Nip Tuck - Lauren & Lucas Let Loose

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Ashley's had to take some time off, as she's been in hospital all weekend, but she'll be back in the studio next week.Lauren welcomes Lucas for his first ever podcast episode in front of the camera... They chat life struggles and parenting, Lucas accidentally admits he's a Disney fan and Lauren shares some of her top life hacks. Also, men in dressing gowns... Massive Ick?Lauren & Lucas share their top picks for What We Bought This Week and here's just a few links that we promised to share:Taskers Furniture Competition: https://www.instagram.com/reels/DXCkM9EiO1U/Lauren's Skims Amazon Dupe: https://amzlink.to/az0MRr7nmyE5yLucas' Waterpik teeth flosser: https://amzn.eu/d/01bnIncGHead over to our socials @niptuckpod and click the link in our bio to find our YouTube, where full video episodes will be released every Wednesday at 5pm. If you're a Patreon member, not only will you get the Wednesday main episode the day before at 5pm, you'll now be able to watch the Friday Bonus too!Get in touch with your questions, dilemmas and Slutty Susie's via our Whatsapp or email [e-mail]

You've got lovely little legs, haven't you? Fuck off! No, not skinny, like nice legs. I bet they look nice in a pair of heels. Yeah, all that thrusting. Right, ready? Get ready for your glow up, girls. I'm ready for this.

What have you bought? So, I love Johnny, the main guy, because, you know, like, he has a love of Disney as well, and I love Disney. You've just given me the biggest hit ever. Men in dressing gowns. really what a fucking ick

do you know what nah I get it no man should ever ever even in a spa nah

what should they go around just like t-shirt shorts you know really do you know you've got a point would you watch

a Disney film would you sit in your apartment watching a Disney film rarely but sometimes what the fuck you absolute ogre hi everyone and welcome to nip tuck pod a little bit different today everybody so

you may have seen on ashley's socials and she has posted on there but she is not going to be with us this week so she's not dead she's not david's dead sorry right let me restart that anyway she's not with us what sadly ashley is no longer with us no right so ashley isn't here today i'll let her tell the story when she comes in but basically she did end up in hospital they were monitoring the baby i will let her tell the story but she's fine and the baby is fine however she's taken like a week off fair enough just to rest, recoup, get back to normal, and just have a little bit of time.

So, it's just me and me friend Lucas. Yo, guys! I have to say, thank you. Because Lucas, honestly, he does everything behind the scenes. He does so much with Nip Tuck that you won't even know or see. And then, last minute, he's now in front of the camera, which he's never done before. Nope, this is actually a first for me.

He's never moaned. He's not whinged about it. he's not he just was like right well that's me getting in the seat then and he's not he's not been a fanny about it you're just doing it aren't you yes so what we're going to try and do we're going to try and keep the episode pretty similar to how we normally do it it's just my lisp will be in your ears so i'm sorry about that and a little bit of lucas so and i won't be doing my makeup he won't be doing his makeup but he just said that your skin was shiny i think you need to learn something shiny is in you look at when we do the clips you can see yourself in ashley's

forehead this is people love it because most people on stage like you know even like people like peter k and that they will all wear makeup because obviously the lights and they make you look shiny and awful but shiny is good now glass glowy skin shiny means healthy shine honestly lucas you don't want dull skin you want like everyone wants that glazed donut skin so don't I think ladies don't know our song. Right. We do need to just quickly, just before we start. We need to say how people get in touch.

Oh, no, I don't do this bit. Do you know what? The problem you've got now is I put this together. I am a stickler for the script and we are going to stick to it. Right. I don't want to do this. How do we get in touch? Okay.

There are so many ways to get in touch with us. You can WhatsApp us. You can do a voice note, which we absolutely love. You can email us. you can message us on patreon if you have patreon you can dm us on insta not our favorite because we get loads of them hard to sift through but the best way to work all this out is go onto our instagram there's a little link tree click it it'll tell you all the ways to get in touch and we do want you to get in touch because this entire podcast is based from your experiences what advice

you want what's going on in the world anything you want us to talk about so please do get in touch if you're on patreon then you can actually dm us straight to our dms and you can talk to everyone else on there as well have i done it is that that's great yeah and um actually something we didn't we were talking about last night yeah um so obviously the main episodes are released very early wednesday morning um the video is released on youtube at 5 p.m the bonus is released for patron and apple subscribers friday but but tuesday five o'clock patron members and apple subscribers get the wednesday main episode early so we didn't realize this is when i say lucas does a lot we didn't even know that actually if you're an apple sub subscriber as well then you do get

the episode at 5 p.m on a tuesday you get it a little bit earlier because you've paid your money you know you get you get your bonuses right we've got to stick to the script because lucas is here and i feel like i'm actually i feel like the boss is in as well so i've got to do this properly right first of all i've just had an i don't go on my phone when when we're recording only if i've like written some notes to look at and when lucas just jumped up then to check his laptop i just picked up my phone and you know when you phone um you get a voicemail like a voice and it writes it for you yeah it's from my solicitor oh here we go with the house sale and all i've read is hi lauren it's what's your mum's bottom i don't think that that's what she said but my

