Nip Tuck - It's funny but it's not

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Surely you've seen the Pleasure Boys videos, well we have! We also chat Married to the Game and find out what makes Lauren cringe the most!This week's episode is sponsored by BOHOMOON - use code NIPTUCK10 for a discountwww.bohomoon.comIf you would like bonus episodes and would like to be part of our infamous group chat and be part of competitions too then sign up to our Patreon.https://patreon.com/niptuckpodOr if you just want bonus episodes then you can subscribe on Apple.Music courtesy of BMG Production Music Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

guys hi hello welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck can i move my mic a bit i don't like it so far away i know you've done it on purpose to get the nip there okay just have to sit back and chill you know what have you been up to babe um right so i've been up since 4am yeah because they had began her vomiting spell at 4am uh until six and then i got up so i'm tired as usual and she's gone to school because mommy's got to get the money you know just anyone at lauren's school you didn't about that right so did you know um no no it's actually like a thing that people will be really against you for doing that she was sick and she was threw up she probably had something funny she's not ill right she just vomited she probably had too much can i tell you something

that happened to me once right um at the kids nursery is very very posh yeah i'd say it's one of like the poshest nurseries i just wouldn't it's not for me though i mean it is when it comes to caring for your child oh of course the best care but you know like the expectations from me as a mother a little too high no no they do everything for you that's the whole thing oh maybe i do like it like set nap times the kids have got their own cot that they sleep in with their own bedding in a dark room they do potty training them you get a letter when they turn too oh my god and they're like we're starting posture like i've changed my mind okay sign me up all in-house cooked organic food like and then comes home to me for nuggets perfect

so i didn't go to nursery till she was three so oh god what the fuck did you do breastfeeding still had her on the nipple james says that all the time because when i'm working away you definitely put fear on your breast i would i would if she would i would let her latch so I can't remember like exactly what happened but I was in this group chat of the mum oh you were allowed in this one oh I was allowed I've got an update on that as well by the way naughty me you said phones on silent um I did right so I was in this mum's group chat for nursery and Saskia had been being sick all night same thing as you and I said in the mum's group chat like i'm knackered sasky's been up being sick um and then it was kind of like oh you're

sending her in and i was like really yeah i'm sending her in like i have work right as soon as i got there they wouldn't take it because one of the mums had grasped me really yeah oh she's just done a vomit do you know what i mean a couple of vomits it's fine she's not vomiting now she it is a thing if you cut that out no i don't care she's fine i don't put that out i had to get to work do you know what i don't if she's not well then yeah but they've not even rang me so she's clearly not she's clearly fine ring ring um i used to not like when i was doing skin treatments and patients would turn up really ill and cough on me that used to really piss yeah so when i got my teeth done last week i was at the end of this illness thing and i did actually message him and

so look, I'm all right in myself, but I have had this bug. Are you still okay with me coming in? And he was like, listen, I've got a mask on. People do get ill. I'm in people's mouths all day. Everything's fine. But I did check.

I did. I did actually, because I thought, well, I wouldn't have done, but I thought if I keep coughing. And I get really bad cold sores. So when I get a cold sore, I always, if I'm having my makeup done, or if I'm having a skin treatment,

I always say to them, like, just to let you know, I've got one. I've got a herpes outbreak. My outbreak is outbreaking. um so yeah i would and people are usually like fine if you say when i used to have that period of time like many years ago when i used to get spots on my cheeks to remember um i whenever i got my makeup done felt so bad because i thought they're going to be thinking that my brush is on your spot so i used to say to them like obviously i'll bring my own brushes if you want because

i've got a spot i know poor me look at me now though look at me now i'll not spot so tell us about your teeth then right so oh my god did you see my video and i couldn't speak afterwards yeah fucking hell i've never had a dental block was it scary yeah i thought it was never gonna stop so when he started he numbed me i didn't know he was gonna and i was thinking oh my god so he injected all around my gums um and i literally but you know what it made me do because apparently the adrenaline in it made me really shaky so i was panicking about that didn't hurt or anything but it was much better because i was there for like two hours i couldn't feel anything but then when i went to sit up and speak i was like i mean i can't speak as it is with my list and i literally

