Nip Tuck - 'I'M NOT FROM ROCHDALE!!!'

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

This week Ashley's getting adventurous on the app store, but don't worry it's purely for 'research purposes'... Lauren (who's not from Rochdale) is getting well and truly wound up by certain self-proclaimed motivational influencers and one listener has the BEST story ever for how to hide snooping on your fellas phone.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your beauty questions, icks & dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a not doing you just want to shut up you shut up this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women we are here in your ears we are here in your ear don't make it interfere we're here looks it's queer um me anyway me so so we are here and we are here to cheer you up we're here to stick that rocket up your arse so off we go i'm gonna lick your arse tonight sorry guys i've just ruined everyone's day with that in the head okay guys coming up on today's show rumor has it ashley's thrown her keys into a bowl lauren is still denying that she's the queen of rochdale not even from rochdale and one listener's got the best idea ever to hide snooping on your fella's phone love it now on

nip tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at nip tuck pod.com hello is it Nip Tuck you're looking for oh Sophia Ritchie oh stunning stunning

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damn well choose to be head to this episode's description for more information how you can get in touch with us we want to know what's getting on your tits we want to know

your beauty questions your icks your embarrassing stories Is there anything really that you want to talk to us about? We want to hear it. What? Your icks, your tits and your bits. Yes, your dingle dangles.

Just let us know. We don't give a fuck, really. I mean, we do give a fuck about you, but we don't give a fuck in general. Nah. Nah. We're back, head surgery. Hello.

Can I just tell, I'm really quick. I know I'm going off the radar. Because when I go off the rails, it's not okay when you do it. It's fine. So this girl, another podcast that I listen to, this girl went round to this guy's house off Tinder

and everyone was like don't go it's a bit weird for the first date went round he made her a really nice meal really attractive guy was going really well

started sweating had the shits ran up to his toilet did the shit the toilet wouldn't flush typical she was like I'm gonna just have to tell him

because it wasn't even working and she was like I've shit myself he was like babe don't worry I'll go and sort it out he's gone missing

for like 20 minutes so she goes upstairs why would you let him sort it out no She goes upstairs And he's eating her shit So she rings the police

When she gets home He's on the register No For eating other women's shits His standard tactic Is he puts No Laxatives

No He puts laxatives In their In their food So they shit And he switches the toilet off No The whole thing's a plan

Yeah I find it interesting That she rang the police Over him eating shit Well I mean When someone She said like He turned around like

With a face full of Like Bruce Bogtrotter With a face full of cake And that other podcast That is produced That is produced by us A guy did loads of big shits And put them in the freezer

Put them in the freezer And he put condoms On the shits And then put them up his arse Iglooing Iglooing it's called Fuck off Anyway that's kicked us off

really well to today's episode. He used the chit as a dildo. Yeah. Why don't you use the dildo as a dildo? Why do people use cucumbers and carrots? Because they can't find the dildo. Because they've lost the dildos. I need to charge my cucumber.

I wonder why the electricity bills have gone up in the country. What the fuck? I don't know where to go about this. You've really thrown me right off now. Talking about all things naughty. no killing kittens

so what's going on about this yes because it's on my bucket list and I'm going so I on my bucket list

is going to a swingers party what else is on your bucket list out of interest I haven't got one none of the folk that's yours that's about it really

I've ticked everything else off so you could you know swim with dolphins you could go and see the most beautiful place in the world you could whatever you want to go to

a swingers party that's your bucket list yeah so anyway like a high high end swingers party so like just to watch yeah okay so anyway um i was meant to be going this week there but i can't go which is really annoying so as part of it they've got this app and you download the app and it's like tinder but for swingers right i'll i'll show you in a sec so wait it's

not fab swingers is it because we've spoken about that a lot if you don't know about that you need so you have to get like invited to go on it like raya kind of so it's each party has got like a little group thing so you can check the people out before you go to the party so if there's no one fit then you're not swinging it about i've already seen people i know on it so guys if anyone says ashley stobart is on a swinging app yes i am yes i am because but it's for research remember when someone saw me on raya some knob and said to james um she's still on raya it was for research purposes okay and i've gone now it's not i'm not on there's loads of people that live in cheshire did you know like cheshire is the swinger capital of um the uk or something she's

made this that's not factual guys don't like not everyone start moving um right okay can i just okay so it's a swingers app you put a picture of you and your partner on there no i'm on it as just an individual or you can go on it as does ed know you're on this app yeah yeah we do sit together my name is kinky cat 69 this is my profile sounds like my um my my hotmail what i'm looking for women men non-binary people anyone so basically anyone and everyone that's what you want oh my god anyway who have you seen on there i'll tell you in a sec but yeah i've seen people that i know on there um and they've probably seen me so when you're next out for a dinner and someone comes over and throws the keys at you.