phone thinks that's what it is so i don't know i get voicemails like that all the time oh yeah i bet you do about your bottom right so let us begin shall we have a little let's do our normal what have we been up to what have we been up to this week where are we at and what's going on so i said to lucas before we did this episode i was like i might cry so he pulled out some tissues for me i'm not planning to cry but i'm like so the thing is with nip tuck like we have a little update at the beginning and we talk about what we've been doing in the week and the thing with nip tuck is we always want it to be uplifting we want it to be fun for people we want people to listen to it and and get away from their shit but i really struggle at the same time with wanting

to be really real with you all because we're like a family now aren't we we're like a community and i know that it's not always perfect for everyone so sometimes we'll be like how's your week been i've been like yeah stressful but fine because i want to keep that happiness for everyone but at the same time i do think we've got to be a bit honest and real about like actual life because i know you lot listening i've got actual life as well and it's not always absolutely bang on and i actually saw i've had quite a stressful week and a girl that i follow had said she'd done like a video saying i've had the hardest day as a parent today i've cried and actually as soon as i saw that i felt so much better and i thought ah

same same and it made me feel better they're among us and it made me feel better so i always toy between being really honest because sometimes it's great and i'm in a great mood and sometimes i'm not this week i am really struggling at the minute and i say this all the time i'm like a broken record but i really am this week struggling with the balance of being everything to everyone and i'm sorry lucas you are a man but i do think as women we are often everything to everyone we're like the pin of things in a normal straight relationship we've got your husband your wife the wife tends to be the pin in a man's world it's a man's world um and as much as your husband might be great and they might they're still a man and i still think

that a lot of things fall back on the woman so this week I have had some problems with child care I don't have a lot anyway but it's kind of not been great so I've had Tommy constantly day in day out we're moving house I've had to do the majority of that because James works on site he can't be on his phone he can't be making calls whereas I'm at home so I have been kind of juggling all that and there's just I just sometimes get to the point where I'm like how much more can I do how can I do this and the thing is our job is bloody fantastic you know I am well aware of how great our job is but you also have to show up all day every day I think this is what a lot of people really forget about podcasting is you know a lot of my friends have jobs they go

home they finish and they have holidays you know as I've said to you before like last year I went to to barcelona i went to turkey yeah and i was in the hotel lobby at 3 a.m editing episodes with really shit wi-fi and stressful and i it it really affects everything and you know it's just non-stop podcast it's non-stop it really is and then like this morning i'm going to be totally honest with you guys i had a meltdown this morning i was absolutely crying my eyes out and i was just like my mental load is that high that something's got to give but i don't know where to take it from but then we show up on camera i did my hair and makeup because this is going to be on socials that everyone's going to see lucas shaved and we're on camera and we

have to be funny and chatty and and i love it so much but it sometimes it can be quite hard and then certainly doing the influencing job as well again bloody amazing job but you do have to show up all the time you don't clock off at five o'clock you're like right i've got to do this and I wore this outfit today, must post this outfit, must. And you have to be really present to be an influencer because you've got to be there all the time. You go to a nice meal, get your camera out. Yeah, see, this is the thing about-

You're never off. You know, on the one hand, I see like some of the benefits that you girls have. Oh God, it's fantastic. But to me, that is the idea of utter, utter hell. And my thing has always been that I do podcasts, but I am the silent partner. yeah i mean apart from i think you know when we did that we had that big um ad on that building

and we got a picture together and when we did the event in london after that you don't see me no i love it and you love it and here i am for us and now you see him for us we're on it all the time this isn't me like poor me i'm just being honest that you're always on call you go on holiday and you're like picture picture must get the picture must get the video must tell people where i am many benefits from it but it's not a job that you clock off from no um and one of the things that i'm struggling with and girls with kids might be able to resonate with this and and help a little bit is i am in a position now where i i have this con and it's a it's an issue to be honest that i am constantly panicking about being present for my kids it's getting to like it's

becoming almost an anxiety where i'm oh my god i'm gonna cry already where i'm i'm so aware when I speak to older people they say to you enjoy this time with your kids while they're young because you only have it once and then before you know it the teenagers they're living their own life you can't protect them anymore while they are babies people look back at the fondest times of of having their children being young my mum said it to me James's parents say to me when I meet older people they always say I know it's hard but you will miss this so I have this constant fear of this is going to go soon they're getting older I must be present but at the same time because I'm trying to make a good life for them and work hard where do you take it from where do

you so I could get a nanny I could get a nanny and I'm not against that and I could get some help but then I have this thing in the back of my head that's like but then I'm not present with my kids enough but then I'm not earning enough money to give them a good life and I think most women will will get this kind of constant guilt that you have around your children yeah i mean yeah obviously i'm not a parent so i can't give parental advice on that i would say i mean i don't know how you you shouldn't feel guilty because i see you and we talk and i see your socials and like your life is it's a bit like we were talking about the youtube channel and what would you do and you were saying about should you involve your kids and that

but that is your entire life this this small little window that you come here is basically the only time you don't have a kid in your arm yeah so you shouldn't feel guilty and but i would also say look at the relationship you have with your mum i mean you're saying yes okay the the the younger years are more important but you still have a great relationship with your mum it doesn't stop does it yeah it doesn't stop i mean you know i i have a great relationship with my parents i love them very much but they live four and a half hours away in ipshit or shit switch whichever you prefer shit switch um and i'm terrible because i'm i'm so overwhelmed by work my brother he you know he speaks to my parents every day yeah and they see each other

