Nip Tuck - International Women's Day Special

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

It's International Women's Day and to celebrate, Ashley & Lauren have dedicated todays show to you, our amazing listeners and the dilemmas you have sent in. Hopefully their advice helps you, but to be honest it's more likely to entertain you. #IWDTo get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi guys, and welcome to Nip, Tuck, Knock, Gimme Ape! We're back! Woohoo, baby! This is the podcast where we celebrate being positive, aspirational women. Amazing women and men. We need to change this because there's a lot of men coming on board. Straight men, gay men. Any men.

Men. Women. Anything. Dingle, dangle, dongle. You're all welcome. A dingle, dangle, dongle. You're all welcome. this is where we celebrate

being unapologetically yourself so that's whatever you want to be dingle dangle own it dingle dongle dingle own whatever you've got

that's what this is about and feeling better about doing that it's international women's day oh my god guys like this day is all about us

I feel like getting my vagina out and being like I'm a no it's not international porn day yeah Lauren

fuck it I just feel like you can just put your flaps out on it on Instagram Live? I nearly did. I just got my C-section out on Instagram Live and I had pubic hair there and I thought I need to pull my pants up now because this will get a screenshot and it'll be

all over my pubic hair. Imagine how embarrassing. At least we'll get sponsored by Manscaped. Yeah. Oh, everyone's been really nasty to me. I'm not in the best mood. You can't handle your ale. I can't handle my ale. I get the worst honestly. We went out on Saturday. In fact,

I need to tell you some bits of gossip about that. Gossip? Right, okay. i'm ready for the gossip everyone sit tight so on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you want to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are simply head over to this episode's description for more info take it away Lauren

take it away I was thinking about if I could get another Greg's on the way out you completely lost me then anyway we want to know what's been getting on your tits any questions anything that you want

to know all your embarrassing sex stories we've got oh your nails are nice for once we've got so many of them that we literally we have got so many honestly i can't concentrate today on one thing but yeah send them over to us and then you may feature in one of our pods basically we don't give a fuck so we're back in surgery and as we said it is international women's day iw do so it's the iwd i want dick the first thing that came into my head is i want dick hashtag iwd let's hashtag iwd

shall we put a nice picture on let's make a movement hashtag IWD you don't know if it's international women's day or I want dick and you have to guess

and then you just you just turn up and maybe it's a dick maybe it's not a fire selfie I think we should post a nice picture of us on international women's day

yeah so I've been toying with the idea actually of us I think we should do like a little comp where we take a girl out for like a champagne lunch

who the fuck would want to come to lunch with us my mum my mum wouldn't even want to my mates don't want to but that would be fun I think

take some out for lunch yeah yeah yeah we'll do that okay we're gonna do that we're gonna do that i think that's a nice idea do you there you go lucas job for you put that on your list of things to do anyway so as we said we're getting so many messages sarah and this isn't where the where you say it and you're actually not we are everyone keeps asking where my outfit is so many times and i can't reply to everyone no it's not one of those genuinely um we get loads so what we're going to do today to celebrate IWD we're going to try and answer as many of you celebrate the fact that I want dick we are going to I always want I can't take it seriously you're IWG I want Greg's IWG and D and when you said G then I was thinking what could that what like weird thing

could that be gooch I want gooch so do you we're never getting through this answer the question yes or no do you lick Gooch yeah if it's around okay if it's there if it's in my face we're gonna

lick it I'll lick it bring it towards me I'll lick it that's really tickling so anyway anything that comes at you I'm hoping you're doing it right

anyway so to try and support you all give each other a bit of advice we're gonna go through as many things as we can do you know what we just did a live earlier and it was really nice

because the ladies that were on there were giving each other advice oh i love that we need to set maybe up like a facebook group or something i think we should do some of that so basically one of them was like has anyone got any advice about retinol and the other was like don't use that and it's really cute i didn't have to do anything just like that amazing i know so anyway we're gonna struggle today my um i'm all over the show she's bad on ale i've been bad on the go on what happened on saturday tell me it's not even that interesting to be honest um i got shit face james got shit face can you remember

getting home no so i fell out with him oh why do you always do that i was horrible you're so toxic when you're drunk let me tell you the story me and james never fall out and you know what he doesn't he doesn't even give it he was just like you're like a puppy that's how ed so hard to argue with oh it's so annoying sometimes you want a fucking barney what a fight yeah so um this is what happened so we go out i had lent my eye because i don't really go out anymore i forget any things my friend was going to dubai so she lent some i gave her some shoes and some handbags now I gave her all the ones that I was going to need

that weekend and didn't even think of it got to Saturday I'm getting ready got not one pair of shoes or handbags should have come to me I was too far

I would have done so in the end I said look I only need my phone and my lip liner it's like James put it in your pocket we're fine so we went out

I didn't even have a handbag that is proper scruffy that is proper like I'm going to get that smashed I don't need to redo my makeup I'm not going to powder my nose yeah it was like that

so we go out James got giddy you know when you know they're on one and he's doing the shot and he's giddy and he's excited and he's clapping

and he claps when he's excited that's like it's the sign of ADHD you know that oh okay great clapping when they're excited so he's clapping it actually is

so he's clapping away anyway it gets to this point and I'm like right where's my phone and we left one club and I said have you got my phone

and he went yeah yeah go to the next one and where's my phone I haven't got your phone and I was like fuck James when we left that club

your phone's the worst thing you could lose everything's on that and I'm going no you've got my phone and he goes yeah I've got your phone I was like

I've just asked you when you got your handbag anyway so I started getting angry he wasn't being a dick he was just smashed so he's like he hasn't

so he's lost it he's lost my phone right and the night then he's ruined so I'm like screaming at him and then he was going I'm sorry

and it got to the point I was so horrible I was going don't even look at me don't look at me I was like that I was so angry you never get like that

but I was furious because as well to be honest if I'm gonna say the truth we'd done a little nudie movie on it that day Can people get into your phone?