just sat up and i went oh i was panicking the girl that was there i could tell i was panicking she's like it's fine and then i went to put some lip balm on and i couldn't find my lip no lie so i'm going i was going to is this my lip she's going no no that's like your tash i was like oh is this my lip now couldn't feel my nose got in the car to do some stories i couldn't speak uh but yeah teeth so he took my old composite my own they look gorgeous don't they look gorgeous christina um so these are just temporary i've already spoken about it on the other one so there's not much update other than these attempt um i'm going straight after here to check how i feel about them i'm gonna go two shades whiter no absolutely not one i'm going a bit lighter

mate they're gonna be on for 20 years like one not two not two christina one or two do one you don't want to look like you've got tip x on your teeth or ross from friends right okay one um so i'm gonna go a little bit whiter um and then these are on for like three weeks and then they come off and they put my proper ones on but i like them there's no like no one's looked at me but like your teeth are different so i think that's quite a good thing right now i also had photofabulous oh so this is guys anyone that's having photofab or laser treatments i said to lauren i rang her after she'd had it because she's always like you pussy how much and i was like oh my god how much does it hurt but the secret is girls like i said to you eat before you have the treatments yeah so

i'd not it was what by the time i rang you it's about four o'clock and she was like what have you eaten today i was like absolutely nothing yeah and if yeah if i'm having filler if i'm having any kind of agree hurty treatment agree even if you don't like just get something down you and don't drink too much coffee and stuff it makes you edgy when i had do you remember when i had those hip dip fillers what maybe three years ago because they inject adrenaline into you with that yeah and i hadn't eaten all day i'd had loads of coffee and a couple of fags and as she was doing it and i'm not really a passer-outer i was stood there and i was literally um she was putting in because it's with a really long thin needle isn't it they put it in it's not pleasant you

know it's not a nice thing to have done and i was like i'm gonna pass out and i had all like little cannula things in my and i was on the floor on all fours i'm gonna pass out i'm gonna pass out and it just made me really weird so i should have eaten um so she did the ipl layer first which is fine then i had an emergency and i had to get off yeah so i knew i kind of worked out though yeah i knew i needed to be numbed so i numbed myself and drove down the motorway with my head wrapped in cling film like honestly the builders they obviously saw the back of me they'd see they'd see my car and the back of me and they were like milk coming up and then i turned to the side i was like hello and they were all like you could see the faces they were literally oh and i'd literally

wrapped my face in cling film with a mouth hole it was so weird i look like some i don't know yeah like a gimp mask so she did it it hurt it hurt yeah not bad fabulous hurt so bad but guys it's worth it actually skin looks unbelievable good and then i had cool laser on my under eyes you're right under eyes look better already already so i think i'm gonna have they were looking they looked hollow hollow but it's because i'd had all that and it took you and it's taking your i'm gonna get that lump taken out under there you're gonna go through the same but what i'm so i'm on an under eye journey okay like this is do you not feel like under eyes one of the number one questions we get asked under eye right is a delicate area and it will age horrifically

if you don't look after it so i feel like under eye is the biggest giveaway on like i totally agree and it's the hardest thing to treat because it's like it's creepy it's paper skin so i've had under eye under blephs they didn't take tighten the skin though like as we say i don't really know what happened during that um but even that i mean they didn't tighten my skin so i really don't not happen but that didn't like it's it's a hard thing to fix so i'm gonna i'm having um cool i've had all the under eye filler and shite dissolved yeah skin boosters dissolved because it was getting i got that kylie jenner puff thing and i've never had that in my life and i'm putting it down to edema from that yeah so i've had all of that out and then i've had cool laser one session

i'm gonna try and get three in and then potentially have a fat transfer to my under eyes where did you have the cool laser at say you right okay i might have it done oh stinky so stinky oh wait why is everything hurt but look at how good it looks no it looks fantastic it really does i struggle under eyes when i put concealer on and stuff i just feel like every year i'm gonna try and do some kind of laser on under eye um i am fully with you and i will probably copy yeah get message i'm gonna because i've got like a little lump there which you spotted didn't you yeah and i am i agree i think it's edema which basically means swelling guys where and i think it doesn't am i right in saying that hyaluronic acid that's i think

attracts water yeah it does so if there's any water going around it's going to suck to that area when you're hungover or ill so i've got this like puffy lump and when i smile it's there isn't it i'm gonna have to get it out but i swell so badly with i'm gonna look like oh why is it so hard it's a rotation of things oh my god i love your bracelet i know i have stacked three gorgeous bracelets here i will show you over on my instagram honestly i am obsessed with boho moon i've worn their stuff for literally years you actually have haven't you you've got me onto it you've stacked silver and gold today like a little mixture it looks cute right so i've got the rings i've got tiny fingers and they actually fit my finger which is so rare i am obsessed they've got this