every week i can go some weeks where i won't speak to them on the phone at all and i don't message my mom and dad enough and so i now have got the guilt has reversed yeah your kids will do the same yeah so it's like a swap isn't it yeah it's like and this guilt it's so hard and you try and not have it but it's just all consuming for me at the minute and Tommy's nearly one and I'm like he's my last child which makes me emotional as well because being a mum is my favourite thing as hard as it is and I'm like he's already one the year's gone he's going to be a toddler soon then he's going to start school and I've I've been on my phone trying to work while I'm looking after him and and I have this constant thing and at the minute I actually think it's an

issue it's giving me like anxiety where should I get help probably but then I'll beat myself up about that help because i'm not present enough and it's another cost it's another cost yeah of course then you have to work even harder so yeah listen mums i'm sure will get this so that's the kind of mode i'm in at the minute where i'm trying to think right this is my life i need some more time because i am through the roof my nervous system is up the wall because i'm timed constantly so i think right where can i pull it from i do less work yeah but then we've got less money more money stress is that's the worst thing in the world having money stress it's worst thing in the world okay i take some time from the kids to get help but then i'm not with my kids and then

i feel guilty and then and i love being with them so it's like anyone who's got any advice on how to fucking juggle kids and work and all the rest of it please throw it at me yeah throw it at me shit so that's where we're at at the minute and the funny thing is i've written some life lessons that i said i'd like fly through and i feel like i should i don't know whether i should be giving life lessons right now no but i think like you you know through all these challenges you still learn lessons yeah but then i also think the advice thing is hilarious because you know i'll often give my friends advice but i can't take it same and they're often like oh luke's just like you know that's i had never thought of it like that like you know i went to my friend james's

for dinner last night and he said i hadn't thought about it like that but then when it's my problems i am a melt i'm an absolute you are a melt yeah you are and we the funny thing is we both do it to each other oh yeah what we are terrible together because we'll obviously we talk about work like balance where we're at who's got what what what jobs are on and lucas like i'm snowed under like i'm snowed under and then we'll both go yeah i can do that yeah i'll add that to my list and i'm like lucas you must slow down and stop doing it and then he's like yeah you do that then and so we're terrible aren't we yeah i just moved into a new apartment oh my god your bog broke yeah so that was very annoying flooding i'm not going into it that ruined my weekend i was meant

to go to bongos on saturday the matinee show didn't do that you know when you go to bongos so sometimes you work bongos right yeah luby linda so is that what you are luby linda luby linda just for for the guys we will when actually a picture yeah oh there we go i looked then i was looking at the wall mate i'm not my head's not in it would you like to see a video are you going to do a video as well right so we are going to when ashley is off on maternity we're going to be doing more of this sorry maybe tune out and unsubscribe now but we will go into a little bit more detail about lucas because you guys want to know more so we are going to save that but while we're on the topic tell us a bit about bongos because i've seen you fucking ferreting around on stage in a dress

kicking your legs and you do it for work sometimes right well so the story was so i i used to produce i i i love bongos bingo so much like you have no idea the first day i went to it i was like what is this beast what is this mythical creature yeah and i i got an absolute stonk on for them yeah and then i left the company that we i used to work yeah yeah which is why i met you guys and i was like bongo should be doing a podcast and i i i met their guy damo who's like their pr guy and i was a few drinks down and i just went on to him like you guys are fucking idiots for not doing a podcast you're missing a trick and we did it but then as we were doing it i think they had weekend where they were quite low on dancers and they went to me and alex who was working with me

at the time like why don't you guys do it and i was like i can't dance for shit yeah um but it's not dancing it's sorry sorry sorry i don't want to oh you should see some it's like aerobics is what i mean there's a guy called mike you should say again there's mike there's some stuff he does mainly the manchester shows and he is fucking good because you name it you've got to get that crowd going yeah so i did it and i cannot tell you the nerves and you know i was luby linda and i was i was 14 kilos heavier then and if 69 comes out i don't know if you know 69 you're down to your kegs you're down to your pants and uh you know it was like a lava lamp so but i did it for doing it and i fucking loved it so i only do it when they're desperate i'm sure they vice versa i'm

sure it's vice versa but um i absolutely loved it what did you love like the crowd the buzz so again with like this you know you can hear me but i can nobody knows who you are yeah so i've never done manchester but i do other cities where nobody knows who i am i've got a wig on i've got a dress on stockings and um nobody knows who you are so one i can act i can act like an absolute yeah buffoon and he and that is literally what you're doing but you've got to win the crowd over yeah and you know i'll have like 65 year old women go you know like giving me the look and you've got to give it back yeah like i'm wearing a dress with my udders out and a wig on and i've still got it i've still fucking got it and it gives you that kind of yeah and you burn about

3 000 calories you do drink about two and a half oh my god i bet you do it is yeah i love bongos i've been once and i went for what did i go for was it my head my memory's terrible and i had a fucking ball because i love the music as well the music is very me like so i love johnny the main guy because you know like he he has a love of disney as well and i love disney you've just given me the biggest dick ever i'm sorry i just know you love disney like me so you give it you make him feel uncomfortable you love disney right one fuck you two i love so i love movie soundtracks that's like my thing i love so i've just bought

tickets to see hans zimmer i know it's very different hans zimmer i love so i'm going to get that this year i'm actually going to see matt rife on friday as well i don't know who that is but i know hans zimmer is like that there's me and matt rife the american comedian the one that's Fucking stunning Oh babe Really good Woo And he's very funny