Yes, absolutely they can If they get on the phone I don't think they can And me and James are the screensaver You go down to a little phone shop Give them a backhand Are they getting in that phone? No, they're not, babe

I think they are Babe, they're not And Lucas, everyone can hack Do you know what makes me think that? When a girl Do you remember that girl off Was she on Geordie Shore or Love Island? And she died

And it was when they were taking ketamine What the hell is this now? And something really, really horrific happened. And the family said, we need to get into a phone to find out what has happened. And even the police couldn't unlock the phone. I don't believe that. I think you can get in the phone. But anyway, so I have this vision.

So I thought I was going to wake up and my Rudy Nudies were going to be all over. Because I thought someone's going to do it. And honestly, my arse fell out. And then I was going, he's got every picture of me since she was a baby. And I started crying. And he's... Back up to the cloud. Yeah, but I wasn't thinking.

Anyway, so anyway, I made this big drama. He was literally like a puppy. Oh, no. Didn't dare look at me. Went to bed. I was, honestly, I was seething. I didn't cuddle him. I was at the other side of the bed.

I said, don't come near me. I bet you had the worst anxiety when you woke up as well. I said to him, you always get smashed. You get more smashed than me. And obviously, I'm the one that's normally smashed. Anyway, woke up in the morning. I woke up, I've got no phone. Brilliant.

You know that feeling in your stomach? Horrible. He woke up. He said he woke up and he had the worst BFE. He said, I knew I'd done something bad. And I bet he was sat on his phone. Anyway, he goes in his pocket. my phone's in his pocket

the whole time he'd been ringing off his phone to my phone he's in his pocket he's not even checked that's how drunk he was and I'm screaming

at him he's in his fucking pocket so that's what happened at the weekend and now I'm a little bit I'm not drinking again I don't like it you'll be drinking again

in a few days I don't like it yeah you've got that now that's one of the reasons I'm thinking about getting pregnant I mean I wouldn't but it's

one of my friends I went to see her the other day and she's pregnant and she used to go out like all the time and she was like oh my god

something really really bad happened the other day and it's given me the fear and I was like what and she was like my drug dealer texted me asking if I was okay

and she was like I'm pregnant how bad well actually I do need to say something down here because it's International Women's Day as well

I told you both earlier but just as a reminder to everyone else I have found a tiny little lump haven't I in my boob I'm going to the doctors I'm sure it's absolutely nothing

but anyone that's also I just thought I'd better mention it like anyone else go to the doctor check go to the doctor

I'm going on Friday it's like a pea sized lump isn't it we're going to follow up with her aren't we I'm terrible about this and I keep touching it and it's come quite soon

so it might be nothing but I'm going to go to the doctor and if you've found a lump and you've been ignoring it just you know if you've found anything and you've been ignoring it please go to the doctor

go to the doctor we all hate it this is a big one if you wee yourself after children go to the doctor because you shouldn't thank you

it's not normal okay first we've got some messages from our listeners so since we released the episode last week this is what we've we've got through so we're going to try and go through them i by mistake like read the bottom of it before and i couldn't stop laughing so hi girls and lucas first of all i love your podcast and i howl twice a week when i listen also i can't also i came to the brunch and i've never been so fucked in my life i actually i actually pooed in my knickers so when i was in dubai when i was in dubai um but when i've just gone obviously i was really

drunk in the day i sharted so i went with the bikinis were all over the floor in the hotel and i picked mine up i was like what the hell and you didn't even know you'd sharted just a little shot into my bikini bottoms i'd had on all day and then sophie my friend said you kept saying my ass cracks wet so i must have sharted anyway anyway regarding your questions about if old people have sex my grandparents definitely do

oh no they're both 89 we can hardly walk or hear over Christmas they came to stay at my mum and dad's house and in the night

about three in the morning my mum and dad I woke to hear them shouting at each other because they'd taken the hearing aids out they heard my grandparents say oh Beryl

just take your knickers off and I'll show you a good time my dad is now scarred for life mum and I find it absolutely hilarious but yes

it looks like old farts still have a good time lots of love Ellie oh my god so they actually that's lovely I need to know more though I'm one of those

people where I want to know like I would watch porn granny porn to try and work it out how do they do it how does it work they're not very nimble like how do they

nimble oh Lauren I'm making Lucas feel really I think you just like it all like seals up by the time you like

yeah like your vagina must be so dry you're all gonna have an old saggy dick one day big old saggy balls wow big saggy dick and balls

and grey pubes I think that's like wow and it won't get that hard either well I don't know this lady's granddad's does

anyway I bet they take ages so loving the dingle dangle dongle episode nearly crashed the car

when Lauren called Ashley a truffle pig you were that day I'm better now do you know Ashley calls me a pug

she looks like a pug she says that I look like a pug because she always does this for the news I always go and that is disgusting It's disgusting.

