Nip Tuck - How to make friends

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

This week's episode is all about friendships! We read out some of your suggestions on how to meet friends as an adult. We talk about toxic friendships and share some of our stories that we've never aired on the pod before.If you want to be part of our Patreon and get a bonus episode every week as well being part of our group chat then click the link below.https://patreon.com/niptuckpodGet in touch with us @niptuckpod or you can email [e-mail] courtesy of BMG Production Music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys and welcome to Nip Tuck not giving a flying fuck not a tiny one this is the podcast where we celebrate the impositive aspirational woman yes now today we're a little bit ropy oh yeah i would say me more than you you yeah and you you've hit it hard this weekend haven't you and i never hit it hard no you don't so that's why it's like do you know what the problem with drinking it's all well and good it's all fun but you are not right for a week yeah this is gonna take me a few days i can't see myself waking up tomorrow morning normal no and you're just not just not 100 like you're not normal and you only did friday and i was in bed for 10 and i'm still now on monday i'm all right but i can't say i feel fantastic i feel a bit like my life's gonna

like a like a bit like oh fuck i need to do this and that and this and that text me like i've got the shakes oh bless him so we've had quite um we've had quite a sociable weekend haven't we so we went to harvey nichols julie perry event on friday i loved that i really enjoyed it how much fun was it i want to do i want to go to more of those yeah yeah well does she do a christmas one i think she does yeah i'd like to do more i enjoyed it i think the women there were sound so much fun yeah there was a table near us as well and it was i say the word older women older than us behind yeah and they had such fun i wouldn't like to guess their age but they were a lot older than us and they were just dressed in the trouser suits like pink trouser suits and like the hair

was blown and they were up and dancing it was lovely wasn't it you know what it was just a mix of all different ages all different kinds of people but everyone was just there to have fun and everyone was nice yeah everyone was nice and everyone looked really nice and it was just we saw a lot of people we knew as well didn't you know what i must say as well harvey nichols what a nice venue that yes it was lovely wasn't it really nice um it was really funny so do something there yeah good show so i went so how did we i went to yours didn't i we started at like 10 a.m yeah we got our makeup done didn't we alicia did our makeup alicia is so good at makeup really really good but we had before we went out we had like the oh you know that nervous energy didn't we and i

because we don't go out much anymore i always used to get it yeah i always used to get it but not as bad and it was like my insides were going yeah yeah yeah yeah and like i was we were like just for what because we were going out for a dinner does everyone get that i feel like they do and i had the shits didn't i yeah you did um and it was just a bit like but you gave me a matcher my first ever matcher and i liked it yes so it's this matcher it's called um raise and replenish but basically it's matcha and it's got like ashwagandha in it it's got all kinds of different things in it so it's i didn't throw her in at the deep end with the matcha oh it's the different kinds yeah right but this one for you it did it sorted you out didn't it because we were

like shall we have a wine and then we're like no no no i enjoyed it and then we didn't get too pissed either i was steaming were you did you know right i feel like i wasn't as bad you know this is really weird do you know when you don't feel steaming at the time but when i look back i was legless i don't remember i woke up at 3 a.m with that oh yeah where's my phone where's my phone where's my phone that straight away and james as he always does had got me a glass of water and everything but i woke up and i was like my phone my phone but i remember k taking me home i remember being at home with james james got me some big plate of chips when i got in i remember all that but i don't remember going to bed and when i look back i think no i was pretty when we went to albert

slosh i was really pissed i forgot we went there so there you go i was really pissed there i was but we had such a good time and we met koza kaz kazzy again yes she is just lovely we missed the whole bit of her talking though because lauren made me go out for a fag with her no why do i get blamed i did suggest we go yeah and i was like no wait and then when we walked back in lauren was like just walk back to the table i'm like i'm not fucking are you not glad now yeah yeah like we were at the front and i i mean everyone was sat down and watching her on stage and i just wanted to slyly come through to our chairs we did hear the end she is very good at yeah but ashley was like no you sit at the back now you've made us miss you know like assembly when you miss assembly