amazing everything 10 pound sale lauren and we've got a little discount oh of course we are on top of the 10 pound everything on top so if you type in nip tuck 10 at checkout you can save more on boho moon's stunning jewelry there's some really cute little personalized bits yeah i've got so i've got an aries necklace on today and then one with an l and we've given christina a stunning little k one as well i've got an a one i only ever wear gold so i'm the gold girl aren't i so i love the fact that you can get loads of little pieces on there and you know what as well they're waterproof they're waterproof and they're tarnish free honestly that isn't unreal for me when it comes to jewelry because i like to change it all the time i like loads of different ones and

i hate it when they go horrible oh no no these look how expensive do they look they actually do they look really they are absolutely gorgeous there's so many different styles so lauren goes for more of like a cool girl vibe be careful and you're more of a classic glamour yes we say yeah you've got the tennis bracelet on which is actually really nice i'm more layered stacked cool big gold earrings yes that's more me whereas i'm more polished but yeah there's there's something for everyone on there so go and check out boho moon and tag us with all of your purchases yes we can't wait to see what you've got guys i got a little evil eye bracelet and i'm so excited to wear it keep those evil eyes away

let's get on to the patreon guys oh the the girls on the patreon are us yeah they are they are us and i didn't know there was many of us around there's loads of us there's loads of so like our favorite lovely her name's talia is my favorite it's tell you your favorite yeah um and so something happened in ireland wow so in the last episode that you listened to the one that we did remotely i said i am going to show christina and ashley something really quite shocking it was over valentine's day so like two weeks ago before i got chance to the patreon girls came through so basically a follower dm'd me with it so i thought i'm going to keep hold of that and show you anyway the patreon girls got it first and sent the videos in has anybody seen what

happened at that fucking devonish hotel in ireland is it belfast what were they called pleasure boys so it's the pleasure boys so basically if you don't know out pleasure i mean everyone looked like they were having loads of fun including the boys on the girls the penises looked like they were having fun so basically it was almost like a snide version of magic mike wasn't it and everyone's gone all these like grannies and big groups of girls you can imagine whoo a massive night out and they're all out right they're all looking for the leprechauns they're all out there that wasn't bad um anyway and they're all out ready for a good girl's night ready for a bit of magic mike so you know men in six packs dancing the odd flash of a bit of a

pubic area perhaps a ball sack that's not what they got no they got these men with these direct dicks no i think they have those cock yes things they don't they all don't all when you go to a hen do and stuff don't all shippers put those i but they were big dicks no big one right so anyway these women are turning up looking for something magic mike style a bit risque no no no they were all they were dtf every girl in that room this was shocking so what ended up happening is it was more of a sex show they had these huge penises out from day one i saw a video helicoptering helicoptering the cocks getting the girls on stage i saw a man wanking off one of the cocks did you see that yeah i've got so the guy's walking around with his big penis out naked

gets a man's hand and wanks it off like up and down up and down and then and everyone is in shocked so everyone's filming it like what is this and then the main bit for me was there are pictures and there's one girl smiling and there's a cock on her shoulder there's a cock on her head don't get don't don't no don't show it on any we're not going to show anything we're just going to show it and then and someone's granny granny i'm talking 70s 80s grandma is holding a cock on her shoulder with the biggest smile and obviously at the end they've done a photo shoot and they've and margaret hold this and she probably doesn't know what she's holding she probably doesn't have a clue and she's like honestly the women had the had a whale of a time it looks like but some didn't

i believe i think there's an investigation because some did not um aren't they getting fined well i think the problem was is that people were filming it and then putting it online like would you say let's just take it out from this in a scenario would you want if you were like a hen do like this or anything would you want to be fit like being like on stage or whatever would you want to be filmed and then it going around and oh no absolutely not but at the same time if you do the crime you didn't know that they were being filmed by like yeah right yeah so there's a little bit of a privacy issue here that if you're on a night out phones are allowed at magic my car no exactly right if the phones weren't allowed and that was clear and that's

a like crazy horse in paris you get told off if you even like yeah and i do get that but at the in the box in london yeah no videos of somebody should be going around without their permission like that is true but some of them were just of the men with the the cocks i just well no like that picture there that was she's smiling would you want that put online if that was you like everyone's been sending in the group chat i know but that's the thing it's been no but christina the thing is i if someone said hold this cock and smile i'd say no yeah well that's true well that's true if someone said hold this penis on your shoulder and grin and then got a camera phone out of that i'm not gonna do that today that one of the lady with all the cocks draped over