This lady, she's quite fit. Yeah, and what does she want? She is 49 from Liverpool. Can we say what the app is? She's looking for men, couples, friendship and long-term dating. She's into ass play, foreplay, kissing, massage, submission, threesomes, toys, voyeurism.

What's voyeurism? That's what I am. I'm a voyeurist. I like voyeurists. I think I'm a voyeurist. We're a voyeur. So look, there's a couple. What?

This is wild. Have I told you, I can't tell your name, but someone I know quite well recently told me they've got a thing where they love, like, if they were a partner, going to certain places and people watching them have sex. Yeah, that's all part of swinging. She loves people watching. I would like to watch someone else have sex, I think. Yeah, I don't want people watching me. Yeah, that's more of it. Yeah, I think I'm into that.

Well, that's why people upload amateur porn, right? And that's my favourite porn. So, look there. I wonder if James wants to do this. Okay. probably not I might ring him look at them

you wouldn't say they were swingers you would not say they were swingers no absolutely not would you I would say they would have a takeaway

on Friday night I wouldn't say they look quite swingery yeah he looks like an older man with a young finger no Cathy's actually 35

did I tell you guys who's he wouldn't have put him as a swinger did I tell you guys that we've been approached by another swinging club

have we look oh god just a towel over his privates okay what's the app called tell people okay guys so the app is called we are x and if you go on there you'll find me wow okay it's cool so yeah i'm looking forward to when i can reschedule to

go to that i'm really looking forward to it and are you just gonna stand and watch people shag yeah it's but their parties aren't just no i know it's more than that isn't it they're like i really really want to go to like a halloween one i think they do them in ibiza and bali as well okay cool right okay um so other things that the alzheimer's thing yeah what are you what oh my god right so i go to bed at like 8 p.m every night same same i am in my pajamas as soon as i get home my clothes are off my pajamas on my makeup's off i'm done slippers are on you're not getting anything out of me after that i'm going to pilates at half five tonight which is just not something that i would normally do i'm a morning exerciser and then five

o'clock i'm in my pajamas so anyway it's half after half past eight and i'm in bed watching some murder thing and i hear the doorbell masturbating or no actually watching tv and ed me and ed are very weird like he sits downstairs and watches golf and sport and i go upstairs and go get in my little bed really see i'm i'm literally attached to james because no no early anyway so I hear the doorbell like after half eight and then I'm like who's that

and then I can hear him talking then I hear boof boof boof boof and Ed running up the stairs and I'm like have we been breaking in like what's going on and he goes

like minding something aren't you like this this this won't fuck off and you're like what

and I'm like so you've left a stranger downstairs in our house the funniest thing is if you know Ed like you can She'll see this happening. Him, like, in sheer panic.

And you're like, I don't know how to get this right. And he's so, so socially awkward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine him opening the door like, hello? No, but also you shouldn't open the door if you don't know who it is. How did he get through the gates? Ed let him in. So anyway.

What's wrong with him? So I go downstairs, I'm like earwigging. And this man, some man claiming to be from an Alzheimer's charity. He's a chancer. it's just a random and Ed's given him some cash to make him fuck off

of course he has so then the next morning I'm speaking to my nanny yeah and I'm in a mood with Ed like a full on mood for the same thing

he shouldn't be opening the door to anyone at night the weirdest thing is that he opened the gates for a random man I don't get it

so have you seen that 24 hours in police custody where the man is dressed as an Amazon and he kills the people in the house Oh Jesus The man walks

Into the house He's dressed In an Amazon outfit Fuck And he knocks on the door And of course You answer And he kills

Two people in the house Okay So you're in a mood with that So I was like You've watched that 24 hours in police custody So I'm in a mood And then

The nanny The next day Sends me this screenshot And it was on the Facebook local thing And it was like This man Has been going

Going round to houses And that's given him cash Two nights ago half past eight the door rings the boy scouts oh I opened the door and I gave them

I gave it them I said what the hell is your mother doing letting you walk around nuts for a half hour three of them they were like

and I was like this is so inappropriate you're scaring old people my children are asleep so the boy scouts got the shit for the con man And I was like, wow, I'm horrible.