But she doesn't give a fuck. I don't care. I don't care. And you know what? It's not snot. It gets itchy. And that's why her nose is like a pig's nose because she's constantly doing this. Actually, my nose is very much requested.

You've referred to women getting a horn over James. Can we nationalise the term a wide-on? Wide-on. Yeah, I agree. I cringed the first time I heard it, but love it now. Finally saved the nip-tuck number and I can't wait to share some slutty Susan. Please do. Yeah, wide-on.

I think that's really funny. Slutty Suzanne. Oh, slutty Suzanne. This one. I know. And then it's a daughter. so guys we get dilemmas in legit every hour of every day as they happen someone gets dumped and they text us straight away it's really frustrating that we can't respond to all of them we would

absolutely love to have time to but like we said before today is all about international women's day we want to give you as much as much advice and help as we can throughout this episode so we're going to get straight into the dilemma it might not be helpful but we'll try well it'll be entertaining that's for sure yes i think we should say that i don't think we should call it helpful anymore i think we should say entertaining okay so hi lauren and ash by the way guys please don't call me ash i absolutely fucking hate it it's ashley i love the pod you know that lauren and you still call me ash not very often sometimes slip of the tongue in a text i might yeah love the pod the laughs bants and general chat make me feel normal and wish you were team with my

mates or colleagues in real life we wouldn't get much work done basically i wanted some work related advice from you both okay so i'm in a job that i love but the pay is crap however the job is so rewarding and the kids that i work with are just the best however my boss has always done this jokey thing of putting me down in front of people via sarcasm belittling me and basically being spiteful but masking it as a joke the whole time other members of staff had noticed this happens so it's not just my imagination my question is how would you both deal with this if i call her out i know a hundred percent i'll be told it's a joke or you're being sensitive could i say that to people but it's getting me down i work really hard i know i do more than my fair share of workload

um i like to be busy i don't resent the side of things but this person's behavior towards me has slowly knocked my confidence down and some days i leave work feeling like i'm nothing invisible or just a piece of shit sorry i had what why have i just she just like nothing then actually just went just a piece of what would you both do in the situation that's horrible and you know what i'm gonna throw it out there i fucking hate working with other women 90 of the time no see i it depends who it is when we worked at maya yes the odd there was the odd ash we had a group of 10 women i worked there for 10 years there was the odd problem most of the time no but i mean amazing power when a woman is in power like it when i've worked in corporate like corporate

corporate slightly different and honestly i once worked with this absolute bleep the word out and Do you know what I did? I absolutely destroyed her with kindness. She used to say that I smelt of makeup because I wore makeup and she didn't. And we worked in an office together. You know where this comes from, don't you? And then she...

It's jealousy. Yeah, she used to say, can you have your nails cut because they're tapping on the keyboard too fast. Wow. Just like constant shit like that. And she'd like take the piss out of the fact that I had lip fillers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a mean girl. That's such old-fashioned behaviour. Old-fashioned. old-fashioned behavior now we don't do that wide pussy behavior yeah yeah saggy pussy yeah no there's two ways that i think this can go now one thing i've learned over the last i would say three years is to die is to deal with things head on yeah and i have become so bad to the point like i've not actually told you guys about this i'll tell you next time i had an altercation with the school

mom the other day because she swore at me through a car so i went over to a window and told her to have i not told you no i had an altercation in front of the kids because i don't take shit anymore yeah she was trying to get in where i was parking and you know when you're swearing but you're like driving you're going fucking move up yeah and i thought no no no so as soon as she parked up i went straight to the window i said i bet she was being a pussy then she wouldn't open the door so long story anyway anyway so i've gone too far potentially but what i will say is i don't take shit okay let's let's do a role play of this right you are this lovely lady that's written in and say you're doing something with the kids and then I come in and I go oh playing a game are we or

something like that right so I think in that situation you need to be like you've just said over nice however what I was going to say is because I've become like that I now personally would take it to the side and I would say listen whether you think this is a joke or not that behavior is annoying take it to the side I would make a point of it and I'd say don't do that anymore right you i won't put up with i'm gonna give you some advice you do what you think you say what you think this person is your boss so they're above you so don't forget that they are the decision maker i agree i agree this needs to happen in front of other people a one-on-one conversation with this person is not going to work it's going to be fucking pointless and

non-existent and she could actually make up that you said yeah i suppose if there's witnesses there but then you don't want to show her up in front of her team i would i would i if she said something in front of everyone else i just turn around and go that's not very nice yeah yeah and that makes someone feel about that but that's like honestly i've been in groups of certain girls like where say i've been at the gym and i've ended up falling into a group and sat on a table and they started bitching about one of my friends or something and i actually shut the whole thing down and i go can you not she's actually a really nice girl that's not very nice and as soon as you say that it goes because it makes them feel silly yeah so i okay maybe don't do the whole taking

