Nip Tuck - Keep It Lean!

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

Does something strange and chaotic happen to you down below when you suddenly enter a TK Maxx? Do you have intrusive thoughts that are utter rubbish, yet you preach them to the World? Ashley & Lauren are guiding us through these troubled waters along with a selection of your dilemmas like what if you get stranded at the service stations whilst on a first date or what do you do if your fella just takes far too long to finish?Head over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Sue's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

guys hello and sorry we've just been sharing some gossip we have been sharing some gossip um we won't leave you out though we have got a really good episode coming up today lauren haven't we we have hello hello welcome i don't think we said nip tuck i can't remember but hi we're here what have we got going on ashley went to london so we're going to talk about that we're going to talk about the grand prix the grand prix because i actually do have something to say on that and i normally don't um we're going to talk about intrusive thoughts it makes me laugh even thinking about it because it's actually quite serious but we're going to talk about that what we bought this week of course and then we've got the wildest story about a girl one of our

patreon girls that went on a date and it's i can't believe it happened plot twist plot twist now guys we can't do this without you so let's keep the chat chatting lauren how do people get in touch wow that's not my job but i'm gonna try okay you can email oh whoa change don't like change you can email us hello at nip tuck pod you can go on our instagram you can dm us on there but we do prefer an email if you're on patreon you can get straight into our dms there and chat to each other um what else whatsapp we've got a whatsapp number we're on youtube youtube is videos every wednesday if you're on patreon you get it on five o'clock if you're on apple subs you get it five o'clock on tuesday there's video bonuses on friday okay okay let's just get on to the episode can i just add a

little quick note as well we've had quite a lot of whatsapps recently oh thanks and quite a lot of voice notes oh we love it but there is one problem a lot of them are about six minutes girls no if we can it's not your podcast it's ours girls if you can keep it to max max two minutes i would be very keep it lean keep it quick fast i said that on a call the other day and everyone went really quiet yeah like they were all like talking too much and i went come on guys keep it lean love that i think that's great i love i think that's weird you would no but everyone switches off and i know you think your presentation but it's the most important no i just mean the word lean yeah but working lean i don't understand

what that is like like lean like take the fat off it ah so my issue wasn't with what you were saying i agree it was more i've never heard keep it lean well there you go keep it lean keep it clean and lean so basically what i've been up to i'll fill you in because i've got like so many things oh good so many things so i'm having the baby the baby could come anytime now i'm like i think i'm costas like full term we were on the phone the other day and she went oh she didn't come about a contraction i was like actually this isn't about you it's about me this phone call but okay um anyway the baby didn't come no the baby didn't come yet um so yeah the baby how do you feel about the baby coming like are you totally chill is there any nerves number four like

is it just like milk yeah and a carer yeah no no i mean like it's true though to be fair like the birth are you asked yeah like i'm a bit scared but i'm not talking about it because had that horrendous headache thing last time yeah so do you know what actually this morning kate weirdly she's been off instagram for three months you know our acupuncture kate yeah yeah i've not seen her she did a post and i sent her a little thing like hope you're okay and she messaged me like your baby's coming soon isn't it so we're doing a treatment and like a meditation and acupuncture the night before the baby comes oh what a nice idea isn't that gorgeous just calm calm and then so i had like my final chat with the um doctor by the way the baby will

be here by the time this episode's out wow that's so weird i want another baby now it's your turn now can't um right anyway back to me me me so um i yeah i had like my chat with the doctor and i was like so can you give me like something you know to calm me down like before because that's the best bit and they were like you're gonna have to raw dog this but it's so fun being like if it was america they would be giving you all kinds then you're all happy and woozy but no i'm actually nervous no i actually am but they can't give you anything like i was listening to katherine ryan this morning and she said that when she lived in new york they used to give her a Valium

and a Percocet just to have a facial because they just can't what are you nervous about? the spinal wrong again have you asked if there's more chance of that happening because it's happened before?

there isn't but it's just a nervous they said they think that the reason why it happened last time is because they used too big a needle on a small person so that's why they fluidly do you have the laughing gas? I they they can't give it because I'm going in theater so with the laugh it and I've got to

stay really still like when you have your spinal have you ever had one well I had to have six for my chemo yes and they every time struggle to get it in like literally we're just prodding and you know what they're doing and it's horrid isn't it put me on the gas straight oh can they give it you while you're having your spinal well I'm awake completely awake they give me like a is it a general you know a bit of numbing yeah but they tried and for weeks they couldn't do it and they start to worry they put me on the laughing gas no problem you just relax down maybe they can you know because i feel like that's what i need something for like a few seconds to be like so yeah i will ask oh my god you're giving me like full-on memories of sitting there bent over

and you have to lean on a pillow as still as possible and when as soon as they go be still you're like my nose yeah you're literally like now i need to cough for you like yeah it's yeah that moment when you saw and then i always look at eddie's like and then the man's like they realize all of a sudden after nine months they're like we're having a baby now so you're nervous about that are you nervous about the section itself i'm being really good hansu like i said i've gone like half private so i'm with dr chan yes i know him i was gonna go on one bone every minute but i backed out no we just decided it wasn't no it was after that hospital incident where it was something yeah it was that was actually that was

