Nip Tuck - Nip Tuck Brunch Baby!

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

What a weekend we had! The girls hosted their first Nip Tuck Brunch and it was utter madness! Turns out our amazing listeners are just as wild as us. The girls share their favourite moments and of course the very best Slutty Susan stories. WARNING: This episode was recorded the day after, so the girls were feeling a little worse for wear.To get involved with the show, you can send us a DM on Instagram and TikTok, find us @niptuckpod. Or you can email [e-mail] can also send us your Icks & Dilemma's via WhatsApp! You can text or voice note the girls on [phone]Our GDPR privacy policy was updated on August 8, 2022. Visit acast.com/privacy for more information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hi guys and welcome to nip tuck not giving a fuck my voice is gone that was tragic this is the podcast where we celebrate being positive aspirational women this is all about being unapologetically yourself and we met a lot of unapologetic women yesterday on nip tuck we want you to get your voice heard you can email us at hello at nit tuck pod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp baby that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you prefer to remain anonymous we will never reveal who you are so simply head over to the episode's description for more information we want to know what's been getting on your tits what's giving you the ick any questions your embarrassing sex stories just

embarrassing stories basically we don't give a fuck oh god i'm gonna try and do most of the you're gonna have to i'm gonna have to so we are back in the studio and we literally had the brunch yesterday so i don't feel very well and i've got a really bad cold ashley's hung over to fuck to Fuck, I'm not hungover, I'm ill. Oh, yeah, you're so full of shit. She's like, it's not the 10 bottles of Prosecco I drank, I'm ill. No, I am. I was in bed early.

Anyway, so my voice is going up and down, so I apologise. Anyway, that's really boring. I did it. Explain the brunch in three words. Absolutely fucking mental. Sweet Caroline. Oh, my God. I can't even.

It was amazing. It was chaotic. It was chaos. it was everything I could ever have wanted the brunch to be it was the best it was everything I could have imagined by the end of it

we are on the stage dancing I was on the oh my god listen to this so our you got told off yeah our like boss boss was there

and he said he could see like some girls dancing on the bar which obviously health and safety and someone was like there's girls dancing on the bar so he was like let me sort that

can we get the girls and then he's looking he's like it's Lauren Lauren's dancing on the bar get down and I was on the bar what you were dancing on the bar

at the back I was on the bar with all the girls Lauren I was with a bottle of Prosecco swigging it and swinging it round

with my arms round the girls and then we were on the stage everyone was oh my god it was fantastic it was amazing everyone that came you were a dream

thank you you were a dream and if you didn't you fully missed out yeah we think that we're wild

nah they were wild and the best thing ever is everyone was really open so like we do the Ix and stuff on here we did it on stage didn't we and everyone was getting right involved weren't they we did like a shout out

it was weird it got weird like we just went for it didn't we yeah and we were getting people to like shout do you remember like do you like circumcised or uncircumcised and all the women were stood up like no yeah everyone was just literally we had such a ball they were so fun it was so fun and we had a twerk off didn't we yeah we had a twerk and and i also i didn't know that there was going to be a man there with his top off so i'm like greeting everyone a sexy man with his top on. And then I literally turned around and I was like,

there's a man walking around with no top on. And I was like, how the fuck? He was really helpful and polite. He was really nice actually. He was, wasn't he? At one point me and Ash

were actually delivering the Prosecco to the tables and pouring it out for the girls. It was everything I could ever have asked for. It was amazing. Amazing. But I'm feeling it today.