And what did they do? Do you agree with me? You shouldn't be knocking on people's doors. It's 2023. But at the same time, like, where's the human contact? You can't knock on a door anymore. No, I don't think you can. Do you think you can?

I think they have a guardian with them. No, they were on their own. Three Boy Scouts. I bet they were fake Boy Scouts. Probably. It's going to go round that they were fake. And all that, like, a nasty woman shouted at some kids. Everyone avoid that house.

I don't open the door for shit. do you still get people coming around selling tea cloths absolutely not yeah do you yeah yeah like well obviously they must think like oh if we go here people are gonna buy it no i on trick or treat i don't i know halloween absolutely not i'm really anti-social so i don't open the door for fucking anyone no that's just because i don't want to speak to anyone you've got a little bargain basement hack for us um well not even that so basically as you know this is like our community now and get off that donut mate no fat sweat um you said i looked thin earlier so you just called me a fat sweat thank you yeah um so basically um when people tell me things i

always think tell the girls tell the girls and the girls is obviously and the boys you lot so i write in my phone and there's just a couple of things i thought i'd just share with you both there's another thing the app we forgot the app the app the food app the food bank app yeah right it's just reminded me so get it up ash so while we're on it i saw this and put it in my list to tell you guys and then i also did it's called too good to go so t double o have you got it lucas so what it is basically from what i can gather is you go on it you put where your location is and then do you know places like tim horton's greg's um one-stop shops spa holiday inn if they're going to be wasting food at the end of the day they make a bag up um you it's like a

surprise bag sometimes it tells you what it could be so the starbucks here and there's loads of tiktoks on it there's lunch up across wh smith so basically things that aren't going to last much longer waitrose is on it by me marks and spencer you pay certain amount and you book in a collection time and you go and collect the bag so that food would have been thrown away it would have been completely wasted you get loads and you get loads so like for like a five so for example here if i was to look now so it's called too good to go there's chinese's on here so let me just quickly look just to give you an idea if i was to look at waitrose okay and it says here a selection of grocery and fresh food items that could include sandwiches salads fruit

meat bread cheese um and then it just depends on what's left on the day and it's five pounds um so you go and you will get more than five pounds worth and it would have gone in the bin otherwise so if you're struggling a little bit even if you're not particularly massively struggling but it would help you out if you know somebody that it would help out um you can go to greg's as well you could even get it and help someone else you could take it to a food bank couldn't you ash exactly um honestly the stuff that you get on there is too good to go this isn't like sponsored or anything i just saw it and then ash also saw it so i really think um it's worth looking out and i think people get embarrassed by things like that and there's absolutely i would go i if

i wanted some gregs at the end of the day my friends have been as well and i just think i'm always on the reduced section i just think food's expensive life's expensive if you do need to pull the money in somewhere then that could be something food is my place yeah yeah and the other thing that i saw so there's something called um let me get it on my phone because i wrote it in my notes for you guys you guys google lens do you know this is yeah so it's an app called google lens what you do is you take a pic i should have got the app to show you you take a picture of something and it will pull up any shopping that's like that so for example you took a picture of that lip gloss that lip gloss it will find the lip gloss bring it up so you can buy it but it will show alternatives

similar to the lip gloss that look the same it's like shazam like shazam for products oh love so my friend did it because we really wanted to get um those are sold out some h&m pisses me off why everything's always fucking sold out online and you go on and it's sold out so my friend was like Oh my God, look at this. Was it the crochet dress? Yes. So nice. Fucking pricks.

Hannah Jakes posted it, didn't she? I don't know. I had already had it in my basket before. The cream and they did it in black as well. So I'd already got it in my basket. Then it went viral and went out. Anyway, yeah. So also she said it works with furniture.