if you can't just walk through and then lauren would probably fall over in the middle of it like no you're right so we sat at the back yeah um and watched and that was good and um namina was fantastic she spoke about her breast cancer experience really sad wasn't it and she told me i can't believe she's like she's like the same age as us yeah it was scary but but really interesting she looked absolutely oh my god incredible i've literally got goosebumps she looked absolutely amazing yeah she's so she's just had um breast cancer and she's she's finishing treatment now so we've got another friend that's got breast cancer yeah scary isn't it and i think it's just a reminder to check your titties i got my smear test letter yesterday as well my smear

i need to book mine in i know i got the letter absolutely ages ago yeah you need to book it in please right okay i'll put that on my list i'll make sure i do that yes i will make sure yeah but yeah we had a good day so we had a good dance didn't we yeah um and then we went to albert slosh for a bit which was ropey in my memory really yeah so you weren't in a mood because you were ready to go did i yeah yeah i don't remember that yeah um but what i do remember is um well i don't remember so the next day i'm walking around limdam wholesome yeah going my handbag looking for something and i pulled out a strip of um instant pictures that we take oh and they were fine cute oh it's nice put them back oh another strip showing james look

wouldn't mean new for me and my new friends and ashley and i've got my tit out the first one and i pulled another one out and imagine like you're hungover you're trying to be wholesome with the kids and i'm literally like this why are we like and i've got my whole tit out and i was like and then gets what i did what so i uploaded it but obviously put a star over my chest and i loaded the other one then luckily thank you one of um my followers replied and was like babe at the bottom of the strip it says log on to find your pictures so i was like delete delete because you could just go on and find my tit and as soon as she told me i deleted it i imagine i was like going under hungover oh everyone's gonna see my tit but can they now log on now and find it no because it's

going off my story screenshot christina no but now could you not still just go log on no but you need my information if someone's great yeah you can if you really want to go and go and have a look at my tip if you're um if you're that asked i'm looking it looks great on the picture so i'm not bothered well if you're a new listener i need to tell you the worst worst worst thing that happened to me go on um christina oh my god so every sunday i did a q a that's like my thing some weeks are better than others this week was not great good um and someone put like where did you get your sunglasses from so i am heavily pregnant at the time and like i just had my bath and i put oil all over myself walking around my bedroom and i was like the sunglasses from

left them up probably an hour and a half my big fat pregnant tits are in the reflection and she's like that and you know when you're looking down so you've got like a double chin and she's taking a big milky dark nipples and this big belly and i'm like this is so funny but no one told you for age i wish i'd screenshot the picture but i was that morto that i deleted it straight away it was really funny it was yeah it was not okay yeah really funny so it's one it was nearly one of those yeah we were with um colleen we just love her so much colleen please come on the podcast did we ask her that's a bit that conversation because i was with her again i've been with her two nights in a row we'll discuss i think we'll

just obviously we say it all don't we discuss it on patreon we'll talk about anything that we think might be cancelled we've got one thing to laugh about we have to be careful still with that anyway but anyway yeah so we will talk about that more but tell me you know the convo with colleen is very very blurry yeah for me was that we were just like can we have a picture with you really sad and we know when we hate it when people ask please can we have one and did was there anything did i say anything you were chewing her ear off oh i i i i went in for the pick and then i left you oh i can't remember what i said on saturday but one thing that was amazing her was it her auntie so listen her auntie i looked at us from across the thing and was like i love

the podcast and we were like oh my god we're famous um so then i had another party on saturday it's my friend's husband's 30th and i pulled it together i don't know how you did it it was two nights on a trot the best party looked insane i've ever been to in my life so you know when you go to a party and yeah you can have a dance you can have a drink whatever no no no this party you went in and then they went we've got a surprise for everyone that opened these doors two tables actual bongos bingo were there like the actual like the actual people so we all sat down and had a imagine with the people that you like yeah and it's such a good starter yeah it was honestly oh my god it was amazing and then you look really nice as well you did you get a

full length no we didn't get no we didn't on friday did we oh my god any pitch on friday we got oh so we got out the car and we're nervous and we're walking up to harvey next to the side entrance and there's loads of paps because obviously famous famous people were there not us but actual people so we're going up and he didn't have a they're looking at us as if to say do we know does anyone know who they are are they anybody and one kind of considers it and then he's like no don't they know so we were just like whatever and then you see aaron yeah who's a pap that we know and that you know from housewives and that i met when we did charlotte dawson and he goes and he goes girls girls so i thought and i went oh my god hiya so then all the other