I'm feeling it today. Ashley's so hungover today. She's been a bitch. I'm going back to bed. Well, it's nice that you can. I literally was evil to my mother-in-law this morning. You were horrible.

you've you've not been very nice have you you've been all right to me yeah no i wasn't nice to anyone else she let the baby have a two-hour nap after 4 p.m and my nanny was at the house and she was like and my nanny's so sweet i'm not telling anyone her name because you'll steal her off me but um basically she is cute she was like ashley i couldn't tell her like to yeah she was like i kept asking her to wake the baby up because i was like it's bad time now and she was like no no i'm taking him on a walk while he's asleep and all this mate fuck me i paid for it this morning you don't let kids nap after four o'clock it's a rule he knows everyone knows you don't do that yeah so yeah um this morning i came downstairs and she'd popped in and i was like

you never let oh my phone i'm sorry it's all brunch stuff i still can't use instagram everyone's tagging us on everything it's amazing instagram still i can't everyone's tagging us thank you right we're gonna do the brunch again when i was out after the brunch we went out for like an hour or so and we were out with a lot of the the girls that had come it was absolutely amazing they were insane and as you know the scousers of course they were so supportive and there was a big bunch of them and i was like where do we do it next which venue they're like do it in liverpool and you know what the really funny thing is i said to them i was like when you're in with the scousers yeah you're in with them yeah and one of the girls was like listen we will sell out wherever you think

we'll bring our nans oh he was and i was like once you're in there so i said if we did it in liverpool they would sell it out for us they would have the neighbors coming they'd be like no girls we've got to fill this now come on come on they would so wherever we do it we're going to let you know but it's going to be a bigger venue however still if you sat around thinking shall we shall we not go to the brunch and you miss your tickets don't fucking do that next time no

like you need to be fast because they sold out in a day in a day and everyone had the best time ever yeah we were checking weren't we at the end and everyone was just left on such a high

they loved it it was I did it was the weirdest thing I'm still like I'm shocked yeah I'm still like

did that just happen did we just do that yeah I feel like I need to sleep for three days now yeah I know I was tired

it was a lot but it was the best enjoyed it so we're going to do it again keep your eyes peeled I don't know when we should do it it was Molly May's

baby shower next door to us yes so next door to the venue it was Molly's baby shower so we actually at one point were like

should we all storm it like everyone from Nip Tuck and we were like she was having this really civilised baby shower and we were all twerking on stage

literally like they will have seen us all leaving staggering around who are they who are those people and she's there with a nice cream

and neutrals yeah eating cupcakes and mocktails and we're there like on the stage twerking jumping around one of the um listeners picked me up on stage did you see that and my

legs were in the air stop it i know i've got that video that video is good isn't it that is brilliant honestly i can't tell you how good it was i know we're gonna do it again right so let's get into it guys are we are are we not wearing our fucking hard-earned balenciaga shit anymore i'm gonna wear mine if i want to well you bought yours off the h gate i'm joking if i did hey i wonder if that's gone down even cheaper now it's like aliexpress so balenciaga i don't know enough about it i'm not like you and i don't have time to sit there and get into a twitter hole i know the briefing twitter sorry tiktok i know the basics and i know that they are absolutely wrong yeah i am not disputing that it's fucking wrong what they've

done there's no disputing however am I going to stop wearing every bit of Balenciaga I own no you've got to I just don't know I honestly I don't know there's supposedly scandals Gucci's neck supposedly well Dolce & Gabbana did didn't they they were and we're still wearing it so look you're wearing Dolce & Gabbana now right oh I'm sorry Lucas this is locked off gays didn't they yeah they did bad yeah and now the fact and now we're wearing it look all I'm saying is this I don't agree with the message that they're giving that's why Selfridges

don't sell Dolce & Gabbana I would think twice absolutely I probably will not purchase from there again I'm not saying that but I've got things it's very branded

I don't have but I've spent my money my hard earned money and there's a lot of people that might have saved up for a whole year to get a jumper or to get a bag

and what we're meant to now because some people who probably can afford to be like we're not wearing it no more like it's your only handbag like I just think

well yours is off DHgate so it's okay all my DHgate ones I'm going to see if they've returned them. No, I just think it's a lot of money and I think we shouldn't be pressured into doing anything we don't want. I don't have to stop wearing a Balenciaga bag.