So say you see a gorgeous table. Shut up. You take a picture and it will tell you similar. It's like Google image reverse almost. I love this. So I just thought I'd share all that. I've not even got it because I'm telling you about it. I've not got it myself.

but yeah i had a black jacket on for work and she went look let me show you she took a picture of me in the black jacket is that where you got the boohoo jacket from no i just saw that online but that's what i mean if you'd have posted that zara viral jacket yeah no no this is just i've got a little cropped boohoo jacket it was like 12 quid um a black one i'll tag it but yeah no so that's something like dupes like dupes and the other thing that oh the actual thing if you want the actual thing it'll find it for you other thing so now you can't gatekeep anymore you can't gatekeep Did you know that H&M, if you take, like, a carrier bag... £5 voucher, been doing it for years.

I didn't know that. And it doesn't matter what is in the carrier bag. Oh, I thought it had to be H&M. No, it doesn't matter. Even, like, do you know, like, the kids' vests and stuff? Yeah, because stuff's, like, expensive. I've been doing this for years. I didn't know.

Well, fucking sure. It's called H&M... It's, like, environment or something. So you go back with an Asda bag full of stuff. Just a normal-sized carrier bag. Of clothes. And all it has to be is fabric. it doesn't matter where they're from so even like bedding really anything so when the kids like

vests and stuff or school tights knickers that would fall that um i take the bags in and you get a five pound voucher to spend when you spend 30 pounds and they give you the voucher she's taken over my information stunning so there you go that's what i was sharing with you guys so that's ways like that's a little bit of info from us but there's also something to warn you about ash you said scams what's this scam that you've just been telling me so everyone's been getting done by this mum and dad text okay what is it have you not seen it i don't know the mum and dad text well tell me what it is right so basically oh i might have done hi mum and dad i've ran out of something can you take and loads of mums and dads it was on good morning friend

so basically you get a text saying something like hi mum um my battery's gone i've got no or something like that can you click this and my mom scam it's called so it's yeah and then the moms think it's you and they click the link and it's scary it's so mean so basically yeah it just will say like hi mom i need some money hi mom my phone's broke that's it can you delete that old number and save this one who are you the oldest one i have no children and then they get basically get your details so tell your mums and dads yeah tell your mums and dads anyway the the new thing is ai isn't it what's that mean artificial intelligence artificial insemination so well like i did to you that's that time in the dream um ai if there's any videos of you anywhere on

the internet again this all comes into your kids and shit like that whatever i'm preaching to the yep whatever if there's one video of you talking on the internet which there's a lot of videos of us talking someone can steal your voice and make it say anything so that's scary these ai scams at the minute going round where they will ring like your grandma or your granddad and they're like i've been in a car crash and dada's dead um and i don't it's mainly in america you know because they need money for the medical bills and stuff and they go like um and i need i need please can you just read the credit card number out because i need it now well they won't take him in the ambulance no people have had to have like therapy afterwards because they've thought that like

family members have died that's horrific i'd need therapy this ai shit is scary that's really scary what about come you know the thermocam voice notes could they have been that or do you think they were real but you could make something like well she's admitted to them has she yeah oh shit that what do you think about that i think we can't really talk about it at the minute because she's pregnant and she did say that the full story will come out so i don't think we can kind of comment on it until yeah we don't know the whole thing nobody does i don't think i think there's some court things going on with it i think it's pretty serious now you know that is like isn't it like wild it's just scary like no matter what i just think like it's bullying how whichever

way you look at it both sides both sides it's a bit of a double bully anyway on that note on that note hey mom and dad we'll be back after the break mom and dad can you send me some money my mom would be like fuck off no my mom would say yeah absolutely you can have it now my mom's so cute yours is anyway we'll be back after the break with what's on our tits and your Slatty Susan Confessionals. Now, welcome back. I want to know, are you or are you not a loyal listener of Nip Tuck?

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I've done that thing again where it goes inside your nails no so there's a hand san over there no so basically no there Lukey passed her the hand san

I don't know why I do it right thank you oh he's tissues for his rhinitis thank you so so I've done this thing where the donut is staring at me

I know not to eat it because I know once I've got it in my mouth I can't chew it because that's all you're going to hear so I get it in my mouth because I can't help it then I look

lucas who's got his eyes wide open i've got a mouthful of donut and i can't chew it and then we do this thing where i'm like i shouldn't have done that and he's like i know it's like a stand up and he's like you shouldn't fucking put that in your mouth and i'm like all right and then and then he brings me a tissue and i didn't even enjoy the mouthful because i've made it so okay right what's good i know what's getting on lucas's tits me and big fat donuts when ashley's trying to speak but a couple of things getting on mine we have to be careful with this because I think some motivational accounts are fucking amazing.

