Nip Tuck - How to meet men in your 30's

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

This week we're recording at home because Lauren has been ill. We chat about Ashley's romantic trip to Paris, Laurens teeth and best of all how to meet men in your 30's! We've got some cracking tips for you all.And if you want an extra episode you can subscribe on Apple OR if you want bonus eps plus be included in our infamous group chat then join our Patreon...https://patreon.com/niptuckpodMusic courtesy of BMG Production Music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip not giving a fuck lauren's absolutely fucked everything up for all of us this week so we we're sat at home we're not together we're both um in our own abodes but basically it's wednesday we were meant to be recording on monday we had everything sorted was ready to go in lauren oh go on i have been unwell i hate to say it i've been really unwell so it started funnily enough no it does so on monday um sorry my voice keeps going as well on monday we recorded and i was saying how ill james was and how women can't get ill and i never get ill and i literally said these words to christina i never get ill i won't get this virus not a chance i'll get this virus watch

i won't get it thea won't get it either thea never gets anything i don't wash my hands i'm never ill anyway you're always ill ashley you're always your kids are always ill mine aren't anyway have i ever cancelled recording no you've not and you know neither have i and this is one thing i was thinking even when your eye was falling out that's how i knew you were yeah like even when my eye was falling out i turned up with sunglasses on with my eye on a stalk like i literally that's how we it was dangling down from like the red um but yeah i i james james had one eyeball on my cheek pop it back in um and i came and i conquered however james has had this illness and he's had it for he was off for a week and i slagged him off man flu and then i woke up it was really bad

i was actually taking the piss out of him because it was like it was almost like a flu i don't know like sweating like profusely maybe schmovid shivering like horrific and i actually said to him babe on the day that i came to the pod i was like i had to leave him like that because i had to record and i needed to get under the bed because that's where we have our trainers because it's like a dressing room actually but underneath my bed that's how you might understand it you live in shoebox so in normal houses normal people often don't have the dressing room so what we do is we look for storage in weird places so we buy things with extra storage for small home um and under my shoe box inside shoe

box so under my bed is shoe box um so my shoes are under the bed you you're like yes you live like mouse like tiny mouse um so cool i went to get my shoes out of the bed and he was that delirious that he went are we going somewhere and i was literally he was that he was like hallucinating and i was taking the mick out of him and then anyway tuesday hit and uh yeah i got it as well and to the point where i rang in sick um with my other job which i never do i thought i'd be fine for monday um and i wasn't i've been in bed but what i have watched whilst in bed is um the full new season of kin did you watch kin the first one everyone on patreon said to watch i love kin really i love a gangster um thing wait lauren guys can we just say if this

is shit quality don't do not worry you don't need to get used to this we won't be doing this no this is literally just because um obviously so monday i said i can't do it i couldn't get in i couldn't even speak um never mind getting to work so we didn't want you to miss a week so we've got some really funny technology and i'm sat in my kitchen so anyway um we're here anyway shoe box living in a shoe box watching stuff on tv i went to paris for valentine's day i love how it's changed from my life to yours right you don't go away that much and you didn't say much about it so can we have the dl right okay so i don't agree with flying when you're pregnant so for many many reasons and if you want to fly when you're pregnant that's absolutely fine i just personally it's

i'll be flying when i'm pregnant and i've obviously i've been pregnant for like years it's like an elephant um so i've not been able to go away so anyway for valentine's day ed was like let's go away so we have like 24 hours in paris and i am not even joking guys the hotel was the best hotel i've ever stayed in in the world like in all the hotels i've ever ever stayed in it's called the george sank it's a four seasons hotel four seasons and stunning iconic um and it's opposite crazy horse lauren did you go to crazy horse so we went to matignon on for dinner um the spa inside the hotel was unbelievable like grantley hall times 100 you know when you walk in a spa and it's got that warm hits you grantley hall's like that you walk in and

it's like walking into a sauna you're like whoa and you just want to fall asleep don't you because you're like oh i feel like i'm having a hug um so yeah we went to la avenue for lunch then we went back to the hotel to the spa couldn't get an appointment at hermes i was gonna ask you that did you try nope i didn't try that hard i applied online but i got knocked back um i reply i tried with the hotel concierge as well philippe philippe didn't come through no and then like because the hotels so exclusive all these russian women were there with like where like they've been flown in with a private jet and they had like these bouquets of roses lauren that were like huge and i was stood at the concierge desk like asking him about like reservations and this bag appointment and the

