Nip Tuck - It's a Bonus B*tches

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Girls, we are back for another weekly dose of Nip Tuck with our very first Bonus episode. This is all about you and your issues, because we are here to help you! Even if it is getting sent suspicious pics from a fella or guys with Icky habits. Send them in because we LOVE to hear from you.We can’t wait to get started and we want to hear from you about any dilemmas, what’s on your tits and of course your Ick Pics! To get involved, you can send us a DM, we’re on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod.Or you can email [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

okay okay hi bitches it's friday my fucking favorite death i've already sworn way too much in this episode lauren come on help me out you want me to not swear i'm the worst person it's friday it's the bonus episode the boner episode the boner and we're going to give you some good shit yeah some really really good shit so today it's like all about you so this is all of our listener contributions and we just love it's our favorite bit isn't it every bit um dilemmas just you getting involved with us because as we always say you're our kind of women so we're an army okay so on nip tuck pod we want you to get your voices heard you can send us a dm we're on instagram and we're on tiktok find us at nip tuck pod or alternatively you can email us

hello at nip tuck pod dot com we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick anything embarrassing any other bits basically we love embarrassing questions embarrassing sex stories basically we don't give a fuck we've asked you guys to send in your ick pics and sometimes we have our own as well don't we so basically our instagram a few of us have access to it but we're all in like this confidential group anyway we are and someone sent this ick pic in so to talk to you from the beginning what an ick pic is something that has given you the ick it doesn't have to be sexual it can be just like an everyday thing something someone does etc etc yep we've not got someone's permission we can't

show it but I can show it to Lauren okay now this pic came in it's of me isn't it it's not of you so it came in and I was on the Instagram at the time I think it was when you were on one of your holidays somewhere off your head yeah and I was like oh not the one with the kids I was like I need to literally get her reaction from showing her this picture don't so I've kept it is it one of my exes right what is it i'm gonna set some background to this i'm sweating okay you're gonna show me a picture of myself there's a hair on it there's a hair on it and the girl has got brown hair but the thing has got blonde hair on it is it me is whose dick's that is that one of my is that my boyfriend's dick stop so this girl got a dick pic sent to her and what the guy didn't

realize was that there's a long blonde girl's hair left on his dick and she's got brown hair no yeah she said like that's a big dick that's a big dick look we're showing producer lucas the big dick it's it's got a blonde hair so she's got brown hair yeah i mean i that hair is probably even though that big stonky is there like the blonde hair is the first thing you look It is. Because it's like glittering. Can we describe the dick? I think that's a decent dick.

But it looks like the top bit is wider than the bottom bit. It's meant to be. Is it? It doesn't go narrow, does it? No, but the whole thing, like, from face. It's a thick one. It's a thick one. Why has he not pulled the foreskin back?

I think if you're going to send a dick pic, you should pull it back. No? Yeah, I think that's etiquette, isn't it? I feel like it looks like a hat on the end of the dick. If you don't pull the foreskin back, it's like a hat. Do you get sent dick pics? No one sends me them. No.

So anyway, so she sent me that and she said that she ghosted him after that because she was like, it's sick. Like, that'd be like you now with brown hair getting, like, it is gross. It is gross. That's gross. Do you think it was straight after the sex? No, but then we know that thing, don't we? What thing do we know?

The photo. If someone sends you a picture on Messenger or WhatsApp app and you click on you save the picture save it so you have to hold the picture down and press save and then you go into your camera roll click on the picture click on information it'll tell you when the fucker was taken it will also tell you if it's been edited on any apps so if the guy has made his penis longer oh my god i've just thought of that editing your dick you could stretch out your penis guys guys but then imagine in real life when it's a little winkle so if he's edited the dick you're gonna know and when it was taken you're gonna know so

if it's recycled and it's old that's a recycled it's old dick yeah but we also come on we've all recycled a nude so absolutely the way in which to get around this i did actually google it and i think it's my method is quite foolproof what you have to do is you have to screenshot the picture crop crop and re-save it before you send it on so girls

when you're recycling your nudes just be so careful because so careful these iPhones are having us off because they could be like

well that was two years ago yeah I agree the other thing that we found out what is the iPhone trick the sharing so yes

oh my god right let's do it here now okay right so talk them through what we're doing so we're going to give you a hack now

on how to know where your boyfriend is all the time i'm not saying that we should that you should but if you wanted to then you could so anyway um can i just say i said that ashley should do this with her husband and she was like no i don't give a fuck where he is she was lying go no i wouldn't do that to it i think it's like illegal anyway but anyway if you did think they were up to something and you want to catch them red-handed this is how you do it and one of our amazing listeners sent this hack in and girls we are here for these fucking hacks like we all need to know how to fuck them yeah you know so lauren