this room but i do think you need to tackle it head on stop ignoring it stop letting it get away with it stop making it stop don't feel like you need to get go along with the joke because it's a joke oh and don't be sensitive you say like ash just said something like that's not very nice is it or can you not do that please and if she says you're being sensitive say that's fine okay but that's what i'm asking you to do don't do that again yeah these are my boundaries and whether she thinks you're over sensitive who cares what she thinks who gives a fuck and if she carries it on then actually she's going to be it's going to become a problem for her but you need to you need to mention it now and if it carries on then you need to stand up for yourself find out her address

and send her a vibrator oh okay then anyway sexual harassment hey girls love the pod been thinking about trying natural cycles since hearing you both talk about it i just wanted to know if you think the rings are worth the money or using just the app is as you mean the aura ring i assume i bought an aura ring and i couldn't fucking wear it like i had to do a post the other day because i get these questions all the time why are you not wearing your engagement ring people pick up loads because i would say half the time i don't wear it no and i kept getting these people saying she's not going on and i'm like how are you noticing anyway i hate wearing rings yeah and i'm not gonna lie girls the aura ring is a chunky motherfucker if you go to

the gym and do weights you know those big weights i do oh yeah um then it does it can bend and stuff like that so you're constantly on and off on and off however people that have them absolutely love them but for me you can get over that it was way too bulky for me the way i use natural cycles i just input as much data as i possibly can so um i will put my temperature in every day i will say when my period starts when it finished i will put everything in that i can i will check when i ovulated and put that on as well i give as much info as possible and then it works as best as it possibly can i've been on it now for oh god i don't know it's over six years i think i've been on it oh i haven't i've been on it for like a year um maybe 18 months i've been properly using it

because i've only just been having regular sex since i met james whatever since then and i'm not pregnant five years working for me five years i've been on it and i think some people say some people go for that oh i did it and it didn't work but did you stick to it yeah you can't just get the app and think you're not going to get pregnant because you've downloaded the app um the the best we've just been talking about this actually you need to buy the clear blue digital ovulation test the purple ones because they will measure when you're just about to ovulate and the day two days that you ovulate as well so input all of that data however there is another device if you are either doing this for contraceptive reasons or for planning

a pregnancy and it's called obvious sense and it's like a small device that you insert and it goes straight through into your phone and it tells you your body's basal temperature i've got one i've not started using it make him feel weird it's it's put up your vagina the lady that does the lady that does my acupuncture so you can ring your womb hello are you gonna be ovulating anytime soon it's like a little mouse that you put up there tiny you put a mouse up there yeah but we all Do you know what that's called? Felching. No, it's not.

I thought felching was when you put a hamster up your bum hole. Anyway, back to the conversation. And the lady that does my acupuncture, she works for Zeta West, which is like the top IVF clinic in the UK. And I take and recommend all of their supplements. Anyway, guys, come on. We're talking about fucking contraception here.

Lucas is crying. Google felching. I know what felching is. Is it not that? What is felching? What is it? Felch is like, something like,

let's say like jizzes in your vagina or your arse. And then it squirts out. Or they lick it out. That's disgusting. Oh, okay. Well,

what's hamster up your bum then? Feastiality. Anyway, back to it. Yes, so of your sense, have a look at them. People that have been trying

for a baby, she said, this one girl had been trying for ages and ages and ages and she used that and she said it was fucking incredible.

I'm going to get that. the best thing ever because I don't want a baby yet do you know what though talking about felching and mouses up your vagina do you remember when you were younger

and you used to be on the internet and you used to watch that glass in us one man one job what yeah then one man one cup

two girls one cup two girls one cup then the Chinese lady that put the eels up their arseholes me and my sister were talking about this the other day

have you seen the one where the man has a fish on a boat and he's putting the fish up her vagina and the fish

and it is honestly I couldn't for days I felt ill and the horse that shagged that woman as well

and killed her this is not happy right anyway you read the next one girls but the eels and they'd be like and the eels

would be flying around the kitchen right enough girls and Lucas I have a quick question why do some couples

tag each other in everything Lauren I'm not can you read this I'm embarrassed oh this is my pet fucking peep shut the fuck up everyone this girl sounds like a me why do some couples tag each other in everything like they'll post a story on instagram of their

meal and tag their partner and then share their partner's posts too or going to a run because at said i'm getting fat and then the other person repost it no words just every post why do you have tags then if you're not gonna is it an insecurity thing yep like repost my story so everyone knows we're still together i don't understand it but that's because her boyfriend doesn't have socials red flag oh so you've turned this on her well i'm just saying anyone that doesn't have social media is a red flag oh we were talking about this me and my friend yesterday i will tell you a story okay by the way i tagged james just because um you're in a new relationship and it's not because

I want everyone to see that it's because it's funny so he was on the floor curled up yesterday I tagged him because he's funny and his mates will want to see that and I've not got them all

that's it fuck off we're talking now about the no social media thing just a heads up right I agree like some people are older

and don't have it story time a girl that I know met this guy at work and he doesn't work for the company that she works for

anyway they He finally asked her out on a date Doesn't have social media Okay Sending her photos Like chatting over the weekend After their date

The date went really really well And Sends her a picture of like His TV with Netflix on Okay She zooms in And checks the accounts And it's a girl's username

She knows he's got a brother She goes on the brother's account And searches the girl Fully in a relationship In a relationship Had been together for four years So What the fuck