However, there's a selection of these motivational Instagram accounts that I actually think are the opposite. And I think they're narcissistic people. How? Oh my God. Lauren, that's disgusting. Please stop.

Every time you fart, you need to give me and Lucas a tenner. You owe me 100 quid, so. I owe you what? 100 quid, so I've got 10 quid. um well actually i owe you 50 now because you farted five times right anyway so there are these accounts and they're meant to be motivational and they talk about how i got up this morning they document the gym they drink the water the mood boards right but can i tell you my water

intake i mean fuck me if i ever get to that point just put me down can i tell you though what i really think some of these accounts are narcissists no i think that they promote and pretend and preach that it's all about helping others but i don't think it is i think it's to make themselves feel superior to than others they want to make themselves feel superior by saying i do this and that come to me if you need help the reason they want you to come to them for help is because it gives them a fucking god complex yeah gives them a big fucking hard-on that all these people are looking up to them and i look at these pages and i think i can see right through you you are a narcissist with a motivational account has anyone else noticed this because i actually think it

makes people feel shit and i also think there's a trend at the minute where we all have to fit into a certain box and what box would you say i'm in none and this is why we're different so you all have to fit into a box and at the minute i feel like it's like right you have to be sober go to the gym all the time drink loads of water do your mood board to do your goals or you're a why can't you be somebody like me who sometimes i write some goals and i feel quite aspirational sometimes i don't sometimes i get pissed as a fucking fart sometimes i don't drink for months sometimes i'm in the garden smoking 20 benches sometimes i'm in the garden in my dressing in my dressing gown smoking and sometimes i'm doing pilates and taking supplements and taking

supplements i'm not a one person and i won't i don't think anyone is but the people are trying to gwyneth paltrow is oh she's in a box they're trying to put us into like boxes of types of people but what if you're not positive all the time what if sometimes you are but sometimes you're just not feeling good that day and i feel like these motivational accounts make you feel shit for being normal and they always fucking hit you right in the face when you open your fucking found in the morning and you've not got up

and done your yoga and you're hung over and they go well hello there I've had five glasses of water and I've been to Pilates

and I'm writing my goals here's my mood board and I'm thinking positivity and you've just woken up and your breath stinks of shit

and you've had ten fags and you've embarrassed yourself the night before and you called your mother-in-law a twat and everyone hates you and you open this thing

and they're there giving it and I just think calm yourselves down if you want to go to the gym back in your box yeah go to the gym darling i post when i'm there but don't over if you want to drink two liters water you enjoy your water but don't make me feel shit and in turn make yourself feel better by doing this has anyone else stay in your fucking lane um it's also the very damaged traumatized people that seem to be getting into like life

coaching listen sweetheart listen it wasn't that long ago you were down the fucking side street off your fucking box noshing noshing someone off and now you want to give us all advice listen you're in prison last week hun i mean it's fine and and look but like what clients are going to them it's clearly people that don't know them do you know what i mean like you were in prison last week and then now you've you're now motivational and all of a sudden you can advise everyone it's how do you get to be a life coach it mustn't be a very hard course because some of the people i'll tell you how you do it this is how you do it let me tell you how to become a life coach say you are i'm a life coach that's how you become and then you put on your instagram bio

life coach can you actually do that yes and you can you can say whatever you fucking want to say do you know what really fucks me off go on what fucks you off those influencers where they're like so i'm gonna prank my boyfriend he acts all surprised from the camera angle yeah That winds me up When they pretend to do a prank Or they pretend to fall over The camera's clearly being held in front Yeah, no, the pregnancy

I'm just gonna Like as if you just set a camera up As if you set a camera up Because imagine every time that you're like How many times have they set that lens up And looked at me and said not pregnant They've gone, put the camera away Do you know what I don't get?