photographers i think i'm thinking shit they are and he went can i get a few pictures of you he made us walk to the top and walk back down and then they're all like shit they have somebody and we're not so then they all go and we were just like and obviously they must have thought we were somebody and i was thinking haha we're still nobody but you think we are now and everyone was staring at us but then we were like oh my god and then oh we'll put we're gonna i'm gonna put the picture on patreon right so then they took this picture of us not wandis they took this picture of us outside the stand thing aaron took them and i don't know if anyone else finds this but on my pictures i'll take a picture i'll do a video and i'll look back at it and i'm like

why is one of my eyes tiny one of them is like this literally like a side what are they called cyborg anyway so i did cyclops yeah and so ashley looks at us and i'm like this here with one tiny tiny eye she does i've got one i think it's from my blephs so i think one bleph eye is tighter than the other anyway we'll post them because it is really i look fucking awful and if you were to put that next to that lovely one you took of me in the car it wouldn't you wouldn't think it was the same person i was like can we do anything can we do anything with this because it's a nice it's the only full length of us both so i tried to face up it i put a filter i've put a face we ran it through many apps i tried i thought if i put a hollywood five on it it'll give me new eyes

no no there was nothing that could be done i tried to open one eye but then then my nose went all skew with nothing could be done on patreon don't forget we need to tell that bad date story that we heard over the weekend that someone came to us and told us that was a really bad one you are going to we need to have a debate on it because it was almost like a bit weird i've got some strong opinions on it so anyway that was us we'll we'll go into mother's day yeah mother's day mother's oh it's a busy day for james so i was just saying this morning to christina and lauren like do you not think like i feel like we've had christmas new year valentine's day world fucking book day international women's day and there's easter easter soon like i haven't got time i can't

prepare no um it's a lot isn't it yeah it did feel like on mother's day i had i got spoiled i did really really well i didn't even get did you see james's post when he put all the cards that he had to buy and then he put i'm gonna get the snip yeah um but yeah it's a busy day for him and then my mum came around we had sunday dinner at mine i had a really nice chill day actually it was i'm glad i didn't go out yes so we were gonna go out for dinner and i just thought i'm a part i partly the reason in the morning so she's such a bitch right in the morning i wake up like a bit rough on saturday this is the day after international women's day and we're in a group chat with our friend steph and we're talking away is everyone all right and ashley

goes you've left something here something very important and i'm like um you know you're sweating i'm sweating my phone i've got my phone is it my car keys it's not your car keys it's something worse so i'm like oh i can't deal with this and we're guessing what my debit card yes you have left that but there's something else and when you find what it is you're going to be very sad and i'm sweating in bed hungover and then later on and then i get home she's like it's your makeup bag i'd left my entire whole makeup bag at ashley's house now luckily i just didn't wear makeup for the weekend but i'm glad we weren't going out because i didn't have any makeup to play something funny to you as well before oh yeah because guys we've got a really good

we did it we've got a lot of ketchup so right here we go there we go so ashley went to try and hug saskia and that was the response that she got my breath did swell up oh my god mine will have really hangover literally it's like someone's had a shit in your mouth isn't it yeah and you wake up you wake up like hamster's breath cage hamster's cage it is absolutely ed was that booked on sunday like i just left him in bed because it's like he's you know poor thing he's got an actual real job no he's got a very very fully real so i just like stayed up this way i left him in bed and i went in and put a glass of water next to him and he went pale like gasping for the water trying to get me drink like

oh my god i'll tell you what i think really helped us the electrolytes yeah absolute losers were sat there at the table everyone's drinking drinking yeah and then we get out our sachets of electrolytes and everyone's like i wish i'd have bought mine and then we drank them and then had one in the morning and i honestly feel like that helped with my hangover i really do right busy busy busy so as you know on our patreon group chat it goes off everyone chats it's a lovely actually really nice little area but one of the things that we had a post on there didn't we and yeah and one of the girls basically said she just really struggles to make friends she's feels a little bit isolated she kind of just opened up and there were 44 replies on that