very scary and if that's on camera you you might not want that it's like so um yeah with dr chan and emily emily is amazing she's been my midwife like three times and then dr chan is supposedly absolutely amazing i have heard he's yeah um an expert so he's doing it so yeah we are all set and next week i'm actually going to list you all of the baby things i've got and lauren has just done that so she can give her advice for me have you um asked him if when he closes you up he can sucky tuck tuck they just don't they just won't because this really annoys me because right they're making an incision like that all they need to do is a slight semi-circle a slight an inch yeah like whoops just whoops semi-circle pull it back down yeah no they just won't i know it's not fair so

i went for my consultation i just keep looking at the thing you're thinking of doing and i've thought in in the last five minutes i've looked at that area and just thought it's great already but i said this about the brow lip i said this about the face the picture yeah and it does look good i do know i said this about the brow i said it about the face and it looked great so i'm just okay so went for my consultation i'm still waiting for my quote back so what are we thinking i think 12 you think more i'm 15 okay but like that's crazy because it's done in an office what it's done in his office shut the fuck up yeah no yeah so he was like are you sure this isn't the bluff lady this is where you'll be sat fuck off like when you have it done but strong medication

uh like sedation no general no it's not under general whoa 90 minutes do you want to come with me you'd you'd die you'd be like when when are you thinking um are you gonna tell people about it or not i don't know no just see how you feel see how i feel obviously we don't we tell you after and when like after a long time yeah like yeah so that i'll leave that conversation you went to that consultation you were happy with it we're thinking of doing it and then there's another thing that i'm doing but they won't see me for six months after i've had the baby the thing that you know yes about okay we're not being dicks here by the way girls it's just it's navigating how you do it right because who was

it that was telling us was it on patreon that there was a couple of influencers that went some to a different country they went to paris to get their boobs yeah and i think i might not be right here but from what i could kind of gather because i don't i didn't know they put the wrong size implants in one and one got a really bad infection and i don't know whether they had already tagged the company on the way there or not so i can't confirm that and but if they had then they'd already been like we'll go into paris to get it with such and such and then they had a bad experience which they have documented i believe because they knew but by then is it too late have people already paid the deposits like that's the concern that's our concern and that's why we

keep everything i know it's like oh it's behind a paywall on patreon no it's to protect you as well because you do have to jump through a few hoops to get yeah yeah and it just feels safer though so basically yeah i went to london went to carborn oh my god is it gorgeous oh my god you didn't take many pictures in london i don't take pictures i'm not i i don't wish i could do that i want to do that but i also feel like i've got a social media to grow so i feel like yeah but ed i vlogged it ah so you do it that way my vlogging i feel like that's so much you need to get on and ed will he ed would rather like what's something ed would rather do like ed is such a manly man like even carrying my heavy like birkin 35 i'll be like please can you carry it he will

not carry it because it's a feminine anything and he won't carry it and he won't take a picture of me because he gets really embarrassed if other people see him taking a picture of me see james james is to be fair james will lie on the floor and to get a picture for me if i need to get that fucking picture but i think it's because i don't know he wants well listen the bigger and better my career goes the better for the whole family so i think he's like listen i don't want to lie on the floor mine and he's happy to reap the rewards like james is like listen i don't want to lie on the floor but i also i want to love the kitchen so i'm lying on the floor honey like he'll do it and i think that's fair absolutely anyway but we went past the rosewood so the

rosewood has got carbon inside or carbone carbon carbone carbon carbona yeah sorry um and oh lauren the rosewood we really want to stay there no like lauren we next time we're going to under we need to do we haven't treated ourself in ages ages like as a nip tuck tree we'll have a work we'll work we'll start ramping up i would say in september time then i spoke at sxsw which was right what's that so tell us like what the format was what happened went on stage we did a segment of uh about like skin aging ai all of that good so there was you in a cut two was it two or three other women i saw two or three other women and you were sat on stage all really amazingly and was it like an interactive questions or was it like did you have something prepared like how did

it run a couple of questions lucy cave was there we love lucy cave and yeah it was amazing then on sunday me and megan did her world cup shopping and i'm allowed to talk about all of this tell us so basically she did a tiktok on it and it's like blown up oh really yeah and she was just like this is probably my last world cup and i want to re be the oh and do you know what i love that she's saying that style she's not trying to be like i don't really care because she's like no i want us bring it exactly you know on patreon this morning someone's put a picture have you seen it and it says meet the wags and it's off somewhere else it's meet the wags and then it's got like six pictures of women with who they are and who the partner is and megan's on there and someone's

written i feel like megan's arabic i can't see this this time yes so also she was like um i want to come on the podcast and i was like you could have come on it today i know i want to come on the podcast just before the world cup and then goes to the world cup so we can't get around maybe we get her after and she can tell us no she's coming home for a week so you might be able to have her on yes if she'll come i think it's nice for you to be there though because you're like um do you know because for her for like work something out i think we need her on i think we do it after the world cup and we ask her like bits and bobs about it just have your uh your laptop on your belly or yeah in the in the suite so she got some gorgeous outfits so she's gone