gifts that were arriving for these women and it was such good people watching because it was valentine's day so we just like sat in the hotel bar for a bit me and ed were just like oh my god um then we went to matignon for dinner loved that gorgeous then we went to crazy horse hotel bar bed and then flew home the next day but i lost an earring oh no hat where don't know the back of it was still in but it's the front that you really wanted isn't it hon that was the expensive real one well that will teach you a lesson um yeah the tell us about the flight oh my god why do people right guys we've all been there also can the airlines have a word with themselves why why are you serving chicken tikka on a 5 40 a.m 40 minute flight but oh it's

like when you open a packet of ham and you're like oh and it's like oh my god and i was getting messages off people like hi i work in weather spoons in the airport and i can confirm people do this every day like but i i think that's like men like me and my friend were talking about this and we were like men are vile though because they can have a shit on a 30 minute flight on an easy jet plane they can have a shit anywhere anywhere like they don't care for me i'd be like i'm gonna gonna wait i'm just gonna hold it i can hold a poo from 9 a.m to 9 p.m if need be i think i'm that busy i forget i needed one and then all of a sudden i think oh yeah i needed a poo four hours ago exactly so was the flight disgusting was it full of kids going to disney horrendous kids going

to disney because i didn't realize it was half term and then me and ed were like we feel really bad that we've not brought our kids to disney um but i've not heard that many good things about disney paris however the new hotel is open i need to be careful because there are ears around me but the place that you've just said we are going in april um with two of the little people um but we're not staying in the place you've just said because do you know now expensive now i am all for splashing the cash on holidays i i will it's a time that i feel i'm not yeah that is where i will spend the money on most of my money that's what it goes on i don't really spend it on anything else um and even for me it was a lot so we looked at two nights um and

don't get me wrong it looks spectacular beautiful um it was beautiful it's a disney hotel have you seen it though is it really nice very french style it's brand new oh for a girl beautiful the rooms are like old old-fashioned french style gorgeous right um and it was four thousand pounds for for two nights nights with no food that's just that's just no food for me james and two of them of them um and it was that for no food nothing so at first i was like oh well it is what it is you know gotta go to the best and then james was like but really like is this excessive so i spoke to a girl i know who just been and um she does travel business and she was like lauren you could get another hot like it is a bit silly so we've done it for one slightly out as it happens because i

just feel like it's one of those places that i need to tick off i need to take like we need to go but yeah the hotel looks stunning but at two thousand pounds a night for a basic room and no no nothing else no i'm sorry no no for me yeah for the kids no do you know what though last time i went to paris when i was pregnant with teddy um i got the euro star because like i said i don't like fine when i'm pregnant and that i feel like the kids would love to get the euro star and it takes you right into disneyland as well i heard a rumor that it doesn't anymore um but i don't know if that's true or not but yeah it's not something that i'm thrilled about i'm not gonna lie but it's one of those things that is not for me it's for the kids so how was your valentine's day then

lauren oh my god i can't i don't know i can't remember i didn't do uh oh i was in bed ill james got me a card have you had ill sex yet how funny is it so listen to this listen to this so james is really like genuinely concerned about his piece because since he's had this illness now bear in mind james gets a boner as i've told you before at the all i have to say is you look you look nice bing um and he's not had a morning glory since the illness so he must be he's convinced himself now and he's got a genuine worry that the flu has killed his boner so we've not done it for ages because he was ill and then i was ill and it was so it's so ill that he this is how i test how willy is so i go to him could you take a blow job and if he goes no then i know he's ill and at one

point he couldn't even it was not happening um so yeah we've not we didn't do anything he brought bought me an awful disgusting card do you remember clinton's cards with a teddy bear um oh i've got mine here and it was vile and i laughed in his face oh that's cute can i just say ed is actually one of the most romantic did his pa do it and i got james absolutely nothing i'm not interested in it think it's stupid i didn't even get ed but what i do have to say is and i mentioned this on instagram i was too ill anyway but when i was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself one of the things i realized is i missed the memo completely of us doing a spread for children on valentine's day i missed it that is honestly no when did that start missed we've missed the balloons for going