she's got one on her head one on her shoulder it's like a glamour shot she's like she's probably phased out as well it's just bell ends all over her but yeah it it was heavy that wasn't it like i'd rather go to that than magic mike yes i think it'd be well funny would you go on stage though no no personally no no me and james had this convo so i'm a little bit behind but i've been watching um beverly hills i'm very behind where housewives sorry how yeah where thingy gets they get on the stage and that with the strippers and then thingy storms on so she's like we don't do this yeah she wore the pants yeah um anyway i said to james if i went to this kind of thing and got on stage like would you be all right with it and he's like

if everyone was doing it but i was like no i don't think i would do that no and he was fine he was like oh it's funny and i said but if you had a woman but then i'd probably think it's quite funny if he had a woman like he thinks for a show but he said that he wouldn't be asked but i personally that's one of the rules at magic might that you if you want to get up on stage you have to be wearing trousers yeah i personally yeah wouldn't do it no if i had a partner would you no and no i wouldn't do it either way if i had a partner maybe do it if i didn't have a partner you know but you must have been to hen do's where they have a and they look really uncomfortable the bride like because i've been to ones as well where they're tame where you know where you draw someone

yeah and then they do like a little strip thing and they grab the bride and like chuck her around i'm not i would die i wouldn't i like watching other people i wouldn't do that no no no no it's i wouldn't do like um i find it uncomfortable we went to ibiza and we had one in like we had this villa and we were all by the pool and this guy comes in like massive yeah with a little cock ring thing on and he was putting his dick on everyone yeah he was getting paid for that you paid for that and and and making us touch him making somebody paid for that yeah it's not my cup of tea um but i i get i like watching other people do it like it's funny to watch it makes me feel really it makes do you know what oh my god can i tell you something that makes me feel

really uncomfortable what and we'll come on to this because we were watching married to the game weren't we um people singing makes me feel incredibly was it that we're incredibly uncomfortable you said you went around someone's house and they made their kids honestly even if someone's got a cracking voice it's got nothing to do with that if someone's having a party and they decide to get up on stage and sing at their own party for everyone what about an entertainer oh no no that's a job that's different it makes me a bit uncomfortable i don't know why i mean i don't mean that i mean and all that jazz it's not us that theatrical shite is it's their birthday party and they've organized to sing for

everyone or someone's got a good voice and you're at a party and they go i don't know where to put myself i'm dancing i just find it really uncomfortable worst thing ever when you're at events and the magician comes yeah i just find things like that i don't want to look at your shitty fucking magic i just want to get this yeah i find that really singing makes me really like i can't like it makes me really uncomfortable even if they've got an amazing voice you know when they start and then they make eye contacts i think why are you doing this even do you know what even makes me rather a singer instead of a stripper in a hotel lobby yeah the singer in a hotel lobby makes me feel uncomfortable you know you start having a

drink and they're belting one out and i don't dare look at them in case i catch their eye and then i smile and nod and then do you clap oh my god the concert's different tell them so um i was gonna take the uh and saskia and me and lauren to taylor swift concert because it's in liverpool really nice and i just thought it'd be like a fun day out with the girls lovely thing to do you ready christina you show me this but go on three and a half thousand pounds per ticket for a normal i don't believe it i is that like actually true yes because when you sent it i was like oh she got a freaking box or something no normal it just was normal normal tickets i think it must be because they're sold out yeah three and a half what in the fucking nelly is that who in the

right mind he's paying that mad like three and a half four what the fuck but what were they normally because what next word that's expensive that's expensive yeah the usher tickets are 200 pounds you were both young um right so where were we where were we i don't know um i know i know so lauren this week christina had a call with the sex party oh um so me you and christine were going right so it's killing kittens and we're going and it's a work trip and you're coming and christina's coming yeah but we're going and you're gonna have the best time ever you don't have to listen to this for funny are you not really excited to go yeah but no i mentioned

this to james not really i mentioned this to james about killing kittens because something came up on my internet i can't remember and i was like oh killing kittens and he went oh i've changed my mind fancy it now and i was like you said no and he was like yeah because thought everyone was just like banging i was like no it's not like that um i mean i'm scared well right well we're deciding the date after this so guys we're going james said he'll go if ed goes or should we just do a girl's one see what it's like i think we do a girl's one yeah yeah i had to i'll cut this because no one cares but i had to like tell adam i was just like how would you feel if