No, you don't have to, I agree. Just because you lot say I have to. I can think that what they've done is absolutely fucking wrong and I will decide whether I want to wear my bag or not. Tell the Instagram thing of Thea. Oh yeah, someone did message me. I didn't know about the scandal

and I put a picture on, sorry, of her with a Balenciaga t-shirt on. i didn't even know it'd gone on i knew nothing and someone just messaged me like a little bit passive-aggressive do you not know the balenciaga scandal lauren and i didn't know whether they were saying like do you know it they might have been genuinely like do you know um so i looked into a little bit and i was like oh yeah and i haven't decided yet but i won't be told by anyone that i'm not are you not going to sell it who's going to buy it now i sold a t-shirt on depot for 50 quid maybe if i could sell it and get the money back i just think one of the tops on there that i bought

was literally like six, seven hundred quid and I put it on at fifty quid. But as I've said, what we are doing now is being sheep because like the Dolce & Gabbana top on,

you may have at the time stopped wearing it. Now you're wearing it again. There are many places that have had scandals and we end up wearing it again. I think there's a bigger picture here and there's better ways

to help against what they've done than not wearing Balenciaga. It's just really fucked up like how that ad campaign got through so many people

on so many different levels. because it wasn't a mistake they were seeing if they could fucking get away with it it's weird I think what they're doing have you seen the catwalk

stuff as well no and the people covered in blood and they've got baby items in their bags oh god that is weird

it's so weird something is weird do you know who I think is really fucking weird Travis what's he called the blood and also

can I just say Kourtney Kardashian is not a vibe she's not I'm sorry I'm gonna say that just because yeah like

she looks amazing incredible whatever but what pisses me off about Kourtney Kardashian is she changes her style to suit her boyfriend. I used to do that.

No, you didn't. Oh, yeah, you were a chav, weren't you? Oh, no, that's in my blood. No, it was... No, do you remember when I went out with... Do you remember when I went out with him and he was into motorbikes

and all of a sudden I started wearing rock band T-shirts? I know I did it. I watched myself do it. Now I would never do that, but I did. I've done it so many times. Back to the chav.

I honestly have done it so many times. I wouldn't now and I don't need to now. I'm trying to think I have, I have. Did you ever have friends at school that copy your clothes? That was annoying. I don't think I've ever changed clothes to be with a man.

I have without realising, though. You change just a little bit. She's gone from literally wearing Herve Lejeune bodycon Lady Daff peep-toe Louboutins to being a cop. Having blood dripping out of her mouth. That's weird. It's weird. Megan Fox.

I'm not that into Courtney, you know. when I watched her I just thought she was always dicking on someone she was always miserable yeah

she's got one of those mizzo faces yeah she has and Kim's being cancelled because of Balenciaga she ain't gonna get cancelled because everyone knows

what they're doing we fall into this trap the Balenciaga thing was probably planned it's probably meant to be a publicity stunt you just don't know because we are

used like puppets whatever they say we do Balenciaga have been naughty you stop wearing it now and then we do we do and we like

the media is all planned and we all fall into it that's what I think anyway yeah yeah and I would what were you just about to say about materialism

materialism is supposedly going to be dead in the next two years so so what does that mean it means I'm fucked

my Louis Vuitton outfits will be worth nothing seriously no but how much less pressure would be on us if that was the case If that happened, I think that would be a brilliant thing.

Yeah, it is supposedly going to happen. But how can you say it's going to happen if you don't want to be materialistic when you start right now? Because people are realising, like with what's happened now with Balenciaga, what's going to happen with Gucci, they realise you buy, you know,

you can buy a fucking Capri Sun. There you go. It's a drink. You drink it. Like, and you can buy a bottle of Cristal. It's, you know... Worst comparison ever. you should have said

you can buy like a budget or a branded like a sweatshirt yeah I know what you're saying and it'll keep you warm yes

or you can buy a sweatshirt that has got a badge on it for 800 quid and they both do the same job I don't know why you're preaching to me you're the one

with the fucking Dolce & Gabbana on oh yeah maybe you need to stop being materialistic I am a bit don't get me wrong shut up Annie Bing