Right Don't see him Yeah Last year I actually went to a wedding In LA And he was one of the groomsmen So Wow

Yeah There's the picture of me Right About Rife So back to Disney No just You know You're a Disney girl

No no no Like I've I haven't been to Disneyland Paris Or Disneyland in America Since I was a very small kid I'm not Is that when you Word that works out

You were gay Fuck you It's the Like it's my childhood but also I love you know like Prince Ali

you know hey what was it hey make way to the you it's a bright new star old country

the first on the block to meet his eye wow have you ever considered being in a musical no

I fucking hate musicals but you like Disney songs no I just it reminds me of my childhood okay fair

but also it's fun with the songs anyway and then you've got like you know then you've got

like the Manchester shows right And, you know, the host is so good with music. And he plays Disney music. No, he doesn't. But look, it's for everyone anyway. Anyway, we love bongos and Lucas loves Disney.

Would you watch a Disney film? Would you sit in your apartment watching a Disney film? Rarely, but sometimes. What the fuck? You absolute ogre. Guys, tell us if you're a Disney girl. Do you know what? I've just heard the whole conversation

and I've given myself the ick. But at the same time, fuck you. This is a thing with podcasts. What you're going to understand now, Luke, is right. You're going to understand when you say to us, can I put that as a clip? You're going to get why we're like, it's okay for pod, maybe not for socials.

What you forget is I edit this. And you can say, so Disney's going to do it. So guys, don't even bother about Disney because he's about to cut it out. Basically, yeah, I'm all about like... Cork and pints. Yeah, yeah. I basically just watched, you know, Sky Sports all fucking day.

That's going to edit straight into it. I'm going to be like, oh. Took us to Ladbrokes on Monday. You know what I'm talking about. Oh, my God. Right, so I have been whinging before, so I do apologise. I'm kind of over it now. This is the thing that I do.

I get myself all worked up, and then I get over it really quickly. So I'm actually fine, and I'm not going to cry anymore. I'm over it. Is that a challenge? What I've done this week. So I went to the Gilpin Hotel. So it was my birthday. oh yeah it was my birthday

it was my birthday last Thursday Thursday so we went to the Gilpin Hotel which is in the Lake District gorgeous gorgeous so we went there we stayed in a

spa lodge I think it was called it had a hot tub it had a steam room it had a sauna yes we did shag as soon as we got there I know what you're thinking we had a really quick

well I was thinking was it in the old the old hot tub again no we didn't do it in the hot tub um i know but i just i know we did it um ph levels and all that yeah you know vagina we did it really quickly in the bathroom anyway then we went for a spa treatment and it was really nice to just have a little break and one it's one of those places that when you get there it's not near anything else it's near nothing so you feel really calm the food was gorgeous i don't know about anyone

else but whenever i go to like a hotel overnight and people are all the restaurants gorgeous then they get all dressed up they do the hair and makeup that to me is not a break i want to sit in my dressing gown so i actually said to them i know we're meant to come to the restaurant can we have it in the room and they were like absolutely got my dressing gown on didn't have to do my makeup sat and ate my food and then i slept through the night without tommy so i had a good old sleep and it was just really nice i would really recommend it listen it's not cheap is anywhere in the uk cheap wow you could go abroad whenever i look at them like i could go abroad for that but sometimes you don't want to go abroad you just want a little stay and there

are cheaper rooms but it was just lovely i feel like it would have been nice to have gone for two days of course and just had like a wander around and there's loads of things you can do there and it's really it's a lovely hotel and the staff were impeccable now when i was reading about it they've been trained by, I can't remember who, some big, and you could tell, nothing was too much trouble, it was like, do you want me to do that for you, is that okay, they remembered your name, they came up, they were, and it does make such a big difference when you go to a hotel and the staff are absolutely lovely, but it just felt like it was gone like that, next minute we're up, right, back to normal, so we had like a little bit of a break, and then my birthday, we went out for

dinner which for seven of us tommy doesn't eat but for seven of us to go out for dinner you might as well go abroad can you imagine the cost on that i would rather not yeah have you sorry to derail this have we have we had we had the snip we've not had the snip we've not so do you know why we've not had the snip here we go because i physically can't do it so if i physically can't do it and james has to do it it ain't getting done because he will forget to ring up he'll say he's gonna ring up he might ring up and then he won't book an appointment so because i can't facilitate it and physically go and chop his penis it ain't gonna happen and i got asked on a podcast the other day if i was having any more um why it's it's almost like

it's almost like after crying that i can't cope with the ones i've got sexual sabotage that's what it is do you know what i can't explain it but i thought that i would have a feeling when i was done or a load of my friends were like i'm done romeo done done finished and i thought that would happen i thought i'd be like i've got my two we've got james's three done it hasn't happened and i don't know again girls help me is this normal are you ever done or does that mean i'm not done but if i'm not done there also has to be an element of being realistic i just can't wait to see you in your your vw sharon is it james has got a tranny van i think he's a tranny van i think it is it's a voxel something anyway it looks like a transit van to me i don't know what it is

and now and again we all have to go or citroen picasso i don't know what he's got but it's a white van and three of us can sit across the front james and two others and sometimes i sit in it and I think, how did I get here? Do you know what I mean? So, no, he hasn't had the snip. Yes, he does need to have the snip. But you do have a man that wears DeWalt's every day. And he's going to be working on our house very soon.