kittens in it i was like you know he's like right i was like i'm not gonna be shaggy anyway yeah i know but that's what james was a bit like oh yeah you're not allowed phones at that either no well we're gonna go because i've been told i have to go we're gonna investigate yeah um and we're gonna report back with all the goss i think we do a little bit of filming before yes a bit of filming after yes um and then we'll come back and tell you and tell you everything that happened that we can yeah because we can't say names no but it's gonna be very very fun um what do we do there so as as far as i have understood as well you wear underwear i'm not going in underwear i thought you do i'm not fucking going in underwear it says like sexy i think you could

wear like leather trousers and a bodysuit right i'll wear that yeah i'm not going a lot of people wear masks i don't even dress i'll bring my cling film i don't even dress up for james i'm not getting out and about with a pair of suspenders on i'm gonna go all out baby i'm gonna come in a victoria's secret angel outfit with the wings i think you can wear that i don't need to look into it more yeah let's look into it i don't know if you have to dress like i think you two are having me on and then i'll turn up in suspenders and fucking knickers and bra like i would not do a leathery style outfit kind of like bondage-esque but not what the fuck can you imagine us three getting out of a cab like wow a trolley listen we'll just roll up i made a fire

has anyone got a lighter yeah oh my god listen i'll do it for the next my eye keeps getting caught you know why it's my mascara um i will do it for the sake of the work okay um has anyone ever told you the end of that hair brush looks like some form of anal play thanks and hair looks really nice it looks much better shorter does it yeah why just does was it a bit old lady i like it like that bit much bit big bit long it looks lovely now really really nice very pretty well um that weller miracle hair mist is life but it's 57 pounds 57 pounds but it works it works it works at the end of the day your hair your hair and you want your hair to look good so good like um any new products you've tried this week have you tried that l'oreal

mascara yet no really good i still use the one that we use but you know what it must be good because my eyelashes are catching with my top eyelashes which one oh the maybelline is it maybelline yeah sky high yeah really good that one and so cheap um i started watching married to the game same last night yes and it's a good watch isn't it i think that girl is so beautiful um she called sarah yeah the italian one gorgeous yeah um i what i liked about her was that she said she was going back to work she was going to a chanel party no a bo party she's like i'm going back to work you know and i was like okay um i find stuff like that so fast i love stuff i love reality stuff i do i like to see how other people are i like to watch it i've only watched one

episode um and i really liked it i really enjoyed it so yeah reality tv wise honestly it's it's if you like it girls do you know what give it a watch on our last record or the one before i lose the time i slagged off that thing that everyone's been watching one day and then you watched it and you loved it so i watched three episodes and i thought this is slow like my my um what's the word brain is it's slow and then it all goes into the end yeah and jay was like i'm not watching anymore i was like everyone is talking like we are watching it to the end and i literally forced him to watch it then the last three episodes we got really into it and guess what he cried he fucking cried did he cry he said that he was imagining obviously if it was me too right um

and i was buzzing and he he was like eyes were really wet and i was like are you crying he's like i'm not he cried and well it was beautiful you know did you know it cracked up on me it's a copy of a film a book and it's a book and a film yeah i've not seen it but you know what i was really bored for most of it but when things got going i thought it was very beautiful actually and like at the end when he's with his daughter and it yeah i didn't cry but and then have you i actually enjoyed it can i tell you a secret yeah that's weird the guys from fucking north which man yeah it's really frightening that and i can imagine that when one of them lived on their own i can imagine that'd be really scary the one that got that he got the pt's number and

pretended pretending to be the pt your head is right so i've got a story about stalking okay tell and i feel like i've blocked loads of it out of my brain because i always do that with anything i do that right so i was about 15 at the time and um someone kept ringing my mobile and the house phone oh the house phone it wasn't well the house phone and i remember like it was going on for ages and this person would always like pretend to be someone and then turn like really nasty like it was really weird and what boy man we caught them because the house phone had gone on to voicemail so it recorded the call and it was something like my mom is hello hello love is your dishwasher broken or something

no i don't think so and then he went can i suck your tits sorry it's not funny but i can imagine your mom like this oh and it was all on the voicemail and then like then it started getting weirder because it was on my mobile the house phone i went into the beauty salon and like every i don't know four weeks i would go and get my eyebrows waxed and tinted and i went in and she was like why are you here and i was like what do you mean and she was