When people film telling their partner they're pregnant No, I would do this no i would do this because i think that is such a special moment no i do i think that's a nice special moment i like i nothing makes me emotional but when somebody puts a selection of clips together of all the family members going oh my god and everyone's dead happy and they put music to them in the background it makes my ovaries twitch my my mom your mom my mom's reaction that thing that we that meme we said each other another one you can't fucking look after the one you've got my mum when i first told her i was pregnant went

fuck that's a i've got a video but she goes reads it and it's it's a mother it's a mother's day card and i told her on mother's day and it says to you to your grandma on the front she'd not fucking clocked it that opens it says to mom and grandma and she looks at it she went oh lovely then she went fuck and i bought the video i'll say i'll post it on the next day she looks at me goes oh fuck and yeah i've still got that my mom laughed i can't imagine you pushing a pram so supportive mom but yeah that's what's annoying me people that are just pushing their their self some people are genuinely trying to help you there's a girl called megan rose lane she's like a motivation account no i wouldn't call her that i went to uni with her did you

well she follows me she went to lead but she lived with some of my friends she's absolutely lovely she's different that to me actually is there's something positive about it she's trying to help people but it's the ones that are just going on about how fucking brilliant i've already done this and i've done that yeah whereas really it should be do your best that day guys can we make another app where they can all fuck off onto it together yeah yeah let's call like like um motivation let's go fuck off on there and drink your water go do your fucking steps over there because i'm watching real life crime with a donut you knob you twat under my lecky blanket yeah do you know what i mean anyway tell me what you all think of that kind of thing do you agree or what

we've got a new thing have you ever had really itchy palm of hand that means you're coming into money did you know that google it i've never had a fucking itch nothing itchy about lucy's hand mine are really itchy um okay so this new thing is called de-influencing so we've we've all done it before where an influencer will post something and it's usually for me Kim Kardashian or one of Do you really listen to what the shit she says? I did used to, I don't now. Bullshit.

I did used to. Anything she said I would buy. Would you really? I've never been like that. I must say the Skims stuff is impeccable. It is and I really thought it'd be shite. It's really fucking good. Well done. It's like Kylie's skin, I wouldn't let it touch my toes. No, I wouldn't. But that's just because I assume it's shit.

No, it actually isn't very good. No. Sorry. um sorry if you're listening so de-influencing i did this post and i'm only gonna read like a few seconds of this because i want to save it for um that other thing that we're doing because i can go into a lot more detail yeah so we're gonna do something where basically obviously thousands of people listen to this podcast and we are pretty unfiltered but there's still an element of us that we're worried about sharing because you worry about dickheads that are there to just be a twat so there will be another way of hearing more of us and like this

stuff is very niche like the treatment like stuff like this i feel like we could talk well i know i could talk about for hours like pros and cons of different treatments and people get bored with a podcast you have to kind of keep a bit of everything in there so we'll talk about this separate i've got this little project and it's called de-influencing so get in touch guys so i threw it out there and i was like what products have you bought recently what treatments have you had anyway things that came up a lot okay fat dissolving injections the dyson air wrap shit was one of the most featured i agree things on that cool sculpting i was gonna say yeah yeah thousands of pounds have been wasted on that anybody unless you are having full-on surgical

liposuction where an incision is made a cannula is inserted into your subcutaneous layer of fat and fat is physically sucked out out of your fucking body it ain't gonna work your body's not gonna break it up

you're not gonna poop it out, you're not going to sweat it out it's going nowhere so don't do that however I thought aqualics worked but I mean I'm talking cool squirts, I'm talking like stomachs it ain't working honey And they go

Yeah honestly Your body digests the fat It does No it doesn't A lot of people were saying That they were left With like saggy skin from it So then I had a look

And the machines Were actually recalled And stuff But no one's If someone's still Offering CoolSculpt Stop going to them Because they're a cowboy

And if you're offering it Then you're like BBLs And hip And bum filler Was that a big one? People said They've been

I've been left With bad lumps So I had Hip dip filler Coming up to two years i go um i liked it i've got just one honestly i liked it it was fine it's gone now i would say my arse is lumpy but i think it was already lumpy and the lan luma um one is meant to have left thing i have ever done was that who where did you go for that you might need to beep it out

started everyone's saying they've been left with really bad lumps off maybe that's why i'm lumpy It's called Lanluma, and it's collagen-inducing. Yeah, so what happened is I had to lie there, and they would inject into my bottom. I can't remember how they did it. And the product apparently stuck to your own collagen and made you produce more collagen. Like sculptura vibes.