Listen to this one Right voice note put on the voice note hi girls so i have a little voice note for you it's not a poo story or a sex story or a sex poo story um or a dilemma really but it's just because you guys talked about it on the pod before um so laser eye surgery i did have it done almost six years ago be six years next february so it was 27 when i had it done so my prescription i was short-sighted it was like over minus five so on the more severe side of short-sightedness couldn't function without glasses at all um totally dependent on them and then i had fighter pilot vision after the laser

eye surgery perfect better than 20 20 vision so all good the only side effect that i have had is really dry eyes drops don't really help it's just one of those things they're dry all the time dry balls as i call them i have dry balls but ladies in the last couple of weeks i have noticed my vision is not great i'm starting to get a bit blurry in the distance again so like same sort of short-sightedness kind of coming back and i was like surely not surely that is not the case like just shy of six years later i'm 32 i paid four grand for this had the best you know type of laser that you can get you know surely this is just in my head maybe i need to eat more kale maybe i need to put more drops in phone the clinic they were kind of like go to your optician get an

eye test and then we'll see what we can do i went to the optician today ladies i am short-sighted again and in fact i need glasses for driving because i'm past the borderline threshold of being legally safe limit of eyesight whatever whatever it is i'm trying to say um so i am fucking fuming like to say the least i have phoned the clinic five times today to try and give them my results and to try and speak to somebody not one arsehole has phoned me back um they're kind of like oh we're so busy with our december appointments yeah you mean all the other people that you're like tricking into getting this done when actually it really isn't for life they'd be safe a lot um my husband keeps asking me like was there any small print that ever said

you know this isn't guaranteed for life your vision could deteriorate to be honest i don't remember and maybe that's on me but generally speaking it it should be you know it it should be at least longer than five or six years um so yeah I just wanted to share that with you I'm just furious and I think that you girls would kind of understand something like this because it's a little bit about vanity it's a little bit about health it's a little bit about being out of pocket and having spent so much money for something that's just turned out to be nothing okay so first of all what I will say is I bet it did say in the small print that you couldn't have it I don't actually know what they sell it as but also okay so six years four grand that works out just over

a grand a year breast implants nothing lasts forever i'm kind of thinking i don't know what it was sold though i don't know how it was sold when you go to a consultation always like voice it to someone who doesn't have a clue about what you're going in for and like with my bum for example how long do they last for what are you gonna do questions that you might not have thought of you write the questions down on your notes app and when you go in at the end you go sorry to do this but i've got some questions people used to come and do that but i actually didn't mind it because then i thought right i've fully given them a straight answer yeah i think i do agree with that i think sometimes when you get yourself excited about something you don't look at the

bigger picture so someone else being like well what about this and you're like yeah now i'm gonna share something mind-blowing with you all that i'm doing this weekend really excited so i've spoken before about how like the laser i can't tell you as many people that have said to me this has happened to them with the laser and number two like the risks involved with laser the cost blah blah blah blah so i get dry eyes as well i hate faffing with lenses i think that the dailies make your eyes very very dry yeah i wear monthlies i think yeah anyway hay fever really sensitive to like air con so i'm getting these contact lenses on friday that have been made to fit my eyes yes and they're like glass and you put them in at night and when you wake up in the

morning you take them out and your vision is corrected for that day yeah so you wear them every night but you don't have to wear them the day but mate what's the point in that if I was wearing them the day and not at night you still have to wear them half the time you don't get dry eyes okay sorry your eyes are closed okay I get you I get you air con hay fever like um say I wash my face yeah okay i would love to wake up and be able to see yeah my prescriptions i think minus 4.5 i would love to wake up and open my eyes and be able to see something there are loads of new contact lenses out there for different people and one of our friends actually um she went in for the consult for those ones that i'm getting and her eyes were too bad and they've given her these

other ones that you can wear for like weeks on end really that's because i forget and you put this oil in and then the lens and they they last six months fantastic so there you go go to your optician and find out um next one am i crazy or realistic my boyfriend and i have been together going on nearly five years recently we've been socializing more often with other couples dinner nights out etc fabulous everyone's enjoying themselves however there's a couple in particular who my boyfriend has known the longest background information on the couple my boyfriend has known the male let's call him david and the female laura for 11 plus years david and laura have been in an on and off relationship that entire time david and laura now have children and are

due to get married however my gut is telling me that my boyfriend and laura have and still crush on each other even though my best friend even though my boyfriend is best friends with david that means shit i mean nothing that means nothing that's even worse because the stories i've heard about best friends running off yeah i haven't looked on my boyfriend's phone but i see a name pop up on his whatsapp and I've also seen her pop up on Instagram message

but it's okay because my boyfriend can have friends right yeah I agree not with a vagina or stop texting your best pal's wife to be more like

weird oh god no but I text right okay we'll see there's a side where I'm like chill the fuck out you're making yourself crazy

and there's another side where I see the way he looks at her I see this is different that's a vibe and also girls listen to you and I see the way

he interacts with her it's flirty and he seems happier around her than me okay so I would say do you know the bit where she's just said it's right it's normal to do that yes i text my friends boyfriends there'll be a reason for it but