for a red white blue theme yeah so obviously we spoke about the handbag rules and regulations eight inches by six so that's like that's a teeny tiny clutch that's a wallet basically yeah um so we were on the mission have you seen the little mumus that are crocheted they've got um i don't know how big they are but they're like that with a little strap and they're red they've got red and navy will you send me the link yeah they might be good um she got these selene jeans that were oh my god like they're white jeans and they've got a blue selene emblem on their bum and you know how good mega's bum is amazing no that's real guys like she has bbl allegations all no she's got a big bum and we are not against bbls one tiny bit but her bum is real it's real

so she's wearing so is she gonna put the shirt tuck the shirt into the jeans so she wears the same shirt as jordan right and then a pant so we bought quite a few pairs of pants but then we also bought what we call the presidential looks right so we also got like some dresses and suits and stuff and is that for like not at the match but for yeah and she bought them from like marge yes and what else did she does give that she's good at getting that with that like blonde short bot like the curl she gives that facial yesterday we're going to get our nails done today and she's getting world cup nails wow uh she's honestly the cutest thing she is she's very supportive in that way like she goes above and beyond and i like that like i said i like the

fact that every single she's not trying to be like cool like yeah i'm a wag and and what she's saying yeah this is amazing and i'm gonna go above and beyond and i do care and i do want to look good and i do want to i do want to like champion my husband exactly and i like that too many people try and be too cool i'd probably be trying to be too but guys like you'll be seeing lots lots of pictures of her but just know she's sound as fuck because me and lauren are friends with her so did she did you go to like selfridges and do like a personal shopper yeah it's like what's what's happened with the handbags then um what did you do so basically i think she's got i think she's got like two or three that definitely fit and then um the other times she might just have to

carry like a sandwich bag with her stuff in yeah seriously oh god i know but everyone's in the same boat aren't they she will also want to dress the kids the kids because she likes them arlo can go to the games but the girls i don't think can because they're on really late at night and some of the stadiums don't have air con in them and it's so right so we were also like doing like a makeup thing because megan is so good at doing all of her hair and makeup and i was like megan you need the one size setting spray yeah so she goes to new york on friday and she's got eight days of just doing fun things and will she be so in those eight days is there like um anything that they have to follow and do and go and yeah there's a family day that she gets to go and see jordan on

right and i think it's a barbecue but other than that are they separated yeah shit i've seen they fly out she's not allowed to see him wait so hang on a minute so during this time they're not in the same hotel no they're not allowed to see each other so if they've won if they've lost doesn't matter she's watching but not she doesn't go home with him that night no oh my god i didn't know that no so she's like there'll be like periods of time where she won't see him for ages so i'd i think it'll be like they won't have seen each other for like two weeks i did not know that because they're in camp right

yeah I suppose they can't be fucking at home with their wife they've got like this is serious it's the world cup oh my god it's so exciting I'm so excited

are you I am now I am now I'm excited now so yeah so yeah that's that's all of my shit right speaking of wags

yeah or is it a wag yeah it's still a wag um Kim Kardashian at the Lewis Hamilton right what

I've just got something really don't be a bitch okay then I'll say I thought I'm saying nothing then i thought the outfit was cute also she didn't want to steal the spotlight she knows what she's

doing she did she did steal the spotlight by wearing a not cute outfit it was cute i would wear that outfit a bodysuit and a pair of jeans it was hot it's not that i didn't like the outfit particularly but it's like she knows she has a team she knows what she's doing every time she wows wow wow wow it wasn't that outfit that was my issue it was the other one the white gucci just it didn't even fit that well i know i'm being a bitch i know i'm being a bitch but she's kim kardashian so it's fine and like she's very famous she's never gonna hear this i just and i know i'm not the i mean i wouldn't i'll tell you what i'm not the only one because loads people on instagram and someone we know that has a clothing brand that is very fashion

um she put something about it so i was like it's not just me no i know everyone can wear what they want but if it was me i would have worn an all leather outfit yeah something like yeah and like a biker high leather jacket with that bod something a vintage tom ford gucci flare look she could have served yeah she could have served and i think the fact that she didn't go to that level of the wow was intentional everything now speaking of the monaco gram but they looked good the other time because Chloe wore this I saw her getting off a boat

in no it was like a pink pvc she looked fucking unreal so I was like I don't know I don't know I got something was off

but go on we've had loads of messages haven't we on like insta and patreon of people saying that they felt really shit this weekend

and I honestly think it's from that Monaco Grand Prix just looks so like lavish there was so many people there how are they all

in a Grand Prix like do you not think Alex I had a friend who I went to school like what like and we're only hating like jealous actually just to explain we had a couple of people in patreon this weekend that were like i feel shit about myself i'm on instagram everyone seems to be living so much of a nice these are like more single galleys galleys that i've got someone

to compare to and they were like these girls are like dressed to the nines they've got the designer bags they're on these tables they're in these gorgeous places they've got these gorgeous they're on yachts like and i'm just at home going to parties and yoga and i don't feel great and it's making me feel shit so first of all everyone's advice was don't fucking look then if it makes you feel shit unfollow don't look and but then we also said let's be realistic here that that's not a realistic life and then one girl commented saying listen i am in an industry and lots of my friends are there and let me tell you something it is not what you are seeing on instagram this isn't for everyone guys there will be genuine people there but this is the comment that we got and she said