Yes, and it would stick and naturally build whatever. It was very painful. I had it done, oh, my God, how long ago? I was still working at Thingy-ma-Bob, so, God. I think it was before fear. Anyway, it did not work. And was it painful? yes and they said your body will naturally produce collagen it will stick to it and your

bum will get bigger absolutely didn't work absolutely fucking hurt yeah i really need this i really need mind fixing if someone can please get in touch to fix that for me i'd really appreciate that someone specialized that only does that please because i'm not fucking around with this again it's um it's not yeah hip dip filler i didn't mind i'll be honest a lot of people said the new face device what's that you know the little one that supposedly lifts the skin all right um and that spinny thing the face cleaner thing oh the toothbrush for your face yeah a lot of people said that a lot of people said threads threads then we went into this then it got deep yeah then it went you went i'll talk more about all of this like i said over and over the platform

because i feel like there's only a certain market of people that yeah i'm not naming any names i'm not no we wouldn't do that but then people started naming aesthetic doctors that they've been to was it the same ones that kept coming up there was four names in the end that kept coming and it was the main things were that when they went in they were told a certain price and then upon going into the reception in front of other people i bet it was a big one for that you need to bleep that name out yeah so it was like as if they were like publicly shamed because bless them they don't want to you don't want to say they were sat in these like waiting rooms and it was like your treatment is at that price and she goes well you we agreed 350 and she went oh no you needed loads

more and then it's embarrassing and there was a few doctors that did that so like i always say like get it written down and ask questions don't feel bad for asking the question because i feel like there's people taking advantage here um and then there was a few clinics where they said have a look at the google reviews oh really don't forget though people can remove reviews so i think the best place to start looking actually is facebook and social media groups yeah yeah um but also one of the main things that we'll talk maybe face up and editing pictures was editing before and afters what the fuck you can't do that and but i'm sorry and i've said this before on this podcast if you are stupid enough to see a before and after where the after has got a full face of

makeup on and doesn't look like the person anymore come on guys how much what do you think we need to start calling this out isn't gonna change someone's eyebrows like come on have a bit of fucking common sense like yeah so they're face sapping the after pictures but one girl wrote in and said that she'd had a facial and someone had face up spots onto her face on the before picture and then someone had had a liquid rhinoplasty and they'd face up to her before to bigger that's really funny and also people

posting pictures without their consent yeah you can't do that that's really naughty when I do lip blush I take everyone's pictures I use very minimal but they have to

they have to say if we can use them or not like you can't so yeah we got into that de-influencing hole I think we should do some de-influencing product for product

we are we're going to do makeup because I've spent thousands of pounds yeah you have spent more than me but I've done more I've done a lot of treatments

do you know what I must say Charlotte Tilbury does not overwhelm me really um their setting spray is the best setting spray i've ever had but then there's a whole myth about does setting spray actually work or not i'm not sure i'm not sure either makeup artists get in touch um their lip liner i find it i struggle to get it on i feel like it's dry and it's dry and it drags their liquid bronzer i thought was a good dupe to the chanel one that i've used for

years which by the way they've changed the formulation on and i used it and it was absolutely pile of wank and their powder they changed the formulation not very good but i do like their pinkgasm blusher mascaras don't waste your money on them the maybelline ones are the best ones in the world we'll do more on this though yeah i'm getting boring i mean we could go we could i could go all night could go all night and that's why we need somewhere where we can you're gonna laugh right okay right let's have a look right so i owe you 40 pounds now 30 let's wipe out that 100 quid no that was not me i don't fart in public that's disgusting hi girls love love love the pod i'm a fellow rochdale girl

like lauren i'm not from rochdale i'm not from rochdale not that there is anything wrong with that. When I go to your house, I follow signs for Rochdale. Well, then you're not going to my house, hon. I don't know. I'm from Rosendale. I was brought up in Bakeup. I now live in Rottenstall, which, by the way, was voted one of the best places to live in the

North West. Gorgeous town. Do you think if this makes it big, you'll get the keys to Rochdale? Yeah. We'll be the mess. I'm not fucking from Rochdale. Hey, we're putting a petition in. December's coming round. Can Lauren switch the Christmas lights on in Rochdale?

Some of my family live in Rochdale, but I don't, but whatever. There's nothing wrong with it. Don't you dare. She has been slugging Rochdale off. I haven't. I just don't live there. Like, it's a fine place if that's what you want to go. I used to get the 464 bus there and do my shopping.