there's more now is there yeah everyone was so kind to her they were like where do you live they were swapping instagrams and they were i feel like that as well there's loads of people saying they feel the same they're struggling with with feeling like it's not making friends it's like having a connection with people she said like she'll send messages and get aired and they've just ghosted her and yeah she didn't feel like she had that yeah and everyone was so lovely to her and they were talking about meeting up and stuff and it just got us thinking about friendships and we realized from that post from that girl how many people are feeling the same yes um and i think it's a big thing i always talk about how many friends i've got because i feel

lucky for it yeah but not everybody has so would you say you've got a lot or would you say i got a small club what what do you think i've got some stories that i'm gonna share yeah i feel like you've got more of that than me because i feel like where i live is a lot different to where you though i 100 agree yeah and you know some of the stories and they're fucking wild i don't want to put it i don't want to be like if you live in the area you're this kind of person but i do think in the area you live in it's intense it's intense there's a lot of false characters yeah there is a lot of social climbing yeah excuse me there's a lot of people bitching and under like there's a lot of wealth i went to an all girls school as well there's a lot of you can be who's richer

who's there's a lot of that kind of um social scene and and that almost bitchiness i think everywhere but where i live i really do and i think it's keeping up with the joneses a lot in your area whereas i don't feel where i'm from certainly not it's just not quite the same no so i have got a story of someone that i was best best friends with and then we yeah parted ways because she did so many weird things for a long time oh like 15 years like this pair of you came together yeah for a long time um then i had a group of girls that i made friends with when i became a single mom and it was in covid and i parted ways with them as well so i'll tell you all because you probably thought at the time single moms and you know what now both things

do i regret they serve you through that period of time yeah i agree with but now i feel like you know i'm mid 30 years and i've got my group of core friends now and i love the fact that they're all from different groups because then do you know what when we see each other we don't sit and talk about other people because they don't know the other people we sit and talk about what we're up to what's next like yeah you know i i don't want to sit and talk about x y and z like i hate i hate that yeah and me and lauren one of our favorite quotes is what sally says of susan says more of sally than susan and that is so true if you've got a friend that is slagging off somebody constantly i can't cope with what are they doing behind your back now don't get me

wrong we all have a little cat we'll have a bitch but not about a close circle and sometimes you may talk about another friend but in a caring way yeah like concern concern you might say have you she's being a bit thingy do you think that is or what do you think of red flag yeah what do you think of that's a little bit different to someone who was constantly saying who did you see what she was wearing i hate comments like that or when they said screenshots of people's outfit like that's just really mean like yeah it's 2024 like can we fucking stop criticizing people for that in the same or what she had done to her thing yeah it's uncomfortable and it makes you think so if you've got a friend that's like that please believe me when you're not there shut them down

you will be the one that they're talking about yeah and do you know what since i've started shutting people down i feel like i'm only attracting the right ones yeah no i completely agree do you know what this is i think it's a really interesting conversation as well and james asks me this all the time he'll say to me who's your best friend i don't have just one and this is what i always say and i'm like my best friends are almost different for different things like i've got best friends that's like a best friend almost like a family best friend so like the kids and stuff like that and like from years ago then i have a best friend like me and you speak every single day yeah you know what's going on day to day in my life like all the little nitty gritty

bitchy angry stuff you know all about that we work together we've known each other for many years it was your concern was who you'd go to you'd go to and i feel like you have that friend but then you also have some friends that you've not spoke to for ages but they ride or die do you know what i must say i fight i think it sometimes can be a bit intense and toxic putting all your eggs into that one best friend basket because when you do start getting older as well you have friends that are going through different things in their life and I always think like I have you know heavily pregnant friends I don't want to ring them and moan about like something that feels trivial exactly and put it on them or I've got friends that have just split up with someone so I can't

ring them and talk to them about I've just found out I'm pregnant or because it might hurt them do you see stuff like that I think you've got to be really mindful of that as well which friends you go to whereas if you're all in one group i feel like it can become toxic because everyone's into one group and i also think um if you've got a group of friends not always but they often fall out with each other within the group and then you get dragged into the bullshit drama and like me and christina was saying before and then when you meet up you have to meet up with them separately because such and such isn't speaking to such and such anymore and i think that you can get involved in this toxicity that actually you're only in because you're friends with other people if that