back to school we've missed the elf on the shelf balloon and now we've missed love honestly like listen i love doing stuff for it it's not that and when i see other people doing it for the kids i think god i wish i was you i wish i was you but i didn't even know i was meant to so i'm scrolling through and all these mums have done these balloons and and these big breakfasts and they've all they've made like a heart-shaped lunch boxes they've bought they've bought they've gone and bought heart-shaped everything um and i'm thinking i thought none of us had any money well we clearly have to buy heart-shaped cozy living living crisis we're buying heart-shaped bloody water bottles for our kids for one day so i missed that i had no idea and now next year i'm

obviously gonna do it because i feel like a bad mom no honestly and it was the way people were calling it love day and doing all these posts on instagram and all that shite like i don't i love i like to see it i just wish it just made me feel a bit like i should have done more and i felt a bit tight and it just made me feel a bit shit so look love love day can go and suck a dick our episode that we did the heartbreak one banged it was good people loved it so we've got a message here from someone do you want me yeah you read it out okay this is in response to our heartbreak episode are men becoming more sensitive one sec i've got an itchy eye is it down your cheek hanging on by thread lauren you're gonna have to read it ladies i have a

question i've been listening to your latest episode the heartbreak episode when you were saying about like posting and how girls post quotes etc on their stories and how lads don't do that but i've noticed a guy on my instagram who's recently just broken up with his girlfriend and he's literally posting all these quotes etc like do you think men are starting to become more emotional like women like is society now allowing men to feel more emotional even a lad i was seeing about a year ago followed my fitness page on his personal account after knowing one another over a year and never followed each other's fitness from our personal account for him to then reply to a story from his personal account so basically using an excuse to kind of get in touch and get

get me to notice him and then i noticed that when i didn't reply he unfollowed me because i'd not followed him back so i'm so curious to know your thoughts like and then becoming more with their feels yeah they are and that person that we always take the piss out of people say follow and follow follow and follow follow and follow follow and follow scroll back 10 weeks deep like a pig like a pig which one do i choose this girl a b c d follow and follow yeah and follow message no response yeah why because it's so unattractive it's so unattractive but what i would say to you girls is if if you think like we said to you last week in the heartbreak ep if we find it incredibly embarrassing when men do it then they do think the same so if you do that thing where you follow

like try and get their attention put a quote up put an obvious no it's gonna give them the ick just like it gives us the ick so just be really mindful of that it's you can tell her when a girl's single because her pictures the quotes and the pictures start to change and it and and everyone can see it so just be careful that you don't do that because then you look so arsed but i personally james is very very sensitive like he's actually a really sensitive soul he's like very very soft and i do like that but not he's not overtly sensitive so i know he is and with his family and friends he is but he isn't to the outside which is fine for me um ed's like the least sensitive person i've ever known to man is he just got no i've seen him cry

once is that when you is that when you've dumped him no it was when teddy was born oh did he cry then yeah and i was like and i was half my tummy was open i went you're crying because i've been trying to make him cry for years and he was like did he cry when snow was born or was he over it by them over it by them yeah it's the face the sun thing yeah the sun thing the first one thing the first one um but no honestly sensitivity in a man even if it like manifest manifests itself in is that the right word say if it manifests itself like if it shows up as aggression that's yeah no that's probably the right way to say it because that's honestly like sensitivity can be boohoo i'm hurt or fight me bro well do you know what i mean i think what men often do is because

they don't want to boohoo it comes out another way so that's why yeah that's why they do the angry like on a night out like you nip my shoulder yeah whereas it's actually manifested itself from your girlfriend being nasty to you in the taxi an hour ago yeah i'm wanting to cry but you couldn't 100 but then again this comes down lauren to what i always say men on social media anyone on social media quotes blah blah blah over posting look at me and my love look at this that the other red flag massive red flag so this led us on to a very very very hot topic which is if social media were saying we don't want them using it that's down the drain where do we meet them i don't know because i met james on social media but if i'd not met him on social media our

paths would never have crossed i don't think like luckily i've got another story for you i met ed in person and i never even knew he existed he didn't know i did and we didn't have even any mutual friends or anything that's crazy isn't it me and james didn't it's weird but so you you met you met in the smoking area didn't you met in the smoking area of revolution well worth the lung cancer risk 100 well um and yeah we just like met and swapped numbers so guys it's possible either the way but basically christina we got um was it a question box we put on i feel like someone messaged and said how do you meet men in patreon wasn't it yeah or it could have been i can't remember what it was and i then just put a question box out and said can anyone help

