mind posting a totally unedited video here and there no we do it this is what we do with this and we get shit for it but is anyone going to put a disgusting picture of themselves on the grid no you're not whoever might say oh they do this are you going to put an ugly picture of yourself or the best

picture you took that night come on and face up is a slippery slope it's addictive yeah you have to be careful with that shit so yeah i don't really know where we're going with this but um and men have started doing it to themselves that's disgusting lukey ever face up to your face i've face up to him before and shown him and he has been like do you know when i went to like he got it when i showed him yeah i went to my friend's wedding and i've got that clip on light do you know that clip oh yeah it's fucking amazing so i took it and everyone was looking like the fuck because i'm going around with this and then about as soon as people had had a drink can i get a picture with you so i've got it on the selfie thing and my

mates my lad mates and the boyfriends are like the fuck are you doing and then they came i went come here for a selfie and the lads were like oh it's like a filter with that light on and then everyone wanted a picture of me with my light exactly right we have really had a diet we've had a real what's the word ramble ramble there so we're gonna give you a break to think about what we've just said and if you've got an opinion on it do let us know i'm gonna have a little break now just give you a breather go and get yourself an iced coffee or if you're lucky and you're not pregnant or boring like us you could be having a nice chilled glass of rosé in the back with a face mask on while you listen to us i feel like people listen to us at the gym and in the car

do you i do it when i listen i listen when i do my cleaning okay now clean yeah every day do you mean tidy clean wipe over surface i don't clean i've got a cleaner do you clean clean have you ever cleaned a toilet no no okay i would rather have i'd rather not spend any money at costa all week or starbucks all week and pay for a cleaner yeah i'd rather that's where my money needs to go anyhow are you are you a loyal listener are you a nip tuck fan do you love us well why the hell not share share the love share the podcast click click click clickety click off you go clip clop clip clop welcome back welcome back guys right right it's a bargain bucket bargain

right go on then mate these are this is your section i ain't gonna have to say on this you have i'm sure right get your pen and pad at the ready or your notes app open now do you know what's got really fucking expensive and like me and lauren we love wasting money on stuff it happens but we just choose where to waste your money on other things and people do get shocked when they see me and aldi and i say no but i like handbags yeah so i have to shop here a hundred percent i agree i i am really tight in some places so that i can then be really it's all about balance like i just said about the cleaner i scrimp somewhere else because really healthy with some things very unhealthy with others i never claim to be different so

aldi coffee pods they fit in your nespresso oh really literally well why would you why would you not a pack of 10 nespresso um coffee pods is about five pounds and the aldi ones are one pound 30 wow why and they taste the same honestly why would you not so everyone run to aldi okay makeup now the elf power grip primer is a dupe for one of my favorites the milk makeup hydro grip i have an issue with this because it's called milk i'd hate that they call it i don't know what it is it just makes me not want to buy it because it's called milk milk what a stupid name yeah i know what you mean to be fair um now this brand keeps coming up quite a lot and i haven't been able to get my hands on it yet i don't know where you can buy it from i had a look on amazon um and this is

our favorite setting spray the charlotte tilbury yes original setting spray yeah milana make it last setting spray is the dupe of that and i was reading the reviews because i always check the reviews out so i'm not giving you any dupes that are off um and honestly the reviews were really good for this brilliant the ysl gold primer the dupe for that is the beauty crop primer in cocoa okay i've had that before it's really nice primer a lot of people don't just depends on your skin again this is the thing like we'll recommend things but that doesn't mean that you're not going to try it and that didn't work for my skin you know like and i feel like application is key with primers because i bought that milk one and it literally is sticky really so you have to pat

it not rub and i one time i wiped and i had to read it my whole face um anyway the charlotte telbury concealer a lot of people love this i don't personally i don't no mate not even lying under eye have you got the iconic one yeah i love it so i know today i know so that one end i mean we've we've um we work with iconic and absolutely it's so good i know i've been using it all week and it's not dried my under eyes as much as i normally use the nars one under my eyes as well and it goes they've changed the formulation yeah i don't like it as much but yeah i'm really enjoying that it's the iconic i don't know what it is double-sided double dildo double-sided concealer so anyway if you like the charlotte tilbury concealer the revolution eye bright

concealer is the dupe for that foundations i've done a deep dive into foundations because we don't talk too much about foundations and if you're going to get a dupe for something get the most expensive which is your foundation usually so the giorgio armani luminous silk foundation that's my normal i've now just made the switch 6.5 that's my yeah i've just made the switch to the nars and i'm enjoying it i like to switch now and again didn't like it which is the one that everyone wears the nars one that we got in like stromboli and barcelona is the last one i'm wearing at the minute did you get the tall one no no the one that we always wear i got the chunky ones yeah the short fat one right so basically here are the foundation dupes the giorgio armani luminous silk