Annie? Annie Bing it's a neen oh I thought I thought it was annie bing the whole time tannine bing shit mine must have been an aliexpress job oh my god did you say annie bing on it bing right anyway anywho that was a bit deep right something's happened literally this week what is it what's happened so i am walking around my house on a tuesday

afternoon like you do i pick my phone up a spice girl a spice girl a spice girl a spice girl has followed me on instagram listen to his voice note at st lauren guys stop everything a spice girl wants to follow me on instagram did you accept her yes we follow each other wasn't the best one though was it it was sporty no posh was the best one ed said he used to fancy mel c the most posh was the best jerry was number one we yeah yeah then posh then baby and then the two mel's retire at the end i think amazing but somebody else followed you as well someone else so just when i thought i couldn't get any better than that guys then on thursday i'm romping around my house again scranning my cheese strings by the way they are an elite snack um they're made of plastic i

don't care you eat so you're such a bullshitter she's like listen we went into greg's and she went uh vegan sausage do you know like look around in case anyone was thinking of getting one she went do you know how harmful fake meat is and then anyone that was about to get put the hand out was like oh yes i agree and then she eats plastic cheese string that's made of pure ikea boxes anyway i was sat like eating my cheese string scratching my bum hole and it opened my phone and fucking molly may and guess who's followed me who big dick underscore here for you that kind of thing is what follows me and user 506789 with a no picture on it to stalk can i tell you some famous people that i know follow me none follow me none colleen rooney follows me

very private account abby clancy follows me um alex gerrard follows me yeah Obviously it's Molly May Mel C Melanie C No one follows me Nobody famous Dean Gaffney Is there anyone?

If you're not being followed by Dean Gaffney Then you're a non out of ten Have you seen how fit his daughters are? Stunning Twins Identical twins And they're fit And he always has fit girlfriends

Maybe he's got a big cock Anyway I have something else to discuss What? Hooters in Liverpool Oh, it's going off, gals. What are you thinking? Right, okay, so I, to be honest, we need to go.

We need to take the kids. What? Supposedly it's a family-friendly restaurant. What is the concept of Hooters? So the concept, what I think is worn off, but previously it was very novel and I actually had a Hooters top. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. I dressed up as a fancy dress. Yeah, yeah. I think I've been when I went to America and the girls all had massive fake tits, gorgeous bodies stunning, like I think you pretty much

it was quite like racist as in you had to have big tits and blonde hair and then you were a hooters girl but now, have you ever seen the girls in Wet Republic in Vegas carved by God, when you stood there next to them in your bikini you just feel like a

lump of dog shit no curvier like fitter honestly you feel like a big blob do you reckon they get paid loads don't know i've never seen anything like it but in hooters in america i think it worked because obviously you know americans tip really well yes don't they so americans usually tip 20 they say if you've had a good experience and that's why hospitality in america they are a lot friendlier and i totally get that i mean sometimes i go for food and you still get the 15 service charge on the bill yeah i don't think that's right you know and they want more as well yeah exactly so anyway i think that that's why hooters in america worked and the girls used to get loads of tips off the

men that were going to eat the chicken wings anyway they bought hooters to liverpool is it the only uk one i think there's one in newcastle nottingham there you go lucas so they bought it over here and the girls look very young have you seen i've not even looked they're absolutely stunning you told me about it but i've not looked at they're gorgeous but they all look under 25 okay i'd say um and there's loads of videos of like them doing those dances while everyone eats the food i just think the concept is weird yeah and it seems a bit school disco-y but What have we did for the podcast Got you two work experience

Oh my god please Can we do a shift At Hooters Liverpool Yeah let's do it But Then I saw a TikTok Of this girl And

She said that She had to Reware someone's Used socks I'd do that I wouldn't be asked As they were running Out of uniform

I wouldn't be bothered Can we ask Hooters If we can go and do a shift So if anyone knows anyone In Liverpool At Hooters Liverpool We will do a shift And we will film it

Yeah We will get Maybe get Alex to come and film it Yeah we'll do a reel we'll do a reel we'll do a TikTok that would be a laugh

actually wouldn't it please we keep saying we're going to go and do a shift at a strip club don't we yeah we need to

there's one in Liverpool that I want to go and do not actually stripping but just like being there with the girls like walking around seeing how it works I follow loads of

stripper accounts on TikTok and they are absolutely hilarious maybe we start adding that now the brunch has been sort of

done and TikTok off we've got more time or Lucas has got more time to help us maybe do some other weird shit I want to go to Benidorm