and then we had some responses and then loads of people were responding saying please can you share the answers please yeah I feel like and I feel guilty because I feel like this is a big question that everyone wants to know the answer to but I don't know the answer I've got so many single friends in the 30s and all of them are saying to me Lauren like it's dry what what do we do do you think that it could prevent certain people from splitting up with current partners who they're not happy but they're in their 30s and they're like oh maybe i should just stick with them because if i go single now what like where would i find someone absolutely why i hate the whole turning 30 the whole big 30 dirty 30 all that shite i fucking hate that and we need to stop that

we need to stop the 40 30 thing do you not think cloran yeah because it then gives you a pressure to think you should be at a certain point like 30 means something and actually 29 versus 33 one day later one day later you were 29 yesterday there's nothing different there oh shite sorry my mics just fell on me oh shite i've been watching kin too much um sorry uh yeah and i think it puts that pressure but i do agree with you christina i think and this is makes me feel really sad because i think there are a lot of people out there that are settling and i think they're in a relationship that is maybe okay um and they get out of it you know they're comfortable but they look around and

the reason they feel like they can't leave is there's many reasons number one financially it is a very difficult time for anybody to live on their own like the cosi live and the fact that our wages and everything it's so hard so people are looking at this partner thinking well together we've got an income that pays for what we've got right now if i go on my own i'm gonna have to have a smaller home a smaller car so there's that i think there's the worry of splitting families up people have that concern and i also think people think well i'm never gonna find anyone else but honestly and truly this sounds like really oh but you have one chance at your life one literally one that's it and you could get hit by a bus tomorrow you don't know when it's over and

you don't get another go so if you were going to sit there in a mediocre life and think well we are good friends and he is quite good to me and we've got a nice home and unless you love that person and they make your day better and they are your best friend and you still fancy them and then you are wasting that one chance now yeah it's scary and you you worry that you're not going to meet somebody but everybody says that i thought that then i met someone do you know christina probably thought that then she met someone but there are people out there but they will what i always say is blocking your blessings if you're with somebody that isn't right for you you are blocking any the right person that you could bump into yeah you could bump into them in tesco

who knows but you will never know when your eyes are possibilities are endless it's true it's so true I've been with people that and you know the difference so I'm good to say this because I know the difference with being with somebody because it's convenient and because you think I don't want to be alone and being with somebody because you are madly in love with them and if you are with someone that you're not it isn't quite right not only sorry I'm going on a rant now but not only does it mean ruin your one chance at life one one chance but what it also does is it ruins every other aspect of your life if you're not with the right person your career will not flourish your sex life will not flourish your yourself your family life will not because the wrong person can

hold you back in so many ways if you're with someone that puts you down or if you're with someone that just doesn't understand you and want the best for you then you are capping every part of your life because of this one relationship your relationship has so much more control over your life than just that person i also think that we should normalize being single and that it's okay to be single because i didn't meet my i hate saying partner boyfriend do you like pussy or not boyfriend um until i was 33 and before that i was single for a long time probably good six seven years and I was like oh I'm never gonna meet anyone and all that kind of shit and like and you know people used to tell me oh if you you'll find someone the right time and all this and

you're just a bit like oh fuck off like I don't really want to hear that um and also I got to the point just before I met Adam I got to the point with him that I was like I'm actually okay on my own i actually i'm actually really happy on my own and i mean luckily i met him and he was great and blah blah and all of the rest is you know it's all fine but i was fine i accepted being on my own but i think it was everyone else around me who wasn't accepting of me being on my own and that is really annoying have you heard of that um have you heard you'll i think it's from i might be wrong here i want to say sex and the city and it's a quote that basically says what if our soulmates are our friends yes charlotte said that is that where it's from

and it's always stuck with me that because when i was single that i fully believe that like my friends were the one if i wanted a cuddle a laugh a chat a sig a night out a night in watch go to the cinema with them like what if our friends are our soulmates there yeah if you think about it your friends they are yeah they are they don't let you down they don't cheat on you well most of them you can tell them everything they've been with you for years like they know you inside out they don't have an ulterior motive like what if we're looking for men because of disney and how disney tells us we find our prince and all the rest of it yeah our friends are enough to get through all the everything that we need and a man is a nice addition yeah i totally agree lauren and

female relationships are totally like they are so much more like complex more complex and involved than men sat at the pub together all right all right football whereas women are like you know we get into it with each other we check in on each other when would a man hi bro how are you feeling today do you feel better after that chat we had like you are so right with that lauren