the dupe for that is the l'oreal serum foundation okay true match double wear is the primark matte foundation okay i'm still concerned about how cheap that is and what putting it on your five quid fiver the nars luminous foundation is the l'oreal true match about that and the nars sheer glow foundation which is what i've got on i think is the nyx born to glow so there's some foundation dupes girls let us know how you get on with them i think is the nars is the short fat one the sheer glow i think it is the long tall one is shite i gave it the short fat one and i started using it again actually and um have you got a pump for it as well i didn't get the pump because i thought i'm not paying that as well get the pump i know and now i'm yeah um you can get the pumps off

amazon brilliant yeah so there was your list of dupes and bargain buckets and i've got a treat for you yeah coming up soon i've got some of the best female hacks oh have you so stay tuned i will reveal them in a future episode but first lauren our favorite i feel like we've not done this for ages i do as well we've got your slutty suzy's girls we need you to keep sending in your slutty susans we're running low like you've not been slutting yeah why is nobody being slutty yeah like surely you've got some holiday slut it's the summer like everyone's you will have got back you will have got the fear and you'll be starting to get over it now so now's the time so you'll be able to share with us do you not think it goes in a pattern like this you do the deed so call it

saturday night you make a laundry room shush now the sunday shush now this feels nice shush now the sunday the sunday you want to kill yourself you're absolutely devastated you think everyone hate everyone knows what's happened you shouldn't have done it you're crying to your friends you feel awful you're never gonna again monday still don't feel great still talking about it a little bit tuesday suicide tuesday you think what i can never get my life together and this is it now i need to grow up i'm this year's old wednesday it's quite funny wednesday your mate then dares to say fucking funny what then thursday you have a glass of wine and you're howling about it you're telling your other mates you're not gonna fucking believe what i do and you're all having a right laugh

it's like a weird new craig david version yeah monday friday your mate's actually saying fancy a wine and we're back on the circle all i can say is if anyone's made a fool of themselves recently if anyone's the best thing you can ever do is laugh laugh at what you've done like fucking hell that's funny can't take it back you can't take it back so laugh about it it's a story to tell the grandkids or not it's if you don't make mistakes and don't do embarrassing things I don't know how many of our stories where we go, well, one of my friends did this. Yeah, do you know how many it is?

Us. Guess who our friends are? Us. Each other. So honestly, like, just laugh about it. We all make mistakes. Like, don't go under. Oh, hun, me and Lauren have made some fucking belters.

Belters. Right, let's listen to this one then. She says, please keep me anon because this slutty Susan is fucking vile. Yes. Right, ready? I was seeing this guy. we went out for brunch at turtle bay it was just oh it was i've always i've always thought

anywhere called turtle it reminds me of poo i'm not going there turtle's head it was just after lockdown imagine just going for a drink at the turtle's head it was just after lockdown when it is past the pie factory on the left up to turtle's head anyway it's just after lockdown when all the bars sat by the slot machine sorry i'll stop now the food we got was some jerk hash why would you get jerk hash that's asking for farts um first day that's asking for like following through on a first day it's giving it's giving poo right jerk hash thing it was fucking hanging she says i ate it anyway along with that 10 cocktails because i drink like a fish later that night cocktails are so bad later that night we got down to home and we got down to

business no let's get down let's get down a business and i started to suck him off i put it too far down my throat and the next seconds all that fucking jerk hash came up and was all over it wasn't even sick it was just the jerk hash looking exactly how it did on the plate luckily found it funny all right and we still laugh about it now so if you're gonna go on a brunch at turtle don't suck your fella off for at least 24 hours there's a lot of sick stories isn't there if they're gonna ram it

what do they expect sick and shit and I bet she did a poo as well afterwards like who would go to Taylor wait no listen if you went back to a guy's house would you rather have diarrhea in the toilet or be sick I'd rather be

sick any day whatever the other option is sick That's it, diarrhea is no, no, and you, no. It's the noise, it's the, no, no, no. Sick, everyone gets pissed and throws up. It's one of those things, men do it too. The diarrhea is a no.

I would go for sick every time. Would you rather burp every time you spoke or fart every time you sat down? Burp. You're burping in someone's face, you can hide a fart. Or fart every time you sat down. Yeah, but what if they were loud and smelly? burps loud and smelly i fart every time i sit down anyway fuck's sake lauren right anyway keep

your slutty shoes coming in you can email us you can whatsapp us you'll know the drill head over to our instagram at nip tuck pod and you will see on there how to get in touch if you get in touch today you could potentially be on a future episode and we would absolutely love to hear from you We can hear from you, hello at niptuckpod.com. Don't worry, you can remain anonymous should you wish. Like Sicky Poo. Also, we're not doing that great on our reviews at the minute, so if you could head over there and scribble something down

before we get sacked. We could maybe copy and paste some things for you. Leave us a Trustpilot review and I'll give you a £5 voucher for Turtle Bay. don't quote me on that right bye bye guys see you on friday