we'll do we will text and we'll have a laugh it's the fancying vibe i'm not liking because but if our friends saw us together there would be no vibe so that's fine now this is the problem i'm also terrified that 10 years down the line it comes out that daddy's fucking your auntie laura yeah i highly doubt my boyfriend will admit his true love for laura how do i stop going on double dates with this couple do i pull him up for texting her do i mention my feelings or am i self-sabotaging or do i start flirting with david yeah um you need to pull him up on it and be like i'm getting a weird vibe about you i'm gonna suggest something that you probably shouldn't do but it's something that i'm gonna suggest you do read the messages yeah yeah we made concrete

evidence i know you shouldn't probably do this but if you read them and they are 100 legit then you never need to mention it again it's probably in your head and you don't even need to go on about it if you read them and there's something on there i still would never tell him i'd read them to be honest i would keep that in my locker and i would know okay i'm right something's going on here and then i would pull him for other things to do with laurie but i would never admit to having read the messages but i would know in my in my gut that i was right and i would then begin to pull him up i had him a best friend and she was my best we've been through so much shit together like high school and everything and she was legit my one best best friend in the world and i had a

weird vibe about her and a boyfriend that i lived with at the time and one night he left his um laptop out and i opened it up and the messages were between him really oh was it her yeah how did i not know that or did i know that i forget stuff then i literally opened the window in the apartment and crawled out i left his laptop wide open yeah i got my car and i drove across the apartment um gardens and went home and fucked off yeah and then yeah so i i do i think you need to find out the thing that's worrying me it's not the messages because i do believe and i actually i'm really good friends with my partners it's the vibe you just know i would text ed like i wouldn't you'd know because you and you would know it meant nothing yeah i can

tell he doesn't fancy you why no i'm joking why not though i've never thought about it no exactly however if when we were in the kitchen the other day yeah if you'd sensed a vibe yeah and then my name popped up on ed's phone then you'd be like yeah yeah but that it's the vibe that's worrying me and you know a vibe you can see it a mile off i wonder whether david can see the vibe do we mention it to david when you're next on a night out do you say god look at them too having a joke and see if dave goes well i've been wondering something i that's what i do when i'm what we're all out next everyone's had a drink i'll be like god they're flirty haha joking and see if dave takes the bait you go why do we all swap tonight and see if you say yeah i only do it if dave's

good looking because if you have to follow through with it you're gonna have to shag dave so just check what Dave's like first I think you know your gut but the other thing that's worrying me is she's kind of saying how do I stop double dating them but that's not the issue here you can pull them away from each other

as much as you want but at the end of the day your boyfriend is flirting and has feelings potentially for someone else you can pull them apart all you want it'll be the next girl because what I think is

if a man gets that feeling with another woman it's because his feelings for you aren't strong enough to be honest and if it wasn't Laura it could potentially be someone else and to be honest it's insulting that they're flirting

in front of you it's very disrespectful It's absolutely rude and I think they've shagged in the past. If they were hiding something, wouldn't they not do it in front of the camera?

Nah, people are savage, Lucas. I don't think they're actually sleeping together, so there's nothing to hide. No, in the past, I think in these on and off ten years,

I think something's gone on in the past. I don't think they're sleeping together, but I think... Bust down, Thaddeana. I think they fancy each other. Yeah, I agree. So yeah, check the phone,

find out what's going on. If it isn't anything bad, then leave it at that and don't ever mention it. There's no point. If it is bad, don't tell him you went on the phone but keep your wits about you and find another way around it you've been talking a lot lauren today i've got a podcast it's what you do right we'll be fine then

fine then do it yourself do it yourself she's eating biscuits do it yourself see how far you go yeah without me i'm the star of the show we'll be back after the break with more of your questions and dilemmas ashley is throwing um biscuits around the room okay we're gonna go into a break now lucas is gonna eat the biscuit that's just been thrown at him like a baby seal oh my god you're not the baby seal shit i meant you know when they throw it i'll just call lucas a baby seal he's laughing with a mouthful of chocolate um yeah we're gonna go to a break we're gonna eat some biscuits and i'm gonna feed the seal bye right we're back

and let me say what the biscuit's called le petit chocolat Lou L U 10 out of 10 would recommend nice

part 2 I don't know why I just said part 2 money can't buy you glass Money can't buy you class Elegance is love What's she called?

My friend What's she called? Lou Lou what? Lou man Lou man Ramona goes You're tall like a man

Lou man I was watching that Ramona is rude as fuck And her eyes I love Ramona But Mario left her Do you remember when we used to be Sonia and Ramona

When we went away And that's what we were like I was Sonia And you were Ramona Right sorry Hi girls absolutely love you two I feel like you two

are exactly like me so I was seeing a married man whoa hang on so I was seeing a married man for five years

and I didn't know who was married it was only four I didn't know who was married at first but by the time I found out it was too late

I promised I'm not a bad person well if you didn't know you didn't know however we choose what we want to know but he didn't have Instagram I decided it needed to end

as it was controlling my life in every aspect I was driving past his gym being a complete stalker I've done that I am now seeing someone who I'm happy with but not head over heels