a lot of the people that i've seen there are there because they are sucking an old man's balls afterwards this is what the girl said i didn't say it she said so please don't look at these pictures and assume a certain lifestyle because you don't know what it's taken to get there now that's not everyone this is a small portion for anyone said i was at the grand prix and i had no dick in my mouth people the people that i saw that the monaco grand prix apart from kim kardashian were sucking gold balls yeah for sure now either there's not not everyone like brands probably people there's probably that have just got the money that wanted to go that have connections absolutely fine whatever like you i don't care but just if you were looking at it and it was

making you feel shit then that not everything is always what listen there will be girls there you could suck old balls and be at the monaco grand prix and there will be people there that didn't suck any old balls and that went because they genuinely went they've the husband's loaded or whatever but we're trying to make people feel better here that's why we're saying it but a guy I know a friend of mine he wasn't sucking but he was probably

getting his old ball sucked no and he was there and he's a very wealthy bloke he's like in his when I'm old and rich I'll have a man that sucks my fanny that I paid

crinkly fanny there's our quote do you know what we've actually only said it one way bitch you're on mummy's schedule there might have been men there that were sucking like

sucking old clit like I don't sorry and it does get But do you know what? Things go on behind closed doors. Yeah. So this guy, friend of mine,

is like late 40s, early 50s. He's very, very wealthy and he's in a wealthy circle. And he went to Amber Lounge. Is it? That everyone goes to? Apparently that's the place. Is it Amber Lounge?

In Monaco, at the Grand Prix. Sorry, I didn't speak brass. Ashley! Anyway, we're just jealous. We're just so jealous. And if someone invited me to the Grand Prix, I'd be like, Amber Lounge. Yeah.

So he went there and I said, how was it? sent me a little video and it's fine it's just a club do you know how much the table was how much one of he was on the mid-tier 45 000 pounds that's ridiculous one was 80 000 pounds come on like that's money on money on like even if i had that you say that don't you saw a relative but 40 and it's gone in a night and you've probably embarrassed yourself and can never go again like and like oh and he showed me some videos and yes it looked good and he said to me He was like, yeah, it was cool as fuck.

Cool people were there. It was cool. But how cool can you be for 45 grand? Was that where they had the incident in the DJ booth? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? What incident was that?

There was a rapper was meant to be on and he missed his set time. And then they had like. Oh, a to do. Yeah, yeah. A to do, some tomfoolery. Anyway, yeah. So Grand Prix. But you think like Jeff Bezos makes, I've just Googled it.

He makes $54,700 a minute. i'd suck his balls i'd suck his old balls if he wants me to suck his old balls yeah i will but i think he's probably got enough people doing that um right actually one of the things that you wanted to mention today yeah and i've been waiting for this i really want to know i believe you pooed your pants again did i somebody did who don't know it says here that someone shot themselves in tk max oh who who did that no there's this tiktok oh no there's a tiktok that's gone viral and it's this girl right why you never need a shit at like two o'clock on a tuesday but as soon as you enter the doors of tk max you suddenly need to shit yourself

i've got a funny story so his tiktok's gone viral of this girl and she's like what is it about going in home sense or tk max i've got a funny story about that literally makes you need a shit do you think they put laxative in the air con so everyone was commenting on it and it was like it's the strip lights combined with like is your body overstimulated with all the deals yeah and you need a coffee you have a coffee like and you probably yeah like and you're probably in a rush and you see a sofa and you think our home environment cozy sofa need a poop like maybe that or you go through the towel section and you see the toilet roll stands and it just triggers your brain so i've got a funny story for you um will

she mind me saying it no she will i remember like there was probably about three so that's how long ago it was but i'll never ever forget it we went into dunelm right and it's the same home bargains tk mark home senses any form of retail park it's a retail park it's the retail park hey i've been constipated all week i'm gonna go to the local ah there we go it's so true so we're in dunelm and we're wandering around and she just looked at my mom and she was like i'm gonna shit myself i'm going to shit myself so she's panicking she's going around trying to find the toilets um and the staff's like there's one there you can you're not really meant to use but yeah sure so she runs to the toilet she doesn't make it to the

toilet she pooed her pants right then when she got in the toilet she and i don't be too graphic but it wasn't there was a mess it was a mess in that toilet she panicked cleared what she could and got out right as she's coming out someone's going in and she said i just went i wouldn't go in there someone has really made a mess she carried on she's waving me and my mom over we've got like basket fulls of stuff and she's like we need to go we need to go now and my mom's like what this is a deal on it and and i was like what i've got and we're back and she was like now now so we ran out left all our shit right i'd fear with me ran out i was like what the fuck she went totally serious looked us in the eye she went i profuse shit myself

and we were like what bad and she went it's everywhere and we're like what do you mean she went get in the car now so she turns around there is shit all down the back of her legs at the bottom of the hem of her pants like flicks of it