So I'm going to look out of my kitchen window and be like, oh, God, I wish I could shag the builder. Oh, wait a minute, he's my husband. That's going to be a fucking terrific role play. I think, yeah. So I'll look out and he'll be lifting the, sticking the bricks on. he'll be can you come upstairs someone needs drilling yeah and he'll be putting his hair back and i'll be like oh that's my husband so i am actually quite looking forward to that i've

actually got a few maintenance problems in my flat oh have you or do you want to come over would you want to come over and help me with a few bits in my house while he's working do you know we're moving on um i can say it now i haven't said it because ashley always scares me to death with the evil eye and i do get it so i'm always a bit like we're moving not moving we are actually moving on monday which is in four days so we're time recording yeah so we will have moved by the time this goes out and we are then going to start a fucking reno did you get your um your clothes rails oh so after i ordered these team clothes it says they're not coming till mid-may well that's no good to me so i've spent 150 quid on fucking shit we'll just cancel it can you do that yeah

surely i mean i've never ordered anything off you're just giving false information you can't just quickly now i know you want to talk about our chaskers whatever yeah but what very quickly about the spa thing yeah and you said about me being an ick have i just given you the no no there is something that gives me the ick and i i never wear them for this reason men in dressing gowns really what a fucking ick do you know what nah i get it no man should ever ever even in a far nah what should they go around just like t-shirt shorts you know really do you know you've got a point adidas sliders bosh adidas could at least go for a gucci that isn't it um do you know what now you're saying it it is a bit fucking weird and you go to these couple spas and

you're both mosey round in your dressing gown but there's a there's a v2 there's a version two so one dressing gown anyway but oh in the house you mean no just anywhere men should never wear dressing gowns i'm gonna make can we make a clip of this lucas if we're if they're like open it's a bit better but imagine done up all snug with the little bow at the front fuck off do you feel like it's like they're wrapping themselves up and they're in a little cozy ball it's like babies when you put them in the dressing gown does it give you that kind of like the men in their little dressing gown imagine if you're like an escort like a male escort and you go to see a man and you go to their hotel and they open the door in their bathrobe i'd be like

fuck off keep your money but what about right when it's swinging and they're like yeah so if it's open it's it's a bit better but it's still what about right off what about spa slippers nah no awful so they can wear sliders maybe trainers you can't wear trainers in a spa well to get there trainers and a dressing gown this is worse no so it would be a sliver

I never in a hotel I never ever take those slippers out of the pack ever do you know what's really funny not to stereotype

but you're a gay man like and if that's giving you well who am I if that's giving you the ick it must be a real like men should not do it

nope not in the house but not in the spa no dressing gowns girls have you got any pictures of your fellas in dressing gowns that are going to give us the fucking ick

softies softies all around softies ew right so i forgot to mention last week and the week before and the week for taskers so i did by the way you all said i was dead good at presenting thanks um do you know what i want to do i want to do that omaze have you ever seen it where they go around those really expensive houses three and a half mil yeah and you go around and you and then um people enter like a competition to do it i want to do that but no one's asked me if you're listening um hello so I did a Taskers thing

and it wasn't like a paid thing I just just imagine you doing an Amaze advert of your fucking Timu Timu fucking hangers this house is midnight

transit like like this up the drive this is stunning oh god oh lovely James is Rosie Lee in one hand

and you on the parcel shelf oh don't but yeah I want to do Amaze if anyone wants me to do it so Taskers I did a competition with them I've been meaning to tell you

for bloody ages you follow me on insta you'll have seen it but but giving away at 10 000 pound full-on living room renovation you should enter really you just moved into an apartment 10 grand oh is it full-on renovation it is going to end soon so go and have a look i can't remember what you have to do to enter but just go and have a i'm so shit we just put a link in the bio but yeah just go and have a look if you want to enter it i keep thinking can i choose who wins but you can't can't can you no no

so otherwise I'd get one of you to win and now if one of them do win it's going to look like I did it just to make it perfectly clear I won't be doing it well you don't have the power it's them doing it

it is them and it's the machine thing that does it for them anyway legally you have to so if a Patreon person wins it wasn't me I have to do it for our people legally

like if you say you're doing competition I think that's fair we're going into a break we have talked enough we'll be back in a minute hi and welcome back to lauren's life lessons lauren who clearly has her shit together we've just spent what half an hour going on about how we are and how overwhelmed and now who else would you want advice from but the girl that's just nearly cried on a podcast me lauren but what i

will say is one thing i do believe i am good at is share is certain life advices because i have fucking done it all i have made every mistake in the book so this what i thought was there's just a couple of things we're going to quick fire i can't do quick fire i'm not good at that we're going to go through them and it's just little tips lauren's little bits of advice tips that i thought i'd go through and it's the kind of advice that i would give to a sister a friend a younger girl whatever so my first one is this girls a lot of you're in that dating scene you're looking for the one if you're slightly i say older you know like you're in your 30s i think a lot of people desperation can sit and panic can set in and a lot of people not everyone wants to