Honestly, I think me and you in Benidorm with a camera would be interviewing all the men on the street would be absolutely brilliant Let's see what Hooters say You're not invited Well, we need him, he's the one that organises this shit show If anybody has any ideas of things they'd like us to do for LOLs let us know

Put it in with your icks and bits and top tips What is getting on your Hooters? Oh my god, is that why it's called Hooters? The eyes are there at the hour That's so inappropriate That's so rude No I had no idea Titties

I'm going to lick your arse tonight Has anyone seen that TikTok Ash has just shown us one What's the hashtag I'm going to lick your arse tonight It's so aggressive the way they say it I'm going to lick your arse tonight

Your arse tonight Nobody knows what we're talking about What do they search for on Twitter On TikTok What do they search for to find it I just searched lick your arse um yeah if you want to go and see some really funny videos then go search lick your ass on tiktok no no i've got something embarrassing to tell you that's really funny right so at work

and we're all connected to the wi-fi now someone techie needs to explain this because i don't know how it's happened so i'm on my phone minding my own business doing stuff between work and then um the girl who does our admin everything's on reception with a laptop i'm just doing my normal day didn't think anything of it and then i needed to her to check something so i went over to laptop i was like just search this this address so she brings google up starts typing and my search history came up i died on the laptop get your phone tell me the last three things i need you to tell you what i need to tell you what it was prosthetic penis oh god yeah that's what i'd searched so she starts typing i was like that's my search history and prosthetic penis was in there

because I've been looking when Jax came in and it connected all our things so guys be careful how did you go on your last search history I'm going to get sacked tonight I'm going to right so you go on Google

yeah right do you mind what's yours slap cheeks oh my god wow what a mum thing the next one is

Mercedes knob cover that's because someone took the knob cover off in Ed's car didn't they um right yeah funny things ginger coronation street what what were you searching for that for why are you two laughing what are you searching for how old is christine mcginnis right how do you go what's wrong with me oh she's going on yours is gonna no don't read it out if

it's really bad ash i'm serious i'm gonna read it right don't read it out if it's bad don't read it out if it's bad ah mate this is such a you thing pub food pub food Rosendale grey kids

single bed the range this is so invasive this is awful Ash this is horrible knowing she's going through it I don't know what's

on it it's not that bad but pub food Rosendale really stood out than kids single grey bed wow what is my life now i know um and then what we got the range dance chart 2021 you're such a mom that's because i was looking for podcasts oh that mom thing's getting on our tits as well yes so oh i've not even told you what's getting on my

t-shirt what people saying asos wrong i say asos yeah well it's not i'll tell you why do you know what asos is short for as seen on screen so at what point of as seen on screen does it say a's seen on screen so where have you got the a sauce from it's a sauce as seen on screen bitch it's not that deep it's it's like we had an argument well i said about the towie thing why is it how it's towie the only way it's still towie this is bullshit it's not someone that works asos is it asos or is it now asos even though it stands for as seen on screen what part of that is an a make it make sense lucas do you have do you have a argument to it i say asos yes but do you am i right or not and if they say it's not then if they say it i'll look for an asos

advert later yeah i think they say asos but then in that case make it make sense because that's not right okay next thing that's getting on my tits no it was actually getting on your tits and then i agreed with you what the mum thing the oh my days like guys can you stop like and the people that i love do this yeah like literally girls that i love do this but please like stop referring to yourself as just as just a mum a girl put here's a picture of me not knowing how to pose without holding a child yeah so my issue is with this is we are then falling into a trap whereby we feel like once we're mothers that's all we are moms and we shouldn't be mom and we shouldn't be anything else whereas actually you can be yeah no no you're just you on the loose you're on the