she was like dead in the eye she's wearing white jeans it was flicked you know when you walk in the mud and it flicks up the back of your leg she went I have but dead serious I have profusely shit myself and we were like where and she turned around and she was like

everywhere so we got to the car and we were like what are we gonna do what like what we're gonna do so my mum ran back in and got some dunelm bags she had to sit on some plastic carrier bags my mom's right and she was sat on these plastic bags so that she didn't get shit yes and then we got in the car and it was a rainy cold day so you couldn't have the windows down and it's and everyone yes and everyone was just looking out the window like it smelled that bad and it was a 20 minute drive and as the drive continued the smell and we were all just looking out the window like in this complete like yeah so that was done elm

she's crying so yeah the truth that is true it's true right guys after all that let's just head into a quick break because I need a wee I think that's all it is she made me laugh we'll be back after the break

Guys welcome back Lauren you've ruined my makeup you're under eye honestly isn't it funny when you forget these stories

and then something brings them up and it's just it's a bell to that it's one of my all time favourites do you know once I was at the

warehouse project and i went in the toilet and someone had shit themselves and left their boxes in there it was that bad but you were like there'll be a man dancing with just the warehouse project is a proper place to shit yourself it's not my kind of place that yeah no never i don't like raves not me no you would be very bad person in a rave not good i'm not chilled i'm not um i would go i'd be weird yeah i'd go weird i'd be out on a stretch so i also speaking of funny tiktoks i've seen and actually it's been in the news this week a little bit behind so bear with us because we're pre-recording before the baby but it was on good morning britain yesterday about i didn't know this

but ocd i thought ocd was flicking light switches on no i thought ocd was cleaning ocd isn't it's like anything it's mental so there's a girl i follow she's fantastic victoria i can't remember her bloody surname and when she was pregnant i think i might have mentioned it on the pod when she was pregnant she was really open about it she got a form of ocd while she was pregnant and it made her um it made us incredibly unwell she was having awful yeah she's lovely she's got a podcast so she did have one yeah and she had these awful horrific thoughts during her pregnancies like it ruined a pregnancy she had to go to a therapist and it was ocd a form of ocd yeah so it's not just where everything has to line up so that's what this good morning britain are doing

like a week of like ocd awareness yeah i think that's good and a lady came on again we call it the segment where they wheel someone in to talk about something controversial so lauren basically i didn't know and so it's been really insightful actually watching these segments about how OCD is intrusive thoughts for example that was what the focus was on yesterday and there was a girl that came up and she said that she has intrusive thoughts that she's a paedophile then there was also another lady that has intrusive thoughts that she wants to commit incest on all of her family members I've seen the TikTok that she did yeah so basically obviously that's an extreme level yeah and how awful specific how awful for that to be in your

head and you know what good on them to like i don't know if i'd be that brave to admit that because that will make other people feel better to admit that they have this ocd and it will make people feel better that have it as well because you don't want to think like that that's not what you want to do but then we were talking about just intrusive thoughts in general because a lot of us have them james has always told me that he has awful intrusive thoughts that when he's talking to people he imagines doing weird shit to them like for example if there's a traffic cone next to them and they're talking smashing smashing around the head with it and stuff like that but he has something so we ask on patreon intrusive thoughts i always think about letting

go of my pram off a hill throwing my phone in the river every time i go over a bridge biting my husband's dick during blow drops this one is this one made me laugh a bit we stayed in a hotel recently with my puppy and i had a balcony up high and i started thinking about throwing the puppy off the balcony pushing the handbrake button when driving fast i get that one or clicking the engine off button and seen what happens when i'm driving fast that i get that buttons uh buttons it's so weird but when i'm talking to someone could be a complete stranger just met and like a cue or a colleague or a friend for years i don't listen to what they're saying it could be anything but i literally

like it and their vibe i want to lean in and kiss them on the lips and i've got no idea why crashing into the central reservation on the motorway i get fyi i'm not suicidal in any way i get that as well and what would happen if especially on long dark road fuck it let's see what happened no joke every time i walk about down the stairs i think i'm gonna throw myself to the bottom i have to hold on to the banister and take a deep breath and then someone's put i'd be here for days if i started listing mine kissing my lash tech my lash tech would punch me in the face if i tried to kiss her but she has said on here she had postnatal ocd intrusive thoughts she said it was actually awful

um this is a very common one and i feel like you james gets this i know he does whenever someone tells me some really sad news it's always in my head imagine if you laughed at them right now i think that's quite a normal one putting my car in reverse when i'm doing 70 on the motorway oh when i was at burlesque we had to walk up the fire exit because the front entrance didn't work and at the top i just always thought what if i just throw myself off yeah so there's a lot of throwing yourself off of things isn't there i think it's um ones that i have as well whenever i have a new baby and i'm carrying it down the stairs like i feel like everyone can relate to that yes you have the vision that you're going to drop them or you fall you fall on top of them

yeah or i used to with thea i used to think i was going to drop her and then the scene of what would happen as she went down the steps and landed would play in my head and then i would hold on because i'd think i'm gonna drop her that i think that's quite if i'm cooking and there's like a knife nearby and ed's annoying me i do sometimes think what would happen if i get so i do get this and we've spoken about this on the pod before sometimes when i talk to couples i imagine what them having sex yeah that's normal but quite a lot so like i will talk that's like a standard thing so like i'll be looking at them and i'll think who does what what are you liking yeah that's why you don't concentrate yeah often and then sometimes when i speak to men

not that i fancy anything like that i wonder what their penis is like like just out of interest like I wonder do men do that about girls fannies Alex can you help I'm not the guy to no

tits you can see them it's not it's not like men know what they're getting a bit more it's not like