I've done this myself this married man knows I'm seeing him and he keeps messaging me with dick pics must have had a good one there he was not sending a maggot over

he's like do I simply do you want me back it's not an eel yeah do I simply block him but I like to know he still thinks of me

help deals don't block him it's fucking blowing smoke up your arse right there's a bigger picture here also if you want to fuck him go back and fuck him

go do what you want yeah there's a bigger picture here right let me tell you the bigger picture why are you with this guy that you're not head over heels for wasting your time pal i'm totally what i did so when i had a big i won't say which one because

it feels a bit mean on the person but i had a massive breakup and my heart was broken and then i got with someone very quickly afterwards and i did it to show off to be with someone to make everything better and i loved him to bits but i was not head over heels rebound and i know i wasn't i know i wasn't head over heels because i have been head over heels and i liked him but in the back of my head there was a constant niggle that i was selling myself short and i wasn't as mad about him as i should be and it's a horrible position to be have you watched pamela and tommy yet right so no but it's not pamela and tommy actually pamela her version me and ed watched it last night and i cried because she said i will always be in love with the father of my sons

because you know she's got two sons with um tommy lee right um no but it's like she's been married five times she's always going to be all of these husbands and she was like but one night he beat her up so she left him on the night that he beat her up and she never ever went back to him again and she was like it breaks my heart because i will always put my kids first but he is my one true love and look i'm even like do you know it was really sad so i don't understand how that relates but i think what i want to say is because he's married but he's her one love okay okay okay okay i get it now but she's got the right mindset of he is married i cannot go there but i still love him which is hard the main issue for me and something that i'm really thinking on at the

minute is don't waste your time with anybody baby girl unless you are head over heels you deserve the tommy pamela without the beating up everyone deserves that love and if you haven't got that then you move to the next one because you are wasting you'd better be on your own honestly don't ever waste your time with a man that you don't aren't obsessed with that she's like looking at me trust me in my life i've had enough boyfriends and i know when i've been obsessed than what I haven't. Don't do it. Get rid of him

and then with the other guy, he's married though, she can't shag him. She can't. Well, do something to make him leave his wife. Oh Christ, this is really bad.

Listen, I don't know the full story. You've got to put yourself first. What I will tell you is this, you are a side piece. Yeah, you're the side chick. You're the side chick. You aren't the main event.

You're not the main event and just remember this, when he's sending you dick pics, he's got a wife and he ain't leaving her for you. No. Which means she wins. She comes first.

you're a side piece read the book Why Men Love Bitches you're a side piece and remember that and don't make it into a glorified thing if he loved you that much

he'd be with you love and the other book Why Men Don't Love Women Like You Hi ladies I need advice from somebody impartial my husband

we've been together for over 10 years spends every night on his Xbox my husband did this that's not a husband or a man is it that's a little boy

shouting at the TV until 1am he never comes to bed with me or sits and watches TV with me no this happened to me I bet he smokes weed as well this has been going on for years i've been telling him for years i'm lonely and unhappy and nothing

ever changes we don't have an intimate relationship because he's not interested and that's something that i crave i feel like all i do is cook clean shop and get nothing back it's finally to the point where i've told him i've had enough and i want to separate but we have a four-year-old and i don't want to ruin his little life that's silly no you will not ruin his life he loves us both so much and he would be heartbroken if we lived apart i really want to be with somebody who wants to be with me this is what i've just been saying spends time with me enjoys the same things as me has sex with me i don't want to spend the next 40 years being lonely and unfulfilled but should i grin and bear it for my son absolutely not no say it's me or the xbox right let me tell you something now

from both me and ashley having children that and we're no longer with the baby dad he's fine he'll be fine my darling he will be fine children are out there that can't eat that are in awful situations your son because his mum and dad split up he's not going to be a problem he's four they adapt unbelievably quickly you would rather do this now than when he's a teenager and he's more sensitive to these things trust me now everything you're saying there is what i've just been saying you deserve somebody amazing get rid of your husband or give him one last chance throw the xbox out of the window i was with someone that was an xbox addict no listen it can be an addiction so what you do need to say to him is if you think you have a problem here let's sort it together

because it can be an addiction and he will lose all at real world. You sound like you deserve much, much more. He's got one more chance. Fuck him off. Take the son and live happily ever after with your son. Your son does not want to see and look up to you and think that's normal.

A grown man in a gamer chair. Exactly. Your son should not be looking up to that and thinking that that's how a marriage should be. So you're doing much better by leaving him. Leave him. Bye-bye. Girls, what was the IVF clinic you used?

It was mentioned on an episode. Was it mentioned? No, I don't think you ever said. They're tricking you. no we never recommend um surgeons but i will give you the names of um some ibf clinics i went i have got a good comparison here i went to manchester fertility personally it wasn't for me so i at least had something to compare it to i would interview two clinics always going to more than one at least um i went there i didn't have any experience with a doctor there it was just the

staff and also what put me off manchester fertility was they don't put you under a general anesthetic when they do the egg retrieval and my friend said it was barbaric yeah can you imagine having what the fuck anyway i went to um the hewitt center the place i'm going to tonight's in chester but i've followed the same doctor his name is dr gazvami but you need to research your own yeah there you go hi girls absolutely love the pod i have a dilemma for you but i please ask that you keep me anonymous because i will die so the bottom line is i'm in love with my best friend yeah he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend it's not lauren david we have been best friends for 10 years and i've known that i've been in love with him for probably six of