loose you're on a night out with your mom and dad mom and dad no jerry and patrick or whatever you called tim and janet you are not mom and dad all the time you are a person and then you know i'm soft with the i am a bit mumsy but you're a person and then you're a mom as well so when you go on a night out don't feel like you have to guys put mum in everything men don't do this have you ever seen a man put blah blah's dad imagine sonny jim's dad henry's dad imagine and with a pint saying holding a pint instead of a baby now yeah on on dad's on the loose no no because they are men and you're ruining it for all of us yeah because you're making us by literally like doing this

you are killing where fucking what was that lady that burnt her knickers called her bra she burnt her bra she also burnt her knickers

some babe some girl burnt her bra for us some girl burnt her bra and you're ruining it all by writing Sonny Jim's

fucking mum and da da da da yeah I agree and just be yourself to tail end onto this the hen do

outfits I feel like that's just a totally separate thing no like literally people are wearing tracksuits saying wifey on them right we've got two right what people listening here might think is that you're slagging off the fashion you're not you're slagging off the reason behind it aren't you like why should we like wifey as if it's like a man won't wear a man wouldn't be yeah but we like where i know what you're saying we are making ourselves into as if a white you have to be a wife to be good and the fact that you are getting clapped because you've managed to finally be a wife that's what you're saying isn't it not

I thought you were saying the clothes are tacky because I'd agree with that yeah yeah but yeah I think let's not do that let's just be who we want to be we're not a wife or a mum

we're a bit of everything we're a slutty Susan yeah whatever you want to be unapologetically you if that is you that does that feel free to like

give us some shit back like if you say no the reason I do the you know first time out without the baby and make everything baby reference

tell us why like have we missed something here I think it's guilt that you feel like you have to mention your baby if you're going out right

what did you spend your weekend doing Lauren apart from getting pissed with me getting on the bar and down in Prosecco with the listeners I got my tree up

but I haven't actually done it done it yet that's so naughty but on the 5th of December right I'll tell you why Theo's birthday

is on the 30th no 29th of November I don't do Christmas until her birthday have you ever googled what other celebrities birthdays are on Theo's birthday

no but I know i know victoria beckham's on the same day as mine did you know um adolf hitler's on the same as teddy's wow and one of my friends recently booked her section and it was on halloween and i googled it and jimmy saville was born on halloween it's just a day anyway we're going off but your tree you need to get that up i get my tree up literally on like yeah because you don't do it why would you do your own christmas so this is what i'm saying i didn't have time i put it up and i really really haven't had time to decorate i'm doing it tonight do you have a fake one yeah is it a good one yeah it's nice um however you get yours done when did that become a thing because that is only over the

past eight two years that people have started paying people to come in the house and do it but how lazy can you fucking get how rich do you want to be no no no and shout out to jess at Decor Inc. Blug! Literally. She is the best. Honestly, like literally,

she and her mum and I think it's her auntie as well, they come around, all three of them, they get the tree up in like half an hour. They know exactly

what they're doing. They know where to put what. They text me before and they're like, send us some pictures, what you want. They stick to it. Do they go out

and get the decor for you? They do everything. So they go out and buy it for you? They hoover the floor from all the glitter. Do you not think it's nice to do it though?

I enjoy putting the tree up. I think it's a nice experience. When I was a kid, I loved it. My mum, yeah. Thea will do it with me. Like, we'll put the Christmas film on and we'll do it. Oh, fuck me. How much was it?

Tell the truth. A couple of hundred quid. How many? How many hundred? Two. Was it 200 pounds? Was it three? It was 300.

It was 500 pounds. Fuck off, mate. For one tree. No, it was not 500 pounds for one tree. You silly bitch. I'm not a silly bitch. And listen. You're a silly.

Is she a silly bitch? No, I'm not. It looks incredible, right? And I have nowhere to store the tree. Oh, it's not your tree? No. Okay. They bring everything.

And the decor. They bring everything. So she goes to me, what do you want? So what tree do you want? I want an Elsa frozen tree. And I would have told her to fuck off. So I was like, yeah, that's fine. We'll get an Elsa.