I even see a bulge and it leads me I just think about people I wonder and I make guesses on what you draw the dick in your head

sometimes yeah it's more the pubes so like say I'm talking to someone I'm like I feel like you've got the biggest bush ever or I'll look at them

and talk to them and be like and I'll be like yours is probably really groomed and it's not sexual it's just a thing and the couple thing i do a lot like i will often think like i wonder what you shag like like what's your shag style like because people i love that because it's a bit like the best time of the year is not summer it's grey tracky season grey tracky season because you see that but it's not even i just think it and like if there's a couple i often think or just a man or a woman i think like what

because when you meet someone their bedroom style you would never know and that intrigues me i think that's why if i watch porn i would watch real people because it intrigues me like what you really like what's your sex style but intrusive thoughts guys let us know yours do you have them all lucas absolutely i have the worst really probably can't go into a lot of them no like like my just i'll be talking to someone and i just get the i have a very dark sense of humor yeah but like i don't i don't plan it my brain will just go there and occasionally with my very close friends it comes out and most of the time they laugh sometimes they're just gobsmacked that it's come out yeah well i say it out loud and then it goes on a podcast so that goes really well for

me um alex do you get intrusive thoughts he's too young he's not been damaged yeah he's not trauma enough for that like he's not fucked like us yeah no but i think he's led quite a normal life oh he's had a lovely life do you know what alex did girls this morning down the stairs i I feel like this is what you want to aim for in your mind. James wouldn't think to do this, but this morning I pulled up and it was absolutely pouring down. He's so cute.

And Alex was stood underneath the building entrance with a big brolly. And he walked over to the car. Look at him raise it. And he opened the door to get me out of the car with the brolly. That's because he gets that at Hale Country Club. Like, how, that is like,

and that's someone who I think has been brought up really well by a woman. And a man, of course, but, like, has been taught how to treat women. So, if any single girls in the Cheshire area age 23... What's our age range, Alex? Alex is Ashley's agent, by the way. So, Alex is 24. 23-ish.

I would say 22 to 26 would be... No, you don't want older, do you? A tiny bit, a year or two. No, because girls are so much more mature at that age. Yeah, they'd be too mature for you. Like, at our age, it wouldn't make much of a difference, but at that younger age, they are, like... So I'd say 22.

Oh, God, you are so young. We'll share a picture on Patreon. He's gorgeous. Yeah. You girls should get in there. So on Patreon, this lovely lady has written in over the weekend, and honestly, it shook us all to the core. I saw the message, and I literally just wanted to cry for her.

It was along the lines of, I went on a date, and we'd been speaking for ages. he took me to London for the day so I was really excited and I went in the service station because it was a long drive to go and get us some coffees and when I came out there was a text on my phone off the guy and it said hey this isn't going to work for me I've left you some cash next to the bins and get home safe so he'd gone and he just left money on the bin to get home with so there was money on the bins to get home with he'd sent the text saying this isn't for me so yeah had to make her own way home wow and then she said when she was speaking in the chat and like the chat

was really chatting and by the way everyone was really supportive everyone was so supportive and do you know what like that would be a massive dent to your confidence absolutely and you know what it's nice that she could put it in patreon because it's kind of you don't even want to you wouldn't even want to tell your friends there's all kind and you get so many different opinions yeah it's good and it's really good how we all can debate things but she said she thinks it's because she was talking about her ex a little bit in the car but right so i'm gonna ask a man's opinion i'm gonna just say here obviously got the girls back 100 but sometimes we don't realize what's coming across was she still she should never have been

left was she just mentioning it a bit or does she not realize that actually she perhaps was talking about it quite a lot i just don't think anything there's no no no i totally agree it's absolutely absolutely disgusting that is the most I think that's disgusting I think what he would have been better to do is say babe the traffic going into London is horrendous when she gets out from having the coffee this is what I would have done my love the traffic is so bad that I think let's go to the pub by yours yeah we'll get some tea I'll drop you off at home yeah I would have headed back because he's got to go back that way yeah maybe i don't know anyway it's on him or he was the one that picked her up or i have just had a phone call i'm so sorry something's happened at

home i'm gonna have to go back she wouldn't have believed him but that would have hurt but also like what if this poor girl couldn't get home safely and then that was on him yeah what do you think like what what alex what do you would you do that just leave someone at a service station yeah no no at least book them an uber alex oh for fuck's sake something's happened i've got to go there's an uber yeah but something hasn't happened he was just a dick if you're gonna do yeah yeah oh wait with her wait with her at your babe it's something's happened at home i want you to get home safe i can't get you back i'm gonna sit here with you i'm gonna get you an uber i'm so sorry that guy's got that he can't leave so bad that he can't is