what you do so ashley is now going to show us her hack on how to know where someone is at all times at all times right let's go so girls you've got two minutes the fucker's gone for a shower or a it go and get his phone you're sweating you get it you're shaking make sure you've got your phone next to you go on his contact her your phone his phone on his phone on his phone go on your go on your own name on his phone yeah yeah then you press share location all right okay i'm him i'm him share indefinitely okay i've pressed it okay now on my phone his phone it says ashley started sharing location with you do you want to share yours yes no but i don't want to share mine with with you i want you i want to know where you are yes

oh i'm getting confused okay share indefinitely yeah okay you put put his phone down and you run exactly in the position you found it you wipe your sweaty hands now i've got lauren oh i i can track you i mean i'm always in the pub no i'm actually not so look it says here where you are wow i can just keep tabs on you keep it like that keep it like that because how funny you'll catch me out all the time when you're like lauren can you do this for work and i'm like uh the doctors and you're like you're definitely not so yeah that is there's a hack on how to follow your boyfriend around saying uh lauren did you get any ick pics that you wanted to share with me yeah one of our amazing listeners sent this in it basically is a toilet roll next to the bed

that's that's an ick so it's a roll of toilet roll next to the bed i actually think the room's quite nice i don't believe that's a man's house and this is what she said read out what she said with the caption toilet roll on the bedside table makes me want to vom practical for post-sex blob but it makes me cringe like can't you get some kleenex babe um that reminds me of when i was at uni and i'd wake up hung over to death and they'd be like like where i'd been blowing my nose and they're like a big like him a big diet coke or something a sports direct mug oh my god yes with some water in it to be honest

what I have to say is I agree with her it is so practical to have that there because what about the post sex dash where you finish no you should just

go to the toilet yeah but you have to dash because you that Mr Bloomin you're not going to go sorry hun just pass me pass me the toilet roll

no you run to the toilet no but can I just say though that dash right you basically get off and then you cup immediately and then you run like this we just scurry

to the toilet scurry so it's a cup then waddle with your sports direct cup like a cup and then you waddle to the toilet

and then you have to squeeze have you seen how big those sports direct mugs are they're like the size of your head they hold a lot of stuff so we're going to take a short break

and then we're going to be back with your dilemma now I know you are all waiting for the song welcome back guys this is your friday episode of your favorite podcast nip tuck and not giving anyway we wanted to share with you that we've got some amazing prizes so if you head over to our instagram there are details on there of a competition which we are doing and all of you

guys can get involved so you're gonna want to win these prizes okay we have a dr ginsella skincare bundle worth over a hundred pounds two pajama sets from queens park sleepwear for you and your bestie three bottles of edison vodka so you can get fucked up in your new pajamas skincare and a beautiful necklace from say it with diamonds worth 150 pounds plus to top it all off a 100 pound selfridges voucher i love that one all you have to do to enter is tag a friend on the post and make sure that you're both following nip tuck pod plus the instagram pages of the brands which we've tagged to make it easy for you giving away these amazing prizes entries close on the 18th of september at midnight and we're going to announce the winner on the 21st of september

on the podcast full terms and conditions are in the caption do you want to know my dilemma of the fucking week okay can you can see it is it carpet burn have you been like no where they put their hands behind your back that's much better can i just say if it was going well i'd put up with it that's so unattractive when that happens and you get your hands tied back and you're literally like and then at some point you're like i'll breathe your face is on the floor um no it's not from that unfortunately it's actually from curling my hair as you can see it went wrong in many ways one of them is the curl the other one is i've taken half my fucking chin off so i have and we already know i scarred my leg for life

when i last did it yeah you can see what i've done everyone knows if your camera wants to look i don't know everyone knows what i've done i've burnt my face with the curlers what's that moving on good job your friend knows how to fix scars moving on dilemma dilemma we have been sent in so many dilemmas we can only pick a few but keep them coming girls please we want dilemmas we want ick pics we want like just funny stories just good shit so we did get um a girl repost our story which i loved but she did write on it that she can't wait to hear the dilemma of the week tune and i believe that a lot of people can't all right go on dilemma of the week dilemma Dilemma of the week.

Okay, dilemma of the week. You ready? Hit me. Hit me. Ow, my leg's already hurt. That gym video that you put was so bad. You looked like a bag of bones, like throwing yourself around.