makes sense exactly i mean i've still school friends i've still got yeah lucy from london is still my school friend i've got francesca from primary school i still speak to her i could ring her for anything i don't feel like i've got that many school friends i've got i've not got many but i have got my home group i call them my home friends um we've been friends since we were about 14 but we didn't go to school together so i guess they would be my school friends and i always say this and i say all the time my closest i would say friends and people i've met was at was at maya yeah i really i really would and we were laughing about this me and jemma and we were saying when you work at maya we had this it was like a cult a cult we have this connection that trauma bond

trauma bond i swear and we're still such good friends and i could ring them now with anything we'll talk about quickly as well how we became friends um so we became friends because we met at work yeah when we were i think i was 21 i think i was i've been there about a year so 20 2021 yeah one maybe so somewhere about something like that then um we worked there together for about i think i was there for about three or four years yeah then i left and went to a competitor yeah which was a bit awkward because then you all basically got told to not talk to me again but like we were in this weird cult so it's kind of like a weird i managed to escape the cult yeah luckily yeah i was in because i was like i can't be in the cult for much longer and then i got a

different job but we've just like stayed friends for ages but we didn't see each other or go out or do things for like ages ages no i can't you got married i got married i had a baby so i was kind of i moved direction with a lot of things and then obviously i split with his dad you had a baby and then that kind of brought us not that we'd gone anywhere but it's just we could always text or ring each other anytime but your common interest just changes up a little bit doesn't it and then we had babies a year apart and went through similar things so that i think from then we kind of never went back apart i do think it is a true thing that you do when you get into a new relationship with someone you do hear off that person less and I personally think once you get

to our age Lauren and you've had that many different dynamics of friendships I it doesn't insult me and I don't get upset about it I just think don't invite her for cocktails invite her for brunch completely agree you just the dynamic completely changes and that's why when you go through your life you do like you said you made single mum friends at that time you needed those single mom because i yeah needed to navigate that doesn't mean that they're going to be your forever friends i feel like as you go through you have friends and that's why you've got to be careful of what you decide to tell people yes i'm very very bad at that yeah i have a mouth like a like i will be like don't say it don't say it don't say it i've got a secret do you want to

know like about myself i don't tell other people's but my own i'm quite i think i'm open we're open anyway i think though it's really sad how like i'm that naive that i never think that someone's coming from a bad place but over the years you are much better than me though now that i've had two really big incidents which i'll tell you about that bought me fucking you're like you always say to me lauren they're not your friend they're not your friend yeah be careful yeah or like or i'll say oh and i was just be careful you're much tougher i'm still yeah very gullible yeah i think and i assume that everyone's got the same intentions as me and they just haven't so i'm gonna tell you that i don't know if i've ever told you like this story this is when i learn

fuck me girls are mental yeah right okay so i had a boyfriend who i lived with and i had my best best best best best friend like we were you came as a duo yeah when i met you it was a duo inseparable and um i did not suspect that there was anything any foul play no and um one night he was in the kitchen having a meeting and we lived on a ground floor apartment and i opened up his laptop to do something i'd never checked his phone before never anything and there was messages off her on his facebook and facebook though yeah facebook so i read like glanced at some of them and they were that awful that had to shut it and it was like what slagging me off and how i look and stuff like that to him yeah like what just like just like all really nasty like personal things

to him and then what was he he wasn't replying much but his replies slowly got like shorter and less frequent through the messages when he was thinking i looked at one of the dates was when we were both sat together at a photo shoot and she was like literally next to me messaging my boyfriend so i slammed the laptop shut no and i rang one of my other friends who was part of that group and i told her and she went what the fuck you need to get out of there now you need to get out so i had my car keys in my handbag so i opened the window in the bedroom and i climbed out because we lived on the ground floor oh my god and i got in my um fiat 500 it's actually my peugeot and his car was parked like behind me so i had to drive onto the grass turn the car around

i just like threw all my shit in a bag then i got home and um him and him and the person he was having the meeting with must have been like um i got home and i just was like i couldn't sleep for days and then he turned up at my house and he was like crying in front of my mum and dad and and i literally text him and her and i sent them both the same message just saying you've fucked everything up i've fallen out with my best friend and my boyfriend all in one day did she have an excuse oh god yeah so i just said i i don't even want to like talk to either of you anymore about it kind of thing and then he came around and um we had a chat and he was just like you know um i'm really sorry and you know i did used to talk to her ages ago before we were