that bad that you can't like get a respectful like a respectful person not even a man a person like you wouldn't do that to your friend like honestly has anyone else i want to know if she's listening did did has he been in touch again like he won't because she will want to now get an answer from him which i understand and there's no point but there will be that will dent her confidence so much that's like a traumatic that's fucking horrible has anyone got any stories like this because i know someone who got flown out somewhere right and she met up with the guy and then he ghosted her for the rest of the trip really but he like yeah did the whole like i've sent you money so i've done my bit wow that's not cool is it however you've walked out on dates before i have

you've left them sat at a table i have but i don't i'm the girl so i'm allowed and and he's a guy like and he's at the table it's not the other way this girl's at a service station she's probably got herself a match and was excited yeah i think that's different like i've i've left a date at the table like as in i i went they were so bad i went this is not for me i paid the bill and i just got and you got off i didn't do that actually just and was it not because he ordered a vodka red bull a quadruple vodka red bull in australasia like that warrants walking out yeah i agree yeah i agree so yeah keep the chat chatting on patreon send anything else in and men are pieces of shit sometimes but you know what my advice to that girl is go on the next date as soon as possible

i do not don't get the fear do not get the fear and it's not you it is him i would love to ring him for market research lauren leave the rage at the door let's continue no to find out right calm me down hold me back before I find this man right I'll fight ya I'll fight ya

what have you I feel like getting a number off no okay I just want to know why you did it what I bought this week

the Geronic egg boiler it boils seven eggs perfectly in minutes in what it's

19 pounds right it's fucking sensational gorgeous girl that I follow on Instagram i'm recommending it because she does keto and it's like it's about that big right and literally

it comes with this thing where you put a hole in the top of each of the eggs you put the eggs in tiny bit of water put the thing on perfect boiled egg but where'd you put it is it going to microwave plug it in oh you plug it in yeah 20 pounds wow amazing if you've got a load of kids that like boiled egg in the morning they do they do and eggs are so good i hate boiled eggs i like hot boiled eggs not cold ones that's psycho you can make dippy eggs with it i love that i like dippy eggs there's like a little thing on the side lauren game changer get one get one the skims nike socks oh my god do we need skim socks socks are fucking socks no i need skim socks mine are amazon shit the ones that i've got they come and it's brown charcoal and black

are they like up over the thingy socks that you're gonna say just a tiny bit right and it's the night tick and skims i bet they look gorgeous do these feet do you 30 pounds for three they're really nice i think that's a lot um by rito have bought out a body spray oh my god which fragrance so i've just bought it for ed's father's day present because he wears by rito but i just fought for in the car yeah so gorgeous um gypsy water yes lilabo santal 33 incense sticks so game changer whole house smells divoon um venus intimate razor right now i haven't personally bought this but because i've got my estrid refills that i need to use i have heard have a look at this razor i've heard that this venus intimate razor is a game changer it's compact have a look

at it or everyone that's used it is raving about it because i use my i love my estrogen yeah well this one here they've developed as well an ingrown hair lotion that you can put straight on and it's made just like specifically for your vagina area because a lot of i had a girl the other day saw on patreon and she was saying what can i do i can't shave all the time but i'm you know when you've just met someone you so there's a whole range of venus intimate range and i was reading the reviews because i'm doing the lord's work for you girlies especially when it comes to like bikini shaving rash and it had over 700 five-star reviews already for the ingrown hair lotion there you go um we used to have a when i used to do waxing we used to give people one i can't remember

what the brand was but it worked i think to something i think it's got some form of um the Cosmetic consult body wipes are amazing for ingrowning. Anything that's got something like AHA, BHA, that's going to clear out the pore kind of thing. Yeah. Right, I got the Dior Forever Foundation and the concealer. Okay. So I already, I wear the Dior stick.

I love the Dior stick. I love Dior backstage. It runs out so quick. It does. I love Dior backstage as well. It's one of my favourites. So I thought I'll try this. Did you see Charlie from J&C Supplies has Dior makeup on at the minute?

Oh, does she? JC supplies on Instagram right I'll have a look I'll speak to her and so I thought as soon as I really love the Dior range and there's a makeup artist called Tanel I can't remember she's in Australia and I follow her and she uses it oh I love the Australian beats at the minute I've got it on it didn't wow me so I'm telling you I bought it so you get shade 2w I liked it I think if you had not dewy enough for me I love the decipher foundation I still need to try do you want to scan your face today and we'll get you on I don't have to have no makeup on though to do it no right okay let's do it she messaged me the day didn't you saying you need to order and i just we'll do

it now right okay i also got the uh the ordinary volu for line volu for line we've spoken about but we couldn't get it it was out of stock everywhere so skin vestment we always talk about has been banging on about this so i thought it's on in stock fuck it i'll buy it i got it the other day and it came um and it feels really nice it's kind of like a thick water i've been putting it On my under eye and on the lips. Did you see she said you can put it in a roller ball? Yes. I couldn't be arsed though.