Yeah, you can have that in the bathroom. It's like blue and white, basically. So, yeah, she comes around. She puts it up. then literally she books you in when she comes around to take it down pay for that she comes she takes it down it takes like half an hour she hoovers again everything up and the tree is gone and there was no stress or mess goodbye tree i would do it i can understand when people come and decorate the house you know the banisters and stuff because i ain't doing that yeah i can't do

that my tree i think that's lazy however if i had spare money would i do yeah i think it's all relative it's all relative to me 500 pounds I can spend better but if it wasn't if it was more like like 50 quid I might think yeah go on then so it's all relative to what you know what you can afford I guess and what's a priority and yours is being a lazy bitch and picking your arse picking my arse I'm just showing Lucas a picture of the tree yeah it's a very nice tree it's a lovely tree lovely stunning isn't that stunning and I love walking in my house and seeing that perfect gorgeous well put together tree it is a nice tree my adhd is that bad and i know yours is we could never do that ourselves i walk oh god i could not do that mine is a shit show i walk in the garden

center i'm like right we're going for a theme this year we're gonna stick to a theme and then i'm like birds pink pink green red and then i get back fluffy i do get that my tree i'm not creative I'm not artistic my tree is wank I'm shit oh my god do you remember when you were younger

my house decor is wank and my grandma and grandad used to put those chocolate things yes so I was thinking about this the other day do you remember the chocolate things

do you do you well I might get some because it's been years and I've never seen them and it was a tree you'd like sneak one oh yeah I used to always

but isn't it funny how you make a thing you used to sneak them whereas if you just wanted chocolate you could probably go in the drawer and get it

but if it was off the tree it was cheating yeah oh I might get some of those get some of those yeah okay I'm gonna do the tree tonight and I'm going to

save my 500 and a bag of gold coins like in the bag yes in the bag oh my god my grandma but how funny though

everyone throws a bag of gold coins in with a gift because they don't know what else to finish it off with so they throw it in the bag and then you have hundreds of bags

of gold coins and they all go in the bin no I don't eat the gold coins I don't eat chocolate really I'm not that sweet I am into the savoury it's only just before my period

I need chocolate I might get some dangly instead of like chocolate some crisps I might hang packets of crisps

Are you more of a savoury? Much more savoury, yeah. I'm going to hang cheese strings. Cheese strings. That'd go with your decor. No, it wouldn't. So we are having a little break. And we're going to eat some more Greggs.

And more cheese strings. And some Capri Sun. And sausage rolls. Right, welcome back, baby. So, Slutty Susan, we... Oh, my God. So, at the brunch, what we did is we got everyone to write some. You didn't even have to.

We waited until they got pissed. Then we got on stage and Lucas handed them. We hadn't seen them before. So, we read them out on stage. Like, as we were seeing, oh, my God, it was such a laugh. We were reading them out and everyone was like, oh, my God, oh, my God. And then we were like, right, who was it? And people, girls, like, some wouldn't admit it.

And then you'd see a little hand come up like, it was me. And do you know what was amazing? all the girls were clapping them weren't they we were like go on girl what do you know what someone said to me towards the end one of the nicest things about coming to the brunch was there was not one dirty look there wasn't there wasn't one bitchy atmosphere when we were like you're a slut everyone was clapping it was like nobody we were all laughing together weren't we it was not one bit of bitchiness because everyone was there with the same type of yeah it was brilliant so these slutty seasons are too good and really we shouldn't give it to everyone that didn't go because you

should have gone but we're gonna let you have it anyway a couple a couple we're not telling you the more because what happened at the brunch stays at the brunch and in fact some of them were too shocking to repeat i have got one to bring to the table okay um after we've read this out i also went just warning both of you i don't think you will laugh this hard for a while oh my god okay yeah so i had half a bottle per second i went round by the way telling all the um listeners as which stories that I said were from my friends were actually me. And everyone found out who pissed my bed.

Yeah, you've got to come to the brunches. We're not giving any more tea until you come. No. Right, you ready? And it wasn't a footballer, by the way. So these are our amazing girls that were at the brunch, wrote these while they were there. Okay, you ready?