together and then she must have got really jealous because i didn't know about any of that and kept it all in and then um yeah and that was that was what happened what was her excuse what was the i didn't want to hear it not bothered just left it but i was just like what the fuck and that i suppose that and if that's your best friend best yeah do something like that then from then you think if she can do it anyone can and then i had like numerous other things but then i got involved with a very toxic group of people who like when it comes you've got nothing good from that no when it comes like kids family all that stuff like i think just leave it alone like you don't go near that like yeah and some weird shit like weird shit happened and then one day i was in my apartment

and one of them was round and something flashed up on her phone and i realized they'd all made a group chat without me in it that's just so jealous so literally i went no i went do you know what i said to her i went show me phone and she went what do you mean and i went show me phone what do you mean and i said who's what's this yeah uh who's in it and she wouldn't show me and i just went get the fuck out literally you know when i lose my shit i lose my shit i won't get the fuck out and don't fucking talk to me again just nasty do you know what the when you were do you not think that you do without meaning to get sucked into that yeah yeah yeah and i think the people that you are around the most which is why your work friends are extremely important

whether you mean to or not you start becoming you become them without a doubt the people that you surround you you've got their advice and it kind of gets into your paws yeah and i think sometimes luckily you stopped there and thought not for me because probably during that period you probably started i didn't know i wasn't then obviously when i got married to ed i like kept everything secret had to yeah like got married and because a lot of people didn't like that and they were kind of like why are you getting like i remember telling someone like i'm getting married to ed next week and they're like why and i was like yeah are you okay like you'd say to anyone else wow yeah like you wouldn't go like shit on someone like absolutely just really weird

so anyway i'm far away from that now i've got my amazing group of friends but what i'm saying is girls like stuff like that happens yeah and if something's not sitting right move it will lead you to a point though where you don't put up with shit anymore and you start to notice like i always can notice when i'm sat in a new group of girls who rules the roost who's the bitch who's this and do you know what my worst thing is is honestly passive aggressiveness yeah and one big thing that like i always say to my friends is jealousy comes in jokes yeah yeah so like take notice if somebody keeps making the same joke it's not a funny yeah that you don't think that's like me and you take the piss out of each other all the time but if there was something mind you we are quite horrible

horrible but we're horrible but i think it's hard though because we're saying all this because what i was just about to say is if someone makes a joke about something that you're actually quite conscious of but then i thought actually we do that to each other like you're right like my eyes but it's different but i think you just know and just be mindful of it absolutely but so we talked about the toxic friendships and and getting away from that because i said on the other podcast as well your partner affects everything in your life yeah so do your friends so if you're in a group that isn't serving or they're doing things that isn't really you just move away from it there's no point hanging on but i think one of the things that

popped up a lot back to that patreon message was how do you make friends as an adult now i'll be honest it's not me just being like oh well i'm so lucky but i genuinely i've got my i'm very i'm blessed i'm very lucky um so we asked everyone didn't we well that's like quite a lot of my friends their husbands play football and i feel really sorry for them keep moving and relocating within one day their kids as well they have to be like bye and you just made all these friends and now you've got a whole new country sometimes a whole new place and if you're partly changing not even football whatever it is if you have to follow him yeah which sometimes happens as a family oh you move area and i've never really had to do that so that's probably why it's not

something i've ever worried about so gym is number one i think workout classes my mom makes loads of friends at work well our gyms quite like um what's social yeah and they do like a lot of events and stuff like that so i would say gym workout classes 100 reformer pilates so my girls girls there my mom has made mom's got loads of friends but and she makes friends fucking everywhere but she has got some friends i'm going for coffee with such and such and i'm like who's that you know from pilates yeah and like gym classes and she went on like a gym um brunch day out and stuff um she doesn't drink so that was quite funny but like that kind of thing i do think gym you both you're all interested in the same thing so it's quite a nice little yeah opener and then baby classes

and play dates and stuff like yeah so if you've got children and you feel isolated i think baby