settle down you want the family you kind of get into an age where you're thinking lucas is now crying you know when you're at the age where you're thinking this needs to happen like because i don't care what anyone says yes it's great being a single gal and we can dress it up and we can enjoy it and we can make the most of it but i genuinely believe that most people want a partner in life i might be wrong but i do think and i think that's what we're made we i do believe that most of us would love a good partner a best friend and a life partner and i think i do think we're all kind of a lot of us are really are looking for that but when we get to this age i believe a bit of panic sets in and you start to almost reduce your non-negotiables and people do

often go for things that are desperation so one of the things that I've learned and I've learned this over 20 years of making big mistakes with men is I'm a fixer so I meet people and I think how I can help them and fix them and I look at their potential I used to look at their potential So I'd meet a man and I'd think, he's great and I can help him with this. I can do this. It'd be great if he just did this. What I'm going to tell you now, especially at our age or even late 20s, early 30s, 40s, the man that you have met is who he is and that's it. If he wanted to make the small life changes that you think you can help him with, I can just spruce the apartment up. I can help him organize this a little bit if he wanted to do those things he would have done them by now he is

i think with men you can't change them he is already the version of himself right now so if you're looking and meeting someone for potential and how they could be never ever do that yeah i'm a serial serial picker of like fixer uppers same and and you know what happens That does not work. You get fucked. Yep. Every time I've been cheated on, they've left,

they've got with someone else very quickly and I am there absolutely in ruins. I have done it a million times. Lucas is the proof. I am the proof. And what they then do is when they realise that they have milked you

for what you were worth, the reason they really quickly move on is because the next fix is around the corner. so you've brought them up you've helped them you've given them like and then they drop you and you end up suffering more than if you'd never even bothered with them in the first place yeah i remember one of my boyfriends was in the closet um straight and uh you know in dating me he came out to his friends his family got this confidence started getting attention from all these men and fuck me he took it and then that was it and then you have given your everything to somebody

else not to yourself not to improving your own life but to helping them get to where you think their potential is and you've destroyed yourself in the meantime so that is a huge piece of advice it's just reminded me a little quick one that's not always 100 but what i will say i've noticed if a man has a bad relationship with his mother it's not always a good sign don't know about in the gay world but in the straight world because if i think i think the gay world is bad relationship with daddy with daddy so if they have a good relationship with the mom it tends to mean they respect women they understand women and they've been brought up in that way if they dislike their mom they slag their mom off they have a big issue with them in my experience they don't respect

women very much and that issue will continue just for the record i have a great relationship with my dad it wasn't about me just in my experience with the people i've dated it's the dad it's Yeah, my first ever boyfriend, dad's not on the scene. It's not great to, I'm not saying like, you know, these people have got problems, so we avoid them. But honestly, from the men I've met, the ones that have been really quite horrific, like really not good men,

not one of them got on with the mother. And I just think that's a little tip. Another tip is this. I really want to know this one. Fucking gimp. Right, so you know what? I can just imagine you as well. Your fucking bags for life either side, like ready.

right so you know when you're aldi and and you're in a rush and you really want to beat them and they go faster and faster and you're like nah i haven't got time to move my trolley to the side and then pack it so what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna pack as you ding but they always win they always win and you become flustered here here's a tip if you buy i can't leave even saying this and the funny thing is yes when this fucking basket's on wheels no the funny thing is when i was at aldi i thought what a great tip will tell the pod if you have bought let's say five of the same item this is so i can't believe i'm sharing this is a tip separate them on the trolley on the zoomer because if they've got five of them they honestly it's a tip i know oh my god that's genius it's

genius right so they click it once and they press five and then they throw five items at you so i bought i think seven see i bought i think seven pouches for tommy like um he only has the fruit ones because he's fucking allergic to everything and i bought seven of them and what i did when i put all my stuff on the trolley i separated them all that's genius it is actually genius isn't it i was getting so excited to sink my teeth into that one and just give you utter hell no so when they're throwing them at you they don't go one press and then seven things he's broken up so you've got more time saves time more time more time to vape yeah smash it thank you right i do have more tips but i'm gonna i don't know we're gonna have to rattle through these i'm gonna

rattle through this really quickly really quick money organization one when i put on patreon does anyone have any tips a lot of it was money and finance related so this is what i recommend to you and this is not going to work for everyone but this is what i recommend have three bank accounts you have it's not money laundering have three three bank accounts switzerland one of the cayman hear me out because you're gonna fucking eat your words have three bank accounts one is your main account which is for your fun your spending your whatever number two is a savings account and number three is your bills account okay every single bill comes out of the bills account and make sure it comes out on about the third of the month okay not on one on the 15th one on the

whatever. It all comes out on the third. You then sit down. It's not pleasant. You go through your banking and you work out every single bill that comes out. Your phone insurance, your mortgage, your this, that, the other. You write it down wherever in your notes. It's X amount, okay? I even do it with my food shopping. I give myself a rough idea. The second you get paid into your normal account, the bill's money is taken out of that account and it is put into your bill's account. Well, you don't need to think about it again because it's all coming out of there and you know you're covered. Then you've got a remainder and you can work out what you can pop into your savings. That means that when you look at your bank account on the 6th of the month,