Like a kid's PE fucking lesson. It was so, it was like sports day at primary school. She was like jumping around with these skinny legs. I was like, what are you doing? Strong, not skinny. Anyway, she can't walk today. She's fully limping. hey at least i'm trying more than me yeah okay hi ash and lauren i am loving the new series so far

okay i need help fair enough we all do so i've been sleeping with a guy for about three months it started after a night out and now it's like twice a week booty calls we don't date i just go over for sex now this suited us both at the time when it began always the fucking way she's fallen in the dick sand anyway and now i'm getting feelings of course you are because we women you get feelings through your vagina men don't get that women catch feelings through vaginas i'm telling you anyway he's told me he doesn't want a relationship so my question is this we're gonna have such different ideas on this do i well you'll you'll be able to help him more than me do i try to get him if so no wait if so how do i make him fall for me i think you can do these things you

always you know how to play kitten or do i just leave it now and carry on shagging him or do i walk away right ashley firstly regardless of your opinion on this tell the girl how you would try and entice him if you thought he's husband i'm fucking getting him right how's she getting him okay because i don't know as you can tell i've lost many husbands ghost ghost but don't ghost in a way that it looks like you really care yes so not that i can't do this anymore we're over not that kind of no no no so she literally like she's she's had that conversation she tested the water and it's a no-go zone so i think that what she's best doing is being like hey might be out tonight and then whoops my phone goes on airplane mode and you see me in the corner of the club with

a different guy oh and then like honestly if the nastier she's going to be to him the more he's going to come after her okay and the number one thing with men must be nasty is um they don't like seeing you like distracted yes whether that's having fun with your friends going on trips like having another boy and it sounds like he's kind of used to her being at his beck and call disposal yeah yeah exactly so i think just literally go ghost the fizzle then a well i'm going to talk about that in one of our next podcasts because there is a fine line between ghosting in a good way and ghosting in a bad way agree everyone's had that one guy that you've been seeing or girl that you've been seeing and like they've got they've bitterly ghosted you and they think it's

good and it's not like they've as soon as they know they've unfollowed you off instagram oh please don't follow me pathetic so anyway my advice though is babe he doesn't give a fuck about you any man will take free sex

pretty much any man they will and your vagina is just his whole you're a free you're a free fanny you're his dick pocket however

dick pocket oh a pulsating pussy she's his pulsating pussy and also who else is he shagging this is a bit weird and not okay okay so

I agree I think if you want to keep him I agree with Ashley you have to make it look like You don't give a fuck. But you can't do it obviously. There's an art to it.

Yeah. You have to look like you're having fun by yourself. And he's like, ooh, ooh, where girl gone? Yeah. Girl was like, pussy, now gone. Pussy gone. Where pussy gone? Pussy in club.

Me not in club. That's how men work, isn't it? My pussy. That's how it works. So that's what you need to do. Because it all comes down to men are like monkeys. That's where they begin. They're babies.

That's where it begins. So you have to do that. Okay. but at the same time we don't really want you to do that we want you to fuck him off

because once your vagina gets feelings it's almost like it comes up like feelings feelings let's call it a feeling hole

yes it becomes a feeling hole but my motto if you love something and you let it go if it comes back to you it was yours all along no but that's

that's the worst thing you've ever said you need to cut have you got that on your kitchen wall that's something that people have on their kitchen wall

as a quote that's fucking disgusting no but it's true to like it's like bad you have to do bad things to get the good okay i know i know what you mean if you cut someone off and they don't come back it wasn't meant to be and i'm a huge huge believer it was what's meant to be will be so if you fuck him off and he doesn't come back it's because mr right is around the corner and also babe i really feel like your friends are probably sick of hearing the story about this and they're probably saying the same thing to you you're

not very um you're not very patient with friends no no if you tell her the same story twice about the same guy she's like i'm bored fuck him off and it's done um go and shag someone else now yeah yeah so that is our advice to you that's how what you should do um and his is him is he the dick ick pic i don't know i don't it could make sense but um just go and like shag someone else answer the story shag someone else okay guys thank you so much for listening to our first little extras episode i hope you absolutely love it but you are the fuel that needs to be in our fire we need your stories yeah we do we need your shit we need all your content so please send it we have an email if you just tap on it on our instagram page it's hello at nip tuck pod.com

have i made that up it sounds good is that the fucking email that's the email wow okay i've been doing my work so if you email us hello at nip tuck pod.com then we hopefully will be able to see all of your dilemmas ick pics stories and fun thank you guys bye you