A girl got bummed by a guy. And the next day, she went to the guy's granddad's who lived on a farm. She rode a horse and she shat herself. She shat on the horse. The guy's grandma and sister were also there and saw it all so that moving up motion

she pooed her pants why do horses fart when they run when the tail lifts up and when their big dick when their big dick swings out and when they poo

the tail comes up like in the air and then poo comes out do you remember that video that went around school of someone shagging a horse I heard she died that's another rumour

that's another one of those rumours that there's a video and she died. A legendary myth. Can anyone tell us if that's true or not? Yeah.

Next one. A horse dick though. No, it's massive. It's an internal bleeding tackle. Absolutely. Big Irish night out drank seven Guinness blacks. Who does that?

Gave a guy a blowjob in his car and spewed down his dick. It was a sea of purple all over his leather cream interior. He still asked me out again the next day.

Stunning. So she was good at blowjobs or really fit. Stunning. Or he was desperate. she might have been good even though she was sick she was deep throated

nah Lauren the winner the winner the girl that went back oh this one everyone was stood up clapping this girl she won a prize

yeah she won a prize when we finally got she wouldn't admit it at first and then everyone on her table started pointing out they were like hey where's her

and we were all like weee ready for this one a girl at the brunch so she pulled a guy went back to his realised the dad was fitter So got out of her boy's bed

And got in with the dad And shagged his dad Yeah we loved her She won a prize for that Right So I got reminded She won two We reward that stuff

Yeah we reward things like that We do She got the dad dick And then she got a prize Two prizes So my mum actually reminded me Of this slutty Susan Okay

What did your mum do? No it's not my mum It's my friend Yeah And she's She's crackers Yes She is

she's a hoot all of your friends are hoots yes yes so um basically we went out one night and she'd been having loads of heart problems right so she'd have like you know like um palpitations palpitations yeah and um she'd be like it's definitely not the drugs or the coffee or the diet cokes that i drink and that i don't eat it was like i have a heart issue yes and she was like going to all these different doctors with this waiting for somebody to give her a heart issue yeah exactly so anyway she turns up to mine we're going out on a saturday night and she's got a blood pressure monitor around her arm oh my god and i was like fuck that mate and she was like she was gonna go out with it on

wait she went well i have to wear it i have to have my heart monitored for 72 hours and it's a full-on this was literally about 15 years ago this machine is a full-on gray piece of medical equipment blood pressure and she's going out right so anyway what we do is we get a blazer and we we put the wire through the sleeve then a handbag she's all over she's all over the place so it's coming out of the wire

and into a handbag it's threaded through the blazer dropping into like a little bucket handbag so she has to carry a handbag

everywhere literally anyway she's like and back in those days you couldn't just stay in a few drinks in yeah

the blood pressure monitor's being flung around my head and my mum the whole time like when we were getting ready she was like should you really be going out with the heart problem with the blood monitor anyway um she's like swinging it around her head anyway she ends up pulling the blood pressure monitors on that i think it went in the toilet at one point i caught her like and i was like no no this your heart is going to be all yeah and it can be

monitored they're gonna take you for transplant at this rate doctors gonna look at it the fuck happened to you at three oh my god no right so i get home from the night out i go and get in bed wake up in the morning she was meant to be staying at my house she's not there she's pulled she's pulled and um she turns up at my house blood pressure monitor still on and my mum was like oh my goodness darling like where did you end up last night and she was like oh just back with this lads and my mum was so traumatized that some man was able to shag her with her and it didn't she was like that man must have problems i bet i bet the doctors were like what the fuck happened at 4 a.m right through and then nothing so i bet she nearly got a heart transplant like she's that

could have caused her some problems like they thought that was her reading she does she still have the heart problem i oh yeah i think that's a forever thing for everything yeah but how funny is that that is funny remember on niptuck we want you to get your voices heard you can email us at hello at niptuckpod.com you can also get in touch via whatsapp that means voice notes too which we can play out in future episodes don't worry though if you prefer to remain anonymous we will always do that for you simply head over to this episode's description for more information and we will be back with a bonus episode of nip tuck this friday nip tuck bonus is all about you your ics your dilemmas your funny stories so if you have something send it in now and you might be able

to hear it on this friday's episode see you soon Thank you.