the 10th of the month, what you're seeing is what is yours. Because a lot of people have a bill that comes out on the 1st, 1 on the 5th, 1 on the 8th, 1 on the 20th. And they'll look at the bank and be like, woo, I've got a grand or whatever. I've got two grand, I've got 500 quid. And then all of a sudden the bills come out of it on the 20th or the whatever and it's just not a good way of managing your money have a bills account have everything comes out of that bills account at the beginning of the month the second you get paid that amount moved over your account is then yours to actually look at that's clever as as self-employed i don't i don't to that level what i do do though is i put a bit of money every month that will be towards tax at the end of the

year into an ISA. Ah, okay. So you're gaining a little bit of something. I do that as well. As soon as I get paid, I take my tax off and I move it. Because if you spend that money, it's not yours. So self-employed, that's a really good point. Honestly, manage your finances, spend an evening where you sit down. Do you know how much your outgoings are every month? Whoever's listening now, do you know what they are? Because I know them to a penny. If you're a couple, you have a bills account. If you share the load, you have a bills account. both of you when you get paid transfer x amount into the bills account your money is then your money to do with what you want you're not going to get a shock when the when the mortgage comes

out or whatever at the end of the month right let's leave it there i have got loads fucking more of these amazing tips but i will save them for another time yeah we uh we were going to talk about um the ways that listeners have caught partners cheating following on from the uh the rent for scales we're out of time for that right but we will bring it back because there are some Is there some belters? Right, okay, amazing. We'll go through those. Lucas, where are we up to?

We're going to do what we bought this week and then we're going to have to finish on that. Right, okay. Because we've got a guest. We've got a guest. Wow, so we've got a guest on, guys. Wow, it's going to be a really emotional one. It is, yeah.

And it's a really serious one and it's one that I've taken really seriously, actually. We have guests on and we just kind of go for it, but it's a big one for me to do and I think it's really necessary. so you'll know about that pretty soon what we bought this week what did we buy this week right i got some reese mid waist flared jeans the reese they're a little bit more spenny but we're thinking victoria beckham vibe so simple i am gonna do guys a wardrobe basics for you because you're all

desperate for it but we didn't have time today so it's high-waisted black jeans and you can just tuck in a little t-shirt a little vest gorgeous victoria beckham vibes i've still never i do not i love reese i've still never actually bought it's expensive but i think for the odd piece like that a black pair of flare jeans yeah you're gonna wear them loads and what i would wear it with is a little gray vest top tucked in and then i would have a checkered shirt around the waist and a boot and it's fucking sexy so girls we've like maybe it's guys as well but we've like you came in the other day with that checkered shirt wrapped around something about it so imagine it with a heel, a boot, a flare, a little vest top,

and it's fucking sexy. It's got like an American vibe to it. American vibe. I absolutely love that. American woman. I got some more underwear from Amazon. I found a... What?

Oh, look, you just don't know. It's a Skims dupe. I will link and tag it. I get the basic bras. I get the basic knickers. The thongs are fucking amazing. I am not a basic bitch. I don't like over-the-top underwear.

I think it needs to be simple, easy, and you can wear it every day and match. That's all you need. biggest underwear snob i think i've got black lacoste on today but as a man you only have to wear undies we have to wear a bra as well it starts adding up mate and i'm not gonna wear a lacoste bra yeah so trust me i'll put the link on fantastic skims dupes i got some skims pajamas washed them a few times bobbled not impressed uh levi baggy dad jeans in color sorry i'm looking down because I'm reading it in colour, Own It Stone. They are the perfect everyday jean. Love them. And with

Levi, you can choose the leg and the waist, which I just find, and Abercrombie, massively helpful if you've got a little waist, but also little legs or a bigger waist, whatever. I told you that I'd got a Sisters, I can't, my lisp is bad today, a Sisters and Seekers grey tracksuit. I told you I'd ordered it. It's now arrived. Fucking great quality. Great fit. Highly recommend you get some bits from there i got the refi cream blush and i got it in the color citrine a few people asked me the other day what i was wearing it's quite um an orangey tone but it's really nice summery bronzy the color rust is stunning as well bikini bags from amazon you know i'm an organized girly lauren watson my friend on insta posted them they are these little bags and they're so cute and you

put your bikinis in them so when you're storing them each bikini has a bag when you go on holiday you're like blue bikini white bikini pop them out and they're in a little bag that ties go in your packing fucking good because bikinis the strings gorgeous gorgeous bit of organization the other thing i got eden and earth hair strand test right i'm not going to go on about tommy i feel like i've gone on about my fucking life enough but we know tommy's struggling i can't work out what's going on i'm trying to get to the bottom of it i put a thing the other day saying has anyone got any help with child allergies and where i can get him tested loads of you came back and said there's a company called eden and earth and you send off a hair strand don't ask me how they test it and

they give you an idea of what might be wrong with um allergies and stuff so i've not done it yet but i've ordered it it was 60 quid i have got some tickets that are still pending i haven't actually pressed the button so it's not technically what i bought this week but nearly did stranger things which they is obsessed with they've got a theater show in london absolutely go and see it's meant to be fucking great why why have you not bought them because um i did what i always do and got distracted got to the checkout something else popped up on whatsapp and distracted it don't make me cry so i'm gonna take her and um her bestie our other little boy james's little boy They are absolute besties

I'm going to take them two And I think my mum To London for the night Sometime in the holidays And we're going to watch Stranger Things in theatre And I just think It'll be fucking great