those 10 years he's lauren david and i don't really know what to do about it because i feel like I've sat on it way too long now however I find myself lay awake in bed thinking about it and every time I see his parents they always tell me you should have been together together and we'll get married and oh you're the woman for him and things like that and my parents say the same to me I absolutely adore my current boyfriend he seems to be pretty happy with his girlfriend although he does moan to me about her a lot and I just don't know if it's because there's kind of that line that neither of us dare cross I just want some advice on what to do with it do I tell him do I keep it secret to myself and just live my life I don't know I really really am at a lost

girls and any advice would be amazing right okay so see what happens on an empty stomach and half a bottle of souvenir get pissed and shag him just get pissed and have a chat right wait wait we're giving out advice here without thinking about this okay so again i've got a running theme here i feel like if you really did love your boyfriend that much you wouldn't be having thoughts about your best friend because you would find you'd be with the one that wouldn't make you think that so that's question making me question how much you're actually into the one you've got secondly is it just one of those things where have you ever even kissed like do you actually have the sexual chemistry it sounds to me like you're in love with him because everyone's telling you oh you'd

be great together and it's like that kind of he's the safe option he's the safe option and it's the fantasy that we could be amazing together and oh yeah but it's not reality however i also believe that i would much rather have a regret than a what if because you should never have any what ifs so i think you should speak to him i don't know if he feels the same you're not giving me any info whether he feels the same he clearly does do you think he does but why are you not together then I also believe in the universe and things align how they're meant to so maybe you just never were meant to be

go and see a psychic so I personally think that you need to speak to him about your feelings but I don't know whether he feels the same you've not told us I think you need to have a drink you need a drink and he needs to loosen up a bit and you loosen up a bit and then you go from there

but like I say don't ever regret anything and if you have the chat and he's like whoa no not for me then you just pretend it never happened I was pissed I don't remember saying that I didn't say that I say that to everyone that's what i don't say i don't say that um and i was so swash i can't remember but i think you do need to know and i don't think you should if it's keeping you awake at night nothing is worth your peace so you need to find out and iron it out your peace so i think you

need to know for definite before you make any choices come on we need to get through these okay here we go one more coming up hey girls i need some help monkey over eyes face i've been with my boyfriend for eight months so not very long at all something hasn't been sitting well with me for ages like just being dodgy not answering my calls on a friday night when he's at his mum's here we go following girls on instagram oh his instagram is now deactivated you're right which he decided to do himself yeah because he was getting into it was getting risky anyway in august i randomly got bv so i was i was like this is really weird i don't ever get around a lot of the time so i questioned him and automatically i asked if he had any problems down

there or if he had cheated no not not a chance no way he said cut a long story short yesterday i tested positive for chlamydia i told him straight away i remained calm and i just put the blame he put the blame on me straight away and i clearly know it was not me as i've never cheated after trying all day yesterday and all last night i managed to get it out of him that he had cheated on me back in of course he did of course he did the night i thought he was at home and he was actually out shagging a scruff clearly well he was the scruff too how do i even get over this i'm honestly so upset this is the third person to cheat on me oh darling i feel so belittled and small he's trying his best to get back in and say it was a silly mistake but of course i don't know

that please help me oh god okay let me tell you something i have been cheated on wait for it oh every time one two five times with five different relationships okay and it has nothing to do with you no but you are choosing the wrong man can i just and that is your problem right this is really serious that he's given you an STD that's fucking disrespect

don't ever get back with him that's disrespect at the highest highest form everyone should be keeping each other and their partners safe

that is disgusting if he's willing to go out and have unprotected sex and give you and then gaslight you and say it was say blamed it on her

and leave you with dormant chlamydia for that long this is not your guy get rid of the fucker your problem here is I mean sometimes there's

an anomaly and you get a guy that you think's great and isn't but majority of the time you and i've learned this personally you the reason you keep getting cheated on is nothing to do with you it's not because you're not fit enough it's you are going for the wrong men and i'll tell you why you've got low self-esteem set your boundaries and what has happened is because you've been cheated on quite a few times now and i can see here you've

said you feel belittled and small your idea of what you are drops dramatically therefore you're worth have you seen my ex-boyfriend what he fucking looked like the one with the yeah you were all thinking it when i posted him i know you were and he cheated on me and he treated me like shit because i'd let myself get so low that i thought that's what i was worth and i feel like you're going for men that aren't good enough for you focus on building yourself back up take my advice split up with him and leave him spend a good few months on your own build yourself a go for the right guy horrible do not go near him again if you do it again then i have no sympathy because you're going to start yourself a trend here okay guys so remember on nip tuck we want

you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at nipped up pod.com guys please share your hashtag iwd selfies with us today yes and we want to yeah that's nice get sharing we're gonna guess whether it means international women's day or i want dick yeah yeah it can mean both or i want I want dick that's all I can think of I want dominoes pizza dick

or international women's day there you go scratches and itch anyway you can get in touch on whatsapp too which means your voice notes we absolutely love

playing these out in future episodes don't worry if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are so simply head over

to this episode's description for more info you can also over there leave us A stunning five-star review. We don't want a four, we only want a five.

And we will be back with a special bonus episode this Friday where we're actually lined up with a mysterious guest. So we don't know who it is either, but Lucas does. And just to wrap up International Women's Day, remember, you are strong, you are powerful. Anyone that's treating you like shit, take my advice and deal with it head on. Head on from now on.

And if it's a man or a co-host, co, what do they call, if it's a co-host, Ashley! I've had it enough! Yeah, be strong, be amazing, and bye!