And I used to buy a can of Slimfast, but I had to be 16, so I used to try and get away with it. Do you remember Slimfast, Ash? Yeah. Okay. Anyway, and I just had to write in when this happened to me at the weekend. me and my boyfriend were on the sesh over the bank holiday love it and we eventually got home we were horny as fuck go on you rochdale girl i pulled out a rabbit tail butt plug they're funny

though oh yeah they are funny i made him put it inside me i decided it wasn't big enough you were horny so i pulled it out oh so i pulled out these curved anal beads that he used on me after playing with them inside oh this is what i told you i've done before not my bottom though he pulled them out of me at a force well i only ended up following through and shat all over the bed myself and his hands but i didn't realize until i smelt it because i was that fucked his dick went down like a lead balloon i ran to the toilet clutching everything whilst he just stared quick clean up and we carried on lol haven't spoken about it since though keep me on please i don't want arthur rochdale knowing it was me what are those fairy tale book why would

Do you want that? It's not hygienic. Wasn't it once we were on like AliExpress or something and all that weird shit came up and I clicked on the furry thing and then all of the suggested items after that were really weird. Like weird things that could stick out your arse.

Yeah. Do you know what? That's the problem with anal beads. When you pull them out, it causes a vacuum suction. If you want to know more about my experience with that, you need to re-listen to all the episodes and you'll find it. And as you pull it out, it causes like a suction almost

and it rags your poop out your butt. We've got a voice note now, Lozza. All right. Hiya. I needed to send a confession, but you need to keep me anonymous. It's something that my fiancé can never find out. We get married in 50 days. And when I first met him, I knew he'd been around a bit. Didn't bother me because I thought, he wants to be with me,

now I don't care who he's slept with before and stuff. Didn't look into anything, didn't care. And then one day I broke my phone and took it in to get fixed, but I wouldn't have a phone for two days. so him innocently said I could borrow his old phone so borrowed his old phone no issues and then I was getting the train home from work with my best friend and she was having a look and I thought I'll just have a look through it see if there's any old messages I'd do that six months at this point obviously years ago we're getting married now started looking through there was no

messages of any girls okay so I started reading his messages to his friends no no no no no no no And I found out loads of girls he'd slept with. And some of these local girls made me feel physically sick. There was comments about him squirting on the bed. One of them was calling him disgusting words that you shouldn't call women, but he was. So I was absolutely fuming. But obviously, I couldn't tell him that I'd gone through his phone

because the trust would be completely gone. So what I did is I waited a couple of weeks and I actually convinced him that I was a psychic and I could see the future and see the past and I started rounding off loads of fucking girls that he'd slept with and all the things he'd done with them and what he called them and stuff

and he was, like, bewildered and shocked, obviously. His little face. He wasn't, you know, and I checked his phone. So, to this day, he still thinks I'm psychic and he asks me for advice and psychic thoughts on stuff that's going on and it's a, like, proper inside joke with me and my friends because I'm a fuck psychic, you know,

but yeah my fella fully thinks I'm a sidekick because I went through his phone that she's so clever he's so stupid

that's fucking brilliant also can I just say in the boys group chat never read that shit no obviously but of course

men are gonna say she squirted did she fuck not many even squirt she probably went yeah do you know what when they go oh she come five times

she probably no she didn't because let me tell you she was making you hurry up let me tell you she was waiting for you to come

she was bored so she pretended for the stupid men can you imagine like boys conversation oh yeah I had her all over what

mystery for two minutes yeah I had her all over she was screaming the place down yeah because and she was probably looking at her foot watching telly over your shoulder

thinking about her laundry thinking about what she was having for a tea so remember on Nip Tuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us

at hello at niptuckpod.com you can get in touch via whatsapp with your voice notes we absolutely love them don't worry if you want to be a non we can mixy wixy the voicey voicey so head over to our episode description for more info also get on our page and give us a five star review on spotify or apple now we'll be back with a bonus episode of nip tuck this friday which is

always as usual all about you your dilemmas beauty questions anything you want to ask us so if you send us something in now you may get to hear it on friday we will see you on friday darling bye guys thank you thank you for what you said thank you so i did thank you thank you Thank you.