Anyone who's been to see it Let me know Right Gay boy Go on What have you bought this week I would say That the

Well Let's see how we go Get ready for your glow up girls I'm ready for this Go on What have you bought The Waterpik Ultra professional

Water flosser so because i've had my braces done yeah they've come off and all my teeth are you know yellow and shite right i'm currently doing the whitening but everyone keeps talking to me about water floss i have i have heard it and my mate uh jack bought one and it's great but it's only got a little reservoir so when you when you do it i've never done it you've got to fill up about three times now this one i've bought this absolute unit off amazon right reduced at the moment we'll put the link and you plug it in yeah and it's got a big tank on top but the whole thing's about this bit this sounds a lot for it you fill the tank and then it's got like the the floss is it like

a little glass thing yeah there is and um you you take it off it's got a little wire and you you do it but it's got the big tank it's plugged into the mains you can control the pressure and it is i mean it was absolute like the opening scene of blade the film if you've seen that lads there was just blood everywhere the first time i did it i'm sure that's not okay no because my teeth's not used to it and it's but it's it's good it means that my gums were necessary you needed to do it needed doing and i'm doing it like at least once a day and now there's no more blood and and what do you do honestly i've seen people talking about this flossy thing you just it's just a water jet you just you just go around your teeth i need one because i think when you've got when you've got

veneers or composite you you do have to do that well done i've then got the ikea uh migbutt m-y-g-g-b-e-t-t door window sensor and what this is is uh it's a little man it's a sensor but there's two benefits so one um i it's pointless but i put it in my utility room so when i open the door the light goes straight on it just turns on automatically how because you've got a smart light and it's like a sensor when the sensor breaks it tells the light to go on so you buy a light and a sensor yeah so for example if someone had a little um cupboard a little dressing room area when they open it the light would come on yep so you buy a light you attach the light and it is it you can buy the bulbs in ikea as well they're cheap but these door sensors you can buy online for like

40 quid really ikea seven pounds and what else would you use it for so i've got one at the front door so one it will turn whatever lights i tell it to on of certain bulbs but also it can send you a notification saying someone's come in right so i'm also gonna put because i live with a mate and you know you know what gays are like yeah i'm gonna put one on my bedroom door one because it can turn my bedside lights on automatically but two let's say i go on holiday if he goes in my room i'll be like what you do in my room sound like a teenager you sound like do Remember Step Brothers? Have you ever watched that film?

Yeah, absolutely. Touch my drumstick. You touched my drumstick. That is such... I'm basically turning, you know, my apartment into D-Wing for The Strange Ways. I've just thought of a really good idea, though.

Say you were taking a bloke back to Shaggy. Put it on your flies? Well, or anything. Yeah, you open it and all of a sudden, like, ding, the lights are on. I like that. I like the sensor idea. Yeah, see?

Joseph and Joseph's stretch-folding silicon trivet. What the fuck is that? It's like a small silicon thing, but you pull it out and it's like the zigzag thing and you put pans on it so when they're hot.

What? So, you know, you don't want to put hot pans on the surface, right? So you've got the silicon thing and it's like this big. Why do you take it off the hob? Why wouldn't you just...

Well, it's more like if you're taking things out of the oven and you want to put them on the side and you... It's only small but then you pull it out and it's like zigzag. I was interested in the floss

so that really is fucking boring. I got the Bodum 3 Bisto Electric Blade Grinder in matte black. What? on earth is this list? It's a little Bodum coffee thing. So you put fresh beans in it,

you blitz it for about four seconds and then you put it in a cafetiere with the hot water, push it down, fresh coffee. Right. And last but not least, on Amazon,

the kids camera instant print for my little nephew's birthday. It looks like a dinosaur. It's a camera. You can all print it like a Polaroid or it's got a little SD card in so you can put it on the computer

and you can see what pictures they've been taking as they go around the day. That's lovely. It's like 25 quid. Honestly, if someone was doing that in my house, it'd be pictures of me

like this me vaping and then I'd go on the SD and I'd be like oh it's like the secret life of cats you know you put their cameras

on their collars just give your kid a camera do you know what I got Theo one of those and it was for one of her birthdays and she went round taking pictures they printed out

do you know what it's lovely for Christmas day because they go round on Christmas day taking pictures and it's like 25 quid on Amazon well done for being a good uncle

yeah fantastic yeah right well done so that is what we bought this week and I think that's it we're out of time

I think I'm so sorry you must be devastated if you've not fallen asleep we are fuck you me not you me

do you know what can I just say something very quickly I'll be honest sitting there because I put these scripts together and I like calculate the time I'm like

how the fuck do we never get through everything how do we waffle it's I think this is a good activity for you doing this I think this is a really good activity because you realise

that it's good we don't want to be scripted we don't want to be done done done and we're not really but we have to have some reminders but things just we've missed the cheating stories

and we've missed two dilemmas it just flows doesn't it my bad Lucas's fault right guys we love you so much I feel like I probably

should say something now that Ashley normally says about how to get in touch but I've done it once so I don't think I need to do it again but if you want to get in touch just go on Instagram

click the link tree it's all there tell us how you thought this episode went if you thought it was shit like just don't say anything no do no

because I can go back to my cave over there do oh don't first time i've ever done it but you know yeah so be nice we've done our best my loves ashley will be back soon we love you thank you for listening if you're still here goodbye