I just did it with my finger. And when I posted it on Instagram to say I'd bought it and heard really good stuff, about four people replied saying absolutely great. And one girl said it improved my under eyes a load. But one woman... People get a big finger off it. One woman, caveat, one woman said,

careful putting this on your lips. It ruined my lips. Don't know what she meant. Did it dry them out? I don't know. But mine have been okay for a couple of days. so apparently it's fantastic and it's always out of stock i restocked on my makeup by mario nude palette you love that i shall everyone should have that i use it to contour my nose

everything it's everything you need is in there if you're a brown easy eye girl um i got did you see the makeup bag the medicine medicine bag i got from amazon yeah it says um it's a bag it's like a little bag and it just says giving lisa runner and it says all my fucking meds on it and when i go on holiday i'll put my meds in there i just thought it was really funny and i liked it i think you've mentioned these before but i'm not sure the pistachio um clusters from m&s nice i tried them for the first time yeah oh they do popcorn ones wow they were stunning i got a newbie sippy cup for tommy's at sippy cup stage good and then if any of your kids are stranger things fans which i've said before thea is obsessed obsessed obsessed with it there's a website called fun

cases and you can get um like she's got a water bottle i got her a mug and they do it in different you know whatever they're into and they're really good quality really good so it's fun cases and i got like um i got a water bottle and it's really really nice so that's all i've bought this week right dilemma time got a quick time for one before we finish quickie quickie well no actually maybe not my partner takes so long to finish it's exhausting me my neck my back everything it's killing my pussy and my crack it's starting to feel like a chore now when we have sex and he's getting annoyed and i never initiate it for this reason because i know it's going to take a long time is it normal to be having sex for 40 50 minutes and your partner still hasn't ejaculated

sounds like hell i'm starting to get really worried is it because of me am i not doing the things that i need to be doing he tells me certain ways he likes it and i do do it but my arm aches or my mouth aches or both and i feel uncomfortable i am the music fan i mean sometimes i feel like i'm just going bop it twist it bop it turn it shake it bop it bop it i sometimes feel like i'm going through actual pain to try and make the magic happen i do i've that you do now and again though don't you well you're like under the duvet and you're like for fuck's sake i do get that we're both frustrated he's frustrated for obvious reasons and i'm frustrated because i don't understand why it doesn't happen it's not always been the case and there are times when it does

happen quicker than others but a lot of times it's taking too long has anyone experienced this before i mean we tend to be like my perfect time would be about eight minutes yeah yeah everyone in what are you doing for the other six way ten maximum ten is a long time it depends whether you 10 is is the limit we're putting on this for this poor lady is subject to 40 minutes unless you're that woman that wrote in and you're on the mushrooms with the arabian dance music yeah but no 40 minutes isn't normal no i don't think that like a problem lucas like well a friend of mine i used to live with he he because i was in the room next door he used to take a long time but but i never heard one of his girlfriends moan about it yeah but was that his

choice to take a long time because they can stop it happening i never asked actually i so maybe he likes taking a long time i don't think so he says he's frustrated yeah i think that i feel sorry for you yeah he could get himself going can he not like start and you finish off yeah sometimes if i'm doing it and things are getting you know you just do it yourself do you know what i would suggest you know i think it could be maybe he's strumming too much if she tells him goes look if you want to if you want me to save your spunk if you want me to instill it more don't go for a couple of days don't go yeah it makes a big difference doesn't it because i can tell whether james has been strumming recently by our length of sex and the power it's the distance i can set

the distance the the amount you can fully fucking tell i know whether he's been strumming the day before or that day i know callum said the other day i know really funny insult about someone what he went he looks like he'd have watery cum and i thought i know exactly what you mean i know what you mean like not a strong like yeah like wishy-washy yeah like i wouldn't bother like you're so right yeah but how did he even think i don't really know the answer i'm gonna be honest i don't really know the answer because i haven't really been in that situation but i can understand your frustration because if i thought every time we do it's gonna take 40 minutes i wouldn't want to do it anymore lucas google um

ejaculation delay problems up um i know put a finger up his ass yeah put a finger up his bum i don't know the answer i think you might have to chat to him about it and be like well no let's see what it says is there any devices use a toy is it that he's not enjoying it is it because it's become an issue now um or delay your there's some training apps there's climax control i don't know no i think that get a new boyfriend he's maybe now making a thing out of it in his head which is why he's not also can i just tell you certain medications so here's a quick one really quick before we finish certain antidepressants if you when you take them at the beginning before you get used to them they stop you coming as a woman as well so i take citalopram if i've not taken it

for a while or and i need to start it again i swear my friend's the same we were talking about the other day it does something with your nerves and it stops you coming is he on any medication that could be doing that that's another thought i think you're gonna have to have a fucking chat about it as awkward as it is it is awkward that isn't it but it's not you it's not you right we love you very much and we will see you on friday so thank you guys for listening you can find us at nip tuck pod type that in on your instagram we've nearly hit 100k all of our clips are on there but don't forget you can watch the full episode over on youtube send in your dilemmas send in your funny stories send in even like funny tiktoks you want us to comment on because we need

this podcast is all about you the chat continues as always on patreon and all the bonus episodes are over there and on apple subscribe don't forget to leave us a five-star review we love you guys bye